Summary: Ben gets word that Joe is lying wounded in Sand Dust after being chased through the desert by a psychopath and hurries to find him while reflecting on the lives of all his sons. Inspired by “The Hunter.” Rating T, WC 28,821<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Through the Years<\/strong><\/p>\n *** Through the years, through all the good and bad I knew how much we had, I\u2019ve always been so glad to be with you.\u00a0 Through the years it\u2019s better every day, you\u2019ve kissed my tears away.\u00a0 As long as it\u2019s okay, I\u2019ll stay with you through the years.\u00a0 Through the years, when everything went wrong, together we were strong, I know that I belonged right here with you.\u00a0 Through the years I\u2019ve never had a doubt, we\u2019d always work things out, I\u2019ve learned what life\u2019s about, by loving you through the years. *** (Excerpt from song, \u201cThrough the Years, written by, Steve Dorff and Marty Panzer)<\/p>\n The weathered leather creaked as Ben Cartwright wearily pulled his right leg across his saddle and dismounted.\u00a0 He removed the two canteens from the saddle horn and approached the stream, trailing Buck along with him.\u00a0 Setting both canteens into the water, he weighed them down with a few rocks, so he\u2019d have time to figure out his next move while letting them fill themselves.\u00a0 Ben looked up at the sky.\u00a0 *** Almost dark \u2013 if the sun would just stay up a little while longer, I could probably make it to you tonight, Joseph. ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought and sighed.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben had been on the various trails leading to the town of Sand Dust for better than two days and hadn\u2019t even taken the time to set up a proper camp every night since leaving the Ponderosa.\u00a0 He\u2019d eaten hardtack and beef jerky, neither being something he was fond of.\u00a0 But he had to get to his son, it was the driving force which propelled him onward.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you say, Buck?\u00a0 You think the two of us old codgers can make another five or ten miles before dark?\u201d Ben called over to his horse who was happily lapping the cool water that the stream provided.<\/p>\n Ben hefted the canteens out of the water, capped and settled them back to their former position.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s give it a shot,\u201d He called to the horse and set his left boot in the stirrup, pulling his right leg back across the saddle.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, a little faster if you please,\u201d Ben patted Buck\u2019s neck as he gave a slight tap to its sides.<\/p>\n Just as he had done every waking hour since hearing about Joseph lying hurt in the town of Sand Dust, Ben had worried and prayed.\u00a0 Neither action was new to him, as a father he had done more than his share of both.\u00a0 For some strange reason he couldn\u2019t get it out of his head about seeing Joe falling against the cold stone hearth there inside of the ranch house.\u00a0 His youngest son had just started walking and those first steps had been in the wrong direction.\u00a0 As both his mother, Marie, and Ben had called over to the little boy and clapped their encouragement to urge him into their arms, Joseph had decided on his own to toddle off the other way and plowed into the stones of the fireplace.\u00a0 Then both parents jumped from their positions on the floor and raced over to the eleven- month- old who had a good-sized gash on his forehead.\u00a0 The odd thing was that Joseph wasn\u2019t even crying and had stared at his mother and father with such an impish grin, as though they were playing a game with him and he was playing right back.\u00a0 Ben had pulled the toddler up into his arms and pressed his neckerchief against the wound which was bleeding quite a bit.\u00a0 Looking down at Marie it appeared as though she would faint until he had reassured her that their boy was tough.\u00a0 Little Joe only began to cry when he saw the fear on his mother\u2019s face which made Ben walk away from her, still holding the boy in his arms.\u00a0 *** Now, Joseph, those were a good few steps you took, however, let\u2019s not challenge that hearth just yet! ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben had cooed to his son. He brought the boy over to the red leather chair and placed him down on his lap, still pressing on the wound.\u00a0 Next there was a barrage of movement as both Marie and Hop Sing gathered up a whole range of ointments and bandages to put on Little Joe\u2019s wound.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is just the first of it, Marie,\u201d Ben called to his wife, smiling knowingly.\u00a0 \u201cI can tell you right now \u2013 this boy of ours is going to get himself into a whole lot of trouble so it\u2019d be wise if you\u2019d just get used to this kind of thing,\u201d Ben announced and then turned Little Joe around to look up at him.\u00a0 \u201cIsn\u2019t that right, Joseph?\u201d\u00a0 To that, the little boy simply grinned up at Pa and then hugged his neck.\u00a0 *** Yes, Joseph, you\u2019re going to be a real handful I can see it already \u2013 but you\u2019ll keep me on my toes! ***<\/em><\/strong> Pa grinned and gently patted the boy\u2019s back.<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shook his head over the way his memories had taken him back to the very first time he had seen his youngest son get hurt.\u00a0 He could have chosen any one of the numerous injuries that Joseph had under his belt by now, but for some strange reason it had been Joe careening into the fireplace which had plagued him the past two days.\u00a0 There were far too many fearful incidents to recall, and each had caused his father great angst over the years.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, how many times is it now anyway?\u00a0 I stopped counting as has Doctor Martin.\u00a0 Gunshots, arrows, cuts, falls that broke a bone or several, saloon brawls \u2013 well more things have happened to you than I can recall,\u201d Ben spoke aloud and fought back the typical fear that always struck at his heart at times such as these.\u00a0 \u201cI think you were ten years old when you fell from the hayloft and broke your first bone \u2013 or were you twelve?\u00a0 Hard to remember anymore.\u00a0 I\u2019m not even going to try and count how many times you\u2019ve had that nose of yours broken or had to have stitches!\u00a0 You must have a whole lot of your mother\u2019s blood in you \u2013 and not mine \u2013 because there\u2019s very few scars on your body \u2013 but Lord knows you should have a ton of them!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat was that man\u2019s name \u2013 oh yes \u2013 General Arturo Diaz \u2013 that was it.\u00a0 His band of what he called \u201csoldiers\u201d came to the ranch when you were about seventeen.\u00a0 I remember seeing Cochise outside of the barn just as I got back home that night.\u00a0 I was so mad at you for not stabling that horse of yours \u2013 and I even shouted for you to come out and take care of her.\u00a0 The next minute I was flanked by several men and herded into the ranch house only to find you back-shot and lying on the sofa.\u00a0 Dear Lord, I was scared when I\u2019d realized that you were bleeding so badly!\u00a0 My first move was to head right over toward those men \u2013 a fool thing to do being unarmed.\u00a0 All I could think about was making them all pay for having hurt my boy.\u00a0 But \u2013 well \u2013 I was much younger back then and a bit too impulsive \u2013 guess we both know where you get if from. \u00a0What\u2019s that been \u2013 seven years now?\u201d<\/p>\n Stopping his soliloquy for the moment, Ben realized he had made good time when he spotted the sign on the trail that read: \u201cSand Dust \u2013 five miles\u201d.\u00a0 He stared up at the sky once more.\u00a0 The sun was setting but it appeared as though it would stay up just long enough for him to make the last five miles of the long journey.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m almost to you, Joseph, now you hang in there.\u00a0 Your father is going to make yet another grand entrance so you can fuss at me and tell me that I shouldn\u2019t have come all this way,\u201d Ben smiled at the thought and, once again, lightly kicked at Buck\u2019s sides.<\/p>\n \u201cI remember once racing poor old Buck here to get home to you after getting that wire that you\u2019d been accidentally shot by your brother Adam when the two of you were out trying to hunt down that wolf.\u00a0 I guess you moved too fast or Adam did, but regardless, that time you\u2019d been both shot and bitten.\u00a0 Now that was something that I never wanted to come home to!\u00a0 And, as if that wasn\u2019t bad enough, the house was shot up due to those thieves holding the medicine you\u2019d needed hostage.\u00a0 Adam almost left home over that incident but fortunately Hoss was able to talk some sense into him when I couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 Those boys of mine!\u201d Ben groaned and wished that he could rid his mind of such morose musings, but he couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 \u201cOf course, Adam did leave the ranch not too many years later and now he\u2019s off tackling the world and writing me all about it,\u201d Ben paused again and thought about his eldest and hoped that he\u2019d find a way to make it home for a visit after he returned from his trip to Spain.\u00a0 The anxious father went back to thoughts of his youngest.\u00a0 If he could just lay his eyes on Joseph, he was sure that he could put these events in the back of his mind where they belonged and not in the forefront.\u00a0 But ever since he had heard from an old friend, the sheriff in the town of Sand Dust, Samuel Hazelton, and learned that Joe was hurt after having almost been killed by a psychopath, the past had haunted him.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve also stopped counting how many times that you\u2019ve been held hostage or had someone with an old grudge against me come after you, Joseph.\u00a0 Then there\u2019s the fall from horses, the gunfights, not to mention the two times I really should have lost you.\u00a0 When that bottle of nitro fell off the top shelf and blew up the storage shed and caused you to be temporarily blinded \u2013 well \u2013 it\u2019s just a miracle you weren\u2019t blown to pieces.\u00a0 And then there\u2019s the time when that horse tromped you while Hoss and I were out with the herd.\u00a0 You had such a bad break to your leg, it\u2019s a wonder that you didn\u2019t end up lame.\u00a0 You set that bone yourself out in the barn and both Doc and I couldn\u2019t believe it — well \u2013 you never cease to amaze me anymore.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0But worst of all, after that horse got you good, — was that gangrene \u2013 or the start of it \u2013 which made you decide to lop off your own left arm!\u00a0 Thank God that you passed out before you could do it or you would\u2019ve died.\u00a0 When I found you on the kitchen floor \u2013 and realized how bad off you were \u2013 well \u2013 I can tell you that I was sure that I was going to lose you that night.\u00a0 Doc always told me that the reason why you survived all these harrowing injuries was because you came from good stock, but I don\u2019t think that\u2019s the real reason you\u2019re still with me.\u00a0 You\u2019ve just got to have a guardian angel over your shoulder \u2013 who might not be paying attention when you get hurt \u2013 but they sure do double-time while you\u2019re waiting for help to come!\u201d<\/p>\n ****************<\/p>\n Ben spotted a man lighting the first lantern on the main street of Sand Dust as he finally reached the town.\u00a0 He had made it there just before total darkness had fallen.\u00a0 Tying his horse\u2019s reins out in front of the hotel, Ben turned when he heard a familiar voice calling out his name.<\/p>\n \u201cYou made good time, Ben,\u201d The sheriff stated as he stepped up to the wooden walkway in front of The Arcadia Hotel.\u00a0 He reached over to shake the other man\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n \u201cSam \u2013 how are you?\u00a0 Been awhile,\u201d Ben smiled warmly and shook the outstretched hand of Sheriff Samuel Hazelton.<\/p>\n \u201cJust a bit older than the last time I seen you \u2013 but still alive and kicking.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t thank you enough for sending me that wire about Joseph.\u00a0 How is he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, he\u2019s settled in a room inside here.\u00a0 That boy of yours \u2013 as I told your other two sons years ago \u2013 he sure finds himself in the worst fixes,\u201d Sam shook his head as he stared into the father\u2019s anxious eyes.<\/p>\n Ben nodded and returned, \u201cI\u2019d have to agree with you on that one, Sam.\u00a0 Is the doctor with him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 I saw Doc Caulder just a few minutes ago he\u2019s finishing with another patient, but he\u2019s been tending to Joe pretty regular.\u00a0 Meanwhile John and Helen inside here have been keeping an eye on him.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you go grab your gear and go see him and I\u2019ll take your horse to the livery for you?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled, grateful for the man\u2019s understanding, as he patted the sheriff\u2019s arm, \u201cI sure would appreciate that, Sam, I\u2019ve been worried sick ever since I heard what happened.\u00a0 I just want to lay my eyes on Joseph and then maybe I\u2019ll be able to finally catch my breath.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam nodded as Ben stepped back down into the street and unloaded his gear.\u00a0 He climbed back up to the sidewalk ready to step inside.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be back to fill you in on everything I\u2019ve learned since I sent you that wire, Ben.\u00a0 But all that can keep until you rest up a bit,\u201d Sam grinned and grabbed Buck\u2019s reins and headed across the street to the livery stable.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks again, Sam,\u201d Ben called over his shoulder as he opened the door to the hotel.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n *** Well, this brings back memories. *** Ben thought to himself as his eyes scanned the interior of the hotel lobby.\u00a0 *** Can it be five years since I found you in this town after that lecherous doctor Hosea Simpson, or to be more precise Steven Hale, got a hold of you and hurt your leg so bad that I had to come fetch you and take you back in a stagecoach, Joseph?\u00a0 What we went through back then –. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben had to put aside that awful reminder of his first trip to Sand Dust and get back to the reality that was now facing him.<\/p>\n \u201cBen!\u201d A man called as he stepped from the back parlor and headed to the front desk.<\/p>\n \u201cJohn \u2013 so good to see you,\u201d He smiled warmly and shook the man\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cI guess you knew I\u2019d be coming, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n John Casey laughed and nodded, \u201cOh yes, Helen and I both knew the minute that your son was brought inside here by Doc Caulder and Sam that you\u2019d be coming to fetch the boy.\u00a0 We set Joe up in a room with two beds knowing that his pa would be arriving as soon as he could.\u00a0 Thought you wouldn\u2019t get here until tomorrow though.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI rode pretty much straight through.\u00a0 Well \u2013 you know \u2013 no matter how old one of your children gets you\u2019re going to worry about them until you see them with your own two eyes,\u201d Ben replied unabashedly.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t have mattered to him if Joseph was sixteen or sixty, he would\u2019ve rushed to be with him once he\u2019d heard he had been hurt.<\/p>\n John nodded and returned, \u201cWell, we all remember that time we first tended Joe, when he gets hurt it\u2019s never been of his own doing.\u00a0 Let\u2019s forgo the registry book and I\u2019ll take you up to him.\u00a0 Doc said he\u2019d be over here to see about Joe as soon as he\u2019s finished with his other patients.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen you have a REAL<\/strong> doctor now?\u201d Ben\u2019s question had come out with a lot of irony along with the subtle reminder of the doctor who had done so much damage to Joe all those years ago.<\/p>\n John chuckled as they climbed the stairs to the guest rooms.\u00a0 \u201cOh yes, Doc Caulder is a good man \u2013 and a fine doctor.\u00a0 He\u2019s taken good care of Joe from what Helen and I\u2019ve witnessed.\u00a0 Here we are,\u201d he announced and opened the door to room three.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath unsure as to how he would find his son inside the room, Ben attempted to hide his concern just in case Joe was awake.\u00a0 He needn\u2019t have worried as his son was sound asleep on the bed.\u00a0 Ben tossed his gear down on the other bed on the opposite side of the room and moved over to sit down in the chair next to Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019ll leave the two of you alone for now, Ben.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to help Helen in the kitchen \u2013 she\u2019s busy cooking right now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll bring you and Joe up some supper when it\u2019s ready, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, John — it\u2019s been a comfort to me knowing that the two of you would watch over Joseph until I could get here.\u00a0 He seems pretty much out of it.\u201d<\/p>\n John nodded and answered, \u201cDoc\u2019s been giving him laudanum \u2013 that arm of Joe\u2019s was in pretty bad shape from what he said.\u00a0 But it\u2019s in a good solid cast now \u2013 I expect he\u2019ll be okay.\u00a0\u00a0 Doc will talk to you more about what he had to do to fix it when he gets here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t let me hold you up, John \u2013 I\u2019ll thank you and Helen at least a dozen more times before the night\u2019s out.\u201d<\/p>\n John smiled and walked out of the room closing the door behind him.<\/p>\n Raising a shaky hand up to his son\u2019s tousled hair, Ben pushed aside the fallen bangs.\u00a0 It was a simple gesture; one he\u2019d done so many times without thinking about it whenever his son had been sick or hurt that it had become a ritual over the years.\u00a0 He examined his boy\u2019s face and frowned to see the severe sunburn along with the parched and cracked lips.\u00a0 Sam had mentioned that Joseph had been tracked across the desert by a lunatic but there hadn\u2019t been any mention as to how long the whole ordeal had lasted.\u00a0 Placing the back of his palm against Joe\u2019s forehead Pa tried to detect a fever but he was unsure if the boy felt hot or if it was just the heat radiating off his brow due to all the sunburn.<\/p>\n *** Well, Joseph \u2013 I suppose I was expecting you to be wide awake when I walked in here.\u00a0 Then I figured you\u2019d smile at me and next you\u2019d be fussing at me that I\u2019d come here at all.\u00a0 You\u2019d be insisting that you would be just fine and could manage to ride home even with a cast weighing down that arm of yours. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben mused to himself as he touched at the heavy plaster cast holding down his son\u2019s right arm which was propped up on a pillow.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben looked across the room at the second basin of water next to his own bed and decided to take care of the trail dust he had all over him.\u00a0 *** Might just as well spruce up some so you won\u2019t harp on me looking so old and haggard.\u00a0 I swear sometimes you act like you are the \u201cPa\u201d anymore \u2013 and not the other way around.\u00a0 The way you worry about me \u2013 I guess you don\u2019t think I\u2019m as strong as I was when you were little? *** <\/em><\/strong>Ben stood and softly combed his fingers through his son\u2019s hair before walking across the room to clean off a bit.<\/p>\n Having just enough time to drink some water and make good use of the water basin and soap before he heard the soft moan coming from across the room, Ben turned and stared over at Joe.\u00a0 He dried his hands and face on the towel and hurried back to his son\u2019s side, this time sitting right on the bed next to him.\u00a0 Ben watched the hazel eyes blink open and shut again several times, still trying to home in on the figure sitting on the left side of the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u2019\u201d Joe asked hoarsely, his throat parched from the laudanum and hours of being asleep due to its potency.\u00a0 He cast a bewildered glance around the unfamiliar room and then once again attempted to focus on his father\u2019s face.\u00a0 For a while he was sure that it wasn\u2019t Ben Cartwright sitting there but just some kind of a fevered dream he was having.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 is it you?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben chuckled and placed a calloused hand against his son\u2019s right cheek.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you were expecting whom?\u201d He asked filled with irony and a bit of amusement over his son\u2019s confusion.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s mind might have been a little muddled and his vision a bit impaired, but he knew his Pa\u2019s voice and the familiar touch of his hand.\u00a0 \u201cNo-one but you, Pa,\u201d He grinned.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve just got to stop meeting like this, Joseph,\u201d Ben quipped and then dropped his hand down and rested it onto his son\u2019s left arm.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 that\u2019s for sure,\u201d Joe nodded and then he finally got a good look at his father\u2019s careworn face.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 you shouldn\u2019t have come all the way out here \u2013 well \u2013 wherever I am.\u00a0 I\u2019m okay— looks like I\u2019ve just got a busted arm \u2013 I could\u2019ve gotten myself home just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I had been able to place a bet on that,\u201d Ben sighed.<\/p>\n \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI knew that those would be your first words to me, Joseph.\u00a0 Now \u2013 how\u2019s that arm feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n Trying to ease his father\u2019s worry Joe replied, \u201cJust fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s try that one again.\u00a0 How\u2019s the arm?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned wryly, \u201cOkay— it\u2019s a bit stiff, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay \u2013 let\u2019s go for the third and final time.\u00a0 How\u2019s your arm?\u201d Ben persisted, his eyebrows narrowing, seeking honesty from his son for a change.<\/p>\n \u201cGiving me fits and it hurts.\u00a0 There \u2013 is that what you wanted from me, Pa?\u201d He frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course \u2013 because never in your entire life have you told me the truth the first two times I ask you anything,\u201d Ben laughed and patted his son\u2019s good arm.