Summary: Little Joe reflects back to when he challenged an important decision that his father made. Now, at seventeen, he discovers why Pa was right.
\nRating T, WC 10,225<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
If Your Heart Cries Out Tonight<\/strong><\/p>\n *** You may not know it, but I can see through your disguise.\u00a0 Try not to show it, then give it away with your eyes.\u00a0 But it\u2019s as sure as I\u2019m standing here what we want to do.\u00a0 You\u2019re just afraid that I\u2019m not sincere.\u00a0 But, if your heart comes out tonight, love could stay beyond the morning\u2019s light.\u00a0 There\u2019s a way to last another day, if your heart comes out tonight.\u00a0 I never knew it, that you\u2019d been hurt by someone else.\u00a0 You can get through it; you just have to trust in yourself.\u00a0 And it\u2019s as sure as I trust in you, we\u2019ll turn it around.\u00a0 There\u2019s not a thing we can\u2019t do.\u00a0 If your heart comes out tonight love could stay beyond the morning\u2019s light.\u00a0 There\u2019s a way to last another day, if your heart comes out tonight. *** (Song If Your Heart Comes Out Tonight, written by Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart)<\/p>\n Little Joe Cartwright fell to his knees and tenderly stroked the neck of the black stallion laying there on the ground.\u00a0 Joe felt as though the breath had been stolen from his lungs due to the battle that was being waged between his mind and his heart.\u00a0 He reached over and assessed the damage to the horse\u2019s front right fetlock one final time.\u00a0 The break was easily spotted, the bone jutting out through the skin, and he knew there was no saving the animal even if his brother Hoss had been there to help.\u00a0 Nor could the local veterinarian come up with any kind of a fix, not with the kind of break that the horse had sustained.\u00a0 Joe was there at the corral by himself, and it would be his call and his alone as to whether he\u2019d have to put the animal out of its misery or try to go for help.<\/p>\n While tenderly stroking its thick black mane, Joe whispered to the stallion which he had raised from a colt.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just so sorry \u2013 so sorry, Midnight.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0He shakily pulled himself back to standing and untethered the hammer of his gun and drew it out.<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t turn around when he heard the rapid approach of a rider, but instead rotated the cylinder of his Colt revolver to make sure that it was fully loaded.\u00a0 He bit at his bottom lip and aimed his gun down towards the injured animal\u2019s head.\u00a0 There was no other choice, no other recourse and Joe knew it.\u00a0 The horse was suffering badly, and its breathing was labored due to all the pain that it had endured since the fall several minutes ago.\u00a0 The loud solitary crack from the Colt reverberated against the mountain range which surrounded the western border of the Ponderosa Ranch.\u00a0 And, afterwards, there was a deathly quiet that hung in the air along with the lingering acrid smell of gunpowder.<\/p>\n Joe stood there in stunned silence as he let the Colt fall effortlessly from his fingers as though it was a murder weapon.\u00a0 It landed down on the ground with a weighted thud as he pulled his right shirt sleeve up to cover his eyes.\u00a0 Joe needed a few minutes to gain his composure and make peace with what he had just done.<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright had watched his son discharging his weapon, sending off the single bullet which had killed the horse instantaneously.\u00a0\u00a0 The saddle creaked as he dismounted slowly and made his way over to the weathered wooden gate, pulling it open. Random thoughts swirled in Ben\u2019s mind as he prepared to draw closer to his son.\u00a0 He wondered if it had been by pure chance alone that he had arrived at just the precise moment to witness Joe\u2019s actions and the heartbreaking decision he must have just made?\u00a0 Pa couldn\u2019t say what had made him venture out to see how the boy was doing that day.\u00a0 He chalked it up to being some kind of fatherly intuition, or so he presumed.\u00a0 Regardless, he was glad that he had listened to the feeling deep in his gut and had ridden to the breaking corral that afternoon. Making it over to the boy he stared down at both the stallion and his son\u2019s gun which still lay on the ground where Joe had dropped it.\u00a0 Ben struggled to choose the right words that would provide comfort, keenly aware that Joseph was in a state of shock and grief by the look on his face.<\/p>\n Neither Pa nor Joe made a sound or sought eye contact with each other.\u00a0 The familiar quietness descended, hanging down like a heavy shroud, the unspoken language they both knew far too well.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0The silence was so complete that they could both hear the other\u2019s breathing, shallow and fast.\u00a0 Finally, Joe turned casting a quick unsure glance over at his pa.\u00a0 He pushed aside the unspent tears pooling in his eyes and then tried his best to address what had just happened.\u00a0 His words dried up like a dry creek bed and he fought to work some moisture around in his mouth before attempting to speak.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I don\u2019t know how it happened, Pa \u2013 I was just taking Midnight through his usual moves \u2013 we weren\u2019t even going fast.\u00a0 He \u2013 well — he just went down,\u201d Joe stuttered, trying his best to explain why the stallion now lay still like an artist\u2019s rendering of a life-sized statue on the cold hard ground.<\/p>\n Ben went down on one knee and checked the break to the horse\u2019s fetlock and then looked up at his son.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph — with this kind of a break there wasn\u2019t anything anyone could\u2019ve done for Midnight to save him.\u00a0 You did the right thing,\u201d Pa insisted hoping to alleviate any doubt that his son might have in his mind about putting the animal out of its misery.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve never had to do that before, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered and dropped his head down, still fighting with his emotions.<\/p>\n Ben dusted off his pantleg as he slowly stood back up and settled a hand onto Joe\u2019s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.\u00a0 He solemnly shook his head as he gazed at his distraught seventeen-year-old son.\u00a0 He felt for the boy and knew that it had taken a lot out of him to have shot and killed the beautiful black stallion he had helped to raise from a colt.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joseph \u2013 but you did exactly what I would\u2019ve done.\u00a0 You did the right thing \u2013 Midnight would\u2019ve suffered terribly if you hadn\u2019t made that decision.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m just so sorry, Pa \u2013 so sorry!\u201d Joe exclaimed and dropped down onto his knees.\u00a0 His penetrating gaze fell on both his gun and the horse lying dead next to it.\u00a0 His emotions were now rent with sorrow and guilt for having killed the animal and Joe couldn\u2019t shake them off nor will them away.\u00a0 All he could do at the present time was to seek the wisdom and understanding of his pa.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have nothing to be sorry for, like I just said \u2013 you did the only thing that you could\u2019ve done.\u00a0 Awful as it was, it was the only humane recourse, Son,\u201d Ben reiterated as he knelt alongside of Joe and placed his arm around the boy\u2019s shoulders. \u00a0Pa\u2019s grip tightened, as a silent acknowledgement of their shared pain over the loss.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I know that Pa \u2013 that\u2019s not what I\u2019m trying to say to you,\u201d Joe choked out as tears blinded his eyes.\u00a0 He had tried his best not to look at the lifeless form lying there on the ground, but he couldn\u2019t help himself.\u00a0 The sight seized his heart, suddenly causing images of the past to penetrate his troubled mind.\u00a0 Joe had witnessed something very similar several years ago and it had begun to send shivers up his spine and mournful regret controlling his thoughts.