{"id":4542,"date":"2008-03-02T20:21:16","date_gmt":"2008-03-03T01:21:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4542"},"modified":"2026-07-30T15:33:32","modified_gmt":"2026-07-30T19:33:32","slug":"knowing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4542","title":{"rendered":"Knowing (by pjb)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0<\/span>A WHN for “Bullet for a Bride.”\u00a0 The Cartwrights struggle with the consequences of Ben’s decision not to tell Joe before the wedding that Tessa had regained her sight.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K. WC 15,000<\/span><\/p>\n

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The Caldwells\u2019 wagon <\/strong>was gone from sight before Joe said anything.\u00a0 Foolishly, I\u2019d thought that, just maybe, he was all right.\u00a0 Granted, his parting from Tessa was more than merely cordial; I saw true fondness between them.\u00a0 He walked her out to the wagon with his arm around her shoulders, much as he might a dear friend.\u00a0 Before he helped her up into the wagon, he was teasing and flirting.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t look to me as if he were merely putting a brave face on the matter; I saw real affection in his eyes. \u00a0Maybe it could have worked between them. \u00a0As happy as I was to have her deadbeat father and brother out from under my roof, I almost wished that the family could have stayed, if only so that Tessa and Joseph could test whether a phoenix might rise from the ashes of this debacle.<\/p>\n

Instead, we watched them drive away, and Joe laid a hand on my shoulder.\u00a0 My heart leapt in gratitude.<\/p>\n

But then, he had no idea what I\u2019d done.<\/p>\n

I was proud of him yesterday.\u00a0 It sounds peculiar, under the circumstances, but it\u2019s true.\u00a0 He had made up his mind that he was going through with this marriage, and I felt certain that he would do it regardless of what I said.\u00a0 He\u2019d already made that clear when he first told me he planned to propose to the woman he\u2019d blinded in a hunting accident.\u00a0 He\u2019d had great difficulty controlling his temper when I suggested gently that he oughtn\u2019t to make a martyr of himself because of her accident; had one of his brothers said this, I have no question that punches would have been thrown.\u00a0 I told myself that further talk on the subject would serve only to drive a wedge between us.\u00a0 So, I stood behind my son, aching to speak now rather than hold my peace.<\/p>\n

Reverend Abbott intoned the familiar words.\u00a0 \u201cDearly beloved, we\u2019re gathered here together in the sight of God and the presence of this company to join this man and this woman in holy wedlock.\u201d\u00a0 I waited for the inevitable next line, as uncertain as I have ever been, but the reverend proceeded straight to the vows.\u00a0 Only later did I learn that Tessa\u2019s father had taken the reverend aside beforehand and asked that he leave out the part about asking if anyone knew of a reason that the couple should not be joined in matrimony.\u00a0 Whatever else people might say about Marcus Caldwell, he is no fool.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s brothers and I stood behind him.\u00a0 Joseph took his vows without giving the slightest hint that they were motivated by anything other than deep and abiding love for this girl.\u00a0 And when Tessa turned and ran back up the stairs\u2014something only a sighted woman could have done\u2014he followed her without hesitation. \u00a0He didn\u2019t stop to ask questions or seek guidance. \u00a0Even in the face of incontrovertible evidence of her deceit, and led only by his heart\u2014his supple, generous, loving heart\u2014my youngest son went after his bride.\u00a0 I have no doubt that, at that moment, he\u2019d have married her anyway.<\/p>\n

Joseph has always believed in happy endings, even though life often refuses to cooperate.<\/p>\n

As long minutes passed, everyone milled about, and Hoss and Adam and I agonized about what to do.\u00a0 Finally, Joseph appeared alone at the top of the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cFriends?\u00a0 Can I have your attention for a minute?\u201d\u00a0 He hardly had to ask.\u00a0 As soon as he came into sight, the crowd in our main room fell silent.\u00a0 Hoss clutched my arm.\u00a0 I tried to telegraph support to my son as he stood alone, brave and handsome in his blue-gray wedding suit.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst, Tessa and I want to thank you all for coming today.\u00a0 It means a lot to both of us that you were willing to come and celebrate with us.\u00a0 Having good friends like you all is a special thing, and we\u2019re grateful for every one of you.\u00a0 But\u2014well, as you have probably figured out, there\u2019s not going to be a wedding here today.\u201d\u00a0 No explanation about what they\u2019d all just witnessed.\u00a0 Not a word by which they could have judged Tessa.\u00a0 My son is a gentleman.<\/p>\n

His eyes roamed the room; they rested only briefly on me and on his brothers before moving on.\u00a0 If he was in pain at that moment, he was not showing it.\u00a0 He smiled, that lopsided grin that has charmed more girls than any other in Virginia City, adding, \u201cBut Hop Sing has been cooking all week, and he\u2019s gonna mighty put out if you don\u2019t eat.\u00a0 Even my big brother, Hoss, can\u2019t finish off all this food by himself.\u00a0 So please\u2014stay for lunch, everybody.\u00a0 You all just relax and have a good time.\u201d\u00a0 With that, he met my eyes directly.\u00a0 For just a second, the ease and confidence faltered, hinting at what lay beneath his public persona.\u00a0 I stepped forward.\u00a0 I knew my role, and I fulfilled it.\u00a0 I owed him that much.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverybody eat!\u201d\u00a0 I called out with perhaps a bit too much enthusiasm.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam set to work, rounding up guests who were understandably a bit uncomfortable and securing them plates.\u00a0 Tessa\u2019s father and brother wisely stayed on the sidelines.\u00a0 Watching them in their discomfort, I realized that they must have known, too.\u00a0 The only one who hadn\u2019t known about the return of Tessa\u2019s sight was Joe.<\/p>\n

Considering how the party started, it became surprisingly boisterous and lively.\u00a0 As I tended to our guests, filling punch cups and dinner plates, I kept an eye on the stairs.\u00a0 I wondered if Joe would come downstairs.\u00a0 I knew some of the older women well enough to know that they would have no hesitation in asking for the details, and I was determined to spare him that much.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s laugh caught me off-guard.\u00a0 I turned to see him with our long-time sheriff, Roy Coffee, and his deputy, Clem Foster \u00a0I hadn\u2019t seen my son come downstairs.\u00a0 Judging by the din in our living room, neither had most of our guests; I couldn\u2019t believe that the chatter would have continued unabated if they\u2019d realized that he had returned. \u00a0He had changed from his wedding suit to everyday clothes\u2014not party clothes, I noticed.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t hear what they were talking about, but silently, I blessed Roy and Clem.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t imagine that my son would have had much to laugh about without them.<\/p>\n

Eventually, the afternoon wound down, and the guests began to leave.\u00a0 It was almost as if they\u2019d forgotten why they were here in the first place, as if this had been just another party at the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Few of the departing friends made any reference to the aborted wedding when speaking to me.\u00a0 A couple of the older ladies kissed Joe on the cheek, and he smiled graciously as he accepted their best wishes.\u00a0 Watching him, I was filled as much with pride for him as contempt for myself.<\/p>\n

Finally, it was just our family and Tessa\u2019s.\u00a0 The girl had stayed in her room throughout the party.\u00a0 Part of me felt, self-righteously, that this fiasco was all her doing, and she could just hide up there forever if she was so inclined, because I wasn\u2019t about to give her any quarter.\u00a0 The other part wanted to go upstairs and see if she was all right.\u00a0 I liked the girl, always had.\u00a0 If circumstances had been different, I\u2019d have been delighted to see Joe marry her.\u00a0 And to her credit, she had found the courage to stand up and do the right thing, even if she\u2019d waited until the worst possible moment to do so.<\/p>\n

Joe was stacking plates when I placed a hand on his arm.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to do that,\u201d I said quietly.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing needs a hand,\u201d he said, his attention focused on the plates.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t be fair to say that he ignored me, but he wasn\u2019t meeting my eyes.\u00a0 My stomach dropped.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0?\u201d\u00a0 I was suddenly consumed with fear that someone had told him what I\u2019d known.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about it right now,\u201d said my son, busily stacking dirty plates.\u00a0 \u201cExcuse me, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 With a gesture so slight that no one else would have noticed it, he slid out from under my touch and carried the plates into the kitchen.<\/p>\n

Hoss laid a hand on my shoulder.\u00a0 I knew he\u2019d heard, and seen.\u00a0 He and I watched Joe move around the room, helping Hop Sing clean up.\u00a0 Neither of us quite dared to approach him.<\/p>\n

Adam came in from seeing off the last guests.\u00a0 He regarded his younger brother and me grimly.\u00a0 He was in a slightly different position from Hoss and me:\u00a0 he\u2019d only found out that morning about Tessa\u2019s returning sight.\u00a0 He\u2019d come into my room as I was dressing for the wedding and Hoss and I were agonizing about whether to tell Joe.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

To say that Adam was appalled was an understatement.\u00a0 \u201cHow can you not tell him?\u201d he demanded as I adjusted my collar, focusing on my reflection in the mirror instead of his outrage.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, it ain\u2019t that easy,\u201d said Hoss, ever the peacemaker.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe says he loves this girl.\u00a0 If that\u2019s true\u2014if that\u2019s why he\u2019s marryin\u2019 her\u2014then it don\u2019t matter.\u00a0 He\u2019ll just be happier when he finds out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what if he really is marrying her out of guilt?\u201d demanded my eldest son, hazel eyes blazing.\u00a0 \u201cHow do you think he\u2019s going to feel when he finds out that his family stood by and let him sacrifice his entire life for a lie?\u201d<\/p>\n