\u00a0 \u201cSam said the Doc is going to be by in just a little while.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see what he has to say about how you\u2019re doing then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSam?\u201d Joe questioned, still confused about where he was and how long he\u2019d been laid up.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, you\u2019re in Sand Dust.\u00a0 From what little I was told in a wire from Sam Hazelton a miner found and lugged you across the back of his pack mule here \u2013 almost twenty miles.\u00a0 I guess you\u2019ve been here almost four full days.\u00a0 I left as soon as the wire got to me late that first night.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou got here in under three days?\u201d Joe returned, totally amazed.<\/p>\n \u201cOh \u2013 so you don\u2019t think your old broken-down Pa can still ride as fast as you can?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe smiled and shook his head, \u201cI would NEVER<\/strong> say that Pa.\u00a0 It\u2019s just \u2013 well \u2013 a long hot ride from the ranch.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a broken arm \u2013 you know I\u2019ve had plenty of those.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have to rush out here like you did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t mind \u2013 but poor old Buck is tired. He\u2019s happily resting at the livery right now,\u201d Ben nodded to his son trying to alleviate the worry he saw on the boy\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should do the same thing, Pa,\u201d Joe insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 I\u2019ve never liked sleeping in a livery stable,\u201d Ben quipped.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head and grinned at his father who seemed to be putting on a pretty good act at the time pretending that he hadn\u2019t been worried.\u00a0 Joe knew better.\u00a0 Pa was Pa \u2013 and he would always worry.<\/p>\n \u201cActually, I was referring to that bed across the room,\u201d Joe pointed.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go get a few winks before the sawbones shows up and makes all kinds of noise?\u201d\u00a0 The more he dwelled on Pa\u2019s long ride and the haste in which he had done it, the more Joe worried about his father\u2019s health.<\/p>\n Ben pensively scrubbed at his chin and stared hard at his son before replying.\u00a0 \u201cI wonder exactly when it happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHuh?\u00a0 What \u2013 me getting chased through the desert and breaking my arm?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and then glared at his son.\u00a0 \u201cNo — when you decided that YOU <\/strong>were the father around here and not ME.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n Looking sheepishly up into his father\u2019s stern visage he apologized, \u201cSorry \u2013 but everything I\u2019ve learned about being a good son is from watching you through the years<\/strong> being a great father.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben patted his son\u2019s left arm and chuckled, \u201cGood answer, Joseph.\u00a0 Now let\u2019s get some water into you and then YOU<\/strong> are going to be the one resting, Young Man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Pa,\u201d Joe nodded dutifully.\u00a0 \u201cCommence to fussing over me, you\u2019ve got my permission,\u201d he quipped with a smile.<\/p>\n Ben stood from the bed and poured a glass of water and helped raise his son\u2019s head.\u00a0 Joe drank half of the contents before waving the glass away.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n Forcing a stringent appearance to his facial expression, Joe returned, \u201cYou kind of let me down, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben knew his son far too well to fall for the forced severeness on his face.\u00a0 \u201cOh?\u00a0 Now how\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI figured the first thing that you\u2019d say to me was the old \u201cwhy weren\u2019t you more careful, Joseph\u201d \u2013 you know?\u201d<\/p>\n Grinning, Ben nodded and asked, \u201cWhy weren\u2019t you more careful, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSomehow I just knew you were going to ask me that,\u201d Joe returned with an impish grin on his face.\u00a0 His spirits had perked up the minute that he had realized his father was there next to him on the bed regardless of what he had said about not needing him to help get him home.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re in pretty good spirits for a young man with a busted arm.\u00a0 It must have something to do with what that doctor has been giving you.\u00a0 Now, Young Man, you close those eyes for a while, and I\u2019ll go stow my gear.\u00a0 I\u2019ll wake you when the doctor gets here.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe simply closed his eyes without another argument.\u00a0 His arm was hurting and he was still on edge from the traumatic flight for his life he had experienced due to the psychopath who had tried to hunt him down and kill him.\u00a0 But now his Pa was there next to him and that made all the difference.\u00a0 Joe knew that he could rest easy now knowing that he was in the overly protective presence of the one person he loved and trusted most in the world.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Once again Joe was deep underneath the blanket of exhausted sleep when he heard the whispered voices.\u00a0 He tried to pull himself out from the murky depths of random and disjointed visions of his ordeal in the desert playing out in his mind, but it was taking a while to do so.<\/p>\n \u201cMister Cartwright, as I said your son went through quite a traumatic ordeal before he was brought into town.\u00a0 He was out of his head with delirium and very badly dehydrated.\u00a0 A miner by the name of Jed Billings was nice enough to get him here but he had to sling him face down across his pack mule.\u00a0 When I had the chance to talk to the man he just said he couldn\u2019t get much from Joe other than his name and that some man was still out there trying to hunt him down to kill him.\u00a0 Jed told us that he kept trying to tell the boy that the other man was lying dead in that jail but for some reason Joe didn\u2019t believe it. \u00a0Your son must have been running through the desert for quite some time \u2013 and unarmed at that.\u00a0 As you can see, he\u2019s got a severe case of sunburn, and perhaps that, along with heat exhaustion from running so hard through the desert, made him a little out of his head.\u00a0 Now —as for his arm,\u201d Doctor Caulder paused and touched at the heavy plaster cast.\u00a0 \u201cEvidently your son attempted to set it while he was still on the run \u2013 so it had no chance of knitting together.\u00a0 He\u2019s got a compound fracture \u2013 the bone split in two and part of it was still sticking out through the top of his forearm when he was brought into my office.\u00a0 I had a very difficult time trying to get a good set.\u00a0 And afterwards, I had to suture the area where one part of the bone broke through the skin.\u00a0 When he can make it back to your home, you\u2019ll need your local doctor to remove the cast and take out those sutures and once again put a cast back on it for about six weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sat next to the bed taking in all the information and formulating his own prognosis in his mind.<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2014Doctor, you do think Joseph\u2019s arm will heal in time, right?\u201d Ben inquired hopefully.<\/p>\n Sighing and giving a noncommittal shrug he returned, \u201cThat\u2019s going to have to do with your son\u2019s healing abilities and how well he takes care of himself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow about the pain?\u00a0 Has he had a rough go of it?\u201d Pa questioned still looking down at his son\u2019s arm propped up on the pillow next to him.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it was intense as you can just imagine — what with that bone sticking out of his forearm — I had to give him laudanum.\u00a0 \u00a0But I expect after the dose that I\u2019ll give him tonight I can move him down to something not quite so strong tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Joe whispered groggily as he opened his eyes and stared back and forth between the two men there next to his bed.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d He asked, still somewhat dazed.<\/p>\n Ben and the doctor exchanged subtle glances and then stared down at Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe? Do you remember me?\u201d Doc Caulder asked softly.<\/p>\n Joe squinted up at the man and responded, \u201cAre you the doctor who set my arm?\u201d<\/p>\n The other man nodded and replied, \u201cYes \u2013 you were very much out of it when I did it \u2013 so it\u2019s no wonder you don\u2019t remember much.\u00a0 How\u2019s that arm feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe glanced over at Pa and knew what he was thinking after he recalled his father\u2019s earlier questions.\u00a0 \u201cUm \u2013 maybe a little stiff.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben sent out a warning in his tone of voice as he stared at his son unamused by his answer. He had expected him to be truthful at least with the doctor.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay \u2013 it does smart a bit,\u201d Joe added, wincing his face over the stern gaze Pa was directing his way.<\/p>\n Doctor Caulder reached for the laudanum and a tablespoon and poured a good dose and then put it up to his patient\u2019s lips.\u00a0 \u201cLast dose of the good stuff, Joe \u2013 tomorrow we\u2019ll give you something a bit milder.\u00a0 But this will help you rest tonight with little pain.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to go home tomorrow,\u201d Joe insisted after he had swallowed the medicine.\u00a0 He avoided Pa\u2019s eyes because he knew what he\u2019d see in them and that would be a definite \u201cno\u201d to what he was suggesting.<\/p>\n The doctor turned around to face his patient\u2019s father and said, \u201cListen \u2013 I suggest you both stay here at least another day to rest.\u00a0 And then if the pain isn\u2019t too great \u2013 and as long as you will help your son in and out of the saddle \u2013 and take the trip home slowly he can leave the day after. I\u2019ll give Joe a sling to help hold that arm in place.\u00a0 Now I want you to keep checking this daily, Mister Cartwright.\u201d\u00a0 Doctor Caulder paused and reached for the fingers on Joe\u2019s right hand.\u00a0 \u201cPress down like this,\u201d He instructed as he pushed down with his thumb onto the nailbeds of each finger.\u00a0 If Joe\u2019s fingernails spring back to the normal pink color when you lift your thumb off it means he\u2019s doing okay and the circulation is good.\u00a0 If that changes and the color fails to come back — then get him to a doctor quickly, as it might mean that something has shifted under that cast and the blood flow is being inhibited.\u00a0 Other than those stipulations — well — just take it easy, both of you, and you should get home okay.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had stood there next to the doctor watching all that he had shown him and took note of everything that he had instructed regarding his son\u2019s care.\u00a0 He breathed a sigh of relief.\u00a0 Though he had some concerns, it sounded to him like Joe had a good chance of regaining the use of his right arm.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, Doctor \u2013 I really appreciate all your help,\u201d Ben reached over and shook the man\u2019s hand gratefully.<\/p>\n \u201cMister Cartwright \u2013 if you don\u2019t mind, I would like to talk to you outside for just a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at his father and the doctor, his face taking on a quizzical appearance.\u00a0 \u201cHey, I\u2019m not a little kid \u2013 if whatever you\u2019re planning on telling my father is about me then you can say it right in front of me!\u201d Joe protested.<\/p>\n Ben walked to the door with Doc Caulder and cast an authoritative glare at his son.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s about the bill you racked up with the doctor now you stay down, Joseph!\u201d Ben sang out sternly and left the room with the other man closing the door behind him.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cWell?\u201d Ben asked worry creasing his brow.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve talked to Sam and he\u2019s gotten some more information in on the man who hunted your son down and none of it is pretty.\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s horrifying.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure just how much trauma your son went through out there running for his life and enduring so much.\u00a0 He might have some issues in dealing with the whole event.\u00a0 I just wanted you to be aware of it.\u00a0 If Joe wants to talk about it then let him \u2013 but if not \u2013 just give him some time.\u00a0 I want you to keep forcing fluids on him too, that young man was very dehydrated \u2013and recovering from a break like he had \u2013 well he\u2019ll need all the help you can give him.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded his understanding and returned, \u201cThank you \u2013 I\u2019ll keep all of that in mind.\u00a0 If he\u2019s doing better the day after tomorrow, we\u2019ll be leaving for our ranch over by Virginia City.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be sure to make it a slow and easy trip on my son.\u201d<\/p>\n Doctor Caulder shook Ben\u2019s hand once more and said, \u201cThat\u2019s fine, Mister Cartwright, and I\u2019ll be by with some other type of pain killer that might help him for the next few days.\u00a0 I\u2019ll stop by in the afternoon when I\u2019m done with my other patients— but if you have any concerns just come and get me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you again,\u201d Ben called to the doctor as he turned for the staircase.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s gaze tracked to the door as his father made his way back inside the hotel room.\u00a0 He pulled himself up in bed as much as he could, being weighed down by the heavy cast.<\/p>\n \u201cSo? What are you keeping from me?\u201d He questioned suspiciously.<\/p>\n Ben sank down into the chair next to his son and grinned, \u201cWell, unfortunately we aren\u2019t going to get Doctor Martin\u2019s rates in this town, so you\u2019ve got a hefty bill to pay, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Joe responded, \u201cAnd you fuss at ME<\/strong> for not telling you the truth when you ask me a direct question!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben patted Joe\u2019s shoulder and addressed the situation.\u00a0 \u201cRelax, will you?\u00a0 He just wanted to give me more instructions about how best to tend to you out on the trail.\u00a0 That\u2019s it.\u00a0 Now John and Helen are going to be bringing us both up something to eat and then once that laudanum hits you, you\u2019re going to sleep through the night \u2013 thereby allowing your poor old father to get some rest too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll never be old, Pa,\u201d Joe insisted, grinning up at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cAfter all that you\u2019ve put me through over the years, Joseph \u2013 sometimes I do feel old.\u00a0 Now you ease back down,\u201d Ben urged and helped settle his son into a more reclined position while propping Joe\u2019s cast back up onto the pillow at his side.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to worry about, everything\u2019s going to be just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n Closing his eyes Joe whispered, \u201cHey, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGlad you\u2019re here,\u201d He finally got the words out with a contented smile turning up the corners of his lips. No matter how much he had protested and argued that Pa didn\u2019t have to hurry to the town of Sand Dust just to be with him, they both knew how much it meant to him to have his father at his side.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and grinned down at his son as he watched him falling back off to sleep.\u00a0 Joseph\u2019s words had gotten to him, and he had to swipe away a few sentimental tears on his sleeve.\u00a0 *** I\u2019m glad I\u2019m here too, Joseph. *** <\/em><\/strong>He thought as he bent forward and softly kissed his son\u2019s forehead before retaking his place in the chair.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n The hotel owners had brought up some supper for both men and Ben had to persuade his son to do justice to the food trying to build his body up for the long trip ahead of them.\u00a0 Afterwards Joe had fallen right back off to sleep, and after fussing over his son sufficiently for one night Ben had also decided to get some shuteye.\u00a0 Unfortunately sleep just wouldn\u2019t come.\u00a0 His mind went back to everything that had happened in the last year.\u00a0 Both Joe and he were still struggling with the sudden death of Hoss, and it wasn\u2019t until he closed his eyes at night that the grief in his heart grew worse.\u00a0 He missed his middle boy so much that it took his breath away some days.\u00a0 Fortunately, he had Joseph right there at his side every minute during those first awful few months and that youngest of his had helped him in ways that no one else could have managed.\u00a0 And all the while Ben knew that the loss of his brother was having the same effect on Joe, but he had held that back from him to hold his father together.\u00a0 And now, at such times as these, in a strange hotel and worried about Joseph, the haunting thoughts of his middle boy crept into his mind and heart.\u00a0 The only way he could make it through was to pretend that Hoss wasn\u2019t really gone but, instead, on some trip and that he would be coming home someday.\u00a0 It took that escape from reality for Ben to finally cast a look over at his youngest lying on the bed across the room and close his eyes.\u00a0 He had Joseph to take care of, and odd as that seemed, it was a way for him to hold him closer than usual and hang onto the love he had for him.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t one single day that went by that he didn\u2019t thank God that he had left him Joseph.\u00a0 He still had his eldest, Adam, but his visits were rare as he was the adventurer of the family and was currently heading to Madrid.\u00a0 But Adam made sure to write letters regularly to keep his Pa apprised of his many challenges and achievements.\u00a0 Ben sighed to himself.\u00a0 He knew that nothing in life was promised, and he had learned the hard way to accept what life had dealt him.\u00a0 Ultimately whether near or far, or even out of reach altogether, he loved all three of his sons as much as any father could and he carried each one of them in his heart always.<\/p>\n *** Goodnight, Joseph. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben thought as he opened his eyes one last time and grinned over at the young man.\u00a0 *** We\u2019ll get through this gale, Son, we\u2019ve gotten through far worse \u2013 don\u2019t worry. ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben heard a faint sound coming from across the room and he attempted to pull himself from underneath the weighted blanket of slumber.\u00a0 Too many long days in the saddle caused his body to protest his sudden movement as he sat up in bed and peered over to where his son lay.\u00a0 Ben had left the lamp lit which sat on the nightstand right next to Joe and there was just enough kerosene left inside to see the stricken look displayed on his face.\u00a0 He quickly advanced over to the bed just as Joe\u2019s pleas grew louder and his head tossed back and forth showing his agitation.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 Tanner \u2013 no \u2013 Hoss?\u00a0 Can you see him?\u00a0 Where did Adam go?\u00a0 No \u2013 he\u2019s gaining on me \u2013 he\u2019s coming!\u201d Joe\u2019s voice grew in volume and suddenly he shot up in bed.\u00a0 \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben eased down next to his boy and was waiting to grab his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph \u2013 it\u2019s okay \u2013 it\u2019s okay now,\u201d He attempted to calm him, his voice remaining monotone.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Joe questioned, confused to see his father there next to him.\u00a0 His eyes shot around the room expecting nothing but desert surrounding him.<\/p>\n \u201cJust a dream, Joseph \u2013 nothing more.\u201d<\/p>\n Wincing as his left hand fell onto his cast, he tried to fight off both the pain from his injury and the fear which made his heart continue to race.\u00a0 He dropped his head down to his chest and fought the pervasive terror that wouldn\u2019t let go.<\/p>\n Ben reached over for the glass of water he had poured for his son right before he had drifted off earlier.\u00a0 \u201cHere\u2014drink a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s left hand shook as he held the glass, and when he drank the contents half of it spilled down his chin and proceeded to soak the front of his nightshirt.\u00a0 He had to regroup his emotions after seeing the worry etched all over Pa\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cTell me about it, Son,\u201d Ben coaxed as he settled a hand onto his boy\u2019s face.<\/p>\n With a slight shrug to his shoulders, Joe fought to pretend he was okay now.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine, Pa \u2013 you go on back to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 come on,\u201d He insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I don\u2019t remember, Pa \u2013 it wasn\u2019t anything.\u201d<\/p>\n Sighing deeply Ben returned, \u201cJoe, you were calling out for both of your brothers.\u00a0 And I know that you do remember because I can read it in your eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s nothing to worry you about,\u201d Joe said and looked away from Pa\u2019s questioning eyes; the ones that could always see beyond his lies.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, stop treating me like I\u2019m a frail old man \u2013 I\u2019m not!\u00a0 Now tell me so then we can both get some rest.\u201d<\/p>\n Staring back into his father\u2019s eyes he felt the qualms of guilt for what he had said.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t that he thought his father was old, but Pa hadn\u2019t been well after Hoss had died and it was his duty to keep him calm.\u00a0 Joe already felt awful for having worried the man so much that he had pretty much rode straight through from the Ponderosa to Sand Dust, a journey that would\u2019ve taxed a man half his father\u2019s age.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I\u2019ve never thought of you as old,\u201d Joe insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cBut you think of me as frail, is that it?\u201d Ben raised his eyebrows in gesture, trying to seek the truth.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir,\u201d Joe whispered, but had to look away again, hoping that his words had come out sounding believable.<\/p>\n \u201cThe dream,\u201d Ben coaxed.\u00a0 \u201cTell me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe placed his cast down into his lap and finally looked back up at Pa.