Summary:<\/b>\u00a0The Cartwrights finally decide who is going with the drive, which hits weather problems.
\nRating:\u00a0 PG\u00a0 (18,500 words)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n The Cartwright Saga Series:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n The Lawyer <\/a><\/span> \n Trail Drive<\/strong><\/p>\n Ben watched his eldest son move stiffly up the stairs taking his new daughter with him to join his wife. Adam took two legal queries upstairs to work on and did at least seem rather more with it than he had been the previous day although still looking weak and exhausted. Ben poured more coffee and was thinking about his stubborn son and his impossible suggestion to cope with the drive, when Joe and Nita came down. Joe wasn\u2019t surprised to hear that Adam had been up twice more to the baby and was still refusing to sleep during the day, determined not to worry Carole. Joe hadn\u2019t slept much either and his father let him have his breakfast in peace. Joe was just finishing when Sue and Hoss arrived. Sue had insisted that Hoss take a tablet and he\u2019d slept heavily for seven hours, only to waken with a nightmare of Sue dying in childbirth while he struggled through a herd of cattle trying to reach her side, knowing that she would live if he could only get to her. The nightmare had largely undermined the good effects of the sleep he\u2019d had and Hoss looked tired, worried and upset.<\/p>\n Ben collected fresh coffee and joined his sons in Adam\u2019s study, where Joe was filling Hoss in on the stubborn baby and Adam\u2019s broken night. Hoss sighed and sank down in a chair staring unseeingly at the fire. Ben pulled up another chair \u201cThis morning Adam sat by, let her yell until she gave way and let me feed her. Took over half an hour, obstinate little madam.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned \u201cThat\u2019s great Pa. Do it a few times and maybe she\u2019ll stop yelling for him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNice idea Joe. He wanted to be sure she would give in eventually, but the trouble is I don\u2019t think he can do it again. It took all his will power this morning, each time she cried it was as though someone had hit him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen what Pa?\u201d Hoss asked knowing that his brother couldn\u2019t carry on the way he had.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure. Adam has his own solution. I guess you\u2019d better both hear it.\u201d Ben frowned, still unsure how to dissuade his eldest son.<\/p>\n Upstairs Carole was awake and as she had her breakfast Adam told her what he intended doing. He had checked and discovered that it was Saturday, three days to catch up on his sleep and get fit enough to cope. Carole knew just how badly he had been hurt and even though she didn\u2019t fully realise the long anxious hours she could see how tired he was. At first she protested but as Adam put forward the other possibilities Carole fell quiet. She studied her husband\u2019s face, seeing the pain and weakness but also the determination and the fear for his brothers. Noone knew better than she Adam\u2019s love and feeling of responsibility for his family, every single member of it. Weak or not the only way he was going to gain peace was by doing as he wanted. To Adam\u2019s surprise and delight she stopped her protest and instead asked \u201cWho else goes with you, apart from Jos\u00e9?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStevens and I\u2019d like John Wilson and Chris Santee and most important I want Jess along.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll good men and two close friends. If Jess and Jos\u00e9 are there to help you and Kirk on the wagon like before, then I\u2019ll try and help you to persuade Pa. Anne and I will be fine and you can manage.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam blinked hard, so weak that her understanding threatened his control and for a moment he held her close, so very grateful for his wife\u2019s support. Despite his aches and pains Adam felt more like himself than he had for a long time and he was even able to get on reasonably fast compared to the last few days. \u201cWhat!\u201d exploded Joe, \u201cIt\u2019s impossible!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy reaction precisely Joseph. Adam doesn\u2019t see it that way. By the way he says he\u2019s been back to the west shore. How did he cope Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust about. He was exhausted by the time we got there but Jess reckoned he was better on the way back. We tried to stop him Pa but Carole said that he needed to go. Too many nightmares. But it ain\u2019t relevant now. He wouldn\u2019t be fit even without nearly three weeks with hardly any sleep. What he needs is a week in bed. Even with good conditions trail driving is exhausting.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled at his irate big son, \u201cWe all know that Hoss, including Adam, but you know how stubborn he is.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA democracy. Three of us here, we outvote him.\u201d Joe insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not that simple Joe and you know it. We\u2019ve never worked that way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe have to stop him Pa.\u201d Joe got to his feet, \u201cEither of us can take the herd.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou want to leave Nita?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know I don\u2019t anymore than Hoss wants to leave Sue but one of us has to, at least we\u2019re fit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI could go or at least take over from Hoss in ten days or so, once we\u2019ve sorted things out here.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head. \u201cNo Pa, no more practical than Adam going. It\u2019s my job, always has been, and you need Joe here. Sue will be fine and I\u2019ll be back before the baby is due, first babies are usually late.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe met his father\u2019s eye, with the baby due on the 29th October, and the delivery date the 20th which they couldn\u2019t beat by much, Hoss was cutting it very close. \u201cMaybe we could do as Pa said. Get things straightened out here but then I\u2019ll take over. Nita\u2019s not due until three weeks after Sue.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had seen the obstinate look on his eldest son\u2019s face \u201cWhat about Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just not practical, anyway Carole and the baby still need him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you going to tell him that Joe? I couldn\u2019t. The baby still seems so tiny and weak to me, but I can\u2019t let him see my doubts. Can you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe went over to the window, he knew Adam\u2019s belief in her survival and Sue agreed, with them he could be confident but sometimes as he looked at the little baby, like his father he had doubts. He couldn\u2019t let Adam see, aware how much peace Adam had gained from his belief before. \u201cYou know I can\u2019t Pa but I can tell him that physically he just isn\u2019t up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou can try Joseph but do you think he\u2019ll listen?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou sound as though you agree with him.\u201d Joe protested.<\/p>\n \u201cNo I agree with you, but I saw how stubborn he looked when he told me what he intended. He claims that he\u2019ll get more rest on the drive away from the baby than he will here, unable to resist her need of him.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss went and poured a brandy, \u201cI\u2019m going same as always and I\u2019ll tell Adam. Do you really think I\u2019d let him push himself when he\u2019s exhausted, on the verge of collapse, just because I might have a few nightmares? You know as well as I do that\u2019s the only real reason he intends going.\u201d Hoss drained his brandy and walked out to go and find his brother. Joe looked at his father \u201cDo you think Hoss will dissuade him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. Your eldest brother is very stubborn and he\u2019s never yet given in to bodily weakness.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe couldn\u2019t do it Pa. He\u2019ll collapse, he can hardly even focus.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe says that he can catch up on his sleep in the next couple of days and that he can cope.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned, sure that two days wasn\u2019t enough and even if Carole hadn\u2019t had the baby Adam wouldn\u2019t have been fit enough after the fire, but he dropped the subject at least until he found out how successful Hoss had been and turned back to work.<\/p>\n Hoss went up to Carole\u2019s room, and as she had the baby he said \u201cAdam I want to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked up and seeing the expression on his brother\u2019s face he didn\u2019t need telling why Hoss wanted him. He smiled and to Carole he looked more himself than he had in weeks. \u201cTell you what Hoss I wouldn\u2019t mind some fresh air. Saddle up for me and we\u2019ll ride up to the Lake.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on Hoss, don\u2019t fuss, you can spare half an hour.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss wasn\u2019t worried about the time, just unsure that his brother was well enough to ride.<\/p>\n Carole said \u201cGo get someone to saddle up Adam. I want a word with Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam willingly agreed and Hoss sat down in the chair his brother had just vacated. He frowned at Carole, \u201cHe ain\u2019t up to riding Carole.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust up to the Lake Hoss and you\u2019ll be with him. He\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked at her suspiciously, not wanting to upset her but…. \u201cDo you know what he\u2019s planning?\u201d<\/p>\n Carole grinned \u201cOf course. I think I probably knew before he did. He wants to take the herd out on Tuesday.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not well enough. He\u2019s only had the minimum of sleep in the last few weeks and you know how badly he was burnt.\u201d<\/p>\n Carole reached out and took Hoss\u2019 hand, \u201cDon\u2019t you think I know him Hoss? For a while I admit everything was happening a long way off and it was enough that he was there, but not now. I know he tried to hide it from me but he\u2019s weak and exhausted. More himself today than he has been, but he needs a week in bed only he won\u2019t take it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe but that\u2019s a long way from trail driving.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI admit he\u2019s not well enough but he\u2019ll cope and with Jess and Jos\u00e9 both with him he\u2019ll be fussed over even more than you and Joe would dare to do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou supporting him Carole? I took him to the west shore for you against my better judgment but I won\u2019t let him do this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause he was having nightmares.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah and maybe you were right then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe needs rest more than anything Hoss and he won\u2019t get it here. This little madam has him right under her thumb and if you go with the herd he\u2019ll fret about you and Sue all the time you\u2019re away. With a strong crew to carry him he\u2019ll get more rest on the drive.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe if\u2019n he was fit but he ain\u2019t. It\u2019s my job and I\u2019ll do it, like I always have.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss you know what you mean to him. Don\u2019t you think he knows how scared and worried you are? I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s necessary but I know that doesn\u2019t help. When he\u2019s been in the same state before he\u2019s always relied so much on you and Joe. Don\u2019t you think he wants to repay all those favours?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere ain\u2019t no need. I know you back him whenever you can Carole and I respect you for it, but this time you ain\u2019t talking me round. There\u2019s no way he\u2019s well enough. Even without the lack of sleep over the last weeks those burns may be healed but they\u2019re still tender and his muscles ain\u2019t been used. He\u2019s had no chance to recover his strength let alone build up any stamina. For once he\u2019s gonna see sense.\u201d<\/p>\n Carole had seldom seen her big brother-in-law so firm and it was obvious that she wasn\u2019t going to budge him this time. She sighed \u201cAlright Hoss you argue it out with Adam, but I still think it\u2019s the most practical solution.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss went down and followed Adam out to the stable where the horses were ready. He helped his brother into the saddle without comment and led the way out at a walk, still unsure that Adam was even fit enough to go to the lake. They rode in silence for while and then Hoss looked across at his brother, \u201cI don\u2019t know what you do to Carole, She knows you\u2019re not fit and yet she agrees, even tried to persuade me. I know you\u2019re mad but she\u2019s usually sensible.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam laughed \u201cHoss there\u2019s no need to look so indignant.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s every reason.\u201d Hoss sighed but didn\u2019t press it until they reached the Lake, Adam swung down unaided and although his knees felt weak he managed to hide it, tying Blackie up and walked slowly up to the point. He forgot for a moment why he\u2019d brought his brother up there and he knelt down by the tiny grave where his daughter lay. She had never lived and for all too long he\u2019d been so scared that Anne was going to join her. He stared down at the grave, no longer visible but marked by the headstone and then he buried his face in his hands. Hoss knelt down by his brother and put an arm round him. Adam said very slowly \u201cI was so scared she\u2019d give up on me and I\u2019d have another daughter to bury up here.