<\/p>\n Ben pulled Joe back some, attempting to get a good look at him, trying his best to read what was on the boy\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t understand, Joseph.\u00a0 What are you trying to tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe wanted to explain, but his voice cracked every time he attempted to speak.\u00a0 No words came out.\u00a0 The air grew thick with silent regret, a burden he couldn\u2019t seem to rid himself of. \u00a0Joe attempted to work out in his head how he could best tell his father what he was feeling inside but in a way that wouldn\u2019t come out all disjointed and impossible to comprehend.\u00a0 Having made the decision to put Midnight out of his misery had suddenly thrust Joe back in time to when he was twelve years old and had witnessed Pa doing the very same thing that he had just done.\u00a0 Only back then he had been so furious with his father that it had caused a deep rift between the two of them.\u00a0 Joe had been incensed that Pa had killed the beautiful black mare that he had hoped would be his first horse as soon as she was saddle broken.\u00a0 He just couldn\u2019t believe that his father could be so heartless to have shot the horse he had helped Hoss raise from a foal.<\/p>\n When Joe had yet to offer any further explanation, his father stared into his eyes and asked again, \u201cWhat are you sorry about, Joe?\u00a0 If you\u2019re not talking about what just happened to Midnight, then what is it?\u201d\u00a0 Ben had no earthly idea where his son was going with his statement, though he fought to draw a bead on the meaning behind his boy\u2019s words.<\/p>\n \u201cThis time it was me, Pa — I had to put a horse down \u2013 but back then \u2013 I just didn\u2019t understand.\u00a0 I\u2019m just so sorry for how I acted and what I said to you — so sorry, Pa,\u201d Joe finally had gotten the words out though he hadn\u2019t completely revealed what he was referring to.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s right hand gripped his son\u2019s shoulder, attempting to force eye contact with him. He struggled to comprehend what Joe was alluding to and why he was now apologizing.\u00a0 When Joseph\u2019s hazel eyes finally met his, a sudden awareness fell onto Pa\u2019s mind and his heart.\u00a0 He now remembered what Joseph had witnessed at the tender age of twelve, some five years ago.\u00a0 Ben nodded his head to acknowledge that he was aware of the similarities in the two cases where a horse had been put down due to a fall.\u00a0 Pa quietly addressed the reason behind his son\u2019s apology.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph \u2013 I know you were too young to understand what I had to do back then.\u00a0 That\u2019s all water under the bridge now.\u00a0 Son, I forgave you for everything you did back then right after it all happened.\u201d<\/p>\n Tightly closing his eyes, Little Joe attempted and failed to keep the past at bay.\u00a0 He could still vividly recall everything that had occurred and why he had been so angry with his pa.\u00a0 Now, after having put Midnight down, Joe felt as though a bandage had been ripped off an old wound which had never really healed.\u00a0 He could still see Pa standing there with his gun readying to kill the horse, his horse.\u00a0 It had been the closest he had ever come to hating his father, and the hurt it had caused had always remained buried deep inside Little Joe\u2019s heart, even after five years had passed.\u00a0 Staring up into Pa\u2019s compassionate eyes the memory returned with a sudden, painful clarity.<\/p>\n *******************<\/p>\n Little Joe had rushed through his breakfast in record speed while his two brothers and father stared over at him and the youthful enthusiasm spreading across his face.\u00a0 They all knew that the boy was excited, and no-one wanted to dampen his spirits, which was one reason that his pa hadn\u2019t scolded him on the haste in which he had gulped down his meal and sprung from his chair.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019m gonna go hitch up the buckboard, okay?\u201d Little Joe sang out as he prepared to launch himself towards the front door.<\/p>\n \u201cHold up there, Boy!\u201d Pa called over to the twelve-year-old.\u00a0 \u201cYou let one of your brothers help you with the team, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShucks, Pa \u2013 I can do it, I ain\u2019t no little kid ya know?\u201d Little Joe argued the point.<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam both chuckled and their amusement was met by Pa\u2019s stern warning gaze.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t wanted his older boys to laugh at Little Joe for fear of making him feel foolish over what he had just said.\u00a0 They both tried to gain their composure, so they\u2019d not set their father off so early in the morning.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 Do I need to repeat myself?\u00a0 Oh, and I believe we\u2019ve talked about you using that word ain\u2019t<\/em><\/strong> now, haven\u2019t we?\u201d He asked raising his voice an octave.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared down at the floor and muttered, \u201cNo, Sir, Pa you ain\u2019t<\/strong> got to repeat yourself \u2013 oh \u2013 well I mean you don\u2019t have<\/strong> to repeat yourself. \u00a0Hey Hoss \u2013 you \u2018bout done with breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t done yet \u2018cause I don\u2019t shovel food into my mouth like you do, Short Shanks!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, how\u2019s come Hoss can say ain\u2019t and I can\u2019t?\u201d \u00a0Little Joe questioned, staring innocently at his father for an explanation.<\/p>\n \u201cYour brother is older,\u201d Pa groaned, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong by mentioning Joseph\u2019s constant use of slang.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t think of a better answer at the time and hoped that his youngest would just accept his somewhat feeble response.<\/p>\n Little Joe was back to his earlier hunt for someone to help him.\u00a0 He gazed hopefully over at Adam and tried again, \u201cAdam are you \u2018bout done?\u201d\u00a0 He cast a look that went straight through to his eldest brother\u2019s heart making him putty in the little boy\u2019s hands now.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Little Joe, I\u2019ll help you hitch up the wagon as long as you\u2019ll listen to what I tell you to do,\u201d he returned and wiped his mouth on his napkin and tossed it down onto the dining table.<\/p>\n Little Joe grinned and answered, \u201cI always listen to you, Adam \u2013 I listen to all three of you all of the time!\u201d<\/p>\n The boy\u2019s statement caused all three Cartwrights to laugh heartily.\u00a0 The kid rarely listened to his two brothers and only about half of the time paid any mind to what his father told him to do.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019ll be the day!\u201d Hoss called over to his little brother chuckling.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Kid,\u201d Adam said and walked over to Joe and spun him around towards the front door.<\/p>\n \u201cYou ever seen Little Joe this excited, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked as he worked on finishing his second helping of flapjacks.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and smiled over at his middle boy.\u00a0 \u201cI think that Joseph is just sure that I\u2019m going to allow him to keep Beauty once she\u2019s saddle broken.\u00a0 He\u2019s been hoping he\u2019d soon be getting her as his own horse ever since you let him watch her being foaled three and a half years ago.\u00a0 I suppose to an eight-year-old at the time it must have seemed like three years was an eternity to wait until that horse was old enough to put to saddle.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou gonna let Little Joe have her once she\u2019s saddle broken, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben mulled over the question as he set down his coffee cup.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll see, Son, though in Little Joe\u2019s mind it\u2019s a done deal, but I\u2019ve got to make sure that Beauty won\u2019t be too much horse for that kid.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know more once we see how well she takes to those wranglers trying to break her today.