{"id":5640,"date":"2014-05-02T09:52:59","date_gmt":"2014-05-02T13:52:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5640"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:12:47","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:12:47","slug":"know-your-target","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5640","title":{"rendered":"Know Your Target (by Destiny Adams)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>WHN for\u00a0My Brother’s Keeper.<\/em>\u00a0Two brothers’ guilt. Two brothers’ love. \u00a0Formerly titled “A Brother’s Guilt.”<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K+ (4,595 words)
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\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Know Your Target<\/strong><\/p>\n

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\n

Adam stared into the deep darkness of the night.<\/strong>\u00a0 From inside the house, he could hear Hoss and Joe challenging each other over the checker board, and he knew that Joe was probably cheating again.\u00a0 It had been a tradition for years; the family sitting around the fire, in the evenings after supper.\u00a0 But it had become more of a habit, for him to spend his evenings away from the family in the cool, summer nights.<\/p>\n

The actions of that day haunted him.\u00a0 Every night, the moment he closed his eyes, he was flung back by the rock.\u00a0 His hands were holding the gun steady and his finger inching toward the trigger.\u00a0 He could see Joe grab his shoulder, as the bullet rammed into the toughened flesh.\u00a0 He could hear Joe\u2019s grunt of pain and the thud, as his body hit the dirt.\u00a0 He could taste the fear that he felt, as he saw the wolf take hold of Joe, ripping into his flesh. The fear was there even to this day; the fear, the anguish, and the guilt.<\/p>\n

He had ignored the basic rule of handling a gun.\u00a0\u00a0Know your target before you shoot.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0As a result of his error, his brother suffered.\u00a0 If only he had insisted that they give up the hunt.\u00a0 If only he had laid down the law, and told Joe it was time to get home.\u00a0 If only he had gone with Joe when he left the camp, instead of staying and enjoying his cup of coffee.\u00a0 If only he had looked for his target before he shot.\u00a0 If only he had made sure his brother wasn\u2019t in the area.\u00a0 He had been second guessing his actions for months.\u00a0 He had replayed the scene over and over again, picking out the places where he could have done something differently, and saved the whole family the agony in the months that followed.<\/p>\n

He had shot his brother, his youngest brother.\u00a0 There were three people who were more important to him then the whole world.\u00a0 Pa.\u00a0 Hoss.\u00a0 Joe.\u00a0 Nobody meant more to him than his family.<\/p>\n

Over the years of his life, he had realized that he could depend on nobody, more then his family. They were always there, supporting him, letting him know that they had his back when circumstances went bad.\u00a0 He trusted in their love and respect. Trusted the relationship that he shared with each one.\u00a0 But most importantly, he trusted them.<\/p>\n

His father was the one that he talked to about the ranch.\u00a0 He was the one that understood the numbers that had to be added or subtracted, multiplied or divided. Though his brothers could handle the more business side of the ranch if needed, they rarely did.\u00a0 He talked with his father for hours about the ranch, about which contracts to enter into, what was going on in the North pasture and whether or not to move the cattle for the winter, or let them stay where they were.\u00a0 Even though the ranch was often the topic of their conversations, Adam knew that he could go to his father with anything that was on his mind, no matter what the time or what his father was busy with.\u00a0 Ben always put his sons above everything in his life.<\/p>\n

His brother Hoss was his gentle brother.\u00a0 People often assumed that he lacked intelligence because of his size.\u00a0 Nothing could be farther then the truth.\u00a0 Hoss was wise beyond his years; he often noticed things that both Adam and Joe didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Nature was Hoss\u2019 best friend; he was the best tracker Adam had ever known.
\nHe had always had a soft spot for animals of any kind.\u00a0 Adam could trust Hoss with anything, from problems with a friend, to a special woman he was interested in.<\/p>\n

His thoughts turned to his youngest brother.\u00a0 Of all the words in the English language, only a few could be used to describe Little Joe.\u00a0 He was irrational, illogical, he never thought before he acted, but over all, Adam wouldn\u2019t change a thing about him.\u00a0 Joe had always worn his heart on his sleeve.\u00a0 He was loyal above all else to those he loved.\u00a0 If any of them had ever doubted his love for his family, he was always there reminding them.\u00a0 He would never hesitate to jump right into danger to play hero, if he thought he was helping his Pa and brothers.\u00a0 Joe had always been a hero in Adam\u2019s eyes; he was just never sure how to let him know that.<\/p>\n

