{"id":5778,"date":"2003-08-13T23:40:33","date_gmt":"2003-08-14T03:40:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5778"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:07:45","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:07:45","slug":"in-silence-and-tears","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5778","title":{"rendered":"In Silence and Tears (by Rona)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/strong>Joe\u2019s depression after Clay leaves is worrying the whole family. What can they do to help him recover?<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0 \u00a0(9,940 words)<\/p>\n

Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n

In Silence and Tears<\/strong><\/p>\n

Startling awake, Ben Cartwright realized he heard footsteps on the porch outside. He pushed himself out of the chair he\u2019d been sleeping in and hurried across the room to open the door.<\/p>\n

His youngest son, Joe, stood there, his left hand clutching his ribs under his open jacket, his face shining with sweat and revealing his misery for all the world to see. \u201cAre you all right, son?\u201d Ben asked, knowing all the time what the answer would be.<\/p>\n

Joe said nothing; merely fell into his father\u2019s waiting, loving, arms. He threw his arm round Ben\u2019s neck, his fingers digging into Ben\u2019s shoulder, but Ben didn\u2019t care. His whole being was intent on offering what comfort he could as his son burst into exhausted, heart-broken sobs. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t want me, Pa,\u201d Joe sobbed.<\/p>\n

There was nothing Ben could say to take away the hurt Joe was feeling. He just stood there and held him. After a time, he realized that both he and Joe were shivering from the cool air that was coming in through the still open door. Without letting go, he pushed the door shut and rubbed his son\u2019s back. Joe was running a fever and needed to get to bed. \u201cCome on, Joe,\u201d Ben offered. \u201cLet\u2019s get you upstairs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Reluctantly letting go, Joe looked into Ben\u2019s eyes and read the understanding there. He nodded, his hand clutching his side once more. Ben slipped his arm round Joe\u2019s slim waist for support and was glad that he had for Joe seemed barely able to stand upright.<\/p>\n

They had hardly taken two steps when Joe mumbled, \u201cI don\u2019t feel so good,\u201d and fainted. Ben caught him before he crashed to the floor and hoisted him into his arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d said a new voice, and Ben looked towards the stairs, where his oldest son, Adam, was standing. \u201cIs he all right?\u201d Adam asked, coming down.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben answered, impatiently, for it was clear that Joe was anything but all right. \u201cHelp me get him to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Together, they carried Joe upstairs, as they had done a few short hours before, when he had ridden in from town, badly beaten by a group of miners, who were intent on giving a message to Joe\u2019s brother Clay. Gently laying Joe on the bed, Ben stripped off his boots while Adam took off his jacket and shirt. Once Joe was comfortable, Ben began to bathe his face with cool water.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not too sure,\u201d Ben responded, in a low voice. \u201cBut Clay told Joe that he didn\u2019t want him.\u201d He glanced towards Adam as his son made a noise in the back of his throat that might have been a strangled obscenity.<\/p>\n

Before he could say anything, Joe\u2019s eyelids fluttered and he drifted back to consciousness. \u201cPa?\u201d he breathed. He turned his head weakly, taking in the change of surroundings. \u201cWhat happened?\u201d he asked, his voice slightly stronger.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou fainted,\u201d Ben replied, matter-of-factly. \u201cToo much strain when you were told to rest, young man.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t let Clay go without talking to him first,\u201d Joe stated. \u201cI had to talk to him.\u201d His eyes begged for Ben\u2019s understanding.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Ben soothed, for getting angry with Joe at this juncture wouldn\u2019t accomplish anything. \u201cBut now you must do as I said, Joe. You must rest. You\u2019ve strained those ribs again.\u201d He wiped Joe\u2019s head with the damp cloth again. \u201cHow did you get your horse saddled?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPigheadedness?\u201d Adam offered, relieved to see a small smile cross Joe\u2019s battered face. \u201cI don\u2019t suppose you put him away?\u201d He smiled at his youngest brother. \u201cI\u2019ll go and do it for you, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Adam,\u201d Joe croaked. He could feel his eyes filling with tears again, and closed the lids tightly. The scalding tears seeped out between his closed lids and slid sideways into his hair. Ben wiped his face again.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want to talk about it, Joe?\u201d Ben asked, gently. \u201cOr do you want to sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n

Drawing in a painful breath, Joe opened his eyes. \u201cI went after Clay and asked why he\u2019d gone. He said it was because of the miners and how trouble always followed him. I offered to go with him.\u201d Joe saw the pain in Ben\u2019s eyes at those words, and glanced away before going on. \u201cAnd Clay told me I could no more live his life than he could live mine.\u201d Joe swallowed. Tears welled in his eyes again. \u201cAnd the worst thing is, Pa, he\u2019s right! I couldn\u2019t leave here, not even to be with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHush, Joe, easy,\u201d Ben told him, stroking the damp hair back from Joe\u2019s forehead. \u201cClay doesn\u2019t blame you for wanting to stay here. He knows that this is where you belong, son. But Clay has lived such a different life to you that he finds it impossible to settle down anywhere.\u201d He squeezed Joe\u2019s arm gently. \u201cBut that doesn\u2019t make it any easier to accept his leaving, does it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Joe agreed, trying to control his tears. Crying made his already sore ribs even sorer. He raised his eyes to meet his father\u2019s. \u201cI gave him the locket with the picture of Mama in it,\u201d he confessed. \u201cHe didn\u2019t have a single picture of her, Pa. I told him to bring it back when he comes to visit next time.\u201d<\/p>\n

For an instant, Ben wanted to rage against Joe\u2019s generosity, knowing what the picture meant to his son. But then the unworthy thought vanished as he realized that Joe knew exactly what he was doing. There were other pictures of Marie in the house and Clay had nothing of her\u2019s. \u201cThat was very nice of you, son,\u201d he said, as evenly as he could manage.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you don\u2019t approve,\u201d Joe accused him.<\/p>\n

There were times when Ben wished Joe was not as sensitive to the unspoken thought as he was. Now was definitely one of those times. So he chose his words with care, for he couldn\u2019t allow Clay to create a barrier between himself and Joe; not when Joe needed him so much. \u201cI don\u2019t know that I don\u2019t approve, Joe,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cI\u2019m just not sure I could have parted with something that meant so much to me, that\u2019s all. But I think it was the right thing to do, Joe. As you say, he didn\u2019t have a single picture of her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unaccountably relieved at Ben\u2019s words, Joe relaxed and closed his eyes. Ben saw the exhaustion sweep over his son and began to tuck him into bed, making sure he was comfortable. \u201cYou get some sleep,\u201d he ordered and Joe nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cG\u2019night, Pa,\u201d he whispered, much as he had a few hours earlier. Sleep claimed him in a matter of moments.<\/p>\n

*****************<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did he say?\u201d Adam asked, downstairs.<\/p>\n

Sighing, Ben repeated the conversation, knowing that Adam would be as angry with Clay as he was himself. Running away from trouble was not the Cartwright way and Ben would have preferred to have the situation with the miners settled before Clay left. Now, there would always be the rankle of unfinished business. Joe had paid the penalty for Clay\u2019s disagreement with the miners and Clay had left because of that.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve a good mind to go after him myself and teach him a lesson,\u201d Adam growled when Ben had finished talking.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t!\u201d Ben ordered. \u201cThere\u2019s been enough violence without you going after Clay. Its over. Understand?\u201d He glared at Adam, who finally dropped his eyes and nodded his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand,\u201d Adam offered, grudgingly.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen let\u2019s go to bed,\u201d Ben suggested. \u201cIt\u2019s been a long day.\u201d He put a hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder as they mounted the stairs together. He could feel how tired Adam was, too.<\/p>\n

