{"id":4860,"date":"2009-12-08T13:11:27","date_gmt":"2009-12-08T18:11:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4860"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:22:12","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:22:12","slug":"christmas-after-marie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4860","title":{"rendered":"Christmas After Marie (by pjb)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Even in the midst of grief, Christmas is still a time for miracles.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K \u00a0WC 13,600<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Christmas After Marie <\/strong><\/p>\n

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\u201cPa?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

The little boy\u2019s voice was unusually timid, and it cut through the haze to capture his father\u2019s attention. Ben raised an eyebrow and pointed at Little Joe\u2019s plate. \u201cYou haven\u2019t cleaned your plate,\u201d he said. Before his pa\u2019s thoughts could drift away again, Joe laid down his fork and turned to face him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to be excused,\u201d Little Joe said. He looked at his big brothers and then back to Ben. \u201cI\u2014I was just thinking\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThinking what?\u201d asked Ben when his youngest son stopped.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was thinking\u2014Christmas is gonna be here real soon\u2014and we gotta get ready.\u201d Just saying the words seemed to banish the boy\u2019s timidity, and a smile spread across his face as he continued at increasing speed, \u201cWe gotta get out all those\u2014those\u2014things you put on the tree an\u2019 make popcorn an\u2019 put lots of pine around an\u2019 get ready for the party an\u2019\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2014slow down, boy.\u201d Lord almighty, he loved the child with everything he had, but there were times, like tonight, when he couldn\u2019t fathom how Marie had managed. He almost laughed aloud as he recalled how he used to think that he worked so hard. He\u2019d had no idea what hard work was until that awful day last summer.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d known what it was like to be a father to children who had no mother, of course, but Adam and Hoss had been far, far different from their youngest brother. Adam had always been a quiet, serious boy. It wasn\u2019t until much later that Ben understood what a gift this child had been. Hoss had always been eager to help out anybody, human or animal, who seemed to need assistance, and few things brought a bigger smile to the boy\u2019s round face than praise for his efforts. Neither boy had been perfect, of course, but they\u2019d certainly been more help than hindrance as the little family had made their way across the country and settled here.<\/p>\n

But Little Joe . . . Ben couldn\u2019t imagine what traveling with this high-spirited child would have been like. Knowing what he knew now, he had a suspicion that he probably would have thrown up his hands and settled down before they ever got out of Massachusetts.<\/p>\n

Now, with Marie gone, it was all up to him. Adam and Hoss were still an enormous help, but now that Hoss was back in school, life was a constant balancing act. At times, it just seemed to be far more than one person could reasonably be expected to handle, running the ranch while chasing after a small, energetic boy with a seemingly limitless capacity for causing trouble. Not intentionally, of course\u2014Ben had no question that Little Joe\u2019s intentions were excellent. The results, though. . . . Four months after Marie\u2019s death, Ben found himself wondering if the boy was getting into more mischief now or if Marie simply hadn\u2019t told him everything that went on during the day, while he was out building the ranch and she was at home raising their sons.<\/p>\n

\u201cY\u2019know, Pa, this is about the right time,\u201d Hoss offered. \u201cMama used to start takin\u2019 all her special stuff out right about now.\u201d His eyes, blue as a summer sky, shone at the memory. Inger had died when he was a baby, and Marie was the only mother he\u2019d ever known. Although Adam had had difficulty accepting this new stepmother when Ben brought her back with him from a business trip to New Orleans, Hoss had fallen in love with her instantly, and the feeling had been quite mutual. Even though Marie was a city girl through and through, she\u2019d had an immense respect for Hoss\u2019 knowledge of animals and nature, and she\u2019d listened raptly as he told her about the different critters.<\/p>\n

Ben turned to Adam, expecting his eldest to join in, but Adam was watching him. Typical. Adam was always watching. Nothing slipped by him. He saw, he did, and he didn\u2019t talk about it.<\/p>\n

In the first weeks after Marie\u2019s unexpected death, Ben\u2019s grief had so crippled him that he barely noticed the needs of the ranch. It wasn\u2019t until several days after the accident that he awoke to hear voices out in the yard. He looked out his bedroom window to see his seventeen-year-old son calmly assigning men to various tasks. Later, he discovered that Adam had assembled the men on the morning after Marie\u2019s funeral and had informed them simply that, for the time being, he would be giving the orders and anyone who had a problem with that was free to pick up his wages at the house. To a man, they stayed and they listened, at first from respect for the Cartwrights and their loss, but then out of respect for the boy who had essentially become a man overnight.<\/p>\n

But all this had cost Adam, and Ben knew it. The boy hadn\u2019t mentioned college since the day Marie\u2019s horse fell. Ben knew that he should raise the subject and encourage Adam to go ahead with his plans, but when he thought of running the ranch and raising his younger boys without his eldest son to lean on, the enormity of the load was overwhelming, and so he stayed silent.<\/p>\n

Ben forced his thoughts back to the topic at hand. Little Joe and Hoss were chattering now about all the things Marie had done to make Christmas special. And she had made it special, there was no question. The truth was that, before Marie, Ben had had little experience with Christmas. His own parents, austere New Englanders, had seen the day more as a religious observance than a holiday to be celebrated with joy. He and his elder brother, John, had received gifts, but they were useful items\u2014a muffler or a hat, or perhaps a pair of socks. They would also receive a stick of peppermint or an orange in their stockings, but that was the extent of the festivities. Christmas dinner was like any Sunday dinner, served after the family returned from church. His parents felt that a Christmas tree was a frivolity, and so Ben saw such decorations only at the homes of his friends.<\/p>\n

The one Christmas he shared with Elizabeth was similar to those he\u2019d had with his parents, because neither knew anything different: her father had often been at sea on Christmas, and so she\u2019d had no one to decorate or cook for. After Elizabeth\u2019s death, as he and baby Adam headed west, celebrating was the farthest thing from Ben\u2019s mind. Even after he and Inger married, Christmas was a Spartan affair, because life in a wagon train simply did not lend itself to extravagant holiday festivities. After her passing, when he and his two sons arrived in what was then western Utah, neither their funds nor their strength nor their imaginations afforded much in the way of Christmas celebrations.<\/p>\n

But then came Marie. She swept into their lives, and along with laughter and light and love, she brought Christmas. The first year, she\u2019d set them all to work tying pine boughs into garland and stringing popcorn and berries. A barrel which had been shipped from New Orleans contained special Christmas dishes that she\u2019d collected over the years. Crates arrived from San Francisco and Denver and New York, and she opened them with great fanfare, digging through sawdust and crumpled paper to unearth exquisitely fragile ornaments she had ordered. Under her eagle eye, Ben and the boys hung decorations on the tree that she\u2019d chosen personally. The living room, which had always been quite comfortable, if a bit unadorned, was transformed into a fantasy world of pine boughs, red ribbons, candles, sparkling crystal and celebration. On Christmas Eve, friends had gathered at the Ponderosa to feast on delectable treats and raise their glasses as they sang Christmas carols.<\/p>\n

Even more incredible were the gifts. Marie did not believe that Christmas presents should be useful and practical. Christmas presents, she declared, should be what people wanted, not just what they needed. There was plenty of time later to knit new socks. \u201cBesides,\u201d she\u2019d whispered, her breath warm against his ear, \u201cyou never know what kind of miracles can come on Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n

And so, on that first Christmas morning, Adam opened a leather-bound edition of\u00a0Paradise Lost,<\/em>\u00a0and Hoss found a whole big bag of candies of all different types sitting next to a carved figurine of a horse so lifelike that its wooden mane and tail seemed to blow in the wind.<\/p>\n

Ben would have been quite content simply to watch his sons\u2019 delight in their gifts, but Marie presented him with a large box. The boys gathered around as Ben opened his gift\u2014an exquisite crystal decanter and matching glasses. \u201cOh, and there\u2019s one more thing,\u00a0cheri,<\/em>\u201d Marie added. She reached beneath the tree to hand him another box. When he opened it, his jaw dropped. What she had spent on this bottle of brandy, he couldn\u2019t imagine, but he knew from his travels in his seafaring days that it was of the finest quality. Silently, he blessed Paul Martin, who had taken him aside weeks earlier and quietly mentioned that Marie had told his wife, Rose, of her plans to make Christmas on the Ponderosa a celebration they would never forget. And so, with his sons grinning broadly behind him, he put his hand over Marie\u2019s eyes and led her out to the barn, where she squealed with delight at the sight of the little black mare.<\/p>\n

Yes, Marie had made Christmas come alive for them.<\/p>\n

Ben returned to the present to see all three of his sons looking at him. Little Joe\u2019s excitement had faded into something approaching apprehension. Hoss looked as if he were ready to step in and distract the boy if need be. Adam was watching.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to clean your plate and get to bed, young man,\u201d said Ben to his youngest son with a touch too much heartiness. \u201cIt\u2019s getting late. Now, finish up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Pa\u2014\u201d A hint of a whine was starting.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou heard Pa,\u201d said Hoss hastily. \u201cYou finish up, an\u2019 I\u2019ll tell you all about them pups I saw over at Red Malick\u2019s place. There was five of \u2019em, jest a few weeks old, and one of \u2019em had spots all over him!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSpots? I ain\u2019t never seen a dog with spots! Pa, can I go see the dog with the spots?\u201d Little Joe was bouncing in his chair, his dinner quite forgotten.<\/p>\n

