{"id":6455,"date":"2014-05-04T10:31:03","date_gmt":"2014-05-04T14:31:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6455"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:12:45","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:12:45","slug":"a-moment-before-leaving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6455","title":{"rendered":"A Moment Before Leaving (by MissJudy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>This\u00a0WHN for A Journey Remembered<\/strong>\u00a0looks at a “missing page” from the journal chronicling the journey West with Inger. After reading the story to Hoss while they waited for a horse to foal, Ben finds evidence of a page that was removed and remembers that it’s kept with personal papers. When he finally has a chance to do so, he rereads the missing page and recalls what he witnessed the night after Inger died.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02600<\/span><\/p>\n

Story Notes:<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

The idea for this story came from an actual experience I had with my grandson the night that his maternal grandmother passed away. What happened has always left me wondering in awe, and confirmed that there are things that can’t be explained–and that we shouldn’t try to–but rather accept for the blessing they are.<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

A Moment Before Leaving<\/strong><\/p>\n

Prologue<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cYour mother would be mighty proud of you Hoss,<\/strong> mighty proud,\u201d Ben spoke quietly as Hoss wiped down the new colt.<\/p>\n

As he paged again through journal he\u2019d been reading while Hoss assisted the mare to foal, he noted the torn edge of a missing sheet toward the back of the book and recalled what he had written early in the morning the day after Inger died. The missing page chronicled what he had witnessed the previous night and had been written for \u201chis eyes only,\u201d as a personal reminder that things sometimes happen that the human mind can\u2019t comprehend or control. He\u2019d removed the page to keep with his personal papers rather than leaving it with the journal where someone else might read it and wonder at his sanity. He could still remember much of what he\u2019d experienced that night, but made a mental note to revisit his written account as soon as he could.<\/p>\n

***A Moment Before Leaving<\/strong><\/p>\n

They\u2019d been home for a few days when Ben recalled the scene in the barn with Hoss. It had begun with his reprimand for delaying their start to relieve Adam and Little Joe at the herd. Ben\u2019s impatience had grown while Hoss assisted the mare, and he\u2019d chastised his son for not leaving the task to Doc Samuels instead of holding up their departure by doing it himself. But the day had developed into an almost sacred interval between father and son when Ben had found his travel journal while retrieving a bottle medicine Hoss had asked for.<\/p>\n

Father and son had sat on bags of oats waiting for the mare, while he had read from the pages, retelling the story of falling in love with Inger, their marriage, and then the trip West. His words brought Inger back to life as they painted scenes of their day-to-day lives while moving across the prairie, the joy of finding out that Inger was expecting Hoss, and her bliss at his birth. The story ended with the circumstances of Inger\u2019s death, recalling her bravery in protecting her children as she fought side-by-side with the men. He and Hoss had been so absorbed in the story that they had jumped when the foal stood at the back of the stall without help from either of them.<\/p>\n

After the young colt was given a clean bill of health and the mare secured, Ben and Hoss had finally ridden out to relieve the brothers, who while unhappy about the delay, softened when they heard about the new addition at the ranch. They both had understood that Hoss could no more leave an animal in pain that he could have abandoned one of them.<\/p>\n

While riding the herd later that day, Hoss had managed to move up close enough to speak to his father. \u201cThanks for reading all them pages to me today, Pa. It felt kind-a good to know that Ma held up a wagon train to do the same thing that I was doin\u2019.\u00a0 When you first started into reading, I was afraid that it would be too sad to hear about my ma, but it sure felt wonderful to see her through your eyes.\u201d The boy had blushed and pulled back in shyness, then straightened tall again to add, \u201cI always knowed you loved her, but never knew just how much until I heard them things you wrote about her. Your words make me proud to be her son.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have every reason to be proud, Hoss. She loved you more than you can possibly know and was a wonderful woman.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know. It sounds strange to say this out loud, but sometimes I can feel her here,\u201d he\u2019d indicated his heart. \u201cShe seems so real that it hurts to know it\u2019s just a thought of her that\u2019s touched me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, son. I\u2019ve felt her too. She was such a loving woman, that even death couldn\u2019t take all of that love away.\u201d<\/p>\n

The memories Ben had just relived had blossomed and waned when he\u2019d sat to do some work at his desk. That in turn had stirred his desire to reread the missing page of his journal. Little Joe was gone for the evening and his brothers had already gone up to their rooms and the quiet above indicated that they had likely settled into personal activities and wouldn\u2019t be coming down again, ensuring Ben\u2019s privacy.<\/p>\n

Reaching inside the top drawer of his desk, he released a latch that in turn opened a hidden panel in a larger drawer below. Inside the false bottom was a metal box containing Ben\u2019s most personal items: pictures of his wives and the boys, snips from their first haircuts and an assortment of drawings they\u2019d made for him as children. Pushing under the accumulation, he retrieved an envelope containing the missing journal page, withdrew it and began to read:<\/p>\n