\u00a0 I did tell Joseph two weeks ago on his birthday that now that he\u2019s twelve he\u2019ll get a full-sized horse like his brothers.\u00a0 Let\u2019s hurry and get finished before that rapscallion jumps in the buckboard and takes off towards the breaking corral and leaves the three of us behind in the dust!\u201d Ben grinned and polished off his coffee.<\/p>\n Hoss laughed and nodded over to his pa and responded, \u201cI sure wouldn\u2019t put anything past that kid!\u201d<\/p>\n ****************<\/p>\n While Hoss and Adam rode their two mounts out to the main breaking corral Pa had ridden in the buckboard next to the twelve-year-old who was talking incessantly about the black mare that was about to be put through the paces of being a saddle horse.\u00a0 Little Joe had hardly stopped his chatter to draw a breath and his father\u2019s head was beginning to throb.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 Would you like a go at driving the buckboard for a little while?\u00a0 The road is smooth and straight the next mile or two and it\u2019d be good practice for you,\u201d Ben offered in a hopeful attempt to quiet the boy for a bit.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa!\u201d Joe exclaimed and moved over and exchanged positions in the front of the wagon and his father handed over the reins to the team of horses.\u00a0 \u201cLike I was saying, Pa \u2013 I betcha there ain\u2019t \u2013 oh sorry \u2013 I bet you there isn\u2019t another horse on this whole ranch who has a better gait than old Beauty!\u201d Joe was right back at his excited soliloquy.<\/p>\n *** Well, that didn\u2019t work! ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben thought to himself as he rubbed at his temples fighting a groan.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter, Pa? You ain\u2019t \u2013 I mean \u2013 you aren\u2019t feeling good?\u201d<\/p>\n *** No I ain\u2019t! ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben mused to himself as he shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine, Joseph, now keep a watch on those reins \u2013 don\u2019t hold them too tightly.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019d better try and focus and not talk quite so much?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa \u2013 I got \u2018em good, I can talk and drive \u2013 no problem,\u201d Joe grinned.<\/p>\n *** That didn\u2019t work either.\u00a0 Okay, he\u2019s just a kid, Ben, and he\u2019s excited and you can\u2019t deny him the joy of this day. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben grinned over at his youngest knowing that he wouldn\u2019t be a little boy much longer.<\/p>\n \u201cGood job, Little Joe, now — what were you saying about Beauty?\u201d He cajoled the kid wrapping his arm around the slender shoulders.<\/p>\n *******************<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss were the first ones to reach the breaking corral and shouted their greetings to the three wranglers who were waiting their turns to try to saddle break the horse that they\u2019d brought over to the corral earlier that morning.<\/p>\n \u201cHere we are, Joseph,\u201d Ben called to his son as he moved the buckboard next to the eastern side of the corral.\u00a0 \u201cHop on down and tie these reins over yonder for me!\u201d He called and watched his son hurry to complete his task.\u00a0 Ben could read the eagerness well displayed on Little Joe\u2019s face and in his movements.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u00a0 They\u2019ve got Beauty across clear on the other side \u2013 can I go and talk to her before they begin?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll ALL<\/strong> go talk to your horse,\u201d Ben grinned and patted the curly head.<\/p>\n \u201cMY HORSE<\/strong>?\u201d Joe shouted excitedly.\u00a0 \u201cYou mean you\u2019ve decided she can be my very own horse, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhoa there, Boy \u2013 I was just talking about the fact that you and Hoss raised her.\u00a0 I\u2019ve not made my mind up yet about if she\u2019ll be your first full-sized horse. Remember how I told you that you can never know about how a horse will do for you until she\u2019s taken to the saddle?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGosh, Pa \u2013 I just know old Beauty will take to that old saddle and she\u2019ll be the best darned horse ever!\u201d Joe replied adamantly.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see, Joseph \u2013 we\u2019ll see.\u00a0 Now come on and let\u2019s go talk to the wranglers \u2013 your brothers are already over there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe nodded and followed his pa across to where the men had Beauty waiting in the side gate readying for her first ride.<\/p>\n \u201cI hear it\u2019s a big day for you, Little Joe,\u201d One of the wranglers known as Dusty smiled down at the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cYou men are gonna take it easy on my horse right, Mister Fielding?\u00a0 I mean \u2013 she may be a bit skittish \u2013 but that\u2019s normal the first time out you know?\u201d Joe advised as though he was a wrangler himself already.<\/p>\n Knowing smiles went around the group of men and they realized how much their boss\u2019s little boy treasured the black mare waiting for her first attempt with holding a man and a saddle on her back.<\/p>\n \u201cWe will take it easy on her, Little Joe,\u201d Dusty nodded at the kid.<\/p>\n Joe turned to look up at his father and asked, \u201cPa \u2013 I know they\u2019re all about ready, but can I go and just talk to Beauty for just a second?\u00a0 I just want to explain to her what\u2019s gonna happen and tell her not to be nervous.\u00a0 And I want to show her that I\u2019ve got two pockets full of sugar cubes for when she gets all done today.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben turned and glanced over at Hoss and gave him the \u201clook\u201d.\u00a0 \u201cYou go on over, Joseph, but your brother Hoss will be standing by \u2013 Beauty might just be a bit spooked, and I want you to be safe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShucks, Pa — Beauty knows I\u2019d never do anything to hurt her \u2013 I\u2019ve been feeding her by hand since she was born.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben said and raised his eyebrows in gesture that the boy better comply to his order.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe sighed and then walked along next to Hoss until they drew close to where the horse was saddled and ready for the first wrangler.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, now you\u2019ve seen this all before, right?\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you to think that any of these men are gonna hurt old Beauty because they\u2019re not.\u00a0 But breaking a horse is a dangerous thing \u2013 and they\u2019ll be doing their best to protect themselves and Beauty too,\u201d Hoss tried to explain to the kid.<\/p>\n Joe patted Beauty on her withers and whispered over to her, \u201cBeauty \u2013 you heard Hoss \u2013 he\u2019d never lie to you, you know?\u00a0 Don\u2019t try and buck these guys off too bad, okay?\u00a0 You\u2019ll be fine \u2013 and I betcha my pa will give you to me just as soon as you prove to him that you\u2019re gentle enough.\u00a0 Do your best, girl \u2013 I\u2019ve got some sugar cubes here in my pocket and just as soon as all this breaking stuff is over, I\u2019m gonna give them all to you!\u201d Joe patted the horse one last time and then Hoss led Joe across the corral and over to the opposite side where both Ben and Adam stood.<\/p>\n Little Joe had pulled himself up on the rails of the corral, but he had positioned himself on the inside towards where all the action would soon be happening.\u00a0 Without a word, Pa lifted him up and over the rails and secured him underneath his arm.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t see it as good from here, Pa!\u201d Joe protested staring up at the man.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, it\u2019s not safe on the other side \u2013 I\u2019ve seen men hit by horses going around this ring and it\u2019s not going to happen to you.