Summary:\u00a0 Small kindnesses leads a stray home.
\nRating:\u00a0 PG\u00a0 (25,471 words)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The Brandsters have included this author in our project:\u00a0Preserving Their Legacy. To preserve the legacy of the author, we have decided to give their work a home in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library.\u00a0 The author will always be the owner of this work of fanfiction, and should they wish us to remove their story, we will.<\/p>\n
Small Kindnesses<\/strong><\/p>\n Adam, Hoss, and Ben Cartwright were almost finished with their breakfast when Little Joe, the youngest of the three brothers, came downstairs. They all looked at him, shook their heads, but didn\u2019t comment on his late appearance. Hop Sing immediately brought his breakfast and poured him a cup of coffee, fussing in Chinese the entire time. Everyone figured he was fussing about Joe\u2019s being late for breakfast again. No one paid him much attention, since they were used to his diatribes by now. After he finished pouring Joe\u2019s cup of coffee, Joe looked at him and gave him a dazzling smile. Hop Sing continued to fuss, but it was fairly obvious that he was now only pretending to still be mad at Little Joe. Ben half-smiled as he realized this. His youngest son seemed to have that effect on everyone, including himself, though he tried hard not to show it.<\/p>\n \u201cGood morning, Joseph\u201d Ben said, \u201cSo nice of you to join us, son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMorning, Pa.\u201d Joe said, either ignoring or oblivious to the touch of sarcasm in his father\u2019s voice. \u201cYou three should have gone to that wild west show in town yesterday\u201d Joe said enthusiastically. \u201cIt was fantastic.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat was so special about it, Joe?\u201d Hoss asked, curious about what could have been so exciting about that run-down looking outfit.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Hoss, I have never seen such riding and shooting in my life.\u201d Joe said. \u201cYou should have seen the trick shooting that one man could do, went by the name of Wild Bill Hitchcock,\u201d There was another man there who did tricks on a horse that you wouldn\u2019t believe and he had about the fastest draw of anybody except\u2026.well he was really fast.\u201d Joe finished.<\/p>\n \u201cFastest draw of anybody except whom, Joseph?\u201d Ben asked, with a moderately stern expression on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cFastest draw of anybody except me, Pa.\u201d Joe said, looking at his father directly. Joe\u2019s penchant for quick drawing and deadly aim with a gun and his hot-temper had always been somewhat of a sore subject between father and son. Regardless of his father\u2019s feelings, Joe spent endless hours practicing these skills. Several incidents had resulted in Joe\u2019s having to use his gun to defend himself or others and he had a pretty wide reputation as being fast and accurate with a handgun. His left-handed technique and the way in which he drew the gun with his left hand, and pulled the trigger with his right hand, gave him a distinctive style.<\/p>\n Hoss, wishing to head off another heated argument between Joe and his father, changed the subject by asking about the horse riding tricks.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, man, Hoss, that was something else. Hoss, you should have seen him. He could ride sitting backwards in the saddle, he could turn completely around in the saddle, he could ride without holding on, he even rode standing up one time. But the best trick was somethin\u2019 to see. With the horse going full speed, he got off the saddle, got down on one side of the horse, and with just one foot in the stirrup, he hung onto the saddle with his hands. He was crouching down, so when we saw the horse from the side, it looked like there was no rider on the saddle. You could fool anybody.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, what possible purpose could that serve?\u201d asked Adam, joining in the conversation for the first time.<\/p>\n \u201cEverything in life doesn\u2019t HAVE to be for a purpose, Adam. It was just for fun, something you don\u2019t know too much about.\u201d Joe said, exasperated with his older, always-serious brother.<\/p>\n \u201cSeems to me something like that would take a lot of practice and that would be a waste of time for a rancher.\u201d Adam responded, with a slight disapproving look on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cThat sounds to me like it would be dangerous\u201d Ben said, looking at Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Pa, it looked easy as pie. I am sure Cochise and I could do it in no time.\u201d Joe replied.<\/p>\n \u201cWell as Adam pointed out, that would take too much time. If you have that much free time, Joe, perhaps I need to increase your responsibilities on the ranch. Don\u2019t you have enough horses to break and other chores to do to keep you occupied?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n Joe frowned and didn\u2019t respond, although his father clearly was waiting for an answer.<\/p>\n Hoss, always the peace maker, said, \u201cI wish I had been with you, Joe. That does sound like it would have been fun to watch. Did you go by yourself or did you take one of those pretty little gals that flock around you like flies on honey?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked at Hoss and gave him a grateful smile. Joe was pretty sure that his Pa was just about to tell him that he could not try that trick, when Hoss intervened. And Joe did not want his father to tell him not to do it, because he had already decided that he was going to learn how to do it. After all, he was about the same size as the trick rider and Cochise was a much better horse than the man had, so it should be a cinch. He had already taught Cochise several tricks and was sure that this would be the next addition to his repertoire. Judging by the response of the females in the audience yesterday, Joe was sure that the girls would love to see him do some fancy trick riding. Heck, they already enjoyed watching him do some trick shooting and fast-drawing contests. As long as his father didn\u2019t outright tell him not to do it, he knew he could get away with it. He wouldn\u2019t tell his father about it until he had the skill perfected and could show his father and show him that it was safe.<\/p>\n \u201cWell it was going to be just Lance and me, but we ran into Billy so he went with us, and then we ran into\u2026a few other people and they went with us, too.\u201d Joe said, in answer to Hoss\u2019 question. Hoss, not missing his brother\u2019s omission of just who the \u201cother people\u201d were, pressed the issue. He knew it had to be girls, it always was. \u201cWhat other people, little brother?\u201d Hoss persisted. This time Joe gave Hoss a slightly exasperated look, but Hoss paid no attention.<\/p>\n Adam decided to help Hoss out before Joe wheedled out of answering the question, \u201cYeah, Joe who were these mysterious other people?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere was no mystery about it, for crying out loud. Jenny Johnson, Sally Rogers, and Melody Thompson joined us when we got there, that\u2019s all.\u201d Joe said, just a little too loudly.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, Mr. Johnson at the livery stable told me his Jenny was sweet on you. Are the other two sweet on Billy and Lance, or are they sweet on you, too?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you are so concerned with what those girls are feeling, Adam, why don\u2019t you ask them, not me?\u201d Joe said with a smile. He wasn\u2019t about to let Hoss\u2019 and Adam\u2019s teasing get to him this morning. If I told them to mind their own business like I\u2019d like to, Pa wouldn\u2019t agree for me to spend the afternoon with Lance, Joe thought to himself. He then asked Hoss to pass the biscuits and helped himself to another biscuit.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I want to stay in town after church today. Lance\u2019s mother invited me to have Sunday dinner with them. Then a group of us are going riding out to Beaver Creek. Is that okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Son, you just be home before supper time. And be sure to give our regards to Lance\u2019s family.\u201d Ben said, smiling at his son. Joe and Lance had both started attending the Virginia City School on the same day. For whatever reason, they had immediately been drawn to each other and had been almost inseparable ever since. Ben had always been glad about this, because Lance, though the same age as Joe, was less impulsive and had on many occasions prevented Joe from doing some things that could have gotten him in trouble or killed. He kept hoping that Lance\u2019s good judgement and calm and rational behavior would rub off on Little Joe. Ben didn\u2019t really see any evidence that that was happening, but at least Joe reaped the benefits of Lance\u2019s good judgment when they were together.<\/p>\n When the Cartwrights rode into town a little later that morning, people were milling around the white frame church, talking and greeting each other prior to heading in to the services. As they rode up, Joe spotted Lance and called out to him. Joe then jumped off Cochise without bothering to stop the horse first. He then quickly led Cochise around to the shaded hitching post near the water trough. Giving her a quick pat and telling her \u201cNow you stay out of trouble, Coch,\u201d he went off to catch up with Lance. Ben and Adam and Hoss took their time, but left their horses in the same spot.<\/p>\n \u201cToo bad your brother doesn\u2019t move that fast getting his chores down\u201d Ben said with an amused look on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Pa, it just depends upon what chores you are referring to. If it is breaking horses, he moves that fast. It is just the wood-cutting and the fence-mending kind of chores that he doesn\u2019t move too rapidly on.\u201d Adam said with a sardonic smile.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, you know, horse breaking is probably the most dangerous job on the Ponderosa. And it is definitely one of the most difficult, tiring and frustrating jobs, yet it is the only one that our little brother seems to enjoy.\u201d Hoss said with a puzzled expression on his face. \u201cI wonder why that is?\u201d He asked. \u201cI guess it is because of the excitement of horse breaking.\u201d Hoss thought out loud.<\/p>\n \u201cI think that is part of it, but I think it is more than that. I think it is the challenge of proving to himself over and over with each new horse, that he will win the battle of wills.\u201d Ben said. \u201cThe reason he is so good at it is he is so darned obstinate.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss couldn\u2019t help asking his father, \u201cAre you saying that our little brother is stubborn Pa? I hadn\u2019t noticed.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben, Adam, and Hoss were all laughing when they came up the steps to the church. The Reverend welcomed them and told them he hoped they enjoyed the service. When they entered the church and made their way to their usual pew, they expected to find Little Joe already there, but he was nowhere in sight. When the music stopped and the minister approached the pulpit, Joe still hadn\u2019t made it to his seat. By this time Ben was again getting aggravated with Joe and had looked around to make sure that he wasn\u2019t sitting with Lance\u2019s family. But what Ben saw was Lance\u2019s father, mother, and brothers and sisters\u2013but no Lance or Little Joe. He was about to really get aggravated when Joe slipped into the pew from the opposite side of the row, and seeing his father looking at him, he smiled at him. Ben returned the smile. What\u2019s the point of being upset about Joe being late? He thought to himself. At least he got here. Besides if he wasted his time being upset over Joe\u2019s every little infraction, he would be upset most of the time and not be able to enjoy his son\u2019s exuberance.<\/p>\n Joe always had a hard time sitting through a church service, or anything that required sitting still for longer than a few minutes, but it was particularly hard today. He kept thinking about his plans for the rest of the day. He was having dinner with Lance\u2019s family and then he, Lance, Billy, and the three girls from yesterday were going to ride to Beaver Creek. Beaver Creek was one of Joe\u2019s favorite places to ride. There was a beautiful view and there was a large, level meadow nearby. That is where he went to practice his riding tricks. He had a momentary regret because he wouldn\u2019t be able to practice any new skills today, since he wouldn\u2019t want anyone to see him attempt it, until he had figured out how to do it and was good at it. But, he would enjoy being with his friends, and there was always tomorrow for the practice.<\/p>\n Joe was jolted out of his daydream by the sudden jumping and startled exclamation of his brother. Hoss had been dozing during the sermon and when the reverend pounded the pulpit to accentuate a point he was making, it jarred him out of his nap. Heads turned toward the origin of the noise from all the pews surrounding them. Hoss looked sheepish, his father and Adam gave him a slight disapproving look, but Joe giggled and winked at Hoss. Hoss smiled at Joe and assumed an innocent look. Ben then gave them both a look that was an implied warning. Joe had to bite his lips hard to keep from laughing out loud. Joe didn\u2019t know it, but Ben had to do the same thing.<\/p>\n Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the Reverend concluded the service and people began to stand up slowly. His father and brothers were talking to people in the nearby pews. Joe, however, didn\u2019t have time to socialize with the other church-goers today, he had places to go, people to see, and things to do. He said a hasty farewell to his Pa and brothers, telling them he had to hurry to catch up with Lance\u2019s family. Of course Lance\u2019s family was still in the church talking to neighbors, too. Ben saw no reason to hold up Joe\u2019s plans, so he just said, \u201cHave fun, Joe, and don\u2019t forget to be home for supper,\u201d and waved him on. Joe ran over to the Jurgen\u2019s wagon, where Lance\u2019s sisters and brothers were climbing in. Lance wasn\u2019t there, so Joe asked Katie if she knew where he was.<\/p>\n \u201cThere he is over there with Billy. Ma told him he could invite Billy over too.\u201d Katie said, pointing in the direction of the side of the church.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, lovely Katie,\u201d Joe said and hustled over to Lance and Billy.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on you guys, let\u2019s get a move on.\u201d Joe said, clapping Lance on the back and smiling and winking at Billy.<\/p>\n Billy spoke up, \u201cI can\u2019t come to dinner with you, but I will be ready to go to Beaver Creek with you later.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow come, Billy? Lance\u2019s Ma makes the best roast beef and potatoes and real caramel cake of anybody, except Hop Sing, of course\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n \u201cUncle Stewart and I always eat Sunday lunch together at Mrs. Westfield\u2019s Sunday buffet. We have been going there for Sunday lunch ever since I came to live with him. He kind of looks forward to it.\u201d Billy said.<\/p>\n \u201cWell you could miss it just once couldn\u2019t you? Just once wouldn\u2019t make your Uncle mad would it?\u201d Lance persisted.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I will meet you later. Uncle Stewart wouldn\u2019t get mad, but he would have to eat alone and he works so hard during the week that we don\u2019t spend much time together, so he really counts on Sunday after church.\u201d Billy said, looking a little disappointed.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that\u2019s all right, Billy. We will see you after lunch then. I know how it is, my Pa is the same way.\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n Billy\u2019s face brightened at this statement, glad that his friends understood. \u201cReally, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy, heck, yeah, except with my Pa, it isn\u2019t JUST Sunday, it is EVERY meal. He also has a thing about every meal starting at the same time and everybody being on time for them.\u201d Joe said with a slight frown.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, that is right, Joe, and maybe if you live to be 100 years old, you may just manage to be on time for one meal.\u201d Lance said, laughing. Joe and Billy joined in. About this time, one of Lance\u2019s brothers came over and said, \u201cPa said to tell you we are leaving now and for you and Joe to get to your horses and head home. Joe, he said to tell you that if you are late, you don\u2019t get any caramel cake.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are we waiting for?\u201d Joe said. \u201cTime\u2019s awastin\u201d. I have to have some of that cake.\u201d \u201cBilly we will see you in a couple of hours.\u201d Joe and Lance said a hasty good by and high-tailed it for their horses. Billy saw his Uncle waiting for him in the shade of the tree and went to join him.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Joe always enjoyed being with his friend, Lance. He and Lance had been friends since they both started school. Of course, Lance always told Little Joe that he just let him be his friend so that he could keep him from getting beaten up every day. Joe and Lance were very different; yet they were very much alike. Little Joe Cartwright, was like his name, \u201clittle\u201d. Unfortunately, his temperament was much more suited to someone his brother Hoss\u2019s size, rather than someone his size. His quick temper and impulsivity had led him into some dangerous situations. He didn\u2019t usually start the problem, but he had just never been able to walk away from trouble either. This had led to many school yard confrontations between Joe and much bigger, meaner boys. Lance, one of the tallest and strongest boys in the school, unlike Little Joe, was usually calm and slow to anger. He had quickly found his niche that first day in school. During the first several years of their school years, Lance would have to step in to stop a fight that Joe had gotten into, but as they grew older, Lance started to intervene before the fight started, calming the situation down and preventing the otherwise inevitable fight.<\/p>\n The relationship between the two boys was something their parents recognized and valued. Whereas Ben was grateful for Lance\u2019s calming effect on his son, Lance\u2019s parents were equally grateful for Joe\u2019s ability to draw Lance out of his shell. Lance was typically reserved, shy, and serious. Little Joe had brought fun, laughter, and much joy to their son\u2019s life. The occasional mischief that they had gotten into at Joe\u2019s insistence, had been a small price to pay for their son\u2019s happiness.<\/p>\n The two boys frequently spent time with each other\u2019s family and they each appreciated the difference in the two families. Lance\u2019s family included a mother, father, and several siblings of both sexes, both younger and older than Lance. Lance\u2019s mother always pampered and made over Little Joe when he came to visit. Since he could barely remember his own mother, who died when he was just under 5 years old, Little Joe really enjoyed the attention Lance\u2019s mother bestowed upon him. And as far Lance\u2019s sisters, now that was something really unique for Little Joe. He was used to brothers, but Lance\u2019s brothers were much closer in age to Lance than Adam and Hoss were to Joe.