{"id":47022,"date":"2001-12-22T14:30:23","date_gmt":"2001-12-22T19:30:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=47022"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:05:09","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:05:09","slug":"our-mothers-keeper-by-fallawayslam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=47022","title":{"rendered":"Our Mother’s Keeper (by Jeanie Cartwright)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: Hoss and Adam are attacked and robbed on the way home from a trip. Adam is injured and it\u2019s up to Hoss to save his brother\u2019s life and get him safely home to the Ponderosa. During the journey, Hoss reflects on an important bond he shares with his older brother.
\nRating: PG-13 for violence, bloodshed and mild profanity
\n<\/span>Words:\u00a0 18,300<\/p>\n

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The Brandsters have included this story by this author in our project: Preserving Their Legacy<\/a>. To preserve the legacy of the author, we have decided to give their work a home in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library.\u00a0 The author will always be the owner of this work of fanfiction, and should they wish us to remove their story, we will.<\/p>\n

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Author’s Note:\u00a0 Thank you to Cherry for reading (and rereading) and all the encouragement.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0Our Mother’s Keeper<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/center>Adam Cartwright didn\u2019t feel the knife\u2019s blade go in: He watched it slide in almost as if it were happening to someone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

Later he would think how slowly it all seemed to come about though, in fact, it was over in seconds. He saw the flash of the flat of the blade and, before he had time to react defensively, that blade slid easily right through his black shirt and into his belly.<\/span><\/p>\n

He watched the blade disappear into his belly, and felt, not pain really, but more a kind of sad disappointment: He knew their pleasant ride home had just taken a dicey turn. The blade wasn\u2019t long by hunting knife standards \u2013 only about four inches \u2013 but Adam guessed it would do what the bastard intended, sure enough.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked down to see his attacker\u2019s fist still holding the knife\u2019s handle, the hilt pushing in on his shirt hard enough to make an indentation. Already Adam could see his black shirt darkening with his blood; he noted the stain forming a teardrop shape as it traveled down toward his belt. He reached down a hand and closed his fingers over the drifter\u2019s wrist.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked up then into the filthy, bearded face of the drifter. The drifter looked back at Adam, his eyes wide, perhaps not believing he\u2019d done what he\u2019d done.<\/span><\/p>\n

It seemed like they stood there for some time, faces close in their violent intimacy, but Adam, in going over it again later with the sheriff and for the trial, figured it couldn\u2019t have been more than five or 10 seconds. At any rate, the drifter finally came back to himself and pulled his hand away, bringing the knife \u2013 and Adam\u2019s hand \u2013 with it.<\/span><\/p>\n

And that, Adam felt. It was like the blade was carrying his insides along with it as it slid back out the way it had come. He let out a low grunt of pain, and it turned into a cough, which hurt like hell.<\/span><\/p>\n

The drifter roughly jerked his hand free of Adam\u2019s weakening grip and took two steps back, fascinated at the sight of the wound he\u2019d caused. Adam\u2019s hand remained aloft after being torn from its grip on the other man\u2019s wrist and it hung there between them. \u201cWhuh?\u201d The sound from Adam\u2019s mouth \u2013 not a real word at all \u2013 seemed to shake his attacker free of his shock and he turned and ran.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked down at his belly again and the deep sadness at what he saw almost overwhelmed him. The dark stain was getting bigger \u2013 alarmingly so \u2013 and his thoughts went immediately to his father. If only he were here now \u2026\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam instinctively pressed his right hand over the wound and then watched the blood, bright red now, leak out from between his fingers. Maybe it was better when all he could see was that dark spot spreading on his shirt and down below his belt. It was starting to make him feel a little funny, watching the blood trickle along his knuckles, down to his fingertips, form drops of scarlet brilliance and fall one after the other onto his denim-covered thigh.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam dropped to his knees then. He vaguely noted a stab of pain in his left knee \u2013 \u201cMust be on a rock or something\u201d is what he thought \u2013 but mostly he was just caught off guard when his legs wouldn\u2019t support him anymore. He couldn\u2019t see Hoss anywhere but he knew he couldn\u2019t be far. He called to his brother, not with a shout, but barely a whisper: \u201cHoss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss Cartwright had been fighting a battle of his own but was lucky that none of his three opponents had pulled out a knife. He was keeping busy with one man on his back, his arms wrapped around Hoss\u2019 thick neck. Another had hold of Hoss\u2019 right bicep while the third was jabbing punches at his chin, dodging wild swings from Hoss\u2019 left fist.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then from over to their left and behind them came the fourth drifter\u2019s low call: \u201cC\u2019mon \u2013 let\u2019s get outta here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The three who were tussling with Hoss looked over. \u201cWhat you done there, Micah?\u201d one asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI stuck him,\u201d Micah hissed. \u201cNow let\u2019s git.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The other three didn\u2019t wait for more explanation. They released their various holds on Hoss and ran for their horses. Hoss put his hands on his knees and bent over at the waist, breathing noisily, while Micah stooped to pick up the fat wallet that had dropped to the ground and stuffed it into his shirt.<\/span><\/p>\n

He glanced back once at Adam, who still was on his knees and preoccupied with the blood oozing through his fingers. Then Micah grabbed the reins from the hands of one of his already-mounted companions and, after mounting up, wheeled around and led the way back from where they\u2019d come.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss heard, rather than saw, them leave. As the hoof beats grew fainter, he blew out a great huff of relief and still leaning over at the waist, tried to catch his breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDang it, Adam,\u201d he said, still panting heavily between words. \u201cPa ain\u2019t gonna be happy we lost that money. Reckon we should get after \u2019em right away?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss took one more big breath and felt like his heart finally was slowing down in his chest. \u201cNot exactly even odds at three to one, brother. How\u2019d you get so lucky to only draw one a\u2019 those drifters?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When still there was no answering retort from Adam, Hoss straightened up and turned to look behind him. Adam was kneeling on the ground looking right back at him. That was strange.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, whatchya doin\u2019? Sayin\u2019 a \u2026\u201d Hoss stopped speaking and the big grin, which he had just noticed was making his split bottom lip pull painfully, disappeared. He\u2019d been about to ask Adam if he was saying a prayer those drifters\u2019 horses all threw a shoe.<\/span><\/p>\n

But Hoss saw something about his brother\u2019s posture did not look right; he had his right hand pressed to his belly. Adam kept his eyes fixed on Hoss and finally said his brother\u2019s name aloud. That\u2019s when Hoss knew for sure things weren\u2019t as they should be. Adam looked shadowy, kneeling there, and kind of afraid. But it was his voice that told Hoss for sure something wasn\u2019t right.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss \u2026 I\u2019m in trouble.\u201d Just those four words \u2013 spoken not in Adam\u2019s usual strong baritone, but in a weaker, higher-pitched voice that didn\u2019t belong to his brother \u2013 set Hoss\u2019 heart pounding once more.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked down again at the bright blood making red tracks across the back of his hand and that\u2019s when Hoss finally followed his brother\u2019s gaze.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLordy, Adam! What\u2019s happened to ya?\u201d Hoss was at his brother\u2019s side in about 8 long strides.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m in trouble, Hoss,\u201d Adam repeated in that same strange voice. He looked down at his belly yet again as Hoss got down on one knee by his side. He reached out and put one arm around Adam\u2019s shoulders and another under his left forearm. Adam still gripped his belly with his right hand. \u201cHe had a knife. I\u2019m bleedin\u2019 \u2026 pretty bad, I think.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice had a tone of despair.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam \u2013 now listen to me,\u201d Hoss said loudly and urgently. \u201cI want you to come over by our bedrolls and set down.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam thought there was no chance he was going to be able to rise from his knees, much less walk the 10 yards or so over to his bedroll. He gave Hoss a look of exhaustion and pain and fear.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. I feel \u2026 strange \u2013 I\u2019m not sure I can make it.\u201d He paused and took a couple of shallow breaths, keeping his eyes locked on Hoss\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust try to stand up. I\u2019ll help ya \u2013 now c\u2019mon.\u201d Hoss put both his arms under Adam\u2019s arms and lifted. Adam let out another grunt of pain as he got to his feet once more.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAh god, Hoss, it hurts,\u201d Adam said with a moan, his jaw clenched tightly against the intense pain in his gut. He finally released his hold on the wound in his belly and, turning into Hoss, grabbed at his brother\u2019s white shirt with his bloody hand. He stood, his legs trembling, his hand gripping a fistful of Hoss\u2019 shirt front and pulling two buttons off in the process.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m in trouble,\u201d Adam said a third time, wearily resting his forehead against his brother\u2019s shoulder, and Hoss knew that was true for both of them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m gonna help ya \u2013 we\u2019ll be just fine,\u201d Hoss said and absolutely meant it. Hoss saw their situation as serious: They were out on the trail, one of them wounded and bleeding, miles from home or help. But he was good at putting first things first and not getting too far ahead of himself, so he put those worries out of his mind just for now.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss tilted his head down toward his brother\u2019s, which still rested on his shoulder, and said, \u201cHold onto me now and I\u2019ll get ya over to your bedroll.\u201d Adam obediently tightened his already-firm grip on the shirt at Hoss\u2019 chest as Hoss reached down behind his brother\u2019s knees and swung him up into his arms.<\/span><\/p>\n

Again Adam let out an involuntary gasp which he cut off by clenching his teeth with jaws already taut in pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry Adam.\u201d Hoss looked down at his brother\u2019s belly \u2013 the dark stain on his shirt looked huge now \u2013 and walked the dozen or so paces to where their bedrolls and saddles were laid out a couple of feet from each other. He slowly crouched with his burden, put one knee down and, leaning forward, placed his brother carefully onto the blanket. Adam still had a tight hold on Hoss\u2019 shirt and Hoss reached up to gently pry his fingers apart. He held Adam\u2019s shoulders off the ground and placed his hand down by his side. He looked first at that huge, soaking dark stain on his brother\u2019s shirt, and then at his own shirt front, hanging loosely and open at his chest now, and stained with his brother\u2019s blood. His brother\u2019s blood! So much of it, standing out shockingly against his own white shirt.<\/span><\/p>\n

He looked into Adam\u2019s pale face. His brow was furrowed and his mouth drawn down as he fought against the intense burning in his gut. His eyes were shut tightly but popped open immediately when Hoss softly spoke his name.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m gonna get your extra shirt to make a bandage, OK?\u201d Adam nodded and his eyes slid shut again. \u201cYou gonna be OK for a minute?\u201d Hoss asked. Adam nodded again, without opening his eyes. His breath came quickly and shallowly and seemed to stop just short of a whimper.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss lay Adam gently back so his shoulders were resting on his saddle and reached over to Adam\u2019s saddlebags. Rummaging through first one and then the other, he finally pulled out a cream-colored shirt and turned back toward Adam. His face still was drawn as he fought the pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry \u2019bout makin\u2019 a mess of your bags over there, Adam,\u201d Hoss said apologetically as he reached into his pants pocket and found his pocketknife. He opened the blade and cut a slit at the tail of the shirt, then began to tear a three-inch strip off the bottom.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd sorry about having to tear your shirt,\u201d Hoss added.<\/span><\/p>\n