\u00a0 \u201cThat time \u2013 you remember\u2014when Adam was held by that man in the desert \u2013 I think his name was Kane?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded, \u201cYes, I remember \u2013 what about it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe all searched for Adam for days\u2014and you about fell out back then \u2013 due to worry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes \u2013 but we found your brother \u2013 it all worked out \u2013 though it took Adam awhile to get over it \u2013 he did and was fine.\u00a0 Now is that what you dreamt about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, Pa.\u00a0 It was all disjointed \u2013 one minute it was Adam trying to escape from Kane and the next minute it was me running through the desert.\u00a0 And then there was Hoss and he just showed up for a minute and disappeared.\u00a0 None of it made sense but I guess it just got me worked up enough to wake us both up.\u00a0 It was probably due to that laudanum — nothing to concern yourself with.\u00a0 You know how I\u2019ve always had nightmares \u2013 maybe I always will.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben studied Joseph\u2019s face, trying to ascertain if it was the right time to address what he had gone through during his terrible ordeal out in the desert, being hunted down while running for his life.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph if you want to –,\u201d Pa began but Joe cut him off.<\/p>\n Placing his left hand onto his father\u2019s arm, he shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNot now, Pa— I can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding his understanding, Ben softly ran his fingers through his son\u2019s hair and replied, \u201cThat\u2019s fine, Son \u2013 when you\u2019re ready \u2013 I\u2019ll listen.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get you and that cast situated, shall we?\u201d He instantly helped ease Joe back into a reclining position and then propped the cast back up onto the pillow there at his right side.\u00a0 He then stood from the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 sorry I woke you,\u201d Joe whispered, still filled with worry over his father\u2019s health and how the trip must have taxed his body.<\/p>\n Grinning, Ben patted his son\u2019s shoulder and replied, \u201cI\u2019ll be back to sleep just as soon as my head hits the pillow.\u00a0 Now \u2013 I want you to do the same, Young Man.\u201d<\/p>\n Forcing a smile, Joe nodded and closed his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cGood night, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood night, Joseph \u2013 let\u2019s have some pleasant dreams this time,\u201d Ben whispered as he watched his son settling back some.\u00a0 He stood there until he could tell that Joe was back under again.\u00a0 *** Oh, Joseph, when are you going to stop worrying about me and allow me to be your father again? ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben sighed and then ran his hand across his son\u2019s cheek before returning to his bed.<\/p>\n ***************<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I would say that you\u2019re starting to get some color back into your cheeks, Joseph, but it\u2019s kind of hard to tell with that sunburn of yours,\u201d Ben chuckled as he removed the lunch tray from his son\u2019s lap.\u00a0 \u201cDo I dare ask how your arm is feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s fine, Pa \u2013 we could\u2019ve left today like I said yesterday,\u201d Joe complained as he leaned back against the headboard.<\/p>\n Ben sat down in the chair after leaving the tray on the nightstand and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve always wondered where you get that stubborn streak of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n Staring over at his father Joe\u2019s eyes twinkled as he replied, \u201cI\u2019m not sure \u2013 maybe from the man who never should have ridden straight through to Sand Dust just to fuss over his son\u2019s broken arm?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood and shook his head, \u201cNo, it\u2019s no doubt from your mother \u2013though she wasn\u2019t nearly as sarcastic as her son.\u201d\u00a0 He picked up the tray and headed to the door.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere you going now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got a few errands to run and while I\u2019m gone you make use of that bed and rest.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a long trip home starting tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning Joe watched his pa walk to the door.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t do too much more than rest since someone put me into a nightshirt and weighed me down with this cast.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben just laughed and walked out of the room.\u00a0 He needed to go speak with the sheriff who had stopped by earlier.\u00a0 Sam had some important information that he wanted to share with Ben that neither man wanted Joe to hear about just yet.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n Walking inside the Sand Dust Jail, Ben smiled over at the man behind the desk.<\/p>\n \u201cHope you\u2019re not too busy right now, Sam \u2013 I had to argue with my son a bit before I could leave,\u201d Ben chuckled and shook the man\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n Sorting through some wanted posters, the sheriff nodded over at the other man.\u00a0 \u201cNo \u2013 not busy just trying to get rid of some old posters.\u00a0 Have a seat.\u00a0 How about some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo thanks, Sam,\u201d Ben declined.\u00a0 \u201cHelen has been spoiling both Joe and me. I think I\u2019ve had about five cups today.\u201d\u00a0 He sat down across from the lawman and watched as Sam walked over to the file cabinet and opened it up.<\/p>\n \u201cRecovered something of Joe\u2019s.\u00a0 Here,\u201d He handed over a Colt revolver and Joe\u2019s left-handed holster.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s about all the army could find.\u00a0 That horse Joe had been riding never turned up \u2013 might be someone found it and kept a hold of it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and nodded as he stared down at his son\u2019s gun.\u00a0 \u201cSo, you heard from someone from the fort?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right, Ben.\u00a0 Before you got in yesterday, we had a soldier \u2013 Corporal Briggs come by.\u00a0 He\u2019s based out of Fort Churchill.\u00a0 That man who went after your boy broke out of the stockade there.\u00a0 The corporal gave me a lot of information,\u201d Sam sat back at his desk and stared at Ben.\u00a0 \u201cThat man\u2014Corporal Bill Tanner was sentenced for killing innocent women and children and was due to be sent to the Territorial Prison in Yuma because that\u2019s where the killings originated.\u00a0 Somehow, he dug his way out through the cell bars and escaped on foot.\u00a0 But he was a seasoned tracker \u2013spent a good ten years in the Army and he could not only track about anyone, but he could also evade anyone trying to find him.\u00a0 From what the corporal said Tanner left a dozen or more dead men in his wake in the last three weeks.\u00a0 He just shot them all in cold blood for no apparent reason.\u00a0 He\u2019d gotten a horse and gear off one man, but all the others were just people he ran into and shot at point blank range.\u00a0 Corporal Briggs said that only Joe is left to tell the tale.\u00a0 Tanner must\u2019ve just thrown away your son\u2019s billfold and other possessions and only kept his Colt.\u00a0 He had it tucked inside his belt when they found him in that jail where it would appear Joe trapped him.\u00a0 The medic said there wasn\u2019t a true cause of death \u2013 or at least not anything that they could determine anyway.\u00a0 Once inside that locked cell he just kept on firing his rifle until I guess his heart just stopped.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben felt a shudder go up his spine when he thought on the fact that Joseph could just as easily have been one of those men that Tanner had shot in cold blood instead of hunting through the desert.<\/p>\n \u201cThe man evidently was a stone-cold killer and very much insane,\u201d Ben insisted, his eyes filled with both rage and disgust over what had happened and how Joe had been forced to run through the desert unarmed.<\/p>\n Sam nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYes \u2013 but he was smart \u2013 your son just barely lived through it.\u00a0 Someone who can track the way that Corporal Briggs said that Tanner could \u2013 well \u2013 Joe is just plain lucky to be alive.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank God,\u201d Ben whispered and closed his eyes momentarily.\u00a0 The memory of how he had lost Hoss filled his mind and just the very idea that he could have lost Joseph too weighed heavily on his already injured heart.\u00a0 He had barely survived burying one son and if he had to bury his youngest Ben knew he\u2019d never be able to go on with his life; there would be little purpose in it.<\/p>\n \u201cI imagine it\u2019d be hard to forget being hunted like that, Ben.\u00a0 I hope Joe will be able to get over it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe hasn\u2019t mentioned anything about it yet.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019ll open up to me on the way home.\u00a0 The doctor said not to push it until he\u2019s ready to talk about it.\u00a0 I\u2019m hoping he\u2019ll get it off his shoulders so I can help the boy through it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s a strong young man,\u201d he agreed and then suddenly the sheriff grew quiet.<\/p>\n Sam walked around his desk and leaned up against the front of it, staring down at Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to cause you any more pain, Ben — but I\u2019ve just got to say this,\u201d He hesitantly began.<\/p>\n \u201cGo ahead, speak your mind.\u00a0 What is it, Sam?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI heard about Hoss \u2013 and I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am.\u00a0 I always had a fondness for that boy \u2013 he was one of the few men that could look me straight in the eye\u2014being the same height as me.\u00a0 He sure was a likeable young man \u2013 it was an honor to have known him.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben drew in a deep breath and tried to stay his tears.\u00a0 The pain was back but he would fight through it.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Sam.\u00a0 Hoss always spoke fondly of you as well.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam coughed into his hand trying to relieve the thick emotion in his voice.\u00a0 \u201cHey, how\u2019s that eldest of yours?\u00a0 I haven\u2019t seen him since the three of you were tracking the Dalton brothers a few years back.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben hadn\u2019t thought about that particularly awful visit to Sand Dust in a long while.\u00a0 It had been one of the worst times in Joseph\u2019s life, and they all had tried to forget about the cruelty of the evil Dalton brothers.\u00a0 He quickly went back to what Sam had asked him.\u00a0 \u201cOh, Adam is sailing the high seas and visiting foreign lands.\u00a0 That eldest boy of mine has a sense of adventure and he\u2019s off conquering the world.\u00a0 I don\u2019t get to see him often \u2013 but he writes me frequently.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou tell him I asked about him next time you write, okay Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will, Sam.\u00a0 When are you coming down Virginia City way so we can show you some Ponderosa style hospitality for all that you\u2019ve done for us over the years?\u201d Ben asked hoping that he could return some of the many favors that the sheriff had done for his family.<\/p>\n Sam laughed and replied, \u201cJust as soon as I retire.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh? When is that going to be?\u201d<\/p>\n Sighing as he shook his head the lawman answered, \u201cJust as soon as people stop robbing and killing and shooting up saloons.\u00a0 In other words \u2013 probably never.\u00a0 I\u2019ll most likely be buried with this star.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood to shake the man\u2019s hand, wanting to get back to the hotel to check on Joe to make sure that he wasn\u2019t doing anything foolish like trying to get out of bed.\u00a0 \u201cYou surely can take a vacation, right?\u00a0 If you do \u2013 Joseph and I would love to have you at the ranch.\u00a0 Just let us know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d like that,\u201d Sam smiled and shook the outstretched hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll say goodbye to you both in the morning I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2019s pestering me about leaving \u2013 so it\u2019ll be early.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s fine \u2013 I\u2019ll see the two of you off, Ben.\u00a0 Go get some rest.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and turned for the door.\u00a0 He paused briefly and called over to the sheriff.\u00a0 \u201cIn case I haven\u2019t said it often enough \u2013 Sam \u2013 thank you for always helping us \u2013 no matter the problem.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBeen my pleasure,\u201d Sam responded with a quick smile.\u00a0 \u201cSee you in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n Stopping at the mercantile first for some supplies that he and Joe would need on the trip back, Ben then dropped by the livery stable and checked on his horse.\u00a0 He made sure that they were giving old Buck extra oats and a good grooming.\u00a0 Ben found the horse being properly pampered and he paid the man there well.\u00a0 He also found a decent horse to purchase for Joe for the trip home and made sure that it was gentle enough so his son wouldn\u2019t have any trouble.\u00a0 He laughed to himself over his worry, as his youngest had always been the expert in the family when it came to handling horses.\u00a0 But then again, he would be riding with one arm in a sling and Ben didn\u2019t want to take any chances.\u00a0 He was sure Joseph would complain that it wasn\u2019t a spirited animal like his pinto back home.\u00a0 Joe would just have to settle for what his father had chosen.\u00a0 Ben wasn\u2019t taking chances; not anymore.\u00a0 With all those tasks completed, he headed back to the hotel.<\/p>\n \u201cI just checked on him,\u201d Helen called over to Ben as she came down the staircase.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s sleeping right now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t thank you enough, Helen.\u00a0 You and John have surely seen to that boy\u2019s needs,\u201d Ben nodded gratefully to the woman.<\/p>\n \u201cReminds me of our boy,\u201d She answered, a gentle smile playing on her lips.<\/p>\n \u201cHow is Steven?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, he\u2019s in Montana right now \u2013 that boy never stays put long.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed knowingly, \u201cSounds a lot like my oldest boy Adam — always going from place to place and never settling down.\u201d<\/p>\n Helen placed her hand on Ben\u2019s arm when she noticed the faraway look in his eyes.\u00a0 She never mentioned having heard that Hoss Cartwright had passed away because she could already tell that the man who stood before her was having trouble with the loss of his son.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve got Joe, Ben.\u00a0 He\u2019s rooted to you and your ranch \u2013 so you\u2019ve got someone to follow in your footsteps.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right \u2013 I\u2019m fortunate,\u201d Ben nodded and wondered if his face had given away the fact that he had been thinking about Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I\u2019ll go up there and fuss over him a bit.\u00a0 I guess I\u2019ve always spoiled that one!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s about normal, we do the same with our youngest,\u201d She laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll bring up dinner around eight, Ben,\u201d Helen said as she turned towards the parlor.<\/p>\n \u201cMy thanks,\u201d he replied and headed up the staircase.<\/p>\n ***************<\/p>\n Quietly easing the door open, Ben set down his bag from the mercantile and then gazed over at his son.\u00a0 Joe seemed to be a bit restless, his head slowly moving back and forth on the pillow and his face scrunched up.\u00a0 Concerned, Ben walked closer to the bed and set a calming hand down onto his son\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cTanner \u2013 no \u2013 Tanner —,\u201d Joe mumbled in his sleep.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Joseph \u2013 just a dream,\u201d Ben whispered trying to calm his son.<\/p>\n \u201cTanner \u2013 got to get away \u2013 can\u2019t let him \u2013 can\u2019t let him find me,\u201d Joe continued and then suddenly stopped talking though his head was still moving back and forth on his pillow.<\/p>\n Ben dropped down into the chair by the bed and shook his head filled with worry.\u00a0 He knew that Joseph had purposely suppressed whatever had gone on in the desert as he was being hunted down by that crazed man.\u00a0 And since his son had yet to offer any details, all that he could do was to wait and hope that he would eventually tell the tale of what he had endured, and then the two of them could deal with the awful memories and hopefully purge them.\u00a0 The night before he had attempted to get Joe to talk about what was playing out in his sleep, but he had clammed up.\u00a0 He would try again once they were on their way back home.\u00a0 Ben thought that as soon as they could get through the desert that Joe would do better and perhaps open up to him about everything.<\/p>\n \u201cRest now, Joseph,\u201d Ben whispered and lightly combed his fingers through his son\u2019s hair.\u00a0 Just a few seconds later the expression on Joe\u2019s face softened and his head stopped moving on the pillow.<\/p>\n *** I guess I\u2019ve still got it. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben mused to himself as he continued to softly stroke his son\u2019s curls, lulling Joe into a peaceful sleep.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Pa, I did what you said and I\u2019m about as clean as I\u2019m going to get until I can take a bath at the ranch,\u201d Joe called across the room after washing off at the basin next to his bed.\u00a0 It had taken him a good long while to wash his whole body, doing everything one-handed due to the cast which weighed down his right arm.<\/p>\n Smiling as he approached his son Ben gave him the once-over with his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cYou look almost<\/strong> presentable,\u201d He quipped.<\/p>\n Joe glanced at his father and noticed the smirk on his face.\u00a0 \u201cAlmost?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben ruffled a hand through his son\u2019s hair and said, \u201cYou could use a haircut.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf I had a dollar for every time you\u2019ve said that to me I\u2019d be a millionaire, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd if I had a dollar for every time you didn\u2019t do as I asked, I\u2019d be a billionaire,\u201d Ben laughed and handed his son a shirt.\u00a0 \u201cHere — I never thought about it yesterday when I was at the mercantile \u2013 so use this extra one of mine that I had packed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy?\u00a0 Where\u2019s my shirt?\u201d Joe questioned confused.<\/p>\n \u201cThere wasn\u2019t much left of that shirt of yours, Joseph.\u00a0 Remember what happened when you broke your arm?\u00a0\u00a0 From what Doctor Caulder said they cut what was left of it off you before getting those bones set.\u00a0 And besides, even if your shirt had survived, you\u2019d never get that cast through your shirtsleeve.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe fought back the memory of falling down that long rocky hill and breaking his arm in his haste to get away from Tanner who had been rapidly closing in on him.\u00a0 He thought of the many times that he had tried to evade the man who had never ceased his pursuit to kill him.\u00a0 Looking down at his boots, Joe noticed that they were in sad shape from diving into the cold water of the various rivers and streams he had passed in his attempt to escape that killer.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m gonna need new boots when I get home,\u201d Joe muttered as he attempted to pull each one on one-handed.<\/p>\n \u201cJust hold on, Joseph.\u00a0 Take it slow \u2013 and I\u2019m here to help,\u201d Ben urged his son to settle down.\u00a0 He had acted a bit frantic in his quest to leave the hotel.<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath, Joe finally stopped trying to fight his boots.\u00a0 \u201cIf you could just kind of push at the bottom, Pa?\u00a0 I think I can pull these on.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re a mess,\u201d he agreed.\u00a0 \u201cBut I guess they\u2019ll get you home.\u00a0 Now just hold still long enough for me to push.\u201d<\/p>\n It took a lot longer than usual, but finally Joe had his pants, belt and boots on.<\/p>\n \u201cHere \u2013 let\u2019s start with your good arm,\u201d Ben advised and held the sleeve of one of his shirts out and his son eagerly pushed his left arm inside.\u00a0 \u201cOkay\u2014here comes the true test to see if this sleeve will fit over your cast.\u00a0 Now no jostling that arm, Joseph.\u00a0 Slow and easy.\u201d<\/p>\n Grinning over at his father Joe replied wryly, \u201cYou\u2019ve not dressed me since I was about two years old, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Finally accomplishing the task of getting his son\u2019s cast through the shirtsleeve, Ben looked down at his son and corrected him, \u201cJoseph\u2014do you have any idea how many times I\u2019ve had to dress you after you\u2019ve been injured?\u00a0\u00a0 Have you forgotten that little nitroglycerin accident?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOnly you would call that little, Pa,\u201d Joe chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, I take it back you haven\u2019t had to dress me in almost two years.\u201d\u00a0 Joe went to work getting the buttons done up slowly using only his left hand.\u00a0 \u201cWell, if I had to break one \u2013 I\u2019m glad it wasn\u2019t my left arm.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAh \u2013 a bright spot in all of this,\u201d Ben quipped.\u00a0 He watched as his son finished buttoning his shirt.\u00a0 The thing hung on Joe, and Pa had to stifle his laughter.\u00a0 He\u2019d never really thought about how much smaller his son was, but it was very apparent now seeing Joseph in his shirt.\u00a0 The seams on the shoulders were halfway down the boy\u2019s arms, and the shirttail went almost to his knees.\u00a0 Ben was suddenly swept away in the memories of all three of his sons and how different they were.\u00a0 Hoss wouldn\u2019t have been able to get his huge arms through one of his father\u2019s shirtsleeves and if he had put one of Hoss\u2019 shirts on Ben would\u2019ve looked just like Joseph did now wearing his.