<\/p>\n Lance\u2019s mother had rushed home from church and started putting the finishing touches on the mid-day meal. Lance and his father and siblings all had to rush to change clothes, but since Joe was visiting, all he had to do was take off his tie and unbutton his top shirt button, something he had done before he was even off the church property. He went into the kitchen with Lance\u2019s mom while the others changed.<\/p>\n \u201cIs there anything I can do to help?\u201d Joe asked. She smiled at him, \u201cWell, Joe, how about just sitting there keeping me company? What have you been up to these days? Why you haven\u2019t been to visit us but once this week. I was beginning to think you didn\u2019t like us anymore!\u201d she teased Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy, heck, no!\u201d Joe said quickly. \u201cIt is all my Pa\u2019s fault, you know. Perhaps you could speak to him and tell him he is making me work too hard\u201d Joe said with a mischievous smile.<\/p>\n \u201cHumph! Somehow, Joe, I doubt that is the problem. I bet it is some new little girl in town, instead.\u201d she said with a chuckle.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Mam, you know I don\u2019t like girls. Why I wouldn\u2019t even be around \u2019em at all, if it weren\u2019t for Lance, Ma\u2019am.\u201d Joe said with a deadpan expression on his face.<\/p>\n Lance\u2019s mom laughed out loud; she was joined in the laughter by Lance\u2019s father who had come into the room just as Joe had made the statement.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe Cartwright, you keep telling tales like that and your Pa will tan your hide, Son!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, it is true, I just put up with the girls on account of Lance, Sir. Honest.\u201d Joe said. \u201cYou can ask Lance, if you don\u2019t believe me.\u201d<\/p>\n About this time, Lance walked into the kitchen, and asked, \u201cAsk me what, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, nothing important, Lance. We were just talking about why I don\u2019t come over as often anymore.\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s on account of the girls, Ma. They won\u2019t leave Little Joe alone.\u201d Lance said, watching Little Joe\u2019s face to see if he blushed. Sure enough, he did, but just a little.<\/p>\n Then Joe laughed, and said, \u201cAll right, all right, but can I help it if the girls just can\u2019t leave me alone?\u201d<\/p>\n Lance\u2019s sister Kate came into the kitchen about that time and said, \u201cLittle Joe Cartwright, you can\u2019t leave the girls alone either. You are always with one of them. I don\u2019t see why you bother with some of them \u201cKatie, compared to you they are all silly and none of them can hold a candle to you as far as good looks go, either. Maybe I will just wait for you to grow up a little bit more, Katie.\u201d This time Katie blushed.<\/p>\n Lance\u2019s Mom thought it was about time to call this conversation to a halt, so she said, \u201cAll right everybody go find your place at the table. Katie, call the rest of your brothers and sisters and tell them to get a move on.\u201d<\/p>\n As the young folks all left the kitchen, she turned to her husband and said, \u201cThat Little Joe Cartwright is going to break many a young girl\u2019s heart in the next few years. I can just see it. And I think our Katie may just be one of them. And I don\u2019t think he has even come into his full potential charm yet, either.\u201d<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n As soon as the meal was over, Joe and Lance asked to be excused and went straight to saddle their horses. Their first stop was Billy\u2019s house. Billy was sitting on the front door steps, waiting for them.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Billy, are you ready to go?\u201d Joe hollered.<\/p>\n \u201cYep, Joe, I am ready\u201d he answered and started to mount his horse, which he was holding by the reins.<\/p>\n \u201cWait a minute, Billy,\u201d Joe said, jumping off Cochise in one leap, \u201clook at that cinch. If you ride that horse with the cinch that loose, you are liable to find yourself sitting on the dirt. If you don\u2019t believe me, just ask Hoss or Adam.\u201d He said with a smile. \u201cThey have had the misfortune several times to try to ride a horse with a loose cinch.\u201d As he was telling Billy this, he was methodically tightening and securing the cinch of Billy\u2019s horse. \u201cSee here is how you can tell it is tight enough, without being too tight.\u201d He motioned to Billy to watch what he was doing.<\/p>\n \u201cTTTh Thanks, Joe. I thought it was tight when I put it on him.\u201d Billy said, looking puzzled.<\/p>\n \u201cIs this a horse from your Uncle\u2019s livery stable?\u201d Joe asked. \u201cYeah, he just got him a few days ago in Sockton. I haven\u2019t ridden him before.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat is a trick that some horses that don\u2019t especially cotton to being ridden know, Billy. See they take a deep breath and hold it, so you think it is tight. Then after you get on, they let their breath go, and plop, so do you go\u2014right on the ground. There, that is just right, now. Let\u2019s get going.\u201d Joe said with a smile and leaped back onto his horse quickly.<\/p>\n \u201cGee, thanks, Joe.\u201d Billy said, looking admiringly at Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cNothin\u2019 to it, Billy. You\u2019d have done the same for me.\u201d Joe said as the three of them rode off.<\/p>\n When they came to the road leading away from Virginia City, they found the three girls waiting for them, with a basket with snacks and beverages.<\/p>\n \u201cHi, girls, glad you could come\u201d Joe said easily.<\/p>\n Hello, girls\u201d Lance said, just a second or two later, but not quite as self-assured as Little Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cBilly, why don\u2019t you ride with Sally and help her carry that big ol\u2019 basket?\u201d Joe said. Joe knew that Billy had a secret crush on Sally but was too shy to approach her. \u201cWouldn\u2019t you like that, Sally?\u201d Joe asked with a sweet smile.<\/p>\n \u201cSure would love help with this basket\u201d Sally replied, handing the basket over to Billy, with a slight smile. Billy accepted the basket with a shy smile that kind of lit up his freckled face for a minute. Sally, seeing the smile, thought for the first time that Billy was kind of cute. She had never really paid him much attention before, he was just someone who was always hanging on to Joe and Lance.<\/p>\n Lance and Joe each fell in beside one of the other girls to make the ride to Beaver Creek. During the ride, they chatted about important things like when the next dance was going to be and when the summer picnic was going to be. They talked about the wild west show they had all seen yesterday, arguing over which part was the best\u2014the gun tricks or the riding tricks. Lance said he liked the gun stuff best, Joe said he liked the riding stuff best. Joe said, \u201cWell Billy it is up to you to cast the deciding vote\u2014what was the best part of the show?\u201d<\/p>\n Billy looked a little confused at first\u2013he hated to have to disagree with either Joe or Lance. Then he looked triumphant and said, \u201cI liked the company the best!\u201d They all laughed and Billy\u2019s smile lit up his face again. Again, Sally noticed the change in his appearance and thought I am going to see if I can make him smile more.<\/p>\n They turned the bend and there in front of them was Beaver Creek. Directly in front of them was the creek, it was a wide, relatively fast-moving creek, with clear, deep water. Creek was probably a misnomer, because it was more like a freshwater stream than a creek, the water in it came directly from the melted snow from the Sierra Madras mountains. The grass was green around the creek and there was a fine carpet of grass and moss on the edges. To the left of them there was a pine forest, actually part of the Ponderosa, with tall ponderosa pine trees reaching 100s of feet toward the sky. Then to the right of the road was the meadow, a large green flat expanse of land with wild flowers peeking out in places. It was a truly magnificent spot. The six young people just sat on their horses for a few minutes to take in the view.<\/p>\n Slowly, the boys dismounted and helped the girls dismount. The first time Hoss saw Joe help a girl off her horse, Hoss had said that was crazy because Joe knew that girl got on and off horses all her life and didn\u2019t need any help to do it. Joe had looked at Hoss and finally said, \u201cHoss, that has nothing to do with it. You just trust me and the next time you are with a girl riding, you help her on and off the horse.\u201d Hoss had later told Joe that he had tried his advice and the girl did seem to appreciate it, but he still thought it was silly. Joe laughed to himself about his brother\u2019s unease with women, every time he helped a girl on or off a horse now. Joe had tried to help Hoss out with girls and give him courting advice ever since, though it felt strange for him to be giving his older brother advice. But Hoss seemed to need it and he would do anything for his brother Hoss.<\/p>\n The boys set up a game of horse shoes and the girls spread out a blanket for them to sit on. After the boys played a couple of games, which Lance won, Joe said, \u201cHey, Lance you are too much competition for us, isn\u2019t he Billy?\u201d \u201cHow about we play a game with couples? Maybe that way we will have at least a chance to win?\u201d<\/p>\n Lance looked at Little Joe and smiled and said, \u201cCome on then, Joe, I can take any combination, as long as you are part of it. I don\u2019t understand it, you can hit a target with a handgun from about a mile away, but you can\u2019t hit that stake with a horse shoe from 10 feet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, watch out, now, you may just hurt my feelings, Lance,\u201d Joe said, his expressions and body language showing that he was in no way about to get his feelings hurt. \u201cCome on Billy, you and Sally, and me and Jenny will take on Lance and Melody.\u201d The outcome of this set of games was no different from the first two games\u2013Lance and Melody won the games easily.<\/p>\n \u201cEnough of this humiliation. Billy we have to think of something we can do better than Lance so we can redeem our image to these girls\u201d Joe said in a mock serious voice.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you have a shooting match?\u201d suggested Jenny, who knew that Little Joe was faster and had better aim than Lance. She also knew that that was just what Little Joe had in mind.<\/p>\n \u201cNow why didn\u2019t I think of that?\u201d Joe asked, putting his hands to the side of his face.<\/p>\n The girls and Billy and Lance just laughed.<\/p>\n So the boys found some rocks to use as targets and set up a demonstration. Lance went first and made a respectable showing, hitting 3 of the 5 targets. Billy was going next, but just as he was about to start, Joe spoke up.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Billy, you have been saying you wanted to try out my gun again. Now is a good time, why not give it a try and see what you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Billy accepted the offer of Joe\u2019s gun gratefully. His gun was an old one given to him by his Uncle and it wasn\u2019t much for speed or accuracy. With the aid of Joe\u2019s gun, Billy also managed to hit 3 of the 5 targets.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s pretty good shooting, boys, but now let me show you how it\u2019s really done\u201d Little Joe said. As Billy handed him back his gun, Lance set up the new targets for Joe. He carefully selected rocks that were much smaller than the rocks he and Billy had used, knowing that it probably wouldn\u2019t make a difference anyway.<\/p>\n As he was reloading his pistol, Joe saw the smaller targets, smiled and shook his head, not saying a word. He then holstered his gun, turned his back to the targets, and stepped a few feet further away than Lance and Billy had stood.<\/p>\n He then smiled at Jenny and said, \u201cGive me a kiss for luck\u201d. Jenny graciously complied. Then he said, \u201cAll right get back over there out of the way, and tell me when.<\/p>\n Jenny walked back to where the others were standing and then said, \u201cNOW!\u201d.<\/p>\n Joe whirled around, drew his pistol with his left hand, and using his right hand to pull the trigger, he hit all 5 targets, one after the other, within an astonishingly short time span. He then twirled his gun a few times and re-holstered it, smiling at Jenny all the while.<\/p>\n \u201cWow, Joe, that was the fastest time I have ever seen even you shoot\u201d Lance said.<\/p>\n Billy added, \u201cthat\u2019s faster than that guy in the show yesterday, Joe. Much faster.\u201d The girls all agreed that that was fast and fancy shooting. Billy said, \u201cI sure wish I could shoot like that, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe said, \u201cT\u2019aint nothin\u2019, Billy, all it takes is practice\u2014and an excuse to get away from ranching chores so you can practice. And with my Pa, that is getting harder and harder to do\u2014get time away from the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n \u201cStill I wish I could do it, Joe.\u201d Billy said.<\/p>\n \u201cWell come out to the Ponderosa some time when my Pa isn\u2019t around and I will give you some more pointers\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n Billy\u2019s smile lit up his face again.<\/p>\n Lance spoke up and said, \u201cSpeaking of time, it is time we better be getting back home or our Pa\u2019s won\u2019t let us off next Saturday night for that barn dance in town.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe added, \u201cThat\u2019s right. Would you ladies like to accompany we three gentlemen to the dance next Saturday night?\u201d Joe had really already asked Jenny who had said yes, and he knew that Lance had already asked Melody, but he was sure that Billy probably hadn\u2019t asked Sally, so he was trying to help him out some.<\/p>\n Jenny responded, \u201cThat will be just fabulous, if our calendars are free. Let me confer with my friends for a moment.\u201d The three girls huddled together in a pretense of \u201cchecking their calendars\u201d and then Jenny said, \u201cYou are in luck, gentlemen, it just so happens that we are all free for next Saturday night. You may have the honor of escorting us to the dance.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhew, what a relief,\u201d Joe said. \u201cI was afraid I was going to have to ask my brother Hoss to be my date.\u201d They all laughed.<\/p>\n Lance, the official timekeeper, reminded them that they had to get on home, so the boys helped the girls pack up the remains of their snacks, and got ready to ride home. They all had to stop for a few minutes to help Sally look for one of her hair ribbons that she had noticed was missing. After an unsuccessful search, she said, \u201cOh, well, it isn\u2019t worth wasting time looking for. I have a yard of ribbon that same pick color.\u201d And they called off the search. After seeing the girls back to their houses, the three friends were riding on their way home and started talking about the wild wild west show again.<\/p>\n Joe said, \u201cI am going to try out those tricks that the trick rider was doing. I know that Cochise and I can do them, especially that one where the rider is hidden beside the horse. That looks like fun, besides it could be a handy skill to have. You never know when you might want to avoid being seen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey Joe, my Pa said I could have Tuesday afternoon off since I am not going to the cattle show this week. Do you think you could get off Tuesday afternoon? We could practice.\u201d Lance asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, my Pa and brothers will be going to the cattle show, but Pa won\u2019t mind if I don\u2019t go, in fact, he will probably be glad if I don\u2019t go, after last year when I got in that little fight in the mud.\u201d Joe said ruefully.<\/p>\n Lance and Billy both laughed at the memory of Joe running down the street covered in mud, chasing Brenda Thomas, after he had kissed her and gotten her face covered with mud.<\/p>\n \u201cBrenda Thomas to this day crosses the street if she sees me coming\u201d Joe said laughing. Of course they all knew it wasn\u2019t true, but it was a funny example of Little Joe\u2019s misadventures, of which they seen many.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, Tuesday afternoon\u2013say about 2 o\u2019clock?\u201d Joe looked at Lance and Billy. They both nodded their heads.<\/p>\n \u201cWell here is where I turn off\u201d Joe said. \u201cI will see you on Tuesday.\u201d<\/p>\n With a wave, he left Billy and Lance to continue toward their homes. By the time he got home and cared for Cochise, he had 5 minutes to spare and was on time for supper. Of course, that was only because Lance had initiated coming home, but Joe never thought about that. Since he had arrived home on time, his father was in a good mood and they had a very enjoyable evening. After dinner, Adam played his guitar for a while, then read. Ben worked on the ranch books, and Joe beat Hoss at 3 games of checkers. His father only reminded him to get his feet off the furniture 3 times that entire evening. That must be a record low, Joe thought to himself as he started up the stairs for bed. Speaking of records, he thought, Pa hasn\u2019t even mentioned me getting a haircut in weeks. Maybe he is finally going to forget about it. Just as he smiled inwardly at that thought, Ben said, \u201cBy the way, Joseph, please get your hair cut before next Sunday.\u201d<\/p>\n For the 1000th time, Joe wondered if his father could read his mind. \u201cYes, Pa. Good night\u201d Joe said as he went up the stairs. Ben smiled at his departing son\u2019s back.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Joe was up on time for breakfast Tuesday morning, a fact that was a give-away that there was something special about the day. His father guessed the cause of his good nature\u2014but guessed wrong.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, are you planning to go to the cattle show & sale today?\u201d he asked halfway hating to hear the response.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa, I don\u2019t think I am going to make it to the cattle sale and show today. They will just have to find someone else to finance the kissing booth.\u201d Joe said, referring to the incident that happened the year before. Bringing it out in the open made his father look at him in surprise.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Joe, I guess I am surprised, though I sure wouldn\u2019t like to see a repeat of last year\u2019s fracus.\u201d Ben said bemusedly.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa, that was Hoss\u2019 s fault. He was the one with the pig in the show\u201d Joe protested.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, son, but I don\u2019t remember seeing Hoss running down the street, covered in mud, chasing a girl with mud on her face!\u201d Ben said. Adam and Hoss were both snickering by this time.<\/p>\n Adam said, \u201cI just regret not being there to see it, Pa. Though I had plenty of people tell me about it for at least 3 months after the show was over.