{"id":5598,"date":"2003-09-24T00:39:44","date_gmt":"2003-09-24T04:39:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5598"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:07:43","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:07:43","slug":"the-breaking-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5598","title":{"rendered":"The Breaking Game (by Rona)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>An accident leads to self-doubt for Joe, until a potential disaster restores his faith in himself.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0 \u00a0(9,350 words)<\/p>\n

Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Breaking Game<\/strong><\/p>\n

Looking at all the horses milling about in the make-shift corral, Joe Cartwright knew that he had his work cut out for him this time. There was a mixture of mares, foals, yearlings, and some older horses. The herd stallion was still somewhere in there, and he would have to be separated before he killed one of the young male horses.<\/p>\n

Luckily, the stallion was distinctive enough that Joe had no problems recognizing him. The fact that he had also once tried to break the stallion meant that he knew him well. Joe whistled piercingly, not at all sure if Satan would respond to the whistle, but a moment later, he saw the familiar brown-and-white coat of the skewbald stallion and had his rope sailing towards him.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s aim was true, and he used his pinto horse to help him pull the stallion over to the gate, although Satan fought him every step of the way. But, with some help from the hands and some big whips, Satan was soon outside the corral and Joe was faced with the daunting task of removing the rope.<\/p>\n

It was all too apparent that the big stallion was angry. Joe dismounted from his horse and walked slowly towards Satan, talking quietly and soothingly all the time. The hands wisely kept their distance and watched. Even those new to the ranch knew the stories about Joe and Satan, and were curious.<\/p>\n

This was a scene that Joe remembered only too well. Joe had separated the foals from the mares and had had to restrain the stallion while that was happening. As Joe set the horse free, it had turned on him, biting a chunk out of his shoulder, and striking Joe\u2019s leg with its hoof. Nor was that the last occasion that the stallion had ravaged the man. Joe had almost died setting the horse free. Yet later, Satan had saved Joe\u2019s life. The animal was completely unpredictable.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m just gonna let you go, fella,\u201d Joe soothed, allowing the rope to loosen slowly. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I\u2019m not gonna keep you this time. Not that I\u2019d mind, but I know it\u2019s not for you.\u201d The horse shook its head, unknowingly helping Joe. In one smooth movement, Joe had the rope over Satan\u2019s ears and the stallion was free again.<\/p>\n

For a long moment, man and horse just looked at one another. The rope lay in loose coils on the ground and Joe made no attempt to gather it up. He just looked at his horse and thought of what might have been. Then Joe dropped his gaze, and, as though that action had been holding Satan captive, the horse realized it was free. It turned in one graceful movement and galloped off.<\/p>\n

A hubbub of chat broke out from behind Joe as he began to coil up the rope. Joe let it all wash over him as relief made his muscles tremble slightly. Sub-consciously, he had been expecting the horse to turn on him, as it had done the previous time.<\/p>\n

Drawing a deep breath, Joe started to give out his orders.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

It was dark when he arrived back at the house and he was sure supper would be long over. Not that Joe was unduly worried about that. He was more tired than hungry and bed was calling more loudly to him than food was. Slowly, he untacked his horse and bedded it down for the night, yawning convulsively throughout.<\/p>\n

The house was brightly lit and welcoming as Joe opened the front door. Ben, his father, was seated in his red leather chair by the fire, reading. Adam and Hoss were playing chess on the table in front of the fire. Joe smiled at them all as he paused to unbuckle his gun belt and take off his hat.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did it go?\u201d Ben asked, smiling.<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat, thanks,\u201d Joe responded. \u201cWe got all the horses we wanted and we\u2019re ready to start sorting them out tomorrow.\u201d Joe made a face. \u201cI\u2019ve got quite a few to geld, too.\u201d Gelding was a job Joe hated, but he knew it had to be done. Stallions were unpredictable and working a stallion more often than not led to trouble, one way or another. Geldings were much more reliable all round, but the process of gelding was unpleasant.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look tired,\u201d Ben noted, rising from his seat and going over to Joe. \u201cI was a little worried that you were so late.\u201d<\/p>\n

Recognizing the oblique question, Joe grinned. \u201cI\u2019m fine, Pa. I had to get Satan away from the mares, and that took a little bit of time.\u201d He forestalled the next question by adding, \u201cAnd he didn\u2019t give me any trouble, although he wasn\u2019t very pleased.\u201d<\/p>\n

Patting Joe\u2019s shoulder, Ben gave him an understanding smile. \u201cWell, why don\u2019t you get cleaned up while Hop Sing makes you some supper?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I\u2019m really tired,\u201d Joe replied. \u201cI think I\u2019ll just go straight to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re sure,\u201d Ben agreed, doubtfully. He looked into Joe\u2019s face and saw the exhaustion etched there. \u201cAre you sure you\u2019re all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Joe replied. \u201cHonestly.\u201d He smiled at them all. \u201cGood night, everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Joe\u2019s back view disappeared from sight, Adam commented, \u201cHe\u2019s always tired after he sees Satan.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Ben sighed.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe sure do love that horse,\u201d Hoss agreed.<\/p>\n

After a moment, they all went back to what they had been doing. Upstairs, Joe fell into his bed and went straight to sleep, to dream about his brown-and-white horse.<\/p>\n

*********************<\/p>\n

The next morning, the real work began. All obviously pregnant mares were set loose again. Joe knew that Satan was still hanging around, and that he would soon have the mares rounded up. The foals were separated from the mares, and the air was filled with their pitiful cries. Joe set some men to turn the foals loose in the big pasture near the corrals and relative peace was soon restored.<\/p>\n

The next job was to get the young stallions apart. Although they had been together in a herd, they were all full grown and would soon start to fight. Joe had to get them isolated, then gelded. That would be the first job, he decided. While they were recovering from the gelding, he could break the mares.<\/p>\n

By late afternoon, the young stallions were all isolated. One hand had been bitten, and another kicked, but both had been lucky in that their injuries were minor. Joe was nursing a sore wrist, where a rope had twisted around it suddenly, but he hadn\u2019t said anything to anyone, in typical fashion.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s call it a day!\u201d he called and heard relieved mumbles from all around. \u201cTomorrow, we do the gelding.\u201d It wasn\u2019t something he looked forward to, but it had to be done.<\/p>\n

