Summary:\u00a0 Bonanza is still in pre-production with the directors and editors still ironing out the ‘little’ details.
\nRating:\u00a0 G
\nWords: 1,300<\/p>\n
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The Brandsters acknowledge that the authors are the owners of their stories.\u00a0 Should an author included in the project reach out to us and indicate they do not wish their work to be archived in the Bonanza Brand Fanfiction Library, we will remove their stories.\u00a0 We would also be happy to change the e:mail address for any authors who wish to continue to have their stories archived in the Library.<\/p>\n
Author’s Note:\u00a0 This will make a \u2018lotta\u2019 more sense if you\u2019ve seen the pilot episode.\u00a0\u00a0During that very first episode, \u201cA Rose For Lotta\u201d, the Cartwrights weren\u2019t yet the people we came to love later on. Not quite, anyways\u2026..<\/p>\n
\u201cYou been a lot of places and you seen a lot of things, Pa, but you never seen or been to heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, maybe I never been to heaven, and maybe I\u2019m never gonna get the chance, but heaven is gonna have to go some to beat the thousand square miles of the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut Pa\u201d, came a frantic, high-pitched voice from behind them, \u201cwhy d\u2019ya say you ain\u2019t never gonna go to heaven? You done anything unproper or unseemly-like?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ben and his eldest son turned slowly in their saddles to be reminded of the presence of the youngest member of their clan, 13-year old Pete, who had caught up with them on his fat little pony. His freckled face was screwed up in pain at the news of his father\u2019s fall from grace.<\/p>\n
\u201cLook, son, you got it all wrong again. The good Lord knows I\u2019m a sinner, but I do hope\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I don\u2019t want you to go to hell, Pa!\u201d Pete wailed and began to cry.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor Pete\u2019s sake\u201d, Adam snapped, and then caught himself. \u201cAll right, sorry Pete. Look, why don\u2019t you ride back home to the ranch and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cSTOP\u201d, yelled Lloyd Paulson, senior film editor and undisputed king of the cutting room, and Jack Millham, his young assistant, hit the button on the projector and froze the screen cowboy in mid-sentence.<\/p>\n
Lloyd planted himself in front of the flickering screen and rubbed his grizzled chin. \u201cSomething ain\u2019t quite right about this scene. What do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jack was always flattered when this master with thirty years experience in the high art of film editing asked his opinion. \u201cStrange way to start out a cowboy show, all that talk about heaven. And did he say \u2018approaches\u2019 or \u2018approacheth\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
Lloyd shrugged. \u201cWho knows, he\u2019s Canadian. But that ain\u2019t what I mean. Something else is wrong. Go ahead and mark the scene, we\u2019ll come back to it later.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jack stuck a slip of colored tape on the offending section of the film reel, and hit the \u2018play\u2019 button.<\/p>\n
***** \u201cAny time you\u2019re ready, Little Joe, you can just forget all about us being kin.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou know, that\u2019ll be easy! \u2018Cause I\u2019ve never been able to see myself being kin to anything whelped out of a thin-nosed, blue-blooded Boston Yankee!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n That was too much for Adam. He drew back his fist, ready to deliver a brutal round house punch to Joe\u2019s face, when their baby brother Pete\u2019s nasal voice interrupted from the door.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, could you show me again how to tie these?\u201d They turned their faces to see a bare-footed Pete standing in the doorway, his new Sunday shoes in hand.<\/p>\n Joe rolled his eyes in exasperation. \u201cOh, for Pete\u2019s sake\u2026ah, sorry, Pete. But can\u2019t you see we\u2019re busy? Ain\u2019t you about old enough to know how to tie your shoes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Joe, I done wore boots all my life! How\u2019d I know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019d know because you\u2019re a Cartwright, that\u2019s why.\u201d Adam grouched. \u201cI tied my own shoes when I was two years old. When I had any.\u00a0 Now buzz off, we\u2019re busy.\u201d He turned his face back to Joe and landed his interrupted punch soundly on his brother\u2019s jaw. Joe and his epee went flying across the room.<\/p>\n \u201cSTOP\u201d, Lloyd called out and shook his head. \u201cThis scene doesn\u2019t work either. Needs cutting. Can\u2019t quite say what\u2019s wrong with it, though. Drives me nuts.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe epee?