Disclaimer: I don’t own the Cartwrights or Bonanza. No copyright infringement is intended. Original plot and characters are property of the author. This story is for entertainment and no money was made from it.<\/span><\/p>\n Reviews from the Old Library are on the last page.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A Man Named Missouri<\/strong><\/p>\n Hoss was in charge of the branding for once.\u00a0 Pa was away in Placerville at a Cattlemen\u2019s Association meeting and Adam was up at one of the timber camps for a few days.\u00a0 At nineteen, what Hoss lacked in smarts he more than made up for in size.\u00a0 The hands knew he wasn\u2019t as clever as Adam or as strict as Ben, but they knew better than to cross The Boss\u2019 middle son.\u00a0 His way with animals got respect from all of the hands on the ranch, especially during branding.\u00a0 Hoss could calm a steer about to be branded so that it wouldn\u2019t thrash as much, endangering the crew.<\/p>\n He decided to check at the bunkhouse to make sure that everyone was ready for the branding tomorrow.\u00a0 Pa had hired a new hand called Missouri.\u00a0 Bill, one of the Ponderosa\u2019s regulars had vouched for Missouri.\u00a0 The man had worked over at the Wilson place until recently and was supposed to be a good cowhand.\u00a0 Hoss sure hoped so.<\/p>\n Reaching the bunkhouse, Hoss went in to check on the men.\u00a0 Four were sitting at the table playing cards.\u00a0 Missouri was checking over his gear.\u00a0 \u201cSettlin\u2019 in okay?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Hoss\u201d replied Missouri.<\/p>\n With that, Hoss went into the house.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u00a0was in San Francisco and the family was left to fend for themselves.\u00a0 Hoss knew that Little Joe wouldn\u2019t have any food ready for supper, so he\u2019d probably have to fix them something.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Hoss\u201d said Little Joe as Hoss walked in, \u201cI fixed up some sandwiches.\u00a0 Want some?\u201d he asked holding out the plate.<\/p>\n Hoss took one and bit into it.\u00a0 \u201cCheese?!?\u201d he asked.\u00a0 \u201cWhy\u2019d ya hafta put cheese on it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell just take that off\u201d said Joe in reply.\u00a0 He happily munched away at his sandwich.\u00a0 Hopefully, Hop Sing would be home soon.<\/p>\n \u201cThat new hand Pa hired is goin\u2019 to be workin\u2019 on the brandin\u2019 with us tomorrow, Lil Joe.\u00a0 His name\u2019s Missouri.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat kind of a name is that?\u201d asked Joe with a mouth full of sandwich.<\/p>\n \u201cHe used ta be a boxer or somethin\u2019 accordin\u2019 to Bill.\u00a0 Don\u2019t ya go makin\u2019 no trouble to find out though\u201d warned Hoss.\u00a0 He really didn\u2019t want to have to explain any injuries to Pa.\u00a0 \u201cEven though Pa is lettin\u2019 ya help out tomorrow, I wantcha to stay out of the way so ya don\u2019t get hurt.\u00a0 Understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure\u201d said Joe with some disappointment.\u00a0 When was everyone going to stop treating him like a baby and more like a man?<\/p>\n The next day, the branding got started early.\u00a0 Every man was working hard, sweating up a storm.\u00a0 Little Joe was in charge of getting the irons good and hot, so he was sweating profusely from being by the fire.\u00a0 At least this way, Hoss could be sure that Joe wasn\u2019t trying to catch the steers or hold them to the ground and get hurt.<\/p>\n “Hey, Missouri” said Hoss, “cut that little heifer out of the herd.\u00a0 We may as well brand her even though she’ll just be a milk cow.”