However, it was Joe\u2019s impulsiveness and stubbornness that often put him at odds with his oldest brother.\u00a0 Adam had watched Joe jump into danger so many times. He had sat, at what could have been his brother\u2019s death bed, over and over, and yet, Joe always managed to pull through.\u00a0 His father joked that it was the Cartwright charm working for him, and sometimes Adam wondered if his father wasn\u2019t far off from the truth.<\/p>\n

This last time Joe had graced the death bed had been Adam\u2019s own fault, and he hated himself for it.\u00a0 Since the shooting, Adam\u2019s thoughts strayed more and more often toward the East.\u00a0 Years earlier, Adam had spent four years in Boston going to college.\u00a0 At first, it had been awkward and difficult.\u00a0 He\u2019d tried to fit into a strange civilized culture, after living in the West for most of his life.\u00a0 But then he began to enjoy it.\u00a0 The Eastern culture was quiet and sophisticated, so different from the wild and untamed West.<\/p>\n

The consideration of returning to that culture began to consume his thoughts.\u00a0 He had begun to think that maybe it was better if he went East.\u00a0 After all, he couldn\u2019t hurt his family if he was across the country.\u00a0 In some part of his mind, he knew that he wasn\u2019t thinking logically at all; and in truth, it didn\u2019t bother him as much as it should.\u00a0 He had always prided himself in being logical.\u00a0 But he had changed a lot recently, and suddenly logic just didn\u2019t matter anymore.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Adam felt a hand on his shoulder, and his right hand instinctively snaked toward his gun.\u00a0 He let out a breath when he realized who it was.\u00a0 He hated the action that his body automatically took, when being threatened.\u00a0 A hand always prepared to reach for a gun, another ugly reminder of the culture in which he lived.<\/p>\n

Hoss ignored his brother\u2019s reaction, knowing that his would have been the same.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t remove his hand, knowing that his usually stoic brother, needed the physical contact to remind him that even though he blamed himself for the shooting, the rest of the family didn\u2019t.
\nNeither brother spoke for a while, allowing the silence to wrap around them.\u00a0 Hoss had watched his family trying to regain their footing, after a tragedy that had almost led Joe to his death.\u00a0 Since Adam had accidentally shot Joe on a hunt for a wolf that was pilfering the Cartwrights\u2019 stock, the family was working on regaining their balance.<\/p>\n

Everybody had heard Adam\u2019s comments on returning to the East, to \u201ccivilized people.\u201d\u00a0 What Adam failed to notice was the gleam in Joe\u2019s eye, and the tightening of his jaw, whenever the subject was discussed.<\/p>\n

Hoss finally broke the silence.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s hurtin\u2019, ya know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam whipped around, to face his brother in surprise.\u00a0 He knew who Hoss was talking about, but it was the tone of his voice that caught his attention.\u00a0\u00a0 It was a tone filled with desperation; a kind that one very rarely saw in the normal easy-going man.\u00a0 It was the tone that told Adam that his brother wasn\u2019t talking about the physical pain of healing, that Joe was obviously suffering.\u00a0 People didn\u2019t recover from gunshot wounds overnight.\u00a0 Even so, Joe had never been one to lie sick in bed. The Cartwrights knew that as soon as Joe was able, the first thing he would utter was \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d\u00a0 It never mattered that he didn\u2019t have the strength to lift his head, much less walk or work; he was always \u201cfine\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe knows yer gonna to leave.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss continued.\u00a0 \u201cYou haven\u2019t said one way or the other, but whenever ya get an idea in that head of yers, ya never forget it.\u00a0 And if yer really honest with yerself, ya know that yer gonna leave too.\u201d\u00a0 Hoss paused, then went on, his voice more gentle.\u00a0 \u201cYa think yer doin\u2019 Little Joe a favor, that yer leavin\u2019 will keep him safe?\u00a0 What ya don\u2019t know is that when ya go, he\u2019s never gonna see it thet way.\u00a0 He\u2019s gonna think that you left \u2018cause you were mad at him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would I be mad at him?\u201d\u00a0 Adam asked bitterly.\u00a0 \u201cIf anything, he should be angry at me.\u00a0 I\u2019m the one who shot him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was an accident.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam knew that words were spoken for his benefit, but he was tired of them.\u00a0 He had heard the same words enough times in the last few months, to last him a lifetime.<\/p>\n

