Summary: After a nearly fatal case of mistaken identity in Kiowa Flats, Joe and Hoss continue their quest for Texas Longhorn breeding stock, inadvertently stumbling across a potential goldmine (What Happened Next after \u201cThe Gunmen\u201d).\u00a0 Written for the Chaps & Spurs 2025 Third Quarter Challenge*.<\/p>\n
Rating: K+\u00a0 \u00a0Word Count:\u00a0 2974<\/p>\n
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A STOP AT THE SHADY VILLA<\/strong><\/p>\n The sun was dipping into the trees as Joe and Hoss Cartwright, having gladly shaken the dust of Kiowa Flats from their boots hours before, tied their horses to the rail outside the Shady Villa Hotel.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know about you, but I\u2019m so hungry I could eat my hat.\u201d Hoss rubbed his middle in a vain attempt to ease the gnawing in his empty stomach.<\/p>\n Joe trudged up the steps and paused to study the bill of fare posted by the door. \u201cLooks like you won\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cToday\u2019s Special: Traveler\u2019s stew with biscuits and beans,\u201d Hoss read over his shoulder. \u201cWhat are we standin\u2019 out here for? Come on, I\u2019m about to faint.\u201d<\/p>\n Inside, a mouthwatering aroma beckoned from the noisy dining room adjacent to the lobby. A sturdy, red-faced woman scurried to greet them, tucking a stray curl into her disheveled brown bun. \u201cI\u2019ll have a table for you gentlemen in just a minute. If you need a room, Earl can help you in the meantime.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, ma\u2019am.\u201d Hoss touched the brim of his hat in deference and smiled, following Joe to the front desk, where a balding clerk with a sagging expression presented the registry.<\/p>\n \u201cRoom is seventy-five cents a night,\u201d said Earl.<\/p>\n \u201cI assume that includes a lock on the door,\u201d said Joe, remembering the hotel at Kiowa Flats.<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood.\u201d He signed his name and handed the coins to the clerk with a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019ll be another twenty-five cents if you want the key.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s grin faded into a frown as he fished the extra quarter from his pocket. \u201cIf I want the key…\u201d he muttered.<\/p>\n Earl removed the key from a hook on the wall behind him. \u201cRoom 6, upstairs, left, at the end of the hall.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon, Joe, table\u2019s ready.\u201d<\/p>\n The harried hostess led them toward the back of the room to a narrow table in a corner. \u201cI hope you don\u2019t mind. I know it\u2019s a little small but at least it\u2019s quieter.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just fine, ma\u2019am,\u201d Hoss assured her. \u201cI could eat standin\u2019 up if I had to. And that stew sure does smell good.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll have it right out,\u201d she promised. An eruption from the vicinity of the kitchen made her throw up her hands. \u201cGood heavens, what now?\u201d<\/p>\n They watched her thread her way toward the direction of the offending clamor. \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t think a gal like that could be so quick on her feet,\u201d Hoss mused. \u201cSeems like a popular place. The food must be pretty good.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBetter than your hat, anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n The meal arrived promptly as promised, heaping bowls of steaming stew, sourdough biscuits, and the obligatory pinto beans, along with two beers on the house, followed by generous slices of buttermilk pie. Joe watched in amusement as Hoss sopped the last of his broth with the remaining biscuit before he pushed his own unfinished bowl toward him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure you don\u2019t want it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sure. There\u2019s no way I can keep up with you, so there\u2019s no use tryin\u2019.\u201d Joe\u2019s gaze slid over the room and settled on a table of three men in the opposite corner. One of them caught Joe\u2019s eye, and the two acknowledged each other with a nod. The man rose from his seat and approached the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n \u201cI haven\u2019t seen you two around here before. Where are you from?\u201d He was well over six feet and wore a badge on his vest.<\/p>\n \u201cNevada Territory. Our family owns a ranch there, and we\u2019re looking into breeding longhorn cattle with our stock. I\u2019m Joe Cartwright, and this is my brother, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHowdy,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cJim Bodie, sheriff. You know, you two look an awful lot like a couple of fellas that have been causing a passel of trouble around these parts.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you mean the Slade boys \u2013 yeah, we know. They caused some trouble for us too over in Kiowa Flats,\u201d said Joe. \u201cBut I don\u2019t think you\u2019ll be hearin\u2019 from them again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cKiowa Flats, you say?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss chimed in. \u201cYeah, you can wire the sheriff there; he\u2019ll vouch for us. His name is B. Bannerman Brown.