Summary: After a serious head injury wipes out part of Pa’s memory, Doctor Martin is unsure if Ben will ever remember one of his sons.<\/p>\n
Rating T\u00a0 WC 24,300<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When You Remember Me<\/strong><\/p>\n *** When you remember me, if you remember me, I hope you see it\u2019s not the way I wanted to be.\u00a0 Or I\u2019d be with you now, but wherever you go, my love goes with you.\u00a0 Keep on smiling, keep on shining, even though you know you want to cry.\u00a0 I tried to love you, but looking in my eyes, you saw promises and lies too many times.\u00a0 When you remember me, if you remember me, I hope you see it\u2019s not the way I wanted to be.\u00a0 Or I\u2019d be with you now, but wherever you go, my love goes with you.***\u00a0 (Song \u2013 \u201cMy Love Goes With You.\u201d written by Chris Thompson ***)<\/p>\n ***********************************<\/p>\n Joe Cartwright rolled onto his side and spit blood out of his mouth.\u00a0 It was almost pitch black there in the alleyway where he had been roughed up and left for half-dead.\u00a0 He attempted to pull himself to his knees, but collapsed smack down onto his face causing him to groan aloud.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t sure how many men had been in on the free-for-all which had begun in the saloon and ended there where he now rested in the dirt. Joe was known for being an ornery cuss and, once angered, he would fight to the death, if need be, once he had been challenged.\u00a0 Unfortunately he wasn\u2019t known for choosing his fights wisely and should have hauled himself out of the bar long before the battle had begun.\u00a0 Joe was three sheets to the wind long before the first fist had found its target and landed right underneath his left eye.\u00a0 From that point onward Joe was sure that he was battling a whole battalion of drunks, all of them mad as hell.<\/p>\n Once again he pulled himself up, this time using his dominant left hand and both knees.\u00a0 He was finally able to lean back onto his boot heels and sucked in a deep breath.\u00a0 Joe rubbed at the back of his head and the motion made him want to puke again, as he had several times when he had first come to.\u00a0 His mouth tasted like rot gut whiskey mixed with stale beer and it made him want to hurl for yet another time but, instead, he ended up with the dry heaves which lasted a good ten minutes.\u00a0 He could feel every single boot which had kicked at him as he lay sprawled in the alleyway and could still hear the laughter which had erupted as he called out for the men to cease and desist.\u00a0 It hadn\u2019t worked.\u00a0 It had all been the fault of some saloon girl who he wasn\u2019t even all that interested in, though he hadn\u2019t minded it much when she had settled down onto the arm of his chair.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t even gotten her name or kissed her before the six foot six inch man had thrown open the swinging doors and headed his way.\u00a0 If he hadn\u2019t been in a drunken state, Joe knew that he would\u2019ve beaten a very hasty exit but he never got that chance.\u00a0 After the hulk of a man drew closer, it seemed like every single man in that saloon suddenly had it in for him and surrounded his table.\u00a0 He remembered standing, for just a few moments, and then he had crawled across the floor trying his best to make his way outside.\u00a0 It all had been in vain as the group of men, led by that burly giant, had been more than happy to follow him and enjoyed knocking the stuffing out of him.<\/p>\n Joe couldn\u2019t remember when he had felt quite this awful, though he was sure that there was a litany of past beatings which had ensued due to his quick temper combined with his inability to hold his liquor; especially rot-gut whiskey.\u00a0 All things being considered, living through the harsh pummeling hadn\u2019t been that much of a blessing, or at least that was how he felt at that particular moment.\u00a0 Joe groaned again when he became aware of the metallic taste of blood and the fingers of his left hand reached up and dabbed at his split lip.\u00a0 He prayed that he wouldn\u2019t begin the dry heaves again, as it had made his ribs hurt far worse, so he mentally willed the nausea away.<\/p>\n Joe tried to find his hat but it was either still in the saloon somewhere or perhaps it had fallen into the street.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter much anyway, as he felt so God-awful at the time that he wasn\u2019t sure that he\u2019d ever need a hat again, since they always buried a fellow without one.\u00a0 Joe peered towards the street at the dimming light from a faraway lamppost.\u00a0 He wondered how long he had been unconscious since he had fought and proved himself wanting.\u00a0 *** Why couldn\u2019t those damned goons have fought me one at a time? \u00a0Because if I could\u2019ve faced each of them one by one I betcha that I could\u2019ve won easily!\u00a0 Yeah sure Joe! ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought and tried not to smile at the absurdity of his internal tirade.\u00a0 He knew that he hadn\u2019t stood a chance in hell at taking on even the smallest of the bunch, let alone Goliath.\u00a0 Joe decided that he\u2019d better check on the shape of his ribs to make sure that they were all still in the right places.\u00a0 Not one bone was poking out of his shirt, which surprised him, and as he pulled the shirt-tails out of his pants he carefully prodded his ribcage.\u00a0 The slight touch of his fingers over the area sent such excruciating pain that he stopped the examination.\u00a0 ***Doc Martin would surely have done a better job \u2013 but then again I\u2019m nowhere close to Virginia City \u2013 so I\u2019ll have to tend myself this time!*** <\/em><\/strong>He finished with the partial inspection of his chest and gave up for the time being as it was only causing him to want to vomit again. *** I guess I\u2019ll live to fight another day ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe mused and finally managed to pull himself to standing.\u00a0 Just as quick as he stood erect his body fell backwards and hit the brick wall of the bank.\u00a0 Joe cried out in pain and fell back down to the ground.\u00a0 *** Smooth, Joe, very smooth move ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought and once again made the attempt to pull himself back to his knees and begin the whole procedure again.\u00a0 Before he could lean back onto his heels he heard the click from the hammer of a gun.\u00a0 Joe froze and wondered if the men who had beaten him up had decided on making a somewhat more permanent end to the argument which had arisen there in the saloon that evening.<\/p>\n From out of the shadows the glint from a Colt forty five revolver came into view along with the shine from a sheriff\u2019s badge.\u00a0 Joe sighed, very relieved that it wasn\u2019t any of the men who had mopped the floor with him earlier.<\/p>\n \u201cGet up!\u201d The sheriff sounded loudly as he stared down at the young man on the ground.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m trying to do just that,\u201d Joe remarked sarcastically.<\/p>\n \u201cNo sudden moves, Sonny!\u201d the sheriff warned.<\/p>\n Joe had to laugh at that statement.\u00a0 \u201cMister, I couldn\u2019t do anything sudden like right now.\u00a0 I\u2019m not resisting arrest by the way — I\u2019m just trying to stand up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll take that six-gun before you get to your feet.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe was surprised to find that his Colt was still there in his holster.\u00a0 He wished he had used it on the men who had beaten him so badly.\u00a0 \u201cHere,\u201d Joe replied and handed the gun butt-end first to the sheriff.\u00a0 It was then that he managed to get to his knees and from there to standing.\u00a0 Though he wobbled quite a bit, at least he hadn\u2019t fallen back against the brick wall again.\u00a0 Joe figured that if he had, the sheriff might have gotten a bit jittery and plugged him.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, I\u2019m taking you to the jail,\u201d The sheriff motioned with his gun out towards the street.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the charge, Sheriff?\u00a0 Is getting beaten up by a gang of thugs against the law in this town?\u201d Joe\u2019s voice was filled with sarcasm, perhaps due to the whole thought of his predicament and how he was the injured party and now it appeared that he would be the one to take the fall for the whole brawl.\u00a0 He shook his head and wondered internally.\u00a0 ***If I go down for all of this I\u2019m taking those men with me!\u00a0 I hope I can get my gun back before I run into Goliath though \u2013 I hope he\u2019s not still out here somewhere in the shadows.***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cJust move your butt down to my office, we\u2019ll handle all of that in there,\u201d The sheriff answered sternly.<\/p>\n As Joe made it out into the street he noticed his hat lying there just down from the walkway.\u00a0 \u201cMind if I bend over and pick that up \u2013 it\u2019s mine?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on do it fast.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI already told you \u2013 right now I can\u2019t do nothing fast, Sheriff,\u201d Joe announced as he bent to retrieve the tan colored hat.\u00a0 He groaned from the movement and fought the nausea again as he tugged his hat down over his unruly hair.<\/p>\n The two block march down to the small jail was agonizing as Joe\u2019s bruised and battered body felt buffeted with each step that he took.\u00a0 The sheriff and his new prisoner were let inside by a deputy, who had spotted both men from the front steps.\u00a0 He then was pushed by the sheriff into a small back room which held only one jail cell.<\/p>\n \u201cYou can cool your heels in there for a while, Boy,\u201d The sheriff said and pointed for his new prisoner to make his way inside the cell.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s fine, Sheriff,\u201d Joe smiled, though the motion of doing so made his split lip bleed again.\u00a0 \u201cI needed a place to rest my head tonight anyhow and this looks better than most of the dumps I\u2019ve stayed in lately.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve got us a smart mouthed kid for the night, Jeremy,\u201d the sheriff remarked as he turned the keys to lock the cell door.<\/p>\n \u201cHe looks like he fought with the devil and came in last!\u201d The deputy laughed as he got a look at the battered young man who now sat on the cot.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s exactly what happened,\u201d Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cWell, it was the devil assisted by about a hundred other demons \u2013 they took their time with me \u2013 but I guess Hell didn\u2019t want me yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d The sheriff reached through the bars and handed Joe a small towel.\u00a0 \u201cThat bucket on the floor has clean water in it \u2013 go wash yourself up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for that,\u201d Joe nodded gratefully as he soaked the towel and placed it first over his eye and then under his chin.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m Sheriff John O\u2019 Brien and this is my deputy Jeremy Briggs.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be putting the lights out soon so make use of that water while you can.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what are the charges, Sheriff?\u201d Joe decided he\u2019d better find out before the lights went out again.<\/p>\n \u201cDrunk and disorderly \u2013 that\u2019s enough to hold you over night.\u00a0 I\u2019ll talk to you in the morning and we\u2019ll decide just what to do with you, Boy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay \u2013 I wasn\u2019t looking forward to sleeping on the ground tonight — so thanks for the bed,\u201d Joe replied, and eased back on the cot and closed his eyes.\u00a0 He set the cool wet towel over his face and passed out hard.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It hadn\u2019t been the best sleep in his life, however it was solid and Joe only awakened due to the sound of keys jingling there at the bars of his cell.\u00a0 He suddenly felt every square inch of his body and each one sang out in pain.\u00a0 Joe gingerly made it to a sitting position and looked over at the deputy who had a plate of food in his hand and a cup hanging from his index finger.<\/p>\n \u201cI brung you some grub,\u201d The deputy called as he made his way into the cell.\u00a0 \u201cJust stay there on that there cot \u2013 I can drop this plate and shoot you before you even make it halfway over to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head unamused, having had enough threats in that town to last him for the rest of his natural life.\u00a0 Just how in the hell the deputy could think he would be able to rush him when Joe could just barely manage to blink at the time without throwing up?\u00a0 It was the first time in his life that he had discovered that even your eyelashes could hurt, even the ones that hadn\u2019t been pounded by a fist the night before.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you just the same \u2013 and you don\u2019t have to worry about me doing anything to you —right now shooting me would be an act of kindness,\u201d Joe muttered.\u00a0 \u201cIf I even look at that food I\u2019m going to throw up on the floor — but I\u2019ll take that cup if you\u2019ve got some water that I can have?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSuit yourself, Boy, and just so you know \u2013 if you throw up in that cell it\u2019s going to be you who cleans it up.\u201d Jeremy warned and turned and set the plate out on a three legged stool just outside of the jail cell.\u00a0 He handed Joe the cup and then reached for a smaller bucket which was stowed just to the side of the cell bars.\u00a0 \u201cThe water in this bucket isn\u2019t cold but it\u2019s clean.\u00a0 I\u2019ll leave it in here with you.\u00a0 The sheriff will be in to talk to you when he gets here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen will that be?\u201d Joe inquired, as he slowly sipped the water and hoped that it would stay down.\u00a0 The last thing on earth that he wanted to do at that moment was to hurl again or possibly even worse, clean it up.<\/p>\n \u201cAn hour or so I guess \u2013 then he\u2019ll tell you if you can go or not,\u201d Jeremy said and locked the jail cell once more.\u00a0 He paused and took a good look at the prisoner.\u00a0 \u201cNow I know where I\u2019ve seen you before!\u00a0 Last night you were such a mess I didn\u2019t get a good look at your face.\u00a0 But now \u2013 I recognize you.\u00a0 My nephew worked at the Ponderosa a couple of years ago bringing in one of your herds.\u00a0 I saw all of your family when I went to fetch him and bring him back home.\u00a0 You\u2019re Ben Cartwright\u2019s third boy, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe drew in a deep hurtful breath and then his face took on an angered appearance.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t reply, he didn\u2019t see a need for it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 you are aren\u2019t you?\u201d Jeremy persisted staring over at the young man.<\/p>\n \u201cBen Cartwright has two sons not three,\u201d Joe finally answered since the other man wouldn\u2019t ease up.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 now I know that\u2019s not true \u2013 he\u2019s got three of them.\u00a0 You\u2019re his youngest boy \u2013 the third son!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for the water,\u201d Joe nodded to the deputy and then leaned back onto the cot.\u00a0 He had nothing further to say to the man.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright had two sons plain and simple, and that was the end of the discussion.<\/p>\n The sheriff had a leisurely breakfast and then went to talk to the owner of the saloon where the raucous fight had begun the prior night.\u00a0 He had heard all of the facts and the names of most of the men who had participated in tearing up the bar before taking the melee outside.\u00a0 Sheriff O\u2019 Brien would be going after several of the men and making sure that they settled up on the damages before the end of the day.\u00a0 And now he knew exactly who did what to whom and why his new prisoner looked so roughed up.\u00a0 He tucked his notepad inside of his vest and headed down to the jail with all the information that he needed.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you have any problems with our new guest?\u201d The Sheriff asked as he sat down at his desk and faced the deputy.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 he wouldn\u2019t eat his breakfast \u2013but I think he\u2019s still getting over how much he apparently drank last night so I don\u2019t blame him for that.\u00a0 Hey \u2013 you\u2019ll never guess who that kid is!\u201d<\/p>\n John O\u2019 Brien looked up and asked, \u201cI\u2019ll bite \u2013 who is he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s one of the Cartwrights from over by Virginia City.\u00a0 You know they\u2019ve got that big spread \u2013 the Ponderosa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, then he ought to be able to pay for the damages that he helped cause.\u00a0 I talked to Bob over at the Golden Lily and he\u2019s got quite a clean-up going on over there.\u00a0 Okay \u2013 let\u2019s go and talk to our prisoner,\u201d The sheriff stood and walked to the back cell.<\/p>\n Joe was spread out on the cot with his left arm bent and resting over his eyes trying to get more sleep.<\/p>\n \u201cYou had quite the time over in that saloon, Boy, and there are an awful lot of damages.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to pay your share of them.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe slowly eased up on the cot keeping a hand to his stomach fighting back both the pain from the movement as well as the urge to let loose the little bit of water which he had drunk.\u00a0 He stared over at the sheriff, surprised by what he had just said.\u00a0 \u201cI was one of like ten men who busted up that place.\u00a0 And, besides \u2013 those other guys started it!\u201d Joe insisted loudly as he tried to express his views on what had taken place the night before.<\/p>\n \u201cKid, you went up against Big Jim Brannigan and that was stupid on your part!\u00a0 If you hadn\u2019t been flirting with his gal you wouldn\u2019t be in this situation!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe parked her bustle on the arm of my chair — the most I did was put my arm around her waist \u2013 I never even kissed her.\u00a0 Besides \u2013 I never saw a ring on her finger and she is a saloon girl you know?\u201d Joe returned, getting more angered over the whole situation.<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 Old Jim doesn\u2019t like any man laying a hand on his girl \u2013 ring or no ring.\u00a0 Being a saloon girl doesn\u2019t have a thing to do with it either.\u00a0 You sure don\u2019t have much sense, Kid!\u201d the sheriff responded.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s beside the point.\u00a0 Hey –what about his henchmen?\u00a0 They busted up the place the most \u2013 far more than I did!\u00a0 I was just trying to get out of there alive.\u00a0 And they followed me outside and almost killed me in that alley.\u00a0 Why aren\u2019t you out arresting them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t tell me how to do my job, Boy,\u201d John O\u2019Brien insisted, getting perturbed.\u00a0 \u201cEveryone will pay their fair share.\u00a0 As for that fight \u2013 it\u2019s about ten witnesses I count against your one.\u00a0 Now \u2013 I hear that you are a Cartwright \u2013 do you have the money on you to pay or do you want to wire your Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy name isn\u2019t Cartwright,\u201d Joe fired back.\u00a0 \u201cMy name is Joe Carson.