Rating: K+<\/p>\n
Word Count=26,509<\/p>\n
Summary:\u00a0<\/span>In the wake of Marie’s death, the Cartwrights cope with the loss of the woman who was like spring year-round. \u00a0Adam is 15, Hoss is 11, and Little Joe is 4.<\/span><\/p>\n Disclaimer: I don’t own the Cartwrights or Bonanza. No copyright infringement is intended. Original plot and characters are property of the author. This story is for entertainment and no money was made from it.<\/span><\/p>\n Reviews from the Old Library are on the last page.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When the Dawn Seemed Forever Lost<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n With a calloused finger, Ben gently traced the curve of his wife\u2019s jawline. He had often wondered if she didn\u2019t like the feel of his work-roughened hands on her smooth skin. The feathery crows\u2019 feet at the corners of her eyes weren\u2019t yet as deep as his, nor did they detract from her beauty. His finger moved to her mouth, tracing the Cupid\u2019s bow of her upper lip, then the pout of the lower. He leaned in and gently kissed the smooth lips. How she\u2019d kept them from chapping in the dry air had always been a mystery.\u00a0<\/span> * * * * * * * *
\u201cShe\u2019s beautiful,\u201d said Joyce Edwards as she gazed upon Marie\u2019s face. \u201cIf I didn\u2019t know better, I\u2019d think she was asleep.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cShaughnessy did a good job, didn\u2019t she?\u201d asked Ben in a hoarse whisper.<\/span>
When the horse lost its footing and fell, Marie had been trapped beneath it. Her body had been broken but her face, her beautiful face, had been unblemished. In an odd way, Ben found that to be a blessing. If she haunted his dreams, it would be so with the face he\u2019d loved, not that of an inhuman creature\u00a0<\/span>
He placed his hand over hers and gently stroked her fingers, fingers that would never again feel the stubble on his face, smooth the graying hair back from his forehead, or tightly clasp him to her when they made love. Ben raised her hand and leaned his cheek against the cold palm before placing a kiss upon it and gently returning the hand to her side.<\/span>
Shaughnessy laid a bouquet of wildflowers and roses on Marie\u2019s stomach and placed her hands over the stems. Ben recognized the wildflowers as those that grew in the meadow down by the lake where they\u2019d often picnicked; the roses were from the bushes he\u2019d ordered from Sacramento to grace the front porch to provide Marie a sense of New Orleans. Ben thought if he unpinned Marie\u2019s hair and placed a crown of flowers upon her brow, she\u2019d resemble a fairy tale princess waiting to be awakened with a kiss.\u00a0<\/span>
Ben had respected Marie\u2019s wish to be buried in the violet dress she\u2019d worn on the day they\u2019d married. The earrings Marie would wear for eternity were simple golden drops Adam had bought from a peddler as a birthday gift after Little Joe\u2019s birth. A delicate band of gold, polished to shine, was on her left hand and a rose gold ring with a fiery ruby was on her right.\u00a0<\/span>
If it were possible, Ben would have given anything to hear Marie\u2019s laughter again or feel her breath tickle his neck. He heard muttered condolences from friends and neighbors but didn\u2019t listen to the words.\u00a0<\/span>
Little Joe sat in a chair in the corner, staring out the window. If Mama was asleep, why didn\u2019t Pa wake her up? The boy quietly slid down to the floor and tugged the sleeves of his jacket. Mama had always fussed if his wrists peeked out. He made his way over to the table without anyone noticing.<\/span>
He stood on tiptoe but still didn\u2019t have a good view. Mama looked like the picture had Adam drawn of Sleeping Beauty; the only difference was Mama didn\u2019t have on a crown. Balancing against the table, he took hold of his mother\u2019s shoulder and gave her a shake. Normally she\u2019d look at him and tell him to go back to bed but this time she didn\u2019t. He shook her again, causing her hands to slide and the flowers to fall.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cWake up!\u201d he ordered.<\/span>
\u201cJoseph!\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
Little Joe immediately stopped at his father\u2019s gruff voice.\u00a0<\/span>
Adam picked up the flowers and tried his best to rearrange them in Marie\u2019s hands; he then steered his youngest brother to the kitchen, where they would be away from their grieving father. Hop Sing had hot coffee on the stove, pies and cookies on the counter, and a ham on a platter. Adam handed a cookie to Little Joe before setting the boy on one of the stools.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cWhen\u2019s Mama gonna wake up?\u201d asked Little Joe around a mouthful of crumbled cookie.<\/span>