As he rode into the yard, Hoss came out of the barn. \u201cHi, Joe,\u201d he greeted his younger brother. \u201cYou sure are dirty, ain\u2019t cha? You\u2019ll have to get a bath before supper, or Hop Sing won\u2019t let you at the table.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Joe replied, sighing. \u201cJust let me get Cochise settled and I\u2019ll get right onto it.\u201d He dismounted and led Cochise into the barn. Hoss followed him, chatting away about his day.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou dun hurt yourself, Joe?\u201d Hoss asked, as he saw his younger brother wince as he struggled with the cinch.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not really, just a twinge in my wrist,\u201d Joe told him, finally getting the cinch undone. He gritted his teeth as he reached to pull the saddle off, only to find Hoss\u2019 hands there before him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know you an\u2019 your \u2018twinges\u2019,\u201d Hoss commented. He gently lifted Joe\u2019s bruised and swollen wrist. \u201cYou git that strapped up after yer bath,\u201d he ordered. \u201cIf\u2019n you don\u2019t do it, I will.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Joe capitulated. \u201cYou go tell Hop Sing to heat the water and I\u2019ll be in in a minute.\u201d With his good hand, which was fortunately his left hand, Joe began to energetically brush down his horse. Hoss eyed him for a moment, before going off to the house.<\/p>\n

****************<\/p>\n

Between them, Ben and Hoss were going to drive him to drink! Joe thought, as Ben gently checked the bandage on his sprained wrist the next morning. As far as Joe was concerned, it was nothing to worry about. It wasn\u2019t the first time it had happened, and he had the decided impression that it wouldn\u2019t be the last. He had no intention of keeping the bandage on while he was actually doing the gelding, but would put it back before he got home, and they would be none the wiser.<\/p>\n

Gelding was a nasty, bloody job, but it had to be done. The horses were secured with a twitch initially (a device that looped over the horse\u2019s top lip and held them still) then were forced down, legs tied, then castrated. The animals were then allowed back to their feet and turned into the corral. Joe knew that it was for the best, because a lot of stallions around the place would cause all sorts of problems, but it didn\u2019t make the job any more pleasant.<\/p>\n

There were eight young horses to do, and by noon, they were half way through. Joe washed the blood off his hands, but was unable to eat more than a few mouthfuls. Few of the men were. After a while, Joe said, \u201cI\u2019ll do the chestnut first, then that bay. Can you get them ready?\u201d<\/p>\n

A couple of the men rose and went to collect the colts. As Joe rose to go over to the place where he was working, he heard the scream of an angry horse, and looked round in time to spot the chestnut break free from his handler and dive towards the bay.<\/p>\n

Without being aware of what he was doing, Joe began to run in that direction. The man leading the bay tried his best to get his charge to turn away, but with only a headcollar for control, he had no chance. The bay stallion dragged him along as it rose to meet the chestnut\u2019s challenge.<\/p>\n

There was a solid thud as the two horses collided with each other, both on their hind legs, teeth and hooves flashing. Chet, the hand, was knocked to the ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet out of there, Chet!\u201d Joe yelled, as he raced towards the horses. The man didn\u2019t move.<\/p>\n

Throwing himself bodily into the fray was perhaps not the wisest thing Joe had ever done, but he did it anyway, yelling like a banshee. For an instant, the horses parted, distracted by the unexpected noise, but it was only for an instant. As Joe grabbed the headcollar of the bay, he was struck by one of the flying hooves, and thrown aside.<\/p>\n

Undeterred, Joe scrambled at once to his feet, and this time dived for Chet, grabbing his jacket and pulling him away from the danger area. Unfortunately, the horses were circling and pawing and no matter how fast Joe worked, they seemed to keep pace with him. Teeth sank into his side, biting through the material of his shirt. Joe let out a howl of pain, but kept working to save his man.<\/p>\n

By now, the other hands had their ropes out, and had the horses lassoed. It took several men to drag the fighting animals apart, and just as they thought they had succeeded in parting them, the chestnut broke free.<\/p>\n

It lunged for its rival, but missed, thanks to the tug on the rope around its neck. Frustrated, it reared, higher and higher, until its balance was thrown off. With a startled scream, the horse staggered slightly on its hind legs before it crashed to earth.<\/p>\n

One hoof hit Chet. The other struck Joe.<\/p>\n

*********************<\/p>\n

When Ben arrived at the corrals, Joe was on his feet, gazing at the lathered chestnut horse. He was covered with blood. Ben felt a cold hand clutch at his heart. Dismounting quickly, he hurried over to Joe. \u201cJoe, are you all right?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

Slowly, Joe\u2019s head turned until he was looking at Ben. \u201cChet\u2019s dead,\u201d he said, tonelessly.<\/p>\n

Aghast, not sure if he was more shocked by his son\u2019s tone than by the information he passed along, Ben looked at the blanket-covered body. He swallowed convulsively, his heart going out to the young man who had died, but relief swamping his body that it wasn\u2019t Joe who was laying there.<\/p>\n

But that didn\u2019t blunt the edge of his worry. Joe was chalk white; a graze ran down the right side of his face, down his neck and down his arm. The sleeve of his shirt was ripped, revealing the lacerated skin beneath. Blood soaked through his shirt just about waist level.<\/p>\n

Looking round, Ben saw Jeb, and ordered, \u201cTake the body back to the house, Jeb and get those horses seen to. Send someone for the doctor, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d Jeb replied. He glanced uneasily at Joe. \u201cIt were the hoof that done all that,\u201d he explained, gesturing to the graze that ran down Joe\u2019s body. \u201cJoe was tryin\u2019 to save Chet. An\u2019 then the horse bit him, an\u2019 all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d Ben answered. He carefully took Joe\u2019s uninjured arm. \u201cCome on, son, let\u2019s go home,\u201d he urged. After a moment, Joe followed him, mounting Cochise with a little help. As they rode home, Ben kept close, but Joe, although he reeled in the saddle once or twice, kept his seat.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

It was the silence that was the most worrying, Ben thought. Joe had spoken not a word the whole ride home. As they arrived in the yard, Ben hastily dismounted so he could hurry over and help Joe. \u201cSon?\u201d he ventured, when Joe showed no signs of moving. \u201cLet me help you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s gaze came back from whatever vista of hell it had been contemplating and he focused on Ben. \u201cWhat did you say, Pa?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on,\u201d Ben urged, pulling gently on Joe\u2019s arm. This time, Joe realized what Ben wanted and slid off his horse.<\/p>\n

As his feet hit the ground, his knees began to buckle and Joe came back to reality with a jolt. He blinked and looked around. \u201cHow?\u201d he began. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTake it easy,\u201d Ben advised him. \u201cYou\u2019ve had quite a knock on the head, Joe. Come inside so you can sit down.\u201d Looping his arm carefully around Joe\u2019s waist, he assisted his son across the yard.<\/p>\n

By the time they reached the sofa, Joe was visibly trembling. Ben helped him to sit down and swung his legs up onto the sofa. \u201cChet\u2019s dead, isn\u2019t he?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid so,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cBut it\u2019s not your fault, Joe. You did everything you could to save him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is my fault,\u201d Joe insisted. \u201cI sent him to get that horse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHim specifically, or just someone in general?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat difference does it make?\u201d Joe snapped. \u201cI sent him and he died because of me!\u201d He moved convulsively, as though he was going to stand up, and a shaft of pain rocketed through his side. He blanched.<\/p>\n

