{"id":45995,"date":"2023-06-09T09:36:02","date_gmt":"2023-06-09T13:36:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45995"},"modified":"2025-09-25T15:37:36","modified_gmt":"2025-09-25T19:37:36","slug":"broken-by-miss-judy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45995","title":{"rendered":"Broken (By Miss Judy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong> The Broken Ballad<\/em> episode ends with many unanswered questions. This story in Adam’s words, explains what happened\u00a0 to all of those who’d known Ed in his short time home. It gives a realistic view of the domino effect of ugly decisions that push gossip and judgment into a town’s reaction against one of its original citizens.<\/p>\n

There’s a twist in this story connecting Broken Ballad<\/em> to Blood on the Land <\/em>that will provide some great background to Billy Buckley.<\/p>\n

Rating:<\/strong> K\u00a0 Count:<\/strong> 16510<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Story Note:<\/strong> There are two Bonanza episodes, Blood on the Land <\/em>and Broken Ballad,<\/em> featuring the same actor (Ray Daley) playing a character named Billy. The roles are so similar (a na\u00efve young man who allows an older man\u2019s influence to direct his ways) that I\u2019m going to make the Billy from Blood On the Land the same Billy in Broken Ballad. He would have stayed on in Virginia City following the death of Jeb Drummond, although not accepting the Cartwright offer of land. Having this wonderful backstory helps explain how Billy Buckley could be recruited by Will Cass and what ultimately drove him to shoot Ed Payson. This story is written from Adam\u2019s perspective in the aftermath of Ed\u2019s death. It also notes the avalanche of consequences for Buckley and the Cass family. And finally, it examines how the broken bonds between Adam and Ben were reestablished \u2026 with a little help from Hoss and Joe.<\/p>\n

Broken\u00a0 <\/strong><\/p>\n

A Difficult Goodbye<\/strong><\/p>\n

My trip home from town is going slow. Sport senses my distraction and frequently tugs at the reins to remind me that we\u2019re moving at a snail\u2019s pace. His impatience prompts me to pay attention until I lapse back into memories that have my mind and heart spinning like opposing tornadoes of gratitude and regret, joy and sorrow \u2026.<\/p>\n

I said goodbye to Ed Payson earlier, leaving his guitar and pistol on the cross marking his grave. Those items symbolized the hard and soft sides of this man. The hard in that he\u2019d made his living as a hired gun after causing the death of his friend in a senseless drunken standoff. And the soft in the way he\u2019d used music to speak his fears and find solace.<\/p>\n

The brief service was attended only by my family and Sally Cass, with Reverend James pronouncing the blessings of commitment before rushing away to oversee another funeral. We allowed the caretakers to fill the grave before we set the cross and I offered a eulogy. Although Elegy might describe it better.<\/p>\n

I possess a gift that allows me to remember most of what I hear, see, and read. This doesn\u2019t mean I miraculously attain knowledge without effort. I learn through study and practice just like everyone else. And I listen carefully when others speak, allowing everything to stay in place like books on a shelf to reference when needed.<\/p>\n

Songs stay put differently. They emboss a melodic imprint I might compare to a music roll for a player piano. I drew from this talent today to recreate the ballad I heard Ed singing his first night home. It was a raw and truthful poem set to a mournful tune describing the deadly eventuality for a man who lived by his gun.<\/p>\n

The only reason I heard it was that I\u2019d ridden back to his place after dinner to ensure there was no trouble. It was a relief to hear him singing rather than the raised voices of vigilantes \u201cencouraging\u201d him to leave as I\u2019d worried might be the case after what I\u2019d witnessed at Cass\u2019 store earlier that day.<\/p>\n

There\u2019d been an immediate, suffocating change in the atmosphere when Will had recognized the customer with Sally. His deep, agonized frown, and wounded tone in addressing this man had taken me aback me since he had just been joking about Hoss\u2019 love of canned peaches.<\/p>\n

Sally had seemed equally confounded over her father\u2019s reaction until Will had proclaimed the customer as Ed Payson, the man who\u2019d \u201ckilled her brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dave Cass\u2019 death occurred while I was in Boston for college. I\u2019d never met Ed. The Payson family had moved here after I\u2019d left. News, but no details of the tragic and senseless gunfight had been included in one of Pa\u2019s letters. In Pa\u2019s way, he said that since he hadn\u2019t witnessed any of it, he chose to relate his sadness over Will\u2019s loss rather than forward gossip.<\/p>\n

By the time I returned, Dave\u2019s death had become local lore eagerly and often related to me as news I\u2019d missed. Each retelling had strange similarities. The storyteller always did a visual sweep of the room to ensure Will Cass wasn\u2019t nearby before beginning. The second unifier, was that no one could remember Ed causing or being any trouble prior to that shootout. Yet they all concluded he must have been guilty of something since he\u2019d left and started hiring out as a fast gun in the aftermath. The most often shared conclusion, relayed in a very quiet voice, was that Dave Cass had developed a wild streak, a boastful audacity, a quick temper, and a lack of self-control that had contributed to his death.<\/p>\n

These attributes hadn\u2019t surprised me. I\u2019d grown up with Dave: a golden child who\u2019d been adored by parents who chose to discount concerned reports of his behavior. Being the most prosperous family around had swelled Dave\u2019s head, leaving him with a superior attitude that eventually turned him into a bully. He was an angel around his father, so Will had seen no need for \u201cnecessary talks\u201d with Dave as my father did with us.<\/p>\n

After seeing Will\u2019s reaction to Ed, it seemed obvious he\u2019d chosen to remain blind towards his son\u2019s true nature during Payson\u2019s ten-year absence.<\/p>\n

In comparison, Ed\u2019s reaction to Will was as direct a contrast as black is to white or dark to light. Ed\u2019s words were calmly measured and his voice never rose while explaining his intent to live on the ranch left to him.<\/p>\n

Will refused to step back from his anger and eventually aimed a rifle at the unarmed Payson.<\/p>\n

Will surely had a right to withhold any welcome and to speak his mind. He had the right to hold a grudge and to ask Ed to leave. But he had no right to threaten Ed\u2019s life. Stu and his boys walked in then and made it clear Payson was unarmed, so I removed the rifle from Will\u2019s hands to prevent a tragedy.<\/p>\n

Will didn\u2019t resist. But his momentary surrender didn\u2019t indicate a change of heart. Only his tactic changed to refusing sale along with a threat that he\u2019d make sure no other business served Ed either. Again, Will had every right to deny access to his own goods, but not to enact a siege against Payson. \u00a0This threat prompted me to remind Will that I, or at least my family, held as much influence in town as he did.<\/p>\n

That declaration dusted up my homelife more than I could have predicted. I faced Pa\u2019s displeasure over my actions from the moment I stepped foot inside the house. My brief delay to drop off Ed\u2019s supplies had allowed Will to get to Pa first, decrying my siding with Dave\u2019s \u201cmurderer\u201d and my financial \u201cthreat\u201d against him.<\/p>\n

My family has always afforded people second chances and left me outright stymied by Pa\u2019s refusal to listen to any exonerating evidence or my side of the story.<\/p>\n

Observing how clearly Will had won Pa\u2019s loyalty made me suspect he wouldn\u2019t stop until he\u2019d whipped up others with fierier tempers than Ben Cartwright. Assuming they\u2019d show up at Ed\u2019s place after dark as cowards always do, I\u2019d waited until Pa went to his room and then headed over.<\/p>\n

Hearing only Ed\u2019s gentle voice accompanied by his guitar had brought relief. I\u2018d decided to leave rather than disturb him when he\u2019d begun the ballad. It seemed as much a confession as a song, so I\u2019d stayed to listen and rode on when it was done. It seemed Ed had put his life to words creating a hymn he probably relied on for examining how he had ended up an outcast making a last attempt to find peace.<\/p>\n

While helping Ed with repairs on his house the next day, I\u2019d mentioned hearing him when \u201ctaking the air\u201d the pervious evening, and he\u2019d shared that playing guitar had begun as an attempt to keep his fingers nimble. The effectiveness as an exercise had proven dubious, but he\u2019d found a welcome companion in this instrument.<\/p>\n

I believe he had learned to use those six strings to soothe his troubled spirit like the young shepherd, David had pacified the anguished soul of King Saul with his lyre.<\/p>\n

Since Ed had seemed willing to speak openly of his life, I\u2019d felt comfortable settling something in my mind. If I was to go on supporting and defending this newcomer against one of the town\u2019s founders, then I had to be sure that Will\u2019s hatred of Payson wasn\u2019t justified. Hoping to get an unscripted answer, I\u2019d asked Ed outright whether the shootout with Dave had been fair as well as legal.<\/p>\n

Unlike Will\u2019s emotional, unrelenting hatefulness and Pa\u2019s annoyed and embarrassed reaction to my actions at the store, Ed\u2019s answer was thoughtful and honest.\u00a0 One minute he and Dave had been drinking and having fun and the next minute they\u2019d been facing each other in the alley with deadly intent.\u00a0 Neither of them had thought through to the outcome of what they\u2019d started. Despite the senseless death, the standoff had been a \u201cfair\u201d fight.<\/p>\n

But then he\u2019d added that he\u2019d come to realize that no gunfight is ever truly fair. There\u2019s an assumption of a 50\/50 chance to win or lose. But one person always has an edge. Facing Dave, Ed figured he\u2019d been a little less drunk, making his draw faster and his aim truer. He\u2019d surprised himself that night. Having never shot in a standoff before, he\u2019d been astonished at his speed and accuracy even under the effects of alcohol.<\/p>\n

His saddest conclusion was that being drunk, slower and a poor shot had condemned Dave from the moment he\u2019d issued the challenge. My conclusion was that while Ed had possessed the edge against Dave, he\u2019d spent the next 10-years trying to outrun that bullet and take it in his own heart rather than kill his friend.<\/p>\n

Returning to a simple life had been his last attempt to make peace with himself and the ghosts that traveled at his side. At the cemetery today I recalled the chords and lyrics of Ed\u2019s ballad: a song as honest as the man who created it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My thoughts wander next to walking Sally home from the cemetery and volunteering to stay when I sensed her uneasiness in being alone.<\/p>\n

Planting my feet on the porch, I\u2019d gently propelled the swing we occupied in a gentle back-and-forth arc, letting the motion dissolve our tension. When Sally relaxed onto the pillows behind her, I did the same and began humming the song Ed and I pulled together the day the three of us shared dinner at his house.<\/p>\n

