{"id":5327,"date":"2002-12-20T00:38:59","date_gmt":"2002-12-20T05:38:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5327"},"modified":"2026-07-29T14:18:18","modified_gmt":"2026-07-29T18:18:18","slug":"to-love-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5327","title":{"rendered":"To Love Again (by Rona)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>Joe meets a woman in town, but Ben falls in love with her. The family are delighted – or are they?<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0 \u00a0 (9,230 words)<\/p>\n

To Love Again Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

To Love Again<\/a>
\nShotgun Wedding<\/a><\/p>\n

Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n

To Love Again<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s all the supplies on your list, Little Joe,\u201d said the storekeeper, handing the list back to Joe Cartwright. \u201cI\u2019ll order in more coffee for next week, since you seem to go through so much of it up there at the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d Joe replied, and tucked the paper into his pocket. He turned, and stepped aside as beautiful woman appeared in the store doorway. He tipped his hat to her, and was delighted to get a smile in return. She was a very striking woman, past the first flush of youth, perhaps, and a stranger to Joe\u2019s eyes. After casting her another appreciative glance, Joe went out to the buckboard, where his brother Hoss was finishing loading the supplies.<\/p>\n

Catching hold of one end of a sack of meal, Joe said, \u201cWho was that who just went into the store? She\u2019s lovely.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDunno,\u201d Hoss responded. \u201cLittle Joe, I swear you always let me do all the work round here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, Hoss, you know someone has to keep an eye on what\u2019s out of stock. \u2018Sides, I helped you with the meal, didn\u2019t I?\u201d Joe glanced back into the store, and wondered again who the mysterious beauty was. He grinned at his older brother. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s get this home. We have a dance to get to tonight, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

The ballroom of the hotel was crowded that night. The candlelight reflected off the big mirrors on the walls, making the room seem bigger than it was. Adam and Hoss both had dates, but Joe had recently broken off a romance with Sally-Anne Millar, and was foot-loose and fancy-free. He never suffered from a shortage of dance partners, and whirled his way through a selection of waltzes and reels, before finally heading over to the punch bowl for a drink.<\/p>\n

While he was standing there, he noticed the mysterious woman from the store coming in. She had long dark hair, piled up on her head in an elaborate manner, and wore dark red velvet. Long earrings showed off her graceful neck and a matching necklace showcased her pretty shoulders. It was also clear that she was alone.<\/p>\n

The temptation was too much for Joe to resist, and he appeared by her side a few moments later, smiling broadly. \u201cGood evening,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m Joe Cartwright, we met very briefly in the store this afternoon. I wondered if you would care to dance?\u201d<\/p>\n

Smiling back, for she was a lady of taste, and recognized masculine beauty when she saw it, she said, \u201cI do remember you, Mr. Cartwright. I\u2019m Madeline Ross. Thank you, I\u2019d like to dance.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, call me Joe,\u201d he said, as he led her out onto the floor. He wasn\u2019t indifferent to the sudden wave of speculation he saw sweeping the crowd, but he pretended he didn\u2019t see it. \u201cWhen someone says Mr. Cartwright, I look for my Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

As he had hoped, Madeline laughed. \u201cAnd you must call me Madeline,\u201d she said. \u201cMrs. Ross sounds so formal.\u201d<\/p>\n

The music started, and Joe was glad it was a slow dance, for he could then talk. \u201cIsn\u2019t your husband with you?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a widow,\u201d she replied, and Joe cursed himself silently.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d he apologized. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to pry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIts all right, how were you to know?\u201d she asked. \u201cIt\u2019s been some time since he passed on, and he was very ill. So tell me, Joe, what do you do?\u201d<\/p>\n

Given an opening like that, Joe couldn\u2019t resist, and so told Madeline about his father, brothers and the ranch they owned. The music ended, and another tune struck up, and still the couple danced. At the end of that dance, Joe began to introduce Madeline around. He was thoroughly enjoying himself. Madeline was an entertaining companion, and it didn\u2019t hurt that she was beautiful. Finally, he introduced her to Adam and Hoss, and then Ben.<\/p>\n

It was plain that all the Cartwrights admired her. Joe guessed that she might be a year or so older than Adam, and thought that there was a fair chance that his brother would make a play for her. Not that Joe really minded. He had had his share of affairs with older women, and right now, all he wanted was some fun. Madeline was a lovely person, but she wasn\u2019t what Joe was looking for.<\/p>\n

However, by the end of the night, it was clear that the person who was most smitten was Ben. He danced and talked to Madeline most of the evening, and Joe, amused, found himself other partners. As they rode home, Joe couldn\u2019t resist teasing Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Pa, how come I started off the evening with Madeline, and you ended it with her? That\u2019s not fair, you know, stealing your own son\u2019s girl!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll\u2019s fair in love and war,\u201d Ben said, sagely. He turned up his coat collar to hide his smile. \u201cMadeline obviously has taste, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, Pa,\u201d Joe groaned. \u201cHow do you know that she isn\u2019t the girl for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt just might be that you aren\u2019t the boy for her,\u201d Adam interjected, the emphasis very much on the \u2018boy\u2019. He smiled to take the sting from the words. He really didn\u2019t want Joe going off half-cocked at this time of night. \u201cBesides, I thought I might ask her out, myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr me,\u201d Hoss added. \u201cShe might like the bigger man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYep, and you surely are a bigger man,\u201d Joe retorted. \u201cBigger every meal time!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re jist jealous because you\u2019re undersized,\u201d Hoss shot back, amiably. \u201cYou don\u2019t eat worth a button most days.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not compared to you,\u201d Joe agreed. \u201cBut if you ate less, I\u2019d look like I eat more.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s not get into that,\u201d Ben said, seeing the frown forming on Hoss\u2019 face. \u201cMadeline\u2019s a nice girl, whoever she sees!\u201d<\/p>\n

With that decree, the discussion was over.<\/p>\n

***************<\/p>\n

It seemed to Joe that whenever he was in Virginia City, he ran into Madeline. They met at the mail office, they met at the store. Joe teased her that she was waiting for him, just so they could talk. Madeline laughed. \u201cJoe, I know all about you,\u201d she said. \u201cI was warned that you\u2019re quite the ladies man!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m just looking for the right girl,\u201d Joe protested, his eyes twinkling.<\/p>\n

