Summary:\u00a0 At fourteen the kids in school harassed Little Joe calling him “killer.\u201d Now, at seventeen, that name comes back to haunt him, putting his life in jeopardy. Rating T, WC 34,374<\/p>\n
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Killer<\/strong><\/p>\n *** They told me I\u2019d never get to tell my story too many bullet holes; it would take a miracle.\u00a0 These voices inside my head like poison trying to steal my hope, silencing my soul.\u00a0 But my story is only now beginning, don\u2019t try to write my ending. *** (Song: Sound of Surviving by Nichole Nordeman)<\/p>\n The fresh spring air acted like a tonic, filling the four Cartwrights with a sense of joy and expectations of warmer temperatures.\u00a0 It had been a severe winter that had lasted longer than anyone anticipated.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright\u2019s sons had been dispatched to handle different assignments.\u00a0 The two eldest sons were both heading up to the northern pastureland to check on the new herd that they would be raising to take to market much later in the summer.\u00a0 The youngest, Little Joe, had been given the pleasant task of going over to a neighboring ranch, the Circle W, to see the new horse stock that the owner had brought in from Arizona.\u00a0 Though his mission had been to just take a quick look at the new mounts and then head out and meet up with his brothers, Joe had jumped at the chance.\u00a0 Pa had known that job would please the boy and had purposely insisted that he be the one to do it.\u00a0 He had expectations that it would lift the spirits of the seventeen-year-old who hadn\u2019t had the best of weeks so far.\u00a0 There had been some trouble in town.\u00a0 Though Little Joe hadn\u2019t said a word about the run-in at the Silver Dollar, his two brothers had told their father.\u00a0 Pa hoped that going over to the Circle W would help his son forget all about what had happened a few nights ago.<\/p>\n That just left Ben\u2019s job, and it was part business and part pleasure.\u00a0 He would go into town and after getting supplies loaded into the buckboard he\u2019d then go and have lunch with his friend, Sheriff Roy Coffee.\u00a0 And so, with lists tucked inside of his vest, Ben had said a quick goodbye to the cook and caretaker, Hop Sing, and hitched up the wagon for the trip into Virginia City.<\/p>\n Ben loved spring; in fact, he liked it better than any other time of the year.\u00a0 Passing by newly budding dogwoods, he found himself smiling at the sight.\u00a0 He knew that soon there would be both pink and white blooms on the trees making the trip into town even more breathtaking.\u00a0 Soon the homestead would be full of various blooming feasts for the eyes as the Ponderosa put on her best dress to announce the rebirth of the ranch. Ben laughed to himself when he thought about Hop Sing spending countless hours filling his prized flower boxes outside of the various windows there at the house.\u00a0 The cook had a green thumb, that was a given, and Ben wasn\u2019t going to be surprised at how fast the roses would be blooming around the front yard that year.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright was shaken from his musings and feeling of contentment when he heard the two loud reports of gunfire coming from somewhere up ahead.\u00a0 He slapped the reins to the team of horses trying to pick up the pace.\u00a0 He ascertained that by the sound from the gunshots that whoever had sent them off couldn\u2019t be too far ahead of him.\u00a0 The buckboard made it just past the blind turn in the road two miles from the ranch house when Ben spied the pinto off to the right side of the road. It was then that he spotted his youngest son lying still on the ground over to the left.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben yelled as he abruptly pulled back on the reins and hopped down from the wagon.\u00a0 He ran over to his son and knelt there alongside him.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 Can you hear me?\u201d He asked as he gently rolled him over onto his back.<\/p>\n \u201cPah \u2013 Pa?\u201d Joe muttered, his words coming out sounding thick.\u00a0 He found that it was too hard to open his eyes as pain engulfed his body.<\/p>\n \u201cLie still,\u201d Ben whispered as his fingers fought with the ties to his son\u2019s jacket.\u00a0 He had spotted a large amount of blood seeping out from the green corduroy material.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I just couldn\u2019t \u2013 I couldn\u2019t shoot him,\u201d Joe continued as he bit his bottom lip still fighting to stay conscious.<\/p>\n Throwing the jacket open, Ben studied the two holes there in the tan shirt. He automatically knew that his son was in serious trouble. The boy had been hit in his left shoulder and in his midsection. \u00a0Ben determined that trying to staunch the flow of blood wasn\u2019t going to be an easy task because the wound in his stomach was bleeding profusely. \u00a0He carefully removed his son\u2019s jacket and wadded it up inside the boy\u2019s shirt.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph \u2013 try to hold onto this.\u00a0 Just keep your hands pressed over your stomach,\u201d the worried father instructed and lifted Joe\u2019s hands up from his sides placing them over the jacket.\u00a0 \u201cTry to hold on to that, Son.\u00a0 Keep pressure on it.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get you home as quick as I can.\u201d\u00a0 Ben lifted Joe up into his arms and carried him over to the bed of the buckboard where he gingerly set him down.\u00a0 Shrugging out of his leather vest he rolled it up and propped the boy\u2019s head onto it to provide a bit of a cushion.\u00a0 Ben repositioned his son\u2019s hands over the make-shift bandage, hoping Little Joe would stay conscious long enough to get back home.<\/p>\n \u201cWho was it, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was Calvin Moran\u2019s son, Pa.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t draw on him \u2013 I\u2019m sorry,\u201d Joe tried once more to get his eyes open but couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got to get you home, Son.\u00a0 Everything else can wait,\u201d Ben insisted and then noticed that the hammer of Little Joe\u2019s gun was still tethered down to his holster. It was now very apparent to him that the boy hadn\u2019t even tried to get his gun out.\u00a0 \u201cHold on, Joseph \u2013 just hold on!\u201d He said breathlessly. \u00a0Ben affectionately brushed the hair back from the boy\u2019s eyes. He quickly climbed up onto the bench seat and grabbed the reins.\u00a0 Ben turned the horses back in the direction that they had come.\u00a0 Slapping the reins hard, the team raced back towards the ranch house.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing!\u201d Ben hollered as he pulled the buckboard up to the front hitching post.\u00a0 He climbed down and hurried to the bed of the wagon, staring down at his boy.\u00a0 Joe hadn\u2019t stayed conscious and now his two arms lay lifelessly at his sides.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing!\u201d Ben bellowed again and hoped that the cook had heard him.\u00a0 He wished that Adam and Hoss were at home, but they had left to go check on the new herd right after daybreak.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got you, Joseph,\u201d Pa whispered as he carefully drew the boy up into his somewhat shaking arms.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t missed the way Joe\u2019s blood was now dripping down to the top of his trousers.<\/p>\n Hop Sing had heard Ben\u2019s shout.\u00a0 He walked out the front door only to see his boss lifting the injured boy up into his arms.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happen Little Joe?\u201d Hop Sing asked as he swung the door open wide enough to allow both father and son to enter the house.<\/p>\n \u201cBoy\u2019s been shot.\u00a0 Go check in the bunkhouse to see if any of the ranch hands are still here. If they are, send one of them to fetch Doc Martin.\u00a0 If not, I\u2019m going to need you to take the buckboard and head out and bring him back with you,\u201d Ben answered as he headed for the staircase.<\/p>\n \u201cBe back in minute!\u201d Hop Sing responded and jogged out of the house and across the yard.<\/p>\n Reaching his son\u2019s bedroom, Ben settled Joe down onto the comforter.\u00a0 The movement made the injured boy come back to consciousness with a loud groan.<\/p>\n \u201cEasy, Boy \u2013 I\u2019ve got to get to those wounds.\u00a0 Let me get you out of that holster first,\u201d Pa said and unbuckled the gun belt.\u00a0 Untying the rawhide strings from the boy\u2019s thigh, he pulled the holster out from underneath Joe as gently as he could.<\/p>\n \u201cGut hurts \u2013 Pa,\u201d Joe mumbled as he felt his father\u2019s hands tugging on the buttons of his shirt.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d imagine that it would,\u201d Pa smiled, pretending that he wasn\u2019t scared to death over what he had already witnessed.\u00a0 After he had freed his son from the holster and his shirt, along with the wadded-up jacket, Ben saw the two gaping bullet holes.\u00a0 There was one almost dead center in Joe\u2019s stomach and the other was just a few inches down from his collar bone.\u00a0 Ben reached over to the water basin and grabbed both the washcloth and towel which were hanging off to the side.\u00a0 \u201cThis isn\u2019t going to be pleasant, but we\u2019ve got to try to slow down the bleeding, Boy,\u201d he apologized and pressed the towel down onto Joe\u2019s stomach wound and then the washcloth onto his shoulder.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s back arched and he screamed out in pain when he felt his father\u2019s free hand pressing against his right shoulder.\u00a0 Ben attempted to keep his son down in the bed, afraid that any sudden movement might cause the two bullets to shift their positions.<\/p>\n \u201cEasy, Son, easy,\u201d Pa crooned and then let go of the boy\u2019s shoulder and instead grabbed his son\u2019s right hand and squeezed it.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay, Joseph.\u00a0 Just try to take a couple slow breaths.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing go into town now!\u201d the cook shouted as he came into view there at the doorway to Joe\u2019s bedroom.\u00a0 He was out of breath from running back and forth to the bunkhouse and then up the staircase.<\/p>\n Ben shot a concerned glance at the man and then replied, \u201cGo on then.\u00a0 Since you\u2019ll be passing the main breaking corral see if anyone\u2019s working out there today.\u00a0 If they are, send somebody to get Doc and then come back here to help.\u00a0\u00a0 They\u2019ll be able to make it faster on horseback.\u00a0 If not, well, just get Doc out here as quickly as you can.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes Sir, Mister Ben \u2014Hop Sing go fast!\u201d Hop Sing exclaimed and ran out of the room on his new mission.<\/p>\n Ben turned his attention back to his son.\u00a0 \u201cYou want to try some water, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face scrunched up with an intense searing pain in his abdomen.\u00a0 He had tried to hide how bad he was hurting, keenly aware that his father was very worried.\u00a0 \u201cKinda sick at my stomach, Pa \u2013 better wait.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben grabbed his son\u2019s right hand and settled it over the towel and instructed, \u201cJoe \u2013 hold this down for me for just a minute while I go and get another one.\u201d\u00a0 Ben waited until he could tell that his son had paid heed to his command. When he was sure that Joe was still conscious, he hurried across the room and out into the hallway.\u00a0 There was a chest of drawers just outside of the boy\u2019s bedroom which contained extra linens and towels.\u00a0 Ben grabbed as many as he could, unsure of how long it would be before help would arrive.<\/p>\n \u201cHere we are,\u201d Pa called down to his son and lifted his hand off the towel which was now soaked with blood.\u00a0\u00a0 Tossing both soiled towels over to the basin, Ben tried to force a sense of calm to his voice.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get you something a bit drier,\u201d he explained and placed two thicker towels over both wounds.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Joe\u2019s voice came out so faint that it was softer than a whisper this time.<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2013 sorry for what I did \u2013 and now to make you go through all of this,\u201d he apologized.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head despondently and ran his fingers through his son\u2019s hair, attempting to calm the boy.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph \u2013 did you let Moran get those shots off at you without even trying for your gun?\u201d<\/p>\n With a great deal of effort, Joe finally got his eyelids open, and he stared up at his father.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa \u2013 I just couldn\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou couldn\u2019t defend yourself?\u00a0 You just let him shoot you \u2013 shoot you twice<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d Ben responded incredulously.<\/p>\n Tears fell from Joe\u2019s eyes, flowing down his cheeks as he fought to reply.\u00a0 He was swept up in the memories of the past and they had gotten to him.\u00a0 \u201cI \u2013 I \u2013 I killed his pa.\u00a0 If someone had shot and killed you, I\u2019d want them dead too!\u00a0 I just couldn\u2019t do it.\u00a0 \u00a0I know I could\u2019ve taken him \u2013 but I just couldn\u2019t do it.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n There was a mountain load of responses that Ben could say to his youngest son at that moment.\u00a0 There were countless past lectures which would serve their prior purposes in reminding Joseph just how wrong he was in the way that he was thinking.\u00a0 But he couldn\u2019t go there, not yet at least.\u00a0 Joe was in bad shape, and it didn\u2019t take a doctor to figure that one out.\u00a0 The amount of blood loss combined with the fact that there were two bullets which had careened into the kid made it very clear that his son was in serious condition.\u00a0 Currently there was no need to lecture his son on the right or wrong of what he had done.\u00a0 Pa prayed that there would be time for that.\u00a0 Joseph just had to survive.<\/p>\n \u201cShhh \u2013 shush now.\u00a0 We can talk about all of that later. \u00a0I need you to just lie still, Son.\u00a0 Doc will be here soon.\u00a0 He\u2019ll probably fuss and maybe even cuss \u2013 but he\u2019ll get those bullets out of you and fix you all up,\u201d Pa whispered and once again swiped a hand through his son\u2019s curly hair.<\/p>\n \u201cHe \u2013 he called me what the kids used to call me, Pa.\u00a0 He called me kille<\/em><\/strong>r,\u201d Joe choked out the words and then his eyes shut and didn\u2019t reopen.<\/p>\n \u201cOh Joseph!\u201d Ben gasped as he thought on what the boy had just confessed.\u00a0 He laid the index and middle finger of his right hand against his son\u2019s neck to check for a pulse.\u00a0 It was still there, thank God!\u00a0 Ben drew in a deep breath and shook his head feeling so petrified for his youngest that all he could do was to hold onto the towel, apply pressure, and say another prayer.\u00a0\u00a0 *** You\u2019re not a killer \u2013 and you never were! ***<\/em><\/strong> Pa thought back to the reason why his son had made his statement.\u00a0 He knew why that name had cut the boy so deeply, making him surrender to the will of the gunman who had shot him.\u00a0 It had all begun three years ago.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n It had happened so fast that, in retrospect, Little Joe couldn\u2019t even say how he had managed to get a hold of the Colt revolver let alone aim it.\u00a0 Pa had been sitting right next to him in the buckboard.\u00a0 They had been talking about plans for the weekend as Ben was driving the boy to school that Friday.\u00a0 Joe had shown his father the picture he had drawn of the Mayflower as a project for his history class and Pa was praising him for getting it done on time.\u00a0 Little Joe was sitting right next to his father, and Pa had his Colt revolver resting there inside his holster.\u00a0 Ben had intended to pick up some supplies in town after dropping the boy at the schoolhouse.\u00a0 It was a typical day and neither of them suspected that danger lay just ahead around the blind turn in the road.<\/p>\n The familiar sound of a rifle being cocked gave Ben the first clue that there was trouble brewing up ahead.\u00a0 He untethered the hammer of his Colt and tried not to alarm the boy at his side.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 will you look under the bench seat to see if I brought the canteen?\u201d Ben asked, attempting to get his son out of danger without causing alarm.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa, let me put my picture down,\u201d Little Joe answered and carefully rolled up his drawing.\u00a0 He then dropped down to the floor of the buckboard just as the first bullet singed by, barely missing his father\u2019s head.<\/p>\n Ben brought the team of horses to an abrupt halt and ducked down, throwing a hand onto his son\u2019s head to hold him still.\u00a0 \u201cStay down.\u00a0 Don\u2019t move, Son— don\u2019t move!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve been waiting on you, Cartwright \u2013 but it looks like I get two for the price of one!\u201d The man on the black stallion yelled as he approached with his rifle cocked and ready to unload on Ben and Little Joe.\u00a0 He was coming down a narrow path which wound its way through a large outcropping of boulders.\u00a0 It had proven to be an excellent spot to catch Ben Cartwright by surprise as it offered the best cover.\u00a0 The man kept his rifle trained on the man in the buckboard and the youngster next to him.<\/p>\n Ben reached for his Colt but the man with the rifle spied the move.\u00a0\u00a0 He fired the rifle and Pa\u2019s gun was sent flying out of his hand.\u00a0 Ben groaned from the pain caused by the bullet which had nicked his wrist and sent reverberations all the way up his right arm.<\/p>\n \u201cThe next one\u2019s to your head, Cartwright, and then that little brat will get his!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben closed his eyes for just a moment and made his peace with God. He prayed that somehow his boy would be spared.\u00a0 At that very instant Little Joe noticed Pa\u2019s Colt.\u00a0 It had flown down to the footboard only inches from where he had been shoved out of the line of fire by his father.\u00a0 Hearing the distinct sound of the rifle cocking once more, Joe\u2019s instincts had kicked in.\u00a0 His only thought was to try and protect his pa no matter what the cost.\u00a0\u00a0 He twisted his body and dove towards the Colt and had it up in his left hand in under two seconds.\u00a0 Little Joe had never pointed a gun at an animal let alone a man, but he knew that he had to do it.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t even remember aiming the six-gun, but he had. \u00a0When the gunshot rang out It came as a complete surprise to both the man with the rifle and Ben Cartwright.\u00a0 In a split second the man who had been up on top of the black stallion lay dead on the ground.<\/p>\n Ben glanced at the assailant and realized that he wasn\u2019t moving and posed no further threat. He stared over at Little Joe who was still holding the Colt as though he was frozen in place.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s eyes seemed fixed, and he appeared to be in shock.<\/p>\n \u201cEasy, Boy, easy.\u00a0 Let me hold the gun.\u00a0 Everything is alright now.\u00a0 That\u2019s it, let me ease it out of your hand, Joseph,\u201d Ben coaxed.\u00a0 He had to pry off each of his son\u2019s fingers one at a time until the weapon was loose enough to pull it from the boy\u2019s hand.\u00a0 Finally, taking it from the boy, he settled it back inside his holster and then jumped down from the buckboard.\u00a0 He walked towards the man lying so still there on the ground.\u00a0 Bending down Ben checked for a pulse and found none.\u00a0 It was then that he realized it was Calvin Moran, a former hired hand who had been let go earlier in the year for stealing.\u00a0 Evidently, he had carried enough of a grudge that he was not only willing to kill Ben Cartwright, but also his fourteen-year-old son.<\/p>\n Turning his attention back to his boy, Pa climbed into the wagon and tried to get Joe to speak to him.\u00a0 He shook his shoulders but got no response at all.\u00a0 Finally, Ben had to resort to lightly slapping Little Joe\u2019s face to try and bring him around.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 C\u2019mon, Son \u2013 it\u2019s okay \u2013 everything is okay now,\u201d Ben crooned to the boy, attempting to gently bring him back to reality.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 Pa \u2013 are you \u2013 I mean you aren\u2019t \u2013 oh Pa!\u201d Joe cried, so afraid that his father had been seriously injured by the first bullet which the evil man had fired.\u00a0 He focused his attention on the blood that coated the cuff of his father\u2019s shirtsleeve.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine, Boy \u2013 just fine.\u00a0 I only have a little nick on my wrist, and it\u2019s already stopped bleeding.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay, Joseph, don\u2019t you worry everything is going to be just fine.\u00a0 The danger\u2019s passed now,\u201d Ben reassured the boy as he hugged him close.<\/p>\n Joe stared over at his father\u2019s gun resting back inside of his holster.\u00a0 He then looked into Pa\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 It was then that his tears came, and he dropped his head down to his chest.\u00a0 \u201cI broke my promise, Pa — I broke it!\u201d Little Joe sobbed.<\/p>\n Ben didn\u2019t have a clue as to what his son was talking about and was about to chalk the boy\u2019s outburst up to him still suffering from shock.\u00a0 It was only then that he suddenly remembered what had happened two months earlier.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph,\u201d Pa whispered and pulled his son to his chest to comfort him.\u00a0 He knew exactly why his son was upset and it had everything to do with Joseph using a gun.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Little Joe hadn\u2019t bothered to look up when he heard his bedroom door open.\u00a0 He could hear bootsteps as they approached his bed.\u00a0 \u00a0There was no disguising his father\u2019s walk.\u00a0 Refusing to make a sound Joe just waited, figuring he\u2019d be hearing from the man soon enough.<\/p>\n \u201cRoll over and look at me,\u201d Pa ordered as he sat on the side of the bed next to the boy.<\/p>\n Little Joe still didn\u2019t utter a word, nor did he roll over as he\u2019d been commanded.<\/p>\n Frowning, Ben reached over and pried his son from his current position forcing him to face him.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Son, are you going to just lie here and ignore me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t got nothing to say,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n Pa placed his hand down onto his son\u2019s shoulder and stared at him hard.<\/p>\n \u201cYou had plenty to say when you were lying to me earlier.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 and you had plenty to say when you were up here giving me a tanning too,\u201d Little Joe returned, upset over all that had transpired that night.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I did, Joseph.\u00a0 And you know why, now don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe looked away from his pa\u2019s eyes, not wanting to face him or hear anymore lectures.<\/p>\n \u201cI asked you a question, now I expect an answer.\u00a0 And for goodness sakes look at me!\u201d Pa took the boy\u2019s chin into his hand and repositioned it, forcing Joe to make eye contact with him.<\/p>\n \u201cI took Adam\u2019s gun that\u2019s why.\u00a0 And I shot it around back of the house,\u201d Joe answered, his voice faltering.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd haven\u2019t we spoken about that before, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe closed his eyes to shut his father out.\u00a0 Since he couldn\u2019t pull his chin away from Pa\u2019s grasp, it was the only way he could avoid his penetrating gaze.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat have I told you about using any of the guns around here?\u201d Ben continued to bring home his point.<\/p>\n \u201cYou said when I was old enough, you\u2019d let me have my own gun.\u00a0 But I think I\u2019m old enough already.\u00a0 And I can shoot good too,\u201d Joe argued.<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u00a0 So, you\u2019ve done a good bit of shooting have you?\u201d Pa questioned, raising his eyebrows in gesture.<\/p>\n Little Joe knew he had talked too much so he clammed up just so he wouldn\u2019t be incriminating himself any further.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I believe you know better than to lie to me now, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe simply nodded his head; his chin still held in his father\u2019s grasp.<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn\u2019t until today that I found out that you\u2019ve been going off with several of the Colt revolvers that we\u2019ve got around here.\u00a0 Now, how many times have you gone out and shot one?\u00a0 You might just as well tell me, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout ten times,\u201d Little Joe admitted sullenly.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head, frustrated and angry over the way his youngest had both lied and disobeyed the rules.\u00a0 \u201cWhy did you do that, Joseph?\u00a0 I told you that it\u2019s dangerous and you could\u2019ve been hurt!\u00a0 That\u2019s why I had to give you a tanning tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe pulled himself up into a sitting position when his father\u2019s hand finally let go of his chin.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I want to be grown up, Pa.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to be a boy anymore.\u00a0 I want to go to work like Adam and Hoss and not go to school and do kid\u2019s stuff.\u00a0 And part of being a grown-up man is shooting a gun,\u201d Joe explained, and this time he stared directly into his father\u2019s eyes seeking understanding.<\/p>\n Ben had to fight back his desire to smile at the boy sitting there.\u00a0 He was only fourteen years old but apparently was hurrying to be twenty-one.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, listen, you\u2019re going to be old enough for me to get you a gun in just a couple of years.\u00a0 I\u2019ll take you shooting and show you all about safety and how to care for it.\u00a0 But right now, I don\u2019t want you touching any of our guns again, understood?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked away from his father, directing his focus down on his bedspread.\u00a0 \u201cEven if I find a gun?\u00a0 What if I find a gun that doesn\u2019t belong to anybody?\u00a0 Can I have it then?\u201d<\/p>\n Pa stared down at his son and started to get the strange feeling that Joseph was revealing something in his question.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, Joseph — where is it?\u00a0 Where is this gun that you just happened to find<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t exactly say that I found one —,\u201d Little Joe began but then noticed his father\u2019s narrowing eyebrows and realized he had told on himself.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d he replied with a frown.\u00a0 He slowly climbed down from the bed.\u00a0 He edged away from his pa and walked to the nightstand.\u00a0 Bending down he reached underneath and pulled out an old rusty Colt revolver.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t steal it, Pa, honest\u2013 I found it in the woods.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t fire \u2013 but I was thinking maybe I could clean it up and get it to work?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben held his hand out, \u201cGive it here \u2013 and be careful \u2013 point it down and hold it butt side up, Joseph!\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe relinquished it to his father and stared up at him wondering what he was thinking.\u00a0 Pa grew very quiet as he checked the pistol over.\u00a0 He was appalled when he found that there were three live rounds inside of the gun.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, you could have been killed!\u00a0 Don\u2019t you understand that there are bullets in this gun? It could\u2019ve gone off if you had kept messing around with it or dropped it!\u201d Pa shouted, so fearful of how close he had come to losing his boy.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 it\u2019s okay \u2013 I tried to shoot it, but it wouldn\u2019t go off.