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe made a face at his brother, but was careful to not let his father see him do it. As sweetly as he could, he said, \u201cWell Adam I wish you had been there, maybe you could have reasoned with that gang that was ready to tear Hoss and his pig apart.\u201d For a moment, Adam thought he was serious, then he realized that Joe was making fun of him, so he added, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we ever see you with Brenda Thomas any more, Joe?\u201d just as sweetly as Joe had spoken.<\/p>\n \u201cALL right, enough of that, let\u2019s not start a fight right here at home.\u201d Ben said, calling a halt to a situation that could rapidly escalate. When the chips were down, Joe and Adam would do anything for each other, but most days they were always so close to coming to loggerheads. Ben never could make either one of them see the other\u2019s viewpoint, and he wasn\u2019t going to even try today.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe what are your plans for the afternoon, if you aren\u2019t going to the cattle sale and show? What have you and your two friends cooked up?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re riding out to Beaver Creek again, Pa.\u201d Joe said, omitting the reason they were going.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it with that place, Joe?\u201d Hoss asked. \u201cYou and Lance seem to go there all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt is just one of the prettiest places on the Ponderosa is all, Hoss. We just like to watch the creek and listen to the water swirling by and the wind talking in the pine trees and the birds singing.\u201d Joe replied. This was a true statement, they really did enjoy all those things and that was part of the attraction of Beaver Creek and sometimes they did go there for no other reason than the scenery. It was just today that they had another purpose in mind, but still, he didn\u2019t LIE, exactly. Joe was always very careful not to lie to his father.<\/p>\n As soon as his father and brothers left for town, Little Joe headed to Lance\u2019s house to see if he were ready. Lance was just finishing up his chores when Joe got there. Joe dismounted and helped him finish up so they could take off. Soon they were finished, and they rode away. They were at the turnoff to go to Beaver Creek when Lance remembered that Billy was going with them.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have to go back to get Billy, Joe\u201d Lance said, slowing his horse down.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, man, you are right,\u201d Joe said, also slowing Cochise down. The two of them quickly turned around and took the road that took them to Billy\u2019s house. As before, Billy was sitting on the steps, waiting for them, holding the reins of the same horse.<\/p>\n Joe said, \u201cBilly do you sit on those steps and hold onto that horse all week?\u201d Billy blushed a little and said, \u201cNo, I thought you had forgotten me.\u201d This made Joe feel guilty, since they HAD in fact, forgotten him, but only for a few minutes. Joe said, \u201cHey that cinch is just right, Billy. Good job.\u201d<\/p>\n Billy beamed at Joe and said, \u201cWell what are we waiting for? Let\u2019s go!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are we waiting for? Let\u2019s go!\u201d echoed Joe and Lance at the same time. The three boys headed out, riding fairly fast, to Beaver Creek. When they got there, Billy asked Joe if they had time that afternoon if he would show him some tips for shooting. Joe said, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we just do that now? We need to let the horses rest for a while, before we start any fancy riding anyway.\u201d For the next 45 minutes, Joe gave both Billy and Lance some pointers on their technique and both of them made noticeable improvements, following Joe\u2019s instructions. After the horses had had enough time to recover from the trip out to the meadow, Joe said, \u201cWell, what are we waiting for? Let\u2019s give it a try.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe said, \u201cI will go first and see if I can figure out the right sequence to do this, then you can try, if you want to.\u201d<\/p>\n By then Joe was already mounted on Cochise, and was riding her around in a tight circle. Just for the fun of it, he reared her before taking off in a straight line across the meadow at a fairly fast pace. Lance and Billy watched in silence as Joe attempted to duplicate the tricks they had seen at the show. Joe had no trouble at all turning around in the saddle or riding with no hands and even riding backwards. It looked as if he had been doing those things for a long time. He had more difficulty with the last trick, but he didn\u2019t let that stop him. It took him a long time, but he was able to do it. The first time it took forever to get his left leg out of the stirrup, over the horse and then to figure out what to do with it, once he got it over there. But he kept trying and working at it, and eventually he was able to do the whole thing pretty quickly.<\/p>\n Lance and Billy had been admiring Joe\u2019s persistence during his attempts. Lance said, \u201cJoe is the best horseman I have ever seen. I don\u2019t know anyone who could ride as well as he can. You just watch, if Joe gets any time at all to practice, he will be doing that trick in a few seconds before you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are right\u201d said Billy. \u201cI sure wish I could ride and shoot and talk to the girls like Little Joe can\u201d he added.<\/p>\n Lance looked at him and laughed, \u201cDon\u2019t we all? Don\u2019t we all?\u201d<\/p>\n Shortly after that conversation, Joe rode away across the meadow, out of sight. In a minute, they saw Cochise come running back, without Joe. \u201cUh oh, Lance said, \u201cJoe must have fallen off\u201d.<\/p>\n About that time, Joe, re-appeared on Cochise\u2019s saddle, and riding up to Lance and Billy, he jumped off and gave them a smile. \u201cWell what do you think?\u201d he asked, obviously pleased with himself.<\/p>\n \u201cThat was great, Little Joe. We thought you had fallen off.\u201d Lance said, clapping Joe on the back.<\/p>\n \u201cNow suppose you show me exactly how you did it?\u201d Lance said. \u201cNo need in us all having to figure it out, since you already did that for us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will be glad to, it is so simple, really. I just had to think about it as I was doing it. Let me show you, come on over to Cochise and I will show you just what to do first and where to put your foot. It works like a charm. You will love it.\u201d Joe said, motioning Lance and Billy to join him. He went through the steps that he used painstakingly several times for Lance\u2019s and Billy\u2019s benefit.<\/p>\n Finally, Lance said, \u201cAllright, I think I got it, let me try it out.\u201d He mounted his own horse and after several unsuccessful attempts, he managed to get his leg all the way over the saddle and to hang onto the side of the saddle on one side. Problem was, Lance was so darned tall, there was no way he could get his head out of sight. Joe and Billy laughed at Lance as he rode past, hanging on for dear life, although his horse was barely above a walk, but he could be seen quite clearly. His boots showed below the horse and his head showed above the horse.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think Lance is ever going to be successful at this trick\u201d, Joe said smiling, as Lance rode over and slowly dismounted near them.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Little Joe, I heard that.\u201d Lance said.<\/p>\n \u201cTruth is truth, Lance.\u201d You are great at horse shoes, but there ain\u2019t no way you are going to be able to hide behind that horse. Maybe if you get one of those oversized Arabian stallions or a Clydesdale draft horse or something. But you are so darned tall that not only your head, but your legs show. Didn\u2019t they Billy?\u201d<\/p>\n Billy said, \u201cYep, Lance you are too tall to do it.\u201d I think that trick is meant for someone Joe\u2019s height, not yours. You ARE too tall.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that\u2019s it for me\u201d Joe said. \u201cCochise has had enough of that for today. What about you, Lance, are you ready to call it a day?\u201d Joe asked, looking at Lance.<\/p>\n \u201cYep, that is it for me. I think you two are right, I wasn\u2019t built right for that trick. I guess my role in life is to beat you two at horseshoes.\u201d Lance said, smiling.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Billy, do you want to try?\u201d Joe and Lance said together, looking at Billy expectantly.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Billy hesitated for the merest fraction of a second before turning to his horse. Joe felt a tiny bit of uneasiness as Billy took the reins in his hands and prepared to mount his horse. Unlike Joe who had Cochise and Lance who had his own horse Ranger Billy\u2019s horse changed from day to day since he lived with his uncle who owned the livery. Today Billy was riding a high spirited gelding named Mephisto. Black as midnight with a single white fetlock, Mephisto shifted as Billy climbed on board.<\/p>\n Billy glanced back at his two friends and smiling brightly began to urge Mephisto into a canter. Mimicking Joe\u2019s movements he slowly began to raise himself in the saddle, preparing to swing his leg over to the one side. For just a moment Billy hung perfectly suspended from the side of his saddle, exactly how Joe had done it earlier. Joe and Lance watched Billy with awe.<\/p>\n Then it happened, Mephisto stumbled briefly and Billy was jolted loose from his precarious grip. He began to fall but his foot got caught in the stirrup of his saddle. Billy\u2019s head struck the ground and he was dragged behind Mephisto. Joe and Lance were momentarily paralyzed, horrified. Suddenly shaking himself free of his paralysis, Joe sprang into Cochise\u2019s saddle and raced after them. After what seemed like an eternity Billy\u2019s foot slipped from his boot and he came to rest on the ground. Joe reined Cochise in and leaped out of his saddle. He knelt by Billy\u2019s side. Billy\u2019s face was scraped and scratched and he lay with his eyes closed.<\/p>\n Joe placed his hand on Billy\u2019s shoulder and shook him slightly, \u201cBilly, come on Billy, wake up.\u201d Joe shook him more vigorously, but Billy remained unresponsive.<\/p>\n Lance rode up on Ranger and came to Joe\u2019s side. \u201cLance, I think he\u2019s\u2026\u201d Joe choked on his words. His face reflected his terror.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me see Joe.\u201d Lance took Billy\u2019s hand gently in his own and felt for a pulse. Nothing. He moved up to Billy\u2019s head and placed his hand on Billy\u2019s neck. Nothing. \u201cJoe, he\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe ran his hands through his hair then ran to Cochise, grabbing his canteen. Rushing back he pulled off his bandana and soaked it with water. He began frantically wiping off Billy\u2019s face, calling his name loudly. Lance sat back on his heels and watched Joe work. Abruptly Joe stopped and bowed his head. Tears began to pour from Joe\u2019s eyes. Lance felt a moment of tremendous fear, he had never seen Joe cry before, at least not this way.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, what are we going to do? People are going to want to know what happened.\u201d Lance was terrified. If his father found out what they had been doing, well Lance could not even imagine the punishment.<\/p>\n Joe raised his head and as abruptly as they had started his tears stopped. \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d Joe knew his father\u2019s disappointment would be terrible, he could hardly bear to think about it. \u201cLance, we\u2019re going to have to take him home to his uncle.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat will we say?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe truth, we were out riding and Mephisto stumbled and Billy fell off and got dragged.\u201d The two sat side by side for a moment, not looking at each other then Joe stood up. \u201cI\u2019ll go fetch Mephisto.\u201d<\/p>\n Mephisto was nearby grazing calmly. Joe walked up to the horse slowly and calmly snagged his reins. Leading him back to where Lance remained by Billy\u2019s side Joe tied off the horse\u2019s reins. Together the two lifted Billy\u2019s body carefully and slung him over the saddle, binding Billy\u2019s hands and feet underneath the saddle. Mephisto shifted uneasily, sensing the presence of death. Joe untied the horses reins and lead Mephisto over to Cochise. He and Lance each mounted up and without a word began leading the ebony horse, bearing its silent load back to town. Three hours later the two rode into Virginia City and without a word rode to the livery stable. Joe dismounted and looked up at Lance. They had not exchanged a word during the entire ride from the meadow where the accident had happened. There was really nothing they could say. Lance hesitated briefly then he too climbed out of his saddle. They tied their own horses and together went into the livery, leading Mephisto.<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Frankman.\u201d Joe shouted.<\/p>\n From the hayloft above their heads a voice responded, \u201cJust a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n Moments later a pair of boots appeared on the upper rungs of the ladder. Mr. Frankman descended carefully and turned to face the two young men. He took in their solemn expressions, the unnatural pallor on both their faces. Then he saw Mephisto and his terrible load. He quickly moved to the side of the horse and peered down at his nephew\u2019s still lifeless body. \u201cMy God. What happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe took a deep breath, \u201cWe were out riding sir. Billy fell and got dragged. When we got to him, he was dead.\u201d At the moment Joe spoke the words he felt a small part of himself die. Was it his soul? Was it his heart? He didn\u2019t know, he just knew that something inside him was dead.<\/p>\n Frankman paused and looked at the two men, \u201cThank you for bringing him home boys. Can you help me take him to Mr. Price?\u201d<\/p>\n Lance paled at the name. Mr Price was the Virginia City mortician. \u201cCertainly sir.\u201d Joe maintained a stoic expression and the three men walked out of the livery together. They moved slowly down the street and while Joe and Lance waited with the body Frankman went to get Mr. Price. The two waited in silence as the agonizing minutes ticked by. Finally, Frankman and Mr. Price emerged from the office together.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys, help me get him inside. I\u2019ve got the coffin we\u2019ll need. The funeral will be tomorrow.\u201d Mr Price nodded at Joe and Lance. Lance cut the rope tying Billy\u2019s hands and feet together while Joe held Mephisto\u2019s head. Mr. Frankman and Mr. Price lifted the body off the horse and carried it inside. The two waited patiently for Mr. Frankman to re-emerge. When he did he looked momentarily surprised.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys, thank you for your help. Let\u2019s take this one back to the livery. The funeral will be tomorrow at two. I\u2019ll go talk to the reverend once we get Mephisto taken care of.\u201d The two did nothing but nod their agreement. When they arrived at the livery Joe and Lance stood awkwardly looking at Mr. Frankman.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re very sorry sir.\u201d Joe finally broke the silence.<\/p>\n Frankman nodded. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you boys head on home, I\u2019ll see you both tomorrow at the funeral.\u201d<\/p>\n They took their leave of Mr. Frankman and moved to their respective horses. For the briefest of moments Joe and Lance stared at each other then nodding grimly turned and rode out. By the time Joe arrived back at the Ponderosa he was a good half hour late for dinner. He unsaddled Cochise, carefully rubbing her down and making sure she had plenty of feed and water. He did everything he could think of to postpone having to go into the house and face his father and brothers. Finally he could put it off no longer. When Joe came in the front door he could hear his father and brothers talking in the dining room. He removed his coat and carefully hung it on the coat rack. He took off his gunbelt and placed it carefully on the side-board. Finally he took a deep breath and moved around the corner to wear his father and brothers sat eating.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph. You\u2019re late.\u201d Ben made a simple statement of fact. He had practically given up on ever getting his youngest son to meals on time. Of course Hoss more than made up for it by being perpetually early.<\/p>\n \u201cYes sir.\u201d Joe assumed his seat on his father\u2019s right hand side. He eyed the food uneasily, his stomach a tight ball of misery. He kept his face averted from his father\u2019s, missing the fact that his father was waiting for an explanation.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I\u2019m waiting.\u201d Ben continued to survey his son. Something seemed different about Joe, but what? He seemed remarkably still.<\/p>\n \u201cSir?\u201d Joe still did not raise his head from his plate.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m waiting for you to explain why you are late.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI had to go to Virginia City, Pa.\u201d Silence followed his statement. Joe finally realized he would have to speak. \u201cLance and I had to take Billy into town. He\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Ben pushed back his chair and rose suddenly to his feet, astonishment gripping him. Hoss and Adam were gaping at their younger brother, who continued to stare down at his plate. \u201cJoe, what are you saying? What happened?\u201d Ben took Joe by the shoulders and lifted his face.<\/p>\n \u201cHe fell off his horse Pa while we was out riding. His feet got hung up in the stirrups and he got dragged. When we got to him he wasn\u2019t breathing or nothing. We tried to bring him around, but he wouldn\u2019t.\u201d Joe abruptly ceased speaking. He felt his throat tightening up. He found he couldn\u2019t meet his father\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, are you ok?\u201d Hoss was unsettled by his brother\u2019s unusual silence.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine Hoss.\u201d Joe barely acknowledged his brother. \u201cPa, the funeral, it\u2019s tomorrow afternoon. May I take the afternoon off to go?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCertainly son. We all will.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s no need for that Pa.\u201d Joe protested weakly.<\/p>\n \u201cNonsense son. You and Billy have been friends for a long time. He\u2019s been in and out of this house for years. He was a fine young man.\u201d Joe barely nodded his head in agreement. \u201cOf course we\u2019ll be there with you.\u201d Hoss and Adam chimed in with their agreement.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I\u2019m not really very hungry. Would you mind if I just went up to bed?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course Joe, go ahead.\u201d Ben, Hoss and Adam all watched as Joe rose and went quietly up the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s powerful upset Pa.\u201d Hoss frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it\u2019s understandable Hoss. Billy has been one of Joe\u2019s best friends since they were just children. Remember how we used to take the three of them fishing with us, Joe, Lance and Billy? Joe and Billy would sit there chattering non-stop, Joe catching all the fish. The two of them would nearly drive poor Lance crazy with all their chatter.