Lying alone in his bed, Ben remembered Joe\u2019s arrival home that afternoon, and the way his heart jumped when he saw his youngest son sprawled out on the porch, unconscious and so pale. For a second, he had thought his son was dead and the relief when he realized that he wasn\u2019t was over whelming. Ben hoped that none of the others had seen the way his hands had shaken as he tended Joe.<\/p>\n

And then it came to him; Adam and Hoss had stayed to help. Clay had gone downstairs alone, leaving Joe to the care of his family. Ben realized that Clay had been planning to leave even then.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

The next morning broke far too soon for Ben and Adam. Habit brought Ben awake as dawn broke and he yawned as he climbed out of bed and dressed. Going along the hallway, he could hear sounds from both Adam and Hoss\u2019 rooms, but there was silence from Joe\u2019s. Opening the door a crack, Ben glanced in and confirmed that Joe was still asleep. He backed out and closed the door without disturbing him.<\/p>\n

Over breakfast, Hoss was brought up to date with Joe\u2019s nocturnal escapade. \u201cI don\u2019t want either of you teasing him about this,\u201d Ben warned both Hoss and Adam. \u201cNo comments about Clay one way or the other, clear?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Pa,\u201d Adam began, but Ben was in no humor for it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean it, Adam,\u201d he said, sternly. \u201cWhatever any of us think about Clay is not to be repeated to Joe. He feels bad enough about all this without your two cents\u2019 worth on top.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Adam capitulated. Hoss nodded. Ben knew that Hoss wouldn\u2019t say anything to Joe anyway, but Adam could seldom resist giving Joe the benefit of his superior wisdom. Ben also knew that Adam had been jealous of Clay, although he hadn\u2019t admitted it to anyone, not even himself.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go up and see how Joe is,\u201d Ben declared as he finished eating. \u201cBut somehow I doubt if he\u2019ll be up today.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Ben went upstairs, Adam and Hoss went outside to begin the day\u2019s work. They were both quiet as they saddled their horses. Hoss was thinking about how bad Joe must be feeling after his dreadful day yesterday. Joe was gonna be real flat for a while, Hoss thought.<\/p>\n

Adam, too, was thinking about Joe, but his thoughts were more vengeful than Hoss\u2019. He wanted to ride off and find Clay and beat him to a pulp for hurting Joe so badly, especially when Joe had taken a beating for him. Adam had been jealous of the intimacy that sprang up so quickly between Joe and Clay, an intimacy that excluded Adam and Hoss, simply because they weren\u2019t Clay\u2019s brothers. But to Adam, reared on the bonds of family, Clay\u2019s leaving violated the natural order of things, and he was determined to teach him a lesson.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t take Adam long to shake off Hoss that day. Hoss got involved in helping some hands with a fence that needed repairing and Adam rode off without saying where he was going. After some casting around, he spotted the tracks that Joe had followed the previous night, and he followed them, too.<\/p>\n

The campsite was empty when he found it, but this didn\u2019t deter Adam any. He hadn\u2019t expected to find Clay still there. After a quick look round, he found fresh tracks and followed them. He entertained himself with thoughts of how Clay would look when he found him.<\/p>\n

But by late afternoon, Adam realized that Clay was traveling fast, and he wasn\u2019t going to catch up to him in a hurry. Thwarted in his desire to confront Clay, Adam was faced with a long trip back home, with an explanation to his father for being so late for supper. He had the feeling it wouldn\u2019t be a pleasant evening.<\/p>\n

*****************<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes I just don\u2019t believe you, Adam!\u201d Ben exclaimed in disgust. He was having to work hard to keep from shouting so that Joe didn\u2019t hear the argument. \u201cAfter all that I said this morning!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t say anything about keeping away from Clay,\u201d Adam shot back.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t think I had to!\u201d Ben responded, scathingly. \u201cI thought you were intelligent enough to figure that one out for yourself! Guess I was wrong!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa\u2026\u201d Adam began, then stopped himself. How could he explain what he\u2019d wanted to do so that it sounded reasonable? He couldn\u2019t explain it to himself, so how could he explain it to Pa?<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wanted to hurt him for hurting Joe, didn\u2019t you?\u201d Ben asked, and Adam nodded. There was no denying it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know it was wrong,\u201d Adam admitted. \u201cBut I can\u2019t forgive him for what he did to Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all feel that way, son,\u201d Ben told him, his tone more understanding now. \u201cBut would hurting Clay have helped Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess not,\u201d Adam admitted.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it wouldn\u2019t,\u201d agreed Ben. \u201cAll it would do is make trouble between you and Joe, and we don\u2019t want that.\u201d Ben patted Adam on the shoulder. \u201cJoe wants to see you, Adam. Why don\u2019t you go on up and there\u2019ll be something on the table for you when you come down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Adam nodded and walked wearily upstairs. Hoss glanced over his shoulder from where he sat on the settee and raised an eyebrow at his father. Ben met his gaze and shook his head. It hadn\u2019t taken any effort on their part to guess where Adam had gone that day. Ben was just grateful that Adam hadn\u2019t found Clay.<\/p>\n

****************<\/p>\n

Pausing reluctantly outside Joe\u2019s room, Adam hastily concocted an excuse for being so late back and hoped that his thoughts wouldn\u2019t show on his face. Joe was all too perceptive at times and Adam didn\u2019t want to provoke a row. Sighing deeply, he opened the door.<\/p>\n

Quite what he was expecting when he went in, Adam wasn\u2019t too sure. But he hadn\u2018t expected to find Joe lying flat out on the bed, gazing blankly at the wall. \u201cJoe?\u201d he ventured.<\/p>\n

Slowly, Joe\u2019s head turned. \u201cHi, Adam,\u201d he said, with a singular lack of enthusiasm.<\/p>\n

Concerned, Adam hurried over to the bed. \u201cBuddy, are you all right?\u201d he asked. He sat down carefully, to avoid jostling Joe and put his hand onto Joe\u2019s head. It was warm, but not worryingly so. \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m all right,\u201d Joe assured him, again with the worrying lack of passion.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t look it,\u201d Adam told him. \u201cTell me the truth, Joe, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing,\u201d Joe insisted, with slightly more animation. \u201cI suppose I\u2019m just tired.\u201d He essayed a smile, but it was anything but convincing.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure?\u201d Adam persisted. \u201cYou haven\u2019t got pain anywhere?\u201d He put his hand onto Joe\u2019s arm. \u201cYou must tell us, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Irritably, Joe shook his head. \u201cNo, no pain, apart from what I had yesterday. I tell you, Adam, I\u2019m just tired.\u201d He shrugged his brother\u2019s hand off his arm. \u201cAnyway, where have you been all day? Pa says you were late for supper.\u201d He made an effort to look interested.<\/p>\n