Hoss meant well,<\/em>\u00a0Ben reminded himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hoss\u2019 chagrin, and he knew that the boy understood his error. Now, all they would hear about would be the dog with the spots, and Little Joe would pester everyone within earshot to take him over to Malicks\u2019 to see the spotted dog until they were tempted to paint the blasted animal a solid color just to get some peace and quiet.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can finish your dinner and go to bed,\u201d Ben said. He only meant to sound firm, but his stirred-up feelings were getting the better of him, and he saw from his little boy\u2019s expression that he\u2019d been a whole lot closer to fierce. He considered tempering his statement, but when Joe turned his reluctant attention to his plate, Ben decided not to push his luck.<\/p>\n

Finally, dinner was finished and the younger boys were in bed. Ben knew that he should work on the ledgers, but instead, he dropped into his armchair and put his head back, exhausted. Adam took his usual place in the blue velvet chair Marie had placed by the rifle rack, and for a while, the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the occasional whisper of a page turning.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you want to do about Christmas?\u201d<\/p>\n

His son\u2019s voice startled Ben. He opened his eyes to see Adam watching him. \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d he asked, more to buy time than because he needed an explanation.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can get Marie\u2019s decorations out if you want.\u201d It was neither an offer nor a suggestion. It was simply a fact. He might just as well have stated that Christmas would come on December 25.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Ben admitted. \u201cI hadn\u2019t thought about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. The notion of thought before action\u2014any action\u2014was one with which he was well-acquainted. \u201cHoss and Little Joe are going to expect Christmas,\u201d he commented.<\/p>\n

And what about you?<\/em>\u00a0Ben was tempted to ask. He knew that, whatever he did, Adam would stand by him. If he said that they should bring out every last one of Marie\u2019s trimmings, Adam would put down his book and begin the trek to the storeroom. And if he chose not to decorate at all, Adam would be the one to take Hoss aside and enlist his help in trying to keep Joe occupied so that he didn\u2019t spend too much time asking questions that had no answers. Adam knew, almost as well as his father, that this would be a hard, hard Christmas, no matter what the house looked like.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Ben said in answer to his son\u2019s statement. \u201cYou boys all deserve Christmas the way\u2014the way she used to do it.\u201d He met Adam\u2019s gaze squarely. \u201cBut I don\u2019t know if I can stand it\u2014seeing all her things. I just don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

If he lived to be a thousand, he would never forget waking up that first morning after her death. In the split second before he remembered, his hand reached across to her side of the bed, seeking the glorious softness of her body. When he felt only an empty pillow, he jerked awake, and memories flooded through him even as his heart begged someone, anyone, to make what he knew to not be true. He rolled over to her side\u2014the vast, empty space where she would never again sleep\u2014and he buried his face in her pillow, breathing in the light, sweet scent of her as his heart broke yet again.<\/p>\n

It was the littlest things that tended to trip him up. He had to put Little Joe to bed without his bath that first Saturday night, because he\u2019d forgotten to heat the water. As Hoss was about to leave for his first day of school, Ben walked into the kitchen to discover Adam hastily assembling a lunch pail for his brother. One evening, as Adam sat reading by the fire, he took off his boots, and Ben saw that a hole in the boy\u2019s white sock had been mended with large, awkward stitches of green thread. The weeds were overtaking the vegetable garden. Furry coats of dust accumulated on the furniture. Marie\u2019s once-sparkling copper pans began to dull.<\/p>\n

Only four months, but it felt like forever. Agonizing, lonely, exhausting forever.<\/p>\n

They were learning, bit by bit. Little Joe learned to pick up his toys without being told too many times. Hoss learned to sit himself down at the table after supper and struggle through his sums and his spelling, not asking for help until he was well and truly stumped. Adam learned how to head into town alone and hire a cook for the roundup. Ben learned how to listen to his boys even when his grief threatened to drown him. And slowly, so slowly, they all began to learn how to get through the day without this incredible, vibrant woman to draw them together and cast her love over them like a fine golden net to hold them close.<\/p>\n

But now, it was Christmas.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t think about it right now,\u201d Ben said, rising. He patted Adam\u2019s shoulder as he headed for the stairs. \u201cDon\u2019t stay up too late.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going up now,\u201d said Adam, carefully inserting the bookmark where his finger had held his place. Before Marie\u2019s death, his father would simply have told him to go to bed, but not now. The boy had proven himself capable of running a ranch. He could decide for himself when he was going to bed.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

The scream split the air. Ben sat bolt upright before he was even awake, his heart pounding. He grabbed the dressing gown at the foot of the bed and put it on as he flew out the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama! Mama!\u201d The little boy\u2019s shriek echoed in the small room. Adam was already seated on the side of the bed, trying to catch the child\u2019s flailing arms as Hoss lit the lamp on the bureau.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Joe, Papa\u2019s here,\u201d said Ben as he moved hastily to the other side of the bed. He caught the child in his arms and held him close. \u201cIt\u2019s okay, son. Hush, now. It was just a bad dream.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s dead!\u201d sobbed the little boy against Ben\u2019s broad chest. \u201cMama\u2019s dead!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, son,\u201d murmured Ben. He gathered Little Joe into his lap and held him securely as the storm raged again. \u201cSsssh, it\u2019s all right,\u201d he whispered over and over, even though it was most definitely not all right and they all knew it.<\/p>\n

When the child\u2019s sobs had reduced themselves to hiccups and his voice was little more than a croak, Adam rested his hand on his little brother\u2019s forearm. \u201cYou think maybe you want a drink?\u201d At Little Joe\u2019s nod, Hoss poured a cup of water from the pitcher that sat out of Joe\u2019s reach on the bureau, and he handed it to the child.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere you go, Little Brother,\u201d Hoss said.<\/p>\n

Sniffing deeply, Little Joe accepted the cup. Teary green eyes looked up at Ben as the boy drank. At Ben\u2019s nod, Adam rose and poured a bit of water into the washbowl and moistened a washcloth. He returned and handed it to Ben, who wiped the tears from his son\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cFeel better?\u201d asked Ben, smoothing the boy\u2019s unruly damp curls.<\/p>\n

\u201cI dreamed Mama was dead,\u201d said Little Joe. Tears welled up again as he said the words. \u201cI don\u2019t want her to be dead. I want her here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben held the boy tighter. He didn\u2019t have to look up to know that Adam\u2019s face had assumed that no-expression expression that meant he was holding back everything. Hoss was suddenly very interested in pouring another cup of water.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Ben said finally. \u201cI want her here, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not fair.\u201d The tears began to spill down Little Joe\u2019s cheeks.<\/p>\n

Ben couldn\u2019t have agreed more. He knew what he was supposed to say\u2014that it was God\u2019s will and God doesn\u2019t make mistakes. That was what a good father, a godly father, would have said. But sitting in that room with his little son\u2019s tears dampening his nightshirt and his other two sons struggling to hide their own pain, Ben didn\u2019t feel like a godly father. He felt betrayed. He\u2019d been so afraid to try again, but he\u2019d finally let himself believe in love and happiness and the great glorious gift of a beautiful, loving wife, only to be left in tatters when she was snatched away. Now, he felt as though there was a jagged, gaping hole where his heart had once been.<\/p>\n

In the next moment, anger crashed over him as he looked from one grief-stricken son to another. What had they done to deserve this kind of pain? They were such good boys. They worked so hard\u2014even Little Joe, who gathered eggs and picked up sticks for kindling and swept the main floor of the barn. His sons had always been close, but since their mother\u2019s death, they had banded together, looking out for each other in a way that made him proud. They deserved better than heartache and loss. They deserved a mother.<\/p>\n

A quiet hand on his arm startled Ben. He looked up to see Adam nodding toward Little Joe, who nestled half-asleep in his arms. The thought of Adam going off to college flashed through his mind before he could stop it, and he closed his eyes.\u00a0Adam, my son, what ever would I do without you?<\/em>\u00a0Maybe it was selfish of him, but he just couldn\u2019t spare his eldest son. Not now, with Marie gone. Maybe someday, he told himself in an effort to settle the conscience that was suddenly wide awake.<\/p>\n

He banished such thoughts as he eased Little Joe under the covers. \u201cTime to go back to sleep,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan Hoss sleep with me?\u201d the little boy asked sleepily.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss is going to go back to his own bed,\u201d said Ben. \u201cAnd you\u2019re going to go to sleep, and you\u2019ll get to see Hoss in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s okay, Pa,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cI\u2019d just as soon stay here. Scooch over, Little Brother.\u201d He lifted the blanket as Little Joe obligingly scooched closer to the other edge, and the bigger boy climbed into the bed.<\/p>\n