Adam took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. He remembered grieving for the woman he\u2019d called \u201cMiss Inger\u201d and then \u201cMa\u201d when he was about Little Joe\u2019s age. Even though he\u2019d been a child, he\u2019d understood death well enough by the time Ma died because he\u2019d seen so much of it on the journey West.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cShe\u2019s not asleep. She\u2019s gone.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cNo she ain\u2019t. She\u2019s in there.\u201d Little Joe pointed in the direction of the big room.<\/span>
Adam pursed his lips.\u00a0<\/span>How do I make him understand she isn\u2019t coming back?<\/i>\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cYou remember that calf that died even though everyone tried feeding it?\u201d<\/span>
Little Joe nodded. Pa and Will Reagan had tried to get other cows to take the calf as its own, but none would tolerate it. Several of the hands had taken turns giving it milk from a bucket. Little Joe remembered how it tickled when the calf had sucked on his fingers when it was hungry. Everyone had thought the calf would make it but one morning they\u2019d found it dead in its stall.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cSometimes animals\u2014and people\u2014just die,\u201d said Adam. \u201cIt\u2019s not that they want to leave us, but their bodies just stop working.\u201d<\/span>
Little Joe\u2019s eyebrows scrunched together and he chewed on his lower lip. \u201cI stomped on a lizard once even though Hoss told me not to. He said I done squished it all to pieces. Did something stomp on Mama?\u201d<\/span>
Adam blew out a deep breath and knelt down so he could look directly into his youngest brother\u2019s eyes. \u201cSometimes accidents just happen. Understand?\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
Little Joe\u2019s fingers toyed with the loose ends of Adam\u2019s string tie. \u201cHow come Pa didn\u2019t get a doctor to make Mama better?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cHer body couldn\u2019t work. There wasn\u2019t anything Pa or a doctor could do.\u201d<\/span>
Joe thought about that for a few seconds before asking, \u201cCan I have another cookie?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cSure, buddy.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
After brushing crumbs from Little Joe\u2019s shirt and jacket, Adam led his youngest brother to the chair in the big room. Little Joe drew his feet up on the seat to rest his chin on his knees. Pa always told them not to put their boots on the furniture, but Little Joe figured it would be okay just this once.<\/span>
Hoss sat on the stairs, leaning heavily against the rail. He\u2019d taken his string tie off and was running it through his fingers, occasionally looping it around one before pulling it off.\u00a0<\/span>It ain\u2019t fair<\/i>, he thought,\u00a0<\/span>mean people live forever but the nice ones don\u2019t. Except for Old Man Garvey; he\u2019s nice.<\/i>\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cYou doing okay, son?\u201d asked a kindly voice.<\/span>
Hoss looked into the concerned eyes of Roy Coffee and shrugged a shoulder in silent reply before turning his attention back to the tie.<\/span>
<\/p>\n
Roy gently squeezed Hoss\u2019 shoulder before stepping away. Marie had been the rose of the Ponderosa\u2014beautiful to look at but her sharp tongue had drawn blood as easily as a thorn when she\u2019d been angry. When Ben had returned from New Orleans with a wife, the town gossips were out for blood as many women had set their sights on Nevada\u2019s most eligible bachelor. Marie had been an outwardly confident woman, one who wasn\u2019t easily riled by the talk of jealous women and often waved off second-hand gossip as idle chatter. Many biddies grew annoyed when she laughed in the face of their attempts to ruin her reputation. It wasn\u2019t until a chance conversation after Little Joe\u2019s birth when she\u2019d told Roy about the smear campaign perpetrated by her mother-in-law against her back in New Orleans that he understood why she\u2019d held her head up in town and greeted rivals with civility\u2014those other women were amateurs compared to her first husband\u2019s mother.\u00a0<\/span>
The sheriff retreated to a chair near the case clock. He studied Adam, standing ramrod straight a few steps away from where his father sat. Adam was a good boy, level-headed, smart, and tenacious, but Roy sure was glad his friend\u2019s son had had a mother\u2019s influence. A father could teach a son manners and respect but it took a woman\u2019s touch to make a young man understand that everyone, even those whom society looked down upon, deserved to be treated kindly. Roy had heard the same whispers as everyone else about Marie\u2014that she was a high-priced saloon gal or a soiled dove back in New Orleans\u2014but, even if any of it were true, she saw to it that Adam spoke to the poorest folk and those placed in high society with the same courtesy.\u00a0<\/span>
Roy noted the way Ben slumped in a chair, as if a heavy weight pressed down upon his shoulders. Back when his Mary died, Roy had felt much the same way. If he\u2019d been a weaker man, he might have turned to the bottle for comfort, but instead he threw himself into his work as a lawman.\u00a0<\/span>