He pierced his brother\u2019s eyes with his own.\u00a0 \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter that it was an accident.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter that I didn\u2019t try to pull that trigger.\u00a0 What matters is that I did.\u00a0 I ignored everything that has ever been taught to me, everything that Pa taught me about a gun, I ignored it, I didn\u2019t listen to it.\u00a0 As a result, I ended up shooting my brother.\u201d\u00a0 The words started soft, but Adam\u2019s voice rose in rarely displayed emotions.\u00a0 \u201cI almost killed him, Hoss.\u00a0 I almost killed my brother.\u00a0 I can\u2019t deal with that.\u201d\u00a0 Adam broke his gaze from Hoss, and turned and walked toward the barn.<\/p>\n

Hoss stared after Adam for a moment, before turning back to the house.\u00a0 He must have shut the door with more force then he intended, for Pa and Joe both looked at him.\u00a0 Pa soon went back to the book he was reading, but Joe\u2019s gaze never left his brother\u2019s.
\nJoe was tired of the whole matter.\u00a0 He held no ill feelings toward his brother at all; in his mind it was Adam that saved his life.\u00a0 It had been his eldest brother who had killed the wolf.\u00a0 It had been Adam that had gotten him home.\u00a0 It had also been Adam who had gotten the bullet out of his shoulder and had worked so hard to keep to keep him alive.<\/p>\n

For the past two months, he had heard his brother talking about the East.\u00a0 Talking about some place where the men didn\u2019t wear guns to protect themselves, or had the newest style of dress.\u00a0\u00a0 He talked of Gentlemen and Ladies, of power and influence.\u00a0 He had heard enough of the East that any interest he might have had in it, had been completely erased.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam coming back in?\u201d\u00a0 Joe managed, his voice even.<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, he\u2019s checking the stock.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe slowly stood.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going up to bed.\u00a0 It\u2019s a long day tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 As he slowly climbed the stairs to the sanctuary of his room, he wished that the whole deal could be over and that his brother could bear to look at him again.<\/p>\n

… …<\/p>\n

He was free!<\/p>\n

Joe felt like shouting to the heavens, as he rode away from the ranch house, alone for the first time since the shooting.\u00a0 The doctor had finally decided that he was healed enough to go back to work; and, though it had taken some convincing, so that Pa would let him ride the fence alone, he was finally free.<\/p>\n

He understood that his family was worried.\u00a0 He tolerated it without saying a word. But the wild streak in him was just begging to be set free.<\/p>\n

Though he was supposed to ride the fence line down in the south pasture, he couldn\u2019t resist a quick detour to a large plain, where he let Cochise have his head. He bent low over Cochise\u2019s neck, feeling the wind rush over him.\u00a0 He heard his hoofs beat against the ground in perfect rhythm, and knew that he never wanted this to change, he wanted everything to stay the way it was.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t want Adam to leave.<\/p>\n

He felt like Adam blamed him for the accident.\u00a0 He should have been watching where his brother was; he shouldn\u2019t have gotten in the way.\u00a0 He wished there was some way he could make it up to his brother, apologize, but he didn\u2019t know how.\u00a0 He also didn\u2019t know how to keep his brother from leaving the Ponderosa, to keep his brother from going back East and maybe never coming back.<\/p>\n

He spurred Cochise to a greater speed, wanting to outrun the eternal demons.\u00a0 He wished that they had never gone on the wolf hunt.\u00a0 Theirs hadn\u2019t been the only herd, the animal had been pilfering from.\u00a0 They should have let one of the ranchers go after it; they should have just stayed home.
\nHe finally reigned Cochise in and turned back toward the South pasture, his former gladness forgotten.\u00a0 How could he be joyful when his brother – the one he had always looked up to – was mad at him?\u00a0 Worse then that, Adam was going to leave; going to go back to the \u201crefined\u201d East.<\/p>\n

That night, supper was a silent affair; Ben being in town at a meeting with the Town Council, and Adam hadn\u2019t come in from the fields yet.<\/p>\n

After thanking Hop Sing for the food and turning down Hoss\u2019 offer for checkers, he headed up to his room, his body needing the sleep after weeks of recuperating. His mind had other ideas however, and his thoughts kept jumping back to Adam and the guilt that he had successfully ignored, since he started working that morning.<\/p>\n