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, I\u2019ll do that. You gonna be in town long?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust passing through on our way to the Hi-Lo Ranch\u201d said Joe. \u201cWe heard it\u2019s not far from here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot far at all; in fact, the foreman\u2019s sittin\u2019 right over there if you wanna talk to him. I\u2019ll introduce you.\u201d<\/p>\n Before they could make acquaintance, a fight broke out between two cowboys at another table. During the scuffle that followed, a shot rang out, a window shattered, and by the time the sheriff was able to intervene, one of the men lay spread-eagle on the floor.<\/p>\n \u201cDoc, better see to Ludie,\u201d he directed to someone in the crowd as he handcuffed the other man.<\/p>\n The doc cast a cursory glance at the body on the floor. \u201cIt\u2019s Ludie, all right.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, what about him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s dead, Jim.\u201d The declaration evoked a murmur of sympathy from the bystanders.<\/p>\n \u201cHe ain\u2019t dead, look, his fingers are movin,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n The man groaned and squinted one eye open.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, nobody\u2019s perfect. Besides, I\u2019m a dentist, not a medical doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, somebody get him up and over to Doc Welby\u2019s. I\u2019ll take this one with me.\u201d The sheriff departed with his prisoner, followed by a discombobulated Ludie with more than a little help from his friends.<\/p>\n Order restored, the milling onlookers resumed their previous activities. Joe caught Hoss by the arm. \u201cLet\u2019s see if we can talk to that foreman.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know which one he is?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, but I\u2019ll bet the one he called Doc can tell us.\u201d<\/p>\n Doc had returned to his seat at the table, alone. He was drinking from a flask and reading a book when they approached.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry to interrupt you, sir,\u201d Joe began, \u201cbut my brother and I are looking for the foreman of the Hi-Lo Ranch. The sheriff said he was here a few minutes ago, and we were wondering if you could point him out to us.\u201d<\/p>\n He raised his eyes but said nothing. Joe had a feeling he was sizing them up before answering. When he did speak, his words were cordial. \u201cHe stepped out but should be back soon. You\u2019re welcome to sit and wait.\u201d<\/p>\n They accepted the offer but declined the flask. Doc took another swig and placed it in his vest pocket. \u201cPardon me for saying so, but you two don\u2019t look much like brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, we hear that all the time,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n They made small talk, though Doc mostly listened. At one point, his eyes flicked past them.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s the foreman.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe and Hoss both turned as a broad-shouldered man in a red shirt, black vest, and black hat strode toward them.<\/p>\n \u201cThese gentlemen would like to speak with you,\u201d said Doc.<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe and Hoss introduced themselves and explained the purpose of their visit.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019m sorry I can\u2019t help you fellas; I\u2019m not the foreman anymore. I just picked up my pay from the Judge, and I\u2019m headed back to Virginia in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t say I\u2019m surprised,\u201d said Doc.<\/p>\n \u201cAll things considered, I guess it\u2019s for the best. Well, so long, Doc.\u201d He extended his hand in farewell.<\/p>\n \u201cVaya con Dios, Clarence.\u201d<\/p>\n The other man grimaced. \u201cYou know, except for my Pa, you\u2019re the only man who ever got away with callin\u2019 me that. I can\u2019t say I\u2019ll miss it.\u201d<\/p>\n Doc\u2019s mouth quirked into a half smile. \u201cGive my best to Virginia.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow far is it to Virginia?\u201d Hoss wondered as Clarence launched himself through the bat wing doors.<\/p>\n \u201cNot far. Virginia is his bodacious wife. She lives in Austin.\u201d Doc had resumed his reading, signaling an end to their conversation.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you wanna do now, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess we\u2019ll just ride out to the ranch tomorrow like we planned. I\u2019m beat anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe too.\u201d<\/p>\n A shrill whistle pierced the air, and the brothers were caught in a melee of diners scrambling. There was a downward rush on the stairs as people poured from the rooms above.<\/p>\n Their frenzied hostess dashed from the kitchen, shouting. \u201cIt\u2019s all right, everyone! There is no fire! Someone just pulled the alarm by mistake.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was no mistake, Clarabelle,\u201d said a slight man looking at his pocket watch. He then addressed the crowd in a high-pitched voice. \u201cFolks, this is an official fire drill pursuant to town council ordinance 10 dash 4B.