\u201cI will always remember that evening,\u201d Sally said as a smile formed over her grief. \u201cWe knew Ed for such a short time, yet we got to see his gentleness and dry humor. He may have gotten lost for a while, but he found himself again.\u201d She looked to me. \u201cDon\u2019t you think so, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe did.\u201d I allowed myself to review my short acquaintance with Ed Payson. \u201cWhat I admired was his truthfulness. He never blamed anyone for the choices he made, and he came home accepting the odds against being welcomed.\u201d<\/p>\n

The only sound for the next few minutes had been the swing\u2019s chains moving against the ceiling hooks. But a worried thought shot me upright. \u201cI\u2019m surprised your father hasn\u2019t come out to call me a traitor and send me packing. Perhaps I should go rather than cause trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sally sighed deeply. \u201cPa won\u2019t be coming outside, Adam. The last time I saw him was the evening Ed died. He went from the confrontation with you and Ed in the street to the saloon, and showed up at home later reeking of liquor and misery. He passed by without looking at me or responding, and went to his room. When Billy rode past shortly after that, I knew my father had sent him to finish what they\u2019d started. I screamed at Billy to stop and then ran inside hoping my father would intervene. He was already locked in his bedroom. I pounded on the door begging him to call Billy off, but he wouldn\u2019t respond.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere is he now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe hasn\u2019t been out of his room since then<\/em> or at least not when I\u2019m home. I hear him shuffling around in there repeating Dave\u2019s name in an eerie litany, but he won\u2019t answer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I help?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI doubt it. If he doesn\u2019t come out by morning, I\u2019ll get Dr. Martin to visit and get help to take the door down.\u201d<\/p>\n

The quiet returned until Sally leaned forward, cradling her head in her hands. \u00a0\u201cIsn\u2019t it odd that Ed could evoke such different responses. I was touched by his sincerity and saw no evil. Pa could only see a man he\u2019d hated and blamed for losing Dave. Billy hated Ed because I loved him. And you saw Ed\u2019s honesty and respected his need to try again.\u201d She sat up suddenly as her expression hardened. \u201cWhy couldn\u2019t our love save him, Adam? Why did hate win?\u201d<\/p>\n

Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I pulled her close. \u201cLove did save him. In his short time with us he found a friend and experienced your affection. The joy was short-lived, but he accomplished his intention to find \u2018home\u2019 again.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

I\u2019d spotted Roy coming towards the Cass home as I was offering Sally my goodbye, and he\u2019d called a greeting from the gate.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just got back and Stu told me about the last few days.\u201d He removed his hat and pulled out a hanky to mop his forehead. \u201cI heard the funeral was today. Did you two just get back?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was earlier, but we\u2019ve been talking,\u201d I explained. \u201cI best get moving before Pa sends the cavalry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI need to talk with both of you about this, but how about we do it at the office tomorrow morning. You both look worn.\u201d He locked Sally in his sights. \u201cI stopped at the store and Rose said your pa hasn\u2019t been there for a couple days. From Stu\u2019s telling, your father played a big role in what happened and I want to speak with him first. Is he inside?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sally repeated the story of Will being holed up, ending with, \u201cI didn\u2019t think about Pa\u2019s culpability. Could he be charged with something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t say until I talk with him and verify his story with Billy Buckley, if I can find him. From Stu\u2019s rambling report, your pa couldn\u2019t get past Payson being back. My deputy said he warned Will that Payson was free of any warrants and had every right to come home.\u201d Roy looked at his feet and shook his head. \u201cThe outcome indicates that fell on deaf ears. Stu says most people think your pa worked on Billy to go after Payson. But that\u2019s speculation and I\u2019ll make determinations only after hearing the stories of those involved.\u201d<\/p>\n

After a pause followed by a shiver resembling a dog shaking after exiting a pond, Roy added, \u201cBefore you ride off, Adam, I\u2019d ask you come upstairs with me and Sally. I\u2019ll try to talk Will outa his room. But if he won\u2019t, we\u2019ll bust down that door. We can\u2019t leave him alone to do something foolish now that he knows I\u2019m back and demanding answers. Sally and I can decide what to do once he\u2019s out of there.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Our house is finally on the horizon as I consider those last minutes in town. Will told Roy to go away, but his order lacked vigor and Sally gave the go-ahead to break in. After applying our boots to the thin door, we found the disheveled, reeking shell of Will Case curled on his bed holding a picture of his son. I expect he\u2019s awash in a moral crisis after acting evilly and against his own nature to remove Ed from his life.<\/p>\n

I admire Sally. Her tears turned instantly from losing a friend she\u2019d come to love, to rest on this withered man she\u2019d always loved. She knows what her father orchestrated, but quickly remembered that mankind is frail and any of us can succumb to the Devil\u2019s whispers. Despite Will\u2019s foul state, she ran to him; held him, and comforted him. Once Roy gave me a nod to indicate he had control, I slipped away.<\/p>\n

Facing Fatherly Impatience<\/strong><\/p>\n

The expression on Pa\u2019s face as I entered our house was the same sour frown he\u2019s been giving me since the day he confronted me about my insolence with Will.<\/p>\n

Knowing my father, the expression is no longer about befriending Ed Payson and more about his inability to offer comfort for the grief I\u2019m unable to fully disguise.<\/p>\n

This man still sits vigil with me through fevered nights when I\u2019m ill. But he doesn\u2019t know how to respond when the pain is soul deep.<\/p>\n

That wasn\u2019t always true. He easily recognized the ailments affecting my heart when I was little, and would pull me onto his lap or to his shoulder in a secure embrace. This always eased my fear and sadness. I absolutely trusted him when he\u2019d whisper that everything would be better and that I could stay wrapped in his arms until I had the strength to leave them.<\/p>\n

Once my younger brothers came along, I decided \u00a0to make things easier for Pa by handling my own uncertainties, fear, and heartbreaks. It wasn\u2019t that I didn\u2019t want Pa\u2019s physical comfort, but I\u2019d had him to myself for almost six years, and Pa was usually in short supply of patience and reassurance by the time I got to the front of the line behind Hoss and Joe. In turn, Pa probably interpreted my not seeking his affection as a sign of not wanting it any longer.<\/p>\n

Tonight, as I face Pa with my heart feeling shredded like a battle flag, I can think of nothing more healing than for him to pull me into his embrace while whispering that he\u2019s sorry I lost a friend and that time will heal the wounds and bring perspective. Yet, after I hang my coat and place my gun belt on the credenza, I move towards him and stop a step away. He remains at arm\u2019s length as well, leaving us sizing each other up like boxers waiting for the other to make the first move.<\/p>\n

It leaves me wondering how broken I\u2019d need to be before a full surrender to each other could ever happen again.<\/p>\n

My contemplating ends with Pa\u2019s command. \u201cCome to the table, Adam.\u201d His additional words carry his circumstantial displeasure. \u201cWe waited supper for you and Hop Sing is anxious to serve.\u201d<\/p>\n

Following him towards the dining room, I offer, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d to his back, and then try to plead a scrap of innocence. \u201cI was leaving Sally\u2019s house with time to get home when Roy came by and asked me to stay.\u201d I note Pa\u2019s left eyebrow arching as he pauses his stride and looks back at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cBy the way, Roy would like to get statements about Payson\u2019s death tomorrow and he asked that you come with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both of Pa\u2019s eyebrows have risen clear into his hairline. \u201cMe?\u201d he asks in a pitch rising much the same as his brows. \u201cWhat can I offer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wants to hear why you didn\u2019t press charges against Billy back when he was Drummond\u2019s acolyte.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa shrugs off the request and completes his walk to the head of the table where Hoss and Joe wait quietly. \u201cI have an early meeting in town tomorrow, but I\u2019ll stop later.\u201d Taking his chair, he points to my place across from him. \u201cSit down so Hop Sing can begin.\u201d<\/p>\n

The aroma of the fine Ponderosa beef Hop Sing carries in from the kitchen does not stimulate my appetite. This surprises me. I haven\u2019t eaten since morning and my stomach growled continuously on the ride home. \u201cI\u2019m not hungry, Pa,\u201d I say evenly. \u201cI\u2019m sorry to have delayed your meal, but I think I need rest more than food.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to eat, Son. We know you\u2019ve had a hard day. But we were there for you and I\u2019d ask you respect that kindness by remaining with us for a time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa must sense a tear in the fabric of the Cartwright family over what led to today\u2019s funeral, including his own unwillingness to step in when Will\u2019s intentions took a deadly turn. His point about my family standing with me is valid and his request to remain ensures that we work through disagreements rather than go our separate ways and let them fester.<\/p>\n

Taking a deep breath, I join hands with Hoss and Joe as Pa pronounces a blessing. I take enough from the serving dishes to push around my plate, giving the appearance of eating. But when I catch Pa watching me, I realize that rearranging my food isn\u2019t enough, so I move an infrequent forkful into my mouth while my brothers tell of loco weed growing in a pasture and their plan to clear it.<\/p>\n

Talk turns to an upcoming visit from a former ranch hand who is successfully building his own small herd in Arizona. I\u2019m trying to listen and make appropriate facial expressions, but suddenly, my insides feel like a butter churn! I didn\u2019t feel \u201csick\u201d when I sat down, but forcing myself to eat when my stomach is in knots never goes well. My chair nearly topples when it sticks on the rug as I bolt up. Managing to mumble my apologies, I make a beeline for the stairway.<\/p>\n

Hoss is the first to voice concern. \u201cHe sure don\u2019t look good. You suppose he\u2019s getting\u2019 sick like he does when he pushes too hard?\u201d<\/p>\n

The nausea recedes with the deep breaths taken while charging up the steps. Registering Hoss\u2019 comment, I pull to a stop out of sight in the hallway waiting for an answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s been moping since Payson\u2019s death,\u201d Pa offers with an edge of judgment in talking \u201cabout\u201d me. He\u2019s been careful to hide this when talking \u201cto\u201d me about Ed.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe way he\u2019s carrying on you\u2019d think that man was a lifetime friend instead of someone he knew for a couple of weeks. Adam tried to change Payson\u2019s course, but men like that usually end up as he did.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hear Hoss clear his throat and then a clink of metal against china indicating he has put his fork down. He only does this during a meal when he\u2019s going to make a serious point. I abhor eavesdropping yet my boots seem securely glued to the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t mean no disrespect, Pa, but Adam ain\u2019t moping. He\u2019s grievin\u2019 a friend. It don\u2019t matter whether that friend is the kind you\u2019ve known for years like Ross and Delphine or someone you just found like this Ed Payson. Each loss tears at him somethin\u2019 awful.\u201d More clinking indicates he\u2019s releasing his tension by moving the rest of his silverware around.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam don\u2019t take friendships lightly, or build them easy,\u201d he continues. \u201cI helped stow stuff when he got back from Payson\u2019s place last week, and he seemed happy \u2026 relaxed \u2026 like I don\u2019t often see my older brother. He believed this man stood a good chance of findin\u2019 a new life if others let him be. He\u2019s hurtin\u2019 even more because that chance got taken away in an act of spiteful revenge.\u201d<\/p>\n

