{"id":46869,"date":"2003-12-21T14:48:35","date_gmt":"2003-12-21T19:48:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=46869"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:08:42","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:08:42","slug":"to-face-the-past-part-i-by-lau","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=46869","title":{"rendered":"To Face the Past – Part I (by Lau)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: Someone came to the Ponderosa ranch and made one of the Cartwrights to face his deepest fears.
\nRating and Reader Alerts: PG-13
\n<\/span>Words:\u00a0 16,650<\/p>\n

To Face the Past Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Part I<\/a>
\nPart II<\/a>
\nPart III<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

The Brandsters have included this story by this author in our project: Preserving Their Legacy<\/a>. To preserve the legacy of the author, we have decided to give their work a home in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library.\u00a0 The author will always be the owner of this work of fanfiction, and should they wish us to remove their story, we will.<\/p>\n

\n

To Face the Past – I<\/strong><\/p>\n

~~ ONE ~~<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss Cartwright was finally able to go fishing. He had to postpone it several times during the last three weeks because his father always found another chore for him. He was aware that after his brother\u2019s departure, Ben Cartwright was really busy managing business\u2019s matters that Adam used to handle. A two whole years had passed since Adam went to the sea, but the emptiness that he left behind was still there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thinking about his big brother and guessing where he could be, Hoss arrived at the lake. He dismounted Chub and stretched his arms up to the sky filling his lungs with the Ponderosa fresh air. Eager to start with what he had planned Hoss took the rod and the bag with sandwiches that Hop Sing had prepared for him from the saddle and began his way to his favorite place. He smiled scanning the landscape. It was a perfect day. The clean blue sky was cloudless and matched with the green luxuriant pines. Definitely Adam would never find a place more beautiful than this, he thought. Fortunately, his youngest brother Joe didn\u2019t propose to come along with him, so he could enjoy the silence and the peaceful afternoon without interruption. He had nothing against Joe\u00b4s company, infact they had a close relationship. But that day, Hoss wanted to be on his own. He sat down on a huge rock facing the Lake and prepared his rod.<\/span><\/p>\n

Suddenly the silence was broken by a strange sound coming from the woods. Hoss frowned and rose instantly as alarm struck his huge body. At first sight the place seemed as peaceful and quiet as usual. Hoss pressed his lips together and decided to return to what he was doing. As soon as he took the rod, he heard the same sound again. With annoyance he dropped the rod realizing that he couldn\u2019t be able to enjoy his fishing day if he didn\u2019t find out what caused that strange sound. He went to Chub and took his rifle from the saddle. After checking it, he walked cautiously towards the woods, wondering if a trap had caught an animal. He shook his head as he imagined Ben\u2019s angry face. Pa wouldn\u2019t like to hear that someone was leaving traps around The Ponderosa, he thought.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It took him a few minutes to see the man lying limply on the ground. Hoss ran to him, as fast as he could. When he got to the man\u00b4s side, Hoss knelt down and turned the man\u2019s body in order to see his face. The man could hardly open his eyes. His face was covered with blood, which oozed from his mouth and from a significant injury in his forehead. His shattered shirt let exposed the bloody grazes and the swollen bruises.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Easy\u2026” Hoss said cleaning the blood with his neckerchief. ” I\u2019ll get some help”.<\/span><\/p>\n

But pressing Hoss\u00b4s hand the man stopped him and slowly struggled to say something. Hoss leaned closer to hear what he was saying but the only thing he could hardly hear was something about a sister. Hoss intended to advise him that it was better not to talk, but before he could do it, the man closed his eyes forever and died. Hoss laid him down and stood up. He rubbed his jaw with his right hand and frowned trying to understand what could have happened.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He glanced around and something odd several yards away disturbed him. Hoss ran after there and found out a woman lying between two shrubs. At first sight, he thought that she was dead. When he knelt down he realized that her breathing was very labored and obviously difficult, but she was still breathing. Her face was covered with blood, as well as the man that had just died and her slim body was badly beaten. Hoss made up his mind and slid his arms under her legs and shoulders. Then lifted her taking all necessary precautions, begging that his intervention didn\u2019t make things worse. He didn\u2019t have to be an expert to know that she was in critical condition.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

~~ TWO ~~<\/span><\/p>\n

Blinking and trying to focus, she finally awoke. She glanced around the room not knowing where she was. She had a terrible headache that made her want to close her eyes again. Slowly she raised one hand and touched the bandage that covered most of her forehead. Her chest hurt with each breath as well as his arms, legs and back. She tried to open her eyes, but couldn\u2019t. She fell asleep again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The next time she opened her eyes she felt a bit better. The pain was still there but it was bearable. She shifted and realized that the bandages of her arms had being removed, and she stared at the green, violet yellow bruises puzzled. She struggled to remember but not a single memory came to her. Muffled laughter came from somewhere. Where am I? She wondered, who are they? Supporting the pain she tried to sit up but her body was too weak to move. She was thirsty and dizzy. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes suddenly feeling too tired to be awake.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The third time she opened her eyes she realized that somebody was in the room. She blinked several times until she could focus and saw a huge man staring at her. The man was seated in the chair next to the bed. She studied him confused and saw him drag the chair closer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Well, you are finally awake” he said softly. ” I was sure you could make it”<\/span><\/p>\n

” What happened?” she wanted to know. Her words came out of her mouth like a dry, faraway whisper. Hoss took a glass from the night table and made her drink a bit of water. ” Thank you. Where am I?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” You are at the Ponderosa,” he answered placing one hand on her forehead. ” My name is Hoss Cartwright, I live here with my Pa and my younger brother”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2026” she began to say, but she stopped.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Wait, I\u2019ll tell Pa and Joe that you are awake.” Hoss said tenderly while he rose. He strode out the room leaving her alone with her increasing confusion.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A few minutes later Hoss appeared followed by two men. The three of them stared at her with warm smiles. She offered a shy smile and watched the older man passed next to Hoss and sat beside her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Welcome to The Ponderosa” he said. His voice was soft but powerful and instantly she realized that she could thrust him. ” I\u2019m Ben Cartwright, you know my son Hoss and that\u2019s my youngest son Joseph.” She turned at him and greeted him with a nod.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Hi, I\u2019m glad you\u2019re finally with us” Joe said with open smile. She liked him as soon as she saw the bright mischievousness of his green eyes and the engaging smile dancing in his lips.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Without knowing what to say, she glanced around the room and briefly her eyes stopped in their faces, each one at a time. She shifted and lowered her eyes while a bitter shadow covered her face and she addressed them with sadness.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I want to thank you Mr. Cartwright for taking care of me beyond the trouble I guessed I caused,” she started saying with soft shy voice. ” I\u2019m so sorry, but I cannot tell you what happened to me, I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t even know my name.”<\/span><\/p>\n

She began to sob and dropped her face into her hands. Ben moved next to her and embraced her rubbing her back, while Joe and Hoss exchanged worried glances. Slowly she self composed and moving herself away from Ben she thanked him again. Ben nodded and gave her a comforting smile.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Don\u2019t worry about that right now,” Ben said gently. ” Memories will come back at the right moment\u2026 now you have to rest.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” But, Mr. Cartwright\u2026 I can\u2019t stay.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Yes you can and that\u2019s what you are going to do until Doctor Martin allows you to leave that bed,” Ben said with authority. She nodded with a smile<\/span><\/p>\n

” Meanwhile we have to find you a name,” said Hoss tenderly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” What about Molly?” suggested Joe joining his brother\u2019s. ” I always liked that name”<\/span><\/p>\n

” It\u2019s OK for me” she replied smiling at both of them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Great, from now on you are Molly to us” said Hoss firmly with wide-open smile.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly spent the next two weeks in bed and twice a week doctor Martin rode to the Ponderosa to check her bruises and her broken ribs. Molly asked him about her amnesia, but Martin had no concrete answers for her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” As I don\u2019t know what happened to you, I\u2019m not sure\u2026” Doctor Martin told her. ” It could be something that hit your head or may be you went through a traumatic experience. I\u2019m afraid that\u2019s a matter of time.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

During those days she asked Hoss lots of questions about the day he had found her as well as the man that died near her, but Hoss didn\u2019t have much to add. Molly also asked Joe to find out if somebody was expecting a couple around Virginia City or Carson City, but that was also a dead end.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sheriff Roy Coffee took the case in his own hands and tried hard to solve the mystery. He sent telegrams to other Sheriffs in Nevada Territory and California, but none of them reported a missing couple. He neither found a document or any other trail around the place where Hoss had found her, so as he had no clue a month later the case was closed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” It might have been an ambush, but I really don\u2019t know” he told her one afternoon. ” I\u2019m very sorry but I think that we have to wait till you recover your memory to know the truth.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly was allowed to leave the bed but Doctor Martin didn\u2019t give her permission to go outside before she was fully recovered. Those were long, boring, lonely days as the Cartwrights were out most of the day. She was a silent witness to how hard Hop Sing had to work to keep the house clean and have lunch or dinner ready before the family came back home. As days gone by Molly became bored and needed something to keep her mind busy. Wandering aimlessly around the house like a silent ghost she discovered many details that Hop Sing passed without even noticing. Molly frowned and shook her head sorry for the Chinese man. She also discovered that unlike the other rooms, there was one that always had its door close. The curiosity was killing her, so one morning after the Cartwrights left the house; she ran upstairs and went straight there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As soon as she opened the door she could sense the personality of his owner. Only a sophisticated educated man could dwell there. It was a handsome masculine room. The furniture was exquisite and a dark wooden bed was facing a bookcase placed against one of the walls. Molly smiled and moved near it in order to see if she found something interesting. She was surprised by the rich titles as well as the disorder, and careless placement of the books. It seemed that nobody had touched them in a long time, she thought seeing the layers of dust that covered them. Molly smiled pleased to find something to do in that big house. She moved to the window and opened it letting the fresh breeze came in, and then she began to work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It took her only four days to clean and organized the bookcase, but after she finished her work there she had nothing else to do again. She was bored to death and desperately needed some activity. She turned to Hop Sing then, and with her sweet talk she convinced the Chinese man to let her help him. At first Hop Sing shouted lots of Chinese words that Molly didn\u2019t understand, but he finally accepted her and in less than a week they were laughing and enjoying their mutual company.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One night while they were having dinner Molly was very talkative a shared her good mood with Hoss and Joe while Ben remained in silence. He was very fond of her. She was a beautiful young lady, with sweet face and gentle voice. She had short brown curly hair and green inquisitive anxious eyes. Molly was full recovered and ready to go back to her life, but the problem was that she didn\u2019t known yet where her life was. This was what concerned him most. It was so nice to find her there when they came back home. In a certain way Molly\u2019s presence made Ben remember how wonderful was to have a woman in the house. Her sweetness and her loving tenderness charmed everyone at the ranch. Joe and Hoss treated her as their little sister and even Hop Sing had a special friendship with her. Ben shook his head realizing how much he wanted her to stay with them forever.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” You are in a very good mood this evening” Joe said to her with amusement.\u00a0 \u201c What have you been doing?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly grinned anxious to tell all of them. She smiled afraid of Ben\u2019s reaction for her intrusion in that closed room. She glanced around the table and found three pairs of eyes staring at her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I hope you don\u2019t mind,” Molly finally said. Ben, Joe and Hoss frowned, puzzled. ” I was in that room again\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