\u201cKeep looking,\u201d she advised him. \u201cI somehow don\u2019t think that I\u2019m the one.\u201d<\/p>\n

As luck would have it, there were several dances that month in town, and the Cartwrights managed to get to every one. Madeline was always there, and the boys had gradually pieced together her story. She had been married to a wealthy businessman. He had died about a year before, and she had moved around various towns until she decided that she wanted to live in Virginia City. She had no money worries, and apparently no children. Joe had estimated her age very well, for she was a year or so older than Adam.<\/p>\n

It was clear that Ben was very taken with her, as were several of the town\u2019s younger men. However, it soon became apparent that she was just as taken with Ben as he was with her. By the end of her first month in town, she and Ben were going steady.<\/p>\n

As September gave way to October, the main work of the ranch was winding down. The main cattle drive to market was but a memory, and soon the timber cutting would end as the snows came. Joe found himself riding the line shacks, preparing them for winter, checking the supplies and the state of the buildings. He was alone, and had time to think about this new situation.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t the first time Ben had been courting. There had been others, but none of them had worked out. Joe hadn\u2019t really minded any of them; in fact, he\u2019d been positively welcoming. But for some reason, he felt a bit differently about Madeline. He liked her, but he was uncomfortable. It was only after he\u2019d been away a couple of days that the answer came to him. If Ben married Madeline, as seemed likely, there was the chance they might have children together. Certainly, Madeline wasn\u2019t past childbearing age.<\/p>\n

That was the cause of his discomfort, he realized. How would he feel about someone else usurping his place as cherished youngest? At once, Joe was ashamed of the thought. But he couldn\u2019t imagine Pa dandling a brand new baby. He wondered if he would like any new baby that might come along. It would be very strange having a baby brother or \u2013 good gracious! \u2013 a sister at his age. With a flash of insight, Joe wondered if this was how Adam had felt when he himself was on the way? And if it felt strange to Joe, how did it feel to Hoss and Adam?<\/p>\n

As he rode slowly home, Joe resolved that not by one word or glance would he reveal his thoughts to anyone else. He would just have to square it with his sub-conscious somehow. Surely any new arrival would make him feel differently, he reasoned. He would have time to prepare himself, and no one would ever need to know he\u2019d felt this way. Slightly happier with the decision he\u2019d made, Joe urged Cochise to a faster pace, suddenly keen to get home.<\/p>\n

But squaring it with his sub-conscious wasn\u2019t quite as straightforward as he\u2019d thought it would be. As he rode along, Joe frequently found himself distracted by the thought of Madeline living in the house. There would be changes. Madeline would want to re-arrange the furniture, and perhaps buy some new things. She might not like them trampling about the house with dirty boots. She might expect them to dress for dinner every night. Suddenly, a pleasant, abstract possibility became a nightmare-ish probability!<\/p>\n

So distracted by his musings that he trusted to Cochise to find the way home, Joe was caught unawares when his horse shied violently. \u201cEasy!\u201d he said, gathering his wandering wits, but he was too late! There was an ominous rattle, and Cochise reared once more before plunging into a headlong gallop. Joe barely kept his seat as he fought to control his horse\u2019s flight.<\/p>\n

But Cochise wasn\u2019t interested in Joe\u2019s commands. Instinct told him to run, and that was what he did, oblivious to his master\u2019s pull on the reins. Joe leant forward, ducking to avoid branches that snapped towards his face. In the end, it was the tricky footing of the forest floor that caused the problems. Cochise slipped on loose soil, and couldn\u2019t regain his footing. He crashed to the ground, hurling Joe from the saddle.<\/p>\n

For several long moments, Joe lay stunned. When he opened his eyes, he saw Cochise standing a few yards away, head down and still blowing. Sweat lay on the sleek black and white shoulders. Cautiously, Joe moved, and pain assaulted him from all around. He gritted his teeth, and rode it out, and finally, it all settled down. Nothing hurt desperately badly, he decided. No broken bones, or dislocated shoulders. Just a bang on the head. As he tried to rise, he mentally added a sprained ankle. Trying to figure that one out, Joe realized that his foot must have been twisted from the stirrup as Cochise scrambled to regain his feet. He was lucky his ankle wasn\u2019t broken.<\/p>\n

\u201cCoochie,\u201d Joe coaxed. \u201cCome on, boy.\u201d He raked in his jacket pocket, and found a few oats. Cochise came quite willingly, and Joe saw with relief that his horse wasn\u2019t lame. Getting a lame man and lame horse home would have proven tricky.<\/p>\n

It took Joe a couple of attempts before he finally managed to mount. His head reeled, and he clung to the saddle horn for a few seconds before he was able to pick up the reins and head Cochise towards home. It was a slow journey, and rain set in as the afternoon waned. There was a cold wind blowing, and Joe shivered in this thin blue jacket, but every time he urged Cochise to a faster gait, his head would swim and once he nearly fell from the saddle.<\/p>\n

With great relief, he saw the ranch house growing nearer. It was almost dark. He rode Cochise right up to the edge of the porch, and slid from the saddle. He hoped there was someone in the house, for he hated to leave his horse unattended. Slowly and painfully, Joe hopped across to the door.<\/p>\n

The door swung open to a seemingly empty room, but Joe could hear voices. The room was warm after the cold rain and wind, and the heat made his head swim again. \u201cPa,\u201d he said, but his voice barely carried. \u201cPa!\u201d he tried again, and this time it came out better.<\/p>\n

A pause, then the scrape of a chair. Joe clung to the door handle, and lifted his head. He heard footsteps, then Ben came round the corner from the dining room. \u201cJoe!\u201d he exclaimed and hurried towards his son, catching hold of him as Joe\u2019s death grip on the door handle finally gave way. \u201cAdam! Hoss! Help me!\u201d<\/p>\n