\u00a0 It couldn\u2019t have shot me!\u201d Little Joe explained.<\/p>\n Ben examined the gun thoroughly and looked back over at his son. \u201cYoung Man, the firing pin is intact, but you might not have cocked the hammer back all the way.\u00a0 This gun could\u2019ve killed you or someone else.\u00a0 Now \u2013 do you have ANY<\/strong> other weapons in your possession?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head and stared down at the floor.\u00a0 The way that Pa had yelled he figured he\u2019d probably be due for yet another tanning.<\/p>\n Ben noticed the apprehensive look spreading across his son\u2019s face and he fought not to yell at the kid again.\u00a0 He shucked all the shells out of the cylinder of the gun and made sure that there wasn\u2019t a bullet lodged inside the barrel.\u00a0 Satisfied that it was now empty, Pa set it down onto the nightstand.<\/p>\n \u201cCome here, Joseph,\u201d Pa whispered.\u00a0 He could tell that his son was purposely standing back with both fear and dread displayed on his face.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not going to punish you. Just come here, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe cautiously approached the bed until he was standing next to his father\u2019s legs.\u00a0 He was half expecting to be pulled across his lap to get another tanning.\u00a0 Instead, however, Pa lifted him up and placed him alongside him.\u00a0 He wrapped the boy in his arms and held onto him like he was holding on for dear life; he was.\u00a0 Little Joe looked into his father\u2019s eyes and noticed the glazing of tears in them.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u00a0 Pa, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d Little Joe whispered.<\/p>\n Ben continued to hold onto his son, slowly rocking him in his arms.\u00a0 \u201cI could\u2019ve lost you, Boy.\u00a0 I could\u2019ve lost you if that gun had gone off,\u201d he choked out, filled with both worry and relief. \u00a0He attempted to fight off the paralyzing fear over what could have happened.\u00a0 Pa brushed aside the glistening of tears in his eyes and coughed into his hand to dislodge the latent emotion in his voice.\u00a0 \u201cPlease listen to me about the danger of fooling around with guns, Joseph.\u00a0 I know that I can\u2019t always be here to watch over you.\u00a0 If I had come home and found out that you had been hurt or killed because you\u2019d gotten hold of a gun \u2013 well — I just couldn\u2019t bear it.\u00a0 Joseph— promise me you won\u2019t ever touch another gun again until I say it\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe could read the fear and anguish all over his father\u2019s face and it made him hurt to know that he had been the cause of it.\u00a0 He rarely had seen his Pa cry, and he knew that the tears in his father\u2019s eyes had been due to the worry he had caused him.\u00a0 Little Joe knew that Pa was dwelling on what could have happened to him that day.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 Pa I promise, I promise you that I won\u2019t touch any old gun ever again.\u00a0 I won\u2019t touch any of them in the house and even if I find one somewhere else, I\u2019ll leave it alone.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry that I made you upset, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019ll keep my promise to you,\u201d Little Joe vowed and held onto his father, now expending tears of his own.<\/p>\n Ben leaned down and kissed his son\u2019s forehead and noticed the way the boy\u2019s arms wrapped tightly around his waist.\u00a0 He could tell that Joseph was being honest with him this time and relief spread across his face for the first time all day.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Son.\u00a0 \u00a0I never want to lose you, Boy.\u00a0 I love you,\u201d Pa whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cI love you too, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry I made you worry \u2013 but I\u2019ll keep my promise to you.\u00a0 \u00a0I won\u2019t ever touch another gun again until you say that I can.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben held onto his son and a loving smile filtered down onto his lips, \u201cI know you\u2019ll keep your promise, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, it\u2019s okay you didn\u2019t do anything wrong.\u00a0 In fact, you saved our lives,\u201d Ben whispered as he held his son in his arms.\u00a0 The boy was trembling, and his father was unsure if it was due to having fired the weapon, the death of the man who now lay there on the ground next to the buckboard, or his guilt over having broken his promise.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I promised you that I wouldn\u2019t touch a gun.\u00a0 And you didn\u2019t tell me I could do it.\u00a0 But I was scared.\u00a0 I was scared that the man would kill you!\u00a0 When I saw your gun fly out of your hand, I thought he was gonna gun you down, Pa.\u00a0 I had to \u2013 I had to take up your gun,\u201d Little Joe\u2019s voice came out with a flood of emotions and in one rapid breath.<\/p>\n \u201cEasy, Joseph, it\u2019s okay.\u00a0 You had good instincts.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how you were able to make that shot.\u00a0 \u00a0I don\u2019t know if I could\u2019ve done as well as you did.\u00a0 But you saved us.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s not breaking a promise when you\u2019re trying to save someone\u2019s life, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked into his father\u2019s eyes and then down at the dead man.\u00a0 He jumped out of the buckboard and raced around to the back where he lost his breakfast.\u00a0 Little Joe bent over and between the dry heaves and his tears, he broke down over the fact that he\u2019d taken a life.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I wasn\u2019t trying to kill no one, Pa.\u00a0 I just sort of aimed towards his middle.\u00a0 I was afraid I\u2019d miss him if I tried for his arm.\u00a0 \u00a0I haven\u2019t had any practice.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t even touched a gun since I made that promise to you.\u00a0 I \u2013 I\u2019m sorry I killed somebody \u2013even though he was a bad man,\u201d Joe stuttered, filled with guilt over what he had done.<\/p>\n Ben grabbed the canteen and soaked his neckerchief.\u00a0 He then used it to wipe his son\u2019s face off to clean him up a bit.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, you did the only thing that you could\u2019ve done in that situation to protect the two of us.\u00a0 I know you didn\u2019t set out to purposely kill him.\u00a0 We were seconds away from being killed ourselves.\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019d say you did the only thing you could do.\u00a0 It\u2019s called self-defense, Son, and that\u2019s legal so don\u2019t worry about it, okay?\u00a0 Now you climb back up on the seat and I\u2019ll handle the rest.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Little Joe asked, looking down at the ground still fighting back his tears.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t really want to use a gun anymore \u2013 it\u2019s not a good feeling,\u201d he admitted sadly.<\/p>\n Ben knelt next to the boy and tenderly placed a hand onto his face. He tried to think of something that would help his son.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, if you hadn\u2019t gotten to that gun \u2013 well — most likely both of us would be dead now.\u00a0 Guns aren\u2019t bad.\u00a0 People who have bad intentions are the ones to blame — not guns.\u00a0 Do you understand, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think so,\u201d Joe nodded, still not looking up at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cYou remember I told you that when you\u2019re sixteen, I\u2019d start teaching you how to use a gun?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Little Joe answered, finally staring into his pa\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cI think you\u2019ll be ready by fifteen, Joseph, not sixteen.\u00a0\u00a0 And that\u2019s only about six months from now.\u00a0 Once I show you how to be responsible and respect what a gun can do \u2013well you won\u2019t be afraid to use one again.\u00a0 But as far as today goes, I\u2019m proud of you. Your brothers couldn\u2019t have done any better shooting than what you did \u2013 nor could your father,\u201d Pa announced proudly and patted his son\u2019s back.\u00a0 He prayed that his words had sunk in to relieve the boy\u2019s feeling of guilt.<\/p>\n Joe read the pride and respect in his father\u2019s gaze.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d He whispered and hugged his father.\u00a0 Little Joe had understood what Pa had told him, yet he was still sick to his stomach over the fact that he had killed a man.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to show it on his face, since Pa had tried to tell him that it was okay to have done it.\u00a0 However, the minute that his father stood and placed the dead man inside the buckboard, Joe felt as though he was going to vomit again.\u00a0 He was worried about what would happen once they arrived in Virginia City, and he\u2019d have to tell Sheriff Coffee about how the man was killed.\u00a0 Ben sent the team of horses back into motion.\u00a0 Little Joe sat rigidly next to his father never uttering one solitary word all the way into town.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n It had been a long afternoon as the worried father waited for help to arrive.\u00a0 Ben had freed his son from his boots to make the boy feel a bit more comfortable and then went back to applying pressure to both wounds.\u00a0 Little Joe hadn\u2019t budged an inch for hours causing his father to check every now and again to make sure that the boy was still breathing.\u00a0 All Ben could do was to tend the gunshot wounds by switching out the blood-soaked towels for fresh ones and wait.\u00a0 Nothing would take the place of having a doctor there.\u00a0 Ben stood from the chair when he heard bootsteps coming down the hall.\u00a0 Doctor Paul Martin made his way into the bedroom and cast an apprehensive look over at his old friend.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing came in right behind me, and he\u2019s gone to boil some water.\u00a0 How bad is he?\u201d Doc asked breathlessly as he placed his black medical bag onto the nightstand.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m so glad you\u2019re here, Paul,\u201d Ben replied and reached over and shook the doctor\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cThe boy took two bullets, one to the shoulder and one to his stomach.\u00a0 He\u2019s been bleeding bad ever since I found him.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul leaned over and lifted each of the blood-soaked towels and frowned.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d better go wash up, Ben,\u201d He announced as he looked at the wash basin and noticed the soiled towels sitting inside.<\/p>\n \u201cUse the basin in my room next door, Paul.\u00a0 You\u2019ll find fresh water and clean towels off to the side.\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding over to the worried father he turned back into the hall.\u00a0 Doctor Martin had spent so much time in the past caring for the Cartwright family that he could, in fact, find each bedroom with a blindfold over his eyes.\u00a0 He hurriedly washed off and then reappeared in Joe\u2019s room and made his way next to the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess by now both you and Hop Sing know what I\u2019ll be needing.\u00a0 You go ahead and help him bring up some lamps and fetch the boiling water so I can get my scalpel ready.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got the boy, go on now, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n Casting a quick glance over at Joe, Ben withdrew from the room to bring the doctor what he\u2019d be needing to perform the surgery to remove the two bullets.\u00a0 By the time he made it down the stairs, the front door flew open and in rushed both Adam and Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cPa!\u00a0 We ran into Fletcher who was bringing Cochise in, and he told us that Little Joe was gunned down.\u00a0 How is he?\u201d Hoss was first to ask about his little brother.<\/p>\n \u201cNot good \u2013 but Doc\u2019s here.\u00a0 \u00a0I could use the two of you to help me.\u00a0 There\u2019re lights to fetch and the water Hop Sing has on the stove.\u00a0 Come on, Boys, let\u2019s get to it.\u00a0 Your brother\u2019s got two bullets he needs to get out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho did it?\u201d Adam asked as the three men rounded the corner and headed into the kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019ll keep, Adam.\u00a0 Joseph needs our help,\u201d He answered.\u00a0 Ben understood why his son had asked.\u00a0 Both of his older boys would want to go after whoever had harmed their little brother.\u00a0 But it wasn\u2019t a time for revenge or justice, it was time to try and save the boy\u2019s life.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n By the time the three Cartwrights, along with Hop Sing, made their way back into Little Joe\u2019s room they could see that Paul was ready to get down to business.\u00a0 He had draped the boy with a sheet and removed all his clothes except for his long john bottoms which he had pulled down to Joe\u2019s hips.<\/p>\n Paul stared over at the mounting fear that Joe\u2019s family members wore on their faces.\u00a0 He knew that they would have a tough time watching him digging out the two bullets.<\/p>\n \u201cI believe that Hop Sing and I can handle this on our own.\u00a0 Set down that pan of water there on the nightstand and put those two lights on either side of the bed.\u00a0 Then I want you three to go and head downstairs,\u201d He called across the room.<\/p>\n The three Cartwrights along with Hop Sing went about setting up the room so the doctor could perform the operation.\u00a0 Pa stared over at Hoss and Adam who didn\u2019t look as though they were about to listen to what Paul had said.\u00a0 \u201cGo on, Boys,\u201d Ben nodded over to his sons.\u00a0 He watched as they stared over at their brother and then sullenly retreated into the hallway.<\/p>\n \u201cBen?\u00a0 I don\u2019t need you in here,\u201d Paul tried again, his voice showing concern.<\/p>\n Shaking his head, Pa walked over to the bed and stared over at Paul, who stood on the other side.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m staying \u2013 don\u2019t try to shoo me away,\u201d Ben announced adamantly.<\/p>\n Paul sighed in defeat.\u00a0 He knew where the Cartwright boys got their stubbornness.\u00a0 Without a doubt it came from their father.\u00a0 \u201cFine \u2013 go light down in that chair I don\u2019t need you breathing over my shoulder.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben softly ran his hand down his son\u2019s right cheek and muttered words of encouragement to the boy and then settled down into the chair as he\u2019d been directed.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, Hop Sing, you hold that lamp up for me so I can see what I\u2019m doing,\u201d Paul directed and took the probe into his hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to start with the bullet there in the boy\u2019s stomach.\u00a0 It\u2019s the one that looks like it\u2019s going to be the hardest to get out.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben closed his eyes in prayer and then watched as Doc began his probe.\u00a0 He had seen enough gunshot wounds in his time, but Pa never got used to seeing one in any of his sons.\u00a0 And this time Joseph had two.\u00a0 Pa knew that it was going to be a very long evening.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Doctor Martin spent the better part of the next two hours skillfully removing the two bullets.\u00a0 He had tried to ascertain if any organs had been hit or whether the reason for the perfuse bleeding had just been a case of tissue damage due to the slug hitting Joe\u2019s stomach the way it had.\u00a0 After he had removed both bullets from Joe\u2019s shoulder and abdomen, Paul went about suturing the wounds and applying antiseptic over the whole area.\u00a0 He then wound a tight pressure bandage around Joe\u2019s abdomen and stood to get the kinks out of his back.<\/p>\n As soon as Hop Sing had gathered all the instruments and soiled towels, along with the basin which held two spent bullets, he turned and left the room.\u00a0 His next duty would be to prepare supper for the family now that Little Joe had been tended to.<\/p>\n \u201cWell?\u201d Pa finally asked as he watched the doctor rinsing his hands in the fresh basin of water which Hop Sing had provided.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you think, Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n Rolling his sleeves down the doctor turned and addressed the anxious father facing him.\u00a0 \u201cWell \u2013 what I think is that we were very lucky this time, Ben.\u00a0\u00a0 Evidently the gunman wasn\u2019t too close to Little Joe, so both bullets were just about spent when they hit him.\u00a0 Thank the Good Lord that was the case or this boy wouldn\u2019t have lasted until I got here.\u00a0 Fortunately, there were no arteries or organs affected. I\u2019ve stitched the boy up good.\u00a0 I know he bled a great deal and Little Joe\u2019s going to be weak after all of this.\u00a0 But I believe he\u2019ll be okay in time.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to need rest \u2013 and plenty of it.\u00a0 Barring any infection, he should heal up just fine.\u00a0 The path of those bullets, if they\u2019d gone any further, might have killed him.\u00a0 So, once again your youngest had luck or Divine Intervention on his side,\u201d Paul announced smiling as he patted Ben\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cThank God,\u201d Ben sighed with relief and walked over to the bed.\u00a0 \u201cYou hear that, Joseph?\u00a0 Your guardian angel, though he or she is very overworked, is still over your shoulder!\u201d Ben whispered to his son, who was still unconscious.\u00a0 He ran his fingers through his son\u2019s damp hair and then turned back towards the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know how to thank you, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe if you\u2019d feed me supper, I\u2019ll call us even,\u201d He mused and closed his medical bag.\u00a0 \u201cHave someone sit with the boy tonight.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to leave some medicine for pain.\u00a0 Just give him a tablespoon every four hours,\u201d Paul instructed and handed Ben a bottle of laudanum.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s see about getting you that supper.\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019ll get Hoss up here to sit with Joseph,\u201d Pa nodded and walked to the hallway and sang out for Hoss to come up the stairs.<\/p>\n Both of his sons came when they heard their father\u2019s call.\u00a0 Hurrying up to the bedroom, they walked over to the bed and stared down at Little Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s going to be okay, Boys, your brother just needs rest and lots of it,\u201d Paul nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, you sit with Joseph while I go and see that Hop Sing feeds Doc after all his labors.\u00a0 The poor man has been bent over your brother for hours,\u201d Pa explained.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, he\u2019s out of danger?\u201d Adam asked as his father and the doctor prepared to leave the bedroom.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not downplaying those injuries, Adam.\u00a0 The poor kid\u2019s going to be hurting bad I expect.\u00a0 If he doesn\u2019t end up with any kind of an infection, I believe he will be okay.\u00a0 I\u2019ve left some pain medicine, and I\u2019ll be back tomorrow to change those bandages.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Doc,\u201d Both brothers sang out in unison as they took seats on opposite sides of the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u00a0 You staying with your brother too?\u201d Ben questioned.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 you two go on and get some grub and Hoss and I will do what you usually do, Pa.\u00a0 We\u2019ll sit here and fuss over the kid,\u201d Adam grinned.<\/p>\n Ben sent a knowing smile over to both of his sons.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be back to sit with the boy as soon as I get Doc fed,\u201d Pa announced and then turned out of the room with Paul at his side.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n Joe hadn\u2019t come around until the wee hours of the morning.\u00a0 Ben had been in his normal battle position, sitting in the chair next to his son\u2019s bed.\u00a0 He had been awakened by the soft moan which came out through Little Joe\u2019s parched lips.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Pa whispered to the boy and took a seat on the bed next to him.\u00a0 \u201cCan you hear me?\u201d He asked softly and dropped his hand down onto his son\u2019s right arm, gently stroking it as he tried to ease him back to consciousness.<\/p>\n Joe gave a weak nod and slowly opened his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s get some water in you,\u201d Pa insisted as he grabbed the glass and poured some water from the pitcher.\u00a0 Cradling Joe\u2019s head in his hand, he brought the drink up to his son\u2019s lips.<\/p>\n Joe drank what he could, assisted by his father\u2019s hand and then announced, \u201cThat\u2019s good, Pa — don\u2019t think I can take in anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n Pa eased the boy\u2019s head back onto the pillow and smiled down at him.\u00a0 \u201cHow do you feel, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s right hand fell to his stomach and his face flinched.\u00a0 \u201cHurting, Pa \u2013 did Doc get the bullet out?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, both<\/strong> of them in fact,\u201d Ben announced wryly and pulled the bottle of medicine off the nightstand.\u00a0 \u201cDoc wants you to take some of this,\u201d he insisted and poured a tablespoon of the laudanum. He held it up to his son\u2019s lips.<\/p>\n Normally Joe would have protested over taking medicine but this time he had gladly downed it, causing his father to be alarmed.<\/p>\n \u201cYou scared all of us this time, Joseph \u2013 even Doc,\u201d Pa said as he settled the medicine bottle back onto the nightstand and took his son\u2019s right hand into his own.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face scrunched up due to the two wounds and the numerous sutures held in place by the tight bandages which encircled his shoulder and waist.\u00a0 \u201cI think I scared myself too, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m just glad you came when you did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou said that it was Moran\u2019s son?\u00a0 He\u2019s the one your brothers said that you had words with there in town the other night, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded, \u201cYeah \u2013 but I wasn\u2019t counting on him getting the jump on me today.\u00a0 And especially there \u2013 you know \u2013 where it all happened three years ago?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben brushed his fingers through his son\u2019s hair to calm him and shook his head.\u00a0 It had only occurred to him after the crisis was over that Joe had been shot in the exact location where Calvin Moran had tried to kill the two of them when his son was fourteen.<\/p>\n \u201cSon \u2013 did it happen too fast \u2013 is that why you didn\u2019t draw your gun?\u201d\u00a0 He inquired, hoping that what Joseph had told him earlier hadn\u2019t been the complete truth and that he hadn\u2019t intentionally refused to use his weapon.<\/p>\n Joe closed his eyes and whispered, \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019m getting a bit woozy from that medicine you just gave me.\u00a0 If it\u2019s alright, can we talk about it later?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had honed the ability to read his youngest very well over the years and could tell that Joe wasn\u2019t ready to talk about what had happened.\u00a0 He knew that the boy had to be exhausted due to the loss of blood.\u00a0 He decided to wait on pressing him about the details of the shooting.\u00a0 Easing off the bed, Pa leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on his son\u2019s forehead and pulled the covers up around his shoulders.\u00a0 He had been so terrified the previous day, thinking that he was going to lose the boy after his run-in with the gunman.\u00a0 Nothing else really mattered at that moment other than the fact that Joe was going to pull through.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s fine, Joseph, \u2013 you just go on back to sleep.\u00a0 We can talk about all this later.\u00a0 Just rest,\u201d Pa crooned as he placed the palm of his right hand onto the boy\u2019s left cheek.\u00a0 He allowed it to rest there for a few minutes until he was confident that his son had fallen back under. \u00a0The laudanum had finally taken effect. Ben sighed as he sat back down into the side chair.\u00a0 He knew that Joseph would have a lot to explain to him, but not until he was ready.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n After breakfast the next morning Ben sat in the living room with Adam and Hoss and went over all that had happened the previous day.\u00a0 Hop Sing had been watching Joe ever since he\u2019d put the food on the table, so the three Cartwrights could go over what they knew about the shooting.<\/p>\n \u201cSo \u2013 it happened at the exact same place where you and Joe had your run-in with Moran three years ago, Pa?\u201d Hoss asked, surprised by the information his father had proffered.<\/p>\n Ben sighed and set down his coffee cup.\u00a0 He then nodded over to Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s right \u2013 the same place.\u00a0 I doubt it was a coincidence either.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFrom what I remember, Pa, Moran\u2019s son didn\u2019t even live in Nevada when his father was killed.\u00a0 Seems kind of odd that after three years, he\u2019d show up now.\u00a0 We thought he didn\u2019t have a family when he hired on with us.\u00a0 He never spoke about any of them at least,\u201d Adam added.<\/p>\n \u201cI know.\u00a0 And I also remember that Roy had to try and find his next of kin after Moran was buried.\u00a0 It was only then that we learned that he had an estranged wife out in Colorado along with a twenty-year-old son.\u00a0 The sheriff sent his wife a wire, and she replied to Roy that she had no interest in the fact that he had been killed and that was it.\u00a0 I was unaware when I hired him that he was a big-time gambler, which is probably one of the reasons that he stole from us.\u00a0 He had incurred numerous debts in town from what I recall.\u00a0 I had to fire him when I learned he was stealing from some of the men out in the bunkhouse as well as taking some cash from my desk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo \u2013 I wonder where this Lucas fellow has been these last three years and why he\u2019d just come after Little Joe now, Pa?\u201d Hoss continued.<\/p>\n Ben shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou both told me that Moran just walked up to your little brother the other night and started asking him all kinds of questions, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded and replied, \u201cJoe was up at the bar and the two of us were at a table when a stranger just walked over and appeared to be trying to mess with him.\u00a0 By the time we realized that Moran was giving him a hard time, Joe just left the saloon without saying anything to us.\u00a0 But after the kid left Hoss and I questioned Moran about why he had been bothering our brother.\u00a0 All he said was that we\u2019d find out and then he left too.\u00a0 When we got home Little Joe clammed up on us when we asked him what happened.\u00a0 The only piece of information he gave us was that it had been Calvin Moran\u2019s son Lucas who he had been talking to at the bar.\u00a0 After that he just said he didn\u2019t want to talk about it anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, evidently, he must have tried to get under your brother\u2019s skin\u2014maybe wanting a gunfight right there at the Silver Dollar?\u00a0 Joseph was tight-lipped about it with me too.\u00a0 He just told me that it wasn\u2019t anything important.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish we\u2019d known.\u00a0 We would\u2019ve fixed the situation before it got this far out of control.\u00a0 I hate that the kid got taken by surprise,\u201d Adam fumed.<\/p>\n Ben stood and stared down at his two sons and had to tell them the truth of the matter.\u00a0 \u201cBoys \u2013 Joe might have been caught by surprise, but yesterday when I got him home, he confessed that he could\u2019ve taken Lucas Moran.\u00a0 But he said that he couldn\u2019t bring himself to do it.