\u201cI went into town and ended up at the saloon, chatting,\u201d Adam lied, knowing how threadbare an excuse it was.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou<\/em>\u00a0were late?\u201d Joe said, skeptically. \u201cMr. I\u2019m-never-late-for-anything? Pull the other one, its got bells on!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t tell me everything that you do,\u201d Adam retorted, pleased to see this burst of animation. \u201cSo why should I tell you what I do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a girl then,\u201d Joe deduced. \u201cA new girl.\u201d He looked at his brother\u2019s deliberately blank face and smiled, a genuine smile this time. \u201cAll right, I\u2019ll let you have your secrets for now, but I\u2019ll find out who she is!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d Ben\u2019s voice floated upstairs. \u201cSupper\u2019s ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSee you later,\u201d Adam told Joe. He glanced back as he went out of the door and saw, with worry and disappointment that Joe was gazing at the wall once more.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve never seen him so depressed,\u201d Ben admitted. He glanced at Paul Martin. \u201cWhat can I do to help him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKeep him busy,\u201d Paul suggested. \u201cBut not until those ribs have healed. It\u2019ll be another couple of weeks anyway, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was afraid you\u2019d say that,\u201d confessed Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, its not all doom and gloom,\u201d Paul corrected him. \u201cI said Joe couldn\u2019t work, but that doesn\u2019t mean he can\u2019t go out riding, as long as he\u2019s careful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe? Careful?\u201d Ben snorted. \u201cDo those two words seem compatible to you, Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rolling his eyes, Paul laughed. \u201cI guess not, but we can live in hope.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Ben agreed, and rose. \u201cI\u2019ll head off back home now and give Joe the good news and I just hope it cheers him up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rising, also, Paul shook hands with Ben. \u201cOnce he\u2019s back into a normal routine, he should be fine,\u201d he reiterated. \u201cStop worrying about him, Ben!\u201d<\/p>\n

***********************<\/p>\n

Ben wasn\u2019t the only one worrying about Joe; both Adam and Hoss were worrying about their little brother\u2019s fit of depression. Joe would laugh and smile with everyone else, but his unique giggle and insouciant grin were notable by their absence. He only contributed something to conversations if he was asked directly. He never mentioned Clay\u2019s name at all.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat we gonna do, Adam?\u201d Hoss demanded of his older brother in the barn, safely away from Joe\u2019s hearing.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Adam replied. \u201cLeave him alone, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frustrated, Hoss glared at Adam. \u201cWe cain\u2019t jist do that!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you suggest?\u201d Adam enquired, his tone that of strained patience. He was finding Joe\u2019s blues as depressing as everyone else, but had no idea what to do about it. Ben had tried talking to Joe; so had Hoss and Adam, and Joe was insisting he was fine. \u201cWe can\u2019t make him talk if he doesn\u2019t want to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it ain\u2019t good fer him to bottle everythin\u2019 up like this!\u201d Hoss declared and Adam\u2019s impatience evaporated as though it had never been. He left his horse and went over to put a sympathetic hand on Hoss\u2019 shoulder.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Hoss,\u201d he agreed, softly. \u201cBut we can\u2019t force Joe to open up to us. We just have to show him we\u2019re here for him and let him work it out by himself. I know its tough, buddy, but there it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDadburnit, I know yer right, Adam,\u201d Hoss admitted wretchedly. \u201cBut it still don\u2019t\u00a0seem<\/em>\u00a0right!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Adam agreed, almost inaudibly. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

************************<\/p>\n

Wandering aimlessly around the living room, Joe picked up the book he\u2019d been trying to read for the past week, and then put it down again, unopened. He didn\u2019t know what was wrong with him, but he could muster no enthusiasm for anything. He was eating well and sleeping well, but he felt tired all the time.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m bored,\u201d he said aloud and looked slightly startled. He hadn\u2019t realized that he was bored.<\/p>\n

Going outside, Joe was leaning against the corral rails when Ben arrived back in the yard. \u201cHello, Joe,\u201d Ben called, cheerfully. He got down from Buck and smiled across at his son. Joe smiled back.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Pa,\u201d he replied. \u201cHave a good trip to town?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it was fine,\u201d Ben told him. \u201cCome into the barn with me while I put Buck away, please.\u201d He thought it was getting a bit chilly for Joe to be standing about outside, doing nothing, without a coat. \u201cI met Paul Martin in town,\u201d he went on, making it sound as though he hadn\u2019t gone in especially to see Paul. \u201cHe says that as long as you are careful, you can start riding again, although you have to give those ribs another couple of weeks before you start work again. Isn\u2019t that good news?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, good news,\u201d Joe agreed politely. He wondered why he wasn\u2019t more pleased by the news, but found a smile from somewhere and plastered it onto his face. Did his smile look as false as it felt? he wondered. \u201cCochise needs the exercise,\u201d he added, thinking he\u2019d better say something.<\/p>\n

As they walked back to the house together, Ben chatted lightly about the people he\u2019d met in town, and the good wishes they had passed on for Joe\u2019s quick recovery. Joe nodded and smiled in appropriate places. He waited for Ben to mention collecting the mail and schooled himself not to react or ask if there was a letter for him. He knew there wouldn\u2019t be. Joe didn\u2019t think he would ever hear from Clay again.<\/p>\n

By now, they were back in the house and Joe found himself sitting on the sofa with his book open in his hand, and no recollection of how he got there. He couldn\u2019t remember Ben mentioning the mail, either, but these gaps in his memory were becoming more common as his depression deepened. He would become involved in his thoughts, and lose whole minutes at a time. It was quite frightening, and Joe feared that he was losing his mind.<\/p>\n

A few minutes later, a clatter outside announced the arrival of his brothers, and for a moment, Joe\u2019s spirits rose slightly. But as they launched into an animated account of their day, Joe retreated into himself once more, as he felt cut off from the rest of his family, for they all had a defined role to play and he was stuck on the sidelines. He ate his supper in silence and retreated early to bed, there to lie gazing at the ceiling with burning eyes before falling into a deep sleep.<\/p>\n

********************<\/p>\n

For the first few days, Joe found that he did indeed have to be careful riding. He had been confined to the house for weeks, so his fitness had suffered and he found himself exhausted after a short time. But then, his muscles became accustomed to riding again, and he found he was able to go further and faster than he had to begin with.<\/p>\n

Had Ben seen the reckless way Joe rode, he would doubtless have had a few choice words to say. But Joe managed to escape scrutiny and would arrive home tired each afternoon, although he wasn\u2019t really any happier. He felt adrift in a sea of pain and disillusionment. One thought dominated his mind; Clay had left him.<\/p>\n

Several wet days in a row kept Joe confined to the house again and Ben notice that his restlessness grew. When the sun finally appeared, he suggested that Joe go and watch his brothers separate the weanling foals from the mares. Joe agreed, because he couldn\u2019t think of a reason not to go.<\/p>\n

Riding hell for leather along the road later that morning, Joe was paying very little attention to where he was going, trusting his horse to pick its own footing. Normally, this would have been no problem, for Cochise was as sure footed as they came. But Joe wouldn\u2019t normally have ridden at that speed after so much rain.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Cochise stumbled and his head disappeared somewhere around his knees and Joe was thrown forward in the saddle. Instinctively, he threw his left arm out and put it on the horse\u2019s neck. A thought, fast as lightning, flashed through his mind.\u00a0I really don\u2019t want to fall here<\/em>.<\/p>\n