I closed my eyes for a moment.\u00a0 I\u2019d asked myself the same question time and again through the previous sleepless night.\u00a0 Haltingly, I tried to explain to my sons the conclusion I\u2019d reached. \u00a0\u201cIf we tell Joe\u2014we\u2019re telling him that we don\u2019t believe in him as a man who can make his own decisions.\u00a0 I\u2019ve talked to him before about marrying her out of guilt.\u00a0 He insists that he\u2019s marrying her because he loves her, regardless of whether she can see.\u00a0 If we tell him that Tessa isn\u2019t blind, we\u2019re saying that we don\u2019t believe that to be true.\u00a0 We\u2019re saying that we know better than he does how he feels about this girl.\u201d\u00a0 Adam looked unconvinced.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t blame him; I was only half-convinced myself.\u00a0 \u201cWhether we like it or not, Joseph is a man, not a boy.\u00a0 I know\u2014\u201d I held up my hand to stave off Adam\u2019s interruption.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m as guilty as anyone about forgetting that.\u00a0 Or more so,\u201d I added at my eldest son\u2019s raised eyebrow.\u00a0 \u201cThe point is that we all tend to jump in and try to fix things for him.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t think that this is something we can jump in and fix.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Pa, this isn\u2019t some little misunderstanding that\u2019ll blow over by next week,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cThis is a marriage.\u00a0 Till death do them part.\u00a0 We\u2019re not talking about a few days, or a few weeks.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking about the rest of Joe\u2019s life. \u00a0And she\u2019s deliberately deceiving him. \u00a0I don\u2019t think that this is the time to start experimenting with how good he is at making decisions.\u00a0 The stakes are just too high.\u201d\u00a0 He started for the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut if we interfere\u2014and that\u2019s how he\u2019ll see it\u2014we force his hand,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cThen, he has to decide whether he\u2019s going to make his own decision or do what his family tells him to do.\u00a0 And I\u2019m afraid that, if he feels forced, he\u2019s going to choose the marriage just to show us all that he can make his own decisions.\u201d\u00a0 Adam\u2019s skepticism was palpable.\u00a0 I added, \u201cJoe told me he wants to marry her, and he says it\u2019s not because of her blindness.\u00a0 And she told me that she would marry him if she was sure he wasn\u2019t doing it because she was blind.\u00a0 So, as long as they both want to be married to each other, our telling him isn\u2019t going to make things better for them.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter how well-meaning we are.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to see it as our trying to break up this marriage because we don\u2019t believe that he knows his own heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you think that, if we never give him the choice, somehow he\u2019ll make the right decision?\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t even make sense!\u201d<\/p>\n

I fumbled for the right words.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not just up to Joe,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cTessa has a say in this, too.\u00a0 She could step up and tell him the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if she doesn\u2019t?\u201d\u00a0 The incredulity in Adam\u2019s voice made me cringe.\u00a0 Maybe he was right.\u00a0 I was playing poker with my son\u2019s life, and that girl was holding all the cards.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think she\u2019s the kind of girl who would marry a man she didn\u2019t love,\u201d I said, aware that I was echoing my earlier words to the girl herself.\u00a0 \u201cShe may be keeping quiet because she loves him so much that she\u2019s afraid of losing him.\u201d\u00a0 I stopped myself there.\u00a0 Regardless of whether my son agreed with me, I would not tell Adam the rest of that particular truth.\u00a0 For an unexpected moment, the memory surfaced again.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/p>\n

Stephen Anderson\u2019s laughter mocked me as I stormed along the pier.\u00a0 When I reached her house, I yanked on the bell ferociously.\u00a0 The door opened, and my lovely Elizabeth stood before me.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cBen, darling!\u201d\u00a0 She drew me inside.\u00a0 Her smile faded at my expression.\u00a0 \u201cBen, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWe need to talk,\u201d I said, barely controlling my voice.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>I saw the puzzlement on her face give way to fear and dread, and I knew in that moment that Anderson had told me the truth.\u00a0 Head held high, she led me into the parlor and closed the door behind us, propriety be damned.\u00a0 Well, she\u2019d certainly damned it before.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIs it true?\u201d I demanded without preamble.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIs what true?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYou and Robert Simpson\u2014is it true, Elizabeth?\u201d\u00a0 I was keeping my voice down only because I did not know if her father was at home.\u00a0 If I\u2019d been certain we were alone, I\u2019d have been thundering like the worst gale.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

She sank to the settee.\u00a0 When she looked up at me, her lovely brown eyes were brimming with tears.\u00a0 \u201cI was afraid to tell you,\u201d she whispered.\u00a0 \u201cI was afraid that\u2014things would change between us.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

My knees were weak.\u00a0 I stumbled to a chair.\u00a0 \u201cWhen?\u201d I asked finally.\u00a0 \u201cWhen did it happen?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I was sixteen,\u201d she said. \u00a0Two years earlier.\u00a0 Her voice was steady. \u00a0\u201cI was young and foolish.\u00a0 I thought I was in love.\u00a0 He said he loved me.\u00a0 He said he wanted to marry me.\u201d\u00a0 She drew a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cBen, I understand if this changes things.\u00a0 A man wants his bride to be pure, untouched.\u00a0 If you\u2014if you wish, I will release you from our engagement.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I could not speak.\u00a0 Anderson\u2019s mocking laughter still rang in my ears.\u00a0 \u201cYou think she\u2019s a lady, Cartwright!\u201d he\u2019d chortled.\u00a0 \u201cEverybody in Boston knows about her!\u00a0 She\u2019s a wildcat, that one\u2014you\u2019ll have your hands full, keeping her satisfied!\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that right, Simpson?\u201d\u00a0 His laughter continued even as my fist slammed into his mouth.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I raised my head.\u00a0 Elizabeth was watching me, tears running down her cheeks.\u00a0 I felt like a fool.\u00a0 I\u2019d spent a year courting her, treating her like a lady, controlling my passions.\u00a0 It had never occurred to me to do otherwise.\u00a0 It had never crossed my mind that she.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

And yet, she had said nothing.\u00a0 She had to have known that she couldn\u2019t keep it a secret forever.\u00a0 Surely, she knew that I would find out the fact, if not the details.\u00a0 The terrible thought flashed through my mind that she\u2019d somehow intended to entice me into this marriage to gain respectability, withholding the critical information until it was too late for me to do more than protest my ignorance.\u00a0 Even as my heart rejected this notion, I found myself wondering what else I did not know about my fianc\u00e9e.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I opened my mouth to demand that she tell me if Simpson had been the only one, or if there had been others. \u00a0But in the next moment, seeing her before me, my righteous anger faded as suddenly as it had flared, and I knew that I didn\u2019t want to know any more.\u00a0 Nothing good could come of knowing.\u00a0 Her past was just that, the past, and it would poison what we had if we allowed it to.\u00a0 I loved Elizabeth Ann Stoddard with every fiber of my being. I loved her delicate beauty, her grace and intelligence and wit, her ladylike gentleness and her infernal stubbornness, her New England propriety and her simmering passion.\u00a0 I knew in my heart that I didn\u2019t want a life that didn\u2019t include her, and I was willing to pay any price to have her. \u00a0The past didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care if there had been a dozen men before me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to be the first.\u00a0 I only wanted to be the last.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Deliberately, I pushed from my mind the image of my beloved Elizabeth intertwined with Simpson.\u00a0 I rose.\u00a0 Her lips trembled.\u00a0 I crossed the room and knelt before her.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Liz,\u201d I whispered.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t care about your past.\u00a0 All I care about is our future.\u00a0 I love you, and I want to spend my life with you.\u201d\u00a0 I took her hands in mind.\u00a0 \u201cElizabeth Stoddard\u2014will you still marry me?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

She dissolved into sobs.\u00a0 I sat beside her and drew her close, kissing her hair and inhaling the scent of her light, sweet perfume.\u00a0 As she wept against my chest, apologizing over and over, reassuring me of her love and fidelity, I found myself wishing, with all my heart, that no one had ever told me about Robert Simpson.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I never spoke of the matter again, to Elizabeth or anyone else.\u00a0 Thirty-five years later, I watched her son pacing in my room, insisting that all truth should be known.\u00a0 I wanted to tell him that only some truth should be disclosed.\u00a0 Other truths should never see the light of day, and still others should be revealed only under certain circumstances, and by particular individuals.\u00a0 What I didn\u2019t know was which category applied to the return of Tessa\u2019s sight.\u00a0 And time was running short.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, are you listening to yourself?\u201d \u00a0Adam demanded, yanking my thoughts back to the present.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t think we should tell Joe the truth because this girl who is willing to trick him into marriage might really have feelings for him?\u00a0 This is the most incredible thing I\u2019ve ever heard.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I can\u2019t be a party to this.\u00a0 Joe deserves to know the truth.\u00a0 What he does with it is up to him.\u201d\u00a0 He opened the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are you going?\u201d\u00a0 My voice was intentionally sharp.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo talk to my brother.\u201d\u00a0 Adam raised his chin defiantly.<\/p>\n

For a moment, I was ready to let him do it, to take the decision off my shoulders.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know whether we were right to keep silent or not.\u00a0 All I could think of was how, once Joe knew about Tessa\u2019s deception, he could never again not know.\u00a0 His faith in the woman he said he loved would be damaged, if not destroyed.\u00a0 If they loved each other, they could survive her silence.\u00a0 If we told him now, we had to be sure it was the right thing to do.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss\u2019 voice was as somber as his face. \u00a0He reached past Adam to close the door. \u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Why not?\u201d\u00a0 The question was a challenge.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause he\u2019s gonna marry her, no matter what you say to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t know that.\u201d\u00a0 But I heard the slight uncertainty in Adam\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYes, I do,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI know our little brother, and so do you.\u00a0 And we both know there ain\u2019t no way that he\u2019s gonna tell that girl on her wedding day that he ain\u2019t gonna marry her.\u00a0 That ain\u2019t Joe.\u00a0 He gave his word, and he\u2019s gonna see it through, no matter what.\u00a0 And if you try to talk him out of it and tell him she\u2019s lyin\u2019 to him, he\u2019s just gonna dig in his heels, and all you\u2019ll have is bad blood between you.\u00a0 The only person who can tell Joe not to marry Tessa is Tessa.\u201d<\/p>\n

The three of us stood silently as Hoss\u2019 words sank in.\u00a0 The smell of my bay rum cologne seemed unusually strong.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019 tie was crooked, as usual.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s jaw was set.\u00a0 Dimly, I could hear Hop Sing downstairs, clanging pans and chattering as he finished preparations for the wedding feast.\u00a0 Down the hall, my youngest son was preparing to take a sacred vow that would bind him for all time to a young woman who was pretending that she was still blind.\u00a0 At that moment, everything in me wanted to sit him down and tell him about her deception.\u00a0 If he married her then, at least he would do so knowing the truth.<\/p>\n

But Hoss was right.\u00a0 Knowing would change nothing for Joseph.\u00a0 He would marry her because he said he would.\u00a0 For better or worse, my son is a man of his word.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

Now, as I watched him carry dishes to the kitchen, I was overwhelmed with the wrongness of my decision.\u00a0 The fact that Tessa proved to be the woman I thought her to be was of no importance.\u00a0 What mattered was that the three of us stood by and left Joseph to endure the anguish and humiliation of being left at the altar.\u00a0 I was as proud of the way he handled this day as I was ashamed of myself for being a party to causing him such pain.<\/p>\n

As Joe and Hop Sing worked in the kitchen, Adam and Hoss and I hovered by the fireplace.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s brothers pretended to play checkers, but the pieces moved slowly and with no enthusiasm.\u00a0 I picked up my book, but Dickens did not hold the same charm he did only a few short weeks ago.<\/p>\n

I could hear Hop Sing speaking to my son in soft tones, most unusual for him.\u00a0 Normally, Hop Sing\u2019s voice is strident, his words almost operatic in their drama.\u00a0 Even when he is not staging one of his mock-tantrums, our cook would have the world believe that he is the most misunderstood, put-upon and tragic of figures.<\/p>\n