\u00a0 Joseph\u2019s gun was still in his holster; the hammer wasn\u2019t even untethered.\u00a0 He never tried for his gun.\u00a0 He still feels guilty for having killed the man\u2019s father.\u00a0 At least that\u2019s what Joseph told me.\u00a0 And on top of all of that he said that Moran\u2019s son called him killer<\/em><\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam exchanged woeful glances.\u00a0 They both remembered how that moniker had affected their little brother after he had killed Calvin Moran.<\/p>\n \u201cI remember, Pa — I remember how mean those kids at school were to Little Joe.\u00a0 They began calling him killer and it ate at the kid every day.\u00a0 It was a real rough time for the boy,\u201d Hoss admitted sadly.<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d Ben replied with a weary sigh. \u00a0He moved away from his sons, turning his attention to the fireplace.\u00a0 The awful memory was still far too fresh in his mind.\u00a0 He had spent most of the previous night just reflecting on all that his youngest had endured three years ago.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n The buckboard pulled up in front of the Virginia City Jail and Ben stared over at his son.\u00a0 He was worried about the fact that Joe hadn\u2019t said one word since they had left the scene of the shooting.\u00a0 He reached over and patted his son\u2019s knee and tried to get his attention.<\/p>\n \u201cSit here for just a minute, Joseph, I\u2019ll be right back,\u201d Pa said as he stepped down from the wagon.<\/p>\n Joe nodded and tried not to look back into the bed of the buckboard.\u00a0 He had already seen the dead man\u2019s face and the fact that his eyes were still wide open.\u00a0 It sent shivers down his spine.\u00a0 Little Joe prayed that Pa wouldn\u2019t be inside the jail too long.<\/p>\n Ben found Sheriff Coffee sitting at his desk and the other man could tell that his old friend was very upset at the time.\u00a0 Painstakingly Pa explained all that had gone on there on the Ponderosa and why he had brought in a dead man.\u00a0 Roy sat patiently and listened and waited until Ben got it all out before asking any questions.<\/p>\n \u201cIs Little Joe out there or did you drop him off at school?\u201d Roy asked standing up and preparing to go outside.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s out in the buckboard and Joseph isn\u2019t taking it very well.\u00a0 He\u2019s not said a word since I loaded Moran in the back.\u00a0 Go easy on him will you, Roy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t have to tell me that, Ben.\u00a0 I feel for the kid.\u00a0 It\u2019s not something a fourteen-year-old boy should have to deal with.\u00a0 It must\u2019ve been awfully hard on the kid, having to kill a man after seeing his pa shot.\u00a0 You need to go see Doc, Ben \u2013 that nick of yours needs tending,\u201d Roy urged as he spotted the blood there on Pa\u2019s shirtsleeve.<\/p>\n Ben nodded, \u201cI intend to \u2013 once we get Moran over to the undertakers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll have to talk to Little Joe \u2013 but I\u2019ll keep it short.\u00a0 It\u2019s pretty easy to figure out what happened out at the ranch,\u201d the sheriff said, and the two men headed out the door.<\/p>\n Joe was still where Pa had left him sitting but he had dropped his head down in his hands.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 you okay?\u201d The sheriff asked as he approached him.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d he replied and finally pulled his head up to stare at Roy.\u00a0 \u201cI \u2013 I\u2019m sorry \u2013 I didn\u2019t mean to kill nobody.\u00a0 I just shot Pa\u2019s gun.\u00a0 I thought that man was gonna kill him, Sheriff.\u00a0 I mean \u2013 well \u2013 Pa got shot and I –,\u201d Joe trailed off, his words had come out so fast he had to stop himself.\u00a0 Pa had told him that he wasn\u2019t in any trouble, but he felt as though he was for having used a gun in the first place.<\/p>\n Roy sent a quick glance over at Ben and saw him shaking his head.\u00a0 He could tell that Joe\u2019s father was concerned about the way the boy was taking the whole awful event.\u00a0 \u201cNow there\u2019s nothing to worry about, Little Joe.\u00a0 You done the only thing that you could do.\u00a0 \u00a0I just needed to hear it from your own mouth \u2013 you know so I can write it down?\u00a0 You ain\u2019t in any trouble, Boy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2014but I killed him, do I have to go on trial for murder?\u201d Joe questioned, worriedly biting his bottom lip.<\/p>\n Ben walked closer to the buckboard and put his hand onto his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cIs that what you\u2019ve been worrying about on the whole drive here, Joseph?\u00a0 Don\u2019t you remember that I told you that self-defense isn\u2019t a crime?\u201d He asked gently.<\/p>\n Joe looked back down to the floor of the wagon and nodded his head.\u00a0 \u201cI figured I\u2019d have to stand trial, Pa.\u00a0 And I thought you were just not telling me so\u2019s I wouldn\u2019t get scared.\u201d<\/p>\n The sheriff gave a knowing smile and then tried to ease the boy\u2019s mind again.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe, you won\u2019t have to stand trial –,\u201d he began but Joe cut him off in mid-sentence.<\/p>\n \u201cPa shouldn\u2019t have to stand trial neither, Sheriff Coffee!\u00a0 He didn\u2019t do nothing wrong — it was all me!\u201d Joe exclaimed, now worried that his father was going to be the one who would be held responsible for the death of the man in the back of the wagon.<\/p>\n \u201cSettle down, Joseph,\u201d Ben called to his son.\u00a0 \u201cLet the sheriff explain this to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir.\u00a0 \u00a0I\u2019m sorry \u2013 I just don\u2019t want you to go to jail, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cNo-one\u2019s going to jail, Little Joe.\u00a0 Like your father said what happened was a case of self-defense.\u00a0 I\u2019ll write it up all nice and legal like and then it goes over to the prosecutor\u2019s office.\u00a0 Then they\u2019ll just look at the facts, and the case will be closed.\u00a0 Your pa isn\u2019t in any trouble, and you aren\u2019t either.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared into Roy\u2019s eyes and read sincerity in them.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Sheriff Coffee, I really really didn\u2019t mean to kill him.\u00a0 I swear to you I didn\u2019t!\u00a0 I just didn\u2019t want him to hurt my pa.\u00a0 He\u2019d already shot him in the hand.\u201d<\/p>\n Roy reached over and patted the nervous boy\u2019s arm and reassured, \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 a boy of fourteen ain\u2019t usually got the gun skills to make the kind of a shot that you did.\u00a0 I\u2019m just glad that you thought quick enough \u2013 so\u2019s neither your pa nor you were killed.\u00a0 Now no more worrying about any of this, you hear?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and looked over at his father.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 can we go now?\u201d<\/p>\n Roy and Ben exchanged worried glances because they knew that Calvin Moran\u2019s body needed to get to the undertaker before the Cartwrights could leave town.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph— we have two more stops.\u00a0 We need to stop by the mortician\u2019s office \u2013 and then I guess I need to have Doc put a bandage on my wrist.\u00a0 But neither will take long, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked back down at the floor of the wagon and grew quiet once more.\u00a0 He wished that they didn\u2019t have to deliver the man\u2019s body anywhere.\u00a0 He had hoped that the sheriff would just take it from them there at the jail.\u00a0 Roy followed Ben around to the driver\u2019s side and watched as he stepped up on board.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, I\u2019ll just climb up in the back and ride with you over to your first stop,\u201d Roy said, since he didn\u2019t want the boy to watch his father trying to carry the dead man\u2019s body into the undertaker\u2019s office alone.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll move over, Sheriff Coffee.\u00a0 You ain\u2019t got to ride back there with \u2013I mean \u2013 there\u2019s room up here,\u201d Joe insisted and moved closer to Pa.<\/p>\n Ben draped his arm around his son\u2019s shoulder trying to calm him.\u00a0 He nodded down to Roy to address what the boy had just said.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2019s right, go ahead and climb up here and we\u2019ll all ride over there together.<\/p>\n The three of them drove down the street and prepared to deliver the body of Calvin Moran to the mortician\u2019s office.\u00a0 Ben and Roy were quick about removing the dead man\u2019s body from the wagon and handed it off to the undertaker.\u00a0 Roy told Ben that he needed to make his rounds and that he would see both Cartwrights on Sunday at church.\u00a0 He walked off as Ben continued down the street to the office of Doctor Paul Martin.<\/p>\n \u201cBen \u2013 Little Joe \u2013 surprised to see the two of you so early in the day.\u00a0 Is it those tonsils again, Joe?\u201d Paul smiled as he bid them into his waiting room.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and then pointed to a chair.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph \u2013 you go sit down and I\u2019ll be back soon.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and sat down as he had been instructed.\u00a0 He watched as his pa walked into the examining room with the doctor.<\/p>\n As Doctor Martin cleaned and bandaged Ben\u2019s right wrist the worried father went to great lengths to explain all that had happened that morning.\u00a0 By the time that Paul was done he understood why Ben seemed so worried about his son.<\/p>\n \u201cI hate that it happened, Ben,\u201d Doc paused and placed the roll of bandages back inside the supply cabinet.\u00a0 \u201cBut I\u2019m glad Little Joe kept his wits about him \u2013 or the two of you wouldn\u2019t be here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that Paul \u2013 but it\u2019s really got Joseph shook.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever quite seen him this upset.\u00a0 He thinks he did something wrong \u2013 though I\u2019ve told him that he\u2019s not in any trouble — and so did Roy.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul sighed and sat down in the chair next to his friend.\u00a0 \u201cWell, it\u2019s got to be traumatic for a boy Joe\u2019s age to have killed a man.\u00a0 It\u2019s traumatic at any age \u2013 but he\u2019s just a kid.\u00a0 Give him some time to digest it all, Ben.\u00a0 You know he saw his pa getting shot — and just that alone would scare any boy.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood and nodded, \u201cI guess you\u2019re right, Paul.\u00a0 \u00a0Hopefully, once he thinks about it, he\u2019ll come to understand that he did the right thing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou going to drop him off at school?\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head Ben said, \u201cNo \u2013 I\u2019ll speak with his teacher after church and let her know what\u2019s happened.\u00a0 Joe was excited to get his history project done.\u00a0 He worked very hard drawing a picture for his class.\u00a0 But he can just turn it in on Monday, I guess.\u00a0 I want to get him home and settled.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul followed his patient out into the waiting room hoping to speak with Little Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Joe called as he jumped from his seat.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 you gonna be okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Son \u2013 I just have a small nick.\u00a0 \u00a0Doc just cleaned and bandaged it for me,\u201d Pa smiled and patted his son\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, your father tells me you finished a project for history class.\u00a0 So, what did you do?\u201d Paul asked, hoping to take the boy\u2019s mind off what had happened.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013well I drew a picture of the Mayflower, Doc.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul patted the boy\u2019s head and grinned, \u201cWhy, Little Joe I had no idea you were an artist!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head and looked up at the man and responded, \u201cI\u2019m not really an artist, Doc.\u00a0 \u00a0I just saw a picture of it in one of Pa\u2019s books and just drew it from that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour pa said you did a good job.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure your teacher will say the same thing when you give it to her next week.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked down at the floor thinking about how he had been so excited about showing it to the teacher that morning before everything had happened.\u00a0 Now, he didn\u2019t care about anything other than just going home.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe muttered.<\/p>\n \u201cWell thanks again, Paul.\u00a0 \u00a0I guess we\u2019ll see you in church Sunday,\u201d Ben smiled and shook the man\u2019s outstretched hand.<\/p>\n \u201cBarring anyone coming down with an ailment that needs my attention \u2013 I\u2019ll see you both then!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGoodbye, Doc,\u201d Joe said as Pa drew the door open.<\/p>\n Paul patted Little Joe on the back, \u201cYou take care of yourself, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n The two Cartwrights walked to the buckboard and headed back to the ranch.\u00a0 Pa pulled his son close to him.\u00a0 He settled an arm across the boy\u2019s shoulder, trying to offer him the security and comfort Ben knew Little Joe desperately needed.\u00a0 Sitting there next to his father unmoving, Joe never uttered a sound the whole trip home.\u00a0 Ben could tell that Joseph was still thinking about all that had happened that day.\u00a0 His worried gaze fell on his son, hoping that once they got home, he could try to take the boy\u2019s mind off the whole terrible ordeal.\u00a0 Ben took a different path home, trying to steer clear of where Calvin Moran had been killed.<\/p>\n When they pulled up into the yard, Ben noticed that his older boys were home, and their mounts were tied up to the front hitching post.\u00a0 He knew that he\u2019d have to fill them in on the shooting.\u00a0 Ben knew that he\u2019d have to tell the story out of the earshot of their little brother.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 How about you go into the barn and give your horse a good grooming?\u00a0 I know Cochise would appreciate it,\u201d Ben coaxed the boy as he stepped out of the wagon. He watched as Little Joe slowly climbed down behind him.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe responded, his voice sounding very shaky.<\/p>\n Ben patted the boy\u2019s back.\u00a0 Waiting until he knew that Joseph had gone inside the barn, he reached inside the buckboard and pulled the boy\u2019s drawing off the floor where he had left it ever since the shooting.\u00a0 Ben sighed and shook his head.\u00a0 The day had begun with such enthusiasm on Joe\u2019s part only to have ended with such trauma done to him. Heading inside, Ben knew that he would have to have a long talk with Adam and Hoss to let them know that the boy was having a hard time dealing with what had transpired that day.\u00a0 Together the family would close ranks and try to help Little Joe through the trauma of having killed Calvin Moran.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Adam asked as he placed a hand on his father\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 The man had been caught up in his memories for quite a while, and both of his sons hadn\u2019t wanted to disturb him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Ben asked, shaking himself out of his thoughts.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss and I were asking you if it was alright for us to try and catch up with Sheriff Coffee?\u00a0 Fletcher left for town a couple of hours ago and he told us that he was going to take Roy out to where Joe was gunned down.<\/p>\n Ben looked back and forth between his sons and frowned.\u00a0 He was worried that Lucas Moran might just have stayed around to see whether Little Joe had died from his injuries.\u00a0 Ben didn\u2019t want to risk the lives of his other boys.<\/p>\n Hoss read the hesitancy in his father\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 He stood and approached him.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 we\u2019ll be careful.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, Boys.\u00a0 But I want the two of you to keep your eyes out for Moran.\u00a0 I\u2019m not willing to have another son shot because of him.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded and offered a reassuring pat to his father\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cWe will, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, we won\u2019t be long.\u00a0 We\u2019ll come home just as soon as we talk to Roy.\u00a0 You tell Little Joe we\u2019ll be back to see him,\u201d Adam smiled as he and Hoss walked to the credenza to get their hats and holsters.<\/p>\n \u201cJust be extra careful,\u201d Ben called to his sons as they left the house.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cHow is he?\u201d Ben whispered as he approached Little Joe\u2019s bed.<\/p>\n Hop Sing stood from the chair and stared at the worried father.\u00a0 \u201cHe wake while ago, Mister Ben.\u00a0 Hop Sing make drink Little Joe fall back sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben patted the cook\u2019s back and nodded, \u201cI\u2019ll take it for now, Hop Sing.\u00a0 You go and rest awhile.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI bring coffee in little while for you,\u201d he smiled and quietly left the room.<\/p>\n Dropping his hand down onto his son\u2019s forehead to detect a fever, Ben was relieved that the boy seemed to be cool at the present.\u00a0 The minute that he settled down into the chair he saw Little Joe\u2019s head moving back and forth on his pillow.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Doctor Martin had wrapped Joe\u2019s left shoulder so tightly that the boy couldn\u2019t lift his left arm though he had tried.\u00a0 A low moan escaped his lips and then he opened his eyes.\u00a0 Little Joe stared over at his father sitting in the chair next to his bed.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d He said, confused by the concerned appearance on his father\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben leaned forward in the chair and rested a hand on the boy\u2019s right arm.\u00a0 \u201cEasy, Boy, you\u2019ve been in and out of it all night.\u201d<\/p>\n Wincing his face as dull reality hit, he replied somberly, \u201cOh\u2014Moran.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Joseph \u2013 Lucas Moran,\u201d Ben nodded.<\/p>\n Little Joe rubbed at the bandages that encircled his stomach and frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d Pa said and poured a glass of water and held it to his son\u2019s lips.\u00a0 Joe obliged and drank a few sips before waving the glass away.\u00a0 \u201cDoc\u2019s had you on some strong pain medicine so I imagine you\u2019re a bit foggy.\u00a0 Do you think you could handle something easy on your stomach like some broth?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head and replied, \u201cNot just yet, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m feeling a little queasy right now \u2013 think I\u2019d better wait.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019s the pain, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot too bad.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben cast a knowing smile and returned, \u201cYou had two bullets dug out of you yesterday \u2013 I imagine that you just don\u2019t want to tell me how bad you\u2019re hurting, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe managed a slight grin and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, how about telling me what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head as he let out a weary sigh, Joe finally stared at his father\u2019s careworn face.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t really want to get into the details of what Moran had said and done but he could read the expectancy in his father\u2019s gaze.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d gotten halfway out to the Circle W when I noticed that Cochise had a loose shoe.\u00a0 So, I doubled back to fix it.\u00a0 I heard someone shout my name and I stopped and looked around,\u201d Joe began his explanation and watched his father leaning forward in the chair hanging on to his every word.<\/p>\n \u201cGo on, Son,\u201d He coaxed the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cHe \u2013 well \u2013 he was up there on that little path two miles from the house \u2013 you know.\u00a0 The same place where –,\u201d Joe had to stop.\u00a0 He closed his eyes and fought back the memory from three years ago.<\/p>\n When Joe\u2019s eyes had opened back up, Ben noticed the unspent tears in them.\u00a0 It had been several years since the two of them had spoken about the day that Little Joe had been forced to kill Calvin Moran.\u00a0 Looking at him now, it was very evident that his son had never gotten over it.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s alright, Son,\u201d Ben whispered and softly stroked the boy\u2019s arm trying to calm him.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know how he found out about the way it happened, Pa \u2013 but he did.\u00a0 He went on and on about how I had robbed him of having a father.\u00a0 He said that his pa was planning on sending for him right before I \u2013 I killed him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph,\u201d Ben sighed.\u00a0 \u201cEven if that was true\u2014none of what happened was your fault.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe mopped at his eyes with the palm of his right hand and tried to regroup his emotions before continuing.\u00a0 When that didn\u2019t happen, Ben offered him some more water which he accepted without speaking.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened after that, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe \u2013 he began calling me killer.\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong>He said it over and over again.\u00a0 He said it the same way that the kids at school used to say it right after the shooting.\u00a0 \u00a0I couldn\u2019t take it, Pa,\u201d Joe confessed, his voice coming out strained.<\/p>\n \u201cYou were never a killer \u2013 you\u2019ve got to know that, Joseph!\u201d Ben insisted ardently.<\/p>\n \u201cHe told me to reach for my gun \u2013 but I couldn\u2019t do it, Pa.\u00a0 I told him that I was sorry for shooting his father and that I wasn\u2019t going to draw on him.\u00a0 That\u2019s when he got mad \u2013 and sent off the first shot at me.\u00a0 I fell off Cochise.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid the first bullet hit your shoulder or your stomach?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy shoulder, Pa.\u00a0 I went down to the ground.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and replied, \u201cThat\u2019s why you weren\u2019t able to get your gun out before he shot you again, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe chewed at his bottom lip, guilt showing all over his face.\u00a0 He had to look away from his father, figuring that Pa would be disappointed in him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was knocked off to the left of my horse.\u00a0 I could\u2019ve gotten my gun out \u2013 even with this shoulder wound, Pa,\u201d He confessed sullenly.<\/p>\n Ben reached over and redirected his son\u2019s gaze, \u201cJoseph \u2013 if you could\u2019ve gotten to your gun then why on earth didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Tears slipped out of Joe\u2019s eyes and coursed down his cheeks, so swept up in his guilt for having killed Calvin Moran.\u00a0 \u201cI \u2013 I killed his pa \u2013 I couldn\u2019t shoot him too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph,\u201d Ben responded sadly.\u00a0 He shook his head feeling so distraught over what his son had just conveyed.\u00a0 \u201cHe almost killed you.\u201d<\/p>\n Wiping the tears from his face on the sleeve of his nightshirt, Joe whispered, \u201cI couldn\u2019t stop hearing \u201ckiller<\/em><\/strong>\u201d in my head, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n In his son\u2019s eyes, Ben witnessed the reflection of the fourteen-year-old boy who had suffered through the terrible taunts from the school children three years earlier.\u00a0 He stood and maneuvered over to the head of the bed and sat down next to the boy.\u00a0 Gingerly easing his son into his arms, he whispered, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I just don\u2019t want to talk about it anymore,\u201d Joe\u2019s voice broke as he buried his face in his father\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t have to.\u00a0 Go back to sleep, Son,\u201d Ben whispered and softly brushed his hand through Joe\u2019s hair trying to calm him.\u00a0 A few minutes later he felt the boy\u2019s body go lax held there in his arms.\u00a0 Ben stayed there on the bed for a long while worried over all that his son had told him.\u00a0 When Joe\u2019s breathing became a bit more even, he carefully eased him back against the mound of pillows.\u00a0 Pulling the sheet and blanket over the boy\u2019s shoulders, Ben swept his hand across his forehead and sighed.\u00a0 ***They never should have called you that, Joseph.\u00a0 Sometimes children can be so cruel. ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought to himself and then settled back in the chair.\u00a0 It was then that the past played out in his mind, taking Ben back to the days and weeks after his son had killed Calvin Moran in self-defense.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben called over to the boy in the bed.\u00a0 He could see that his son was sitting up and, as he got closer, noticed the perspiration that dotted his face.\u00a0 \u201cAre you okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Trying to catch his breath, Little Joe nodded as his father came closer.<\/p>\n \u201cAnother nightmare?\u201d he asked softly.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d he replied sullenly, still attempting to control the shaking he had experienced ever since he had bolted up in bed.<\/p>\n Ben drew in a deep breath as he sat down in the chair opposite the boy.\u00a0 \u201cWas it the same one, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n Looking down at the floor, he nodded solemnly.<\/p>\n \u201cHow about we talk about it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I don\u2019t want to, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached over and placed a hand onto the boy\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cWas it about the shooting, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know dreams are funny things,\u201d Pa began, choosing his words carefully trying his best to ease his son\u2019s fear.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s like your mind tries to work out in your sleep everything that you\u2019ve been worrying about.\u00a0 But the nightmares will eventually go away.\u00a0 I know that it\u2019s been playing on you, Joseph.\u00a0 You know anyone who\u2019s ever had to fire a gun in self-defense feels the same way that you do, Son.\u00a0 It might take a little while, but you\u2019ll get past this,\u201d He tried to cajole the boy as best he could.\u00a0 Ben knew that his youngest had been plagued with nightmares his whole life and it didn\u2019t take much to start them up again.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s his eyes \u2013 Pa –,\u201d Joe stopped in midsentence, almost afraid to tell his father what he had seen in his recurring dream.<\/p>\n \u201cHis eyes?\u00a0 What about his eyes?\u201d Ben coaxed the boy out with what he had alluded to.\u00a0 He could read the terror all over Little Joe\u2019s face and it worried him.<\/p>\n \u201cThey just stayed open— the whole time you were talking to Sheriff Coffee.\u00a0 I \u2013 well \u2013 I tried not to look but I couldn\u2019t help it.\u00a0 Now I just keep seeing them in my dreams, Pa.\u201d \u201cJoseph, it\u2019s only been two days \u2013 it\u2019ll go away.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut he just keeps looking at me!\u201d Joe exclaimed breathlessly and then abruptly hopped down from his bed.\u00a0 \u201cIt scares me, Pa.\u00a0 What if he really wasn\u2019t dead?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood and followed the boy across the room to where he now stood at his window peering out.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, he was dead.\u00a0 Sometimes \u2013 well \u2013 eyes don\u2019t always close after someone dies.