\u201d Adam shivered uncontrollably and then he turned to his brother and rested his aching head on Hoss\u2019 shoulder.<\/p>\n Hoss held him close, forgetting about the future \u201cEasy Adam easy now\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh God if she\u2019d died. I feared we\u2019d never…. Never again Hoss never, I won\u2019t risk Carole again, never.\u201d His voice broke on a sob and Hoss held him as close and warm as he could said, \u201cGive way Adam, its long past time.\u201d<\/p>\n It was the last thing that Adam had intended but that tiny grave undermined the control he\u2019d kept up for so long and the compassion in Hoss\u2019 voice proved the last straw. He sobbed out the tensions and fears of the last weeks on his brother\u2019s shoulder, glad of Hoss\u2019 warm strength. It was nearly half an hour before he lifted his head although he\u2019d been quiet for a long time, \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou needed it, have done for days and now you need your bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam could barely keep his eyes open as he relaxed, \u201cI thought you wanted to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLater brother. Come on bed and you\u2019ll use my house, have your sleep out undisturbed by children or anything else.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCarole?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019ll understand, she knows you\u2019re tired out.\u201d Hoss helped his brother back to his feet and over to Blackie. He rode very close to Adam keeping the pace slow as Adam dozed off again. When they reached his own house, Hoss helped Adam down and ignoring all arguments picked his brother up and carried him into a guestroom. He pulled Adam\u2019s boots off and ordered him \u201cGo to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam couldn\u2019t fight it any longer and stretching out on his face he was asleep almost instantly. Hoss stood staring down at him for five minutes before he could pull himself away. As Adam relaxed his exhaustion was more marked, but the unnatural tension which had been so obvious worrying Hoss over the last weeks had finally disappeared. Maybe his brother would finally get the rest he needed. Hoss went to find his wife; he didn\u2019t want to leave Adam alone in the house in case he wanted something. Once he had Sue headed home Hoss went back to join his father and Joe. They looked up, the question obvious but Hoss just shrugged. \u201cWe never got round to talking about the herd. Went up to the lake and that tiny grave proved the last straw. He finally broke down and now he\u2019s fast asleep over my house. Sue\u2019s gonna stay with him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell done.\u201d said his father, \u201cIt\u2019s what he needs more than anything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s got Carole persuaded it\u2019s a good idea. I tried to dissuade her but I don\u2019t want to worry her.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shrugged \u201cWe have two clear days before the herd goes out, apart from today. We might just as well wait until Adam wakes up and then we can argue it out. With luck that will be quite a while.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded, \u201cYeah. Well I ought to get up to the sawmill. I\u2019ll be back later, unless you want me for something?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and watched his son ride out. Joe joined him over by the window. \u201cI ought to go Pa, It\u2019s gonna be very close to Sue\u2019s time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAfter Marie, do you really think Hoss will let you? It\u2019s usually his job and he must know whatever fears he has you share them, with all too many painful memories.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought I\u2019d buried them but since Carole….\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cInevitable Joseph but Nita will be fine, she\u2019s nothing like Marie. I do understand how you feel, I lived through it twice. Hoss understands too, I think he\u2019s more likely to let Adam go than you.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sighed \u201cJust nightmares, but I can\u2019t control them. I had all sorts of arguments when Adam got into a state. He reckoned they helped but they don\u2019t even make any sense now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI told you Joe inevitable, especially with Carole\u2019s near scrape.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss is as scared as I am, more than I expected.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam always said that he would be when it was his own wife.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe outlined the state that Hoss had got into, long before Carole went into labour. Ben wasn\u2019t particularly surprised, he\u2019d always known just how self conscious his middle son was, comparing himself to his handsome brothers. As Joe remembered how tense Hoss had been, he turned to his father, \u201cYou can\u2019t let Hoss go Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled ruefully \u201cDo you realise what you\u2019re saying Joseph? You don\u2019t want Hoss to go, you won\u2018t let me go and you know he\u2019ll never stand aside and let you go. He\u2019s spent most of his life trying to protect his little brother and after Marie there\u2019s noway he\u2019ll agree. You\u2019re coming round to Adam\u2019s only practical solution.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOnly it isn\u2019t!\u201d Joe began pacing up and down, thinking round in circles, trying to find an answer he could accept. The most reasonable one seemed to be to split it with him taking over from Hoss, much as he hated being away and maybe he could persuade Hoss to accept that. In the end he settled down and tried to bury his worries in the never ending paperwork.<\/p>\n Ben had been up to talk to Carole who was delighted to hear that her husband had finally given in and was catching up on his sleep, but she also took the opportunity to try and persuade Ben to Adam\u2019s point of view. Ben listened to her and then very gently he said, \u201cI know why he wants to go, he\u2019s always tried to protect his brothers but he really isn\u2019t well enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll he has to do is stay on his horse. The men won\u2019t let him lift a finger and he really will get more rest than he will here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou may be right but I doubt he could do that much.\u201d Ben frowned, \u201cYou\u2019re a powerful advocate for him young lady.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I know he needs to go and because I trust Jos\u00e9 and Jess. If he takes Stevens, John Wilson and Chris Santee as well as Pio and especially Kirk, he will have a very capable crew.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlease Pa. Jess and Jos\u00e9 will look after him, you know how much he means to them, to say nothing of Kirk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHis brothers won\u2019t agree.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you give Adam your support then you can talk Joe and Hoss round.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see how he is when he wakes up. For now you ought to have a doze too, you\u2019re looking tired. I\u2019ll take my granddaughter.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHardly pretty yet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, but mighty stubborn.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben found Nita downstairs with the other children and she willingly took Anne for him, leaving him free to work with his youngest son. Slowly the impossible was becoming acceptable and, although Adam\u2019s solution still seemed far fetched, Ben wasn\u2019t so sure that he could or even would stop his son.<\/p>\n Adam slept all day and it was nearly eight when he awoke, with a severe headache after sleeping very deeply. For a moment he was rather bemused wondering where he was. Slowly he recognised the room in his brother\u2019s house and he remembered what had happened, so he pulled on his boots and went downstairs. Sue had heard him moving around and came over to greet him \u201cDo you want some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes please. What\u2019s the time Sue?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNearly eight. Longest sleep you\u2019ve had in some time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know but I feel a derned sight worse for it. I\u2019ve a splitting headache.\u201d Adam relaxed with the coffee Sue brought, hoping his head would soon clear. Gradually it dawned on him that Sue was considering him very disapprovingly and he smiled \u201cMy big brother has been talking hasn\u2019t he? You\u2019re looking very nurse in charge.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam you can\u2019t be serious about going on the drive.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh but I am.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll kill yourself!\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll do no such thing because you can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam sighed, \u201cI can and I think I need to get away Sue, just as much as Hoss needs to stay here. I don\u2019t know if you need him but I am very sure that he needs you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd Carole needs you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know what Carole means to me Sue, I\u2019ve done all I can for her and for the baby. These last weeks they have been the only real thing in my world. Now they can cope without me. If I stay I\u2019ll carry on as I have fighting everything for them, going to Anne each time she cries. I can\u2019t help myself Sue, it\u2019s got instinctive. I\u2019m on the way before I even really wake up and she\u2019s playing on it. I don\u2019t think I can carry on much longer. I hadn\u2019t even realised until yesterday, nothing was real except Carole and the baby.\u201d Adam shut his eyes for a moment, his head aching fiercely. \u201cI\u2019m sorry Sue but I\u2019ve got to get away.\u201d The plea cane out a lot more heartfelt than Adam had intended. At first he had only thought of going to help his bothers and it wasn\u2019t until he\u2019d thought it through that he realised he needed to break Anne\u2019s dependence on him before they both drowned in it. Not until now as he tried to put it into words was he sure just how much it meant. He buried his face in his hands and Sue put her arms round him. Just for a moment he had looked very like his brother and she reacted as she would have done to comfort Hoss. For a second she was aghast at her own temerity, but Adam had learnt to love the tall redhead in her own right and he was grateful for her comfort and relaxed against her. For a minute they sat in silence and then Adam lifted his head, \u201cWill you help me Sue? You\u2019re the only one Hoss might listen to and accept it from.\u201d<\/p>\n Sue frowned, it went against every tenet of nursing. Adam was weak, ill and exhausted. He needed a long convalescence not a hard drive, but she had seen him go against the rules too often and prove that it was right for him. She also knew the strains he was under while he remained at the house. Slowly she smiled \u201cYou\u2019re obstinate, pigheaded and a fool but I guess you\u2019ll cope, I\u2019ll back you Adam. You\u2019ve proved us all wrong over Anne and maybe you\u2019ll do it again. Maybe you would be better for getting away.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam kissed her cheek, \u201cMy brothers both did me proud. Thank you sister.\u201d He finished his coffee and his head felt easier just because he had her support. He decided to go and get Carole settled for the night and then argue it out with his father and brothers.<\/p>\n Carole was pleased to see him and thought he looked better for his long sleep but to placate her and retain her blessing on his trip Adam had to promise to go back to bed, if necessary with a tablet, once he\u2019d eaten. He still had a lot of sleep to make up. Once she was tucked up Adam removed his dozing daughter. She had been fretful without him but Carole wasn\u2019t telling him that. Now safe in her father\u2019s arms she slept soundly. Adam went down and found himself hungrier than he\u2019d expected. He saw Sue take her big husband off and guessed that she was fulfilling her bargain. Joe was restless, waiting impatiently for Adam to finish eating before he could raise the subject close to his heart. Whatever they decided Joe wanted it settled before he went to bed that night. Once he knew maybe he could come to terms with the prospect, but the uncertainty was the worst of all worlds.<\/p>\n Adam caught his father\u2019s eye as Joe paced around like a caged lion and he smiled. He poured out coffee and then got to his feet, \u201cCome on then Joe let\u2019s go in the study and you can have your say before you burst.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss followed Adam in, with his arm round Sue, incomprehension, disbelief and outrage fighting for expression on his face, not altogether to his brother\u2019s surprise. Adam sat down at the desk, still more comfortable with something to lean on, unable to relax back, his scars still too tender. \u201cGo on Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLook we all know what you suggested to Pa about the drive. Thanks for the thought brother and both Hoss and I appreciate it, but it\u2019s not possible. You are not well enough, so let\u2019s decide how we can do it.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam asked mildly \u201cDon\u2019t you think I\u2019m the best judge of what I can and can\u2019t do?