\u201cEasy, Joe,\u201d Ben soothed. \u201cYou\u2019ve been injured, so just take it easy. The doctor will be here soon.\u201d He kept repeating this mantra while they waited for the doctor to arrive. He did what he could to make Joe more comfortable, but there was so much blood, Ben was afraid to do too much.<\/p>\n

It seemed to Ben that Joe was going into shock, for he was pale, cold, sweating and his pupils were enormous.\u00a0 He was relieved when Adam and Hoss arrived home and so were able to help Joe up to his bed, where Ben made him lie down, covered him warmly with a blanket and got his other sons to raise the foot of the bed. He then spoke calmly to Joe while they waited for the doctor to arrive. Adam and Hoss looked on anxiously, but Ben indicated to them not to speak and so they contained their worry.<\/p>\n

Finally, Dr Paul Martin arrived. Ben met him at the door and briefed him on Joe\u2019s injuries. \u201cYou\u2019ve done the right thing, Ben,\u201d Paul assured him. \u201cThat\u2019s the best possible thing to do for shock. Now, you go down and drink something hot and sweet while I tend to your boy.\u201d He practically pushed Ben out of the door.<\/p>\n

The hot sweet coffee did help settle Ben\u2019s nerves slightly while he waited for Paul to come to them. It didn\u2019t take as long as Ben had feared. \u201cHow is he?\u201d he asked anxiously, the moment Paul appeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s asleep,\u201d Paul replied. He sat down on the sofa and accepted a cup of coffee. \u201cHis injuries are mostly minor, Ben. That was quite a bite he got on his side, and it had bled a lot. I haven\u2019t had to take stitches, though. I cleaned it up and it should do well enough. He\u2019s going to be incredibly bruised and sore for a while though. He was lucky that horse wasn\u2019t shod, or he might have died. Keep him in bed tomorrow, then let him up. He\u2019ll be too stiff to do much for a few days. He\u2019s slightly concussed, as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he say anything?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout Chet?\u201d Paul replied. \u201cYes, he did. I told him that it wasn\u2019t his fault. I don\u2019t think he believed me, but if you keep repeating it often enough, he should come round.\u201d Paul sipped his coffee. \u201cHe\u2019s bound to be a bit depressed, though, Ben. It\u2019s only to be expected.\u201d<\/p>\n

**************<\/p>\n

Next morning, Joe was indeed stiff and didn\u2019t object to staying in bed. In fact, he didn\u2019t complain at all and seemed to have no opinions on anything. Every time Ben went into his room that day, Joe was gazing into space. He made an effort to bring his thoughts back to the room while Ben was there, but it was clearly an effort, and as Ben left each time, he saw, with growing dismay, that Joe\u2019s gaze had become unfocused once again.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want to talk about it, Joe?\u201d Ben asked gently, as Joe picked at his supper.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s nothing to talk about,\u201d Joe replied, tonelessly. \u201cI killed Chet; what more is there to say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou did not kill him, Joseph!\u201d Ben hissed. \u201cChet\u2019s death was an accident!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAn accident I caused,\u201d nodded Joe, still without the passion that Ben associated with his youngest son. \u201cI told him to get that horse, and I killed him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe horse killed him,\u201d Ben snapped. \u201cYou told the men to get the horse. Chet was an experienced wrangler; you had no reason to think that anything might happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIts very kind of you to absolve me from blame,\u201d Joe said, politely. \u201cBut there\u2019s no need to pretend, Pa. I know I killed Chet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shaken, Ben could only stare at his son. He knew then that the words he had said had not registered with Joe at all. Would repeating them make Joe hear them any better? \u201cYou didn\u2019t kill Chet!\u201d he reiterated.<\/p>\n

Giving Ben a meaningless smile, Joe replied, \u201cWhatever you say, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cajoling Joe into eating some more of his supper, Ben continued to repeat that Joe was not responsible for Chet\u2019s death. Every time, Joe agreed with him politely, but it was clear that he didn\u2019t believe a word of it. As Ben left with the tray, he wondered how on earth he was going to get through to Joe.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you feeling this morning, son?\u201d Ben asked, as Joe arrived down for breakfast the next day. To Ben\u2019s critical eye, he still appeared pale, but that was understandable.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine, thank you, sir,\u201d Joe replied. He glanced at his brothers, but there was no mischief lurking in those green eyes that morning. \u00a0\u201cMorning,\u201d he offered, as though unsure what to say to them.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood ta see ya up, Shortshanks,\u201d Hoss beamed.<\/p>\n

\u201cFeeling better?\u201d Adam enquired.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Joe replied. He began to help himself, but he put barely any food on his plate.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that all you\u2019re having?\u201d Ben asked, anxiety making his tone sharper than he had intended.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not very hungry,\u201d Joe responded indifferently.<\/p>\n

\u201cYa need ta eat more\u2019n that ta git yer strength up,\u201d Hoss protested, looking at the lone slice of bacon and single egg on Joe\u2019s plate. \u201cYa ain\u2019t nuthin\u2019 but skin an\u2019 bone as it is!\u201d<\/p>\n

As he opened his mouth to say something, Adam caught Joe\u2019s eye, and was shocked by the blank look he saw there. He subsided, not sure what to say. Joe didn\u2019t care, he saw. It didn\u2019t bother him that he was causing his family worry by not eating. In a flash, Adam realized that at that moment, Joe didn\u2019t care if he lived or died. It was all the same to him and he wasn\u2019t going to make any effort either way.<\/p>\n

Catching Ben\u2019s eye, Adam frantically shook his head, and Ben subsided. It took a moment or two longer for Hoss to catch on, but he, too stopped getting at Joe and they watched as he ate his meal without the slightest signs of interest or enjoyment.<\/p>\n

As Hop Sing cleared the table, Ben said, \u201cJoe, we have to go into town, but we won\u2019t be too long. Will you be all right here alone?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever,\u201d Joe responded. \u201cHave a nice time.\u201d This last sentence seemed to be quite an effort for him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re going to Chet\u2019s funeral,\u201d Adam told him, quietly, eyes searching for a reaction.<\/p>\n