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve got about twenty dollars to my name.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff shook his head and replied, \u201cThat\u2019s not going to do it \u2013 I\u2019ve divided it up and you\u2019re share is more like sixty dollars.\u00a0 I guess you\u2019ll have to stay behind these bars for a while.\u00a0 I\u2019ll find you some work to pay off your share of the damages but you are now my guest for a month.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe painfully made it over to the cell bars and tried to make his plea.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mon, Sheriff, give me a break will you?\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you the twenty — won\u2019t that do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAfraid not, Mister Carson \u2013 or whoever the heck you are.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be putting you to some work tomorrow.\u00a0 You\u2019re not much good to me right now by the looks of you.\u00a0 Might just as well go back to that cot and make use of it,\u201d The sheriff said and walked with the deputy to the door.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re SURE<\/strong> you\u2019re not a Cartwright?\u201d The sheriff asked again, not quite sure the kid was telling the truth.<\/p>\n Joe frowned and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure,\u201d He answered, with a tone of bitterness displayed in his voice.\u00a0 Slowly he moved back over to the cot and eased himself down.\u00a0 ***I sure know how to pick the worst places to visit and the worst times to be at a saloon!\u00a0 Well \u2013 I haven\u2019t got the money to get a hotel room anyhow \u2013 so guess this will do for a while. ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cYou have any more questions before I go about my duties?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Sheriff,\u201d Joe called across the room.\u00a0 \u201cWhat day is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Friday,\u201d O\u2019Brien replied.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay \u2013 what month is it?\u201d Joe continued.<\/p>\n The sheriff frowned and turned back to look at his prisoner before responding.\u00a0 \u201cAre you being smart-mouthed again or are you still drunk?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope, I\u2019m not being smart-mouthed \u2013and by now everything that I had to drink has come out the same way that it went in.\u00a0 I just want to know what danged month it is.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s July if you\u2019re all that concerned about it — the fifteenth to be exact.\u00a0 That means unless money falls down from that ceiling in there I\u2019ve got the pleasure of your company until the fifteenth of August.\u00a0 Now get your rest \u2013 I\u2019ve got a lot to keep you occupied tomorrow.\u00a0 Jeremy will bring you in some supper around eight tonight.\u00a0 You get two meals a day around here and that\u2019s it so you\u2019d best make use of them.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe groaned and shook his head.\u00a0 Food was not something he wanted to look at possibly for another year, or so he figured by the way his stomach churned at the very mention of it.\u00a0 \u201cThanks,\u201d Joe muttered and then searched for the towel from the prior night in order to set it back into the water bucket and then place over his swollen face.\u00a0 He heard the door to the room close and his thoughts went back again to how he had come to be so far away from home.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t want to think about the Ponderosa, and he didn\u2019t want to remember anything that had happened at the beginning of spring.\u00a0 He fought to purge the accident from his mind along with all of the ensuing events which had followed. \u00a0However for months now, almost every time that he closed his eyes, the memories returned and an intense sadness shook him right down to the marrow. \u00a0\u00a0If only he could erase all of it from his thoughts, but everything fell right back upon him the minute that he put the towel over his eyes and eased back on the cot.\u00a0 ***Why Pa? ***<\/em><\/strong>Joe was transported back to the first day of spring.<\/p>\n ***********************************<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright stood in the living room of the Ponderosa ranch house and raised his voice and his arms trying to garner the attention of the seventeen year old standing there in front of him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph Francis Cartwright,\u201d Ben began his tirade by using his son\u2019s full name to show how annoyed he was getting at the young man.<\/p>\n *** Oh no, he\u2019s using my full christened name again \u2013 this isn\u2019t going well ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought to himself and his face winced up.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat time did I tell you to be home by last night?\u201d\u00a0 Pa continued, his expressive eyebrows were raised for effect.<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon, Pa, you promised not to use my middle name anymore!\u201d Joe reminded his father, trying to avoid answering the question which his father had posed.<\/p>\n \u201cBe glad that\u2019s all I chose to call you right now,\u201d Ben countered angrily and got back to the inquisition.\u00a0 \u201cNow, Joseph \u2013 I realize that it was almost sixteen hours ago, but I\u2019m sure if you think about it hard enough you\u2019ll remember.\u00a0 Now what time did I tell you to get home?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think you said by midnight?\u201d Joe offered, though he knew it was an awful lie, having fully understood what had been expected of him the previous night.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I said no later than TEN o\u2019clock<\/strong>!\u00a0 Do I need to take you to see Doctor Martin and have your hearing checked?\u201d Pa\u2019s sarcasm poured out as he folded his arms across his chest.<\/p>\n Joe grinned sheepishly in spite of the ensuing full blown lecture he\u2019d now get.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Sir \u2013 my hearing is fine.\u00a0 I guess that I just misunderstood what you said yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI rather doubt that you simply misunderstood me, Joseph.\u00a0 And you got in AFTER<\/strong> midnight by the way \u2013 so even your carefully crafted tale doesn\u2019t hold water.\u00a0\u00a0 And on top of all of that, the way I heard it, from some sources that I happen to have, you were into your cups too!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour sources wouldn\u2019t happen to live here and go by the names of Adam and Hoss would they?\u201d Joe ventured a guess which he presumed was highly likely to be correct.<\/p>\n \u201cNever mind who my sources are.\u00a0 Now you are late to help your brothers because you chose to stay out way too late, drink way too much and sleep in way too long!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going to be even later to join up with them if this lecture goes on much longer, Pa,\u201d Joe complained.<\/p>\n Ben stared hard at his son and he showed his displeasure in the expression that he wore along with the pointer finger of his right hand which was aimed in Joe\u2019s direction.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 at seventeen years old you shouldn\u2019t be out till all hours of the night and you surely don\u2019t need to be getting drunk!\u00a0 I\u2019ve warned you about all of these very things before, Young Man.\u201d Pa admonished his son.<\/p>\n Joe now raised his own arms in gesture, \u201cPa \u2013 your sources exaggerated!\u00a0\u00a0 I only had two watered down beers.\u00a0 I was no where\u2019s near being drunk! Yeah \u2013 I smelled of whiskey because some drunk \u2013 not me \u2013 dumped almost a half of a bottle of rot gut on my jacket.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry that I was late \u2013 and I promise to do better.\u00a0 Now can I go catch up with your sources <\/strong>so I can help them with the branding?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust two watered down beers \u2013is that what you said?\u201d Ben questioned, his eyebrows raised again.\u00a0 He doubted that what he was hearing was the complete truth of the matter, as was usually the case when it came to his youngest if he was put on the spot.<\/p>\n \u201cNears as I can remember,\u201d Joe lied, though he hadn\u2019t been drunk, he had however had a bit of the man\u2019s rot-gut after he had accidentally dumped a glass on his jacket.\u00a0 The man had given him a shot of the whiskey to apologize and the boy hadn\u2019t turned the gesture down.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe figured it wouldn\u2019t hurt to leave that part of the story out.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, have you listened to ANYTHING<\/strong> that I\u2019ve said?\u201d Ben groaned, growing exasperated with his son.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir \u2013 Pa I always listen to what you say,\u201d Joe nodded obediently, hoping that the lecture would soon be finished.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t all that sure that Pa had bought the story that he had just told him and Joe needed to make a hasty exit before the whole truth was gleaned during further interrogation.\u00a0 As he was mulling the situation over Joe, without thinking about it, sat down and stretched his legs out in front of him placing his boots on the coffee table.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head highly irritated as he wondered just how his youngest could make the statement that he had.\u00a0 Pa stared down at his son’s dirty boots now resting where he had told Joe not to put them more times than he could count.\u00a0 “Your feet go on the floor, Joseph!” Ben exclaimed, as he shot his index finger towards the boy’s boots.<\/p>\n Joe’s face flushed with embarrassment.\u00a0 He realized that he wasn’t earning any points with Pa that morning.\u00a0 “Sorry,” He apologized and planted his boots back on the floor.<\/p>\n “You were just saying that you always listen to me, however, it’s very evident to me that’s not the truth of the matter.\u00a0 It’s either that or if you are<\/strong> listening to me,then you are<\/strong> purposely disobeying me by not doing as you\u2019ve been told.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon, Pa, I wouldn\u2019t ever purposely disobey you.\u00a0 I might be a little forgetful at times \u2013 but I don\u2019t try to go against what you tell me to do.\u00a0 And, like I said \u2013 I promise you that I\u2019ll do better.\u00a0 Is it okay to leave now?\u201d Joe tried to show sincerity in all that he had offered to his Pa.<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shook his head in frustration.\u00a0 It was so hard to stay angry with his youngest boy, no matter how hard he tried.\u00a0 Joseph, Ben had always surmised, could talk the devil himself out of a glass of ice water.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay — okay \u2013 but I\u2019m holding you to that promise about you doing better at listening to what I tell you, Joseph.\u00a0 The next time this happens you\u2019re not going to get off with just a mere lecture.\u00a0 Now have I made myself clear enough that you fully understand what I\u2019ve just said?\u201d Ben warned, trying his best to look severely at the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cCrystal clear,\u201d Joe nodded and frowned over the not so subtle threat that his father had just made.\u00a0 He could tell by the inflection in Pa\u2019s words that he meant business this time, he didn\u2019t have to spell it out to him.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s ire was raised over the fact that his brothers hadn\u2019t told the true facts about all they had witnessed the previous night concerning his actions.<\/p>\n Ben could hear the wheels turning in his son\u2019s mind and knew the look that he was wearing on his face now.\u00a0 He could tell that Joe wanted to seek revenge on both Hoss and Adam.\u00a0 \u201cNow go catch up with your brothers — who I NEVER<\/strong> said were my sources, Joseph!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned knowingly over the fact that Pa would never implicate his brothers.\u00a0 \u00a0As he stood he reached over and patted his father\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cSure, Pa,\u201d Joe winked.\u00a0 He knew better, there was no doubt in his mind about the identities of Pa\u2019s sources.\u00a0 Joe was well aware that Adam and Hoss had definitely given their father a play by play of all of his activities from the previous night.\u00a0 Though they had both stretched the truth about all that he had done, he also had to admit that he hadn\u2019t been completely honest with Pa either.\u00a0 Joe knew that he had just basically lied right to his father\u2019s face, so he\u2019d let his brothers off the hook this time.\u00a0 He hurried to the credenza and quickly buckled his holster and then donned his jacket and hat.\u00a0 \u201cI WILL <\/strong>be home on time!\u201d he announced as he pulled open the front door.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019d better be!\u201d\u00a0 Pa called over sternly as he watched his youngest making a quick getaway.\u00a0 It was only then that he smiled, not wanting Joe to know that all was now forgiven.\u00a0 *** That boy!\u00a0 I tell you Ben Cartwright \u2013 it would appear that you are going soft the older that you get!\u00a0 It\u2019s either that or Joseph is becoming proficient at wearing you down. ***<\/em><\/strong> Pa thought to himself as he moved over to the study to start on his daily tasks.<\/p>\n ***********************************<\/p>\n Adam mopped his brow as he set the branding iron down onto the calf.\u00a0 It had been a humid day and working over hot coals didn\u2019t help.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t happy that his youngest brother had yet to show up to do his share of the work.<\/p>\n \u201cYou got him, Hoss?\u201d He called as he readied for the next heifer.<\/p>\n Hoss flipped the calf down onto its side and looked up at his brother.\u00a0 \u201cI got him, go ahead!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam placed the branding iron onto the hip of the calf and then he heard the whistle.<\/p>\n Joe sat there on top of his pinto and smiled over at his brothers.\u00a0 He had whistled to get their attention.\u00a0 \u201cYou boys should have most of these calves done by now.\u00a0 What\u2019s the hold up?\u201d Joe laughed and then dismounted.<\/p>\n \u201cPut the branding iron on that kid, Adam!\u201d Hoss sang out and pointed over to Little Joe.<\/p>\n Grinning, Adam stood back up and winked over at Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cWell he\u2019s able to sit a saddle so I guess Pa went easy on the kid, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cVery funny,\u201d Joe frowned as he dismounted and moved closer to his brothers.\u00a0 \u201cYou both are lucky because if I had gotten a tanning due to you exaggerating about what I did last night to Pa I\u2019d grab that branding iron and turn it loose on both of you!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss walked to the gate post and drew down his canteen and took a couple of good swallows and passed it over to Adam.\u00a0 \u201cNow just what in the world gave you the idea that we said anything to Pa?\u201d Hoss asked, feigning innocence.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not a very trusting soul is he, Hoss?\u201d Adam played along.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right \u2013 I\u2019m not \u2013 especially when it comes to my two busy-body brothers!\u201d Joe answered and took the branding iron from Adam.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, let\u2019s get this danged chore out of the way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, it\u2019s your turn to flip these calves, Little Brother!\u00a0 I\u2019ll handle that iron.\u201d Hoss insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cNope,\u201d Joe smiled.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m too darned hung over to do something as dangerous as that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou aren\u2019t hung over!\u201d Adam complained.<\/p>\n Joe turned and shot a vindicated smile over at his brothers and stated, \u201cThen maybe you two shouldn\u2019t have told Pa I was drunk last night when you went to him and spread those rumors about me.\u00a0 Now go flip one of those calves, Hoss, it\u2019s too hot to stand around and jaw.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cKid\u2019s on to us, Older Brother,\u201d Hoss grinned and pulled a calf over so Joe could set the brand onto it.<\/p>\n The three brothers worked for hours branding the considerable amount of new calves.\u00a0 By the time they were done they were all hot and tired and ready to head for the ranch house.\u00a0 As each Cartwright readied to mount their horses they saw a dust cloud heading their way and saw a rider approaching rapidly.<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like Fletcher \u2013 and he\u2019s sure in a hurry,\u201d Joe called over to his brothers as he squinted off into the distance.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t know he could ride that fast,\u201d Adam nodded over to Joe.<\/p>\n The three men waited to see what the hired hand was doing racing his horse so fast and heading straight for the branding corral.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t take long before he reined his mount hard and called out.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys — better get to the house.\u00a0 Your Pa had an accident and the Doc\u2019s there already!\u201d Fletcher announced breathing hard.<\/p>\n The brothers all exchanged worried glances, mounted their horses and headed toward the ranch house.\u00a0 The three of them rode away even faster than Fletcher had come in with his news.<\/p>\n ************************************<\/p>\n Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe stood in the living room of the Ponderosa ranch house pacing there in front of the fireplace.\u00a0 Doc Martin had told them to stay down there out of his way while he tended their father and assessed the damage to his head which had been caused by a fall from his horse.<\/p>\n \u201cIf he hit his head as hard as Doc said I guess he\u2019s been out cold for a while,\u201d Adam announced and shot a glance at each of his brothers.<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s got a hard head — he\u2019ll be alright,\u201d Hoss tried his best to sound hopeful.<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t speak.\u00a0 His thoughts went back to his last conversation with Pa and his stomach churned.\u00a0 He felt awful that he hadn\u2019t been entirely truthful that morning, and now, if something should go wrong and Pa didn\u2019t pull through, his final words would haunt him.<\/p>\n Adam looked over at his youngest brother, who now sat on the settee with his head in his hands.\u00a0 He could see that the kid was fighting to control his emotions.\u00a0 That was Joe.\u00a0 He could be the orneriest person on the earth and sometimes seem so self-centered that it was hard to believe that he had been sired by Ben Cartwright.\u00a0 But, other times, the kid could seem so tenderhearted and spilling a few tears came natural to Joe.\u00a0 Though he fought not to release any in front of his brothers, Adam was well aware that Joe let down his guard around their father.\u00a0 But, then again, that was his nature, and though it was a polar opposite to his oldest brother, Joe\u2019s sensitivity could sometimes shock those around him.<\/p>\n \u201cListen, Kid, Pa will be okay,\u201d Adam tried to assure the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I never should have made Pa angry today. \u00a0I didn\u2019t listen to him \u2013 and now what if those are the last words that I ever get to say to him?