\u00a0 I checked his pulse and he was examined when I got him inside the undertakers too.\u00a0 On top of all that Doctor Martin had to officially pronounce him dead, and he did that shortly after we left town.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe dropped his head down to his chest and whispered, \u201cI was hoping that I really didn\u2019t kill him, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Pulling his son to his chest, Ben combed his fingers through the boy’s hair and replied softly, \u201cJoseph, you did the only thing you could\u2019ve done to save the two of us.\u00a0 You shouldn\u2019t keep doing this to yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWill I ever forget, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath, the worried father chose his words carefully again.\u00a0 \u201cSon, you may not forget but it will get easier.\u00a0 In time you\u2019ll come to understand that you did the right thing.\u201d \u201cNow, how about trying to get some sleep?\u201d Ben offered a reassuring smile as he pulled the boy\u2019s chin up so he could look directly into his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay\u2014I\u2019ll try,\u201d Joe returned, attempting to sound more in control of himself than he was at the time.\u00a0 Walking over to his bed and climbing back into it, he whispered, \u201cI\u2019m sorry I woke you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben pulled the sheet and blanket up around the boy\u2019s shoulders and replied, \u201cNonsense, I\u2019ll be back to sleep the minute my head hits the pillow.\u00a0 Now you go close those eyes and have some good dreams this time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGoodnight, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ruffling a hand through the boy\u2019s curls, Ben nodded and returned, \u201cGoodnight, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n The next day the four Cartwrights were seated in their usual church pew listening intently to the interim pastor as he began his sermon.\u00a0 The regular preacher, Philip Hastings, had been called away due to an illness in his family.\u00a0 His temporary replacement was Pastor Dennis Whaley; a true Bible thumper if there ever was one.<\/p>\n \u201cIt is said that the wages of sin is death,\u201d Pastor Whaley very loudly launched into his sermon.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I\u2019ve been to many towns here in the West where one of the worst of those sins happens to run rampant; murder.\u00a0 Now I don\u2019t have to tell any of you that the good book says that thou shalt not kill.\u00a0 Mining town after mining town murder is an everyday event, and a man\u2019s life means very little anymore!\u201d<\/p>\n Seated to his father\u2019s immediate right, Little Joe shifted nervously in the pew and directed his gaze to the floor.\u00a0 Pa had noticed the boy\u2019s uneasiness and cast a quick glance back and forth between Adam, who was seated to Little Joe\u2019s right, and Hoss, who was seated on his father\u2019s left.\u00a0 Both brothers worried about where the preacher was going with his sermon due to what their little brother had just gone through two days prior.<\/p>\n \u201cGod will punish all of those who kill!\u00a0 You can\u2019t escape judgement if you\u2019ve taken a life!\u201d Pastor Whaley thundered.<\/p>\n Little Joe leaned over and, cupping his right hand over his father\u2019s ear, whispered, \u201cPa, I\u2019m not feeling too good can I go outside and get some air?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and then nudged Hoss\u2019 arm.\u00a0 \u201cGo on outside with Joseph, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Noticing the familiar worried appearance on his father\u2019s face, Hoss stood from the pew.<\/p>\n Little Joe waited as Pa pulled his legs in some so he could ease out in front of him and then joined Hoss in the aisle.\u00a0 The two of them quietly exited the church.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was like he could see it on my face, Hoss,\u201d Little Joe explained the minute they had made it down the church steps.<\/p>\n Hoss slung an arm around his brother\u2019s shoulder and directed him to a bench that sat just to the right side of the church.<\/p>\n \u201cNaw, Little Brother, he wasn\u2019t talking about you at all.\u00a0 You know these kinds of preachers always talk about the ten commandments.\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s the only part of the Bible that they can remember?\u201d He kidded and patted his brother\u2019s shoulder trying to put him at ease.<\/p>\n \u201cBut he looked directly at me, Hoss!\u00a0 I think somebody must\u2019ve told him what I did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Little Joe, you didn\u2019t commit murder,\u201d Hoss insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cI killed a man, how\u2019s that not committing murder?\u201d Joe\u2019s eyes pleaded with his brother for an answer to his question.<\/p>\n Frowning, Hoss tried again.\u00a0 \u201cIf you just up and kill someone for no reason then that\u2019s murder.\u00a0 Or if\u2019n you kill someone while you\u2019re robbing them \u2013 well that\u2019s murder too.\u00a0 But what you done was try to keep our pa and you alive.\u00a0 That ain\u2019t murder, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut he\u2019s still just as dead,\u201d Joe countered shaking his head.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, if you hadn\u2019t done what you did then you and Pa would be dead.\u00a0 Now do you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned and shook his head again.\u00a0 \u201cI killed a man.\u00a0 I still say that preacher was looking right at me.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019ve got what they always talk about\u2013 you know?\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019ve got the mark of Cain?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss groaned over his inability to get through to the boy.\u00a0 He gently pulled his brother closer to him before responding.\u00a0 \u201cShort Shanks, Cain was bad and you aren\u2019t.\u00a0 The only sin you\u2019ve got against you is when you cheat me at checkers!\u201d He attempted to make his little brother smile; it hadn\u2019t worked.\u00a0 The boy was still staring at him like he had all the answers, which left Hoss feeling at a loss.\u00a0 Pa was always the one with all the wisdom, not him.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, I\u2019m serious,\u201d Little Joe protested.\u00a0 \u201cThat preacher said the wages for sin is death.\u00a0 You think God\u2019s gonna kill me for killing Moran?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss heard the door to the church opening and was relieved to see both Adam and Pa coming down the steps.\u00a0 He figured it had been a short sermon for which he was very thankful.\u00a0 He felt way out of his league as far as being able to get through to Little Joe the way their pa always managed to do.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Brother, God ain\u2019t gonna punish you for self-defense.\u00a0 Now come on let\u2019s go and get to the surrey, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n The four Cartwrights walked down the street and over to where they had left their surrey.\u00a0 Before untying the reins of the rig, Hoss motioned his father over to him while Little Joe and Adam climbed inside.<\/p>\n \u201cPa — you\u2019d better have a look at this harness, it might need some fixing,\u201d Hoss said loud enough for both of his brothers to hear.\u00a0 It was then that he nodded to his father, giving him the subtle sign that he needed to speak with him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, Hoss?\u201d Ben returned, his voice purposely lowered so Joe wouldn\u2019t be privy to their conversation.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Little Joe, Pa,\u201d Hoss began in a whisper as he messed with the harness which was in perfect condition just as his father had suspected.\u00a0 \u201cWhat that preacher was yelling about \u2013 well \u2013 it\u2019s got the boy all upset.\u00a0 He was saying that he\u2019s got the mark of Cain on him or some such foolishness.\u00a0 I tried my best to tell him that he didn\u2019t \u2013 but well \u2013 I thought I\u2019d better let you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben frowned and glanced towards the surrey where Adam was trying his best to distract Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI was afraid of that.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad the two of you left when you did because it got a lot worse.\u00a0 And on top of that, when I was leaving his teacher, Mrs. Gower, pulled me aside. She asked me about what happened on Friday and why the boy had missed school that day.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s all over town by now, but I think she just wanted to hear it directly from me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019d you tell her, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI told her that I would discuss it with her Monday when I drop Little Joe off.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think it was a good idea to talk about it there in church.\u00a0 The rumor mill doesn\u2019t need any more fodder for gossip.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood,\u201d Hoss nodded.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019d better get inside the surrey.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s gonna suspect something if we stay out here too long.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Hoss,\u201d Ben whispered and patted his back before turning around.\u00a0 He walked over to his other sons and got into the back seat so he could sit next to Little Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing\u2019s wrong with that harness,\u201d Joe announced and stared up at his father.\u00a0 \u201cHoss was just telling you about what I said to him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow just who made you a harness expert?\u201d Adam interjected, turning around in his seat next to Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t a harness expert,\u201d Little Joe fussed.\u00a0 \u201cBut I know that if folks are whispering that they\u2019re trying to keep something secret.\u00a0 And Pa and Hoss were whispering.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s enough, Young Man,\u201d Ben tried to calm the boy.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s get on home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Hoss nodded and clapped the reins sending the team of horses into motion.<\/p>\n \u201cThat old preacher said people who murder folks die, Pa,\u201d Joe continued.\u00a0 \u201cAnd he was staring right at me when he said it too!\u201d \u201cI killed someone,\u201d Joe frowned.\u00a0 \u201cHe said thou shalt not kill.\u00a0 I did that, Pa.\u201d \u201cYou really don\u2019t think he was talking about me, Pa?\u201d Joe questioned in total disbelief, his voice barely above a whisper.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course I don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, he sure was looking at me though,\u201d Joe insisted and then grew quiet.<\/p>\n Clearing his throat, Ben decided to change the subject.\u00a0 \u201cI spoke with Mrs. Gower and she\u2019s really looking forward to seeing your history project.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s going to be surprised, Little Joe,\u201d Adam complimented his brother, hoping to assist his father.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure did a great job drawing the Mayflower.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Joe responded though there wasn\u2019t any enthusiasm in his voice unlike three days ago when he had gotten it ready for school.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Short Shanks, I never knew you could draw that good.\u00a0 It was downright professional!\u201d Hoss jumped into the conversation.<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I had ridden Cochise Friday then none of this would\u2019ve happened.\u00a0 It was only because of that stupid drawing that I asked you to take me in the buckboard, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached down and took a hold of the boy\u2019s chin to direct his gaze.\u00a0 He stared into the troubled hazel eyes and said, \u201cJoseph, if you had ridden your horse and not gone with me in the buckboard, I would probably be dead now.\u00a0 That man shot the gun out of my hand, remember?\u00a0 Without you there to protect me well \u2013 most likely I wouldn\u2019t be here with you, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2019s right, Little Joe,\u201d Adam agreed.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa,\u201d Joe said remorsefully and dropped his head back down.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t mean it like it came out.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad that I was able to keep you from getting hurt any worse than you were, Pa.\u00a0 I was just saying that I didn\u2019t want to kill nobody.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe all know that, Son.\u00a0 And we all can appreciate the fact that it\u2019s a hard thing to live through,\u201d Ben commiserated with the boy as he hugged him closely.<\/p>\n Feeling overwhelmed by everything that had happened in church, Little Joe returned quietly, \u201cPa, — I think I\u2019ll just try to sleep the rest of the way home.\u00a0 I had too many nightmares last night so I\u2019m kind of tired.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben watched as the boy forced his eyes closed.\u00a0 He knew that the kid was having a rough time and the preacher hadn\u2019t helped the situation any.\u00a0 Little Joe turned his face into his father\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s fine, you go on and try to take a little nap, Joseph,\u201d he whispered and wrapped an arm around the boy.<\/p>\n Ben exchanged worried glances with both Hoss and Adam.\u00a0 Each man knew what it was like to have taken a life as they had all experienced that very thing in the past.\u00a0 And to have gone through killing a man at the tender age of fourteen made it just that much more difficult for Little Joe to process and try to get over.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben made his way out of the kitchen carrying a cup of beef broth that Hop Sing had prepared for Little Joe when the front door opened.\u00a0 He turned to see both Adam and Hoss walking inside.<\/p>\n \u201cGlad to see you two are alright,\u201d he said sighing with relief.\u00a0 \u201cAny luck?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam removed his holster and put his hat on the rack and Hoss followed suit.<\/p>\n \u201cWe wuz doing good, Pa, until it looked like Moran might\u2019ve changed horses,\u201d Hoss began.\u00a0 \u201cMust\u2019ve either stolen another mount or had one hid out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Roy had three other men with him, and we split up but no luck finding Moran,\u201d Adam frowned.<\/p>\n Ben thought about the situation and then his attention was directed to the top of the stairs where he saw Hop Sing.<\/p>\n \u201cIs Joe okay?\u201d he asked the cook as he made his way down to the first landing.<\/p>\n Hop Sing nodded, \u201cBoy okay, just come to see if broth ready.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was just bringing it up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa \u2013 let me and Adam take it up to Little Joe,\u201d Hoss jumped in and reached for the mug in his father\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, why don\u2019t you go and get some rest?\u201d Adam offered.\u00a0 \u201cI bet you didn\u2019t get much sleep last night, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u00a0 Hop Sing watched your brother so I got a good long nap this afternoon.\u00a0 But, if you boys want to go and see your brother then maybe you can coax him into drinking this all up,\u201d He handed the broth to Hoss.<\/p>\n Laughing, Hoss returned, \u201cIf he won\u2019t I will.\u00a0 Dad gum it, Hop Sing, the only time I get good beef broth is when I\u2019m sick!\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing indignantly put his nose in the air and said, \u201cYou like broth then Hop Sing go put up roast I cook today!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWait just a second,\u201d Hoss insisted and reached for the cook\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cI like your beef broth just fine but ain\u2019t nothing better than one of your roasts!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou wait two hour you have roast,\u201d Hop Sing grinned and walked to the kitchen.<\/p>\n \u201cNow that we\u2019ve got that situation resolved,\u201d Ben paused and patted Hoss\u2019 shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cGo and make sure that your brother drinks that broth.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss turned for the stairs to see how their brother was doing.<\/p>\n By the time Ben had settled down in his chair next to the fireplace Hop Sing had come into the living room and placed a cup of coffee into his hand and turned back into the kitchen.\u00a0 He slowly sipped at it as his thoughts went back to what had happened to Little Joe three years earlier.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cPlease, Pa,\u201d Little Joe pleaded with his father.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to ride in the buckboard!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shot a perplexed look around the dining table at Adam and Hoss.\u00a0 The youngster was getting louder with his protests.\u00a0 Little Joe had been insisting that his father not take him to school that Monday.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, settle down now.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got business in town later today.\u00a0 \u00a0I just thought that you and I could ride to school together.\u00a0 Your teacher wanted to talk to me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t even want to go to school,\u201d Joe complained and turned his face away from his father\u2019s questioning eyes.<\/p>\n Bewildered by Joe\u2019s behavior, Ben tried to figure out what he could say to ease the boy\u2019s mind.\u00a0 \u201cSon, are you worried that something bad might happen again if you ride with me in the buckboard?\u201d He asked softly.<\/p>\n \u201cI just want to ride Cochise,\u201d Little Joe mumbled never looking up at his pa.<\/p>\n Fear was very evident on the boy\u2019s face no matter what he had said.\u00a0 They could all tell that Little Joe had been dwelling on what had happened three days ago.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright,\u201d Ben sighed in defeat, not wanting to argue with the boy that morning.\u00a0 He had been worried that Joe would try to skip school if he pressed him too much on how he was going to get there.\u00a0 \u201cYoung Man, I will be expecting you to come right home just as soon as school is dismissed.\u00a0 Understood?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe jumped from his chair and answered, \u201cYes, Pa.\u00a0 Thanks \u2013 I\u2019ve got to go saddle my horse!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you forget your project!\u201d Ben sang out as the boy hurriedly headed to the front door.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay \u2013 bye!\u201d Joe called from the next room and then ran outside.<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d Ben began as he looked at his two sons.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s having a rough go of it so it\u2019s probably just as well that he rides to school today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI agree,\u201d Adam nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa \u2013 for a minute I was sure that Little Joe was gonna start bawling.\u00a0 He\u2019s still pretty shook about that shooting.\u00a0 \u00a0You done the best thing you could\u2019ve done to get him to go to school.\u00a0 Maybe once he\u2019s around his friends it\u2019ll take his mind off some of his troubles,\u201d Hoss interjected.<\/p>\n Ben wiped his mouth on his napkin and stood.\u00a0 \u201cI hope so, Hoss.\u00a0 Well, I guess I\u2019d better get ready too.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to go speak to his teacher before class starts.\u00a0 I\u2019ll see you two later this afternoon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll be helping with the branding today, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Adam, maybe I\u2019ll stop by and help you both when I make it back,\u201d Ben returned and headed into his study to get the deposit that he needed to drop off at the bank.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Little Joe had arrived at school early enough to see his father going inside to speak with his teacher before she came outside and rang the bell.\u00a0 He waved to Pa as he was leaving and then walked into the schoolhouse with the other children.\u00a0 The rest of the day hadn\u2019t gone so well.\u00a0 During lunch a few of his friends began to ask him all kinds of questions about the shooting.\u00a0 Little Joe tried his best to change the subject, but the boys only grew more persistent.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Little Joe!\u201d Mark exclaimed and moved closer to the boy.\u00a0 \u201cTell us what it was like to grab your pa\u2019s gun and blast that man to kingdom come!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust cut it out.\u00a0 I told you I don\u2019t want to talk about it,\u201d Joe returned growing angrier.<\/p>\n A new student, Jimmy Drayton, who had only been in the area for a few weeks swaggered over to Joe.\u00a0 He was a good six inches taller than him and a year older.\u00a0 \u201cWhy didn\u2019t your pa shoot the guy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause his pa got shot,\u201d Joe\u2019s friend Mitch Devlin jumped in to try and help.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t even bother, Mitch,\u201d Little Joe insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u00a0 Is Big Ben Cartwright a chicken?\u00a0 He needed a boy to do his shooting for him, huh?\u201d Jimmy laughed.<\/p>\n Little Joe jumped up from where he had been sitting cross legged on the ground.\u00a0 He readied to throw a punch at the other boy.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019d better keep my pa\u2019s name out of your filthy mouth, Jimmy!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhatcha gonna do about it, Cartwright?\u00a0 Are you gonna shoot me too?\u201d Jimmy fired back grinning.<\/p>\n Little Joe looked around at the other boys and a few girls who had heard the loud commotion of a fight brewing and began to draw closer to them.<\/p>\n \u201cJust leave me alone before I have to mop the ground with you,\u201d Little Joe warned.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think you can do that unless you have a gun,\u201d Jimmy sneered at Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t need a gun to take care of you!\u201d<\/p>\n Jimmy looked around at the other kids and winked over at a few of the boys who he had befriended.\u00a0 \u201cKiller \u2013 killer \u2013 killer<\/em><\/strong>!\u201d He shouted and pointed at Little Joe.<\/p>\n That was when the other children, both older and younger, began to join in.\u00a0 At least half of the kids began to chant \u201ckiller<\/em><\/strong>\u201d until the teacher appeared on the steps.\u00a0 She rang the bell and then everyone headed back inside leaving Little Joe standing alone next to a tree.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to go inside the schoolhouse.\u00a0 All he wanted was to get on his horse and ride away.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph Cartwright!\u201d The teacher sang out.\u00a0 \u201cIf you don\u2019t get in here right now, I\u2019ll be sending a note home to your father.\u00a0 Now get in here!\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head and feeling lower than he had prior to arriving that morning, Little Joe begrudgingly walked into the schoolhouse.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n For three straight days Little Joe had dealt with the kids at school calling him killer<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 And for those same three days he had kept it all from his father and brothers.\u00a0 He wanted to fight everyone who called him \u201ckiller\u201d<\/em><\/strong> but there were too many of them.\u00a0 It was bad enough that Jimmy and kids his age were chiding him with that nickname.\u00a0 But by the third day kids of all ages, both boys and girls, were all taunting him and singing out \u2018killer<\/em><\/strong>\u201d at every opportunity.\u00a0 They always made sure that the teacher wasn\u2019t around to hear it, so Mrs. Gower had no idea what Little Joe Cartwright was going through.<\/p>\n Ben and his other sons all noticed the difference in Little Joe\u2019s behavior every afternoon when he got home from school.\u00a0 The boy seemed withdrawn and hardly spoke to anyone.\u00a0 They chalked it up to him still being upset over the shooting and thought that he would eventually shake himself out of it.\u00a0 But by Thursday Pa knew that he had to say something.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I need to speak to you in my study,\u201d Ben announced cryptically as he stood from the dining table.<\/p>\n Little Joe looked down at his dinner plate.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t eaten more than a couple of bites of supper that night.\u00a0 Now he reasoned that his father was going to get after him about the way he hadn\u2019t been eating lately.\u00a0 He stood from his chair and followed Pa into the next room.<\/p>\n \u201cHave a seat, Young Man,\u201d Ben pointed to the chair to his left as he sat down at his desk and looked over at his son.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did I do?\u201d Little Joe asked sullenly, avoiding his father\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n Reaching into his vest pocket, Ben pulled out a piece of paper.\u00a0 \u201cMrs. Gower ran into Hoss in town and handed him this letter.\u00a0 She mentions in here that she already sent a note home with you yesterday to give me, but it never made it into my hands.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe just hung his head and didn\u2019t reply.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I want you to look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe mumbled and lifted his head.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you do with the note your teacher sent home with you yesterday?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI tore it up, Pa,\u201d he confessed quietly.<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath, Ben stood from his chair and moved over to the front of his desk where he towered over the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe just shrugged his shoulders.<\/p>\n Ben reached down and lifted his son\u2019s chin so he could direct his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cA shrug isn\u2019t an answer.\u00a0 Now why did you rip the note up, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d he lied, not knowing anything else to say in reply.<\/p>\n Ben groaned in frustration and then held up the letter that Hoss had brought home.\u00a0 \u201cMrs. Gower said that you never turned in your history assignment.\u00a0 Joseph, Monday I specifically told you to take it to school.\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t you turn it in?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt got messed up, Pa,\u201d Joe answered softly.<\/p>\n Folding his arms across his chest and frowning, Ben continued.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean it got messed up?\u00a0 Don\u2019t make me pull this out of you one word at a time.\u00a0 Just tell me what happened!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt just got messed up that\u2019s all!\u201d Joe insisted, raising his voice in frustration.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t use that tone with me, Young Man,\u201d Ben warned.\u00a0 He turned his attention to the front of his desk and opened the drawer.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing was going to burn the trash today.\u00a0 He found something in the burn barrel,\u201d he said and held up the picture his son had drawn for his history class.\u00a0 He walked over to the boy and handed it to him.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared at the picture and then looked sadly up at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cIt doesn\u2019t look very messed up to me, Joseph.\u00a0 It\u2019s been folded a few times, but I think you can smooth it out and then turn it in to Mrs. Gower tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe jumped out of his chair and ripped the picture into several pieces and threw them onto the floor.\u00a0 Ben stood there stunned.