For an instant, Joe\u2019s eyes opened wide, and tears began to form. Then his face closed down again, all the life going out of it. \u201cI\u2019d better come, too then,\u201d he stated. \u201cAfter all, it was my fault.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt weren\u2019t your fault!\u201d Hoss declared. \u201cIt were an accident!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to worry, Hoss,\u201d Joe told him, kindly. \u201cI know it was my fault.\u201d He rose unhurriedly from the table and went over to the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not going to let him come, are you?\u201d Adam asked Ben, as Joe disappeared from sight.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you suggest I do?\u201d Ben returned. \u201cTie him to his bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt might get a reaction from him,\u201d Adam shot back. \u201cI don\u2019t think he\u2019s up to it. Look at him!\u201d He gestured dramatically to the stairs. \u201cHe\u2019s as stiff as an old horse, looks like his own ghost and you\u2019re not going to stop him from coming?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you think I can see that?\u201d Ben whispered. \u201cBut I\u2019d far rather he was under my eye, so I can see what he\u2019s doing. Adam, don\u2019t you see? I\u2019m afraid to leave him here alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

There, it was out; he\u2019d put into words his darkest fear. And looking at his sons, Ben saw that they had instinctively feared the same thing. Nothing more was said as they shrugged on coats and harnessed the buggy. Joe joined them a few minutes later, looking like a faded copy of himself. As Adam had said, Joe could barely walk, he was bruised and sore yet he was acting as though nothing had happened to him.<\/p>\n

Conversation was short on the ride into town. They parked the buggy by the cemetery gates and went in. The hands were gathered there already and they all looked surprised to see Joe there. Joe kept his eyes down throughout and barely heard the short service. As he gazed at the plain coffin, his thoughts beat through his head louder and louder.\u00a0You killed Chet. You killed Chet. You killed Chet<\/em>. As the first clods of dirt were thrown onto the lowered coffin, Joe could take it no longer. He turned abruptly and ran towards the gate.<\/p>\n

Quick as a flash, Adam followed him, but still wasn\u2019t in time to catch Joe as he collapsed in a heap by the side of the buggy. Pulling Joe into his arms, Adam saw that his brother\u2019s face was pale, his eyes were closed and he was sweating.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s get him home,\u201d Ben said, from beside him, in a concerned tone. He helped Adam lift his unconscious brother into the buggy as Hoss joined them, and they rode away, leaving the hands and some friends muttering speculatively to each other.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean to embarrass you,\u201d Joe muttered. He felt dreadful, but welcomed the misery. It proved to him that he could feel something other than the crippling guilt that had dogged him since Chet\u2019s accident. What Joe couldn\u2019t understand was why all the things he said came out sounding like he was parroting some foreign language that he didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t embarrass me,\u201d Ben repeated, patiently. \u201cBut I am concerned. I think you overdid it. Why don\u2019t you have a lie down?\u201d he suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Joe agreed, listlessly. He wondered if he would feel better if he had a sleep. Sleeping was good; he didn\u2019t have to think or feel while he was asleep. He dragged his sore, weary body upstairs and lay down carefully on the bed. He closed his eyes as tears seeped out beneath his lashes.<\/p>\n

When Ben checked on him a short while later, Joe was sound asleep.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

Unfortunately for Joe, as his body began to heal, he found that it was impossible to sleep all the time. He had grown to hate the litany that all his family repeated to him. \u201cThe accident wasn\u2019t your fault.\u201d As he sank deeper into depression, he began to believe that nothing he did was worthwhile. The repeated assurances, instead of giving him the boost he needed, just convinced him that he was generally so inept that he couldn\u2019t be trusted to do anything.<\/p>\n

From being silent, Joe became angry; angry that they wouldn\u2019t leave him alone with his misery. He could barely put a foot outside the door before one or another of his family would follow him. When he wanted to go riding, he couldn\u2019t go alone, just in case he felt dizzy, Ben said, but Joe thought it was so he wouldn\u2019t go and do something else stupid. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Pa,\u201d he snapped. \u201cI\u2019m never going to break horses again, so I\u2019m not going to run off there alone!\u201d Shaken by the venom in Joe\u2019s voice, Ben could only stare at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe\u2026\u201d he ventured.<\/p>\n

\u201cNever, Pa! I mean it! Never again!\u201d Joe had raced upstairs and slammed his door on that occasion. Ben had not known what to say, so had said nothing.<\/p>\n

Deep down inside, Joe knew that he wasn\u2019t useless, but his grieving over the death of Chet wasn\u2019t being allowed to fully run its course. What Joe needed, more than anything, was time alone to work through his thoughts. Unintentionally, his family was smothering him.<\/p>\n

It all came to a head a few days later. Joe had managed to get as far as the barn alone and was just beginning to relax when the door opened and Adam came in. \u201cJoe? Are you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine!\u201d Joe replied, through gritted teeth. He thought that if anyone else asked if he was all right, he would probably scream.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you going riding?\u201d Adam asked, which was a really stupid question, given that Joe was in the process of saddling Cochise. \u201cI don\u2019t think you should go alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

That was the last straw for Joe. \u201cYou know what, Adam?\u201d Joe asked, slowly, turning to face him. His horse side-stepped uneasily. Joe\u2019s voice began to rise. \u201cI don\u2019t care what you think. If I want to go riding alone, then that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to do! I can\u2019t even go to the outhouse alone these days. Someone always follows me to ask if I\u2019m all right! Well, guess what? I\u2019m not all right! Got it? Now leave me alone!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, hang on,\u201d Adam protested. \u201cThat\u2019s not fair; we\u2019re just concerned for you, buddy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFair or not, it\u2019s the truth!\u201d Joe shouted. \u201cNow I\u2019m going riding, alone!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot when you\u2019re mad!\u201d Adam stated firmly, and found, to his shock, that Joe had decked him! Slightly dazed, he just lay there in the straw as his irate youngest brother mounted up and galloped off.<\/p>\n

He had got as far as his knees when Ben appeared in the barn, a questioning look on his face. \u201cAdam?\u201d he queried, hurrying over to help his son. \u201cAre you all right? What happened?\u201d He glanced around. \u201cWhere\u2019s Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe is what happened,\u201d Adam answered, wryly. He felt his face gingerly. \u201cHe lost his temper with me and thumped me before riding off.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d better go after him,\u201d Ben worried. He moved towards his horse, but Adam put out his hand and stopped him.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t, Pa,\u201d he said, and told Ben what Joe had said to him. \u201cHe\u2019s right, you know? Thinking about it, whenever Joe went off alone, we went after him, even to the outhouse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we\u2019re worried about him,\u201d Ben protested frowning.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, but I think perhaps Joe needs to be alone. By the time he\u2019s gone off to bed at night, he\u2019s tired and probably doesn\u2019t have time to think before he falls asleep.\u201d Adam shrugged. \u201cFor you, me and Hoss, keeping close is probably the right thing to do. But not for Joe. We have to give him time alone, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose you\u2019re right,\u201d Ben replied, but the frustration was clear in his tone. He looked at Adam more closely. \u201cYou\u2019re going to have a terrific bruise there, son,\u201d he commented and Adam grinned.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour baby son can sure pack a wallop,\u201d he agreed.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