\u201d Joe confessed and drew in a deep breath to ward off the glistening of tears in his eyes.<\/p>\n Doctor Martin appeared at the top of the staircase and the three brothers hurriedly made their way over to meet him.<\/p>\n \u201cIs Pa going to be okay?\u201d Adam was the first to ask, his voice betraying his fear for his father\u2019s condition.<\/p>\n Doc walked down the stairs slowly and made it into the living room and sank down onto the red leather chair in front of the fireplace.<\/p>\n \u201cCome over here, Boys, and I\u2019ll explain my concerns,\u201d Doc called out wearily.<\/p>\n The Cartwright brothers anxiously gathered around the doctor and waited to hear his prognosis.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen your father fell he hit the side of his head and there\u2019s a good deal of swelling.\u00a0 I don\u2019t need to get into a lot of medical jargon \u2013 though I expect that you, Adam, will no doubt look up this information.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow bad off is he?\u201d Hoss continued the questioning.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m concerned due to the swelling.\u00a0 If we can get that under control then I believe your Pa will pull through.\u00a0 I am also concerned with the part of his head which took the brunt of the fall.\u00a0 He hit an area of the brain which contains something called the hippocampus.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d Joe finally spoke up from his seat on the coffee table directly in front of Doctor Martin.<\/p>\n \u201cWell that part of the brain has been studied pretty well over the past few years and it\u2019s suspected that it has to do with where some of your memories are stored, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat can you do?\u00a0 What can we do?\u201d Adam responded urgently as he made a mental note to look up the term which Paul had just mentioned.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, Hop Sing is up there and he\u2019s keeping ice packs on the area.\u00a0 I\u2019m hoping that the swelling will abate and then once he\u2019s awake we\u2019ll know if he\u2019s been affected.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan we see Pa?\u201d Joe questioned as he stood up with worry framing his face.<\/p>\n Doc looked sympathetically at all three of Ben\u2019s sons.\u00a0 \u201cYour father needs quiet right now.\u00a0 But, if you each want to go and see him one at a time \u2013 well I don\u2019t see a problem with that.\u00a0 But, keep your visits short right now.\u00a0 No more than five minutes each, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n The brothers exchanged glances, each of them wanting to rush up to be with their Pa.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go first,\u201d Adam nodded towards Doc, not bothering to ask if it was alright with either of his brothers.\u00a0 He was the eldest son and he felt that title came with pecking rights.<\/p>\n \u201cGo on \u2013 but keep your voice low,\u201d Paul insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m next,\u201d Hoss claimed his turn following Adam.<\/p>\n Adam climbed the stairs and headed into his father\u2019s bedroom hoping to have a few minutes alone with him.\u00a0 He, unlike Joe, and sometimes Hoss as well, held his emotions close to the vest.\u00a0 Maybe it was due to all that he had witnessed over the years, having survived the deaths of his mother and then both Hoss and Joe\u2019s mothers.\u00a0 He had learned to be strong even in the face of tragedy.\u00a0 Pa would expect it of him.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me get you some coffee,\u201d Little Joe offered to Doc and headed into the kitchen without waiting for a reply.<\/p>\n \u201cI know the three of you are all worried, Hoss.\u00a0 But, I\u2019m a bit surprised that Little Joe didn\u2019t argue about Adam and you going to talk to your Pa first.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned and shrugged his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2019s feeling bad that he and Pa kind of got into it a little this morning.\u00a0 He\u2019s scared that it might be the last time he ever talks to Pa and he\u2019s got a guilty conscience for lying to him.\u201d<\/p>\n Doc gave a tired smile and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll have a talk with the boy after you have your turn to see your Pa, Hoss.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think we\u2019re going to lose your father, but we won\u2019t know the effect of that fall for a while,\u201d Paul explained, and he hoped that he could ease all of the Cartwright brother\u2019s minds, especially the guilt-ridden Little Joe.<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n Joe was so deep in his reflections that he was startled when a hand fell down onto his shoulder.\u00a0 He looked up to see Doctor Paul Martin.\u00a0 The man smiled at Joe and then reached across the bed and changed out the ice pack for a fresh one and placed it on the right side of Ben\u2019s head.\u00a0 He checked his patient\u2019s pulse and then pulled the comforter up a bit.<\/p>\n \u201cHow is he, Doc?\u201d Joe asked somberly as he took a position standing right next to him.<\/p>\n \u201cNo real change \u2013 but I didn\u2019t expect one just yet, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned and moved over closer to his Pa.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s just got to be okay, Doc \u2013 he\u2019s just got to,\u201d Joe\u2019s voice was quiet but still held panic in it.<\/p>\n Doc turned and cast a sympathetic look over at the boy and then pointed for him to sit in the chair.\u00a0 Paul pulled up the other side chair and sat down and faced Ben\u2019s youngest.<\/p>\n \u201cNo need getting yourself sick over this, Joe.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got a very strong father \u2013 he\u2019s also got a very hard head,\u201d Doc paused and tried to ease the boy\u2019s mind some.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u201cWe\u2019ll just keep up with the ice packs in order to help with the swelling and wait for Ben to wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe dropped his gaze down to the floor and once again fought back his tears.\u00a0 \u201cI wish I had known this was going to happen —I keep thinking –,\u201d Joe trailed off.<\/p>\n Paul reached over and gently touched the boy\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cHoss told me that you and your Pa kind of got into it this morning.\u00a0 Is that what\u2019s bothering you, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and answered, \u201cYeah — I wasn\u2019t exactly truthful with him \u2013 and I just keep thinking about it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell it\u2019s my experience that a whole lot of boys your age stretch the truth at times.\u00a0 Was it a little white lie that you told your pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head adamantly and replied, \u201cNo \u2013it was either a gray one or a black one, Doc, and it wasn\u2019t all that little either.\u00a0\u00a0 I should have fessed up that I knew all along exactly what time that Pa had told me to come home \u2013instead of pretending that I didn\u2019t hear him right.\u00a0 I lied right to his face \u2013 and I shouldn\u2019t have.\u00a0 I also lied to him about how much I had to drink. \u00a0\u00a0I keep thinking that —well what if that\u2019s the last time I ever get to talk to Pa?\u00a0 If my last words to him were nothing but \u2013 never mind –,\u201d Joe paused and dropped his head down to his chest.\u00a0 He was barely able to keep from tearing up again but was making a valiant effort to hold it all in.<\/p>\n \u201cI think your Pa will be okay.\u00a0 Now, I don\u2019t know if that fall from his horse has caused any damage — but I do think he will pull through.\u00a0 I also know that your Pa wouldn\u2019t want you to make yourself sick over all of this \u2013 and getting upset about your last talk either.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been up here saying some prayers haven\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded earnestly, \u201cYeah, Doc, I\u2019ve said a lot of them all night long.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul patted Joe\u2019s arm and replied, \u201cWell then you\u2019ve done your job now let me get to mine.\u00a0 I want you to go eat your dinner and let your Pa get some rest.\u00a0 I told your brothers that I\u2019ll stay the night.\u00a0 I also told them that each of you can come back up later.\u00a0 But, right now, Young Man, you need to go eat.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe pulled himself up from his chair and moved to stand next to the bed one more time.\u00a0 He placed the palm of his right hand against his father\u2019s left cheek.\u00a0 Joe slowly stroked Pa\u2019s face and whispered, \u201cPa \u2013 you get well.\u00a0 I love you.\u00a0 Come back to us \u2013 all of your sons need you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on now, Little Joe,\u201d Doc urged the boy, motioning him out the door with his hand.<\/p>\n Joe nodded solemnly and replied, \u201cTake care of him, Doc.\u00a0 Let me know when I can come back okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Paul smiled and watched as the disheartened young man walked slowly towards the door.\u00a0 \u201cI will,\u201d He called over to Joe.\u00a0 Doc turned his attention back to Ben and whispered, \u201cYou need to come back around, Ben your boys are all worried \u2013 and well \u2013 so am I.\u201d<\/p>\n *********************************<\/p>\n Dinner was uncharacteristically quiet with few words being spoken by the three Cartwright sons.\u00a0 Hop Sing had done his best to encourage them all to eat to keep their strength up and that Ben would be okay.\u00a0 Still, the brothers were barely eating after the man had padded back into the kitchen to retrieve more ice to take up to Doctor Martin.<\/p>\n Joe pushed his food around on his plate and muttered, \u201cI\u2019m a rotten son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Little Joe, that ain\u2019t true!\u201d Hoss called across the table.<\/p>\n \u201cI out and out lied right to Pa\u2019s face,\u201d Joe continued to berate himself.<\/p>\n \u201cYou told Pa that you didn\u2019t know you were supposed to be home by ten, is that it?\u201d Adam asked as he dropped down his fork alongside his plate.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Joe nodded, still not looking at either brother.<\/p>\n \u201cShucks, Joe \u2013 that ain\u2019t nothing compared to the whoppers that you\u2019ve told Pa in the past!\u201d Hoss teased his little brother, attempting to make him smile.<\/p>\n \u201cI also lied about how much I had to drink, Hoss.\u00a0 \u00a0I should\u2019ve told him the truth –Pa deserves better.\u00a0 You and Adam are the good sons \u2013 I\u2019m just the one who causes problems for Pa \u2013 why he hasn\u2019t flat out disowned me by now I haven\u2019t got a clue!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam exchanged a glance with Hoss and tried to figure out something to say in response to help ease Joe\u2019s guilt.\u00a0 \u201cJoe — do you think that Pa couldn\u2019t tell that you were lying to him?\u00a0 You know he\u2019s been through all of these things with both Hoss and me \u2013 we told our share of fibs when we were younger.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut neither of you ever got into all of the messes that I have, Adam.\u00a0 I\u2019ve put Pa through so much \u2013 why he even puts up with it all is beyond me,\u201d Joe countered.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe because he loves you \u2013 and you know it, Kid,\u201d Adam nodded over to his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right, Little Joe.\u00a0 You might be a trouble maker \u2013 but our Pa loves you.\u00a0 You sure do keep him on his toes!\u00a0 He loves all three of us \u2013 but \u2013well sometimes we both think you\u2019re the favorite.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 sure,\u201d Joe frowned and dropped his napkin down onto the table.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019d be better off without me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, now come on \u2013 I know you\u2019re upset with yourself for lying \u2013 and you\u2019re worried just the same as we are about Pa and it\u2019s just getting to you right now.\u00a0 You\u2019re the one Pa dotes on.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t know what to do without you,\u201d Adam cajoled his brother.<\/p>\n The three brothers turned in unison when Paul called across the room.<\/p>\n \u201cYour Pa is awake, Boys.\u00a0 You can all come up but you need to take this slow he\u2019s got one heck of a headache,\u201d Doc warned and watched as the three of them hurried to the stairs.<\/p>\n ***********************************<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam stood on opposite sides of the bed whereas Joe stayed down at the footboard.\u00a0 All three brothers waited anxiously to hear their father\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n \u201cBen \u2013 your sons are here \u2013 open those eyes,\u201d Paul called softly.<\/p>\n Slowly Pa\u2019s eyelids fluttered and he drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out.\u00a0 There was pain very evident on Ben\u2019s face and he flinched as he tried to focus in on the faces of his boys.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam,\u201d Ben whispered as he caught the sight of his eldest standing just to the right of him.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve been so worried about you, Pa,\u201d Adam responded to his father and took the man\u2019s hand into his own.\u00a0 \u201cTake it easy, you\u2019ve had a bad fall.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss \u2013 come here a bit closer boy,\u201d Pa asked weakly and witnessed his massive son coming better into view.<\/p>\n Hoss gently took his father\u2019s left hand into his own and said, \u201cPa \u2013 it sure is good to see you awake.\u201d<\/p>\n Doc noticed Joe staring at his father expectantly waiting for him to call out his name.\u00a0 After several awkward minutes passed and Ben didn\u2019t say anything to his youngest, Paul waved Joe to move closer to his Pa so he could see him better.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m so glad you\u2019re awake \u2013 I\u2019ve been so worried,\u201d Joe whispered as he moved past Adam and stood at the head of the bed staring down at Pa.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s face was the picture of confusion as he looked up at the young man who was standing off to his right and quietly speaking to him.\u00a0 There was absolutely no recognition in his brown eyes as Joe came clearly into view.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2013 I might be a bit hazy right now,\u201d Ben began, and apologized in advance.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t catch your name.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shot an urgent look over at Doc and then back to his father.\u00a0 He thought for a minute that Pa was teasing him but then he had noticed the total absence of emotion on his face.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 Pa it\u2019s me —it\u2019s Joe,\u201d He whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t understand \u2013 who are you?\u201d Ben asked puzzled over what the boy had just said.<\/p>\n Joe felt as though he had been hit right between the eyes over what Pa had just said to him.\u00a0\u00a0 He shot a fearful glance over to the doctor.<\/p>\n \u201cYour father needs his rest, Boys.\u00a0 You all can come back up in a bit.\u00a0 Hop Sing is making him some beef broth and then you can come and visit once he\u2019s had something to eat,\u201d Paul instructed, trying his best to avoid there being a big scene there in the bedroom.\u00a0 He could read the panic in Little Joe\u2019s eyes and Doc knew that his patient didn\u2019t need any additional stress at the moment.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be right back, Ben.\u00a0 Adam you stay in here and the three of us will see about that broth,\u201d Paul instructed and then he had to usher both Joe and Hoss quickly out of the bedroom.<\/p>\n By the time the three of them had made it into the hallway Joe put his hand on Paul\u2019s right arm and forced his gaze.<\/p>\n \u201cDoc — he knew you \u2013 he knew Adam and Hoss \u2013 but he didn\u2019t have any idea who I was!\u00a0 Doc \u2013what\u2019s going on?\u201d Joe pleaded for an answer and this time he couldn\u2019t hold back the appearance of tears in his eyes.<\/p>\n Paul settled his hand down onto Joe\u2019s shoulder and responded as gently as he could, \u201cI\u2019m just not sure, Joe.\u00a0 He still has a lot of swelling on the side of his head — maybe once that goes down he will know you?\u00a0 The main thing right now is that your father is finally conscious, which is a very good sign, but he\u2019s not out of the woods so we can\u2019t cause him any stress right now.\u00a0 Joe \u2013 it\u2019s probably nothing permanent –we won\u2019t know for a while. Try not to fret about it right now — let\u2019s be glad that he\u2019s awake and if that swelling continues to go down then he\u2019ll be out of danger.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut \u2013 he doesn\u2019t know me,\u201d Joe continued, not understanding how Pa couldn\u2019t recognize him.\u00a0 It was very evident that his father had noticed right away who both Adam and Hoss were.\u00a0\u00a0 But in Pa\u2019s eyes Joe could tell that he was looking at him like he had no clue as to his identity.\u00a0 If he was permanently erased from his father\u2019s memory Joe was afraid that all he would be to the man now was just some unknown stranger.\u00a0 He had told his brothers at the dinner table that Pa would be better off without him and now Joe wondered if that would turn out to be a prophetic statement.\u00a0 Joe knew in his heart that there was no way that he could live a life as being a mere stranger to Pa.\u00a0 He needed his father, the most important person in his life.\u00a0 \u00a0And, furthermore, he needed Pa to acknowledge that he had three sons, and that Joseph Francis Cartwright was the youngest of them.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on downstairs, Little Joe \u2013 we\u2019ll talk more — I just don\u2019t want to risk your father hearing any of this,\u201d Paul insisted and put his hand on Joe\u2019s arm and tugged him along with him over to the staircase followed by Hoss.<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n \u201cThis is your last chance to eat today,\u201d The deputy called in to the young man stretched out on the cot inside the jail cell.<\/p>\n Joe blinked his eyes a few times and turned to his side, casting a look out through the cell bars.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s your supper that\u2019s what it is.\u201d<\/p>\n Carefully pulling himself into a seated position, though still aching with even the least bit of movement, Joe nodded his head.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I could try to eat a little bit.\u201d<\/p>\n Jeremy unlocked the cell and moved closer to the bunk and set the tray down onto the stool sitting just off to the right of his prisoner.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just stew but it\u2019s not too bad \u2013 I had some.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks \u2013 I haven\u2019t had much in me for a while now.\u00a0 I guess I should be able to handle it okay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just don\u2019t get it \u2013 I know you are that Cartwright kid who I saw a few years back.\u00a0 So why are you running around pretending to be someone else?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe picked up the spoon and pulled up some stew and blew on it to cool it down some.