<\/p>\n Missouri got the little heifer roped first try and over to the branding pit without much trouble.\u00a0 After she’d been branded and set loose, Hoss decided it was time for the hands to take a break.<\/p>\n “Who named you Missouri?” asked Joe with one eyebrow cocked.<\/p>\n “Mostly my friends” came the reply.\u00a0 “They all claimed that my punch was as hard as a kick from a Missouri mule.”<\/p>\n The other hands let out a chuckle at that.\u00a0 Joe had heard about the new hand but didn’t believe that any man would let himself be called by such a girlish sounding name as Missouri.<\/p>\n “Can you really hit that hard?” asked Joe.<\/p>\n “Do you want to find out?” replied Missouri.<\/p>\n Some of the hands were getting nervous at the idea of the new hand going at it hand to hand with The Boss’ son.\u00a0 Especially The Boss’ favorite son.<\/p>\n “It’s about time we got back to work, fellas” declared Hoss, putting an end to any speculation about Missouri’s abilities.<\/p>\n Thirteen year old Little Joe tried to tail Missouri for the rest of the day just to observe him.\u00a0 For a man who supposedly could hit like a mule could kick,\u00a0Missouri’s hands didn’t seem to have that many calluses.\u00a0 Not that Joe’s did yet, either, but he was developing quite a few from the work he was doing on the ranch.\u00a0 Hoss was the best puncher that Joe knew; he could take down most men with just a few swings.<\/p>\n At the next break, Joe tried asking some of the other hands what they thought of Missouri.\u00a0 Most said he worked hard, but they wouldn’t rile a man who could hit like a mule.\u00a0 When Joe asked about Missouri’s hands, the answers he got were unsatisfying.\u00a0 Nobody except for him had seemed to notice Missouri’s hands.<\/p>\n By the end of the day, everyone was exhausted and heading back for the bunkhouse.\u00a0 Many of the hands decided to overcome their exhaustion by heading for the Bucket of Blood saloon in Virginia City.\u00a0 Missouri decided to stay behind and enjoy the cool night air.<\/p>\n Following supper, Hoss and Little Joe stepped out onto the front porch for some air and to loosen their belts.\u00a0Hoss had\u00a0cooked up some\u00a0thick juicy steaks.\u00a0 Too bad that Adam hadn’t been there to enjoy the meal, thought Hoss.\u00a0 Just as Hoss let out a large belch, Adam rode up on Sport.<\/p>\n “How’d the timberin’ go the past few days, Adam?” asked Hoss.<\/p>\n “Good evening to you, too” replied Adam.\u00a0 “It went alright.\u00a0 The mill is short-handed and I’m so sore from pulling boards that I don’t think I can walk into the house.\u00a0 My legs are almost too stiff to move and I know I couldn’t lift a fork right now.\u00a0 Why don’t you be my horse and carry me in, Hoss?” asked Adam with a hint of mischief.<\/p>\n Joe giggled at the thought of Adam riding Hoss like a horse.\u00a0 That made Little Joe long for all of the horsy rides his brothers had given him as a small child.<\/p>\n “Did I hear you complain about soreness, Sir?” asked Missouri.<\/p>\n Adam looked over at the newcomer walking towards him and nodded his head. “You can call me Adam instead of Sir.\u00a0 I’m sorry that I can’t extend my hand to you in welcome.\u00a0 I\u2019m just too sore to move much. \u00a0Did you recently start working for my Pa?”<\/p>\n “Yes, Adam” responded Missouri.\u00a0 “Everyone calls me Missouri.”<\/p>\n “He claims that he can hit as strong as a mule can kick” Joe told Adam.<\/p>\n “That might be a useful skill on Saturday nights” said Adam.\u00a0 “Why did you ask about how sore I am, Missouri?” Adam asked.<\/p>\n “I think I might be able to help you out with that” Missouri replied.\u00a0 \u201cIs there somewhere solid you can lie down?”<\/p>\n No one could think of anything outside, but Joe\u00a0asked “What about the table inside?”