” What room?” asked Ben.<\/span><\/p>\n

” The one full of books” she said without denying her fascination. ” It\u2019s great, how many books there are, novels, poetry. It\u2019s so complete Ben.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Yes, indeed” Ben replied pleased that after Adam\u2019s departure someone in his house appreciated it. ” Did you find a book of your interest?”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” A Book?” Molly asked with wide-open eyes. ” I\u2019ve been reading Shakespeare for weeks. I love it” She paused and her eyes flashed with joy. ” Actually I\u2019m reading Hamlet.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly left the table for a moment and walked to the living room table. She took the book she had left there and carried it to the dinning room. She sat next to Ben again and gave it to him. Ben caressed the book and smiled remembering how many times he had discussed the subject with Adam. Hoss and Joe looked at her incredulously then exchanged glances of distaste. They could never understand why people could admire Shakespeare so much.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Do you like it Ben?” she wanted to know, full of enthusiasm.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019m sorry darling, but I don\u2019t. My eldest son loves it,” he explained to her. Molly turned to face Hoss and was about to start a conversation about the English writer when Ben\u2019s outburst of laughter grasped her attention. ” Hoss is not my eldest son. My first born is Adam,” Ben told her and with each word he felt how much he missed his son. He twisted his mouth while he placed the book next to Molly. ” He went to travel around the world two years ago.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For a brief moment Adam\u2019s spirit overflow the table and Ben, Hoss and Joe glanced at the book next to Molly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” What is he like?” she asked intrigue breaking the silence. ” Is he like you Hoss or like you Joe?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Definitely neither of us” commented Joe ironically. ” Fortunately there\u2019s only one Adam Cartwright and that\u2019s enough for everyone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019m sorry I couldn\u2019t meet him,” she simply said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hop Sing appeared in the dinning room carrying a tray with coffee for everyone. Joe and Hoss rose and told him that they were going to have coffee later as they have to finish their chores at the barn. They both knew that Ben wanted to have a little conversation with Molly and it would be better to leave them do it alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Let\u2019s go near the fire Molly,” Ben suggested and taking his cup with him walked towards his favorite red chair. Molly carried the tray with her cup and the coffeepot, she had realized long ago that Ben never had only one cup of coffee. She poured herself one cup and sipped her coffee, keeping her eyes focused on the fireplace.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Molly I want to talk to you,” said Ben after a few minutes of silence. Molly frowned and looked at him with intrigue. ” What plans do you have for the future?” he asked staring at her. Ben paused briefly and sipped his coffee. ” Don\u2019t misunderstand me, you can stay here as long as you wish, but I would like to hear what do you want for your future.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly hid her fears behind her coffee. She was expecting this kind of conversation for months and yet she didn\u2019t know what to say. Molly decided to be honest with him. Ben Cartwright deserved it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I couldn\u2019t remember anything about my past life yet, Ben” she began saying and lowered her eyes avoiding his gaze. ” I really don\u2019t know where to go\u2026” Molly\u2019s voice became a whisper and struggled to choose the best words to say what she was wondering for a long time. ” Well. I\u2019ve being thinking that may be I can work here for you as your housekeeper\u2026 Hop Sing has a lot to do here; it\u2019s such a big house. I can help cleaning, ironing and many other things.” Molly paused and tried to control her feelings and emotions. ” All of you are the only family I know. I don\u2019t want to leave you Ben. But I cannot stay here without working and definitely I can\u2019t break horses,” she added with a grinned. ” Instead, housekeeping suits me”<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben laughed out loud and leaned forward her. He was pleased with what she had said; neither he wanted her to leave them. Ben looked at her sweet face and met her flashing green eyes that were staring at him with a pleading look. ” You know darling,” he finally said. ” That\u2019s an incredible idea.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly filled with happiness and her jaw dropped with surprise. She covered it with both hands. She rose and moved near Ben. She knelt by his side and hugged him. ” Thanks Ben\u2026” she whispered as her voice broke because of her emotion. She moved away and wiped the tears that were gathering in her eyes. ” I\u2019ll tell Hop Sing, he\u2019ll be glad to hear it”<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben nodded with gentle smile and watched her ran towards the kitchen calling Hop Sing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

~~ THREE ~~<\/span><\/p>\n

” Do you need something from Virginia City, Ben” Molly asked during breakfast. ” I think that you are running out of tobacco.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Yes Molly you\u2019re right” he replied and sipped his coffee. ” Could you please check if there\u2019s something for me at the Post Office. I was expecting a letter from a friend.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Sure Ben,” answered Molly then she looked at Hoss and Joe. ” Boys, do you need something?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” No thanks,” they said simultaneously.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Why don\u2019t you stay downtown for lunch,” Joe suggested with a crooked smile. ” I heard that there are many men waiting for your weekly visit.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019m not interested in none of them.” She replied sharply. ” I have enough with the three of you.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Molly, don\u2019t get angry” commented Hoss teasing her. ” We\u2019re going to check their backgrounds and find you a good handsome man. Trust us”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Don\u2019t ever think about it,” she said dryly as she left her napkin over the table and rose. ” I\u2019d better go now.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben followed her with loving eyes. Two years had passed since she came to live with them and since then their lives had changed. The house seemed to glow. She placed big vase full of flowers to perfume the parlor, the dinning room and the living room. She kept Adam\u2019s bookcase neat and tidied up each of the other rooms. Molly also kept the fireplace in good shape not allowing the house to get cold. But above all her good mood, her loving care nature and her charming laughter brought fresh air to the Ponderosa.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben learned to love her as the daughter he never had and was a bit concerned about her. She had never showed any signs of recovering her memories and it seemed she didn\u2019t want to do it either. She declined going to parties or any other social event. She only rode to Virginia City looking for supplies and mail, returning home as fast as she could. I have to do something about that, Ben thought while he finished his coffee.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly returned home by noon. She left the wagon near the barn and greeted two hands that were checking some cattle. ” Hi Marc, Jeremy,” she said waving one hand to them.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Hi Miss Molly, a nice day for a ride, isn\u2019t it” said Jeremy touching the edge of his hat to greet her. ” Do you want us to carry those things to the kitchen?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Oh, that would be very kind. Thank you” she replied and gave them her best smile. ” Marc, could you please feed the horses?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Sure Ma\u2019am”<\/span><\/p>\n

Both men smile and nodded. She was such a nice lady that every hand of the ranch wondered who would conquer her heart. Molly took the tobacco she had bought for Ben and the mail and crossed the yard towards the house.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Ben, boys, I\u2019m here” she said closing the door behind.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Here Molly,” Ben answered from his desk. She appeared a second later and gave him the tobacco and the letters. ” So nobody asked you for lunch after all” he said, smiling with amusement.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I cannot believe you joined those sons of yours” she replied dryly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Oh come on Molly”, he said while he stood up and went towards her. Ben placed one arm around her slim shoulders and led her to the settee where they both sat down. ” Molly you are a beautiful young lady” he began saying. ” Two years had passed since you came to live with us and you never wanted to have fun”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Everything at the right time Ben” she interrupted him abruptly. She leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek. ” I have to go and help Hop Sing now.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben watched her rose and walked towards the kitchen. He shook his head and went back to his desk. He sat down and before returning to work, he took the letters Molly had brought for him. Ben frowned and looked for his friend\u2019s letter when something caught his total attention. He dropped the other letters and kept only one in his hand. He would recognize that handwriting anywhere. \u2018Adam\u2019 whispered his soul. Anxiously he opened the envelope wondering where his son could be.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Pa, Hoss & Joe,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A lot happened since my last letter and finally I realized that there\u2019s no such a place like our Ponderosa. Making this short I want to tell you that I\u2019ll be there next September 4th. I\u2019m carrying a little surprise for all of you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

See you soon\u2026. Adam.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben felt his body fill with happiness and tears gathered in his eyes. Ben sighted full of emotion. Finally his son was coming home. \u2018I had dreamed it for so long\u2019, he thought. He heard some voices coming from the yard so he looked through the window and saw Joe and Hoss dismounting their horses near the barn. Without thinking about it twice, he ran after them. From the threshold he shouted calling them. Joe and Hoss went out of the barn frightened but they both felt themselves relax when they saw Ben\u2019s smiling face. They glanced at each other wondering what could be happening.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Guess who\u2019s arriving tomorrow?” he asked with wide-open smile and brilliant eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Well Pa, according to your face had to be our big brother” Hoss replied and snorted a laughter. ” Your happy face is all we need to see\u2026 You\u2019ve being waiting for this since his departure.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” OK. I admit it. I missed him so much” Ben replied softly while he looked at his son\u2019s letter. ” And tomorrow he will be here with us,” he added thoughtfully.<\/span><\/p>\n

” So tomorrow will be the big day” Joe commented with flashing eyes and dazzling smile as he placed an arm around his father\u2019s shoulders.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Yep. And he said that he had a surprise for us.” Ben said glancing from Hoss to Joe. ” So come on we have a lot to do”.<\/span><\/p>\n

~~ FOUR ~~<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben escorted by Joe and Hoss arrived to Virginia City forty-five minutes before the arrival of the stage. He felt so anxious and nervous that he couldn\u2019t wait to see Adam. About a million times he had asked Molly about Adam\u2019s room and guestroom. She patiently answered that both rooms were clean and ready. Another million times he asked Hop Sing about Adam\u2019s favorite meal and cake, but the Chinese man was not as patient as Molly and he scowled at him while he yelled angry Chinese words at each time Ben asked. Molly finally pushed him out of the house before he would ask another question.<\/span><\/p>\n