\u00a0 He watched as the boy bolted to the staircase and ran up to his room.<\/p>\n *** What in the world is going on with you, Joseph? ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben thought to himself as he tried to recoup from witnessing what the boy had just done.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Little Joe sprawled out on his bed with his face buried in his pillow as his father walked into the room.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben called softly as he approached the bed.\u00a0 He could see that the boy was beside himself with a world full of trouble on his shoulders.\u00a0 Easing down on the bed next to his son, Ben gently placed his hand on the boy\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cI want you to roll over and look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPunish me if you want to, Pa, I don\u2019t care,\u201d Little Joe choked out, fighting tears.\u00a0 Joe was the picture of pure misery, and he couldn\u2019t do anything about it.<\/p>\n \u201cI picked up the pieces of your drawing, Son, they\u2019re here in my hand.\u00a0 I want you to tell me why you ripped it up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was messed up \u2013 I told you that already, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached down and forced the boy to roll over.\u00a0 \u201cWhat was messed up about it?\u201d<\/p>\n Pulling himself up on the bed, Little Joe reached for the pieces of paper in his father\u2019s hand.\u00a0 He spread them out on his comforter and then pointed at one of the corner pieces.<\/p>\n Ben reached for the torn piece of paper and studied it.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t understand, Joseph.\u00a0 You\u2019re just going to have to tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe pointed to the top right corner of the paper and then stared into his father\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 It was then that tears began to roll down his cheeks.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s your blood, Pa,\u201d He whimpered.<\/p>\n Stark realization hit Ben right between the eyes.\u00a0 Little Joe\u2019s drawing had been on the floor of the buckboard.\u00a0 Ben now realized that when Calvin Moran shot him in the wrist that some of his blood had dripped down onto his son\u2019s history project.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t look like much to Ben, but to the boy who had witnessed his father getting shot, it seemed like volumes.\u00a0 The blood was there on the drawing as a frightening reminder to Little Joe of how he had almost witnessed his father getting killed right in front of his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cCome here, Son,\u201d Ben whispered and held his arms out to the boy.<\/p>\n Hesitating at first, Little Joe mopped the tears off on his shirtsleeve and then moved closer to his pa.\u00a0 Ben reached down and swept the boy up into his arms and held on tightly.\u00a0 He imagined how hard it must have been for Little Joe to hide the reason that he hadn\u2019t turned in his assignment from his pa.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry \u2013 I didn\u2019t understand, Joseph,\u201d Ben apologized and gently stroked his son\u2019s curls attempting to comfort him.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought he was gonna kill you, Pa.\u00a0 And \u2013 when I saw you get shot –,\u201d Little Joe couldn\u2019t continue.<\/p>\n \u201cI know that it had to scare you, Son.\u00a0 It sure scared me,\u201d he responded, hoping that it would help the boy to know that it was okay to admit to being frightened.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t want to turn my drawing in.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t get over seeing your blood on it, Pa.\u00a0 Looking at it reminded me that you almost got killed.\u00a0 And it also reminded me that I killed that man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve had a lot on your shoulders, Boy.\u00a0 I\u2019m so sorry that you had to go through all of that.\u00a0 But it will get better, Joseph,\u201d he tried to sound convincing as he closed his eyes and prayed that his son would somehow get over the shooting.\u00a0 Afterall, Joseph was only fourteen years old, just a kid.\u00a0 It was easy to see that the whole awful event had been eating at the boy\u2019s insides every single day.<\/p>\n Little Joe wanted to tell his father all that had been going on at school.\u00a0 He wanted to tell him that the kids were all calling him killer<\/em><\/strong> and it hurt.\u00a0 But he just couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t been able to tell Pa that his project had his blood on it.\u00a0 Just talking about the shooting made him feel physically ill and enduring the cruelty at the hands of the school children was growing more painful every day.<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I wish it never happened, Pa \u2013 I want it to all go away,\u201d Joe\u2019s voice broke as he tried to explain how he felt.\u00a0 He knew that he\u2019d never be able to tell Pa everything, though he wished that he could.<\/p>\n \u201cI understand, Joseph,\u201d Ben whispered and fought to figure out what he could say or do that might help.\u00a0 He kept drawing a blank.\u00a0 All he could do at that moment was to just hold the boy in his arms and pray that Little Joe could get over the trauma.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll explain it to your teacher.\u00a0 We\u2019ll come up with something else you can do for a history project, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t ever want to go to school again, Pa.\u00a0 I hate it there.\u201d<\/p>\n Pulling his son back, Ben stared into the sad eyes of the boy and asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u00a0 You\u2019ve never been this adamant about not liking school before.\u00a0 Has the teacher been getting after you, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just don\u2019t like school, Pa,\u201d Little Joe knew he couldn\u2019t talk about what was happening with the other children.\u00a0 He was going to have to find a way out of the situation himself.\u00a0 Joe had been hoping that the kids would tire of their taunts soon and leave him alone.<\/p>\n \u201cYou only have two more years, Son.\u00a0 Then you\u2019ll be working this ranch just like Hoss, Adam and me.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe frowned, \u201cI know \u2013 but two years is a long time, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019ll be okay \u2013 you\u2019ll see.\u00a0 I\u2019ll write a note to Mrs. Gower tonight and we\u2019ll get all of this resolved. Will that help some?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 I guess,\u201d Joe returned sullenly.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think his father would allow him to leave school, which meant he\u2019d just have to somehow get through the rough time he was having.\u00a0 He prayed that the kids would soon tire of their taunts and leave him alone.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, how about you go wash up and try to get some sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe nodded as his father stood up from the bed.\u00a0 Ben reached down and lifted his son\u2019s chin so he could look into the boy\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I want you to come to me if you have any problems.\u00a0 Don\u2019t hide things from me so I\u2019ll know how to help you.\u00a0 Understood?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n Placing a hand on the back of his son\u2019s head, Ben leaned down and kissed his forehead.\u00a0 \u201cNow no more worrying about school.\u00a0 Everything will be alright.\u00a0 Goodnight, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGoodnight, Pa,\u201d Little Joe nodded and watched as his father left the room.\u00a0 He wished that his pa would be proven to be right and that everything would work out, but he didn\u2019t believe it.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, you done a good job with that broth.\u00a0 You want some more?\u201d Hoss asked as he set the cup back on the nightstand.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head, \u201cI\u2019ve had enough for now, Big Brother.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you and Adam go and get some supper?\u00a0 I\u2019m sure Hop Sing made you something better than broth.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, better not tell Little Joe what we\u2019re having, Hoss,\u201d Adam teased.\u00a0 \u201cHe won\u2019t appreciate it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know already \u2013 Hop Sing\u2019s making a roast.\u00a0 I might have a couple of bullet holes in me, but my nose still works just fine, Adam,\u201d Joe replied and watched as his father entered the room.<\/p>\n \u201cWell now how is our patient?\u201d Pa asked cheerily.<\/p>\n \u201cHe drank up all the broth, Pa,\u201d Hoss announced and stood from the chair to offer it to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cGood.\u00a0 How about some more pain medication, Joseph?\u00a0 You\u2019re about an hour overdue for some.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head and glanced over at his brothers.\u00a0 \u201cSo \u2013 what happened today?\u00a0 Everyone\u2019s doing a good job talking about food and medicine.\u00a0 How about telling me if anyone found Lucas Moran?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam both glanced over at their father and tried to gauge his reaction to Joe\u2019s question, so they\u2019d know what to say.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s nothing that you need to concern yourself with right now, Young Man, other than getting better,\u201d Ben insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess that means you didn\u2019t find him,\u201d Joe frowned and attempted to pull himself higher in the bed, but he couldn\u2019t manage it due to his left shoulder being wrapped too tightly.<\/p>\n \u201cJust lie still.\u00a0 Doc doesn\u2019t want you to move around and disturb all those sutures he just put in you, Joseph,\u201d Ben warned and placed his hand down on the boy\u2019s right shoulder to keep him still.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s bad enough that I\u2019ve got to stay in this bed at least you can all tell me what\u2019s going on!\u201d he fussed.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Pa \u2013 he must be feeling better,\u201d Adam began and chuckled.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s got that temper of his back!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Joe, if you ain\u2019t gonna take the pain medicine maybe you should let Pa have some?\u00a0 He probably needs it after dealing with you all night and all day!\u201d Hoss joined in on the ribbing in true brotherly fashion.<\/p>\n Ben frowned and shot both of his older boy\u2019s a warning gaze. \u201cNo, I\u2019m not the one who\u2019s going to be taking this medicine,\u201d he began and poured a full tablespoon of the laudanum.\u00a0 \u201cHere you go, Young Man,\u201d Ben brought the spoon to the boy\u2019s lips, and he wasn\u2019t going to wait for Joe\u2019s approval.<\/p>\n Frowning, Joe gave up and swallowed the medicine.\u00a0 He settled his head back on the pillow and stared at his pa.<\/p>\n \u201cI believe that will keep you quiet for a couple of hours, Joseph.\u00a0 And that\u2019s exactly what Paul said you needed; rest!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, you didn\u2019t find Moran?\u201d Little Joe wasn\u2019t about to give up yet.\u00a0 He wanted some answers.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Kid.\u00a0 His trail went cold on us.\u00a0 But Roy still has some men out with him trying to pick up his tracks again.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry \u2013 we\u2019ll get him,\u201d Adam nodded over to his little brother.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys, go on and get cleaned up it\u2019s about time for supper.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see you later, Little Joe,\u201d Hoss grinned and patted his brother\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Joe \u2013 you get some sleep,\u201d Adam called across the room as he walked to the door.<\/p>\n Little Joe smiled at both of his brothers as they turned out of the bedroom.<\/p>\n \u201cNow as for you, Young Man,\u201d Ben said sternly, though Joe could read through his father\u2019s clever fa\u00e7ade.\u00a0 \u201cI want you to relax and close those eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI hope he just keeps running \u2013 maybe back to wherever he came from.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to ever see him again.\u00a0 I never want to hear the name Moran, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered as his eyelids grew heavy.<\/p>\n Ben held his son\u2019s hand in his as the boy fell back to sleep.\u00a0 \u201cI know, Son \u2013 I know.\u201d<\/p>\n Leaning back in the chair Ben recalled what had happened once the bullying at school had gotten worse.\u00a0 It was no wonder that Little Joe had frozen up when Lucas Moran had called him \u201ckiller\u201d<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 Sighing deeply, his thoughts went back to what had happened to his son due to the taunts of the schoolchildren.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Little Joe halfway fell from Cochise as he attempted to dismount behind the barn.\u00a0 He had survived four days of bullying at school. But it was Friday, and when the older boys had ramped up their taunts that afternoon, everything had gone from bad to worse.\u00a0 Joe didn\u2019t want anyone to see him bloodied and battered.\u00a0 He prayed that his father and brothers hadn\u2019t gotten back from where they were rounding up strays earlier that day.\u00a0 Holding his right hand over his stomach he pulled Cochise behind him and made it into the barn.\u00a0 He removed the saddle and bridle and made sure that there was plenty of grain set out for his horse before he headed back into the yard.\u00a0 Little Joe made it as far as the watering trough before the pain became so overwhelming that he fell to his knees.\u00a0 He cupped his right hand into the water and threw it over his face trying to revive himself and wash some of the blood off.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe!\u201d Hop Sing cried out.\u00a0 He had just gone outside to get some wood for the stove when he spotted the boy kneeling there on the ground.\u00a0 Hop Sing ran over to help him.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 you hurt!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe coughed into his fist and tried to get to his feet again.\u00a0 \u201cI \u2013 I\u2019m okay.\u00a0 Just give me a minute to wash off some, Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n The cook reached down for the boy\u2019s left arm and pulled him to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cYou no wash here you wash inside.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGotta wash here first \u2013 I\u2019ve got blood all over my face,\u201d Joe protested and dipped a hand into the watering trough again.<\/p>\n \u201cWho hurt my boy?\u201d Hop Sing demanded.\u00a0 As far as he was concerned Little Joe was as much his as he was Ben Cartwright\u2019s.\u00a0 Hop Sing had helped raise the boy from an infant and he felt he deserved partial credit as a surrogate father.<\/p>\n Little Joe tried to grin, but he had a split lip, and the slight movement caused it to bleed again.\u00a0 \u201cYour boy is fine, Hop Sing.\u00a0 Just have some cuts and bruises.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t the first time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou come now!\u201d Hop Sing shouted and pulled the boy across the yard by his arm and into the kitchen.<\/p>\n Little Joe had to catch his breath after the long jaunt into the house.\u00a0 He gingerly eased himself down into one of the kitchen chairs.\u00a0 It was then that he heard that very old familiar sound.\u00a0 Hop Sing sent out a very loud and very long string of Chinese chastisements.\u00a0 Little Joe wasn\u2019t sure if they were all directed at him or whether Hop Sing was fussing at whoever had hurt him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou drink!\u201d Hop Sing insisted and shoved a cup of some kind of tea into his hand.\u00a0 Joe often wondered how the cook always seemed to have some kind of a remedy heating up on the stove just in time for any emergency.<\/p>\n Little Joe drank the tea so he wouldn\u2019t incur the man\u2019s wrath.\u00a0 He hoped that it would stay down as at that particular moment he thought that he was going to throw up.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat matter?\u00a0 You stomach?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2014my stomach\u2014my nose \u2013 my chin \u2013 you name it,\u201d Little Joe sighed and then froze in his chair when he heard the front door opening.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh no,\u201d He groaned.\u00a0 A minute later Pa\u2019s voice rang out.\u00a0 \u201cCan you hide me somewhere, Hop Sing?\u201d Joe pleaded, turning his sad hazel eyes on his old friend.<\/p>\n \u201cNo can do, Little Joe,\u201d Hop Sing said as he witnessed his boss entering the kitchen.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing \u2013 I was just going to \u2013\u201d Ben stopped in mid-sentence when he spied his battered youngest in the chair.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d He gasped and reached for his son.\u00a0 \u201cWhat happened to you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOur boy hurt,\u201d Hop Sing addressed the man and nodded his head.<\/p>\n Ben frowned and shook his head highly irritated.\u00a0 \u201cOUR <\/strong>boy can speak for himself, can\u2019t you, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Avoiding his father\u2019s gaze while trying to think of a good believable lie to tell him, he replied, \u201cYes, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI — well I fell, Pa.\u00a0 I was riding too fast \u2013 I\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m not supposed to race my horse.\u00a0 But I did and I fell off Cochise,\u201d Little Joe explained trying to sound sincere. He hoped that his father wouldn\u2019t look too deeply into his eyes, or he\u2019d know that what he had just told him was a lie that wasn\u2019t based on one shred of truth.<\/p>\n Ben stared pensively at the cook and watched as Hop Sing shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u00a0 You don\u2019t believe Little Joe\u2019s story either do you?\u201d Pa asked.<\/p>\n \u201cOur boy not tell truth.\u00a0 You talk to boy– Hop Sing have work to do,\u201d he returned gruffly and turned back to the stove.\u00a0 If Ben had stayed away longer, Hop Sing would have done everything in his power to help Little Joe get out of the trouble that he was in.\u00a0 However, when Ben had come home unexpectedly, that\u2019s when he had to turn it all over to the boy\u2019s biological father.\u00a0 He had done all that he could do as the surrogate for the time being.<\/p>\n Ben placed a hand on Little Joe\u2019s face and examined the boy\u2019s cuts and bruises.\u00a0 He just shook his head in disgust.\u00a0 \u201cCan you stand, Boy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan you walk, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d He repeated.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, do you want to walk to your room and get cleaned up?\u00a0 Or do you want to walk to the barn for a tanning due to that lie that you just told me?\u201d Ben questioned filled with irony in his tone of voice.\u00a0 He raised his eyebrows in gesture so the boy would know that he hadn\u2019t believed one word that he had told him.<\/p>\n Joe winced his face and then directed his attention to the floor, still avoiding his father\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cUm –I\u2019d rather go to my room and get cleaned up, Pa,\u201d He returned quietly, knowing that he was in for a very stern lecture at the very least.<\/p>\n Ben reached for the boy\u2019s left elbow and pulled him to standing.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d he directed firmly and helped his son make the trek through the house and up the stairs.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cStand right there,\u201d Ben commanded and, walking to his son\u2019s bureau, he drew out a nightshirt.\u00a0 He walked back over to Joe and handed it to him.\u00a0 The boy held it in his hand and watched as his pa moved to the washstand and poured some fresh water into the basin.<\/p>\n \u201cFirst, I want you to make good use of this soap and water, Young Man.\u00a0 Clean yourself up good.\u00a0 Then you put that nightshirt on and crawl into bed.\u00a0 I\u2019ll check you over once you accomplish all that,\u201d He paused and took a good look at his son\u2019s tattered clothes.\u00a0 \u201cYour shirt\u2019s torn and about half of the buttons are missing.\u00a0 My that must\u2019ve been a terrible fall from your horse!\u201d He announced sarcastically.\u00a0 Pa watched as Little Joe dropped his head down, knowing that his lie hadn\u2019t gone over very well.\u00a0 \u201cI wasn\u2019t aware that there was any cactus on the Ponderosa \u2013 but obviously I was wrong.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that how your shirt got torn, Joseph?\u00a0 When you fell from your horse you must\u2019ve landed right on top of an enormous cactus, right?\u201d He questioned, his eyebrows knitting themselves together as he looked scathingly at his son because of the lie he had told him.<\/p>\n \u201cNot exactly, Pa,\u201d Joe muttered never looking up at his father.<\/p>\n Folding his arms across his chest, Ben continued, \u201cI guess you found someone to put Cochise out of her misery after taking a fall like that.\u00a0 Am I right?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head, \u201cNo, Sir \u2013 she didn\u2019t fall \u2013 just me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI see \u2013 still sticking to that story huh?\u201d<\/p>\n The boy just stood there and didn\u2019t answer because he knew that he\u2019d only be digging a deeper hole for himself with his pa.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 do you really think that I believe any of that malarky you told me downstairs?\u201d He continued and this time he lifted the boy\u2019s chin into his hand.<\/p>\n Joe just shrugged his shoulders because he knew he couldn\u2019t tell Pa the truth.<\/p>\n \u201cI have three sons and every last one of them have been in fist fights.\u00a0 And every last one of them have had the same kinds of cuts and bruises on their faces that you have on yours now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess I\u2019d better get cleaned up, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered.<\/p>\n Drawing in a long-exasperated breath, Ben shook his head and let go of the boy\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cAlright you do that.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be back up here in a few minutes.\u00a0 Then you and I are going to have a very long talk about the differences between falls from horses and fist fights,\u201d he warned sternly and turned out of the room.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben took some time to get his temper into check before venturing back up the stairs to talk to his son.\u00a0 He had poured himself a small shot of brandy to calm his nerves while Hop Sing went about shaving some ice for him to take upstairs for Little Joe.\u00a0 Sitting down in the chair behind his desk Ben mulled over the situation while he sipped his drink.\u00a0 He realized that Joseph had been going through a very rough time ever since the shooting the previous Friday.\u00a0 But he couldn\u2019t let him off the hook when it came to lying.\u00a0 The boy had been keeping a lot of his worries buried deep inside for some unknown reason.\u00a0 Lately it had been a guessing game as to what was going on with him.\u00a0 Ben knew that he had misjudged the situation about Little Joe\u2019s school project and he didn\u2019t want to make that same kind of mistake again.\u00a0 Groaning wearily as he stood from the desk, Ben turned for the stairs.\u00a0 He decided that it was time to try and confront the boy about why he had been in a fight and had lied to him about it.\u00a0 Hop Sing walked in from the kitchen right on cue and handed him a tray which contained a bowl of chipped ice and two different kinds of ointments to doctor Little Joe\u2019s wounds.\u00a0 Ben thanked the cook and, drawing in a deep breath, he headed up to his son\u2019s room.<\/p>\n Walking into Little Joe\u2019s bedroom, Ben noticed that the boy was pulling the nightshirt over his head.\u00a0 He set the tray down on the nightstand and turned his attention on his son.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me have a look at you,\u201d he announced and waved the boy over to the bed.<\/p>\n Little Joe precariously crossed the room and stood next to his father preparing for his inspection.\u00a0 Ben held the boy\u2019s chin in his right hand and examined the cuts and bruises on his face.\u00a0 He frowned in frustration as he shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cSpread out on your bed.\u00a0 I need to have a look at your chest and stomach, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m okay, really I am, Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben just glared at the boy until he finally did as he had been instructed.\u00a0 Leaning over the bed, Pa lifted his son\u2019s nightshirt and prodded Little Joe\u2019s rib cage first.<\/p>\n \u201cDoes that hurt, Boy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa,\u201d He murmured.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, don\u2019t you lie to me.\u00a0 If it\u2019s hurting, I\u2019m going to need to know,\u201d he insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cIt just feels a little bruised, Pa \u2013 but it\u2019s not hurting much,\u201d He returned quietly.<\/p>\n Ben placed the palm of his hand over the boy\u2019s chest and instructed, \u201cTake a deep breath and hold it in.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe did what he had been told to do and waited.<\/p>\n \u201cNow let it out slowly,\u201d Pa said as he leaned down and tried to listen to his son\u2019s lungs.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t detect any sound out of the ordinary nor did he hear Joe wheezing which might\u2019ve indicated a cracked rib.\u00a0 \u201cI guess you\u2019ll live,\u201d He grinned feeling very relieved, and patted the boy\u2019s head as he sat down alongside of him.\u00a0 Ben studied the appearance of the boy\u2019s stomach to see if there was any bruising.\u00a0 Joe seemed to be okay in that department too.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I guess your face got the worst of that fight, Young Man.\u00a0 I\u2019d say you were lucky this time,\u201d he announced and tugged the boy\u2019s nightshirt back down.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe nodded and waited breathlessly.\u00a0 He presumed that it was about time for the shouting to begin now.<\/p>\n Ben reached over to the nightstand.\u00a0 He lifted one of the small tins of ointment into his hand and opened it up.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s put some of this on those cuts,\u201d he announced and dabbed a bit onto each wound.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing wants me to put some of this beeswax on that lip of yours so hold still a minute,\u201d Ben instructed and opened the other tin and applied it to his son\u2019s split lip.\u00a0 Next, placing some of the ice into a cloth, he called down to the boy, \u201cHold this over that left eye before it closes up on you, Joseph.\u201d\u00a0 He handed it to his son.<\/p>\n Little Joe obediently did as he had been instructed and then worriedly stared up at his pa.<\/p>\n \u201cNow are you finally ready to tell me the truth about what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Sitting up on the bed, Joe held the ice to his eye and took a deep breath before replying.\u00a0 There was only so much that he was willing to offer up to his pa due to the circumstances.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019m sorry that I lied,\u201d He returned filled with remorse.<\/p>\n Ben reached over and put his hand on his son\u2019s shoulder and asked, \u201cWhy did you lie to me, Boy?\u201d<\/p>\n Shrugging his shoulders helplessly he responded, \u201cI knew you\u2019d get mad at me for fighting.\u00a0 I guess I sort of panicked, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, I might\u2019ve gotten angry with you, but you made a bad situation even worse by adding those lies, Joseph.\u00a0 Did you get into that fight during school today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa \u2013 it was after school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho was it with and what was it about?