{"id":6197,"date":"2011-06-19T21:26:46","date_gmt":"2011-06-20T01:26:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6197"},"modified":"2025-02-27T12:25:22","modified_gmt":"2025-02-27T17:25:22","slug":"a-double-negative-escape","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6197","title":{"rendered":"A Double-Negative Escapade (by Annie K Cowgirl)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/span>Take Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe; add a touch of grammar, confusion, and silliness and you end up with….<\/p>\n

Rated<\/strong>:<\/span>\u00a0K+ (985 words)
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0A Double-Negative Escapade<\/em><\/strong><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
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This story–well more like a scene–came out of nowhere and attacked my brain. Enjoy and ignore any misspellings that I might have missed! \ud83d\ude09<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cDadblameit, Adam! You don’t know nothin’ about it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean: I don’t know\u00a0anything<\/em>\u00a0about it and yes, I\u00a0do!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss and Adam Cartwright stood nose-to-nose in the middle of the living room when Little Joe burst through the front door.<\/p>\n

\u201dHey, broth–\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor someone who went to college, you ain’t much on brains!\u201d Hoss snapped, his normally bright sapphire eyes were black with rage as he interrupted his younger sibling’s greeting.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat’s going on?\u201d Joe sidled up to the pair of red-faced young men, while at the same time trying to stay out of cuffing distance.<\/p>\n

\u201cNone of your business!\u201d They barked, simultaneously.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell pardon me for asking!\u201d His hackles rose at the unfair treatment he was receiving and he wasn’t about to back down from this fight.<\/p>\n

\u201cI live in this house too and I have a right to know what in the blue blazes is going on!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAsk our high an’ mighty brother about it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Poking a finger in the Swedish man’s thick chest, Adam roared right back.<\/p>\n

\u201cHOSS, WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere ain’t nothin’ you can do to make me!\u201d Hoss’ teeth made an audible grinding noise as he spouted out each venom-filled word.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh to heck I can!\u201d Picking up a nearby plateful of donuts, Adam smashed them into the bigger man’s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey what did ya go and do that for!\u201d Joe\u2014forgetting to stay out of harm’s way stepped right up to his older sibling, fire brimming in his orbs.<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you stop shouting!\u201d Adam sneered, shoving the seventeen year old away. With a shriek, Joe flopped over backwards and his hind-end landed in the embers of the fireplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jumping up, he bounded all over the room, clutching his britches and scattering ashes all over the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cWHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!\u201d Ben Commanded from the entryway.<\/p>\n

Hoss and Adam immediately stopped what they were doing and hung their heads in embarrassment. Little Joe, on the other hand, kept running about the room shouting.<\/p>\n

\u201cGET SOME WATER, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY! MY BUTT’S ON FIRE!\u201d Ben was about to grab his youngest son and shake him, when he notices the smoke coming from the seat of his son’s pants. Grabbing a nearby pitcher of water, he doused the clothing with its contents.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam! Go get Paul! Hoss, help me get your brother upstairs and into bed!\u201d<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

\u00a0It was a long, painful night for Joseph Cartwright; every move he made was pure agony. Doctor Martin had removed the remnants of the cloth that had gotten stick in the second-degree burns on the youth’s backside and\u2014after debrising the dead skin\u2014had applied a cooling ointment.<\/p>\n

Once he knew the boy was fine, Ben turned his rising anger on the other two occupants of the living room, which was now being used as a waiting room.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to know what happened and I want to know it now!\u201d Silence reigned. Adam coughed while Hoss scuffed a toe on the wooden floorboards looking very much like a naughty schoolboy rather than a twenty-four-year-old cowboy.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d The voice of doom rose in pitch and the two brother’s knew they’d have to speak now or face the wrath of Benjamin Andrew Cartwright…and that was something neither of them was willing to do.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was like this, Pa–\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe was just–\u201d They started jabbering at the same time.<\/p>\n

\u201cONE AT A TIME!\u201d<\/p>\n

Blue eyes met brown ones and a slight nod from the bigger of the two settled the matter.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss was trying to write a poem, Pa.\u201d Dumfounded, the patriarch leaned back in his chair, staring at them as if they had both sprouted wings.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe WHAT!\u201d Cringing, Adam rushed headlong into the tale, rarely taking a breath beetween run-on sentences.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was trying to write a poem for Daisy Jakes and he was misspelling words so I tried to help him with the spelling and he got mad at me and we started shouting and then he started using double-negatives and–\u201d Ben held up a hand to stop the deluge of words.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait a minute! You mean to tell me, your brother lies upstairs in pain all because of double-negatives?\u201d<\/p>\n

No one answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain’t like we did it on purpose, Pa, we wouldn’t do that nohow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere you go again!\u201d Adam’s cheeks flushed with anger and his gaze pinned Hoss to the wall as if he were an insect.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell if you weren’t so dadblasted pick we wouldn’t have no arg–\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSILENCE!\u201d Ben exploded, he had had enough.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow listen to me, both of you….\u201d<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Three hours later, the living room was spotless; no smear of food, no smattering of ashes clung to any of the furniture.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, can you hand me that\u2014aaaah! That…ice.\u201d Adam moaned through clinched teeth as his sibling passed him what he desired.<\/p>\n

\u201cDagnabit! If I never get into no more fights with you, it will be too soon!\u201d Hoss mumbled through his compressed lips. A smile tugged at the older Cartwright’s mouth and he finally let the grin take over his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cBoy, and I though Pa would’ve lost his snap with that belt by now.\u201d The comment was followed by a sheepish chuckle as he placed his stinging backside into the bowl of frozen liquid.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too.\u201d Hoss flinched as he ruefully rubbed his aching body-part.<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too.\u201d<\/p>\n

–THE END<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0Take Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe; add a touch of grammar, confusion, and silliness and you end up with….<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K+ (985 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":159,"featured_media":2425,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-short-stories","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-8-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Da-brothers-bonanza-16935311-400-264.jpg?fit=400%2C264&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/159"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6197"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6197\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}