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve no idea what you\u2019re talking about,\u201d He insisted and began to eat his supper.<\/p>\n \u201cHow old are you, Boy?\u201d Jeremy continued, his skepticism showing in the way he raised his eyebrows.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m seventeen \u2013 why?\u201d Joe answered as he slowly continued to swallow the first food he\u2019d tried to get down in more than a day.<\/p>\n \u201cYep \u2013 the kid I saw back then was fourteen, and it was three years ago.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that odd?\u201d The deputy smiled knowingly.<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 I\u2019ve heard tell that there\u2019s someone who looks exactly like you somewhere in the world.\u00a0 So, I guess that Cartwright fellow must be the one who looks like me.\u201d<\/p>\n Jeremy shook his head getting quite annoyed by his prisoner\u2019s little ruse.\u00a0 \u201cIf you had some kind of a falling out with your Pa, well then if I were you I\u2019d just wire him and apologize and have him get you out of here.\u00a0 You know Sheriff O\u2019Brien ain\u2019t going to take it easy on you.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be putting in some very hard days starting tomorrow,\u201d He warned.<\/p>\n Joe set his spoon down on the plate and handed it back to the deputy and said, \u201cThanks for the grub, I think I\u2019ve had all I can stomach right now.\u201d\u00a0 Joe took another drink from the cup of water and set it onto the floor.\u00a0 He then spread himself back down onto the cot.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m use to hard work \u2013 it makes the time go by faster anyhow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay \u2013 Joe Cartwright \u2013 or Joe Carson \u2013 whoever you think that you are, good night,\u201d Jeremy sighed and retrieved the plate and spoon.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m blowing the light out now.\u00a0 O\u2019Brien will be getting you up just as soon as he falls in here in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGoodnight,\u201d Joe called and then rolled onto his side facing away from the other man.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t need anyone to remind him who he was supposed to be.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t forgotten his birth name.\u00a0 Joe closed his eyes and fought not to go back into the all too realistic dream that he\u2019d just come out of earlier.\u00a0 It was always in the forefront of his mind, the memory of what had happened once his father had begun to recover from his injury.<\/p>\n ************************************<\/p>\n During the first three days, after Ben had fallen off of his horse and sustained the head injury, his sons spent time up in the bedroom watching over him.\u00a0 Doctor Martin had warned all three of them not to tire the man or try to force him to recall anything about the past.\u00a0 They had done exactly as Paul had told them to do and tried to keep Pa quiet.\u00a0 Sitting in chairs gathered around the bed, each of Ben\u2019s sons made small talk; that is each of them except for Joe.\u00a0 The youngest was dying on the inside every time he noticed his Pa just staring over at him blankly.\u00a0 Joe just wanted to blurt out the fact that he was the injured man\u2019s son and ask him why in the heck he couldn\u2019t remember him.\u00a0 Every time either Adam or Hoss witnessed their brother getting ready to express his feelings over what was happening, they would make some excuse and drag Joe out of Pa\u2019s room.<\/p>\n By the fourth day, Doctor Martin felt that the swelling had gone down enough that Ben was no longer in danger.\u00a0 It was then that he had ushered the man\u2019s three sons out of the bedroom and attempted to assess his patient\u2019s condition.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Paul, I can see it on your face \u2013 what do you want to ask me?\u201d Ben cast a knowing smile as he pulled himself up against the headboard.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you sure that you\u2019re up to this, Ben?\u00a0 It can wait for another day or so \u2013 now that you\u2019re not in any danger.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been very concerned about that head wound, but it looks as though the swelling is just about all gone.<\/p>\n \u201cMy head feels better at least,\u201d Ben remarked.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve had one heck of a headache for days \u2013but it\u2019s eased considerably now.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul leaned forward in his chair and smiled at his old friend.\u00a0 \u201cHow about we take this slowly \u2013 and I just ask you a few basic questions?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine,\u201d Ben nodded and focused his attention on the doctor.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you remember your fall?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 can\u2019t say that I do,\u201d Ben answered.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you fell from your horse \u2013 something had to spook old Buck pretty bad to knock you off like that.\u00a0 One of the hired hands was there to witness you falling and luckily got you inside.\u00a0 I got here pretty quickly as I was over at your neighbors the Johnson’s.\u00a0 Do you remember them?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and sent a questioning look towards Paul, \u201cI\u2019ve never heard of them.\u201d<\/p>\n Doc smiled, \u201cI just lied to test you, Ben.\u00a0 I was at the Miller\u2019s house.\u00a0 Now do you remember them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, of course I do \u2013 Carl and Ann and they\u2019ve got three children.\u00a0 I helped them build their place.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul smiled, \u201cGood, now \u2013 how about your date of birth?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFebruary the twelfth \u2013and you know that you and I are the same age so you know the year yourself,\u201d Ben grinned.<\/p>\n \u201cHow about your boys \u2013 you remember their birth dates?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI better had \u2013 or they\u2019d be on me about it when it came to buying them gifts!\u00a0 Adam is May eighteenth and Hoss is December tenth,\u201d Ben replied.<\/p>\n \u201cHow many sons do you have, Ben?\u201d Paul asked looking down, hoping somehow the question would jar something loose and his friend might remember the youngest.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat kind of a question is that?\u201d Ben asked, staring at the doctor like he was insane.\u00a0 \u201cI ought to know I have two sons!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you remember the kid who\u2019s been in and out of here the last couple of days?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean the quiet one?\u00a0 Yes \u2013 he said that his name is Joe.\u00a0 Should I know him?\u201d<\/p>\n Doc drew in a deep breath and sighed.\u00a0 He knew that he had to tell his friend that he had three sons, though he had hoped that it wouldn\u2019t have been necessary.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBen \u2013 that boy is your son \u2013 your son Joe.\u00a0 He\u2019s your third son \u2013 you have three children.\u201d<\/p>\n Drawing a hand up to the right side of his head, Ben touched at his bandages.\u00a0 \u201cPaul, I don\u2019t understand — I don\u2019t remember that boy at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul pulled over the picture of Marie from the night stand and handed it to his friend.\u00a0 \u201cYou do remember your third wife, don\u2019t you, Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben held the picture and a sorrowful ache hit at his heart.\u00a0 \u201cYes \u2013 my Marie,\u201d He nodded and touched the woman\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that boy downstairs is yours and Marie\u2019s only child.\u00a0 He\u2019s seventeen.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and handed the frame back to Paul and replied, \u201cI remember that I lost her, Paul \u2013 but I don\u2019t remember us having a child.\u00a0 We had talked about it \u2013 planned for it \u2013 but I thought that she died before we had one?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTake it easy, Ben,\u201d Paul insisted and forced his patient to ease back against the pillows.\u00a0 \u201cHead injuries are sometimes unpredictable.\u00a0 You are also still healing \u2013 so I don\u2019t want you to worry about anything right now.\u00a0 All of your sons are just so glad that they didn\u2019t lose you \u2013as are your friends!\u00a0 No-one wants you to get worried or try to push yourself.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got plenty of time to go over everything and try and figure out what you do or don\u2019t remember.\u00a0 I want you to take this medicine and get some rest,\u201d Paul opened a small brown bottle and poured the medication onto a tablespoon and then handed it to his patient.<\/p>\n Ben drank the thick brown liquid off of the spoon and handed it back to Paul.\u00a0 \u201cI just can\u2019t understand how I can have a son who I don\u2019t remember \u2013,\u201d<\/p>\n Doc cut Ben short, worried that the man was getting far too upset at the time.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s a good chance that whatever memories have been affected will come back in time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you saying I have some sort of amnesia?\u201d<\/p>\n Paul shook his head and answered, \u201cNo, Ben, you have a brain injury.\u00a0 But, you\u2019re still young enough that your body can fight to heal the damage.\u00a0 Now that medicine is going to help you sleep awhile and it will also ease that headache.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be back tomorrow and just maybe I\u2019ll let you get out of this bed a while.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben eased back down in the bed, already beginning to feel the effects of what Paul had given him.\u00a0 \u201cAlright \u2013 hopefully getting up a bit will help jog some memories.\u00a0 Thanks, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor stayed in the chair next to Ben\u2019s bed until he saw that he was sleeping soundly and then walked out of the room.\u00a0 He had no earthly idea what he would tell Joe.\u00a0 Doc knew that the boy had been praying that any minute his father would suddenly call for him, and that wasn\u2019t going to happen any time soon; if ever.<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n And so began the first grueling and emotional days that followed.\u00a0 Ben eventually was able to get out of bed, though he had been warned by Doctor Martin he couldn\u2019t stay downstairs too long each day.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s sons gathered around him and made sure that he stayed seated in his red leather chair by the fireplace.\u00a0 They kept the conversations lighthearted and didn\u2019t press him on what he remembered.\u00a0 All the while Joe remained standoffish, always in the background.\u00a0 He would excuse himself to do various chores, all ones that could keep.\u00a0 He just couldn\u2019t bear not to see any form of recognition in his Pa\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n When all four Cartwrights finally were able to sit down at their first family dinner, Pa was assisted to the head of the table.\u00a0 Joe took his normal seat just to the right of his Pa, with Hoss to his own right and Adam seated across the table.<\/p>\n \u201cFor what we are about to receive, dear Lord, let us be grateful,\u201d Pa said the blessing and then began to hand the side dishes around to his sons.\u00a0 He cast a glance at the boy to his right who seemed very uneasy sitting there.\u00a0 Pa watched as Joe carved his roast with his left hand and decided he\u2019d attempt to break the ice with him.<\/p>\n \u201cI see that you\u2019re a southpaw.\u00a0 You know my grandfather and my great uncle Joshua were both left handed.\u201d<\/p>\n *** You remember your grandfather and your great uncle but don\u2019t know who the hell I am! ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought to himself, trying not to frown over the sad irony of the whole situation.<\/p>\n Both of his brothers could read Joe\u2019s thoughts and felt badly for the kid.\u00a0 Adam jumped in in an attempt to ease the tenseness hanging in the air.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know, Pa, Hoss always sits to Joe\u2019s right so he doesn\u2019t get bumped by that fast left hand of his!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe doesn\u2019t mind too much \u2013 because he always likes sitting closer to you, Pa,\u201d Hoss continued where Adam had left off.<\/p>\n \u201cExcuse me \u2013 I\u2019m not real hungry.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to go check on my horse \u2013 I think she\u2019s got a stone bruise,\u201d Joe stood from the table, setting his napkin down and making a fast exit to the barn.<\/p>\n \u201cDid I say something wrong?\u201d Ben asked his two sons after witnessing Joe\u2019s very hasty departure.<\/p>\n Adam shared a glance with Hoss and then replied, \u201cNo, Pa \u2013 Joe\u2019s just worried about that horse of his.\u00a0 You\u2019d think it was almost human the way it responds to Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked over at Adam and gave a faint smile and said, \u201cAdam, I might have some memory loss but I still can read you and Hoss very well.\u00a0 You\u2019re trying to cover for that boy.\u00a0 I suppose he\u2019s not handling all of this very well, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 we\u2019re just so glad you pulled through.\u00a0 And I can assure you that Little Joe feels the same way,\u201d Hoss responded quick to put his father\u2019s mind at ease.<\/p>\n Ben looked bewildered and asked, \u201cLittle Joe?\u00a0 Is that what you call him, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss grinned and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cMa started that — his Ma that is.\u00a0 She called him that in French but we just called him Little Joe and it kind of stuck over the years.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll have to remember that,\u201d Pa remarked.\u00a0 \u201cI know you both can imagine how hard this is on me too.\u00a0 It\u2019s just going to take some time to fill in the gaps in my memory.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t until yesterday that I found out that we built that sawmill \u2013 and that was almost twenty years ago.\u00a0 It still feels so strange to me \u2013 the things I can remember and the things I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 you\u2019ve got to take this slow like Doc said, okay?\u201d Adam insisted, worry showing on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cI will, Son,\u201d Ben agreed and then continued to eat the special dinner which Hop Sing had prepared.\u00a0 He wondered if the boy who had left so suddenly would reappear.<\/p>\n After their father had gone up to his room to get some sleep both Hoss and Adam made their way out to the barn.\u00a0 They were concerned when Joe hadn\u2019t returned in time to tell their father goodnight.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d Adam called out when he spied his little brother sitting on an over-turned barrel in the barn.\u00a0 He had his head resting in his hands, and neither brother could discern if the boy had been crying.\u00a0 \u201cYou okay, Kid?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe just nodded but never looked up at either of his brothers.<\/p>\n Hoss placed one of his massive hands down onto Little Joe\u2019s shoulder and said, \u201cShort Shanks, I know this is all real hard on you \u2013 but it will get better you\u2019ve just got to have a little patience.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Joe,\u201d Adam chimed back in and continued, \u201cWe were real lucky, you know?\u00a0 From what I read in a medical journal Pa could\u2019ve easily died from that kind of an impact to that part of his brain.\u00a0 That area even controls breathing \u2013 and it could\u2019ve killed him without Doc being able to do anything about it.\u00a0 Also, if that swelling hadn\u2019t eased up the only other thing that could have been done was to get him very quickly to a hospital and they would\u2019ve had to drill a hole into his skull to relieve the pressure.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think I don\u2019t know all of that stuff, Adam?\u201d Joe began, finally looking up to face his brothers.\u00a0 Though he had wiped away his tears on his shirtsleeves the minute he had heard their approach, it still was very evident on his face that he\u2019d been crying.\u00a0 \u201cI looked up all of that stuff when you and Hoss were in Pa\u2019s room reminiscing about old times!\u00a0 I know what could\u2019ve happened to Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019ve thanked God every single day since he came back to us.\u00a0 But, neither of you can understand how I feel \u2013 when I see Pa looking at the two of you with love in his eyes and as for me \u2013 he looks at me like I\u2019m some stranger\u2019s kid.\u00a0 He remembers old friends like Roy Coffee \u2013 he even remembers the newest neighbors who\u2019ve only been around here a couple of years, yet he doesn\u2019t remember his own son.\u00a0 I\u2019m doing the best I can! \u00a0I don\u2019t need the two of you trying to make me feel guilty over the fact that I hurt inside and that I can\u2019t exactly hide it!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoc says Pa might still get his memories back \u2013 but we all have to give him time to do it.\u00a0 It\u2019s just been one week so far,\u201d Hoss still tried to console his little brother.<\/p>\n Dropping his head back down into his hands, Joe\u2019s tears began to fall again.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t going to look up and show either of his brothers that he was, in fact, crying.\u00a0 \u00a0It was only Pa who he had felt comfortable enough with sharing that kind of an emotional outburst; or rather, it HAD <\/em><\/strong>been Pa.\u00a0 Now, even that was gone, possibly forever.\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cAnd just what am I supposed to do if Pa NEVER<\/em><\/strong> remembers me?\u201d He asked, his voice trembling over the thought of the reality that he might be facing soon.<\/p>\n Hoss sent a heartbroken glance over to Adam who caught on its meaning right away.<\/p>\n Adam stooped down and set his hand onto his brother\u2019s shoulder and answered as compassionately as he could, \u201cIf that\u2019s the worst case scenario, Joe, then I know that Pa will try his best to get to know you.\u00a0 Once he does \u2013 well, he will know in his heart that you\u2019re his son and he\u2019ll be able to show you that he loves you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLove me?\u201d Joe questioned, his voice rent with despondency.\u00a0 \u201cHe doesn\u2019t even know me.\u00a0 You want to tell me how he\u2019ll ever learn to love me when we have no past?\u00a0 Every single minute of my life is gone \u2013 and it\u2019s not going to come back to Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou have a future — and a few days ago you prayed to God that he would spare your father.\u00a0 You never put any conditions in your prayer, did you?\u00a0 Would you rather that Pa had died knowing you \u2013 or would you rather him be alive right now with the chance of either remembering you \u2013 or learning to know you?\u201d Adam tried again to get through to the kid.<\/p>\n \u201cYou make me feel like I\u2019m selfish for wanting Pa to know me \u2013 and to love me like he used to do!\u201d Joe called out full of anger now.<\/p>\n \u201cWe weren\u2019t trying to make you feel like that, Little Joe,\u201d Hoss whispered as he attempted to get his brother to simmer down.