Beneath the drama, however, lies a heart that long ago took my sons as his own.\u00a0 Although he loves all three of them, Hop Sing has always had a special soft spot for Little Joe.\u00a0 I honestly believe that Hop Sing would lay down his life for my youngest son without a second\u2019s thought.<\/p>\n

When I brought Marie to the Ponderosa as a bride, she and Hop Sing formed a distinctive bond, both understanding what it was like to be so different from the others in this harsh western world.\u00a0 She spent hours in the kitchen, working with him while respecting that that was his domain.\u00a0 She taught him French and English, and he taught her Cantonese, and their conversations were an outrageous mix of the three languages.\u00a0 I often heard them laughing as they veered from one language to the next, even in the course of a single sentence.\u00a0 Marie told me slyly that they did this so that no one could eavesdrop.<\/p>\n

Loving Marie as he did, Hop Sing\u2019s special closeness with her son was inevitable.\u00a0 From Little Joe\u2019s first day, Hop Sing battled us for the privilege of caring for him.\u00a0 He insisted that the baby, born late in the autumn, should have a cradle next to the stove in order to stay warm through the winter months.\u00a0 Little Joe grew up at the kitchen table, listening to his mother and Hop Sing laugh and argue and banter in all their languages.\u00a0 While we are all grateful for Hop Sing\u2019s efforts, Joe knows from his childhood hours by the man\u2019s side just how hard Hop Sing works to keep our home together, and he never fails to let the little man know that he understands and appreciates.<\/p>\n

After Marie\u2019s death, when we were all devastated, Hop Sing took it on himself to take care of her little boy.\u00a0 In my grief, I was essentially useless.\u00a0 I left the lion\u2019s share of responsibility on Adam\u2019s young shoulders, with only eleven-year-old Hoss to help him.\u00a0 While my older sons did their best to run the ranch, Hop Sing kept Marie\u2019s boy in his kitchen, feeding him cookies and giving him chores to do and trying to get him from one day to the next.\u00a0 More than once, I walked into the kitchen to see my five-year-old son cradled in Hop Sing\u2019s lap, weeping against the little man\u2019s chest as Hop Sing murmured to him in a language I couldn\u2019t understand, but Joseph could.<\/p>\n

This closeness has persisted through the years.\u00a0 Only Joe can make Hop Sing laugh.\u00a0 They still speak that peculiar mixture of French, Cantonese and English.\u00a0 After this fiasco of a wedding, it came as no surprise that Joseph sought comfort in Hop Sing\u2019s kitchen.<\/p>\n

Eventually, I heard the closing of the door from the kitchen to the porch.\u00a0 The three of us exchanged glances.\u00a0 A few moments later, we heard hoofbeats as Joseph rode from the yard.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish he\u2019d taken his jacket,\u201d I said, half to myself.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s too cold to go without.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t imagine that\u2019s his biggest concern right now,\u201d Adam said dryly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMebbe not now, but it will be when he\u2019s sick.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss rose as if to go after his brother and insist on his dressing warmly.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss.\u201d\u00a0 The big man turned to me. \u00a0\u201cLet him go,\u201d I said quietly.\u00a0 We all knew that the jacket was only an excuse.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr.\u00a0Cartwright?\u201d<\/p>\n

We turned as one.\u00a0 None of us had heard Tessa coming down the stairs.\u00a0 Her voice was hesitant.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t blame her for that.\u00a0 She had to wonder what type of a reception she would receive.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Tessa?\u201d\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t inclined to give an inch.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s brothers eyed his former bride warily.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just want to tell you all how terribly sorry I am for everything.\u201d\u00a0 The girl\u2019s poise was amazing.\u00a0 \u201cWe were wrong to do what we did.\u00a0 You all were kind and generous, and we tried to take advantage of that. \u00a0It would be easy to blame everything I did on my father, but I\u2019m the one who agreed to go along with his plan. \u00a0I am so sorry for hurting you all.\u00a0 I hope that, someday, you can find it in your hearts to forgive me and my father and brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s our forgiveness that you need to be worrying about,\u201d commented Adam.\u00a0 He ignored the look I shot him.<\/p>\n

Tessa flushed.\u00a0 \u201cOf course,\u201d she said, bowing her head.\u00a0 \u201cJoe and I have talked, and we both agree that this is for the best, but I don\u2019t know how he feels right now.\u201d\u00a0 She looked squarely at each of us in turn.\u00a0 \u201cI do care a great deal for him,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cJust\u2014not enough for marriage.\u00a0 He\u2019s a wonderful man.\u201d\u00a0 Her voice broke.\u00a0 \u201cAnyway, I\u2014I\u2019m sorry.\u201d\u00a0 She turned and ran back up the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat girl\u2019s worth ten of her father and brother put together,\u201d muttered Hoss.\u00a0 I had to agree.\u00a0 Marcus and Lon had stayed downstairs at the party for most of the afternoon, leaving Tessa alone in her room.\u00a0 At no time had either said a word to me about their duplicity.\u00a0 As far as I knew, they\u2019d said nothing to Joseph, either.<\/p>\n

It was late when I heard hoofbeats in the yard.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam had already turned in, but I was waiting up.\u00a0 When I heard footsteps on the porch, I picked up my book, pretending to read.\u00a0 The door opened, and I looked up.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wondered when you\u2019d be along,\u201d I said casually.\u00a0 \u201cYou must be cold.\u00a0 Coffee?\u201d\u00a0 I had the pot sitting on the hearth, waiting.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, thanks.\u201d\u00a0 Joe stood before the fire, warming his hands.\u00a0 His cheeks were ruddy from the chilly night air.\u00a0 His tan shirt looked as insubstantial as Tessa\u2019s veil had earlier, and Joe rubbed his hands up and down his arms.\u00a0 I took the rough red Indian blanket from the back of the settee and wrapped it around his shoulders, holding him close for a moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you all right?\u201d I asked softly.<\/p>\n

Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d \u00a0His standard response, whether for a broken leg or broken heart. \u00a0He leaned down, reaching for the coffee pot he\u2019d rejected a moment earlier, and I handed him a cup without comment.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose it\u2019s for the best,\u201d he mused, unconvincing.\u00a0 \u201cI just wish\u2014\u201d he broke off.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wish what?\u201d\u00a0 Dread began to fill me.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I\u2019d known before the wedding,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI know her father and her brother were pushing her, but I wish she\u2019d had the courage to say something before.\u00a0 Even yesterday, when she said she was getting a little bit of sight back.\u201d\u00a0 This revelation caught me by surprise.\u00a0 She must have been testing the waters.\u00a0 \u201cIf only she\u2019d told me the rest of it\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen what?\u201d I prodded.\u00a0 I tried again to summon up the memory of my long-ago conversation with Elizabeth, to convince myself that I\u2019d done the right thing.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 He sipped his coffee and sat down on the edge of the hearth.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe nothing.\u00a0 Maybe we\u2019d still have gone ahead with the marriage eventually.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to say.\u00a0 I guess it would have depended on why she was marrying me.\u00a0 If I\u2019d known she could see, we could have talked about whether she still wanted to marry me.\u00a0 Then, if she didn\u2019t want to, we could have just cancelled the wedding.\u00a0 But\u2014well, maybe it\u2019s selfish, but\u2014well\u2014I felt like a fool, standing there.\u00a0 Here she had this great big secret, and I had no idea.\u00a0 I just stood there in front of all our friends and proclaimed my love for her, only to have her throw it back in my face like it meant nothing.\u00a0 If only she\u2019d told me beforehand\u2014at least then, I wouldn\u2019t have felt like such an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe set his cup on the table and rested his elbows on his knees.\u00a0 \u201cRemember Millie Olson?\u00a0 Mama used to take me along when she went to visit Mrs.\u00a0Olson.\u00a0 Millie was a spoiled little thing, but I always thought she was kinda cute.\u00a0 \u2019Course, we were only about four years old.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0Trust Joseph to have discovered girls before he could even write his name,<\/em>\u00a0I thought wryly.\u00a0 He continued, \u201cShe used to sneak me a piece of her mother\u2019s dried-apple pie if I\u2019d play \u2018wedding\u2019 with her. \u00a0She\u2019d have a towel draped over her head like a veil, and I was supposed to walk her down some pretend aisle in their backyard and marry her. \u00a0Of course, whenever I said I wouldn\u2019t do it, Millie would cry, and then Mama would make me do it anyway, without the pie.\u00a0 I always kicked up a fuss, but the truth is, Pa, even then, I liked the idea of getting married someday. \u00a0The night I proposed to Julia, I could just picture her coming down the stairs toward me in a fancy white dress and veil.\u201d\u00a0 For a moment, a faraway look crossed his face, as if he were remembering a visit to a beautiful land he would never see again.<\/p>\n

I remembered Julia well, of course.\u00a0 The notorious Julia Bulette was Joseph\u2019s first love.\u00a0 She had been murdered in her room during a robbery, only hours after my son, barely half her age at seventeen, asked her to marry him.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t surprise me even a little bit that his romantic, foolish gallantry would have dressed the owner of Julia\u2019s Palace in the bridal attire normally reserved for innocent maidens.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe would have been a beautiful bride,\u201d I said quietly. \u00a0It was true; even for all her flaws, she was always a stunningly beautiful woman. \u00a0More important was the fact that, as much as I\u2019d disapproved of that union on other grounds, there was no question in my mind that Little Joe and Julia had loved each other.<\/p>\n

Joe has always worn his heart on his sleeve. \u00a0His love for Julia was as clear and unvarnished as only a first love can be.\u00a0 She was his, and he was proud to say so, even when the stiffer-necked members of our community whispered behind their hands.\u00a0 He defended her against all comers, even me, fiercely rejecting any insinuation that her past was anything more than that\u2014the past. \u00a0At the time, I\u2019d thought him merely young and na\u00efve.\u00a0 Only in retrospect did I recognize his stubborn refusal to allow Virginia City to judge her as admirable, and possibly even a bit heroic.<\/p>\n

Julia was far more cagey. \u00a0I\u2019d watched her try to hide her feelings, to pretend that Joe was nothing more than an amusing young man, a handsome plaything to serve as her escort by day and her lover by night.\u00a0 As we all worked side by side through the epidemic of fever that swept the town, though, I sometimes saw her looking at Little Joe when she didn\u2019t know I observed her.\u00a0 There was a longing, a depth, a vulnerability in her gaze when she watched him.\u00a0 Seeing her in those unguarded moments, I knew that somehow, my passionate, reckless young son had won Julia Bulette\u2019s heart in a way that everyone\u2014including me, and including Julia herself\u2014would have sworn was impossible.\u00a0 And so I told her that, if it was Little Joe\u2019s wish, I would accept her as his wife.\u00a0 While I\u2019d thought of Julia on occasion during the five years since her death, until today, I\u2019d never found myself wishing that that marriage had taken place.<\/p>\n