If anyone should find this, they may think me insane, but I assure you that this happened just as I write it now.<\/em><\/p>\n

We turned in last night after a harrowing day. The boys were restless, but had settled down enough that I could write a note marking the circumstances surrounding Inger\u2019s death in my journal. After finishing those thoughts I laid down next to Adam to help soothe the child. I had no illusions of finding peace enough to actually sleep, yet knew that for the boys\u2019 sakes I would need to appear to rest so they would follow suit.<\/em><\/p>\n

It surprised me to wake after actually dozing off for a few minutes. The wagon had become silent inside and out\u2014almost as if we had been bottled and separated from the noises of the prairie; there was no wind, nor sounds from any animals or night birds. It was a cold night, but the wagon was warm, almost radiant with warmth and I became aware of Hoss making noises in his cradle. He was always a happy baby and had slept through the night early on, and since he was too young to really know what had been lost that day, it surprised me to hear him awake.<\/em><\/p>\n

I rose to my elbows, surprised to see Adam sitting up near the cradle watching his brother. There was just enough moonlight shining through the space at the rear of the wagon for me to see his face glowing with affection and smiling broadly, wide awake and alert.<\/em><\/p>\n

My eyes were drawn again to Hoss who was cooing, smiling and reaching out as though holding someone\u2019s hands. He seemed genuinely happy and content, as though engaging someone who might have stood looking down on him. My greatest fear was that if he saw Adam or heard me moving, he\u2019d not fall back to sleep which would make for a ragged day to come, so I kept quiet and hoped Adam would do the same.<\/em><\/p>\n

Neither of my sons seemed to notice that I was watching. I looked from one child to the other not knowing what to make of it.<\/em><\/p>\n

After a few minutes I decided to ease Adam back to his pillow but as I reached toward him, he broke his gaze at Hoss just long enough to look at me and say, \u201cShhh Papa. Mama Inger is here to say goodbye.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I was stunned by the remark and continued to watch. After a few more minutes, Hoss quieted and slowly drifted to sleep. Adam waited until Hoss was silent and then lay back beside me.<\/em><\/p>\n

Once I heard Hoss\u2019 steady breathing indicating that he was soundly asleep, I whispered to Adam, \u201cWhat did you mean when you said Inger was here?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

He told me with solemnity, \u201cMama Inger came to me, kissed my cheek and spoke a blessing as she always does at my bedtime. She thanked me for taking such good care of Hoss and protecting him when she was hurt, and then she talked to Hoss, singing his favorite songs and rhymes while she held his hands. She stroked his cheek until he fell asleep and whispered that I should lay down then, and said she loved me and would miss Hoss and me but would always watch over us.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I tried to reassure Adam that he had been dreaming but he insisted that he was wide awake and that Inger was still there next to Hoss, but that it was getting harder to see her because the light around her was dimming. A short time later Adam whispered, \u201cShe\u2019s gone now, Papa.\u201d There was no fear or sadness at that moment, and as he snuggled up to my chest, he murmured, \u201cIt was nice of Mama Inger to stop here on her way to heaven.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Oddly enough, as Adam said she left, there was a gentle rustling of the wagon canvas as the breeze began to sneak through the flaps again and I was once again aware of the noises of the night. Adam soon dozed and I followed shortly after, not awaking until the early morning sunshine began to sift through the thinner fabric of the canvas.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam clearly remembers last night and is still awed by it rather than afraid. I imagine the memory will fade with time, but he is very sure that Inger was here. Maybe I was just caught up with Adam\u2019s telling of it, but as I lay back with him, I\u2019m quite sure that I felt a brush of softness against my lips and a touch upon my cheek. Adam says that I couldn\u2019t see Inger because I am too old. Children have all the answers!<\/em><\/p>\n

n closing, I can only say, Goodbye Inger, my love. The journey will be hard without you but I we will all make you proud and never forget your gifts.<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, refolded the journal page and returned it to the drawer. Dimming the downstairs lamps, he headed to his room, noting that light still glowed beneath Adam\u2019s door. After knocking lightly he was welcomed by Adam\u2019s easy, \u201cC\u2019mon in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Pa,\u201d Adam sat forward on his chair: still dressed, but with his unbuttoned shirt hanging loose\u2014barefoot and reading as usual. \u201cWhat can I do for you?\u201d he asked curiously.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was just wondering something. Perhaps it\u2019s an odd question, but it came to my mind tonight.\u201d Ben paused, not sure if he should press on.<\/p>\n

Adam gave his father a wry smile and encouraged him, \u201cWhat is it Pa? You planning on doing something you shouldn\u2019t and want some company doing it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben grinned and finally asked the question that was on his mind. \u201cAdam, do you remember much about the night after Inger died? I know you were just six at the time and that\u2019s a lot of years ago. But I was just wondering\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam put his book down and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. \u201cYou mean that I saw and spoke to Inger that night after her death?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen you do remember,\u201d signed Ben<\/p>\n