While Ben kept silent the boys tried to guess what Adam\u2019s surprise could be. Nothing seemed to match with their dry serious big brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

” He is capable of bringing Shakespeare after awaking him from his grave” Joe said ironically and started to laugh.<\/span><\/p>\n

The stage appeared on the other side of the street. Ben\u2019s body got tense. Feeling that his secret dream had come true he had to blink the tears back. His family would be together again. Hoss glanced at his father and gently placed an arm around his shoulders sharing his emotions. In less than five minutes the old stage stopped just in front of them. A couple came down first. They greeted the Cartwrights with a nod and went away. Eagerly Ben stepped closer to the stage. Adam appeared in front of him. Father and son stared at each other with open smiles. Adam jumped from the stage and both men lost themselves in a long tight embrace. They separated a bit so Ben could look at him and he took Adam\u2019s face in his hand. They embraced again. Hoss and Joe looked at them with emotion waiting their time to hug their brother. Finally Adam addressed them and opening his arms hugged both at the same time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Oh boys, I missed you two so much,” he said holding them tight against his body. ” Look at you”<\/span><\/p>\n

” We also missed you brother” Joe said with tears in his eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

” We\u2019re glad to have you here with us again”, added Hoss pressing Adam\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The brothers gathered on an open hug while Ben happily looked at them. Adam still the same man that left us more than four years ago, he thought, and he thanked God for bringing him back in one piece. A noise from the stage caught their attention so Ben, Joe and Hoss glanced at the stage waiting to meet Adam\u2019s surprise. Adam looked at them with amusement.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Daddy, can I get out? It\u2019s hot here”<\/span><\/p>\n

The soft childish voice coming from the stage shook Ben and the boys. The three of them glanced to Adam with astonishment, while he stared at them with a smile full of pride. Definitely they didn\u2019t expect this, he thought. So Adam told his son to come out. The boy showed his face and slowly stood up rubbing his eyes with his fists. He was a tall thin boy. Like his father, he had dark black hair and deep hazel eyes. Just like Adam at his age, Ben though feeling the tears in his eyes. When the little boy saw his father he stretched his arms to him. Adam lifted his son gently and the boy clung his father\u2019s neck.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Pa, boys, let me introduce you to Matthew Cartwright” he said proudly rubbing the boy\u2019s back. ” Matt this is your grandpa Ben and your uncles, Hoss and Joe”<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben got closer and caressed his grandson\u2019s head. Matt looked at him with inquiring eyes. Ben took him in his arms and said hello. Joe and Hoss joined them amused with the new member of their family. Adam took a deep breath and started at them with relieve. He turned to the stage and fetched the luggage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam\u2026.” Ben said a few minutes later. Adam didn\u2019t need to look at him to know what he was trying to ask. His father\u2019s voice was enough.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Karen died,” was his sharp dry answer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam lowered his eyes for a moment and after straightened up he carried the luggage to the buggy. His words shook all the family. Ben and Joe exchanged sad glances and followed him silently while Hoss walked behind them playing with his nephew on his arms.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Daddy he is huge,” lisped Matt, pointing Hoss with one of his little fingers.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Yes he is” answered Adam with a smile.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam was already seated in the front seat of the buggy when Hoss passed next to him. Matt stretched his arms to his father so Adam received him in his arms. The three strangers puzzled the boy. His father had said they were his grandpa and uncles. He also told him many stories about them. Matt looked up and met his father\u2019s eyes, then asked him why he never mentioned his grandma. With tenderness Adam smiled telling him that they would talk about it later. Matt didn\u2019t insist, instead he placed his thumb in his mouth and settled in a comfortable position against his father\u2019s body. Adam smiled at him and rubbed his back. In silence he raised his eyes and scanned the landscape. He had missed this land so much that he could hardly believe he was there. Everything seemed more beautiful than he remembered. He sighed feeling that something was changing inside him, and struggled to let the Adam Cartwright that once left home surface, but he couldn\u2019t. That man was dead for so many years that he wasn\u2019t sure that he could be that man again. But he would have to try.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Tell us about your trip,” Joe said bringing him to reality. ” Where have you been?”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” London, Paris, Rome and many other cities around Europe” was his sharp answer. Joe and Hoss glanced at each other puzzled by the way that Adam had cut off the subject.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Where was my nephew born?” Hoss asked.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Boston.” Another sharp answer.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Hey, just like you were” Hoss commented with amusement. ” What a coincidence.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Yes. Another coincidence was that he was born on my birthday.” His reply was dry and thoughtful this time. ” Three years and a half ago.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam breathed deeply and decided to tell them so they would not keep asking. He would tell them part of the story. Adam told them how he met Karen in New York. They fell in love the moment they saw each other. Together they traveled around Europe for less than a year, loving each other madly and making plans for their future. They were so much in love that they decided to travel back to America and visit the Ponderosa before they shipped to Australia. In the middle of the trip Karen realized she was pregnant. They got married in Boston and a few months later Matthew was born. Adam\u2019s voice broke and he kept his voice low trying to restrain his emotions. He paused and remained in silent for a few minutes fighting to pull himself together. Neither Ben nor the boys dared to break his silence. ” She was incredible. I found in her everything I expected in a woman.” Adam paused and pressed his lips together trying to conceal the pain caused by the sad memories. The anger growing inside him was something he learned to control since her death. He looked at his son who slept quietly.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I still miss her\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I know son\u2026” Ben said and glanced at him with sadness.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Sure,” Adam said ironically. “I don\u2019t expect another comment from you, and don\u2019t look at me sympathetically” he replied. The hard sharp answer surprised everyone so Adam struggled to suppress the sudden surge of anger he felt. His eyebrows rose and he managed himself to be more polite this time. ” Fortunately I have Matt.”<\/span><\/p>\n

They fell in an uncomfortable deep silence and fortunately for Ben and his youngest boys they were arriving home. Adam was lost in his own thoughts and turned his attention to the beautiful Ponderosa pines. He smiled happily when he saw the house appear, but his smile quickly faded, as his face became dark. He frowned with annoyance.<\/span><\/p>\n

” You got married while I was away?” he asked Ben sarcastically. He was not in the mood to meet strangers specially woman.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam, why don\u2019t you calm down?” Hoss growled at the sarcastic words of his brother. ” You\u2019ve arrived only an hour ago and this is your third unpleasant comment.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam nodded. ” Sorry Pa, I didn\u2019t mean to say that,” he said rubbing his forehead. ” I\u2019m so tired. It was a long hot dusty trip from New Orleans.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” New Orleans?” asked Joe puzzled. ” I thought you were coming from Boston.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I was, but last month we were in New Orleans.” Another sharp answer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” It\u2019s OK. Adam you are home now” Ben said looking at him with concern. ” You can rest now son.”<\/span><\/p>\n

When they got down from the buggy, Hop Sing approached Adam and greeted him. Adam hugged him with one hand, carrying his sleeping son on the other. Molly stayed several steps behind; witnessing how happy Ben, Hoss and Joe seemed to be. Ben looked at her and waved one hand asking her to approach.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam let me introduce you to Molly. She lives here with us,” Ben said with an arm around her shoulders. ” Molly you finally get to meet my eldest son. This is Adam and the little boy is my grandson Matthew.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam shook her hand with a quick distant smile. Molly offered to take Matt to bed but Adam shook his head and addressing his father he said that he would take Matt to his room.<\/span><\/p>\n

” It\u2019s still mine, isn\u2019t it?” he asked dryly.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben nodded with astonishment and watched him stride into the house. Something did not match, he thought. He shook his head and turned to Hoss and Joe asking them to bring the luggage, but he stopped talking when he saw their faces.<\/span><\/p>\n

” What the hell happened to him?” Joe asked with concern. ” He seemed to be the same sarcastic dry unpleasant man we all know, but otherwise he is not really Adam.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Joe\u2019s right, Pa. He not even seem to be happy to be here with us,” Hoss added with concern.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I know. We have to give him sometime. He is hurt,” Ben explained putting her hands on his boys\u00b4s shoulders. ” We all know how hermetic he can be about his feelings. Adam will talked to us when he is ready to do it.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly got into the house behind Adam, but he didn\u2019t notice her any more that he had noticed her when Ben had introduced them. Instead, Molly felt the impact of his manhood and the attractiveness of his strong lean body. Molly knew that she had never met a man like Adam Cartwright before. She had never felt the desire or the attraction that she felt for this handsome man. She understood then, what Joe meant when he told her that there wasn\u2019t another man like him. Molly decided to remain in the kitchen until supper; she was disturbed by her own thoughts and needed to be alone to calm herself down.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam came into his room and placed Matt on his bed. He sat at the edge of his bed and glanced around the room. Each corner was familiar, and lots of memories came to him. His books, his pictures and of course his guitar. Adam closed his eyes as his body relaxed before the feeling of being in a safe place, surrounded by those he loved. Although none of them knew it, Adam needed them more than ever; he needed his father\u2019s calm wisdom and strength; Hoss tenderness and understanding nature and the courage and optimism of his little brother. Well, he\u2019s not little anymore, he thought as he remembered Joe at Matt\u2019s age.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t notice how long he remained there thinking and remembering, but a knock at the door brought him back to reality. ” Come in” he said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Son, supper will be ready in a minute.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Thanks Pa” he answered and smiled at him. ” I cannot believe I\u2019m finally here.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Neither do I, son,” said Ben. He moved closer to his son and passed an arm around his shoulders. ” I missed you so much Adam.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam nodded but did not answer. He turned to look at Matt. The boy was sleeping deeply but he did not want to leave him there. ” I\u2019ll take Matt downstairs, he\u2019ll be scared if he wakes up and doesn\u2019t find me.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” He\u2019s just like you at his age Adam” Ben mentioned with tenderness.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I don\u2019t like him being like me,” was his quick answer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben frowned and looked at him puzzled. ” Why did you say that?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Pa, I\u2019m hungry” he simply said and cut off the conversation. He lifted Matt and strode out of his room, leaving his father alone with his confusion.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a warm family dinner. Adam talked most of the time retelling stories about the cities that he had visited. Joe asked lots of questions and his brother answered them patiently. Molly listened to him and felt her heart beating loudly. She struggled to stop thinking about him, but she couldn\u2019t take Adam Cartwright from her mind. She wondered him reading, riding his horse and playing his guitar, and each thought increased the fire inside her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Who touched my books?” Adam suddenly asked. Molly was shaken by his mellow deep voice. She smiled and told him that she was keeping the bookcase clean for the past two years. “Thank you. You did a pretty good job.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” You have a great collection up there. I\u2019ve been reading your books since I came to live here. I hope you don\u2019t mind,” she said tenderly. She looked into his dark eyes and lost herself there for a while. She couldn\u2019t stop smiling at him and felt her body lit up by his charming glaze. Adam nodded and smiled her back.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” How did you come to be here,” he asked a couple of minutes later.<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly smiled and turned at Hoss with a tender smile and glanced from Ben to Joe. She took a deep breath and faced Adam. She told him about the accident and her lost memories. Molly paused remembering everything she got through during the last two years.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Many months later Ben and I had a little conversation. We agreed that I would help Hop Sing with the household” she said, her eyes full of emotions dwelling on Ben\u2019s face. ” Your father gained a housekeeper as I gained a family.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Molly, you\u2019re much more than a housekeeper,” Joe said taking her hand on his. ” You are family. Hoss and I considered you as a sister, don\u2019t you Hoss?” he said glancing at his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Of course” replied Hoss with open gently smile. He winked an eye to Adam and glanced at her mischievously. ” Don\u2019t worry sis, I have in mind two wonderful fellows for you.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Who are they Hoss?” asked Joe joining his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