Ben was half-ready to tell Hoss he needed to go back to his own room, if only so that Little Joe could learn to sleep through the night by himself, but all at once, he was just too tired. If his younger sons could find comfort in sharing a bed, so be it.<\/p>\n

He rose and tucked in the covers on Joe\u2019s side even as Adam did the same on the other. \u201cCan\u2019t have you falling out,\u201d he said as Hoss started to protest. He winked at his middle brother, and the boy grinned.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood night, boys,\u201d said Ben. He blew out the lamp, and Adam followed him out of the room, drawing the door closed behind them. \u201cGood night, son,\u201d Ben said. \u201cAnd thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked perplexed for a second, as though he couldn\u2019t imagine what his father could possibly be thanking him for. Then, with the tiniest of shrugs, he said simply, \u201cNight, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben watched as his eldest son headed down the hall to his room. No, there was just no way that he could ever run this ranch without Adam. He couldn\u2019t even handle a child\u2019s nightmare without this dark, quiet young man. It was a good thing Adam hadn\u2019t gone off to college.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

Even before Ben opened his eyes, knowledge flooded his consciousness. That first moment was always the hardest\u2014the moment when he opened his eyes and she wasn\u2019t there. Sometimes, he tried to pretend that she\u2019d simply gotten up ahead of him and was already downstairs, singing as she prepared breakfast.\u00a0She\u2019s still here,<\/em>\u00a0his heart pleaded, as though begging would make it so. But always, the truth dropped over him like a fishing net, ensnaring him in its reality, preventing his escape.<\/p>\n

He drew a deep breath and opened his eyes. A wave of grief broke over him, threatening to drown him in its tumult. He forced himself to sit up, breaths deep and controlled.\u00a0You\u2019re all right,<\/em>\u00a0he told himself.\u00a0One foot in front of the other, that\u2019s all.<\/em>\u00a0He tried to focus on little things: which vest to wear, how many men should be breaking horses and how many should be riding fence, whether he\u2019d remembered to send someone into town for the mail yesterday. He could hear Hoss calling to Little Joe to put his boots and socks on, and he pushed back the covers.<\/p>\n

If it weren\u2019t for his sons, he might not get out of bed in the mornings, he reflected. Granted, the ranch needed him, but some days, that just wasn\u2019t enough. What got him out of bed was the thought of his boys. Seeing them, listening to them, touching them\u2014somehow, life was more bearable.<\/p>\n

As he dressed, he thought of Little Joe\u2019s comments last night about Christmas. Lord have mercy, he hadn\u2019t even thought about the holiday until the boy had brought the subject up. He sat on the edge of the bed to pull on his boots. How on earth could he hope to give his boys a proper Christmas? He didn\u2019t even know where in the storeroom she\u2019d put her decorations and ornaments, much less how to tie those pine boughs that she\u2019d attached to the banister and mantle. And as for his ability to put together a Christmas dinner\u2014well, the boys hadn\u2019t yet been poisoned by his cooking, but he certainly wasn\u2019t about to win any prizes at the fair.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d been thinking lately about hiring house help. A cook, and maybe a housekeeper. Maybe even someone to handle the laundry so that he wouldn\u2019t have to take it into Virginia City every week. Someone to see to all the tasks Marie had taken care of\u2014tending the garden, darning socks\u2014and, if they were lucky, keeping an eye on Little Joe. They\u2019d had a woman coming in to help Marie for a while, but Mrs. Watson had moved to Genoa in the spring. Somehow they\u2019d never gotten around to finding someone new, and Marie had managed through the summer. Then, after the accident\u2014well, the truth was that Ben never thought about it until the lack made itself known, such as when Hoss climbed into the buggy for church, his shirtfront dotted with the gravy from last Sunday\u2019s roast beef.<\/p>\n

He smiled at the tap on his door. Little Joe just couldn\u2019t walk past his closed door without stopping to visit. \u201cCome in,\u201d he called.<\/p>\n

\u201cMorning, Pa!\u201d The boy\u2019s smile could melt ice in the middle of winter. He climbed up on the bed next to Ben and looked up expectantly.<\/p>\n

\u201cMorning, Joseph,\u201d said Ben. \u201cDid you sleep well after your dream?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh-huh,\u201d said Joe, nodding vigorously. Sunlight bounced off his curls. Marie had been so loathe to cut the boy\u2019s hair, but the time was definitely coming. If they left it much longer, people were going to start thinking their youngest was a girl.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, young man, what are you going to do today?\u201d Ben stood, and Joe immediately slid off the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wanna go to school with Hoss,\u201d Little Joe announced.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot yet,\u201d said Ben. He checked his hair in the mirror over the washstand, smoothing it into place. Then, he tilted the mirror so that Joe could so the same. \u201cHave you gathered the eggs yet?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh-uh.\u201d Hoss would have been apprehensive, but Little Joe was utterly matter-of-fact about not having done his chores.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink maybe you should get to it?\u201d Ben suggested.<\/p>\n

The little boy pursed his lips as he thought. \u201cI guess so,\u201d he agreed finally, and Ben put his hand over his mouth to hide his smile at the child\u2019s response. \u201cCan we have flapjacks for breakfast?\u201d Little Joe added.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe might be able to manage that,\u201d said Ben. With this morning\u2019s eggs still in the henhouse, it was a pretty good bet that Adam was making flapjacks. \u201cBut not until you\u2019ve finished your chores.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Pa!\u201d Little Joe looked up at him with a plaintive expression, and suddenly, Ben couldn\u2019t catch his breath. Until then, he\u2019d never realized just how much Joe resembled his mother. But there it was\u2014the same puppy dog eyes and tiny pout that Marie had used successfully on dozens of occasions. For a moment, it was as though she stood before him again. His heart pounded, and he clenched his jaw to fight back tears.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n

His youngest son looked frightened. Ben swallowed hard, trying to force a smile. He knelt and hugged the child, burying his face in the wild curls. Then, he took a deep breath and rose. \u201cLet\u2019s go gather those eggs,\u201d he said, holding out his hand, and Little Joe took it proudly as they left the room Ben and Marie had shared for all too short a time.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

The truth was that Ben wasn\u2019t really listening when Hoss and Little Joe started talking about the Christmas decorations at breakfast. Perhaps if he had, he\u2019d have handled the whole thing differently. Because he wasn\u2019t paying attention, though, he merely grunted as his younger sons talked about stringing popcorn and strewing pine boughs through the house.<\/p>\n

Even though it was Saturday, Adam had already headed off to the north pasture with some of the men by the time Ben rose from the breakfast table and addressed his younger sons. \u201cI have to go into Virginia City, but you know what you need to do while I\u2019m gone,\u201d he said with what he thought was the proper degree of firmness. He ticked the chores off on his fingers: sweep the floors in all the bedrooms, clean out the chicken coop, and replace the soiled hay in the horse stalls with fresh. \u201cBy the time you finish all that, I should be back,\u201d he concluded. \u201cIf I\u2019m not back by lunchtime, Hoss can start making the sandwiches.\u201d A question flashed through his mind as to whether there was any bread, but before he could address it, his middle son spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, if we finish early, can we start getting ready for Christmas?\u201d Hoss sounded at once excited and tentative. \u201cWe gotta get out all the decorations an\u2019 start makin\u2019 stuff for the party an\u2019\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAn\u2019 we gotta get ready for the Christmas miracle,\u201d Little Joe added as though he knew what he was talking about.<\/p>\n

Ben suppressed a sigh of impatience. \u201cWe\u2019ll talk about Christmas when I get home,\u201d he announced. In the meantime, the boys would be well occupied with their chores. If the day went smoothly, that would be miracle enough for him.<\/p>\n

Early winter darkness was starting to fall by the time Ben rode into the yard. It had been an exhausting day with relatively little to show for his efforts. The land records office was closed because Seth Callahan was sick. The amount due on the Ponderosa\u2019s account at the mercantile hadn\u2019t been calculated correctly, and Ben had to wait while Martha Sebastian labored over her figures. The mail, which hadn\u2019t been picked up in more than a week, included a letter from Rodney Stanger, a businessman from San Francisco with whom Ben had discussed a possible timber contract. Stanger\u2019s letter had requested a response by yesterday, and Ben had to send a hurried wire to apologize for the delay and promise a response within the week.<\/p>\n

The bitter wind bit through his gloves as he dismounted. The lights from the house looked warm and welcoming, and for a moment, Ben could believe that Marie was inside with the boys. He would walk through the door, and his beautiful wife would greet him with a loving embrace. The aromas of a sumptuous meal would waft through the house while Hoss did his homework and Little Joe played on the rug, and all that would remain for him to do was to relax and enjoy his peaceful household.<\/p>\n