My eyes well with hot tears as I thank God for this brother who knows me so well.<\/p>\n

Thinking this would end the conversation, I take a quiet step forward, but stop as Joe breaks the silence. His voice is softer, making me wish I\u2019d stayed put instead of now having to brace against the wall and lean back to hear better.<\/p>\n

\u201cI agree with Hoss. Adam can brood, but this is different. There are only two witnesses to what happened the night Payson died and neither of them have talked about it. Hoss and I stopped at the Bucket while you went to the bank after the burial. Without facts people are speculating. Some think Billy had every right to stake his claim to Sally when Payson got sweet on her. Others say Buckley wouldn\u2019t have had the guts to do it except for Will Cass pushing him towards it. Many saw Will with Billy at the saloon just before he left for the shootout and assumed whatever Will said to him added wind to the fire he\u2019d already lit inside Buckley. Billy hasn\u2019t been around, so they wonder if the kid ambushed Payson rather than fought him, and ran to avoid a noose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2019s right about that, Pa.\u201d Hoss\u2019 muffled words indicates he took a bite of food while Joe was talking. \u201cNeither Billy nor Mr. Cass has been seen since that night. That last thing Joe said is what most wonder about. Fumbling ole\u2019 Billy Buckley could not have outdrawn or outshot Ed Payson.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss huffs. \u201cThink back on it, Pa. Billy had to look away to shoot Jeb Drummond when the old man came at him with deadly intent, even after learning of the dirt Drummond had done him. To go from that to winning a gun fight with a fast draw ain\u2019t realistic. Adam ain\u2019t been able to talk about it either, so we best hold our judgments until we know the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wonder if the ragged breath I just released was heard downstairs, but I stay put awaiting Pa\u2019s response.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know the Cartwrights defend the underdog and give people a chance.\u201d A pause separates his thought. \u201cBut Payson made a living killing for money. He managed to keep it within the law, yet I find it hard to give a second chance to someone who would shoot another person without good cause or at another\u2019s behest.\u201d<\/p>\n

My tension eases into a smile as Hoss laughs. Pa has a short memory and I believe Hoss is about to tweak it.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you forgettin\u2019 that before Billy saved<\/em> our lives, he shot point blank at Adam following Drummond\u2019s orders? Adam would\u2019a died right then exceptin\u2019 Billy\u2019s gun misfired. Buckley worked for a man who thought nothing of preaching the Bible while ordering his men to kill anyone who had what he wanted. Yet you saw a spark in Billy that you honored with a second chance.\u00a0 That\u2019s what Adam offered Payson.\u201d<\/p>\n

Before Pa could answer, Joe spoke up again. \u201cAnd recall that you welcomed Ma Hoad into our home despite her surety that the breech between we\u2019uns and you\u2019uns could only be addressed through gunfire and death. You gave her a second chance even after her family had left a trail of bodies and threats behind them. They ate dinner at this table while Adam was overhead recovering from a bullet sent from a Hoad rifle. Only grace took that bullet into a book to slow and turn it or Adam would have been dead or crippled.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa\u2019s complexion must be getting redder at my brothers\u2019 forced look into his duplicity over what he could forgive as a \u201cmurderous sort\u201d and what he could accept of me. \u201cEnough!\u201d he declares with volume, but not in anger. His voice is calm as he continues, \u201cI get it. Adam befriending Payson was as natural for him as breathing because it\u2019s what this family does. My only defense is that while he was befriending Payson, I viewed things from Will Cass\u2019 loss.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa clears his throat. \u201cI heard talk at the bank today too and fear that rumors about my old friend\u2019s involvement in Payson\u2019 death are valid. People felt bad for Will when they heard Payson had showed up in his store. But they also heard Sally\u2019s account of him being peaceable and hopeful of returning to a normal life. The most unsettling thing I heard was that Will did make rounds of the businesses in town enlisting their support in refusing to serve Payson, just as Adam had predicted. Clarence from the bank said a malicious change come over Will that allowed him speak of Payson as a \u2018thing\u2019 he needed to be rid of like yesterday\u2019s garbage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the conclusion we heard too,\u201d Joe confirmed.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I think back to Will ordering me to bring Adam into line, I should have asked him what he<\/em> had done to evoke such a stand from my son. It breaks my heart that my impatience with Adam stems from being unwilling to listen to his concerns or address them with Will. \u00a0We do need to hear the whole truth before saying any more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa\u2019s chuckle in ending this conversation isn\u2019t a laugh. It\u2019s his way of admitting he\u2019s just been given a \u201cnecessary\u201d attitude adjustment by his sons. \u201cNow,\u201d he says firmly. \u201cSince we\u2019ve done exactly what I didn\u2019t want to do at this meal, can we finish eating in peace!\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure how to get to my room without Pa knowing I\u2019ve been listening. I shouldn\u2019t have worried.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know you\u2019re up there, Adam. I never heard the hinge squeak in your bedroom door. If you feel better, join us and we\u2019ll either talk this out or change the subject entirely.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stepping from the hall to the upstairs landing, I smile at my family below.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m still not hungry, but I appreciate that conversation. Thank you all for your honesty and more importantly, your willingness to listen even if the truth brings a good deal of discomfort.\u201d<\/p>\n

By the time I got to my chair, Hop Sing had delivered hot food for second helpings and placed a fresh table setting for me. The aromas this time leaves my stomach undisturbed, yet the only one that beckons is coming from the pewter coffee pot our cook just set in front of me. A cup of that will suffice until dessert. With Hop Sing\u2019s innate tendency to know which one of us needs a little extra care, I wager it will be a confection I favor.<\/p>\n

Pa views me across the table while I raise the cup for a sip. His smile is honest and his eyes twinkle as they do when he knows a log jam in our family\u2019s flow has been cleared. \u201cWould you like to talk about your friend\u2019s death now that I\u2019m not fussing at you to put him aside and move on?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI might rather wait until I give my statement to Roy tomorrow.\u201d I glance over at Hoss and then Joe. \u201cYou\u2019re both welcome to be there.<\/p>\n

Hoss brought a spoonful of mashed potatoes to a halt midway to his plate. \u201cI\u2019ll think on it, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nods. \u201cSame here.\u201d<\/p>\n

With the earlier tension removed, I feel I should reveal the situation back in town. \u201cThe reason I was so late, Pa, is that I helped Roy break down Will\u2019s bedroom door to extricate him. The situation is not good.\u201d The shocked look on my family\u2019s faces continues as I reveal what Sally told me and what I\u2019d observed once the door was open.<\/p>\n

My father looks poleaxed, but finds his voice. \u201cI\u2019ll see him tomorrow whether he wants me there or not. Does Sally know why he\u2019s acting like this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe talked about it some, and she revealed that her father has always cursed Ed Payson in private. But with Ed leaving after being cleared of Dave\u2019s death, others thought Will had learned to live with his loss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat is astute,\u201d Pa interjects. \u201cBack then, I recall Will rejecting any thoughts about his son that didn\u2019t fit his ideal of the boy. His friends found it easiest to avoid the subject entirely.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSally made another amazing observation, concluding that her father couldn\u2019t forgive Payson because he couldn\u2019t forgive Dave for putting his life in jeopardy so stupidly. Unwilling to understand any of it, he canonized Dave as a saintly boy who could remain an innocent victim. When Ed walked into the store, Will\u2019s denial of the truth burst open like an infected boil.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa rubbed his chin while nodding. \u201cIt would seem our unwillingness to confront him with truth did not serve him well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s partially true, Pa. Don\u2019t forget it was Will\u2019s choice to stay mired in the lies he told himself and he\u2019s responsible for every decision proceeding from that. He could have sought counsel from friends or the minister to force another look at the situation. You\u2019ve done that many times and found it revealing.<\/p>\n

Pa manages a soft smile as I continue. \u201cWith all of us under this roof being adults now, we certainly have differing idea about how to address situations. This sometimes causes profound disagreements. But we\u2019ve witnessed the way you handled such situations all our lives. It\u2019s what makes us come back to the table and talk out our grievances. It isn\u2019t comfortable, but it ensures that what divides us is never stronger than what holds us together. Instead of releasing his anger, Will clung onto it like some ugly souvenir of Dave\u2019s death.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss used a slice of bread to swab down the last of the gravy on his plate while asking, \u201cWhat d\u2019ya think will happen to Mr. Cass?\u201d<\/p>\n

The question makes me grimace. \u201cHe will be found guilty of pushing for the murder of Ed Payson, at least in the court of public opinion. What bothers me even more is that Will must have known Billy was no match for Payson\u2019s gun. He manipulated Billy to take a stand where there was little chance of the kid coming out alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sums it up all right,\u201d Hoss concludes.<\/p>\n

\u201cWill\u2019s hatefulness allowed him to view Buckley as disposable,\u201d I continue. \u201cThere was perfect evil logic in this plan. If Billy miraculously won the gunfight, he would become a folk hero and Will would be rid of Payson. If Billy lost, even in a fair fight, Will would claim Ed was surely a killer, making his attempt to stay here unattainable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Revealing all this has left me even more exhausted, a reminder of why I hadn\u2019t planned to do so. Yet, being this far, I might as well conclude. \u201cWhat I\u2019ll tell Roy tomorrow is that that Billy is alive because Ed Payson decided there would be no more death at his hand. Billy did \u2018offer\u2019 him the option of leaving town, but Ed had accepted the inevitability of his life ending by the gun. The song I sang graveside was Ed\u2019s own psalm. The one thing he could control was deciding when and how it would happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019d he do that?\u201d Hoss asks in a reverent tone.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen he\u2019d decided to come home, Ed vowed that he would live free of his past or not at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t invite him here,\u201d Pa confesses. \u201cHe sounds like an interesting, thoughtful, and spiritual man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was, Pa. \u00a0The first thing I noticed about Ed was how weary he looked. Ten years in that life had taken a toll. I witnessed his skill with a gun when he drew against Billy, but what I saw clearly in our short association was that Ed lacked the soul and bravado of a true gunfighter. He seemed apologetic for causing any deaths and ensured all standoffs were within the law. And when he decided to quit, he faced his past head on in going to Will Cass first. Unfortunately, Will\u2019s hatred proved a deadlier weapon than any gun.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 cheeks are scrunching up as he leans forward. \u201cDid Payson let Billy draw first?\u201d<\/p>\n