\u00a0 Adam would\u2019ve been able to fit in his father\u2019s shirt just fine though.\u00a0 The differences in the sizes of his sons were just like the differences in their temperaments.\u00a0 Adam had ended up being the logical one who had a wanderlust and was out conquering the world, whereas Hoss was the gentle giant of a man, who had become Ben\u2019s mainstay and rock over the years.\u00a0 He had his own kind of wisdom which came from a life spent watching over both people and the various critters he tended.\u00a0 He was like a Ponderosa pine, solid and dependable and strong.\u00a0 And then there was the youngest who now sat across from him fighting to be independent while still needing his father.\u00a0 Joe was twenty-four now but in Ben\u2019s mind he was still the mischievous kid who jumped from the furniture waving his mother\u2019s epee and driving his two brothers crazy.\u00a0 Joseph was the one who had been forged by fire due to so many injuries and illnesses along with so many heartbreaks.\u00a0 He often found comfort in his father\u2019s arms and wasn\u2019t afraid to show his softer side during those times of travail.<\/p>\n When the silence in the room grew deafening, Joe stared over at his father, very concerned by the sudden lull in the conversation.\u00a0 He could tell by the appearance on his face that Pa was deep in thought. It was also clearly read in the way his eyes were glazed over with unspent tears. \u00a0Having seen that very look before, Joe presumed that Pa must be thinking about Hoss.\u00a0 He decided to give his father the time he needed and sat there un-moving until the moment passed.<\/p>\n Ben shook himself out of his musings and once again stared over at his youngest.\u00a0 He forced a smile as he attempted to hide what he\u2019d been thinking about<\/p>\n When the time was right and he knew that his father had regrouped a bit, Joe pressed the shirt collar to his nose and rubbed the cotton on his face.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 why is it that your shirts are so much softer than mine?\u201d<\/p>\n Sitting down on the chair next to the bed to take a little breather, Ben grinned and replied, \u201cOh, probably because I break mine in with a lot of good hard work, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen my shirts would feel stiff because –,\u201d Joe trailed off, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he stared at his father waiting for him to finish his statement.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and patted his son\u2019s shoulder, \u201cOf course I wasn\u2019t referring to the fact that you don\u2019t work as hard as I do, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, you weren\u2019t,\u201d Joe grinned.\u00a0 Standing from the bed he stared down at the way he appeared to be swimming in his father\u2019s shirt.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever be able to fill your shoes as far as being a hard worker goes, Pa \u2013 no more than I can fill your shirt.\u00a0 Guess there\u2019s no point in trying to tuck this in, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n Chuckling he replied, \u201cNo \u2013 not much of a point.\u00a0 Besides no one will be looking at that shirt \u2013 only that big cast you\u2019re sporting.\u00a0 Oh \u2013 here, almost forgot.\u201d\u00a0 Pa reached inside the drawer to the nightstand and pulled out the sling Doc Caulder had given him earlier that morning.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get your cast ready for the ride.\u201d\u00a0 He secured the sling around his son\u2019s neck and gently maneuvered Joe\u2019s arm into it.\u00a0 Ben then stared at his son and asked, \u201cYou about ready to leave?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019ve been ready to leave since I woke up in here.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go!\u201d He announced anxiously.<\/p>\n Forcing a stern countenance Ben put his hand on his son\u2019s shoulder and warned, \u201cYou either take it slow, or you spend another couple of days in this room.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe nodded with a knowing grin and opened the door with his left hand.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben and Joe said their goodbyes to John and Helen and thanked them for all their help and then stepped outside where Sam was approaching.<\/p>\n \u201cReady to leave?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, we\u2019d best get on the road home.\u00a0 Thanks for everything, Sam,\u201d Ben smiled broadly and offered the lawman a firm handshake.<\/p>\n \u201cMe too,\u201d Joe grinned and attempted a left-handed handshake which failed miserably but both men laughed over it.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, now how about coming to visit me just once without getting yourself hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding, he replied, \u201cnothing would make me happier, Sam.\u00a0 Hey, thanks for wiring my father \u2013 even though he didn\u2019t HAVE <\/strong>to come and fetch me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is why he gets hurt all the time, Sam, he\u2019s never had much sense,\u201d Ben sighed.\u00a0 \u201cNow remember that invitation to come stay with us \u2013 we\u2019d sure love to have you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will, Ben \u2013 once I find a deputy worth his salt to watch the town so I can get me in a vacation.\u00a0 You two have a safe trip.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks again,\u201d Ben patted the sheriff\u2019s arm, and he and Joe walked across the street to the livery stable.\u00a0 The owner had already been paid earlier that day and both Buck and the horse Joe would be riding were tied up to the hitching post and ready.<\/p>\n Joe walked around checking the mare over and frowned.\u00a0 \u201cNot much of a horse \u2013 can she even make it into a canter?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, you don\u2019t need to go much faster than a canter.\u00a0 Now no complaining until we at least make the first mile, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and sighed resolutely.\u00a0 He knew it was his own fault that the spirited horse he had ridden on the trip to the fort had been taken.\u00a0 And that had just been the beginning of his horrifying experience.\u00a0 Watching Pa tie the provisions behind the two saddles his eyes caught sight of something missing.<\/p>\n Ben looked over at his son who had suddenly turned silent.\u00a0 He knew that something besides the choice of horses was bothering Joe just by the look on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo scabbard,\u201d Joe returned quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t get you one, Joseph, because there\u2019s no way that you can use a rifle with that arm in a sling.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe just stared down at the ground, not wanting his father to know what he had been worried about.\u00a0 Just the thought of not being armed in any way filled him with a kind of dread that he couldn\u2019t shake.\u00a0 He had purposely kept his terrifying run for his life through the desert from his father.\u00a0 Joe felt a lot of things, including feeling very foolish for having let his guard down around a stranger which, in all honesty, had been something he couldn\u2019t stop berating himself for doing.\u00a0 After many years of having gone up against some very dangerous criminals it had been such a stupid thing to do, and this time it had almost cost him his life.\u00a0 He also couldn\u2019t rid himself of the thought that, had he been killed out in the desert, Pa would never have learned his fate or recovered his body.\u00a0 Just those facts would\u2019ve caused his father to mourn himself to death.\u00a0 He had barely survived the loss of Hoss, and Joe knew that Pa still had days when it was hard to put away the sad reminders of his death.\u00a0 On top of all of that he knew that the telegram from Sam had caused Pa to race to Sand Dust to bring him home.\u00a0 Joe carried a heavy burden of guilt that he couldn\u2019t shake or explain to his father.<\/p>\n Ben hadn\u2019t missed the very apparent concern that Joe was trying a bit too hard to hide.\u00a0 He walked around to the saddlebags he had purchased for his son and unbuckled them.\u00a0 \u201cI forgot to tell you \u2013 yesterday Sam gave me this \u2013 someone with the army found it,\u201d He pulled out the left-handed holster along with the Colt.\u00a0 \u201cDo you want me to help you get this on \u2013 or would you rather just keep it stowed for now?\u201d<\/p>\n Biting at his bottom lip, Joe wondered if he\u2019d be showing his father how ill at ease he had begun to feel the minute he\u2019d stepped out in the street unarmed if he asked for his sidearm.<\/p>\n \u201cUm \u2013 Pa \u2013 if it\u2019s no trouble \u2013 I\u2019d kind of like it \u2013 you know \u2013 just \u2013 well to even out the weight of this cast on my right side,\u201d Joe answered, and knew that it had to be the flimsiest excuse that he\u2019d ever come up with.<\/p>\n Ben grinned over the way his son had tried to come up with a logical reason to be wearing his gun and had failed miserably.\u00a0 \u201cOf course \u2013 wouldn\u2019t want you to tip over,\u201d he said with irony in his tone.\u00a0 \u201cWell, let me get this around you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you could just start it through the buckle I can handle the rest.\u201d<\/p>\n Encircling his son\u2019s waist with the gun-belt Ben put the tongue of the holster strap through the buckle and allowed Joe to finish securing it.<\/p>\n \u201cYou need the tie-down done up?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 this is fine, thanks,\u201d Joe replied and lifted the Colt up and checked to make sure that it was loaded.\u00a0 He was relieved to see that his father must have taken care of that as all six bullets were inside the cylinder.\u00a0 He hefted it a few times in his hand before settling it back into the holster.<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 let\u2019s get you up into that saddle now,\u201d Ben sighed. He knew that he\u2019d soon have an argument on his hands.<\/p>\n \u201cI can do it, Pa,\u201d Joe insisted.<\/p>\n Ben stared at his son hard and that look wasn\u2019t lost on Joe.\u00a0 He knew that Pa had been told by the doctor that he needed to assist his son up and down from the saddle due to the cast and the risk of harming the freshly- set bone in his arm.\u00a0 \u201cDo you want a few more days up in that hotel room?\u201d He threatened.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Pa,\u201d Joe surrendered and accepted a boost up into his saddle.<\/p>\n \u201cStubborn \u2013 always \u2013 you get it from your mother,\u201d Ben muttered as he moved over to mount Buck.<\/p>\n \u201cHate to tell you this, Pa, but I get it from YOU<\/strong>,\u201d Joe quipped as he watched Ben grab his reins.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s going to be a very long trip \u2013 I can see that already! Let\u2019s go,\u201d Ben grinned over at his son and the two men kicked lightly at the sides of their mounts.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n The first leg of their trip back home had been well thought out by Ben attempting to wind around the outskirts of some of the desert areas where his son had been hunted.\u00a0 He had been given that information the previous day by the sheriff and thought it would be best to avoid some of those places where his son had been forced to run for his life.\u00a0 There was no way to skirt the entire desert, as most of the land between Sand Dust and the deserted town where the miner had found Joe and Corporal Tanner was nothing but barren sand and cactus outcroppings.\u00a0 Every now and then he\u2019d notice the pensive look on his son\u2019s face which would gradually change and become a cross between fear and rage.\u00a0 At his urging they had stopped at each watering hole they came across whether man or beast needed to refresh themselves or not.\u00a0 Ben was concerned about Joe\u2019s arm and the fact that he wasn\u2019t physically over the dehydration he had incurred some four days prior.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 if we keep stopping all of the time we won\u2019t get back to the Ponderosa for a month,\u201d Joe complained as his father dismounted and moved to help him down from his mare.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re not stopping for a rest, we are stopping for the night,\u201d Ben announced as he grabbed his son\u2019s waist and carefully eased him back to solid ground.<\/p>\n Joe looked to the west and then glanced over at his father.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 there\u2019s a good two or three hours before dark.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben set a strong calloused hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder and gazed into his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cNow, I believe you told me that you would take it easy like the doctor insisted.\u00a0 So, we are going to leisurely set up our camp and settle in for the night.\u00a0 Go make use of your one good hand and pull that horse of yours over to that rocky outcropping.\u00a0 We\u2019ll ground tie the reins of both mounts.\u201d<\/p>\n Sighing deeply Joe had wanted to protest once more but he noticed the very familiar look in his father\u2019s eyes and knew there would be no talking the man out of his plans for the night now.\u00a0 He walked with Pa and they got the horses\u2019 reins secured.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s just a bit of shade right now next to these rocks \u2013 do you want to take a little breather before we untie the supplies and set up camp, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir \u2013 I\u2019m good,\u201d Joe nodded and tried to wipe his disappointment away on the back of his left hand.\u00a0 His eyes scanned the horizon again\u00a0 \u00a0All day long he was sure that he\u2019d seen every single cactus and sand dune before during his frenzied run from the tracker who had pursued him.<\/p>\n Ben was keenly aware of what had been nagging at his son\u2019s mind all day, and he hoped that Joe would relax enough to confide in him about what had transpired out in the desert during their trip back home.\u00a0 He draped an arm across his son\u2019s shoulder and tried to make him smile, \u201cYou should be happy!\u00a0 At least this trip I get stuck with making all the food and doing all the clean-up.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe forced a laugh for his father\u2019s benefit and nodded his head, \u201cWell, Pa, you\u2019ll stay healthy that way \u2013 you know Hoss always said that I was the only man he\u2019d ever known who could burn water.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben chuckled, \u201cOh, yes \u2013 I remember that line of Hoss\u2019 very well.\u00a0 Now let\u2019s get the camp set up \u2013 that\u2019s one thing you can do one handed.\u201d<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Night had fallen and the meager meal of canned beans and salted pork had been eaten before eight o\u2019clock.\u00a0 Ben stared over at his son and noticed that he appeared to be all played out.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you were the one who said we could make ten more miles today,\u201d Ben chided his son as he handed him the last cup of coffee.<\/p>\n Trying his best to hide the plain fact that his arm was beginning to throb, Joe offered his father a wry smile and returned, \u201cIf you hadn\u2019t gotten me this ancient mare then we could have, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, that mare isn\u2019t even ten years old. Which means she\u2019s a lot younger than the two of us.\u00a0 If anything, you\u2019re the one who\u2019s slowing her down.\u201d<\/p>\n The flickering light from the campfire danced across Joe\u2019s face and Ben could easily read the grimace that his son was attempting to disguise.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve got the pain powders that Doc Caulder gave me for you.\u00a0 Now do you want one in water or in your coffee, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t need it.\u201d<\/p>\n Removing one of the small envelopes from his vest pocket, Ben ripped it open.\u00a0 He leaned over and poured it right into Joe\u2019s tin cup.\u00a0 \u201cNow \u2013 drink that\u2013 and with no complaints!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy\u2019d you bother to ask me, Pa?\u201d Joe frowned as he stared down at the unappetizing looking powder that was now floating on top of his coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cI always like giving you a choice \u2013 you should know that,\u201d Pa winked.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 you always give me the choice to voluntarily<\/strong> do things your way or be forced<\/strong> to do things your way,\u201d Joe grinned knowingly and then hastily began to drink the coffee down.\u00a0 \u201cYuck!\u201d Joe exclaimed and for just a split-second thought about spitting the medicine along with the coffee out on the ground.\u00a0 He knew better as Pa evidently had numerous packets of pain powders which he would surely keep sitting in front of him if he\u2019d even tried. \u201cIt tastes like pure salt.\u00a0 I remember this stuff \u2013 Doc Martin hoisted those on me before.\u00a0 It never took any pain away, Pa \u2013it just made me as thirsty as all get out!\u201d<\/p>\n Reaching behind his saddle, which was now upturned as his bolster, Ben grabbed the canteen and uncapped it.\u00a0 \u201cChase it with this.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe accepted the water and drank down his fill before handing it back to Pa.\u00a0 He then eased back onto his saddle exhausted.<\/p>\n \u201cHold on \u2013 before you go off to sleep \u2013 let me have a look at those fingers of yours.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to check your circulation,\u201d Ben insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cC\u2019mon, Pa \u2013 my circulation is fine \u2013 and even if it wasn\u2019t there\u2019s not a doctor anywhere around these parts \u2013 trust me I know.\u00a0 There\u2019s no one around here in the desert \u2013 no one to help,\u201d Joe\u2019s statement was laced with the painful reminder of how awfully alone he had felt during his struggle to flee from the tracker.<\/p>\n Ben pulled the kerosene lantern over to where Joe lay.\u00a0 He grabbed his son\u2019s hand and one by one pressed his thumb down onto each fingernail waiting for the color to spring back.\u00a0 \u201cLooks okay,\u201d He nodded and patted his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou feel like talking for a bit?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe had been expecting his father\u2019s question for two days, but it hadn\u2019t come until now that they were alone in the desert.\u00a0 He would\u2019ve loved to just purge his soul and be done with it, but he didn\u2019t feel ready to do so.\u00a0 Joe hoped that, given a little more time, he would be able to detail to Pa what had happened.\u00a0 Only his father would understand the kinds of thoughts which had gone through his mind as he tried to stay alive.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe tomorrow, Pa \u2013 kinda tired,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n Ben nodded his understanding and reached down to pull the thin cotton blanket up around his son\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cAs hot as it is during the day\u2014it can get a bit cold at night.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d Joe smiled gratefully over the way his father always understood him and exactly what he needed from him.\u00a0 \u201cGoodnight.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben briefly combed his fingers through his son\u2019s hair and whispered, \u201cRest, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n *** Run Joe Cartwright!\u00a0 Run! ***<\/em><\/strong> The sound awakened Joe and his eyes suddenly flashed open.\u00a0 Adrenaline began to surge through his veins as he sat straight up on his bedroll.\u00a0 He was unsure if he had been dreaming or if he had really heard Tanner\u2019s voice mocking him just like he had during his flight to stay alive.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben whispered groggily.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThought I heard something,\u201d He muttered, his eyes scanning the darkness that blanketed the camp.\u00a0 All he could see were the dying embers of the campfire and the look of concern in his father\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n Ben pulled himself over to his son and even in the dim light given off by what remained of the campfire he could easily see the heavy perspiration that was dripping down Joe\u2019s face and pooling into the hollow of his neck.\u00a0 It hadn\u2019t been caused by the heat as the night air temperature had fallen a great deal since they had set up the camp earlier.\u00a0 Pa could also detect a glint of fear in Joe\u2019s eyes. \u00a0He needed to think of something to say which would alleviate his son\u2019s increasing dread.\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cProbably just some animal roaming around just outside the camp,\u201d He offered calmly.<\/p>\n \u201cIn the desert?\u00a0 Not unless they grow lizards and snakes real big around here,\u201d Joe protested.\u00a0 His hand searched frantically around his bedroll, unable to hit on what he was looking for.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s right here, Joseph.\u201d \u00a0Ben grabbed his son\u2019s left hand, gently setting it onto his holster which he had placed next to Joe after he had drifted off to sleep.<\/p>\n Joe felt embarrassed to be so jumpy and for no good reason.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t alone anymore; his Pa was right there beside him.\u00a0 \u201cSorry,\u201d He quietly apologized for making a fuss about hearing a sound which was probably just something that was stuck inside another nightmare about being stalked through the desert.<\/p>\n Ben patted his son\u2019s left arm and offered an understanding smile.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s alright, Son.\u00a0 Now try to go back to sleep, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and eased back down onto his bedroll and closed his eyes.\u00a0 Ben hadn\u2019t missed the way that his son dropped his left hand onto the Colt lying at his side.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t say a word about it because he knew that the boy was still being haunted by the terrifying memories of all he had gone through.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n On the second day of the journey home, they were making better progress in crossing the desert, though Pa had still insisted on frequent stops along the way.\u00a0 Joe asked questions about various projects that were happening back at the ranch to pass the time and keep the conversation light.\u00a0 Pa had spoken about the great strides that the timber crews had made completing a huge contract with the DeSanto Shipping Company as well as talking about the herd being moved southward.<\/p>\n \u201cThat Montana stock being crossed with ours was your brother Hoss\u2019 pet project two years ago \u2013 and it\u2019s sure paid off.