” One may be Tom Sander and the other Jack Street,” answered Hoss with amusement.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Oh please you two stop it” Molly groaned as her cheeks turned to pink.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

While Hoss and Joe were teasing Molly, Ben looked at Adam who was silently following the conversation. Ben realized that his oldest son was hiding a smile behind his coffee. In a certain way Adam seemed to be relaxing. The roughness of his voice was replaced by his soft gentle manners. But Ben was not satisfied yet. He knew his son was an expert at hiding his feelings and he also knew each grimace of Adam\u2019s face. He had learned how to read those hard sharp eyes and at that moment Ben only saw darkness and emptiness. Although he was sure that something was bothering Adam badly, he was not able to help his beloved son. Adam had built up a thick wall around his heart and his soul and Ben wondered how old that wall was.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

~~ FIVE ~~<\/span><\/p>\n

Once again Adam was a puzzle to his father. As weeks had gone by, Ben Cartwright became more and more concerned about Adam\u2019s behavior. He kept an eye on him most of the time but couldn\u2019t discover what was bothering him. Instead he noticed that Adam struggled to show his typical self-control, being polite and kind to everyone. He neither raised his voice nor got angry, but his expression changed after he carried Matt to bed. In a matter of seconds he became a shadow hiding himself behind a book or a glass of bourbon without speaking or smiling. Ben had learned through the years that when his oldest son had that kind of disposition something was deeply wrong with him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One night after he left Matt sleeping on his room, Adam walked back to the main room. He stopped for a minute at the top of the stairs and from there he watched his family. Joe and Hoss were playing checkers and as usual Joe was teasing his brother. \u2018Some things would never change,\u2019 he thought with a smile. Ben was in his favorite red chair reading the book he had recommended him. On the settee, just in front of the fire, Molly was knitting. Her presence in the house disturbed him and Adam was making a great effort to be nice and polite with her. Everything would be easier if she was not here, he thought as he came downstairs. She was a beautiful and charming young lady and Adam had discovered why his family loved her so much.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” What is it?” Molly asked confused by the way that he was looking at her. Ben, Hoss and Joe turned and fixed his eyes on him. Adam frowned, suddenly uncomfortable before the four pair of eyes that stared at him. ” Why are you looking at me?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I was not looking at you” was his dry distant answer. ” I was wondering\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam moved towards his father\u2019s desk and poured himself a glass of bourbon avoiding Molly\u2019s gaze.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam\u2026” she said softly. He raised his eyes and met her happy face. Her deep green eyes were bright and flashing. She smiled at him. ” I never thank you for letting me take care of Matt,” she paused and he nodded as he sipped his bourbon. ” And also thank you for considering me part of your family.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam frowned, shaken by her words. He did not want to consider her part of his family, only because if he did she would become part of his life. He wouldn\u2019t allow that to happen. In fact he wanted her to leave the Ponderosa. Not because he did not like her, or may be because of it, Adam sensed she was dangerous. He cleaned his throat and folded his arms. ” Well, I think you are the only choice I have, that\u2019s all,” he said with rough and arrogant voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly was disappointed as she realized that Adam, once again, was treating her as if she was nothing. ” Never mind” she replied sadly. ” He is a cute boy,” she paused and watched him moved behind the desk as if nobody was speaking to him. ” It\u2019s a pity that he has such an unpleasant father\u2026” Adam looked at her and grinned. ” Good night Ben, boys.” She said winking an eye to Ben.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam seated behind the desk and sipped his bourbon. He was not pleased with what he had done and understood that he deserved her reply. He was aware that he had hurt Molly, but it was better that way. He shifted in the comfortable chair, laid his head back and closed his eyes. He was tired and wanted to shut his mind for a while. He could not let the pain or the fear take control of him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben closed his book as soon as Molly disappeared in the upper floor. He glanced at Joe and Hoss that were looking at Adam angrily. Ben frowned and told himself that there wouldn\u2019t be a better opportunity to face Adam.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” There was no need to answer her that way,” Ben said with rough strong voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I know,” was Adam\u2019s short replied.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018Another short answer,\u2019 Ben thought. If he did not answer short, he did it sharp or dry. Ben shook his head and sighed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam, you arrived more than a month ago and you did not tell us what had been happening to you yet,” Ben said, his voice a mix of anger and concern. ” You didn\u2019t even mention what happened to your wife”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Her name was Karen” he replied sharply. He opened his eyes lifting an inquired eyebrow and looked at Ben reluctantly, showing his father that he had no intentions of having such a conversation. He closed his eyes again and crossed his arms over his chest.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam when I saw you coming down the stage, I thanked God that you were back in one piece” Ben insisted. His voice was worried but calm. ” But I was wrong, wasn\u2019t I son?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam gave a quick serious glance at his father. He didn\u2019t want to hear anymore. It was too painful to remember. He slowly rose. ” Maybe you were wrong Pa”, he replied while he began walking away from them. Hoss stopped him taking Adam by his arm.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Why don\u2019t you stay and tell as what\u2019s going on big brother?” he asked while Adam jerked his arm out of Hoss\u00b4s hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam turned to the fireplace and shook his head trying to avoid their eyes full of concern and confusion. He pressed the bridge of his nose thinking about what he could say to satisfy them. But not the truth, he was not ready for that yet.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Look, I\u2019m fine. You don\u2019t have to worry about anything,” Adam simply said and he turned to face them. He outlined a reassuring smile. ” I can handle it”<\/span><\/p>\n

Neither Ben nor the boys believed him. ” You are so arrogant,” Joe shouted out stepping closer to Adam and took a deep breath. ” You are a stubborn mule, empty headed who always thought that you could handle everything. Aren\u2019t we good enough before those arrogant eyes of yours big brother? We aren\u2019t good enough to help you?”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Joseph” Ben said trying to calm down his youngest\u2019s hot temper.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019m tired of him Pa,” shouted Joe angrily. ” Why did he come back when it\u2019s so evident that he didn\u2019t want to be here with us?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” If you have something to say do it in my face, Little brother,” replied Adam, his anger growing in his voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Why big brother” said Joe in a challenge way. ” You\u2019re not even here”<\/span><\/p>\n

For a moment none of them spoke. Joe\u2019s words touched Adam deeply, but he would not let his brother realize it. He outlined an arrogant despotic smile while his dark cold eyes were fixed on Joe\u2019s angry eyes. ” Well little brother, maybe you are right for once\u2026 the man you knew as you brother is dead\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

Without saying another word Adam strode across the room and left the house, leaving them in complete shock standing in the middle of the main room. Ben sat in the settee with astonishment. His face showed how devastated he was. He dropped his head on his hands and prayed. ” Oh Lord, help him\u2026 help us to bring him back” he whispered. ” What had happened to my son?”<\/span><\/p>\n

The silence of the night was broken by the sound of a horse running out of the yard. Ben raised his head and looked at the front door. Hoss and Joe looked at him both lost on their own bewilderment. ” Pa, do you want me to follow him?” Joe dared to ask, feeling guilty because of his attitude towards Adam.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben silently shook his head while he rose and walked upstairs. He didn\u2019t want to talk; he didn\u2019t want to think. He wanted to be alone in his room as he cried and prayed for his son.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What\u2019s happening to me? he asked himself as he urged Sport to enter a gallop as soon as he mounted and the spirited horse answered instantly. It was a beautiful night to gallop under the moonlight. The breeze was cold enough to cool his temper and clear his mind. Feeling the cold wind against his face and the darkness of the silent night wrapping him, Adam let his feelings take the reins of his thoughts. Come on Karen don\u2019t leave me now, he prayed with bitterness. Of all the places he had visited, none made him feel as The Ponderosa, so beautiful and so safe. He thought about the life that once he had dreamed of sharing with his wife. Being alone in the dark open he allowed the tears to slide down his face. Also that was a truncated dream, he remember, because Karen would have been never happy surrounded by nature and the silent peaceful life of the ranch. Karen wished to live in cities like New York, Boston, London and Paris; that was her, full of desires to belong to the select groups that attend parties, theaters and social meetings. \u2018Why am I thinking about her now?\u2019 he thought with disgust and struggled to organize his thoughts. Then he remembered the emotions that crossed her face when he told him that they were expecting a baby. Adam was 37 years old when Matt was born and as soon as he held his first born in his arms, he knew that the moment for settling down had come. But in a couple of hours, everything changed forever. What would have happened if Karen hadn\u2019t gotten pregnant, he asked himself with sadness. But he did not have the courage to seek for the answer inside him. Matt was everything; his life, his hope, his bond to this life and the motive of his breathing.<\/span><\/p>\n

His mind led him to think about Molly. Adam stopped Sport and the horse tossed and waved his head violently, annoyed by the interruption. Molly disturbed him more than he wanted to accept. Her sensual movements, her transparent clean beauty, her simplicity, her laughter, and her voice. Adam shook his head trying to stop thinking about her, but he couldn\u2019t as long as he knew that he had hurt her deeply. And was beginning to regret about his own words.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