It seemed inevitable, as Cochise struggled to regain his feet. Just as Joe\u2019s balance was tipping too far, the horse managed to scramble upright and threw its head up, thereby depositing Joe back in the saddle. But Cochise was frightened and had the bit between its teeth as it raced on, away from its fear.<\/p>\n

Somehow, Joe\u2019s head felt clearer than it had in a long time. The world seemed to be startling in its clarity. He pulled uselessly on the reins, but Cochise just pulled back. \u201dWhoa!\u201d Joe called, for he suddenly was no longer indifferent to his own fate, but his voice had no effect on the headlong gallop.<\/p>\n

And, as had been inevitable from the beginning, disaster struck once more. Cochise stumbled again and this time there was no miraculous recovery. The horse somersaulted down the slope by the road, flinging its hapless rider into space.<\/p>\n

The last thing Joe was aware of was a horrific thud as he struck the earth, and then there was darkness.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought Joe were comin\u2019 down to watch?\u201d Hoss asked, as they stood by the corral watching the weanlings mill around unhappily.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo did I,\u201d Adam answered, dryly. \u201cI thought this might spark his interest. He usually likes to pass an eye over the new colts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYa reckon he\u2019s all right?\u201d Hoss wanted to know, his face screwed up with worry.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll have stopped somewhere to think, or something,\u201d Adam assured him. \u201cI\u2019m sure he\u2019s just lost track of time, as usual.\u201d He straightened up. \u201cWell, come on, this job\u2019s done. Let\u2019s get home for lunch and see where little brother has got to.\u201d<\/p>\n

As they rode, Adam thought Hoss was unusually silent, but the big man was seldom as voluble as either he or Joe, so it was difficult to be sure. Looking at his brother\u2019s face, Adam decided that he was still worrying about Joe, and wondered what he could say to set Hoss\u2019 mind at rest. He was finding it impossible not to worry about Joe, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook!\u201d Hoss cried and pointed.<\/p>\n

Following Hoss\u2019 finger, Adam spotted the thing that had caused Hoss such concern; Joe\u2019s pinto horse was standing, head down, further up the road. Its saddle was empty.\u00a0 Neither Cartwright said a word as they urged their horses into a run.<\/p>\n

**************************<\/p>\n

\u201cThere he is!\u201d Adam exclaimed and jumped from Sport to rush to his brother\u2019s side. Joe was unconscious and lay flat on his back. As Adam gently touched his head, he saw the blood pooled on the ground. \u201cHe\u2019s hurt bad, Hoss,\u201d he cried.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat we gonna do?\u201d Hoss asked, anxiously. Joe\u2019s face was pale and still.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo and get a wagon,\u201d Adam instructed. \u201cWe\u2019ll need to bring him home carefully. How\u2019s the horse?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLame,\u201d Hoss answered, succinctly. He swung himself into the saddle. \u201cI\u2019ll be back as quick as I can,\u201d he promised and spurred Chubb into a gallop.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you fall, too!\u201d Adam shouted after him, but he didn\u2019t know if Hoss had heard him or not.<\/p>\n

With Hoss gone, Adam turned his attention to Joe. He didn\u2019t try to move his brother, but felt gently down his arms and legs, trying to discern if there were any broken bones anywhere. Almost at once, he realized that Joe had broken his left thigh. The large rock under his leg told its own story, but Adam was relieved that it was rounded, and not sharp, or there could have been more damage.<\/p>\n

Retrieving his canteen from his saddle, Adam soaked his bandanna with water and began to wipe Joe\u2019s face. To begin with, there was no response, but after he managed to trickle a little water into Joe\u2019s mouth, his brother began to mumble as he drifted towards consciousness.<\/p>\n

After a long time, Joe\u2019s eyes fluttered open and he gazed blearily at his brother. \u201cAdam?\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right, Joe,\u201d Adam soothed. \u201cYou\u2019ve had a fall; don\u2019t try to move. Do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMmm,\u201d Joe mumbled and his eyes began to close again.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d Adam cried, sharply. \u201cYou\u2019ve got to stay awake! Joe! Stay with me now!\u201d<\/p>\n

Reluctantly, Joe opened his eyes again. A whimper of pain escaped his control. \u201cIt hurts, Adam,\u201d he murmured, his voice slurred. He shivered suddenly. \u201cI\u2019m cold.\u201d<\/p>\n

Concerned, Adam stripped off his custard-colored coat and tucked it carefully around Joe. He wasn\u2019t sure if Joe was bleeding from somewhere other than his head, but he was afraid to move him. \u201cJoe, you\u2019ve got to stay awake for me,\u201d he told him. \u201cCan you remember what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCochise stumbled,\u201d Joe slurred. \u201cI was going too fast. Sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou always ride too fast,\u201d Adam chided him gently. \u201cYou always do everything at top speed, don\u2019t you?\u201d He ran his thumb down Joe\u2019s cheek. A small smile told him that Joe realized that he was joking.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019s Cochise?\u201d Joe asked. His eyes were closing again, and pain was clearly etched in the lines on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cLame, but on his feet,\u201d Adam assured him. \u201cDo you want some water, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess,\u201d Joe agreed, listlessly. He winced as Adam raised his head slightly. \u201cAm I hurt bad?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think so,\u201d Adam answered. \u201cYou\u2019ve broken your leg and have had a big knock on the head. Good thing you\u2019ve got the Cartwright thick skull!\u201d Again, there was the fleeting smile. \u201cJoe, can you feel your legs?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey hurt,\u201d Joe replied. \u201cEverything hurts.\u201d The damp from the ground was seeping steadily into his clothes and he was feeling colder by the minute, despite Adam\u2019s big coat. The cold seemed to make the pain worse and Joe was finding it more and more difficult to stay awake. \u201cWhere\u2019s Pa?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know, but he should be here soon,\u201d Adam responded. He very much hoped their parent would be there soon, as he longed to hand over the responsibility to someone else or at the very least share it. \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t I go back to sleep yet?\u201d Joe wanted to know.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Adam exclaimed. \u201cYou\u2019ve got to stay awake, Joe. You\u2019ve got to.\u201d Desperately, Adam began to ask Joe questions about anything and everything that came into his head. Joe\u2019s answers were frequently garbled or he trailed off while in the middle of a sentence, but he was still awake when Hoss returned with the wagon.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Pa?\u201d Adam asked, in an undertone as he went over to meet Hoss, having exhorted Joe to stay still and awake.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s in town,\u201d Hoss replied, also in a quiet voice. \u201cI done sent Fred in ta git the doctor an\u2019 Pa.\u201d He glanced at the still figure on the ground. \u201cHow is he, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot good,\u201d Adam replied, honestly. \u201cHe\u2019s broken his thigh and he\u2019s got that head injury. I\u2019ve been having trouble keeping him awake. I\u2019m worried, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wordlessly, Hoss clasped his older brother\u2019s shoulder, lending him support. After a moment, he dashed his hand over his eyes. \u201cLet\u2019s git him home,\u201d he said, determinedly. \u201cYou done real well, Adam,\u201d he added. \u201cI reckon Pa couldn\u2019t a done any better keepin\u2019 him awake.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe,\u201d Adam responded, doubtfully. \u201cBut its not me he wants; it\u2019s Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOnly nach\u2019ral,\u201d Hoss told him, briskly. \u201cCome on.\u201d He strode over to Joe and knelt by his brother. \u201cHow ya doin\u2019, Punkin?\u201d he asked, tenderly.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d Joe breathed. He tried to smile, but his face contorted with pain. \u201cWhat are you doin\u2019 here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDadburnit, Joe, what kind o\u2019 a daft question is that?\u201d Hoss said, in mock exasperation. \u201cI come ta rescue ya, what else? Ain\u2019t that ma job?\u201d He was having a hard job keeping the horror off his face at Joe\u2019s condition.<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess it is,\u201d Joe agreed, breathlessly. \u201cWhere\u2019s Pa?\u201d He sounded plaintive.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019 cha worry none, \u2018bout Pa,\u201d Hoss told him kindly. \u201cHe\u2019s gonna be waitin\u2019 for ya at home. You ready ta go home, or was you plannin\u2019 on lyin\u2019 there for a while longer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m ready,\u201d he whispered and closed his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, this is going to hurt, buddy, and I\u2019m really sorry,\u201d Adam warned him.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust do it,\u201d Joe responded, as Adam and Hoss had both known he would. He gritted his teeth.<\/p>\n