I regarded Joe for a moment before abandoning the coffee pot and pouring us both a brandy.\u00a0 He took the glass without comment. \u00a0Finally, he said, \u201cI just never thought\u2014well, that my wedding would turn out like this.\u201d \u00a0He dropped his head into his hands.\u00a0 He was silent for a long minute.\u00a0 My heart was in my throat. \u00a0Any defense I could have mounted crumbled at my son\u2019s words. \u00a0Just as I was about to confess, he looked up.\u00a0 The anguish was plain on his handsome face.\u00a0 \u201cDo you think any of them knew?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, obviously, Tessa knew she could see, and her father and Lon knew.\u00a0 But\u2014do you think anybody else knew?\u00a0 Was anybody else standing there, thinking what a poor dumb fool I was, getting suckered into this marriage by a girl who was pretending to be blind?\u201d\u00a0 He tossed back his brandy in one gulp.\u00a0 \u201cPa, it was so humiliating.\u00a0 It would have been different if she\u2019d called off the wedding yesterday, or even this morning\u2014but to wait until the middle of the ceremony, and then she starts crying like marrying me is the worst thing she could be forced into\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

I poured us each another brandy.\u00a0 \u201cSon,\u201d I said carefully.\u00a0 \u201cSometimes\u2014well, things happen, and people don\u2019t know to handle them, and they make mistakes.\u00a0 They hope that something will happen to set things right, because they don\u2019t know quite what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe snorted.\u00a0 \u201c\u2018Things happen,\u2019 Pa?\u00a0 That\u2019s your explanation for this?\u00a0 I get my heart stomped in front of a roomful of people by the woman I love because nobody had the guts to tell me the truth, and all you can say is \u2018things happen\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

I laid a hand on my son\u2019s knee.\u00a0 \u201cDo you love her, Joseph?\u201d\u00a0 He nodded.\u00a0 I forced the next question past the lump in my throat.\u00a0 \u201cWould you still have married her if you\u2019d known she could see?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEventually,\u201d he admitted finally.\u00a0 \u201cNot today, but someday.\u00a0 I\u2019d have wanted to wait, to take our time and get to know each other better.\u00a0 If I hadn\u2019t thought she needed me to take care of her, we could have courted and planned and\u2014I guess it doesn\u2019t matter anyway.\u00a0 Obviously, she wasn\u2019t willing to marry me if she didn\u2019t have to.\u201d\u00a0 He sipped his brandy.\u00a0 \u201cShe said that what I felt for her was guilt, and what she felt for me was fear of being alone in the dark.\u00a0 But there was more than that, at least for me.\u201d\u00a0 For the first time in that long, difficult day, I saw tears welling up in his eyes, and my heart ached.\u00a0 Call me a coward, but I couldn\u2019t bring myself to tell him the truth at that moment. \u00a0I just couldn\u2019t add to his pain any more. \u00a0I\u2019d already done enough.<\/p>\n

I moved to sit next to him on the hearth.\u00a0 I took his glass from him, setting it on the table, and I held my son close as the sobs shook his slim body.\u00a0 As he wept, he whispered the same words over and over, and each time, it was as if he\u2019d stabbed me afresh.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just wish I\u2019d known,\u201d he kept saying.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo do I,\u201d I whispered.\u00a0 And it was true.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

Joe and I watched the Caldwells drive away, out of the yard and our lives.\u00a0 Tessa carried the letter I wrote to Joshua Harrison, an old friend in San Francisco.\u00a0 I know that Joe was surprised that I was willing to give Marcus and Lon Caldwell a letter of introduction after all they\u2019d done, but he didn\u2019t ask why, and so I didn\u2019t have to explain that I didn\u2019t do it for them, or even for Tessa.\u00a0 I did it for my son, so that he could have the comfort of knowing that the woman he loved would have some security, some protection against being used by her father and brother in the future.<\/p>\n

\u201cI should get down to the corral,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cThose horses aren\u2019t going to break themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

I frowned.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t like the idea of his trying to break horses in his frame of mind.\u00a0 He knows better than anyone that bronc busting is a dangerous job that requires absolute concentration.\u00a0 \u201cAre you sure?\u201d I asked finally.<\/p>\n

He gave me the lopsided grin that he\u2019d used to such fine effect on the wedding guests the day before.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cBesides, it\u2019ll do me good.\u00a0 Give me something else to think about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, then.\u201d\u00a0 If he was man enough to sort out his own lovelife, then he was man enough to know when he should or should not break horses.<\/p>\n

It was nearly lunchtime when I finally made my way over to the corral.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam were perched on the fence, whooping and hollering as Little Joe struggled with a large gray that he\u2019d been working for nearly two weeks.\u00a0 If his brothers seemed a bit overenthusiastic, Joe didn\u2019t seem to notice.\u00a0 To me, their shouts and whoops sounded forced.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019s he doing?\u201d I asked as I climbed up beside Adam.<\/p>\n

My eldest son shouted, \u201cCome on, Joe, ride him!\u201d\u00a0 His hazel eyes were somber, though.\u00a0 Dropping his voice, he said, \u201cHe\u2019s distracted, that\u2019s for sure.\u00a0 He hasn\u2019t ridden one to a standstill all morning, and there are at least a couple he should have been able to handle easily.\u201d<\/p>\n

I looked to Hoss, who nodded his agreement with Adam\u2019s assessment.\u00a0 \u201cThen I want him out of there,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, we\u2019ve been tryin\u2019 for the past hour,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cHe jest ignores us and gets on the next one.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t want to have to drag him out of there, but.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m his father and his boss,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cLet him get angry with me if he wants.\u201d\u00a0 At least here, I knew I was on solid ground.\u00a0 \u201cAs soon as he\u2019s done with this one, I\u2019m sending him into town.\u00a0 There has to be something we need.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam opened his mouth as if to make a suggestion, but he never had the chance.\u00a0 Joe flew over the gray\u2019s head and landed in the dirt, too close to the rearing beast.\u00a0 Before any of us could move, a front hoof came down squarely on my son\u2019s right wrist.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d\u00a0 All three of us flew off the railing as two of the hands grabbed the gray\u2019s reins.\u00a0 \u201cAdam, ride for the doctor!\u00a0 Now!\u201d\u00a0 I added as he hesitated.\u00a0 I knew that he wanted to see if his brother was all right, but he could see that later.<\/p>\n

Joe was curled into a ball, hugging his right arm to his chest, his eyes tightly closed against the pain.\u00a0 Hoss and I knelt beside him, gently touching him to let him know we were there.\u00a0 The swelling and discoloration in his hand and wrist were almost instantaneous.\u00a0 Hoss popped open Joe\u2019s cuff button to release the pressure against his swollen wrist, and he pulled up Joe\u2019s sleeve past his elbow.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right, son, we\u2019re here,\u201d I murmured, stroking his dusty forehead.\u00a0 There was a lump rising on his left temple from where he\u2019d hit the ground.\u00a0 \u201cCan you hear me, Joe?\u201d\u00a0 He nodded slightly, eyes still closed, jaw clenched against the pain.\u00a0 \u201cGood.\u00a0 Hoss and I are going to help you sit up in a minute.\u00a0 Do you think you can do that?\u201d\u00a0 A pause, and then another nod.\u00a0 \u201cGood.\u00a0 That\u2019s good, Joe.\u201d\u00a0 I kept gentle contact with him, murmuring reassurance.<\/p>\n

One of the hands passed Hoss a canteen, and Hoss splashed the water onto his hands.\u00a0 With infinite gentleness, he ran his wet fingers over Joe\u2019s wrist.\u00a0 \u201cJest hang on, Little Brother,\u201d he said softly.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll get you out of here in a minute.\u201d\u00a0 He met my eyes and nodded.\u00a0 As if there could have been any real question that the wrist was broken.\u00a0 The only question was how badly, and that wasn\u2019t something Hoss could answer here.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, Joe, we\u2019re gonna try sittin\u2019 up,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Sam, gimme your neck cloth.\u201d\u00a0 Sam handed over the neck cloth, and Hoss fashioned a sling, looping it under Joe\u2019s forearm, well back from the wrist area.\u00a0 He knotted the cloth at the back of Joe\u2019s neck and reached underneath Joe\u2019s left side.\u00a0 \u201cOn three, now.\u00a0 One, two, three, up.\u00a0 Okay, now let\u2019s jest sit here a minute.\u201d \u00a0Almost at once, Joe doubled over, his breathing rapid and his face ashen.\u00a0 Even in the midday sun, his skin was cool and clammy.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s in shock,\u201d I murmured unnecessarily.\u00a0 Hoss knew the signs at least as well as I did.\u00a0 If my middle son heard me, he gave no sign.\u00a0 Instead, he kept his attention on his brother, his tone as casual as if they were discussing feed prices.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what, Little Brother, how about you lie back down for a minute,\u201d Hoss said.\u00a0 Over his shoulder, he added, \u201cCan somebody get me a saddle and a blanket?\u201d\u00a0 The requested saddle appeared in moments, and Hoss slid Joe\u2019s feet up onto it.\u00a0 He draped the blanket over his brother and turned to me.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re gonna need the buckboard, Pa,\u201d he said, his voice lower and serious.\u00a0 We held each other\u2019s gaze for a minute, neither of us willing to leave Joe\u2019s side.\u00a0 I knew that Hoss would take excellent care of Joseph, but this was my son.\u00a0 After everything he\u2019d been through in recent days, I wasn\u2019t leaving him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be right back,\u201d Hoss conceded.\u00a0 He hoisted himself to his feet and pounded across the corral as I sat by my son, stroking his forehead.<\/p>\n