His thoughts turned to his family and Joe\u2019s words echoed in his mind. He would never understand why his little brother always managed to drive him out of his mind and bring out the worst in him, but this time Joe had been right on. He was full of sorrow and deeply ashamed of his cruel cold answer, but he was not able to control either his anger or his hate anymore, and that scared him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Still drowning in his own thoughts Adam came into the house. He was surprised to find Hoss reading next to the fire. Adam frowned and slowly closed the door. Hoss didn\u2019t look at him he simply shifted and crossed his legs pretending to be concentrating on what he was doing. Like a silent cat, Adam moved next to the fireplace. Once he got there, he glanced at his brother from the corner of his eyes. Hoss\u2019s dark countenance was something Adam was not prepared to face.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Hoss\u2026 I\u2026.” he began saying but stopped as he saw his brother close the book and rise. ” I didn\u2019t mean to\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

This time Hoss looked at him. Those eyes always so gentle and tender were staring at him with distress and anger and Adam had to turn his eyes away from him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Hoss, don\u2019t look at me that way. I can stand Joe\u2019s anger, but not you\u2026”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” We never needed words to understand each other Adam,” said Hoss softly. ” But I don\u2019t have a clue of what\u2019s happening to you this time. And like Joe, I want my brother back” Without saying another word Hoss walked upstairs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Hoss, I\u2019m sorry,” Adam said in a low tired voice. Hoss was in the middle of the stair and stopped briefly as he heard his brother\u2019s low voice, but didn\u2019t look at him. Instead, he silently disappeared in the upper floor. .\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Next morning when Adam and Matt came down to breakfast they found the whole family at the table. The boy ran and climbed to his chair while Adam followed him a few steps behind. Adam greeted everybody in a low quick voice and seated. He was about to pour Matt\u2019s breakfast but Joe was doing it. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes with one hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

” You look tired,” Molly commented while she delivered him the coffeepot.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I didn\u2019t sleep well,” he said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” It must be your conscience,” Joe whispered and sipped his coffee.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben and Hoss gave him a hard glance while Adam pressed his fist and struggled to control his fury. He straightened and looked at his brother with cold eyes. ” If you are looking for some trouble, why don\u2019t you just ask me? It will be my pleasure little brother.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The two of them stared at each other for a while until Joe turned his eyes back to his breakfast. Hoss twisted his mouth wondering when Joe would learn to keep his mouth shut. Unlike Joe, he was not angry for being helpless. Hoss was sad and what he saw in Adam\u2019s eyes the night before was something he had never seen in his self-control brother. He shook his head, as he didn\u2019t know how to handle the situation. Hoss could reckon lots of times that Adam kept his feelings apart, but nothing compare to this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Pa, would you mind if I take care of the north fence today,” Adam said firmly. Ben raised his eyes and looked at him puzzled. ” I noticed yesterday that there\u2019s a part that needed to be repaired”<\/span><\/p>\n

” OK. Adam” was his answer, understanding that his son needed to be alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Thanks” he said while he rose. He leaned to Matt and kissed his forehead. ” I\u2019ll see you later baby”<\/span><\/p>\n

” See you daddy”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam walked to the front door. He stopped briefly and took his hat, gun belt and coat and went out of the house.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly felt the tense atmosphere and sensed that Matt was feeling it also. The boy ate his breakfast in complete silence and didn\u2019t raise his eyes from his plate. Molly stared at him and noticed that he had an anguished look in his eyes. ” Hey baby, what do you like to do today,” she asked with sweetness. Matt looked at her and his smile light up his childish face. ” So, any ideas to suggest?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Can we go to the lake?” he said with enthusiasm. ” Daddy promised to go, but he never has time.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Let\u2019s have lunch there then” she replied with an open smile.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So they did. After Molly had all her chores done around the house, she took one of the wagons and with Matt by her side, they rode towards the lake. It was a warm autumn day. The sky was cloudy, but nothing to be worry about. During the ride they sang the songs that she had taught him and talked about the stories that she had read him. Matt was a quick smart boy, who asked lots of questions and absorbed everything without second explanations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

After lunch they played games near the shore of Tahoe and talked a lot while they picked up flowers for a branch. Matt yawned many times and began to rub his eyes with his fists.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Do you want me to read you a story?” Molly asked as she lifted him. The boy nodded and placed his thumb on his mouth. Molly caressed his face and kissed his cheek. ” Let\u2019s go under that tress so we may rest.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly left him on the ground and sat over one blanket while Matt lay down leaning his head on Molly\u2019s lap. She covered him with another blanket, opened the book and began to read. She had read only three pages when she noticed that Matt was deeply asleep. She closed the book and glanced at him tenderly. She loved the boy very much; he was so cute and charming. Then she remembered what she had said to Adam the night before. Molly sighed as Adam\u2019s face came to his mind. She closed her eyes for a moment, lie back against the tree and let herself dream about him. Molly had noticed that he didn\u2019t speak to her directly, in fact, he avoided being alone with her in the same room. She was so deeply in love with him that sometimes it was unbearable to be under the same roof, feeling his distance and coldness as well as the attraction that sprung from his tough body. Molly knew that this mysterious distant man was hiding something behind layers of ice, and his dark deep eyes and his sharp tongue, showed her that he was not an easy man. She shook her head and smiled as she thought about his passion for arts, literature and music. She finally fell asleep dreaming anxiously about being in his arms.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The cold wind awoke her. She didn\u2019t know how much she\u2019d been sleeping but the sun had utterly disappeared and the sky was stormy and dark. She awoke Matt and ordered him to take the blankets to the wagon, while she put everything in the basket. As quickly as she could she headed after him. Molly lifted Matt seating him on the wagon then climbed in next to him. Before starting the ride back home she looked at the bright flash of lightening that occasionally lit the sky, accompanied by noisy thunders. Molly knew that it would start to rain at any minutes.<\/span><\/p>\n

They were on the middle of their way when the first drops fell. Molly tried to move the horses faster as the storm broke without letting her find a shelter. Without taking her eyes from the road, Molly took a blanket and ordered Matt to cover himself under it. It was a terrible storm. The rain fell to the ground in a torrent and didn\u2019t let her see well enough to drive the wagon faster. Unexpectedly a cold wind began to blow.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

She finally saw Adam standing under the rain in the middle of the yard and the rest of the family behind him. She couldn\u2019t see Adam\u2019s face, but it wasn\u2019t necessary because Molly could bet that he must be furious. Before she could stop the wagon, Adam was lifting his son on his arms. Molly watched him carrying Matt into the house feeling guilty. He didn\u2019t say a word to her, not even a glance and Molly felt the weight of his distance.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe helped her to get down the wagon and she quickly ran into the house. She found Adam undressing Matt near the fireplace. The boy was coughing and shivered from cold. Loudly Adam asked her for towels and blankets, while he shook his head and managed to control himself. A minute later Molly handled him the towels and left the blanket on the table.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Thank you” he said angrily. ” Change your clothes, you are going to get ill”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam\u2026 I”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Later” was the sharp dry answered. ” This is neither the time nor the place to discuss it”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Matt was amused by the adventure. He glanced to his grandpa and started telling him how great it was when it started to rain. ” It seemed that the wagon was going to break down any minute,” He said with excitement. Adam turned to the hearth and placed the wet clothes near the fire. Feeling himself free of his father\u2019s arms, Matt ran after his grandpa.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Matthew, come here”, Adam shouted. Matt stood paralyzed by fear; he turned to his father and sobbed. Adam closed his eyes for a second as he struggled to control his anger. He couldn\u2019t afford to let the anger take control at this moment. He glanced back to his son, who was now crying frightened in Hoss arms. ” I\u2019ll give you a hot bath or you will get ill.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam took a blanket and covered his son with it. Afterwards he carried him to the bathhouse.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben and Hoss shook their heads. While Ben returned to his desk, Hoss went to the kitchen looking for a cup of coffee. Hoss came back with Molly, one of his big arms around her slender shoulders comforting her. He led Molly to the settee where they both sat down. From his desk, Ben looked at her with distress. She had changed her dress but her hair was still wet. Molly\u2019s eyes were sad and slowly her tears began to run across her cheeks. She seemed to be so ashamed that she wouldn\u2019t even looked at them. Ben joined them and knelt in front of her taking her hands in his.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Molly don\u2019t be upset,” he said gently. ” Matt\u2019s gonna be OK. You\u2019ll see that tomorrow he is going to be fine”.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Didn\u2019t you see how Adam looked at me” she commented, her face covered with silence tears. ” He will never trust me again, but Ben it wasn\u2019t my fault\u2026 the storm appeared,” she added. Her voice broke and she turned pleading eyes at Ben.<\/span><\/p>\n

” It wasn\u2019t your fault” Ben replied. He stood up and glanced to Hoss. Both realizing that she was only concerned about Adam\u2019s reaction.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

An hour later Adam came downstairs. He looked tense and tired. His face was a mask of strain and dread. He silently headed to the blue chair and sat down. Hoss and Joe finished a checkers match and asked him to play. Adam rubbed his eyes with one hand and waved the other to his brothers. Ben gave him a cup of coffee while he asked about Matt. Adam sat up and took the cup thanking his father.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” He is sleeping in my bed now,” he simply said with strain while he sipped his coffee. His voice was full of anguish. ” He is coughing too much, I know that he will get ill”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Adam” Ben said calmly putting one hand on his son\u2019s shoulder. ” You\u2019ll see that after sleeping warmly in his bed he will be in good shape tomorrow.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t answer; he simply lay back and closed his eyes. He had a terrible headache because of the strain and thinking that Matt was going to get ill made it worse. The nightmare he had dreamed of for years seemed to be becoming reality. Images of the past came to his mind and the fear grew, as he felt that the past was coming after him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly\u2019s voice woke him to reality. Adam opened his eyes and stared at her with anger and indignation. She was standing in front of him, her face full of shame. But he didn\u2019t care. He rose and fixed his eyes on her. Molly flinched under his contemptuous glaze and she had to lower her eyes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” How is Matt?” she asked in a low voice. Adam didn\u2019t answer and she realized that he was expecting an explanation. ” I don\u2019t know what to say\u2026 I\u2019m so sorry\u2026 the storm suddenly appeared\u2026”<\/span><\/p>\n