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 we won\u2019t have any trouble winter feeding any of those steers no matter how much snow we get down at South Shore thanks to my big brother,\u201d Joe nodded, throwing over a reminiscent smile about Hoss aimed at Pa.\u00a0 He was relieved and happy that both he and his father could talk about Hoss without it causing the kind of devastating pain that it used to during those first dreadful months.\u00a0 Back then just bringing up his brother\u2019s name would force Pa to get up and walk out of the room leaving Joe feeling at a total loss over what he could say or do to help his father through Hoss\u2019 untimely death.\u00a0 But now things had gotten better and talking about his brother helped them both as it kept him alive in their minds.\u00a0 \u201cAnything else I missed while I was gone, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI got another letter from Adam; he\u2019s on his way to Madrid right now.\u00a0 But he did say he might be able to visit maybe before Christmas if all goes his way,\u201d Ben replied with a great deal of hopefulness in his voice.<\/p>\n Joe reached over and patted his father\u2019s arm and smiled at him.\u00a0 He knew it would lift his spirits to have the eldest son home even if the visit was a brief one.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s good news, huh?\u00a0 Old Shakespeare being home for Christmas— we\u2019ll have to get a bigger tree than we did last year.\u201d<\/p>\n The memory of that first Christmas without Hoss played on his mind as Ben\u2019s gaze fell on his youngest.\u00a0 It had taken Joseph to try to put some meaning back into that one day and he had done his best, even cutting down the tree and putting it up inside the ranch house himself.\u00a0 Pa couldn\u2019t help feeling bad about the way that Joe had to take over during those first few months of mourning and for all the stress he had put on his son.<\/p>\n \u201cSure \u2013 we\u2019ll get a big one this year,\u201d he nodded and then stood in his stirrups and looked west.\u00a0 \u201cAbout time we stop and set up camp, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Right after his father got those words out of his mouth Joe abruptly pulled back on his reins.\u00a0 Ben stopped his horse mid-stride and stared over at him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe pointed over to his right and then replied, \u201cIs that what it looks like, Pa?\u00a0 I can\u2019t climb down from this saddle without your help to go check it out for myself \u2013 can you go see if I\u2019m right?\u201d<\/p>\n His eyes tracking over to where his son had pointed, Ben could see something lying on the ground, partly buried in the sand.\u00a0 \u201cHere,\u201d He stated and dismounted.\u00a0 \u201cHold my reins and I\u2019ll go see.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and accepted Buck\u2019s reins and waited.\u00a0 He could just barely make out his father stooping down and pulling something up into his hands.\u00a0 As Pa walked twelve yards off to Joe\u2019s right, he could tell that the object that he had spotted was exactly what he had thought it was.<\/p>\n \u201cGood eyes, Joseph,\u201d Pa called and waited to retrieve Buck\u2019s reins before handing the item up to Joe.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s a bit weathered \u2013 but not in too bad a shape.\u201d<\/p>\n The color, even though he had an awful case of sunburn, drained out of Joe\u2019s face as he held onto the tan Stetson.\u00a0 He remembered that, in his haste to begin running from Tanner, he had left his hat right where he had set up his camp; the same camp where the evil man had first walked into his life.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben called over as he mounted Buck.\u00a0 \u201cYou okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Dropping his head down some so Pa couldn\u2019t get a good look at the fear he now wore, Joe fought off the sickness in the pit of his stomach.\u00a0 It had surprised him that simply finding his hat had propelled him back to that first awful morning when he had awoken to find his horse and all his gear stolen and then learned what Tanner had in mind to do to him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d Pa asked again, this time reaching for his son\u2019s left arm and holding onto it.<\/p>\n Finally, searching for the right words, Joe gave a slight nod and responded.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 if you wouldn\u2019t mind \u2013 could we maybe go just another two or three miles before bedding down?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019ll tell me why,\u201d Ben needed to know and he presumed his son also needed to get it out of his gut.<\/p>\n \u201cThis \u2013 well \u2013 this was where I set up my camp that night \u2013 the night –,\u201d Joe trailed off.<\/p>\n Now fully cognizant as to the reason why Joe was having such a hard time after seeing his hat lying there on the desert floor, Ben nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, let\u2019s head up to that rise \u2013 it can\u2019t be more than about two miles ahead of us,\u201d Ben cast an understanding smile Joe\u2019s way.\u00a0 He watched his son shake the remaining sand off his hat.\u00a0 He then put it on and tipped the brim down a bit to shade his face and hide his emotions.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Joe returned quietly, and the two of them lightly kicked at the sides of their mounts heading further west.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n \u201cGood supper \u2013 thanks,\u201d Joe said as he watched his father cleaning off the two plates and putting away the supplies.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m surprised you even noticed,\u201d Ben began and shot Joe a penetrating glance.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve not said more than a few words all night, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Pushing himself back against his saddle he wondered what kind of an excuse he could offer Pa this time.\u00a0 Every attempt at obfuscating the truth about his feelings had proven to be lame and he knew that his father had seen through every one of his attempts to sidestep the way he was feeling.\u00a0 \u201cSorry, Pa,\u201d Joe returned, deciding that he\u2019d had enough of his own lies and that there wasn\u2019t much point trying another one on his father who always knew when he was fibbing anyway.<\/p>\n After setting all the remaining utensils and supplies back inside the mess kit, Ben turned and stared at Joe once again.<\/p>\n \u201cYou look like you\u2019re a little cold \u2013 would you like to wear my coat for a bit, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe knew that he had been shivering but not due to the falling temperatures.\u00a0 Now as to whether Pa knew that to be the case, he was unsure at the time.\u00a0 He pulled the thin blanket up from the end of his bedroll.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Pa \u2013 you keep it on \u2013 this blanket will be fine, and I can just set it over my shoulders.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHum \u2013 maybe I can come up with something a bit better?\u201d Ben returned and tried his best not to let his facial expression give away the surprise that he had for his son.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll just go see what I can find.\u00a0 I might have something in my gear that will do better than that blanket.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe watched with confusion framing his face as Pa turned his back on him momentarily and dug through the bag which sat on the other side of his saddle.\u00a0 He finally turned around concealing something behind his back.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe this might help a bit?\u201d Ben announced and knelt next to his son.\u00a0 He held in his hand a jacket, a green corduroy jacket.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face filled with pure awe; he leaned forward to get a good look at it.\u00a0 \u00a0He reached over and shakily drew it into his left hand.\u00a0 Closing his eyes, Joe remembered tossing it across the stream in a failed attempt to confuse Tanner into thinking that he had crossed over to the other side when he left it there on a smooth boulder just at the water\u2019s edge.<\/p>\n \u201cPa? How \u2013 how did you get this?\u00a0 Did someone with the army find it like they found my gun?\u00a0 I never thought I\u2019d ever see this again!\u201d Joe rapidly sent over his many questions, still filled with shock to be holding his jacket.<\/p>\n Ben sat cross-legged on the ground next to Joe and smiled broadly.\u00a0 \u201cNo\u2014they didn\u2019t find it \u2013 I found it, Son.\u00a0 It seems our paths must\u2019ve crossed \u2013 because not too long before I got to Sand Dust, Buck and I happened to stop alongside a stream, and something caught my eye.\u00a0 I had no earthly idea at the time that you\u2019d been anywhere near that area but I saw it \u2013 and I knew that it was yours\u2014and it needed to be reunited with you,\u201d He explained and patted his son\u2019s arm amused and grateful that Joseph appeared to be very pleased over having his jacket returned to him.<\/p>\n Joe held it up to his face and smelled the material and took a good look at it.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 it\u2019s sure in a whole lot better shape than it was when I saw it last!\u201d He exclaimed.<\/p>\n \u201cOh \u2013 well that,\u201d Pa stopped and forced a severe expression on his face.\u00a0 \u201cThe night before we left Sand Dust I had it washed and pressed.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned up at his father and nodded his thanks.<\/p>\n \u201cOh \u2013 and Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou owe me two dollars,\u201d Ben announced insistently, trying to keep a straight face.\u00a0 He was just so glad to see a sincere smile on his son\u2019s face after enduring so much.\u00a0 His son had obviously gone through a very harrowing experience and on top of that Joe had a severe compound fracture to deal with.\u00a0 Both needed healing as Pa well knew.<\/p>\n Chuckling, Joe searched the inside pockets of his jacket and came up empty, just as he presumed he would.\u00a0 \u201cGuess I\u2019m gonna have to owe it to you, Pa \u2013 looks like all my money is gone.\u00a0 Maybe you can trust me until we get home, and I\u2019ll get my boss to advance me my wages?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll think on it,\u201d Ben laughed and then removed the jacket from Joe\u2019s left hand and settled it over his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cThat better now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLots better, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered with gratitude easily detected in his words.\u00a0 Somehow it was always the thoughtful little things that his father had managed to do for Joe over the years that had meant the most to him and what he had done by finding and surprising him with his favorite jacket was no exception.\u00a0 \u201cSpeaking of money \u2013 I wanted to leave some for that miner who toted me all the way to Sand Dust, but I forgot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s been taken care of.\u00a0 I left an envelope with a note and some money inside for Sam to give Mister Billings, the man who got you safely into town. Sam said that miner makes pretty regular trips into Sand Dust, and he\u2019d make sure he got it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess I owe you more than just two dollars now, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll keep a running tab for now \u2013 but it\u2019s going to be awhile before you can work it off,\u201d Pa grinned as he indicated his son\u2019s cast.<\/p>\n Joe nodded his head and then grew silent as he eased back down against his saddle.<\/p>\n Ben settled back and stared pensively over at his son.\u00a0 He wanted to ask him so many things, but it was always a matter of timing with Joseph and Pa never exactly knew when he\u2019d be ready to bare his soul.\u00a0 Hoss had been so much easier to talk with.\u00a0 He had grown into a man who was comfortable in his own skin, and always spoke in a kind matter-of-fact manner, though he didn\u2019t hold back on what he thought to be right about any issue.\u00a0 And then there was his eldest, Adam, who was generally quiet but easily readable, and when questioned he eloquently got right to the heart of the matter.\u00a0 On the other hand, there was his youngest who was known to clam up when asked a very direct question, though eventually he\u2019d get to the point where he was about to burst open with what was bothering him and then there would be no stopping the information and his emotions from pouring out.\u00a0 It seemed so strange to him that the boy who had been the most demonstrative of his three sons was the one he had the hardest time figuring out when it was the right moment to approach him about a problem he was having.\u00a0 If he could break through Joseph\u2019s protective shell, Pa knew that he\u2019d learn everything that he\u2019d gone through while being tracked by a maniac in the desert alone and against all odds of survival.\u00a0 \u00a0Ben knew that whenever his son was finally able to tell his story that anger, fear and sadness would come pouring out.\u00a0 Outwardly to a stranger Joe acted completely different, but with his father he showed his true self.\u00a0 Joe had quite a temper and he was known to have a short fuse.\u00a0 However, he also had a soft heart which he hid from most of those around him with his false bravado.\u00a0 But in the quiet moments spent alone with his pa, Joseph was a tender and deeply sentimental soul who didn\u2019t mind releasing a few tears when necessary nor did he object to being held in his father\u2019s arms in order to make him feel whole again.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa?\u201d Joe called over after witnessing his father\u2019s furrowed brow.\u00a0 The worry lines were deeper due to years of hardship and losses and yet in Joe\u2019s eyes Pa looked the same as he had when he had playfully lifted him up in the air as a small boy.\u00a0 Or when he would stand there at the front door of the ranch house waiting for him to come home from school.\u00a0 In Joe\u2019s mind Pa was indestructible and forever young in his eyes.\u00a0 Through the years<\/strong> his father was the most important person in his life and that would never change.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are you thinking about?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben coughed into his fist and cleared the emotion from his voice as he answered, \u201cOh nothing \u2013 why don\u2019t you go on and get some shuteye?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe persisted.\u00a0 \u201cNothing doing \u2013 not until you tell me what\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess I was just thinking about the many times you have scared me half to death, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Grinning, Joe shook his head and replied, \u201cPa \u2013 you are really good at a lot of things \u2013 but you\u2019ve got a lot to learn about telling a fib.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u00a0 Well, I suppose you\u2019re just the person to tell me about the fine art of stretching the truth until it splits slap down the middle?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe chuckled and nodded his head as they shared a sentimental memory between them.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s what Hoss said about me years ago, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI remember \u2013 and he was right too!\u201d<\/p>\n Wistfully staring up at the sky Joe whispered, \u201cHe\u2019s still out there, Pa \u2013 we just can\u2019t see him.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded with a knowing smile on his lips.\u00a0 Hoss had never really gone, he was merely invisible to the eye, or so his father believed.\u00a0 Apparently, that was how his youngest felt too.\u00a0 He knew that somehow Joseph had picked up on what he had been thinking about; but then again, he always had.<\/p>\n Suddenly Joe\u2019s facial expression changed, and he stared down at his blanket.\u00a0 He whispered, \u201cPa \u2013 Hoss was with me — throughout what I went through \u2013 and not just as a memory.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you ready to tell me now, Son?\u201d Ben called over softly.<\/p>\n Feeling like it wasn\u2019t the right time to tell his story just yet, Joe finally looked over at his father and answered.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 by tomorrow night we should be out of this desert.\u00a0 Would it be okay with you if I tell you then?\u00a0 I just don\u2019t want to get into it while we\u2019re stuck out in this God forsaken place.\u00a0 It\u2019s \u2013 well \u2013 too many bad memories — can I tell you tomorrow?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached over and patted his son\u2019s shoulder and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019ll be fine, Joseph.\u00a0 Now let\u2019s both get some rest and we\u2019ll make it past Furnace Crossing and then we\u2019ll be into the deep woods before you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for understanding, Pa,\u201d Joe returned, his eyes reflecting his gratitude as he eased back against his saddle again.\u00a0 He hoped that the nightmares would leave him alone so he wouldn\u2019t wake his father like he had done on the first night of the trip.<\/p>\n \u201cGood night, Joseph,\u201d Ben whispered as he pulled up his blanket and dipped his hat down over his eyes.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n The next morning Ben was surprised to see his son up at the crack of dawn hastily getting the camp taken down and stowing gear with only the use of one hand.\u00a0 He was expedient in all his actions, including the way he had surprised his Pa by making the morning coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 Aren\u2019t you going to sit down for just a minute and have yourself a cup of coffee before we head out?\u201d He asked, concerned about the fact that his son was overtaxing himself and Pa needed to slow him down a bit.\u00a0 He was worried about Joe jostling his broken arm as well as the fact that he was still suffering from the aftereffects from the heat exhaustion he\u2019d experienced just a few days prior.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa — I\u2019m good,\u201d Joe called over his shoulder while attempting to throw his saddle over the mare.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Joseph\u2014there\u2019s no reason for you to be doing that!\u201d Ben exclaimed and set his cup of coffee on the ground.\u00a0 He hurried over next to his son and placed a firm hand on his left arm.\u00a0 \u201cStop it right now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get the horses ready \u2013 you can\u2019t safely secure that bellyband one-handed, and you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe dropped his head down feeling guilty for even trying to saddle his horse.\u00a0 He knew it had been a stupid thing to do but he couldn\u2019t shake the feeling he had.\u00a0 There was still something embedded deep inside his gut which said, \u201cflee or die\u201d and he couldn\u2019t shake it nor explain it to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d Joe whispered and set the saddle back on the ground.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll be in the high country before dark \u2013 I promise,\u201d Ben replied, sending an understanding pat to his son\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cNow come sit down with me for just a minute and try some coffee.\u00a0 Believe it or not it isn\u2019t too bad \u2013 you hardly burned the water this time,\u201d he announced in an attempt to make fun of his son\u2019s usually awful brew.<\/p>\n Simply nodding his head, Joe followed his Pa back to the campfire and sat down.\u00a0 \u201cI know that I\u2019ve been acting a bit frantic trying to get out of this desert, Pa.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that \u2013 well I want to go home \u2013and I know it\u2019s taking us a lot longer to get back to the Ponderosa due to this blasted broken arm of mine.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben chuckled, \u201cSon, patience has never been one of your strong suits \u2013 broken arm or not.\u00a0 Just relax \u2013 we\u2019ll put this desert behind us today.\u00a0 Now drink your coffee.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned as his father handed him a cup.\u00a0 He stared down at the contents and remarked, \u201cWell I know it\u2019ll taste better than that cup I had the other night with the salt packet you forced into it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust be good today and maybe I won\u2019t make you have another tonight,\u201d Ben warned sternly.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re going to take care of that arm, Joseph \u2013 you\u2019re going to need two good working hands to keep the Ponderosa going, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou and I will keep it running, Pa— and for many more years.\u00a0 We\u2019re just getting started,\u201d Joe announced with a reassuring and confident nod.<\/p>\n \u201cKeep talking like that and your boss might just have to give you a raise.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed and replied, \u201cGood — it seems like I owe two dollars as a finder\u2019s fee for my jacket \u2013 so I hope it\u2019s a nice big raise, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, it will be \u2013 in fact I think your boss might just make it two and a quarter,\u201d Ben teased and set his cup down.\u00a0 \u201cNow, Young Man, you finish that coffee and I\u2019ll go saddle the horses.\u201d\u00a0 Ben stood and headed over to the two mounts.\u00a0 He knew that he and Joe still had a good many miles to travel so they could make it to the high country before dark and Pa wanted to keep the promise he had made and accomplish that feat.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n With a sense of renewed purpose Ben and Joe pushed westward until trees started to dot the horizon.\u00a0 Just that sight had sent a slight grin to Joe\u2019s face which his father had spotted right away.\u00a0 Though Ben would\u2019ve preferred to make more stops due to his son\u2019s injured arm, he knew that emotionally Joe needed to be out of the desert and back into the comfort which the forest would afford him.<\/p>\n \u201cThere now!\u201d Ben exclaimed and pointed over at the vast forest ahead.\u00a0 \u201cHave you had your fill of sand, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and heaved a sigh of relief.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever want to go into the desert again.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared up at the setting sun and addressed making camp.\u00a0 \u201cHow about two more miles and we stop?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSounds good, Pa \u2013 how about we get these horses up to a full gallop?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben planted his right hand onto his son\u2019s left wrist.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you dare!