Summary: A young lady has an evening with Adam that is more a fantasy. She writes down everything she can think of to write down to preserve the details. Minor grammatical errors are fitting for the character and should not interfere with reading the story.
\nMA\u00a0\u00a0 2,629<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Dear Diary:<\/p>\n
Well this was one night that I never expected. I’ve been working in the mercantile to support myself ever since Mama died. Usually I don’t have much money for anything fancy, but Mr. Cass’ daughter said she had a dress that didn’t fit her any more and wondered if I wanted it. Well it is the prettiest thing you can imagine. It’s got lace on the sleeves right at the elbow and all around the neckline which is a lot lower than Mama would ever have allowed but with the lace it kinda made it seem not so bad. It has batting decorating the skirt, and it’s the prettiest blue you ever saw. Well anyway, I decided that I could go to the dance tonight if I could find some respectable people to escort me there. The only men I know I can trust here are Mr. Cass, Doctor Martin, and Sheriff Coffee. Mr. Cass is too sad with the death of his son, and then his daughter turning on him like she did. Doctor Martin never knows when he’s going to be called away. So I asked Sheriff Coffee if he would escort me to the dance like a respectable lady would be. He said I was a respectable lady, and he would be happy to do that. Well when he got me to the dance, he said he wasn’t much for dancing so would I please dance with anyone who asked.<\/p>\n
It was so much fun with all the young men who asked me to dance. Even Joe Cartwright danced with me. Diary, I have to tell you, that boy has wandering hands. I had to keep my hands on his most of the time to keep them where they were supposed to be. Right away he wanted to go outside and you know what that means, don’t you. Now I got fooled plenty of times thinking that a man cared for me when all he wanted was to get me outside and have his way with me. Well no more of that for me. I told that Joe Cartwright that I wasn’t that kind of girl. He said he heard I was, and I slapped him. I was going to slap him again but somebody grabbed my wrist. I turned around and it was Adam Cartwright. Now he had quite a few words to say to that younger brother of his and not too many of them ought to be written down in this diary. They might just burn a hole in the page. Now Joe said he was just teasing and never meant a word of it, but Adam said he had gone too far for it to be teasing if it made a lady upset enough to slap him. Well he apologized right there on the spot and gave me those puppy dog eyes you know he has. I couldn’t stay mad, so I laughed and said I forgave him but he better never ever say anything like that to me again. He said he wouldn’t because I have a right cross that anyone would be proud to possess. I think that means I slapped him good.<\/p>\n
Now the next thing was really something. Adam Cartwright asked me to dance with him. He said it was the least he could do to make up for his brother’s behavior. My knees were shaking but I said yes. I know I never did write it in here cause I was afeared to admit it even in my own diary, but I fell in love with that man the first time I saw him come in the store. I think I woulda done anything he asked in that voice he’s got. Well, I could hardly talk but I said yes, and he put his hand on my waist to guide me to the dance floor, and I swear I was ready to lay down right there and done anything else he wanted. I’m not that kind of girl, but being in his arms and that was about all I could think about. He brings up sinful thoughts. He smiled at me when we finished dancing and I swear it was like he knew what I was thinking. I looked in his eyes and I think he wanted to do exactly what I wanted to do. He asked if I wanted to dance again and I said yes as fast as I could and almost before he finished asking me. When we were ready to dance, my heart was pounding so hard I thought I might faint. He said I shouldn’t be nervous because he had noticed me dancing earlier and I had been ‘like an angel among mortals’. Doesn’t that just sound like something out of a book. He was such a gentleman as we danced. He held me close and I think I might have pushed in closer than he intended but he never said anything. I guess he liked it cause he moved his hand to my back and kept dancing. I liked being pressed up close to him and I don’t care what people might have been thinking. After that dance ended and a waltz started up, he asked if I would be willing to tolerate another dance with him. I said I would but I had to get home early because I was working in the store in the morning. We danced a few more dances and I hated to say it but I told him I had to go home. I told him that Sheriff Coffee had made sure I got to the dance all right, and he said he wouldn’t mind walking me home if the Sheriff was busy.<\/p>\n
Diary, I never prayed so much so fast in my life as I did when we were walking over to Sheriff Coffee. I so wanted the Sheriff to be busy so that Adam would walk me home. Prayer does work by the way. At least it did this time. Sheriff Roy said he would be obliged if Adam could see me to home. Adam took my hand and we started walking to my place. I don’t have much, but it’s the house Papa bought for Mama before he died, and the only home I’ve ever known. A kitchen, a parlor, and one bedroom is it, but that’s all I need.<\/p>\n
As we were walking, Adam pointed at the stars and named them and constellations too. I knew a couple of them, but he knew them all. When we got to my house, he stopped at the porch like a proper gentleman and said he would wait until I lit a lamp before he left. I said that he didn’t have to leave right away and I would be out as soon as I had a lamp lit. Well when I stepped back outside, he was leaning on a porch post. He thanked me for dancing with him. Then he asked if he could kiss me goodnight. Now can you imagine that: a man asking me if he could kiss me. He is such a gentleman. I said I thought that would be all right, and that got another smile from him. He leaned down to me and kissed me ever so gently and softly but I felt like my lips were on fire. He had one hand on my cheek and wrapped his other arm around my waist just like he had when we were dancing. When I opened my eyes, he was looking at me with that little crooked smile of his. I asked him if he wanted to come inside for a cup of coffee, and he said he didn’t want people to get the wrong idea about me. I said I was an adult and I could invite anyone into my home that I wanted to. He told me I had a lot of spunk but said a cup of coffee would be nice. We went inside and I was going to have him sit in the parlor, but he said he wouldn’t mind visiting with me in the kitchen while I made the coffee. So he sat at my table and I got busy with the coffee. Well we talked about all sorts of things and he seemed kind of sad but was real nice.<\/p>\n