At that, Adam let out a short laugh that ended with a groan. \u201cWe got ourselves bigger things to worry about than my shirt,\u201d Adam said, pausing to catch his breath and to concentrate. Even so, a smile briefly replaced the drawn look of pain on Adam\u2019s face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know we do \u2026 but I still hated to do it.\u201d Hoss pursed his lips as he folded the strip over and over to make a thick bandage. \u201cOK Adam, you ready?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Without opening his eyes to look at Hoss, Adam nodded, his saddle rocking slightly with the movement.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss reached down and began unbuttoning Adam\u2019s shirt, wincing a little and drawing in a quick, hissing breath when he reached the fourth button where the material was saturated with his brother\u2019s blood.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow bad is it?\u201d Adam asked without opening his eyes. He knew it had to be pretty bad, just judging from the way he felt generally and the sharp pain in his gut that surged with each shallow breath he took. But still he hoped, irrationally he knew, to hear Hoss say, \u201cIt don\u2019t look so bad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust a minute \u2026 I\u2019m havin\u2019 trouble with this last button.\u201d Hoss\u2019 large fingers were now slippery with his brother\u2019s blood and trying to slide the small button through a buttonhole when the cloth was so sodden was a real chore. He briefly considered just ripping it but was afraid being too rough might cause his brother even more pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally Hoss pushed the button through the hole and began pulling Adam\u2019s shirt away from the wound. He had to tug a little where the knife\u2019s blade had driven some of the cloth into the wound. When Adam winced and gave a shudder, Hoss was quick to glance up at his face and say, \u201cSorry.\u201d He tugged the sodden shirt tail out of Adam\u2019s pants and dropped the whole left side of the shirt onto the bedroll.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now he could see the hole in his brother\u2019s belly and his first thought was, \u201cThat doesn\u2019t look like much.\u201d It was a narrow slit and only about two inches long. But Hoss knew the wound had to be much deeper than it was wide. It wasn\u2019t pumping blood like Hoss had seen the day Charlie Tanner had split his leg open with an ax. But the blood was oozing steadily out of the wound, matting the dark, curling hair that covered Adam\u2019s belly, and Hoss knew he had to stop it somehow.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I\u2019m gonna hafta press down hard with this bandage, all right?\u201d Hoss hoped his brother was ready. He almost wished Adam would lose consciousness, to spare them both the pain of what he was about to do, but then realized he\u2019d really be all alone in this. Though he knew it was up to him if his brother\u2019s life was to be saved, he knew he\u2019d feel much more alone if he didn\u2019t have Adam to talk to through it all.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah \u2026 go ahead,\u201d Adam said, his words punctuated by the short breaths he was taking to lessen the pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss picked up the thick pad of cloth he\u2019d made and pressed it down firmly over the wound. Adam immediately let out another grunt of pain that turned into a long, low moan. It ended with him nearly crying his brother\u2019s name in a low growl, hissing out the final S in his name.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry Adam \u2026 sorry,\u201d Hoss said anxiously, sounding in nearly as much pain as his brother. Though he knew he was doing what had to be done, it was hard to be the one inflicting this hurt on his brother. He kept pressing firmly as Adam settled back into short breaths alternating with quiet moans as he blew the breaths out.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss was worried: He had only one more idea to try if this pressure didn\u2019t stop the bleeding. It wasn\u2019t something he relished having to do but he knew Adam couldn\u2019t stand to lose too much more blood and he\u2019d have to decide quickly if this didn\u2019t work.<\/span><\/p>\n

His wrist was starting to ache. He looked at Adam, who kept his eyes tightly closed as if to shut out the pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYa doin\u2019 OK, brother?\u201d Hoss asked, unable to keep the worry from coming out in his words.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m OK. It just hurts a bit \u2026 I\u2019ll be fine. Can we get outta here?\u201d Adam finally opened his eyes and found his brother\u2019s face close to his own as Hoss leaned over him, one hand still applying pressure to Adam\u2019s belly. Hoss was staring back at him, his forehead furrowed with concern. Both were consumed with the fix they were in.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust a bit? Sounds to me like it hurts more than a \u2018bit\u2019.\u201d Hoss shook his head at Adam\u2019s stoicism. \u201cIt\u2019s OK to tell me the truth.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf I was to tell you, I might believe it myself,\u201d Adam said with a faint grin.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, if I can get this bleedin\u2019 stopped, I think there\u2019s a good chance we can leave.\u201d He nodded in the direction of the picket line where their two horses still were tied. \u201cThose varmints didn\u2019t take our horses so we\u2019re in luck there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s good.\u201d Adam paused and then almost whispered, \u201cHas it stopped yet?\u201d His weak voice made Hoss look quickly back to his brother\u2019s face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI dunno \u2026 I\u2019ll check.\u201d Hoss carefully lifted his hand holding the bandage away from the wound. He knew without looking the bleeding hadn\u2019t stopped; he had felt it soak through onto his hand. His certainty was confirmed by the huge blossom of red on the bandage when he moved his hand and the continued seepage of blood from Adam\u2019s wound. Hoss held the bloodied bandage up for Adam to see.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s disappointment was evident and another emotion now edged onto his face: fear. If the bleeding didn\u2019t stop, he knew he was a dead man.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, now don\u2019t you worry. I got me another trick up my sleeve.\u201d Hoss put the bandage back over the wound and picked up his brother\u2019s hand. He gave it a quick squeeze \u2013 both of their hands bloody \u2013 and placed it palm down over the wound.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow just hold that tight and wait for me.\u201d Hoss turned to leave his brother\u2019s side.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss! Whattya mean? What other trick? Where are you goin\u2019?\u201d Adam\u2019s voice was frantic as he weakly grabbed at his brother\u2019s sleeve and one thought repeatedly ran through his head: Don\u2019t leave me!<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss turned back and saw the look of panic on Adam\u2019s face and felt his hand clutching at his arm. He grabbed and held Adam\u2019s hand as he sought to comfort him but also tried to remain completely honest with his brother about what was to come.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo ya remember what Pa did two springs ago when that roan got a deep cut on her chest after runnin\u2019 into that broken fence rail? How did he fix it and stop the bleedin\u2019?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam blinked once, then twice, as he tried to focus on what Hoss was saying and recall the incident. A roan two years ago? Why Pa had heated an iron in the fire and \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh Hoss \u2026 \u201d Adam looked up at his brother then with a variety of emotions quickly taking turns in his wide eyes: first realization, then fear and finally resignation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss watched it happen and saw Adam knew what was in store for him then. \u201cI know, Adam, and I\u2019m sorry. If there was another way, you know I\u2019d try it first. I jus\u2019 can\u2019t wait no longer.\u201d Hoss thought he might dread what he had to do more than his brother. For a wound that large, the heat would have to be applied for a long time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bigger than either his older or his younger brothers, Hoss had often served as their protector. Though the three Cartwright boys occasionally scrapped among themselves, sometimes seriously, when someone from outside the family threatened one of them, the other two were right there to back him up. And as often as not, Hoss was called upon to take on the largest \u2013 or if the odds were not even, the most \u2013 of their attackers. How many times had Adam been getting the worst of things during a tussle and waved his younger but larger brother into the fray because he knew Hoss could get the job done where he couldn\u2019t?<\/span><\/p>\n

But it had never been true that Hoss would set out to deliberately seriously hurt one of them. Certainly it had happened once or twice that he HAD hurt one of them, but it had never started out being his intention. Even Joe, who delighted, it seemed, in teasing and tormenting his older brother, never came in for the abuse that Hoss could have inflicted if he\u2019d been a revenge-minded man.<\/span><\/p>\n

So faced now with the prospect of surely causing his brother agonizing pain, Hoss thought he\u2019d rather inflict it upon himself if only that would help the situation. The last thing he wanted to do now was cause Adam more pain than he already was in and that thought made Hoss feel sick. The only thing that frightened him more, in fact, was the thought of his brother bleeding to death while he watched.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Hoss,\u201d Adam said after having let the reality of their only option penetrate his foggy mind. \u201cIt\u2019s the only thing you CAN do. You have to \u2026 \u201d His voice trailed off a little. \u201cI sure wish you didn\u2019t, though,\u201d he said wistfully.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to neither. But it\u2019s gotta be done and the sooner the better.\u201d Hoss looked over to where their morning fire still burned and noted the hot, glowing coals at its center. \u201cNow you just keep your hand there \u2026\u201d Hoss paused and placed his hand over his brother\u2019s on the knife wound. \u201cAnd I\u2019ll be back in just a little while.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked into his brother\u2019s eyes and nodded. Hoss saw the fear but also saw trust in Adam\u2019s eyes and that trust gave him confidence in his decision.<\/span><\/p>\n

Releasing his hand from Adam\u2019s with one final pat, Hoss pushed himself up from his kneeling position and went over to inspect the fire more closely and think his plan through a little. They didn\u2019t have an iron with them this trip, so he\u2019d have to make do with the best substitute he could find. He turned and started walking.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss thrust the thick, peeled stick of hardwood he\u2019d cut not far from their camp into the coals and then took it out. Though he felt some urgency at what he had to do, he also wanted to make sure he prepared his tools \u2013 and his patient \u2013 correctly. He continued putting the stick into the coals and pulling it out after a few minutes, trying to get the right balance of heat and hardness without burning away his stick.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Hoss thought it was nearly ready, heated blazing hot, he placed it carefully on the hot rocks of their fire ring. He stood and walked the five paces over to where his brother lay on his back, shirt opened wide, his hand still clutching the saturated bandage. Adam\u2019s pants also were dark with his blood now, the stain reaching about two inches below his belt and then falling back around his left side toward the ground. Hoss noted Adam\u2019s whole right hip looked soaked, but that couldn\u2019t be, could it? How could he lose that much blood and still be conscious?<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss got down on one knee at his brother\u2019s side and again put his right hand over Adam\u2019s. Adam\u2019s eyes opened quickly as he started and then groaned.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t mean to startle ya,\u201d Hoss said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s OK. I was just thinkin\u2019 and didn\u2019t hear you coming,\u201d Adam said, his breathing sounding easier now.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDoes it still hurt as much?\u201d Hoss asked, looking doubtfully at all the blood once more, and Adam replied, \u201cDoesn\u2019t seem to. Maybe I\u2019m just getting used to it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss chuckled a little at that and held up the canteen he carried. \u201cYou\u2019ll be needin\u2019 something to drink, Adam.\u201d He uncorked it and handed it to his brother. Adam tipped the canteen to his lips and drank, some of the water running out the sides of his mouth and trickling down his chin to join the sweat pooling at the base of his neck. He handed the canteen back to Hoss and wiped at his lips with the back of his hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat hurt like hell but it tasted so good.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss chuckled again and said, \u201cI wanna clean things up a little for ya. Give me your hand?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy hand?\u201d Adam held his right hand up in front of his face to inspect it and seemed surprised at all the dried blood he saw there. \u201cIs that all mine?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt sure is. I had a good amount of it on me too, but I already washed up. I aim to do the same for you.\u201d Hoss held up another portion torn from Adam\u2019s shirt and soaked with water. Adam held his hand out to his brother, who gently scrubbed the dried blood off, turning the cream color of the cloth a dirty pink.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere \u2026 that looks a little better,\u201d Hoss said, satisfied with his work. Then he asked, \u201cWhat were ya thinkin\u2019 about when I came back?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d Adam squinted, trying to remember. \u201cOh \u2026 just how careless I was to let them get the drop on us,\u201d he said regretfully.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAw Adam, that weren\u2019t your fault OR mine,\u201d Hoss said, shaking his head. \u201cThey\u2019d likely been following us since San Francisco. They knew you was carrying all the money from the sale so they\u2019d probably seen us at the stockyards.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Now it was Adam\u2019s turn to shake his head. \u201cI still should have been more alert on the trail.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s done is done,\u201d Hoss said firmly. \u201cRight now we have to think about getting you home.\u201d He ducked his head for a minute and then looked back at his brother. \u201cThere\u2019s only one way we can do that, ya know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Hoss. I know.\u201d Adam looked resigned to the pain that was to come.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOK, I\u2019ll make it quick.\u201d Hoss sought to reassure his brother but he also wanted to tell him exactly what he was planning. \u201cI\u2019m gonna lay the whole length along the cut, OK? I wanna make sure I cover the whole thing,\u201d Hoss told him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m as ready as I can be.\u201d Adam looked up at his brother. \u201cSteady hand, OK?\u201d He reached out with his now-clean right hand and grabbed onto Hoss\u2019 thick forearm. \u201cSteady?\u201d His eyes were asking for reassurance; Hoss hoped he could give him what he needed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be careful. I promise.\u201d Hoss placed his hand over his brother\u2019s which still held tight to his arm.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know you will.\u201d Adam released his hold on Hoss\u2019 arm. He trusted his younger brother with his life. \u201cI think it\u2019s worse when you know it\u2019s coming.\u201d He closed his eyes again.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss didn\u2019t have any words of comfort to offer; what Adam said was true. He stood again and went back to the fire. He picked up the stick and thrust it once more into the coals until the embers on it began to glow orange. Then he pulled it out and returned to Adam.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWant somethin\u2019 to bite on?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam shook his head, apprehension showing plainly on his face now.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOK, here we go. Take my hand.\u201d Hoss reached down with his left hand to grab Adam\u2019s left hand. He held it firmly, not in a normal handshake, but in an arm-wrestling grip.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss carefully but quickly placed the red-hot stick lengthwise along the wound in Adam\u2019s belly and the agony began for both of them.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss would never forget the smell of burning flesh and hair or Adam\u2019s hoarse cries of shock and pain as the fire worked its magic in cauterizing the wound.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam knew nothing for several minutes but overwhelming pain: It didn\u2019t come in waves, but one steady blast searing into the flesh on his belly, making the pain of his stab wound seem no worse than a sliver.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss had been prepared for Adam instinctively to move away from the source of the pain but while seemingly every muscle in his body went rigid when the burning stick touched him, Adam forced himself to stay put and let the fire do its work.<\/span><\/p>\n