With a brother on each side, Joe was helped across to the settee, and Ben arranged a cushion under his head. \u201cGet some water!\u201d he ordered, and sat on the edge of the table. \u201cJoe, what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA rattler,\u201d Joe explained. \u201cCochise ran, and then he fell. I think I was knocked out, and my ankle hurts.\u201d He shivered violently. \u201cI wasn\u2019t able to tend to him, Pa,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry none about your pony, Shortshanks,\u201d Hoss soothed. \u201cI\u2019ll see to him right now. He ain\u2019t lame, is he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, he\u2019s fine. He brought me home.\u201d Joe looked at Ben. \u201cSorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was just an accident, Joe,\u201d Ben said. \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to be sorry for. It was unfortunate, but that\u2019s all.\u201d Adam brought a bowl with water, and a cloth, and Ben began to wipe the dirt and blood from Joe\u2019s face. He glanced up, away from Joe. \u201cI\u2019m sorry about this, my dear. Please, go on with your meal. The boys and I will sort Joe out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMadeline?\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n

He heard the rustle of silk, then Madeline looked over the back of the settee at him. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Joe. Your father will join me again in a moment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I might be a little longer than that,\u201d Ben said wryly, once more looking at Joe as he moped away at his son\u2019s face. So it was that Joe was the only person looking at Madeline as his father said that, and Joe was the only one who saw the strange look that passed over her face. For an instant, Joe was convinced she looked disgusted and angry. But the moment passed, and he concluded that it was a result of the bang on the head. He shivered once more. \u201cLet\u2019s get him upstairs, Adam,\u201d Ben said. \u201cI\u2019ll be as quick as I can,\u201d Ben said, touching Madeline\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

*************<\/p>\n

A good half hour passed before Ben was able to re-join Madeline at the table. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he apologized as he sat down again. \u201cJoe\u2019s going to be fine, he\u2019s almost asleep now. Adam\u2019s sitting with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss has been keeping me entertained with stories about Joe\u2019s escapades,\u201d Madeline said, but there was a little edge to her voice that didn\u2019t escape Ben\u2019s notice. He signaled Hoss with his eyes, and his middle son excused himself and went upstairs to see Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid accidents do happen on ranches,\u201d he said, placatingly. \u201cJoe had taken quite a knock on his head, and his ankle is badly sprained. He was soaking, too. The rain must have come on since you arrived.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t realize it would take all of you to tend to him,\u201d Madeline said. She made the comment sound jokey, but she was angry inside. Angry that Ben thought nothing of leaving her to her own devices while he went off to look after one of his sons, when his other two sons were perfectly capable of doing so. She found Ben\u2019s attachments to his sons rather perplexing.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s habit, I expect,\u201d Ben said, smiling. \u201cBut it did take Adam and I to get his boot off that bad foot. Adam held him down, and I pulled.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not very good with sick people,\u201d Madeline said, surprising herself with the comment. She usually tried to keep that from people. Women were supposed to be natural nurses, and she wasn\u2019t. \u201cBen, it\u2019s getting late. I should be going back to town.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d Ben said. \u201cI really am sorry our evening was spoiled. Do you forgive me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, of course,\u201d she smiled. She would have his undivided attention on the journey to town, and perhaps she could persuade him to join her for dinner, alone, at her home the next night.<\/p>\n

**************<\/p>\n

The one thing Madeline hadn\u2019t counted on was Joe running a fever the next day. His soaking had given him a chill, and he had spent a restless night, tossing and turning. In the morning, Ben had sent for Doc Martin. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to bother you, Paul, as it seemed a minor accident. It\u2019s probably just a cold, but he\u2019s in some discomfort.\u201d<\/p>\n

After examining Joe, Paul gave him something for the pain, and went downstairs with Ben before talking to him. \u201cYou\u2019re right, Ben, its not a serious concussion, by any means. He was lucky. That ankle is pretty wrenched about, and he could get pain from it for quite some time. It\u2019ll be weeks before its healed properly. Try to keep him off it as much as possible. Crutches would help for when he gets restless. But he\u2019s got a good going cold in his chest, probably from that soaking. Keep an eye on his breathing, because his chest does sound a little tight. However, I don\u2019t think it\u2019ll turn into pneumonia.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Paul,\u201d Ben said, gratefully. \u201cI wonder if you could do something for me? I\u2019m supposed to be having dinner with Madeline Ross tonight. Could you let her know that I won\u2019t make it? I\u2019d better stay here with Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rolling his eyes, Paul said, \u201cAll right, Ben. But Joe will be all right with Adam and Hoss to look after him, I\u2019m sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Paul, I\u2019ll stay home tonight. I\u2019m sure Madeline will understand.\u201d Ben clapped his friend on the shoulder, and Paul laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cGoodbye, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d Madeline said, coolly, and closed the door as Paul Martin walked away. She stood with her back to the door for a second, then her eye fell on a small vase and she snatched it up and hurled it across the room. It didn\u2019t really help, she decided. It wouldn\u2019t make Ben come. She cursed Joe vehemently. Why had she fallen in love with a man who had children? Madeline hated children. When she had conceived during her marriage, she had contacted a woman she knew about who had performed an abortion. The operation had been botched, and Madeline had almost died, but her husband suspected nothing, and thought it was simply a miscarriage. The doctor told Madeline that she could never have any more children, and she was thrilled. Since her husband died, she had avoided relationships with men who had children, but she thought that since Ben\u2019s children were adults, they would be self-sufficient.<\/p>\n

For all that, Madeline genuinely loved Ben. She had been rather taken aback to discover that all three sons still lived at the Ponderosa, and she hoped they weren\u2019t planning on living there after she and Ben were married. For she felt sure that Ben loved her as much as she loved him, and she let the warmth of his love chase away the anger from her heart. Somehow, she would find a way to make sure the boys left the nest, so that she and Ben could leave in peace.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

\u201cSee you later, son,\u201d Ben said. \u201cAnd stay off that foot!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, if you don\u2019t go, you\u2019re gonna be late,\u201d Joe said, sternly. \u201cGo on, I\u2019ll be fine, and I\u2019ll stay off my foot!\u201d<\/p>\n