When sleep failed to come, he finally gave up.\u00a0 He eased himself out of bed and reached for his pants, on the chair next to his bed.\u00a0 He pulled on his boots, and quietly made his way downstairs and out to the barn.<\/p>\n

… …
\n\u201cHe\u2019s gonna think that you left \u2018cause you were mad at him.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The words had not only invaded his dreams the night before, they had followed him around on his day\u2019s activities, and by the time he rode up to the barn that night, Adam was exhausted.<\/p>\n

Emotionally exhausted.<\/p>\n

He knew better than to dismiss his brother\u2019s insight.\u00a0 Hoss always noticed those things that other people missed.\u00a0 He was also a master at reading Joe.\u00a0 But he didn\u2019t understand, how could Joe think that he was mad at him.<\/p>\n

He knew that he needed to talk to his brother.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t let Joe think that he left for the East because he was upset with him, when the exact opposite was true.<\/p>\n

He dismounted and led Sport into the barn.\u00a0 As he reached down to start unsaddling him, he stopped.\u00a0 Did something just move?\u00a0 He looked toward the motion and realized it came from Cochise\u2019s stall.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, is that you?\u201d The rustling grew louder and he could see the outline of his brother in the dim light.\u00a0 \u201cJoe -,\u201d he started, but was cut off by his brother\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry Adam, I was, ah, just checking up on Cooch.\u00a0 I\u2019ll go inside.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s heart twisted.\u00a0 Hoss was right, Joe honestly did think he was angry with him.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, wait.\u201d\u00a0 He reached out a hand for Joe\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

Joe recoiled and backed away before he knew what he was doing.\u00a0 He caught one glimpse of Adam\u2019s ashen expression before his brother strode of the barn, dust trailing in his wake.\u00a0 As Joe watched the tiny particles drop aimlessly to the floor, he felt his heart sink.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t mean to flinch, to back away, to act like he was scared of Adam, because he wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 Adam was his brother, his protector, his friend.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t scared of him.\u00a0 He had been jumpy ever since the shooting, finding it hard to take control of his body, to control his reflexes.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, he was so exhausted.\u00a0 He could feel himself trembling.\u00a0 He grabbed a pole to balance himself and closed his eyes; waiting for the vertigo to run its course.\u00a0 When he reopened his eyes he saw Sport, still standing in the middle of the barn, his saddle still on.\u00a0 Joe left the horse, knowing that Adam would take care of him.\u00a0 It was time for him to get some sleep.<\/p>\n

… …<\/p>\n

It had been a restless night, but that didn\u2019t stop Joe from rolling out of bed at the crack of dawn.\u00a0 Adam was usually the first one up in the Cartwright house, but Joe knew that even he wasn\u2019t up yet.\u00a0 Without bothering to turn on the lantern – he had dressed enough times in the dark not to need light – he made his way quietly outside.<\/p>\n

It only took a couple minutes to saddle up Cochise. Usually Pa gave out assignments for the day, but he still had to finish riding the south fence line looking for breaks. Usually he hated doing it, but after being cooped up in the horse for a couple weeks, he was still enjoying being out in the sunlight again.<\/p>\n

As he worked, taking frequent breaks, the early dawn shifted into morning.\u00a0 As the day continued, the sun seemed to shine brighter, until Joe shed his jacket and than his shirt.\u00a0 The work was grueling even without the heat.\u00a0 What was it about fences that just cried out to be damaged anyway?\u00a0 It seemed that at least one Cartwright was always riding the fence line looking for breaks.\u00a0 Yesterday, Joe had found a particular place where a lot of the fence was down; trampled or torn down, he couldn\u2019t tell.\u00a0\u00a0 Unfortunately, it wasn\u2019t unusual to find their fences sabotaged.\u00a0 The wealthy always had their share of enemies.<\/p>\n

Though he had already been at it for hours, the fence was only half done.\u00a0 Joe picked up a pole and fitted it back into its hole, then filled the remaining space with dirt.\u00a0 He packed it down and then wiggled the pole to test its stronghold.\u00a0 Satisfied, he started on the next one.<\/p>\n

He knew that lunchtime was approaching.\u00a0 Usually, he would have just skipped it, or had packed a lunch.\u00a0 But now he knew his family would think the worst if something happened to him.\u00a0 Reluctantly, he picked up his tools and turned around to where he had tied Cochise.<\/p>\n