Gently, Adam and Hoss slid their hands under Joe\u2019s legs and back. \u201cOn three,\u201d Adam told Hoss. He glanced at Joe, and saw the pain on his face. \u201cOne, two, three!\u201d They lifted smoothly, but Joe let out a great shout of pain and passed out, his head dangling limply down.<\/p>\n

As carefully as they could, they loaded Joe into the wagon and Adam wrapped blankets around him, taking back his coat. He was concerned by how cold Joe was to the touch and how damp his clothes were. Should he take off Joe\u2019s clothes? he wondered, but decided that there had been enough movement for the injured youth to deal with.<\/p>\n

The wagon started moving and Adam glanced back to discover that Hoss had tethered Sport and Cochise to the back. The pinto\u2019s head bobbed with every step it took, but it was keeping up reasonably well. If the worst happened, and it was unable to keep up, Adam resolved that he would untie it, and let someone come out and collect it.<\/p>\n

Joe groaned and Adam turned his attention to his youngest brother once more. He wiped the sweat off Joe\u2019s face with his damp bandanna and realized that there was a growing warmth to his brother\u2019s skin that he didn\u2019t like the feel of. He was starting to run a temperature. Pouring some water on the cloth, he supposed that a temperature was better than Joe going into shock, as he might have done when he was moved, but there wasn\u2019t really a lot to choose between them.<\/p>\n

The ride home seemed to be interminable to Adam. Joe roused once more and Adam deliberately kept him awake, making him talk, when it was clear that all Joe wanted to do was sleep. Despite Hoss\u2019 care, the jolting of the wagon was agony to Joe and he couldn\u2019t hold back his cries of pain. Each one smote Hoss to the heart.<\/p>\n

At long last, they drew to a stop in the yard of the Ponderosa, and Hoss jumped down from the seat to help Adam carry Joe to the house. As they picked him up, the door opened and Ben and Paul Martin came out. They hurried across to look down on the youngest Cartwright son. Ben\u2019s face was tight with concern; Paul\u2019s was grim.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d Ben cried, but Joe had passed out again when he was moved.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet him upstairs, quick,\u201d Paul ordered and stood back to let the brothers past. He gave Ben a searching look, making sure that he wasn\u2019t going into shock or anything before hurrying inside to follow Joe up to his room.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

\u201cHe should be waking up soon,\u201d Paul assured Ben, waving some pungent smelling salts under Joe\u2019s nose. Joe was tucked into bed, with a bandage round his head, protecting the stitches that Paul had taken in the gash on the back. His ribs had been re-bandaged, chiefly because the bandages were damp, not because the ribs had been further damaged. The bandages that had been round Joe\u2019s ribs seemed to have protected them. Paul had just finished setting Joe\u2019s broken thigh, and the youth was in plaster from his hip to his toes. \u201cOnce he\u2019s awake, I\u2019ll give him something for pain, and then we can let him sleep,\u201d Paul explained.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd will he be all right?\u201d Ben demanded, anxiously.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll be fine, given time,\u201d Paul assured Ben once more. \u201cHe was lucky; it\u2019s a nice clean break. The head injury isn\u2019t as serious as it looked at first. The head bleeds easily.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you\u2019re sure he\u2019s not paralyzed?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook!\u201d Paul ordered, pointing to the bed, where Joe had drawn up his right leg as he began to surface and the pain hit him. \u201cHe wouldn\u2019t be able to do that if he was paralyzed, now would he? Joe will be just fine in a few months when the leg has healed.\u201d He tapped Joe\u2019s cheek lightly with his fingertips and after a few moments, Joe opened bleary green eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d he asked, blinking to help him focus. He could still smell the chloroform and taste it in his mouth and he felt slightly queasy. \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here, Joe,\u201d Ben responded, moving closer and taking Joe\u2019s hand. \u201cYou\u2019re going to be all right, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPromise?\u201d Joe asked, and Ben nodded, tears glazing his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cPromise,\u201d he replied and Joe\u2019s eyes drifted closed. He winced momentarily as Paul gave him an injection, but after a few moments his breathing evened out and he slept peacefully once more.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s still warm,\u201d Ben reported, stroking Joe\u2019s head tenderly.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s natural,\u201d Paul replied, watching. \u201cIt should settle overnight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d Ben told him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, don\u2019t thank me,\u201d Paul answered. \u201cIf Adam hadn\u2019t taken such good care of Joe out there, there would have been so much more for me to do. He made my job easier.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Ben glanced up at him, Paul saw that he didn\u2019t have to tell Ben what his oldest son had done for Joe; Ben already knew. Smiling, Paul nodded. \u201cGoodbye, Ben,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

Over the next few days, Joe was quite unwell. He had a lingering headache that made him feel tired all the time, and the weight of the cast on his leg dragged him down. His temperature had settled overnight, as Paul had promised, but Joe still looked pale and ill. He barely ate enough to keep a sparrow alive, although he drank all the fluids offered to him. He slept a great deal.<\/p>\n

Then, as he began to recover, Joe started eating again and within a few days was wishing he could get out of bed. However, that was to be a forlorn hope. Although the break on his leg had been quite clean, Paul was reluctant to let him get up and use crutches, because of the broken ribs and so Joe had to face the fact that he would be bedridden for some time.<\/p>\n

As was often the case, when things were very difficult, or very busy, life became quite complicated. Ben was contacted to do jury duty in Carson City and was told he would be away from home for at least a week. He tried everything he knew to get out of doing it, but his pleas to the judge went unheeded, and, reluctantly, Ben made arrangements to go to Carson City.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can manage without you for a week,\u201d Adam assured Ben. \u201cYou\u2019ve been gone for longer than that, and the ranch has always been here when you returned, hasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you\u2019ve seldom had Joe so helpless when I\u2019ve been away before,\u201d Ben pointed out, not appreciating Adam\u2019s attempts to cheer him. \u201cHe needs so much help right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, Pa, we can manage,\u201d Hoss chimed in. \u201cJoe unnerstands why you gotta go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose,\u201d Ben agreed, but he sounded anything but convinced. \u201cI\u2019ll go up and say goodbye to him now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll git yer horse,\u201d Hoss told him and went out as Ben climbed the stairs.<\/p>\n