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d Joe answered bluntly, \u201cThe worst. We all know how strong your will power is and we\u2019ve all thanked God for it on occasion but you will collapse. A hard drive is the last thing you need. It\u2019s not fair on you or Carole and it\u2019s not fair on the men especially Jos\u00e9.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded in agreement but Adam wouldn\u2019t let it go \u201cLook I know the men and I\u2019m asking for the very best to go with me, a crew that we\u2019ve never bettered. They\u2019ll carry me. I know I\u2019m asking a lot, but don\u2019t you believe Jos\u00e9 and Jess, Stevens too will very willingly help?\u201d<\/p>\n Despite his determination to prevent Adam going, Joe couldn\u2019t help remembering Stevens offer of help, out of character for that strange independent man and he wouldn\u2019t argue on that point. Both Jess and Jos\u00e9 would do anything for his brother. Joe admitted as much but concentrated on his brother\u2019s physical weakness. They all knew how hard physically a drive was, even when conditions were good, regardless of anything else the unused muscles and tender scar tissue couldn\u2019t cope, Adam would make himself ill.<\/p>\n Adam let his brother talk himself out. All his objections and then asked, \u201cHow about the advantages Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere aren\u2019t any for you, all the advantages are for Hoss and me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not true Joe. Just how much rest do you think I\u2019ve had this last week?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe all know that Adam but ….\u201d<\/p>\n Adam interrupted \u201cNo Joe. What makes you think it\u2019ll be any better over the next weeks? It\u2019s going to take time to get her onto even three hourly feeds, let alone through the night, I can\u2019t resist her cries. Between you maybe you can get enough rest, but not if I\u2019m around. She\u2019s stubborn but she has to be broken from her dependence on me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo like you did this morning when Pa fed her.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam said very simply \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d He rubbed his aching eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose. \u201cIt was hard enough once when I had to know the answer. I\u2019m not made of granite, I can\u2019t do it again. I have to get away.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe already knew that Carole was supporting her husband but not getting anywhere he looked round to his father and brother for support. He\u2019d never got very far in out arguing Adam but sometimes the three of them together could make an impression. After Hoss\u2019 initial reaction he was surprised that Hoss was so quiet. Hoss frowned as Joe caught his eye, confused and unsure Hoss sighed \u201cI don\u2019t know Joe.\u201d She smiled \u201cBy all the rules Adam should be in bed and stay there for a week, but then Carole should have lost the baby and I don\u2019t think there are any rules about burns like those. Somehow the rules don\u2019t apply. I think Adam is right, he has to break Anne\u2019s dependence on him and maybe the only way is to get right away.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe turned and looked over to Hoss but his brother just shrugged, He trusted his wife\u2019s judgement even though it went against his own instincts. Joe was furious and he began \u201cDo you…..\u201d Only to bite back the accusation that Sue was biased because she wanted to keep her husband with her. Nita moved closer to Joe seeing the fury he couldn\u2019t hide. Despite his anger Joe knew he\u2019d come close to being very unfair to Sue and that held him quiet for a minute. Nita had also seen the gratitude with which Adam listened to Sue and realised something of the depth of his need o go on the drive, so to Joe\u2019s horror she added her voice to Sue\u2019s, Adam should be allowed to do what he wanted. Joe pulled away from her in surprise, aghast at what he\u2019d heard.<\/p>\n Ben, unsure in his own mind, hadn\u2019t spoken yet but remembering how Joe had said they ought to outvote Adam and said ruefully \u201cYou were the one who said it was a democracy Joe. Way I see it Adam has four votes with one undecided.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on Pa, I know the girls all mean well, he\u2019s always been too derned persuasive but they have no concept of the rough conditions on a drive, soaking wet half the time, never any comfort, no beds, rough food, long hours and more worryingly trouble coming out of nowhere. Slow reactions can get you killed. It\u2019s not just a young man\u2019s job but it needs a fit men or it may not be just your own life you\u2019re risking.\u201d<\/p>\n The rest of the family fell quiet at Joe\u2019s impassioned outburst. Ben half convinced by Adam\u2019s insistence was almost swayed back by Joe\u2019s legitimate comments. Adam could read his family like a book. Hoss would go along with Sue, his father half convinced but Joe wouldn\u2019t listen to Sue or his own wife, neither of them understood what a drive meant. Somehow he had to convince his brother. Adam got to his feet, \u201cCome on Joe, I want some fresh air and we\u2019d better talk.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe wasn\u2019t getting any support anyway, but although he knew what his brother was going to try and do, he agreed. They went over to the corral fence and stared up at the mountains, leaning on the fence side by side. Joe wasn\u2019t cross anymore and he smiled ruefully at his elder brother, \u201cDon\u2019t think I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re up to, you madman. You\u2019ve always been able to make the wildest ideas appear logical and reasonable, but not this time.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam grinned but then he went very serious, \u201cJoe, you\u2019re right, the girls don\u2019t know what a drive involves but I do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not fit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that too, though I\u2019m not as bad as you seem to think.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLook even without considering all the sleep you\u2019ve missed, there\u2019s too much tender scar tissue, too many unused muscles.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe first week of the drive is always fairly quiet with plenty of men to keep the cows in line, Jos\u00e9 can cope and I\u2018ll soon get back into condition.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t be stupid Adam it may take months. You need rest and comfort, cold hard ground, wet clothes and bad food will hardly help your scars.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam put his arm round his little brother, \u201cI know you mean well Joe you\u2019d do anything to help me, often have. This time just let me have my own way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you can push yourself into collapse to save Hoss and me a few nightmares!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll have all too many anyway Joe. Don\u2019t you think I know how you feel, but at least you won\u2019t be unreachable if anything happens, or live with the fear that you might be.\u201d \u201cNo Joe.\u201d Adam said quietly but decisively, \u201cI don\u2019t deny I first thought of going because of you two. It\u2019s only since then that I\u2019ve realised just how much I need to go.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t interrupt as Adam came to a stop for a minute. Adam lent more heavily on his brother, \u201cYou\u2019re right of course Joe. Drives are hard and uncomfortable and I\u2019m not going to enjoy that much, but I can cope. What I can\u2019t do is carry on here. That baby has drained me Joe, she\u2019s taken all I\u2019ve got to give. I\u2019ve got to get away. I can\u2019t help myself I have to go to her. It was alright until Pa came back I wasn\u2019t really aware of my aches and pains but I can\u2019t get back to that, I must get away.\u201d Adam swallowed hard, so very tired again and, like Sue, Joe couldn\u2019t resist the heartfelt plea, Adam wasn\u2019t that good an actor, whatever the arguments against him going, still as strong as ever, Adam needed to, not just for his brothers, but for himself.<\/p>\n Joe sighed heavily, \u201cAlright brother have your own way but right now its bed for you. Come on you slept at Hoss\u2019 all day, let\u2019s at least try separation, use our guest room. And you\u2019ll take a tablet.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean it Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve already talked the rest of the family round. I\u2019ll warn Jess and Jos\u00e9 tomorrow, provided you sleep tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you little brother.\u201d Adam relaxed and was glad of his brother\u2019s support and help into bed. As he settled he tried again to say thank you for understanding but the drug took effect and he was asleep before he could really explain. Only then did Joe go back to admit his defeat to the rest of his family. Hoss had been surprised to find his father had almost come round and when Joe had to accept it because he recognised Adam\u2019s need, Hoss felt easier and tired he let his father bully him into an early night. Ben promised to wake him later to look after the baby. Hoss went up with Sue and although still worried about her he felt as though a great weight had been lifted from him. Whatever happened he would be close at hand to cope, not miles away unable to get home, not even knowing what was happening. In time he knew he\u2019d start worrying about his brother as well, but for now he just wanted to sleep.<\/p>\n Ben sent Joe and Nita home and settled back to clear a few routine details, hoping he was doing the right thing in letting Adam go, his son was still so weak. He found it hard to work and wasn\u2019t sorry when Anne woke up. She was stubborn and it was well over an hour before she accepted the bottle and settles, Ben dozed next to her hoping that she\u2019d soon begin to accept them.<\/p>\n Joe had been talking with Nita for a while and he was just on his way to bed when he heard his brother tossing around very restlessly. The drug was strong enough to keep him asleep but he was still aware of the baby\u2019s distress. Very restless he\u2019d already hurt his left hand and Joe stayed by him for an hour trying to calm him down without much success but at least holding him still It was very obvious what was upsetting him despite the distance between the houses but at last as Anne settled so did Adam, Joe left the doors open and went to bed, only to be woken again less than two hours later, Again it was more than an hour before Adam settled and he was soaked with sweat, Joe changed the sheets and blanket before crawling back to bed. Nita was awake and Joe was glad of the comfort of her arms but he was too tense to settle and he was waiting for the next disturbance. This time Adam woke up as the drug slackened its grip and he was sitting up in bed fighting the urge to go to his daughter. Joe didn\u2019t need any long explanations, \u201cCome on Adam, calm down and have some coffee, a drink. She\u2019s alright, Hoss is with her.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to go over.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo Adam. She\u2019s alright, Hoss can cope. You have a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam let himself be bullied into Joe\u2019s study and sipped the brandy his brother poured him but he was only really aware of Anne\u2019s distress, not even hearing Joe\u2019s words. Joe put a coat round him as it was cold but it wasn\u2019t until the baby settled finally that Adam looked up aware of Joe\u2019s presence, \u201cYou look whacked little brother, go back to bed, I\u2019m alright now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou come too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright but I\u2019m not tired, spent most of the last twenty hours asleep.\u201d Joe didn\u2019t think he\u2019d got much benefit from it but he wasn\u2019t surprised when he heard Adam getting dressed a little later. For a time Adam sat quietly staring out of the window but when next he felt Anne call he didn\u2019t fight it. As he came out on the landing Joe out his head out and Adam smiled ruefully \u201cI\u2019m going home Joe quieten her down. I told you I can\u2019t resist.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll see you later brother.\u201d Joe went back to bed. He\u2019d fought hard against Adam\u2019s idea for the drive and even when he had given way it had been against his better judgement. Now seeing the pull the baby had, even at this distance and with Adam in a drugged sleep, he finally came to accept that Adam did need to get away, for his own sake.<\/p>\n Hoss was furious as Adam came in but he passed the baby over. Now that his brother was up and dressed there was little point in arguing. Adam took the baby, who instantly settled to feed and then meeting his brother\u2019s eye, \u201cI was awake anyway. Is there any coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss fetched some and as it was still very early, he went back to bed on Adam\u2019s insistence. Once she was sleeping Adam moved round to his desk and with at least some sleep he was thinking clearer than he had in weeks and began to clear some of the legal queries and contract problems which had arisen. The routine of work eased his head and he was looking more nearly himself than he had for a long time when the others came down to breakfast. Sue had left Hoss asleep, not too surprised to find Adam back.<\/p>\n Joe was over early, not having succeeded in getting back to sleep and he proposed riding up to the branding corrals to check how things were going and to warn the men what was planned. Before he went he told his father very briefly just what he\u2019d seen overnight and his growing conviction that, as usual, Adam was right and needed to get away. Ben wasn\u2019t surprised but he was very glad that Joe had come round; maybe it would stop his youngest son blaming himself and worrying too much while his brother was away. In any case the last thing Adam needed at the moment was a running argument.