It was shortly after Ben and his two sons arrived in Virginia City that Roy and the Cartwrights became friends. Roy was impressed by Ben\u2019s determination to build a cattle ranch out of the wilderness. Back in those days, Roy admired Ben for soldiering on no matter what life threw at him. Roy had seen other men sell out and leave the territory after wives or children died and he prayed that wouldn\u2019t be the case with Ben; the territory needed men like him if it was to ever become a state.<\/span>
\u201cI\u2019m going back to town,\u201d said Paul Martin, stopping by the sheriff\u2019s side for a moment. \u201cGet some sleep for the funeral.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cI\u2019ll say my goodbyes and ride back with you.\u201d<\/span>
Roy quietly walked up to Ben and gently laid a hand against his friend\u2019s back. He whispered a few words of condolence before retrieving his hat from the sideboard near the door.\u00a0<\/span>
<\/p>\n
Adam nodded a goodbye to the sheriff and doctor as he walked to the stairs. He stepped past Hoss and sat down a couple of steps behind his brother. Hoss still toyed with his string tie but Adam didn\u2019t have the heart to tell him to put it in his pocket if he wasn\u2019t going to wear it. The clock rang eight times, the last chime echoing in the nearly quiet room.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cYou boys should go to bed soon,\u201d whispered Shaughnessy.<\/span>
Adam gave her a blank look and nodded in agreement. He trusted her as she never had an ulterior motive when she helped out at the Ponderosa. Some people, Marie had called them social climbers, only wanted to be seen doing charitable or helpful acts by others as a way to further their reputations as good people.\u00a0<\/span>
<\/p>\n
An hour later, Shaughnessy knelt down by Little Joe and quietly said, \u201cTime to go to bed.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cCan I tell Mama goodnight?\u201d he asked.<\/span>
She nodded so he went over to the table, stood on tiptoe and said, \u201cSleep tight, Mama.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
Shaughnessy led him over to his father and told the boy to give him a kiss. Joe obediently complied even though Ben didn\u2019t seem to notice. Afterwards, she shepherded the boys upstairs, away from the prying eyes of folks looking for new fodder for gossip. She\u2019d liked Marie\u2019s spunkiness and irreverence, never letting any of those biddies in town get her riled up in public. Let them talk all they want, Marie used to say, there\u2019s worse things in this world than the trifling gossip of a few\u00a0<\/span>poulets<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cLet me get Little Joe ready for bed,\u201d said Adam.<\/span>
She gave Adam a soft kiss on the cheek, before heading back down the stairs.\u00a0<\/span>When did that boy start growing whiskers?<\/i>\u00a0she wondered as he rubbed her lips.\u00a0<\/span>
<\/p>\n
Adam tucked Little Joe under the covers and sat down on the mattress. Hoss sat at the foot of the bed, hands clasped together between his knees.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cAin\u2019t Pa goin\u2019 to bed?\u201d asked Little Joe.<\/span>
\u201cMaybe later,\u201d said Adam.<\/span>
\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cTell me a story.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cNot tonight, buddy.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cHow come?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cBecause.\u201d<\/span>
Little Joe crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cJust \u2018cause,\u201d said Hoss in a soft voice.<\/span>
\u201cSing me something,\u201d Little Joe insisted. His mother or Adam always told him a story or sang at bedtime.\u00a0<\/span>
Even though Adam\u2019s heart wasn\u2019t in it, he began singing a tune Marie had loved and often hummed while sewing in the evenings or working in her flower garden. Many a night he\u2019d heard her singing Little Joe to sleep from his room down the hall. Adam preferred the words of\u00a0<\/span>Lily of the West<\/i>\u00a0to this tune instead of the words Marie usually sang. Adam hoped Little Joe would quickly drift off into pleasant dreams.<\/span>
\u201c’Twas on one bright March morning\u00a0<\/span>
I bid New Orleans adieu.<\/span>
And I took the road to Jackson town,<\/span>
My fortune to renew,<\/span>
I cursed all foreign money,\u00a0<\/span>
No credit could I gain,<\/span>
Which filled my heart with longing for\u00a0<\/span>
The lakes of Pontchartrain.\u201d<\/span>
Little Joe studied Adam\u2019s face and wondered why he looked so sad. Mama always sang with a big smile.<\/span>
\u201cI stepped on board a railroad car,\u00a0<\/span>
Beneath the morning sun,<\/span>
I rode the roads till evening,\u00a0<\/span>
And I laid me down again,<\/span>
All strangers there no friends to me,\u00a0<\/span>
Till a dark girl towards me came,<\/span>
And I fell in love with a Creole girl,\u00a0<\/span>
By the lakes of Pontchartrain.\u201d<\/span>