Neither would ever forget how tightly Adam\u2019s hand clamped down on his brother\u2019s hand or how firm and strong Hoss\u2019 grip was in return. The brothers\u2019 bond was forged through an Indian\u2019s arrow, years spent growing up together in wagons on the trail and the building of their ranch. This would only serve to make that bond even stronger.<\/span><\/p>\n

And when he took the stick away from the wound and Adam was left sweating and gasping for breath, Hoss could see that his idea had worked. The blistered and red flesh was seared closed around the cut and it was bleeding no more.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt worked, Adam! The bleedin\u2019 stopped.\u201d Hoss was relieved until he looked from his brother\u2019s belly to his face and saw Adam\u2019s pale skin, his profuse sweating and the grimace that seemed like it might become permanent on his face. His eyes were shut tightly and his breaths were again quick and shallow. The paleness of Adam\u2019s skin beneath his day\u2019s growth of beard looked bad enough but the skin on his forehead looked almost waxy and was covered in droplets of sweat.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Hoss said, a little louder now. \u201cDidja hear me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d Adam spoke dully and didn\u2019t open his eyes \u2013 Hoss thought maybe he was concentrating on beating back the pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt worked \u2026 we can get going home now,\u201d Hoss said, thinking ahead to how he might get Adam on his horse.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMm-hmm,\u201d came the mumbled reply.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLordy Adam, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d Hoss said, instantly chagrined at being happy at his success while his brother was left fighting waves of agony.<\/span><\/p>\n

There was no answer to this and as Hoss watched, Adam moved his right hand to again try to cover his wound, perhaps to try to relieve his pain? \u201cNo, don\u2019t touch it. Leave it be \u2026 we don\u2019t want to break it open again.\u201d He took the wrist he\u2019d grabbed and placed it at Adam\u2019s side. \u201cDidya hear me?\u201d he said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Satisfied with the nod he got in reply, Hoss said, \u201cOK \u2026 I\u2019ll get us packed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Hoss punctuated his call with a little shake of his brother\u2019s arm not more than 10 minutes later and was relieved when Adam opened his eyes and really seemed to see him. Seemed like all he\u2019d done so far today was call his brother\u2019s name. \u201cYeah?\u201d Adam replied weakly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re all packed up and ready to go. How do you feel about getting on a horse?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam knew he had no real choice but he would much rather lie right here and wait for Hoss to go for help. The thought of moving, much less getting up on a horse, made him feel sick when what he most wanted to do was sleep. But he\u2019d been doing some figuring and he thought they were at least one more day from the Ponderosa and much further away from help if they were to turn back. He knew without asking, Hoss would refuse to leave him here alone for two days, so he\u2019d have to climb up onto that damn horse.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf that\u2019s what I gotta do, let\u2019s get to it,\u201d Adam said gamely, trying to take a deep breath without prompting that tearing sensation in his belly. \u201cAny ideas on how I\u2019m gonna get on said horse?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I done thought about that and I got just the thing if we can get you over to that fallen tree yonder,\u201d Hoss said pointing. \u201cSee how tall that butt-end is? Stand on that and I think we can manage.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked from the tree Hoss pointed out, back to his brother and said, \u201cHoss, I\u2019m impressed with your resourcefulness.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy what?\u201d Hoss asked and Adam quickly said, \u201cThat\u2019s a great idea.\u201d Hoss\u2019 face went from screwed up in confusion to wearing an easy grin, marred by the split lip and massive bruising around one eye. Adam noticed this bruising for the first time. He must have looked into Hoss\u2019 face a dozen times in the last two hours \u2013 how could he not have taken note of such damage?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened to you?\u201d Adam asked, concern in his weak voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo me? Where?\u201d Hoss replied, puzzled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour face.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOhhhhh \u2026 \u201d Hoss reached up a hand, touched his eye and winced, pulling his hand away. \u201cI reckon those other fellas don\u2019t look so good neither, but it WAS three on one, remember.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam smiled and asked, \u201cDoes it hurt much?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOnly when I touch it, so I\u2019m not gonna do THAT no more. Now let\u2019s see about gettin\u2019 you ready. I\u2019m gonna need that saddle and your bedroll now.\u201d Hoss squatted down by his brother\u2019s side again. \u201cIf you can stand, I\u2019ll get you ready to go in a few minutes.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m ready.\u201d Adam felt about as far from ready as he ever had, but the longer he lay here, the less he\u2019d feel like moving. And he knew they had to get going. He held out a hand to his brother who grabbed it and also put an arm around Adam\u2019s back and lifted.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam came to his feet with a guttural moan and stood swaying slightly and gripping Hoss\u2019s arm tightly. The world felt strange and looked stranger: tilted and kind of fuzzy. Adam closed his eyes and concentrated on keeping his balance. If the buzzing in his head would just quiet down a little, he was sure he could think of what he was supposed to do next.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou OK?\u201d To Adam\u2019s ears, Hoss\u2019 voice sounded distant. Adam said, \u201cYeah, but I can\u2019t stand here long. I\u2019m gonna have to sit down.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s get you over to that tree, then.\u201d With Hoss supporting a heavily dependent and groggy Adam, the two slowly shuffled over to the log. Hoss sat him down near the small end of the log, then returned to saddle Adam\u2019s horse and pack up the final bits of their camp, before helping Adam mount up.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Several hours into their ride, Hoss looked back at his brother for what was probably the 20th time since they\u2019d had to slow to a walk. He was growing increasingly concerned about Adam\u2019s ability to sit a horse. The blood loss appeared to be taking its toll on his brother as he swayed and nodded in the saddle, often unable to hold his head up. It was a good thing his horse followed Hoss obediently because Adam wasn\u2019t doing anything more with the reins than hold them loosely in the same hand that also gripped the saddle horn. The other hand, his right, wrapped around his side, with his arm tucked into his belly. His shirt still hung open, stiff with dried blood.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everything about his posture shouted pain and exhaustion and Hoss knew that, while Adam would not say anything about wanting to stop, he had to if he didn\u2019t want to kill his brother. He pulled his horse up and dismounted. Adam\u2019s horse stopped when Hoss did and stood quietly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, c\u2019mon \u2026 let\u2019s get you down offa there,\u201d Hoss called up to his brother. He got no response. Adam just sat slumped in the same position, his hat hiding his downcast face. Hoss gently shook his brother\u2019s thigh.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm?\u201d Adam sounded groggy; Hoss couldn\u2019t see if his eyes were open but he was relieved to get some response. \u201cLet\u2019s get down and take a break.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGotta keep goin\u2019, Hoss,\u201d Adam said, quietly but fairly distinctly. \u201cShouldn\u2019t waste time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think your ridin\u2019 time is over. I can\u2019t have you fallin\u2019 off your horse and bustin\u2019 open that cut or your head.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can ride,\u201d Adam protested weakly. \u201cWe gotta keep goin\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, you CAN\u2019T ride. You can barely sit. Stop arguin\u2019 and put your arm over my shoulders.\u201d Hoss spoke sternly, hoping Adam would just do as he asked. Adam sighed and leaned down to let Hoss pull him off the saddle.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it \u2026 I\u2019m gonna fix you up a nice place to set a spell.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When Hoss had settled Adam once more onto his bedroll under a massive pine, he checked the stab wound again. The cut edges were still fused shut so there was no bleeding but the burns had begun to look nasty. The whole left side of Adam\u2019s belly was angry red with big blisters all along where the hot stick had been placed. The very inside edges were puckered and black. Hoss curled his lips back from his teeth in distaste and gave a sharp intake of air. Was the cure worse than the problem?<\/span><\/p>\n

No, he decided. The burning had been necessary to stop the bleeding and now Hoss had to get Adam home so a doc could look at his burns. But he felt pretty certain he had to get Adam home quickly, by tonight. He needed lots of water, good food and a way to keep the wound clean, away from the dust of the trail.<\/span><\/p>\n

He looked down at his brother again. While Hoss watched, Adam turned onto his right side, facing Hoss, and drew his knees up toward his belly. He wrapped both arms tightly around himself and moaned quietly with each short breath he let out. Hoss put out his hand and rubbed Adam\u2019s nearest shoulder gently.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSorry Hoss \u2026 guess you\u2019re right \u2026 I\u2019m about done,\u201d Adam said between breaths. It sounded to Hoss like he was talking through a clenched jaw and Hoss continued to rub his shoulder in hopes of helping him relax a little.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry \u2019bout a thing. \u2019Ol Hoss is gonna take care a\u2019 things, big brother.\u201d He noted a trace of a smile curving Adam\u2019s lips.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThanks \u2018big\u2019 brother,\u201d Adam said. He unwrapped one of his arms to put a hand atop the one Hoss had on his shoulder. \u201cWhat\u2019s your plan?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re about an hour\u2019s ride from the Marcus place. I\u2019ll ride there and get Foster to loan us a wagon to get you back to the Ponderosa in fine style. We should be there before midnight, if all goes well.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The faint smile returned once more to Adam\u2019s face. \u201cWell, considering how well this day\u2019s gone so far, I hope we\u2019re in for some better luck.\u201d He was silent for a few seconds, then he asked, \u201cI don\u2019t suppose I can talk you into just ridin\u2019 for home and bringing Pa back, can I?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFor home?\u201d Hoss looked horrified at the thought. \u201cAdam \u2026 that\u2019s hours away. I can\u2019t leave you alone that long. It don\u2019t make no sense.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But it made perfect sense to Adam by this point. The constant pain that gnawed in his belly brought his focus very narrow: All his thoughts were on home and his father. Home was his safe haven and his father was the beacon that drew him there. If he couldn\u2019t get home, why not have his father come to him? For now, plainly put, he wanted his pa.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a real mess, huh?\u201d Adam tried to make light of what he\u2019d suggested, now that he realized by Hoss\u2019 reaction that apparently it was absurd. \u201cI\u2019ll be fine here waiting for you to get back from the Marcus place.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure? You gonna be OK here by yourself for a few hours?\u201d Moments ago, Hoss had been sure he\u2019d struck on the perfect plan to get his brother safely back to the Ponderosa, since having to abort his first plan of the two of them making it on horseback. But now \u2026 what if Adam forgot he was supposed to wait for him and tried to get back on his horse to ride for home?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be fine.\u201d Adam dropped his hand off Hoss\u2019 to grab a handful of the blanket he lay on. He twisted it in his fist: Concentrating on that rather than the pain in his belly helped a little. \u201cJust ride fast, OK?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure? You\u2019ll stay put?\u201d Hoss still wasn\u2019t convinced.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure.\u201d Adam wished Hoss would just go if he was going. He was feeling stranger by the minute and he felt certain if Hoss knew how bad he was feeling, he wouldn\u2019t leave him at all and then where would they be? \u201cI\u2019ll be right here when you get back. Right here \u2026 I promise.\u201d The words were harder to put together now and Adam wasn\u2019t certain they had come out right.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss looked doubtfully at his brother\u2019s closed eyes, his fist clutching a corner of blanket and his curly hair soaked with sweat. But really, what choice was there? \u201cAll right Adam, I\u2019m leavin\u2019. I\u2019ll ride fast.\u201d And with one final squeeze of his brother\u2019s shoulder, Hoss stood and headed for his horse. Hoss couldn\u2019t know that final squeeze didn\u2019t even register in Adam\u2019s fevered mind. He was heading off somewhere else for the duration of Hoss\u2019 ride.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss knew where he was going and he didn\u2019t have to think too much about the route, so his thoughts were dominated by worry over his older brother\u2019s welfare. He hated to leave him alone but he knew it was their only option if Adam were to survive.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss also thought he had the better of the deal since he got to be doing something for the next several hours instead of just waiting. Hoss could be a patient man when necessary, like when he was waiting for a bite at one of his favorite trout streams. But when one of his family members was in trouble, Hoss was a man of action. Give him something to do or he\u2019d go crazy. It was good he was making this ride for help; he just wished he hadn\u2019t had to leave Adam alone to do it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss didn\u2019t do a lot of down-on-his-knees, hands-folded formal praying but he often said them in his thoughts when his father was off on a trip or if Joe was breaking a particularly green horse. Now that Adam was in such trouble, Hoss found himself saying a simple prayer in his head: \u201cKeep him safe.\u201d Soon the phrase got caught up in the rhythm of his horse\u2019s hoof beats and he found it changing to a litany of sorts, running over and over through his mind, in time with his horse\u2019s hooves: \u201cKeep him safe, keep him safe, keep him safe.\u201d He rode like that \u2013 those three words repeating in his head \u2013 for miles.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam clutched to his chest the canteen Hoss had left with him. He still lay on his side, waiting for his brother\u2019s return. It was hard for him to tell how much time had passed since Hoss had left him behind to go for help. He could take out his watch and check the time, but reaching into his pocket was a lot more effort than he felt like mustering.<\/span><\/p>\n