\u201d<\/p>\n A jowly patron in a tailored suit approached him, bellowing, \u201cDeputy Bernard, what is the meaning of this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust doin\u2019 my sworn duty to uphold the law, Judge. We\u2019re conducting random drills all over town.\u201d<\/p>\n Clarabelle glared at him. \u201cReally, Bernie \u2013 during the dinner rush on my busiest night? As if I wasn\u2019t already a nervous wreck!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Clarabelle\u2026Sweetie Pie\u2026.\u201d he implored before she cut him off.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you \u2018Sweetie Pie\u2019 me!\u201d She stomped back to the kitchen with him trailing like a lovesick pup.<\/p>\n The judge scowled. \u201cI was holding three aces. My best hand in a month.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss elbowed Joe. \u201cReckon he\u2019s the judge that foreman mentioned?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI dunno, but there\u2019s one way to find out.\u201d<\/p>\n They worked their way over to the man as he was headed back upstairs. \u201cExcuse me sir,\u201d said Joe. \u201cAre you by chance the owner of the Hi-Lo Ranch?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot by chance, son. By blood, sweat, and true grit. Judge Henry Wapner.\u201d He stuck out his hand. \u201cWhat can I do for you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe Cartwright. This is my brother Hoss. We\u2019re lookin\u2019 to buy some longhorns to breed with our stock in Nevada.\u201d<\/p>\n Judge Wapner looked them over before replying. \u201cWell now, I think we might be be able to do some business. Why don\u2019t you boys come out to the ranch tomorrow and I\u2019ll show you what I\u2019ve got. My place is about five miles north. Just follow the creek. You can\u2019t miss it.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n ~*~<\/p>\n The restaurant wasn\u2019t nearly as crowded the next morning, and the only evidence of the previous night\u2019s disturbance were the boards replacing the shattered window.<\/p>\n The pretty waitress introduced herself as Juanita and addressed Joe. \u201cWhat can I get you?\u201d<\/p>\n He replied with a well-honed grin. \u201cThat depends. What are you offering?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCoffee, tea…or milk. If it\u2019s not on the menu, we don\u2019t serve it.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face fell. \u201cCoffee.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss snickered. \u201cSame for me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnything else?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss perused the menu. \u201cAunt Bee\u2019s Big Boy Breakfast looks mighty fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, our egg man hasn\u2019t shown up yet today. How about a stack of Grannycakes with ham and hominy grits? Today\u2019s special, buy one, get one half price.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, make it two. You want anything, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMake it three.\u201d Joe yawned.<\/p>\n Juanita collected their menus on her way back to the kitchen.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle brother, you look like you didn\u2019t get enough sleep last night.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow could I? Between that poker game next door and your buzz saw goin\u2019 all night, I\u2019m lucky I slept at all. I\u2019m surprised you didn\u2019t wake yourself up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI slept like a log.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBelieve me, I know.\u201d<\/p>\n Juanita returned with their coffee. \u201cYour orders are up next. Morning, Sheriff Bodie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMornin\u2019, Juanita. Well boys, your story checked out. Sheriff Brown says they\u2019ve got the Slade brothers locked up tight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI hope we never run into them again,\u201d said Hoss. \u201cThey sure caused us a heap o\u2019 trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can see why. Well, I just wanted to let you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks. You\u2019re welcome to join us for breakfast,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cI appreciate the invitation, but I\u2019m on my way to a parent-teacher conference. My boy Junior seems to think old lady Schlump\u2019s got it in for him. His words, not mine. You know how kids are,\u201d he chuckled. \u201cThey tend to exaggerate things to their advantage, but I\u2019m sure we\u2019ll get things straightened out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood luck,\u201d said Joe. \u201cAnd good luck to Junior.\u201d<\/p>\n Juanita delivered their breakfasts on a tray and refilled their coffee. They watched the sheriff ascend the stairs with a noticeable spring in his step.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought he said he was going to a parent-teacher conference.\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cConference room\u2019s upstairs,\u201d said Juanita. \u201cJunior must really be having trouble, because he brings a note home nearly every week from that new schoolmarm.\u201d Then she shrugged. \u201cBut Sheriff Bodie doesn\u2019t seem to mind.