The sheer exhilaration of riding his horse at a flat-out gallop made Joe feel human for the first time in over a week. It felt good to be on his own at last. He allowed Cochise to slow, until they were walking. He didn\u2019t try and guide the horse; instead he just let Cochise pick his own direction. Out of habit, because Joe went there so often, Cochise took Joe to his mother\u2019s grave. Joe wondered if, subconsciously, he had directed the horse to come here. This was the place he came to sort out his thoughts.<\/p>\n

Dismounting, Joe sat for a long time gazing at the lake. His mind played over and over the events of the day that had led, ultimately, to Chet\u2019s death. And as he played it through, Joe began to cry, relieving the bottled-up feelings inside. Finally wiping his eyes on his sleeve, Joe came to understand that he wasn\u2019t to blame for Chet\u2019s death. It had been a horrific accident that no one could have foreseen. He had done everything he could to save Chet, including risking his own life. The burden of guilt lifted and Joe lay back, relaxed for the first time in a very long time.<\/p>\n

Not surprisingly, after the catharsis of tears, Joe fell asleep. He was awakened about an hour later by a booming crash of thunder. Glancing round, Joe saw that an autumn squall was moving in across the lake. Right now, there was no rain, but that would come later, Joe guessed. Rising, he caught Cochise, who was grazing nearby and mounted. He had no intention of getting wet if he could avoid it.<\/p>\n

The very air seemed to crackle with electricity, and Cochise was nervous. Joe soothed the horse as he glanced around. There was a flash of lightning just ahead, and Cochise reared. \u201cEasy, fella,\u201d Joe soothed, tightening the reins and stroking the black-and-white neck. \u201cTake it easy, Cooch, its just lightning. You\u2019ve seen storms before.\u201d<\/p>\n

However, Joe was slightly concerned. He and Cochise were still in amongst the trees and he knew only too well that lightning was attracted to the trees. \u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d he urged, allowing the horse to stretch into a lope.<\/p>\n

They had barely traveled any distance when there were two lightning strikes in quick succession in the trees ahead. With a roar, the trees caught fire. Startled, Cochise reared, higher and higher. Joe clung to his saddle horn. After a moment, the horse crashed back to all four legs, but it danced around uneasily as Joe tried to calm it. Realizing that this was hopeless, Joe was preparing to dismount and lead Cochise when lightning stuck the tree right beside him. A flaming branch plunged to the ground, striking Joe and knocking him from the saddle. Cochise fled.<\/p>\n

********************<\/p>\n

He was on fire! Frantically, Joe rolled over and over, extinguishing the flames on his sleeve. Overhead, the fire crackled on. Panting, Joe lay face down on the ground, becoming aware, now that his immediate danger was past, that his arm was throbbing with pain. As he tried to move it, he realized that as well as being burned, his arm was probably broken.<\/p>\n

As he forced himself to his knees, Joe suddenly realized that bits and pieces of fire were raining down on him from above. His face stung here and there as embers floated past. And then the worst happened, the ground, tinder dry, ignited. Joe was trapped in a circle of flame!<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

\u201cLook at that lightnin\u2019!\u201d Hoss exclaimed as he and Adam rode back into the yard.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s hope there\u2019s rain on the way,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cOtherwise we\u2019re going to lose a lot of timber!\u201d He drew rein and looked harder. \u201cHoss, look! Fire!\u201d<\/p>\n

Moments later, they were raising the alarm.<\/p>\n

*****************<\/p>\n

Snatching off his jacket, Joe began to beat frantically at the flames. Smoke billowed into his face, making him cough, but he didn\u2019t stop; his life depended on him putting the flames out. Joe knew that he was probably fighting a losing battle; one man was not going to stop a forest fire.<\/p>\n

With another crash of thunder overhead, the rain suddenly came deluging down. Joe could hear the flames hissing as the cold rain struck them. \u201cThank you, God!\u201d he shouted against the noise.\u00a0 There was a sudden gust of wind, fanning the flames momentarily, and Joe inhaled a lungful of smoke. He choked, and spluttered as tears ran down his grimy face.<\/p>\n

When he had regained his eyesight, he glanced up, squinting through the rain. The treetops were smoking now, no longer blazing, and Joe sent up another thankful prayer. But his troubles were not yet over. The canopy of leaves was so thick that the grass and undergrowth still burned fiercely, as the soaking rain had not yet penetrated that far. Joe was still in trouble.<\/p>\n

There was nothing for it but to carry on fighting the flames with his jacket. Joe was coughing steadily now, and feeling light-headed as the oxygen content of the air he was breathing decreased. He staggered and fell to his knees, the landing sending a jolt of pain through his injured arm.<\/p>\n

Dragging his sleeve over his face, Joe forced himself to rise once more and begin beating at the flames. His arm ached from the continuous unaccustomed movement, but Joe resolutely didn\u2019t allow himself to stop. He mechanically kept going, until he was no longer able to continue. The smoke was thicker than ever now, and Joe could barely breathe.<\/p>\n

He toppled to the ground, and for an instant in the clearer air felt better. Then the wind changed and blew smoke into his face and Joe, unable to breathe for coughing, passed out.<\/p>\n

************************<\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like the worst of the fire is out!\u201d Adam called over the noise of the storm.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019d better make sure it\u2019s all out!\u201d Ben called back. They continued riding towards the fire site.<\/p>\n

This was a familiar scenario to the Cartwrights and their hands. They had brought large wet sacks with them and they dismounted, hurrying towards the smoldering ground, ready to beat out any remaining embers.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook!\u201d Hoss cried, and plunged into the smoke. Adam and Ben exchanged a startled look and hurried after him, neither of them having seen whatever it was he had seen.<\/p>\n

The smoke was eddying about, but as far as they could see there were no flames left.\u00a0 Ben tugged his damp bandanna over his nose to try and give himself some protection from the smoke. Adam was doing the same.<\/p>\n

Spying Hoss kneeling on the ground, Adam and Ben hurried over. Ben was horrified to realize that Hoss was kneeling by a man. Some drifter caught out by the flames? Ben wondered as he approached. So it was with a distinct sense of shock that he recognized the curly hair belonging to his youngest son. \u201cJoe?\u201d he gasped and pushed his way past Hoss to feel frantically for a pulse. \u201cHe\u2019s alive, get him out of here,\u201d Ben ordered, and Adam and Hoss carefully lifted Joe between them. Their younger brother was black with soot and barely seemed to be breathing.<\/p>\n

Carrying him away from the fire, they carefully set Joe down on a patch of untouched grass. Joe began to cough almost at once. \u201cLook at his arm!\u201d Adam said, in almost a whisper. Joe\u2019s thin shirt had been burned away, leaving some red places on his skin.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet a canteen!\u201d Ben ordered, as he ripped off his bandanna. He began to wipe the soot from Joe\u2019s face with the damp cloth as Adam hurried over to the horses to retrieve a canteen. He was soon back and managed to trickle a little water into Joe\u2019s mouth. His brother coughed again, reflexively, but his eyes, swollen and red-rimmed, cracked open.<\/p>\n