<\/p>\n Adam hesitated, not sure whether to join Joe, knowing he ought to get out and about in the next two days, but there was a pile of legal work that he wanted to clear before he left. In the end knowing the outrage his idea was going to provoke, particularly with Jess, he opted for a quiet morning to let the steam burn itself out and then he\u2019d ride up the following day. Jos\u00e9 looked over at the huge herd, scared of the responsibility, knowing how valuable the big herd was, not only in monetary terms but to the good name of the Ponderosa. He knew just what the situation was at the house and didn\u2019t see how any of the Cartwrights could come with him but the sheer size of the job terrified him. \u201cI\u2019ll do my best Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe could see the other man\u2019s uncertainty and smiled \u201cHeck we know that Jos\u00e9, darned good it is too, but it\u2019s not fair on you with a herd this size.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNone of you free to go I realise that but you haven\u2019t made it clear just which of the men will be going.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo be honest old friend I don\u2019t know if I\u2019m easing your problems or adding to them. You\u2019ll still have to deal with the day to day running at least to begin with, but the ultimate responsibility won\u2019t be yours. Adam is coming along.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at him in disbelief, \u201cYou can\u2019t be serious!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh I am. I know all the arguments against it Jos\u00e9 but he\u2019ll cope and he needs to get away.\u201d Joe poured him coffee and handed it over before answering him. \u201cAdam. He\u2019ll head the drive.\u201d<\/p>\n Jess met Jos\u00e9\u2019s eye but the tall vaquero just shrugged. It was his boss\u2019 decision, he might not approve but as always he would go along. Jess had seen more immediately than anyone just how badly Adam had been hurt on the west shore and he was the only one of the hands to have seen anything of Adam in the last weeks as he moved through the days far beyond exhaustion, pushed to the limit. He glared at Joe in a fury \u201cYou can\u2019t let him Joe, there ain\u2019t no way he\u2019s well enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEasy Jess, you can\u2019t say anything I haven\u2019t. I know how badly he was hurt and how much it cost him to hold onto Carole and your goddaughter. Firstly noone has ever succeeded in changing his mind when he\u2019s set on something and in this he has Carole\u2019s support. She\u2019s about the only one who comes close to budging him and secondly although my initial reaction was the same as yours, I\u2019ve come round to believing it\u2019s for the best.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou just don\u2019t want to leave your wife while she\u2019s pregnant.\u201d Jess said bitterly. Joe, remembering how he\u2019d nearly turned on Sue, was a lot calmer than Jos\u00e9 expected and even grinned, \u201cOf course not, neither does Hoss, but if that was the only reason for Adam going we\u2019d fight even harder to stop him, just because it would be too selfish not to.\u201d \u201cAdam needs to go Jos\u00e9. I know its asking a lot especially of you two. I\u2019m asking you to look after my brother as well as the herd. At home whatever we do the baby wakes him every two hours or less. He even slept at my house last night but it made no difference. She only really settles for him, but he can\u2019t keep on carrying her, its draining his strength, more than the drive will. I wasn\u2019t sure until last night, even though I drugged him and there was no way he could hear her, he was so restless I thought he\u2019d hurt his back. He needs to get away and this is the only way he can square it with his conscience.\u201d Joe sipped his coffee having said far more then he intended but he felt they had a right to know, \u201cYou understand it\u2019s for you two only. Not many people will understand what that baby means to him.\u201d Joe shook his hand \u201cThank you Jess.\u201d<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 grinned \u201cMe too and we\u2019ll get the herd through.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe only way I can help is to give you the best crew I can. Apart from you two and Pio, take Stevens, John Wilson, Santee, Red and Hank with of course Kirk for the wagon. Fill it out with whoever you like, as many as you think you\u2019ll need with a few spare. For once we\u2019re not short of men.\u201d<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 laughed softly \u201cAll good men Joe, with that crew I can manage anything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re all very grateful. I know he\u2019s not well enough and he\u2019ll be bound to worry about what\u2019s happening at home. Don\u2019t nag him too much, take it from an expert it don\u2019t work, but keep an eye on him for me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know we will.\u201d Jos\u00e9 promised.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s the only reason I\u2019m going along, that and his need to get away. Carole too. She backed him on condition you two were along.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry Joe we\u2019ll protect him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s no real way to say thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHell Joe it ain\u2019t necessary.\u201d Jess added, \u201cAdam saved my life and many of the others. Little enough to repay him.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded. \u201cI\u2019d better be getting back, work piling up and you have it all under control here. I think Adam will be out tomorrow to settle the details.\u201d As he walked over to Cochise he saw Stevens and called him over. Stevens frowned, \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cA while ago you offered your help. I\u2019d like to ask it now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re going on this drive. Next to Jos\u00e9 you know cattle better than anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s my job, nothing special.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy brother is heading the drive. He\u2019ll need every bit of help he can get. Normally we do the scouting ourselves but I don\u2019t want him to. Will you take that responsibility and help Jess and Jos\u00e9 from overdoing it.\u201d<\/p>\n At first Stevens assumed Joe meant that Hoss was going but the worry on his face belied that assumption. \u201cYou mean Adam\u2019s going?\u201d he asked in near disbelief.<\/p>\n Joe nodded. \u201cThe reasons don\u2019t matter, they are enough to make me accept it but he\u2019s not fit so I\u2019m asking for your help.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou have it and so does he. Stubborn as they come but between us we\u2019ll carry him and bring him home in one piece.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you Stevens. You may find it necessary to stop Jess fussing too much, he means well but it seldom answers with my obstinate brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll cope. I\u2019m glad you asked.\u201d Joe smiled at the tall cowboy and having enlisted the help of three very different, but very capable, men he felt a little easier about his brother going along.<\/p>\n Despite his broken night, having slept the previous day and maybe because he\u2019d broken down, released some of the tension, Adam felt better and he was much more efficient than he\u2019d been in a long time. He managed a considerable pile of work as he sat by Carole and she was pleased to see it. He was reading rapidly through complex documents in a way he hadn\u2019t recently, obviously much more himself.<\/p>\n That night Adam refused to take drugs and insisted that he would deal with Anne. He had a slight argument with his family but after Joe\u2019s story of the previous night they gave way and let him do as he wanted. With the baby asleep on the bed next to him he fed her faster and got back to sleep sooner.<\/p>\n Adam rode out early the next morning and both his brothers fought the temptation to go with him. From the next day he would be in charge of a large herd and even though several men would be doing all they could to help he would still be responsible. Although both stayed home neither of them could settle. Ben laughed at them Adam wasn\u2019t going very far and if they were this bad when he would be home for lunch what were they going to be like tomorrow when he headed of for a month? Joe at least had the grace to look sheepish and he settled to work but Hoss couldn\u2019t. Even with Joe\u2019s turnabout he couldn\u2019t help worrying, feeling guilty that his brother was just going to save him having to leave Sue.<\/p>\n Adam wasn\u2019t sorry to reach the camp, he was a little stiff, but he swung down tying Blackie up. Jess hurried over, \u201cCome and have some coffee.\u201d Adam nodded, ignoring the anxious looks Jess gave him, \u201cWhere\u2019s Jos\u00e9?\u201d<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ll get Pio to go fetch him, just sit down.\u201d Jess bit back the anxious questions, although Adam looked very tired he was more in control than he had been the last few times Jess had seen him. He couldn\u2019t resist just telling his friend that he was mad but Adam just grinned, \u201cThe herd\u2019s more restful than your Goddaughter. I never did get round to thanking you for acting Jess and she\u2019ll be around to pester you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know how glad I am about that Adam. I still don\u2019t know if I\u2019m very suitable.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re my friend.\u201d For Adam that settled the subject, \u201cDid Joe set you onto me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe promised to keep and eye on you, stop you overdoing it, if we could!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not going to try very much at first. Joe\u2019s lined up Stevens to scout and I\u2019ll leave Jos\u00e9 in charge, excess baggage.\u201d<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 rode up then and Adam reverted to business. Jos\u00e9 was surprised but pleased to find that Adam was his efficient self, although looking tired and stiff he wasn\u2019t as bad as Jos\u00e9 had expected. It didn\u2019t take long to settle details of men, the remuda and supplies that were needed, everything would be ready in time for them to leave the following morning. Jess suggested they take along some pillows as Hoss had to the west shore to give Adam some minimal comfort but Adam flatly refused to consider it. That had been weeks ago his back was healed now and although he might take it easy to start with as he was tired he needed no special consideration. Jess wasn\u2019t convinced he could see the bad scars on Adam\u2019s hand, which he was still hardly using but he couldn\u2019t push it when Adam was so dogmatic. Kirk knew him too well to push further and allowed Adam to settle to the detailed business and it didn\u2019t take long to finish up. Adam went stiffly back to Blackie, more tired than he wanted his family to know. He decided to take a few minutes break up by the Lake. No one knew how long he would be so they shouldn\u2019t be worried. He sat at the point staring out over the Lake, more tired than he\u2019d expected, wondering if all the rest were right and he\u2019d taken on more than he could cope with. It was an effort to get back on his feet and he was so stiff it was hard to mount up but as he walked Blackie back to the house he managed to hide his tiredness. He walked in demanding food and all of them emerged from where they were busy to see if it was an act but Adam only had eyes for his wife.<\/p>\n Carole had been determined to send him off with his mind at ease about her and the baby and she had persuaded Sue to help her downstairs. She was sitting by the fire with Anne on her lap. Adam hurried over to kneel by her, unsure if she was strong enough to leave her bed yet, but she looked fine and smiled content to have him back. Delighted to see her up and around Adam forgot his tiredness and it wasn\u2019t an act. He was more light hearted than he had been since she went into labour. It made everything seem better just to have her downstairs and the three older children were delighted. Adam basically ignored the rest of the work, everything was under control and between them Ben and Joe could cope, calling in legal help if necessary as they had done before he qualified. Adam just relaxed with his family and gained more strength from them than he could ever explain, so much that it showed and no-one disputed his right to tend Anne for one last night.<\/p>\n Ben had promised to send telegrams updating Adam on progress at home; they would be awaiting collection at each town along his route, the schedule well known. Not wanting to cause a row Ben omitted to tell Adam that Joe had arranged for Jos\u00e9 to send them word on his condition at each stop and to send word if he couldn\u2019t cope. One of his brothers would immediately go and take over despite Adam\u2019s arguments. Ben relied on his foreman\u2019s good sense, knowing that his son would refuse to ask for help, it was the only way that he would go along.<\/p>\n The next morning Adam took his leave of his family. He held Carole very close, hating to leave her when she was so weak and with the baby so tiny, but knowing that she understood and putting his trust in his family to look after them for him. Ben rode out to the herd with his son, but beyond telling Adam to take it very easy Ben didn\u2019t nag for which Adam was very grateful.<\/p>\n The herd was already slowly on the move, the wagon and remuda barely in sight. Ben offered his hand, \u201cI\u2019ll see you in a month, be very careful and I\u2019ll look after Carole and the children.