Smiling, Ben picked up his hat and left. He was taking Madeline for a picnic by the lake before the weather turned too cold. They were having a spell of Indian summer, and it would be a shame not to take advantage of it. He climbed into the buggy and flicked the reins. As he rode into town, Ben thought of Madeline. He knew she\u2019d been annoyed the night Joe had his accident, but she had got over it very well. They had had their intimate dinner for two a couple of nights later, and Ben almost proposed to her there and then. However, he felt they needed to get to know each other a little better before he popped the question. But there was no doubt in his mind that he loved her.<\/p>\n

The drive out to the lake was pleasant, and they walked a little before they sat down to the wonderful picnic Hop Sing had prepared. Madeline had found Hop Sing a little too informal for her tastes when they first met, but she hated to cook if she didn\u2019t have to, and was impressed with his culinary skills. \u201cIts lovely here, Ben,\u201d she said, sincerely. \u201cIts so nice to be alone with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it is lovely,\u201d Ben agreed, but he was looking at her, not the view. \u201cI\u2019m so pleased Joe introduced me to you that night at the dance,\u201d he said. \u201cIts not often a son introduces his father to a beautiful woman, especially when that son is Joseph!\u201d<\/p>\n

Laughing, Madeline leant towards him. \u201cHe\u2019s quite a young man, your Joe,\u201d she said. It seemed a safe comment, covering, as it did, many different meanings.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t have grey hair until after he was born,\u201d Ben said. He looked at her. \u201cDid you never want children of your own?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI had a miscarriage,\u201d she said, steadily. \u201cThen I couldn\u2019t have any more, so I never thought about it. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d have made a very good mother, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course you would,\u201d Ben assured her. He was slightly puzzled by the look on her face. He thought he was offering her the reassurance she wanted, but it didn\u2019t appear that way. \u201cDid you and your husband never think of adopting?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she replied, flatly, and Ben took the hint and changed the subject. He thought the whole thing was too painful for her to speak of, and that she was hiding a deep longing for children. He decided not to bring the subject up again until they were getting married. Then he would tell her they could adopt a baby or a child, whatever she wanted.<\/p>\n

They packed up the picnic and drove back to the house. Adam was in the yard, and took the buggy. Madeline smiled at him. She quite liked Adam, who was cool and detached, apart from where Joe was concerned. Hoss came out of the barn and called a greeting, and she found a smile for him, too. If you saw one son, there was almost always another not far away. She wondered where Joe was, and got her answer when she went into the house, for he was asleep on the settee.<\/p>\n

Seeing him, Ben smiled, and shook his head. Madeline was amazed at his tolerance. She had forgotten that Joe still had a bad foot, and couldn\u2019t be outside working. She let the door slip from her hand, and it banged closed. Joe started, and roused from his nap. \u201cPa!\u201d he said, clearly disoriented. He started to sit up, and Madeline clearly saw him blanch. \u201cDid you have a good time?\u201d he asked, gamely trying to ignore the pain in his ankle.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, very,\u201d Ben said. \u201cSit down, Madeline. I\u2019ll get some coffee. Or would you prefer tea?\u201d He had discovered that Madeline was a tea drinker, and so had had tea added to the list of supplies.<\/p>\n

\u201cTea would be lovely,\u201d Madeline said, sitting down in the red leather chair. She knew it was Ben\u2019s favorite chair, which was one reason that she chose it, but it was also behind Joe\u2019s head, which was another reason for sitting there. Ben went to the kitchen, and she heard his lovely deep voice talking to Hop Sing.<\/p>\n

When he came back, he sat down on the table by Joe\u2019s head, but facing Madeline. She thought she would have to try and break him of the habit of sitting on the table. She\u2019d noticed they all did it, and thought her first act would be to replace it with something less substantial!<\/p>\n

\u201cHere, Joe, drink this,\u201d he said, handing Joe a glass with cloudy liquid in it.<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, Pa, it doesn\u2019t hurt that much,\u201d Joe protested, and Madeline frowned.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I think it would be best if you did as your father said. After all he does know best.\u201d The words came out before she could stop them, and she blushed crimson. Ben looked at her and laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cSee?\u201d he said to Joe. \u201cThere\u2019s someone else who thinks I know best! So drink it.\u201d He laughed again. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here to back me up, my dear,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cOut numbered as usual,\u201d Joe said, but he took the medicine, nonetheless. He turned his head to look at Madeline. \u201cThe pretty girls are usually on my side,\u201d he joked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot this time, cowboy,\u201d she responded. Ben laughed again, patting Joe on the arm. He rose to take the glass back to the kitchen. Joe turned his head front again, feeling an uneasy shiver run down his spine. There was a hardness in Madeline\u2019s eyes that he didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

When the tea came, there was coffee for Joe, too, but he drank it quickly, and reached for his crutches and went upstairs. He sat down in the chair by his window, where he could watch his brothers in the yard. He suddenly felt very lonely. He couldn\u2019t understand why Madeline had suddenly changed towards him. He didn\u2019t think the others would have noticed, but her jokey asides were frequently barbed, and she no longer teased him when they met in town. In fact, she was very formal towards him. Joe didn\u2019t understand it at all. He didn\u2019t mind Pa getting married again, he assured himself, but his assurances rang hollow. He was beginning to mind more and more. Whenever he was there with Madeline and Ben, Madeline made sure that all Ben\u2019s attention was on her.<\/p>\n

Raising a hand to wave back to Hoss, Joe wondered if he was just being paranoid and jealous. After all, he expected girls to pay attention to him. But the more he thought about it, the more Joe realized he was right. Madeline had been angry when he interrupted the meal the other night, even though Hoss and Adam had been there. Ben had said she was hurt when he had cancelled their dinner date the next night, because he, Joe, had been running a fever. With a sinking feeling, Joe realized that Madeline no longer liked him. She looked on him as a rival for his father\u2019s love.<\/p>\n

************<\/p>\n

The revelation knocked Joe for six. He decided not to go down to dinner that night, pleading that he was tired. Ben, looking at Joe, knew that there was something wrong, but didn\u2019t push it. Perhaps it was just his foot. Joe picked at his meal, feeling totally isolated. He could hear laughter drifting up, and knew what it was to be an outcast. He couldn\u2019t sleep that night, despite the medicine Ben forced on him once more.<\/p>\n