Two hours later, Doc Martin came out of Joseph\u2019s room, rolling his cuffs back down.\u00a0 Dried plaster spattered his shirtfront.\u00a0 \u201cYou can go in,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Adam and I had waited in the hall while Hoss helped the doctor set Joe\u2019s wrist.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t my idea to be out of the room, but I\u2019d been through this with Paul Martin before.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t as if I\u2019d never set a broken bone, but doing it to one of my sons was such a harrowing experience that I found it difficult to be as effective an assistant as he needed.\u00a0 Hoss, with his natural talent for doctoring, was better able to focus on the ultimate end rather than the immediate pain he was causing.\u00a0 Hearing Joe\u2019s screams from the hallway was hard enough for me.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes were closed, his breathing even.\u00a0 He looked like a schoolboy, not a grown man.\u00a0 The white bandage that wound around his head was a near match for his pallor.\u00a0 Only the bruise on his cheekbone had any color.\u00a0 The heavy cast on his right wrist rested on a pillow which the doctor had covered with a towel.\u00a0 The plaster extended almost to the first joint of his fingers.\u00a0 At my questioning look, Doc said, \u201cIt\u2019s to keep him from using the hand.\u00a0 Otherwise, he\u2019ll overdo, and the breaks won\u2019t heal properly.\u201d\u00a0 Paul Martin definitely knew my youngest son.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, can you hear me?\u201d I asked softly, pulling up the chair by the bed and resting my hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 He made no response.\u00a0 I stroked his cheek with my fingertips.\u00a0 He was warmer now than he\u2019d been at the corral.\u00a0 \u201cJust sleep, son,\u201d I whispered, as if he could hear me.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow was he doing before this happened?\u201d asked Paul quietly from behind me.\u00a0 He and his wife were among our guests the day before.<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty much as you\u2019d expect,\u201d I admitted.\u00a0 \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have let him go down to the corral today, but he wanted to, and I didn\u2019t want to stop him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought he handled himself very well yesterday,\u201d Paul said.\u00a0 \u201cI was surprised at that girl.\u00a0 She seemed like such a nice young lady when I met her.\u201d\u00a0 Paul had, of course, been the one to treat Tessa after the accident, and he\u2019d made several follow-up visits.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was a very nice young lady,\u201d I said with finality.\u00a0 I laid a hand on my son\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 Silently, I breathed a prayer of thanks that he was sleeping through this conversation.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was very surprised that she kept a thing like the return of her sight a secret,\u201d Paul said.\u00a0 \u201cFrom what I understood, her father and brother knew about it, and they all kept quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, everyone knew.\u201d\u00a0 I knew I sounded a bit curt, even before Paul gave me an odd look.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen\u2014you didn\u2019t know, did you?\u201d\u00a0 Only my oldest friend could have gotten away with that question.\u00a0 My older sons and I exchanged sharp looks, and that was enough for Paul Martin.\u00a0 \u201cAll of you knew she could see?\u00a0 But what about Joe?\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know, did he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 The anger from yesterday\u2019s discussion was still evident in this admission. \u00a0His words were clipped. \u00a0\u201cJoe was the only one who thought she was still blind.\u00a0 The rest of us knew she could see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut why didn\u2019t you\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Paul broke off as Joe stirred, eyes still closed.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d he managed.<\/p>\n

My stomach dropped.\u00a0 The panic in my heart was mirrored on the other men\u2019s faces.\u00a0 With the greatest effort, I controlled my voice.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m right here, son,\u201d I said calmly, reassuringly.\u00a0 Joe groped for me with his uncasted left hand, and I held it to my face.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m right here,\u201d I repeated.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re going to be fine.\u00a0 Nothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d\u00a0 His voice was weak and breathy, but I could hear agitation.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here, Joseph,\u201d I said again.\u00a0 \u201cYou just go back to sleep now.\u00a0 Everything\u2019s all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d\u00a0 The agitation was increasing.\u00a0 I looked to Paul, who looked sober as he began to dig into his bag.\u00a0 My son opened his eyes just enough to see me.\u00a0 I could tell that he was having difficulty focusing.\u00a0 As I started to reassure him again, he murmured, \u201cYou knew?\u201d<\/p>\n

The moment of stunned silence seemed to last forever.\u00a0 Eventually, I mustered a voice.\u00a0 \u201cYou need to get some sleep, young man,\u201d I said with mock sternness.\u00a0 \u201cDoc has some medicine that\u2019ll help with the pain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou knew,\u201d he said again, his voice cracking. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t a question this time. \u00a0\u201cYou all knew.\u201d\u00a0 I had to fight my own tears back.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll talk about this later, when you\u2019re feeling better,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou knew.\u201d\u00a0 The words were barely a whisper.\u00a0 He pulled his hand from mine and turned his face away.\u00a0 \u201cJust go.\u00a0 Please.\u201d\u00a0 A tear trickled down his cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll stay with him for now, Ben,\u201d said Paul in a low voice.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s entirely possible that, by tomorrow, he won\u2019t remember any of this anyway.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0As if that would make things all right,<\/em>\u00a0I reflected. \u00a0More loudly, Paul said to my son, \u201cJoe, I\u2019m going to give you something for the pain so that you\u2019ll be able to sleep.\u201d\u00a0 Without further ado, he maneuvered a spoonful of brown liquid between my son\u2019s lips.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s eyes closed again, but his shoulders shook and he held his hand up, trying to hide the tears running down his cheeks.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Brother\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Hoss stepped to the side of the bed, but Joe turned his face away again.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust go.\u201d\u00a0 Fatigue, tears and medicine slurred his words, but the meaning was clear.<\/p>\n

Hoss looked as if he\u2019d been punched in the gut.\u00a0 I laid my hand on his arm and nodded.\u00a0 My older sons left the room.\u00a0 I stood at the foot of Joe\u2019s bed until the shaking and the tears stopped.\u00a0 For the umpteenth time in the past twenty-four hours, I wished for the ability to turn back time so that I could tell Joe the truth about Tessa before it was too late.\u00a0 Before she and I, together, broke his heart.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

Whatever medicine Paul had given Joe was strong enough that my boy slept through to early evening.\u00a0 When he finally woke, I could tell that he was still very much feeling its effects.\u00a0 His eyes barely opened, and it was clear that they weren\u2019t focusing at all.\u00a0 I prayed that Paul was right, that Joe didn\u2019t remember anything from before.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you feel, son?\u201d I asked, laying a hand on his forehead below the bandages.<\/p>\n

\u201cDry,\u201d he managed.\u00a0 I poured a glass of water and, supporting his shoulders, held it to his lips.\u00a0 He drank a bit and turned his head away.\u00a0 I eased him back down to the pillow.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019s your wrist?\u201d\u00a0 I found myself anxious, wanting to keep discussion to his physical condition.\u00a0 Anything to avoid reminding him about the past two days.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine.\u201d\u00a0 His standard response.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about your head?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoc left some of that painkiller here if you need it,\u201d I ventured.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe later,\u201d my son allowed.\u00a0 I knew he had to be in serious pain to consider this offer at all.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t we try to get some food into you, and then you can have some more medicine and go back to sleep,\u201d I suggested.\u00a0 Paul had said that, if possible, he shouldn\u2019t take the medicine on an empty stomach.\u00a0 Hop Sing already had some broth staying hot on the stove, and this, with a piece of bread, would probably be even more than Joe wanted.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Kay,\u201d Joe managed.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t at all certain he\u2019d stay awake long enough for supper, but I wanted to try to get something into him.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t eaten since breakfast, our last meal before the Caldwells left.\u00a0 It seemed like a hundred years ago.<\/p>\n

I headed down to the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a tray and Adam.\u00a0 Between us, we were able to help Joseph, who was still barely awake, to sit up, propped up by pillows.\u00a0 I placed the tray across Joe\u2019s lap and resumed my seat in the chair while Adam settled himself at the foot of the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss?\u201d Joe murmured as I held the cup of broth to his lips.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s out in the barn,\u201d I said.\u00a0 Adam and I exchanged a quick glance.\u00a0 If Joe was asking for Hoss, he probably didn\u2019t remember telling his big brother to leave.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s brow furrowed slightly, pulling at the bandage.\u00a0 It was as if something was suddenly troubling him, but he wasn\u2019t certain what.\u00a0 In an attempt to distract him from his memories, I said, \u201cThat gray you were riding today was looking real good.\u00a0 I bet he\u2019ll make a fine mount for the Army.\u201d\u00a0 I threw a desperate glance to Adam, who picked up the conversation, launching into a monologue about which of the horses would be most effective for which types of work. \u00a0As I\u2019d hoped, Joe\u2019s eyelids grew heavier as Adam prattled on.<\/p>\n

Finally, with most of the broth and some of the bread eaten, I interrupted my eldest son to address my youngest.\u00a0 \u201cHow about you take some of this medicine now, and we\u2019ll let you go back to sleep?\u201d\u00a0 Joe nodded ever so slightly, and I poured him two spoonfuls.\u00a0 His grimace at the taste was so like Joe as a boy that I smiled for the first time in days.<\/p>\n

After Adam took the tray and we helped him to lie down, I leaned over to brush Joe\u2019s forehead with a kiss.\u00a0 As my lips touched his brow, he whispered, \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was that, son?\u201d\u00a0 I drew back, half-afraid that I understood.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d he repeated.\u00a0 He was barely awake, but his words were chillingly clear.\u00a0 \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes closed before I knew how to respond.\u00a0 I sat beside his bed, holding his hand as he slept.\u00a0 Finally, I whispered, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe.\u201d\u00a0 There was nothing else to say.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

He was awake, staring at the ceiling, when I opened his door the next morning.\u00a0 I forced jollity into my voice.\u00a0 \u201cMorning, Joseph,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re looking much better this morning.\u00a0 Are you up for some breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, thanks.\u201d\u00a0 His voice was polite, emotionless, as unlike my youngest son as anything could be.<\/p>\n

I rested a hand on his forehead.\u00a0 No sign of fever.\u00a0 \u201cHow\u2019re you feeling?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine.\u201d\u00a0 The response was not clipped enough to be rude, but it barely fell short.\u00a0 I know he must have felt me watching him, but he avoided looking at me.<\/p>\n

Clearly, he remembered what had been said the day before.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll have Hop Sing bring up something for you,\u201d I said quietly.\u00a0 Joe and I needed to talk\u2014that much was clear\u2014but the father in me wanted him to have his breakfast first.<\/p>\n

Adam and Hoss were already eating when I reached the dining room.\u00a0 The quick glance they shared before looking up told me that they\u2019d been discussing the situation.\u00a0 \u201cMornin\u2019, Pa,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cYou seen Joe yet?\u201d\u00a0 I nodded.\u00a0 \u201cHow is he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou haven\u2019t been in?\u201d\u00a0 I was surprised.<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t reckon he wants to see me right now,\u201d he said.\u00a0 The simple words spoke eloquently of the pain in my large son\u2019s heart at this rift.<\/p>\n

I rested a hand on Hoss\u2019 shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cHe didn\u2019t want to see me, either,\u201d I admitted.<\/p>\n

We both looked at Adam, who shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m in the same boat as you two,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you were gonna tell him,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I didn\u2019t,\u201d responded Adam.\u00a0 \u201cI suspect that, in Joe\u2019s view, any good intentions I might have had don\u2019t mean much right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