Adam nodded thoughtfully. \u201cWhy do you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss and I went through my journal from back then while waiting for the mare last week, and it brought back the memory of that night as well.\u201d He paused again, \u201cWhat do you feel about that memory?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was as real to me as sitting here talking to you is now. I\u2019ve told Hoss about that night and he\u2019ll never say anything to you because he thinks you don\u2019t believe in such things, but I think you did and still do. Am I right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head in affirmation. \u201cI don\u2019t know what happened that night, but it seemed to ease you a lot and made it possible for you to go on with a full heart instead of one shattered by loss. Although I guess I find it hard to \u2018believe\u2019 that she was there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, Pa. It\u2019s one of those things I think I should doubt, especially now that I\u2019m an adult: but I can\u2019t. I honestly don\u2019t think we have to believe it happened as much as just accept that it did. I don\u2019t believe in ghosts lingering to haunt the world, but I saw Inger in some form that night and it did help me, and maybe it helped Hoss and you too. It\u2019s one of those questions we\u2019ll have to ask God when our time comes. Wonder how to do that\u2026 Maybe I\u2019ll say, \u2018Sir, by the way, did I see a spirit when I was six, or was it my imagination?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Both men chuckled.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you talked to Hoss about that night?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Ben sighed, \u201cI guess I wasn\u2019t sure what to say about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think he\u2019d like it very much if you would.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben had been sitting on Adam\u2019s bed and rose to leave. \u201cThanks, son, I will. Goodnight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cG\u2019night Pa\u201d Adam returned. \u201cPleasant dreams.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben left Adam\u2019s room wondering when his \u201cboy\u201d had grown into such an intelligent man. He descended the stairs, retrieved the folded paper and headed back up towards Hoss\u2019 room. Listening at the door, he heard sounds of activity rather than the young man\u2019s legendary snoring so knocked softly and entered.<\/p>\n

Hoss was at his desk concentrating on a bit of intricate whittling for a small wooden horse. He looked up to see the soft look on Ben\u2019s face. \u201cHey, Pa. Something wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot a thing.\u201d He leaned on the edge of the desk, handing Hoss the folded sheet. \u201cIt\u2019s just that there was a missing page in the journal we looked at the other day and I thought you might like to see it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss opened it and began to read. A smile spread over his face as he once again felt the touch of his mother as she spent a moment with him before leaving. He nodded at his father and smiled. \u201cThanks Pa. This means a lot. Um\u2026, would you mind if I kept this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s yours Hoss. I wrote it for you, even though I didn\u2019t realize it until tonight.\u201d Ben brushed his cheek to Hoss\u2019s head while giving his shoulder a squeeze and said goodnight. As he walked down the hall to his own room, Ben smiled, looked upward and said quietly, \u201cI know, Inger, I\u2019m proud of them too.\u201d<\/p>\n

The End.<\/p>\n

Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0This\u00a0WHN for A Journey Remembered\u00a0looks at a “missing page” from the journal chronicling the journey West with Inger. After reading the story to Hoss while they waited for a horse to foal, Ben finds evidence of a page that was removed and remembers that it’s kept with personal papers. When he finally has a chance to do so, he rereads the missing page and recalls what he witnessed the night after Inger died. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K+ \u00a0WC \u00a02600<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":5758,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,616,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-whb","category-whn","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-616-id","wpcat-13-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1567,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Adams-English-Scenic2.jpg?fit=450%2C436&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":56524,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=56524","url_meta":{"origin":6455,"position":0},"title":"A Journey Changed (by AC1830)","author":"AC1830","date":"March 23, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A missing WHN scene at the end of A Journey Remembered.\u00a0 Rating: G, Word Count: 745","rel":"","context":"In "Ben Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Ben Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1004"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12014,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=12014","url_meta":{"origin":6455,"position":1},"title":"The Christmas Gift (by pbeaking)","author":"pbeaking","date":"June 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Ben\u2019s granddaughter, Lizzy gives her grandfather a special Christmas gift. 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Rating:\u00a0 K+\u00a0 \u00a01175 words\u00a0 Note:\u00a0 This story was written for the Bonanza Brand 2020 Advent Calendar, originated in the Forums.","rel":"","context":"In "Adam \/ Hoss"","block_context":{"text":"Adam \/ Hoss","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1090"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Christmas-Traditions.jpg?fit=639%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15556,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15556","url_meta":{"origin":6455,"position":4},"title":"A Gift of Memories (by DanceDiva)","author":"DanceDiva","date":"December 25, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 This story was written for the 2016 Advent Collection. Rating:\u00a0 G\u00a0 (390 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/00001_Advent1.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/00001_Advent1.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/00001_Advent1.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/00001_Advent1.jpg?fit=791%2C680&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":29184,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=29184","url_meta":{"origin":6455,"position":5},"title":"A Waterlily From Inger (by wx4rmk)","author":"wx4rmk","date":"June 3, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0When a possession of Inger\u2019s finally gets returned, it spurs some new feelings and long-forgotten memories for Adam. 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