\u00a0 Now, you can see that all the rest of us are on this side \u2013 I don\u2019t want to hear any complaints about you standing next to us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt ain\u2019t that, Pa \u2013 I mean \u2013 it isn\u2019t that Pa.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that \u2013well I\u2019m not as tall as you three are and I can\u2019t see between these fence rails,\u201d Little Joe explained.<\/p>\n Pa smiled at the situation and took pity on the kid.\u00a0 Having his two other boys both over eighteen he sometimes forgot what it was like for Joe to be the youngest and shortest of his three sons.\u00a0 \u201cI believe that I can help you with that, Son,\u201d Ben announced and hefted the boy up onto his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cNow, Joseph, you have the best seat in the house!\u201d He called up to his youngest.<\/p>\n Little Joe laughed and reached for his father\u2019s face and patted it lightly.\u00a0 \u201cThanks for understanding, Pa,\u201d He whispered.<\/p>\n ********************<\/p>\n Three of the most seasoned wranglers that the Ponderosa had on its payroll slowly eased the horse out from the inside gate and took their time.\u00a0 They advanced the horse around the ring using a lead rope to get her accustomed to the area.\u00a0 Next, they used their well-honed talents to try and ease the horse into the bridle.\u00a0 Beauty fought for just a few seconds but then acquiesced and allowed the men to set the bit between her teeth and pull the bridle over her muzzle and then secure it behind her ears.\u00a0 It was then the time for the true test and with two other wranglers flanking him, Dusty mounted the horse.\u00a0 She instantly attempted to buck him off and her ears twisted back as she whinnied loudly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Little Joe,\u201d Adam whispered to the kid.\u00a0 He had looked up to where the boy was still perched on their father\u2019s shoulder and noticed the fear painting his face.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all part of teaching her to be a saddle horse.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe didn\u2019t reply.\u00a0 He was too focused on what was happening across the corral to do anything but hold his breath.<\/p>\n The first man only stayed in the saddle for about thirty seconds and was dumped down to the ground and scurried out of the way of the angry hooves.\u00a0 Undeterred, the next wrangler stepped over and Dusty and the other wrangler helped him get up into the saddle.<\/p>\n \u201cWho\u2019s that guy, Pa?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know him \u2013 he won\u2019t hurt Beauty, will he?\u201d Joe asked, his voice shaking with worry.<\/p>\n Ben reached up and patted his son\u2019s knee and answered, \u201cThat\u2019s Cleve Moultrie and he\u2019s the best wrangler in this whole area.\u00a0 He\u2019s got more experience than even Dusty has.\u00a0 Don\u2019t fret, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Cleve climbed up on Beauty and she took off at full speed trying to rid her back of the wrangler.\u00a0 The horse bucked wildly and then she attempted to shove the man\u2019s legs up against the wooden rails of the corral.\u00a0 The angered mare\u2019s nostrils flared as she reared up on her back legs and ripped at the air with her front hooves.\u00a0 Beauty was having no part of both saddle and man on her back, and she made her protests known. The other wranglers and the Cartwrights looked on amazed at the skill that the seasoned bronc buster had.\u00a0 Cleve had yet to fall from the saddle even though it had been a rough ride for over two minutes.\u00a0 It was then that the unimaginable happened.\u00a0 \u00a0A thick dust cloud erupted as horse and man crashed down onto the earth beneath them. The other wranglers rushed over to pull Cleve\u2019s left leg out from underneath the horse and soon carried him to safety to determine if he had been injured.<\/p>\n For just a split second none of the Cartwrights moved or made a sound.\u00a0 Then, before Ben could grab him, Little Joe launched himself off his father\u2019s shoulders and hopped over the wood railing.\u00a0 He rushed into the ring heading straight for Beauty.\u00a0 Pa ran after the boy followed by his other sons.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re okay, Girl \u2013 you\u2019re okay!\u201d Joe exclaimed as he went down to his knees alongside the horse.<\/p>\n Ben knelt next to his youngest.\u00a0 He knew better.\u00a0 The animal wasn\u2019t making any attempt at getting up which gave rise to the opinion that the horse had gotten hurt.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph \u2013 step away while I check her over,\u201d Ben said, his voice strained.<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam sandwiched their little brother between them, throwing an arm around each of his shoulders.<\/p>\n Pa finally looked up and signaled Hoss over.\u00a0 The two of them huddled together for a few minutes and discussed what they had noticed.\u00a0 Beauty had a badly broken leg, one that had caused one of the bones to her right front to poke through the skin.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing we can do about that kind of a break, Pa,\u201d Hoss whispered and pushed away a few tears well out of the sight of Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cYou want me to take the shot, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head sadly and touched the big man\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cSince it has to be done it\u2019s best that I do it, Son.\u00a0 Joseph is going to be mad at anyone who has to end this horse\u2019s life \u2013 it\u2019s best he directs it at me.\u201d<\/p>\n Both men stood once again and finally turned to face Little Joe and Adam.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph— come here a minute,\u201d Pa whispered and held out his hand to the kid.<\/p>\n Joe nervously approached his father and stared into his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019ll be okay, right, Pa?\u00a0 She\u2019s probably just winded from the workout.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and draped an arm around his son\u2019s shoulder and answered, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joseph, Beauty has a broken leg.\u00a0 She\u2019s suffering something awful and I\u2019m going to have to put her out of her misery.\u00a0 I\u2019m so sorry, Boy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d Joe shouted full of anger and disbelief.\u00a0 He pushed aside his father and went down to the ground next to his horse.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re gonna be just fine, Beauty, they\u2019ve just got to give you a chance to get up!\u201d Joe insisted and then stroked the mare\u2019s mane.\u00a0 He never noticed the way she was panting hard nor the suffering she was showing in the way her chest hitched with each breath.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss,\u201d Ben walked next to his middle boy. \u201cPick your little brother up and get him to the buckboard.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want him to witness me taking the shot.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded and approached Joe.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, Short Shanks,\u201d He called to the boy as he lifted him up into his arms.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2019s doing what\u2019s best for Beauty.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go to the wagon and talk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d Joe screamed and fought his brother\u2019s hold as Hoss carried him away forcibly.<\/p>\n Ben untethered the hammer of his gun and checked the cylinder to make sure that it was fully loaded.\u00a0 He steadied his nerves and prepared to take the kill shot.\u00a0 Lifting his right hand out and cocking the hammer back, readying to tilt the gun down to the ground towards the horse, he suddenly felt something grab his arm causing an accidental discharge.\u00a0 A bullet escaped from the barrel of the Colt slamming into the ground just a few feet from where Ben stood.\u00a0 He glanced down and spotted Joseph hanging onto his arm.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s stomach churned when he realized that he\u2019d come close to shooting his son.\u00a0 His heart seized with terror which then lent way to an intense anger at the child who had made such a dangerous move.