Although he had been a lazy scholar, Joe wasn\u2019t stupid. He knew that there was no way he could say he had a problem with Madeline. It would instantly make him look like a spoiled child. But he knew that if Madeline came to live at the Ponderosa, it wouldn\u2019t be long before he was no longer welcome.<\/p>\n

All night, the thoughts chased each other through his head. He couldn\u2019t see any way out of the dilemma. He couldn\u2019t tell anyone, for they would all think he was jealous. Nothing that Madeline had said could be seen as deliberately nasty or vicious. They were all disguised as jokes. As dawn broke, with Joe never having closed his eyes, he knew that he would just have to tough it out, and pretend he didn\u2019t notice.<\/p>\n

***********<\/p>\n

The problem with that, of course, was that Joe\u2019s face was a mirror for his soul, and he was very flat. Ben had been concerned by his appearance at breakfast the next morning, white faced, with dark circles under his eyes. His shirt wasn\u2019t tucked in, a sure sign of a troubled mind, and he seemed to be having trouble with his crutches all of a sudden. However, Joe just said that he hadn\u2019t been able to sleep, and put it down to his enforced inactivity, and the nap he\u2019d had the previous afternoon.<\/p>\n

None of his family was convinced. Joe had never been able to hide his lies from his family. They held a conference in the barn, but none of them was able to give a reason for Joe suddenly being depressed. Ben shrugged. \u201cWe\u2019ll just have to watch him. Hope that he opens up to one of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

But as the days passed, and Madeline came to the ranch more and more frequently, Joe just became more depressed. When Ben pressed him, he said, it was because he was bored. Adam tried to get him to open up, and so did Hoss, but he told them the same story. They weren\u2019t convinced either.<\/p>\n

After a month, Joe\u2019s ankle was healed enough for him to start riding again, and the difference in his attitude almost convinced his family that he had just been bored. Almost. For Joe\u2019s demeanor changed whenever he walked into the house. At work, in the open air, Joe could forget that he was likely to get a stepmother. As soon as he came in and saw Madeline, for she was at the ranch every day now, he remembered, and it was like a ton weight crashing down on him.<\/p>\n

Finally, the day that he had been dreading came. The first snow was dusting the ground as the Cartwright boys stamped their way into the warm house. They were flushed from the cold and Joe had managed to scrape together enough of the powdery snow to make a tiny snowball, which he had accurately lobbed down Adam\u2019s collar. Too pleased with this show of high spirits to be truly angry, Adam had made a dive for Joe, which only ended as the younger man reached the safety of the house.<\/p>\n

Ben was standing by the fireplace, wearing a tie, and holding a glass of wine in his hand. He smiled at his sons, and Madeline turned her head and smiled at them too. Joe, with a sinking feeling, knew at once what Ben was going to say. He swallowed hard, and met Madeline\u2019s triumphant gaze.<\/p>\n

\u201cBoys,\u201d Ben said. \u201cWe have something to tell you. Madeline and I are going to be married.\u201d<\/p>\n

The world began to expand and contract in Joe\u2019s vision. All he could see was Madeline\u2019s cool smile as she graciously accepted the congratulations that were being showered on her. Vaguely, Joe could hear his own voice saying appropriate things, but he wasn\u2019t in control of his tongue. He even felt a counterfeit smile stretching his lips, before he mounted the stairs to get changed for the celebration dinner.<\/p>\n

Joe barely managed to shut his bedroom door before he rushed over to the basin on the stand and was mightily sick. Again and again he retched, until there was nothing left in his stomach. Miserably, he wiped his mouth, and wondered how on earth he was going to be able to sit at a table with the happy couple, feeling as he did.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d said a voice, and Joe lifted a sweaty, pasty face to see Hoss looking at him with concern. \u201cAre you all right, Shortshanks? I thought I heard you bein\u2019 sick?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt must\u2019ve been that jerky at lunch,\u201d Joe replied, smiling wanly. \u201cI told you I thought it tasted bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t be sick tonight,\u201d Hoss said, with notable lack of concern for his younger brother. \u201cIt would make Pa and Miss Madeline feel real bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Joe replied, miserably. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Hoss. I\u2019ll be there.\u201d He gave his middle brother another smile, and Hoss left. After a time, Joe roused himself to empty the basin, and then washed up and changed.<\/p>\n

He was the last at the table. Hop Sing had made an extra effort, and the food was wonderful. Joe choked down a few mouthfuls and smiled when it seemed appropriate, but he spoke not a single word throughout the meal. Madeline looked radiant, and stunningly beautiful. She was wearing the same crimson velvet frock she had worn to that first dance.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen is the big day?\u201d Adam asked, after another toast.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe thought Christmas Eve,\u201d Ben replied. He covered Madeline\u2019s hand with his, and she gave him a glowing smile. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that they were deeply in love with each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cDadburnit, that\u2019s real good news,\u201d Hoss said. His genial face shone with pleasure.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re going to invite everyone,\u201d Ben said. \u201cI just hope the weather stays mild.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs long as you and the preacher are there, that\u2019s all I need,\u201d Madeline answered, and a pang shot straight to Joe\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the boys,\u201d finished Ben, as though she had simply forgotten to add that bit.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd the boys,\u201d she repeated. She had deliberately not mentioned them, but Ben couldn\u2019t ever forget them, it seemed. However, once she was Mrs. Benjamin Cartwright, she would begin to make the changes she wanted. First to go would be Joe. She was sure he knew that she didn\u2019t like him.<\/p>\n

As soon as he decently could, Joe excused himself and went upstairs. He ripped his tie off and threw it on the floor. Christmas Eve was a scant three weeks away. Joe loved Christmas. He knew that after his own mother had died, Christmas had lost its magic for a few years. But it was, once again, a special time for the Cartwrights. They moved heaven and earth to be together at this precious time of year. Joe suddenly felt as though it had been violated. He wanted to scream aloud in protest, and throw things and generally behave as though he was three years old. But he did none of those things. He undressed and slid into bed. He lay rigid under the covers until he heard Ben\u2019s footsteps outside his room. Unable to face lying once more, Joe turned onto his side and feigned sleep. Ben touched his head lovingly, and whispered goodnight before tiptoeing out and closing the door. Joe lay there, feeling the scalding tears seep from beneath his lashes, but he refused to let himself surrender to the tears. It was another long night for Joe.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