My head moves side-to-side as I visualize the last minutes of Ed\u2019s life. \u201cEven using a gun and holster that wasn\u2019t his, Ed had the pistol out and aimed at Billy before the kid could send a message from his head to his hand to draw. But Ed didn\u2019t shoot. He waited for Billy to draw and after standing there for a few seconds, the kid finally pulled the trigger. As Ed went down, he fired wide to make it \u2018fair.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019d Billy shoot if Ed was just standin\u2019 there? Maybe he couldn\u2019t imagine that someone holding a gun on him wouldn\u2019t shoot?\u201d Hoss suggested in answer to his own question.<\/p>\n

A rumble from deep in my chest exits, sounding like wounded laugh. \u201cCouldn\u2019t he? You reminded Pa that Billy shot at me with a defective gun. Let\u2019s not forget that my pistol still worked. I gave him a chance to decide that he wasn\u2019t a killer. Ed gave him that same chance.\u201d<\/p>\n

My father has leaned back in his chair, his complexion turning a pasty pale. \u201cAre you feeling all right?\u201d I ask in concern.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll those things you said about Will knowing the odds but still pushing Billy. Are you sure that\u2019s true?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw it first-hand.\u00a0 Sally and others confirm it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa sits up although his color remains ghostly. \u201cI\u2019m left drawing comparisons between Jeb Drummond and Will Cass. Drummond was a thief, a liar, and a murderer. He played on Billy\u2019s loyalty to have him go after Adam and then us. On the other hand, Will has been gracious and fair, a pillar of this community. Yet they both used Billy in sick, twisted ways. No wonder Will\u2019s been hiding.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa grabs his handkerchief from his pocket and wipes at his nose. \u201cI hate what he\u2019s done, but he needs a friend more than a judge. You can tell Roy about Billy\u2019s past if it comes up, Adam. I\u2019ll stay with Will and assist any way I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe scratched at his neck and grimaced. \u201cThere is one difference, Pa. Billy isn\u2019t as innocent in this instance as he was when facing Adam. Jeb would have killed him if he hadn\u2019t obeyed. Will Cass may have goaded him into it, but there was no one holding a gun to Billy\u2019s head.\u00a0 When given the choice, Billy alone made the decision to shoot.\u201d My youngest brother tosses his napkin onto the table and grits his teeth. \u201cYou wonder what Billy was really thinking as he pulled the trigger.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Ugly Truth<\/strong><\/p>\n

Our talk last night brought insight for all of us, but I was careful to keep the discussion about the circumstances without revealing more about the personal toll they\u2019ve taken.<\/p>\n

When the room had finally quieted, Hop Sing appeared with plates bearing dessert to provide a \u201csweet\u201d ending to the meal. I\u2019d been right in thinking it would be something I liked, and my stomach welcomed two generous pieces of the custardy yellow cake with the crunchy topping of nuts and sugar. The recipe must have an actual name, but Hop Sing calls it Adam\u2019s Cake. It\u2019s been my favorite since I took my first bite as a kid.<\/p>\n

Sleep came quickly when I finally turned in, but it was interrupted by a recurrent nightmare. My cheeks and pillow were wet when I awoke. It\u2019s impossible not to feel the futility of watching Ed\u2019s life ebb away so senselessly, even in my dreams.<\/p>\n

Will Cass is facing the results of a failed moral dilemma, but Ed faced his own moral choice the night Billy showed up at his house. The six deaths he\u2019d hastened might have fallen under the law, yet he\u2019d admitted that the spirits of those men had followed him. That night, Ed considered every possible way out of the situation and found only one. He surrendered his life rather than kill again.<\/p>\n

My hope is that Sally and I allowed him a few blessed days of friendship without expectation or judgment. He was hesitant to hope this could ever become his life, but I believe it strengthened his ultimate decision to remain true to himself.<\/p>\n

In the struggle between good and evil, I chose to root for Ed Payson. Someone hearing Ed\u2019s ballad might think he died miserably. One day I\u2019ll add a stanza to tell how in choosing to die \u201cby the gun,\u201d he saved his soul.<\/p>\n

A New Day<\/strong><\/p>\n

Breakfast this morning continued with the same cordiality we\u2019d reached last night. Hoss and Joe are accompanying Pa and me to town, but they\u2019ve decided to scour the saloons for the latest gossip and speculation. Pa remains hopeful that Will is ready to accept help and he will provide it.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The ride to town went quickly with Joe leading the way onto the main thoroughfare. Since my brothers intend to start with saloons at the far end of town, we\u2019re confused to see our youngest family member pulling over in front of Cass\u2019 store.<\/p>\n

The rest of us understand when seeing the large \u201cFor Sale\u201d sign nailed to the right of the door where Rose Redmond is talking with a patron. Rose often takes care of the store for Will and with all that\u2019s been going on, seeing her doesn\u2019t surprise us. Once the stone-faced customer walks away, she motions us over.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must be surprised by the sign.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSurprised is one way to describe it,\u201d Pa replies.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was with Sally most of yesterday and she never mentioned selling the store,\u201d I add.<\/p>\n

\u201cLots happened after you left, Adam.\u201d Not many people are doing errands yet, but after a quick look to ensure we have no eavesdroppers, she continues. \u201cSally came in towards evening planning to get the cash and close the store. She told me about her father and then asked if I\u2019d help this morning while she talks with Roy. There was no mention of selling then, so I was as stunned as you to see the sign today. Sally was in a hurry, but she gave me a few details as to why it\u2019s \u2018necessary\u2019 to sell fast.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCare to share what you learned?\u201d I lean sideways to clear Sport\u2019s thick neck and wink at her. \u201cYou\u2019re not the gossiping type, but I\u2019m also heading over by Roy and Pa is going to see Will. It would be nice to know what hornet\u2019s nest has been disturbed before we get stung.\u201d<\/p>\n

My bothers relocate their horses to hear better as Rose takes another quick look both ways down the street. \u201cYou all know Billy Boy Buckley didn\u2019t have the brains nor guts to shoot Ed Payson on his own. You also know Will\u2019s in a mental breakdown.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe do know those <\/em>things. What don\u2019t<\/em> we know?\u201d I encourage.<\/p>\n

\u201cWord made it to wherever Billy was hiding that Roy was back and had spoken to Will. He hurried to the jail to give his side of the story last evening, but Roy told him to come back today when you and Sally would be there too. Failing to plead his case there, the kid took his claim of innocence on a tour of saloons. He says Will Cass made him believe that the only thing standing between him and Sally getting married was Ed Payson and he kept pushing at him to do something about it. With Billy not being the most creative of sort, folks easily accepted his story of being manipulated.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey believe Will made<\/em> him do it?\u201d Hoss asks a bit loudly.<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty much,\u201d Rose said as she stepped closer to make her next point. \u201cBilly says he was astounded by how fast Payson drew that night, but then, Ed didn\u2019t shoot. This left Billy confused as to how to respond, but he went ahead and drew too. As they both stood with their pistols drawn, he contemplated the reasons Will had put in his mind to kill Payson and he finally shot at him. Billy now claims Will jaded him towards Ed by lying about Sally\u2019s affections and Payson being ruthless killer.\u201d Rose chuckles. \u201cI\u2019m not sure if Billy is seeking absolution for shooting Payson or trying to let other know he didn\u2019t really outdraw a known gunfighter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA little of both I presume.\u201d I\u2019m personally surprised that he\u2019s being as truthful as he is. \u201cBilly doesn\u2019t need to worry about a challenge. Ed had no reputation as a gunfighter. So, how does this lead into the store being for sale.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rose\u2019s smile drops as her brown eyes darken to black. \u201cAfter the good people of Virginia City listened to Billy\u2019s tale, they began contemplating their own part in Ed\u2019s death and like Buckley, they are trying hard to declare their innocence.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow so?\u201d I ask<\/p>\n

\u201cAll those righteous folks who did and said nothing or even encouraged Will when his reaction to Payson turned ugly, now say Ed deserved a chance to start over. They conclude that Will should have gotten past this his anger years ago instead of letting it eat him alive. Sally told me that between the time I left last night and when she finally locked up, 20 customers had come by to spew their judgments on her father and close their accounts. I\u2019ve had ten more since I opened.\u201d<\/p>\n

We all turn as Marge Swenson walks towards the store. She gives Rose an imperious nod and says, \u201cI need to talk with you,\u201d before striding into the store with her shoulders back and chin jutting forward like the prow of a ship.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGolly, I can\u2019t imagine why she\u2019s here,\u201d Rose laughs. \u201cFunny how desperate people are to disassociate with Will now that he\u2019s being accused of the same heinous act he claimed Payson committed. These same folks who remained silent back when Will declared Dave was completely innocent, now clearly remember the boy being a bully with a hair-trigger temper. They now proclaim that Ed had every right to shoot Dave in a fair gunfight spurred Will\u2019s boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pa\u2019s face takes a sour grimace. \u201cWill knows this is happening?\u201d<\/p>\n

A sad expression sets firmly on Rose\u2019s face. \u201cSally told him last night, but then a few even more righteous folks got enough liquid courage in their guts to congregate outside the Cass house after dark holding torches and shouting that he murdered Ed Payson. Sally slipped out the back and Roy got there just as the mob started throwing stones at the house while threatening to burn it down. Will knows the only way out of this is to sell and leave town.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a sad day when a man who was a first anchor in this town and supported so many through their toughest of times is treated with such contempt.\u201d Pa blew a sigh and looked over at us. \u201cI\u2019m one of those who should have tried harder with Will back when Dave died, and I regret not stepping in along with Adam when Will\u2019s current intentions became clear. I know he\u2019s done wrong, yet we can all take a misstep through a dark gate and find ourselves drowning in bad decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n

With Rose heading inside to deal with Marge, my family needs to get moving too. \u201cWill and Sally will appreciate your help, Pa. Let us know what we can do.\u201d I slip Pa a lopsided smile and lean closer. \u201cAs a wise man once told me, \u201cI just worry you\u2019ll get yourself into the middle of trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve used an eye roll throughout my life to express my annoyance over unwanted advice, assuming the expression was original to me. But receiving one from Pa in response to my recall of his caution when I befriended Ed, makes it clear that I was only a student of the master.<\/p>\n

Reaching over the divide between our horses, he pats my arm and says, \u201cI may have forgotten for a minute that getting into the middle of trouble is what Cartwrights do best.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

I bid goodbye to my brothers outside the Bucket and continued to the jail where my brisk walk into Roy\u2019s office halts at seeing Billy and Sally seated around the sheriff\u2019s desk.<\/p>\n

\u201cPerfect timing, Adam,\u201d Roy says in welcome and nods towards the others. \u201cThese two showed up a little bit ago and have been giving me an account of Ed Payson\u2019s arrival in town.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like a quick recap,\u201d I request while carrying a chair over by Sally.<\/p>\n