He shook his head to rid himself of such fantasies. As he tended to his horse, he mentally reviewed the contents of the pantry to see what he could put together for supper. Adam\u2019s horse wasn\u2019t back yet, so it would be up to him. He tried to recall whether there was enough bread for sandwiches for supper, but he was too cold and tired to think clearly.<\/p>\n

It had been easier when they were coming west, because he was with the boys most of the time. Leaving them at the house while he rode hither and yon to try to provide was harder. It left him feeling fragmented, as though no part of his life ever got his full attention: when he was at home, he was thinking about the cattle and the timber and the business, and when he was out and about, he was thinking about the boys.<\/p>\n

Well, no matter now. He would find something for them all to eat, get everyone bathed and into bed, and tomorrow after church, they would have a chance to relax before everything started again on Monday. Not that Ben Cartwright would ever have quarreled with the wisdom of the Lord, but these days, it did feel as though only one day of rest each week wasn\u2019t quite enough.<\/p>\n

He opened the door to his home and stood stock still.<\/p>\n

The living room was strewn with sawdust, crumpled paper, and open crates of all sizes. Marie\u2019s decorations were piled on the long, low pine table in front of the settee. His leather chair held stack of pine boughs as high as Little Joe. As he stepped into the room, popcorn crunched under his boot.<\/p>\n

Ben found his voice. \u201cHoss! Joseph!\u201d<\/p>\n

Two heads popped up from amid the chaos. \u201cPa! We\u2019re decorating!\u201d Little Joe announced unnecessarily. He ran over to Ben, waving a blown-glass ornament in greeting.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben thundered. Stunned, the little boy stopped in his tracks, and the ornament slipped from his fingers, hitting the floor with a delicate crash.<\/p>\n

The room went eerily silent as Ben approached the place where his youngest son stood. He knelt, and he felt something twist inside him at the sight on the floor.<\/p>\n

Even in pieces, the ornament was recognizable. Gold and blue and white\u2014it was the one with the dove. Marie loved that ornament. Ben picked up the largest piece, the part with the dove\u2019s beak and the gold olive branch. He turned it this way and that, but it was no use. There was no way to salvage it. It was gone.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d Hoss\u2019s voice was barely audible.<\/p>\n

Ben drew a deep breath, but he did not look up from the broken glass. In the steadiest voice he could manage, he said, \u201cYou two go up to your rooms and wait for me. Now.\u201d The small boots disappeared from his line of sight, and moments later, he heard two doors close.<\/p>\n

By the time Adam returned an hour later, Ben was just coming down the stairs. He\u2019d left Hoss and Little Joe lying on their stomachs, sniffling as their empty bellies growled and their ears undoubtedly rang with their father\u2019s shouts. Now, as his eldest son bit his lip, Ben cleared the pine boughs from his chair and poured himself a brandy.<\/p>\n

He felt Adam\u2019s eyes on him as he sat down heavily, but he couldn\u2019t meet his son\u2019s gaze. He knew he should say something, but his mind and heart were so jumbled that no words made any sense. Nothing made sense, none of it. Marie, the boys, Christmas\u2014none of it made any sense at all.<\/p>\n

He never looked up as Adam hung up his jacket, hat and gun. The boy went upstairs, and Ben heard first one door open, and then another. The murmur of voices barely reached him. He drained his glass and laid his head back, closing his eyes against the disaster that surrounded him.<\/p>\n

Eventually, he heard Adam\u2019s boots descending the stairs. He kept his eyes closed and didn\u2019t speak until Adam picked up the pile of pine boughs now strewn on the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeave it,\u201d said Ben, not moving. He could feel his son watching, appraising. After a minute, he heard Adam leave the room and head toward the kitchen.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t have said how long it was until his son spoke. \u201cYou should eat something.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben opened his eyes. The boy stood before him, a dish of beans in his hand. A sardonic smile tipped the corner of Ben\u2019s mouth as he muttered, \u201cNo bread?\u201d Adam shook his head, and Ben took the dish not because he was hungry, but because his son had tried.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is good,\u201d he said as he ate.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled slightly. \u201cNo, it\u2019s not.\u201d The two chuckled, and then Adam\u2019s eyes grew serious. \u201cThey didn\u2019t mean any harm. They just wanted to help.\u201d He waited, and when his father didn\u2019t speak, he finished, \u201cThey\u2019re little boys. They want Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d Ben closed his eyes against the scene before him, so different from what it had been last year. Then, he opened them and met his son\u2019s gaze directly. \u201cAnd what about you? What do you want?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam startled. With unexpected passion, he began, \u201cI want\u2014\u201d But then, his customary self-control returned, and he amended his statement. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t make a difference to me. It\u2019s not going to be the same, no matter what we do.\u201d He sat on the corner of the pine table. \u201cI remember the year Ma died,\u201d he reflected. \u201cHoss was six months old on Christmas Day. We\u2019d stopped in that little town in Wyoming\u2014I don\u2019t remember the name\u2014and the people who ran the boarding house had a Christmas tree that took up almost the whole front room.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt wasn\u2019t a very big room,\u201d Ben reminded him gently.<\/p>\n

Adam smiled. \u201cIt seemed enormous to me,\u201d he said. \u201cHoss and I were the only children there, and I remember the lady\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014Mrs. Watson\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014Mrs. Watson trying to tell me that we had to go to sleep so that Santa Claus could come.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you told her that Santa didn\u2019t know where to find us this year, but that was all right because you\u2019d gotten a baby brother that year, and he was the best Christmas present you could have asked for anyway,\u201d Ben recalled. He hadn\u2019t had two nickels to rub together, but he\u2019d spent the week before Christmas working nights at the saloon while Mrs. Watson kept an eye on the boys, and he\u2019d ended up with just enough extra to buy a tablet and a pencil for Adam. He\u2019d carved a crude wooden horse for the baby, and that had been their Christmas.<\/p>\n

His heart had ached with missing Inger, but somehow, in a strange place with practically nothing of their own around them, it had been easier. Mrs. Watson made a Christmas dinner for the boarders, and she insisted that they all wash up before coming to the table. If the soup seemed a bit thin, as though it had been watered down so that it would stretch farther, and if the chicken was a tough old bird, nobody said. Instead, Ben held the baby as he and Adam sat on long benches with a group of rough men who watched their language in observance of the day. Nobody talked about other Christmases they\u2019d shared with loved ones or why they weren\u2019t with those people this year. Instead, the boarders praised the meal in the most eloquent terms they knew, and when Mrs. Watson brought out slivers of fruitcake that she\u2019d made, all of them\u2014even Adam\u2014raised their tin cups in a toast to her.<\/p>\n

Ben hadn\u2019t realized that they\u2019d fallen silent, remembering, until Adam said, \u201cI asked Mrs. Watson if she believed in Christmas miracles.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally? Why did you do that?\u201d It seemed a strangely whimsical notion from his immensely logical son.<\/p>\n

Adam met his gaze squarely. \u201cBecause I wanted to know if it was worth asking for one.\u201d He nodded slightly at the question in his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cShe said it depended on what kind of a miracle I was asking for. I told her I wanted Ma to come back, and she said that that wasn\u2019t the kind of miracle Christmas was about. She said that sometimes Christmas miracles were about getting what you wanted, but sometimes, they were about realizing that you already had everything you needed.\u201d His smile softened as he added, \u201cShe said that Ma would be with me as long as I remembered her, and then some, and if I could just remember that, it would be a Christmas miracle of its own.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben swallowed hard. \u201cShe was a very wise woman,\u201d he managed finally. He surveyed the decorations and packing materials strewn around the room. \u201cI suppose we\u2019d better get some of this cleaned up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam rose. \u201cWhat do you want to do with it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure,\u201d Ben admitted. \u201cBut for now, let\u2019s try to the glass out of the way so that nothing else gets broken. After that, I suppose we\u2019ll have to figure something out.\u201d But I have no idea what that is, he reflected as he and Adam began putting the room to rights.<\/p>\n

Several hours later, the room was presentable, the breakable items secure, and Adam had headed off to bed. Ben knew that he should go up as well, but instead, he found himself at his desk, sorting idly through papers as though they might hold some answers.<\/p>\n

Gradually, he became aware that he was not alone. He looked up to see Little Joe at the top of the stairs. The boy made no sound; he simply watched, just as his big brother might have done. It was so unlike Joseph that, instead of sending the boy back to bed, Ben found himself saying, \u201cSon, come down here, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not taking his eyes from his father, the little boy descended the stairs. As he did, Ben rose from his desk. At the bottom of the stairs, Joe stopped. No trace of his usual sunny smile graced his face. His eyes were large and wary. His too-long curls seemed incongruously cheerful as they tumbled over his forehead.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s heart ached. Without a word, he reached for Joe\u2014and the boy drew back.<\/p>\n

For a moment, the two stood, frozen in fear and grief. Then, Ben knelt before his little boy. Their eyes met, and Ben felt tears beginning in his own even as he saw them in his son\u2019s. He pulled the boy into a fierce hug, feeling the small body trembling through the flannel nightshirt. \u201cOh, my boy,\u201d he whispered, and he felt Little Joe\u2019s arms go around his neck, hanging on as if for dear life.<\/p>\n