*****************<\/p>\n

Joe had yet to find a comfortable position with his plastered leg. The top of the plaster seemed to stick into his pelvic bone whenever he sat up and the half-reclining position that prevented that left him with a sore back. As it was, Joe had some spectacular bruising on his back and legs from his fall, and those didn\u2019t help his comfort any either. He glanced up in relief when the door opened.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Pa,\u201d he said, as cheerfully as he could manage, for he knew Ben was going away that day, and didn\u2019t want him leaving with the memory of Joe feeling sorry for himself. \u201cIs that you ready to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it is,\u201d Ben nodded, stroking Joe\u2019s head. He gazed searchingly at his son, trying to determine his state of mind. \u201cAre you going to be all right while I\u2019m gone?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I will,\u201d Joe assured him. He could hear the faint quaver in his voice and schooled it to normality. \u201cI\u2019ll be fine, and Adam, Hoss and Hop Sing will take good care of me, I\u2019m sure. I\u2019m on the mend, Pa, honest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Leaning over, Ben kissed Joe lightly on the forehead and Joe smiled at him brilliantly. \u201cSafe journey,\u201d he offered. \u201cSee you in a week. Who knows what I might be up to doing by then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat you\u2019re told?\u201d Ben hazarded. He hated to leave.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, Pa, don\u2019t expect miracles,\u201d Joe told him, his eyes shining with laughter. \u201cI meant that I might be up and around.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben drew a breath and Joe chorused along with him, \u201cOnly if the doctor says so!\u201d Ben laughed, ruffled Joe\u2019s unruly curls and took his leave, much cheered.<\/p>\n

The door shut, and Joe\u2019s laughter died. He sighed deeply and told himself that he wasn\u2019t going to cry. He could survive without Pa for a week, even if he was stuck in bed and the others wouldn\u2019t have much time to spend with him. \u201cI\u2019m a big boy now,\u201d he chided himself.<\/p>\n

But still, when he heard the hooves riding out of the yard, Joe suddenly felt unbearably lonely.<\/p>\n

*****************<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve got to arrange things so that Joe isn\u2019t on his own all day,\u201d Adam told Hoss as they sat down to supper that night. \u201cHe\u2019s been so depressed, we can\u2019t risk leaving him. So we\u2019ll split our time with him so that one of us spends half the morning with him and the other spends half the afternoon and we can both sit with him during the evening. Hop Sing is here the rest of the time, and he\u2019s said he\u2019s willing to help out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d a bin surprised if\u2019n he hadn\u2019 bin willin\u2019,\u201d Hoss commented.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes that sound all right to you?\u201d Adam asked, and Hoss nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll do the mornin\u2019,\u201d he volunteered. \u201cI\u2019m better at gettin\u2019 him up than you are.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right,\u201d Adam agreed and they fell on the food like starving men, which, in Hoss\u2019 case, wasn\u2019t an unusual occurrence.<\/p>\n

********************<\/p>\n

They put their plan into action that very evening, Hoss carrying up the checkers board and Adam bringing up some books and his guitar. He sat and read while Joe and Hoss played checkers, then sang to them when Joe tired, as he still did quite easily, before beginning to read to Joe after they had him settled for the night.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe seems quite chirpy,\u201d Hoss commented, as they left their sleeping sibling\u2019s room.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought that, too,\u201d Adam agreed. \u201cBut we\u2019d better keep a close eye on him, just in case he\u2019s putting on a brave face for us just now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure cain\u2019t blame him fer bein\u2019 depressed,\u201d Hoss admitted as they went back downstairs. \u201cGettin\u2019 that beatin\u2019, an\u2019 then Clay up an\u2019 leavin\u2019, then this. No siree, sure cain\u2019t blame him.\u201d He glanced at Adam. \u201cDon\u2019 cha think?\u201d he added.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I do,\u201d agreed Adam, slowly. \u201cI wish Pa hadn\u2019t stopped me going after Clay that night.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat don\u2019 git ya nowheres,\u201d Hoss chided. \u201cIf\u2019n you\u2019d beat Clay to a pulp, how would that o\u2019 helped Joe? He\u2019d a jist been resentful \u2018bout it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess you\u2019re right,\u201d admitted Adam. \u201cBut it sure would\u2019ve made me feel better!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah?\u201d Hoss queried. \u201cIf\u2019n that\u2019s so, how come you tole Joe not ta beat Red Twilight who shot me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Uncomfortably, Adam looked away, but Hoss kept his gaze on his oldest brother, who colored. \u201cI didn\u2019t exactly tell him not to,\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019 matter what the words was,\u201d Hoss informed him, knowing he\u2019d got through to Adam. \u201cThe result were the same.\u201d<\/p>\n

Putting his hand on Hoss\u2019 shoulder, Adam squeezed it briefly. \u201cThanks,\u201d he said. \u201cHoss, you have a rare gift for putting things into perspective for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Blushing, the big man shook his head. \u201cNaw, Adam,\u201d he denied. \u201cYou done teach me that; I jist reminded ya.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t deny your gifts,\u201d Adam chided lightly, although real emotion lay behind the words. \u201cYou do put things in perspective for all of us.\u201d He smiled. \u201cGood night, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNight, Adam,\u201d Hoss replied, watching his brother go back upstairs. He wasn\u2019t fooled by Adam\u2019s cool exterior for a moment. He knew all too well the depths of emotion that hid behind the controlled fa\u00e7ade his brother displayed to the world.<\/p>\n

***************<\/p>\n

Over the next couple of days, as Adam and Hoss spent time with Joe, they were pleasantly surprised by how cheerful he was. Oh, there were still times when they went in and found him lost in thought, but he never stayed down for long. Given how depressed Joe had been before the accident, they were at a loss to explain it. However, they were loath to mention it, just in case Joe was plunged back into the depression he had so recently escaped.<\/p>\n

This was not to say that Joe was all sweetness and light. His situation would have made a saint swear, when he found himself struggling to deal with his personal needs alone and the indignities that came with the necessary help, however subtly handled. On more than one occasion, Joe threw a major tantrum, usually driving away the person who was trying to help him.<\/p>\n

Hoss had more patience with this than Adam, although it was difficult to say why. Perhaps because Adam was carrying the brunt of the responsibility for the ranch or perhaps because he felt that Joe should be more grateful for the help he was getting. Or perhaps it was simply that Hoss was accustomed to buffering the oldest and youngest from each other, and with the arrangement that had been worked out, Joe and Adam were spending quite a bit of time together.<\/p>\n

The hardest day came a couple of days before Ben was due to return. Joe woke in the pre-dawn grayness, his mouth dry. Usually, Adam left a glass of water beside the bed, within easy reach, but for whatever reason, he had forgotten the previous night. The glass wasn\u2019t that far away, but it was frustratingly out of reach.<\/p>\n

Trying to settle himself again, telling himself that he wasn\u2019t that thirsty, Joe lay back and closed his eyes. He generally found that he couldn\u2019t keep awake, either day or night, but on this occasion, sleep eluded him. The harder Joe tried\u00a0not<\/em>to think about his dry mouth, the more he thought about it. His room was stifling, for there had been rain the previous evening and his room had been cool. Worried that he would catch a chill, Adam had shut the window, but judging by the heat of the room now, Joe guessed the rain had passed over and the temperature was on the climb again. It just made his misery worse.<\/p>\n