\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I ain\u2019t hardly seen the three of them apart for the last eight years. This has got to be real hard for Joe.\u201d Hoss nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019ll be fine boys. It\u2019s a shame but after all it was an accident.\u201d<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n The next afternoon Joe, Hoss, Adam and Ben rode into town together in the family carriage. All four were spit and polished in their best Sunday go to church clothes. Joe had slept little the night before and his face was drawn and tired looking. He sat in the back of the carriage with Hoss, saying little during the ride into town. At the church they met Lance and his family and Roy Coffee and his daughter Nancy. Nancy went immediately to Joe and gave him a quick hug. \u201cJoe, I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t tell me Nancy, you should tell Mr. Frankman.\u201d Joe said softly.<\/p>\n \u201cI already did.\u201d Nancy stepped back and regarded Joe solemnly. Her brow wrinkled as she saw how exhausted Joe looked. The two turned as Lance approached them.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s time.\u201d Lance drawled. Joe nodded back. The two moved together and entered the church. They preceded their families down the aisle and sat side by side in the front row, next to Mr. Frankman.<\/p>\n Besides the Jurgens, Coffees, and Cartwrights few people attended the funeral. The three girls , Jenny, Sally and Melody came in together and sat in the row behind Joe and Lance. The three girls all sobbed softly, holding hands to comfort each other. The others were business associates of Billy\u2019s Uncle. Joe and Lance remained stoic throughout the As the funeral concluded the pall bearers moved up next to the coffin. Joe and Lance took the lead, assisted by Lance\u2019s two brothers, Hoss and Adam. They carried the coffin out of the church and down to the churchyard where the open grave waited. The coffin was lowered into the grave and as everyone stood and watched the grave was filled in. People milled around briefly after the funeral. Ben shook hands with Mr. Frankman expressing his regrets. \u201cThank you Ben. I still can\u2019t believe it.\u201d Mr. Frankman walked over to where Joe and Lance stood.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys, I have some things for you. You boys were Billy\u2019s best friends in the world. I know he would want you to have them. Come with me.\u201d The two followed him obediently to his surrey. He reached in and picked up two bags. \u201cI want to thank you boys for everything you did. I know Billy would have appreciated it.\u201d Joe and Lance both nodded.<\/p>\n Joe coughed and cleared his throat, \u201cThank you sir.\u201d Lance echoed him a moment later. They each shook hands with Mr. Frankman and watched as he climbed into his surrey and drove off alone.<\/p>\n Joe wanted nothing more than to sink through the ground. He simply stood there clutching the bag tightly in his hand, desperately afraid he was going to lose his composure. He turned to Lance and briefly their eyes met. Lance merely nodded slightly then went to join his father and brothers. Joe stood alone for a moment, feeling lost then his father came up and put his arm around him. \u201cReady to go son?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged and moved away from his father\u2019s hand. He turned and followed him to the carriage. The four rode home, Joe clutching the bag on his lap tightly. That night as Joe got ready for bed he found himself watching the bag on his dresser intently. He still had not been able to bring himself to open it. Finally he doused the light next to his bed and lay back praying for sleep. For hours he lay staring at the ceiling, watching the moonlight shining in his window casting everchanging shadows around his room. When the sun finally shone in on the bag on his dresser Joe could hardly tear his eyes away. When he couldn\u2019t stand it anymore Joe got out of bed And walked over to the rocking chair by his window. He sat down and stared remotely out the window.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Joe watched the dawn breaking over the Ponderosa and he leveraged himself out of the chair. His body ached with tiredness but he knew that sleep would never come that night. He dressed carefully and walked quietly downstairs. He put on his gunbelt and eased open the front door. Hop Sing was coming from the kitchen to set the breakfast table and stopped to watch Joe go out. He frowned briefly then went back to work.<\/p>\n Two hours later Ben and Adam were sitting at the breakfast table talking.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere are those brothers of yours? I can understand Joe being late but where is Hoss?\u201d As Ben finished speaking they heard Hoss\u2019s heavy footsteps coming down the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cMorning Pa, morning Adam. What\u2019s for breakfast?\u201d Hoss pulled his chair out and sat next to his brother, his blue eyes scanned the table.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, did you get your brother up?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo sir, when I went by his room he was already gone. Ain\u2019t he down yet?\u201d Hoss looked at his brother\u2019s empty place and frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe leave very early this morning.\u201d Hop Sing told them as he came in bearing a large platter of eggs and bacon.<\/p>\n Ben was astonished, \u201cHow early Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout six Mr. Cartlight.\u201d Hop Sing waited for the next question patiently.<\/p>\n \u201cDid he eat anything?\u201d Hop Sing simply shook his head in response. He was worried, perhaps more so than Ben, he knew that Joe had eaten next to nothing since the day Billy died.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere is Joe working today boys?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think he is supposed to be down at the corral most of the day Pa, breaking that new group of mustangs. Do you want me to ride down and see how he\u2019s doing?\u201d Adam felt just as concerned as his father.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I think I\u2019ll head down there later this afternoon. He\u2019s probably just still upset about Billy, he may just need to be on his own today.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe spent the day working himself to a state of exhaustion, breaking horse after horse. The men working with him were mesmerized by his performance. He rode each horse to a standstill, fiercely battling each into submission. Charlie Morgan was among the men watching. After eight hours he was convinced that there could be no way for Joe to ride another horse. His body ached simply watching Joe. Riding broncs puts an incredible strain on a cowboy\u2019s stomach, neck and spine. The endless jarring Joe had taken that day made Charlie fear that he may have done himself some sort of injury.<\/p>\n As Joe approached his next horse Charlie decided to intervene. \u201cJoe, why don\u2019t you take a break.\u201d He began to place his hand on Joe\u2019s arm but found himself frozen by the look on Joe\u2019s face. It was one of the coldest looks he had ever seen.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I\u2019m not ready for a break. We have fourteen more horses to get through this week. We\u2019ve only gotten through eight horses today. We need at least one more so we can keep working these horses tomorrow and move ahead on the ones we haven\u2019t touched. I don\u2019t know about you Charlie but I personally do not intend to miss our delivery date.\u201d Joe\u2019s eyes were an icy green, as if he were suppressing a terrible rage. Charlie stepped back, truly shaken. Joe appeared much older than he actually was at that moment. Joe slowly approached his horse. It was a large roan and was nervously flicking it\u2019s ears. Joe gripped his quirt in his left hand and climbed on board. The men turned the horse loose and Joe rode with a fierce determination, steadily using the quirt and spurs on the horse. Suddenly without warning the horse gave a sudden twist and Joe went flying off the horse\u2019s back. Charlie and the other men immediately went into the ring, distracting the bronc to keep him from trampling Joe. Joe lay on his back, the breath knocked out of him. When Charlie bent by his side he gently touched Joe\u2019s arm. \u201cJoe, you ok?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s eyes flew open and he abruptly sat up, jerking his arm away from Charlie. \u201cI\u2019m fine Charlie.\u201d He staggered unsteadily to his feet and stood still for a moment, his feet spread apart to steady himself. He stared at the ground for a moment, Charlie was afraid Joe might keel over right in front of him, he was so pale. Finally Joe took a deep breath and looked at Charlie. \u201cBack to work Charlie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, let me ride the next one.\u201d Charlie asked. Joe\u2019s face darkened and he shook his head firmly.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, this one is mine.\u201d Joe moved back to the chute, pausing only to take a long drink of water. Joe wasn\u2019t about to admit a momentary feeling of weakness that he\u2019d felt. He got back on the next horse and rode it to a standstill. He climbed down and would have ridden another one but the men were all ready to call it a day. Joe nodded as he watched Charlie and the men move the horses into the corral. It had been a long day and he felt exhausted. Joe searched his brain for a way to avoid having to eat dinner with his family. \u201cSure Joe. What?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan you tell Pa that I have to do an errand in town? I\u2019ll be home later tonight.\u201d Joe couldn\u2019t quite meet Charlie\u2019s eyes as he spoke.<\/p>\n \u201cYes Joe, I\u2019ll tell him.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe hesitated. \u201cThanks,\u201d he muttered as he moved out of the corral and over to where Cochise stood in the shade. He saddled her up and checked her cinch carefully. As Joe went down the road, Charlie watched him for a long time, then shook his head and went back to work.<\/p>\n Two hours later Ben opened the front door in response to a soft knock. \u201cCharlie, how did everything go today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Cartwright, I just wanted to bring you a message, Joe said he had to run an errand in town. He\u2019ll be home later tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded, \u201cThanks Charlie. So how did things go today?\u201d<\/p>\n Charlie hesitated, torn between his loyalty to Joe, who was in fact his boss, and his concern for Joe\u2019s safety.<\/p>\n \u201cCharlie, I asked how things went today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe got nine of the horses broken sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd how many did Joe break?\u201d<\/p>\n Charlie knew hell was about to break loose, \u201cAll nine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll nine, what in tarnation was he doing breaking all nine horses?\u201d Ben was furious. \u201cAnd you say he had to go into town? How can he even be riding? Did he get thrown?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust once sir. He got the wind knocked out of him but he, well he seemed fine, when he left.\u201d Charlie just didn\u2019t know what to say to Ben at this point. How could he tell him about the intensity, the rage he had seen in Joe. Who would believe him?<\/p>\n Ben nodded, \u201cI\u2019ll deal with him when he gets home.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe rode slowly into town, having no specific intention except to stay as far away from his father and brothers as possible. He couldn\u2019t really explain what he was feeling, he just couldn\u2019t stand the thought of having to sit with them, pretending that everything was fine. Nothing would ever be fine again. As he approached town he hesitated on the edge of town, facing two choices. He could head down mainstreet, possibly call on the Coffees or Jenny and her family. He cringed at the thought, he couldn\u2019t stand the thought of possibly running into Mr. Frankman, or having to carry on a normal conversation. He wheeled Cochise around and headed down D Street,. He noticed a crowd near the Bucket of Blood. He rode Cochise over to the hitching post and dismounted. He was about to tie him off but was suddenly struck with a thought. Instead he lead Cochise to a small livery, not Mr. Frankman\u2019s. He paid to board Cochise overnight and suddenly feeling freed he headed back down the street.<\/p>\n Joe marched into the saloon and quickly acquired two of the necessities of the evening, a shot of whiskey and a beer. The whiskey sent a flood of warmth through his veins. He began to relax slightly. He scanned the bar and noticed that the stage at the back of the bar had been cleared off and a piano player was warming up. He snagged another whiskey and taking that and his beer he strolled over to a table. As Joe seated himself the piano player struck up a tune and a woman came out. Joe found himself sitting up as he noticed what she was wearing. The neckline of her blue silk dress plunged almost to her waist, her cleavage covered by only a scrap of fine lace. Her dress was hitched up in the front, showing an expanse of calf and thigh. Joe gave her all his attention. As she sang song after song Joe continued to drink and Enjoy the view. By her last song Joe had consumed a great deal of whiskey and could be easily said to be feeling no pain. As she came off the stage she stopped at Joe\u2019s table and surveyed the young cowboy, slouched low in his chair. \u201cMay I join you?\u201d she asked in a low, husky voice.<\/p>\n \u201cIt would be my pleasure ma\u2019am.\u201d Joe rose somewhat unsteadily to his feet and held her chair. He beckoned over the barkeep and purchased her a fancy champagne filled drink. The two sat and talked for an hour.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Ben sat up by the fire until late in the evening contemplating what he was going to be saying to his youngest son when he returned. As the hours passed Ben revised his speech from one of concern to one of anger. By the time he finally decided to retire he was planning quite a severe punishment for Little Joe. When Ben rose the next morning he joined Adam and Hoss and ate his breakfast in silence. Both had checked Joe\u2019s room that morning, it was obvious to them both that Joe had never come home the night before. When Ben finished eating he rose, \u201cI\u2019m going into town to find that scamp brother of yours and teach him a little lesson in responsibility.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re going with you Pa.\u201d Both men pushed their chairs out and rose. Both were more than a little worried about their younger brother. \u201cPa, you know Joe\u2019s going through kind of a hard time, what with what happened to Billy and all. Maybe he decided to go visit one of his other friends and it got late and they invited him to stay over.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, your brother knows we have a lot to do before the branding starts in a few weeks. I don\u2019t have time to be chasing him around the territory. Let\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n A few hours later the three men rode into town. The first person they encountered was Roy Coffee strolling down the street on his daily walking tour of Virginia City. Roy made a point of inspecting all of Virginia City\u2019s streets each day. Everyone in town knew Roy and he knew everyone. He kept tabs on his people, as he liked to call them.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, boys.\u201d Roy nodded amiably. \u201cLooking for Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn fact we are Roy. Do you know where he is?\u201d Adam leaned forward and gave Beauty\u2019s mane a quick pat.<\/p>\n \u201cHe headed back to the ranch early this morning. He was planning on breaking a few horses today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid he stay with you last night Roy?\u201d Ben felt almost hopeful, maybe Hoss had been right.<\/p>\n \u201cNo Ben, he spent the evening in the company of Miss Adelina Marsh.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdelina Marsh, isn\u2019t that the singer who\u2019s working the Bucket of Blood?\u201d Adam was intrigued, he had caught part of Miss Marsh\u2019s act the weekend before.<\/p>\n \u201cYes Adam the same. It seems she was quite smitten with young Joe.\u201d Roy noted Ben\u2019s obvious discomfort with the subject of Joe\u2019s woman chasing.<\/p>\n \u201cRoy, did you say he was on the way back to the ranch? We should have passed him on the road.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen he left quite early, in fact I was a bit surprised he was up.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded, he had a good idea what Roy was talking about. \u201cI\u2019m going to go find him boys, Adam can you take care of those chores at the bank on your own?\u201d Adam nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I\u2019d like to stop by the mercantile and see if that order of liniment came in yet.\u201d Hoss said.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll see you both at dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss agreed to meet at the Cafe Paris for lunch before riding home. Hoss stopped at the store and picked up the special liniment he had ordered. Hoss performed many of the veterinary functions at the ranch and was often ordering new treatments that he saw in the paper. As he was leaving the store he ran into Lance.<\/p>\n \u201cHey Lance, how you doing buddy?\u201d Hoss stopped before Lance and held out his hand to be shaken.<\/p>\n Lance stared at Hoss\u2019s hand for a moment before taking it and shaking it briefly. \u201cHoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen you coming out to the ranch to do some fishing again?\u201d Hoss was intrigued, Lance seemed to be looking everywhere but at Hoss\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, we\u2019re pretty busy right now Hoss, you know getting ready for the branding.\u201d Lance continued to direct his gaze somewhere beyond Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019m sure Joe misses ya. I know he\u2019d be glad to see you.\u201d At the mention of Joe\u2019s name Lance\u2019s mouth tightened and he looked down at his feet.<\/p>\n \u201cI best be going Hoss, bye.\u201d Lance moved off into the street and Hoss stood gazing after him. Adam arrived and came up behind Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you looking at Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss turned to his brother, a puzzled frown on his face. \u201cI don\u2019t know Adam, I just don\u2019t know.\u201d He shrugged after a moment and followed Adam down the street to the restaurant.<\/p>\n Ben went directly to the corral when he arrived back at the ranch. He found the men gathered around the fence watching Joe breaking a grey gelding. Ben dismounted and went to stand next to Charlie. \u201cCharlie,\u201d Ben nodded. Charlie silently nodded back, his eyes fixed on Joe\u2019s ride.<\/p>\n \u201cHow many has he done today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSix so far Ben. I\u2019ve never seen riding like this, he\u2019s like a man possessed.