In fact, Adam was being very careful not to move at all now. The one time he\u2019d pulled the cork from the canteen to take a drink, that little bit of movement had made him so dizzy, it had taken many minutes before he\u2019d felt the earth stop its rapid spinning. So he\u2019d wait for another drink until his brother came back for him, thank you very much.<\/span><\/p>\n

The thought that Hoss perhaps would not make it back to him did not even enter Adam\u2019s mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss rode back into the clearing where he\u2019d left his injured brother nearly three hours before, hoping and praying he\u2019d find Adam as before. Foster Marcus drove his team right behind him. Foster had been more than willing to come along when Hoss asked him for help and together they\u2019d covered the wagon bottom with straw and some extra blankets from the Marcus bunkhouse.<\/span><\/p>\n

As they drew near enough to make out the still form under the tree, Hoss let out the breath he hadn\u2019t realized he was holding. He had hoped he would return to find things as they had been, but until he actually saw for himself \u2026 . Hoss dismounted near where Adam lay and Foster pulled the wagon a few feet from Hoss\u2019 horse and called out, \u201cLet me know what you need me to do, Hoss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss waved to him in acknowledgement and went over to check on Adam. The sooner they could get him out of here, the better. He knelt again at Adam\u2019s side, put a hand on his right shoulder and said, \u201cAdam?\u201d He got no response so tried again, this time a little louder and accompanied it with a gentle shake of Adam\u2019s shoulder.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMmmmmm \u2026.\u201d was all the reply he got.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cC\u2019mon, Adam \u2026 ya gotta wake up for me.\u201d That wasn\u2019t really the truth. Hoss could just as easily pick his brother up again and tote him over to the wagon. But Hoss wanted Adam to wake up and talk to him, to reassure him that he was still with him. This time Hoss was rewarded with two words: \u201cBack already?\u201d Adam\u2019s voice was weaker still and hardly more than a whisper but Hoss was glad to hear it, nonetheless.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYep, we\u2019re back and ol\u2019 Foster\u2019s got his wagon all fixed up for ya. What say I help ya get into it?\u201d Hoss grinned down at his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSounds fine,\u201d Adam whispered through lips that hardly moved, rolling slowly over onto his back, letting out a guttural groan as he did. Hoss lifted the shirt aside, stiff as an old piece of burlap, and looked at the wound. It didn\u2019t seem too much different from the last time he\u2019d checked it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss reached out and placed his hand, not on the wound, but on the skin next to it. Adam\u2019s torso jerked as he flinched away from Hoss\u2019 gentle touch, and he sucked in air quickly through his teeth as he turned his face away.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEasy, Adam,\u201d Hoss said as he put his other hand on his brother\u2019s shoulder. Hoss left a hand on Adam\u2019s belly for a moment: The skin felt hot. Hoss put his hand over on the other side of Adam\u2019s abdomen, and it felt warm as well. He reached up to put a palm over Adam\u2019s forehead and the skin there also felt warm. Seemed like his brother was starting up a fever.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDoggone, Adam \u2026 you ain\u2019t all here with me, are ya?\u201d Hoss left his hand on Adam\u2019s forehead and Adam rolled his head back toward Hoss. His eyes opened but they looked bright and glassy, a change from hours earlier when Hoss had left him to go for help.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cC\u2019mon \u2026 take some more water. Where\u2019s your canteen?\u201d Adam looked down at the canteen he still held in his arms and Hoss followed his glance. \u201cLemme have that and I\u2019ll help \u2026 \u201d Hoss paused as he shook the water container. \u201cHell, Adam! This thing is just about full. Didn\u2019t you drink none while I was gone?\u201d Hoss looked at his brother, worried.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t \u2026 too dizzy,\u201d Adam managed in a weak voice.<\/span><\/p>\n

With that Hoss turned around and motioned to Foster to come over to them. When he had pulled the wagon over next to them, Hoss said, \u201cHold those horses steady while I get him into the back, Foster. We need to get going outta here and on to home. We can\u2019t waste any more time here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss felt like he could allow himself the luxury of relaxing just a little. Foster said he felt in fine shape to drive on to the Ponderosa. \u201cJust don\u2019t you worry about me, Hoss. You set back there with your brother and make sure he\u2019s OK,\u201d Foster had said to Hoss when they\u2019d started off. And with Adam securely pillowed on the straw and covered with blankets, Hoss took Foster at his word.<\/span><\/p>\n

After staring for awhile at his and Adam\u2019s horses following along behind the wagon they were tied to, he closed his eyes and began to doze.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam knew he was on the move somewhere but strangely, he didn\u2019t care where. He could feel the jostle and jog of the wagon beneath him, which caused his head to roll slightly back and forth, and he was hot, so damn hot. He felt the sweat beading on his face and trickling down his temples, but felt too wretched to reach up and wipe it off. He had suffered high fevers before and vaguely recognized the ache that covered seemingly every inch of his body and the malaise that sapped his energy and made him unable to do anything more than lay there under the moonlit sky.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mind began to wander away from this wagon and back to another wagon and another fever. He\u2019d been 5 years old and his Pa and Ma hadn\u2019t been married long when he\u2019d come down with a fever. He had felt miserable and while his Pa had driven their wagon, his Ma had sat in the back with him, bathing his forehead with cool water and singing softly to comfort him. They had stopped just before crossing a creek and Ma had gotten out of the wagon to get some fresh water, assuring her little boy she\u2019d be back soon. And she had been, just as she\u2019d said.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam reached out from under the blankets and felt for his mother\u2019s soft hand, but instead found a thick, muscular forearm, covered with coarse hair: his brother, Hoss. He briefly smiled but then felt more muddled than ever: If his mother were here, then Hoss couldn\u2019t be more than an infant; yet here he was, all grown up and next to him in the wagon.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s forehead wrinkled and he gripped his brother\u2019s arm tightly in his confusion. That steady presence gave Adam something to hold onto; whatever was happening to him and wherever they were going, he wasn\u2019t alone. His brother was with him and would watch out for him. Adam\u2019s forehead smoothed as he drifted away again.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss hadn\u2019t been sleeping for long and his mind started waking up before his body did. There was something wrong, but he couldn\u2019t quite remember what it was. There was something he had to do, someone he had a grave responsibility to but it wasn\u2019t quite with him yet. Then he felt a hand grabbing at his arm. He opened his eyes to the cool blue light of the moon and his brother\u2019s hand clenching the muscle of Hoss\u2019 forearm. He sought Adam\u2019s face to see if there was anything newly wrong with him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam looked to be sleeping but fitfully. He had reached out to clutch at Hoss in a dream, perhaps. \u201cAdam, you\u2019re OK. Adam?\u201d Hoss reached for his canteen again and leaned down to lift Adam\u2019s head slightly so he could have a drink. He didn\u2019t really wake up, but still managed a few swallows and that\u2019s what was most important to Hoss. He gently let his brother\u2019s head back down to rest on the straw and then poured a little of the water onto his fingers and smoothed it over Adam\u2019s hot forehead and temples.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey Foster?\u201d Hoss called up to the wagon seat.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah \u2026 you awake already?\u201d came the reply.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure you can see where we\u2019re goin\u2019 with it gettin\u2019 dark like this?\u201d Hoss yawned immediately after saying this last.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy Hoss, it\u2019s a full moon tonight. There ain\u2019t gonna be a problem driving this team with a route this good. Can\u2019t you see the road just \u2019bout as plain as day?\u201d Foster called back, half turning.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I can, at that. How much longer, you figure?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cProb\u2019ly about four more hours at this rate. The horses are fit and fine and the weather\u2019s good so … yeah, four more hours. OK?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds fine, Foster. I sure \u2019nuff appreciate all you\u2019re doin\u2019 for us.\u201d Hoss removed his hat and scratched his head before replacing it. He yawned again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t give it a thought, ya hear? It\u2019s what friends do.\u201d Foster turned around in the seat to again face fully forward and concentrate on the road ahead.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss? Ma\u2019s gonna be right back, OK?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss whipped his head around so fast to look at Adam, the source of the question, that later he\u2019d think he surely must have looked mighty comical. Adam had spoken the words clear as day, but still, Hoss thought he must have heard them wrong. Adam\u2019s eyes were closed and he wasn\u2019t saying anything now.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam? Did you say somethin\u2019?\u201d Hoss peered at his brother. It was harder to see him now in the gathering gloom of evening. \u201cAdam!\u201d Hoss spoke sharply that time, more sharply than he had intended, but the words his brother had spoken had unnerved him.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t speak often of their mother, the one they had shared for too short a time out on the trail West.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s mother, Marie, had been a good mother to them all, but Hoss and Adam shared a bond over their mother, Inger, that only the two of them could understand. Hoss hungered like a starving man for anything anyone could tell him about his mother. When his Uncle Gunnar had briefly visited the Ponderosa, Hoss had been disappointed that he couldn\u2019t tell his nephew more about her. And then with his death went any chance of a long discussion about Inger.<\/span><\/p>\n

His pa? Well, Pa could only talk about Hoss\u2019 mother from the viewpoint of a husband. Sure, he could tell Hoss what a wonderful mother Inger had been but she was Ben\u2019s wife, first and foremost, and that\u2019s really how he saw her. As badly as he felt for his boys when she died, at the moment when Inger\u2019s life was steadily draining away, he could think of nothing but his loss. When he realized he held his dead wife in his arms and the tears came as he buried his face in her hair, it was himself and his loss \u2013 the loss of his wife \u2013 that was at the top of his mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