Deciding that he couldn\u2019t bear it any longer, Joe reached for the glass. Sliding closer to the edge of the bed, Joe tried to balance himself while he stretched for the glass. His groping fingers touched the edge of the glass, but he couldn\u2019t quite get hold of it. \u201cJust a little further,\u201d he grunted and leant out that little bit more.<\/p>\n

And of course, disaster struck. Joe\u2019s balance went and he crashed to the floor, dragging the glass down with him. It shattered, with the glass spraying everywhere. Joe felt his face stinging, and he couldn\u2019t prevent a cry escaping his lips.<\/p>\n

After a moment, Joe realized that he was in real trouble now. He was lying face down on the floor, and his cast was keeping him firmly anchored there, as it had kept him anchored to the bed for almost the last week. There was no way he could tidy up the mess and get himself back into bed before someone came in and found him.<\/p>\n

The thought had no sooner crossed his mind than the door opened and Adam rushed in. \u201cJoe!\u201d He hurried across, but Joe put up his hand, stopping his brother, for he saw that Adam had bare feet.<\/p>\n

\u201cMind the glass,\u201d he gasped.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t move!\u201d Adam admonished him and Joe choked back an unsteady laugh as his brother hurried out of the door again. Where did Adam think he was going to go?<\/p>\n

Moments later, Adam was back, with carpet slippers on this time and a lamp to show him the damage. He knelt by Joe, taking care to avoid the shards of glass. \u201cAre you all right?\u201d he asked urgently.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust bruised,\u201d Joe admitted.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s get you into bed and get that gash on your face attended to,\u201d Adam suggested and he helped Joe back into bed, lifting the heavy cast and tucking the blankets in around him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat were you trying to do?\u201d he asked, sarcastically, as he finally got Joe settled. He could see his younger brother\u2019s face was still pale and he dabbed the cut on his cheek that was oozing blood.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was going to go dancing in Virginia City,\u201d Joe retorted, his eyes flashing. He felt completely exhausted. \u201cWhat do you think I was doing? I was trying to reach the water.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wordlessly, Adam left the room, returning with another glass that he filled and handed to Joe. As the younger man sipped gratefully, Adam began to clear up the glass, taking care not to cut himself. Once that was done, he opened the window a bit and cool air rushed in. \u201cFeeling better?\u201d he asked Joe, as he took the empty glass from him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, thank you,\u201d Joe replied. He ducked his head. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry I woke you, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it, kiddo,\u201d Adam chided him smiling. He dabbed at the cut on Joe\u2019s face again, but the bleeding appeared to have stopped. \u201cI forgot to put the glass down for you last night. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d They sat in silence for a moment, and then Adam saw a glimmer of tears in Joe\u2019s eyes. \u201cJoe? Are you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d Joe said, wiping his eyes. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t complain, but I\u2019m just finding this so hard.\u201d He sighed. \u201cYou and Hoss have enough to do without babysitting me, and Pa will be the same when he comes home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019d do the same for us, wouldn\u2019t you?\u201d asked Adam. \u201cIf we were laid up in bed, wouldn\u2019t you do the same?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I would,\u201d Joe replied, frowning.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen don\u2019t worry about it,\u201d Adam assured him, before Joe could say any more. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you try and get some more sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll try,\u201d Joe agreed, but although he closed his eyes, Adam could see that Joe was still tense. He did not know if it was because of Joe\u2019s concerns about being a burden, or because he\u2019d fallen out of bed, or both.<\/p>\n

It was practically time for Adam to get up anyway. \u201cWould you like me to read something to you that will put you to sleep?\u201d he asked and Joe opened his eyes and grinned.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like you to read to me,\u201d he replied. \u201cAnd you don\u2019t put me to sleep, honest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, so that was someone else who fell asleep last night during Moby Dick?\u201d teased Adam. Joe laughed. Ruffling Joe\u2019s hair, Adam rose and went to fetch a book. He was back a few moments later and settled himself in the chair by Joe\u2019s bed and opened the slim volume of poetry. \u201cThis is by George Gordon, Lord Byron,\u201d he told Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen We Two Parted<\/em><\/p>\n

When we two parted<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In silence and tears<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Half broken-hearted<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To sever for years\u2026.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s voice read on quietly, through the verses, until he came to the end<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I should meet thee<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After long years,<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How should I greet thee?<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

With silence and tears.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

He finished reading and sat for a moment, eyes closed, for the poem always moved him. When he glanced at Joe, fully expecting his brother to have been lulled to sleep by the rhythms of the verse, he was surprised and concerned to see tears standing in Joe\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll think I\u2019m foolish,\u201d Joe croaked, fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I won\u2019t,\u201d Adam assured him. \u201cYou can tell me; I won\u2019t laugh.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat reminds me of Clay,\u201d Joe admitted. \u201cBecause we did part with silence and tears, at least on my part. And if we ever meet again, how else could I greet him?\u201d<\/p>\n

For a long moment, Adam just looked at Joe. \u201cYou\u2019re not foolish,\u201d he stated. \u201cIt applies to all of us, although I hadn\u2019t realized it.\u201d When Joe cocked an eyebrow, he went on, \u201cRemember when I went to college? Pa didn\u2019t say much aloud when I got on the stage, but his eyes said plenty. And you wouldn\u2019t talk to me, but you cried buckets.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do remember,\u201d Joe murmured.<\/p>\n

Again, silence fell. The house slumbered on around them. \u201cCan I ask you something, Joe?\u201d Adam ventured.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d Joe responded. He gave a small grin. \u201cI might not answer, because I don\u2019t want to incriminate myself\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Smiling back, Adam shook his head. \u201cDon\u2019t answer if you don\u2019t want to. But, Joe, you were so depressed after Clay left, yet you\u2019ve seemed happier since the accident. I don\u2019t understand it. I thought you\u2019d be even more down.\u201d He saw the look on his brother\u2019s face and rushed on before Joe could make a smart remark. \u201cAnd I haven\u2019t forgotten about those tantrums of yours, rest assured!\u201d<\/p>\n

For a minute, he thought Joe wasn\u2019t going to answer. Joe\u2019s green eyes grew distant as he looked in to himself. \u201cI was depressed when Clay left,\u201d he admitted. \u201cHe\u2019s my brother and he rejected me. He said he didn\u2019t want me. How could I be anything but depressed?\u201d He tried a smile, but it didn\u2019t quite come off. \u201cI wondered what was wrong with me that he wouldn\u2019t stay.\u201d He swallowed. \u201cI wanted to die, Adam,\u201d he admitted. \u201cRight up until the moment Cochise stumbled. It was then that I realized I still loved life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then you had the accident,\u201d Adam inserted, allowing Joe time to control his emotions.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs you say,\u201d Joe agreed, nodding. \u201cAnd when I woke up, Adam, you were there. And you stayed with me until Hoss came back with the wagon and you both helped get me home. If you hadn\u2019t known what to do, I might have died out there, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou weren\u2019t that badly hurt,\u201d Adam protested, uncomfortable with the praise.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe both know I was, so stop being modest,\u201d Joe chided. \u201cBut it was then \u2013 or rather a few days later \u2013 that I realized that Clay wouldn\u2019t have been able to do that. He would have found it a burden sitting with me, and putting up with my tantrums when I got frustrated. When the miners beat me up, he didn\u2019t even come up to see me; he just left.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded encouragement, not yet seeing where this was leading, but understanding that Joe needed to say it, now that he had begun.<\/p>\n