And found himself looking straight into the barrel of a rifle.<\/p>\n

The bearer of the weapon was not someone he recognized.\u00a0 His clothes were torn and filthy.\u00a0 His Stetson looked to be permanently planted on his head.\u00a0 His boots looked like they had been around for the last fifty years; the leather peeling and faded.<\/p>\n

But Joe took all that in a glance.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t the gun that caught his attention – though that made him very nervous.\u00a0 The last gun pointed in his direction, almost ended his life .\u00a0 It was his eyes.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t mean or evil like some Joe had seen in his time, they were desperate.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want everything ya got.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was desperate, but that meant that he could more dangerous.\u00a0 Joe glanced to Cochise where his rifle was in his scabbard and his sidearm was hanging from his saddle.<\/p>\n

The drifter followed his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cI wouldn\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 The gun moved to emphasize his point.<\/p>\n

Joe began to panic.\u00a0 In his mind\u2019s eye, he was brought to the gorge with his older brother and the raving wolf.<\/p>\n

He remembered seeing Adam\u2019s rifle pointed at him.\u00a0 He remembered how he had opened his mouth to yell, before feeling the bullet plow into his arm.\u00a0 He remembered thinking it was too late, as his body hit the ground.\u00a0 He had felt the weight of the wolf, and he had felt the pain, as the wolf\u2019s teeth sank unmercifully into his arm.<\/p>\n

He felt hot, his breath felt stale in his mouth.\u00a0 Fear was mounting and panic was threatening to take control.\u00a0 He struggled to rein it in, but he kept seeing Adam\u2019s gun.\u00a0 He swallowed and then breathed out, trying to calm down.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

In desperation that mirrored what he saw in the drifter eyes, he lunged himself at the drifter with a strained yell.\u00a0 He briefly saw the flicker of shock in those eyes, before he felt the rifle barrel on his fingertips.\u00a0 He held on and pulled, feeling the butt slide from the man\u2019s hand; surprise still commanding in actions.<\/p>\n

Joe flipped the rifle around, and slammed the butt against the man\u2019s head, then watched, as he slumped to the ground.<\/p>\n

He swallowed, suddenly feeling nauseous.\u00a0 He threw the gun as hard as he could behind the unconscious drifter and then vomited onto the ground.\u00a0 He could feel himself trembling as his stomach purged itself, fear still lodged in his gut.<\/p>\n

In the midst of his misery, he felt a hand curl around his forehead, he could smell his brother\u2019s cologne and he could hear his reassuring voice.\u00a0 All he felt was cool relief, his brother was here.\u00a0 Adam would take care of it, he always did.\u00a0 He could fix anything.<\/p>\n

When his stomach settled, he watched as a canteen entered his vision.\u00a0 He drank and spit to wash the disgusting taste from his mouth.\u00a0 Then he drank some more, his throat feeling dry and swollen.<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter?\u201d Adam\u2019s voice was low and comforting.
\nJoe nodded, not trusting his voice.\u00a0 His brother\u2019s hand moved to his shoulder, but stayed in contact.\u00a0 Joe leaned into it, not finding the strength to move.<\/p>\n

He had never felt fear like that before.\u00a0 There had been countless times when a gun was pointed at him, sometimes it had been more then one.\u00a0 He had even been shot a couple times, but he had never felt fear like that before.\u00a0 It had taken control of him, making him act out of desperation.<\/p>\n

He suddenly realized at that moment that Adam couldn\u2019t leave him.\u00a0 The fear had all been the gun.\u00a0 It had been the fear of not having his brother around, of having to say goodbye.\u00a0 He needed his brother there.\u00a0 It had always been the four of them, working side by side, Pa building his legacy, and his three sons there to continue it.\u00a0 Joe never wanted that to change.\u00a0 He wanted his brothers at his side.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d he started, but his brother\u2019s voice cut him off.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Joe, everything\u2019s going to be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 Joe struggled to sit up, his hand grasping his Adam\u2019s sleeve.\u00a0 \u201cAdam, listen to me.\u00a0 You can\u2019t leave.\u00a0 I know that you\u2019re mad at me because of what happened, and I\u2019m sorry that I wasn\u2019t watching you.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry I stepped out in your way.\u00a0 I know that is my fault and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d\u00a0 He barely paused to take a breath.\u00a0 \u201cBut please don\u2019t leave.\u00a0 Stay here, with us.\u00a0 How can the Ponderosa survive without you, Adam? She can\u2019t, Adam, she can\u2019t.\u00a0 She can\u2019t because we are the Ponderosa.\u00a0 The four of us, living together, working together, being together.\u00a0 Don\u2019t ruin that, please, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s heart broke as he listened to his brother\u2019s pleas.\u00a0 He could feel his brother trembling, and he didn\u2019t think it was all from someone pointed a gun at him.\u00a0 Joe honestly thought that he was mad at him and everything that happened was his fault.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t his fault.<\/p>\n