<\/p>\n Joe mopped at his eyes before pulling his head back up.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to bed now \u2013 I\u2019ve got horses that need to be saddle broken tomorrow,\u201d He said and tried to convince his brothers that he was only concerned with chores.\u00a0 Without another word the boy stood and, with his head hanging down sadly, walked away and headed into the ranch house.<\/p>\n Adam stood and moved over to Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019d better give him time to deal with all of this, Hoss.\u00a0 Come on — I want to go check and see if Pa needs anything before I go to bed.\u00a0 Both men followed Joe\u2019s departing figure and hoped, that after he\u2019d gotten some sleep, he would gather the willpower he\u2019d need in order to endure another day of Pa\u2019s lack of recognition towards him.<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n The following day Joe had gone off to check on the horses which would need to be saddle broken soon.\u00a0 He had tried his best to put everything else out of his mind.\u00a0 It was a losing battle, because his mind just kept coming back to his father and how he now looked at him as dispassionately as he did a seasonal ranch hand.\u00a0 He tried to remember what his brothers had told him about trying to have some patience but that was easier said than done.\u00a0 Finishing his tasks early he headed back to the house where he spotted Pa sitting out on the front porch.\u00a0 Joe tied his reins to the front hitching post and walked over to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cHi, Pa \u2013 how are you feeling today?\u201d Joe began as he made it up to the porch.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine, how are you?\u201d Ben answered and looked up at the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Joe answered and noticed that his father looked as though he was trying to think of something to say to him.\u00a0 Every single one on one conversation that Joe had tried to have with Pa seemed stinted lately or at least all of the ones since the accident.<\/p>\n Ben cleared his throat and tried to find something else to say.\u00a0 \u201cDid you have a busy day?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir, not too bad.\u00a0 Can I get you something \u2013 maybe some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo thank you, Hoss is in the kitchen now getting ready to bring me out a cup.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe dropped his head lower and tried to hide his uneasiness.\u00a0 He wished he could go back in time and maybe if he hadn\u2019t tried to rush Pa through his big lecture the morning of the accident then maybe he wouldn\u2019t have been outside quite so soon and perhaps Buck wouldn\u2019t have thrown him.<\/p>\n \u201cHere you go, Pa!\u201d Hoss sang out cheerily and brought over a hot cup of coffee and set it there in front of Ben.\u00a0 \u201cOh, hi Little Brother, I didn\u2019t hear you ride in.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded over to Hoss and then said, \u201cHi Hoss, well, I\u2019m going to go put my horse up.\u201d\u00a0 He turned and beat a fast exit walking away from both men.\u00a0 Pa was in good hands, the hands of one of the sons who he actually knew.\u00a0 Joe hadn\u2019t missed the affectionate smile that Pa had cast over to Hoss as he placed the coffee cup there in front of him.\u00a0 Joe had not gotten that kind of a smile when he had climbed the porch a few minutes earlier.\u00a0 He had gotten the smile that a person gets from a stranger who they just happen to pass on the sidewalk there in town.\u00a0 Joe also had noticed that he hadn\u2019t been greeted by name, not Joe, not Joseph, not even Little Joe.\u00a0 Grabbing Cochise\u2019s reins in his hand, he headed slowly into the barn.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019d you and Little Joe talk about, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked as he took a seat there next to his father.<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shrugged his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cI couldn\u2019t exactly get a read on that boy, Son.\u00a0 It seemed like he was making an attempt to say something but as soon as you came out here he seemed relieved to go elsewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 he\u2019s just having a tough time of it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoes he blame me for not knowing him, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head and answered, \u201cNo, Pa \u2013 it\u2019s not that at all.\u00a0 That kid was so worried about you \u2013 just as much as me and Adam were.\u00a0 He\u2019s glad you\u2019re still here with us.\u00a0 I think he\u2019s just trying to get use to the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am too, Hoss.\u00a0 It\u2019s not easy to learn that I have a third son \u2013 one I have no recollection of.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss set his hand onto his father\u2019 shoulder and replied, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay, Pa \u2013 and remember the Doc said not to get worked up about anything.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sipped at his coffee and nodded over to Hoss to show him that he would do as he had been advised.\u00a0 \u201cI won\u2019t get worked up \u2013 don\u2019t worry.\u201d<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n By the second week, Ben Cartwright was feeling much better and was back to wearing his regular working clothes and he attempted to get back to all of the things that he\u2019d always done in caring for the running of the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Both Adam and Hoss had assisted him with telling him how far they were in getting the new herd ready to be delivered the following month to buyers in Arizona where they were going to sell the cattle and then they would be shipped back east to packing houses.\u00a0 Adam had gone over the books with his father and soon Ben was well acclimated on all that was going on with the ranch and the running of the various businesses.\u00a0 Hoss informed his Pa on how the new mounts were getting ready for the upcoming cattle drive and had told him that it was Little Joe who was assisting other wranglers with breaking the new horses.<\/p>\n Ben had gone with Hoss in the buckboard over to the main corral to see the new horses and watch them as they were getting saddle broken.\u00a0 He spotted Joe readying to mount a new steed.\u00a0 Ben hopped down from the wagon and approached the corral to watch the boy.\u00a0 It hadn\u2019t taken Joe long to be thrown off the bucking bronc, but just as fast he climbed back onto the horse and tried again.\u00a0 Finally, after several attempts, Joe had made a good amount of headway in breaking the horse and turned the rest of the lesson over to another wrangler.<\/p>\n \u201cGood job, Little Brother!\u201d Hoss sang out and Joe made his way over to where both Hoss and Ben stood.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Joe nodded and dusted off his pants.<\/p>\n \u201cYou seem quite good for someone your age,\u201d Pa began, still trying his best to come up with something to say to the teenager.\u00a0 \u201cI guess you get some of your riding skills from your mother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 I get it from her,\u201d Joe said and couldn\u2019t look into Pa\u2019s eyes, because he knew he\u2019d be looking at someone else now, and not the father who knew him.\u00a0 He had tried, he had tried everything that he could think of to get close to Pa, but there always seemed to be a big wall that separated the two of them and Joe couldn\u2019t figure out how to tear it down.\u00a0 A long uneasy silence hung in the air.\u00a0 Hoss, trying to let the two of them converse alone, had walked off just a couple of yards away and pretended to be interested in someone\u2019s new boots.<\/p>\n \u201cHow are you doing, Pa?\u201d Joe asked, as it was the only thing he could think of saying at the moment.\u00a0\u00a0 It was the usual exchange that Pa and he would have every single day.\u00a0 Joe found it to be tiresome and monotonous, but it was better than nothing, or so he supposed.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m doing just fine,\u201d Ben nodded and then turned to see where Hoss had run off to.<\/p>\n Joe, noticing his Pa\u2019s gaze shifting, seeking out his \u201creal\u201d son, excused himself and walked back to the other horses that needed to be ridden that day.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not getting any easier,\u201d Pa sighed as his son came back to stand next to him.\u00a0 \u201cI just don\u2019t quite understand that boy, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust give it some time, Pa.\u00a0 You\u2019re still adjusting to everything right now \u2013 it\u2019ll get better.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get you home, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and returned, \u201cYes \u2013 I guess we\u2019d better get home, I\u2019ve got some payroll to work on.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe watched as the buckboard pulled away.\u00a0 His heart felt weighted down with both hurt and sadness.\u00a0 He just plain out missed his Pa and what they had always shared.\u00a0 It seemed so odd that he could miss the man who had been standing just a few feet from him only minutes ago.\u00a0 But, his father was a million miles away, maybe even more. \u00a0Joe had to fight the urge, the same urge he\u2019d had for weeks.\u00a0 He wanted to grab Pa by the shoulders and shake him good and scream at him that he was looking right at his own flesh and blood.\u00a0 Joe wanted to see the spark of recognition in Pa\u2019s eyes and feel the man\u2019s arms going around him holding him close and calling him \u201cJoseph\u201d.\u00a0 But, that wasn\u2019t going to happen no matter how much Joe wanted it to.<\/p>\n If it hadn\u2019t been for the work he needed to get done Joe would have taken a ride into town and gone to the saloon to drown his troubles.\u00a0 He suddenly felt like drinking a whole bottle of rot gut whiskey.\u00a0 He had to shake himself from those thoughts.\u00a0\u00a0 There was a whole string of horses waiting on him.\u00a0 Joe thought on what Pa had said about him getting his ability with horses from his mother.\u00a0 At that moment he had to admit that he was beginning to feel closer to her than he did to his father, and just that thought hurt more than Joe could ever put into words.<\/p>\n ***********************************<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 did you find everything you needed?\u201d Adam asked as he crossed the living room and headed for his father\u2019s study.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it took a while but all of my figures finally added up.\u00a0 I do need some help from you,\u201d Ben commented as his eldest drew closer to the desk.<\/p>\n \u201cI really don\u2019t have the memory of purchasing this safe \u2013 how long have we had it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess it\u2019s been about five years,\u201d Adam remarked and sat down next to the desk.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, let me give this a try,\u201d Ben smiled and stooped down behind his desk next to the safe.\u00a0 \u201cNow \u2013 how about giving me the combination?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t see it written down anywhere inside my desk.\u201d<\/p>\n Neither Ben nor Adam heard Joe entering the house and heading across the living room.\u00a0 He paused when he noticed Pa down on the floor by the safe.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s an easy one for you, Pa,\u201d Adam smiled and readied to tell his father the combination.\u00a0 \u201cGo right left right left, turning just one time around with each number.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what are the numbers?\u201d Ben returned.<\/p>\n \u201cYour birthday, then mine, Hoss\u2019 and finally Joe\u2019s, we figured we might as well make it fool proof,\u201d Adam laughed.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d Ben said as he called out each number as he turned the combination wheel.\u00a0 \u201cI guess twelve, then eighteen, then ten, and then –,\u201d Pa stopped and had to look over at Adam.<\/p>\n Adam realized the problem and hurriedly called over to his father, \u201cJoe\u2019s is the thirty-first, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked over at his father and fought the painful reminder again.\u00a0 ***Pa doesn\u2019t even know me so why in the world should he know my birthdate? ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cJoe –,\u201d Adam rang out, when he finally spied his brother and the sadness displayed all over his face.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going up to bed \u2013 I\u2019m not hungry tonight,\u201d Joe announced and proceeded to the stairs.<\/p>\n Ben stood up quickly and watched the young man once again hurrying off.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t know he was standing there,\u201d Pa frowned.<\/p>\n Adam moved over to his father and whispered, \u201cIt is okay, Pa \u2013 you had no way of knowing.\u00a0 Like the doctor said \u2013 some of this will come back in time.<\/p>\n Pa frowned and remarked, \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to hurt the boy \u2013and I\u2019m afraid that\u2019s exactly what I did by not knowing his birthdate.\u201d<\/p>\n Patting his father\u2019s arm he returned, \u201cJoe has a thicker hide than he shows at times.\u00a0 He\u2019ll be fine \u2013 and well \u2013 you know his birthdate now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat month?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe was born in October.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and then turned back to the safe to finish his task.\u00a0 Adam decided that he needed to go and have another talk with his youngest brother.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t like the way that Joe had walked away and wanted to try, once again, to get through to him.<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon, Joe, open up I know you\u2019re not asleep,\u201d Adam said still knocking on the door to his brother\u2019s bedroom.<\/p>\n Joe finally opened his door and looked at Adam very annoyed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you want?\u00a0 I said I was going to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam pushed his way into the bedroom and faced his brother.\u00a0 \u201cJoe \u2013 you\u2019ve just got to give Pa a break.\u00a0 You\u2019re making him feel bad by your attitude.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know your birthdate but he does now so it\u2019s never going to be an issue again.\u00a0 Come on down and eat to show that you\u2019re not upset.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t tell me what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can drag you down there you know?\u00a0 You\u2019re not so grown that I can\u2019t still lift you up and carry you,\u201d Adam smiled, trying to get Joe to lighten up.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s getting to me, Adam and that\u2019s why I don\u2019t want to sit and eat.\u00a0 It\u2019s better this way,\u201d Joe admitted.<\/p>\n Adam put his arm around Joe\u2019s shoulder and replied, \u201cI know that you love our father \u2013 now it\u2019s time you showed him.\u00a0 He\u2019s had an injury \u2013 and though it\u2019s not like a broken leg \u2013 it\u2019s still an injury.\u00a0 You\u2019d be the first one in this family to care for Pa if he was hurt in any other way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt means more to him if you or Hoss help him.\u00a0 I\u2019m just a stranger to him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen go on down there and let him get to know you, Joe,\u201d He tried again to get through to his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cIt hurts — just to look into Pa\u2019s eyes,\u201d Joe confessed sadly.<\/p>\n \u201cJust try, come on you can do that much, can\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve been doing that for weeks now, Adam.\u00a0 If he didn\u2019t know you \u2013 or Hoss you\u2019d not be so accepting of it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you love Pa you\u2019ll get your butt downstairs and try.\u00a0 Now Hop Sing is just about to put the plates on the table.\u00a0 I\u2019ll expect you down in a few minutes,\u201d Adam called over to Joe and turned to leave the room.<\/p>\n ***********************************<\/p>\n Joe did as his eldest brother had asked and had washed up and joined the family at the dinner table.\u00a0 He still felt awkward but tried his best not to let it show.\u00a0 Hoss went on about his day and then Adam told everyone what he had accomplished.\u00a0 Ben turned to Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, how was your day?\u00a0 I know you were busy with those horses,\u201d Ben said, hoping he could bring the youngest into the conversation.<\/p>\n *** \u201cLittle Joe?\u201d \u00a0Pa \u2013 come on \u2013 where\u2019s the \u201cJoseph\u201d anyhow?\u00a0 Or Joe \u2013 or even \u201cJoseph Francis Cartwright\u201d?\u00a0 As much as I absolutely hate my full given name it would sound okay coming from your mouth right about now! *** Joe thought to himself.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe?\u201d Ben asked once more.<\/p>\n Joe shook himself from his musing and replied, \u201cYeah \u2013 I was busy with those horses.\u201d He couldn\u2019t continue with small talk, still thinking of how his father didn\u2019t know his birthday or much else about him.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have many more to get saddle broken?\u201d Ben tried to keep the kid talking.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 and really \u2013 I am tired.\u00a0 Excuse me \u2013 I think I\u2019d better get some sleep,\u201d Joe quickly arose from the dinner table and headed towards the stairs.<\/p>\n Ben sighed and looked over at the two sons who he actually understood.\u00a0 \u201cI guess your brother wasn\u2019t very hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2019s like that sometimes, Pa \u2013 I guess that\u2019s why he\u2019s so skinny.\u00a0 But it just means more for me,\u201d Hoss quipped hoping to ease his father\u2019s mind.<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n Joe had endured a full month of not being known by his father.\u00a0 He had tried his best and was just as cordial as he could be with the man, but he missed the closeness that they had shared.\u00a0 Though he had witnessed Pa placing a hand onto Hoss\u2019 shoulder and Adam\u2019s arm at times, Pa was aloof when it came to any physical contact with the son he didn\u2019t recognize.\u00a0 Growing more frustrated as each day passed, one night after supper Joe had even planted his boots on top of the coffee table in full view of his father.\u00a0 He had hoped that the disrespectful gesture would get some kind of a response by Pa.\u00a0 Joe yearned to hear his father’s normal loud reprimand over what he had done.\u00a0 Even anger would be some kind of an emotion towards him.\u00a0 And Joe figured that if he could make Pa angry then he could make Pa happy as well.\u00a0 But, though his father had looked over at him and witnessed the placement of his feet there on the table, he hadn’t said a word.<\/p>\n When payday rolled around, Joe decided it was time for a sojourn into Virginia City to unwind and also try to forget what was going on at home.\u00a0 He played poker and he drank.\u00a0 He also got into a short-lived exchange of punches with someone who was trying to cheat at the poker table.\u00a0 After that he had a shot of rot gut and he drank more than usual, and by the time the Silver Dollar Saloon closed, Joe wasn\u2019t feeling any pain.\u00a0 He mounted Cochise and took his time arriving home.\u00a0 The cool early spring air sobered him up a bit, but not completely.