\u201cI realized that I have brothers, Adam; the best brothers in the world. You and Hoss have always been with me, looking out for me, loving me, helping me. I don\u2019t need Clay to do that; he doesn\u2019t know how. But I don\u2019t need him to do that, because you and Hoss are here for me, as I\u2019m here for both of you. You said it earlier.\u201d Joe\u2019s eyes shone with tears again, but they didn\u2019t fall. \u201cHow could I be depressed when I\u2019m so lucky?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Joe!\u201d Adam murmured, too touched to be able to find more words.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I see Clay again, I\u2019ll welcome him back,\u201d Joe went on. \u201cBut whatever happens, I\u2019ll never have the kind of relationship with him that I have with you and Hoss. I tried to create that relationship, and all I did was drive him away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you didn\u2019t drive Clay away,\u201d Adam contradicted. \u201cDon\u2019t blame yourself. Clay just never had the chance to grow up as part of a real family and he didn\u2019t know how to deal with it. He was fond of you, Joe; there\u2019s no denying that.\u201d Adam\u2019s heart gave a pang as he said the words. \u201cBut he had never learned that family is all; that to hurt one member of a family is to hurt them all. He couldn\u2019t see that he was hurting everyone when he left, not just you and him, because he\u2019s never had a family.\u201d<\/p>\n

By now, dawn had broken and the light in the room had risen to such a degree that Adam turned out the lamp. \u201cI was trying so hard to find a reason for him leaving that I thought it had to be me,\u201d Joe murmured. \u201cBut maybe it wasn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it wasn\u2019t,\u201d Adam assured him. \u201cI think perhaps he was trying to protect you, in his own way. After all, he did realize that the miners beat you up to pass a message to him. He\u2019s never had a family to help him fight his battles, so he didn\u2019t realize that we would help him.\u201d He saw that Joe\u2019s body was completely relaxed now. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you try and get some sleep before breakfast?\u201d he suggested.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think I will, thanks, Adam,\u201d Joe agreed and closed his eyes.<\/p>\n

Rising, Adam quietly left the room to dress, taking with him the poetry book. He\u2019d always liked Byron; now he had special reason to mark this particular poem.<\/p>\n

******************<\/p>\n

Returning with trepidation from Carson City, Ben was quite prepared to find the house in a total uproar and both of his older sons swearing vengeance on Joe when he was recovered. So it was not only a pleasant surprise, but something of a shock, to find all three boys in Joe\u2019s room, playing a very rowdy game of snap!<\/p>\n

\u201cDadburnit, Joe, don\u2019t hit so hard!\u201d Hoss complained, snatching his hand out of the reach of his youngest brother\u2019s enthusiastic dive for the cards.<\/p>\n

\u201cSnap?\u201d Ben asked, in an incredulous tone.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Pa,\u201d Joe cried, looking up and beaming at him. \u201cThese two are cheating!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you cheat at snap?\u201d Adam asked, raising an eyebrow. \u201cHi, Pa, it\u2019s good to have you home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHi Pa,\u201d Hoss added, before glaring at Joe. \u201cSides, you allus cheat at checkers!\u201d<\/p>\n

Chaos reigned for a while, but eventually, Ben persuaded Adam and Hoss to leave the room and he was alone with Joe. He was delighted to see the color in his son\u2019s face and the insouciant grin which was unique to Joe was very much in evidence.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you, son?\u201d Ben asked, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed and putting his hand on Joe\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine, Pa, thanks,\u201d Joe replied. \u201cHow was the trial?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFinished, thank goodness,\u201d Ben replied. \u201cBut it was boring, and I want to hear about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were worried about my depression, too, huh?\u201d Joe asked. His face sobered. \u201cAdam said that he and Hoss were worried.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were very down,\u201d Ben agreed, carefully.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Joe responded. \u201cBut I\u2019m fine now.\u201d He smiled. \u201cHow can I be down about losing one brother when I still have two brothers who love me? Clay thought he was doing the right thing by leaving, and no one can say different. He doesn\u2019t love me any less because he left. And I have two brothers who have done everything they can to make sure I wasn\u2019t too bored or alone for too long while you were away.\u201d He smiled up at his father, and this time, the tears did fall. \u201cHow could I stay depressed when I knew all that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad, son,\u201d Ben replied, huskily. \u201cSo glad.\u201d<\/p>\n

*******************<\/p>\n

Later that night, Ben knelt by his bed to say his evening prayers. As always, he thanked the Almighty for the blessings of his sons, and the good things in his life. And tonight, for the first time in many nights, he asked the Lord to look out for Clay, the brother who had left in silence and tears.<\/p>\n

*****End****<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Joe\u2019s depression after Clay leaves is worrying the whole family. What can they do to help him recover?<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0 \u00a0(9,940 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":45,"featured_media":3814,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,41,13],"tags":[14,15,17,16],"class_list":["post-5778","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","category-whn","tag-adam-cartwright","tag-ben","tag-hoss","tag-joe","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":3414,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/joe-angst.jpg?fit=400%2C320&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7623,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7623","url_meta":{"origin":5778,"position":0},"title":"Seeing An Angel (by DJK)","author":"DJK","date":"May 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0A girl from Marie\u2019s past has something for Little Joe. Rated:\u00a0T\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word count:\u00a0 1351","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/guardian-angel.jpg?fit=250%2C233&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6768,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6768","url_meta":{"origin":5778,"position":1},"title":"A Deadly Day (by rosecartwright)","author":"rosecartwright","date":"November 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Joe is home sick, but things go downhill for this young Cartwright. \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K+ (635 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/2-joe.jpg?fit=237%2C221&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6784,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6784","url_meta":{"origin":5778,"position":2},"title":"Little Joe Cartwright, Thief (by pbeaking)","author":"pbeaking","date":"May 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Little Joe finds himself in trouble when he is caught stealing from the mercantile. There\u2019s no denying that he did do it, but why? Now he must face his father and explain his actions. This was my first story ever. Warning: it does contain corporal punishment. Rating: T \u00a0WC\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/bonanza7.jpg?fit=720%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5454,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5454","url_meta":{"origin":5778,"position":3},"title":"Autumn’s Surprise (by deansgirl)","author":"deansgirl","date":"October 30, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Autumn is setting around the Ponderosa and with it comes a very dear and long awaited surprise.\u00a0 \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K+ (1,180 words) Autumn Series, links to all the stories within the series are included.","rel":"","context":"In "Chaps and Spurs"","block_context":{"text":"Chaps and Spurs","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=39"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Showdown3.jpg?fit=761%2C669&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5659,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5659","url_meta":{"origin":5778,"position":4},"title":"School in a Hundred Years (by DanceDiva)","author":"DanceDiva","date":"May 2, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0A new teacher is in for Ms. Jones and he is strict. Wanting to make a good impression Joe tries to think of what it may be like in school a hundred years from now. \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K+ (650)","rel":"","context":"In "Alternate Universe"","block_context":{"text":"Alternate Universe","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=7"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/bonanza2.jpg?fit=720%2C475&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3156,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=3156","url_meta":{"origin":5778,"position":5},"title":"Easter (by Rona)","author":"Rona","date":"March 24, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 A short introspective piece as a son waits to hear if his father will live. 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