Adam paused, disappointed that Little Joe hadn\u2019t yet fallen asleep.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cDon\u2019t stop,\u201d said Little Joe. \u201cYou ain\u2019t got to the alligators.\u201d<\/span>
Hoss sniffed loudly and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Why did Adam have to sing this song? Why couldn\u2019t he pick something else?<\/span>
\u201cI said, \u2018My pretty Creole girl,\u00a0<\/span>
My money here’s no good,<\/span>
But if it weren’t for the alligators,\u00a0<\/span>
I’d sleep out in the wood.\u2019<\/span>
\u2018You’re welcome here kind stranger,\u00a0<\/span>
Our house is very plain.<\/span>
But we never turn a stranger out,\u00a0<\/span>
From the lakes of Pontchartrain.\u2019<\/span>
\u201cShe took me into her mammy’s house,\u00a0<\/span>
And treated me quite well,<\/span>
The hair upon her shoulder\u00a0<\/span>
In jet black ringlets fell.<\/span>
To try and paint her beauty,\u00a0<\/span>
I’m sure ‘twould be in vain,<\/span>
So handsome was my Creole girl,\u00a0<\/span>
By the lakes of Pontchartrain.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cNow you gotta get up so you can go down on one knee like Mama,\u201d ordered Little Joe.<\/span>
\u201cNot tonight, buddy,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0<\/span>
Little Joe yawned and Adam hoped the boy would fall asleep soon.<\/span>
\u201cI asked her if she’d marry me,\u00a0<\/span>
She said it could never be,<\/span>
For she had got another,\u00a0<\/span>
And he was far at sea.\u201d<\/span>
Adam\u2019s throat constricted, choking off his words. He fought back tears, wanting to wait until he could shed them in the privacy of his own room. Hoss\u2019 sniffling announced he wasn\u2019t as successful. Little Joe\u2019s eyes had closed and Adam hoped his youngest brother had finally drifted off. Adam whispered the song\u2019s words.<\/span>
\u201cShe said that she would wait for him\u00a0<\/span>
And true she would remain.<\/span>
Till he returned for his Creole girl,\u00a0<\/span>
By the lakes of Pontchartrain.<\/span>
So fare thee well my Creole girl,\u00a0<\/span>
I never will see you no more\u2026\u201d<\/span>
Adam couldn\u2019t finish the song. Hot tears trickled down his cheeks and he was thankful Little Joe was finally asleep. He kissed his youngest brother\u2019s forehead before going over to the window in hopes the cool night breeze would dry his wet face. Hoss soon joined him and they stood together in silence, listening to the yips of the coyotes off in the mountains.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cI\u2019ll stay here,\u201d Hoss said in a hoarse whisper after giving his older brother a pat to the belly with the back of his hand. \u201cYou go get some sleep. I\u2019ll mind Little Joe. \u2018Sides, you\u2019ve got to be strong for Pa tomorrow.\u201d<\/span>
Adam nodded and did as told. He closed the door behind him, careful to make sure the latch didn\u2019t make a loud click. Once in his room, he flopped down onto the bed and buried his face in the pillow to stifle his sobs.\u00a0<\/span>It\u2019s my fault Marie died<\/i>, he thought. He fell into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning so the covers cocooned him as if he were a mummy.\u00a0<\/span>
<\/p>\n
Hoss leaned back in a chair that bore his weight on two of its legs. His feet dangled above the floor and he absently kicked them at nothing in particular.\u00a0<\/span>It ain\u2019t fair Adam had two mothers and I only had one<\/i>. She was the best mother, always kissing away his hurts, making him feel special because he wasn\u2019t the oldest or the youngest. Now who would kiss the pain away when he mashed his finger? He leaned his head against the wall and stared at the ceiling until his eyes closed, pulling him into slumber.\u00a0<\/span>
<\/p>\n
Unable to sleep, Ben kept vigil by his wife\u2019s body. The flickering candles cast her face in light then shadow. He tightly clasped his hands and silently willed her to open her eyes.\u00a0<\/span>
The funeral was in a few short hours and this night would be his last to gaze upon the woman who\u2019d banished his loneliness years ago in New Orleans. He\u2019d recognized in her another soul drifting through the sea of life much as he had been, going through the motions each day, putting on a brave face for the world. While he\u2019d had his sons to live for she\u2019d had no one. Wooing her had been a challenge but he had been sure he\u2019d found a woman worthy of ruling the Ponderosa by his side.\u00a0<\/span>
Now he was adrift again. Long ago, practically a lifetime ago, he\u2019d been told to not carry his dead wife on his shoulders for the rest of his life because she wouldn\u2019t want that. Following Elizabeth\u2019s death, he\u2019d lived for his infant son, Adam, and planned to go West to build an empire. He\u2019d spent four long years mourning her, closing his heart to the possibility of ever loving another woman. It was Inger Borgstrom who\u2019d made him understand that grief didn\u2019t have to seal a heart. When she died, he\u2019d channeled his energy into forging his dream out of an untamed wilderness. His grief had eventually faded to a dull ache as he and his sons had carved the Ponderosa from the very trees for which his ranch was named. A spark had leaped to life within his heart as he\u2019d gotten to know Marie and he\u2019d realized that while she\u2019d looked as fragile as a magnolia blossom, she\u2019d been tempered by steel and could withstand the rigors of living on a ranch far from civilization.<\/span>
