{"id":6204,"date":"2012-09-03T21:34:54","date_gmt":"2012-09-04T01:34:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6204"},"modified":"2023-03-22T13:14:32","modified_gmt":"2023-03-22T17:14:32","slug":"scars-on-the-inside","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6204","title":{"rendered":"Scars on the Inside (by Annie K Cowgirl)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/span>In memory of the beloved episode My Brother’s Keeper. It’s been five years since the accident and Adam still hasn’t forgiven himself for shooting Joe.<\/p>\n

Chaps and Spurs Challenge story for September.<\/p>\n

Rated<\/strong>:<\/span> K+ (934 words)
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0Scars on the Inside<\/strong><\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

He didn’t mean it, any of it. If he could take it back, trade places, rewrite history, he would, but life didn’t work that way. He was there again\u2014just like he knew he would be the moment he let his guard down\u2014the sun beating down upon him. He tried desperately to ward off the memory, but it persisted: the flicker of movement, the quick decision to go for it, the rifle jumping in his hands…the strangled cry of pain from his victim as he sprawled in the dust thirty feet away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe!<\/em><\/p>\n

He bolted upright in bed, heart pounding sweat coating his upper lip. It was a nightmare, that was all. Passing a hand over his face, he let out a mirthless laugh. What a joke! Fate had played with him\u2014nearly sending him over the edge\u2014driving him to the brink of insanity.<\/p>\n

I shot my brother, my own flesh and blood!\u00a0<\/em>He smacked the back of his head against the headboard to try and drive the vivid image of Joe lying in a growing pool of crimson out of his mind. It didn’t work. Frustrated, he jumped out of bed, tossing his robe on and walking over to the window to gaze into the darkened world below. He rested his forehead on the cool glass, looking deceptively calm on the outside while inside his heart and brain waged war.<\/p>\n

What did I do to deserve that? Did I hate him? <\/em><\/p>\n

No, I love my family and would never intentionally hurt any one of them so why did it happen? It’s all my fault…I never listened to him. <\/em><\/p>\n

Yes I did listen! He told me it was an accident, that he forgave me. <\/em><\/p>\n

How could he do that, I shot him for crying out loud! Why did I do it? Oh God, tell me what I did wrong! Why\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nearly jumped out of his skin. Whirling about, he caught sight of his little brother standing in the doorway to his bedroom. \u201cW-what are you doing up?\u201d It was a stupid question, but he was so flustered he couldn’t think anything else to say.<\/p>\n

Joe ignored the question; he took in the dark circles under his older sibling’s eyes, his body still shaking from the ordeal he had just relived. \u201cMontpelier Gorge again,\u201d it was a statement not a question. Adam hung his head in embarrassment before nodding in agreement. Without an invitation, Joe entered and made his way over to the nearest chair, lowering his body into it. \u201cIt’s hard to believe, but it’s been five years since it happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam made a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat, wishing his brother would just leave him alone so he could\u00a0round up\u00a0his thoughts and stuff them neatly back into the box they had sprung from.<\/p>\n

Is that what you really want? To be by yourself tonight?<\/em>\u00a0Inwardly he groaned, wishing his conscience would take a vacation.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, let’s celebrate the anniversary of the day I put a bullet into your hide,\u201d the bitter words felt like acid in his mouth and he quickly turned to face the wall so his visitor wouldn’t see the tears forming in his eyes.<\/p>\n

Silence filled the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, \u201c Joe said, looking down at his bare arm, \u201cthese scars always seem to ache this time every year, but you know what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Adam asked, weakly.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey don’t hurt nearly as bad as the wounds you have.\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man turned back towards him, not fully understanding.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou see, the body heals and pretty soon you forget about the trauma you went through, but it’s the scars on the inside that are the worst. They stay with you forever. Unless….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUnless, what?\u201d He was hanging on his every word, begging for some kind of relief from the burden he bore in silent agony.<\/p>\n

Joe stood suddenly, draping a gentle arm around the man’s shoulders. \u201cUnless you can finally let go of them.\u201d He squeezed the shoulder under his hand lightly. \u201cI forgive you, Adam, I did so years ago; now it’s time for you to forgive yourself.\u201d Another pat then Joe released him and headed towards the door. \u201cGood night, Adam,\u201d he said before exiting the chamber and closing the barrier behind him.<\/p>\n

It’s time\u00a0for you to forgive\u00a0yourself….<\/em>The words had struck a chord in his heart, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it. He’d lived with the guilt and pain of what he’d done for too many years he didn’t even know where to start, but for his brother’s sake he would try.<\/p>\n

God?<\/em><\/p>\n

The burden seemed to shift slightly and then he knew. He smiled to himself before climbing back into bed. In the morning he would go back, he would see the place where he had committed his crime and he would bury his demons there beside the wolf in memoriam of his new-found liberty. The pink fingers of sunlight stretched slowly across the grey sky as Adam Cartwright fell into a dreamless sleep where the wolf, rifle, and terror could no longer harm him.<\/p>\n

He was finally free.<\/p>\n

~The End…or the Beginning<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0In memory of the beloved episode My Brother’s Keeper. It’s been five years since the accident and Adam still hasn’t forgiven himself for shooting Joe.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K+ (935 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":159,"featured_media":917,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[39,23,8,40],"tags":[14,16],"class_list":["post-6204","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-chaps-spurs","category-drama","category-short-stories","category-challenges","tag-adam-cartwright","tag-joe","wpcat-39-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-8-id","wpcat-40-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2246,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Pdvd_007.jpg?fit=720%2C576&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2979,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2979","url_meta":{"origin":6204,"position":0},"title":"Captain Joe (by frasrgrl)","author":"frasrgrl","date":"November 24, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 \u00a0This story is in response to November's Chaps and Spurs Challenge. 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