Roy clears his throat. \u201cLet me tell it from my notes to verify I have it right.\u201d He shuffles sheets of paper and positions his glasses down his nose to read his scratchy writing. \u201cBilly said he was here with Jamie and Stu when Payson rode into town.\u201d Roy looks up at me to provide further context. \u201cThis wasn\u2019t unexpected. Shelby Smith wrote the will for Ed Sr, and sent notices to young Ed\u2019s last known address when his father died some years back. There was no response then, but a couple months back, Ed wired Shelby to confirm that the land was still his. Assuming this meant Ed planned on coming home, and since Shelby\u2019s been here a long time and was aware of Will\u2019s continued ill feelings to the man, he alerted me to the possibility of trouble on the horizon.\u201d<\/p>\n

I nod. \u201cDid you warn Will?\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy rubs his chin. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to make<\/em> trouble when there might not be any, but knowing I was going to be gone a while testifying in Placerville, Stu and I scoured our current warrants and found nothing for Payson in Nevada. I wired the surrounding states and even the town where that wire originated. The sheriff there said Ed had protected a wealthy rancher who\u2019d been threatened a few times, but had never caused any trouble. We decided Stu would just keep an eye out and If Payson arrived while I was gone, he would remind Will that the man had the right to settle here.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe might\u2019a had the right <\/em>to come home,\u201d Billy says with a distinct snarl. \u201cBut sense should\u2019a told him he shouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy ignores the comment. \u201cThere\u2019s something in the back of my mind about you and Billy, Adam, and I gotta know the truth about this. Billy is the kid who tried to kidnap and shoot you back when he came here with that demented sheep herder.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but how does that impact this situation?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWith you two being the only ones who know what went on at Payson\u2019s the night he died, I wonder if past animosity might jade your view of Billy\u2019s role in the death of a man who\u2019d become your friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you say that?\u201d I hear the baffled tone in my voice even as I understand Roy\u2019s need to ask. \u201cI will confirm what Billy says as long as it\u2019s the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo \u2026 you\u2019re willing to let Billy go free if it was a legal fight?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have never lied to you, even when it might have made life easier doing so.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s true Adam,\u201d Roy says calmly. \u201cIt\u2019s why I will rely highly on your account of Payson\u2019s death. Let\u2019s set this straight so I can move on. Was the shootout within the law?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt fit the standard for a legal fight. Ed Payson made sure of that so he could die in peace. My only question is why Billy fired when he could have chosen not to.\u201d<\/p>\n

I notice that Roy is careful to pace this conversation with physical gestures. He\u2019s sighed, rubbed his face, cleared his throat, and this time he removes his glasses, cleans them with his hanky, and then replaces them before saying, \u201cThank you, Adam. Let\u2019s get back to that first day. Billy says Payson rode straight to the Cass store.\u201d He looks up at me. \u201cSally said you took a liking to Payson right off and helped him with supplies and fixing up his house. There are two others stores where he could have bought those staples and avoid trouble. Did you ever get a sense why he confronted Will Cass first thing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEd didn\u2019t \u2018confront\u2019 Will,\u201d I clarify. \u201cHe walked in and placed an order with Sally like any other customer. He must have expected Will to recognize him at some point, but Ed did nothing to raise the tension. To answer your question, I believe Ed knew the road out to his house went directly through Will Cass\u2019 store. He went there first in an honest attempt to let Will know he was back and why, and assess whether Dave\u2019s father would be a bump in that road or a full roadblock.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe apologized once Pa recognized who he was and remained calm and very humble,\u201d Sally interjects. \u201cI agree with Adam that he was being upfront about his intentions and he needed my father\u2019s reaction.\u201d<\/p>\n

After another pause, this time to read his notes, Roy addressed me again. \u201cSally said you were picking up supplies and stayed out of it until her father pulled a rifle. Why did you intervene?\u201d<\/p>\n

A dry laugh escapes. \u201cSomeone had to. Will\u2019s anger escalated quickly with no provocation other than Ed\u2019s presence. Sally is correct. Payson remained calm, humbly stating his intentions. But something came over Will I can only explain as being evil. Stu arrived then and his cautions fell on Will\u2019s deaf ears too. I was closest to Will and he was able to release the firearm to me as he stepped back from what would have been a regrettable action.\u201d<\/p>\n

My thoughts return to that initial meeting and a sigh slips out. \u201cEd was despised as having been a gun for hire, yet in his ten-year absence, he admitted having only six standoffs, all done within the law. With Dave taken from that total, it was just five. It couldn\u2019t have provided a lucrative life considering he owned only his guitar, his horse, and a few coins in his pocket. Ed was not a legendary gun or<\/em> a killer. He was simply a man making a living within the law in a way most people cannot understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

I do a little self-reflective math. \u201cI\u2019ve killed more men than Ed Payson. All legally too. The difference is that I shot to defend the lives of my family, myself, or our land from those who threatened to take them. I\u2019m still seen as a respected member of this community while Ed was considered a pariah with no one bothering to ask the circumstances he\u2019d faced.\u201d<\/p>\n

A shiver ripples down my back as I realize how different my life could have been if one of the people I\u2019d killed had been a friend in a moment spurred by alcohol and stupidity.<\/p>\n

Turning to Billy, I wrest the questioning from Roy to get to the meat of things. \u201cYou were also there that day. You had never met Ed. You\u2019d only heard of him and yet judged yourself superior. How could you do that knowing you\u2019d once been the right-hand-man of killer and that you\u2019d been given a second chance at life, just as Ed was asking?\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy\u2019s eyes nearly pop from their sockets before he starts picking at his clothes and cuticles. The focus of what happened has been on Will so far, with no one challenging Billy to explain why he performed the execution.<\/p>\n

The wheels turn slow in Billy\u2019s mind. I noticed that in my first encounter with him and again when he decided whether to shoot Ed. His twisting facial features exhibit this tortured thought process as we all await an answer. The kid finally sits forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hang around with Stu and Jamie, so I heard about that evil Payson killing Mr. Cass\u2019 son. I went with them to the store expecting trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut there was no trouble,\u201d I insert. \u201cAt least not from Ed Payson. He didn\u2019t have a gun; he remained restrained and respectful; he never even raised his voice, and he left when told. So \u2026 what possible evil did you witness in him!\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy\u2019s eyes flash in anger. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you let things be, Adam? It might have ended right then with Payson leaving again if you\u2019d stayed out of it,\u201d Billy whines and then turns on Sally. \u201cAnd why\u2019d you have to get to likin\u2019 him more than me? Someone had to stick up for your pa and protect you from a killer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sally\u2019s mouth opens in a silent O as her cheeks flame crimson. \u201cYou believe you killed Ed Payson to protect me? How utterly ridiculous!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you and me was courting before he got to town.\u201d The whining tone is back. \u201cThen just like that you started making eyes at the guy who killed your brother!\u201d<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t what I was expecting to witness today, but the truth coming out is clearing the impenetrable fog that has lingered over this whole episode.<\/p>\n

Sally is fighting tears but she engages Billy eye-to-eye. \u201cFirst off, Billy Boy, you didn\u2019t know my brother. Ed Payson drew faster in a fight my brother provoked. My father could never admit that, but I knew a different Dave than Pa did. Pa coddled Dave after our mother died because he had a hard time getting over the loss himself. I took over most of Ma\u2019s work for the family, but Dave, who\u2019d always been a mouthy, troubled kid, was allowed to do anything he pleased because Pa had no strength to keep him in line. Dave eventually concluded he was smarter and better than others and got mad if they dared challenge him.\u201d She looks quickly at me. \u201cAdam knows the truth of what I\u2019m saying. My brother could be cruel, yet Pa refused to see it. When he faced Ed Payson, Dave found out in the worst way that he wasn\u2019t the best at everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

She huffed loudly, taking a deep breath before reengaging the wide-eyed Billy. \u201cAnd that lie you\u2019re telling yourself about the two of us is absurd. We went out for dinner now and then, Billy, but nothing more. Pa used your interest in me when Ed came home. You just yelled at Adam about getting involved. But after he stood up to Pa, my father realized that running Ed out of town would be impossible if people like Adam Cartwright advocated for giving the man a chance. I\u2019m not sure what the Devil whispered in Pa\u2019s ear, but he suddenly saw a method to rid himself of his pain through a na\u00efve kid who thought I was in love with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

It took Sally another deep breath and shift of position to gather strength for her final thoughts. \u201cBut what you didn\u2019t know was that Pa would never have let me marry you. He had his eye on a couple of young men from town with wealthy fathers, not some former sheep herder with two cents to his name and no discernable skills beyond hammering a nail straight. He allowed you to take me out to benefit from your help like building that new shed out back or loading wagons when our regular man was away. He liked you, but he laughed at your clumsy, simple ways, and said he doubted you ever had an original thought in your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe never!\u201d Billy shouted, but then grew quiet. \u201cHe \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUsed you,\u201d I provided. \u201cHe used your innocence in harmless ways at first. Who knows whether he might have come around to seeing you as husband material if Sally had developed true feelings for you. Will is normally a kind and generous man, but he had a streak of hate running through him like a vein of silver ore in a mine. Had Ed Payson not returned, that vein might never have been tapped. But once exposed, he mined it, hoping that ridding his life of grief and hatred was as easy as eliminating what he saw as the source of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy stood, laying his hands flat on his desk and giving us each an evil eye. \u201cI\u2019ve lost control of this, so all of you be still.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy\u2019s an affable man who doesn\u2019t poke easily, but I do understand that what\u2019s happening here is no longer a statement from us. His office has become a confessional.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you stopped yesterday, Billy, you were more interested in defending yer actions than explaining them, so I sent you away to consider why you went ahead with something you felt you were being pushed into. By the time I made rounds last night, I heard you\u2019d been out declaring your innocence and Will Cass\u2019 guilt to anyone who\u2019d listen. That proved a pretty good tactic as Sally confirmed when she got here a little before you, Billy. With her father declared the villain, people have turned on him and are ready to run him out of town. Why don\u2019t you tell Adam and Billy what\u2019s been happening, Sally.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her shoulders pulled back as her expression hardened. \u201cBilly\u2019s indictment of Pa last evening started a wildfire of anger against us. People who only heard rumors issuing from your diatribes, now feel justified in forcing our store out of business. Last night some even tried to burn our house! Pa and I feel it\u2019s safest to leave as soon as we can.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a danged shame,\u201d Roy says earnestly before turning again to Buckley. \u201cI believe you intended no harm to come to the Cass family, but that\u2019s the trouble with telling only part of the truth to cover your own sins. \u00a0You\u2019re the one who shot Ed Payson. You had the choice to ignore Will if you didn\u2019t agree with him. So, tell me exactly why you went out to Payson\u2019s that night.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy Boy looks to Sally. \u201cYou claim yer pa didn\u2019t think much of me, but I was the only one who cared when he started getting sadder and sadder about you being kindly towards Payson. It was me he told about needing to have Payson gone. He even said I should marry you fast before you did something foolish with that guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy\u2019s attention turns to Roy. \u201cWith Adam stickin\u2019 up for him; helping at his place; paying the tax bill, and defending him in town against me and Mr. Cass, Payson wasn\u2019t going away. After Mr. Cass cried in front of everyone on the street, he said he couldn\u2019t look at the man anymore, and there was only one way to find peace again. I\u2019d entertained the thought of going up against Payson from the first time I saw Sally acting so nice to him. I ain\u2019t no fast draw, but I practiced some to get ready. \u00a0That last night, Mr. Cass all but said I had to kill Payson and I figured I\u2019d do it somewhere Adam couldn\u2019t ruin it again. In a way I was proud Mr. Cass trusted me. But he ain\u2019t talked to me since, and I\u2019m thinking he didn\u2019t care a lick about me any more\u2019n old Jeb Drummond.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat you\u2019re claiming in a roundabout way is that you wouldn\u2019t have gone gunning for Payson if not for Will?\u201d Roy asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know for sure, but each time I saw him he looked worse for his pain and I got to thinkin\u2019 he would die from the grief. It was like Mr. Cass had a deadly disease and was begging me for a cure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen Billy rode by that night on his way out of town, I knew Pa had put him up to doing something horrible.\u201d Sally finally let her tears flow as she described the night Ed died. \u201cI begged Pa go after Billy.\u201d The tears stopped as Sally sat ramrod straight again, her eyes blazing. \u201cBut let me set all of you straight about something. Pa may have used me as an excuse, but this was never about me. It was always and only about Dave. No matter how faithful I was to Pa, I could never make up for Dave being gone.\u201d She finished with a hiccupping sob.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m speechless. We never know what\u2019s going on behind closed doors. Will Cass fooled us all into thinking he\u2019d made peace with his loss while his daughter bore the burden of that lie.<\/p>\n