No, it was Adam Hoss most relied on in recent years to keep the memory of their mother alive for him. And that had not come about easily, but only because Hoss had finally grown desperate enough to ask his reticent brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss had gone to Adam\u2019s bedroom late one evening about three months after Uncle Gunnar\u2019s death. He had been unable to shake the feeling of despair that he had lost the last person who could talk to him about his mother besides his father. And he had screwed up his courage to bring the subject up with his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam was in bed but was awake and reading by the yellow light of an oil lamp. He looked up as he heard a light tap at his door and then watched it open and saw Hoss\u2019 head poking through. \u201cWhat\u2019s on your mind, Hoss?\u201d Adam was surprised to see his brother up this late: Usually Hoss was in bed and snoring before Adam ever put out his reading lamp. What\u2019s more, once he opened the door all the way and wordlessly entered the room, Adam saw Hoss was still fully dressed, right down to his boots.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou haven\u2019t even been to bed yet?\u201d Adam asked him, a quizzical look on his face. Hoss shook his head and stood silently at the side of Adam\u2019s bed, looking a little hangdog, with his hands thrust deep into his front pants pockets. \u201cSit down, why dontcha? You have something on your mind?\u201d Adam knew that was a silly question: Of course he had something on his mind. But he had to go about this the right way or risk making his brother go silent on him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell \u2026 I been thinkin\u2019, Adam.\u201d Hoss raked one hand through his mussed brown hair, putting it into even more of a state of disarray. Adam waited patiently. When Hoss wanted to talk, he often took his time going about it. Adam had been holding his place in his book with an index finger, but now reached over to the bedside table for the playing card he was using as a marker and closed the book around that instead. He set it on the table and looked at Hoss again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s on your mind, Hoss?\u201d Adam gently asked again.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou knew our ma, Adam \u2026 like a son knows a ma, didn\u2019t you?\u201d Hoss now had his thumbs hooked into his pants pockets, trying to look casual, like that sentence hadn\u2019t been difficult for him to say to his brother. But the way Hoss was looking directly into Adam\u2019s eyes told him there was nothing casual about the question.<\/span><\/p>\n

The question took Adam by surprise. The three half-brothers didn\u2019t speak much to each other about their respective mothers. Their father often talked to them about the three women he had married and buried but his boys didn\u2019t speak at length about their mothers to each other. It was as if they each wanted to save the one thing that was theirs, and only theirs, for themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe was still too young to fully realize how Marie had been a mother to Adam and Hoss as well. He thought of Marie as his alone, and that was fine with his brothers. Someday perhaps he\u2019d question them about their memories to add to those he had stored away or that his father had shared with him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam had no one to question about his mother, other than his father. He long ago had exhausted his father\u2019s cache of stories about his mother and Ben could tell Adam no stories about her as his mother, since she had died so soon after giving birth to him. Adam certainly had no personal memories of her, though his father had tried mightily to create some for him when Adam was a child.<\/span><\/p>\n

As far back as Adam could remember, Ben would put his only son to bed each night and tell him about his mother, Elizabeth, who lived in heaven but who looked down on him and watched over him every day. Ben told Adam how much she had loved him and how happy she\u2019d been to have had a son.<\/span><\/p>\n

Though Adam felt a great loss at the void his mother\u2019s absence created, for all Ben\u2019s efforts, Elizabeth Cartwright was mainly a picture on his father\u2019s desk and a music box on Adam\u2019s bureau.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 question marked the first time he\u2019d come to Adam, alone, to ask him about Inger. And Adam smiled as he remembered the tall, smiling, Swedish beauty who had come into their lives during their trek across the country: These were his real memories, flesh and blood memories, not just stories.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that\u2019s how I knew her, Hoss. She was my ma \u2026 the only one I\u2019d had, really.\u201d He looked up with a grin into his brother\u2019s face from where he sat up in his bed. \u201cWould you sit down? If we\u2019re gonna have this talk, I can\u2019t be lookin\u2019 up at you the whole time \u2026 I\u2019ll get a pain in my neck!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss ducked his head in embarrassment and perched on the edge of Adam\u2019s bed. He faced Adam and finally said straight out, \u201cWhat can you tell me? It ain\u2019t the same hearing it from Pa. He can\u2019t tell me what she was really like as a ma.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back against his headboard. The smile stayed on his face as he allowed his mind to go back to a time when he first felt like he had a real family at last.<\/span><\/p>\n

For as long as Adam could remember, they had been journeying West, just he and his father. He had always been envious of the families he saw that had both a father AND a mother, who cooked and mended and patched up small hurts, and sometimes included even a younger brother or sister. So when his father had met Inger, Adam had taken to her immediately. If he could have chosen his ma, she\u2019s exactly who he would have picked. And that\u2019s just what he told Hoss.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cReally? You liked her right off, huh?\u201d Hoss couldn\u2019t keep a big grin off his face. How it pleased him to hear such a thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh yeah. She was so \u2026 so good, Hoss.\u201d Adam got a pensive look on his face as his eyes went from Hoss to his bedroom window. \u201cI didn\u2019t think back on it until I got a lot older, but it\u2019s really something for a man or woman to take on someone else\u2019s child in a ready-made family. But that\u2019s just what our ma did. Thinkin\u2019 about it now, remembering how happy she made me feel \u2026\u201d Adam stopped, still looking out the window. Hoss saw his eyes were a little bright, but said nothing. He quietly waited for Adam to go on.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShe just made me feel like we had a real family for once. A complete family, you know? I\u2019d never had that before. It had just been me and Pa since \u2026 well, since forever.\u201d Adam looked at Hoss then, seeking confirmation of his feelings. Surely Hoss had felt the same thing when Marie had come into his life.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I do know. I know just how you felt.\u201d Hoss nodded. And Adam knew that he did.<\/span><\/p>\n