She\u2019d made the Ponderosa a home, full of warmth and laughter. And she\u2019d given him Joseph\u2014a fine boy.\u00a0<\/span>
How can I go on? What did I do to make God so angry?<\/i>\u00a0Ben asked himself.\u00a0<\/span>
He stifled a sob as he remembered Marie\u2019s crushed body in the yard. It was ironic that the first time he\u2019d laid eyes upon her, she was laughing as she pulled her spirited horse into a rear after nearly running him over in the street. She was an accomplished horsewoman and a fearless rider. Why this time? Why hadn\u2019t she been able to control that damned beast? The accident had happened so fast the horse had fallen before he could leap from the porch to save her.\u00a0<\/span>
He imagined the whispered conversations behind his back were more smears to Marie\u2019s reputation. These were the same people who mocked her accent and her ways because she was different. Now they put on mourning clothes and dabbed at false tears.\u00a0<\/span>
Beads clicked in the background as someone mumbled an\u00a0<\/span>Our Father<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span>Marie would have enjoyed the irony of that<\/i>, he thought. She hadn\u2019t been a practicing Catholic since her first child had died. She\u2019d said she couldn\u2019t give thanks to a God who took an innocent child as retribution for his parents\u2019 sins.\u00a0<\/span>
Hop Sing silently made his way across the room and placed a hot cup of coffee into Ben\u2019s hands. When Marie had arrived, the cook had felt threatened, afraid he\u2019d lose his place as the ruler of the kitchen. He needn\u2019t have worried. While Marie had been perfectly capable of domestic chores, she hadn\u2019t enjoyed doing them and had been more than happy to allow Hop Sing to continue to keep the kitchen and house orderly.\u00a0<\/span>
Startled by a touch to his shoulder, Ben dropped his coffee. The cup shattered into several pieces, coffee soaking into the boards. The saucer, though, wobbled in lazy half-circles as it slowly came to rest under the table. Before he could reach for the shards, Hop Sing was on his knees, efficiently plucking pieces of ceramic and putting them in his folded apron.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cYou should get some sleep,\u201d Joyce said. \u201cWe\u2019ll stay up.\u201d<\/span>
Ben tried to smile but his mouth wouldn\u2019t cooperate. Instead, he shook his head and remained firmly rooted in the chair. The swish of Joyce\u2019s skirts announced her retreat. He didn\u2019t want to hear a lecture on being well rested or looking his best; it wasn\u2019t as if Marie was going to fuss about his appearance. Let the gossips wag their tongues; they\u2019d understand when it was their husband or wife lowered into the ground.<\/span>
He heard the door open and smell of bear grease drifted through the room.\u00a0<\/span>There\u2019s only one man who smells like that<\/i>, thought Ben.\u00a0<\/span>
Abe Garvey, usually referred to as \u201cOld Man\u201d Garvey, was one of the last of the mountain men, a rare breed who enjoyed exploring uncharted territory and relying on his own skills for survival, able to read animal sign as easily as many people read the Bible. Despite his gruffness and ill manners, Abe had won Marie\u2019s approval and he\u2019d been a frequent Ponderosa guest. Marie had always been delighted by his stories of frontier survival and, unlike more \u201crespectable\u201d people, had never asked if the rumors were true that he\u2019d killed his wife and fled to the west in order to escape the law and retaliation from the girl\u2019s family. Ben figured Abe appreciated Marie\u2019s refusal to put stock in gossip, preferring to take a man at his word.<\/span>
After a few minutes, Ben felt the pressure of a hand on his arm. He looked into Abe\u2019s eyes, crinkled around the edges by the sun as well as age, and noted the unspoken message of sympathy. With a nod, Abe silently excused himself. Ben wished others in the room would show as much courtesy by leaving him alone to mourn.<\/span>
Ben went to the table and placed another kiss upon his wife\u2019s lips.\u00a0<\/span>I\u2019d trade the Ponderosa for your soul if it would bring you back<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span>
When Elizabeth had died, he had a convenient reason to run away\u2014she\u2019d made him promise on her deathbed that he\u2019d go West and make the dream they\u2019d shared a reality. The journey remained unfinished when Inger died, so he had a reason to continue to run. With the Ponderosa a successful ranch, there wasn\u2019t anything left to accomplish. It was as if he stood at the top of a mountain with nowhere to go but down.<\/span>