She folds easily into my shoulder when I wrap my arms around her and offer my handkerchief. \u201cI\u2019m sorry no one understood how much your brother\u2019s death cost you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Using the red square of fabric to dry her tears, she whispers, \u201cWhat I just said was skewed by all that\u2019s happened recently. Pa appreciated that I worked with him at the store and made a pleasant home for us. It was only when the calendar moved to Dave\u2019s birthday and the anniversary of his death that Pa went maudlin and would say things to make me think he\u2019d have picked me if he\u2019d had a choice over which child to lose. Once the anniversaries passed, Pa would tuck all that rage and grief away again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s clear that you love your father and know he wasn\u2019t himself in what happened,\u201d I say to encourage her.<\/p>\n

Looking over Sally\u2019s head, I lock my eyes on Billy. \u201cNo matter the depth of his anguish, your father didn\u2019t have it in him to kill Ed. He needed a willing<\/em> devotee and found that in Billy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy uses this as his cue to get back on track. \u201cAfter practicing your draw, you tried to get Payson to go up against you in town but when Adam stepped in again, you went to goad Payson into a drawdown at his house?\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy nods.<\/p>\n

\u201cDescribe the gunfight now, and remember Adam will dispute anything false or misleading.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy looks down. \u201cI gave the guy a chance to leave town, but he didn\u2019t want that. He asked me why I needed to do this, and then guessed it was over Sally.\u201d Billy\u2019s next breath sounds like a groan. \u201cI agreed, but in truth, I wasn\u2019t sure about anything right then. He buckled on the gun I\u2019d brought for him and took a stance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPayson drew first?\u201d Roy asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. But \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Roy now prods with more vigor.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe just stood there with his gun aimed at me. I drew and then fired. He shot back as he went down, but missed by a mile.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy addresses me. \u201cIf Billy\u2019s account is accurate, it was a fair fight.\u201d\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBy legal standards, it was.\u201d I see Billy sit up straighter, his shoulders squaring and his chin rising as though I\u2019ve vindicated him of all wrong. \u201cBy standards of human decency, it was murder.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy is on his feet waving his fist at me. \u201cYou ain\u2019t got no call to say that!\u201d he screams before using the same defense with Roy. \u201cHe ain\u2019t got no right to call it that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t I? I\u2019ve thought about your actions very carefully, and it\u2019s what I witnessed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou better start talking,\u201d Roy says. \u201cHow can it be fair and still be murder?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEd was shaken by what happened outside Cass\u2019 store. I went home with him suspecting more trouble. All Ed wanted was a chance, but it was clear that Will and Billy Boy weren\u2019t going to let that happen. We both knew the kid would keep trying to force the standoff, and that left Ed with a decision.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean whether to move on or stay to fight?\u201d Roy asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wasn\u2019t going to leave. His homestead had come to represent the place he\u2019d be able to shed the ghosts that followed him. It was literally his last stand. Ed told me that no gunfight is ever fair since one of the participants always holds an edge. I this case, Billy had probably pulled his gun a few times to shoot at cans, making him think he\u2019d be fast enough for a chance. But Ed knew Billy would be full of adrenaline and nerves he couldn\u2019t control. The advantage was all Ed\u2019s that night. His decision was whether to use it.\u201d<\/p>\n

I hear Roy sigh. He\u2019s been a lawman enough years to know the truth of everything I\u2019ve said. He\u2019s now viewing that faceoff as it actually happened, not as Billy remembers it. \u201cGo on,\u201d he encourages me.<\/p>\n

\u201cEd\u2019s pistol cleared the holster in a smooth second!\u201d I give Roy another minute to set the scene. \u201cIf Ed had been the willful killer Will claimed, Billy would be dead. But Ed didn\u2019t shoot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy was that?\u201d Roy asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe let Billy decide how it would end. Would he shoot when given the option not to. It took an agonizing long time, but Billy shot to kill.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou just admitted he drew first and held his aim,\u201d Billy countered. \u201cWhat was I supposed to do? Who doesn\u2019t shoot when they\u2019re facing someone else\u2019s gun?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wouldn\u2019t be alive today if I\u2019d taken my shot at you after your gun misfired back in that canyon with Drummond screaming at you to kill me.\u201d Sally has regained her strength and sits up, allowing me to relocate to the edge of Roy\u2019s desk so I can directly engage Billy and yank the truth from him like a bad tooth. \u201cAfter that standoff in town, I told Ed about my experiences with you. I knew you couldn\u2019t shoot at me. Not after my family gave you a chance to live outside Jeb Drummond\u2019s influence. I never thought you had the heart of a killer, but I was wrong. \u00a0When Ed gave you <\/em>the chance to choose life over death, you chose death.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis was different than that thing between you and me,\u201d Billy whines. \u201cEd Payson was a killer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo more than you are, Billy. Ed Payson reached the decision to never kill again before he rode into town. If he hadn\u2019t held to that, you would be dead now \u2026 legally.\u201d I lean forward, nearly looming over the kid as I demand, \u201cWhy did you pull the trigger?\u201d<\/p>\n

My rage is building as I think about Ed dying so senselessly. When I finally look at Billy, I see that he knows exactly why he killed Ed, and it has nothing to do with Will Cass. The sickening nature of what he\u2019s hiding makes him pale and look about to vomit.<\/p>\n

I want to hear him say it out loud, so I push again. \u201cPeople thought Ed was some kind of monster, but they\u2019re seeing the truth now. They might even believe that Will put you up to it, but they also know you wouldn\u2019t have won a gunfight against him and are already speculating that you killed him in a cowardly way. Those who turned on Will Cass will turn on you next. So, you might as well admit why you shot. It can\u2019t lower our opinion of you at this point.\u201d<\/p>\n

My anger is mixing with grief so strong my chest hurts. I need to walk off my energy and begin to pace while Billy shrinks into himself.<\/p>\n

Sally\u2019s soft voice rises. \u201cI\u2019d like an answer too, Billy. My father goaded you, but if Ed gave you a chance to walk away, maybe even claim victory by saying he\u2019d been afraid to go against you; why pull the trigger?\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy ruffled his papers again and finally cleared his throat loudly. \u201cI feel badly this ended as it did, Adam, but you admit Payson pulled first and returned fire.\u201d<\/p>\n

I nod. \u201cHis shot wasn\u2019t meant to do anything except confirm Billy\u2019s claim of self-defense. Ed vowed he wouldn\u2019t kill again and chose to die rather than break that vow. He died triumphing over hate.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d turned away from Billy, and was surprised to hear a sob from his direction.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll tell you why I shot, Adam.\u201d His voice is intermixed with the sobs of the bereft. \u201cI did listen to Mr. Cass. I heard his promises that everything would be good if Payson was gone and believed that was true for me too. And when Payton didn\u2019t shoot after outdrawing me, I thought about walking away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you?\u201d Sally asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember what Jeb Drummond said to me just before I shot him, Adam?\u201d He looks up at me, his eyes pleading for me to recall something that would explain everything. I think back to that day when Drummond ordered Billy to kill my entire family, and my good memory provides an answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cI do. But you need to say it.\u201d<\/p>\n

He gave a quick look to Sally and Roy and then dropped his head, projecting his voice down into his lap. \u201cJeb Drummond was a cussed man who had reasons to justify all the bad he\u2019d done. He\u2019d been teaching me in raising sheep, but that wasn\u2019t all he was teaching me. Jeb paid no second thoughts to taking what wasn\u2019t his or getting\u2019 rid of those who stood up to him, using the Good Book to his own purpose. I was afraid of him, but more afraid of who I was becoming with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy finally raises his head and his tone strengthens. \u201cI saw that the others riding with us were tryin\u2019 to leave, and that left only me do Jeb\u2019s killing for him. I finally seen that Jeb was just like what the Bible says about Satan bein\u2019 a liar. There weren\u2019t nothing Jeb ever said to me that wasn\u2019t based on a lie. When I refused to kill the Cartwrights, he knew he\u2019d lost control and came after me saying I was \u2018woman soft\u2019 and hadn\u2019t I learned that \u2018if I wanted something, I had to take it any way I could.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what you were remembering when you faced Ed?\u201d I ask quietly.<\/p>\n

He nods as the tears flow. \u201cThem years with Jeb Drummond left something behind I only realized when I was standing there. I wanted Sally more\u2019n anything in this world. I wanted her daddy and my friends to look at me with respect. I heard Jeb shouting inside my brain to take back what I\u2019d lost and get what I wanted. And I shot.\u201d<\/p>\n