\u201d ventured Jack.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I like that, nice touch.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow about those sideburns? Wish we could cut those.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cVery funny, Jack, but not helpful. Nope, it\u2019s something about those sons.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, for once, they\u2019re not very nice, right? Little rough around the edges? I mean, all that gun-toting and bible-quoting and insulting each other\u2019s mothers and busting each other\u2019s heads in…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but it\u2019s a cowboy show, people expect that sort of thing. Lets just watch the rest of it, I have a hunch developing.\u201d<\/p>\n ***** \u201cYou! You scamp!\u201d Ben hollered, \u201cIs this what you\u2019ve been doing all night?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAll night, Pa? I\u2026I thought I was just getting started.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a great pleasure, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d Lotta made a pretty little curtsy towards Joe and gave him her hand to kiss.<\/em><\/p>\n Ben wasn\u2019t impressed. \u201cOUT! Out, you little rapscallion, before I skin you alive.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n He sent his second-youngest out the door with a hearty clap on the seat and nodded to Hoss and Adam to follow. But his eldest was staring at Lotta with that burning look on his face. Encouraged by a friendly nudge from Hoss, he moved suavely within kissing range. While Ben and Hoss slipped quietly out the door, Adam and Lotta found each other’s lips and hungrily renewed their acquaintance.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam! Hey Adam!\u201d came an excited whisper from the doorway. \u201cWhen you\u2019re done, can I try her out, too?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam felt a surge of blood rise to his head, and it was perhaps a fortune that he had no time to react before a startled little yelp informed him that Hoss had returned and grabbed the intruder by the collar.<\/p>\n \u201cNow listen, you little mite, you stay outta Ol\u2019 Adam\u2019s affairs afore he gits so mad he splits you in half.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Adam said he don\u2019t cotton to her, male or female. Well, she\u2019s female all right, and he\u2019s cottonin\u2019 just fine, ain\u2019t he? And Joe said he got to kiss her, too! How come I\u2019m the only one who never \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAah, fer Pete\u2019s sake, will you shut up already! I didn\u2019t kiss her neither. Doggonnit, there I done said it agin. Sorry, kid. Now let\u2019s git you outta here, or Adam\u2019ll yell at you. You know how you get a nosebleed every time Adam yells at you.\u201d<\/p>\n With an apologetic nod towards Adam, Hoss dragged his squirming youngest brother out the door. Adam sighed, shrugged, smiled at the lady in his arms and finished what he had started.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAll-righty, stop.\u201d Lloyd said when the credits rolled down the screen. He rolled his head and stretched the kinks out of his back, and then turned around to grin triumphantly at his assistant. \u201cJack, my boy, I think I got it now. I know just what this show needs. A little cut here and there, and it\u2019ll be perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s great, Lloyd. You\u2019re a master, I\u2019ve always said it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t I know it, Jack.\u201d<\/p>\n Lloyd reached into his desk drawer to produce the tools of his trade: his big scissors and the little silver box, the one where he kept his favorite trophies of thirty years of film cutting, which Jack knew included such gems as Marshall Dillon\u2019s faithful French poodle, Humphrey Bogart\u2019s step dancing scene from \u2018Casablanca\u2019, or that ill-conceived moment from \u2018The Adventures of Robin Hood\u2019, when Errol Flynn tried on Olivia de Havilland\u2019s dress, the one with all the tiny blue flowers, and ended up looking a lot prettier in it than she had.<\/p>\n Lloyd snipped the great scissors in the air and grinned wickedly. \u201cReady to make television history, my boy?\u201d The italicized parts at the beginning of each ‘film’ section are from A Rose for Lotta, which was written by D. Dortort. I take sole responsibility for Pete.\u00a0 I obviously know zilch about film editing, but I always imagined a grizzled old guy named Lloyd with a big rusty pair of scissors.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cIf you weren\u2019t my brother, Adam, I\u2019d kill you for that!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n
\nBen and his two oldest sons busted through the door of the restaurant to find Little Joe and Lotta Crabtree enjoying a tight little private waltz.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nEnd Notes:<\/p>\n