<\/p>\n “We eat offa that table” responded Hoss.<\/p>\n “What about Pa’s desk then?” asked Joe.\u00a0 “He won’t be home from the Cattlemen’s meeting for a while.\u00a0 He’d never know that we used it.”<\/p>\n Adam reluctantly agreed and stiffly followed Hoss and Joe into the house.\u00a0 Missouri brought up the rear and watched Hoss and Joe clean off the desk.<\/p>\n “Remove your shirt and lay face down on the table, please” Missouri told Adam.<\/p>\n “You want him to what?!?” asked Hoss and Joe, rather stunned at what Missouri had just told Adam.<\/p>\n Adam’s face lit up as he realized that he was in for a massage.\u00a0 He had been treated to a couple of massages at a hotel in Boston while he was in college.\u00a0 Those masseurs though had been Swedish and wore starched white clothing.\u00a0 He couldn’t remember any masseuse ever smelling of cattle.<\/p>\n When Adam lay down on the desk, Missouri went to work on Adam’s shoulders and upper back.\u00a0 All Adam could do was groan in pleasure as his stiff muscles relaxed under the kneading provided by Missouri.\u00a0 Hoss and Joe looked on in astonishment.\u00a0 How could anyone seem to get pleasure out of that, they wondered.<\/p>\n “Don’t that hurt?” asked Hoss.<\/p>\n “Some” answered Adam.<\/p>\n “The idea,” said Missouri “is to increase the blood flow to the areas that are stiff or sore so that the muscles will relax.\u00a0 The pain doesn’t last long and as the body relaxes, the soreness goes away.”<\/p>\n “Well I’ll be,” said Hoss.\u00a0 “Where did ya learn somethin’ like that?”<\/p>\n “I used to work for a luxury hotel in New York” replied Missouri.\u00a0 “My clients included the Vanderbilts and the Astors.”<\/p>\n “What did they ever do to get so sore?” asked Hoss.<\/p>\n “Not much” answered Missouri.\u00a0 “But they could afford to pamper themselves when the mood suited them.”<\/p>\n Joe had been watching Adam’s massage with an odd fascination.\u00a0 “Have you ever done that massage stuff on girls?” he asked.<\/p>\n “Joe!!” said Adam.\u00a0 “That’s a rude question!”<\/p>\n “No, I haven’t” replied Missouri.\u00a0 “Massage is not a suitable activity for a lady.”<\/p>\n “Can you really hit like a mule?” asked Joe, now wondering if Missouri had made that stuff up so he wouldn’t have to fight anyone and ruin his hands.<\/p>\n Before Missouri could answer, the door opened and in walked Ben Cartwright.\u00a0 He was so taken aback at what was happening at his desk that his jaw dropped and no noise came out of his mouth.<\/p>\n “Hi, Pa” said Joe.\u00a0“Turns out that Missouri is a massagist and he’s showing us how it’s done.”<\/p>\n Embarrassed by the sudden attention from The Boss, Missouri stepped back and blushed an amazing shade of maroon.\u00a0 Adam eased himself up off of the desk and into a standing position.\u00a0 Hoss just looked at the floor, figuring that a lecture was about to begin.<\/p>\n “That’s a masseur, Joseph” said Ben once he could talk again.\u00a0 “Would you care to enlighten me on how my home has been turned into a resort?”<\/p>\n “Well, Adam came in all sore and Missouri offered to fix him up” said Joe.\u00a0 “He was showing me and Hoss how a massagist makes a person relax.”<\/p>\n “You look really tense, Pa” said Adam as he walked towards his father.\u00a0 “Maybe you should let Missouri work on your shoulders.\u00a0 Come over here and have\u00a0a seat”\u00a0Adam said as he\u00a0steered Ben to a chair.<\/p>\n When Ben sat down, still looking kind of stunned, Adam nodded at Missouri to begin his\u00a0work.\u00a0 Missouri began kneading Ben’s\u00a0tense shoulders and could feel some resistance at first.\u00a0 As Ben\u00a0began to relax under the pressure from Missouri’s hands, Joe saw an opportunity for his salesmanship skills.