I sat down heavily.\u00a0 For the life of me, I couldn\u2019t figure out how everything had turned into such an unholy mess.\u00a0 Just a few weeks ago, Adam and Joe were out hunting a mountain lion, a regular chore in ranch life.\u00a0 In a second, a ricocheting bullet set into motion a series of events that none of us could have predicted.\u00a0 Now, my youngest son lay upstairs, angry and bitter, as the Caldwells made their way to California and I tried to pick up the shattered pieces of my mistake.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing padded in from the kitchen.\u00a0 \u201cMorning, Mistah Cahtlight,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou want egg?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019d be fine, Hop Sing, thank you,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cOh, Hop Sing\u2014when you get a moment\u2014would you please take breakfast up to Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve known Hop Sing for more than twenty-five years, but I don\u2019t think I ever saw him as stunned as he was by that simple request.\u00a0 \u201cYou no want to take food?\u201d he asked finally, concern evident on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think it\u2019s best if you do it,\u201d I said quietly.\u00a0 Even I could hear the pain in my voice.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing searched my face.\u00a0 Then, he nodded.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing take care of Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Hop Sing,\u201d I said, focusing on pouring myself a cup of coffee.\u00a0 The little man remained by my side another moment.\u00a0 When no one else said anything, he patted my arm and retreated to the kitchen to prepare a tray for my youngest son.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d intended to wait until Hop Sing came back downstairs before returning to Joseph\u2019s room, but after Hoss and Adam rode out, I found myself quietly climbing the stairs.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t be fair to say I was sneaking up on them, but I deliberately kept my footsteps light as I approached.<\/p>\n

The door to Joe\u2019s room was partway open.\u00a0 I pushed it farther to reveal Hop Sing sitting quietly beside my son\u2019s bed as Joseph ate.\u00a0 Neither spoke, but I had the sense that a great deal was passing between them.\u00a0 At the sound of my footfall, Joe looked up sharply.\u00a0 Almost immediately, his eyes slid to Hop Sing, who hadn\u2019t moved.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean to interrupt,\u201d I said, awkward in my own house.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s attention was on Hop Sing.\u00a0 I watched my son ask a question without words.\u00a0 A moment later, our cook rose.\u00a0 \u201cYou finish,\u201d he said to my son.\u00a0 \u201cFather bring tray back to kitchen.\u201d\u00a0 He ducked out of the room, leaving me alone with Joseph.<\/p>\n

\u201cMay I sit down?\u201d\u00a0 For the first time I could remember, I felt it appropriate to ask.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s tone was no different from earlier.\u00a0 He turned his attention to the plate in front of him, as if the eggs required all of his concentration.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d I said without preamble.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t look up, but his fork stopped moving.\u00a0 \u201cI wish there was something I could do to change what happened.\u00a0 The last thing I ever wanted was for you to be hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a long minute, neither of us spoke or moved.\u00a0 Then, Joe lifted his head and looked me in the eye.\u00a0 The hurt and betrayal were so evident that I nearly looked away.\u00a0 \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

It was my turn to focus on the breakfast tray.\u00a0 None of the reasons made sense any more.\u00a0 Nothing I\u2019d told Hoss or Adam justified what we\u2019d done\u2014what I\u2019d done, and they\u2019d gone along with.\u00a0 I drew a deep breath and lifted my head to meet my son\u2019s unwavering gaze. \u00a0I tried to explain my thoughts to Joseph, just as I had to my older sons before the wedding.\u00a0 But my logic sounded like nothing more than flimsy excuses before the hard green stare of my youngest son.<\/p>\n

Finally, my words trailed off.\u00a0 For something to do, I picked up Joe\u2019s tray and set it on the bureau.\u00a0 \u201cI wish that there was something I could say to make it better,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo do I,\u201d said my son quietly.\u00a0 The rancor in his eyes had faded to almost unbearable sadness.<\/p>\n

I needed to give him something. \u00a0There was no more explanation that I could offer\u2014I would never reveal Elizabeth\u2019s secret\u2014but I could speak of Tessa.\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cJoseph\u2014she did care for you,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cBefore she said \u2018yes\u2019 to you, she came to me.\u00a0 She wanted me to tell her whether you truly loved her.\u00a0 She said that if you did, she\u2019d say \u2018yes\u2019 so fast it would make my head spin.\u00a0 Those were her exact words.\u201d\u00a0 I remembered the pain in her lovely face as she struggled with the implications of being a blind wife.\u00a0 \u201cShe asked me whether I would hate her if she married you, whether I would think she was doing it just because she needed you.\u00a0 I told her the truth\u2014I didn\u2019t think she was the kind who would marry a man for selfish reasons.\u00a0 And when we talked before the wedding, I told her that I was sure she\u2019d have your best interests at heart.\u00a0 I thought she was going to admit everything then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou talked to her about this, but not me?\u201d\u00a0 Joe was incredulous.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t actually tell her that I knew,\u201d I protested.\u00a0 Every time I opened my mouth, it seemed that matters got worse.\u00a0 \u201cI wanted to encourage her to talk to you herself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did that matter?\u00a0 Were you protecting her?\u00a0 Did you think I\u2019d back out of the wedding if I knew?\u201d\u00a0 His anger flared, and I knew I\u2019d chosen wrongly again.<\/p>\n

I closed my eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose\u2014in my own foolish way\u2014I was trying to let the two of you work the matter out yourselves.\u00a0 When you told me that she\u2019d agreed to marry you and I realized that you didn\u2019t know she could see\u2014son, I didn\u2019t know what to say.\u00a0 You looked so happy at the idea of marrying her, and after what she\u2019d said\u2014I was afraid that if I said something, I\u2019d be interfering.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cInterfering!\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s voice was harsh, mocking, not a tone he had ever taken with me.\u00a0 Not a tone I\u2019d normally tolerate from anyone, and especially not from my son.\u00a0 \u201cPa, this isn\u2019t like telling me that her father is poor instead of rich.\u00a0 You knew the truth about the most important thing, and you deliberately kept it from me.\u00a0 Hadn\u2019t been for her own conscience\u2014\u201d\u00a0 he broke off.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014you\u2019d have married the girl,\u201d I finished quietly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2014I trusted her, Joseph.\u00a0 I trusted that she cared enough about you to tell you the truth.\u201d\u00a0 It was small comfort now that my trust turned out to be well-placed.<\/p>\n

\u201cFunny thing,\u201d said my son, his eyes fixed on mine.\u00a0 \u201cI trusted you that way, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

The words penetrated my heart like a precisely-aimed bullet.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, I\u2019m just so sorry,\u201d I said.\u00a0 I could hear the pleading in my own voice.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know what else to say to you.\u00a0 I was wrong, and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe lay back against his pillows, giving no sign that he\u2019d even heard me.\u00a0 I reached for his left hand, and he drew it away.\u00a0 I felt as if he\u2019d struck me.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d just like to sleep now,\u201d he said at last.\u00a0 \u201cMy wrist hurts.\u00a0 Is there any of Doc\u2019s painkiller left?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course.\u201d\u00a0 I poured out a spoonful.\u00a0 Joe propped himself up on his left elbow, but he couldn\u2019t grip the spoon with his right hand in the cast, and so I held it for him as if he were a child.\u00a0 \u201cAnother?\u201d\u00a0 He nodded, and I obliged.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know whether his wrist truly pained him this much or whether this was simply his way of deadening the other pain that flamed in his green eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d he said simply, lying back on the pillows.<\/p>\n

I adjusted his blankets and laid a hand on his cheek.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Joseph,\u201d I whispered.<\/p>\n

In response, he closed his eyes, his thick lashes dark against his pale skin.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

Late that afternoon, I looked up from my ledgers to see Joe descending the stairs unsteadily.\u00a0 I hurried over to him, saying, \u201cJust take it easy, son, I\u2019ll be right there.\u201d\u00a0 His shirt was unbuttoned and untucked, and he wore only socks on his feet, but he\u2019d managed to fasten his pants.\u00a0 He clutched the railing with his left hand, balancing the cast on the other railing.\u00a0 I reached for his left hand, but he slid it back, just out of my reach.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d was all he said, but his meaning was clear.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d I said quietly.\u00a0 I waited until he\u2019d made his way to the main floor.\u00a0 \u201cWould you like a hand with those buttons?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, thanks.\u201d\u00a0 I tried to guide him to the settee, but he shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI want to go outside,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot without your boots,\u201d I said.\u00a0 He said nothing, and his silence admitted as clearly as words that he\u2019d been unable to manipulate them with just one hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be right back,\u201d I said.\u00a0 When I returned with his boots, he was seated in the blue chair.\u00a0 I slid the boots onto his feet as easily as I had when he was a child.\u00a0 As he stood, I said, \u201cYou\u2019re not going out with your shirt open.\u00a0 You\u2019ll catch your death of cold.\u201d\u00a0 Without waiting for an answer, I buttoned his shirt.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t meet his eyes, but I could feel him glaring at me.<\/p>\n

As soon as I was finished, he crossed the room, seized his jacket and tried to fit the sleeve over his cast.\u00a0 When it became clear that this would not work, I wordlessly held out my own coat.\u00a0 He ignored me as he maneuvered his left arm into his jacket, shrugging off my attempts to help.\u00a0 With his unencumbered left hand, he pulled the right side of the jacket over his shoulder.\u00a0 Dressed at last, he jerked open the front door and stormed out, slamming the door behind him.<\/p>\n

I sank into my desk chair.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know how long he could go on being so angry at me.\u00a0 From Adam, I might have expected this.\u00a0 My eldest son is given to brooding\u2014long, slow buildup to the confrontation, and longer, slower resolution of his feelings afterward.\u00a0 But from Joe, it was unnerving.\u00a0 His temper explodes like a stick of dynamite, and it is usually gone almost as fast.\u00a0 With Joe, an apology and a handshake or hug can resolve anything within minutes.<\/p>\n

Or, as I was now learning, almost anything.<\/p>\n

I tried to turn my attention back to the ledgers.\u00a0 Dusk was falling, but Joe was still outside.\u00a0 Through the closed window, I heard the approach of hooves and the voices of my elder sons greeting their brother, but I did not hear if Joe responded.\u00a0 A few minutes later, I heard Hoss and Adam again.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t understand words from where I was, but they sounded serious.\u00a0 I expected that they, too, were trying to apologize.\u00a0 Again, I heard nothing from Joseph.\u00a0 I squelched an urge to open the window a crack to hear what they were saying.<\/p>\n

Determined, I focused on the column of figures that was not coming out right.\u00a0 I muttered the numbers to myself, trying to block out other sounds.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s voice began to rise, his tone sharpening.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019 voice remained low and steady.\u00a0 But it was Joe\u2019s voice, cutting through the deeper tones of his brothers, that got my attention.\u00a0 The anger had a shrill edge to it, a hint of panic, of losing control.\u00a0 As I paused in my writing, I heard the unmistakable smack of fist meeting flesh, and I knew who had thrown the first punch.<\/p>\n