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess he doesn\u2019t need luck after all,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n A portly gentleman hurried into the restaurant, mopping his flushed face with a handkerchief.<\/p>\n \u201cMayor Frankfurter, is something wrong?\u201d Juanita asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I\u2019m afraid so.\u201d He paused at their table, looking distressed. \u201cMy brother-in-law, Judge Wapner, asked me to tell you he won\u2019t be able to do business with you young fellas after all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d asked Hoss.<\/p>\n The mayor gulped. \u201cHe lost the ranch in a poker game last night.\u201d He mopped his face again. \u201cHe said some wheeler dealer from Dallas named Ewing snookered him, took everything. Poor Henry is over at Doc Welby\u2019s right now with chest pains. My wife is with him, frantic over her brother. Oh dear.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe you ought to sit down,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I have to get over to Bucky\u2019s. Flo wants me to pick up some kolaches and a bag of Beaver Nuggets. They\u2019re Henry\u2019s favorite.\u201d<\/p>\n Mayor Frankfurter rushed out the door.<\/p>\n \u201cBeaver Nuggets?\u201d Joe and Hoss both queried.<\/p>\n Juanita smiled as she handed them their bill. \u201cIf you know, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n The other Doc walked in as they were getting ready to leave. \u201cTough break, boys. I guess you\u2019ll be headed home empty handed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLooks that way, unless you think that Ewing fella might be willing to make a deal,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cNot likely. He told me this morning he had a sweet deal in the works to sell the whole kit and caboodle to a man named Goodnight from up north. I expect that\u2019s what\u2019 s really got the Judge in a fit, missing out on that windfall.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt sure is a shame, losin\u2019 his ranch like that, after all the blood, sweat, and grit he put into the place,\u201d said Hoss, shaking his head.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, don\u2019t feel too sorry for him. He won it just last month in a high stakes tournament over in Fort Worth. That\u2019s all the sweat he\u2019s ever put into it,\u201d said Doc. \u201cIf you\u2019re still determined pick up some stock, there are plenty of outfits between here and Nevada. Stop in at Bucky\u2019s and ask for Stumpy. He can give you some direction.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere is this Bucky\u2019s?\u201d asked Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cSouth side, west of the creek, there\u2019s a great big sign out front. Carries just about anything you\u2019d need, and a lot that you don\u2019t. Take my advice, don\u2019t pass on the Beaver Nuggets. They\u2019re great for snacking on the trail.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for your help, Doc\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHolliday.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s eyes widened. \u201cYou mean you\u2019re\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot that one.\u201d He smiled. \u201cBut I\u2019m flattered.\u201d<\/p>\n Sheriff Bodie sauntered down the stairs, whistling.<\/p>\n Hoss nudged Joe, and they both grinned. \u201cEverything get straightened out with Junior\u2019s teacher?\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff looked smug. \u201cEllie Schlump is a very reasonable woman.\u201d<\/p>\n Doc Holliday nodded knowingly. \u201cShe\u2019s got great teeth, too.\u201d He winked, lifting his hat in farewell. \u201cVaya con Dios, gentlemen.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n ~*~<\/p>\n Camped on the trail that night, the Cartwright brothers rounded out their standard fare of cowboy beans and hardtack with a smorgasbord of cherry maple beef jerky, jalapeno peanut brittle, pecan logs, and, of course, Beaver Nuggets.<\/p>\n Fully sated afterwards, they stretched out on their bedrolls under the wide prairie sky and gazed at the big and bright, deep-in-the heart of Texas stars. Hoss broke the silence. \u201cWho knew there were that many different kinds of jerky in the world? Or that anything called Beaver Nuggets could change your life?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll I know is that Bucky fella must be pretty smart. It\u2019s got me thinkin\u2019\u2026\u201d Joe made a mental note to save some of the nuggets in hopes that with the aid of Hop Sing\u2019s culinary expertise he could recreate their crunchy golden goodness. He\u2019d have to change the name if he wanted to market them to the Virginia City populace, though\u2026<\/p>\n He snapped his fingers.\u201c<\/i>Gold nuggets! They would sell like hotcakes! What do you think, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n There was no reply from the other side of the campfire. Hoss was sawing logs again. But this time, it was a lullaby to Joe\u2019s ears as he drifted off to dream of becoming Nevada\u2019s first snack food tycoon\u2026.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n END<\/b><\/p>\n *C&S challenge words: wreck, eruption, wall, declaration, launched<\/i><\/p>\n If you enjoyed this bit of ridiculousness, you may\u00a0 also like:<\/em><\/p>\n Shirtless Joe (by JC)<\/a><\/p>\n The Best Little Bed and Breakfast in Nevada (by JC)<\/a><\/p>\n