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben leaned on the fence and followed Joe\u2019s ride closely. Joe used the quirt and spurs skillfully, keeping the horse firmly under control. As the horse bucked Joe focused all his attention and his energy on the horse. Finally the horse gave in and began to respond to Joe\u2019s commands, rather than fighting them. For the next hour Joe worked the horse vigorously. When he finally dismounted his shirt was soaked with sweat and after he handed the reins off to one of the men he moved to the nearby trough to pump some fresh water into his hands. After he had drunk his fill, he splashed more water over his face and hair.<\/p>\n His father moved up next to him unnoticed and placed his hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder. Joe immediately spun, knocking the hand away. When he saw it was his father he became still. \u201cPa, I , you uh startled me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo I see.\u201d Ben searched his son\u2019s face, noting the dark circles under Joe\u2019s eyes and the way his cheekbones stood out on his face. He could see exhaustion and something more written across his son\u2019s face. The harsh words he had been prepared to deliver that morning washed away and he found himself treating his son gently.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, I wanted to take some time to talk with you this afternoon, before dinner, about the horse operation. What time will you be back at the house?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe was surprised. Where were the harsh words and admonishments he was expecting. \u201cI should be back about six Pa. Is that all right?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben started to protest. It was only a little after one. He couldn\u2019t imagine that Joe would be able to work another five hours. He squelched his words, there was something about Joe that told him that anything he said would lead to a battle. \u201cThat\u2019s fine son. I\u2019ll see you then.\u201d Ben made a move as if to touch Joe but Joe took a small step back. Ben\u2019s hand lingered for a moment then dropped back to his side.<\/p>\n Joe watched as his father left on Buck. He felt oddly disappointed, but he shrugged and turned back to his work. That evening promptly at six Joe was sitting beside his father\u2019s desk. Ben came down the stairs and stopped staring in surprise. The clock chimed the tones at the same moment. \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes Pa,\u201d Joe turned to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cRight on time,\u201d Ben smiled at his son.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Joe merely regarded his father, not returning his smile. Ben leaned back in his chair, solemnly studying his son. Joe sat waiting patiently for his father to begin, his head drooping slightly. Ben was shocked anew at the exhaustion showing on his son\u2019s face. \u201cJoe are you all right, you look terrible?\u201d The caring in Ben\u2019s voice did not have the \u201cJoe, your brothers and I are worried about you. Charlie tells me you\u2019ve been breaking all the horses yourself. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned, Charlie should not be carrying tales to his father. He paused only for a moment and decided to go on the offensive, \u201cPa, I thought the horse operation was my responsibility.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt is son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen I think it is my business how I run it. We have only four horses to go tomorrow and we\u2019ll have the order ready. I\u2019ve done the initial breaking, then the other men are working on training the individual horses. We\u2019re getting everything done. What else did you want to say to me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, I know that you are getting everything done on time, but I\u2019m worried about you.\u201d Ben didn\u2019t know what else to say. \u201cJoe tell me what\u2019s troubling you.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sat perfectly still for a moment then suddenly rose to his feet, \u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong Pa. I\u2019d like to get cleaned up for dinner now.\u201d Joe turned and went up the stairs. Ben listened carefully as he heard Joe\u2019s door open and close. He sighed, if Joe wouldn\u2019t tell him what was wrong maybe he would tell his brothers. Dinner that night was a strained affair. Joe kept his eyes on his plate, simply pushing the food around his plate. The mere thought of actually putting food in his stomach made Joe\u2019s stomach twist into knots. Hoss and Adam kept glancing between Joe and their father. Hoss tried to break the silence.<\/p>\n \u201cGuess who I say today in town Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam smiled at Hoss\u2019s attempt, \u201cI don\u2019t know, who?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLance Jurgens.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally, we haven\u2019t seen Lance around here in a while.\u201d Adam snuck a peek at Joe. Joe sat with his head bowed, not even pretending to eat. \u201cHow\u2019s he doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBusy. I invited him to come out and go fishing but he said they were too busy getting ready for branding. Of course we\u2019ll see him at the dance tomorrow night. I think he\u2019s taking that little gal of his.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHmmm, that\u2019s true. Are you still taking Jenny, Joe?\u201d Adam turned to his brother.<\/p>\n Joe was in misery. He had almost forgotten the dance. He couldn\u2019t just skip the dance, Jenny would be upset and it would worry his family even more. \u201cYeah, I guess so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThought you\u2019d be showing a little more enthusiasm. Well Hoss who are you going to take?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThought I\u2019d fetch Margie and take her in with me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMargie, hmmm, well maybe Marianne and I will join you.\u201d Adam grinned. \u201cJoe would you like to ride in with us tomorrow night.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe just shrugged his shoulders. \u201cI guess so.\u201d He put his fork down and stood up. \u201cPa, I\u2019m real tired, I think I\u2019ll go to bed, please excuse me.\u201d Joe moved slowly from the table, his father and brothers merely watching him go.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, he looks terrible. Are you sure he ain\u2019t sick?\u201d Hoss couldn\u2019t remember a time when his brother had looked this way except when he was ill.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss he keeps saying he\u2019s fine. I don\u2019t know what to do for him. Come on, let\u2019s finish supper.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe lay in bed for hours, desperately trying to clear him mind so he could get to sleep. About midnight he finally drifted off into a fitful doze. His sleep was invaded by a nightmarish swirling of images. Suddenly he was back in the meadow, laughing and talking with Lance and Billy. Billy turned to face Joe, his face covered in cuts and scratches, blood weeping from the wounds. He gestured towards his horse, \u201cCome on Joe, just try it. It\u2019s easy. Just climb on board.\u201d Joe hesitated and Billy said, \u201cOk Joe, I\u2019ll show you, death is easy, just like riding a horse.\u201d Suddenly Billy was on his horse and it towered above Joe, blocking the sunlight. The horse reared and his hooves pawed the air above Joe\u2019s head.<\/p>\n He cowered in terror and Billy rode off, suddenly falling from his horse and being dragged. Joe raced up on his horse, flinging himself from the saddle. As he rushed to Billy\u2019s side he saw Billy was lying face down. Joe turned Billy over and a scream rose in his throat, it was his own face he saw before him. The eyelids lifted and Joe saw himself staring into black holes. The body suddenly sat up and finger pointing the mouth opened and it spoke, \u201cYou killed me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shot up in his bed, a scream strangling in his throat. Had he screamed out loud? Joe could feel a cold sweat covering his body. He rubbed his hands together, they felt like ice. He felt sick to his stomach and rushed from his bed, vomiting what little dinner he had managed to eat into the basin on his dresser. Joe lit the small candle on his dresser and stared at himself in his bedroom mirror. How much longer was he going to be able to stay here? He had to find a way out, he had to get away from this terrible memory. He turned back to his bed and involuntarily shook his head. He went to the chair by his window and sat down, staring out into the night. Joe moved through the next day in a fog. It had rained for the early part of the day, so no horsebreaking was being done, even Joe recognized it was too dangerous for both the horse as well as the riders. It increased the likelihood of the horse falling and being injured. He did his best to avoid his family, working on various chores in the yard and barn. The sun finally broke through in the late afternoon and Joe busied himself getting ready for the dance. When he came down ready to leave he found both his brothers and father waiting for him. \u201cReady to go Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe couldn\u2019t think of any way to get out of going into town with his family, he merely nodded his agreement. The four rode into town, Hoss, Ben and Adam keeping up a steady stream of chatter about various topics. Once in town, Joe turned off to go fetch Jenny, while his brothers went to get their own dates. As he reigned Cochise in he noticed that Lance\u2019s horse was tied up in front of Jenny\u2019s house as well. Joe knocked on Jenny\u2019s door. It swung open and Jenny was standing in the doorway with a broad smile on her face. Her smile faltered as she took in Joe\u2019s haggard face. \u201cJoe, are you feeling all right?\u201d Jenny moved to his side and slid her arm through his.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine Jenny, I\u2019ve just been working too hard, I guess.\u201d Joe looked down on her pretty face and gave a weak smile.<\/p>\n \u201cWell come on in, Lance and Melody stopped by to meet us.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe allowed himself to be led into Jenny\u2019s parents front parlor. He greeted Melody cordially. He faced Lance and gazed up steadily at his friend\u2019s face. Lance\u2019s expression was remote, but his eyes were staring at Joe fixedly. \u201cLance.\u201d Joe acknowledged him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe.\u201d Lance found himself fearing suddenly for his friend. He desperately wanted to speak to him, he could see that Joe was going through the same thing he was. Joe had always been more outwardly emotional, he was showing the strain of what had happened with Billy. But anything Lance said now would have to be meaningless polite conversation and he just couldn\u2019t bring himself to do it. He turned to Melody, \u201cYou ladies ready to go?\u201d<\/p>\n As Lance turned away from Joe, Joe felt his last chance slipping away. Even Lance blamed him. Joe felt the darkness inside him that he had been fighting begin to overwhelm him. \u201cLet\u2019s go Jenny,\u201d he said and took her hand. The two couples arrived at the dance a little after it started. Joe did his best to pretend he was having a good time, dancing every dance until he exhausted both himself and Jenny. Jenny was finding herself becoming ever more worried about him as the evening progressed. She finally had to halt their dancing and asked Joe to fetch her a drink. While he went she searched for his brothers. Jenny found Hoss leaning against a wall, watching his friend Margie dance with her brother.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, may I speak to you for a moment?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah sure Jenny. Having a good time? You and Joe sure are dancing up a storm.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss what\u2019s wrong with Joe? He\u2019s acting, I don\u2019t know, funny somehow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean Jenny?\u201d Hoss was worried. Maybe Jenny could help him find out what was going on with Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s acting different. Like he knows how he\u2019s supposed to look if he\u2019s having fun, and he\u2019s trying to act like he\u2019s having fun but he isn\u2019t really.\u201d Jenny looked almost ready to cry.<\/p>\n \u201cJenny, come on, now don\u2019t cry.\u201d Hoss moved up next to Jenny and put his arm around her. \u201cEverything be all right, you\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, I turn my back for one minute and my brother goes hitting on my girl.\u201d The voice that came from behind them was icy cold.<\/p>\n Hoss and Jenny spun around, unintentionally looking guilty. \u201cJoe, please, we weren\u2019t doing anything.\u201d Jenny pleaded, horrified at the frosty glare in Joe\u2019s eyes. She felt terribly uneasy.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, we was just talking.\u201d Hoss shifted uncomfortably. His brother\u2019s face was irate, but his eyes were deadly.<\/p>\n Joe merely stared at the two of them for another long moment, then spun on his heel to walk away. Hoss went after him and put his hand on Joe\u2019s arm. Joe halted and swiveled back to face his father. \u201cTake your hand off me.\u201d His wintry tone chilled Hoss\u2019s blood.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe come on, let me explain.\u201d Hoss stopped when Joe shoved him away and moved quickly out the door. Hoss made as if to follow him but he saw that Jenny was very distressed and he didn\u2019t feel he could abandon her. He began to search the room for his father and brother. Unseen nearby Lance watched the whole scene silently.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Once Joe had made his escape he felt a bit better. He knew quite well that Jenny and Hoss had done nothing but talk. He had been watching them the whole time they were together. When Hoss went to comfort Jenny saw his opportunity. Joe went back to Jenny\u2019s house to get Cochise and moved her into the livery stable he had used a few nights before. He flicked up the collar of his green jacket and tilted his hat at a jaunty angle and ambled at a leisurely pace to the Bucket of Blood.<\/p>\n Once inside he bought a beer and a bottle of whisky and settled himself at a table near the stage. As if on cue Adelina Marsh appeared on stage. She flicked a quick glance at Joe\u2019s table and smiled ever so slightly. She then began to sing, prancing around the stage, her dress as revealing as the one she had worn the last time Joe had seen her.<\/p>\n When she finished her set Adelina came over to Joe\u2019s table. She bent and kissed him directly on the lips. When she finished she sat on his lap and lifted the hat from his head. \u201cHey Joe, where ya been? I thought you\u2019d be coming back to see me last night. A girl can get mighty lonely when a fella stands her up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGot stuck at the ranch.\u201d Joe felt himself relax slightly, her hand was running through his hair, ruffling his curls. Somehow, the fact that he didn\u2019t care about Adelina at all made it easy for him to accept her touch. \u201cYou want a drink?\u201d Joe gestured at the whisky bottle and glasses on the table.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t mind if I do.\u201d Adelina held her hand up to the bartender who immediately brought over a champagne drink. Joe and Adelina spent the next half hour drinking, talking and laughing. As they were warming up to leave the bar a large cowboy wearing all black walked up to their table.<\/p>\n \u201cHey kid, why don\u2019t you go away and leave the lady alone?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe tilted his head back and regarded the man steadily. His eyes gleamed with a challenging light. \u201cDoesn\u2019t seem to me that the lady wants to be left alone, at least not by me. Why don\u2019t you move along.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think you understand boy, the lady is with me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe secured his arm a bit more firmly around Adelina\u2019s waist as she tried to get up. \u201cSeems to me that since she\u2019s sitting on my lap and drinking my whisky that she\u2019s with me.\u201d<\/p>\n The cowboy gave a howl of rage and moved forward, only to be stopped by the iron grip of the bartender. \u201cHold it boys, you take this outside, I ain\u2019t having the likes of you break up my place.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou coming boy, or are you a yella coward?\u201d The dark cowboy challenged Joe. Joe casually pulled Adelina\u2019s mouth down on his own, kissing her deeply. Then he stood, moving her aside.<\/p>\n \u201cWho you calling boy, bozo?\u201d Joe moved ahead of the man out into the street. No one followed, most had not even noticed the ruckus. Adelina gazed after Joe longingly, but was held back by the bartender who shook his head warningly. Joe and the cowboy moved into a side alley near the saloon. As Joe stood facing the man he clenched his fists in preparation for a fist fight. Suddenly a fist lashed out, striking Joe right in the stomach. As he doubled over in pain a blow was struck to the back of his neck, driving him to his knees. Joe attempted to get to his feet but a hail of blows rained down on his body. For some reason the blows were not struck to his face, the man seemed to derive great pleasure in hitting Joe in the stomach, ribs and kidney\u2019s. Finally Joe collapsed in pain. The man stood over him, smirking. \u201cLet that be a lesson to you boy.\u201d The man turned away but spun back and delivered a final kick directly to Joe\u2019s ribs. Joe gave a small scream and passed out as his rib cracked. Two hours later Joe came to in the alley. No one had come looking for him, no one had even noticed him, lying as he was in the shadows. He rolled onto his back groaning. Slowly he crawled to the wall and levered himself onto his feet. He staggered a few steps, gasping at the pain in his ribs. He bent over, trying to catch his breath. He sat down carefully, his back against the alley wall. Carefully he gently pressed on his ribs. After a few moments he decided that he had cracked two ribs, but nothing was completely broken. He resolved not to let his father or brothers see him without his shirt, there would be too many questions.<\/p>\n Joe realized that he couldn\u2019t stay home any longer; he just couldn\u2019t stand being around his father and brothers. Every time one of them touched him he felt unclean, unworthy. If they knew what he had done they would hate him even more than he hated himself. When he felt well enough Joe went back to the livery stable to get Cochise. As he moved up next to her he felt overwhelmingly tired.<\/p>\n \u201cHey Coch, you ready to go home?\u201d His horse nickered and gently nudged Joe. He patted his neck affectionately. He saddled him quickly and mindful of his ribs eased himself into the saddle. Back at the ranch Ben was pacing in the living room stopping to stare at the grandfather clock as it chimed midnight. \u201cWhen that boy gets home, I\u2019m going to thrash him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, you can\u2019t do that. He got mad, he thought I was hitting on Jenny. It\u2019s all my fault.\u201d Hoss was devastated, he had never seen his little brother as angry as he was that evening.