I threw down my pencil as voices rose, furniture scraped, and bodies thumped against the wall.\u00a0 I yanked open the door just in time to see Hoss and Joseph tumble off the step, from the high part of the porch to the low part, with all three hundred pounds of Hoss landing squarely on top of his little brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s enough!\u201d\u00a0 I thundered.\u00a0 Hoss rolled off Joe, who moaned.\u00a0 Immediately, differences were forgotten as we clustered around him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you all right, son?\u201d He\u2019d landed face down, chest on top of the casted arm.\u00a0 I winced at the thought and turned him on his back.\u00a0 He was clutching his right arm as he tried to regain the breath that had been knocked out of him.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine,\u201d he managed.<\/p>\n

I looked more closely and suppressed a sigh.\u00a0 \u201cAdam, get the doctor,\u201d I ordered.\u00a0 The cast, barely twenty-four hours old, was already broken.<\/p>\n

Three hours later, Doc descended the stairs.\u00a0 Adam and I rose as he reached the bottom.\u00a0 \u201cHow is he?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

Doc smiled.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s fine.\u00a0 His chest is pretty bruised from all that weight against the cast, but it\u2019s nothing serious.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d go up there, though.\u00a0 He\u2019s mad as a hornet right now.\u00a0 Not at you,\u201d he added, seeing my face.\u00a0 \u201cAt me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou?\u00a0 What did you do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPut him in plaster down to his fingertips and up past the elbow this time,\u201d said Doc.\u00a0 \u201cI told him next time, I\u2019ll cast the shoulder if I have to.\u201d\u00a0 He looked from me to Adam, his smile fading.\u00a0 \u201cBen, you\u2019ve got to keep him quiet for a couple of days,\u201d he added.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s been through a lot this week, and he needs to rest.\u201d\u00a0 My old friend\u2019s expression grew serious.\u00a0 \u201cHave you talked to him about\u2014the wedding?\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded, understanding his euphemism.\u00a0 \u201cThis morning.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t go particularly well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt least he didn\u2019t punch\u00a0you<\/em>,\u201d Adam said wryly, rubbing his jaw.\u00a0 For the first time, I noticed the bruise.\u00a0 \u201cHoss and I tried to talk to him when we got back,\u201d he explained.\u00a0 \u201cHe wasn\u2019t interested in discussing the matter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere is Hoss?\u201d\u00a0 My middle son hadn\u2019t come back downstairs with the doctor.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s with Joe,\u201d said Paul.\u00a0 At our raised eyebrows, he added, \u201cDon\u2019t worry, he\u2019s keeping a safe distance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSafe for whom?\u201d muttered Adam.\u00a0 I frowned at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot that you\u2019ve asked for it, but I\u2019m going to put in my two cents as your friend and Joe\u2019s physician,\u201d said Paul.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve all said your pieces.\u00a0 Now, give him some room.\u00a0 He\u2019s had a rough time lately, ever since Tessa\u2019s accident.\u00a0 Let him work through all this in his own way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not that easy,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can imagine,\u201d said my friend.\u00a0 \u201cBut he\u2019ll come around.\u00a0 You just need to be patient with him.\u201d\u00a0 At the look in his eyes, I found myself wondering if Joseph had said something to the doctor.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hope that\u2019s all it takes,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cI thought his temper was bad before, but today.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cSometimes, a broken heart\u2019ll do that to a man,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

I shook my head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think she broke his heart,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cBruised it, maybe, but I don\u2019t think she broke it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Without speaking, Paul patted my arm and picked up his bag. \u00a0I was closing the door behind him when I realized that he hadn\u2019t been talking about Tessa.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

I watched from the porch as my son stood by the corral, a lean silhouette against the dark pinks and oranges of the setting sun.\u00a0 The cast, relieved of its sling, rested on the top rail.\u00a0 I found myself reflecting on how quickly cast and sling had become a part of him, just something else to balance.\u00a0 Even at this distance, I could sense the tension, the sadness in the set of his shoulders.<\/p>\n

Part of it, I was certain, was the letter Joe had received earlier in the week.\u00a0 He reported that Tessa wrote that they\u2019d reached San Francisco with no problems.\u00a0 Joshua Harrison had indeed given her father and brother jobs.\u00a0 None of them had ever been to San Francisco, and they found it to be a lovely city.\u00a0 She thanked us all again for our kindness and apologized for they had done.<\/p>\n

If she said anything else in the letter, my son did not reveal it.<\/p>\n

The past weeks had been fraught with tension.\u00a0 Joe barely made eye contact with any of us.\u00a0 He was polite, nothing more.\u00a0 He never laughed.\u00a0 Once a cuddly, affectionate child, he had become skilled at avoiding physical contact, sliding away from a touch so smoothly that a casual observer would have thought he didn\u2019t realize the attempt was being made.\u00a0 His temper, never well-controlled at the best of times, now flared as quickly and violently as a summer thunderstorm.<\/p>\n

Uncharacteristically, I found myself excusing his behavior, making allowances and overlooking comments and tones that were only a shade away from rude.\u00a0 Part of it, I argued to his brothers, was his frustration at being so limited.\u00a0 The new cast, which held his elbow at a sharp angle, made his arm pretty much useless.\u00a0 He did what he could, but it was sometimes painful to watch.\u00a0 He steadfastly refused to allow anyone to cut his meat for him, having worked out a way of using his left hand to stab the fork into the meat, and then bracing the fork against the cast and holding it in place with his chin while he used the knife with his left hand.\u00a0 It took him several days before he worked out a method for saddling his horse, an accomplishment of which I was unaware until the day he came galloping into the yard, triumphant and defiant.<\/p>\n

As difficult as it was to see my son struggle with his physical restriction, there was a part of me that was glad for the broken wrist and the extended cast.\u00a0 Without the plaster limiting his mobility, I had no doubt that he wouldn\u2019t be here now.\u00a0 He\u2019d be off somewhere, up in the mountains probably, beyond my reach for weeks, or even months, until he was good and ready to come home.<\/p>\n

As if he weren\u2019t already out of my reach now, when we were living in the same house.<\/p>\n

And part of the problem, I admitted only to myself, was my own guilt.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t seem to get past it, any more than Joe could.\u00a0 We hadn\u2019t discussed the matter since that morning after his accident, but it hovered over us like a vulture, picking at the bones of the closeness we had once shared.\u00a0 And so I allowed behavior I would otherwise never have tolerated, hoping that his anger and rebellion would burn themselves out.\u00a0 Hoping that I wouldn\u2019t drive him even farther away.\u00a0 Hoping that he would forgive me.<\/p>\n

A nudge at my hand, and I looked down to see Hop Sing with a cup of coffee.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Hop Sing,\u201d I smiled, taking the cup.\u00a0 As I sipped, I looked back to the corral where my son remained, unmoving.<\/p>\n

The little man\u2019s gaze followed mine.\u00a0 \u201cNumber three son have hurt in heart,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat he does,\u201d I agreed.\u00a0 \u201cI wish there was something I could do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlready did,\u201d said Hop Sing.\u00a0 \u201cSaid sorry.\u00a0 All can do.\u00a0 Now, give time.\u00a0 Let boy remember.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember what?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing searched my face.\u00a0 For a long moment, his own was inscrutable.\u00a0 Then, he smiled, just a little.\u00a0 \u201cRemember father only human, make mistake like everybody else,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cRemember father love him, think he do best for him.\u00a0 Remember forgive like father do.\u201d<\/p>\n

I smiled.\u00a0 Sometimes, when Hop Sing was throwing tantrums and complaining about people not eating, it was easy to forget how wise he was.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

I was in the process of reviewing the timber proposal for the Diamondhead Mine when Adam came in.\u00a0 Despite the cool day, he was sweating, as if he\u2019d ridden hard.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Joe?\u201d he asked without preamble.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think he\u2019s in the barn,\u201d I said mildly.\u00a0 \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam reached into his coat pocket and handed me a wire.\u00a0 I read it, and my heart sank.<\/p>\n

JOE\u2014GOT MARRIED TODAY STOP WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP STOP WILL WRITE WITH DETAILS STOP PLEASE BE HAPPY FOR ME STOP MRS. MATTHEW (TESSA) HARRISON<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThey haven\u2019t even been out there two months,\u201d I said finally.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe said it was a whirlwind courtship,\u201d Adam observed.\u00a0 \u201cIs Matthew Joshua\u2019s son?\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s about your age.\u201d\u00a0 Neither of us said what we were both thinking, that this marriage sounded an awful lot like another attempt by her father and brother to secure a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t remember Matthew Harrison very well.\u00a0 The last time I saw him, he was a tall, skinny boy who bumped into things a lot and was more interested in books than people.\u00a0 I hoped, for Tessa\u2019s sake, that she loved him.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomebody\u2019s got to tell Joe,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 I started to push back my chair, and he said, \u201cNo, I\u2019ll do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt as if I should argue, but I didn\u2019t.\u00a0 \u201cAll right,\u201d I said instead.\u00a0 I handed the paper back to Adam and picked up the contract as if I would be able to concentrate.<\/p>\n

Darkness fell, lamps were lit, and still neither Adam nor Joe came in from the barn.\u00a0 Hoss was due back from Carson City tomorrow.\u00a0 The house was unnaturally quiet.\u00a0 Finally, Hop Sing came in from the kitchen.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere everybody?\u00a0 Supper ready!\u00a0 Hop Sing work long time, nobody eat, nobody appreciate hard work!\u00a0 Hop Sing go back to China!\u201d<\/p>\n

So much for quiet.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re in the barn, Hop Sing,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll go and fetch them.\u201d\u00a0 I put on my coat and crossed the yard with a heavy heart, consoling myself that I didn\u2019t hear any signs of an all-out war.<\/p>\n

Instead, I heard voices.\u00a0 Calm, reasonable, normal voices having the type of conversation that Joe hadn\u2019t had with anyone in our family since the day the gray horse threw him.\u00a0 I edged closer, careful to stay out of sight.\u00a0 Even though I\u2019d taught my sons not to eavesdrop, the truth was that I\u2019d found it a very useful tool over the years when trying to wend my way through the thickets of fatherhood.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, nobody knew what to do,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cPa did the best he could.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u00a0felt my stomach lurch.\u00a0 They were discussing the wedding, and me.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t force myself to make my presence known.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t guess I\u2019ll ever understand,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cIf it were me, I\u2019d have told you.\u201d<\/p>\n

I waited for Adam to say something, to admit that he\u2019d wanted to tell Joe but had been talked out of it.\u00a0 But my eldest son was made of stronger stuff.\u00a0 \u201cI would hope so,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cWe were wrong not to tell you.\u00a0 I wish we had.\u00a0 But we didn\u2019t, and nothing can change that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa made it sound like it was his decision,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n