He kissed Marie again before retaking his seat in the hard chair. People kept touching his arm and saying how sorry they were for his loss.\u00a0<\/span>They all should just leave\u2014none of them cared about her when she was alive<\/i>. He shifted in order to remain uncomfortable as he didn\u2019t want to sleep and lose a moment before she was taken from him forever.\u00a0<\/span>
As the sun began to spread her warmth across the land, Ben heard the arrival of carriages and a wagon. The undertaker was bringing the casket, as Ben wouldn\u2019t allow Marie to be placed in it until he was certain she was dead. He\u2019d had to finally accept that her soul had abandoned her battered and broken body; there was no hope for a miracle.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Adam slowly made his way down the stairs, his footsteps falling heavily. Unlike his younger brothers, he knew what to expect today.\u00a0<\/span>
He leaned against the table, looking one last time upon the face of the woman he\u2019d slowly accepted as a friend more than a mother.\u00a0<\/span>I wish I could hear her count to ten in French to hold her temper or listen to her tell Little Joe one of those fanciful tales about New Orleans one more time<\/i>. When Marie came to the Ponderosa, he was determined to shut her out as an intruder. It was Hoss who\u2019d made him understand that their father\u2019s choice of wife didn\u2019t matter, it was her love for them that did. There were so many things unsaid and now it was too late. He pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket and tucked it into her sleeve; she\u2019d take one last secret to the grave.<\/span>
Ben draped an arm across his eldest\u2019s back and firmly clasped his son\u2019s shoulder. No words had to be spoken as both grieved for the woman who\u2019d help make them into the men they were.<\/span>
Behind them, the door opened and the undertaker, his assistants, and the minister, followed by Will and Carl Reagan came in, carrying a cast iron casket that looked like wood. The viewing plate on the lid had been cleaned until the glass was smooth and clear.\u00a0<\/span>
I can\u2019t watch them seal her inside an iron box<\/i>, Ben thought. Even though her body was lifeless, he could gaze upon her face or touch her hands while she remained in the house. Once she was in the casket, he\u2019d no longer have any physical contact with her. His only reminders would be memories. He clutched a fist tightly against his chest as he struggled to breathe.<\/span>
\u201cLet\u2019s go to the kitchen,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0<\/span>
Ben allowed Adam to steer him from the room. It had been different with Inger\u2014she\u2019d died in his arms, her last words to hold her tightly. There\u2019d been no last words from Marie, not even a scream as the horse fell.\u00a0<\/span>
Hop Sing put plates of eggs, bacon, and biscuits before his charges and filled two sturdy mugs with coffee. He couldn\u2019t force them to eat, but he hoped the aroma would entice them.<\/span>
He then scraped scrambled eggs into a large serving bowl and carried it into the dining area.\u00a0<\/span>People should have respect for Mr. Cartwright\u2014stay in town to eat<\/i>, Hop Sing thought.\u00a0<\/span>
He returned to the kitchen where Adam was eating a biscuit and Ben was simply pushing food around on his plate. \u201cYou eat. Missy would want you be strong. Eggs give strength.\u201d Hop Sing loaded up platters with the biscuits and bacon. He muttered under his breath in Chinese as he carried the armload of food to the table in the dining area.<\/span>
\u201cWhere\u2019s the coffee?\u201d asked Tom Edwards as he plucked up a slice of bacon.<\/span>
\u201cHop Sing get,\u201d said the cook.\u00a0<\/span>
As Hop Sing poured the coffee from the metal pot into the large ceramic one, a piercing scream split the air followed by yelling from the big room.<\/span>
\u201cGet my mama outta there!\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cTake that boy to his father, Joyce!\u201d<\/span>
\u201cStop hittin\u2019 the reverend, Little Joe!\u201d<\/span>
Adam gripped his father\u2019s shoulders and forced him to remain seated while Hop Sing went to see about the commotion. The cook soon returned with a crying Little Joe.<\/span>
Little Joe buried his face in his father\u2019s lap and sobbed. Ben absently rubbed his hand against his son\u2019s back.<\/span>
\u201cMake . . . make them . . . .\u201d Little Joe had to stop and snuffle. \u201cTell \u2018em to . . . get Mama . . . outta that box.\u201d<\/span>
Ben couldn\u2019t hold back his own tears and they tracked down his face, dropping into Little Joe\u2019s hair.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cWhat are they doin\u2019 to Mama?\u201d the little boy asked.\u00a0<\/span>
Adam gently pried his youngest brother from their father\u2019s lap and hoisted him up. Little Joe buried his face in his oldest brother\u2019s shirt front.\u00a0<\/span>