Adam had never placed that blame on Joe.\u00a0 He had taken the whole blame on himself.\u00a0 And he would never forgive himself for what he did, but what was important that his brother did.<\/p>\n

He looked Joe in the face, took in the sweat on his forehead, the glistening tears running down his cheeks, the raw pain in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I never blamed you for what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe opened his mouth to protest, but Adam put up his hand to stop him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI never blamed you at all.\u00a0 Never.\u00a0 I blame myself.\u00a0 It was my fault.\u201d\u00a0 Adam once again had to stop another protest coming from Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI ignored everything Pa taught us about handling a gun and that was my fault.\u00a0 I never blamed you and I certainly have never considered going back East, to get away from you or because I was angry with you.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t been angry with you at all because of what happened, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Confusion joined the pain in the hazel depths.\u00a0 \u201cBut why do you want to leave so badly, if you\u2019re not mad at me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laughed hollowly.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I thought that if I left, I could never hurt you again.\u201d\u00a0 Hearing it made it sound even worse then what it did in his head.<\/p>\n

Joe jumped up from the ground, eyes blazing.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s crazy Adam!\u00a0 It was an accident, why do you have to blame yourself for it?\u00a0 You were the one who saved my life.\u00a0 You got me home, dug the bullet out and kept my fever down.\u00a0 If it wasn\u2019t for you, I wouldn\u2019t be alive Adam and I know that!\u00a0 I know that you have never purposely hurt me and I\u2019m not afraid that you will.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe pulled Adam up and put both hands on his brother\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cI trust you, Adam.\u00a0 I will always trust you with everything I own, including my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam felt a lump in his throat and he nodded.\u00a0 Those were the words that he had needed to hear; that after everything that happened, he was still\u00a0 his brother\u2019s keeper\u00a0 He cupped his hands behind Joe\u2019s neck and pulled him close.\u00a0 His brother still trusted him.<\/p>\n

All this time, that had been what he had really been afraid of.\u00a0 Ben had always drilled in his sons that trust was the most important aspect of a relationship.\u00a0 If you didn\u2019t trust someone, you didn\u2019t have a relationship.\u00a0 Adam needed to hear that Joe still trusted him as his older brother, as his protector.<\/p>\n

When they pulled apart, Adam ducked his head.\u00a0 He was a man that rarely needed physical contact.\u00a0 Now, he wasn\u2019t sure what to do.\u00a0 He chose what Joe seemed to normally go with – humor.\u00a0 \u201cWhat were you doing all this time, sleeping?\u00a0 This fence looks like it hadn\u2019t been touched since last time I was down here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe glowered good-naturally.\u00a0 \u201cI was actually waiting for you to get here, Adam.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to do all the work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe careful, kid, or I\u2019ll just inform Hoss that you cheat in checkers.\u201d\u00a0 The bantering relaxed Adam.\u00a0 Now this was the Joe he knew.\u00a0 Maybe everything could finally get back to normal.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you talking about?\u00a0 I don\u2019t cheat, I just select the checkers that I want off the board, that\u2019s all.\u201d\u00a0 Joe let a smile tug at his lips, he knew that this was Adam\u2019s way of telling him that he wouldn\u2019t be leaving, that it would continue to just be the four of them, building up the Ponderosa to all her glory.<\/p>\n

And Joe wouldn\u2019t have it any other way.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
End Notes:<\/span><\/div>\n
\n

Thank you to Pat for taking time to beta this story.<\/em><\/p>\n

Betty, this one’s for you. Thank you for supporting me and putting up with me in the last couple of years. I love you!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

\n

<\/div>\n

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Summary:\u00a0\u00a0WHN for\u00a0My Brother’s Keeper.\u00a0Two brothers’ guilt. Two brothers’ love. \u00a0Formerly titled “A Brother’s Guilt.” \u00a0<\/p>\n

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