When he finished his coffee he stood saying it was time to go and I had been walking toward him to pick up his cup and there we stood only inches apart. He said he should go, but his voice was all deep and hoarse like, and I was so bold and I reached up and touched his face and asked him if he wanted to go. He said he thought maybe he wanted to stay but only if that was what I wanted. Well I knew he wanted to stay. It made me want him even more knowing he wanted me so much just by looking at me and talking with me.<\/p>\n
Well of course standing there with him so close, I couldn’t resist the temptation, so I touched him. He groaned a little and then smiled again and said that he accepted my invitation as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me but with more than that politeness that he showed earlier. I never let go of him but I just backed up toward my bedroom, and he just walked there with me. I unbuttoned his shirt and unbuckled his belt and he didn’t do nothing. I looked up at him, and he leaned down and kissed me but this time not as gently cause there was a lot more going on. I got my hands busy and he groaned right into the kisses. I slipped that pretty dress off as fast as I could and he just said to take all of it off.<\/p>\n
Well I never was completely naked with a man but I took off all my underthings too. I ain’t been with many men, and mostly it was because they pushed me into it and I didn’t have the gumption to stop ’em when I shoulda. Not Adam ’cause he asked or let me do things my way. When I was getting undressed, he didn’t paw me or make me feel like I wasn’t a lady. He lay back on my bed and watched and waited for me to finish all the while smiling and saying how beautiful I was. Then he put out his arms for me to come to him there. We kissed and I swear he kissed or touched every inch of my body or it seemed like it. He was such an unselfish lover and not like any man I was with before. He kissed and kissed and I thought I died and went to heaven he made me feel so good. I never ever felt that way with a man before. When I thought it couldn’t get any better these feelings came over me and it was like I had no control and I did feel like I was really in heaven. Adam only smiled as he kissed me and asked if it had been all right so far. I told him what I just told you here, and he smiled some more.<\/p>\n
Then he did do more, and oh, Lordy, that was something. He took things slow with me though and he kept asking me if I was all right and it did take me a bit to feel comfortable with him. I’m thinking he liked being with me cause he held me real tight and smiled a lot at me and kissed me on the lips a lot. Afterwards, he pulled me close to him before he kissed me some more. Then he stopped and only held me for a bit before he asked if I wanted him to stay or to go.<\/p>\n
Well I told him he had to go, but I wanted him to stay. He smiled that little crooked smile again and got out of bed and dressed. Then he told me that he would let himself out, and after a decent amount of time, I should turn out the lamp. I know why he did that because if I turned out the lamp right away, people would know. But if I waited for a while, they would think I was still all dressed and having to get ready for bed. So now I’ve been writing a while and people probably see that my lamp is still lit. I’m not going to wear a gown tonight. I’m going to lay naked in the bed and smell him in my bed all night long. It will be kinda like he never left even though he did. In fact, I’m not washing that dress until I have to. For the next couple of weeks, I’m going to have the memory of him holding me close at the dance and here at my house.<\/p>\n
Now Diary, you know I made up all of these last parts. Everything after he said he had to go. He really did go. I did ask him to stay, but he said he shouldn’t cause it would be wrong to take advantage of a lady like me. Can you imagine him saying I’m a lady. He said I got beauty on the outside and an inner beauty and I should always remember that and value myself. He said he would always remember the dances with me. I touched his cheek but I never did kiss him again after that one sweet kiss he gave me. I said ifn he ever did want to change his mind, I’d be willing. He never said nothing more though. He gave me another one of them crooked little smiles of his and then he let me go and he left stepping off my porch and walking away without ever coming inside my house. I got a real good imagination though and I knew what it woulda been like ifn he did come inside and had that coffee I offered. Every time I look at that dress, I’ll remember this night.<\/p>\n
To be more serious, I can see he’s a real sad man in some ways, but I never met a man as gentle and nice as him. I heard the stories about how that Laura up and broke his heart and took that little girl that was like a daughter to him plumb away from him. I had heard there was other women he loved and lost. All that I hear now are all these people talking about how he scares folks and how he makes men back down, but I saw inside his heart, and that ain’t the kind of man he is at all. He needs to find a woman who understands him and is worthy of the love of a man like that. I wish I was the one, but I ain’t. I’m smart enough to know that much. He was being kind to me tonight, and he made this night really special for me. I need to pay him back for being such a nice man when I needed someone. I’ll find a way to do something good for him too. I know what kind of woman he needs even if it ain’t me, and I hope he finds her. So, good night, Diary. It was a special night even if not everything happened like I dreamed it might. It was still maybe the best night of my life. I kin tell I got a true friend now ifn I was ever to really need some help. That’s good to know.<\/p>\n