<\/p>\n “Hey, Pa” said Joe.\u00a0\u00a0“We could set Missouri up here and charge folks\u00a0around here a dollar for 15 minutes of massaging.\u00a0 What do ya think?”<\/p>\n “Joseph” Ben replied,\u00a0“that’s absurd.”<\/p>\n “Well, then can we keep him for our use and not have him work with the cattle anymore?\u201d asked Joe.<\/p>\n Missouri stifled a laugh and tried to hide a smile.<\/p>\n “Missouri is not a pet, Joseph” Ben replied.\u00a0 “That’ll be enough, Son” said Ben as he pulled away from Missouri’s hands.\u00a0 Ben noticed that he wasn’t as tense and his mood had improved from earlier in the day.<\/p>\n “Why didn’t you tell me about this talent when I hired you on?” asked Ben.\u00a0 “And where did you learn to rope and brand cattle?”<\/p>\n “I used to be employed by a hotel but I was invited to leave when a new manager took over.\u00a0 He didn’t want colored folks to be touching his white clientele.\u00a0 It didn’t matter that my family has been free for three generations and that I studied massage in Europe.\u00a0 Nor did it matter that I was one of the best masseurs on the East Coast and that clients such as Cornelius Vanderbilt booked appointments with me exclusively.\u00a0 So, I decided to head west where I figured attitudes might be different.\u00a0 I’ve made money by working for small ranchers here and there on the way. To keep my skills up, I’ve mostly practiced on the horses when everyone else has gone into town.”\u00a0 Missouri looked at the floor ashamed when he admitted that he had practiced his skills on horses.<\/p>\n Ben didn\u2019t quite know what to say.\u00a0 Missouri was a good hand from what he\u2019d heard, but the young man obviously had a skill that could make him much more money if he could practice his trade again.\u00a0 Ben suddenly thought of Jim Powell, owner of the Bay View Hotel in San Francisco.\u00a0 Powell bought Ponderosa beef for his restaurant and he and Ben had become good friends as well as business partners over the years.\u00a0 If he wrote a letter of recommendation for Missouri, Jim could hire the man and increase his hotel\u2019s business by adding a spa.<\/p>\n “Well, Missouri” said Ben, “I hate to lose you…”<\/p>\n Before Ben could finish, Missouri looked up angrily and said “You’re no different than the others.\u00a0 The idea of a\u00a0colored man touching a white man appalls you!”<\/p>\n “As I was starting to say,” said Ben “there’s a hotel in San Francisco that could certainly benefit from your expertise.\u00a0\u00a0I would be honored to write a letter of recommendation if you\u2019re interested in taking up your former profession again.”<\/p>\n Missouri had turned maroon again with embarrassment.\u00a0 “I’m sorry that I jumped to judgment, Sir.\u00a0 I’m not used to people treating me with such tolerance anymore.\u00a0 And I appreciate your offer.\u00a0 Yes, I would like to practice massage again.”<\/p>\n “Well,” said Ben “I’ll telegraph a friend of mine in San Francisco and get a letter out tomorrow as well.\u00a0 I travel to California quite a bit on business and hope to be one of your regular clients.”<\/p>\n “I’d like that very much, Sir” said Missouri.<\/p>\n “What’s your real name?” asked Joe.\u00a0 There was no way that a massagist for a fancy hotel could be called Missouri.<\/p>\n “That’s an inappropriate question, Joe” said Adam.<\/p>\n “It’s alright,” responded Missouri.\u00a0 “My given name is Nehemiah Ezekiel van Meteren.”<\/p>\n “That sure is a mouthful” said Hoss.<\/p>\n “How come Missouri then?” asked Joe.<\/p>\n “Because when I hit the manager at the hotel in New York, he said he felt like he\u2019d just been kicked by a Missouri mule.”<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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