At breakfast the next morning, Ben discussed his weeding plans with his sons. \u201cAdam, I\u2019d like you to stand up with me as best man,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d be honored to, Pa,\u201d Adam responded, and he looked as though he meant it.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no question that this is still your home, too, boys,\u201d he went on. \u201cThere will be some changes, I don\u2019t doubt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe patter of tiny feet?\u201d Adam suggested, with a grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben said slowly. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and gave his sons a serious look. \u201cThis is to go no further, and I forbid you to mention it to Madeline, but she can\u2019t have children. Once we\u2019re married, we might look into adopting, but that\u2019s for the future.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe understand, Pa,\u201d Hoss said. \u201cThat\u2019s sure a shame for her, ain\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019ll still be the baby of the family, Joe,\u201d joked Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not a baby!\u201d Joe snapped, and pushed his chair back from the table. He was gone so quickly that Ben barely had time to say his name before the front door slammed resoundingly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get him, Pa,\u201d Adam said. \u201cI should know better.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, its all right,\u201d Ben said. \u201cI wanted to speak to Joe anyway.\u201d He rose from the table, noticing that Joe had eaten hardly any breakfast. He went swiftly outside, and met Joe in the barn doorway. \u201dJoe? Are you all right, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Joe said, but his voice was tight. \u201cSorry about slamming out like that.\u201d He didn\u2019t sound sorry.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s troubling you, Joseph? You haven\u2019t been yourself for weeks now.\u201d Ben put a hand on his son\u2019s shoulder, and looked into the green eyes. Joe had dark circles under his eyes, and his face looked thin. With a start, Ben realized that the shoulder under his hand was thinner, too. \u201cAre you ill?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m fine, honestly.\u201d Joe summoned up an unconvincing smile. He saw at once that Ben didn\u2019t believe him, so hastily sought for an excuse. \u201cI guess this all takes a bit of getting used to,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m happy for you, Pa, truly I am. Its just odd to think that I\u2019ll have a stepmother soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose it is,\u201d Ben said, his eyes softening. \u201cYour brothers felt the same way when I brought your mother back with me. And they didn\u2019t have any warning. I didn\u2019t think I would get the chance to love again, Joe. It\u2019s a rare gift. And don\u2019t worry, Madeline loves you all, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Pa,\u201d Joe agreed, knowing that Madeline didn\u2019t, and never would, love him. \u201cSee you tonight.\u201d He swung up onto Cochise, and rode away, swallowing over the huge lump that had risen in his throat.<\/p>\n

*************<\/p>\n

The first big snowfall of the winter happened a few week later. Wedding preparations were in full swing, and Joe was finding it more and more difficult to keep up a cheerful fa\u00e7ade. Adam and Hoss were blind to their brother\u2019s misery. Neither had noticed Madeline\u2019s little comments to Joe, except as a sort of running joke between the two of them. Ben knew that Joe was still worried about his new stepmother, but figured that things would settle down as soon as they all got used to each other.<\/p>\n

There was more snow about a week after that. It wasn\u2019t too deep, but Ben decided that they had better get more hay out to the herd, just in case. The boys loaded up a big sleigh wagon, and toted the hay out, and spread it around. It was hard, hot work. However, the snow in the meadows provided plenty of ammunition for a snowball fight afterwards, and the shadows were beginning to lengthen as they headed back towards home. Joe was elected to drive, and Adam and Hoss made themselves comfortable in the back of the wagon.<\/p>\n

They were nearing the ranch when they saw the light sleigh coming towards them. Joe had stopped the big wagon, and was clearing the horses\u2019 feet of snow. A moment later, Ben pulled up alongside. He and Madeline were flushed form the cold and there were little bits of snow glittering on the hood of Madeline\u2019s cloak. \u201cWell, boys,\u201d Ben said. \u201cGet all the hay out?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing, Pa,\u201d Joe answered. Without being asked, he checked the sleigh horse\u2019s feet, too. They were fine. Picking up the reins, he fiddled nervously with them, and the team, picking up on his feelings, tossed their heads.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe snowball fight was good, too,\u201d Hoss threw in, and they all laughed, except Joe. \u201cLittle Joe lost,\u201d the middle son added. \u201cMe and Adam ganged up on him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs usual,\u201d Joe retorted. He tightened his grip further, and the team began to prance. \u201cBetter get going,\u201d he said. He reached for the seat, and had one foot on the running board when the team broke into a canter. Joe sprawled across the seat, losing his grip on the reins entirely. They slid off the side, and moments later got caught in the runner.<\/p>\n

It only took seconds for disaster to strike. The rein tightened and the offside horse jerked round. The nearside horse kept pulling straight on, and the traces snapped. The sleigh swung round and shot off along the snow like a cannonball. Joe was flung from the seat, and Ben let out a cry of horror as he saw one of the runners hit him. The impact was enough to bounce the sleigh up and into the air. Adam and Hoss were thrown out.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Ben exclaimed. He was out of the sleigh and running to his sons without realizing he was doing it. Madeline\u2019s mouth hung open. She had never seen anything like this before. Ben knelt by Joe, and gently felt for a pulse. He was breathing, but blood ran from a gash along his head, and Ben feared that he might have internal injuries. He looked wildly round for Adam and Hoss, and saw them further away. Adam was trying to rise, but Hoss was out cold. Ben looked round. \u201cMadeline, go to the ranch, and get the hands to send out a wagon and send someone for the doctor!\u201d<\/p>\n

Gathering up the reins, Madeline cast her fianc\u00e9 one last glance before she sped off to get help.<\/p>\n

***************<\/p>\n

Left alone with his sons, Ben wasn\u2019t sure who to tend to first. He persuaded Adam to stay sitting down, and checked him over for any obvious injuries. He wondered about broken ribs, but that was all. Hoss roused, and he had a head injury, but nothing major. He and Adam had had their fall cushioned by a snowdrift.<\/p>\n