\u00a0 Due to his somewhat tipsy state, he had awakened his family when he accidentally slammed the front door.\u00a0 Both of his brothers appeared at the top of the stairs and soon they were flanked by Pa.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe!\u201d Hoss shouted.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you doing, Boy?\u00a0 You woke us up \u2013 and it\u2019s after two in the morning!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry,\u201d Joe muttered and tried to hang up his hat, though it had taken three times to do it successfully.<\/p>\n \u201cGo sleep it off, Kid,\u201d Adam called down the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cGo to bed and leave me alone,\u201d Joe snapped back at his two brothers.<\/p>\n Ben turned and looked at Hoss and Adam and said sternly, \u201cYou both go back to sleep.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have a talk with that boy.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked over at his brother and Adam just shrugged his shoulders.\u00a0 He figured even if Pa didn\u2019t know Joe, he did know how to give a stern lecture.\u00a0 The two eldest sons turned and went back to bed.<\/p>\n Pa came down the stairs and noticed that Joe was readying to pour himself a little nightcap from the brandy there over next to his father\u2019s desk.\u00a0 Ben made it over to the boy who was supposed to be his son and drew the decanter away from Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve had quite enough,\u201d Ben announced and moved the bottle away.<\/p>\n \u201cFine,\u201d Joe muttered and began to walk away.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened to your eye?\u201d Pa asked as he noticed the beginning of a deep dark blue bruise just underneath the boy\u2019s left eye.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing,\u201d Joe said tersely.<\/p>\n \u201cIs that the tone you use with your father?\u201d Ben asked raising his eyebrows.\u00a0 He was both surprised and angered over the way that the young man had spoken to him.<\/p>\n Joe turned and stared hard at Pa and shook his head.\u00a0 *** Oh so NOW he\u2019s my father!\u00a0 It takes me getting three sheets in the wind, brawling and staying out half of the night before he can admit to himself that he has another son! ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t have anything to say \u2013 I\u2019m going to bed,\u201d Joe returned and began to walk away.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 I think you need to do some explaining about why you\u2019re home late and apparently drunk.\u00a0 And on top of all of that you\u2019ve been fighting. Neither Adam nor Hoss ever came home in the condition that you\u2019re in especially when they were your age.\u00a0 A seventeen year old has no business running around until all hours of the night getting drunk and brawling.\u00a0\u00a0 On top of all of that your brothers never spoke to me like you just did!\u201d Pa continued admonishing the young man who stood there seemingly unaffected by his words.<\/p>\n *** There he goes again calling me \u201cLittle Joe\u201d \u2013 what\u2019s it take to get a loud \u201cJoseph!\u201d out of him? *** <\/em><\/strong>Joe mused internally.<\/p>\n \u201cWell it\u2019s so good that you remember both Adam and Hoss so fondly.\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s nice of you to remember them at all!\u201d Joe retorted, still feeling his liquor.<\/p>\n \u201cI see you\u2019re testing me \u2013 is that it?\u201d Ben asked as he neared the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not testing anyone \u2013 I\u2019m trying to get up to my room.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright \u2013 then you tell me what I\u2019m supposed to do about this situation.\u00a0 Should I take my belt off to you \u2013 is that what you need from me?\u00a0\u00a0 Or should I just yell at you?\u00a0 Come on \u2013 you\u2019re the one who knows how I used to relate to you so tell me all about it!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe finally faced his father and looked into his eyes.\u00a0 He read anger there but still not the least bit of recognition in them.\u00a0 \u201cYou have to care about someone to punish them \u2013 and we both know that you don\u2019t really care about me.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have it in you to care about me\u2014I\u2019m a stranger to you.\u00a0 And, the father that I used to know is now gone.\u00a0 I don\u2019t hold it against you.\u00a0 You got hurt \u2013it\u2019s not your fault — \u2013 it\u2019s just the plain facts.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know me and because of that you can\u2019t love me. \u00a0\u00a0Now if you want to take your belt off to me or yell at me — have at it!\u00a0 If not I\u2019m going to bed,\u201d Joe replied with one hundred per cent pain in his voice.<\/p>\n Pa stood there next to the young man and didn\u2019t know what he was supposed to do. He would have known what to do if it had been a younger Adam or Hoss who had come in like Joe had and said the things that he had said to him.\u00a0 However Joe had told the bare truth of the matter.\u00a0\u00a0 Pa didn\u2019t know who the boy was and hitting him or yelling at him wasn\u2019t going to change that.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry I haven\u2019t been what you needed,\u201d Pa whispered.<\/p>\n Joe fought his tears, but they formed in his eyes just the same.\u00a0 He turned towards the stairs and then hurried up to his room.\u00a0 The father he had known never would have tolerated the behavior that he had displayed that night, but the father that he had known loved him and because of that would have set him straight if he had come in late, drunk and belligerent.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s belt surely would have gotten a work out and there would have been enough yelling to wake the whole town of Virginia City almost thirty miles away.\u00a0 The man downstairs was a decent man, but he wasn\u2019t Pa anymore, and so, without incident, the discussion was over.<\/p>\n ***********************************<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got two cords of wood waiting for your expertise,\u201d Sheriff O\u2019Brien called in through the cell bars as he turned the key in the lock.<\/p>\n Joe slowly came to his feet and held his ribcage.\u00a0 He still ached with the movement but he figured he\u2019d probably live, maybe even long enough to serve out his time and then move on to another town.\u00a0 Joe would be sure to check out the next saloon a little more cautiously then he had the Golden Lily two nights ago.<\/p>\n \u201cHere you go,\u201d The sheriff took Joe behind the jail and showed him the very large woodpile.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s an awful lot of wood,\u201d Joe commented and frowned.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s summer, what\u2019s the big hurry?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh this isn\u2019t anything \u2013 wait until you\u2019re cleaning spittoons over at the saloon in a few days.\u00a0 Yep — I\u2019ve got all kinds of interesting jobs for you, Mister Carson.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe hefted the axe and settled the first piece of wood onto the block.\u00a0 He knew it would take several days to get through the amount of wood that was facing him and he dreaded the effect it would have on his injured body.<\/p>\n \u201cJeremy will be here in a few minutes to keep his eye on you.\u00a0 You get a couple of breaks midday and I\u2019ll bring you back inside around five.\u00a0 Get to swinging, Kid!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe drew in a deep breath and took the first swing.\u00a0 He wished that he could simply send a wire to Pa and ask him to come and get him out of the fix he found himself to be in but that was now impossible.\u00a0 There was only one way out of his predicament, and that was through a ton of wood and a lot of other jobs which would see him through to August.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m too tired to eat,\u201d Joe called out to the deputy as he collapsed onto the cot later that evening.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to sleep until it\u2019s time to go cut more wood.\u201d<\/p>\n The deputy set the food outside of the jail cell and called in through the bars, \u201cYou are one stubborn son of a gun!\u00a0 Just wire your old man and get him to come and get your butt out of jail!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow many times do I have to tell you that I don\u2019t have an OLD MAN<\/strong>?\u201d Joe fussed and tried his best to get comfortable on the lumpy cot.<\/p>\n \u201cWhatever you did can\u2019t be so bad that your pa wouldn\u2019t come and fetch you,\u201d He continued.<\/p>\n \u201cGoodnight deputy,\u201d Joe called and set the wet towel over his face.<\/p>\n \u201cStubborn son of a gun,\u201d Jeremy muttered and picked up the untouched dinner plate and walked back into the office.<\/p>\n *********************************<\/p>\n March had passed, and so had April and May with no change to Ben\u2019s memory loss.\u00a0 It had frustrated him and it had almost devastated Joe.\u00a0 There became an uneasy under- current between the two of them, a strange feeling of uncertainty over what was expected in their non-existent relationship.\u00a0 Joe fought to show some respect to the man who had been his main source of strength before the injury.\u00a0 He had also been his confidant and the person that he most relied on.\u00a0 But, that was gone now.\u00a0 Ben tried to make small talk with the young man but never quite found out what existed below the surface concerning Joe.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know how much the youngest needed him, having already raised two boys who were now men.\u00a0 Pa didn\u2019t know about Joe\u2019s sensitive side, the part he kept hidden very well from all others.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know the boy\u2019s insecurities either, and because of that he didn\u2019t understand the hurt that stayed in Joe\u2019s eyes most days.\u00a0 At best their relationship, if one could call it that was just a matter of peaceful coexistence.<\/p>\n Both Hoss and Adam had noticed the change in their little brother and it worried them.\u00a0 He kept to himself most of the time no matter how much they tried to pull him out of his shell.\u00a0 They realized how much his former relationship with their Pa had meant to their brother, it was what had given him a direction and a rock to cling to during the hard times.\u00a0 Without those things, Joe just didn\u2019t seem like Joe.<\/p>\n Doctor Martin had sent off numerous letters to specialists who had experience, far more than he did, on the type of injury which Ben Cartwright had sustained.\u00a0 Most of the responses were all vague as to a prognosis.\u00a0 The general consensus was that only time could help with the injury and in some cases, depending on the severity of the initial damage, the patient would recover fully.\u00a0 There were a few replies which were iffy as to whether Ben would recoup his lost memories.\u00a0 Doc had checked Ben\u2019s progress, and by late May there still hadn\u2019t been any recovered memories.\u00a0 Ben had discovered that he had helped to build the saw mill there on the Ponderosa almost twenty years prior, though he didn\u2019t remember anything about it.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t remember the pastor of the church or his wife, though Pa had been very involved with numerous charity events with both of them.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know the man who ran the feed and grain store, even though he had put up the initial money for the building of it many years ago.\u00a0 Of course he forgot little things about small additions to the ranch house, however he remembered Adam helping to design the place.\u00a0 He recalled how his eldest had graduated from college with honors and Ben even remembered every single blue ribbon that Hoss had won at all of the stock shows.\u00a0 It was all just pieces, pieces of his life and some were still there whereas others had simply disappeared.\u00a0 But the most devastating loss had been the memories of the birth of his youngest son along with seventeen years of Little Joe\u2019s life.\u00a0 He had remembered Marie\u2019s fall out in the yard and how he had held her as she drew her last breath.\u00a0 Marie would have been destroyed over the knowledge that Ben could not remember their son, the product of their love.<\/p>\n Paul knew how the situation had affected Joe Cartwright, who he had seen on several occasions.\u00a0 The boy seemed withdrawn, which was unusual for the normally rambunctious youngest Cartwright.\u00a0 Doc had pulled Joe aside at least a half of a dozen times to try to cheer him and to tell him not to give up hope.\u00a0 He could tell, after almost a full three months had passed, that Joe had resigned himself to the knowledge that the relationship which he had cherished with his father would never return.<\/p>\n *********************************<\/p>\n After the three Cartwright sons had begun the preparations for the upcoming cattle drive, Joe had decided that he needed to go away for a while.\u00a0 He had asked Ben if he could talk to him privately after dinner one night and he wondered just what the young man would have to say.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d like to go away for a week \u2013 if it\u2019s okay with you,\u201d Joe began.<\/p>\n Pa leaned back in his chair in the study and looked at the son who he still didn\u2019t recognize.\u00a0 \u201cGo where?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is the time of year when all of the line-shacks get re-supplied.\u00a0 I was hoping to take a pack horse and do just that.\u00a0 I figure maybe five to seven days ought to do it.\u00a0 You do know that they\u2019re all spread out on the ranch, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and forced a smile aimed at the boy who nervously sat there next to the desk.\u00a0 \u201cYes, I remember where they all are.\u00a0 Now– you\u2019re not just doing this to get away from me are you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked down to the floor and shifted his weight in the chair.\u00a0 \u201cNo\u2014I mean \u2013 no, Sir,\u201d Joe corrected his words.\u00a0 \u201cListen\u2014I know I\u2019ve not been as respectful as I should\u2019ve been to you.\u00a0 And I apologize.\u00a0 I just need to get away for a few days to clear my head.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis job won\u2019t involve you getting into trouble in Virginia City again?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 no Sir \u2013 I won\u2019t be going into town,\u201d Joe replied, and tried to sound sincere.<\/p>\n Ben stood and approached the boy in the chair.\u00a0 He wanted to reach down and touch his shoulder but couldn\u2019t help feeling awkward around Joe for some reason.\u00a0 He had always been demonstrative with his two sons \u2013 and here in front of him was supposed to be his youngest and the one who would need some kind of assurance from his father.\u00a0 Ben wished that he could feel the bond that everyone said that Joe and he had shared.\u00a0 He stopped short from touching the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s fine then \u2013 you go ahead if that\u2019s what you want to do.\u00a0 However I hope you\u2019re really not doing this to avoid me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head and responded, \u201cNo \u2013 I just need a little time, I\u2019ve got some thinking to do and I can do that while I get those line-shacks in order.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood and eased down onto the corner of his desk and tried to study the young man\u2019s face and said, \u201cIs there anything that I can help you with?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir,\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen do you want to leave?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFirst thing tomorrow if it\u2019s okay with you?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and stopped trying to get a look into the boy\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Joe always kept his guard up around him and he just didn\u2019t know why.\u00a0 He wished he could somehow break through the barrier and then, just maybe, he\u2019d get some insight into who Joe Cartwright really was; besides his third son.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have my permission, Little Joe \u2013 but I\u2019ll be expecting you back at the end of the week.\u00a0 Are you any good with promises?\u201d<\/p>\n *** Oh Dear Lord \u2013 could you please just call me Joseph \u2013 just once\u2014just once! ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe pleaded inwardly.\u00a0 *** Why couldn\u2019t Adam or Hoss tell Pa that he calls me Joseph?\u00a0 Even if it\u2019s forced — I just want to hear him say it \u2013 and not this Little Joe stuff.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mind Hoss \u2013 or Adam or Hop Sing calling me that \u2013 but Pa calls me Joseph dammit! ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Joe frowned, he couldn\u2019t help thinking about the very last conversation that he had with Pa before his fall.\u00a0 Joe had promised to do better at following orders and that promise had come right after he had lied to Pa about drinking and getting home on time.\u00a0 \u201cI try,\u201d Joe returned.<\/p>\n \u201cThen promise me you\u2019ll be back on time and that you\u2019ll stay away from town.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want any more incidents like you had two weeks ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI promise,\u201d Joe nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cThen you can leave in the morning,\u201d Ben agreed and stood from the desk.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Joe called as he got up from his chair and walked to the door.\u00a0 There was no pat to his back from Pa, nor did he expect one.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t felt one single touch from the man since he had fallen.\u00a0 He supposed that a show of affection was only meant for the sons that Pa knew were his, and not him.\u00a0 Joe hurried out to get supplies ready so he could leave at first light.<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n There were a total of six line shacks spread out in all directions on the Ponderosa Ranch.\u00a0 Joe had made good progress in covering all but one and it was almost the end of the week.\u00a0 So he readied to get to the last one and make the necessary provision drop off along with making sure everything was cleaned up in case the place was needed later in the summer and fall months.<\/p>\n Joe pulled his pack horse up to the final line shack and then dismounted Cochise.\u00a0 He reached over and untied a bundle of supplies and headed inside the cabin.\u00a0 Just as soon as he crossed the threshold he heard the sound.\u00a0 It was unmistakable.\u00a0 Joe turned to the sound of the hammer of a gun.<\/p>\n \u201cTimmons — what in the hell are you doing here?\u201d Joe shouted towards his old nemesis.<\/p>\n \u201cI needed a place to stay.\u00a0 Now you don\u2019t mind that I borrowed some grub and a bottle of rot gut that I helped myself to, do you, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared hard at the other man and his blood ran cold.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t possibly count the many run-ins that he had with Pete Timmons over the years.\u00a0 He was as cunning as a serpent and just as deadly.\u00a0 And he had always had it in for Joe, though it had never been fully explained to Joe as to why.<\/p>\n \u201cPut down that gun and just get out of here!\u201d Joe exclaimed.<\/p>\n \u201cI need a horse \u2013 mine went lame on me.