” You\u2019ll never take my son out of this house without my permission, do you hear me?” he growled, and his voice was hard and sharp. Joe was about to come towards her but Adam stopped him with a glance. ” We are going to have a conversation later, I\u2019m too angry to do it now”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Silently he sat down and lied back closing his eyes again. Molly stood there looking at him and she felt that anger and hate were growing inside. So she turned and went to the kitchen.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Cartwrights to dinner” Hop Sing shouted awaking Adam.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam opened his eyes. He had a lump in his throat. He\u2019d been dreaming again about something or someone but he couldn\u2019t remember. He only felt the bitterness inside his soul. He went towards the table and sat down. He put an elbow over the table and dropped his face on his hand for a few seconds. He straightened abruptly and began to fill his plate. He wasn\u2019t hungry so after a few minutes he started playing with his meal as if he was a six year old boy. Ben, Hoss and Joe kept shooting darting glances at him. Adam noticed it but he didn\u2019t want to argue with them at the moment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Well Adam when you play with your meal that way it means that you\u2019ve been making up your mind to speak” Ben said breaking the tense atmosphere. Adam smiled sadly and shook his head.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Not this time Pa” he replied sharply. ” And please stop looking at me that way”<\/span><\/p>\n

” How can you possibly think that we can tolerate you\u2019re attitude” Ben replied with exasperation. ” Look at you, you are as unpleasant as a man can be. I don\u2019t even recognize you. And I\u2019m getting tired of it Adam.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” There are things that a man need to face alone” he replied angrily while he left his napkin on the table and stood up. “Listen to me, I\u2019m tired of feeling your glances on my back or hearing your whispers, ” he went on and his voice began to raise. ” What I have to face, I have to do it on my own.” He paused and faced them with both hands on his hips and defiant look. “So thank you very much for your concern, but it\u2019s not necessary to be worried.” He ended with sarcasm. ” I\u2019ll go to the barn now and then I\u2019ll spend the night with Matt just in case something happen”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Oh come on, nothing will happen,” said Molly tired of him.<\/span><\/p>\n

” You shut up,” he yelled at her, while he slammed his fists into the table, the silverware clinked loudly and the glasses swayed. Adam\u2019s face was dark with anger, and he glared at his Pa and brothers, who stared at him surprised by his cold voice. But Molly couldn\u2019t tolerate it anymore.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” You have no right to shout at me that way, ” she said with indignation. Adam turned and fixed his angry cold eyes on her. Adam\u2019s scowling mad angry face looked menacing. He was about to say something but she didn\u2019t allow him to do it. ” Whom do you think you are to give us orders as if you were our master?” she went on saying in a challenging way. Adam shook his head and turned to the front door and left the house. Molly shot out of her chair and ran after him. She reached Adam in the middle of the porch and taking him by his arm made him face her again. He turned and gave her such a look that she felt a cold shiver across her spine, but she went on. ” I\u2019m talking to you well mannered man” she said sharply. ” I think that everybody respects you too much Adam Cartwright, but I\u2019m not going to bear your shouts full of sarcasm or your arrogant answers,” yelled Molly blinking the tears back. Her own words shook her, being too painful even to her. \u2018God I love him,\u2019 she thought. “I\u2019m fed up of you.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019m fed up of you also” Adam simply said and grinned at her with malicious.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I don\u2019t care what you think, that\u2019s your problem not mine, and I won\u2019t leave this family because of you.” She was really angry now and she wouldn\u2019t let him win this battle. So she smiled victoriously. ” You will have to learn to live with me around, Mister Cartwright.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Get out of my life Molly without surname” yelled Adam louder than before. He couldn\u2019t control his fury anymore. Hostility crackled as he looked into her eyes. ” Why don\u2019t you try to find out who you really are, instead of being around my life”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly felt the sharp words in the middle of her heart and was about to slap him but Adam took both of her arms with his hands. They stared at each other angrily. She struggled to control her tears as well as all the emotions that she was feeling before his closeness. Adam felt the intensity of her eyes and carried by an impulse, he surrounded her with his arms and kissed her strong and passionately. He was shaken by his own reaction, and turned away from her while he wiped the sensation from his lips.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly was too shaken to talk. She remained standing there trying to understand what he had done. ” Why did you do that?” she asked confused.<\/span><\/p>\n

” That was the only way I found to make you shut up,” he said unpleasantly. He turned and looked at her. Molly felt so humiliated and so lesser that it was too much for her. Suddenly she brushed and gave him a hard slap of his face. Adam stared at her shocked. For a few seconds they were surrounded by complete silence. Then Molly ran into the house without noticing that Ben, Joe and Hoss were standing in the threshold.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Why is this happening to me? It\u2019s a nightmare,” said Adam reluctantly, as if he was alone in the porch. ” The enemy sent her here”. Then he strode across the yard and entered the barn.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben tried to stop them before the kiss but neither Adam nor Molly heard him. They were having their own battle and both wanted to carry it to its end. His bewilderment was bigger when he saw the slap. Ben dropped his head into his hands, nothing justified what had happened. If it was Joe\u2019s reaction Ben would face it in a different way, but Adam never lost his temper, far less with a woman. Adam was complete out of his mind. Ben realized that he had delayed too long the conversation he must have with Adam. He didn\u2019t know how but this time he would force him to speak and he did not care how painful it could be.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019ll go to talk to him,” he told Joe and Hoss. The boys were speechless and deeply shaken by what they had witnessed. They glanced at their father not knowing what to do. ” This went to far and I won\u2019t allowed him to destroy himself ” He ended with a tired sad voice. Before walking to the barn he turned to them again. ” Stay near, I\u2019ll call you”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam entered the barn and went straight up to Sport. He couldn\u2019t support the lump on his throat as well as the ache of his eyes. He wanted to cry badly, but he didn\u2019t know why. He prayed for his son not becoming ill, he was too scared about that. He also felt too tired. During the last three nights he couldn\u2019t even sleep because of a terrifying nightmare. He shook his head and dropped it into his hands. His entire world had turned inside out in less than four years and he couldn\u2019t come to terns with it. Snap out Adam Cartwright, he said, you couldn\u2019t go on living this way anymore.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben found Adam leaning against his horse, his face hidden between his arms and Sport. As soon as Ben saw Adam his anger was replaced by concern and his heart nearly broke for his son. He walked towards him and gently pressed his son\u2019s shoulder with one hand. Adam raised his head and looked into his father\u2019s warm wise brown eyes. Emotions flitted across Adam\u2019s eyes: anger, confusion, and something else that Ben couldn\u2019t identify. It was something new, something that Ben never saw in Adam\u2019s eyes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I have to go to Matt”<\/span><\/p>\n

” No.” Ben said showing his son his authority. ” We are going to talk now.” Adam was about to say something but Ben was already near the door of the barn calling Joe and Hoss, and then turned his attention back to Adam. ” Both of us know perfectly well that you need more attention than Matt. Molly will take care of him while we talk.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I don\u2019t want her near my son” he said madly. ” Don\u2019t do this to me Pa”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben frowned and looked into Adam\u2019s eyes. Then he noticed what it was missing before. Scared, he said to himself, Adam was scared to death. But why, Ben asked himself while Hoss and Joe appeared next to him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam was out of his mind. He strode around the barn saying that his own family was hounding him, harassing him. Ben stepped closer to his son and calmly made him known that he would not leave the barn until explaining to them what was happening to him. Adam raised his eyes and smiled sadly, while shook his head.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Why did you shout at Molly that way? And why did she slap you in your face? Why don\u2019t you want her near Matt?” Ben asked all the questions directly with his powerful and strong voice. ” Otherwise, Adam if you don\u2019t love her, don\u2019t play with her”. As he heard his father\u2019s words Adam turned angrily eyes to him and slowly lifted his right eyebrow. ” Don\u2019t look at me that way boy, I\u2019m still your father.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Look, I really don\u2019t have anything against her” Adam finally replied with exhaustion and anguish voice. His eyes were reddish and sore because of the tears that he struggled to hide. ” I simply don\u2019t want another mother for Matt”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” But son, you\u2019re young. You can fall in love again,” Ben added with relief as he thought that that was all the matter. But a few moments later he discovered that things didn\u2019t go as he thought.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” What for Pa\u2026 for let her been killed\u2026” Adam\u2019s words hit each one of the Cartwrights. Ben, Hoss and Joe exchanged worried glances. But Adam didn\u2019t realize it. He was in too much pain. ” I won\u2019t let the story start again” His voice broke and Adam felt the lump at his throat growing. ” I won\u2019t let him see how they died because of marrying me”. His voice broke again and this time Adam couldn\u2019t hold his tears back, so he hid himself behind Sport. ” Matt was born on my birthday and I was scared to death that she would die the same day my own mother did, ” Adam paused and laughed madly. ” And she did. Two hours after Matt\u2019s birth” Adam paused again and they all heard his laughter turned to an anguish cry. For a while the only sound around the barn was Adam\u2019s cry. Suddenly Adam went on speaking. ” Now Matt\u2019s ill\u2026 the same way it happened to me\u2026 and a woman is taking care of my sick boy” Abruptly he began to saddle Sport. He needed to get out of there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam, wait\u2026” Ben said shaken, not even in his worst fear he had thought that something like this had happened to him. Adam turned to address his father and Ben felt scared to see Adam\u2019s lightening, as balls of fire, angry eyes. His son\u2019s jaw shaking and his waxen face covered with tears.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” It wasn\u2019t like that Pa? It wasn\u2019t that way that you came to meet Inger\u2026 ” Adam\u2019s voice raised, letting his pain and desperation flew out. ” Answer me\u2026” he yelled madly now and his words seemed echo through the barn. He turned to the wall and hit it with his fist. ” I can\u2019t take anymore\u2026 I\u2019m going mad\u2026 I can\u2019t even sleep at night\u2026 I came back because I thought that there isn\u2019t a safer place than our Ponderosa\u2026 I also went to New Orleans to avoid the roads we took to arrive here. Then I found Molly here, I would preferred her to be married to one of you,” he whispered. ” Please keep her away from my son”.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He dropped his head into his hands and began to cry with distress and desperation. Joe and Hoss stared at his brother speechless, tears rolling on their faces. Neither of them could remember Adam crying that way, but the untouchable Adam, the strict unbreakable big brother was complete broken. The three of them witnessed how the wall that Adam had built around his heart so many years ago, was falling down. Joe strode up to him and hugged Adam who automatically dropped his face against Joe\u2019s shoulders and cried, as he never had before. Joe was immersed in sorrow for his brother and could feel the deep sadness as well as the suffering that Adam had kept in his soul for years.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Don\u2019t do this to yourself Adam, please brother” Joe begged him also crying and felt Hoss\u00b4s strong-arms around them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Adam, you know that\u2019s not true\u2026 you have your own life” his voice a bitter whisper.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe glanced at his father. Numb Ben Cartwright seemed to be ten years older. He was completely shaken by his eldest son\u00b4s words, and was forced to face his own past life. Elizabeth\u2019s death; Adam getting sick; Inger; Hoss\u00b4s birth and Adam\u2019s adoration for his baby brother; the ambush; Inger lying on the ground and Adam promising his brother that he will always be there for him. The Ponderosa built up; Marie and Adam\u2019s resistance to love her; Joe\u2019s birth and years later Marie\u2019s death. Adam taking care of Joe and Hoss, also taking care of the ranch. Always calm, without losing his temper. Always taking care of everything, in order to keep his family together and safe. \u2018How could I never realize,\u2019 he wondered, I understand it now,\u2019 Ben thought. His soul was full of guilt realizing that being his eldest, with all the responsibilities that that involved had been too much for his young shoulders. Adam was an expert hiding his deepest feelings, always using his hermetism and arrogance to keep everybody at good distance. Ben raised his eyes and stared at him. He knew that he finally reached the door of Adam\u2019s soul, kept closed for so many years. That door was opened, and Adam couldn\u2019t control his own ghosts anymore, and was fighting desperately against them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hugged by both of his brothers, Adam calmed down and straightened. He raised his eyes and found Joe\u2019s and Hoss\u00b4s faces covered with tears. Behind them he saw his father and noticed that he seemed to be older than ever. His gaze was full of devastation and guilt. He couldn\u2019t tolerate being the one who made his father look that way. Adam pressed his brother\u2019s shoulders smiling at them sadly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Well, you finally got it\u2026 You\u2019ve been guessing about this for months” he said sharply. ” Now you know it”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam\u2026” Ben finally broke his silence, and his voice was a whispered. He gently touched Adam\u2019s face and stared at him. Ben shook his head and lowered his eyes. ” Why did you never trust me enough to share your feelings?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Hoss was a baby, he needed us. Then we have to build up the ranch. When Marie died\u2026 Joe was a little lad and was worse than Hoss; ” Adam paused and grinned briefly at his brothers “You were through too much pain. Afterwards there just wasn\u2019t time.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam\u2026” started saying Ben but he stopped. He placed his hands on his son\u2019s shoulders and pulled him against his body. He needed to feel Adam in his arms. ” Boy, I love you\u2026” he whispered in his ears caressing the back of his head and felt Adam\u2019s arms surrounding his body, but he was not relaxing yet. Ben for the first time in his life didn\u2019t know what to say. His first born was a grown up man, and seemed that he was since he was only six years old. He glanced at Hoss and Joe, and realized that Adam wanted a carefree happy childhood for Matt. But there was more.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019m fine OK? Neither of you have to say nothing. It was hard for all of us,” Adam finally said with his sharp and despotic way as he moved away from his father. ” I have to go back to Matt, OK?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath and simply strode out of the barn; behind he left his father and brothers sad and confused. They all knew that, in a certain way, Adam had sacrificed his own childhood, and that\u2019s why Adam meant so much to all of them. But none of them were guilty about what was happening now.<\/span><\/p>\n