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed and the sound brought a smile to his father\u2019s face; it had been too long since he had heard that strange twittering laughter which was uniquely Joseph Cartwright\u2019s.\u00a0 \u201cJust kidding, Pa— go on lead the way I\u2019ll follow on behind you peacefully.\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding over to Joe, Ben gave Buck a gentle tap with his boot-heels.\u00a0 He did turn around briefly and when he did, he noticed his son staring behind him towards the desert.\u00a0 Ben hoped Joe could leave the terrible memories back there, but he doubted it.\u00a0 There was still a frightening incident to overcome and a story he needed to tell.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n After setting up their camp and getting dinner cooked and eaten, the two Cartwrights eased back against their saddles, holding their cups of coffee in their hands.\u00a0 Ben stared over at his son and wondered if he should say something or just let Joe give him the nod that he was ready to finally share his tale.\u00a0 When that didn\u2019t happen, he decided to break the ice.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know what I\u2019ve been thinking about the last couple of days, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe sipped his coffee and looked over at his pa and shook his head, \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, — it\u2019s been quite a while since the two of us took a trip together –,\u201d Ben began but Joe cut him off.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 isn\u2019t that what we\u2019ve been doing for days now?\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head he returned, \u201cThis isn\u2019t exactly the kind of trip I was referring to.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to go on a trip where you don\u2019t start out wounded.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe too!\u201d Joe loudly acknowledged his agreement on that subject.<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2014after that cast comes off and Doc says you\u2019re all better \u2013 how about we go to San Francisco for two weeks?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have some more contracts to sign for the DeSanto Company?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head again, \u201cNo \u2013 not that kind of a trip.\u00a0 In fact, no business \u2013 no contracts \u2013 just a vacation.\u00a0 Just the two of us \u2013 and we\u2019ll go see the ocean.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s my Pa \u2013 and the salt water that he\u2019s still got in his veins,\u201d Joe quipped and lifted his coffee cup in a mock toast to his father\u2019s seafaring days.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe \u2013 but going to the sea puts things into perspective sometimes, Son.\u00a0 What do you think about my idea?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I like the idea just fine, Pa \u2013 but what about the ranch?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, why do you think I pay a foreman and a whole lot of ranch hands?\u00a0 I\u2019m sure they\u2019ll do just fine \u2013 we\u2019re just talking about two weeks.\u00a0 Nobody\u2019s going to steal the place that quick.\u201d.<\/p>\n Grinning over at his father, Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to twist my arm\u2014well the one that\u2019s not in this cast.\u00a0 I wonder if you\u2019ll still be able to get up all those stairs in that old lighthouse you took me to when I was little, Pa?\u201d He teased.<\/p>\n Ben shot over a warning look and replied, \u201cWould you care to make a little wager on that, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe reached over and patted his father\u2019s arm and answered, \u201cNo \u2013 because I\u2019ve lost enough money here lately.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood answer,\u201d Pa nodded.<\/p>\n Suddenly Joe grew very quiet, as if he was in another world.\u00a0 His father hadn\u2019t missed the abrupt way he had stared down at his bedroll and grew pensive.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Joe looked back up and muttered, \u201cDarn fool thing that I did, Pa \u2013 letting him just walk into my camp like that.\u00a0 I never should have let him get the drop on me like I did.\u00a0 It was all my fault.\u00a0 And I\u2019m sorry that I never made it to the fort like I should\u2019ve \u2013 plus losing that horse and my gear.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never be that trusting again.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached over and put his hand on his son\u2019s arm and forced his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cStop beating yourself up about it.\u00a0 Joseph, we can think about our losses until they run us into the ground \u2013 or we can think about what we still have.\u201d<\/p>\n Glancing up at his father, Joe realized that he had just summed up the last year in those few wise words.\u00a0 Pa didn\u2019t have to spell it out to him.\u00a0 They were both still suffering over the loss of Hoss.\u00a0 Looking at his father, who for all intents and purposes, should\u2019ve been beaten down by the deaths of three wives and the son who he had loved so much, but there before him sat the same strong man of faith who he had idolized his entire life.\u00a0 Joe could see the wisdom behind the brown eyes that stared so intently over at him now.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered and once more clammed up.<\/p>\n Ben had watched the internal struggle going on inside of his son and had waited for the chance to get him to explain what had happened.\u00a0 But Joseph had gone silent again and he had to find a way to get him to loosen up a bit.\u00a0 He reached inside his saddlebags and pulled out a bottle.\u00a0 Ben drew the pint up to his mouth and uncorked the rotgut whiskey.<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d Pa offered as he reached over to his son and poured a couple of shots of the whiskey into his coffee cup.\u00a0 \u201cThis sure won\u2019t help that arm of yours as much as that laudanum back in Sand Dust \u2013 but maybe it\u2019ll calm it down a mite.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared down at his cup and brought it up to his mouth.\u00a0 He took a couple of good long sips of the alcohol before looking over at his father.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, Pa \u2013 is this really for medicinal purposes — or are you wanting me to bare my soul and tell you what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben grinned knowingly and poured a shot into his cup too.\u00a0 \u201cWell \u2013 either or both, Joe.\u00a0 As for me — I need something for my old bones to help take away the chill in the air.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed and reached over to pat his father\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cOh \u2013 Pa \u2013 you\u2019ll NEVER<\/strong> be old!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben lifted his cup and toasted his son, \u201cKeep talking that way and that raise of yours might get bumped up to two dollars and a half, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded over at his father and flashed an amused smile but that soon faded as his thoughts went back to Tanner and his flight to escape the man and his gun.\u00a0 Sitting cross-legged on his bedroll, Joe was still having trouble trying to get his story out and Pa knew it just by looking at his body language. His boy was easily read at such times as these, like in the way that he dropped his chin down to his chest and his lips were held taunt like he couldn\u2019t have opened his mouth even if he had tried.<\/p>\n Ben needed to find a way to get his son to ease up a bit, acutely aware that there was an internal struggle going on within Joe which was preventing him from getting it all out.\u00a0 Pa moved across to the other bedroll and sat down right alongside Joseph hoping that his physical presence might provide him with some badly needed moral support and allow for some progress.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Pa paused and wrapped his arm around his son\u2019s shoulder and squeezed it gently, offering him his understanding in a calm fashion, hoping that it would work this time around.\u00a0 \u201cI know what you\u2019ve been carrying \u2013 and I know you\u2019re feeling bad.\u00a0 How about we talk about it?\u00a0 No sense you keeping it from me any longer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right, Pa,\u201d He confessed and took another sip of the whiskey.\u00a0 He finally lifted his head and stared into the compassionate eyes of the man who wasn\u2019t just his father but his best friend as well.\u00a0 Joe knew that if he could just get everything out and share how he was feeling with Pa that somehow things would seem better and so he began, \u201cOkay \u2013 I know Sam told you some of this — but I might as well tell you everything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on,\u201d Ben coaxed his son on with a slight pat to his shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, you sent me to take those bids over to Fort Lowell to give to the general and I was making pretty good time.\u00a0 I\u2019d probably have made it there in just another day and a half.\u00a0 Anyway— I had just made some beans and coffee when out of nowhere this man walked into my camp.\u00a0 He was carrying a rifle but didn\u2019t have it pointed towards me \u2013 just kind of smiled at me and said he\u2019d seen my campfire.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben simply nodded and waited for Joe to continue.\u00a0 He knew that his son had a lot to get off his chest and didn\u2019t want to interrupt once he had finally begun the arduous task of purging his memories.<\/p>\n \u201cI offered to share my food with him — just like you always said if a stranger was in need.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t see anything that would\u2019ve set me on edge \u2013 the guy just walked in smiling you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d have done the same,\u201d Ben reassured his son.<\/p>\n Joe gave a slightly uncomfortable shrug of his shoulders and continued.\u00a0 \u201cI noticed he was wearing Jefferson boots, so I asked if he was in the army and he said he had been.\u00a0 Then he introduced himself as Bill Tanner and said he had been a tracker for the army for many years and he missed it.\u00a0 We ate and then got to talking a bit more.\u00a0 That\u2019s when things turned a bit strange.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow so, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe said he liked to track down men \u2013 and not animals.\u00a0 He was against hunting animals in fact but said men were different.\u00a0 Then he said that man was just the smartest of all animals.\u00a0 I told him that animals only kill for food, and he asked me if it was okay for man to kill for his food.\u00a0 I thought that seemed a bit odd to say.\u00a0 I told him I didn\u2019t hold to killing any man for that.\u00a0 Then he kind of dropped it all and said he\u2019d make breakfast in the morning to repay me for supper.\u00a0 I told him that would be fine by me.\u00a0 We said goodnight and I thought that was it.\u00a0 But I heard him kind of talking out in what I supposed was his sleep \u2013 but it was more like he was wide awake and talking to someone who wasn\u2019t there.\u00a0 It set me on edge for just a minute \u2013 but then it passed,\u201d Joe paused and drank a bit more of his whiskey.\u00a0 \u201cI wish that I had listened to my gut, Pa\u2014I\u2019d have made him clear out.\u00a0 I mean — through the years<\/strong> \u2013after all the hard cases that we\u2019ve encountered along the way — why did I let my guard down this time?\u201d Joe\u2019s eyes burned with such intensity as he stared up at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re second guessing yourself again, Joseph.\u00a0 That serves no use after the fact,\u201d Pa answered softly.\u00a0 \u201cNow go on— tell me what happened next.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stood from the bedroll and began pacing in front of the campfire unable to sit still to tell the awful story of what Tanner had done the next day.<\/p>\n \u201cI woke up and somehow, he had gotten all my gear \u2013 my gun \u2013 my horse and all my food \u2013 well everything I had other than my jacket and hat.\u00a0 I can\u2019t believe that I slept that soundly, Pa!\u00a0 I mean he was able to do all of that with me lying right there not six feet from him \u2013 it was almost as though he was a phantom who could move without making a sound.\u00a0 I rarely sleep that hard you know \u2013 not when I\u2019m out in the elements.\u201d\u00a0 Joe frowned and shook his head, still angry with himself over the whole ordeal.\u00a0 He stared down at the campfire and ceased talking again.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was a seasoned tracker with the army, and I\u2019m sure he\u2019d been taught how to do those kinds of things, Joseph.\u00a0 It could\u2019ve happened to anyone \u2013 now go on — what happened next?\u201d Pa urged him to continue, knowing he had much more to get out.<\/p>\n \u201cI spotted him up on the ridge above me.\u00a0 I asked him if he was playing some kind of a joke and he said no that he wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 He wanted to prove that I would kill him for food.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sat straight up as his heart dropped in his chest.\u00a0 It was gradually beginning to dawn on him why his son had been so terrified.<\/p>\n \u201cI told him that I wasn\u2019t gonna kill him over any food he\u2019d taken.\u00a0 I told him to just keep it.\u00a0 But he wasn\u2019t going to leave it like that, Pa.\u00a0 He told me he was going to prove that I would try to kill him because he was going to try and kill me.\u00a0 He said he\u2019d give me four hours and then he was going to track me down and kill me \u2013 for no real reason, Pa \u2013 just hunt me down \u2013 for the sake of the hunt and the satisfaction of the kill, I guess.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t going to play his game\u2014but then he sent a shot that just barely missed hitting me.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I knew that he was deadly serious about tracking me and killing me. He fired again \u2013 that time even closer to me.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t anything else that I could do, Pa \u2013 I began running as he laughed and then I kept on hearing him shouting, \u201crun, Joe Cartwright, run \u2013 four hours \u2013 four hours!\u201d it echoed through the desert as I took off.\u201d<\/p>\n Stunned by what his son had just confessed, Ben grabbed the whiskey bottle and leaned forward on Joe\u2019s bedroll.\u00a0 He reached towards his son\u2019s left hand, offering him more to drink. \u00a0Joe didn\u2019t hesitate to drop his cup down and soon there was another ample shot of rotgut in their cups.\u00a0 Both men sipped their drinks and didn\u2019t speak for a few minutes.\u00a0 Joe stood there in silence wondering how he was going to explain it all to his pa and Ben wondering how he would handle hearing what had happened to the son he loved so much.<\/p>\n The awkward stillness around the camp became deafening as Joe settled back down on the bedroll next to his father.\u00a0 His broken arm began to throb even though he had a good amount of whiskey inside of him at the time.\u00a0 Drawing in a deep breath and casting a slight nod over to Pa that he was finally ready, he continued his story.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay so I\u2019m running, you know?\u00a0 Looking at places that maybe I could hide and figuring that if he\u2019s really a tracker, he\u2019d spot me, so I decided against that right off.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know if he was going to wait four hours to hunt me or if he was right behind me with that shotgun waiting to take me down,\u201d Joe stopped for a second and sipped his drink.\u00a0 He glanced over at his father and the man looked petrified.\u00a0 Worriedly he put his left hand on Pa\u2019s arm and offered a reassuring pat.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to over tax his father who\u2019d gone through enough the past year.\u00a0 Pa had been correct in what he had said back in Sand Dust.\u00a0 There were times when Joe felt like the roles had been reversed and it was his job to make sure that his father was okay just like Pa had always done with him through the years<\/strong>.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I lived \u2013 don\u2019t worry,\u201d Joe added, pretending that he was doing better than he really was at the time.<\/p>\n Ben put his arm around his son\u2019s shoulder and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cWell, yes of course I know that \u2013 now \u2013 but that doesn\u2019t mean as a father it\u2019s easy to hear this story.\u00a0 Just you out there alone and running \u2013 if I had known—,\u201d Ben trailed off, unable to fathom the horror his son had gone through and wishing he could have been there to help him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure you want me to tell you about this, Pa?\u00a0 I mean— I don\u2019t really have to?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo on, Joseph,\u201d Pa insisted, nodding his head.<\/p>\n Staring down at the bedroll Joe spoke out in a voice that suddenly seemed filled with a mixture of confusion and terror.\u00a0 \u201cI finally got to that stream \u2013 you know \u2013 where you found my jacket?\u00a0 I was so thirsty — and exhausted.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I decided to throw it on the other side from where I was heading to hopefully fool him.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t work, Pa. The only thing I got out of that move was a good long drink and my clothes wet as I dove into that water,\u201d Joe stopped again and looked into his father\u2019s eyes to see how he was taking his story.\u00a0 Pa still looked extremely upset.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine, Son \u2013 stop worrying about me \u2013 I\u2019m your father you\u2019re not mine,\u201d Pa nodded and cast a knowing smile over at Joe.\u00a0 He knew how much he worried about him; Joseph had been watching over him like a hawk for the last twelve months, so afraid that he\u2019d buckle under the pressure of his loss.\u00a0 Pa felt that it was time that he reclaimed his role as the patriarch and he was going to try his darndest to accomplish that on their way home.\u00a0 \u201cNow go on,\u201d He stated firmly and with a quick pat to his son\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay— so once again I\u2019m running as fast as I can — just running away, you know?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t figure on a direction — just as long as it was away from where I\u2019d seen Tanner last.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know \u2013 I could\u2019ve run ten miles or heck it could\u2019ve been twenty.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to tell how far you\u2019ve gone or how long you\u2019ve been running when you\u2019re trying to stay alive.\u00a0 It might have been two hours or four.\u00a0 I was about out of wind, and my sides were aching like the devil but then I saw a little spread out in the distance and that revived me.\u00a0 I figured I\u2019d get some help \u2013 you know \u2013 a gun \u2013 something.\u00a0 Of course, a man running in looking like me\u2014all wild haired and covered in sweat\u2014I\u2019d have some explaining to do — but it was a chance and I ran as fast as I could to get there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI take it nobody helped you?\u201d Ben asked, figuring if they had, Joe wouldn\u2019t have ended up with a broken arm and a trip into a deserted town.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face grew grim and his eyes misted up and Pa wondered what he was thinking about and why it so suddenly had affected him like that.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n The shirt sleeve was big, after all it was Pa\u2019s, but it came in handy as Joe blotted his eyes and sucked in a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cNo— no, Pa \u2013 this nice man— he tossed water on me to bring me back around \u2013 I guess I just slap passed out as soon as I made it to his corral.\u00a0 He was an older man \u2013 and he wanted to help me \u2013 even though he didn\u2019t know me.\u00a0 I asked for a gun, but he said he\u2019d never kept one.\u00a0 Then I saw he had a horse\u2014it wasn\u2019t much but it was a way out \u2013 and I still had just enough money in the top pocket of my shirt to pay him.\u00a0 He said the horse wasn\u2019t worth what I handed to him, but I said it was to me.\u00a0 Then he said he\u2019d get me a saddle, and I sat there for just a few seconds thinking that it was all going to be okay.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I heard the crack from Tanner\u2019s rifle,\u201d Joe dropped his head down and this time he didn\u2019t push away his tears.\u00a0 He just let them roll down his cheeks; he didn\u2019t care anymore.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 Tanner shot that man \u2013 that man who was going to help me \u2013 shot him in the back!\u00a0 I ran over to him and the last thing he said before he died was \u201cwhy\u2019d anyone want to go and do a thing like that\u201d.\u00a0 I caused his death, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Joseph \u2013 no,\u201d Ben whispered and pulled him a bit closer, offering his shoulder for comfort.\u00a0 \u201cTanner is responsible for his death not you, Son.\u00a0 Sam told me that Tanner gunned a lot of men down in the last three weeks for no reason whatsoever.\u00a0 That man\u2019s death is not on you \u2013 you need to remember that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf I just hadn\u2019t showed up there \u2013 if I\u2019d run another way \u2013 he\u2019d be alive, Pa,\u201d Joe insisted shaking his head filled with more remorse than he could handle at the time.<\/p>\n \u201cTell me the rest now \u2013 come on \u2013 let\u2019s get it all out and then the two of us will handle it,\u201d Pa coaxed his son because he knew that Joe had to get it off his chest or it would keep eating at his soul.<\/p>\n Mopping at his eyes again, Joe continued, \u201cTanner yelled that I had cheated and now I only was going to get one hour\u2019s head start.\u00a0 He said to run.\u00a0 Pa \u2013 I\u2019d have stayed and given that poor man a decent burial— I would have!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben just nodded and patted Joe\u2019s back to continue.\u00a0 Sometimes words just weren\u2019t enough to ease grief, he knew that well.<\/p>\n \u201cI ran \u2013 just like before \u2013 heading out into nowhere again.\u00a0 I got to this big hilly patch\u2014just rocks, cactus and some small scrub trees.\u00a0 I still don\u2019t know how I fell, Pa \u2013 but I did \u2013 and I rolled down that darn hill end over end and hit so many rocks \u2013 that\u2019s what busted my arm.\u00a0 You know I\u2019ve had my share of broken bones \u2013 but this arm,\u201d Joe stopped and indicated his cast.\u00a0 \u201cIt hurt something awful, Pa!\u00a0 I pulled myself up under one of those little trees and saw that bone sticking out of my skin and thought I was through.