The shock of Billy\u2019s admission drew all breath from the room leaving a vacuum of silence. I recover my voice first. \u201cI assume you knew the evil of what you\u2019d done as soon as Ed went down.\u201d<\/p>\n

Billy\u2019s head jerked side-to-side while he moaned low like a sick steer. \u201cI had in my head that I\u2019d be declared a hero for ridding the town of that man. But when I passed Sally on my way out of Payson\u2019s place and she wouldn\u2019t even look at me, I knew I was wrong about it all. She hates me as much as her pa hated Payson. And Mr. Cass hates me for doing what he didn\u2019t have the guts to do himself. Or maybe He hates me for going through with it when he was just wishing for his death but hadn\u2019t thought about how it would make him a killer too. And the town hates me because they had nothing against Payson. It\u2019s like you said, Adam. I\u2019m a killer now, not a hero.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another mournful groan rises from Billy\u2019s soul. \u201cI didn\u2019t get nothing I wanted out of this. And now I worry that someone who thinks I outdrew Payson will call me out!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat won\u2019t happen, Billy,\u201d I offer truthfully. \u201cThere won\u2019t be any charges brought against you, so have you thought about what you\u2019ll do now?\u201d<\/p>\n

His laugh is a wounded howl coming from a broken soul. \u201cI guess I\u2019ll be drifting just like Payson did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t hate you, Billy,\u201d Sally says as she can finally speak. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m sorry you thought any of this would impress me or make me love you. I would have explained this if you\u2019d bothered to ask or listen.\u201d She manages a sad smile. \u201cPa hasn\u2019t asked me to go with him, but I will out of love. Maybe now that he\u2019s seen what horrors hate can accomplish, he\u2019ll start over with a new outlook.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy stands indicating his intention to send us on our ways. \u201cI\u2019ll write this up with just the facts of what happened. It was a legal fight. Although there was some kind of conspiracy and an intent to cause it, motives only matter when it\u2019s not legal. I agree with what Adam said earlier. \u00a0You committed legal murder. One day I hope the laws regarding gunfights change. For now I\u2019ll make sure others know that Payson laid down his gun and then laid down his life to uphold that. I wish I\u2019d been here. I could have put some sense to this with Will before it got that far!\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy has spoken the truth.<\/p>\n

Billy unbuckles his gun belt and lays it on Roy\u2019s desk. \u201cI\u2019m putting up this gun before it gets me into more trouble. I\u2019ll be outa Virginia City in an hour if I\u2019m free to go.\u201d He looks towards me and Sally. \u201cI\u2019m sorry you both lost a friend because I thought killing would get me something that was never mine. In them years I worked with Jeb I saw that taking what he wanted never made life easier or better for him. He was always lookin\u2019 for somethin\u2019 more\u2019n he rightfully had. I should\u2019a remembered that. I will from here on.\u201d<\/p>\n

His words leave me thinking that Ed\u2019s death accomplished more than I would have thought possible.<\/p>\n

With Billy out the door, Roy asks, \u201cDo you think he\u2019ll hold to that?\u201d<\/p>\n

I shrug. \u201cTime will tell. I\u2019ll wager that few people thought Ed could do it. I\u2019m proud to have witnessed he could.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too,\u201d Sally adds. \u201cEd took his life down to the studs and rebuilt from there. I\u2019ll pray Billy and my father will do the same.\u201d<\/p>\n

Can Broken Lives be Glued Back Together?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I took Sally\u2019s hand as we headed down the boardwalk from the jail. I was in search of my brothers and she was headed to the store to help Rose. It felt like we should have so much to say about what we\u2019d just witnessed, yet neither of us had digested it enough to put it to words.<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 distinctive laugh drifting out from the Bucket of Blood let me know I\u2019d reached my destination. After a quick hug and a promise to visit her and Will before they left, I waited for Sally to reach the store on her own before pushing through the swinging doors of the saloon.<\/p>\n

I spot my middle brother at a table off to the side with ranch hands from the Circle M, while Joe is facing away from me at the bar talking to one of the saloon girls he favors when needing information. The kid has a full beer awaiting his attention, so I edge in next to him and appropriate the mug, draining it in a few long swallows. Beer at the bucket is as watered as most places, but it\u2019s always cold and feels good sliding down my dry throat.<\/p>\n

Gwen, the woman with Joe, gives a smile and a quick, \u201cHi, Adam,\u201d before leaving to mingle with other customers. As she moves away, we\u2019re joined by Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you hear anything interesting?\u201d I ask.<\/p>\n

\u201cMostly what Rose told us,\u201d Joe offers. \u201cWill pushed a dumb kid into doing his dirty work. What most can\u2019t figure is how Billy got the drop on Payson.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you tell them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSort\u2019a,\u201d Hoss admits. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to say too much \u2018til you finished up with Roy, but I reminded them that Ed had laid his gun down when he got here. So the only way Billy could\u2019a won was if Ed let him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was a good way to put it, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

The bar is emptying as it gets close to noon. The Bucket doesn\u2019t serve food, so the cowhands having a day off are heading elsewhere for lunch. \u201cAny word from Pa?\u201d I ask next.<\/p>\n

Joe answers as Hoss orders another round of beer. \u201cHe found us at the Sazerac and said not to wait for him because he was on a \u2018mission\u2019 for Will. He wouldn\u2019t say more with others around, but he did say Will admitted that having his door busted open and being forced to speak with Roy, shocked him back from the dark place he\u2019d gone. He expects Sally will close the store early and when she arrives home, he\u2019ll head out.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

We followed Pa\u2019s directive not to wait for him and left for the ranch after lunch in town. With all I\u2019d experienced over the past 24 hours, it felt good to get lost in everyday chores and all three of us worked until the sun began to set.<\/p>\n

There was no problem with my appetite tonight, and I was headed toward a meal my nose told me included fried chicken and some lovely side dishes, when we heard Buck\u2019s distinctive heavy footfalls in the yard. After alerting Hop Sing to a short delay, I joined my brothers to welcome Pa home and get the latest information.<\/p>\n

Earlier, Hoss had arranged for one of our hands to settle Buck when Pa arrived, and Jack was there to take the big buckskin away as soon as Pa\u2019s foot hit the ground, allowing the rest of us to head inside without delay.<\/p>\n

Although he knows we\u2019re anxious to hear what he was up to when Joe saw him in town, Ben Cartwright refuses to be rushed, even by his sons. After a quick trip to his room to clean up, he joined us at the table, pronounced a blessing on our dinner, and still waited until our plates were filled before asking, \u201cSo what happened with your three in town?\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019d already shared the conversation in Roy\u2019s office with my brothers, so gave only a quick recap. He seem satisfied with the high-points and smiles at me with his best fatherly expression. \u201cThat must have been a troubling, yet amazing conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCould you tell if Will is facing his role in this as well as Billy?\u201d I ask in return.<\/p>\n

Pa\u2019s smile dissolves as his shoulders pull forward. Leaning his arms on either side of his place setting, he sighs heavily. \u201cWill is stuck between the horror of what he pushed Billy to do and his long-held surety that Ed Payson deserved to die for what he did to Dave. There\u2019s war within his heart, mind, and soul. Will admits he was wrong, yet his grief \u2026.\u201d Pa fiddles with his spoon while building his next thought. \u201cGrief like that was love with no good place to go. It chafed at his heart until it formed a wound that couldn\u2019t heal.\u201d<\/p>\n

My brothers and I remain quiet as our father sips at the wine I\u2019d decanted earlier, suspecting we might appreciate its soothing effect.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was grateful that he was making good decisions again and I understand his dismay over the violent reaction towards him,\u201d Pa continues. \u201cI was also grateful that he bemoans the fact that Sally is facing the same backlash because of his actions. He is right in his thought that he\u2019s not the first to person in town to make a horrible mistake. Others have cheated in business, some cheated on their wives and most have used others for their ends. Yet he never judged them as he\u2019s being judged. I tried to encourage him by promising that it will blow over in time, but he\u2019s adamant that he needs a fresh start.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust like Ed Payon wanted,\u201d I conclude. \u201cThere\u2019s a divine lesson in this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss breaks in. \u201cThe for-sale sign was gone when we rode past. We thought maybe Mr. Cass decided to stick it out after all. What happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

Our father\u2019s voice strengthens again. \u201cWhen I saw you at the Sazerac, I\u2019d just come from offering the store to Rose at Will\u2019s request. He suggested a good price with extremely comfortable terms of payment. She accepted, and I was on my way to request Will\u2019s lawyer stop by his house to do the contract as well as handle the sale of their home. I also went to Will\u2019s bank and asked Mr. Weems to accompany me to the house where they worked out how to handle their accounts until they find a new home. I admired that those two men helped with no evidence of judgment. They realize that no man is immune from the whirlwind change of public opinion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad Rose accepted,\u201d I offer.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019d have been a fool not to.\u201d Pa grins. \u201cThe deal was so good I would have bought it if Rose hadn\u2019t. She will do well.\u201d<\/p>\n

My father becomes quiet again, but I know he isn\u2019t finished. \u201cAs hard as this decision was for Will, he saw that Rose had to put her brand on the store immediately to prevent his taint form lingering. She began alerting customers to the sale immediately and will have a sign up by tomorrow telling of a grand opening under new ownership.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe surprises me when he rests his hand near mine on the table. \u201cYou were pretty broken up over all this. Does hearing of these good things ease that some?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSome,\u201d I reply truthfully while giving his arm a quick squeeze. \u201cThank you for asking.\u201d<\/p>\n

Some<\/em> is the perfect description. It will take some time to feel more than loss over Ed\u2019s death. Pa worried I\u2019d get caught in the trouble Payson brought home with him. He was never the trouble. He merely exposed the trouble in others who turned \u201clove\u201d into a weapon. I am still amazed that a soul aching to find grace and peace was not allowed to do so. Yet he offered just that to others.<\/p>\n

Ed\u2019s final verse to his ballad needs to tell of how he faced death by the gun on his own terms, not as an inevitability.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Epilogue: <\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s been nearly nine months since Ed died. Work on the ranch has kept me busy enough to sleep well without the nightmares that plagued those early days after his death. But rest eludes me tonight as I contemplate a few amazing bits of news from today.<\/p>\n

There was an additional victim of that original gunfight between Ed and Dave. Ed\u2019s father was shunned afterwards because the town sided with Will. This was not reflective of their belief in Ed\u2019s guilt as much as the fact that Will Cass was the lone mercantile until the city began to grow rapidly, and he carried open accounts for most residents. Pa told me that Ed\u2019s father did his business in Carson City to avoid the looks he got here. In making a will to leave the ranch to his son instead of selling off, he made a statement that the Payson family had the same right to live here as anyone else.<\/p>\n