” We have to help him to take those ideas out of his mind” Hoss said rubbing his reddish eyes. ” But how can we do that Pa?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” He has to face the past. Once he got in good terms with it, he will be in peace with himself”. Ben replied sadly.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I think that sharing it with us was helpful,” Joe said with concern. ” But Adam never tells everything”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I know son,” Ben answered thoughtfully. ” I think that he fell in love with Molly and that\u2019s why he got so scared.” Ben paused thoughtfully. “We pushed him to face his feelings, let\u2019s see how is he tomorrow.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” You know him Pa. For Adam, now the time has come for thinking and for him to face what he said” Hoss added thoughtfully. ” I hope that he\u2019ll be with us in a couple of days”<\/span><\/p>\n

“May be Hoss.” After saying that Ben left the barn.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

~~ SIX ~~<\/span><\/p>\n

It was a silent breakfast. Molly glanced from one to the other guessing what had happened between the four Cartwright in the meeting at they attempted at the barn. Ben and Hoss ate slowly without raising their eyes from the table, while Joe didn\u2019t touch his breakfast and seemed to be more concerned than his father and Hoss. Molly thought about the night before, when Adam appeared at Matt\u2019s room. He seemed to be far away. His face was pale and his eyes reddish and empty. He neither realized she was there in front of him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Footsteps coming from upstairs gasped their attention. Joe and Hoss glanced at the top of the stair expecting to find Adam but instead they found Matt rubbing his eyes. They smiled and glanced at each other. Cautiously with one hand on the railing of the stair Matt came downstairs. Ben smiled as he realized that it was the first time that his grandson came to breakfast by himself. He rose and walked to him feeling how nice was to have him at the ranch. Matt ran to Ben and let his grandpa lifted him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Hi grandpa” he said with an open smile.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Good morning baby” answered Ben and kissed his cheek. ” How are you feeling this morning?” he asked while he walked back to the table.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Fine but I\u2019m hungry,” he told him with mischievous smile. After saying good morning to his uncles and Molly, Matt grinned at Hoss. ” Do you leave something for me, Uncle Hoss?”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe, Ben and Molly laughed loudly but Hoss didn\u2019t find Matt\u2019s comment so amusing. He frowned and twisted his mouth.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” You are for sure Adam\u2019s son” Hoss replied pretending to be angry.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I\u2019m joking,” he said and sent his uncle an intelligent glance, then laughed openly and smiled proudly at his grandpa. Ben winked an eye to him. Molly poured his breakfast and the boy ate everything without interruption.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” You are really hungry,” said Joe with amusement.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Matt nodded and looked at Joe as he drank his milk. Well he had missed dinner yesterday, thought Ben as he watched Matt eating his breakfast. ” Molly, can we go to the lake again,” asked Matt eagerly between mouthfuls. ” It was great yesterday,” the boy added and laughed loudly.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Well baby I don\u2019t think your father agree with that,” she replied and glanced at Ben.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” What if we don\u2019t tell him,” suggested Matt mischievously.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben frowned and looked at him hardly. Matt realized that it was not intelligent to say that before his grandpa. ” I was joking again grandpa” he added with smart gaze, his eyebrow suddenly risen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” What did your father said about that scowl young boy?” Ben said seriously. Matt nodded and turned his eyes back to his breakfast. ” Anyway, where is your father?”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Daddy is sleeping in my bed,” he answered still wondering how to convince Molly to go back to the lake.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben sipped his coffee with thoughtfully expression. Molly sensed that Ben wanted to be alone with his sons, so she asked Matt if he had finished his breakfast. The boy nodded and looked at her with open eyes. Molly rose and stretched a hand to him. ” Come with me to the stable. You can help me to brush the horses.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben followed them with his eyes and silently thanked Molly for her intervention.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I can\u2019t stand it anymore,” Joe said throwing his napkin to the table. ” How can you be so calm?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” We\u2019re not little brother” Hoss replied seriously. ” You can bet we\u2019re not”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Well I cannot stay here without trying,” he said suffering. Ben glanced at him and frowned while he asked him what was in his mind. ” I don\u2019t know yet, but I cried so many times after mamma\u2019s death, looking for an explanation. Adam was always there when I needed him, hugging and comforting me. He was always there when I was in trouble” Joe paused and his eyes were full of memories as he rubbed his jaw. He poured a cup of coffee and rose. ” Adam loves to have his coffee in bed, that will be a good start. I know he will listen to me.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe knocked the door and waited his brother\u2019s reply. As it was no answered he entered Matt\u2019s room. He found Adam sleeping deeply, so silently he came into the room and moved to the chair beside the bed. He placed the cup on the night table and stared at his brother thinking about what he could say. Adam blinked many times after he could finally awake. He looked down searching for Matt and sat up alarmed, as he didn\u2019t find him there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” He is having breakfast downstairs,” Joe said in a low voice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam frowned and glanced at his brother, surprised to find him there. His eyes fixed his brother\u2019s in silent communication. Adam lied his head against the pillow and smiled reading Joe\u2019s eyes. Joe took the cup and delivered it to his brother. ” Thanks,” he said and looked at Joe reluctantly. ” So?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” So I have a problem and I need my brother\u2019s advice,” he replied biting his lower lip as if he was a little boy. Adam sipped his coffee and stared at him for a while and in Joe\u2019s green deep eyes he saw that he was begging for him. ” Joe please” he said trying to avoid Joe\u2019s eyes, but it was impossible.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” OK Adam, I\u2019ll asked Hoss then,” Joe said and rose from the chair. Adam saw the desolation in his little brother\u2019s eyes, and shook his head knowing that he couldn\u2019t resist that gaze. So he looked at him while Joe opened the door.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Joe wait” Adam finally said reluctantly. “It\u2019s been a long time since our last conversation. What is it?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe dragged the chair closer to the bed and looked at his brother seriously. Joe took a deep breath not knowing yet how to begin. He made up his mind and told Adam that a friend of him was terribly worried about his big brother. His mother died when he was a little child and his big brother always took care of him.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Joe please\u2026” Adam tried to stop him realizing what it was all about. But Joe raised his hand and go on. Adam left the bed and walked towards the window giving his back to his brother.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” The truth is that his brother had taught him everything\u2026 how to shoot, how to ride and much more. He also comforted him till he could assimilate what had happened to his mother” Joe paused blinking the tears back. Then raised his eyes and met Adam\u2019s. ” Now his big brother is in trouble and I think that it\u2019s his turn for helping him\u2026 but he don\u2019t let me do it\u2026 why? Why Adam?” Joe\u2019s tears rolled down his cheeks and Adam couldn\u2019t bear it. He stepped closer to his brother and passed an arm around his slim shoulders. Joe raised his eyes and searched Adam\u2019s eyes. ” You always help me Adam, for God\u2019s sake tell me how can I do it now”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” You have already done it Little Joe”<\/span><\/p>\n