\u201cFire!\u201d he whispered, urgently. \u201cPa, fire!\u201d His voice was hoarse.<\/p>\n

\u201cEasy, Joe,\u201d Ben soothed. \u201cThe fire is out.\u201d He glanced over his shoulder at the blackened patch of ground where they had found Joe. The rain, which still was pouring down in torrents, had killed even the smoldering embers. Joe looked at Ben blankly before starting to cough again. As his cough eased, Joe slumped unconscious in his father\u2019s arms again.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, we\u2019ve got to get him home,\u201d Ben urged. He glanced at Adam. \u201cGet the doctor, quickly! Hoss, help me.\u201d<\/p>\n

As they put Joe onto Buck, his jacket fell from his hand. Hoss bent to scoop it up and froze. \u201cI was wonderin\u2019 how come the flames was out, when the rain hadn\u2019t reached the ground, Pa,\u201d he began. Ben frowned at him, not knowing where Hoss was going with this. \u201cI reckon Joe done beat those flames out. Look at his jacket.\u201d The familiar green twill was scorched and blackened, with smoking holes here and there.<\/p>\n

\u201cNever mind that now!\u201d Ben exclaimed. \u201cWe\u2019ve got to get Joe home.\u201d He mounted behind his son and set off for the ranch.<\/p>\n

********************<\/p>\n

They were soaked to the skin by the time they got home. Cochise was standing patiently in the yard when they arrived and nickered softly as he saw his stablemates. One of the hands took the Cartwrights\u2019 horses as Hoss and Ben carried Joe into the house. He had roused during the ride home, but he was unable to speak, and coughed almost continuously.<\/p>\n

While Ben removed Joe\u2019s soaking, blackened clothes, Hoss went to dry off and change. When he returned, Ben went to change. Joe hadn\u2019t spoken, apart from to cry out when Ben pulled the remains of his shirt over his broken arm. His eyes were now so swollen that they wouldn\u2019t open at all. Ben was worried sick. He fed Joe small sips of water while they waited for Paul Martin to arrive.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

Almost three hours passed before Paul came. By then, Joe was exhausted, and appeared to be sleeping. His face was spotted with tiny red marks that Ben correctly assumed were burns. Remembering a previous occasion when Joe had been burned, Ben had placed cool cloths on Joe\u2019s injured arm, and wiped his face continuously with cool water.<\/p>\n

After examining Joe, Paul turned to Ben. \u201cWe\u2019re going to treat him as though he has pneumonia,\u201d Paul told him. \u201cJoe has inhaled a lot of smoke, and he\u2019s got minor burns to his arm and face. I\u2019m slightly concerned that he might have burned his eyes, too, but until the swelling is down and Joe can open them, I can\u2019t confirm that. Keep him quiet, keep the bandages damp and he should recover in time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you going to do about his eyes?\u201d Ben asked, fearfully. \u201cWill he be\u2026blind?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight now, I\u2019m going to bandage them up. Keep it damp, and we\u2019ll know more when I can see into them.\u201d\u00a0 Paul patted Ben on the shoulder. \u201cHe\u2019ll be fine, Ben, I promise. Yes, he\u2019s inhaled a lot of smoke, but he\u2019s in pretty good shape apart from that. I\u2019ll set his arm now, then we can let him sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

Going back over to the bed, Paul cajoled Joe into taking a couple of spoonfuls of a mixture he produced from his bag. Joe\u2019s cough was settling slightly and he was able to talk in a hoarse whisper. \u201cPa?\u201d he whispered and Ben went over to take his hand. \u201cWhy can\u2019t I see?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it, Joe,\u201d Paul replied, soothingly. \u201cYour eyes are just puffy from the smoke. I\u2019m going to bandage them up for a few days, all right? So don\u2019t worry. Right now, I\u2019m going to give you something for the pain and set this arm. Keep taking the medicine I\u2019ve left for you and you\u2019ll be all right.\u201d With his eyes, he warned Ben not to say anything to Joe about his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s horrid,\u201d Joe complained, making a face after he had swallowed it.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen its good for you,\u201d Paul shot back. \u201cAll good medicine is horrid.\u201d Joe gave a theatrical groan, which relieved his father\u2019s mind immensely. Ben squeezed Joe\u2019s hand, and the pressure was returned. Paul gave the morphine and gradually Joe\u2019s grip loosened as he slipped into a drugged sleep.<\/p>\n

****************<\/p>\n

Wakening some time later, Joe struggled futilely to open his eyes. His body ached in places, but he couldn\u2019t remember why. A cough broke from his lips and Joe felt like it was coming from his boots. As he lay panting as the cough eased, a familiar voice asked, \u201cWould you like a drink, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nodding, Joe wondered why he couldn\u2019t see. He tried to raise his hand to his face, but a hand caught his and prevented him. A moment later, his head was raised and he felt a glass at his lips. He drank gratefully and the cool water soothed his aching throat. \u201cI can\u2019t see,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour eyes are bandaged,\u201d Adam reminded his brother gently, holding his hand all the while. \u201cYou were caught in a fire, do you remember?\u201d Paul had warned them that Joe might be a bit confused.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes,\u201d Joe croaked, the memory coming back. He tried to free his hand, but Adam held on, and Joe attempted to move his other arm, remembering only too late that it was broken. The plaster cast on his right arm weighed it down. \u201cWhere\u2019s Pa?\u201d he asked, next.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s asleep,\u201d Adam soothed. \u201cIt\u2019s about 2 am, Joe. Pa was worn out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy head aches,\u201d Joe complained.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s from the smoke,\u201d Adam assured him. \u201cIt\u2019ll pass. Why don\u2019t you try to sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAm I hurt bad?\u201d Joe asked, after a moment of silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not really,\u201d Adam responded. \u201cYou\u2019ve broken your arm, and it\u2019s a little burned at the shoulder, and your face is a bit pink, like you got too close to the fire, but no, you\u2019re not hurt bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was silence while Joe digested this. \u201cSo why are my eyes bandaged if I\u2019m not hurt bad?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n

Sighing, Adam shook his head. Joe was nothing if not single-minded. \u201cBecause your eyes were all puffy from the smoke and Paul thought this would help them recover more quickly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTake the bandages off,\u201d Joe demanded. \u201cAdam, please, I hate not being able to see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know you do, Joe,\u201d Adam replied, patiently, hiding his own fear. \u201cBut Paul says this is best for just now. Be patient. You won\u2019t be alone, I promise. It\u2019s just for a day or two. You can manage that, can\u2019t you?\u201d Adam bit his lip, wondering if that last sentence had sounded too patronizing.<\/p>\n