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, you didn\u2019t do anything wrong. And I bet Joe knows it too. He was looking to pick a fight, you just made an easy target. It could just as easily been Pa or me.\u201d Adam put his arm around Hoss. He was as mystified as Hoss at his brother\u2019s behavior but he knew that everything was building towards some sort of climax.<\/p>\n \u201cBut why Adam? What\u2019s he trying to do?\u201d Hoss shook his head, he didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know Pa. Maybe he\u2019s just testing us, trying to find out what our limits are. He may just need you to set some boundaries down. He\u2019s out chasing girls and bossing everyone around.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you think I should lay down the law?\u201d Ben wasn\u2019t sure. Joe had always gone his own way. Even as a child he was always testing his own limits and everyone else\u2019s. And when limits were set down he would find the loophole in the rules.<\/p>\n \u201cReasoning with him, being nice doesn\u2019t seem to be working. If anything his behavior is getting worse. There\u2019s no call for doing what he did to Jenny and Hoss this evening.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded slowly. \u201cI\u2019ll talk to him tomorrow. It\u2019s late boys, lets get to bed.\u201d Hoss rose from the couch and joined his father and brother in going up the stairs.<\/p>\n Joe rode into the Ponderosa barnyard at 2 a.m. His head and sides ached with a combination of fatigue and the beating he had received. He carefully unsaddled Cochise and rubbed her down. He stood thoughtfully in the door of the barn looking towards the house. He longed for sleep, so much he could feel it in every bone and muscle of his body. But what if the nightmare came back, he couldn\u2019t be sure he wouldn\u2019t scream and wake the others. He turned back into the barn and grabbing several blankets moved to Cochise\u2019s stall where he bedded down in the corner.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Joe slept soundly for several hours, the sleep of exhaustion rather than simple tiredness. As dawn approached Joe\u2019s head began to turn back and forth and he began to moan and mutter in his sleep. In his dream he could see Billy mounting his horse and turning to smile at Joe. No matter how much Joe tried to cry out to make Billy stop he couldn\u2019t move. It was as if his feet were nailed to the ground. He could see Billy do that one perfect second suspended from the side of his saddle and then crash to the ground, his head bouncing. Joe sat upright, as a loud cry came from his mouth. He woke up suddenly, to find Cochise nuzzling his hair gently. He whickered and nudged him again and he put up his hand to his head. Joe slowly climbed to his feet, the pain in his side catching him unaware as he tried to stretch. He bent over and clutched the wall. Joe opened the barn door and looked outside, dawn was just starting to break. His stomach felt empty and he knew he had to try and eat something. He made his way across the yard and slipped in the back door of the kitchen. As he opened the bread box to take a piece of bread Hop Sing emerged from his bedroom. \u201cLittle Joe. What you doing? Why you no eat a good breakfast? Why you no be good boy?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe tried to smile reassuringly at Hop Sing but found he could muster little more than a weak copy of his usual smile. \u201cI\u2019m fine Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou not fine, everybody worry bout you all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head. He didn\u2019t want them to worry, he wanted them to leave him alone. \u201cHop Sing why don\u2019t you all just worry about yourselves and leave me alone.\u201d Joe snapped out his words in his harshest tone. He was rewarded with a reproachful look from Hop Sing. He knew Hop Sing was his staunchest ally, always willing to defend him in front of his father and brothers.<\/p>\n \u201cFine, you make own breakfast.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s what I was trying to do before you got in my way.\u201d Joe\u2019s voice cracked like a whip and he shook inside as Hop Sing flinched and moved silently from the kitchen, not looking back.<\/p>\n Joe stared at the bread in his hand and threw it aside, his appetite gone. He left the house as he had entered and went to the barn. He got Cochise and headed down to the horse breaking corral. Ben got up early and went down to Joe\u2019s room. Without knocking he opened the door and looked in. Joe\u2019s bed had obviously not been slept in. Ben was furious, this was the second night in less than a week Joe had stayed out all night. He came out of the room to find Hoss and Adam waiting in the hall. He simply shook his head and they headed downstairs.<\/p>\n As Hop Sing served breakfast the three men gradually became aware that something was wrong. The coffee was bitter, the eggs runny and the bacon was burnt. \u201cPa, something\u2019s wrong with Hop Sing, you think he\u2019s sick?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Ben whispered back. \u201cBut I\u2019m going to find out. Hop Sing. Come out here.\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing came back out of the kitchen and stood silently at the head of the table. \u201cOk Hop Sing what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing Mr. Cartlight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen would you mind explaining to me what happened to the food, this isn\u2019t like you.\u201d Ben was truly concerned. He stood up and turned Hop Sing to face him, he could see that Hop Sing had been crying. \u201cHop Sing, what is it, are you in pain?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, is nothing. Little Joe\u2026\u201d Hop Sing broke off. He didn\u2019t want to hurt Joe or his family.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about Little Joe? Was he here? Did you see him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI find him in kitchen, I ask him why he no eat, he get mad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMad? What did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing merely shook his head. \u201cIt no important, I just leave him alone like he want.\u201d Hop Sing moved away back into the kitchen.<\/p>\n Ben was livid. No matter what problems Joe was having there was no call to take it out on Hop Sing. \u201cI don\u2019t know where that brother of yours is but when I see him we are going to have a serious discussion about his behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n Charlie Morgan rode down to the corral mid-morning. He could see that someone else was already there working with the stock. He reined in his horse and stood in his stirrups to get a better view. Joe was in the corral working with one of the horses that he had worked with two days before. The day off had given the animal, one of the wilder ones, the opportunity to revert to its previous behavior. The animal was bucking and twisting with all its might. Charlie dismounted and ran to the fence, climbing up and over quickly. It wasn\u2019t safe for Joe to be working an animal on his own, if he were to fall, it could be fatal. At that moment the horse reared up on its hind legs and the horse began to fall over backwards. Joe fell off and landed flat on his back. At the last minute the horse righted itself and narrowly avoided stomping on Joe as he lay stunned. Charlie jumped off the fence and ran to the horse, snagging its reins and leading the horse away from Joe. Once the horse was tied off he went back and knelt at Joe\u2019s side. Joe was gasping, the pain in his side quite sharp. He wasn\u2019t sure if he had made the crack in his ribs even worse.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, can you hear me?\u201d Charlie\u2019s brows knit together, he could see that the boy\u2019s face was pale and his breathing was ragged.<\/p>\n \u201cYes Charlie I can hear you.\u201d Joe levered himself upright and shook his head to clear it. He still had a headache from the previous evening.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, let me help you back to the house.\u201d Charlie grabbed Joe\u2019s arm and helped him to his feet. Joe swayed briefly then shook off Charlie\u2019s hand. \u201cI\u2019m not going back to the house. I\u2019m getting back on that horse, we have a deadline to meet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe is isn\u2019t safe, you are obviously hurt. Come on let me help you.\u201d Charlie again took Joe\u2019s arm. Joe suddenly jerked away violently and landed a roundhouse punch right on Charlie\u2019s jaw knocking him to the ground. Joe grabbed Charlie\u2019s jacket by the lapels and staring right into his eyes said, \u201cNow don\u2019t you get in my way again Charlie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, what are you doing.\u201d Charlie blinked and grabbed Joe\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n Joe shoved Charlie back onto the ground, \u201cI\u2019m sick of your interference Charlie, I have deadlines to meet. I think you better pick up your pay and get out.\u201d<\/p>\n Charlie gaped. Had he understood Joe correctly, was he firing him? Charlie climbed to his feet and stared at Joe. \u201cYou heard me, I said get out.\u201d<\/p>\n Charlie mounted up and turned to stare at Joe again, \u201cI don\u2019t know what your problem is Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe only problem I have right now is you Charlie. Just get out.\u201d Joe turned away and Charlie rode off to the Ponderosa ranch house.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Ben, Hoss and Adam were coming out of the house when Charlie rode in. He was pale and Ben moved to his side. \u201cCharlie what\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m just here to pack my things Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCharlie, are you quitting?\u201d Hoss was surprised, Charlie had been with the Cartwrights for years.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I ain\u2019t quitting Hoss, I been fired.\u201d Charlie tied his horse to the hitching post and turned to face the three men.<\/p>\n \u201cFired, who fired ya Charlie?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben was enraged. \u201cLittle Joe, what right does Joe have to fire you? I will deal with him Charlie, you just pay no attention to whatever he said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Cartwright, I think something\u2019s really wrong with him. You best tread lightly.\u201d Charlie delivered his warning softly. Even with everything that had gone on he felt more sorry for Joe than anything else, he felt a terrible grief in Joe and he feared for the boy.<\/p>\n Ben ignored Charlie\u2019s warning. \u201cWhen I get ahold of that boy, he will learn the meaning of the words rules and respect.\u201d<\/p>\n An hour later Joe rode into the ranch. He left Cochise tied to the hitching post, he had no intention of staying very long. As he entered through the front door he heard his father\u2019s voice calling his name. \u201cJoseph, here, now.\u201d Joe hunched his shoulders briefly, he hurt everywhere but he couldn\u2019t let his father see any sign of weakness. He straightened up and moved briskly into his father\u2019s study.<\/p>\n \u201cYes Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in you. I am appalled at your behavior, and I want it to stop.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know what you mean sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t give me that.\u201d Ben surged to his feet and came around his desk. Hoss and Adam, watching from the side cringed, their father was radiating anger. Joe stood perfectly still without flinching. \u201cI will not tolerate you mistreating the employees of this ranch Joseph. I will not tolerate you treating your brothers and your friends disrespectfully. And I will not tolerate this new habit of yours of staying out all night. This house has rules. As long as you live under this roof, you will obey these rules.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss sucked in air between his teeth, whistling softly. Adam tensed next to him. Both pairs of eyes were riveted on their younger brother\u2019s face. It almost seemed to them both that Joe relaxed as the ultimatum was received.<\/p>\n \u201cFine.\u201d Joe spoke the single word, staring directly into his father\u2019s eyes. He turned and moved towards the stairs. They all watched as he climbed the stairs and turned the corner. The three were stunned. Ben let out a loud sigh and turned to face his sons.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s gotten into him.\u201d Ben sat down at his desk and the three waited in silence, not quite sure for what.<\/p>\n In his room Joe quickly moved to his dresser and packed his travel kit with clothes. As he prepared to close up the kit his gaze became riveted on the small bag Billy\u2019s uncle had given him. He didn\u2019t want to take it, but he couldn\u2019t leave it either. Finally he grabbed it and stuffed it into his kit. He left his room, checking one last time to make sure he had everything. He briefly studied the pictures on his dresser of his father, his brothers and himself and his mother. He put his hand on one of them then drew it back, leaving them in place. As he came down the stairs he could see his family was speaking quietly in the study. When they heard his footsteps Ben, Hoss and Adam got up and came to the foot of the stairs. \u201cJoseph, what is the meaning of this?,\u201d Ben\u2019s hand indicated the saddle bag and travel kit.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m doing what you said.\u201d Joe answered simply, not taking his eyes off his father.<\/p>\n \u201cWhich is?\u201d Ben felt his stomach sink,<\/p>\n \u201cGetting out. I\u2019m taking Cochise, he\u2019s mine, and my clothes. Everything else is yours, I don\u2019t want anything from you.\u201d Joe\u2019s voice was chilling in its remoteness. His eyes were cold and watchful.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, I didn\u2019t mean\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yes you did, every word of it. Only thing is I don\u2019t want to live by your rules anymore. You thought I would just go along, well not anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shrank back, the hatred in Joe\u2019s voice and face drove home his point, Joe was leaving. Joe stepped around his father and went directly to the front door. Pulling it open he glanced back for a fraction of a second, and seemed about to speak. Instead he compressed his lips and went out the door.<\/p>\n Hoss broke free of the momentary paralysis that was gripping them all. He ran out the front door, Adam a short distance behind. Joe was checking the cinch of his saddle when they came up to him. Hoss grabbed Joe\u2019s right arm and spun him around to face them. Joe\u2019s hand by reflex went for his gun but stopped just short of drawing it, instead he rested his hand on the holster.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think you\u2019re doing Joe? Are you trying to kill Pa? You\u2019re doing a damn good job of it?\u201d Hoss shouted at his younger brother.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face maintained the still watchful expression that had become so much a part of him in the past few days.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m leaving.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe,\u201d Adam came forward. \u201cJoe, what\u2019s going on? Why are you leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause that\u2019s my choice, no more of Pa\u2019s rules. I want to do things my way, and since it is his way or get out that\u2019s what I\u2019m doing, getting out.\u201d Joe turned away from his brothers and heaved himself up into the saddle. Adam noticed that Joe didn\u2019t mount in his usual graceful style, but stiffly as if he was in pain. He began to speak then kept *****<\/p>\n The next day Ben and his sons rode into Virginia City. They stopped by the Mercantile to order some supplies. The three were mostly silent, none wanting to discuss what had happened in the past two days. On their way to the bank the three ran into Roy Coffee. \u201cBen, boys, how are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust fine Roy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019s Little Joe, I heard he took quite a beating the other night?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Ben and his sons exchanged surprised looks. \u201cWhen was this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSaturday night, after the dance. He was calling on that saloon singer when one of her other admirers stopped by. He beat Joe pretty bad.\u201d Roy was surprised, the Cartwrights were a close family, how could they not know.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you see him afterwards Roy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo Ben, the lady told me about it, at least what the gentleman told her. I tried to find Joe but he had already headed out of town. Sounded pretty bad, I had wanted to get him to a doctor if I could, from what she said I figured he might have a few cracked ribs at least, if not worse damage.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben winced, Joe hadn\u2019t said a word, and he hadn\u2019t looked like he\u2019d been in a fight. Adam suddenly snapped his fingers, \u201cWhen he was getting on his horse, that\u2019s what was wrong, he was in pain.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen was this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen he was leaving Pa. He got on Cochise and he was obviously in pain. And I just let him go.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo where Adam?\u201d Roy was concerned.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe left Roy. Yesterday afternoon. We had a, an, \u2026\u201d Ben paused, uncertain how to explain what had been going on with Joe. \u201cAnyway, he\u2019s gone.\u201d<\/p>\n Roy was worried, \u201cThe Jurgens came into town this morning looking for Lance, Ben. They told us when he got home from the dance Saturday night he was real quiet. When they got up this morning he was gone. He left a note telling them he\u2019d be gone for a while but not to look for him. Now you tell me Joe\u2019s gone too. What do you think is going on Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know Roy, I just don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe lay on his back in the meadow where Billy had been killed. His head rested on his saddle and he stared vacantly up at the clouds, trying to decide what to do next. He\u2019d had no plans when he left the Ponderosa, he had simply known that he had to get away from the place before it suffocated him. Being alone allowed him to give into the terrible wave of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He hurt everywhere, his ribs, his back, his head and his heart. The constant pain in his ribs and back was something he was slowly becoming accustomed to, the pain in his heart he might never get used to. Joe rolled onto his stomach and rested his chin in his hands. He closed his eyes remembering the terrible disappointment he had seen on his father\u2019s face during their final moments together. Joe felt oddly satisfied, at last his father knew the truth about the kind of person he was. They wouldn\u2019t miss him very much.