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that Pa. I hope I\u2019ll be back before Sue or Nita\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are already doing a lot to help them Adam and I\u2019ve had plenty of practice looking after them, so don\u2019t worry about your brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure Pa and we\u2019ll get the herd through on schedule\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust do your best and don\u2019t push too hard. The main thing I want is you back safe, having recovered your strength.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be fine Pa; you just keep Hoss and Joe sane.\u201d Adam smiled at his father and then kicked Blackie on to the head of the herd. Jos\u00e9 cut over seeing Ben and promised to keep a close eye on Adam and send word if he needed help, but between them they could cope. Ben had a lot of faith in his foreman and despite the fears he couldn\u2019t hide he sat Buck watching the herd slowly move out and he felt a surge of pride. This was the real part of the Ponderosa, even more than the lumber. These cattle good quality showing the years of care he\u2019d put into breeding. For his sons maybe the breed horses were their favourite but for Ben it was the cattle and he rode home more at peace than he could ever have dreamt.<\/p>\n Joe had buried himself in work and Hoss had headed up to the lumber camp, both still feeling guilty at letting Adam go. They reacted the same way, wanting to be so busy that they didn\u2019t have time to think. Ben understood and let Joe take some papers home with him to work on after dinner. He went straight to bed himself, leaving Sue to settle Carole and cope with Anne until two when she would call him. She could sleep in the next morning. The baby seemed to miss her father and was restless but as though accepting he wasn\u2019t around Anne made less protest when others tried to feed her.<\/p>\n Adam let Jos\u00e9 cope with Stevens and Jess\u2019 help that first day, just riding slowly alongside the herd until mid-afternoon and then catching up with Kirk at the overnight camping ground. Despite doing nothing he was very stiff and tired, his clothes chaffing more on the tender skin on his back than he\u2019d expected. He was having a job to focus and looked very pale and drawn but Kirk didn\u2019t lecture just getting coffee. When Jess rode in to find Adam, obviously exhausted just picking at his food he\u2019d have dearly loved to tell Adam not to be a fool just go back home. However he’d given his word not to fuss and so he collected his own food and tried to persuade Adam to eat. Failing in that he suggested Adam make up a bed in the supply wagon and get some rest. Adam wouldn\u2019t, he\u2019d sleep on the ground like everyone else but he did admit to being tired and he took his bedroll off into the woods just behind the wagon, wanting to be on his own, in case he was disturbed by nightmares.<\/p>\n Jess passed the word to try and keep the noise down a bit; as Adam was very popular and they all knew he wasn\u2019t fit the noise became very muted. Most of them had been surprised that he was along, knowing how badly hurt he\u2019d been. Jess left him for a while and then took his own bedroll close to his friend. Adam was sleeping tired out but he was very restless on the hard ground, unable to get comfortable. Jess dozed restlessly several times Adam was murmuring incoherently and he went to his friend, not understanding and not really able to help Jess could only hold Adam still in case he hurt himself. Once the noise got so much that it woke Kirk who came to investigate. Jess was glad to see the old beaten up cowboy. \u201cWhat do we do? He can\u2019t go on like this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust a nightmare, it\u2019ll pass.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe shouldn\u2019t be along\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMighty stubborn, like his Pa, he\u2019ll cope.\u201d The two men watching Adam didn\u2019t realise but as Anne finally accepted the bottle Adam relaxed and slipped into a quiet sleep. Kirk brusquely told Jess to take his bedroll and move back to the fire, he would keep an eye on Adam. Jess hesitated but Kirk said, “Won\u2019t help him none if\u2019n you\u2019re exhausted tomorrow, go on.” That set the pattern for the next week, apart from outline orders Adam left things to Jos\u00e9, accepting Stevens decisions on camp ground without question. Knowing the route so well he was able to outline the possibilities for the scout each morning. The only argument he had was on the third day when he suspected, quite rightly, that Jos\u00e9 and Stevens were arranging a short drive not because the cattle needed it but because they thought he was tired. He got his own way and he was so cross, which obviously took so much out of him, that they didn’t try it again. Adam had driven herds over this route too often to be fooled. Adam found it hard to sit by and watch as the men pushed the herd across rivers but he remembered Joe\u2019s legitimate fear that by slow reactions he would risk not only his own but other people\u2019s lives. Adam felt embarrassed at not doing his share and he was surprised and touched by the way the men took it, not just his close friends. All of them knew he wasn\u2019t fit, the scars on his hand a visible proof if it was needed and all long time Ponderosa hands they knew how often the Cartwright took the very worst jobs, risking their lives for their men. Indeed Adam had been hurt in just such an attempt and not only Jess and John Wilson remembered that. \u201cSleeping better. I don\u2019t know why you\u2019re grinning, I reckon our problems are just about to start. Now he\u2019s that much stronger.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam was just grateful to have got through the day without ending up exhausted, even stretching out near the wagon. His back was still sore but it was bearable even if he rested on it and for almost the first time he believed Doc that eventually the scar tissue would harden and he\u2019d be able to forget. He never mentioned his family but, with little to do as Jos\u00e9 coped easily, he had all too much time to think and he was glad that the next day someone would collect word from Fallon for him. Adam was up early and although he knew it would be lunchtime before he could expect to hear, he was impatient and he wasn\u2019t in a very good temper. He couldn\u2019t face food and when Jess tried to force him, he just relieved Adam\u2019s temper as Adam swore at him. It was most unusual and maybe only a close friend would have received the blasting Adam gave Jess as he told him to mind his own business. Jos\u00e9 joined Jess as he escaped, \u201cThey say it\u2019s a good sign when invalids get fractious.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam couldn\u2019t just sit around and wait, so ignoring Jos\u00e9\u2019s protests he took close control of the drive and pushed them hard all morning. He pushed himself even harder despite everything that Jess and Jos\u00e9 said trying to get him to take it easy. Kirk had already pulled up and was preparing lunch when the store wagon returned from Fallon. Adam seeing it galloped over. Pio had collected the telegram for him, at the same time sending one home and he knew what Adam wanted. He had the envelope ready to hand to him as Adam came up. It was in an envelope and Pio had no idea what it said. Adam took the envelope and dismounted going over to the fire, staring at the envelope. His hard work that morning was taking its toll and he felt suddenly exhausted. Although he had been waiting for news, he felt scared to open the envelope in case it was bad news. Jess watched for a moment but then seeing the increased tension he went over to Adam, despite the bawling out he\u2019d had that morning. He touched Adam\u2019s shoulder \u201cYou alright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I \u2026.\u201d Adam bit his lip, not realising how pale and drawn he looked. \u201cJess I can\u2019t open it, will you please?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course\u201d Jess took the advantage from Adam\u2019s shaking hand, only just realising how worried Adam was about his family, especially his baby daughter. He quickly scanned it and grinned, \u201cEveryone is fine. Anne putting on weight, no alarms.\u201d He offered the telegram back to Adam but his friend was trembling too much to read it and Jess put his arm round his friend and gently forced him to sit down on a nearby log before reading it out to Adam. Adam buried his face in his hands, not wanting anyone to see his near loss of control. Kirk brought coffee over and although a teetotaller himself he had on Ben\u2019s orders brought a supply of brandy along and he put a hefty slug in Adam\u2019s coffee. Jess touched his friend\u2019s arm \u201cDrink it please Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam took the coffee and slowly relaxed, thankful for the good news and he reread the telegram himself. He had to force himself to eat but slowly regained control and although he largely left things to Jos\u00e9 that afternoon he rode along reasonably relaxed. After an early night he looked better the next morning and although he took more control of the drive, he didn\u2019t push as hard as he had that morning and coped reasonably well. During the first week Adam was away both his brothers had thrown themselves into work as an antidote to the blame they felt in letting him go. The fervour of his pleas that he needed to go had faded and even Joe could only remember, as he settled in a warm bed next to his wife, that Adam was sleeping on the cold ground to save him a few nightmares. Ben largely let them get on with it and they had his full agreement that none of the girls was going to overtire themselves tending a fretful baby during the night. Anne thoroughly disapproved of her father\u2019s absence and she was going to make sure that everyone in her vicinity knew about it. Even during the day with her mother she was a misery and at night she was even worse. With a steady stream of queries from town as the business community picked itself up Ben and Joe were kept busy, leaving Hoss to finish up the lumber contracts and the hay cutting with storage of winter feed. The work of the ranch was well up on schedule despite the upheavals during the year and the weather was reasonably cooperative. Hoss ensured that he got home each night even if it meant long rides, Joe needed help and Ben was too busy to miss his sleep, still a little short on stamina. Hoss had taken to going to bed early and taking over from Joe around two in the morning. Joe slept in a little usually appearing around eight. In fact Hoss was on the receiving end of the worst of Anne\u2019s tantrums but he just marvelled that such a tiny baby could so clearly have a will of her own, a real little character, obstinate but in her own way beguiling. As he fed her and walked the study with her Hoss spent hours daydreaming about his own child, due so soon now, the child he had never expected to have.<\/p>\n Both brothers were short on sleep and still troubled by nightmares but the tension grew much worse as the herd should be approaching Fallon. Ben was by far the calmest and when Joe began looking for a messenger he gently chided his son. It would be at least noon the following day before they could expect to hear anything. Jos\u00e9 was not that pushed for time and would take it fairly easy, both to conserve the condition of the herd and for Adam\u2019s sake, Joe admitted the sense of that but he couldn\u2019t hide his fears for his brother.<\/p>\n The next day Hoss showed a marked reluctance to leave the house. He was due to go up to the sawmill but by lunchtime was still checking over figures. Ben didn\u2019t bother him and for once Joe was too concerned himself to tease his big brother. Carole seemed unconcerned, she was up and around although still taking it easy. At least she felt much better and was very glad to see more of her children, The twins were off playing on their own much of the time but Marie had really missed her mother and she at least was flatteringly pleased to have her around. Carole was far more worried about Adam than she allowed to show. She had given him her full support but she knew him too well to miss how weak and tired he had been. When the messenger arrived from town all of them followed Ben into the study as he opened the telegram. Hoss hovered close to Carole, just in case but as Ben quickly scanned the telegram he grinned broadly. Jos\u00e9 hadn\u2019t stinted on detail and assured them that Adam was looking better, eating well and beginning to sleep much better. He was being sensible not attempting too much, although doing a little more now and that between them they would ensure he survived without too much trouble. Ben had Jos\u00e9\u2019s promise not to send glowing reports just to ease his mind but to stick to the facts and they all knew their foreman would do exactly that. Carole sat down in a chair feeling suddenly weak and asked Hoss to pour her a small brandy but she was smiling. Ben grinned at his sons, \u201cNow maybe you two will stop fussing and we can get some work done around here!\u201d Adam found the drive north of Fallon filled with too many memories. The last time he\u2019d brought the herd an electric storm had caused a stampede and Jos\u00e9 had broken his leg. Conditions were very much better this time and the weather was totally different but he couldn\u2019t help feeling tense and more than a little bad tempered. Even without a stampede the ground was very rough and they made slow progress, showing just how lucky he had been not to lose more in the stampede. In addition there were clouds gathering over the mountains to their west and Adam was uneasy. Jos\u00e9 didn\u2019t seem to notice them but as he rode along Adam found his eye drawn back to the clouds almost against his will. That night they camped about halfway along the stampede path. It wasn\u2019t an ideal campsite and the cattle were without water but it was too far to push them onto the river, the ground too rough in the growing dark. Adam could only pick at his food and despite Jess\u2019 protests he threw most of it away but he couldn\u2019t settle. For once he had forgotten about his daughter and his family, wrapped up in the job he had taken on. Apart from two years ago he hadn\u2019t taken the drive for years, not since Hoss reached maturity but for many years in his late teens and early twenties it had been his job every autumn. The experience and knowledge of the country that he had built up then was still with him and it all combined to warn him of trouble, so that he couldn\u2019t rest.