He continued, \u201cShe didn\u2019t have to be that way, though. She probably could have won Pa over and treated me just well enough to get by. But she loved me, Hoss. She did,\u201d Adam said almost defensively. \u201cI could feel it and she told me so. She told me every night before I went to sleep. Every night \u2026\u201d His voice trailed off again, remembering a small boy nestled into his blankets, his mother leaning over him, quietly completing their bedtime ritual.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is what Hoss had been looking for: his brother\u2019s feelings about their ma, because then those feelings could be HIS feelings. \u201cSo then what happened?\u201d he asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam lost the pensive look he\u2019d worn and grinned at his brother. \u201cYou mean, hurry up and get to when you\u2019re born, right?\u201d He laughed out loud at his brother\u2019s transparency.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, sure, Adam. That\u2019s why I come in here.\u201d But Hoss laughed too, his throaty chuckle that sounded like it came straight from his belly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOne day the wagon got stuck climbing a hill,\u201d Adam continued, \u201cand Pa got out to push at the front wheel. Ma sent me away from the wagon and she was supposed to go too, but she said she wanted to help. Pa told her to get away but she stayed to push anyway because, well \u2026 the women had to pitch in just like the men on that trip. They did things women in Boston or Philadelphia would never have dreamed of doing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShe got knocked down when the wagon moved suddenly and rolled down the hill a ways. Pa ran over to her and that\u2019s when we found out she was carrying you. She felt bad she hadn\u2019t told Pa yet, but she had wanted to wait and now she was scared she\u2019d lost you in the fall. Pa was worried too, sure enough.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThey was worried about me, \u2019fore I was even born?\u201d Hoss marveled at the thought of his pa, who worried enough about his sons as grown men, fretting about his unborn child.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell sure. Sometimes a fall can cause real problems for women who are in a family way. And it caused problems on the wagon train because Pa wouldn\u2019t budge and we had a deadline to meet and other folks on the train were put out that we were stayin\u2019 in one place.\u201d Adam paused, remembering the angry exchanges between the men and his father.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut then it was OK. Ma called out that she was fine and we should be on our way. Pa was so happy when Ma told him she\u2019d felt you movin\u2019.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMovin\u2019. I was movin\u2019 around.\u201d Hoss was nearly speechless at this story he\u2019d never heard before this moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo then everything was fine and we got on the trail again and Ma and Pa were so happy, Hoss. They were just so happy and so was I. It was the best time of my life.\u201d Adam smiled, remembering long days helping his father drive their team and nights sleeping snugly tucked into the back of their wagon. Strange how just the addition of Inger, only one person, had made his family seem so much larger.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo what happened when I was born?\u201d Hoss asked, getting impatient for his physical appearance in this story.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Pa wasn\u2019t even there when you were born. Did you know that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure \u2026 Pa\u2019s told me that much. He said he came back to the train, and there I was, bigger \u2019n\u2019 life.\u201d Hoss grinned at Adam, and waited for the obligatory crack about his size.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re making it way too easy, \u2018big\u2019 brother.\u201d Adam grinned back at him. \u201cAnyway, I WAS there, except I had to wait outside the wagon. One of the women, Mrs. Cooper, was in there with Ma and she told me everything was going to be fine and I just had to wait awhile and I could meet my new brother or sister.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhich did ya want, Adam?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cA brother, of course.\u201d Adam grinned bigger. \u201cThat\u2019s what Pa wanted, too. So I waited and pretty soon I heard you squawlin\u2019 \u2026\u201d \u2013 Hoss leaned forward and jabbed him in the shoulder with his fist \u2013 \u201cand Mrs. Cooper stuck her head out of the back of the wagon and said my ma wanted me to come meet my new baby brother.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd didja?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell sure. Ma was sitting up in the back and she looked real tired, and her hair was a little mussed \u2026\u201d Adam leaned back again and closed his eyes, remembering. \u201cShe looked so proud and so happy but she didn\u2019t forget about me, just because she had you now. She couldn\u2019t wait to show you off to me.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShe had you all wrapped up in a blanket with just your head poking out. I couldn\u2019t believe how big you were! I\u2019d seen one or two other brand-new babies who\u2019d been born on the trail and they weren\u2019t half your size.\u201d Adam opened his eyes and looked at his brother again. \u201cI thought we were really something, having the biggest baby on the train.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 look turned to one of embarrassment as the color in his face got a little deeper but Adam told him sincerely, \u201cNo really \u2026 I was proud of that. Still am proud of your size, Hoss. You\u2019ve used it to get me out of a jam more than once.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo when did Pa get back?\u201d Hoss asked, wanting to move the conversation back to something that didn\u2019t make him feel so funny inside. His older brother was proud of him?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe got back later that night. The minute he rode up, he said, the men were telling him Ma\u2019s time had come. The birth of a baby on the train was mighty big news, let me tell ya. He said he climbed into the back of the wagon so fast, he about gave Ma a fit. She didn\u2019t know who was busting in on us. We were in there talking and suddenly there was Pa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath in and blew it back out in a heavy sigh. His voice took on a dreamy quality: \u201cHoss, I wish you could have seen the look on his face when he first looked at you. It was really something. I\u2019ve only seen it one other time and that\u2019s when Joe was born.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head slightly. \u201cYa know, Adam, I\u2019ll bet Pa had that look three times.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHmmm? What do you mean?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I bet he had that same look when you was born, too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh \u2026 that\u2019s right.\u201d Adam laughed at how he\u2019d forgotten about his own birth. \u201cWell, that\u2019s something we\u2019ll never know.\u201d Hoss realized Adam was right: There was no one left alive who could describe for him the look on his father\u2019s face the first time he saw his oldest son. Hoss felt sorry for Adam then, that he didn\u2019t have an older brother to share memories of his ma with him, like Adam was sharing with Hoss.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnyway, I wanted to name you. I asked Pa if I could but he looked at Ma and asked her, which I guess was only right.\u201d Adam looked a little chagrined at his memory of the boldness of his 6-year-old self.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBefore you were born, Pa had been telling folks on the train that you were either going to be named after his father or Ma\u2019s father: Joseph or Eric. He even said if you were Eric then his next son would be Joseph. Leave it to Pa to get his way after all, huh?\u201d Hoss snorted laughter at that one and Adam joined him laughing at the joke. Ben Cartwright was well known around the Ponderosa, and even Virginia City, for having things his way, and in this case, their brother Joe was the proof.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo Ma said she wanted to name you Eric, after her father, and Pa looked like he thought that was a good idea and that was when I made my move.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour move?\u201d Hoss knew they\u2019d decided to call him Hoss because of a suggestion by his Uncle Gunnar but he couldn\u2019t imagine Adam\u2019s part in the whole thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI reminded them about Uncle Gunnar telling us he hoped we\u2019d call you Hoss. I guess they\u2019d both just forgotten and when I reminded them, Ma\u2019s eyes lit up and she looked up at Pa, saying she remembered now. So Pa said we\u2019d use both names and see which one stuck, but I knew which one it was going to be.\u201d Adam smiled in satisfaction and Hoss said, \u201cLooks like someone inherited a little bit of that \u2018gettin\u2019 your own way stuff\u2019 from Pa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, don\u2019t you think Hoss is a much better fit than Eric?\u201d Adam looked at his brother and Hoss smiled back at him, trying to imagine it. \u201cI just can\u2019t see calling you Eric. I just can\u2019t. I never have, either, not since the day you were born. Pa tried it a few times, but he knew.\u201d Adam grinned smugly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe still does try it every now and then,\u201d Hoss said, \u201cmostly when he\u2019s introducing us to folks. What about Ma? Did she ever?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure, she tried it on you a few times, too. But it just didn\u2019t fit with your nature, Hoss. You were so big and so happy and \u2026 \u201d Adam\u2019s face turned serious all of a sudden. \u201cWe were all four happy then. So happy \u2026\u201d His voice trailed off and stopped and Hoss knew the story Adam was remembering now.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss knew the details, but there was no way he could know that story as intimately as Adam did. He knew Indians had attacked them and they had crouched in the corner of a way station while Pa and the other men fired out the windows. And when one of the men had gotten shot, Ma had placed her new son carefully into Adam\u2019s arms and then, taking up the discarded rifle, began shooting out the window with the men. And then an arrow had ended their happiness, too quickly after it had begun.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam was remembering as well, in a way that Hoss never could. He saw their ma fall with the arrow in her back and cried out to their pa. He wanted to jump up and run over to her and hug her and beg her to be OK. But he knew he had to keep his baby brother safe in his arms and out of harm\u2019s way. Ma had given him to Adam to protect and that was his job and he couldn\u2019t do anything else. So he kept his arms wrapped around Hoss and watched Pa hold Ma until she breathed her last, watched him cry over her and he looked down at his baby brother, who didn\u2019t know anything about the tragedy that had befallen their little family. As he looked into the chubby face of the brother who already had stolen all their hearts, Adam had thought, \u201cNow we\u2019re alone again.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And suddenly three seemed many times fewer than four.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d Hoss put a hand on his brother\u2019s blanket-covered leg.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHmmmm?\u201d Adam said, shaking off his somber thoughts. \u201cSorry … just thinkin\u2019 \u201d He was silent for a few seconds and then looked into his brother\u2019s ice-blue eyes and said earnestly, \u201cShe seems more my mother than my real mother does, Hoss, and that feels wrong but it feels right, too. I feel guilty as hell about it, like I\u2019m disloyal to my own mother, but I didn\u2019t know her at all. She\u2019s just a pretty lady in a picture to me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He gave a humorless laugh and said, \u201cI used to look in Pa\u2019s shaving mirror and then look at her picture, trying to see if there was some way we looked alike. I never could see it, though. And I don\u2019t remember a thing about her \u2026 there\u2019s no way I could, though heaven knows, I tried to imagine I did before Inger came along.\u201d He laughed briefly at his childish folly of making up memories of his mother.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut I did know your mother and I loved her so much and I know she loved me \u2026 loved us.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice broke a little at the end, but his eyes remained dry and locked on his brother\u2019s.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOur ma, Adam. She was OUR ma,\u201d Hoss gently corrected his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOK, our ma, then,\u201d Adam took another deep breath and sighed. \u201cOur ma. Sure you don\u2019t mind sharing?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNahhhhh. Seems like she had enough love for both of us.\u201d Now it was Hoss\u2019 turn to look a little dreamy. \u201cAdam? I \u2026 I \u2026.\u201d He stopped. He wasn\u2019t sure what he wanted to say. Adam sat waiting.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, brother. I just wanna say thank you. I feel like I know our ma a lot better tonight, is all.\u201d Hoss looked away now toward the window. \u201cCan we talk about her again sometime?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure Hoss \u2026 anytime. Come and ask me anything and I\u2019ll tell you what I can. It was a long time ago, but those memories, the good ones and a few of the bad ones, seem like they\u2019ll never fade.\u201d Adam reached out and clasped the hand that still rested on the blanket covering his leg. \u201cNow maybe we\u2019d better think about gettin\u2019 some sleep. I think Pa has a whole list of chores waiting for us in the morning.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the truth, for sure.\u201d Hoss stood and walked to the door and then looked back. \u201cG\u2019nite, Adam.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c \u2019Night, Hoss.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Hoss repeated sharply once more and that time the word had its intended effect. Adam\u2019s eyes opened and he looked around him, as if wondering where he was. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d he said, a little fuzzily.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh only about everthin\u2019 but we\u2019re just a few hours from home now, so they\u2019ll be fine soon enough,\u201d Hoss said, trying to sound confident. He put his hand on his brother\u2019s forehead again, and felt the slick sweat come away on his palm. Adam had grown hotter while he slept and the only thing Hoss knew to do was give him water. \u201cC\u2019mon Adam, raise up a little so you can have a drink.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want one.\u201d Adam sounded a little petulant, but didn\u2019t protest when his brother simply scooped his shoulders up and put the canteen to his lips. He took two swallows and then turned his face away, causing the water to spill over his cheek before Hoss had a chance to pull the canteen back. Hoss let Adam lay back on the straw once more, his eyes closed. Hoss could make out his features pretty well now that the moon was high above them and he watched Adam stir restlessly, perhaps trying to find a position on his makeshift bed where he didn\u2019t feel the pain so much. His hand went again and again to his side where his stab wound was covered with his bloodstained shirt and a layer of blankets only to flutter away once more, restlessly moving above his head, to his chin, onto his chest, into his hair.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMa, my stomach hurts,\u201d Adam said, sounding exhausted by the relentlessness of the pain. Hoss started again and spoke his brother\u2019s name once more: \u201cAdam?\u201d His eyes obligingly opened, though Hoss wasn\u2019t sure who Adam saw sitting next to him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMa ain\u2019t here, Adam,\u201d Hoss said gently.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShe isn\u2019t?\u201d Adam peered up at his brother and reached out his hand toward him. \u201cHoss? I thought \u2026 I musta been dreamin\u2019, I guess.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss put his hand out to hold his brother\u2019s still restless hand and said, \u201cWas it a nice dream \u2026 the one about Ma?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell \u2026 she was here. Don\u2019t remember \u2026 \u201d Adam\u2019s voice trailed off, as if he had simply forgotten to finish the sentence he had started and then closed his eyes once more.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss kept watch over his older brother then, in the back of the wagon, while Foster Marcus drove them on toward home. The horses\u2019 hooves beat a rhythm onto the dirt road that once again reminded Hoss of his prayer: \u201cKeep him safe, keep him safe, keep him safe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss thought he had never been so relieved to see his home as he was when Foster drove the wagon around the barn and into the yard of the Ponderosa ranch house. He got up on one knee, and looked past Foster\u2019s back to see lamps burning inside as the front door opened and, blessed be, his father coming through it onto the porch.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFoster?\u201d Ben called to his old friend, as he held a lamp higher, confirming his identification. \u201cWhat in tarnation are you doing here this time \u2019a night?\u201d He\u2019d been expecting his sons to arrive home, in fact had been waiting up for them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBen, there\u2019s been trouble,\u201d Foster shouted from the wagon seat, as he reined the team in.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTrouble?\u201d Ben\u2019s dark eyebrows nearly met in the middle as his friendly smile turned to a scowl. \u201cWhat kind of trouble?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Foster set the brake and looped the reins several times around its handle. \u201cTrouble with your boys, Ben.\u201d He hooked a thumb toward the back of the wagon before beginning to climb down.<\/span><\/p>\n

The moment Foster had spoken the words \u201ctrouble\u201d and \u201cboys,\u201d Ben had paid him no more attention and turned toward the back of the wagon. He saw Hoss leaning over something in the straw and then he straightened up and said, \u201cHey Pa.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss! What\u2019s happened to you?\u201d Ben was alarmed at the disheveled state of his middle son, including the cut lip and bruised face, but once his eyes caught sight of Hoss\u2019 shirt, wrinkled, smeared with rust-colored stains and open nearly to the waist, he knew there had been more than trouble out on the trail. \u201cAre you all right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah Pa, I\u2019m fine. It\u2019s \u2026\u201d Hoss began, but Ben would not let him finish.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Adam?\u201d The words were no spoken than Ben reached the back of the wagon and saw his oldest son, nestled into the straw and covered in blankets. In the light from his lamp, Ben saw Adam\u2019s dark hair stuck to his head in curly, sweaty clumps. \u201cWhat happened to you, boy?\u201d he asked in dismay.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI was gonna tell ya,\u201d Hoss said impatiently and shoved an arm under Adam\u2019s shoulder, another under his knees and hoisted his brother into his arms. Adam\u2019s limbs dangled loosely as Hoss leaned over the end of the wagon with his blanket-wrapped brother and said, \u201cHere, Pa. Can you take \u2019im?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d Ben said, handing the lantern off to Foster and reaching up as Hoss leaned down to deposit Adam carefully into his father\u2019s arms.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben braced himself to accept his son, not a small burden, and, once he was holding him securely, looked down at Adam\u2019s hectic color and face shiny with perspiration and knew, at the least, he was very ill.<\/span><\/p>\n

As if to confirm Ben\u2019s sense that it was more than just illness, Hoss said, \u201cPa, he\u2019s been stabbed. It happened early this morning, just after sunrise.\u201d Now that his responsibility for Adam\u2019s life had been passed along to his father, both literally and figuratively, Hoss allowed himself to finally feel his fatigue.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThieves \u2026 after the money from the cattle sale. Four of \u2019em came up on us in our camp and one of \u2019em pulled a knife on Adam. He stabbed \u2019im right in the belly, I guess, and then they rode off with all our money.\u201d Hoss panted a little after unburdening himself to his father and added, looking worried, \u201cI got the bleedin\u2019 stopped but he\u2019s gotten some worse since this afternoon.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe have to get him upstairs,\u201d Ben said, and turned toward the door.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa, maybe we should send Joe for the doc right away.\u201d Hoss said, jumping down from the wagon and taking the lantern from Foster.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t,\u201d Ben said, stopping. \u201cJoe\u2019s already in Virginia City. He was playing cards and said he\u2019d stay in town tonight. That\u2019s where I left him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go for the doc,\u201d Foster said, \u201cif you can loan me a horse.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTake one from the barn,\u201d Ben directed. \u201cAnd Foster \u2013 find Joe in town, will you? Tell him he has to come home right away. Tell him what happened.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI sure will, Ben. Don\u2019t you worry; the doc\u2019ll be back here soon.\u201d Foster strode off toward the closed barn door.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben turned back toward the house and carried his son up to his room.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, can you help me with him?\u201d Ben held a clean cloth up as he looked around at his middle son. He hated to ask him because he so obviously was worn out, but they had to try to bring Adam\u2019s fever down. That much he knew, even without the doctor\u2019s expertise.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Pa. I\u2019m fine \u2026 really.\u201d He sat on the opposite side of Adam\u2019s bed from his father, and reached for a cloth to dunk into the cold water. He squeezed the excess water out and began to mop the perspiration off Adam\u2019s chest and shoulder. Ben was doing the same to Adam\u2019s face and neck.<\/span><\/p>\n

For his part, Adam hadn\u2019t had much to say since they brought him upstairs, just a few mumbles and a loud moan when Ben had caught his foot on the door as he carried him through the doorway. Ben had placed him on his bed and Hoss had held Adam in a sitting position, arms draped over Hoss\u2019 shoulder, while his father had finally relieved his son of that blood-stiffened shirt. Ben looked at it in disgust before dropping it to the floor behind him.<\/span><\/p>\n