But Joe was too sleepy to notice. \u201cI guess I can,\u201d he agreed. \u201cYou won\u2019t go away, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSomeone will always be with you, Joe,\u201d Adam assured him, and a few minutes later, Joe\u2019s deep breathing assured his brother that he slept again. But Joe\u2019s grip did not loosen.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

Over the course of the next day, Joe\u2019s cough gradually disappeared, thanks partly to Paul\u2019s medicine. By evening, Joe was sitting up in bed, eating a light meal. His eyes were still bandaged, as Paul Martin had not returned that day and Ben was afraid to remove the bandages without him there. Consequently, Joe was being fed, something which he hated.<\/p>\n

After he had finished eating, Joe asked, \u201cDid we lose much timber?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben responded. \u201cNone at all, luckily. The rain began just in time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPity it didn\u2019t begin a bit sooner,\u201d Joe commented. \u201cThen maybe I wouldn\u2019t have been in that position.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did it happen?\u201d Ben asked. This was the first time Joe had shown any signs of wanting to discuss what had happened to him, and Ben was agog with curiosity.<\/p>\n

Slowly, Joe explained about the lightning striking the tree and the limb falling on him, knocking him from the saddle. \u201cWhen I sat up, and I realized that I was trapped, I took my jacket off and began to beat at the flames. Oh, I knew I had no chance, but I couldn\u2019t just do nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

A big, warm hand was on his forearm, the thumb making comforting circles on the skin. \u201cJoe, if you hadn\u2019t done that, son, I think that we might well have lost some timber. Maybe even a lot of timber. It took the rain some time to reach the ground.\u201d Ben hesitated for a moment. \u201cJoe, you seem much better. Are you\u2026?\u201d Ben didn\u2019t want to go on.<\/p>\n

However, Joe didn\u2019t pretend to misunderstand his father. \u201cI do feel better,\u201d he replied. \u201cI needed some time alone to come to terms with Chet\u2019s death. I can see now that it was just an accident. Like this was just an accident.\u201d Joe sighed. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I was so rude to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d Ben denied. \u201cAnd I\u2019m sorry we didn\u2019t realize that you needed to be alone. Joe, it\u2019s sometimes difficult with you, knowing what\u2019s best. Sometimes, you want people with you; other times, you want to be alone, but if you don\u2019t tell us, how are we to know?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d Joe replied, wretchedly. \u201cI\u2019ll tell you next time, I promise.\u201d He winced slightly as Ben replaced the cloth on his shoulder with a wet one. \u201cWhen is Paul coming to look at my eyes?\u201d Joe had promised himself he wouldn\u2019t ask that, yet it slipped out before he could stop it. He wondered if Ben could hear the tremor in his voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d replied his father. \u201cI thought he might have been out today, but he\u2019s a busy man. I\u2019m sure he\u2019ll come tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a long silence. Ben thought that Joe had fallen asleep. He was about to move his son into a more comfortable position when Joe spoke. \u201cDo you think my eyes are burned?\u201d he asked, in a low voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Ben protested vehemently. \u201cJoe, your eyes were just swollen, that\u2019s all. They didn\u2019t look in the least red to me yesterday. I\u2019m sure they\u2019ll be all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I\u2019m sure,\u201d Joe answered and slid down the bed, snuggling under the blankets. But his tone was anything but convincing, and his hand clutched Ben\u2019s tightly.<\/p>\n

*********************<\/p>\n

The next day passed without any sign of Paul Martin and Ben asked Adam to ride into town. When the oldest son arrived home, he found Ben in the kitchen. \u201cThe storm caused a huge fire at Johnston\u2019s ranch,\u201d Adam explained, in an undertone. \u201cPaul has been out there for the last 2 days treating the injured. He hasn\u2019t slept at all, as far as I understand. Sally Johnston has been in labor for the last 36 hours and I don\u2019t think she\u2019s gonna pull through.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh no!\u201d Ben breathed. \u201cWhat can we do to help?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything is under control now,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cThere isn\u2019t much to do. They lost everything. Sally is at Doc Martin\u2019s office now. He said he\u2019ll be out as soon as he can. Meantime, keep Joe in bed and keep his eyes covered.\u201d<\/p>\n

Closing his eyes, Ben said a prayer for the woman in travail and thanked the Lord once more for Joe\u2019s deliverance.<\/p>\n

**********************<\/p>\n

As the now familiar protests began, Adam gently explained to Joe about the Johnstons. A shocked silence followed and Joe made no further complaint. Late that evening, word reached them, via one of the hands, that Sally Johnston and her baby had both died.<\/p>\n

***********************<\/p>\n

It was early the following evening before Paul Martin arrived at the Ponderosa. He looked tired, but made an effort to smile at his old friends. But he was understandably subdued. When Ben expressed his condolences for Sally\u2019s death, Paul replied, \u201cThanks, Ben. She suffered a great deal, but there was nothing I could do. Bill Johnston died this afternoon. Sally\u2019s death just took the heart right out of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was nothing to say to such somber news. Paul straightened and made an effort to look cheerful. \u201cLet\u2019s go and see to this boy\u2019s eyes. If I know Joe, he\u2019s been driving you mad for the last few days.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou could say that,\u201d Adam agreed, dryly.<\/p>\n

Climbing the stairs, Ben was aware of a mounting tension in his chest. He didn\u2019t know how Joe would react if he lost his sight, or how any of them would cope. He drew in a deep breath as he opened the door to Joe\u2019s room.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tol\u2019 you that sounded like the doc,\u201d Hoss said to Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout time too,\u201d Joe joked, smiling in the general direction of the doorway. \u201cI thought you\u2019d abandoned me, Doc.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIts not that I\u2019m not tempted, Joe,\u201d Paul cracked back. \u201cBut the world isn\u2019t big enough for me to hide in if your Pa thought that I wasn\u2019t coming back to see to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe laughed. Paul ignored Ben\u2019s good-natured grumbling and began to unwind the bandage from Joe\u2019s eyes. Ben took Joe\u2019s hand, and found himself holding his breath.<\/p>\n

The swelling had gone down, and Joe\u2019s eyes were not as red as they had been three days previously. \u201cOpen them,\u201d Paul urged and Joe did just that.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can see,\u201d he breathed and the relief in the room was palpable.<\/p>\n