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben screamed at the top of his lungs.\u00a0 \u201cI darned near shot you!\u201d He exclaimed and holstered his gun.\u00a0 Pa, filled with anguish and fright over what had just happened, pulled the boy closer and swatted his son\u2019s backside two times.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve told you and told you to stay away from a man when he\u2019s firing his weapon!\u00a0 You could\u2019ve been killed!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI had to stop you!\u201d Little Joe retorted angrily.\u00a0 He had felt the strong hand of his father and the sharp sting of it, but he didn\u2019t care anymore. Joe didn\u2019t even care that his brothers had witnessed him getting punished. \u00a0He just wanted Pa to stop trying to kill his horse.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss!\u201d Ben bellowed and then witnessed both Hoss and Adam sprinting over to him.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, Pa \u2013 the darned kid bit Hoss\u2019 hand and jumped out of his arms,\u201d Adam explained.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, I want you to hold onto this child and I don\u2019t care how you have to accomplish that feat even if you have to hogtie him!\u00a0 Adam, you stay right at his side this time!\u201d Ben insisted and watched as his two older boys grabbed Joe up in their arms and, unlike the previous time, didn\u2019t let him get away.<\/p>\n Ben prepared his weapon once again and tried to steady his frayed nerves.\u00a0 Finally, the reverberation of the gunshot was heard all around the breaking corral.\u00a0 In the distance he could hear Joseph shouting out that he hated his pa.\u00a0 It tore at his heart, but he knew that the boy didn\u2019t mean it.\u00a0 Crestfallen, he walked over to the wranglers and after hearing that Cleve had only sustained some minor bruising and would be alright, he had asked them to take care of the horse\u2019s remains.\u00a0 They had all told Ben how sorry they felt for the loss of the animal and assured him they\u2019d handle everything.\u00a0 Sighing to himself, Pa walked over to the buckboard knowing that he\u2019d be enduring a very sad ride back to the ranch house.<\/p>\n While both of his brothers relinquished their hold on Little Joe, Pa made his way over to the wagon and untied the reins.\u00a0 He cast a nod over to his older boys, thanking them for watching their little brother while he had been dealing with Beauty.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam swung up in their saddles and stared over at Joe.\u00a0 The boy was now quiet and had his arms folded tightly across his chest holding in his anger.<\/p>\n Ben climbed up to the bench seat and cast a glance over at his youngest.\u00a0 He knew that the boy had too much on his mind at the time and they would just have to get into everything that had happened once they were back at home.\u00a0 He tapped at the reins and the team of horses pulled away from the breaking corral.<\/p>\n Little Joe, unable to sit there next to his father because he was so mad at him, turned and jumped down into the bed of the buckboard.\u00a0 Ben watched as he made the maneuver.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, come back up here,\u201d He called to the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t!\u201d Little Joe shouted and held his ground.\u00a0 He made sure to use the word that Pa had corrected him about earlier in the day.<\/p>\n \u201cFine,\u201d Ben announced and turned his attention to the road up ahead.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t any point in getting into it with the kid about his attitude at the time, it wouldn\u2019t get either of them anywhere.\u00a0 He snapped the reins a bit harder, picking up the pace.\u00a0 Pa noticed how Hoss and Adam were now riding in sync with the buckboard, perhaps thinking that Joseph would bail out of the bed of the wagon and jump down into the road.\u00a0 Sometimes it was just too hard to out-think the little boy and no-one knew the way his mind worked, especially when he was upset.<\/p>\n ********************<\/p>\n An hour later the buckboard mercifully pulled up at the ranch house and Ben tied the reins down to the footboard.\u00a0\u00a0 Casting a fleeting glance to the bed of the wagon, he noticed Joe sitting there unmoving, as though the kid didn\u2019t realize that they were home. \u00a0He watched as his two oldest boys tied their mounts to the front hitching post and headed his way.\u00a0 Both Hoss and Adam were hesitant in their approach, neither man knowing how to help their little brother or their father for that matter.<\/p>\n Ben turned his attention back to his youngest and called down to him, \u201cJoseph, come inside I want to have a talk with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I ain\u2019t got nothing to say to you!\u201d Joe yelled and hopped out of the wagon and ran into the barn.<\/p>\n Ben drew in a deep breath, trying to ascertain what could be done to help the little boy who now had a world of pain and anger inside of him.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u00a0 You want me to go and talk to Little Joe?\u201d Hoss offered after witnessing his father\u2019s careworn face.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and returned, \u201cI appreciate the offer, Son, but I guess it\u2019s best right now if we all just let Joe get it all out of his system for a while.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go on inside and get some lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam neared his father and dropped an arm over the man\u2019s shoulder attempting to show him some sympathy for all that he\u2019d endured already that day.<\/p>\n No-one was very hungry even though Hop Sing had brought out a fine spread for them that afternoon.\u00a0 They were all worried about Little Joe and how he wasn\u2019t talking to anyone and had stayed up in the hayloft all afternoon.\u00a0 Just before dark both Hoss and Adam tried one more time to reach their brother as they opened the barn door and peered around.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s still up in the loft,\u201d Adam whispered to Hoss and pointed upwards.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think we should go up there?\u00a0 Maybe the kid is asleep?\u201d<\/p>\n In response Joe shouted down from his perch, \u201cGo away!\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to talk to any of you.\u00a0 Just leave me alone!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss moved to the bottom of the ladder and responded, \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 now you know how much I loved that horse too.\u00a0 I wish she could\u2019ve been saved but it just couldn\u2019t be done.\u00a0 That bone in her leg snapped clean out of her skin, and there was no way she would\u2019ve lived much longer.\u00a0 Every minute that passed she was in awful pain.\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t have wanted Beauty to suffer, now, would you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t talking to none of you!\u00a0 Go away!\u201d Joe continued to protest the invasion of his territory there in the loft.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 Pa said you need to come in and get cleaned up before dinner,\u201d Adam called up to his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t eating nothing.\u00a0 You can just tell him that.\u00a0 And I ain\u2019t coming inside neither!\u201d\u00a0 Little Joe declared defiantly.<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam exchanged woeful glances wondering how their father would take the news that Joe wasn\u2019t planning on coming inside the house even though he had been ordered to do just that.<\/p>\n \u201cListen, Little Joe,\u201d Hoss began and moved up a few rungs of the ladder.\u00a0 \u201cPa has had a rough day.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to shoot Beauty.\u00a0 Don\u2019t make tonight any worse on him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d The commanding voice rang out and Adam and Hoss turned to see their father standing in the doorway to the barn.\u00a0 \u201cGet yourself down from there right now and go wash up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t hungry!\u201d Little Joe replied hotly and didn\u2019t move from his position in the loft.