\u00a0 I guess I\u2019ll help myself to that pack horse you\u2019ve got there,\u201d Pete smiled, still holding the six-gun aimed at Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cThey hang horse thieves you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll just \u201cborrow\u201d it they don\u2019t hang you for borrowing a horse.\u00a0 Now say that I can have it so I don\u2019t have any problems when I get into town.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo to Hell!\u201d Joe sneered.\u00a0 \u201cYou talk big when you\u2019ve got a gun and the drop on me.\u00a0 How about using your fists \u2013 if you win you can have that horse?\u201d<\/p>\n Pete holstered his gun and smiled sinisterly.\u00a0 \u201cGood \u2013 I prefer to take you that way, Kid.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t give me that kid stuff \u2013 you\u2019re only a few years older than me!\u201d<\/p>\n Pete rushed Joe and shoved him up against one of the cabin\u2019s walls.\u00a0 Joe was able to pull his legs up and kicked Timmons across the room.\u00a0 Pete came back with a left hook to Joe\u2019s jaw which knocked him to the floor.\u00a0 He dove on top of Joe and then they both got in a couple of good hard licks at each other\u2019s stomachs.\u00a0 Joe finally made it to his feet and rushed Pete, knocking him outside.\u00a0 Timmons got his hands on a piece of stove wood and before Joe could react, the man hit him over the head and knocked him out cold.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for the horse \u2013 oh and for the supplies, Joe!\u201d Pete laughed as he untied the pack horse and hurriedly mounted.<\/p>\n Joe lay there on the ground in front of the line shack for almost an hour.\u00a0 When he came back around Joe\u2019s face winced and he rubbed at the back of his head.\u00a0 He could feel the knot growing there and he moaned.\u00a0 Joe also felt his ribs and determined that at least one of them hadn\u2019t held up to the man\u2019s punches to it.\u00a0 He figured going back to the ranch house would be the wisest thing to do, especially now that the pack horse and supplies were gone. Slowly and carefully he mounted his horse and headed for home.<\/p>\n ******************************<\/p>\n There was a rather rough dismount there in front of the Ponderosa ranch house and it was witnessed by both of Joe\u2019s brothers.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe!\u00a0 Joe, are you okay?\u201d Adam called as he hurried next to his little brother.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah — just need a hand up,\u201d Joe answered and struggled to his knees.<\/p>\n Hoss came charging over from the barn and lifted his brother up like a feather and made his way into the house.\u00a0 Ben had heard the loud call outside and jogged from his study to the front door.\u00a0 He saw Hoss with Joe in his arms.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened to the boy?\u201d Ben asked worriedly.<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like someone clobbered him, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to take him to his room \u2013 go ask Hop Sing to bring up the \u201cusual\u201d,\u201d Hoss announced and headed for the staircase.<\/p>\n Soon Hoss had Joe laid out on his bed and Adam and Ben gathered around the boy.\u00a0 Hop Sing made it upstairs shortly thereafter and brought a tray with him.<\/p>\n Adam pulled Hoss into the hall for a minute and walked out of earshot of both Pa and Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s going on, Adam?\u00a0 We should be in there!\u201d Hoss protested.<\/p>\n \u201cI just want to see how this goes,\u201d Adam whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSee how Pa reacts to Joe being hurt \u2013 who knows it might jog a memory out of him.\u00a0 It\u2019s worth a shot.\u00a0\u00a0 We can go in there but let\u2019s see how Pa handles it.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded and soon joined Adam inside Joe\u2019s bedroom.<\/p>\n \u201cHere ice, Mister Ben,\u201d Hop Sing handed his boss a towel filled with ice.<\/p>\n \u201cHere \u2013 where do you need this most?\u201d Ben asked Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cMy ribs hurt but I\u2019ve got a good knot on the back of my head.\u00a0 I could use the ice there,\u201d Joe muttered.<\/p>\n \u201cBest check his head and his ribs, Pa,\u201d Hoss announced.<\/p>\n Pa unbuttoned Joe\u2019s shirt and prodded the area.\u00a0 \u201cIt doesn\u2019t feel like you\u2019ve got any busted ribs they\u2019re just bruised pretty badly. He then felt the knot on the back of Joe\u2019s head. Keep this ice on that bump on your head for a while and it should help with the soreness,\u201d Pa said and watched the looks which passed between Hoss and Adam.<\/p>\n *** Pa you\u2019re supposed to sit on the bed next to the kid! ***<\/em><\/strong> both Adam and Hoss thought to themselves.\u00a0 They wanted to see the \u201cold\u201d Pa<\/strong> doing what he did best, taking care of a wounded Little Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cHere \u2013 give boy brandy,\u201d Hop Sing called and handed Ben a shot glass with the amber liquid.<\/p>\n Pa handed the brandy over to Joe and he took a few sips before handing the glass back to him.\u00a0 He yearningly looked up at his father, hoping to feel his hand trying to comfort him, but that didn\u2019t happen.<\/p>\n \u201cWho did this to you, Little Joe?\u201d Pa asked as he sat down in the chair next to the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cPete Timmons \u2013 he jumped me at the last line shack up on the northeast corner of the ranch.\u00a0 He stole my pack horse and all of the supplies too.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get him once I\u2019m not so sore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho\u2019s Pete Timmons?\u201d Ben questioned and turned towards his eldest sons.<\/p>\n \u201cLong story, Pa,\u201d Hoss announced.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s always had it in for Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared over at his father and mused to himself ***Well at the very least it\u2019s good to know you don\u2019t remember Timmons, Pa.\u00a0 But, then again, you don\u2019t know me so what\u2019s the difference? ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Hop Sing waited for Ben to pick up the wet wash cloth to clean Joe\u2019s face but he hadn\u2019t touched it.\u00a0 Finally he just handed it directly to the man and said, \u201cLittle Joe\u2019s face \u2013 clean to see if has cut.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shot the cook a quizzical expression, not exactly sure what the man was trying to get him to do.\u00a0 He took the cloth from Hop Sing\u2019s hand and slowly wiped away the grime from Joe\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cNot too bad, Little Joe \u2013 I don\u2019t see anything but some bruises.\u00a0 You should be fine \u2013 you\u2019ll just be sore for a while,\u201d Ben said as he handed the cloth back to Hop Sing.<\/p>\n Hoss turned to Adam and shook his head.\u00a0 Their plan hadn\u2019t worked.\u00a0 Pa would have shown the same care for a wounded ranch hand.<\/p>\n \u201cCan I get you anything else, Little Joe?\u201d Ben asked as he stood from the chair.<\/p>\n ***Yeah you can go get my Pa \u2013 that\u2019s what you can get me!\u00a0 He would sit here on the side of my bed and he\u2019d be pushing these darned curls off of my forehead! He would fuss over me until I would tell him to go \u2013 but he\u2019d stay!\u00a0 It always meant so much to me — that now that it\u2019s gone it hurts worse than what Timmons did to me!\u00a0 And, please in the name of all that\u2019s holy, call me \u201cJoseph!\u201d ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought as he closed his eyes and fought back tears.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys your brother will be fine.\u00a0 Let\u2019s let him get some sleep.\u00a0 Little Joe, if you need us just call out,\u201d Pa said and turned for the door.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe one of us should sit with him?\u201d Hoss asked, and hoped that Pa would be the one to volunteer.<\/p>\n \u201cThis boy needs rest.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be okay, won\u2019t you, Little Joe?\u201d Pa asked standing in the doorway.<\/p>\n *** I swear if you call me Little Joe one more time I\u2019m going to cuss! ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought to himself.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe did you hear me?\u201d Ben asked again.<\/p>\n \u201cDarn it everyone just leave me the hell alone!\u00a0 I\u2019m fine \u2013 I don\u2019t need ANYONE <\/strong>or ANYTHING<\/strong>!\u00a0 Now close my door!\u201d\u00a0 Joe shouted and turned his face away from all four men.<\/p>\n Adam touched his father\u2019s arm and nodded for him to let Joe be by himself to calm down a while.<\/p>\n \u201cCall if you need us,\u201d Hoss said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll take care of Timmons, Little Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t say anything more he simply looked in the opposite direction from the departing figures of his family.\u00a0 He needed a good cry.<\/p>\n *********************************<\/p>\n Joe had rested for four hours and never heard anyone come up to check on him.\u00a0 That didn\u2019t mean that they hadn\u2019t, just that he never heard anyone.\u00a0 Finally deciding to go downstairs to try to get more brandy for his sore ribs Joe made it out of his room and out to the hallway.\u00a0 He heard a loud discussion going on so he stealthily made it to the top of the staircase to try to listen.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 if it had been me or Hoss who were hurt you would\u2019ve stayed up there non-stop —and you used to be even more overly protective with Joe!\u201d Adam protested.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa \u2013 we understand that you don\u2019t remember this stuff, but you always fussed over Joe and that boy needed it.\u00a0 It was what got him through some really rough injuries and illnesses!\u201d Hoss added.<\/p>\n Ben stood by the fireplace and sighed.\u00a0 He was beside himself, not knowing what he could do for the boy who he had no memory of prior to his injury.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I didn\u2019t handle it right.\u00a0 Listen, Boys, I know that I am his father, and I know that he is my son, and I know that I\u2019m supposed to love him \u2013 but I just don\u2019t know him.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe had heard what his father had said and it struck at his heart.\u00a0 Pa had said that he was \u201csupposed\u201d to love him.\u00a0 It was now confirmed in his mind, since he had finally heard the words spoken directly from Pa\u2019s mouth.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t love him, he didn\u2019t know him. As far as Joe was concerned he would never know him and thus, he would never love him.\u00a0 It was time to put an end to all of this.\u00a0 Joe turned back into the hall and slowly eased down to his bedroom, He wiped at his eyes as he made plans on what he would do about the situation.\u00a0 Joe knew that it was time for him to let go, and just leave.\u00a0 If he had to lose his father at least he wouldn\u2019t have to see him every day and have the constant reminder that the man didn\u2019t love him and never would.<\/p>\n The first step in Joe\u2019s plan to leave the Ponderosa was to get to feeling a bit better before getting back into the saddle for an extended trip.\u00a0 He had absolutely no intention of returning home once he had left.\u00a0 Joe took numerous trips out to the barn for five days after he had been roughed up by Pete Timmons.\u00a0 Hoss had retrieved the Cartwright\u2019s pack horse and most of the supplies the day after learning that the man had beaten his little brother.\u00a0 From all accounts, Pete ended up looking far worse than Joe had after Hoss got done with him.\u00a0 He had also taken him to Sheriff Coffee and had been placed in a jail cell for two weeks as a sentence for, as he had called it, \u201cborrowing\u201d a horse and some food.\u00a0 None of that had come as a surprise to Joe, as he knew that one or both brothers would avenge what the evil Pete Timmons had done to their younger brother.<\/p>\n Having the supplies already packed up, some of which had been taken from Hop Sing\u2019s pantry, Joe hid his saddlebags behind Cochise\u2019s stall out in the barn.\u00a0 He dug through his sock drawer to see how much money he had squirreled away.\u00a0 Joe spread the money out on his bedspread and had to throw his pillow over all of it when Adam had just walked into his room unannounced.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u00a0 Aren\u2019t you coming down for supper?\u00a0 I hollered for you five minutes ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh \u2013 sorry \u2013 I\u2019ll be right down, just give me a minute,\u201d Joe replied and tried not to look as guilty as he felt at the time.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Joe \u2013 shake a leg will you \u2013 we\u2019re ready to eat!\u201d Adam insisted and then closed the bedroom door.<\/p>\n Having decided to sit down for one last meal with his family before he left for places unknown, Joe stashed his money a bit better and then moved down to the dining room.<\/p>\n \u201cFor all of our blessings, Dear Lord, we give you thanks, amen,\u201d Ben finished saying grace and then handed the rolls down the table.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re looking a little better, Little Joe,\u201d Pa commented as he stared over at the boy.<\/p>\n Joe nodded towards his father but didn\u2019t look directly at the man.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Sir \u2013 I\u2019m doing alright.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOld Timmons ain\u2019t looking so good,\u201d Hoss laughed and witnessed his little brother\u2019s smile aimed over at him.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks again, Hoss \u2013 I appreciated you giving old Pete my regards!\u201d Joe grinned.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s lucky I was busy paying off the hands, or I would\u2019ve helped Hoss with that delightful task,\u201d Adam quipped.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I don\u2019t like any of you taking the law into your own hands,\u201d Pa began but then broke into a smile of his own and continued, \u201cHowever, from what I\u2019ve heard about that Timmons fellow from you boys the last few days it sounds like we owed him a thrashing,\u201d Ben agreed with his sons on what Pete had deserved.<\/p>\n \u201cYou feel up to helping us tomorrow, Joe?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n Joe tried to figure out some excuse because he wasn\u2019t planning on being on the ranch after daybreak.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not exactly ready for that, Adam — just give me another day or two my ribs are still kind of sore.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked over at the boy to his right and remarked, \u201cIf your ribs are still bothering you, Little Joe, maybe we need to take you to see Doctor Martin.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe bit at his bottom lip and finally looked over at Pa.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Sir \u2013 I\u2019m just a little sore that\u2019s all \u2013 I\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 I just need a day or two and I\u2019ll be back to work,\u201d Joe answered, and had to hide the fact that every single time he heard his father using the name \u201cLittle Joe\u201d it had just been another painful reminder of the fact that the father who he had known for seventeen years had been replaced by a stranger with his face.<\/p>\n \u201cYou haven\u2019t been riding your horse lately, have you?\u201d Pa asked Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 I told you my ribs are still smarting a little bit \u2013 why do you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared directly into the boy\u2019s eyes and said, \u201cI\u2019ve seen you going to the barn off and on the past few days.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know if you\u2019d gone out riding that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n *** You haven\u2019t noticed a darn thing that I\u2019ve done for three straight months but now that I\u2019m actually trying to keep something from you \u2013 well you get nosey. ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe mused.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 did you hear me?\u201d Pa tried to get the boy to answer his question.<\/p>\n \u201cI was just out in the barn talking to my horse that\u2019s all,\u201d Joe replied defensively.<\/p>\n Adam saw that his brother looked suddenly tense and he wondered just what was going on with him.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Kid \u2013 Pa wasn\u2019t on your case about it \u2013 he doesn\u2019t know how attached you and that horse are.\u00a0 Pa \u2013 sometimes Hoss and I think that Cochise actually talks to Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI meant to comment about your pinto, Little Joe,\u201d Pa began and tried to put the boy at ease.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t meant for his questions to sound like he was putting the boy on the spot.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s a very interesting name \u2013 Cochise.\u00a0 Did you name her?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir, I named her,\u201d Joe nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere did you get her?\u00a0 She\u2019s a good looking mare,\u201d Ben tried to keep the boy talking, as most nights he was far too quiet.\u00a0 He knew that Joe was still standoffish around him.<\/p>\n Joe closed his eyes and fought back the sudden glistening of tears.\u00a0 It had been the memory of his Pa and him going to the Paiute Chief Winnemucca and getting the horse which sent a pain to his heart.\u00a0 It had been one of his best memories and it was something that tied Joe, Pa and Cochise together.<\/p>\n Becoming aware of the sadness very well displayed on his little brother\u2019s face, Hoss jumped into the conversation.\u00a0 \u201cPa you took Joe up to the Paiute encampment and Chief Winnemucca gave it to Joe as a present.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh \u2013 I didn\u2019t remember that \u2013 sorry, Little Joe,\u201d Pa apologized.<\/p>\n *** Little Joe \u2013 Little Joe \u2013 I can\u2019t take it anymore!\u00a0 And I don\u2019t need to hear any more questions either.\u00a0 I just have to get out of here! *** <\/em><\/strong>Joe\u2019s thoughts played in his mind until he had to get up from the table so he wouldn\u2019t blurt out how much he was hurting with every word that Pa said.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going to bed — I\u2019m kind of tired \u2013 excuse me,\u201d Joe announced and dropped his napkin on the table as he stood.<\/p>\n \u201cSee you in the morning,\u201d Pa said to the departing young man.<\/p>\n \u201cGood night, Little Brother!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood night, Kid!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe turned to look at each of his family members one last time.\u00a0 \u201cGood night,\u201d He replied and hurried to the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cYour brother seemed very edgy tonight \u2013 did you notice?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded, as did Adam.\u00a0 \u201cJoe doesn\u2019t like to slow down and he\u2019s been stuck around the house for the last couple of days.\u00a0 Once he can get back out I think he\u2019ll be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t think it was because I mentioned his horse?\u00a0 Did that bother him?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam drank some of his coffee and thought on the whole discussion during dinner.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know, Pa — I don\u2019t think it had much to do with talking about Cochise.\u00a0 You know we all have trouble figuring out the kid at times.