He carried Joe to the leather armchair, settling the child in his lap. His son shuddered as flights of sobs broke loose, and it was too much. His own tears spilled over into the unruly curls. Father and son clung to each other as they faced again all they had lost.<\/p>\n

Little Joe\u2019s sobs had quieted to sniffles when Ben heard a step. He looked up to see Hoss standing uncertainly on the landing, his own anguish plain on his round face. Ben held out his hand, and his middle son ran down the stairs and into his father\u2019s embrace. With Little Joe cuddled in one arm and Hoss held tightly in the other, Ben felt fresh tears start as this stalwart young boy laid his head against his father\u2019s shoulder to mourn the loss of his mother.<\/p>\n

At last, three tear-stained faces regarded each other. Little Joe reached up to touch his father\u2019s wet face, wonder and sadness shining in the teary green eyes. With one small finger, he wiped the tears from beneath his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cPapa?\u201d he said tentatively.<\/p>\n

Papa. Little Joe hadn\u2019t used that name for him since the day Marie died. Ben\u2019s voice cracked only slightly as he said, \u201cYes, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want Christmas,\u201d his child said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d It would have been a startling statement from anyone, but from a five-year-old boy, it made no sense at all.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to you to be sad,\u201d said Little Joe. \u201cChristmas is making you sad. I don\u2019t want Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s right, Pa,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cWe can just skip all that fuss. It ain\u2019t that big a deal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked from one boy to the other. Shame warred in his heart with pride and awe. Little boys willing to give up their Christmas just so that their pa wouldn\u2019t be sad. He wanted to tell them not to be silly, that they\u2019d have the biggest doggone Christmas the Ponderosa had ever seen, but he didn\u2019t know if he could make good on such a promise. Still. . . . He cupped Hoss\u2019s chin with one hand as he pulled Little Joe closer with the other. \u201cDon\u2019t you worry,\u201d he managed. \u201cWe\u2019ll have Christmas. I don\u2019t\u2014I don\u2019t know if it\u2019ll be quite like\u2014like your mother would have done it, but\u2014we\u2019ll have Christmas.\u201d He watched as the joy spread over both their faces, and he closed his eyes as he pulled them close. He didn\u2019t know how, but he was going to have to do this.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoesn\u2019t anybody go to bed around here any more?\u201d came a wry voice from the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d squealed Little Joe. \u201cPa says we\u2019re gonna have Christmas!\u201d Tears still glistened on his cheeks even as radiance shone through.<\/p>\n

Adam descended to the main room, his eyes questioning, and Ben nodded. Unfazed, Adam said, \u201cWell, if that\u2019s so, then we\u2019re going to need a lot of help from whatever boys we can scrounge up around this place. Pa, you know of any boys who might want to help us get ready for Christmas?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe! Me!\u201d shouted Little Joe, nearly sticking a finger up Ben\u2019s nose as he waved his hands high.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, me, too!\u201d added Hoss. He poked his little brother in the belly, and Little Joe laughed as he grabbed at Hoss\u2019 finger.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think we\u2019ve got a couple of volunteers,\u201d said Ben. \u201cBut I don\u2019t know how much good they\u2019ll be to us if they don\u2019t get to bed. We can\u2019t have them falling asleep in the middle of the popcorn!\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Joe giggled at the idea. \u201cHey, Hoss, you gonna fall asleep in the popcorn?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m gonna\u00a0eat<\/em>\u00a0the popcorn!\u201d retorted his brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, before you start eating any popcorn, you need to get back to bed,\u201d said Ben. Still holding onto Little Joe, he stood to shepherd his sons back up the stairs. He caught Adam\u2019s wink over Hoss\u2019 head. He started to lean over to put his youngest son down, but Little Joe held onto his neck, and Ben straightened, not bothering to hide his smile. He tightened his arm around the boy as the tear-damp face nestled into his pa\u2019s neck. Ahead of them, Hoss was chattering excitedly, and Adam was smiling in a way Ben hadn\u2019t seen in a long time.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t know if he could really do this, but by the good Lord almighty, he was going to try.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

One foot in front of the other,<\/em>\u00a0Ben reminded himself a week later. Granted, they\u2019d burned more batches of popcorn than they\u2019d popped, and the tied-together boughs had a tendency to become untied, but they were making progress. He had a pretty good idea which tree would stand in their living room this year. Next week, he\u2019d go out with a couple of the hands to cut it and haul it back to the house. Then, he\u2019d see if he couldn\u2019t leave Hoss and Little Joe with one of the ladies from church for an afternoon so that the ornaments could be hung with minimal breakage.<\/p>\n

One foot in front of the other. Take your time. Don\u2019t try to do it all at once.<\/em><\/p>\n

For the life of him, he didn\u2019t know how Marie had managed, but he was starting to feel as though he was going to make it through Christmas. He still didn\u2019t know what he wanted to do about gifts for the boys, but hopefully, an afternoon in Virginia City would give him some ideas. Maybe he should ask the schoolmaster, Mr. Tweadle, about books that Adam might enjoy. But that was only one son; he had no ideas about gifts for the younger boys.<\/p>\n

He had just purchased three bags of assorted candies and was coming out of the candy store when he heard his name. \u201cBen, I think I got somethin\u2019 here that belongs to you,\u201d came the gruff voice of Roy Coffee. Ben wheeled to see the sheriff heading toward him, holding Little Joe firmly by the hand as Hoss trailed along.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought I told you two to stay with Adam!\u201d Ben glared fiercely, and the boys exchanged guilty glances.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Pa,\u201d mumbled Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Pa,\u201d chirped Little Joe, flashing his most bedeviling smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, I sure am glad to hear that you\u2019re havin\u2019 your party this year,\u201d continued the sheriff. \u201cYou can count me in!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cParty? What party?\u201d Dread dropped over him like a noose. He looked from one son to the other. \u201cWhat party?\u201d he intoned.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2014Pa\u2014you said we was gonna do Christmas!\u201d Hoss was squirming the way he often did when he figured out that he\u2019d gotten something wrong.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe asked everybody to the party!\u201d announced Little Joe with the triumphant air of a job well done.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou did\u00a0what?<\/em>\u201d People halfway down the street stopped at the exclamation. Hoss hung his head. \u201cWhere\u2019s your brother?\u201d Ben demanded. When he got his hands on the one who had let these two slip their lead ropes. . . .<\/p>\n

\u201cAt the general store,\u201d said Little Joe, who clearly still didn\u2019t see any problem. \u201cHe found a book.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat figures,\u201d muttered Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cUh, Ben? Did these boys get a little confused, maybe?\u201d Roy suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cA\u00a0little<\/em>\u00a0confused,\u201d Ben repeated. He turned to his sons. \u201cHoss, you take Joe\u2014and don\u2019t let go of his hand, no matter what\u2014and find Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss didn\u2019t need to be told twice. He grabbed his little brother and half-dragged him down the sidewalk toward the general store.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, I admit, I was a mite surprised when the boys said about the party,\u201d said Roy. \u201cI didn\u2019t figger you was quite ready for that yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not,\u201d said Ben flatly. \u201cBut\u2014I said we\u2019d try to do Christmas the way Marie did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd to those two, that meant her big shindig,\u201d finished Roy.<\/p>\n

\u201cI never even thought about that,\u201d admitted Ben. \u201cI figured I\u2019d be doing well to decorate a tree and cook a ham.\u201d<\/p>\n

In an uncharacteristic display of solicitude, Roy laid his hand on his friend\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI\u2019ll put the word out that the boys got mixed up and there ain\u2019t gonna be a party,\u201d he said. \u201cDon\u2019t worry. Folks\u2019ll understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cIt\u2019s not \u2018folks\u2019 I\u2019m worried about.\u201d He glanced down the street toward the general store. \u201cAny idea how many people those two invited?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope,\u201d said Roy. \u201cBut I seen \u2019em stoppin\u2019 pretty much everybody that walked past \u2019em. If I were you, I\u2019d be figgering on the whole town, and mebbe few stragglers.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben closed his eyes. \u201cI don\u2019t suppose they mentioned when this party is supposed to take place, did they?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2014Christmas Eve, just the way Marie always did it,\u201d said Roy uncomfortably. \u201cBen, don\u2019t worry, we\u2019ll get it cancelled. You got enough to think about.\u201d He started to turn away, but his friend\u2019s voice stopped him.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t,\u201d said Ben. \u201cDon\u2019t do anything yet. I\u2014I need to think about this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, don\u2019t think too long,\u201d Roy warned. \u201cYou ain\u2019t got but a few days \u2019til Christmas Eve.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s nearly two weeks!\u201d snapped Ben. \u201cThere\u2019s plenty of time!\u201d<\/p>\n