<\/p>\n Adam sat by the fire, not talking, the expression on his face enough to warn the men not to bother him. He was lost in his own thoughts, staring into his cup of coffee, not drinking it, almost forgetting he was holding it. Both Jess and Jos\u00e9 tried to persuade him to get some rest but without success, he didn\u2019t even seem to hear them and when Jess pushed it Adam, not unkindly but firmly told him to go and rest himself, he would settle later. Jess had got to know Adam very well over the last years and knew when it was a waste of time pressing him. He caught Jose\u2019s eyes but Jos\u00e9 just shrugged they might as well get some sleep when Adam looked that stubborn it was a waste of time. Adam smiled wryly as the two men settled down, he must look better or neither of them would have given way so easily. He knew that Stevens had been out scouting ahead but he couldn\u2019t help worrying about those clouds. Flash floods were always a danger in the nest two river valleys. Eventually Adam went over to the horse line and saddled a roan mare that he knew well, she was very surefooted. Chris Santee on night-herd came over to investigate on hearing the noise. He was one of the few who had seen the extent of Adam\u2019s injuries and had learnt how bad it was from John Wilson. He was outspoken in his condemnation of Adam\u2019s proposed ride, forgetting for a moment that this was his boss. He was even threatening to wake Jos\u00e9 but Adam just reminded him who was in overall charge of the drive and then grinned \u201cJos\u00e9 couldn\u2019t stop me anyway so let him sleep. I won\u2019t be long.\u201d<\/p>\n Santee was worried at his own temerity and he bit his lip anxiously but Adam saw and as he mounted he said \u201cDon\u2019t worry Chris I know it was kindly meant.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam took it fairly slowly on the rough ground but he cut up into the hills wanting to see what conditions were like further west. By midnight he was deep in the hills and with cloud covering what little moon there was he walked the mare. The last thing he wanted was to have to walk back with an injured horse. It was long time since he\u2019d been in the hills in that area but with a good sense of direction he found what he was looking for. The feeder streams up on the high mesa which in twelve to eighteen hours would be sending their waters down to the rivers which the cattle cross. The dry valleys could disappear in floods too deep for cattle.<\/p>\n Without adequate light it wasn\u2019t easy for Adam to tell what he wanted to know but he lit a bundle of twigs as a torch and saw enough. The water was discoloured, just beginning to run higher with a little debris. Adam rode on north to check some of the other streams, He found much the same there and although it wasn\u2019t conclusive, the streams could go down again without causing trouble, Adam wasn\u2019t taking that risk. His mind made up Adam turned the mare and made his way slowly back to camp. He had to concentrate on the terrain at first but for the last three miles he trusted to the mare\u2019s surefootedness while he tried to sort out in his own mind just what needed doing.<\/p>\n Time was at a premium and he intended moving out the herd as soon as there was any light at all. It was nearly four by the time he got back to the herd to find Santee pacing around anxiously, although he had been relieved on duty. He hadn\u2019t woken Jess or Jos\u00e9 although he had been very tempted, for which Adam was very grateful. Santee didn\u2019t try any more lectures, just providing his boss with fresh coffee. Adam sat down grateful for it, tense and overtired, he made a deliberate effort to relax, knowing there was a long tiring day ahead of all of them. For nearly half an hour he sat lost in thought and it was a real effort to get to his feet but slowly Adam stretched and then went over to wake Kirk. The grizzled old cowboy woke swiftly, assuming it was trouble but everything seemed peaceful, the herd quiet. He frowned looking at Adam \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe nothing, but I\u2019m not taking any chances.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou look beat son, what you been doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t fuss Kirk. We have two rivers to get across today, with signs of flash flood imminent and I for one won\u2019t settle until we\u2019re safe on the far side of them, sooner the better. I want an early start, first light. Get breakfast and get packed up before that and I want each man to have saddle rations, no noon stop today.\u201d<\/p>\n Kirk frowned, he knew the drive route as well as anyone an it would be a very long day, twelve or thirteen miles with two river crossings, the first three miles very rough and it didn\u2019t improve much between the rivers. He couldn\u2019t do anything about the terrain but Adam already looked tired and he tried to persuade his boss to get some rest for an hour at least. Adam shook his head, he had to check the herd, get the remuda separated. They would keep a change of mounts for everyone with them but the rest of the remuda could go on ahead. In fact he was much too tense to settle and was glad of something to do.<\/p>\n By the time he got back Kirk had all the men up and was serving breakfast, warning the disgruntled men to come and get it, even if they weren\u2019t hungry. It was going to be a long time until their next hot meal. As each man got his food he was given jerky and biscuits to carry him through until the evening. Jos\u00e9 had been surprised but Kirk explained Adam\u2019s fears.<\/p>\n When he saw Adam come back Jos\u00e9 collected food for both of them and went over to join Adam. He knew the risk of flash floods in the next two valleys but it didn\u2019t seem very imminent, the weather had been good and he thought Adam was worrying unnecessarily. Adam wasn\u2019t really hungry but, seeing the concern on his old friend\u2019s face and seeing Jess coming over, he made the attempt, knowing there would be uproar if he didn\u2019t. Jos\u00e9 queried his orders as tactfully as he could. Stevens hadn\u2019t seen any sign of trouble at the river when he\u2019d scouted ahead and the weather had been good.<\/p>\n Adam shrugged, \u201cThere isn\u2019t yet Jos\u00e9 but good chance there will be. Heavy clouds over the mountains yesterday.\u201d \u201cI know and maybe I\u2019m running scared but I am not prepared to take a chance.\u201d<\/p>\n Jess had been talking to Santee, \u201cJust where have you been overnight Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 looked questioningly at Jess who went on \u201cHe waited until we were settled, then rode out for more than five hours.\u201d<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 exploded, \u201cYou\u2019re a bloody fool Adam! You\u2019re not fit enough for such escapades. Suppose you\u2019d had an accident? What are we supposed to tell your family?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just wanted to see if there was any basis for my fears.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEither of us could have checked for you, or Stevens, we\u2019re all fit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know I only had to ask but I couldn\u2019t settle, needed to see for myself. It is my herd.\u201d<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 was about to tell him in explicit terms what a fool he was but Jess intervened, \u201cNot much point in nagging Jos\u00e9, its done now. What did you find Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSmall streams back in the hills are well up, discoloured, carrying debris. There\u2019s a chance it will dissipate without causing trouble but its not the sort of chance I want to take. We move as fast as we can. I don\u2019t expect trouble at the first crossing, but there may well be at the second and there\u2019s nowhere to hold a herd this size between them.\u201d<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 searched his friend\u2019s face, seeing his tiredness and knowing that it would be a very long day even if Adam was wrong. He knew his friend too well to believe he\u2019d leave things to others if he was worried about time. Jos\u00e9 had seen just how quickly Adam became exhausted over the first few days of the drive and he couldn\u2019t resist tentatively suggesting that they stay put for a while, see if Adam was right and let the flood subside if necessary, there was enough grass for two or three days if they moved the herd east a little. Adam just glared at him, \u201cWe have a delivery date.\u201d and he walked off.<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 sighed but he got little sympathy from Jess, \u201cYou know he ain\u2019t gonna hold up just because he\u2019s exhausted.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen said to forget the delivery date, he\u2019d pay penalty money, the only important thing was Adam\u2019s health.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid he suggest how to persuade Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope.\u201d Jos\u00e9 grinned, \u201cHe was mighty quiet about that. Come on let\u2019s get the herd moving.\u201d Adam grinned \u201cLong time ago. Ramrod for my father twenty years ago. Guess its eighteen years since I bossed my own drive, needed to keep a wary eye out for Indians back then. Got there safely but I have some scars from the return trip, one time the army came to the rescue.\u201d<\/p>\n Stevens stared at him \u201cYou ain\u2019t that old.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was 17. Pa had a broken leg, fussed about as much as he did this time. I know the route believe it and I smell trouble. Get going and tell me how bad it is.\u201d<\/p>\n Stevens had gone and Adam concentrated on getting the herd moved through the first crossing. The cattle were loathe to move across, wanting to drink their fill but the pressure from the next arrivals forced them on. Adam sat on a bay gelding wanting to save his reliable stallion for later when things might get very difficult. He stationed the gelding just in the river preventing the cattle from spreading out downstream and he issued orders to the men in the river with him and on the bank using a coiled rope to persuade the cattle to cooperate. Despite the men\u2019s best efforts it seemed to take forever to get the large herd across and Adam was fretting long before the drag came into view. He had already sent half the men on with the cattle already across, keeping them moving north and not, as was more normal, held until the whole herd was across. Although Adam was sure it was necessary it left him short handed and by the time the last of the cattle were over he was soaking wet and tired out, the muscles in his arm and back protesting at the sudden hard usage after months of inactivity. As he came out of the river and kicked the gelding on to check the progress at the head of the herd Adam made an uncomfortable discovery, The scars on his back were gradually hardening off but they quickly made it clear that wet cloth rubbing on them was more than they were prepared to accept mutely. For almost the first time on the drive Adam was painfully aware of his injuries. As there was nothing he could do about it Kirk on his orders had the wagons with the spare clothing well ahead so Adam did the best he could to put it to the back of his mind. The herd hadn\u2019t progressed as far as he\u2019d hoped, they had wasted too much time at the first crossing. He rode up and down the line of march, pushing, cajoling the men and cattle into moving on faster.<\/p>\n It was already past time for the noon break as they slowly made their way north and the cattle used to the routine with a break needed constant attention or small groups wandered off to feed. The men ate in the saddle but they cursed Adam for driving them just because he felt uneasy. The only thing preventing outright mutiny was his own continual effort, working harder than any of the men. He couldn\u2019t hide his growing exhaustion, nor the pain he was in, but when any of them tried to remonstrate with him he shut them up very swiftly. Adam knew himself well enough to know that he could cope until the herd was safely in the campground he\u2019d chosen. Indeed he was the first to spot Stevens returning and react to it. He was already deep in conversation with the scout when Jess and Jos\u00e9 rode over to join them. Stevens had seen the first signs of the water rising, the discolouration was very evident and some small debris was being washed down so he had come to report to Adam that his fears were justified. Although Stevens was shocked at how pale and drawn his boss was, in evident pain, he made no comment and Adam quickly proved that his brain was as clear as always. He questioned Stevens in great detail, trying to judge how much time they had before the river became impassable. Once he\u2019d elicited all the facts Stevens had, even those he hadn\u2019t consciously noticed Adam made up his mind. He sent Jess to the drag to push as hard as he could, time was at a premium and Jos\u00e9 to move the head of the herd on as fast as he could. Then he despatched Stevens back to the northern river telling him to check it nearer the mountains and bring word back of conditions there and whether or not the horse herd and wagons were safely across. Then Adam rode round the whole herd speaking to each individual cowboy to push as hard as possible. They were in a race against time with a flood coming down to block their path.