\u00a0 You were the only one who could read him well.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI hope I can get to that point again, Adam \u2013 but he still seems a bit distant every time I try to talk to him,\u201d Ben frowned over his inability to understand the boy upstairs.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 three months might seem like a long while \u2013 but from what I read about the kind of injury that you\u2019ve had it could take a lot longer.\u00a0 The main thing is not to stress about it \u2013 if you get some of those memories back just let them come in their own time.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled and looked with pride at both of his sons.\u00a0 \u201cYou both sure are level headed — well \u2013 from what I remember of course.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam exchanged glances and smiled over what their father had said.<\/p>\n \u201cWe learnt it all from you, Pa!\u201d Hoss smiled and reached over to pat his father\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n *********************************<\/p>\n Joe had everything ready.\u00a0 The saddlebags were packed and behind Cochise\u2019s saddle waiting there in the barn and his money was stashed inside of his bedroll.\u00a0 All he had to do was get some ammunition and his hat, coat, and holster and he could leave.\u00a0 Joe had to wait until late that night when everyone was asleep.\u00a0 He made it until one a.m. and then moved out of his room.\u00a0 Joe looked longingly across the hall where his father\u2019s room was.\u00a0 He had tried to fight temptation but he just couldn\u2019t leave without one last parting look at his Pa.\u00a0 As stealthily as he could possibly manage, Joe crept into Pa\u2019s bedroom.\u00a0 There was just enough light given off by the lantern hanging there in the hall to see inside the bedroom.\u00a0 Joe tiptoed over to where his father was lying sound asleep.\u00a0 He moved to the head of the bed and stared down at Pa.\u00a0 Silent tears streamed down Joe\u2019s cheeks as he realized that he\u2019d never see his father again. \u00a0\u00a0He remembered so well having stood over Pa\u2019s bed, now over three months ago, as he had begged God to save his life.\u00a0 He still thanked the good Lord that he answered his fervent prayer. \u00a0\u00a0Joe wished that things had worked out differently as far as the memory loss, but at least Pa was alive and no matter what else had happened, he was very grateful for that.\u00a0 But, there was just no living with the constant reminder of how he had been removed from his Pa\u2019s heart.\u00a0 Joe just couldn\u2019t wait day after day for recognition that he felt would never come.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t bear it.<\/p>\n *** I\u2019ll always miss what we had \u2013 you were a great father \u2013 I\u2019ll always love you \u2013 goodbye, Pa. ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought as he took one final look at Pa and then turned quietly out of the bedroom pulling the door closed.<\/p>\n Joe donned his jacket, hat, and holster and headed out to the barn.\u00a0 He had decided that he was just going to keep riding and never look back.\u00a0 He had to.<\/p>\n *********************************<\/p>\n \u201cHey Carson \u2013 Cartwright \u2013 whoever you are \u2013 get up!\u201d Jeremy called into the jail cell.<\/p>\n Joe groaned as he rolled onto his side and stared through blurry eyes over to the very loud deputy.\u00a0 \u201cIs it morning already?\u201d<\/p>\n Jeremy laughed and turned the key in the lock and entered the cell.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019d better eat some breakfast, Boy you\u2019ve got a lot of work to do and only a half of a day to do it in.\u00a0 So go ahead and dig in since you hardly ate anything yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe pulled himself up on the cot and took the plate and cup from Jeremy.\u00a0 Hunger had set in after all of the wood chopping that he had done the previous day.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Joe nodded to the deputy and hurried to eat the eggs and biscuit.\u00a0 \u201cHow many more tons of wood do I have to chop today?\u00a0 And why do I only have a half of a day to do it in?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou only got through half of it yesterday, Joe, so you\u2019ve got the other half waiting on you.\u00a0 Oh and you\u2019re only going to work until around eleven.\u00a0 Sheriff O\u2019 Brien doesn\u2019t work anyone past eleven on the Sabbath \u2013 and it is Sunday by the way so you get a break.\u00a0 Hey, Joe your face sure is colorful today.\u00a0 Kid, you\u2019ve got a black eye and a very black and blue jaw.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned and shook his head, \u201cYeah \u2013 I don\u2019t need you to tell me, I can feel every inch of my body today.\u00a0 Of course all of that work really helped me to recoup!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCheer up!\u00a0\u00a0 You only have about three weeks and five days now to go — least that\u2019s how I count it.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe downed the coffee and then polished off his breakfast.\u00a0 Is there somewhere I can kind of clean up a bit?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll bring you in some soap and fresh water and maybe I can get my hands on a clean towel for you.\u00a0 But, if I was you I\u2019d wait until I was done cutting wood before going through all of that.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and sighed as he stood up.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve got a point, Deputy.\u00a0 I guess it will feel better after I go and sweat for a while.\u00a0 Well \u2013 lead me to that wood pile!\u201d<\/p>\n Jeremy moved aside and allowed Joe to go on ahead of him.\u00a0 He still didn\u2019t understand why a seventeen year old kid who had come from a good family would want to stay and put in some hard manual labor instead of swallowing his pride and admitting to whatever he had done to make his father mad.\u00a0 Jeremy thought on the fact that if he\u2019d have had a father who could help him out with his problems that he\u2019d be the first person he\u2019d call.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe worked hard chopping and stacking firewood from seven in the morning until eleven and then Jeremy ushered him back into his jail cell.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go find you that soap, water and hopefully a clean towel, Joe.\u00a0 Be back in a few minutes,\u201d The deputy called and locked the cell door.<\/p>\n \u201cNo hurry,\u201d Joe replied as he spread out on the bunk absolutely worn out.\u00a0 He closed his eyes and wondered what was going on back at the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Joe missed his two brothers, and even though Pa had no clue as to who he was, his youngest son still missed the man badly.\u00a0 Joe supposed that Adam and Hoss went out searching for him, but he had hid his trail pretty well at least for the first few days.\u00a0 Afterwards, he had just kept on moving from town to town and never staying long in any one place.\u00a0 Joe had gone in every possible direction as he wanted to hide from anyone who might be out there looking for him.\u00a0 He wondered if Pa had gone along in the search or if he had simply delegated that task to the sons who he knew.\u00a0 A few times Joe had thought on going back to the Ponderosa and trying again to live a life that was without a history, at least as far as his father was concerned.\u00a0 But, he decided that it would put even more of a strain on all of those there at home.\u00a0 Joe reasoned that they were better off forgetting him, and Pa had already done that, so Hoss and Adam might eventually be able to do the same.\u00a0 Regardless it had been a month now, and Joe came to the conclusion that any search for him had long since been called off.<\/p>\n \u201cHere you go, Joe,\u201d Jeremy sang out as he brought in a fresh bucket of water along with a towel and some soap.<\/p>\n Joe stood and approached the steel bars.\u00a0 \u201cI appreciate it,\u201d Joe nodded towards the man as he unlocked the door and handed everything over to him.<\/p>\n \u201cI figure a man ought to at least try to start the week off smelling half-way decent,\u201d The deputy smiled and re-locked the cell door.<\/p>\n Joe brought everything over to the cot and pulled off his shirt and began to wash his face, neck and chest.\u00a0 He shook out his shirt, and though it surely could\u2019ve used a good washing too, it would do.\u00a0 After he had made sure that the door which separated the front office and the jail cell was closed, Joe dropped his pants and long- john bottoms and did a quick once over with the soap and water.\u00a0 He dried himself, redressed and then set everything back over by the bars to his cell.<\/p>\n Joe thought on the fact that it was Sunday and he figured Pa and his brothers would be in church at the time.\u00a0 He remembered Doc Martin telling him that Pa had forgotten both the pastor and his wife due to his injury.\u00a0 He knew, however, that his father would still attend church and probably was there in his usual pew at that very moment.<\/p>\n *** Dear God, forgive me for my sins, and for everything that I\u2019ve done wrong, amen***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought to himself as he closed his eyes.\u00a0 He figured that a prayer wouldn\u2019t hurt at the time, especially since he was alone and in jail.<\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n The door opened and Sheriff O\u2019Brien walked back to Joe\u2019s cell.\u00a0 He stared over at his prisoner and said, \u201cJoe \u2013 you all cleaned up?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sheriff — thanks,\u201d Joe nodded to the man.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay \u2013 I need to talk to you in my office for a minute,\u201d O\u2019Brien said and unlocked the jail cell door.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust need to see you to get something settled.\u00a0 Follow me,\u201d The sheriff said cryptically.\u00a0 Joe moved out of the cell, walking right behind the man and into the office.<\/p>\n As soon as Joe crossed the threshold that separated the two rooms he noticed the man standing there in front of the sheriff\u2019s desk.\u00a0 It was Ben Cartwright, and only Ben Cartwright.<\/p>\n Sheriff O\u2019Brien settled down into his chair and looked up at Ben.\u00a0 \u201cIs this your son, Mister Cartwright?\u201d O’Brien asked, though it was only for effect as the three men had already discussed the situation and determined exactly what would be said in front of Joe.\u00a0 Ben had already taken care of the fine and simply answered the question as a formality.<\/p>\n Ben nodded his head and replied, \u201cYes, Sheriff, that\u2019s my son.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked down at the floor and not over at his father.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t help wondering how he had found him and why he had even bothered to do it.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s funny \u2013 he said he was Joe Carson,\u201d The sheriff laughed and shot a glance at the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cI knew he was Joe Cartwright,\u201d Jeremy grinned.\u00a0 \u201cI might have only met you and your three sons once, Mister Cartwright, but I never forget a face!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, as I told you, I appreciate you both sending me that wire so I can bring him back home,\u201d Ben addressed the two men.<\/p>\n \u201cYour father has already paid for your share of the damages, Joe, so here\u2019s your gun your jacket and your hat,\u201d The sheriff said and handed all of the items to his former prisoner.<\/p>\n Joe put his hat and jacket on, never looking over at his father.\u00a0 He then buckled his holster.<\/p>\n \u201cStay out of trouble,\u201d Sheriff O\u2019Brien said to Joe as Ben moved towards the door to leave.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe mumbled and watched as Pa opened the door and waited for him to move out in front of him.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve seen to your livery bill and my horse is alongside yours right now.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go,\u201d Ben announced, with little emotion in his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cGo where?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got a hotel room for us.\u00a0 Now, as I said, let\u2019s go,\u201d Pa\u2019s tone suddenly became a bit more severe.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d rather just leave,\u201d Joe replied.<\/p>\n \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter to me what you\u2019d \u201crather\u201d you\u2019re going to the hotel with me right now.\u00a0 I\u2019ve spent a month searching for you, and I\u2019m not very pleased with what you did so just do as I\u2019ve said,\u201d Ben\u2019s response came out with a good bit of anger to it this time, so Joe didn\u2019t protest any further.\u00a0 Both Cartwrights walked down the street and to the hotel.<\/p>\n Joe had obeyed what hadn\u2019t been a suggestion but rather an order from his father.\u00a0 They made their way into the hotel and Pa guided Joe up to their room.\u00a0 Pa turned the key in the door and then moved aside for his son to enter first.<\/p>\n \u201cSit!\u201d Ben commanded and pointed to the bottom of one of the two beds in the room.<\/p>\n Joe reluctantly moved across the hotel room and lighted down on the bottom of the bed where he had been directed.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy did you even bother to come find me?\u201d Joe asked, focusing his eyes down onto the floor and away from his father.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause you are my son \u2013 isn\u2019t that obvious?\u201d Ben retorted wearing a frown on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 I\u2019m your son \u2013 the one who you don\u2019t know,\u201d Joe replied bitterly.<\/p>\n Ben struck a familiar paternal stance with his legs spread apart and his hands planted firmly on his hips.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph Francis Cartwright!\u00a0 If I wasn\u2019t so tired from chasing your ornery hide for an entire month I\u2019d give you the worst tanning of your life!\u201d<\/p>\n Pa had gotten his son\u2019s attention with the stance he had taken along with the sound of his voice and the threat he had made.\u00a0 He shot a surprised glance up at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cWho told you my full name \u2013 Hoss or Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho told me your name?\u00a0 I named you — I guess I should know it!\u201d Ben exclaimed as he crossed his arms over his chest and fought to hold in his amusement over the way that his son was now looking at him.<\/p>\n Joe stood from his position on the bed, and somewhat apprehensively, moved closer to his father.\u00a0 He stared intently into Pa\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Joe could read recognition in them and it rendered him speechless for a few minutes.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s voice quavered as he asked, \u201cPa?\u00a0 Pa \u2013 do you know me?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben finally removed the carefully crafted stern fa\u00e7ade from his face and smiled broadly.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Joseph \u2013 I know you,\u201d Pa whispered and then held out his arms.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s eyes filled with tears of relief and joy as he made his way into the waiting arms of his father and held onto him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen \u2013 when did you remember, Pa?\u201d Joe cried, absolutely stunned by his father\u2019s revelation.<\/p>\n \u201cAbout two weeks after I started searching for you, Son.\u00a0 All of the memories came flooding back there was no stopping them once they began.\u00a0 Everything \u2013 I remember everything, Joseph.\u00a0 And I want you to know that though my accident erased you from my memory for a while — you were never erased from my heart, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank God,\u201d Joe choked out, trying to push aside his tears..<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Son thank God indeed,\u201d Pa whispered as he held onto his youngest.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry I left, Pa \u2013 I just couldn\u2019t take it \u2013 you not knowing me \u2013 everything \u2013 it just hurt too much,\u201d Joe confessed.<\/p>\n Ben cleared his throat and drew in a deep breath, attempting to control the appearance of tears in his eyes and the raw emotion in his voice.\u00a0 He pulled his son back a bit so he could take a good look at his boy.\u00a0 \u201cI understand, though I wish you hadn\u2019t left like that.\u00a0 I was so worried and so were your brothers!\u00a0 I got that wire from Sheriff O\u2019Brien the day after he put you in his jail.\u00a0 I left right then \u2013 I rode right out the minute I knew where you were and I didn\u2019t stop until I got here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa \u2013 thanks for trying to find me \u2013 even before you remembered me.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached down and lifted his son\u2019s chin and looked into his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cJust look at you!\u00a0 You are a real mess, you know that?\u00a0 I guess you didn\u2019t try very hard to keep that promise you made to me the day that I got hurt, now did you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned up at his father, shaking his head very amused.\u00a0 \u201cSame old Pa \u2013 always ready to launch right into a lecture!\u201d Joe laughed.<\/p>\n Ben released his hold on his son and moved over to the water basin sitting on a table next to the bed.\u00a0 He lifted the pitcher and poured water into the bowl.\u00a0 Pa dropped the wash cloth down into the water and wrung it out.\u00a0 He called over to his son,\u00a0 \u201cWell come on over here, Joseph, and let\u2019s get you all fixed up!\u201d<\/p>\n *** He\u2019s calling me Joseph again \u2013 thank you, Lord! ***\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Joe knew what was coming next, it was Pa alright, the same Pa who always tended to his wounds and fussed over him more than was needed.\u00a0 Easing down at the head of the bed Joe sat there as Ben took the cool cloth and dabbed at his son\u2019s black and blue eye and then doctored his bruised chin.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve still got it, Pa,\u201d Joe quipped, smiling from ear to ear as he watched his father fussing over his injuries and trying to make him feel better.<\/p>\n Ben placed the wash cloth back into the water basin and then reached a hand over to his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 Grinning, he gently pushed the curls off of Joe\u2019s forehead.<\/p>\n \u201cI owed you that one because of how I handled the whole Pete Timmons thing,\u201d Pa smiled and winked over to his son.<\/p>\n His face displaying the picture of pure contentment, Joe nodded over to his father and exclaimed, \u201cThanks, Pa, I needed that!\u201d<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n Written by Wrangler<\/p>\n 6-8-2025<\/p>\n This is dedicated to my mother, who I need to honor especially on this date for all she did for me.\u00a0 She never knew she was giving birth to a Wrangler.<\/p>\n (Dedicated also to Rob my story consultant, who owns at least one line in this story.)<\/p>\n (This was a fictional account of a serious subject, which is very familiar to our family.\u00a0 Both traumatic brain injury and Alzheimer\u2019s disease are very devastating, and, unlike in fiction, they rarely have a happy ending.\u00a0 It is my hope that someday in the not so distant future there will be a cure for both.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n