Roy raised his eyebrows. Whistling softly under his breath, he said, \u201cWhatever you say, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben watched the sheriff saunter down the sidewalk. He turned around to see his three sons heading toward him. Adam looked apprehensive, Hoss guilty, and Little Joe as jubilant as a Christmas angel.<\/p>\n

What in tarnation am I going to do now?<\/em><\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

A week later, Ben stood in his flour-covered kitchen, staring incredulously at the disaster before him. Every single pot, pan, bowl and spoon he owned was sitting unwashed on one table or another. Little Joe was using a drinking glass to cut biscuits out of the dough Adam had rolled out, unfazed by the stench of the burned batch that Ben had yanked too late from the oven. Right-handed Adam bore bandages on every finger of his left hand, but still he continued to peel potatoes and slice carrots, pausing every now and then to rebandage one finger or another.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Hoss with that cornmeal?\u201d Ben growled, not expecting an answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa! Come here!\u201d came Hoss\u2019s voice from the yard at that moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the\u2014\u201d Ben wiped his hands on the towel tucked in at his waistband and yanked open the kitchen door to where his middle son stood with a short, slightly stocky Chinese man. \u201cCan I help you?\u201d He was aware that he didn\u2019t sound particularly gracious, but with less than a week until Christmas Eve, he didn\u2019t have time to chat.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, sir,\u201d said the Chinese man. \u201cHop Sing here to help Cahtlights.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Ben looked from the man to his son. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRoy Coffee sent him,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cGo on, give him the note,\u201d he urged the stranger.<\/p>\n

Ben took the folded paper from the Chinese man. \u201cThis here\u2019s Hop Ling\u2019s son,\u201d he read silently. \u201cI thought you might need a hand getting ready for your party. Folks say he\u2019s a real good cook. Merry Christmas, R. Coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hardly daring to believe, Ben looked up from the note. \u201cCan you cook?\u201d<\/p>\n

The little man straightened. \u201cHop Sing very good cook!\u201d he announced indignantly. \u201cWhatever Mistah Cahtlight want, Hop Sing make. Very, very good cook!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you think, Pa?\u201d Hoss was beaming. Clearly, the thought of a very, very good cook was appealing, especially after months of his father\u2019s meals.<\/p>\n

Snowflakes began to drift down, settling on Hop Sing\u2019s shoulders, and suddenly, Ben laughed. Even if Hop Sing was no better as a cook than Ben, they wouldn\u2019t be any worse off than they were now. And if Roy was right and the man could actually cook. . . . \u201cWhat exactly did Sheriff Coffee tell you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe say Cahtlights have big party, no cook, need Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, that pretty much summed it up. \u201cCome on in,\u201d said Ben. He led the way into the chaotic kitchen where Adam and Joe still labored.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing stopped dead in the doorway, a look of horror on his face. \u201cOut! Out! Everybody out!\u201d he shrieked. \u201cHop Sing no work in messy kitchen! Everybody out! Hop Sing need make kitchen clean, then cook!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, who\u2019s that?\u201d asked Joe from behind Adam, where he had darted when the yelling started.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s our new cook,\u201d said Ben. \u201cHop Sing, these are my sons, Adam and Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEverybody out!\u201d repeated the cook, who was clearly not interested in pleasantries. He made rapid shooing motions with his hands, and Ben laughed again.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, boys,\u201d he said, herding his sons to the doorway. As they escaped, Ben looked back to where the little Chinese man had begun stacking dirty dishes. \u201cDo you need\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOut!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOut!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think you could manage supper, too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOUT!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben ducked out of the kitchen to where his sons stood in the living room. Little Joe still hid behind a perplexed Adam, but Hoss looked positively hopeful.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, is he gonna fix us supper, too?\u201d Hoss whispered.<\/p>\n

Ben shrugged. \u201cI guess we\u2019ll find out.\u201d Feeling better than he had in days, he rested a hand on Hoss\u2019s sturdy shoulder. \u201cIf he doesn\u2019t, maybe we can sneak into the kitchen after he goes to bed and I\u2019ll rustle something up then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, Pa\u2014that\u2019ll be hours!\u201d The boy looked so stricken at the notion that his older brother and father couldn\u2019t hold back their laughter, and even Little Joe emerged from behind Adam to see what was so funny.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, Hoss,\u201d the little boy said earnestly. \u201cI still got some lemon drops from when we were in town. I was gonna keep \u2019em for later, but I reckon I can share.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood for you, Little Brother,\u201d said Adam, hazel eyes twinkling. To Hoss, he said, \u201cLet\u2019s go take care of the stock. I have a feeling that by the time we\u2019re done, there\u2019ll be something to eat.\u201d He draped his arm around the boy\u2019s shoulders, and they walked together over to get their jackets.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait for me!\u201d Little Joe called, rushing to catch up.<\/p>\n

Ben watched as his sons headed out into the dusk, their boots leaving dark prints in the new dusting of snow. Then, he closed the door and leaned against it, savoring the sound of clanging pots and pans.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t find my tie!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnybody seen the boot black?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa! Pa! I can\u2019t make my buttons work right!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben inspected his face in the mirror to be sure he\u2019d gotten all his shaving soap off. The sound of his boys getting ready for the party was so blissfully normal that he could almost believe that this party was going to turn out all right.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing had proven to be a godsend. On his first morning at the Ponderosa, he\u2019d sent Adam into town with a buckboard and a note. At lunchtime, Adam had returned with a load of supplies and at least half a dozen Chinese men and women. Like a self-appointed general dispatching his troops, Hop Sing had set them to cleaning, laundering and assisting him in the kitchen. The Cartwrights had been shooed from the house with strict orders not to return until suppertime. The aromas that had drifted from the kitchen across the yard had drawn the attention not only of the Cartwrights working in the barn, but of the ranch hands who had stopped in the yard to raise their noses and sniff deeply. That night, after everyone else was in bed, Ben came into the now-quiet kitchen to see Hop Sing mixing up bread dough.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have a question for you, Hop Sing,\u201d he said. The little man nodded without turning from his task, and Ben continued, \u201cWould you be interested in continuing to work here after the party?\u201d Hop Sing turned, his brow furrowed slightly, and Ben clarified, \u201cI mean, not just that night, but permanently. Is that something you\u2019d be interested in?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing looked around the kitchen, which was now immaculate. \u201cMistah Cahtlight need more than just Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cI know,\u201d he said. \u201cWhen\u2014when Mrs. Cartwright was alive, she saw to the house, but now\u2014I don\u2019t even know what to tell you we need.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing regarded him for a long minute. \u201cHop Sing take care of things,\u201d he said finally. \u201cMistah Cahtlight no worry. Hop Sing take care of everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

And it had proven to be so. In just a few days, the laundry was caught up, the house gleamed, the decorations were in place, and the pantry was well-stocked. Perhaps more important, Hop Sing had pressed Little Joe into service, enabling Ben and Adam to see to the ranch without having to worry about the youngest Cartwright running wild while Hoss was at school. The Chinese man seemed to have an innate sense of just what a five-year-old could do and how long his attention span lasted, and these days, Ben returned to the house in the evening to be met by a little boy who chattered about all the exciting new things he had learned to do that day\u2014and was usually tired enough to go to bed without arguing.<\/p>\n

It was almost enough to make him believe in Christmas miracles.<\/p>\n

And now, Christmas Eve had arrived. Guests would begin arriving shortly. Everyone had bathed and dressed in shirts boiled by Hop Sing for the occasion. Plates and platters of delicious treats clustered on long tables, and the punch bowl was brimming. Hop Sing had even enlisted an extra cousin whose sole job was to keep the food safe from Hoss and Little Joe.<\/p>\n

Ben tied Hoss\u2019s tie, found the bootblack for Adam, and rebuttoned Little Joe\u2019s shirt. Then, he surveyed the three of them and had to bite his lip. Marie would have been so proud of them.<\/p>\n

Little Joe reached for his hand. \u201cMama would like us having the party, wouldn\u2019t she? She\u2019d come, wouldn\u2019t she?\u201d<\/p>\n

What could he say? \u201cShe surely would,\u201d Ben managed. \u201cShe\u2019d be so proud of you boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish she was here,\u201d said Hoss in a low voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo do I, son,\u201d said Ben, smoothing his middle son\u2019s hair. He gave them all a moment, and then he said, \u201cI think maybe we should go downstairs and see what Hop Sing\u2019s made. What do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think so,\u201d said Hoss, straightening. \u201cCome on, Little Joe, let\u2019s see what Hop Sing rustled up!\u201d He took his little brother\u2019s hand, and the two darted from the room.<\/p>\n