\u201cListen to me, buddy,\u201d Adam whispered into Little Joe\u2019s ear. \u201cThey have to put her in there before they put her in the ground. It\u2019ll keep her safe from all sorts of bad things.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cAdam,\u201d Ben said. It was a plea rather than a command.<\/span>
\u201cThere\u2019s a piece of glass on the coffin so she can see out,\u201d said Adam.<\/span>
Little Joe asked around a sniffle, \u201cWill she be able to see me?\u201d<\/span>
Adam held his brother closer. \u201cAny time you close your eyes and think of her, you\u2019ll be able to see her. She\u2019s an angel now, so she\u2019ll always watch over and protect you.\u201d<\/span>
\u201cLike . . . like Hoss\u2019s mama . . . does . . . for him?\u201d<\/span>
\u201cYeah,\u201d said Adam, hoping Little Joe believed him, and hoping Inger watched over him as often as she did Hoss.<\/span>
<\/p>\n
Hoss leaned against the credenza and watched in morbid fascination as his mother was gently laid into the casket. He was surprised by how fancy the inside was\u2014glossy black cloth held in place with gold tacks and a little pillow for her head to rest upon. Once her body was settled, a lacy white sheet was laid over her; the undertaker lifted her arms and placed them over her stomach as they\u2019d been when she was lying on the table.\u00a0<\/span>
With help from Mrs. Edwards, the flowers were again placed in Marie\u2019s hands and a rosary was threaded through her fingers. Hoss craned his neck as the men placed the lid on the casket and screwed it into place. Curious, he stepped forward and looked down on his mother through the glass plate.\u00a0<\/span>I wish I\u2019d given her a bird feather or something as a final present<\/i>, he thought.\u00a0<\/span>
Hoss moved out of the way as the casket was carried outside and he followed it to the hearse. He pressed his nose against one of the hearse\u2019s windows so he could look at his mother\u2019s face. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and scuffed his feet in the dirt as he made his way back to the house. Pa would probably have something to say about the dust on his boots and pants but Hoss didn\u2019t care. Once inside, he again stood by the credenza and stared at a beetle slowly crawling on the floor. On any other day, he would have scooped it up and put it in his mother\u2019s flower garden where it would be safe. Not today. He ground it into the floor with the toe of his boot.<\/span>
As his father and brothers approached from the kitchen, Pa\u2019s eyes called to mind those of the hands who complained of being hung-over after spending their pay in Virginia City\u2019s saloons.\u00a0<\/span>Pa looks like he\u2019s carryin\u2019 that heavy cross the preacher says Jesus hauled on his back<\/i>, Hoss thought.\u00a0<\/span>
Hoss felt his tie to make sure it seemed straight while Adam ran his fingers through Little Joe\u2019s hair in an effort to tame the unruly curls. All of the mirrors had been covered with black cloth so Mama\u2019s spirit wouldn\u2019t get confused and remain in the house. It didn\u2019t make any sense to Hoss, but that\u2019s what Mrs. Edwards said would happen.\u00a0<\/span>
One of the undertaker\u2019s assistants and Will Reagan waited beside the landau that would take the Cartwrights to the gravesite. The black plumes on the horses\u2019 headdresses fluttered in the breeze, making them look like ravens wings.\u00a0<\/span>
Ben hoisted Little Joe into the seat behind the driver and climbed in beside him. Adam and Hoss got into the back seat. The undertaker\u2019s assistant clambered aboard and took up the reins.<\/span>
The order of procession was to be the undertaker, the Cartwright family, friends, and then ranch hands. Will had made sure the hands had polished up their gear and curried their best horses to honor their boss\u2019s wife.<\/span>
As the procession began its solemn journey, the sun disappeared behind a cloud, casting a shadow upon the land. Ben took it as a sign that the rest of the world was grieving with him.\u00a0<\/span>
Adam squirmed as he tried to get comfortable. The only sounds were the clip-clop of the horses\u2019 hooves, wheels traveling over the rocky ground, and jangling harnesses. On any other day, a trip to the lake would have included loud conversations and laughter.\u00a0<\/span>
The sun remained in mourning, hidden behind a bank of clouds, keeping a coolness in the air. Even the animals were subdued\u2014no hawks flew overhead and no jackrabbits ran in front of the carriages.\u00a0<\/span>
How come they didn\u2019t let Mama stay on the table?<\/i>\u00a0Little Joe wondered. Vases of flowers , treasures he or Hoss found, and things Pa had from his sailing days were kept on tables, so why wouldn\u2019t she be kept on one, too?\u00a0<\/span>How come Pa or Adam didn\u2019t stop them from taking Mama out of the house?<\/i>\u00a0He leaned in against his father, the scowl on his face directed at the undertaker\u2019s wagon.<\/span>