<\/p>\n Stevens returned for a second time while the head of the herd was still nearly two miles from the river. It was already well up with some larger debris beginning to appear nearer the mountains but at least the remuda and wagons were safely across. Adam hadn\u2019t expected anything else and it could have been worse, there was still time to get the herd across although it would be tight. He sent Stevens back to help Jess with the drag. They were bound to be the ones most at risk.<\/p>\n For half an hour he checked around, pushing hard moving the herd at a dangerously fast pace on the rough ground and then leaving Jos\u00e9 to cope he went to look at the river. It was well up and as Adam watched he saw a heavy old tree trunk swirl down the middle of the stream, cutting across in the current to jam against the side close to where he\u2019d have to ford. Adam was back on his own reliable stallion and he pushed Blackie into the water. At first the stallion was unwilling but he did as his master asked and planted each foot firmly as he felt the rush of the current. Adam lassoed the trunk and pulled it clear and then walked Blackie back and forward across the river to check the condition of the bottom. At least that was clear as he remembered but with the current increasing it was going to be touch and go and he was glad to see the first cattle appearing.<\/p>\n There were two major dangers, debris coming downstream and animals getting knocked off their feet and swept away. Adam could only cover things as far as possible and knowing that he was tired, his reactions maybe slowed, he stationed himself on the downstream side. If he couldn\u2019t prevent animals being swept away then a few cattle would drown but if he let a log through, such as the one he had pulled out of the way, then men could die in the ensuing chaos. Leaving Jos\u00e9 to push the cattle in as orderly as he could, Adam stationed Pio, Santee and Wilson on the upstream side, three men as experienced as any on the drive.<\/p>\n The next hours were a muddle. Adam couldn\u2019t remember anything clearly, time after time he had to rope cattle who were knocked off their feet, twice men working with him were dumped in the water as their mounts lost their feet. Each time Adam moved swiftly to get the men to shore and the horses scrambled out downstream. Blackie remained on his feet but Adam was just as wet as though he had been in the river. Gradually the river rose and as the weaker animals were in the drag it became a nightmare as the crew raced against time to get them over. Jos\u00e9 sent the bare minimum to guide the herd up to the camp ground, with feed there the wet tired beasts weren\u2019t likely to stray. The rest stayed in the river, much wider now as it broke its banks and so deep in the middle that both cattle and horses had to swim. It seemed to take forever, the last animals were very loathe to enter the ever widening stretch of water. Sometimes they even tried to turn back in the middle, causing chaos as they collided with those behind and the men had to move in to break up the milling herd. Adam always led the way in, not even thinking of the risk to himself and past being aware of the pain both in his back and his left hand.<\/p>\n The last hour was a nightmare for all of them as it got increasingly difficult for any of the animals to keep their feet and the weakest animals faced the worst crossing. Adam kept going somehow not even aware of Jess trying to persuade him to leave the river, although he did take in that he had a strong man next to him reacting swiftly to trouble, Adam had a brittle strength and a strong horse and although close to collapse as long as cattle kept coming he would continue. Half the men were soaked by now having been in the river and with heavy debris doming down the river all of them were scared with both men and horses tired. Most would have liked to leave the river, but seeing their boss fighting in the river hour after hour and knowing that he was by no means fit, noone else could leave.<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 finally moved the last few animals into the river and leaving Stevens to keep them moving he made his way over to Adam, \u201cThat\u2019s it Adam, the last few all in the water.\u201d Jos\u00e9 nodded \u201cWe will but take it easy Stevens, he\u2019s only just given in.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHis hand\u2019s bleeding.\u201d Stevens commented.<\/p>\n Jess saw the blood, not diluted any longer by the water, which was dripping down Adam\u2019s wrist and he eased the glove off. He found the scar on Adam\u2019s thumb and one on his second finger had broken open, rubbed raw by the lasso rope as Adam ignored his injuries and gone to the aid of anything needing it. Jess looked over at Jos\u00e9 not sure what to do.<\/p>\n Jos\u00e9 bit his lip \u201cWe can\u2019t do anything here, it\u2019s only just over a mile to the camp. You two take him in and I\u2019ll finish up here, bring the drag in.\u201d<\/p>\n Jess tried to tell Adam what they were doing but it wasn\u2019t penetrating and Stevens said \u201cI\u2019ll take the reins, stick close, he\u2019s barely conscious.\u201d<\/p>\n Jess forced a grin, \u201cHoss and Joe always say he can stay in the saddle even when he\u2019s asleep, let\u2019s hope they\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n Stevens took it slowly, keeping well clear of the herd and Jess stuck very close, very worried as Adam slumped over the saddle horn but his friend moved easily enough with his horse. Even so both men were glad to reach the camp where Kirk had hot food waiting for them. Word had spread and Kirk was waiting as the black stallion walked into camp. Stevens led the way right over to the wagons and then both he and Jess dismounted. They considered the problem of getting Adam down as Kirk joined them. Stevens sighed \u201cWish Hoss was here, he ain\u2019t exactly a lightweight!\u201d<\/p>\n Jess, with a confidence he was far from feeling, said, \u201cWe\u2019ll manage.\u201d He gripped Adam\u2019s arm, \u201cOne more effort Adam got to get you down.\u201d<\/p>\n He repeated it twice before recognition filtered into Adam\u2019s eyes and he lifted his head, taking in where he was. For a minute he could only lick dry lips but then he asked \u201cThe men? The herd?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll safely over. Jos\u00e9 is bringing in the stragglers, We\u2019ve got to get you down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m alright, just tired.\u201d Adam slowly straightened up in the saddle. Every movement was an effort, every muscle protesting and his scarred back felt on fire but with Jess there to steady him he forced himself to dismount and leaning heavily on Jess he let his friend help him into the store wagon. Kirk already had a comfortable bed made up for him inside. Stevens and Kirk followed them, bringing the first aid kit that they carried. All three men were very worried just how seriously their boss had overdone it. Jess took charge and set Kirk to find some dry clothes. The first job had to be to get Adam dry and warm, then they could try and bandage his hand. Adam did his best to cooperate as Jess helped him out of his wet clothes but everything was swimming round him, threatening to turn black and it was taking him all his time to hang onto his senses. Before Jess had finished stripping the wet clothes Jos\u00e9 came in to join them. He\u2019d not seen the extent of injuries as both Jess and Stevens had and he looked in horror at the bad scars. Stevens recognized the look, \u201cCompared to what it was originally it looks marvellous, not as scarred as I expected.\u201d<\/p>\n The scars were red and had obviously been irritated by the wet clothing but Kirk was practical and told Jess to get him dry and into warm clothes. Adam caught his breath sharply as Jess dried his back. Jess was as gentle as he knew how but with Adam shivering uncontrollably it was hard not to hurt his friend. Kirk poured out a brandy and held it for Adam to drink. Then looking at the other three men he pulled out three more glasses, \u201cGuess you could all do with one.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam felt a little warmer with dry clothes and the brandy and stopped shivering, he tried to tell the others that he was fine, just tired but he wasn\u2019t making much sense. Jos\u00e9 eased him onto the soft bed that Kirk had prepared and he held Adam\u2019s hand while the old cowboy washed his hand with alcohol to be safe and put on soothing ointment before bandaging it up as efficiently as he could. Kirk was well used to dealing with all too many injuries of various sorts over the years. Adam was just about conscious by the time Kirk had finished and the four men decided wordlessly to leave him to sleep, as he\u2019d already turned down the offer of food. Jess told him to get some sleep but Adam lifted himself up on his elbow, \u201cThe herd?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll safe.\u201d Jos\u00e9 reassured him<\/p>\n \u201cTomorrow need to camp in that canyon, fourteen miles northeast. Needs scouting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll see to that.\u201d Stevens said quietly, \u201cGet some sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks. Check for word in town Jos\u00e9. Send Wilson and Santee, used to work there, probably have friends. They\u2019ve earnt a break. As have all of you. Done a real good job. Very grateful, hope you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Jess gently pulled up a blanket, \u201cSure we know Adam. Now will you get some sleep, you\u2019re exhausted.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust a bit tired.\u201d Adam tried to smile but as he relaxed his weakness took over and with the wagon swaying round him he shut his eyes and slipped straight into sleep. Jess tucked him up warmly and then joined the other three outside. All had been touched that weak and exhausted he\u2019d found the energy to thank them and to remember just where Wilson and Santee came from. It was the little things like that which made all the Cartwrights such good bosses and earnt them the loyalty of their men. They were all worried but Jess insisted that Adam would sleep off the worst of it. He had seen more of Adam than any of them over the last years and knew his basic strength. Knowing that Stevens slowly relaxed and went to change and get some food.<\/p>\n When Jos\u00e9 told John Wilson and Chris Santee about Adam\u2019s orders they didn\u2019t quite know what to say. Both had seen how close to collapse their boss had been on returning to camp. With old friends in town they were both delighted with the orders but Jos\u00e9 told them to hang on for a minute while he tried to think what to say to Adam\u2019s family. In the end he conceded that Jess was right and there was no point in worrying the family. Either Adam would sleep off his long hard day or they would need to act, because he couldn\u2019t carry on with the drive unless he did recover. In which case they would need to send for one of his brothers and maybe take Adam himself to a doctor. Armed with a non-committal telegram Wilson and Santee didn\u2019t wait to sleep and after a meal they headed for town, They could be there soon after ten, see some friends and be back the next day, Jos\u00e9 told them where the next camp was and as long as they rejoined the following day at some stage that was good enough.<\/p>\n During the evening several times Jess or Jos\u00e9 looked in on Adam; both thought he might be running a slight fever but he hadn\u2019t moved from where he\u2019d fallen asleep so they just let him be. Whatever else happened both men were determined that he would have his sleep out and the longer the better. Jos\u00e9 knew the route to the canyon and it was a straight forward drive so he suggested Jess stay with the store wagon until Adam woke. Kirk would bring the cook wagon but leave food and coffee for them. Kirk had set up camp in a small valley at the rear of the plateau where the herd was held so they should be able to move the herd out fairly quietly and hopefully not disturb the boss. Neither were taking any bets on Adam sleeping through but it was worth a try. They didn\u2019t need any long explanations when they asked the men to be quiet in the morning. Every man had seen how close Adam was to collapse. Even though he\u2019d planned for it Jess sat by the second wagon watching Kirk and the herd vanish from sight with a degree of astonishment. He really hadn\u2019t believed Adam would sleep through, he had so often heard Hoss and Joe moaning about Adam\u2019s built-in alarm, but this time it obviously wasn\u2019t working. Maybe Adam had just relaxed knowing that for now the danger was past and his crew could cope easily. Whatever the reason he slept through until after lunch, nearly eighteen hours Jess had finished eating and was on his second cup of coffee when he heard a stifled moan from behind him. Jess went to investigate and saw Adam gingerly easing himself into a sitting position. Adam would have preferred to be alone but apart from his family there was no one he felt more at ease with than Jess and he accepted his friend\u2019s help to get down from the wagon and sat down on a rock while Jess fetched coffee.<\/p>\n Adam was so stiff and sore as unused muscles protested this sudden hard work, that it was hard to sit up straight and his head was throbbing after too long a deep sleep. Only slowly did he take in the time and the absence of the herd but, although admitting Jess\u2019 argument that he\u2019d hardly eaten the previous day and should be hungry, he just couldn\u2019t face food. Jess refilled his coffee and offered the brandy bottle, That Adam did accept, having a feeling that he would need it and then very slowly he forced himself to do a few exercises to loosen up his stiff muscles. Jess bit his lip as he saw his friend lose what little colour he had but he knew Adam was right he had to loosen up. Knowing that his friend would hate to be overlooked Jess busied himself breaking camp and getting everything stowed away on the supply wagon, ready to move out. Even so he couldn\u2019t miss Adam\u2019s obvious pain and it was all he could do to stop himself protesting that Adam had done enough. Eventually Adam sat still fighting to control his breathing and soaked in sweat. Jess poured a neat brandy and took it over, but first he handed Adam a damp cloth and Adam wiped his face, trying to control the shaking of his hands. He couldn\u2019t help spilling the brandy a little but slowly the spirit steadied him. Adam forced a grin for his friend, seeing the worry on his face, \u201dI\u2019m okay Jess. Just rather stiff, it\u2019ll soon wear off. Time we made a move, long way to camp.