\u00a0 But \u2013 that\u2019s when — well — Hoss was there with me,\u201d Joe stopped to gauge the look on his father\u2019s face to see if he would be able to handle the mention of his brother.\u00a0 He stared over at Pa with heightened concern in his gaze.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t want anything to upset him and perhaps affect his health, which was always in the forefront of his mind and had been for a year.<\/p>\n \u201cWill you please stop worrying about me — I\u2019m okay, Joseph \u2013now tell me about Hoss,\u201d Pa encouraged him onward.<\/p>\n \u201cI heard him, Pa \u2013 not just like a memory \u2013 it was him I\u2019d swear it!\u00a0 He told me to get out my boot-knife and cut me a stick off that tree and make a proper splint.\u00a0 Hoss was guiding everything I did under that tree and somehow it calmed me and made me think I could actually survive all of this.\u00a0 So, I did exactly what he told me to do \u2013 I cut that old green branch \u2013 with my dull boot-knife that I no longer have — by the way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think I can afford to get you another one, I\u2019ll include that in your raise,\u201d Ben nodded over at his son.\u00a0 \u201cGo on.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI did what Hoss said, I put my wrist up to that tree and tried to pull hard enough to set that bone.\u00a0 But I guess that I was too weak by then because it never really popped back inside my arm.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t wait any longer \u2013 so I tied my belt around that make-shift splint and headed off again.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and pulled Joe a bit closer to him feeling so awful for the pain he had endured and how traumatic his flight to escape Tanner had to have been.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t imagine how bad you must\u2019ve been hurting, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Nervously Joe rubbed at the cast on his arm and then stared up into Pa\u2019s sympathetic eyes.\u00a0 \u201cTo tell you the truth I got past the pain, Pa.\u00a0 I had to start running again \u2013 and climbing too.\u00a0 I heard Hoss as plain as day and he said \u201cLittle Joe, he\u2019ll never find you up in those rocks.\u00a0 You get yourself up there and try to find you some food\u201d I swear I wasn\u2019t hallucinating \u2013 it really was Hoss!\u201d Joe fought to get his point across to his father that his brother had indeed been with him there on that rocky incline.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben began and tried to force his gaze on him so he could read what was in his eyes at the time.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to convince me that you heard your brother.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard him too \u2013 and more than once.\u201d<\/p>\n The expression on Joe\u2019s face was filled with both surprise and awe due to what his father had admitted, and he could tell that he was telling him the plain truth.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve heard him?\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t you tell me, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Shrugging his shoulders Pa didn\u2019t know how to reply at first.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I figured you\u2019d think that your poor old father had finally lost his mind.\u00a0 I know you\u2019ve been worried about me\u2014and you\u2019ve gone out of your way to be the strong one this past year, Joseph.\u00a0 But you don\u2019t have to do that anymore.\u00a0 I\u2019m fine \u2013 better than I was,\u201d Ben paused and stared at Joe again, hoping that he could finally get through to him that all was well as far as his health was concerned.\u00a0 \u201cAs for your brother — I sometimes feel Hoss right behind me \u2013 and there are times I\u2019ve heard his voice.\u00a0 Oh \u2013 it might just be a word or two here or there but it\u2014well \u2013 it means so much to know he\u2019s still around \u2013 and to also know that he was with his little brother when you really needed him.\u201d<\/p>\n Holding his hands up to his eyes, Joe spent more than a few tears after hearing his father\u2019s revelation.\u00a0 He had been so sure that Pa would\u2019ve thought he was out of his head due to heat exhaustion and that he hadn\u2019t really heard his big brother.\u00a0 But now he knew that if Pa said he heard Hoss that it was carved in granite that he had.<\/p>\n \u201cGo on, Joseph, what did you do next?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe closed his eyes and thought on what his next move had been and then continued, \u201cI got to the rocky heights just like Hoss said \u2013 I climbed as far as I could, Pa.\u00a0 He had said to find some food so with that old dull boot knife I found some wild roots and I dug into them.\u00a0 It was kind of funny— you know I heard Hoss again \u2013 you know what he said?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben simply shook his head and waited to hear the account of what Hoss had told his little brother, who he evidently had been trying to protect from the hereafter.<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 I was spitting out dirt and fussing about how awful those roots were and then I heard him say \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 it ain\u2019t much worse than those mesquite beans I forced on you when the two of us went hunting and ended up toting an Indian girl and baby.\u201d<\/p>\n That memory brought a big smile to both Ben and Joe\u2019s faces as they shared a quick reminiscent glance back and forth.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, yes \u2013 I remember that time \u2013 you two boys and your wild escapades over the years!\u00a0 You both go out hunting — get stuck in a snowstorm \u2013 never end up getting any real game and bring back an Indian girl and baby.\u00a0 Not unlike all your other adventures, Joseph!\u201d Pa exclaimed with a broad smile on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 like \u2013 that!\u201d Joe pointed at the pint of whiskey sitting to his father\u2019s right.\u00a0 \u201cHow about a little more \u2013 because I remember reading that whiskey sometimes loosens the tongue, Pa,\u201d Joe grinned.<\/p>\n Groaning, Ben lifted the bottle and poured a smaller shot than the last one into his son\u2019s tin cup.\u00a0 \u201cOh, not the time the two of you boys thought that you were detectives?\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget that \u2013 for as long as I live.\u00a0 I send you and Hoss to town just on a simple little errand to drop something off at the bank and bring back some horseshoes. Then the next thing I know I have to go into Virginia City because you were both drunk as skunks!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed because of the wonderful memory of coercing his big brother into going along with his plan to prevent a bank robbery by trying to get information off a suspect.\u00a0 It turned out that the only information that was gleaned was the information that Joe had given to the crook due to him and Hoss getting absolutely intoxicated.\u00a0 \u201cHey Pa \u2013 I thought you\u2019d strangle me that night!\u00a0 You were inches from my face,\u201d Joe broke into laughter and for the first time in days he wasn\u2019t feeling down on himself.<\/p>\n \u201cI was <\/strong>going to strangle you, Joseph \u2013 but I couldn\u2019t take you both on at the same time,\u201d Ben countered and took a sip of his liquor.<\/p>\n Suddenly the merriment around the camp changed back to an uneasy stillness as Joe\u2019s eyes reflected the fear he had felt up there in the rocks looking down and waiting to spot Tanner.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Pa \u2013 there was something that Tanner did \u2013 just another odd way he had of setting someone\u2019s nerves on end.\u00a0 He whistled \u2013 whistled the same darn tune all the time just to let me know he was getting closer.\u00a0 I heard it from up in the rocks \u2013 it was like a kid\u2019s kind of tune— I think I\u2019ve heard it before — but I swear I hope I never hear it again!\u00a0 He had found me \u2013 so I had to get down and start all over and I didn\u2019t think I could do it.\u00a0 But Hoss yelled that time and told me to get moving — so I did,\u201d Joe turned and stared into his father\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 His voice took on a strange cadence, almost like that of a child\u2019s as he asked, \u201cPa \u2013 do you think if anyone else was there they would\u2019ve heard Hoss like I did?\u201d<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath Ben simply shrugged his shoulders and replied, \u201cDoes it really matter, Joseph?\u00a0 You heard him \u2013 and maybe it was just meant for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess you\u2019re right,\u201d Joe agreed and sipped his drink.\u00a0 \u201cI got to the point where I didn\u2019t think I could run much longer.\u00a0 I was hot \u2013 so hot \u2013 and tired \u2013 I did find a bit more water and that\u2019s when I decided to try and make a trap for him.\u00a0 I can\u2019t tell you if I wanted to kill him with it or not \u2013 I think I just wanted to stop him \u2013 but I don\u2019t know anymore.\u00a0 I made my tracks clear enough and then pulled a long branch down from a tree\u2014one that was real green inside \u2013 I didn\u2019t cut it all the way\u2014I just fixed it up so it would sort of spring back.\u00a0 Then with some work \u2013 and it wasn\u2019t easy with this arm broken in two\u2014but I made a good-sized spike and planted it at the end of the branch.\u00a0 Hoss told me not to accidentally set it off as I covered it up with dirt and sand.\u00a0 Tanner was going to walk my tracks and hopefully step there and it would spring back and hit him.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care where it got him \u2013 just so it made him stop chasing me!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat was a wise move, Son,\u201d Ben agreed and patted him on the back.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, I hid up on the ridge and waited.\u00a0 I heard that whistle of his again and then suddenly he screamed!\u00a0 He really screamed like he\u2019d been hurt \u2013 but then I couldn\u2019t trust it \u2013 you know?\u00a0 I figured he might\u2019ve seen the darn trap and faked getting hurt, so I\u2019d think that it caught him, and so I started running again.\u00a0 Pa \u2013 that part was the hardest \u2013 and I\u2019m telling you I wanted to just quit,\u201d Joe sighed and dropped his head feeling quite spent from the retelling of events.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t quit- and that\u2019s the most important thing, Joseph,\u201d Ben reassured his son.<\/p>\n \u201cYou were with me too, Pa \u2013 oh not in the same way that Hoss was \u2013 just in the little things you always used to tell me.\u00a0 Like how you\u2019ve got to have faith even when the going gets rough — things like that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI never thought you listened to me,\u201d Ben teased as he patted his son\u2019s shoulder and smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve always listened to you, Pa \u2013 I just never let on to you that I did,\u201d Joe nodded with a grateful smile on his lips.\u00a0 \u201cI got to the point where I could barely lift my legs up high enough to keep running and I\u2019d turn and look behind to see if he was still coming after me.\u00a0 Then \u2013 well \u2013 Pa when I turned around again there was the biggest rainbow that I\u2019d ever seen in my life!\u00a0 For just a minute I felt like it was a sign from God and then I fell, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019d had it \u2013 that was the end \u2013 or so I thought.\u00a0 I just kept telling myself that I couldn\u2019t go on.\u00a0 I halfway passed out \u2013 and then a rainstorm came out of nowhere and woke me.\u00a0 I got to my knees and pulled myself up and that\u2019s when I spotted that town in the distance.\u00a0 All I could say was \u201cthank God\u201d and hurry towards it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben knew that the story was getting close to the conclusion and he lifted the whiskey bottle up and shot a questioning glance at his son.<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d Joe shook his head and grew pensive.\u00a0 He had to finish his tale and finally be done with it all, or so he hoped.\u00a0 \u201cI hurried into that town and cried out for someone to help me \u2013 but it was deserted!\u00a0 No people \u2013 no guns \u2013 no horses \u2013 just a dead town.\u00a0 I got halfway to a watering trough and fell on my face.\u00a0 I told myself that I wasn\u2019t going to make it.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I heard that whistling \u2013 Tanner was coming into the town \u2013 I hadn\u2019t stopped him with my trap— maybe wounded him \u2013 but not stopped him from tracking me.\u00a0 It was then that I\u2019d finally had enough of running.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me,\u201d Pa urged his son to get it all out in the open so they could both handle it together.<\/p>\n \u201cI saw this old jail — the kind where you can bar the door from the outside.\u00a0 I figured if I could just make it up onto the roof that I might trick him into going inside.\u00a0 Lord it was hard climbing up there\u2014with this arm — and being so tired I just wanted to cry \u2013 but I did it.\u00a0 I could see him drawing closer and looking around.\u00a0 There was a chimney pipe right next to where I was hunkered down, and I had a good-sized rock that I\u2019d found up there on the roof.\u00a0 So, I just waited for him to get close enough that he\u2019d hear the sound as I dropped that rock down through that stove pipe.\u00a0 And when I did, he turned right away and pulled his rifle out in front of him and walked inside.\u00a0 I had a split second to jump off the roof and slam that metal bar down to lock him inside.\u00a0 And I did it, Pa!\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how\u2014I don\u2019t know why he didn\u2019t see me right then, but I got him locked in there securely and then I just fell to the ground by the door and listened as he blasted that rifle all around inside.\u00a0 That\u2019s when I passed out cold.\u00a0 Next thing I knew an old miner was there giving me a chug of whiskey.\u00a0 I asked him about Tanner, and he said he was inside dead.\u00a0 He said that Tanner\u2019s heart must\u2019ve just quit on him.\u00a0 Then he asked if he was a friend of mine \u2013 and I told him the truth \u2013 that I never knew him,\u201d Joe looked over at his father, and he realized how much the story had affected him.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThe rest you know, Pa.\u00a0 That miner hauled me to Sand Dust — which was a good thing since we had friends there.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sat there motionless trying to figure out what to do or say that might help his son over all that he had gone through and how it was still plaguing both his waking and sleeping hours.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d He called quietly and watched as his son turned his eyes on him.\u00a0 \u201cWhat bothers you the most about all this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered, turning his face away.<\/p>\n \u201cHey— come on it\u2019s me — tell me what you\u2019re thinking.\u201d<\/p>\n Biting at his bottom lip and trying his best not to break down in tears, Joe attempted to get his worries out over all that had transpired.\u00a0 \u201cI guess it\u2019s the fact that I was so afraid — so scared, Pa!\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how long it lasted \u2013 seemed like forever to me \u2013 but I was scared every single minute of it.\u201d\u00a0 Turning his face away from his father again, so embarrassed over his confession about having been so afraid, Joe couldn\u2019t speak.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, look at me \u2013 c\u2019mon look at me,\u201d Ben insisted.\u00a0 When his son failed to do so, Pa gently placed his hand underneath Joe\u2019s chin and turned his son\u2019s head himself.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, why in the world are you so upset?\u00a0 It makes no sense to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe choked back tears and fought to answer.\u00a0 \u201cBecause I was scared, Pa, — the whole time \u2013 running away like a frightened animal!\u201d He replied, his voice cracking as tears filled his eyes though he had tried his best to keep them at bay.<\/p>\n Ben thoroughly studied the face before him, and it was very evident that Joe was still traumatized over the whole incident and that he was warring with himself over his fears while trying to remain strong and in control.\u00a0 Pa chose his words carefully, hoping to ease his son\u2019s mind over all that had happened.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, you were unarmed against a professional tracker who had a rifle and a handgun.\u00a0 ANYONE<\/strong> and I mean ANYONE<\/strong> would have been scared over being tracked down like that.\u00a0 You might call it fear but I call it a healthy dose of a man\u2019s natural instinct to survive.\u00a0 And the odds were against you, what with that crazed man and running so long in the heat of the desert.\u00a0 But just look at what you did, Son!\u00a0 You tried to throw him off your trail \u2013 you even made a trap to try and stop him.\u00a0 Your body was about as played out as a man could be and still you kept going.\u00a0 On top of all of that — you broke your arm slap in two!\u00a0 That would\u2019ve completely defeated just about any other man, but you kept moving refusing to give up.\u00a0 And then when you could no longer run you climbed up on that roof \u2013 broken arm and all \u2013 and you tricked a man who was a seasoned tracker to go inside.\u00a0 Then you only had a few seconds to make the decision to jump off that roof and lock him in!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared into his father\u2019s eyes and the pride in his voice almost surprised him with its intensity.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph–,\u201d Ben paused, tenderly laying the palms of his hands on either side of his son\u2019s face, gently brushing aside the advancing tears with his thumbs.\u00a0 \u201cThere isn\u2019t another Cartwright alive or dead who could\u2019ve done what you did out there in the desert.\u00a0 I\u2019m proud — very proud of you, Son, for never giving up.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe fell into his father\u2019s arms and held onto him, giving up all his feelings of being afraid and finally realizing that he had done his very best to keep going.\u00a0 It had only been in the reflection of Pa\u2019s eyes that he could see himself clearly enough to know that he had bravely won the long battle to stay alive.<\/p>\n Ben held onto his son knowing that he had been traumatized, injured, hunted like an animal and all the while filled with sadness over the death of the one man who had tried to offer him help in the desert and who had been killed right in front of Joe\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 But there had also been his brother Hoss\u2019 voice which had come to his aid and spurred him on, possibly saving his life.\u00a0 Now what was left were remnants of the whole ordeal to sort through, talk about, and hopefully in time move on from.\u00a0 Pa was at last back in his element after many months of watching his youngest trying to protect him more like a father would have done and less like a son.\u00a0 Ben wanted, no, he needed to get back to the role that he cherished most, and that was of being \u201cPa\u201d.\u00a0 Joseph had to get back to being his son again and to stop believing that his father was too frail emotionally and physically to hold up to the demands of that position.\u00a0 Ben was determined to reconnect with his youngest and come hell or highwater he\u2019d get the two of them on a stage to San Francisco the day after the cast on Joe\u2019s arm was taken off.\u00a0 Pa had things he needed to show him and much more paternal wisdom to pass down to him until sometime in the future, God willing, Joseph would finally have his chance to spout lectures while in his own paternal stance.\u00a0 But, as for the present, Pa would hold onto the moment and hold onto his son who was still locked inside of his protective embrace.\u00a0 Joseph needed it and it was well deserved, having waited long enough to be the one who was watched after and cared for.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 How about letting me be your father again?\u201d Ben whispered as he swiped a hand through his son\u2019s tousled hair.\u00a0 \u201cYou know I\u2019ll never be old \u2013 now isn\u2019t that what you told me the other night?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded his head and answered softly.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve never stopped being my father \u2013 and no\u2014you\u2019ll never be old, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen how about you going back to being my youngest?\u00a0 You\u2019re pretty good at that from what I remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019ve always been your son \u2013 what are you saying \u2013 I don\u2019t understand?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben gently tilted his son\u2019s chin up to look into Joe\u2019s troubled eyes and asked softly, \u201cHow about telling me what you were thinking out there \u2013 while you were on the run?\u00a0 I believe there\u2019s more to your story, Son.\u00a0 C\u2019mon \u2013 let\u2019s get this all out now.\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head, not in disbelief but in a quiet acknowledgement over the way his father had always been so in tune with him and his thoughts, Joe finally answered his question.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know \u2013 there were so many things that I thought about \u2013 you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stood and neared the campfire and stared down at the dying embers.\u00a0 He knelt and tossed in a couple of good-sized wood scraps while fanning the flames with his left hand to get it going again.\u00a0 \u201cGonna get colder tonight, Pa, we\u2019d best keep this fire going.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben\u2019s voice was stronger and more insistent as he tried to get his son to fess up to what he\u2019d dealt with during his struggle to survive.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll see to the campfire \u2013 but I\u2019m trying to talk to you right now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was all just random thoughts out there, Pa \u2013 nothing too important,\u201d Joe tried to downplay all that he had worried about out in the desert, figuring that his father didn\u2019t need to have any other worries on his mind after already enduring his rather long story that night.<\/p>\n \u201cSo? You were close to death, and you just had some random thoughts, huh?\u201d Ben called across the camp, not buying one word his son had proffered. He finally pulled himself up off the bedroll and stretched his back some before joining Joe there next to the campfire.