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, if I have to come up and bring you down you won\u2019t like it,\u201d Ben returned sternly and then heard the sound of bootsteps sliding above his head in the hayloft.<\/p>\n Slowly Joe climbed down the ladder as Hoss moved back over to his father.\u00a0 The boy never looked up at any of the men standing there in the doorway.<\/p>\n \u201cI still ain\u2019t eating!\u201d Joe insisted and then ran off towards the house.<\/p>\n Ben glanced around the barn and observed how his youngest son had dealt with his anger all afternoon. \u00a0There were several overturned barrels which had been tossed around by the stalls. \u00a0\u00a0Even the rakes and shovels hadn\u2019t been spared as they had apparently been launched by the little boy against the barn\u2019s four walls as he tried to vent out his anger over the whole situation.<\/p>\n \u201cKid hasn\u2019t shed a tear yet, Pa,\u201d Hoss said with sadness painting his face.<\/p>\n Adam moved in closer to the two other men and added, \u201cI don\u2019t think Little Joe knows how to process any of this in his mind.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shrugged his shoulders, trying to think of a way to get through to the boy without allowing him to run amok.\u00a0 \u201cHe also doesn\u2019t know how to process all of this in his heart, Adam.\u00a0 And that\u2019s what he needs to do.\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s all get washed up for supper, Boys.\u00a0 I\u2019ll figure out how I can best deal with your little brother after we\u2019ve eaten.\u201d<\/p>\n The three men walked out of the barn and back into the house, each hoping that Joe would settle down long enough so they could explain to him exactly why the horse had to be put down.<\/p>\n ********************<\/p>\n \u201cDid you tell him, Hoss?\u201d Ben asked as he took a seat at the dining table.<\/p>\n Hoss frowned and nodded, \u201cYes, Sir\u2014I told him, but he still says he isn\u2019t coming down for supper.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa turned to his eldest and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cAdam, will you please go and tell that boy that if he\u2019s not down here and in his chair in exactly two minutes that I\u2019m going to go up there myself.\u00a0 And you let him know that if I have to do that \u2013 well — he will be eating his supper standing up!\u201d Ben threatened, as he was finally at his wit\u2019s end with the youngster.<\/p>\n Adam headed up the stairs and, finding the boy\u2019s door locked, knocked loudly.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe, Pa says that if you don\u2019t come down right this minute that he\u2019s coming up and bringing you down and you\u2019ll be standing to eat.\u00a0 Now stop acting up and get your butt downstairs.\u00a0 You\u2019re not only hurting yourself but you\u2019re hurting Pa too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said I ain\u2019t hungry!\u201d Joe yelled through the closed door.<\/p>\n \u201cPa doesn\u2019t care if you are or aren\u2019t hungry, he wants you at the dinner table right now.\u00a0 If I was you, Kid, I sure wouldn\u2019t make him come up here!\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe finally opened his bedroom door, and not looking up at his brother, simply walked out into the hall and headed to the stairs.<\/p>\n ********************<\/p>\n Ben watched as Joe settled down in his chair, not looking over at anyone.\u00a0 Pa stared over at him to make sure that the boy bowed his head when grace was said.\u00a0 At the very least Joe had done that without a protest.\u00a0 But when they began passing around the food Joe refused to take any of it off the many platters and bowls.\u00a0 Not willing to allow his son\u2019s ill temper to affect him, Pa placed the food onto Joe\u2019s plate himself.<\/p>\n \u201cEat your supper, Joseph,\u201d Ben said in a low controlled voice.<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t hungry \u2013 I already told all of you!\u201d Little Joe insisted loudly.<\/p>\n \u201cYoung Man, lower your voice.\u00a0 None of us in this room has any problem with our hearing.\u00a0 I want you to eat \u2013 but I\u2019m not going to sit here and force feed you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine!\u00a0 Then let me go back to my room!\u201d Joe challenged his pa, only lowering his voice a tad.<\/p>\n Ben knew that his son\u2019s horrible attitude was purposely being aimed at him for having shot his beloved horse.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to elevate the hostility in the room, so he decided to give in to what the boy had said for the time being.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, you may go,\u201d Pa started but turned and grabbed the boy\u2019s left wrist before he rose from his chair.\u00a0 \u201cI will be up to talk to you as soon as I\u2019m done here.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe never looked over at his father and when Pa released him from his grasp he bolted from his chair and ran across the room and headed up the staircase.\u00a0 All three men heard the loud slam of the kid\u2019s bedroom door.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, Pa,\u201d Hoss whispered, feeling awful for the way his brother was taking his anger and frustration out on his father.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s young \u2013 and he\u2019s hurting \u2013 and he just doesn\u2019t know how to deal with this kind of pain.\u00a0 I\u2019ll talk with him,\u201d Pa sighed and attempted to eat his supper though his heart wasn\u2019t in it.<\/p>\n *******************<\/p>\n After mulling over how he could best get through to his youngest, Ben made his way up to Little Joe\u2019s room later that night.\u00a0 Not bothering to knock on the boy\u2019s door he simply walked inside.\u00a0 Joe was sitting in a chair next to his window and refused to look over at Pa as he approached him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 it\u2019s time you and I had a talk,\u201d Pa announced and sat down on the end of the bed.<\/p>\n Little Joe held his arms tightly across his chest and holding his ground, he refused to look over at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cCome over here, Son,\u201d Pa patted the end of the bed and called over with a forced calm to his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t got nothing to say to you,\u201d Joe muttered staring down at the floor.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got some things I want to say to you,\u201d Ben returned and then noticed that the boy had something in his two clenched fists.\u00a0 \u201cWhat have you got in your hands?\u201d\u00a0 He asked suspiciously.<\/p>\n Little Joe frowned and muttered, \u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa stood and moved over to where his son was seated.\u00a0 He had to pry the boy\u2019s hands open and when he finally got them loosened, he noticed that they were full of sugar cubes.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s heart fell in his chest, as he knew that Little Joe had taken them out to the breaking corral earlier in the day as a treat to give to Beauty.\u00a0 With a soft whisper Pa said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joseph.\u201d \u00a0He then gently wrapped his son\u2019s fingers into their prior position around the sugar cubes and patted his hands sympathetically.<\/p>\n \u201cSon — will you please come sit down on the bed with me for a couple of minutes?\u00a0 I want to discuss a few things with you,\u201d Pa asked quietly as he eased back across the room.<\/p>\n Little Joe hadn\u2019t missed the fact that his father was now speaking in a softer tone, and he didn\u2019t sound as mad at him as he had earlier.\u00a0 Still, he was upset with his pa over all that had happened that day and didn\u2019t want to give in to the request.<\/p>\n \u201cPlease?\u201d Ben asked again.<\/p>\n Joe stood and apprehensively walked over to the bottom of the bed, keeping his distance from his pa by a few feet, he finally sat down.<\/p>\n Ben drew in a deep breath as he attempted to gather his thoughts prior to beginning his talk with the angered boy.\u00a0 \u201cSon \u2013 do you know what it means to have a discussion with someone?