As he worked on his brother, Hoss wondered if Adam was going to ask about their ma again and, sure enough, almost the minute Hoss had gotten the thought in his head, Adam piped up, his voice suddenly clear as a bell, if a little bit whiny: \u201cMa, I\u2019m hot \u2026 get these blankets off, can\u2019t ya?\u201d Now it was Ben\u2019s turn to look startled.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDid he say \u2018ma\u2019?\u201d Ben asked Hoss, a surprised look on his face. Hoss nodded but stayed silent and Ben turned back to Adam and said, \u201cYour mother\u2019s not here, son.\u201d Then he looked at Hoss once more.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss? Would you go downstairs to my desk and get Elizabeth\u2019s picture? Maybe it will comfort Adam a little if he has it here beside his bed when he wakes.\u201d Ben turned back to his task once more; Hoss just bit his lip and remained where he was.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell son \u2026 what are you waiting for?\u201d Ben looked up at Hoss, surprised that he hadn\u2019t gotten moving.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa? \u2026 I don\u2019t \u2026\u201d Hoss paused. This was a hard thing to say because he knew his Pa had loved his first wife intensely. She had been his first love, after all, and bore him his first son. But he knew it had to be said, so he let it out in a rush: \u201cIt ain\u2019t Elizabeth he\u2019s talkin\u2019 to. It\u2019s our ma \u2026 it\u2019s Inger.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cInger?\u201d Ben looked back at Adam, who was saying nothing more, but had gone back to the same restless hand movements as in the wagon. \u201cInger \u2026 my love,\u201d Ben thought and was, as usual, hit with emotions churned up by the mention of the name. But usually he thought of Inger when Hoss was in trouble or hurt. When Adam was in trouble, it was always Elizabeth\u2019s face he conjured up and Elizabeth he talked to during any bedside vigils. Adam was Elizabeth\u2019s son, not Inger\u2019s.<\/span><\/p>\n

As if to contradict that very thought, Hoss said, \u201cHe told me once that his ma \u2013 Elizabeth \u2013 was just a face in a picture to him. He felt bad thinkin\u2019 it, and \u2026 and disloyal, but he said it was the truth. He said my ma \u2013 our ma \u2013 was the first mother he\u2019d ever known and she was who he thought of as his ma.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben looked at Hoss\u2019s earnest face and knew it must hurt him to be saying this right now. It hurt Ben even more, though. Had he not done a good job keeping Elizabeth\u2019s memory alive for his oldest son? He had tried, but \u2026 Adam, without any memories of his own of his mother, must have felt like she was just a ghost. And Inger, with her sunny smile and disposition so like her son\u2019s, had embraced Adam as if he were her own. For that Ben had been so grateful. His young son had been grateful as well, Ben knew; the positive change in Adam when Inger came into their lives had been evident.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy didn\u2019t I know that?\u201d Ben asked, looking stricken.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head at his father. \u201cAw Pa, Adam didn\u2019t wanna tell ya somethin\u2019 like that. It would only make you \u2026 well, make you feel like ya do right now, I guess. And I tol\u2019 ya, Adam felt mighty \u2019shamed about feelin\u2019 that way anyway. He didn\u2019t feel like it was right that he should love my ma more than his own.\u201d Hoss didn\u2019t add how grateful he was that Adam HAD felt that way because if he hadn\u2019t, Hoss wouldn\u2019t have been able to share those long talks with Adam about their mother. He didn\u2019t need to take things that far with his father right now.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMa, please take \u2019em off me,\u201d Adam begged, as he pushed fruitlessly at the bedclothes, and their attention turned back toward him. \u201cI can\u2019t stand it bein\u2019 so hot.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMa\u2019s not here right now, Adam,\u201d Hoss said soothingly and at that, his brother opened his eyes. \u201cHoss? Where is she? Hoss?\u201d His color was high now and his eyes, while open, didn\u2019t seem to be able to focus on much of anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

It hurt him to say it, but Ben asked Hoss once more: \u201cGo downstairs and get your mother\u2019s picture off my desk and bring it up. Maybe that will help him.\u201d And Hoss got up then and started down the stairs. Ben turned back to the bed and said, \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam turned his head toward the sound of his father\u2019s voice and said, \u201cPa? I\u2019m glad you\u2019re here, Pa. Hoss said Ma\u2019s not here right now.\u201d Ben swallowed hard at that and said, \u201cNo, she\u2019s not, son. Why don\u2019t you close your eyes and get some sleep.\u201d And Adam did.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss stood by his father\u2019s desk, looking at the framed portrait of his mother, Inger. He carried it over to the mirror on the wall and stood looking, first at his face and then at the picture. The sound of hoof beats broke into his thoughts and he went to open the front door. Racing up to the rail was a buggy carrying Dr. Martin and Joe. Joe was driving and the doctor sat next to him, clutching his bag.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBoy, I\u2019m sure glad to see you fellas, and I know Pa will be too!\u201d Hoss said loudly as he came through the door onto the porch.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m just glad to have made it here in one piece,\u201d the doctor said, having climbed out of the buggy as soon as it had stopped. He glared back at Joe and then walked onto the porch. \u201cWhere is he?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUp in his room, Doc.\u201d Hoss pointed back through the front door and the doctor went through it. Hoss looked back at Joe as he was tying the horse to the rail. \u201cWhy was you drivin\u2019 the doc\u2019s buggy?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe joined Hoss on the porch. \u201cFoster found me before he did the doc, so I went with him and told the doc I could drive here faster, knowin\u2019 the road like I do and it bein\u2019 nighttime and all.\u201d Joe shrugged. \u201cFoster said Adam was hurt bad and I didn\u2019t wanna waste any time getting the doc here. Foster\u2019s bringin\u2019 my horse back.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He stopped then and looked up at Hoss with a grave expression: \u201cHow bad is he, Hoss? I gotta know before I go up there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know for sure. He was awake and talkin\u2019 most of the day but this evenin\u2019 he took a turn. He\u2019s got a bad fever now and \u2026 \u201d Hoss shrugged; he didn\u2019t know exactly what to say to Joe. He guessed he would just leave things in the doc\u2019s hands now. He\u2019d gotten his brother this far \u2013 alive \u2013 by his sheer determination that he would not see him die. Now the exhausted man was relieved to turn the responsibility for Adam\u2019s care over to someone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe stared at him for a moment longer, briefly put a hand on Hoss\u2019 shoulder and then headed for the door. Hoss turned to follow his brother, the framed picture still in his hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben used one of the damp cloths to wipe the sweat from his own forehead. He hadn\u2019t realized he was perspiring so until Dr. Martin was done cleaning and treating Adam\u2019s stab wound and burns. He been as gentle as possible with the painful procedure, but Adam, in his delirium, had fought him and in the end, it took both Hoss and Ben to hold Adam down while the doctor worked on him.<\/span><\/p>\n

It had been awful to witness his son struggling to break free from their grasp, shouting and cursing them for what they were doing to him. He was totally out of his head now, which was disconcerting for Ben. It was his eldest \u2013 his Adam \u2013 who lay there, but he didn\u2019t know his father or his brothers. He only knew someone was causing him great pain and Ben hoped that same strength he had used to fight his \u201ctormenters\u201d could be used by Adam to fight his fever.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Martin stood at the bedside table repacking his bag, and then placed several packets by the basin. \u201cI\u2019m leaving you some more sedative powders, Ben. He should sleep for awhile yet and I\u2019m hoping the fever will break by dawn.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The doctor continued, \u201cIt\u2019s a miracle, or something like it, that the blade didn\u2019t hit any organs or cause any bleeding inside. Hoss, did Adam ever have any blood in his mouth?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNosir, he didn\u2019t. The only blood was from his belly wound.\u201d Hoss thought that had been plenty, thank you.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I think our biggest worry right now is the fever, then, and we\u2019ll just have to wait and see on that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, doctor. I sure appreciate you coming out here in the middle of the night,\u201d Ben said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a good thing I did, Ben. It\u2019s safest to get a wound like that looked at as soon as possible.\u201d The doctor turned to Hoss. \u201cI know it looks bad, Hoss, and that wound cleaning wasn\u2019t the nicest thing to watch Adam go through, but I want you to know you saved his life today.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss slowly shook his head and said, \u201cAw Doc, I was just takin\u2019 care of my brother.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The doctor shook his own head and said, \u201cNo, if you hadn\u2019t been there and thought quickly enough to cauterize that wound, Adam would have bled to death on the trail, plain and simple.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged then. It hadn\u2019t been a conscious decision on his part; there really had been no decision to make. He could not have let Adam die.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben clapped a hand to his son\u2019s shoulder. \u201cWe\u2019re sure glad he was there, Doc. And sure glad he had the presence of mind to do what he did.\u201d Ben squeezed Hoss\u2019 shoulder and looked into his son\u2019s eyes. \u201cI know that must have been a difficult thing to have to do to your brother, even though you knew it was the only thing that could save his life.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was awful, Pa. Plain awful \u2026 but Adam sure was strong,\u201d Hoss said, and then swallowed hard, remembering Adam\u2019s hoarse cries, the powerful grip of his hand, the smells and \u2026 He shook his head and added, \u201cIt worked and that\u2019s all that matters now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right, Hoss.\u201d Ben nodded. \u201cHe\u2019s going to be fine.\u201d Ben was determined to see that it was so.<\/span><\/p>\n

The doctor had finished packing up his things and grabbed his hat. \u201cWell, gentlemen, I\u2019m going to take my leave. Please, Little Joe \u2026 \u201d He held up his hand, palm out, as the youngest Cartwright stood up from the chair he\u2019d been sitting in by the window. He grinned at the doctor who said, \u201cReally \u2026 I can drive my OWN buggy back to town just fine, thank you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He walked over to the door and then stopped to look back at the father and sons. He said, shaking his head, \u201cHeaven help anyone who gets in the way of a Cartwright trying to go to the aid of another Cartwright.\u201d With a wry grin, he jammed his hat onto his head and was gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph, I hope I don\u2019t have to send you for the doctor again anytime soon,\u201d Ben said to his youngest with a stern look. \u201cAw Pa, there was no way I was going to let the doc drive \u2026 he\u2019d have had that pony going at a trot the whole way,\u201d Joe said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, he may have felt that getting here at a little slower pace was better than not getting here at all!\u201d Ben began, his voice rising, and Joe, sensing his father working up to a thundering lecture, quickly pointed over to his sick brother on the bed. \u201cPa, did Adam say something? I thought I heard him call your name.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben immediately turned back toward the bed and went to sit next to his eldest, his just-begun lecture on his youngest forgotten, just as Joe had hoped. \u201cBoy, you sure know how to make things happen,\u201d Hoss said to Joe, an admiring tone in his voice, and immediately was seized with a tremendous yawn.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, thanks for the compliment, but don\u2019t you think you oughtta get a little rest? Why don\u2019t you go lay down for awhile?\u201d Joe said. \u201cPa and I can take care of the compresses for his fever. Doc said he\u2019s gonna sleep awhile anyway.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think I might nap a bit, Joe, for sure. But I\u2019m gonna do that right here in this room. I\u2019ll take your chair and you take mine.\u201d And with that, Hoss went over to sit in the chair by the window that Joe had vacated when the doctor left.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe grinned, took Hoss\u2019 place by Adam\u2019s side and reached for the wet cloth in the basin of water. He looked down at Adam\u2019s belly, now covered with the doctor\u2019s fresh white bandage and his young face grew sober. \u201cThat was somethin\u2019, huh Pa?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHmmmm? What\u2019s that, Joe?\u201d Ben looked over to his son but kept dabbing the cool cloth on Adam\u2019s face.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, just when the doc was scrubbing at those burns and \u2026 \u201d Joe gave a little shudder at the memory of Hoss and his father using what seemed like all their strength to hold his oldest brother down on the bed so the doctor could do his work.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh.\u201d Ben doused the cloth in the cool water again and squeezed out the excess. \u201cWell, I know that wasn\u2019t very nice to watch, Joe, but Adam was out of his mind. He isn\u2019t all there right now \u2026 It hurt him something fierce, but he likely won\u2019t remember.\u201d Ben paused in his work and looked over at Joe\u2019s somber face. \u201cBesides, what\u2019s that Adam used to say years ago when he\u2019d get tossed off a horse or when you boys would get into a scrap? \u2018The only way to hurt me is to kill me.\u2019 Isn\u2019t that what he said?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, that was it.\u201d Joe smiled at some of his memories.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we\u2019re not going to let it go that far.\u201d Ben smiled back at his son.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam slowed turned his head to one side on the pillow and then back again, blew out a chuff of air and raised his hand once more to his head and then down to his bandaged abdomen. Ben reached out and grabbed Adam\u2019s hand away from his wound and held it in his own. \u201cAdam? Can you hear me son?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMmmmm \u2026 hurts \u2026.\u201d Adam\u2019s words ended in a breathy groan.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben picked up one of the envelopes of sedative powder the doctor had left, tapped the contents into a glass and then poured it half full of water. He said, \u201cLift him up, will you Joe?\u201d and when Joe had gotten his arms under his brother\u2019s shoulders and raised him slightly, Ben put the glass to Adam\u2019s lips. \u201cC\u2019mon son \u2026 drink this down for me.\u201d Adam slowly but steadily drank until the glass was empty and when Joe had settled him back against the pillow, he opened his eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah Adam, it\u2019s me. Didn\u2019t wanna miss your homecomin\u2019.\u201d Joe smiled down at his brother.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey Joe \u2026 ,\u201d Adam said in a tired greeting and then his eyes went back to his father. \u201cPa? Where\u2019s Ma? Is she back yet?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben grinned a little at his son\u2019s confusion, but he guessed that\u2019s the sort of chaos a fever created in the mind. Ben reached over to the night table to get the photo Hoss had brought upstairs with him. \u201cShe\u2019s not, son, but here\u2019s her picture. Would you like to look at it for awhile?\u201d He put the framed photo into the hand he still held in his own and then brought it up in front of Adam\u2019s eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam stared at the photo for several seconds and a smile broke onto his wan, sweating face. His eyes closed then and Ben let the hand that held the photo down gently onto Adam\u2019s chest.<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe had watched all this, wondering just what was going on. The picture his father had given Adam was Hoss\u2019 mother, not Adam\u2019s. He looked up at Ben and said as much.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know son, and I\u2019m not sure we\u2019ll ever be able to talk to Adam about it. But this is what Hoss told me.\u201d And Ben told Joe the story of Adam and Hoss\u2019 bond with their mother, Inger.<\/span><\/p>\n