Ben turned back to see Adam watching him thoughtfully. Ben raised a questioning eyebrow, and Adam said, \u201cI think I need to sample the punch.\u201d Ben raised both eyebrows at that one, but when Adam held his gaze, he relented with a grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust watch yourself,\u201d he warned as they headed out of the room. \u201cWe don\u2019t know how strong Hop Sing makes it.\u201d Adam chuckled, and Ben clapped him on the shoulder as they started down the stairs to the table where a slim Chinese boy was trying to stand between the food table and the younger Cartwrights.<\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, that was one of the best parties I\u2019ve ever attended,\u201d said Doc Martin as he buttoned his coat. He lowered his voice as he added, \u201cIt was a fine way to honor her memory. She\u2019d have been proud of the way you managed it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Paul.\u201d He didn\u2019t mention that nearly everyone had said something similar at some point during the evening. He\u2019d heard her name so often that it was almost as though she was present.<\/p>\n

The party had been surprisingly easy. He\u2019d worried about acting as host with no hostess, but the laughter, the music and the companionship had drawn him in like a warm embrace from a good friend. Now, as the evening wound down and most of the guests had departed, he found that he didn\u2019t begrudge them their celebrations with their families. He and his sons would have their own Christmas, and if it wasn\u2019t the way they\u2019d have chosen, at least they would be together.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Hoss was pulling at his sleeve.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust a moment, Hoss. I\u2019m saying good night to Dr. Martin.\u201d Ben started to turn back to his guest, but Hoss pulled harder.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I can\u2019t find Little Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

All thoughts of good manners were forgotten. \u201cWhen did you last see him?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shrugged. \u201cI dunno,\u201d he admitted. \u201cCaleb Anderson was showin\u2019 me his new marble an\u2019 we started playin\u2019, and I didn\u2019t even notice when Little Joe left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you checked his room? Maybe he got tired and went to bed.\u201d But it was a ridiculous notion, and Ben knew it. Joe had never voluntarily left a party early, no matter how tired he was. More than once, Ben had found the sleeping child sitting on the stairs, and still the little boy had protested drowsily as his father lifted him to carry him to his bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s not in the kitchen,\u201d Adam offered as he rounded the corner. \u201cHoss, did you check every place in the house? Under the beds and everything? Maybe he was trying to play a trick and he fell asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t look under the beds.\u201d The boy made a beeline through the remaining guests and up the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomething wrong?\u201d asked Roy Coffee.<\/p>\n

Ben was trying to keep his concern from escalating into full-blown panic. \u201cWe don\u2019t where Little Joe is.\u201d He turned toward the door, and his heart began to pound at the sight of the empty peg on the wall. \u201cHis jacket is gone. Adam, did you check the barn?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoing it now,\u201d said his eldest son as he headed out across the yard, dodging between carriages.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, don\u2019t panic,\u201d said Roy. \u201cYou know that young\u2019un. He\u2019s probably jest out pettin\u2019 the horses or something.\u201d But he was reaching for his coat even as Ben grabbed his own, and the two men headed out after Adam, who met them at the barn door.<\/p>\n

\u201cHis pony is gone.\u201d Adam\u2019s face was grim.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2014where would he have gone? And why?\u201d For one horrible second, Ben tasted terror as he thought of losing his youngest son, Marie\u2019s boy.<\/p>\n

And then it came to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I know where he is,\u201d Ben said. \u201cAdam, you stay here and take care of the guests.\u201d He saw the protest in his son\u2019s eyes, and he patted the young man\u2019s shoulder. \u201cIt\u2019s going to be all right,\u201d he said, willing Adam to believe.<\/p>\n

Minutes later, Ben and Roy were riding up the trail toward the bluff overlooking the lake. Hoofprints in the fresh snow told them that they were heading in the right direction, but it still seemed forever until they came around the last curve and saw Little Joe\u2019s pony tied to a bush.<\/p>\n

\u201cStay here,\u201d said Ben in a low voice as he handed his reins to Roy. He dismounted and approached the place where they had laid Marie to rest on a hot, dry summer morning.<\/p>\n

Now, the dark brown scar in the earth was covered in snow. Only the cold gray stone that marked the grave was visible, casting a blue shadow in the moonlight. Ben approached quietly, and in the shadow he saw the darker shape curled up at the base of the stone.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph,\u201d he said quietly, fighting down panic.\u00a0Please, God, let him be all right. Please, don\u2019t let him have frozen here. . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cPa.\u201d The boy\u2019s voice was drowsy, but it was enough.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome here, boy, you\u2019re cold,\u201d he said. Not too cold, though. Little Joe hadn\u2019t been out here very long, and that was a miracle all on its own. Ben knelt and scooped the child up, holding him tightly. Then, he unbuttoned his coat and wrapped it around his son. \u201cHow\u2019s that? Are you getting warmer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe didn\u2019t come.\u201d The words were choked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d Ben stroked the child\u2019s cold cheek and found it wet.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought she\u2019d come. We did everything just like she always wanted, and we had the party, and I thought she\u2019d come, but she didn\u2019t.\u201d Little Joe was trembling, but whether from cold or crying, Ben couldn\u2019t tell.<\/p>\n

In any event, it was clear that there was a lot of talking to be done, and it needed to be done in a warm house. Ben stood and carried the child to where the horses and Roy waited. \u201cHe\u2019s all right,\u201d Ben said quietly, and even in the moonlight, he saw the vast relief on the sheriff\u2019s face. He untied the reins of Joe\u2019s pony and handed them to Roy. Then, he lifted the boy onto the back of his own horse and mounted behind him for the ride home.<\/p>\n

Later, when the guests were gone and Little Joe had been tucked into bed with a hot brick at his feet, Ben poured whiskey for himself and Roy. The two men raised their glasses and downed their drinks in a single gulp. It could have gone so differently. If Hoss hadn\u2019t noticed his brother\u2019s absence, if Adam hadn\u2019t checked the barn, if Ben hadn\u2019t realized where the boy was likely to go, if the child had chosen to walk instead of ride, if there hadn\u2019t been fresh snow on the trail to follow . . . a thousand little things, and any one of them could have meant the difference between life and death.<\/p>\n

Ben poured another round. \u201cAfter Marie died, I was afraid to let any of them out of my sight,\u201d he admitted. \u201cIt happened so fast with her. For a while, I almost felt like if I kept a close enough eye on the boys, nothing could happen to them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know it don\u2019t work that way,\u201d said Roy with unexpected gentleness.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Ben admitted. If anyone should have known better, it was a man who had lost three wives.<\/p>\n

Roy nodded. \u201cMebbe that\u2019s why the preachers always talk about how every day is a gift,\u201d he ventured. \u201c\u2019Cause you don\u2019t know what\u2019s gonna happen. I been a lawman for more\u2019n thirty years, and there ain\u2019t a day I\u2019ve put on that badge that I don\u2019t wonder whether I\u2019ll see nightfall. One of these days, I reckon I ain\u2019t gonna get there, but I won\u2019t spend all the days between now and then frettin\u2019 about it. The way I see it, all we can do is jest give thanks for whatever we get an\u2019 get on with the livin\u2019 for as long as we got it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben swallowed hard at that one. \u201cMarie told me once that you were a wise man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was a smart lady,\u201d retorted the sheriff, and both men chuckled. Then, Roy got to his feet. \u201cI reckon it\u2019s time I got back to town and let Clem get some shut-eye. It was a fine party, Ben. Marie would have been right proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe couldn\u2019t have done it without your gift\u2014Hop Sing,\u201d Ben reminded his friend. \u201cHe\u2019s going to stay on with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI had a hunch he might,\u201d said the sheriff. \u201cYou have yourself a merry Christmas, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou, too, Roy.\u201d The old friends shook hands. Ben escorted him to the door and watched as he rode away. Then, he closed the door and turned back to see all three of his sons standing before him in their night clothes.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you doing up, young man?\u201d he demanded sternly as Little Joe yawned.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou forgot to read the story,\u201d his little son replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Christmas story from the Bible,\u201d Adam supplied.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, the way you always do,\u201d Hoss added.<\/p>\n

The way you always do.<\/em>\u00a0In the background, Ben could hear Hop Sing and some of his cousins in the kitchen, washing up. The living room furniture had been put back in its places. The candles still burned brightly, their reflections flickering in the glass ornaments. Most important, his family was safe.<\/p>\n

Roy Coffee was right. He could fret about all he\u2019d lost, or he could give thanks for what he had and get on with the livin\u2019.<\/p>\n

So, he nodded to Hoss, and the boy bounded across the room to the table where the family Bible lay. Proudly, he carried it to his father, and the boys gathered around as Ben settled into his leather armchair and opened the large book to the familiar place. Little Joe climbed up in the chair with him, Hoss perched on the hearth, and Adam seated himself on the pine table as Ben began to read, his deep voice resonating as the clock struck midnight.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them. . . .\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

* * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

It would be a lie to say that everything went back to normal after that night. \u201cNormal\u201d had changed the day the horse fell, and life would never been the same again. But slowly, Ben and his boys began to work out a new version of normal, one that included the memory of a beautiful woman they would always love, but which allowed them to move forward into a different kind of future.<\/p>\n