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe\u2019s eyes finally met those of his father\u2019s as he replied, \u201cYeah \u2013 it means you\u2019re gonna fuss at me and then give me a tanning.\u201d<\/p>\n If it hadn\u2019t been such a terrible day Pa would\u2019ve found humor in what his child had just said, but there wasn\u2019t anything that was funny about what had transpired.\u00a0 Ben cleared his throat to regroup his thoughts, still attempting to find a way into his son\u2019s heart.\u00a0 He stared again at his youngest and could see how his chin was quivering, but not in the usual manner.\u00a0 Joseph oft times would fight to hold in his tears, and it would cause his chin to quiver, but now, however, it quivered due to the anger which was still well evident all over the boy\u2019s face.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s jaw tensed up and then moved around as though he was fighting with all the willpower, he possessed not to vent out his anger.<\/p>\n \u201cNo\u2014I\u2019m not planning on fussing at you \u2013 and I\u2019ve no intention of giving you a tanning either.\u00a0 To discuss something \u2013 well \u2013 it means we talk.\u00a0 We each get our say, do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike I got my say about whether or not you got to kill my horse?\u201d Joe fired back.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s stark piercing stare reflected the betrayal he felt towards his pa.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2014do you think I know a little bit more than a twelve-year-old does about horses?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe dropped his head down and didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I do, Son.\u00a0 Beauty had a very serious break –,\u201d Ben was cut off by his son.<\/p>\n \u201cIf I had a bad break to my leg, would you just up and shoot me, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shook his head as he replied, \u201cThat\u2019s different.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, it ain\u2019t!\u00a0 My friend at school had a broken leg and old Doc Martin put it into a cast and now he\u2019s just fine!\u00a0 I suppose his folks should\u2019ve just shot him instead!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2014a human heals differently.\u00a0 A horse can\u2019t get off its leg if it\u2019s got a bad break like Beauty had.\u00a0 The bone broke in half and no amount of doctoring could\u2019ve saved her.\u00a0 If I hadn\u2019t put her down as I did she would\u2019ve died a very painful death.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared down at his bed and then whispered, \u201cPa \u2013 you could\u2019ve tried — tried to cast it before shooting her.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Joseph\u2014it wasn\u2019t possible.\u00a0 A horse is a very heavy animal, and they distribute their weight equally between all four of their legs.\u00a0 Humans can live even if they lose a leg, but horses can\u2019t.\u00a0 Humans can use a crutch if they have to, but a horse can\u2019t.\u00a0 And a human can lie down for years if they have to in order to heal but a horse can\u2019t, or their stomach will stop working.\u00a0 Now, if it had been only a minor fracture \u2013 and if we could\u2019ve tried to splint the injury well you know I would\u2019ve done that.\u00a0 But Beauty\u2019s break was far worse than that.\u00a0 Hoss agreed after he saw it and you know how much he loved that horse.\u00a0 It was the first foal that he got to deliver all by himself, and she meant a great deal to him.\u00a0 She meant a great deal to all of us \u2013 and I know how much you loved her.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe turned his face away from his father and pa could tell that he was still filled with anger over all that had happened.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2014do you really hate me for making sure that Beauty didn\u2019t have to suffer?\u201d Pa posed his question quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cNever said I hated you,\u201d Joe mumbled.<\/p>\n Ben leaned over a little closer to his boy and tilted his head trying to get a look into Joe\u2019s eyes to see if they held truth in them.\u00a0 \u201cYou didn\u2019t?\u00a0 I thought I heard you say that you hated me when Hoss took you over to the wagon?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said I hated what you did,\u201d Little Joe admitted sullenly.<\/p>\n \u201cOh \u2013 well \u2013 I guess I\u2019m glad that you don\u2019t hate me completely,\u201d Pa sighed and attempted to set a hand onto the boy\u2019s shoulder, but he shrugged it right off.<\/p>\n Several silent and painfilled minutes passed by and the atmosphere there in the room grew in intensity like the whistle of steam advancing from Hop Sing\u2019s tea kettle.\u00a0 They had reached an impasse and though they had always been so close in the past, now it felt as though they were a million miles away from each other\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n Fidgeting there on the bed, Joe finally spoke out in an almost imperceptible whisper.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just so mad \u2013 just so darn mad.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can understand that, Son.\u00a0 But maybe it\u2019s time you addressed your sorrow a bit.\u00a0 You know it\u2019s okay to do that, right?\u201d Pa offered quietly, nodding over to the boy.<\/p>\n Joe opened his hands and noticed that the cubes of sugar had melted away leaving only a sticky residue.\u00a0 He stood from the bed and grabbed a towel next to his water basin.\u00a0 He dipped it into the water bowl and slowly scrubbed away the sad reminder of what he had planned to give to his horse.<\/p>\n Pa had caught the move and what his son was doing.\u00a0 It was easy to see that Joe was wiping away what remained of his day without dealing with his grief.\u00a0 Ben wished that he could melt away Joseph\u2019s pain as easily as the sugar cubes had dissolved in the boy\u2019s hands.\u00a0 He stood from the bed and neared Joe hoping that he could find the right words to get through to his heart.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013it\u2019s about time that you let it all out.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been working on a lot of anger today \u2013 most of it aimed at me.\u00a0 You\u2019ve had time to be angry all day and half of the night.\u00a0 \u00a0You\u2019ve yelled, slammed doors, made a total mess out of the barn and you\u2019ve fought against all of us who have been trying to help you deal with your pain.\u00a0 I think the main reason for all of that was caused by you not facing up to your sorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe just stood by his water basin still not looking up at his father who now stood right next to him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2014do you know why God gave you a heart?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo\u2019s it could get broken,\u201d Little Joe answered bitterly.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Son \u2013 He gave you a heart, so you\u2019d have a special place to hold your love and your sorrow.\u00a0 And when your heart gets too full of sorrow,\u201d Pa paused and tenderly touched his boy\u2019s face and continued, \u201cyour heart sends tears out from your eyes to wash the sorrow away.\u201d<\/p>\n Dropping his head down, Joe slowly walked past his pa and settled down on the bed.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t speak and he didn\u2019t look over at his father though secretly he had listened to all that he had told him.<\/p>\n Ben followed his son across the room where he now sat looking so forlorn.\u00a0 He reached over and placed a hand down onto the boy\u2019s shoulder and whispered, \u201cNow let the sorrow out, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head and then eased back against his pillows.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to sleep,\u201d He returned adamantly and forced his eyes closed to end the discussion.<\/p>\n Ben took a good long look at his youngest boy and shook his head wearily.\u00a0 His third son had always experienced life with such an intense urgency to it.\u00a0 Joseph played hard, worked hard, loved hard and grieved hard.\u00a0 There had never been a middle ground which had existed in the boy\u2019s character.