” You cannot believe it\u2019s true what you said yesterday,” he said as they separated from each other. Adam sat at the edge of the bed facing Joe.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I don\u2019t know” was Adam\u2019s simple reply. ” All I know is that I am scared that it could happened”. Adam rubbed his face with both hands. Then he turned to Joe smiling hopefully and pressed his brother\u2019s shoulder with one hand. ” You don\u2019t have to worry”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Stop saying that” Joe yelled cutting him off. He shot up from the chair abruptly. ” How can you think that I cannot be worried? of course I am\u2026 I missed my arrogant brother, whose face I want to break when he looked at me with that know-it-all-scowl” Adam smiled pleasantly. ” I also missed that smile”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Oh Joe” Adam said smiling as he shook his head.<\/span><\/p>\n

” Come on Adam, we all need you back,” he added tenderly. ” Matt need his father, but you have to put those ideas away”.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked at him thoughtfully, feeling how worried his brother was. But according to Joe\u2019s eyes, he could bet that he had more questions for him.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” You fell in love with Molly” This was a statement and Adam knew it. He looked at him arching his eyebrow. ” Is that what\u2019s bothering you because of Karen or you are scared to be in love again?” Joe\u2019s words were so direct that Adam did not know what say. ” Tell me Adam. I know that you need to talk about it.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” I don\u2019t know Joe, I really don\u2019t know,” he whispered playing with his fingers. ” And I don\u2019t know if I want to know the answers of those questions.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe stepped closer to his brother and with gentle smile put his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder. ” Take it easy Adam. You don\u2019t have to make up your mind about anything right now,” Joe said calm and wisdomly. ” You have a wonderful son, so relax and share with him his childhood”. Joe paused and fixed up Adam\u2019s eyes. Adam felt the warmness of his brother\u2019s voice and smiled thankfully. For the first time in his life, he felt himself vulnerable before Little Joe\u2019s gaze. ” And please brother don\u2019t dare to think that the story is starting again. That\u2019s stupid and you know it”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” It\u2019s not that simple Joe”.<\/span><\/p>\n

” You know Adam” Joe added with amusement rubbing his hands together. ” Hoss and I were looking forward to showing you that you are not always right, and brother you are giving us a great opportunity this time” Adam laughed loudly and hugged his brother, feeling the tense was leaving his shoulders.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Thanks Joe” he said touching gently his brother\u2019s face. ” You grow too fast, you know,” he added tenderly. ” I will be fine, you\u2019ll see.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” OK. This time I believe you” Joe replied his eyes full of emotion. ” Come on now, let\u2019s go down and have breakfast”.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They both came to the main room talking and found Molly cleaning the table. Joe glanced around and asked her about the rest of the family. Molly raised her eyes and her smiled disappeared from her face as soon as she saw Adam standing behind Joe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Outside” was her quick answer and walked towards the hallway that led to the kitchen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe glanced at Adam who was staring at the dinning room with thoughtfully expression. ” I\u2019ll join them” Joe whispered and didn\u2019t expect an answer. He simply moved away from his brother and walked outside.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam approached at the dinning room thinking about Molly. He poured himself a cup of coffee and wondered how he could face her. She came into the dinning room only a few minutes later. She stopped as she saw Adam standing next to the table. He turned and looked at her and left the cup over the table. ” I\u2019ll come back when you finish here” she said and was about to return to the kitchen but Adam stopped her.<\/span><\/p>\n

” I think I owe you an explanation,” he said softly and moved next to her. Molly looked at him over her shoulder and frowned.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” You owe me nothing Adam” Molly replied. Adam noticed in her eyes her confusion as well as how much he had hurt her. ” Excuse me, I have a lot to do.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam took Molly by her arm. ” Please, Molly.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam saw her struggling to hide away her feelings as she closed her eyes and pressed her lips. Slowly she turned and looked at him. Her eyes fixed in his face were clouded by unshed tears. Adam gently placed his hands on her shoulders and made her faced him. His face had a comforting tender smile and Molly saw the muscles of his face relaxing. His deep eyes were brighter and clam like a lake, and she drowned there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I behaved very badly with you these past weeks, especially yesterday” he began saying looking straight into her eyes. ” I should have never shout at you the way I did.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam paused and looked at her expecting some kind of answer. But she didn\u2019t speak; she was too wrapped by his charm and his hypnotic gaze. She raised her hand and gently caressed his handsome face. ” Molly, don\u2019t be in love with me,” he said with soft but firm voice. Adam was about to say something but she stopped him this time placing one of her fingers on his lips. He smiled. ” I love you, but you deserve more than I can offer you.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly frowned at first analyzing his words, then smiled full of emotion. ” That\u2019s my decision not yours,” she answered with a grimace. “You are an incredible man Adam Cartwright, I am sure that I never met a man like you before” she paused and the smile that appeared in her lips light up her face. ” Joe was right when he told me that certainly couldn\u2019t be two of you in this word, because nobody would be capable of bearing it.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam let loose with loud laughter. For a second they remained in silence staring at each other. Adam felt the intensity of her eyes and serenity of her face. He slid his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. The smile in his face was so inviting that Molly touched his lips with one of her fingers once more. The kiss was something inevitable as they both felt the attraction and the desire.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Sorry, I shouldn\u2019t have done that again”, Adam said ashamed while he freed her and turned away from her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Well, I\u2019ve been dreaming about this for so long that I can\u2019t believe it happen twice in less than a day” she said still shaken while she touched her lips. Adam turned at her amused realizing that she was thinking out loud.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” I can\u2019t believe you said that” Adam said with challenge smile and his right eyebrow rose. Molly looked at him feeling her cheeks turning to pink.” So?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” So what?”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Did you like it or not?”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” None of your business, I certainly won\u2019t tell you that” she said surprised by his question as her heart beat so fast that she believed that was going to explode out of her chest. ” You know, I think that we are heading in the right way now. We are beginning to understand each other. Thanks for letting me enter your heart.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” You are something Molly\u2026 you really are.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” But tell me something” she began saying. She folded her arms and searched his eyes. Adam frowned and looked at her intrigued. ” I consider Joe and Hoss as brothers, but I don\u2019t think I can consider you that way, not after these kisses”, she paused and looked at him mischievously. ” What are we, Mister Cartwright?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam shook his head and laughed out loud. ” Well, I think that we can consider us good friends, may be more Molly, but I can\u2019t offer more right now” he replied but suddenly the smile disappeared from his face. ” And I don\u2019t know if I will. Don\u2019t wait for me.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly nodded and gently kissed his cheek. ” I\u2019m not asking anything Adam and I never will, you know that. All I want is to see you happy and I don\u2019t care if your happiness is with someone else” Molly said softly and tenderly. ” It will be an honor to have a friend like you.”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Oh Molly, you are incredible,” he said. Molly was about to say something but he shut her mouth with another kiss. ” I don\u2019t know if you like my kisses, but I can assure you that I like to do it very much.”<\/span><\/p>\n

She smiled and he could see the happiness in her face. Suddenly she twisted her smiled and got freed from his arms. ” Well Adam Cartwright, I\u2019m glad you like it, but that was your last kiss. Friends don\u2019t kiss each other.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam raised his hands in surrender and nodded. He turned to the table and sought for something to eat. ” I\u2019ll bring you more coffee” she said and walked towards the kitchen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam came out of the house, the cup of coffee still in his hand. From the front porch he watched his brother Hoss playing with Matt near the barn, while Joe and Ben were laughing at them. I have to think about our future, he said to himself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben was the first who saw him and crossed the yard towards the porch. Adam fixed his eyes on his father and smiled. As soon as Ben saw Adam\u2019s smiling face he realized that his son was finally home. He nodded and urged his steps to him.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Pa, I didn\u2019t mean to hurt you,” he simply said knowing that any other words were unnecessary.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Adam, I\u2019m happy as I never being before. I have my first born back with me and a grandson that make me forget everything. No man can ask for more.” Ben paused and met Adam\u2019s eyes. ” I love you Adam, never forget that”<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam rose and embraced his father. Over his father shoulders, Adam saw that Joe and Hoss with Matt in his arms were approaching with smiling happy faces. Adam moved away from Ben and faced them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

” Thanks boys” he said and smiled at them. Hoss and Joe understand what he meant and nodded. ” It\u2019s nice to be home again.”\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben rose his eyes and looked at him with emotion knowing that his time Adam really meant HOME. Ben placed one hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder and nodded. ” Yes Pa, this is where we belong” he said as he took Matt from Hoss arms. ” Don\u2019t you think so baby?”<\/span><\/p>\n

” Yes daddy. I\u2019m a Cartwright,” said Matt raising his eyebrow with challenge look. ” I also belong here.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Molly heard the conversation from the threshold of the main entrance. She wiped the tears that slid across her face, wondering where did she belong. She came into the house and closed the door behind her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

THE END\u00a0<\/span>
\nPart One<\/span><\/center> <\/p>\n
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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Someone came to the Ponderosa ranch and made one of the Cartwrights to face his deepest fears.\u00a0
\nRating and Reader Alerts: PG-13
\nWords:\u00a0 16,650\u00a0<\/p>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":12436,"featured_media":41001,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1005,23,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-46869","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adam-cartwright","category-drama","category-romance","wpcat-1005-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-3-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":736,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":46841,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=46841","url_meta":{"origin":46869,"position":0},"title":"The First Day of Spring (by Adamfan16)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"December 6, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0This is an expanded Bonanza Bit I did this spring, to the title prompt. Adam deals with homesickness while away at college. 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Yet, the triumph was overshadowed by a persistent question; was anyone truly a winner or a loser when it came to a bittersweet memory from the past? Rating: G (655 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Brothers"","block_context":{"text":"Brothers","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1009"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Hossb.jpg?fit=444%2C339&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":45159,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45159","url_meta":{"origin":46869,"position":3},"title":"Someone Watching (by VRON)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"March 25, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A brief and fanciful 'what if'. Rating:\u00a0 \u00a0G\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Words:\u00a0 1,240","rel":"","context":"In "Adam \/ Joe"","block_context":{"text":"Adam \/ Joe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1091"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":45647,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45647","url_meta":{"origin":46869,"position":4},"title":"Sadie Hawkins Dance (by Jenniferk22)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"April 13, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam gets in trouble attending a dance. Rating:\u00a0 PG-13\u00a0 (1,110\u00a0 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":49277,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=49277","url_meta":{"origin":46869,"position":5},"title":"The Cartwright Family (by LindaBl)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"May 22, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"Synopsis:\u00a0A cute new song about the Cartwrights Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 Words:\u00a0 270","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1008"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46869","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12436"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=46869"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/46869\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/41001"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=46869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=46869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=46869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}