*******************<\/span><\/p>\n

Dawn\u2019s pale light was coming through Adam\u2019s bedroom window when Hoss was shaken awake by his father. \u201cSon,\u201d Ben said in a low whisper, \u201cI\u2019m going downstairs and get some coffee for us all.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOK Pa \u2026 \u201d Hoss rubbed a hand over his face, first up and then back down. \u201cHow\u2019s Adam doin\u2019?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s better. I think his fever is down and he\u2019s sleeping more comfortably.\u201d Ben looked back at the still form on the bed remembering the bone-jarring chills that had wracked Adam\u2019s body between bouts of sweats during the early morning hours of this day. \u201cI\u2019m hoping later he\u2019ll be more himself.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss stood to take his father\u2019s place at Adam\u2019s side as Ben went downstairs. As Hoss sat, he observed Joe, who had leaned forward in his chair and slept with his head cradled on his arms on the edge of Adam\u2019s bed. Adam\u2019s left arm lay by his side, the back of his hand brushing up against Joe\u2019s curly brown hair. His right hand lay on his chest, still holding Inger\u2019s framed portrait.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHoss.\u201d The whisper brought Hoss\u2019 attention to Adam\u2019s face and he quickly put one of his hands on Adam\u2019s forehead. \u201cI feel better.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou do feel better \u2026 your fever ain\u2019t gone, but it\u2019s sure a lot lower.\u201d Hoss reached down for the portrait and said, \u201cWhatcha got here?\u201d He held it up for Adam to see.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s our mother,\u201d Adam said, a smile transforming his face. \u201cWhere\u2019d that come from?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI brought it up from downstairs. Pa asked me to \u2026 thought you might like to have it last night.\u201d Hoss kept a careful eye on his brother, watching for a reaction and he got it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa did?\u201d Adam looked first alarmed and then guilty: His secret was out? Surely Pa would have told Hoss to bring him a picture of Adam\u2019s own mother, Elizabeth.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou was talkin\u2019 to her, Adam, and he told me to go bring you the picture of your mother. I didn\u2019t hafta tell him, but I wanted to. I\u2019m proud you think of my ma as yours. I thought it was about time Pa knew that.\u201d Hoss\u2019 look was one of defiance and his frown line creased the space between his eyebrows.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo \u2026 what did he say?\u201d Adam asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss replied, \u201cHe was surprised, more\u2019n anything. I guess he hadn\u2019t thought about how it might be for you. But he wasn\u2019t mad and he\u2019s the one who told me to go ahead and get the picture of my mother \u2019stead a yours.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam thought that one over for several seconds. He wasn\u2019t sure if he\u2019d ever bring this topic up with his father and he hoped his father wouldn\u2019t bring it up with him. But he was relieved he no longer carried the burden of keeping his real feelings from him. It wasn\u2019t that he didn\u2019t love and respect his mother \u2013 he did. It was just that he didn\u2019t know her.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now he glanced down at his sleeping youngest brother and back up to his middle brother. \u201cYou remember yesterday when I wanted you to ride for Pa and bring him back? That\u2019s just about the last thing I remember \u2019til right now. You remember?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI sure do. You had me plum worried. That was the craziest thing I ever heard you say \u2026 up to that point, anyway.\u201d Hoss grinned at Adam. He had a few things to tell him about some of the choice phrases that he had let loose with during his delirium.<\/span><\/p>\n

But Adam wasn\u2019t in the mood for joking; he had something serious to say and it had to be said between just he and Hoss. He reached out for Hoss\u2019 forearm and, grabbing hold of it tightly, looked straight into his brother\u2019s blue eyes. \u201cI just want you to know, Hoss, it was you I needed all along. You were the one. You ARE the one.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss covered Adam\u2019s hand with his own and ducked his head, turning it sideways to look back at Adam. He raised an eyebrow, smiled and said, \u201cGol\u2019 darn, Adam. You\u2019da done the same for me. I don\u2019t even hafta ask if that\u2019s true because I know it is. What\u2019d I say to our ma the next time I see her if I had let ya down?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Adam relaxed his grip on his brother\u2019s arm and said, \u201cI just needed to tell you \u2026 in words. I don\u2019t say it enough.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you said it just fine and I heard you.\u201d Hoss set the picture down on the bedside table then reached over for the water pitcher and poured another half glass. \u201cHere now, why don\u2019t you have another drink and get some more rest?\u201d He helped Adam raise up a little and he managed a few swallows.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThanks \u2026 I guess I am still feelin\u2019 not quite \u2026 right.\u201d Adam\u2019s eyes slipped closed and Hoss put his hand back to his brother\u2019s forehead. Still a touch warm but not nearly the blazing heat of those few hours after midnight, so Hoss was hopeful all that was needed to heal Adam now would be a lot of rest and time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Steps in the hall brought his eyes to the doorway in time to see his father enter carrying a tray laden with a coffee pot and several china cups and saucers. At this, Joe raised his head off his arms and, after raking a hand through his hair and stretching, sniffed the air. \u201cThat fresh coffee, Pa? Sure smells good.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss said, \u201cPa, Adam woke while you were gone and he IS better. His fever seems a lot lower and I think he\u2019s going to mend. He talked to me and he was makin\u2019 sense so \u2026\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s wonderful,\u201d Ben interrupted as he set the tray down on the bureau. \u201cSuch good news for such a beautiful morning!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hoss grinned at his father\u2019s noticeable relief and finished his thought. \u201cSo I gave him some more water and he dropped back off to sleep.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben smiled back and said, \u201cCome and help yourself, boys.\u201d Both Hoss and Joe got up to pour themselves cups of hot coffee and take them back to their chairs. Ben stood at the end of the bed, sipping from his own cup and looking at the sleeping face of his oldest son.<\/span><\/p>\n

As he replaced the cup on the saucer, his eye went to Inger\u2019s portrait on Adam\u2019s bedside table. It stood alongside Elizabeth\u2019s music box. He thought, \u201cLiz, Hoss said he didn\u2019t mind sharing his mother and I sure hope you don\u2019t mind sharing your son.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Looking up at his father, Hoss followed his gaze to the portrait of his mother. He looked back at his father and said, \u201cThat\u2019s what we talked about, Pa. Adam knows you know an\u2019 he\u2019s relieved you\u2019re not mad.\u201d Hoss paused here, frowned, and, tucking his hands into his front pants pockets, he looked back down at his sleeping brother. \u201cI think it was a real burden for him to keep his true feelings from you all these years.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joe followed Hoss\u2019 words intently but didn\u2019t interrupt. Hoss continued in his role of go-between for his father and his brother. \u201cHe does love his mother. It\u2019s just that \u2026 that our ma is the one he knows best,\u201d Hoss finished, hoping he was saying it right, hoping he could make his father understand.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know, son, I know. I\u2019m just so sorry that Elizabeth never got the chance to raise her son.\u201d Ben turned and put his cup back down, then walked over to pick up Adam\u2019s music box. \u201cShe would have been a wonderful mother; Adam missed out on so much not having her in his life.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t open the music box but just held it in his hand and let his mind travel back to a day many years before when he had given it to Liz upon returning from a sea voyage. His whole life had been before him then, his dreams not yet even fully formed in his mind, much less realized. Look at how much he had accomplished and gained between that day and this: His ranch, his fortune \u2026 and the three wives who had given him his three wonderful sons. He just hoped he hadn\u2019t let any of them down.<\/span><\/p>\n

He had always thought of them distinctly as being from their mothers alone, not considering the hand that Inger had had in molding Adam or even what effects Marie had had on Hoss. He had only considered that they had him, their father, in common. It had taken Hoss, his middle son and peacemaker, to make him see there was much more to his oldest son than just the woman who had given birth to him.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPa, do ya think my ma and Adam\u2019s ma \u2026 well \u2026\u201d Hoss scowled and cut his eyes over to Joe, looking for the first signs of his younger brother\u2019s laughter. But Joe maintained a somber look on his face, realizing that a discussion such as this was no time for jokes.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat son?\u201d Ben looked curiously at Hoss. \u201cDo ya think they\u2019ve talked to each other \u2026 ya know, up in heaven?\u201d Hoss looked at Joe again, but if he had the urge to giggle, Joe was doing a good job at stifling it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThey have, Hoss \u2026\u201d came Adam\u2019s weak voice from where he lay in bed. \u201cI\u2019m sure of it.\u201d Ben looked over at his oldest. Adam was struggling to keep his eyes open and his face still wore the sheen of perspiration but he looked \u2013 and sounded \u2013 more alert and himself on this new day. Surely he was on the mend now.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure of it too, Hoss,\u201d Ben said. \u201cAnd I have a feeling Elizabeth is more than grateful to Inger for the way she embraced Adam as her own.\u201d Ben reached down, took Adam\u2019s hand in his own and said, \u201cI know I am.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

THE END<\/span><\/center><\/p>\n
<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Hoss and Adam are attacked and robbed on the way home from a trip. Adam is injured and it\u2019s up to Hoss to save his brother\u2019s life and get him safely home to the Ponderosa. During the journey, Hoss reflects on an important bond he shares with his older brother.
\nRating: PG-13 for violence, bloodshed and mild profanity
\nWords:\u00a0 18,300<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12436,"featured_media":41001,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,1090,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-47022","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-actionadventure","category-adam-hoss","category-drama","wpcat-2-id","wpcat-1090-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":494,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":45172,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=45172","url_meta":{"origin":47022,"position":0},"title":"You Ain’t My Brother (by VRON)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"March 25, 2000","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Sometimes it's hard being the eldest! 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Raging:\u00a0 G Words: 1,325","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1008"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":49897,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=49897","url_meta":{"origin":47022,"position":3},"title":"Hoss’ Meditation (by Katie)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"July 25, 2003","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 I think we underestimated Hoss Cartwright Rating: G\u00a0 (690 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Hoss Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Hoss Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1006"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":46841,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=46841","url_meta":{"origin":47022,"position":4},"title":"The First Day of Spring (by Adamfan16)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"December 6, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0This is an expanded Bonanza Bit I did this spring, to the title prompt. 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(Written in response to a challenge some time last year.) 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