\u00a0 Joe either loved something or hated something, but that was the nature of the kid and Pa loved him \u201cas is\u201d.\u00a0 Adam was the logical thinker of the three boys, Hoss the gentle giant of the bunch.\u00a0 But Joseph was the exception that broke all of the rules.\u00a0 If he was mad, then he was mad and there wasn\u2019t anything anyone could do to allay his feelings.\u00a0 Joe always had to flare off like a firecracker in order to burn out and extinguish his anger.\u00a0 That was just the way of things, and his father knew that he\u2019d just have to allow the boy the time to get to the point where he could admit that his heart was broken before Pa could help to put the pieces back in place.<\/p>\n Pa sighed despondently as he stared over at the twelve-year-old and gave up the cause at least for the night.\u00a0 He wished that he had gotten through to the boy, but apparently, he hadn\u2019t.\u00a0 Walking to the bedroom door Pa turned and called across to his son, \u201cGoodnight, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 He then continued out into the hallway.\u00a0 It had been a long day and a longer night, and Ben decided to turn in and hope for a brighter day ahead.<\/p>\n *********************<\/p>\n Pa hadn\u2019t heard the light tapping at his bedroom door right away.\u00a0 It was only when the sound grew a bit louder that he realized that he wasn\u2019t dreaming.\u00a0 Sitting up in his bed Ben reached over to the lamp on his nightstand and drew the wick up casting a soft glow to the room.\u00a0 It was then that he heard the timid voice calling out to him as the door opened just a tad.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u00a0 Pa, can I come in for a minute?\u201d Little Joe whispered peering in to detect if he had awakened his father.<\/p>\n Ben stared over at his youngest child standing there in the doorway.\u00a0 Joe was still fully dressed but his hair was a tousled mess he presumed due to a night of tossing and turning.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on over here, Son,\u201d Ben answered and watched the boy taking a few precarious steps his way, as if he was walking on broken glass.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I just wanted to say something to you,\u201d Joe stammered as he stood within inches of his pa.<\/p>\n Pa cast a knowing smile over at his boy.\u00a0 ***Looks like the fire has finally gone out of the kid ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought to himself.\u00a0 \u00a0Ben pulled the blanket up and gently patted the side of the bed.\u00a0 \u201cClimb up here, Joseph, so I can hear you a little better.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe made the move to the side of the bed and pulled himself up, taking a position sitting right next to his father this time.\u00a0 He had rehearsed what he planned to tell Pa earlier but now the words seemed elusive.\u00a0 Dropping his head down to his chest, Little Joe fought to express what he was feeling inside so his father would understand.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Son, take your time,\u201d Ben whispered patiently.<\/p>\n Little Joe cocked his head back in order to stare directly into Pa\u2019s eyes, and then he began to get his thoughts out with a bit of a nervous stutter, \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2013 sorry I got angry with you\u2014you wuz doing what was best for Beauty.\u00a0 I shouldn\u2019t have gotten mad at you for getting her out of pain.\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019m sorry for not doing what you told me \u2013 and I\u2019m sorry for grabbing your arm — and almost causing you to shoot me.\u00a0 And –,\u201d Joe paused struggling to get his meaning out so Pa would understand.<\/p>\n Ben placed a hand onto his son\u2019s shoulder and nodded over to the boy.\u00a0 \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd \u2013 Pa \u2013 what you said \u2013 what you said about my heart.\u00a0 Pa \u2013 my heart is too full of sorrow — oh, Pa!\u201d\u00a0 Joe launched himself into his father\u2019s arms.\u00a0 Ben swept the boy up and held him tightly to his chest.\u00a0 He heard Little Joe\u2019s cries and felt the sobs which shook his son\u2019s entire body.<\/p>\n \u201cGet the sorrow out, Joseph, it will help,\u201d Pa whispered to the boy as he held him in his arms and allowed him to grieve for the horse and all that had transpired that day.\u00a0 Ben softly combed his fingers through the thick curls on his boy\u2019s head and pulled the blanket up to cover Joe\u2019s shoulders which still shook with his sobs.\u00a0 He closed his eyes as he listened to his son crying and prayed that his little boy\u2019s heart would empty all the sorrow out.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay for a heart to cry out, Son.\u00a0 If your heart cries out tonight \u2013 tomorrow it will have a chance to fill back up with nothing but love,\u201d Pa softly called down to the boy trying to soothe his son with his words of encouragement and in his tone of voice.\u00a0 This time it had worked.<\/p>\n Joe never spoke another word that night but stayed there held securely in the loving arms of his pa.\u00a0\u00a0 By the morning\u2019s light Little Joe felt better than he had the night before and would soon grow to accept the loss of his horse due to the wise words his father had offered him.<\/p>\n ********************<\/p>\n Joe bent down and retrieved his Colt revolver from where he had dropped it after he had put Midnight down a few moments earlier.\u00a0 He holstered it and then turned back to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019m still so sorry that I put you through all of that five years ago.\u00a0 I know I was only twelve \u2013 but it still wasn\u2019t right.\u00a0\u00a0 Now that I know firsthand what a tough thing it was for you to have done \u2013 well \u2013 it just makes me feel even worse because of the way I acted back then.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled over at his son and responded, \u201cNo-one ever promised me that being a father was going to be an easy job.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and was about to say something in response when his eyes fell back on the horse that he had just put down.\u00a0 An intense feeling of sadness gripped his heart at that moment.<\/p>\n Realizing that he had held it in long enough, Joe allowed the tears to fall from his eyes. And as they trailed down his cheeks, he noticed Pa nodding his way as if he were granting him permission to get it all out.\u00a0 It was then that the shared remembrance of how his father had helped him through the death of Beauty sent an almost imperceptible hint of a smile down onto Joe\u2019s lips over having cried over the death of Midnight.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess \u2013 I guess my heart just got a little too full of sorrow today, Pa,\u201d He admitted as he swiped away the tears on his shirtsleeve.<\/p>\n Ben hugged his son to his chest and whispered to him, \u201cNothing\u2019s wrong with that, Joseph.\u00a0 Nothing at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Both father and son walked out of the corral together and made it over to their horses.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll have some of the hands tend to Midnight,\u201d Pa whispered as he watched Joe looking over to where the horse still lay.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d Joe replied somberly and then untied his reins.\u00a0 He stared over at Cochise, who had been fated to be Joe Cartwright’s first horse, and took a minute to lovingly rub her muzzle and then looked back over at his father.\u00a0 Little Joe nodded over at Pa to let him know that he was going to be okay.<\/p>\n With a slight tilt to his head, Ben glanced over at Joe as he vaulted up onto the pinto\u2019s back.\u00a0 Pa couldn\u2019t have hidden the pride that he felt towards the boy if his life had depended on it at the time.\u00a0 With a satisfied smile turning up the corners of his mouth he said, \u201cLet\u2019s go home, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n By:\u00a0 Wrangler<\/p>\n 9-17-2025<\/p>\n (Dedicated to the story consultant who gave me a lot of support in this one, sometimes the shorter stories are the hardest so thanks Rob!)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n