<\/p>\n Joe frowned thoughtfully, Hoss might. Hoss would have a harder time accepting everything, accepting Joe\u2019s departure. He had been careful to cover his trail when leaving the ranch, sticking to the main road, then veering off to ride along the edge of the lake where the minute waves would wash away his trail. He had spent last night sleeping out miles from here. For the first time in over a week he had a relatively untroubled sleep. When he woke up this morning he knew he had to come here one final Time before leaving. His sleep being free of nightmares told him that he had done the right thing leaving his family. Joe rolled onto his back again and stared up into the sky, emptying his mind of all thought. Suddenly he heard the sound of approaching hoofbeats. Sitting up abruptly he clutched at his side. He sat still watching the approaching rider carefully. Somehow he wasn\u2019t surprised to see Lance coming towards him.<\/p>\n Lance reigned in his horse and sat staring down at Joe. He raised an eyebrow at Joe but simply said, \u201cJoe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLance.\u201d The two continued to stare at each other intently. Lance took in his friend\u2019s pale strained face and his heart went out to him. Joe noticed that Lance was carrying a travel kit similar to his own.<\/p>\n \u201cYou going somewhere Lance?,\u201d Joe finally broke the silence.<\/p>\n \u201cAway.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe too. I left late yesterday morning.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI left early before the family got up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you tell them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing, just left a note telling them I was going away for a while. How about you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI had a fight with my father and he told me to either follow the rules or get out. I told them I would get out.\u201d<\/p>\n Lance merely nodded and climbing down from his horse crossed to stand next to where Joe was sitting. \u201cSomehow I kind of thought that it would look different here, now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe too.\u201d Joe nodded his agreement. Lance sat down next to him and the two sat silently staring across the meadow. After hours Lance got up and stretched.<\/p>\n \u201cIf we\u2019re staying here tonight we better get some firewood together.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right.\u201d Joe went to climb to his feet but the hours sitting still had caused him to stiffen up and he groaned clutching his ribs.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe are you all right?\u201d Lance rushed to Joe\u2019s side and put his arms around his shoulders. Joe went still, feeling his friends\u2019 hands holding him. He didn\u2019t knock his hands away but merely allowed him to help him up.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I guess so. I got into a bit of a fight Saturday night and I got tossed bad yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShow me your ribs.\u201d Lance was worried, Joe had paled considerably as he was getting to his feet. Joe shrugged and untucking his shirt allowed Lance to take a look.<\/p>\n Lance bit his lip, Joe\u2019s ribs were covered with large bruises, and they looked so sore Lance didn\u2019t even try to touch them. \u201cHave you coughed any blood Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo Lance, not a bit, everything just hurts that\u2019s all. Let\u2019s get that fire started.\u201d For the next hour the two worked in silence, gathering wood. Lance took some beans from his back and a small pot and put the beans on to cook. As night fell the two sat side by side staring at the fire, waiting for the food.<\/p>\n Finally Lance could not bear his friend\u2019s silence anymore. \u201cWhere are we going to go Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe?,\u201d Joe looked over at Lance with his eyebrows raised. \u201cYou\u2019re not going anywhere, you are going home, I\u2019m leaving on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo you ain\u2019t Joe. I can\u2019t live there anymore. Not with this hanging over my head.\u201d Lance hung his head briefly then suddenly it all burst out of him. \u201cJoe, you know this was all my fault, I never should have tried that stunt after you showed it to us. I should have just nodded and let it go. But I wanted to do it so much. I just couldn\u2019t help myself. If I Joe squatted next to Lance and said forcefully, \u201cNo Lance, it wasn\u2019t your fault. It never is. It was all me, I\u2019m the one that\u2019s always showing off, taking chances. I should have known that what I was doing was too dangerous. You both could have been killed. I shouldn\u2019t have done it and I should have known it was too hard for both of you. When he hesitated before doing it I should have stopped him then. He always wanted to do what we did. I shouldn\u2019t have made him feel like he should try.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat makes it worse is..\u201d Lance choked.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat makes it worse is everyone thinking what good friends we were. I killed him because he trusted me and everyone is all worried about how I feel. Poor Billy, he just wanted to be included. And we nearly forgot him that day. Lord I wish we had.\u201d Joe bent his head in grief but his eyes remained dry.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Late that night Lance woke up next to the fire. It was dying down and he got up to quietly add a few extra twigs. While he stirred the fire he glanced over at where Joe was sleeping. Joe was lying on his back, his hat next to him. Lance smiled, he could see that Joe had followed his usual pattern of sleeping with his hat over his face, but this time it must have fallen off. He frowned as he looked intently at Joe\u2019s sleeping face. Joe\u2019s face looked thin and small, his cheekbones standing out in the moonlight. Lance realized that while he had cooked and eaten dinner Joe had merely picked at the food Lance had given him. Lance opened Joe\u2019s saddle bags and quickly pawed through them. He could see clothes but no cooking gear. There was no food anywhere.<\/p>\n Lance squatted by the fire, Joe had told him he had left home yesterday. That meant he had been out here for over twenty four hours with no food. Unless he had gone hunting he hadn\u2019t eaten since yesterday morning. Lance thought how he had found Joe lying face up in the meadow that morning, simply lying there. He thought about how bruised Joe\u2019s body was, the fight he had gotten into could easily have killed him. What was Joe trying to do? Kill himself? Lance\u2019s eyes widened. Maybe that was what Joe was trying to do, punish himself for what had happened to Billy.<\/p>\n Joe gave a small moan in his sleep. It was a small eerie sound, as if given by a ghost. Joe\u2019s head rolled back and forth and he became agitated in his sleep. \u201cNo, no, please don\u2019t, no. Pa, I\u2019m sorry, so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n Lance moved over and shook Joe by the shoulder, \u201cJoe wake up, come on you got to wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe blinked his eyes several times in confusion. He sat up abruptly and gasped, clutching his side. \u201cLance, what\u2019s the matter?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou were having another nightmare Joe.\u201d Lance rocked back on his heels and stared intently at his friend. \u201cJoe we have to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe drew his feet up under him and nodded, \u201cOk Lance, what do you want to talk about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, you have to stop this. And you have to stop it now. I can\u2019t let you do it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo what?\u201d Joe was truly puzzled.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have to stop trying to kill yourself. I can see what you are doing. You made it so your whole family hates you, or so you think, you came here with no food, you\u2019ve been fighting, drinking. You\u2019ve done everything you can to make nobody care about you so you could go off on your own and die.\u201d Lance could feel tears rising up in his eyes.<\/p>\n Joe shrank back. He didn\u2019t want to hear this. \u201cLance, when tomorrow gets here you and I have to go our separate ways.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m not going to do that. I lost one friend, I\u2019m not going to lose my best friend too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLance, you don\u2019t want to be my friend. I\u2019m careless, I hurt people. I get them killed. You always said you just hung with me to keep me from getting killed. Well, I think you best get as far away from me as possible to save yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d Lance gave a simple statement and folded his arms. \u201cI\u2019m not going to let you do it to me too Joe. You aren\u2019t going to drive me away the way you did your familly and Jenny. I\u2019m staying with you until you are ready to go home with me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDamn you Lance, I don\u2019t want you here.\u201d Joe could feel the cold dark rage building inside him, as it had with Charlie and his father. He thought for a moment, taking what he knew about Lance and selecting what would do the most damage. \u201cLance, look I don\u2019t know why you think we\u2019re friends. I\u2019ve only been letting you hang around me all these years, Lance merely smiled benignly on Joe, \u201cThat wasn\u2019t your best shot was it Joe? I can\u2019t imagine why your family would get so upset at your potshots?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe seethed, \u201cLeave me alone Lance, why can\u2019t you just leave me alone?\u201d Joe turned away. Lance moved up behind Joe and draped his long arm across Joe\u2019s shoulder. Joe spun around and violently shoved Lance away.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, I ain\u2019t leaving you now. Just make up your mind to it.\u201d Lance moved towards the smaller man. Joe suddenly hunched his shoulders and charged at Lance, knocking him backwards and landing on top of him. Lance shoved him off and held him down on the ground. Joe struggled briefly then lay back, exhausted, the pain in his sides and his weakness from not eating keeping him from struggling.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, like I said, you are my best friend whether you like it or not. And you were Billy\u2019s best friend too. And Hoss\u2019s. And Jenny\u2019s. And Hop Sing\u2019s. And we all care what happens to you. Now they aren\u2019t here but I am. I am not going to leave you alone, Joe like I said I will be staying with you until you are ready to come back.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared up at Lance, his eyes filled with overwhelming sadness and despair. Lance pulled Joe up into a sitting position. \u201cLance please, can\u2019t you leave me be?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo Joe, I can\u2019t. Now I want you to eat something. I just realized a little while ago that you didn\u2019t eat any dinner. So you are going to eat some now.\u201d Lance stood and moved over to get the extra beans from their dinner. Joe stared around, trying to find his way out. Lance then brought a plate of cold beans back to Joe and handed it to him, \u201cEat.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t hungry.\u201d Joe folded his arms across his chest.<\/p>\n \u201cI said eat.\u201d Lance frowned, \u201cBefore I make you.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe rolled his eyes and picked up the plate. He was not about to be force fed by Lance. He scooped up a fork full of beans and sat staring at it. He hadn\u2019t eaten anything in so long he wasn\u2019t sure he could.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe,\u201d Lance\u2019s tone warned. \u201cEat.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sighed and took a mouthful of beans. His stomach churned but he finally swallowed the beans and looked at Lance. \u201cSatisfied?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope.\u201d Lance watched while Joe slowly chewed a second mouthful. \u201cYou are the only person in the world who can make eating look like a painful hardship Joe. I wish Hoss were here.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grimaced. \u201cI\u2019m glad he\u2019s not Lance. I don\u2019t think I can ever face my family again.\u201d He sighed.<\/p>\n Lance walked over to his saddle bags, flipped them open and removed something. Coming back to Joe\u2019s side he put it down in front of him. It was the sack Billy\u2019s uncle had given him. \u201cI\u2019ve been carrying this thing around with me for days Joe, and I haven\u2019t opened it yet. I\u2019d like to open it now with you here.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shivered, it felt as if a ghost had walked over his grave. He slowly rose to his feet and fetched his sack from his own saddle bags. He put it on the ground and sat next to Lance. In the flickering light of the fire Joe suddenly appeared ancient to Lance. He looked at Lance, \u201cYou first.\u201d<\/p>\n Lance opened the bag and put his hand in, the first thing he drew out was a pocket knife. He smiled suddenly, \u201cYou gave this to Billy on his eleventh birthday Joe. I remember, you surprised him with it. It made his day. He showed it off all the next day at school.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded, his throat suddenly felt tight. \u201cI remember.\u201d<\/p>\n Lance put the knife aside and reached back into the bag, drawing out a rock about the size of his palm. He held it up to the light and a small vein of gold could be seen running through it. \u201cWe got this that time we went camping out on Sun Mountain. We stayed up all night telling ghost stories until we were all so scared we couldn\u2019t sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, we found the rock the next day, in that old abandoned mine. Billy was so excited, he wanted us all to quit school to become miners. We would have too if Pa hadn\u2019t explained that it was a mine already owned by someone else.\u201d Joe smiled slightly, remembering his father\u2019s stern lectures on no trespassing.<\/p>\n Lance put his hand into his bag and pulled out the last item. It was a small packet of pieces of paper tied with a pale pink ribbon. He Carefully untied the ribbon and looked at the various pieces of paper, holding them up to the firelight.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are they?\u201d Joe leaned forward, curious.<\/p>\n \u201cIt looks like ticket stubs, notes we passed in school and here\u2019s an invitation to that party your father had last Christmas. They all have tiny notes on them as to who went with him to these things.\u201d Lance nodded. \u201cThis must be Sally\u2019s ribbon, remember she said she lost it that day on the picnic.\u201d Lance sighed. \u201cSo what\u2019s in your bag Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe picked up his own bag carefully. He was surprised that he didn\u2019t feel the trepidation and fear he had felt every time he looked at it this week. He unfolded the top and reached his hand in. The first thing he drew out appeared to be an old tin can. He held up to the firelight and saw a hole going straight through the can. \u201cWhat\u2019s the heck is this?\u201d<\/p>\n Lance looked thoughtful for a moment and snapped his fingers. \u201cDon\u2019t you remember? About four months ago you took Billy out fishing. While you were out you offered to teach Billy to shoot. You spent the whole day with him. And at the end of the day Billy was able to hit his first target\u2014 that can.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI met him the next day in town. He told me all about it. He was so excited about hitting that target, it meant the world to him. He told me what a good teacher you were, you were patient and never made fun of him. And you wouldn\u2019t let him give up, even when he wanted to, you made him keep on trying.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe remembered that day vaguely, he hadn\u2019t realized what it meant to Billy, to him it was just something fun to do. Joe stuck his hand back in the bag then pulled it away when he encountered a small soft item. He peeked into the bag then pulled out a rabbits foot. Billy\u2019s lucky rabbit\u2019s foot had always been a big joke to the three. Lance had given it to Billy once before a big test at school that Billy had feared he would fail. And it had brought Billy luck on the test, he got an A. The joke had always been Lance should have given it to Joe who failed the test miserably and had been forbidden to attend the harvest dance the following Saturday. Of course Joe had snuck out, attended the dance, been caught and grounded by his father.<\/p>\n Joe smiled wistfully at the rabbit\u2019s foot, in the end it had not been enough to save Billy. At the bottom of the bag was a carefully folded piece of paper. Joe unfolded it and smoothed it with his hand. He studied it and recognized that it was a drawing of himself, Billy and Lance, at the Founders Day Picnic last year. All three had huge smiles on their faces. Joe and Billy were arm in arm and Lance was standing slightly behind them, his head thrown back laughing. The artist who had drawn it so quickly had offered it to the three of them and they had refused. Joe thought for a moment, he remembered Billy had broken away from them a few minutes later and rushed back intot the crowd. He must have bought it then. Joe studied it carefully and suddenly the wall he had built in his soul broke and a flood of tears came to his eyes. He bent his head and wracking sobs shook his entire body. Lance quickly edged to Joe\u2019s side and put his arms around his friend. Joe briefly stiffened then relaxed and sobbed in his friend\u2019s arms. Lance had tears in his eyes as well and together the two truly began to mourn their lost friend.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n Joe and Lance talked the rest of the night about their friend. As dawn broke Joe agreed with Lance\u2019s suggestion that they return to town and tell Billy\u2019s uncle the truth about what happened. They had both come to realize that it had truly been an accident, that three of them had in fact been like the three musketeers in that whatever one did the others would surely follow. Joe and Lance rode into Virginia City just as the town was beginning to wake up. They stopped by the small cafe near the livery and had breakfast. Joe was ravenous and Lance enjoyed watching his friend eat. When Joe pushed away from the table and patted his belly Lance laughed, \u201cFor a minute you looked just like Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed back, \u201cI don\u2019t think one breakfast could ever do that.\u201d He began to speak when he saw Jenny and Melody entering the restaurant. Both girls spotted the boys and hesitated. Joe hastily got to his feet and Lance tripped over the legs of his chair following his example. Jenny put her nose in the air and swept past Joe.<\/p>\n Joe ducked his head and sighed. He sat back down and Lance stood looking after Jenny. \u201cJoe, aren\u2019t you going to go after her?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo Lance, I made a big mistake with Jenny, I\u2019m not sure she\u2019ll even listen to me. You saw what she did. Besides after the way I carried on with Adelina I don\u2019t think she should forgive me.\u201d Joe shrugged and tried to smile.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, do you mind if I just go speak to Melody real quick. I kind of left her in the lurch at the party myself. I\u2019ll be right back.\u201d<\/p>\n Lance went over and stood next to Jenny and Melody\u2019s table. \u201cMelody may I speak to you for a moment.