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph \u2013 I swear talking to you lately is like pulling teeth!\u00a0 Why won\u2019t you just talk to me like you used to do?\u00a0 You were such a hardheaded child but \u2013 well – you weren\u2019t this uncooperative when you were little.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe dropped his head trying not to show his constant concern over his father\u2019s health, which always plagued his mind.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 you\u2019re not supposed to get upset anymore, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben groaned loudly and then placed a hand onto Joe\u2019s shoulder and squeezed it.\u00a0 \u201cOh, not that one again!\u00a0 Joseph, that was a year ago — I\u2019m fine \u2013 it\u2019s passed now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Doc said –,\u201d Joe began to protest but he was cut off by his father.<\/p>\n \u201cDoc Martin said for me to take it easy \u2013 he didn\u2019t tell me to sit in a rocking chair on our front porch and stare at the squirrels.\u00a0 And that was a year ago, like I told you last month, Joseph, he\u2019s now given me a clean bill of health.\u00a0 I am NOT<\/strong> a FRAIL<\/strong> and DECREPID OLD<\/strong> MAN<\/strong>!\u201d Ben fumed loudly placing a great deal of emphasis on each word he had said as he forced his son to look into his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cPlease \u2013 stop protecting me \u2013 I don\u2019t need it.\u00a0 Now \u2013 tell me what you were thinking while that maniac was chasing you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay\u2014okay,\u201d Joe acquiesced, knowing that he would only get his father more upset and Pa\u2019s protests would grow louder the longer he held back from him.\u00a0 \u201cI was worried — worried that if I died out there\u2014that you\u2019d never know what had happened to me — never find my body— and you\u2019d end up grieving yourself to death over it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head in frustration and sighed deeply.\u00a0 He reached for his son and abruptly pulled him to his chest.\u00a0 \u201cOh, Joseph— you\u2019ve just got to stop being the \u201cpa\u201d from now on!\u00a0 You should\u2019ve only concerned yourself with surviving that whole terrible ordeal \u2013 and not worried about what would\u2019ve happened to me if you didn\u2019t make it.\u00a0 You see this is our problem \u2013 we\u2019ve gone round and round about it for a whole year now.\u00a0 You were so consumed with fear that you\u2019d lose me after losing your brother that you ended up putting yourself in the role of being the father in our relationship!\u00a0 \u00a0Joseph, I don\u2019t need a father or a caretaker either.\u00a0 So please stop trying to be ME<\/strong> \u2013 I need you to be YOU<\/strong>!\u00a0 Now, no more of this.\u00a0 No more slipping into my bedroom late at night to make sure that I\u2019ve not had a heart attack or something.\u00a0 Yes \u2013 I know you\u2019ve been doing that,\u201d Ben paused and sent down a knowing smile aimed at his son, thinking of the great lengths that he\u2019d gone through trying to watch over his health.\u00a0 \u201cI promise you — I\u2019m not going anywhere. \u00a0I appreciate all that you\u2019ve done these last twelve months or so, but I\u2019ve had enough of you worrying about me and hovering over me all the time.\u00a0 Unfortunately, that was one of the reasons that I sent you to the fort with those bids, Joseph.\u00a0 I needed to get you out from underneath me some and I knew that you needed some time away for your own wellbeing.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry that decision ended up putting you in all that danger.\u201d<\/p>\n Feeling his father\u2019s fingers softly combing through his hair, Joe closed his eyes and tried to remember back to a time when he hadn\u2019t been petrified that he was going to lose Pa at any minute.\u00a0 After Hoss had died Joe\u2019s thoughts had turned to keeping his father alive at all costs and as each day had passed his worry over the man\u2019s health had escalated so that when he was out in the desert, even though he was running to save his own life, \u00a0all he could think about was how Pa would take his death.\u00a0 He felt the strong arms encasing his shoulders and they sure felt just the same as they had before his worries had taken over, back when Pa was invincible in every way.\u00a0 It was how he had always thought of his father until Hoss\u2019 death had caused him to believe that Pa needed to be watched over and protected.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve \u2013 well \u2013 I\u2019ve been so worried about you, Pa.\u00a0 When Doc told me that he wasn\u2019t sure you were going to make it after losing Hoss \u2013 well all I could think about was that I just couldn\u2019t lose you too.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t willing to risk anything happening to you.\u00a0 I know \u2013 I probably went a bit overboard \u2013 but I couldn\u2019t help it.\u00a0 Then when you showed up in Sand Dust \u2013 though I was glad to have you there \u2013 I couldn\u2019t help worrying that I\u2019d put too much on you \u2013 with that long ride and doing it even faster than I could\u2019ve done \u2013 well it scared me.\u00a0 It was another reason that I didn\u2019t want to tell you what I\u2019d gone through.\u00a0 I know you told me last month that you were okay\u2014but I couldn\u2019t bring myself to believe it.\u00a0 Just the thought of anything happening to you \u2013 it\u2019s made me feel paralyzed with a kind of fear that\u2019s never left me.\u00a0 I can\u2019t lose you, Pa \u2013 I just can\u2019t,\u201d Joe confessed through his tears.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph,\u201d Ben sighed and forced his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not going to lose me \u2013 unless you drive me insane with all your overly protective antics \u2013and acting like my father and not the other way around.\u00a0 I want you back as my son now, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Pa,\u201d Joe choked out as he swept the tears from his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll let you be Pa from now on and I\u2019ll go back to being your disobedient youngest son again.\u00a0 If it will make you feel any better, when we get home the very first thing I\u2019ll do is put these dirty boots up on the coffee table.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes \u2013 Joseph — you just try<\/strong> and do that and you\u2019ll see what happens,\u201d Ben warned sternly and then broke into a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa?\u201d Joe asked, suddenly turning introspective about all that had happened the past several days.<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry that I worried you.\u00a0 But you know even after being chased across the desert by that lunatic— seeing you there at my bedside when I came around at the hotel \u2013 well,\u201d He trailed off.<\/p>\n \u201cFinish your thought, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, the minute that I saw you next to me all the fear I\u2019d felt for days just disappeared.\u00a0 My Pa was there and I – -well,\u201d Joe choked up again and couldn\u2019t continue.<\/p>\n \u201cCome here,\u201d Ben whispered and leaned forward, gently easing his son back to his chest.\u00a0 \u201cI know exactly what you\u2019re saying, Joseph.\u00a0 Because the minute that I saw you — and that doctor said that other than a broken arm that you\u2019d be okay \u2013 I felt the same way.\u00a0 Yes, you\u2019ve scared me through the years<\/strong> — and most of the time through no fault of your own.\u00a0 Just knowing that you\u2019d be fine \u2013 well \u2013 it made everything right with the world again.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stood there drawing comfort from his father\u2019s tight hold.\u00a0 After a year of being so scared that his father wasn\u2019t strong enough to hold up to all of life\u2019s challenges, he was now acutely aware that Pa was the same indestructible man he\u2019d always been.\u00a0 Joe felt like he could breathe easier for the first time in an entire year.\u00a0 \u201cI just want you to know, Pa, in case I haven\u2019t said it enough \u2013 you\u2019re the best father anyone could ever have.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben patted his son\u2019s back and sighed, \u201cWell, you have said that a time or two, Son \u2013 but it\u2019s nice to hear.\u00a0 Oh \u2013 and Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben coughed into his hand to clear the thick emotion from his throat and said, \u201cYou still owe me two dollars for that jacket.\u201d<\/p>\n Laughing, Joe shook his head and grinned up at his Pa.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d He answered.<\/p>\n Easing his son out of his arms, Ben returned, pointing over to his son\u2019s bedroll, \u201cNow, Joseph, you lay back down and get some sleep.\u00a0 We\u2019ve still got some long miles ahead of us until we\u2019ll be home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you\u2019re right back to being Pa \u2013 always ordering me around,\u201d Joe sighed and walked back to his bedroll.<\/p>\n Taking the time to top off the wood of the campfire so they\u2019d have some warmth for the night, Ben watched as his son settled down onto his bedroll and covered himself up with the blanket.\u00a0 He walked over to his own bedroll and cast a quick glance to see if Joe was getting ready to nod off.<\/p>\n \u201cLooks like between all we\u2019ve done the last few days and all that we talked about tonight you\u2019re about played out, Joe.\u00a0 How\u2019s that arm by the way?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe smiled over at his father and nodded to him, \u201cIt\u2019s fine, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou won\u2019t be needing this anymore then,\u201d He reached for the pint of whiskey which had half of its contents missing.\u00a0 Ben dropped it back inside his saddlebags.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know I kind of miss hearing it –,\u201d Joe began and then rethought his remark.<\/p>\n \u201cYou miss hearing what?\u201d Ben coaxed.<\/p>\n \u201cBeing called Little Joe, Pa.\u00a0 All the times I fussed over being called that \u2013 sometimes it really bothered me, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n Chuckling, Ben nodded, \u201cI know it did \u2013 and so did your brothers which was why they kept calling you that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I know \u2013 and once I got to be twenty it seemed like they said it even more just to try and embarrass me \u2013 especially when there was a new girl in town.\u00a0 Hoss would really put the emphasis on \u201clittle\u201d when he\u2019d introduce me,\u201d Joe broke out laughing at the thought.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll always be \u201cJoseph\u201d to me,\u201d Ben quipped and reached over and patted his son\u2019s left arm.<\/p>\n His eyelids beginning to droop giving away the fact that he was worn out, Joe whispered, \u201cPa \u2013 what I\u2019d give to hear Hoss call me Little Joe one more time \u2013 you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d Ben sighed resolutely.\u00a0 \u201cGo on to sleep, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe attempted to get his plaster cast situated next to his side and then he couldn\u2019t fight off sleep any longer.\u00a0 He closed his eyes and soon there was only silence coming from his bedroll as his father looked over at him.<\/p>\n Waiting a few minutes until he was sure that his son was sound asleep, Ben pulled himself off his bedroll and grabbed both sets of saddlebags.\u00a0 He knelt next to his son and then lifted Joe\u2019s cast, setting both bags underneath to make him more comfortable.<\/p>\n *** I know what you would say \u2013 Pa you\u2019re fussing over me too much.<\/strong> *** He grinned down at his youngest.\u00a0 *** Might just as well finish my fatherly duties now that I\u2019m finally back in charge. ***<\/strong> Ben thought as he pulled the blanket up to his son\u2019s chin and then softly combed his fingers through Joe\u2019s curly hair.\u00a0 \u201cGoodnight, Little Joe,\u201d Pa whispered thinking of his middle boy.\u00a0 \u201cThanks for watching over your little brother, Hoss,\u201d He looked up to the heavens and smiled and then made his way back to his bedroll.<\/p>\n Epilogue<\/p>\n Joe sipped at his coffee the next morning and grinned over at his father and announced, \u201cCan you smell it, Pa?\u00a0 The scent of those pines\u2014I can\u2019t wait to get back to the Ponderosa!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled knowingly over at his youngest and noticed that he appeared to be in much better spirits after the two of them had a good long talk the night before and had not only discussed all that Joe had gone through with Tanner but also redefined their roles as father and son.<\/p>\n \u201cI expect we should be back to the ranch house right before dark if the weather holds up.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t want you pushing yourself too hard, Young Man.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get there.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe winked and returned, \u201cYou worry too much.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached over and patted his son\u2019s arm and replied, \u201cThat\u2019s a father\u2019s prerogative.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI gladly give you that back, Pa \u2013 it was a lot tougher being a father for a little while than I thought it would be!\u201d<\/p>\n Pa laughed and poured what remained inside the coffee pot onto the campfire.\u00a0 \u201cOh, you did okay.\u00a0 But I\u2019d say you were a mite overly protective.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wonder who I learned that from?\u201d Joe offered a wry smile as he stared over at his father.<\/p>\n Ben stood to pack up the camp and called down to Joe.\u00a0 “I\u2019ve no idea who you\u2019re talking about \u2013 surely not your father.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I woke up to find two sets of saddlebags underneath my cast \u2013 oh and how many days did it take you to get to Sand Dust?\u201d Joe teased.<\/p>\n \u201cGet to work \u2013 we\u2019ve got a camp to pack up!\u201d Pa ordered, disregarding his son\u2019s remarks.\u00a0 He turned his back on Joe and walked away though there was a broad smile on his face which he hid from his son.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n With a renewed urgency to get home both men made their way westward and only stopped to rest whenever Ben decided that Joe needed a break.\u00a0 By late in the afternoon the two of them were only a few miles from the northeastern border of the Ponderosa when they made another stop to water the horses.<\/p>\n Joe stood and stretched after taking a few sips of water from his canteen.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Pa \u2013 look over there!\u201d He pointed to the steep rocky ridge above them.\u00a0 \u201cBring back any memories?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben chuckled as his gaze went up to the very top and could see in his mind\u2019s eye his son Hoss with a pair of wings.\u00a0 \u201cOh, my gosh \u2013 I hadn\u2019t thought of Devil Wind Hill for ages!\u00a0 I doubt I\u2019ll ever forget looking up to see your brother Hoss standing there ready to launch himself down that incline.”<\/p>\n \u201cYep, he was an awfully big bird, Pa,\u201d Joe broke into his unique trilling laughter.\u00a0 \u201cBoy he was smitten by that girl —what was her name, Pa?\u00a0 I can\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAmanda \u2013 Amanda Klump.\u00a0 I read an article in the paper about her not too long ago. She\u2019s actually gotten some patents on her grandfather\u2019s inventions. \u00a0Didn\u2019t I tell you about it?\u201d Ben asked as he set the canteen strap back over his saddle horn.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think so \u2013 least ways I don\u2019t remember.\u00a0 You know I\u2019m getting old and forgetful,\u201d Joe grinned.<\/p>\n Ben stared at his son and remarked, \u201cYou might forget an article I told you about, but I bet you can still tell me her eye color, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBlue \u2013 medium blue, Pa,\u201d Joe nodded with a wry smile.\u00a0 \u201cAnd once my brother looked into them, he was hooked.\u00a0 She was probably the only girl in the world who could\u2019ve talked Hoss into strapping on those wings and trying to leap into history as the first man to fly.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cWell, oddly enough it was one of the few times that it wasn\u2019t you but someone else who talked him into doing something foolish.\u00a0 Most of his wild escapades were caused by his little brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe reached over and patted his father\u2019s arm and replied, \u201cWe kept you on your toes, Pa.\u00a0 Life was never dull, was it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDull? No, I could write a book about all your adventures over the years \u2013 not to mention all your injuries, Young Man,\u201d Ben indicated his son\u2019s cast.<\/p>\n Laughing Joe shook his head and remarked, \u201cPa, if you wrote a book about my many injuries no-one would ever believe it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d have to list it under fiction no doubt,\u201d Ben agreed.\u00a0 \u201cAnd to tell you the truth the things you\u2019ve done in your life are too bizarre for fiction in my humble opinion.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe put his one good arm across his father\u2019s shoulder and winked, \u201cI told you that I\u2019ve kept your life from being dull, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, let\u2019s get on home and see what else you can put your poor old father through,\u201d Ben grinned as he patted Joe\u2019s shoulder and then walked over to the horses.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll never be old, Pa \u2013 I told you that!\u201d Joe insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cTwo more times boosting you up into this saddle and I will be,\u201d Ben argued as he helped Joe mount his horse.<\/p>\n \u201cI told you I could do it myself,\u201d Joe protested with a smile.<\/p>\n Ben just groaned wearily and walked over to mount Buck.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s go, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n The two Cartwrights couldn\u2019t help making a slight detour before heading for the ranch house.\u00a0 They swung a bit farther west so they could make it to one of their favorite spots overlooking the azure blue of Lake Tahoe.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t dismount but simply took in the sound of the wind through the huge pine trees and the view of the lake.<\/p>\n Joe cast a sentimental look over at his father as he watched the man staring off into the distance.\u00a0 He remembered all the times he had been to that one particular overlook with his pa.\u00a0 At that moment his father looked just as strong and commanding as he always had.\u00a0 The journey had been long and the experience in the desert had been a rough one, but Joe was back home and was sitting there next to his father and somehow that put everything into perspective again.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s good to be home, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered and reached over to touch his father\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n Ben smiled and nodded to his son, \u201cIt sure is, Joseph.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never grow tired of looking at that lake.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe neither — but don\u2019t forget that you still owe me that trip to San Francisco to see the ocean just as soon as this darn cast comes off.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared at his son with the type of stern paternal gaze that only he possessed.\u00a0 \u201cAnd don\u2019t YOU<\/strong> forget that you still owe me two dollars for that jacket, Young Man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, you\u2019ll get it, Pa \u2013 just as soon as my boss gives me a healthy raise.\u201d<\/p>\n Before Ben could reply he noticed the twinkle of mischief in Joe\u2019s eyes which forced him to place a firm hand onto his left wrist as he warned, \u201cJoseph, I swear if you kick at that nag\u2019s sides and race back to the house, I\u2019ll \u2013\u201d He was cut short by his son.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, c\u2019mon, Pa,\u201d Joe returned indignantly.\u00a0 \u201cWould I do something like that?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared even harder at his son and noticed the same impish grin he\u2019d had even back when he had busted his forehead on the hearth taking his first steps.\u00a0 Before Joe had the chance to kick at his horse\u2019s sides Pa suddenly sent Buck off into a gallop, racing towards the ranch house.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s twittering laughter filled the air as he looked heavenward and said aloud, \u201cAnd he wonders where I get it from!\u201d\u00a0 He shook his head and raced to catch up with his pa.<\/p>\n Soon both Cartwrights were riding side by side, each smiling over at the other as they entered the meadow which led to the house.\u00a0 To a casual observer they would have only noticed that it was Ben and Little Joe Cartwright heading for their ranch house.\u00a0 But both Pa and Joe felt Hoss to their right side and Adam over to their left as they made their way home.<\/p>\n (Not Ever) The End<\/p>\n Written by Wrangler<\/p>\n 3\/17\/2026<\/p>\n (Note from the writer:\u00a0 The reason that I chose to write this homage to parts of the original episode of \u201cThe Hunter\u201d, which was brilliantly written and directed by Michael Landon, was due to numerous interviews where both Lorne Greene and Michael Landon spoke about being upset that this episode was used as the last episode for the Bonanza series.\u00a0 They wanted to go out with a more family type of episode.\u00a0 After thinking about it for many years, I decided to write this as a tribute.\u00a0 I don\u2019t consider it to be an ending but a continuation of the Cartwright saga.\u00a0 Many episodes were mentioned in this story including The Deadly Ones, My Brother\u2019s Keeper, The Stillness Within, A Matter of Circumstance, The Crucible, Joe Cartwright Detective, The Last Hunt, and The Birdman of the Ponderosa.\u00a0 I blended a bit of \u201cWrangler \u2013 lore\u201d into the tale but kept true to \u201cThe Hunter\u201d when Joe spoke of what he went through \u2013 minus the parts about Hoss, which I wrote to honor him, and Joe’s age at the time. Thank you for reading this, I prefer to write \u201cyounger\u201d Joe stories but wanted to give a little something back to the actors for all they\u2019ve given me in the only way I know how.)<\/p>\n (Dedicated to my story consultant Rob who has, \u201cThrough the Years,\u201d made me very happy.\u00a0 And to the Cartwrights for giving me something to write about.)<\/p>\n *** The characters from the town of Sand Dust were from my stories “Best Medicine – Malice Aforethought” and “A New Light”. ***<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n