\u201cExcellent,\u201d Paul replied, briskly. He peered closely into Joe\u2019s eyes, and was relieved to see that his eyes had received no burns at all. Nodding, he checked the burns on Joe\u2019s shoulder and saw that they were recovering well, too. \u201cAll right, young man, I think you can get up, as long as you don\u2019t overdo things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen can I get back to breaking those horses?\u201d Joe asked and Ben shot a sharp look at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot until I say so!\u201d Paul declared. He smiled at Joe and rose. \u201cI\u2019m going home to bed,\u201d he announced and Adam and Hoss, after a glance at Ben\u2019s face, followed Paul, ostensibly to show him out.<\/p>\n

Sitting slowly into the chair beside the bed, Ben had yet to take his eyes from his son\u2019s face. \u201cThat came as a surprise, huh, Pa?\u201d Joe asked, grinning mischievously.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt sure did,\u201d agreed Ben. \u201cWeren\u2019t you the young man who shouted at me last week that you were never going to break horses again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Shame-faced, Joe nodded. \u201cI wanted to hurt you, to shock you,\u201d he explained. \u201cI felt so bad, so confused, and I had to let it out somehow. And I did mean it \u2013 then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd now?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, I feel I\u2019m ready to go back to it. Or I would be but for this arm.\u201d And he raised his cast slightly, giving it a rueful look. \u201cYou see, Pa, I never thought about the risks involved in the breaking game. Even after all the spills I\u2019ve had, I never gave it a thought. I know there\u2019s a chance that I could be badly hurt, but I\u2019m willing to accept those risks.\u201d He glanced at Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cToo willing, I sometimes think,\u201d Ben scolded him, gently.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I\u2019m good at it, Pa,\u201d Joe went on, earnestly. \u201cI know I shouldn\u2019t say that, but it\u2019s true. What I had forgotten is that the men out there are also willing to take the same risks as me. Okay, some of them will never break horses, but they all work, day in and day out with them, and they know as well as me that there is always a risk. Especially when working with wild horses.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you know, the point isn\u2019t to break the horses\u2019 spirits. It\u2019s to show them that men aren\u2019t their enemies.\u00a0 I use patience to wear them down, to make them realize that I\u2019m not going to go away.\u201d He shot a smile at Ben. \u201cThat\u2019s crazy, isn\u2019t it, when I have so little patience? But that\u2019s how I do it. I use patience. And perhaps I didn\u2019t use enough patience that day; I don\u2019t know. But I have learned, these last few days, that Chet\u2019s death wasn\u2019t my fault. I did everything I could for him out there. And I didn\u2019t let it break me. Because the breaking game can work both ways; it can break men as well as horses. And I don\u2019t want that to happen to me.\u201d He looked at Ben, relishing in having his sight back, but trying to see if his father had understood what he said. \u201cI almost let it break me this time. And if it had broken me, it would have broken this whole family, wouldn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Ben agreed. He fell silent, thinking over what Joe had said. He knew he would never stop worrying about his boys, whatever they did, but he also knew that they knew the risks and accepted the fully.<\/p>\n

Very softly, Joe quoted, \u201cNo man is an island, entire of itself\u2026 any man\u2019s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.\u201d<\/p>\n

Startled and deeply moved, Ben looked into his son\u2019s shining green eyes and felt tears prickling. \u201cI didn\u2019t know you liked John Donne,\u201d he whispered, huskily.<\/p>\n

Blinking back the corresponding tears from his own eyes, Joe replied, \u201cI don\u2019t much. But I like that. I like that very much. And Adam read it to me last night, which reminded me of it.\u201d He tightened his fingers around his father\u2019s hand and they sat that way for a long time.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

Three months later, Joe dashed into the house. \u201cPa!\u201d he cried, as he threw open the door. \u201cPa, where are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here,\u201d Ben replied, coming from the study area. \u201cAnd you don\u2019t need to shout, son, I\u2019m not deaf. Yet!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know that chestnut gelding?\u201d Joe was clearly very excited.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat<\/em>\u00a0one?\u201d Ben questioned. \u201cThe one that caused all the trouble? Yes. I know it.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a huge grin on Joe\u2019s face. \u201cI just sold it for a hundred and fifty bucks!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell done!\u201d Ben praised as they grinned at one another. Both of them knew that the money could never make up for losing a man\u2019s life, but the fact that the horse had proven so good seemed to go some of the way to making things right.<\/p>\n

*****End*****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 An accident leads to self-doubt for Joe, until a potential disaster restores his faith in himself.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0 \u00a0(9,350 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":45,"featured_media":11514,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,41],"tags":[16],"class_list":["post-5598","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","tag-joe","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2447,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Joe-copy-7.jpg?fit=594%2C592&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3823,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3823","url_meta":{"origin":5598,"position":0},"title":"The Mustang (by Rona)","author":"Rona","date":"July 2, 2002","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Joe sets his heart on capturing a skewbald stallion, and breaking him. Will giving his heart so recklessly to the horse cause it to break instead? Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0\u00a0(8,746 words) The Mustang Series, links to all stories within the series are included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/paint.png?fit=552%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/paint.png?fit=552%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/paint.png?fit=552%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":13917,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=13917","url_meta":{"origin":5598,"position":1},"title":"Black Stallion (by Susan G)","author":"SusanG","date":"December 12, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Pa's away, leaving the boys in charge of....what else?\u00a0 Trouble. Rating:\u00a0 T\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (36,380 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Black-Stallion.jpg?fit=400%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5293,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5293","url_meta":{"origin":5598,"position":2},"title":"The Paiute Pony (by Cinderella)","author":"Cinderella","date":"April 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0A short story of how Cochise and a new friend came to Joe. \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K+ (1,190 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6768,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6768","url_meta":{"origin":5598,"position":3},"title":"A Deadly Day (by rosecartwright)","author":"rosecartwright","date":"November 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Joe is home sick, but things go downhill for this young Cartwright. \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K+ (635 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/2-joe.jpg?fit=237%2C221&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2700,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2700","url_meta":{"origin":5598,"position":4},"title":"My Kingdom for a Horse (by Rona)","author":"Rona","date":"August 14, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 \u00a0Joe is determined to own the bay stallion. Is he willing to pay the price to do so? Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0(10,650 words) Behind the Picture series, links to all the stories within the series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Black-Stallion.jpg?fit=400%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":58121,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=58121","url_meta":{"origin":5598,"position":5},"title":"The Horse Auction (by LillianMontane)","author":"LillianMontane","date":"September 1, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Adam and Joe go to a horse auction. Rated:\u00a0 K+ Word count: 1239","rel":"","context":"In "Adam \/ Joe"","block_context":{"text":"Adam \/ Joe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1091"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Bonanza-slide.jpg?fit=1086%2C815&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Bonanza-slide.jpg?fit=1086%2C815&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Bonanza-slide.jpg?fit=1086%2C815&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Bonanza-slide.jpg?fit=1086%2C815&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Bonanza-slide.jpg?fit=1086%2C815&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5598","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/45"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5598"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5598\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11514"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5598"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5598"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5598"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}