\u00a0 And I expect the truth this time, Young Man,\u201d Ben warned staring directly into the boy\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was a new kid — and we just got into it, you know?\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t about anything in particular.\u201d \u201cPa \u2013really — it was just a disagreement.\u00a0 And like you always say \u2013 a guy\u2019s got to stand up for himself, right?\u00a0 That\u2019s what I did \u2013 I just stood up for myself.\u00a0 Well, that is I stood up until he knocked me down a couple of times,\u201d Joe sighed and moved the icepack down to his bruised chin and held it there.<\/p>\n \u201cI think it would be a good idea for me to speak with that boy\u2019s father.\u00a0 Now what\u2019s his name?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe sat up straight and his face took on a stricken appearance.\u00a0 \u201cOh, Pa \u2013 please don\u2019t do that!\u00a0 Pa \u2013 the other boys at school will say that I\u2019m a snitch or a sore loser!\u00a0 I promise I\u2019ll steer clear of him \u2013 just don\u2019t make me tell you, please?\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head, Ben frowned and peered into his son\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Then he tried to put himself in his son\u2019s shoes for a minute. He realized that he might cause more problems for the boy if he made a big fuss about the whole incident.\u00a0 However, he didn\u2019t want Joe to go up against that boy again and perhaps get hurt even worse than he had that day.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll tell you what I\u2019ll do,\u201d He paused and forced his son\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 \u201cIf you\u2019ll promise me that you won\u2019t fight him again \u2013 I\u2019ll not press the issue this time.\u00a0 But if this happens again, I will be speaking to both his father and to him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for understanding, Pa,\u201d Joe smiled for the first time all day.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, aside from that fight \u2013 I\u2019m also concerned about what\u2019s been going on with you,\u201d He began and tried to phrase his next statement as delicately as he could.\u00a0 \u201cLately you seem to be having a hard time at school for some reason.\u00a0 All week long it was all I could do just to get you to agree to go.\u00a0 And almost every day you\u2019ve come home upset about something.\u00a0 I can\u2019t help wondering \u2013 now that you got into this fight today\u2014if there\u2019s something you\u2019re keeping from me.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe looked away from his father\u2019s questioning gaze and placed the icepack back on the nightstand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m okay, Pa,\u201d He insisted.<\/p>\n Ben pulled his son back over to him and wrapped an arm around the boy\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 He examined his facial expression.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s reply had come off too quickly and seemed very unconvincing.\u00a0 \u201cIs it that shooting, Son?\u00a0 Are you having trouble dealing with it?\u00a0 Because I\u2019m here if you need to talk about it.\u00a0 That\u2019s what having a pa is for you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not that I don\u2019t still think about it, Pa \u2013 but it\u2019ll go away,\u201d he returned quietly.\u00a0 If he could\u2019ve turned everything over to his father, he would have done it right at that very moment, but Joe didn\u2019t think he could.\u00a0 He would\u2019ve had to admit to all the nightmares which were still plaguing him and, on top of all of that, he\u2019d have to tell Pa about being harassed in school.\u00a0 Little Joe didn\u2019t want his father to go and have a talk with the teacher who would then address the issue with his classmates. \u00a0As far as Joe was concerned, it wouldn\u2019t make the name calling stop but would cause it to grow far worse.\u00a0 Then, on top of being called a killer<\/em><\/strong>, he\u2019d be considered a little kid who ran to his father to fight his battles for him.\u00a0 Little Joe could just imagine what the boys like Jimmy would say if Ben Cartwright showed up and got everyone in trouble for picking on his boy.<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shook his head as he stood from the bed.\u00a0 He could tell that Joe was still hiding things from him, but he didn\u2019t know what to do about it.<\/p>\n \u201cWould you like me to bring you up some supper in a little while, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe leaned back against his pillows and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo thanks, Pa.\u00a0 To tell you the truth I\u2019m kind of tired.\u00a0 I think I\u2019d rather just go to sleep early tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n Watching as Joe crawled underneath his covers, Ben tried his best to offer the boy a reassuring smile.\u00a0 He pushed the curls off Little Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 \u201cWell, you sleep in tomorrow since it\u2019s Saturday,\u201d Ben nodded.\u00a0 He turned for the door but paused before moving out into the hall.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph?\u201d he called across the room.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t have to keep things buried inside of you.\u00a0 I\u2019m here if you need me, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe nodded solemnly over to his father and replied, \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 He then rolled over to hide the tears that were welling up in his eyes again.\u00a0 *** Please, God, don\u2019t let me dream about Mister Moran\u2019s eyes tonight \u2013 or what the kids keep calling me.\u00a0 Amen. ***<\/em><\/strong> he silently prayed.<\/p>\n Ben walked out of the bedroom still wondering what Little Joe was keeping from him and why.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Doctor Martin had ordered that his patient stay confined to his bed for two straight weeks though Little Joe had protested.\u00a0 Ben had agreed so there wasn\u2019t anything that the boy could do about it but rest and count the days until he\u2019d be free to leave his room.\u00a0 Once the stitches had all been removed and a sling had been placed on his left arm to help with his shoulder wound, Joe had been allowed to move about in the house.\u00a0 His brothers had ridden with Sheriff Coffee\u2019s posse until they had made a thorough search for Lucas Moran and had come up empty.\u00a0 Reluctantly the search had been called off and Roy informed Ben that he believed that Moran had left to go back to Colorado.\u00a0 None of the Cartwrights were happy about the assailant having gotten away, but there wasn\u2019t a thing that they could do about it but go back to their normal routines.\u00a0 There were horses to break and a herd of cattle to tend to along with timber contracts to fill.<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I could take this sling off, Pa,\u201d Joe frowned as he sat in the living room and stared over at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cJust another week or so, Joseph \u2013 then we\u2019ll see how that shoulder is,\u201d He insisted and poured the boy a cup of coffee and handed it over to him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s been a month,\u201d he complained as he accepted the drink, holding it in his right hand.<\/p>\n \u201cThree weeks is not a month, Joseph,\u201d Ben grinned knowing how impatient his son always was when he had to recuperate from an injury.\u00a0 \u201cNow how about that stomach wound \u2013 is it bothering you today?\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head he smiled wryly and replied, \u201cPa \u2013 if it was do you think that I\u2019d tell you and then have to do another month stuck in this house?\u201d<\/p>\n Before Ben could reply Hop Sing walked out of the kitchen and moved over to his boss.<\/p>\n \u201cHere list of supplies Hop Sing need today,\u201d he said and handed the piece of paper to Ben.<\/p>\n Taking it from the cook, Ben placed it inside the pocket of his vest.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll get what you need from the mercantile and bring it all home as soon as I run my errands.\u00a0 Before you go back to the kitchen, Hop Sing, I have a favor I need from you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat you need?\u201d<\/p>\n Standing from his chair, Ben placed a hand on Hop Sing\u2019s shoulder and pointed over to his son.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d appreciate it if you\u2019d watch this young man while I\u2019m gone.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t put it past him to try and escape from this house.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cVery funny,\u201d Joe muttered and shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe stay here \u2013 I make sure,\u201d Hop Sing nodded and then smiled over at the boy.<\/p>\n Ben reached over and patted Joe\u2019s back before turning for the door.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t look so glum, Joseph.\u00a0 It won\u2019t be long before you\u2019ll be outside alongside your brothers and complaining that I\u2019m working you too hard!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnything\u2019s better than sitting here looking at these four walls, Pa!\u201d Joe called across the room.<\/p>\n Laughing, Ben waved to both Joe and the cook before walking out to get the buckboard ready.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want come watch Hop Sing make cake for supper, Little Joe?\u201d he offered.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head and leaned back on the settee.\u00a0 \u201cNo \u2013 I guess I\u2019ll just read some more of this boring novel of Adam\u2019s for now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou no go out door \u2013 Hop Sing have good ears!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI remember,\u201d Little Joe announced and opened his brother\u2019s book.\u00a0 Sighing to himself, he began to read to pass the time.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n The loud knock on the front door was a welcome distraction and Little Joe stood from the settee.\u00a0 He opened the door to see one of the hired hands smiling over at him.<\/p>\n \u201cHow you doing, Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m okay, Cody.\u00a0 How have you been?\u00a0 I\u2019ve not seen you in a long time.\u00a0 Come on in!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t stay long,\u201d He began and walked into the living room.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve got to get back to the herd.\u00a0 I saw your pa early this morning and I told him that I was going to drop a letter off at the post office and see if I\u2019d gotten anything from my folks.\u00a0 I offered to pick up the mail for him while I was there.\u00a0 So, here you go.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe accepted the stack of mail and nodded to the man.\u00a0 \u201cI know that Pa appreciates you doing this for him.\u00a0 It took one errand off his list today.\u00a0 Hey \u2013 how about staying for some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI would if I could spare the time \u2013 but I\u2019ve got to get up to the herd.\u00a0 Adam volunteered me to watch those stupid steers overnight,\u201d He laughed and turned to leave.<\/p>\n \u201cSounds like something he\u2019d do,\u201d Joe chuckled as he walked Cody back to the door.\u00a0 \u201cThanks again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo problem.\u00a0 You get well soon, Little Joe!\u201d He grinned and walked outside.<\/p>\n \u201cI hear door!\u201d Hop Sing exclaimed as he hurried out of the kitchen, drying his hands on his apron.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you think I escaped?\u201d Joe asked with a guilty smile painting his lips.<\/p>\n \u201cNo can trust you, Little Joe,\u201d Hop Sing explained studying the boy\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cRelax \u2013 it was just Cody bringing the mail for Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll light, Hop Sing go back to work \u2013 you sit down!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, okay!\u00a0 I\u2019m just gonna put this mail on Pa\u2019s desk first and then I\u2019ll sit down,\u201d he sighed and walked into his father\u2019s study.\u00a0 Curiosity getting the best of him, Little Joe spread the mail on top of his father\u2019s desk and studied the postmarks.\u00a0 It was then that he noticed an envelope with his name on it.<\/p>\n \u201cOregon?\u201d He muttered to himself and took a seat in his father\u2019s chair.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know anyone in Oregon.\u201d\u00a0 Little Joe reached inside the top drawer and drew out the letter opener.\u00a0 He was able to use his left elbow to hold the envelope down while he sliced it open using his right hand.\u00a0 Little Joe pulled out the single sheet of paper inside.\u00a0 \u00a0It was then that his face grew pale.\u00a0 There was only one word written in large black letters.\u00a0 It simply read \u201ckiller<\/em><\/strong>\u201d.<\/p>\n Little Joe closed his eyes as he thought back to those first horrible weeks after he had killed Calvin Moran.\u00a0 He could still hear the daily taunts of the schoolchildren and remembered how awful they had made him feel.\u00a0 Standing from the desk, Joe hurried up to his bedroom trying to escape from his memories.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Ben had gotten an earful from the cook when he arrived back to the house late that afternoon.\u00a0 Hop Sing had explained that Little Joe had gone up to his room shortly after the mail had been delivered.\u00a0 The man had been worried when he had checked on the boy and Little Joe just told him that he wanted to be left alone.\u00a0 That was when Ben checked to see what had come in the mail, trying to figure out what had changed his son\u2019s disposition.\u00a0 He was confused and angry when he read what was written in the letter that Joe had opened.\u00a0 Ben studied the postmark for a clue but all he could ascertain was that it had been postmarked from Jacksonville Oregon.\u00a0 Worried about his son, he walked up to the boy\u2019s room.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d he called through the boy\u2019s door.\u00a0 \u201cYou awake?\u201d<\/p>\n When there hadn\u2019t been an answer, Ben walked inside the room only to see his son sitting by his window staring out as if he was in a daze.<\/p>\n Shaking his head, filled with worry, Ben neared Joe and dropped a hand onto his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cSon, are you okay?\u201d he asked softly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s happening all over again, Pa- – just like three years ago,\u201d Joe whispered sadly.<\/p>\n Ben sighed and patted the boy\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s obviously Lucas Moran.\u00a0 He must\u2019ve made it up to Oregon and is just trying to upset you.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let him, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t help it, Pa,\u201d He responded dropping his head down.\u00a0 \u201cI had to live through this once\u2014why do I have to go through it again?\u201d he pleaded for an answer as he finally looked up at his father.<\/p>\n Ben sank down onto the bottom of his son\u2019s bed and closed his eyes.\u00a0 He knew exactly what the boy had alluded to.\u00a0 The schoolchildren hadn\u2019t stopped their taunts even after the first week.\u00a0 The awful events just grew worse until his son had almost caved under the pressure from the bullying he had experienced daily.\u00a0 *** Oh, Joseph! ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought back to what had happened the second week after the death of Calvin Moran.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have your report on the Mayflower to turn into Mrs. Gower today, Joseph?\u201d Ben asked as he stood outside of the barn watching the boy getting ready to leave for school.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Little Joe nodded and tightened his book-strap before placing his schoolwork inside of his saddlebags.\u00a0 \u201cI put it inside of my history book so I wouldn\u2019t forget.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give it to her today, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Smiling up at the boy proudly as he launched into his saddle, Pa announced, \u201cI\u2019m glad that we got to talk to her in church yesterday.\u00a0 And I bet she\u2019s going to give you a good grade on it.\u00a0 You did a wonderful job, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks.\u00a0 I guess I\u2019d better get going, I don\u2019t want to be late.\u201d<\/p>\n Patting the boy\u2019s knee, Ben replied, \u201cHave a good day.\u00a0 And don\u2019t forget our deal about not getting into any more fights, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa \u2013 I won\u2019t.\u00a0 I\u2019ll see you later,\u201d Joe nodded and turned Cochise out of the yard.<\/p>\n Ben watched as his son rode off to school.\u00a0 He said a silent prayer that the boy would have a better week than the previous one had been.<\/p>\n Little Joe eyed the boys who stood just outside of the schoolhouse and wondered if they had plans to start something with him.\u00a0 He decided that instead of waiting outside like most of the kids did that he\u2019d just wait inside the classroom, thereby lessening the chance that he\u2019d be harassed.\u00a0 Removing his jacket and hanging it on a peg in the foyer, Little Joe walked to the middle row where he always sat.\u00a0 Mrs. Gower showed up shortly thereafter and greeted him before ringing the bell.\u00a0 He was relieved that things were going better than usual as the other children filed inside.\u00a0 Jimmy Drayton pointed over at him and sneered.\u00a0 But Little Joe chose to ignore the troublemaker and opened his English textbook and pretended to study.\u00a0 He wanted to avoid another fracas like he\u2019d gotten into Friday.<\/p>\n When lunchtime rolled around, Little Joe sat by himself not wanting to talk to anyone, including the few friends that he had left.\u00a0 All he wanted to do was to just get through the day and go back home where he felt safe.\u00a0 Mrs. Gower had gone out to check on the students before eating her lunch inside the school.\u00a0 Just as soon as she had gone back inside the taunts began once more.\u00a0 Kids circled around the tree where Little Joe sat and they all chanted \u201ckiller<\/em><\/strong>\u201d.\u00a0 Little Joe looked over at Jimmy and could tell that he had instigated it all.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t anything that Joe could do but simply sit there and wait for all of them to grow tired of it.\u00a0 He was glad when the teacher finally showed up and rang the bell to announce that lunch was over.\u00a0 Little Joe was the first student to enter the school, trying his best to steer clear of the other kids.<\/p>\n Mrs. Gower called for the class to hand in their written assignments and one by one they passed their papers to the front of the room.\u00a0 The teacher gathered the papers and placed them on her desk.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Ma\u2019am?\u201d He answered quietly.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have that report we spoke about yesterday?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe nodded and reached for his history book.\u00a0 Opening it up to where he had placed the report for safekeeping, he noticed that there were now two sheets of paper inside.\u00a0 Confused, he opened both up.\u00a0 One was the report he had written Sunday and the other was a plain sheet of paper with one word in big black letters.\u00a0 It said \u201ckiller<\/em><\/strong>\u201d on it.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe?\u201d Mrs. Gower called over to the boy again.\u00a0 \u201cIf you have it bring it up to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Staring around the room, he noticed Jimmy smiling from ear to ear.\u00a0 Little Joe now knew who had placed the note inside his book.\u00a0 He turned away from him and hurriedly brought his report up to the teacher.<\/p>\n \u201cHere it is, Mrs. Gower,\u201d Little Joe murmured and handed the paper to her.<\/p>\n \u201cIs something wrong, Joseph?\u201d She asked, noticing how the boy\u2019s face looked very flushed.<\/p>\n Little Joe simply shook his head and walked back to his seat.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t anything he could say to Mrs. Gower.\u00a0 If he had shown her the note that had been left inside of his book, then it would eventually reveal everything that had been going on for a week. \u00a0\u00a0He felt that if the teacher reprimanded the students for harassing him then before long it would make them tease him even more and maybe cause them to come up with a worse nickname for him than killer. Little Joe heard a few of the boys snickering over at him, but they stopped as soon as the teacher turned around from where she had begun to write on the blackboard.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe?\u201d Hoss called over to his brother as he walked inside the barn after the boy had returned from school.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah?\u201d Joe asked as he finished filling the grain bins for all the horses.<\/p>\n \u201cI was just wondering how school went today,\u201d Hoss began and turned over two barrels for both him and his little brother.<\/p>\n Little Joe sighed as he sat opposite Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cIt was okay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid Mrs. Gower say anything about that report you did?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged his shoulders and replied, \u201cNo \u2013 I guess she didn\u2019t have time to read it.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss studied his little brother\u2019s face and could tell that the boy was upset about something.\u00a0 He wondered if Joe was still brooding about the shooting or if there was something wrong at school.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Little Brother, you ain\u2019t having no problem with any of the other boys, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning Joe replied, \u201cI guess Pa told you about that fight last week, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe didn\u2019t have to tell me \u2013 I saw what your face looked like Saturday.\u00a0 Now, Little Joe, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who\u2019s a little closer to your own age.\u00a0 I mean \u2013 Pa has always been a big help to me and all.\u00a0 But there were times when I had trouble in school and it helped to have Adam to talk to, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t figure you ever having trouble in school, Hoss.\u00a0 You could take on the whole school single handed if you had to!\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss reached over and put his hand on his brother\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cJust because I\u2019ve always been big, doesn\u2019t mean I never had trouble.\u00a0 We all have trouble at times, Little Joe.\u00a0 Now how about talking to me about whatever you\u2019re going through?\u00a0 I promise that I\u2019ll keep it between the two of us if you want me to,\u201d He offered.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared up into his brother\u2019s eyes and read the sincerity in them.\u00a0 He wished that he could just tell Hoss what had been going on so at least he could get it out of his gut, but he couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 No matter who he ran to about what the other children were doing to him it would end the same way.\u00a0 They\u2019d all call Joe a snitch or a crybaby.\u00a0 Little Joe figured that he\u2019d just be trading one awful nickname for another.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m okay, Hoss.\u00a0 It\u2019s like I told Pa \u2013 I just have some things that I\u2019ve got to work out myself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs it about that shooting, Little Joe?\u00a0 Because you done what you had to do \u2013 plain and simple.\u00a0 And I\u2019m mighty proud of you for saving Pa\u2019s life \u2013and yours too!\u201d<\/p>\n Standing, Joe turned and walked over to Cochise\u2019s stall.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about that anymore, Hoss.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about me \u2013 I\u2019m alright.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss neared his brother and set a hand down onto the boy\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, Joe \u2013 but if you ever need to talk \u2013 just come find me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Big Brother\u201d Joe whispered and then hurried out of the barn.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want his brother to see the tears that were forming in his eyes.\u00a0 Joe wished with all his heart that he could bare his soul to someone so he wouldn\u2019t have to carry the burden alone.\u00a0 But he didn\u2019t see any way around the problem, so he\u2019d just have to try to get through it on his own.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n For days Ben was worried about how Little Joe was handling whatever he had been keeping from him.\u00a0 But by the time Thursday rolled around he felt like he\u2019d better try harder to get to the bottom of the problem.\u00a0 Everyone had tried their best to talk to the boy, including his two brothers and even Hop Sing.\u00a0 But Joe continued to tell them that he was alright.\u00a0 He had done his best to get his son to open up to him, but it hadn\u2019t worked.\u00a0 And when he had peeked in on the boy the night before and noticed how red his eyes were, Ben knew that he had been crying before he had fallen to sleep.\u00a0 Little Joe never admitted it, but Pa knew that the boy had a world of troubles that he had buried deep inside.\u00a0 Ben also realized that they weren\u2019t going away without some kind of intervention on his part.<\/p>\n Deciding to stop by the school to confront Mrs. Gower to see if she could offer any insight as to what was going on with his son, Ben rode off that afternoon.\u00a0 He had hoped to get there at lunchtime when the children would be outside and he could speak to the teacher in private. He also didn\u2019t want his son to hear anything that was being said regarding his father\u2019s concerns.\u00a0 But by the time he had gotten to the school grounds Ben learned that he was too late.<\/p>\n \u201cMister Cartwright!\u201d The teacher frantically called to the man before he could dismount.<\/p>\n Ben stared down at the woman and could see that she was very upset about something.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it?\u201d He asked, quickly climbing down from his saddle.\u00a0 He hurried over to meet her at the bottom of the steps.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Little Joe \u2013 he just rode off a few minutes ago.\u00a0 He\u2019s so upset \u2013 I\u2019m worried that he\u2019ll get hurt!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUpset?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 What\u2019s going on with my boy?\u201d Ben fired his questions off in rapid succession.<\/p>\n \u201cChildren!\u201d Mrs. Gower shouted to where the schoolchildren were gathered.\u00a0 \u201cI want you all to remain outside until I tell you to come in.\u00a0 Mister Cartwright, let me speak to you inside and then you can try to catch up with your boy.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben removed his hat and followed the teacher into the schoolhouse.\u00a0 Refusing to sit down, he simply stared over at the woman as he stood by her desk.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know everything that has happened.\u00a0 But I promise you that I will get to the bottom of all of this,\u201d She began.<\/p>\n \u201cJust tell me about my son!\u201d Ben was getting irritated that the woman had yet to explain what had gone on and why the boy had ridden off.<\/p>\n \u201cApparently Little Joe has been being harassed by the other children.\u00a0 I never realized there was a problem.\u00a0 He never said a thing to me about any of it!\u00a0 But today \u2013 when they all went outside to eat their lunches \u2013 well \u2013 Little Joe opened his lunch pail, and these were stuffed inside,\u201d she paused and held out some small pieces of paper in her hand.\u00a0 \u201cWhen he saw them, he threw the pail down on the ground and jumped on his horse before I could stop him,\u201d She explained and pulled the boy\u2019s lunch pail out of her desk to show Ben.<\/p>\n One by one Ben looked at the numerous scraps of paper. \u00a0Each of them had the word \u201ckiller<\/em><\/strong>\u201d written on them.\u00a0 The whole pail was stuffed full of them.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, my Lord,\u201d Ben gasped.\u00a0 \u201cIs this what they\u2019ve been calling my son?