\u201d Adam studied the wagon with distaste, he\u2019d never liked riding in one but there was no choice with all the horses ahead with the herd, \u201cI\u2019ll drive, come on.\u201d<\/p>\n For three hours they made slow progress over the rough ground. At first Adam made the effort to make conversation but slowly he fell silent. It was taking all his time to hide the pain from the scars on his back and from the much older injury to his spine, which reasserted itself when he was tired and had overdone things. Jess could only sit by and watch as Adam lost colour, only the tightened muscles round his mouth telling of his pain, but when Jess offered a drink Adam refused. They weren\u2019t quite halfway when two horsemen approached from town. Jess eased his gun, just in case, but Adam with keener eyesight said, \u201cWilson and Santee.\u201d<\/p>\n The two men had thoroughly enjoyed their break in town, meeting up with many old cronies and finding themselves the centre of attention. Especially from those of their own age group who were rather jealous that the two men had found a steady niche in a spread like the Ponderosa. When they heard more of the trust and responsibility placed in them, the jealousy turned almost to awe. They had certainly fallen on their feet when Adam rode in to town. Recognising the Ponderosa wagon the two men rode up to join them, with a telegram for Adam. Jess hesitated as his friend took it, wondering if Adam wanted him to open it again. This time having heard only two days earlier Adam was fine and he scanned another reassuring telegram. Joe had exaggerated slightly when he said Anne was going three hours between feeds but she was a lot better which eased the problems for all of them. Adam relaxed having read it and he could get shot of the dammed wagon. \u201cJohn can I borrow your horse. I need to get back to the herd, you bring the wagon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure Boss.\u201d<\/p>\n Jess caught Chris\u2019 eye and Chris offered to swap with him. Adam almost angrily protested that he didn\u2019t need a bodyguard but Jess just shrugged \u201cRough country.\u201d<\/p>\n All three men looked stubborn and realising he couldn\u2019t win Adam conceded defeat, \u201cAlright Jess, you two bring the wagon and thanks.\u201d He kicked on ahead of Jess, still angry, and for a while Jess made no attempt to come up level. Adam would have preferred to be alone but recognising his friend\u2019s concern he realised he was behaving childishly. After quarter of an hour he pulled up and waited for Jess, \u201cAlright display of bad temper over.\u201d Adam sighed, he was thoroughly fed up with feeling unfit unable to do what he normally took for granted without feeling exhausted. Still it wasn\u2019t fair to take it out on his friends, who were only trying to help. Adam took the last two miles slowly and although very tired again the stiffness had eased and he was able to hide just how ill he felt. Jos\u00e9 was glad to see him, as were the rest and with Kirk bullying him, Adam made a reasonable meal. He dozed off again almost immediately, the herd was safe and the news from home was good.<\/p>\n The next morning although still a little stiff he felt much better and with no real problems for the next week or so he let the drive move along without interference. When they came to the part where Adam had had to split the herd on a previous drive, the conditions were so much better that the lower route would take all of this even larger herd. A straight forward drive for which he was very grateful.<\/p>\n \n
\nThe Homecoming<\/a><\/span>
\nHome to Stay<\/a><\/span>
\nHoneymoon and Arguments<\/a><\/span>
\nJoe and Marie<\/a><\/span>
\nAdam and Carole<\/a><\/span>
\nA European Trip<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Aftermath<\/a><\/span>
\nA Busy Summer<\/a><\/span>
\nA Tree Falls<\/a><\/span>
\nSan Fracisco Trip<\/a><\/span>
\nA Stranger from the Past<\/a><\/span>
\nA Sense of Blame<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Medicine Man<\/a><\/span>
\nCourtship and Cattle Drives<\/a><\/span>
\nAngels with Red Hair?<\/a><\/span>
\nThieves and Murderers<\/a><\/span>
\nPipeline Problems<\/a><\/span>
\nGuests for Christmas<\/a><\/span>
\nA Turbulent Preacher<\/a><\/span>
\nJoe and Nita<\/a><\/span>
\nBen and Beth<\/a><\/span>
\nBanks, Pipelines, and Railroads<\/a><\/span>
\nLost<\/a><\/span>
\nA New Operation<\/a><\/span>
\nA Slow Recovery<\/a><\/span>
\nCelebrations<\/a><\/span>
\nForest Fire<\/a><\/span>
\nA Premature Birth<\/a>
\n<\/span>The Bank of California<\/a>
\nTrail Drive<\/a><\/span>
\nRobbery and Assault<\/a><\/span>
\nVirginia City on Fire<\/a><\/span>
\nRebuilding Virginia City<\/a><\/span>
\nCatching Up<\/a><\/span>
\nChristenings, Commissions, and Christmas<\/a><\/span>
\nWinter Ills<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Lawyer #2 \u2013 Advance Warning<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Lawyer #3 – Family Row #1<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Lawyer #4 \u2013 Family Row #2<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Lawyer #5 \u2013 Family Row #3<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Lawyer #6 \u2013 The Spanish Land Grant #1<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Lawyer #7 \u2013 The Spanish Land Grant #2 – Court Hearing<\/a><\/span>
\nThe Lawyer #8 \u2013 The Spanish Land Grant #3 – Knight Errant<\/a>
\nThe Lawyer #9 – The Spanish Land Grant #4 – The Long Journey Home<\/a>
\nThe Lawyer #10 – The Spanish Land Grant #5 – Troy’s Last Stand<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n
\nIn the study Ben had poured out more coffee while Hoss ad Joe met each other\u2019s eye, puzzled by their father\u2019s attitude. Ben sat down again. \u201cAdam\u2019s solution, which he insists is the only practical one, is that he should take the drive north.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cHe went to the west shore a couple of days after you left. He\u2019s as strong as he was then, maybe even better. With the herd along it will never be such a long ride. I can\u2019t say I like it Pa but he will cope. You let Joe and Hoss force the pass to Sacramento when Joe\u2019s leg was barely healed just to buy their brother peace of mind. Don\u2019t you see, just the knowledge that he\u2019s helping them will give him all the strength he needs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cNonsense I\u2019m tough.\u201d Adam went serious as he realised that Sue was really upset. \u201cLook Sue I really am alright. Help me persuade Hoss that I can cope.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nJoe couldn\u2019t understand his big brother\u2019s change of attitude but Ben caught the look of gratitude that Adam gave Sue and he moved forward to sit on the desk, \u201cSue you\u2019re the nurse. What do you think of Adam\u2019s plan?\u201d<\/p>\n
\nJoe turned to face his brother, \u201cYou see, you just want to help us. I can\u2019t accept it, not this time, you\u2019re not well enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nJoe found the final group for branding passing through the makeshift corral. Jos\u00e9 was up on schedule and had everything well under control. Seeing Joe he left the cattle and joined his friend for coffee. Joe had seen Jess to and called him over. While they waited Joe said \u201cBiggest herd yet, but the conditions are good according to all the reports.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nJess came over to join them, \u201cWho needs to get away?\u201d<\/p>\n
\nJos\u00e9 was outraged, it was probably true but hardly fair to Joe who did a lot to help his brothers and anyway Jess had seen, just as he had, how hard Joe had taken the death of his first wife.<\/p>\n
\nJos\u00e9 said hesitantly \u201cWe could manage alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nJess frowned searching Joe\u2019s face, worried for his old friend but noone knew Adam better than his brothers and he read Joe\u2019s conviction that it was for the best. Solemnly he offered his hand, \u201cI\u2019ll look after your brother Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDon\u2019t fuss Jess.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nAdam said that he would check with Kirk and have him meet the herd on the holding grounds at the edge of the ranch that evening. Adam promised to be out early and they would move out on schedule. Jess offered to ride back with him but Adam brusquely refused the offer, he was perfectly alright and he swung up on Blackie unaided. He rode down to the main house where Kirk was getting the two wagons loaded. Kirk had heard on the grapevine that Adam was taking the drive and he was more outspoken than anyone else, even Joe. He took advantage of his privileged position on the ranch and the long years he\u2019d known Adam to tell him what a fool he was. Adam knew it was a waste of time trying to stop Kirk and let him have his say. Then he grinned, \u201cRight Kirk you\u2019ve got it off your chest. I have my reasons for coming and I don\u2019t want to hear anymore about it. You\u2019ll be along to make sure I behave.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nBy morning Adam looked drawn and tired and he had to push down his food but he ignored the anxious questions from Jess and Jos\u00e9 and swung up on Blackie, ordering the men to get the remuda moved out.<\/p>\n
\nFor the first few days it was taking Adam all his time to stay with the herd, weaker than he\u2019d hoped. The weeks tending Anne had sapped his strength more even than he\u2019d realised and the short rides exhausted him a lot more than the ride to the west shore, even if his back didn\u2019t hurt as much. Slowly as he got further away from the house and he was less aware of Anne and began sleeping rather better, that led to him eating better and slowly the days didn\u2019t tire him as much. It was no longer a test of will power to get up in the morning and even more to saddle and mount Blackie. For the first time he began to occasionally move a cow back into line and even joined in the talk around the fire. That night a week out for the first time he didn\u2019t take his bedroll away from the camp the minute he\u2019d forced down some food but settled with fresh coffee to chat lazily with Pio and two of the vaqueros. Jos\u00e9 met Jess\u2019 gaze and grinned \u201cA little better I think.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nIf Adam had been eager for word from home his family had been waiting equally tensely for word about him. Jos\u00e9 had been told to add the code word for urgent so that the telegram would be sent straight out to the house and he could legitimately give an encouraging report on Adam\u2019s progress. He was surviving the drive considerably better that Jos\u00e9 at least had dared to hope. Jos\u00e9 didn\u2019t realise just how worried Adam was about his family, all of them but especially his tiny daughter still so very vulnerable.<\/p>\n
\nNeither of them rose to the bait knowing that their father had been equally worried but Hoss soon rode out and Joe found he got noticeably faster for having news.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cIt happens.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nAdam was pushing harder than most of the men thought sensible, the light was still poor and the ground very rough, but all long time hands they went along. By the time they reached the first river the horse herd was out of sight but at least the light had improved. After a waterless camp the herd was eager to get to the river and Jos\u00e9 rode up to Adam wanting to slow the cattle but Adam wasn\u2019t about to lose the time that would take. They would funnel the cattle, keep them moving straight across they could drink as they went. He\u2019d done it before and with an excellent crew and not short handed for once he was confident he could do it again. He issued detailed orders and even though Jos\u00e9 didn\u2019t agree he didn\u2019t waste time arguing. As Jos\u00e9 left Adam spotted Stevens and cut across to join him wanting to send him up to the next river to bring word of its condition. Stevens accepted that Adam knew the route a lot better than he did and had a feel for the mountains that could only come from experience so he didn\u2019t query his orders. Strangely for that self-contained man he asked one extraneous question \u201cWhen did you first bring a herd through here?\u201d<\/p>\n
\nAdam didn\u2019t seem to take it in and Jess yelled to Hank to keep an eye on the cattle and moved forward taking Blackie\u2019s reins. Adam looked up at that but it all seemed to be happening a long way off and he made no protest as Jess led the stallion out of the river with Jos\u00e9 moving up the far side of Adam to ensure he was safe. Adam took the reins back as Blackie stood on the bank and didn\u2019t even hear Jess or Jos\u00e9 both of whom wanted him to move onto the camp. Adam was only aware of the cattle and men swimming towards him. Stevens was the last to leave the river, everyone across, a few cattle lost but no horses and more importantly no injuries to any of the men. Adam slowly took that in, seeing some of the large debris that his men had damned up, now swirling past and he imagined the chaos that could have cost lives and he shivered, for the first time aware how cold, tired and sore he was. He didn\u2019t want the men to see but he\u2019d pushed his strength well past the limit and he slumped forward nursing his aching left hand. Stevens came up to join them and looked at Jos\u00e9 in horror.\u201d Get him to camp, he\u2019s had it.\u201d<\/p>\n