Going back to Joe, Ben stripped off his coat and covered his youngest son. Joe\u2019s face was deathly pale, and Ben hoped help would arrive soon. Lying in the cold wouldn\u2019t help Joe at all. After a few minutes, Adam and Hoss supported each other over to where Ben knelt by Joe. Nobody said anything.<\/p>\n

***************<\/p>\n

The wagon arrived quickly, but it didn\u2019t seem so to the waiting men. Joe hadn\u2019t moved or made a single sound. They loaded him carefully onto the wagon, and drove slowly back to the ranch. Ben enlisted some of the hands to move Joe, and ordered Adam and Hoss to get into bed. They were all soaking and shivering.<\/p>\n

Inside, Hop Sing had fires burning in each bedroom, and had bandages laid out ready. Madeline sat by the fire. Ben didn\u2019t have more than a glance to spare for her as he supervised his sons going to their rooms. Joe, despite the rough handling, still hadn\u2019t moved. Ben thanked the men, and started to strip off Joe\u2019s wet clothes. Moments later, Paul Martin came in, Madeline at his side.<\/p>\n

Quickly, Ben detailed what had happened. Paul\u2019s face was grave. He bent over Joe at once.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Ben,\u201d Madeline said. \u201cNow the doctor\u2019s here, you can get changed and come and sit down. He\u2019ll take care of the boys for you. You need to rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll get changed, then I\u2019ll be back,\u201d Ben agreed.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoctor Martin can manage without you, you know,\u201d Madeline said, sharply. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t need your help. Come down, and we\u2019ll go over our plans for next week. The boys will be just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking at her as though she had suddenly grown horns, Ben shook her hand off his arm. \u201cJoe could be mortally injured, Madeline. He needs me. I must check on Adam and Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unable to contain her anger any longer, Madeline said, \u201cThey\u2019re grown up, Ben. Adults! They don\u2019t need you to hold their hands any longer! Joe will be just fine. How many times has he been hurt before? Lots. You told me so yourself. He\u2019s not a child!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s my child!\u201d Ben said, coldly. \u201cThey are all my children, despite being grown up. And they need me. I will always be there for them when they need me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey won\u2019t always be living here,\u201d she spat back. \u201cAre you going to rush to their sides when they live in their own homes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf they need me,\u201d Ben repeated. He glanced at Paul. \u201cThis isn\u2019t the time for this. Will you check on Adam and Hoss while I get changed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Madeline answered, and saw something change in Ben\u2019s eyes. She held her head up. \u201cI\u2019m going to be your wife, Ben. You have to forget about your sons. They are grown up, and don\u2019t matter to us. Leave the doctor to tend to them. Its his job after all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Without another word, Ben turned and left the room. Paul was still working on Joe, but he knew he had just heard Madeline end her chances of marrying Ben. He said nothing, concentrating on his young patient. Joe had broken several ribs, and his left arm and collarbone, too. A vast bruise was spreading over his abdomen and hip, but after an anxious time, Paul decided that it wasn\u2019t internal bleeding. Joe was still pale, but his color was improving now that he was warming up. Going on with the examination, Paul discovered that Joe\u2019s left leg was broken, too. The sleigh had hit his left side. He was bruised all over.<\/p>\n

By the time Ben came back, Paul had bound up Joe\u2019s ribs, and was setting the broken arm. Wordlessly, Ben steadied Joe while Paul set all the broken limbs. Joe was groaning steadily as Paul finished with his leg, and a few minutes later, he opened his eyes. \u201cPa?\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here, son,\u201d Ben said, stroking his hair. Don\u2019t try to move. You\u2019ve been badly hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d Joe said. \u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019ll be all right,\u201d Ben soothed. \u201cThey landed in a snowdrift.\u201d He said it in a joking tone, and Joe tried to smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere, Joe, drink this,\u201d Paul said, and gave him something for the pain. A few minutes later, Joe\u2019s eyes closed again, and he slept. Paul settled his broken arm more comfortable into the sling. \u201cI\u2019ll go and check on your other sons,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

For a few moments, Ben sat by Joe\u2019s side. His heart was heavy. Finally he stood up and went downstairs. Madeline was sitting gazing into the fire. She looked up as Ben paused for a second. He sat down on the table by her side. \u201cWe must talk,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you\u2019d say that,\u201d she responded. \u201cBen, your sons are nice enough, but I have no interest in them. You\u2019re the one I love. I don\u2019t want them living here after we\u2019re married.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you,\u201d Ben said, slowly. \u201cI wanted you to be a part of this family. I was going to suggest that we could adopt a child to be ours, yours, mind and the boys\u2019.\u201d She looked horrified. \u201cBut we want different things, Madeline. I want the boys to live here with us for as long as they want. Its their home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe boys are your past,\u201d Madeline said. \u201cI want us to have a future, just you and I. I don\u2019t want children, Ben. I didn\u2019t want children of my own, ever. I don\u2019t want the boys living here once we\u2019re married. I don\u2019t want them dropping in unless they\u2019re invited. Why can\u2019t you forget about them?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rising, Ben looked down at her sadly. \u201cMy sons are not a part of my past, and I could never forget them,\u201d he said. \u201cI do love you, Madeline, but I\u2019m sorry, I can\u2019t marry you. I\u2019ll get one of the hands to drive you into town. Goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears broke free, and streamed down Madeline\u2019s face. \u201cDon\u2019t do this, Ben!\u201d she pleaded. \u201cWe can work something out. The boys can come visit, if that\u2019s what it takes. Please!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he repeated. \u201cIt won\u2019t work. Its over, Madeline.\u201d He went to the door and called for one of the hands. Then he lift Madeline\u2019s cloak and held it open for her. \u201cGoodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking at him, Madeline saw that he meant it. \u201cI love you, Ben,\u201d she said. She left without looking back.<\/p>\n

Shutting the door, Ben leant against it wearily. Then he resolutely straightened and went up to tend to his sons.<\/p>\n

**************<\/p>\n

It was several days before the boys realized that Madeline was no longer coming around, or even mentioned. Adam tentatively broached the subject at breakfast, three days after the accident. \u201cI haven\u2019t seen Madeline around,\u201d ho observed. \u201cIs she busy making preparations for the wedding?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere won\u2019t be a wedding,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n