\u201d<\/p>\n Melody tilted her head back and gave him a considering look, \u201cDepends on what you got to say Lance.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just wanted to say how sorry I am for Saturday night. I was real worried about Joe and I wasn\u2019t really thinking about how you felt.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy were you worried?\u201d Melody cast a glance over to Joe\u2019s table where he sat alone, his head bent over a cup of coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cWell Billy\u2019s death hit Joe really hard. I know it knocked me for a loop, and well Billy was much closer to Joe. Plus Joe was the one who, well he was the one who tried to save Billy. Anyway, I\u2019m sorry about Saturday night. I know Joe is too.\u201d Lance ducked his head and peaked at the two of them. Melody had tears in her eyes and Jenny was casting longing glances over at Joe.<\/p>\n Lance went back to their table and sat back down. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI think that if you gave a big sigh and shook your head kind of soberly she\u2019d be in your arms in about two seconds.\u201d Lance spoke with a straight face but his eyes were twinkling.<\/p>\n Joe gave a deep sigh and shook his head, \u201cI\u2019m sorry we have to do it this way Lance.\u201d Joe slowly rose to his feet and put his hand on Lance\u2019s shoulder briefly. His green eyes were merry and he fought hard to repress a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Joe, I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d Jenny threw herself into Joe\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n \u201cNo Jenny I\u2019m the one who\u2019s sorry, I should have known you and Hoss weren\u2019t doing anything. I was just, well I was just acting crazy.\u201d Joe took Jenny in his arms and kissed her passionately. \u201cCan I make it up to you?\u201d He searched her face.<\/p>\n \u201cYou better come to dinner this weekend and you might want to bring me some flowers.\u201d Jenny smiled up at Joe and kissed him again.<\/p>\n \u201cFlowers and candy,\u201d Joe promised. \u201cNow finish your breakfast.\u201d He turned to Lance and the two of them left the restaurant together.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you say to them Lance?\u201d Joe wondered.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s just say you aren\u2019t the only one who knows how to do any sweet talking.\u201d Lance adjusted his gunbelt and swaggered slightly.<\/p>\n As the two approached the livery Joe\u2019s footsteps began to falter. Lance stopped and faced him. \u201cJoe, can you do this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I think so Lance. It\u2019s just going to be so hard.\u201d Joe squared his shoulders and opened the door to the livery.<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Frankman,\u201d Joe shouted.<\/p>\n \u201cJust a minute.\u201d Frankman walked out from the back, wiping his hands on a rag. \u201cJoe, Lance, boys what are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Frankman, there\u2019s something I have to tell you.\u201d Joe took a deep breath and he carefully explained everything that had happened the day of the accident. He ended with, \u201cAnd we wanted you to know Mr. Frankman how sorry I am I didn\u2019t tell you all of this last week.\u201d<\/p>\n Frankman looked Joe up and down and surprised him by smiling broadly. \u201cJoe, you boys did the right thing to tell me. I\u2019m sorry the accident happened, but you boys did nothing wrong. Billy was hellbent to do anything you fellas did. You were his best friends. You did him so many small kindnesses Joe, including him in all your games, parties and camping trips. It meant so much to him, being orphaned like he was. The way you took him under your wing the first day he went to school. I\u2019ll never forget it, that first day all he talked about was Little Joe this, Lance that. I thought his name was Little Joe, Lance and me.\u201d Frankman clapped both boys on the back affectionately. \u201cBilly didn\u2019t have a whole lot in this life, I couldn\u2019t really give him much. But he was lucky to have two friends like you.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe and Lance thanked Mr. Frankman and promised to stop and see him soon. Back at the horses Joe hesitated before mounting up. \u201cThat went well.\u201d He felt relief at having passed the first hurdle.<\/p>\n \u201cYes it did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut now I\u2019ve got to face my family.\u201d Joe felt real fear, he had been so wrong about so many things.<\/p>\n \u201cMe too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah but Lance you didn\u2019t say the terrible things I did to my family. What am I going to say to them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe we talked about this. You\u2019re just going to have to tell them the truth.\u201d Lance frowned, he was worried about Joe. Joe still looked frail to him, he knew he was still feeling a lot of pain in his ribs. \u201cJoe do you want to stop at the doctor\u2019s office before we go out to the ranch?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe hesitated, he wanted nothing more to avoid his family, but as much as he would love to see Doc Martin and get his ribs taped and some medicine for all the aches he was feeling, he knew he had to face his fate.<\/p>\n \u201cNo Lance, let\u2019s get you home first then I\u2019ll ride out to the ranch.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you want me to come with you?\u201d Lance had been expecting to go out to the ranch with Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I want to see your family first, but I need to see my father on my own.\u201d Joe mounted up and they rode out of town.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n As Joe and Lance approached Lance\u2019s house they could see a lot of horses tied up outside the house. Joe began to slow as he recognized Buck, Chubb and Sport along with Roy Coffee\u2019s horse. \u201cWhat do you think\u2019s going on here Lance?\u201d<\/p>\n Lance and Joe walked their horses the rest of the way into the yard. As they dismounted, the door of the house swung open and a rush of people entered the yard, Lance\u2019s parents, brothers and sisters poured out of the house followed by the Cartwrights and Roy Coffee. Everyone froze as they saw Joe and Lance standing shoulder to shoulder.<\/p>\n Lance glanced at Joe and realized that Joe was terrified, frozen in place. Lance opened his mouth to speak when his father bellowed, \u201cLance, where the devil have you been? We\u2019ve been looking for you for the past three days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Pa,\u201d Lance barely started when he was interrupted by his mother.<\/p>\n \u201cLance Jurgens, do not speak back to your father, I have been worried sick. And Joseph, I would like an explanation from you, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe and Lance were both dumbstruck. Neither had expected quite so large an audience for their tale. It was going to be even worse than they had imagined. Joe stammered slightly when he started to speak, then paused, took a deep breath, and stood up straight and squared off his shoulders. Lance saw him from the corner of his eye and straightened up also. Joe began, \u201cFirst of all we would both like to apologize for everything we\u2019ve done. We are very sorry and we would like a chance to explain what\u2019s been going on.\u201d Joe paused to see the reaction of his audience. His father and brothers were watching him, their faces inscrutable. He didn\u2019t know what to think. Usually he could read his father\u2019s expressions well. He glanced quickly at Hoss, hoping to see a sign, but even Hoss\u2019s face reflected his father\u2019s. He didn\u2019t bother to look at Adam, he knew what he would see there.<\/p>\n Joe was so unsure how to proceed. He glanced over at Lance, his eyes pleading for assistance. Lance put his arm around Joe, \u201cWe\u2019re both a little tired, perhaps we could go inside and sit down.\u201d Lance glanced pointedly at his younger siblings. Mrs. Jurgens took the hint and dismissed her children, banishing them to the barn. She led the adults back into the house and they all seated themselves in the livingroom, all eyes following Lance and Joe. Joe and Lance went to sit on the couch together. Joe lowered himself carefully, his arm protecting his ribs and back, which still ached constantly.<\/p>\n Ben, Hoss, and Adam all noted this movement and exchanged worried looks. Joe seemed so frail to them, Ben could see that he had lost weight and while tanned, his face had an unhealthy pallor. Ben\u2019s instinct was to go and grab his son in a bear hug, but he was unsure what to do. He was so relieved to see Joe back, he didn\u2019t want to do anything to upset him and make him change his mind. He had played that confrontation over again and again in his mind, regretting his harsh words, wishing he could take them back. The last thing he wanted was for his youngest son to leave.<\/p>\n Hoss was having a hard time controlling his emotions. He was so overcome with Joe\u2019s return that he was not far from tears. He was trying to keep himself in check so that he wouldn\u2019t make things any worse for Joe. He was terribly worried about his physical appearance, Joe looked like he did that time he had pneumonia and almost died. Hoss was terrified that the reason Joe had left in the first place was because of some disease or sickness that he hadn\u2019t wanted them to know about. Adam, the most reserved and in control, was hardly doing better than Hoss and Ben. He too, was appalled at Joe\u2019s physical appearance and also the psychological burden he seemed to be carrying. What could be so bad as to make his brother look and feel like that? All three of them seemed to be holding their breath and afraid to move, afraid somehow they would startle Joe.<\/p>\n Joe and Lance exchanged a quick look once everyone was settled and Joe began. He carefully explained everything that had happened the day of the accident. He hesitated when it came to explaining his behavior but finally just said, \u201cI know I caused everyone a lot of heartache and I\u2019m sorry about that. I blamed myself for Billy\u2019s accident and I felt that somehow I didn\u2019t deserve to be a part of your lives anymore. So I set out to give you a reason to feel that way so that I wouldn\u2019t be hurting you anymore ever again. I know now that my actions hurt you far more than anything else I have ever done. I plan to apologize to Hop Sing and Charlie as soon as possible.\u201d Joe took a deep breath, wincing slightly, \u201cI\u2019ll understand if you all can\u2019t forgive me for the things I\u2019ve said and done. I realize that I may have caused irreparable damage to my family and friends. I will accept that and will accept the consequences. I\u2019ll leave if you want.\u201d<\/p>\n A few moments passed in absolute silence. Everyone was appalled at what Joe and Lance had been through. Joe misinterpreted their silence as anger at the accident he had caused. Joe was bereft, his father and brothers had not said a word during his whole recital.<\/p>\n Lance jumped in when he could bear the silence no longer, \u201cIf Joe is going then I\u2019m going too.\u201d<\/p>\n If Joe had not been looking at his boots, he would have seen the panic that this statement caused his father and brothers. They looked at each other with consternation clearly written all over their faces. Even a casual observer would have been able to tell that they did not want Joe to leave. After a brief silence, caused by shock, everyone began to speak at the same time, Mrs. Jurgens protesting loudly that Lance wasn\u2019t going anywhere, Mr. Jurgens bellowing, Hoss, Ben and Adam talking all at the same time.<\/p>\n Roy Coffee, who had been patiently watching from the sidelines felt his heart go out to Joe who was sitting quite still amongst all the chaos, looking as if he didn\u2019t have a friend in the world. He put his fingers into his mouth and whistled loudly. Everyone froze.<\/p>\n \u201cI think that Lance and his parents and Joe and his family need to have a private chat. Folks why don\u2019t we step outside?\u201d Roy hastily ushered the Jurgens, all protesting, right out their own front door.<\/p>\n Joe stood and faced his family. \u201cI\u2019m really sorry Pa. I know I am a disappointment to you. I should have told you the truth right at the beginning. What happened to Billy was just so awful that I didn\u2019t know how to tell you. But every minute that I didn\u2019t tell you, and you were trying to make me feel better, just made me feel worse. I just couldn\u2019t find a way to tell you what was going on.<\/p>\n Hoss, I\u2019ve already apologized to Jenny, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you both. I didn\u2019t want you to feel bad about my leaving and I thought that accusing you of stealing Jenny would show you how awful I was.\u201d Joe finally fell silent, emotionally spent, dejected, and staring at his boots again.<\/p>\n His father slowly got to his feet and crossed to stand in front of Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cProud?\u201d Joe was incredulous. \u201cPa, haven\u2019t you been listening? I did all sorts of terrible things.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes Joseph you did, but you had the courage to come back and tell the truth and you were willing to take the consequences. Joe, no matter the circumstances of the accident that killed Billy, that is all it was\u2014an accident. Accidents happen, even when you are being careful, sometimes. We knew you wouldn\u2019t have put Billy in danger. We wouldn\u2019t have thought any less of you if you had told about the accident. Welcome home, Son. We missed you and would never have stopped looking until we found you.\u201d Ben held his arms out and embraced his son, feeling nothing but relief that his son had come back to him. He was surprised when Joe gave a low grunt of pain.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben held Joe away from him by the shoulders. \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing Pa, just a bit sore is all.\u201d Joe was clutching his ribs, his skin slightly paler than it had been.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, Sheriff Coffee told us about the fight you got into and Charlie told us about the falls you took. You must be hurting. Let\u2019s have a look at you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m okay, Pa, just a little sore is all. It is getting better now. There is nothing to see.\u201d Joe told his father, not wanting his father to see his bruises.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, let me see your ribs. Now.\u201d Ben said in his no-nonsense tone of voice that Joe and his brothers knew all-too-well.<\/p>\n Reluctantly Joe unbuttoned his shirt. Hoss and Adam had joined their father and all three were horrified at the sight of the large dark bruises on Joe\u2019s ribs and back. \u201cAre these bruises from the fight that Roy told us about? Or have you been in another fight since then?\u201d Adam asked with his eyebrows raised. That was the worst bruising he had ever seen for there to be no signs of the fight on Joe\u2019s face. He guessed that the man who had done that had some experience in boxing.<\/p>\n \u201cI got in a fight Saturday night. And I got thrown a couple of times Sunday. It\u2019s really better.\u201d Joe tried to shrug it off.<\/p>\n \u201cIf that is better, I can\u2019t imagine what it was like when it wasn\u2019t \u201cbetter\u201d, Ben said frowning. \u201cYoung man, we are taking you home right now, and sending for Doctor Marten to look you over just to be safe, and then we are putting you to bed for a few day\u2019s rest. And I expect Hop Sing will concentrate on putting some good food in you.\u201d<\/p>\n When Ben mentioned Hop Sing, Joe\u2019s face clouded up again. \u201cPa, I was so cruel to Hop Sing, he may never forgive me.\u201d Hoss spoke up, \u201cJoe, Hop Sing would forgive you for just about anything. He is worried sick about you and told me this morning not to come home without you.\u201d Ben added, \u201cHe gave me the dickens about your leaving\u2014said it was my fault for being a bad father. You have to come home for no other reason than to get Hop Sing to forgive me\u201d Ben said smiling at his son.<\/p>\n \u201cBut Pa, I have a lot to do, I have to find Charlie and apologize to him and see if I can get him back. Then I have to get those horses ready for the branding.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, you don\u2019t think Charlie actually left, do you? He knew you didn\u2019t mean what you said. All the other things you need to do can wait a few more days. You are going to rest, eat, and get your strength back, and that is final. Let\u2019s say it\u2019s one of the house rules.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled and watched as Joe turned to face his brothers. \u201cHoss?\u201d Joe merely looked at his brother. No words were needed. Hoss grinned his wide gapped-tooth grin, and said, \u201cWelcome back little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe smiled in relief, \u201cThanks Hoss. It\u2019s good to be back.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe turned to Adam. He simply gazed at his older brother, worried that Adam would no longer respect him now that he knew the truth. \u201cJoe it sounds like you\u2019ve had a rough time, are you sure you\u2019re ok?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be fine Adam.\u201d Joe continued to gaze quietly at his oldest brother.<\/p>\n Adam realized his brother was waiting for some words of reassurance, \u201cIt\u2019s about time you came home, Joe, the Ponderosa is not the same without you.\u201d He said with a grin. \u201cWhat made you come back Joe, what made you stop running?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe thought a moment, \u201cIt was Billy\u2019s gifts to us Adam. It made me realize how important a part of my life he was. And that he would never have wanted us to blame ourselves for what happened. He showed me the importance of small kindnesses.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben, gently this time, put his arms around his youngest son, and looking at Adam and Hoss said, \u201cLet\u2019s get your brother back where he belongs.\u201d Adam and Hoss smiled and said, \u201cWhat are we waiting for\u201d. The four Cartwrights went out the door, the youngest son, surrounded by his father\u2019s and brothers\u2019 love.<\/p>\n ***The End***<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\nthough\u2014they are all so silly.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nfuneral as the Reverend gave a brief sermon and eulogy. From what Ben could see They hardly even seemed to breathe.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cCharlie, can you do me a favor?\u201d<\/p>\n
\nexpected reaction. Joe shrank back into his chair. \u201cI\u2019m fine Pa. I\u2019ve just been working hard. The men and I have a lot to get done this week.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nsilent. There was no way Joe would admit to anything. Joe simply turned Cochise and rode away as his two brothers simply stood by, helpless to stop him, not sure they wanted to.<\/p>\n
\nhadn\u2019t Billy never would have tried it. And he\u2019d still be alive.\u201d Lance buried his face in his knees and the tears he had held in for so many days burst forth.<\/p>\n
\nbecause I didn\u2019t want to hurt your feelings. You\u2019re way too quiet, it\u2019s not like you have a personality or anything.\u201d<\/p>\n