Ben sat ramrod straight, one arm encircling Little Joe and his free hand clenched into a fist. He\u2019d always thought he and Marie would grow old together and that she, not he, would be the one making this trip as an elderly widow. He shook his head in an attempt to hold back more tears; he had to be strong right now. The past few days had been hard on his sons but the worst was yet to come. Adam had been through this with Inger and Hoss had been to a few funerals, but Little Joe had never seen anyone buried. His youngest had been kept shielded from life\u2019s cruelties. Until now.<\/span>
The undertaker halted the procession to give the horses a breather when the lake came into view. He dismounted and went to the Cartwrights\u2019 landau, stopping to talk with Adam.<\/span>
\u201cDid you decide on being a pallbearer?\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
Adam\u2019s only response was a nod.<\/span>
The undertaker patted the young man\u2019s knee and went on down the line to speak with the men who\u2019d offered to carry Marie\u2019s coffin from the wagon to the grave. Will Reagan, Carl Reagan, Tom Edwards, Roy Coffee, and Paul Martin each affirmed he would do his duty.<\/span>
As the undertaker headed back to the hearse, he looked off to his right and his heart nearly leaped into his throat. A mounted group of Indians, painted and decorated with feathers in their hair, were heading for the procession. He stood rooted for a few seconds before trotting to the landau to warn Ben they might have to make a run for it.<\/span>
Chief Winnemucca stopped his party a few feet from the landau. \u201cWe come to mourn your woman,\u201d he announced. \u201cShe good woman to Paiute.\u201d<\/span>
Ben softly said, \u201cThank you,\u201d as he nodded at the chief.\u00a0<\/span>
The Indians slowly made their way to the back of the procession. As the wife of Ben Cartwright, she was respected but it was her actions as mother that had endeared her to many in the tribe. She\u2019d opened her home to the curious, danced with the other women when her family had visited the Paiute, and had wept with women who\u2019d lost children.\u00a0<\/span>
A ray of sunlight reflected on the lake as the procession reached the place Ben and Marie had chosen years before. Carriages and buggies creaked as occupants exited; the pallbearers waited by the hearse. Ben, flanked by Hoss and Little Joe, slowly walked to the open grave and stood where the minister indicated. Adam took his place among the pallbearers. The Paiute remained behind the vehicles rather than stand among the whites.<\/span>
Each pallbearer gripped a casket handle and walked carefully to the place the minister had indicated. When they reached the grave, they carefully set it upon the logs that had been laid over the open ground; ropes were beneath the logs to lower the casket.<\/span>
Ben didn\u2019t hear the words the minister spoke; it was as if bees were buzzing close to his ears. He uttered prayers mechanically, but the words no longer had any meaning. He loosely held Little Joe\u2019s hand, vaguely aware of his youngest son\u2019s crying.\u00a0<\/span>
Adam, one hand balled into a fist, tightly clasped his wrist during the burial service. Was it only a few days before that he\u2019d rolled his eyes and shook his head when she told him he should get a haircut next time he was in town?\u00a0<\/span>
Hoss clasped his hands together against his chest and prayed as hard as he could for his mother\u2019s soul. He wanted her to be happy in Heaven.\u00a0<\/span>
When it was time to lower the casket, the pallbearers clenched their fists around the ropes while the undertaker and his assistants removed the logs. Adam feared the rope would slip through his hands and the casket would tumble down and break the viewing plate. The other men braced themselves for the weight they\u2019d have to bear.<\/span>
Once the casket was resting at the bottom of the shaft, the minister picked up a handful of dirt and tossed it into the grave, saying \u201cAshes to ashes, dust to dust.\u201d He then invited others to come forward and do the same. Out of respect for Ben, no one let dirt fall over the viewing plate.<\/span>
\u201cMake \u2018em stop throwin\u2019 dirt on Mama!\u201d screamed Little Joe as he lunged for the open grave shaft.\u00a0<\/span>
Hoss grabbed Little Joe\u2019s hand and jerked hard, pulling his little brother from danger. He openly wept as Little Joe struggled and screamed.<\/span>
Ben numbly shook hands with people who paid their condolences. He acknowledged them with a curt nod rather than spoken gratitude.\u00a0<\/span>How dare they pretend to grieve for a woman many of them openly disliked, he thought. Hypocrites.<\/i>
The sound of carriages and horses faded into the distance but Ben and his sons remained by the grave. Ben refused to leave until he was satisfied that his wife was properly buried. He didn\u2019t want the men to quickly shovel dirt in and leave the grave a mess.<\/span>
\u201cYou really should go home,\u201d said the minister in a soft, gentle voice.<\/span>
\u201cNo,\u201d was all Ben croaked out.<\/span>
\u201cThis isn\u2019t a sight your youngster should see,\u201d the minister said, hoping Ben would find that to be a reasonable suggestion.<\/span>