Exchanging a perplexed glance with Adam, Hoss said, \u201cThere won\u2019t? How come?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe discovered that we had a major disagreement on a very important subject, and there was no way we could resolve it. There will be no wedding, and I don\u2019t want to hear any more about it.\u201d So saying, Ben got up and went over to his desk.<\/p>\n

There really wasn\u2019t much they could say with Ben just across the room, so the rest of the meal was finished in silence. After, they went up to see Joe, who was confined to his bed for the foreseeable future. He knew at once from his brother\u2019s faces that something had happened. \u201cWhat is it?\u201d he asked, anxiously.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe wedding\u2019s off,\u201d Hoss said, subsiding heavily onto a chair.<\/p>\n

\u201cOff?\u201d Joe said, blankly. \u201cWhy?\u201d He tried to pretend that he didn\u2019t feel a surge of joy at the thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa said they disagreed about something important, and couldn\u2019t resolve it,\u201d Adam answered. \u201cBut he wouldn\u2019t say what it was.\u201d He looked at Joe, who looked as though he had been struck by some kind of revelation. \u201cJoe? Do you know what it was about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot for sure,\u201d Joe admitted. \u201cBut Madeline didn\u2019t like us, me especially.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be ridiculous,\u201d Hoss spluttered. \u201cWhy, you introduced her to Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, but she changed. She kept making comments.\u201d Joe reminded his brothers of the little comments, and they gradually saw what he meant.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought she was just joking,\u201d Adam said. \u201cI guess I only saw what I wanted to. No wonder you were so depressed, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, what could I say?\u201d Joe demanded. He tried to move, but failed. He felt like he was pinned to the bed by the weight of his broken limbs. He was black and blue down his left side from his hairline to his toes. Adam helped him sit up slightly. \u201cIf I\u2019d said anything, you\u2019d have all assumed that I was jealous, and behaving like a spoiled kid.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss started to protest at that, but Adam silenced him with a glance. \u201cJoe\u2019s right,\u201d he said. \u201cWe would have thought that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess we would,\u201d Hoss muttered. \u201cSorry, Shortshanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIts okay,\u201d Joe assured him. There was silence for a moment. Joe rested his aching head on the pillows. \u201cHow\u2019s Pa?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cBleeding,\u201d Adam said, succinctly. \u201cHe loved her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you more,\u201d said a voice from the doorway. Ben came into the room. He\u2019d followed his sons upstairs and had been listening. \u201cJoe, you guessed right. Madeline didn\u2019t want any of you living here with us, or even visiting unless invited. She thought I should just forget about you all.\u201d Crossing to the bed, Ben gently caressed Joe\u2019s head, then touched Adam on the shoulder, and patted Hoss on the back. \u201cI couldn\u2019t forget my sons. This is your home as much as it is mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d Joe started, but Ben interrupted him.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Joe. I should have guessed, because Madeline made sure she didn\u2019t come in contact with you boys any more than was necessary. And that last time you got hurt, she was angry that I spent time with you, and not with her. I compounded my sin by canceling our dinner date the next night, because you still weren\u2019t well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIts my fault,\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Joe, its not your fault. Madeline has a hatred of children, even adult ones. She resented any time I spent with you boys. How could I marry someone who didn\u2019t like you? No, not even for the chance to love again could I do that. This is not anyone\u2019s fault. Madeline can\u2019t help her nature.\u201d His voice became husky suddenly, and he coughed unconvincingly. \u201cJust get well, Joe. That\u2019s all I need. You boys here with me.\u201d Turning abruptly, he left before the tears overwhelmed him.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t the only one with tears in his eyes. Adam blinked furiously. Hoss dashed his hand across his eyes, and Joe let the tears come. He was too tired, sore and emotionally over-wrought to control them. Grief for his father\u2019s sorrow battled with his relief that Madeline wasn\u2019t going to become part of the family. Exhaustion finally won, and he slipped into sleep, the first natural, deep sleep he had had in weeks.<\/p>\n

Slipping out of the room, Adam and Hoss went downstairs. Ben was reading the paper as though nothing had happened. He looked up. \u201cAre you boys going to collect the tree today?\u201d he asked. \u201cBecause I\u2019ll get the decorations out if you are. It\u2019ll cheer Joe up. We can bring him down when its decorated. What do you say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing,\u201d Hoss agreed. Adam nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2019s asleep right now,\u201d he said. \u201cWe\u2019ll get one.\u201d<\/p>\n

Together, they headed for the door, knowing that Ben would be all right. He would grieve for Madeline, but he would get over it. Meantime, they had Christmas to celebrate, and give thanks that all three of them had lived through an horrific accident. Who knew, perhaps one day, Ben would find love again.<\/p>\n

Watching his sons leave, Ben felt a pang of pity for the woman he loved. She would never know what she was missing. There was no way he could tell her. He gazed for a moment into the fire, and then stood up to go and look for the Christmas tree ornaments. This would be a special Christmas after all. No wedding, but rejoicing that he had three wonderful sons, none of whom were going to be permanently marked by that dreadful accident, the one which had opened his eyes to Madeline\u2019s true nature.<\/p>\n

Going upstairs, Ben opened Joe\u2019s door, and looked on his son. He felt deeply that Joe had known all along that Madeline didn\u2019t like them, and had kept it all to himself. No wonder the boy had been depressed. But, despite the bruises and bandages, Ben thought Joe looked better, and realized that he had peace of mind again.<\/p>\n

Closing the door, Ben discovered that he had peace of mind over his decision. No longer would it worry him. Joe\u2019s peace of mind had shown him that his decision had been right. \u201cSleep well, Joe,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

Next Story in the To Love Again Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shotgun Wedding<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Joe meets a woman in town, but Ben falls in love with her. The family are delighted – or are they?<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0 \u00a0 (9,230 words)\u00a0<\/p>\n

To Love Again Series, links to all stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":45,"featured_media":3814,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1015,23,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-joe-pa","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","wpcat-1015-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/joe-angst.jpg?fit=400%2C320&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5327","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/45"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5327"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5327\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3814"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5327"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5327"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5327"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}