Ed barely had time to settle much less worry about writing a will, so the Payson property was considered intestate after his death. There was no known family and the process to find an heir could drag on for years before the state would claim the deed and sell the property.<\/p>\n

A possible solution to this wait was offered to me the week after Ed\u2019s funeral, when I received an interesting suggestion from the Malcolm, the Register of Deeds. He knew I\u2019d paid the tax lien and that there hadn\u2019t been time for repayment. He proposed that I held a legal lien. The taxes had accumulated for so many years that the amount I paid was greater than the actual value of the land. Malcom said he\u2019d help write a petition for me to receive the deed as the \u201crightful\u201d owner.<\/p>\n

I recall the prophet Jeremiah \u201credeeming\u201d land in Judah before the Babylonian exile to keep a remembrance of their heritage. I liked that I might redeem Ed\u2019s property rather than letting it go to ruin awaiting disposition. Malcolm warned it could be a longshot, but then went to work covering every necessity. He even solicited affidavits from those who known the Payson\u2019s well enough to testify that there were no known heirs to contest this disposition.<\/p>\n

I received the deed today in \u201crecord time.\u201d This allowed me to act on another opportunity.<\/p>\n

Reverend James had taken me aside after church a couple weeks back to tell me of a young couple who had arrived here with a deed they\u2019d purchased in St. Louis. Unfortunately, the land is legally owned by the Frank Family. Scoundrels back East offer deeds for vast amounts of acreage at ridiculously low prices. You would think folks would be wary of something sounding too good to be true, but the swindlers sell a dream along with the worthless document. The duped arrive to find land so rocky or arid it can\u2019t support any sort of agriculture, or as in this case, already owned by others. My family has broken this news to newcomers on a few occasions. It\u2019s devastating, and there\u2019s no recourse since the swindlers are long gone before the truth is known.<\/p>\n

Pastor James had secured jobs for them in town and got Lydia Masters to offer free board while one of her regular residents was out of town. But his reason for talking to me, was that the Hepners were farmers and he seemed to recall that I might soon own a farm I wouldn\u2019t be using. He suggested I speak with the couple to see if they might help me while I helped them.<\/p>\n

When I met with Leroy and Jenny, they spoke about the small farm they\u2019d run in Missouri and their dream of making their farm here into a business. I drove them out to look at Ed\u2019s place and was impressed with Leroy\u2019s ideas on how to get the fields back into production.<\/p>\n

With deed in hand, I helped the Hepners move into Ed\u2019s small cabin today. They\u2019ll continue working in town to build their funds, but in exchange for living rent free, they\u2019ll keep Ed\u2019s place in repair and use days off to get the fields arable again. I still smile when recalling Leroy\u2019s joy at having access to the Ponderosa\u2019s never-ending supply of manure!<\/p>\n

If all goes well, I\u2019ll work out a lease and finally a land contract so they can own it. Ed would approve new life and hope in his home.<\/p>\n

And then \u2026 there was astounding news Pa received in a letter from Will Cass today. His reading of it at supper left us speechless.<\/p>\n

When Pa and I stopped to see Will and Sally before they left, they\u2019d been sad but hopeful, describing this as an \u201cadventure.\u201d Their hastily made plans included purchasing stage tickets along a southbound route towards Arizona with stops planned in towns that were growing enough to need a store.<\/p>\n

Will\u2019s letter named a few places they\u2019d stopped, but none had drawn their interest. That was until their stage pulled into Castle Dome in far southern Arizona for an hour-long break on a Sunday morning. While stretching their legs in this growing mining town, they heard a hymn being sung inside a saloon. Peeking over the swinging door, they saw a church service going on inside. The preacher invited them to join the small congregation of miners, business people and few leftover drinkers from Saturday night, and with plenty of time before the stage was scheduled to leave, they stayed to hear the sermon on forgiveness.<\/p>\n

Will said this preacher had looked directly at him while explaining how we stay mired in regrets and guilt, which in turn keeps us from humbling ourselves in confession and repentance. This keeps grace and peace from changing us into new people.<\/p>\n

Will and Sally let the stage leave without them and sought out the minister after the service. Over the next few days, Will poured out his deepest fears and regrets to the reverend and God. He reports that he feels truly new, or maybe it\u2019s more that he\u2019s found the man he\u2019d been before he allowed the tendrils of hate to secure roots in his mind and heart.<\/p>\n

He is certain they were destined to meet Reverend Clayton in that far away desert place. Dave Clayton lived by his gun much like Ed Payson.\u00a0 Also like Ed, he\u2019d reached the decision to lay his gun down and bring life instead of death. His study for the ministry prepared him for service and he chose to travel to places in need of a shepherd instead of serving one town. He\u2019d already planted seeds in several communities that now have thriving churches. The size of the flock in Castle Dome was growing each week as the lost sheep came seeking good news.<\/p>\n

Will\u2019s letter took a tone of confession to Pa and me in the final paragraphs, apologizing for his attempt to make my father take sides against me. He now sees that in ignoring Dave\u2019s need for discipline growing up, he was forced to defend his son\u2019s action or face his part in creating the reckless and overbearing man Dave had become. Reverend Clayton pointed out how his inability to face these truths allowed him to place the burden on Ed.<\/p>\n

Will reported another amazing occurrence that Sunday. When they finally left the pastor in search of a place to stay, Will and Sally passed an empty mercantile. Quick inquiries revealed this one general store in Castle Dome had closed unexpectedly when the proprietor was called back East, leaving residents with a 70-mile round trip to Yuma for supplies. Will knew immediately that this opportunity fell in line with their decision to stay put. He purchased the store and is doing well.<\/p>\n

I envision Will more as shopkeeper than a preacher, but his story of coming to light from a place of darkness is certainly impactful, which led Reverend Clayton to tap Will as the person who can best continue the congregation\u2019s growth towards becoming a parish when it\u2019s time for him to sow seeds in the next town.<\/p>\n

And the final bit of jaw-dropping news was that Billy Buckley showed up in Castle Dome a month after the Cass\u2019 settled there. His drift southward looking for a place to land had brought him to this town for supplies and a blacksmith\u2019s service. Will took Billy to see Reverend Clayton and the two men worked out their complicated union in Ed\u2019s death, with Billy soon making his confession just as Will had.<\/p>\n

The kid has a job at the livery and is one of the saloon congregation\u2019s most faithful attendees. He sets up for the service, takes Bible study with Reverend Clayton afterwards, and has offered to help Will build a church when it\u2019s time.<\/p>\n

In other happy news, Sally has found balance between working with Will and helping the town\u2019s physician make weekly visits to the mining camps. Will suspects that while she remembers Ed fondly, she has made peace with that part of her life and will soon marry the good doctor.<\/p>\n

These thoughts cause me to take a giant breath of appreciation and let my lips grow into a huge grin as I recall Will\u2019s postscript. Apparently Reverend Clayton holds an uncanny resemblance to me. He wonders if there isn\u2019t some underlying message in this.<\/p>\n

When Ed died, I believed no good could come from it. I still miss the opportunity lost, but I now see how his decisions in his short time home manifested so much good.<\/p>\n

Personally, I\u2019ve come to concentrate on something in Ed\u2019s last weeks on earth that I choose to emulate. He faced what he couldn\u2019t understand about the hateful reactions against him with amazing grace and courage.<\/p>\n

He came home expecting he\u2019d face some lingering hard feelings. But what caused his death were things he couldn\u2019t have expected. Will was driven as much by his perceived failures as by actual grief. Nothing Ed said or did could have breached the barrier Will had erected around heart. It was a wall only Will could demolish.<\/p>\n

Ed assumed Billy\u2019s threats were driven by love for Sally. But what Ed couldn\u2019t know was that this kid wasn\u2019t driven by love, but rather from the evil, suppressed pockets of hateful purpose left in Billy\u2019s heart from his association with Jeb Drummond.<\/p>\n

Not knowing what drove these men to hate him enough to want him dead, he chose to stand firm in his own convictions. He didn\u2019t strike back. He remained calm and reasoning through it all. When he realized he had no control over the forces against him, he decided to leave life in triumph. I see more clearly than ever that fighting back never works against actions with no apparent logic. I pray I will stay as strong as Ed should I ever face a similar situation.<\/p>\n

The wide yawn that just brought tears to my eyes reminds me that come daybreak, Joe and I are taking a small herd towards a place we\u2019ve never gone. It\u2019s 150 miles northeast to East Gate, a distance similar to Sacramento, but in the opposite direction. The terrain through Northern Nevada is desert and salt flats punctuated by rocky towers and canyons among barren nothingness. There are small pockets of people living in this wasteland, mostly those who came to mine for gold and then settled onto bits of tillable land or ran business to service others who remained. The gold veins have been emptied of ore, but I\u2019ve heard of a few miners still out there chasing a bonanza.<\/p>\n

Pa knows it will be miserable and said we shouldn\u2019t rush home. One of our hands from up that way has often spoken about the large groups of big-horned male sheep, along with herds of ewes and lambs roaming the hills to the west of our destination. I\u2019ve seen the occasional ram or two on a rocky slope in my travels, but never entire families.<\/p>\n

Rather than going home by the route we take there, I\u2019ll ride those rocky hills hoping to glimpse one of these groups. I wouldn\u2019t mind finding a puma who\u2019d offer his pelt to line a new winter jacket. Joe will probably seek his own manner of \u201cfun\u201d and agree to meet me at Pyramid Lake for a day of fishing before heading home.<\/p>\n

No matter what Joe decides to do, I look forward a quiet journey with time to read, write, and think amid a beautiful landscape.<\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

The thought Ben uses about Will Cass’ efforts to pretend his son had been totally innocent, comes from a quote by Jamie Anderson on grief being love with no good place to go. However, in this case Will’s love became hate directed at Ed Payson.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: The Broken Ballad episode ends with many unanswered questions. Life would have changed in small and huge ways following Ed’s death. So … what happened to Will Cass, whose grief pushed him to do despicable things? How does Billy explain his reason for shooting Payson in what could be described as legal murder when Ed refused to shoot first? How do Adam and Sally make sense in the loss of their friend who simply wanted a chance at a normal life? And how do Adam and his father find common ground after Ben sided with Will Cass against his own son and continues to think Adam should have expected this outcome all along?” This story takes a realistic view of what they each faced in the hours and days after Ed’s ballad was sung at the cemetery.<\/p>\n

There’s a twist in this story connecting Broken Ballad to an earlier episode, Blood on the Land that should prove interesting to the story.<\/p>\n

Rating: K<\/p>\n

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