\u201d<\/p>\n Mrs. Gower nodded remorsefully and answered, \u201cI asked Joe\u2019s friend Mitch.\u00a0 He told me that most of the children have been calling Little Joe that since just after that shooting happened.\u00a0 They never did it around me \u2013 but every time they were out at recess or lunch, they called him killer.\u00a0 Well, it went on when he arrived at school — or any other time that I wasn\u2019t outside to hear the kids saying it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy didn\u2019t Joe\u2019s friends tell you before now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEvidently Little Joe told them not to say anything because he believed that it was up to him to handle it himself.\u00a0 Your son didn\u2019t think that there was any way that he could stop what was happening, Mister Cartwright.\u00a0 But today \u2013 when he opened that lunch pail \u2013 I think it was the last straw.\u00a0 Mitch said that Joe had been getting other pieces of paper with the word killer written on them, but it was just one here and there, nothing like what they did to him this time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got to go find him,\u201d Ben announced urgently and turned to leave.<\/p>\n \u201cI can assure you that I will handle this and all the students who were involved will be punished!\u201d She called across the room.<\/p>\n Ben didn\u2019t answer.\u00a0 He hurriedly jogged out of the schoolhouse and over to his horse.\u00a0 Swinging up onto Buck he rode out of the schoolyard to search for Little Joe.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Ben spotted his son\u2019s solitary figure sitting on the middle of the bridge that crossed Miller\u2019s Pond.\u00a0 He tied Buck next to Cochise and began the trek over to the boy.\u00a0 It almost broke his heart to see Little Joe sitting there alone with his face buried in his folded arms leaning against the bottom of the railing.\u00a0 He hated that he had waited so long to find out what was going on at school.\u00a0 Though he had tried to get the boy to confide in him, Ben felt that he should have done a better job getting to the bottom of things to spare his son from all the heartache he had endured.<\/p>\n Little Joe could feel the boards of the bridge vibrate underneath him as his father slowly approached.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t look up because he didn\u2019t want to talk to anyone.\u00a0 A few minutes later he felt an arm gently easing across his shoulder and he knew that it was his pa.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben began, his voice just above a whisper as he sat down next to the boy.\u00a0 \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d<\/p>\n In response all the boy did was to helplessly rock his head back and forth on his arms.<\/p>\n \u201cI know that what those children did to you hurt you, Son.\u00a0 It was a very cruel thing to do to someone.\u00a0 I\u2019m just so sorry that it happened, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben waited for his son to say something.\u00a0 When a few minutes passed and the only sound that he heard coming from the boy was just a few quiet sniffles, he tried again.\u00a0 He gently eased his hand down from Little Joe\u2019s shoulder to his upper arm, pulling the boy closer to him.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Son, won\u2019t you talk to me?\u201d<\/p>\n Never looking up, Little Joe\u2019s melancholy reply was just barely audible.\u00a0 \u201cI \u2013 I don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you could tell me how you feel about things, Joseph.\u00a0 You\u2019ve kept all your troubles buried deep inside for more than a week now.\u201d<\/p>\n Trying to hide his tears, Little Joe rubbed his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cNothing I can say that\u2019ll make a difference, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath still trying to get his son to open up to him, Ben pressed on.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s not necessarily true.\u00a0 Least ways I won\u2019t know how you’re feeling unless you will trust me enough to talk about it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI trust you,\u201d he choked out.<\/p>\n \u201cThen why won\u2019t you tell me all about it?\u00a0 I know you\u2019ve had quite a time of it this past week and I also know that you\u2019re hurting, Joseph,\u201d Ben tried once more as he gently patted his son\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u201cI just hurt, Pa — that\u2019s all \u2013 I just hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I know you do, Son.\u00a0 But maybe if we talk things over it might make you feel better?\u00a0 \u00a0You know you used to come to me with your troubles all the time \u2013 and I miss that here lately.\u00a0 I had no idea what was going on with you.\u00a0 But I do now.\u00a0 Joseph, I love you and I want to help you,\u201d Pa whispered as he placed his hand on the side of the boy\u2019s head and brought him over to him, placing a kiss on his forehead.<\/p>\n Little Joe dragged his nose across his shirtsleeve to blot his tears and replied despondently, \u201cYou can\u2019t help me anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben let out an exasperated sigh realizing that he was getting nowhere fast.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s just see if you\u2019re right about that.\u00a0 How about we start by you telling me how you\u2019re feeling inside?\u00a0 Can you do that?\u201d Ben coaxed the boy once more.<\/p>\n \u201cYou really want me to tell you how I\u2019m feeling inside, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay — I \u2013I wish that man with the rifle had just shot and killed me, Pa,\u201d Joe announced, his voice cracking with emotion.<\/p>\n Ben stared at the boy and shook his head, \u201cNow, Joseph \u2013 you don\u2019t mean that.\u00a0 You\u2019re upset and I can\u2019t blame you.\u00a0 But you don\u2019t mean what you said, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAt least I wouldn\u2019t be a killer,\u201d He explained, still refusing to look at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cHey,\u201d Ben whispered and forced his son to lift his head so he could look into his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cYou aren\u2019t a killer and you never were one.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa, I killed that man \u2013 so I am<\/strong> a killer!\u00a0 It\u2019s just like those kids said.\u201d<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath, Ben tried again.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 If you had it to do all over again, would you do it the same way or would you rather that man had killed both of us?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just wish that you had killed him, Pa,\u201d Joe admitted and dropped his head back down onto his arms.<\/p>\n \u201cIf I could have done it, I would have, Son, to spare you all of this.\u00a0 But it just didn\u2019t work out that way.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0However, I do know that if you hadn\u2019t stopped him, I would\u2019ve been killed that day.\u00a0 And most likely you would\u2019ve been too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEveryone says I\u2019m a killer, Pa.\u00a0 All the kids at school \u2013 and that old preacher too.\u00a0 And I\u2019m going to Hell for killing that man according to him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Son,\u201d Ben sighed and lifted Joe\u2019s chin again.\u00a0 \u201cNot all the kids said that about you.\u00a0 Your friend Mitch is the one who set your teacher straight about what was happening.\u00a0 And as for that preacher \u2013 well \u2013 he wasn\u2019t talking about self-defense.\u00a0 He was just talking about people who kill for no real reason.\u00a0 He just didn\u2019t explain himself too well.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Pa,\u201d Little Joe choked out filled with raw emotion.\u00a0 He finally looked directly into his father\u2019s compassionate eyes.\u00a0 It was time to let it all out.\u00a0 \u201cI killed someone!\u00a0 His eyes \u2013 they just keep haunting me in my dreams.\u00a0 And every day I\u2019ve had to listen to all the kids at school calling me killer!\u00a0 It\u2019s been so awful, Pa!\u00a0 They\u2019ve been putting pieces of paper in my books \u2013and today they stuffed my lunch pail with notes that all said killer on them!\u00a0 I just can\u2019t take it anymore, Pa!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached for Joseph, pulling him to his chest and locking him tightly in his protective arms.\u00a0 It was then that his son\u2019s sobs shook his chest as Little Joe finally vented out all the sorrow that he had held in for more than a week.\u00a0 He was only fourteen years old and struggling with something that would have tormented even a full-grown man.\u00a0 On top of all that he had been mocked and harassed at school for well over a week.\u00a0 Little Joe had never told anyone about what was happening at school nor how badly he had been suffering in silence due to having killed Calvin Moran.<\/p>\n \u201cIt hurts so bad, Pa \u2013 just so bad.\u00a0 I wish I could go back and live that day all over again.\u00a0 I wish you and I never got into that buckboard!\u201d He exclaimed.\u00a0 Little Joe lifted his head and stared into his father\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 His chest heaved in and out rapidly as streams of tears flowed down his face.\u00a0 Ben felt devastated just looking at the boy and seeing the consequences of all that he had endured.\u00a0 Little Joe had always been such a happy child with a quick smile and a loving nature.\u00a0 Seeing him like this shook him to the very core.\u00a0 His son looked so overwhelmed and heartbroken that it took his breath away.<\/p>\n Feeling his son\u2019s body shaking inside his embrace and hearing him crying so hard that he could barely endure it, Ben was beside himself with worry over his boy.\u00a0 He prayed that he could somehow make his son\u2019s pain go away along with all the heartache caused by the taunts of the schoolchildren.\u00a0 He wished that he could purge the memory of the shooting from Joseph\u2019s mind too.\u00a0 It hurt him as the boy\u2019s father to see him so utterly devastated by all that had happened to him.\u00a0 Ben attempted to find the right words that might ease his son\u2019s suffering.\u00a0 \u201cI know that you wish it never happened, Son.\u00a0 I wish that it hadn\u2019t happened too.\u00a0 And I wish with all my heart that I could make you forget the shooting along with everything that happened there at the school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish — that you — could too, Pa,\u201d Little Joe answered, his words coming out between sobs that were gut-wrenching for his father to hear.\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter — if I\u2019m awake or sleeping, –none of it ever — goes away, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Son,\u201d Ben whispered as he stroked the boy\u2019s curly hair, trying to comfort him.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, there was a prayer that I used to read to you when you were little.\u00a0 It has helped me through some very tough times that have come up in my life.\u00a0 I think that it might just help you with what you\u2019re going through now.\u00a0 It was written to help you find peace during times of trouble.\u00a0 I used to tell you that it was a prayer you could say if you ever needed help. \u00a0Do you remember me reciting it to you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa, I don\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it has been a while.,\u201d Ben paused as he tried to remember exactly how it went. \u00a0\u00a0\u201cIt goes something like this.\u00a0 Heavenly Father, grant me the quiet grace to accept the things I cannot alter, the steadfast courage to do the work placed before me, and the wisdom to discern the difference.\u00a0 Now do you remember it, Son?\u201d he asked softly.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir, now I remember,\u201d he whispered. \u00a0\u201cSo, is it saying that I can\u2019t change what happened, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and softly combed his fingers through the boy\u2019s hair again.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s right, Joseph.\u00a0 You can\u2019t change what\u2019s happened.\u00a0 But you can ask God to help you get through it.\u00a0 And someday you\u2019ll realize that there wasn\u2019t anything else that you could have done.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe swiped his shirtsleeve under his nose to blot the tears which had drifted down.\u00a0 \u201cBut it still hurts, Pa,\u201d he confessed sadly.<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Son \u2013 I know,\u201d He commiserated with his boy, acknowledging the pain he still had inside of him.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t ever want to go back to that old school, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben drew in a deep breath and replied, \u201cYou will have to go back, Joseph.\u00a0 But not today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut the kids at school think I\u2019m a killer, Pa,\u201d Joe insisted.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t imagine having to face all the children who had taunted him.\u00a0 Just the idea of it seemed overwhelming to him.<\/p>\n \u201cThen we\u2019ll set them straight about that, Son.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to worry about it anymore.\u00a0 I spoke with your teacher, and she\u2019s going to take care of it.\u00a0 You\u2019re not going to have to worry about them calling you that anymore, Joseph.\u00a0 But if anything else comes up about it, I promise you that I will personally set those children straight myself,\u201d Ben reassured the boy, hugging him close to him.<\/p>\n \u201cI tried to handle it by myself, Pa, just like you\u2019ve always said about standing up for yourself.\u00a0 But it didn\u2019t work,\u201d Joe admitted sadly. \u00a0\u00a0\u201cThat fight I had Friday \u2013 it was with that new boy Jimmy.\u00a0 He\u2019s the one who got everyone to start calling me killer.\u00a0 I tried to get him to stop \u2013 but he was bigger than me and I couldn\u2019t take him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou should\u2019ve come to me about all of this, Joseph,\u201d Ben sighed, wondering why the boy had kept so much bottled up inside of him and never asked for his help.\u00a0 \u201cYou should never keep something this important from your father.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just kept hoping that it would stop, Pa.\u00a0 But it never did.\u00a0 It just got worse and worse just like my nightmares have gotten,\u201d he admitted and dropped his head down to his chest feeling distraught over all that had happened.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you know how I feel about fighting,\u201d he paused and then patted the boy\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cBut I\u2019m proud of you for standing your ground.\u00a0 That took courage.\u00a0 From here on out though I want you to confide in me if anything ever comes up that\u2019s out of your control.\u00a0 Understood?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow \u2013 how about we get on home?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe pulled back from his father\u2019s hold and stared into his eyes once more.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just not ready to go home, Pa,\u201d he confessed hoping that his father would understand.<\/p>\n Ben smiled knowingly and eased the boy down alongside him and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cWell, then how about we just sit here on this bridge for a while?\u00a0 It\u2019s a nice day and the two of us deserve to skip school and ranch chores once and awhile, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Looking up Joe nodded and then leaned his head on his father\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I was wrong \u2013 you did help me.\u201d<\/p>\n Smiling, Ben nodded to the boy, \u201cI\u2019m glad, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Mashing his lips together tightly, and falling deep in thought, Little Joe finally spoke out.\u00a0 \u201cDo you think my nightmares will ever go away?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben tenderly wrapped his arm around the boy and held him close again.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Son, they\u2019ll go away,\u201d he reassured.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cJust give it a little while and everything will work out just fine.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d Little Joe whispered as he wiped the last few tears from his face.<\/p>\n Ruffling his hand through his son\u2019s curly hair, Ben smiled down at him and returned, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m here for, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Father and son sat on the bridge until the sun was ready to set.\u00a0 Knowing that they needed to get home, Ben stood. He reached down for Little Joe\u2019s hand, pulling him up.\u00a0 Wrapping his arm around his son\u2019s shoulder, Ben led the boy over to the horses and they headed back to the ranch house.\u00a0 Due to his father\u2019s wisdom and compassion, for the first time since the shooting, Little Joe felt hopeful that he\u2019d get through the ordeal at school.\u00a0 And, after listening to his pa, he was beginning to believe that someday he would forget about having killed Calvin Moran.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben shook himself from his thoughts and stared across the room at his seventeen-year-old son. He wished that there was a simple solution for his problem like going to sit on the bridge over Miller\u2019s Pond and talk it all out.\u00a0 But this time was different.\u00a0 Lucas Moran had almost killed his son.\u00a0 Now Joseph sat by his window aimlessly staring out at nothing.\u00a0 He had been shot twice and hadn\u2019t totally recovered yet.\u00a0 On top of the physical injuries, Little Joe had listened to the man shouting that word \u201ckiller\u201d and Ben knew that it had sent the boy back in his mind to where it all had begun three years earlier.\u00a0 It was still hard to fathom that his son hadn\u2019t even tried to defend himself after he was shot the first time.\u00a0 It scared him as a father to know that he could have lost his youngest son that day.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben called from the bed where he had been sitting for more than an hour.<\/p>\n Slowly turning towards the voice, Little Joe simply looked in his father\u2019s direction.<\/p>\n \u201cHow about we go get something to eat?\u201d Ben continued and forced a smile.<\/p>\n Directing his gaze to the floorboards, Joe replied, \u201cPa \u2013 so you think it was Moran who sent that letter?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and nodded his head.\u00a0 \u201cYes, I do.\u00a0 And from that postmark he\u2019s a good two-weeks\u2019 ride from here.\u00a0 Maybe we\u2019ve seen the last of him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen why the letter?\u201d Joe returned, worry spreading across his face.<\/p>\n Shrugging his shoulders Ben answered, \u201cHe\u2019s just trying to get to you, Son.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let him do it.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe frowned and shook his head wearily.\u00a0 \u201cHe shot me twice \u2013 what more does he want?\u00a0 I can\u2019t bring his pa back.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood and stretched his back before moving over to his son.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s go get something to eat.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s like being back in that old schoolhouse and listening to all the kids calling me killer again.\u00a0 And the notes \u2013 they were just like the one he sent.\u201d<\/p>\n Reaching down, Ben tugged on his son\u2019s right elbow, lifting him up from the chair.\u00a0 \u201cNow you remember what Doc said, Joseph.\u00a0 You need to regain your strength after losing all that blood.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go get some grub.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI feel like I did when I was fourteen, Pa,\u201d Joe admitted filled with a mixture of fear and hopelessness.<\/p>\n Slinging an arm across his son\u2019s shoulder, Ben whispered, \u201cIt\u2019s not the same, Son.\u00a0 And you can\u2019t let it get to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe drew in a deep breath, surrendering to Pa\u2019s desire to go downstairs.\u00a0 He turned and walked with his father out of the bedroom.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n Both of Joe\u2019s wounds healed completely after two more weeks of convalescing.\u00a0 None of his family members spoke anymore about Lucas Moran or what had happened the day of the shooting.\u00a0 They had resolved to make Little Joe forget all about it.\u00a0 But none of them totally let their guard down, never knowing if the man would decide to double back to settle the score over the death of his father.<\/p>\n Little Joe had been advised by Doctor Martin that he shouldn\u2019t go back to breaking horses or overexert himself too much for another month or so.\u00a0 And so, he spent most of his days either working on chores around the house or helping to deliver supplies to the two cow camps set up by the northernmost boundary of the ranch.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Hoss called as he walked inside the house and threw his hat down onto the credenza.<\/p>\n \u201cBack already, Son?\u201d Ben answered, coming in from the kitchen.\u00a0 \u201cI thought you\u2019d be coming in with Joe later?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir.\u00a0 I helped him unload those supplies he dropped off with Fletcher\u2019s crew and then came back.\u00a0 Little Joe should fall in here in just a little while.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and settled in the red leather chair by the fireplace.\u00a0 He stared over at his son as Hoss sat down on the settee.\u00a0 \u201cSomething on your mind?\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Hoss returned, \u201cYeah, Pa \u2013 and it\u2019s about Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Leaning forward, Ben read the look of concern all over the big man\u2019s face and knew what he was thinking.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s still not wearing his gun, is he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir \u2013 he isn\u2019t.\u00a0 I tried to talk to him about it the other night, you know?\u00a0 I mean most likely Moran has moved on \u2013but I still feel uneasy about Joe going around unarmed.\u00a0 Did you know that he\u2019s not even got a rifle in his scabbard?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Son,\u201d Ben sighed.\u00a0 \u201cHe was like that before, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean after the Calvin Moran shooting, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding, Ben couldn\u2019t help recalling the way that Little Joe had looked the day he had given the boy his first Colt revolver.\u00a0 He had just turned fifteen and due to all that had happened everyone in the family thought that Joe was ready to be taught how to use a gun.<\/p>\n \u201cAnother one of those letters came today,\u201d he announced and stood to turn the logs in the fireplace just to have something to do with his hands.<\/p>\n \u201cDad gum it!\u201d Hoss fumed.\u00a0 \u201cWas it from Oregon again?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes \u2013 just like the last three.\u00a0 I\u2019ve kept Roy informed about it and he wired the sheriff in Jacksonville Oregon.\u00a0 He sent the description of Moran in the telegram and the sheriff up there said he\u2019d be watching out for him.\u00a0 But nothing\u2019s come of it so far \u2013 other than more letters from Moran that all have just that one word written on them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust killer,\u201d Hoss commented, still shaking his head very frustrated.\u00a0 \u201cWho else knows about this, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shrugged his shoulders and responded, \u201cJust you, Adam and Roy \u2013 and of course the sheriff there in Jacksonville.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want your little brother to know.\u00a0 As far as he\u2019s concerned there was only that first one.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe only good thing about this whole miserable situation is that at least if Moran is mailing those dad blasted things from Oregon it means he\u2019s not anywhere around here, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was hoping that someone would catch him, so he\u2019d be sent here to stand trial and get sent to prison.\u00a0 But they can\u2019t extradite him if they can\u2019t find him, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss stood and moved closer to his father, worry still very evident on his face.\u00a0 \u201cGetting back to Little Joe not wearing his gun.\u00a0 What are you going to do about it, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Setting the fire poker back into its former position, Ben retook his seat and answered, \u201cI\u2019ll have a talk with the boy about it tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTomorrow?\u00a0 Why not tonight?\u201d Hoss\u2019 question was filled with urgency in its tone.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m worried that something\u2019s gonna happen to him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll speak to your brother before he goes anywhere tomorrow, Hoss.\u00a0 Relax.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to say anything about it tonight because that boy\u2019s been having nightmares again.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to set him off about anything before he goes to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right, Pa. \u00a0I didn\u2019t know that Little Joe was still having nightmares.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s been doing his best to hide them from all of us but –,\u201d Ben stopped in midsentence when he heard the front door open.<\/p>\n As Little Joe walked inside Ben shot a quick warning glance over at Hoss before standing to welcome his youngest home.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, your brother here was just saying you\u2019d be coming home soon,\u201d Ben smiled and moved over to Joe.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared at his father and then back over to where Hoss was looking his way.\u00a0 He got the feeling that he\u2019d walked in on a conversation that was about him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s up?\u201d He asked, still glancing back and forth between Pa and Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing \u2013 just wondering how you were doing, that\u2019s all,\u201d Ben attempted to downplay his concern.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine \u2013 maybe a little tired \u2013 but fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you rest up awhile before supper is ready, Joseph?\u00a0 I realize your wounds are all healed but you have been pushing it quite a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re sure nothing\u2019s wrong?\u201d He responded warily, still not convinced.\u00a0 \u201cYou two weren\u2019t talking about me, were you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy do you always think that we\u2019ve got nothing better to do than to talk about you, Little Brother?\u201d Hoss grinned, also attempting to cover his concern behind his smile.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, don\u2019t blame your little brother for being curious, Hoss,\u201d Ben jumped in.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just his nature.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCurious nothing, Pa!\u00a0 Little Joe is downright suspicious all the time!\u201d Hoss laughed.<\/p>\n Shaking his head, now totally convinced that he had been right about the fact that his brother and father had been talking about him, Joe spoke out. \u00a0\u201cIt has nothing to do with being curious or suspicious.\u00a0 Neither you nor Pa have good poker faces no matter how you\u2019re trying to play it off.\u00a0 Now, what is it?\u201d<\/p>\n Draping an arm around the boy\u2019s shoulder, Ben answered with a forced calmness in his tone, \u201cJoseph, your brother and I were just worried that you\u2019ve been doing too much, and that\u2019s what we were talking about.\u00a0 That was all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright,\u201d Joe nodded and sighed.\u00a0 He knew that there had to be something that was purposely being kept from him, but he would wait and find out for himself later.\u00a0 \u201cI think I\u2019ll go lay down for just a little while.\u201d\u00a0 He turned and walked up to his room without saying anything further.