I could picture Adam shrugging at that.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s Pa for you,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWas it his decision?\u201d\u00a0 Joe persisted.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all talked about it,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 My son was not going to break ranks, no matter how much his little brother pressed him.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut he knew first.\u201d\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a question.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, he knew first,\u201d Adam admitted.\u00a0 \u201cBut we all decided together, and we did what we thought was right at the time.\u00a0 And Joe, that\u2019s all any man can do.\u00a0 Sometimes the decision turns out to be wrong.\u00a0 This was one of those times.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was silent, and I knew that he knew what his brother wasn\u2019t saying.\u00a0 The decision had been mine.\u00a0 I was about to announce that fact when Joe spoke again.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know the funny thing\u2014and this is gonna sound so stupid\u2014I guess I just never thought of Pa as messing up like this.\u00a0 It\u2019s like\u2014he always seems like he knows something the rest of us don\u2019t so that he does the right thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat, like some special magical powers?\u201d teased Adam.<\/p>\n

Joe didn\u2019t laugh.\u00a0 His voice was almost wistful.\u00a0 \u201cNo, but\u2014it always seemed like he knew how to do it better than everybody else, whatever \u2018it\u2019 was.\u00a0 You know.\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen it a thousand times.\u00a0 A whole group of folks standing around, arguing about something, and Pa comes in and cuts right through it and says, \u2018This is the way it is, and this is right, and this is what we\u2019re gonna do\u2019\u2014and in the end, he\u2019s always right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, nobody\u2019s always right,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cAlthough I\u2019ll admit that Pa seems to hit the mark more often than most men.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess that\u2019s why this was so hard,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cIt was like\u2014he\u2019s always right about everything else, so why not this time?\u00a0 Didn\u2019t he care enough?\u201d\u00a0 The question hit me like a rock.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t even think that!\u201d\u00a0 I heard straw rustle.\u00a0 I moved just a bit so that I could see into the shadow of the barn, just as Adam sat down next to Joe in a pile of hay. \u00a0A single lantern, perched on a barrel, allowed me to see as Adam rested his hand on Joe\u2019s cast.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t pull away.\u00a0 Adam continued, \u201cIf anything, I\u2019d say that the problem here was that he cared too much.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t be objective.\u00a0 All he could think of was whether there was a way to get you what you wanted and keep you from making a very serious mistake, all at the same time.\u201d\u00a0 Adam looked intently at his brother, as if he needed to be certain Joe heard and understood.\u00a0 \u201cAll he wanted was for you to be happy.\u00a0 He tried his best, Joe.\u00a0 He just got it wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe fell silent again.\u00a0 I was about to clear my throat when he said, \u201cSo, what you\u2019re telling me, Older Brother, is that our pa isn\u2019t perfect after all?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Little Brother, but he\u2019s just a man,\u201d Adam said gently.\u00a0 \u201cJust like you and me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Adam, not just like you and me,\u201d Joe said with conviction.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s Pa.\u00a0 He\u2019s\u2014he\u2019s Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

I could hear the smile in Adam\u2019s voice.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s just a man,\u201d my eldest son said.\u00a0 \u201cAs flawed and human as anybody else.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you think it\u2019s about time you let him come down off his pedestal?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe chuckled ruefully.\u00a0 \u201cIs that what you think I\u2019ve been doing?\u00a0 Putting him on a pedestal?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe a little bit,\u201d Adam said.\u00a0 \u201cLike a lot of folks around here, I think.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you don\u2019t,\u201d Joe pointed out.\u00a0 \u201cAnd Hoss doesn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

My eldest son considered this.\u00a0 \u201cNo, but it\u2019s different for us.\u00a0 After all, you grew up surrounded by folks who were always talking about the great Ben Cartwright\u2014and he casts one hell of a long shadow.\u00a0 Back when Hoss and I were little, he was still just a struggling dreamer.\u00a0 By the time you were born, everybody in the territory was in awe of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith good reason,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cThink about it.\u00a0 He\u2019s always been larger than life.\u00a0 He sailed the seven seas when he was just a kid, led a wagon train across the rivers and prairies and mountains\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014built the Ponderosa with his bare hands\u2014\u201d Adam chimed in.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014married three extraordinarily beautiful women\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014produced three utterly remarkable sons\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014indeed he did, Older Brother, utterly remarkable.\u00a0 And don\u2019t forget how he was asked to run for governor even though we\u2019re not even a state yet\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014rancher extraordinaire\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014ain\u2019t sure what that means, but it sounds good\u2014leading citizen of Virginia City\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014infinitely shrewd businessman\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014the wisest man in the territory\u2014”<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014unfailing moral compass\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014never makes a mistake\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlmost<\/em>\u00a0never,\u201d I said quietly.\u00a0Their heads snapped around.\u00a0 \u201cPa!\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s cheeks reddened.\u00a0 Adam didn\u2019t bother to hide his smile.\u00a0 \u201cHow long have you been there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2014long enough.\u201d\u00a0 My tone was deliberately light.\u00a0 \u201cJust wanted to let you know that supper\u2019s almost ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe should wash up, then.\u201d\u00a0 Adam cast a sideways glance at his brother and pushed himself to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cExcuse me, Pa,\u201d he said, squeezing past me.\u00a0 Only his dimples betrayed him.<\/p>\n

Joe and I faced each other in the lantern light.\u00a0 Now that we were alone, I had no idea what to say.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t appear that my son did, either.\u00a0 Finally, I said, \u201cYou\u2019re right about one thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d\u00a0 He looked wary.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have indeed produced three remarkable sons,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cAnd there\u2019s nothing in the world that means more to me than you boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d\u00a0 His words were so quiet that I nearly missed them.<\/p>\n

I studied my youngest son in the lantern light.\u00a0 All the\u00a0if onlys<\/em>\u00a0in the world were useless, and yet it was all I could think.\u00a0 Shaking my head, I said, \u201cJoe, I just wish so much that I\u2019d handled the whole thing differently.\u00a0 I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

For the first time in weeks, Joe smiled at me.\u00a0 Softly, he said, \u201cI know that, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

His gaze was clear, direct and unwavering.\u00a0 It spoke of understanding, of maturity, of the recognition that all men are fallible and of the ability to love through the flaws, not just in spite of them.\u00a0 I swallowed hard.\u00a0 For the first time in a long time, I saw contentment in my son\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 I saw rest there, and peace.<\/p>\n

And I saw forgiveness, complete and unconditional.<\/p>\n

I opened my mouth, but no words came.\u00a0 Joseph favored me with his beautiful lopsided grin.\u00a0 Then, from his spot in the hay, he reached up to me with his left hand.\u00a0 I blinked back the tears that threatened.\u00a0 I reached down and took my son\u2019s hand, pulling him to his feet.\u00a0 His grin widened as he brushed the straw off his backside.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Pa,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s go eat.\u201d\u00a0 My son placed his arm around my shoulders, and we walked to the house.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

Epilogue<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cNow, you just remember, Joe, you haven\u2019t used that hand in more than two months,\u201d said Doc Martin, brushing the last shards of plaster off the table.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to build up the strength again.\u00a0 Don\u2019t expect it to be like the other one for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think there\u2019s much chance of that,\u201d my son said as he slowly, painfully flexed the fingers of his right hand. \u00a0We watched as he tried to pick up the pencil on the doctor\u2019s desk.\u00a0 It took four tries before he was able to grasp it with his fingertips.\u00a0 Encouraged by his success, he laid his gun on the desk and tried to pick it up with his right hand, but the heavier object clattered loudly as it fell the inch from his fingers to the wood. \u00a0Joe shook his head ruefully. \u00a0\u201cGood thing I don\u2019t shoot right-handed, or I\u2019d be dead before sundown!\u201d he snickered.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u00a0 That\u2019s enough of that kind of talk!\u201d\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t supposed to see my son roll his eyes at the doctor.\u00a0 I thought only briefly of pretending to miss that moment before barking, \u201cJoseph!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 His voice was suitably respectful, but his eyes danced.\u00a0 As we left the doctor\u2019s office, Joe said, \u201cYou know, Pa, Chet and the crew are due in with that new string of horses tomorrow or Thursday.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking that if I can get started right away, they\u2019ll likely be greenbroke by the seventeenth, when Major Jenkins comes through, and he can get a first look then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGet started right away?\u00a0 Joseph Cartwright, did you listen to anything the doctor just said to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, how many hands does a man need on a horse?\u00a0 One, that\u2019s all.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t like l\u2019m talking about something that needs two hands, like chopping wood or fixing wagon wheels\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t talk about doing\u00a0those<\/em>\u00a0chores anyway, young man!\u201d\u00a0 I reached over and yanked the brim of his hat down over his eyes.\u00a0 Laughing, he pushed the brim back up as his brothers approached.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s so doggone funny?\u201d asked Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa doesn\u2019t think a man can break a horse with just one good hand!\u201d\u00a0 Joe announced with mock outrage.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you know, Little Brother, the great Ben Cartwright is never wrong about these things,\u201d said Adam thoughtfully, hazel eyes twinkling.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, siree, not Ben Cartwright,\u201d said Hoss with a broad grin.\u00a0 \u201cAfter all, he crossed the prairies and swam rivers and did all manner of other stuff I can\u2019t rightly recall.\u00a0 He\u2019d never be wrong \u2019bout somethin\u2019 like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou think not?\u201d\u00a0 Joseph winked at me.\u00a0 \u201cWell, gentlemen, get ready to eat your words, because the\u00a0son<\/em>\u00a0of the great Ben Cartwright is gonna prove you all wrong just as soon as we get back to the Ponderosa!\u201d<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t help laughing at their foolishness.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know about the rest of you, but the great Ben Cartwright could use a beer before starting that dusty ride home.\u00a0 Joseph, do you think that\u2019s something a man can handle with just one hand?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I think that\u2019s something this man could handle with no hands at all!\u201d\u00a0 said Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cY\u2019know, I just might be willing to pay to see that,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u00a0 How much, Big Brother?\u201d challenged Joe.\u00a0 As they teased and joked, my heart swelled with wonder and gratitude at the laughter and the silliness, the closeness, the undeserved love that had been restored to us, in spite of all our imperfections.<\/p>\n

And as the late afternoon sun lengthened the shadows, the four of us stepped off the sidewalk to cross the dusty street together.<\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0A WHN for “Bullet for a Bride.”\u00a0 The Cartwrights struggle with the consequences of Ben’s decision not to tell Joe before the wedding that Tessa had regained her sight. \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K. WC 15,000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":142,"featured_media":4543,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,1007,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4542","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-joe-cartwright","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1007-id","wpcat-13-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Bullet-for-a-Bride-2.jpg?fit=315%2C316&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4542","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/142"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4542"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4542\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4543"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4542"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4542"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4542"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}