On Christmas morning, Hop Sing treated the Cartwrights to a feast of a breakfast that included platters of eggs, potatoes, steak, flapjacks, and sausage patties, as well as a coffee pot that never seemed to run dry. After breakfast, the family gathered by the tree to exchange gifts. Ben watched, his heart full, as Adam opened a stack of books and looked up at him in wonder.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Tweadle said that you\u2019d need those at college,\u201d Ben said simply.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2014\u201d Adam\u2019s voice trailed off, torn between his dream and his duty, but when his father simply nodded, the expression in the boy\u2019s eyes reminded Ben of a sunrise. Later that night, when the younger boys were in bed, Adam tried to ask if he was certain, but Ben laid his hand on the young man\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou stayed here this year, and I\u2019m forever grateful to you,\u201d he said. \u201cI don\u2019t know how I could have managed without you these past few months, but it\u2019s time now. You need to follow your own dream. Your mother and I agreed on that,\u201d he added with gentle firmness, and he pretended not to notice that Adam\u2019s eyes were glistening.<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s gift had been the most difficult, because the boy was so easily satisfied and Ben had wanted so much to honor Marie\u2019s tradition of giving each something special. Roy Coffee had had the answer, and on Christmas morning, Ben led them out to the corral to see a young colt. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t have a mama,\u201d Ben said simply. He held his breath lest Hoss or Joe ask her whereabouts, but Hoss was wiser than his father had suspected, and he nodded his understanding. Ben finished, \u201cSo, he needs someone who will care for him and raise him right.\u201d<\/p>\n

His middle son\u2019s big blue eyes glowed. \u201cI\u2019ll raise him right, Pa,\u201d he vowed.<\/p>\n

Ben clapped the boy\u2019s sturdy shoulder. \u201cI know you will,\u201d he said, and it was true.<\/p>\n

Little Joe had been as patient as anyone could have asked, but now, he was practically dancing with excitement. \u201cDid Santa bring me something, too, Pa?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell . . . .\u201d Ben drawled. \u201cI suppose there might something left out in the barn. Why don\u2019t you go and take a look?\u201d He laughed as the boy took off, his brothers in hot pursuit. Moments later, squeals of joy mingled with the high-pitched barks of a puppy, and Ben entered the barn to see Joe with Red Malick\u2019s spotted pup in his arms, laughing as the dog licked his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, Pa, look! He\u2019s got spots! Can I keep him, Pa?\u201d It was hard to understand the words over the laughter and the yips, but the joy was unmistakable.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d say that depends,\u201d said Ben, squatting down beside the boy. \u201cIf you can come up with a name for this little guy, then I guess he\u2019s got to stay with us, doesn\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s eyes got round. \u201cI\u2019ll name him, Pa! I\u2019ll name him real good. His name is . . . Spotty!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure you don\u2019t want to give him a real fancy name?\u201d Adam teased as he stroked the puppy\u2019s wriggling back. \u201cMaybe you could name him after somebody famous, like Shakespeare or Washington.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou could name him after somebody famous around here,\u201d Hoss interjected. \u201cLike Mr. Sutter, or maybe one of them Indian chiefs or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNah!\u201d Joe was too busy trying to hold onto a squirming puppy to care about fancy names. \u201cLook at him! He\u2019s white, but he\u2019s got all them black spots on him\u2014his name is Spotty! Is that okay, Pa? Can I keep him now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben laughed\u2014a deep, rich belly laugh. It was the first time in four and a half months he\u2019d laughed that way. \u201cSpotty Cartwright,\u201d he said. \u201cI think that sounds just fine. Welcome to the family, Spotty.\u201d He rubbed the puppy\u2019s head, laughing again at the rough tongue that bathed his hand.<\/p>\n

The first Christmas was full of miracles in a barn, improbable and glorious. Hadn\u2019t that Christmas come from a situation that appeared to be disastrous\u2014a young woman, engaged to be married and found to be with child? And look how things had turned out\u2014angels, shepherds, and the Savior of the world. As Ben watched his sons cavorting with a spotted puppy, he reckoned that while the Cartwrights\u2019 miracles might not have been quite so earthshaking, they were no less marvelous. From life to death, and now they were edging toward life again. It was a miracle any way you looked at it.<\/p>\n

\u201cMistah Cahtlight! Adam, Hoss, Li\u2019l Joe! Lunch ready!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled as he straightened. Hop Sing was another miracle, and no mistake about it. He had a feeling that, in the days to come, he would find out just how much of a miracle the young Chinese man was, but for now, he was content to let matters unfold in their own time.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, boys,\u201d he said. He persuaded Joe to leave Spotty in his pen in the barn and shepherded his sons into the house for another of Hop Sing\u2019s wonderful meals. He knew that he\u2019d have traded every one of his miracles to have Marie with them for another day, but he knew, too, that he didn\u2019t have that choice. His choice was simpler: accept the gifts he\u2019d been given, or ignore them to yearn for something that could never be. And so, on that cold, crisp morning, Ben Cartwright made the decision he\u2019d made twice before in his life. He straightened up, turned his back to the past, took his sons\u2019 hands, and looked forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa? Pa, we didn\u2019t give you your gift!\u201d Hoss sounded worried.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled as he cupped his hand behind the boy\u2019s neck. \u201cI\u2019ve got my gifts,\u201d he said, and meant it.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe so, but there\u2019s another one.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice was unexpectedly gentle, and Ben\u2019s smile faded into concern as his son handed him a heavy box. \u201cWe all chipped in a little, but\u2014\u201d The young man bit his lip.<\/p>\n

Ben sat in his chair as his sons gathered around expectantly. He took the lid off the box and caught his breath. \u201cBoys, how . . . ?\u201d<\/p>\n

The box held three picture frames. Ben was no jeweler, but he knew gold when he saw it, and the frames were gold filigree. He looked from one son to another, and Adam nodded to let him know that he\u2019d explain later.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re\u2014they\u2019re beautiful, boys,\u201d Ben said when he\u2019d caught his breath. He replaced the lid on the box. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s have lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n

That night, Adam explained. \u201cShe\u2019d been saving for months, and when the two of you were in San Francisco last spring, she made arrangements with a jeweler there to have them shipped. She was making the payments over time. After she\u2014back in the fall, a letter came addressed to her. I knew I should give it to you, but I opened it, and it was from the jeweler. He said she only had fifty dollars left to pay and wanted to know if she still wanted them. So, I\u2014I took my college money and sent it to him and told him to send the frames.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam.\u201d Ben reached out to his eldest son, the one who had carried so many burdens over these months. There was so much to say\u2014how proud he was of this young man, how grateful he was, how much he loved him\u2014but for now, he settled on one thing. \u201cGiving up your college money\u2014she\u2019d have had your hide for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam bowed his head, chuckling with obvious relief. He wasn\u2019t one for the kind of emotional displays the younger boys craved. \u201cIf she\u2019d been here, she\u2019d have told me to do it,\u201d he countered.<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably,\u201d Ben agreed. \u201cBut she\u2019d have paid you back and told you to get yourself off to college so that you could read and study and do all the things you love.\u201d His son looked skeptical, and Ben nodded firmly. \u201cYou\u2019re going, Adam. I told you, she and I agreed. The money\u2019s there, and your brothers and I can handle the Ponderosa.\u201d Adam wasn\u2019t one for physical affection, but now, Ben cupped the young man\u2019s chin. He needed for Adam to hear him, and hear him well.<\/p>\n

Ben remembered telling his father that he was going off to sea and how his father had argued with him, thundering that his place was at home in the family business. He\u2019d never thought about it before, but he knew that he didn\u2019t ever want one of his sons staying with him out of duty. The Ponderosa was his dream, but it would be up to each of his boys to decide whether it was theirs.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going,\u201d he said to Adam now. \u201cIf you come back\u2014if that\u2019s the right thing for you\u2014we\u2019ll be glad to have you. But if your dreams take you someplace else, son, then that\u2019s where you go.\u201d He didn\u2019t know whether Adam\u2014or Hoss, or Little Joe\u2014would take him at his word. He only knew that he was right.<\/p>\n

In that moment, he saw what was undoubtedly another Christmas miracle. His eldest son\u2014the one who had held the ranch together in those dark days, who had taken care of his brothers and dealt with the callers and done so much more than a boy should have to do\u2014stood before him with tears rolling down his cheeks. As if his eldest was Little Joe\u2019s age, Ben wrapped his arms around Adam and held him as finally, finally, his son wept for what he had lost and for what he had found as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s voice was tentative, and Ben looked over his son\u2019s shoulder to see the younger boys on the landing, looking frightened. He smiled to let them know that all was well, and he held out his hand to beckon them. As he knew they would, Hoss and Little Joe ran to him, and they clung to Ben and Adam so tightly that it was nearly impossible to know where one Cartwright ended and the next began.<\/p>\n

They were a family. And as it turned out, that was the greatest Christmas miracle of all.<\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0Even in the midst of grief, Christmas is still a time for miracles. \u00a0<\/p>\n

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