<\/p>\n Just as soon as both men heard Little Joe\u2019s bedroom door close, they looked at each other relieved that he hadn\u2019t pressed them any more than he had.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019d better watch what we say, Pa \u2013 don\u2019t want him to find out about those other letters,\u201d Hoss insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll make sure to tell Adam about the one we received today after the boy goes to bed tonight.\u00a0 I gave Roy the first one, but the other three are inside of my desk.\u00a0 Oh, and we need to make sure that Joseph doesn\u2019t pick up the mail for a while just in case we get another one,\u201d Ben nodded over to Hoss.<\/p>\n Little Joe paused at the top of the staircase and tried not to make a sound.\u00a0 He had opened and closed his bedroom door before quietly stealing his way back to the stairs.\u00a0 He disguised his presence, hiding just out of view in the hope that he\u2019d learn what Hoss and Pa had been talking about right before he had walked inside.\u00a0 Now he knew.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n The next morning both Adam and Hoss hurried through breakfast due to having to help up at the timber camp.\u00a0 The crews up there had a large order of railroad ties to fill and they were shorthanded.\u00a0 Little Joe wasn\u2019t supposed to do any heavy lifting so he would be staying home to do chores that day.\u00a0 Ben had to leave for Virginia City soon due to his own responsibilities.\u00a0 He had a meeting with his attorney and would need to hire some new loggers to help fill the large timber contract he had signed earlier in the week.<\/p>\n After he had waved goodbye to his older boys, Ben turned to see Joe getting ready to go outside and begin his chores.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I\u2019d like to talk with you for a minute before I\u2019ve got to leave for town.\u00a0 Come over to my desk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s this all about, Pa?\u201d he asked as he followed his father over to the study.\u00a0 He sat down in the side chair as Ben took his seat at the desk.<\/p>\n Clearing his throat, Ben stared over at the boy and chose his words carefully.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s about you not wearing your gun, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head, Little Joe frowned.\u00a0 \u201cPa, I thought we went through all of this last week?\u201d he complained.<\/p>\n \u201cI just don\u2019t think it\u2019s a good idea for you to go running around unarmed.\u00a0 You\u2019re not even taking a rifle out with you and that\u2019s got me worried.\u00a0 A man can\u2019t be too careful, you know?\u00a0 You could encounter a mountain lion \u2013 or a poacher \u2013 or \u2013\u201d Ben was cut off by his son, who abruptly stood from his chair.<\/p>\n \u201cOr Moran!\u201d Joe broke in with anger suddenly very evident on his face and in his tone.<\/p>\n Ben stared over at the boy and wondered why he had gotten upset that quickly.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Son, I don\u2019t think we have to worry about him,\u201d He replied softly, attempting to quiet the boy before things got out of hand.<\/p>\n \u201cHow would you know that, Pa?\u201d he returned, already knowing the answer to his own question but wanting to see if his father was going to be truthful with him this time.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve spoken to Roy and he believes that Moran is still somewhere in Oregon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat wouldn\u2019t be because I got another letter, would it?\u201d\u00a0 Joe questioned and forced his gaze at his father.<\/p>\n Reading the appearance of betrayal on his son\u2019s face, Ben sighed wearily.\u00a0 \u201cSo, you know then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI heard, Pa \u2013 why didn\u2019t you tell me?\u201d He asked, filled with hurt over the fact that everyone had kept Moran\u2019s last three letters from him.<\/p>\n Ben stood from his desk and walked over to the boy.\u00a0 He placed a hand onto Joe\u2019s shoulder and tried to explain.\u00a0 \u201cSon, I knew how upset you\u2019d gotten after seeing that first letter.\u00a0 I also knew that it made you think back to what happened three years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have kept it from me!\u201d he insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe,\u201d Ben paused and forced Joe\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 \u201cAnd maybe you shouldn\u2019t have kept the fact that you\u2019ve been having nightmares from me.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe dropped back down into the chair after hearing his father\u2019s statement.\u00a0 He thought he had done a good job pretending that he\u2019d gotten over the whole event with Lucas Moran.\u00a0 Now Joe knew that his charade hadn\u2019t worked and somehow Pa had known all along that his sleep had been interrupted by nightmares.<\/p>\n \u201cI just didn\u2019t want to talk about it, Pa,\u201d Joe admitted, his voice lowered as anxiety spread across his face.\u00a0 \u201cI wanted to work this out on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head due to the memory of the fourteen-year-old who had done the same thing three years ago.\u00a0 Little Joe had tried to work things out on his own back then only to have everything go from bad to worse.\u00a0 The past was blending with the present yet again.<\/p>\n \u201cSon,\u201d he began and dropped a hand down onto Joe\u2019s shoulder for comfort.\u00a0 \u201cI know that this has been weighing on you ever since Lucas Moran shot you.\u00a0 I know that the things he said to you that day hurt you \u2013as well as what he put in that letter.\u00a0 Maybe I was overly protective \u2013 well \u2013 nothing new there, right?\u201d He smiled as he eased down on the corner of his desk.\u00a0 \u201cI want to help you, Joseph.\u00a0 But you\u2019ve got to let me in first.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d Joe nodded and decided that it was time to confess some of what he had been going through to his father.\u00a0 \u201cBack three years ago \u2013 remember those dreams that I had for months?\u00a0 They were all about seeing Calvin Moran\u2019s eyes just looking at me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI remember.\u00a0 Is that what\u2019s happening now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes, Pa \u2013 and other times it\u2019s both him and his son.\u00a0 They both take turns shouting \u201ckiller\u201d<\/em><\/strong> and then they shoot at me.\u00a0 That\u2019s usually when I wake up in a cold sweat.\u201d<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath, Ben turned and settled back down in his chair to think about what his son had just confessed to him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know it took a couple months back three years ago\u2014but those nightmares eventually went away, Joseph.\u00a0 Maybe these will too?\u201d he offered, trying his best to dissuade his son from worrying about his dreams.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think so, Pa.\u00a0 Not with Moran still out there somewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben studied his son\u2019s face and could tell that the boy was worried.\u00a0 \u201cSon, I still don\u2019t understand why you refuse to wear your gun.\u00a0 If you think that Moran might come back \u2013 then why not have something to protect yourself with?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shrugged his shoulders helplessly and fought to explain himself.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 just like after I shot his father \u2013 you remember?\u00a0 You bought me my first Colt revolver six months after the shooting when I turned fifteen.\u00a0 You taught me how to clean it, how to load it and how to know what to do with it.\u00a0 But I wouldn\u2019t wear it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I remember,\u201d Ben nodded.\u00a0 \u201cBut when you finally decided that you were ready, eventually you did begin to wear it.\u00a0 And you\u2019ve proven over the years that you can handle yourself very well.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think there\u2019s anyone around here who can do any better than you, Joseph.\u00a0 And that\u2019s exactly why I\u2019d feel a whole lot better if you\u2019d start wearing your gun again.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe dropped his head to his chest and struggled with what his father was asking him to do.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben called over to the boy when several minutes had passed and he had yet to reply.<\/p>\n \u201cJust give me some time, Pa \u2013 will you?\u00a0 Maybe once the nightmares go away \u2013 maybe then I\u2019ll start wearing it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEven though we got a new letter yesterday, you need to think on the fact that Moran could still come back here.\u00a0 Jacksonville, Oregon is about a two-week ride from here on horseback.\u00a0 If we are to assume that the letter took about a week by stage to get to Virginia City, well \u2013 that could mean that he could show up as early as next week.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t feel comfortable knowing that you\u2019re riding around unarmed.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe leaned forward in the chair, covering his face with his hands. He thought about what his father had just said.\u00a0 He knew that Pa was worried and he didn\u2019t want to make it worse.\u00a0 Finally dropping his hands down, he turned and looked over at him.\u00a0 \u201cJust give me a couple more days to work it out in my head, will you, Pa?\u00a0 I\u2019ll stay close to the ranch I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, that doesn’t exactly ease my mind.\u00a0 You were shot right here on the ranch,\u201d Ben reminded the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll watch myself, Pa.\u00a0 I just need a couple days to figure some things out.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed as he stood from his desk once more.\u00a0 He walked over to his son and dropped a hand down onto the back of his neck.\u00a0 \u201cAlright,\u201d He nodded, still filled with worry.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll do that for you if you\u2019ll promise to confide in me if you have another nightmare.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir, I promise that I will.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess you\u2019ll be working around here today, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa \u2013 I\u2019ll be doing both Hoss and Adam\u2019s chores as well as my own since they\u2019re busy with the timber crew,\u201d he nodded.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you have to leave soon?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben reached for his pocket watch and studied the time.\u00a0 \u201cYes, and I\u2019d best gather up what I need to drop by the attorney\u2019s office and then get moving.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe forced a smile as he stood from the chair.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll go saddle Buck for you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d Ben returned his son\u2019s smile and then walked up to his room to get his briefcase.<\/p>\n Little Joe walked over to the credenza to get his jacket.\u00a0 His eyes fell on the holster resting there in the same place where it had been ever since the day that Lucas Moran had shot him.\u00a0 He dropped his left hand onto the leather and closed his eyes.\u00a0 Joe vividly recalled the day he had been given the holster and gun.\u00a0 He could still see the package that his father had set there on the top of the credenza.\u00a0 It was his fifteenth birthday, and the gift had been a special one.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n \u201cWell?\u00a0 Do you like it, Joseph?\u201d Ben asked as the boy opened the box that he had placed there on the credenza.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared down at the present but couldn\u2019t speak.\u00a0 The holster was honey-brown in color and the Colt resting inside had an ivory stock.\u00a0 It was exactly what he had always wanted.\u00a0 He remembered pointing out that very holster to his pa months ago.\u00a0 But that was before he had killed Calvin Moran.\u00a0 Ever since that day he hadn\u2019t said one word about wanting a gun.\u00a0 Little Joe could feel the eyes of everyone in the room looking at him.\u00a0 Pa and his two brothers were waiting for him to say something about the gift.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s fingers trembled when his father told him to try the holster on.\u00a0 He slowly lifted it out from the box and then with great trepidation he strapped it on.<\/p>\n \u201cIt looks fine, Son, just fine,\u201d Ben smiled as he moved closer to the boy.\u00a0 \u201cNow, I\u2019ve not loaded the gun because like I told you before I\u2019m going to teach you all about safety before we practice shooting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou like it don\u2019t you, Kid?\u201d Adam asked, wondering why his little brother hadn\u2019t said a word yet.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, I do,\u201d Joe nodded and then looked into his father\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa \u2013 it\u2019s great.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019ll take a while before you get use to the weight of a gun but soon it\u2019ll be second nature to you,\u201d Hoss offered his own encouragement.<\/p>\n Little Joe\u2019s hand fell onto the gun there at his side and he closed his eyes.\u00a0 He remembered diving for his pa\u2019s gun there on the floor of the buckboard.\u00a0 He could still hear the blast from the weapon and see the man fall from his horse.\u00a0 Little Joe quickly unbuckled the holster and placed it back inside of the box.<\/p>\n Ben exchanged a concerned glance between his two older boys.\u00a0 They could all see how Little Joe appeared to be shaken by the gift he had been given.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben began and drew closer to the boy, dropping a hand onto his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, you don\u2019t have to use that gun until you\u2019re ready.\u00a0 I promised you a gun by the time you turned fifteen and I just wanted you to have it today.\u00a0 You just let me know when you\u2019re ready for me to teach you how to handle it, okay?\u201d He spoke out softly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s really nice, Pa — thanks —,\u201d Joe paused still fighting to find the right words to say.\u00a0 He had wanted that holster for so long and the idea that his father thought that he was mature enough to use a gun had made him happy.\u00a0 But the memory of killing Calvin Moran still haunted him.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe we can wait just a little while?\u201d He whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook himself from his memories and settled the holster back on the credenza.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t time yet.\u00a0 He grabbed his jacket and hurried outside to saddle his father\u2019s horse.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Fifteen minutes after his father had ridden out of the front yard Little Joe heard Hop Sing shouting as he walked out of the house.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Hop Sing?\u201d Joe asked as he placed the axe back on top of the chopping block and approached the man.<\/p>\n \u201cMister Ben \u2013 he forget Hop Sing list.\u00a0 I need for supper \u2013 must get to father!\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe walked over to the cook and reached for the piece of paper held in his hand.\u00a0 \u201cPa couldn\u2019t have gotten too far.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry I\u2019ll ride out and give it to him,\u201d Joe smiled at the man and placed the list inside the pocket of his jacket.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you, Little Joe,\u201d Hop Sing nodded happily and turned to go back inside.<\/p>\n Hurriedly saddling Cochise, Joe swung up on top of the pinto and kicked at its sides.\u00a0 He knew that his father wouldn\u2019t be riding too fast so he was sure that he could catch up to him.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Two miles from the ranch house Little Joe reined his horse back, making an abrupt stop.\u00a0 He was sure that Cochise had picked up a stone in her front right hoof and needed to check on it.\u00a0 Lifting the hoof to inspect it closely, he pulled out the small rock that had gotten embedded between the horseshoe and the footpad.\u00a0 Joe patted the horse\u2019s withers and was preparing to launch back up into the saddle when he heard what sounded like two men arguing and it stopped him cold.\u00a0 Joe turned around and realized he was standing just about twenty yards from where he had killed Calvin Moran.\u00a0 It was also the exact same place where the man\u2019s son had shot him twice five weeks earlier.\u00a0 Tying Cochise\u2019s reins to a small scrub bush, he quietly made his way to where he had heard the loud voices.<\/p>\n \u201cI said toss your gun over there!\u201d\u00a0 Lucas Moran shouted down from his perch.\u00a0 He had been waiting there on the exact same path where his father had hidden between the boulders readying to kill Ben Cartwright.\u00a0 It had been the perfect spot for his ambush.<\/p>\n \u201cMoran haven\u2019t you done enough?\u00a0 You shot my boy twice!\u201d Ben called to the man, still not relinquishing his Colt.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 since I didn\u2019t kill your son I guess I\u2019ll kill you.\u00a0 It\u2019s only fair since your boy killed my pa!\u00a0 Now drop it!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour father tried to kill both me and my son.\u00a0 If he hadn\u2019t drawn on us, he\u2019d still be alive!\u201d Ben protested.<\/p>\n \u201cToss that gun or I\u2019ll just shoot you down right now!\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Ben untethered the hammer of his six-gun and tossed it a good eight feet to his right.<\/p>\n Lucas laughed as he held his gun up readying to make the kill shot.\u00a0 \u201cI wonder what your son will think when he finds you dead on the same spot where he killed my father?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe had waited for his chance.\u00a0 He had hidden just to the left of where his father stood trying to talk Moran out of killing him.\u00a0 He had to quickly devise a plan to save him.\u00a0 Joe wished now that he had done as Pa requested and had worn his gun.\u00a0 Now the only way that he could save him was to try for his father\u2019s pistol and pray that he\u2019d be fast enough to stop the man before he could get off a shot.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want to say a little prayer before I send you to meet your maker, Cartwright?\u201d Lucas laughed and aimed his pistol.<\/p>\n Ben saw a blur out of his peripheral vision.\u00a0 He turned his head the split second that his son dove for his gun and fired the bullet which made Lucas Moran fall to the ground.\u00a0 Ben hurried to the boy\u2019s side and dropped down next to him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d He exclaimed as he witnessed the appearance on his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 The boy looked almost exactly the way he had the day he had grabbed for his pistol there inside the buckboard three years earlier.\u00a0 Joe appeared to be in shock.<\/p>\n Little Joe shook himself out of his daze and stared over at his father.\u00a0 \u201cYou okay, Pa?\u201d he asked breathlessly.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m okay, Boy,\u201d Ben smiled and patted Joe\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 He was relieved to see that his son had recovered a lot quicker than he had some three years earlier.<\/p>\n Little Joe pulled himself to his feet and ran to where Lucas was lying on the ground holding his arm.\u00a0 He knelt next to the man who had shot him twice and had been preparing to kill his pa.\u00a0 Joe grabbed the collar of Lucas\u2019 jacket, pulling him towards him roughly.<\/p>\n \u201cI was fourteen years old when I shot your father!\u00a0 Just a kid!\u00a0 Your pa drew down on my father trying to kill him.\u00a0 He shot him in the hand sending my pa\u2019s gun down onto the floor of our buckboard.\u00a0 I grabbed that gun and fired!\u00a0 I\u2019d never shot at anyone before.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t have shot your father in the arm like I just shot you!\u00a0 I was just a boy!\u201d Joe shouted, and with each of his declarations he shook the man\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve had to live with the fact that I killed your pa, and it\u2019s not been easy!\u00a0 I\u2019ve been called killer \u2013 I\u2019ve had nightmares \u2013 and all because your father wanted to kill my father and me for no reason!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben neared Little Joe and listened to what he was telling Calvin Moran\u2019s son.\u00a0 He knew that his son wasn\u2019t just yelling at Lucas.\u00a0 The boy was shouting at every single child back in that schoolhouse who had taunted him and called him killer.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 Ben was glad that Joe was finally getting it all out of his system.\u00a0 He hoped that it would eventually purge the entire incident from his memory so he could move on with his life.<\/p>\n \u201cYou and your father are just alike!\u201d Joe yelled and then pulled the man to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cYou both made me shoot you.\u00a0 But I\u2019m not a little kid anymore!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know how to aim when I was fourteen.\u00a0 But I do now \u2013 and that\u2019s why you\u2019ve just been winged.\u00a0 Now let\u2019s go \u2013 there\u2019s a jailcell waiting for you!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben helped his son tie the rawhide strings from the man\u2019s holster around his wrists.\u00a0 They retrieved his horse along with both Buck and Cochise.\u00a0 It was time to take him to see Sheriff Roy Coffee.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Epilogue<\/p>\n Roy Coffee had listened to what both Ben and Little Joe had to tell him that afternoon.\u00a0 Soon afterwards he had placed Lucas Moran under arrest and settled him into a jailcell in the back.\u00a0 He was relieved that the man was finally locked up and wouldn\u2019t pose a danger to Little Joe or anyone else ever again.\u00a0 Roy had told both Cartwrights about the information he had received earlier that day.\u00a0 The sheriff from Jacksonville, Oregon had sent a wire which advised Roy that someone had been being paid by Moran to send the letters to Little Joe.\u00a0 Lucas had told another man to send the last letter as a ploy over a week ago to give him time to get back to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 He had figured that no one would be looking for him so soon and he\u2019d have the perfect chance to kill Little Joe.\u00a0 Both Ben and Joe took in the information and were glad that Lucas hadn\u2019t made good on his threat.\u00a0 They knew that the man would be serving a prison sentence soon and they wouldn\u2019t have to worry about him for a long while.<\/p>\n After they had got Lucas Moran taken care of, Little Joe insisted that he was fine and told his father to finish his business in town.\u00a0 Though Ben had hesitated at first, he realized that his son looked as though he might need some time alone to think about everything that had happened that day.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben finally acquiesced and went on to accomplish everything he had earlier planned to do that day.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Ben had anticipated that his youngest son would arrive home later that afternoon, but when he hadn\u2019t made it in by five o\u2019clock, he couldn\u2019t help worrying.\u00a0 He gathered a few things before going out to search for the boy.\u00a0 Ben had an inkling as to where he\u2019d find Little Joe this time.<\/p>\n The solitary figure on the bridge that crossed Miller\u2019s Pond was easy to spot as Ben dismounted and tied Buck next to Cochise.\u00a0 He walked across the weathered wood planking to where Little Joe stood leaning against the railing deep in thought.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben called as he placed a hand on his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou alright?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe nodded and looked up at his father.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, Pa \u2013 just thinking.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know as a matter of fact I\u2019ve been doing some thinking too,\u201d he retorted smiling.<\/p>\n Joe stared into his father\u2019s eyes and read the mirth in them.\u00a0 \u201cAbout what, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it\u2019s now twice that you\u2019ve saved your poor old father.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure glad you\u2019ve got good reflexes, Son!\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe rewarded his father with a smile over what he had said.\u00a0 \u201cIt wasn\u2019t easy either time though, Pa,\u201d he confessed.<\/p>\n Ben squeezed the boy\u2019s shoulder and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI know that, Joseph.\u00a0 But you did what you had to.\u00a0 And I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben had been standing there the whole time with his right hand behind his back, hiding something that he had brought with him to give to his son.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d be even prouder if you\u2019d put this back on,\u201d he said and handed the boy his gun and holster.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared down at both the honey-brown colored holster and the ivory handled pistol before taking them from his father\u2019s hand.\u00a0 Finally nodding his acceptance to his pa, he secured the gun belt around his waist.<\/p>\n \u201cI like my Colt a whole lot better than I like yours, Pa,\u201d Joe returned, grinning after witnessing the relief spreading across his father’s face.<\/p>\n Ben slung an arm around his son\u2019s shoulder and turned him in the other direction.\u00a0 \u201cHow about we get on home?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe impishly grinned up at his father as he lowered himself down onto the bridge.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s a good day to skip out on some chores, Pa.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cAlright,\u201d He agreed and sat down alongside his boy.<\/p>\n Sitting there next to his father, Little Joe thought back to all that had happened over the three years since he had shot Calvin Moran.\u00a0 He knew that he would never have gotten through it all without the man there at his side.\u00a0 Little Joe leaned over and whispered, \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Staring into the eyes of the seventeen-year-old young man he vividly remembered the fourteen-year-old boy who had said those same words three years earlier.\u00a0 Ruffling his hand through his son\u2019s curly hair, Ben smiled over at him and returned, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m here for, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Together both father and son sat on the bridge for hours.\u00a0 Part of the time they just talked about life and different situations that they\u2019d both been in over the years.\u00a0 And the rest of the time they just sat there, shoulder to shoulder, and enjoyed the comfortable silence.\u00a0 Just before sunset Ben stood and reached for his son\u2019s hand.\u00a0 He pulled Little Joe to his feet and settled an arm across the boy\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 Together they walked back to the horses.\u00a0 It was time to go home.<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n Written by Wrangler<\/p>\n 5\/25.2026<\/p>\n (Dedicated to my story consultant Rob for his input and encouragement.\u00a0 And to someone who asked for this story which had been lying unfinished for eight months.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\nTrying to decide the best way to handle the situation, Ben paused and mulled it over a bit before speaking.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cI hope so, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cJoseph, you didn\u2019t commit murder.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nBen wrapped an arm around the boy\u2019s shoulder and tried again.\u00a0 \u201cSon, like both Sheriff Coffee and I told you \u2013 what you did is called self-defense.\u00a0 And if you hadn\u2019t done that there would be two less people in this surrey right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cJoseph \u2013 you want to try that again?\u201d<\/p>\n