{"id":6465,"date":"2014-05-04T10:53:11","date_gmt":"2014-05-04T14:53:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6465"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:12:27","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:12:27","slug":"the-quiet-of-uncertainty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6465","title":{"rendered":"It’s Only a Year – The Quiet of Uncertainty – A Lesson in Hope #4 (by MissJudy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/span>17 year-old Adam has been in his first gunfight and although his wound seemed minor, it worsened as he continued to work, until he lost so much blood that he was near death. We now find out what happerned that night and who helps to heal a family wrought with sadness, guilt and decisions.\u00a0 there is no need to read the previous stories to enjoy this one. A young Abigail Jones makes her first appearance and Hop Sing makes a friend.<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K+ \u00a015,000<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s Only a Year Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s Only a Year – He Said What? – Lessons in Understanding <\/a>
\nIt’s Only a Year – The Caster Oil Caper – Lessons in Humility<\/a>
\nIt’s Only a Year – The Worst of Consequences – A Lesson in Choice<\/a>
\nIt’s Only a Year –\u00a0 The Quiet of Uncertainty – A Lesson in Hope<\/a>
\nIt’s Only a Year – The Final Trial – A Lesson in Mettle<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Story Notes:<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

In this series of stories about Adam’s last year home, he has grown into a man, faced a number of challenges and now must take the longest journey of his life.<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/em><\/p>\n

Prologue: These are the final paragraphs of the story leading into The Quiet of Uncertainty<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s anger returned. \u201cSince when is the right thing to do to lie and go behind my back when I\u2019ve given you my final word on a subject?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was truly Ben\u2019s son, and still did not back down. \u201cI had to do it because you wouldn\u2019t listen to me. I told you I might need a gun to kill a wild animal. Randall was a wild animal and I had to at least try to save you from him just as surely as I would have stopped an animal from attacking Hoss or Little Joe.\u201d He had to sit down on a nearby rock. The shakiness he\u2019d felt earlier was back and his heartbeat was throbbing in his neck as sweat poured from his face and further wet his shirt under his jacket. With effort, he was able to complete his thoughts. \u201cHoss and Little Joe have already lost their mothers. They couldn\u2019t lose you too. If Randall was intent on killing one of us, it had to be me, and I thought maybe I\u2019d be good enough for just that one moment to make things right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben took a good look at his son, noting his pale complexion, the rivulets of sweat running from his temples and noted that he\u2019d swayed briefly before sitting down. \u201cHow badly were you hurt, Adam? Hugh implied it only tore your skin a little.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA flesh wound in my right should\u2026\u201d Adam\u2019s eye rolled as he slid down the rock onto his back, unable to stay sitting.<\/p>\n

Rushing to his side, Ben grabbed his own neckerchief and dabbed away the moisture from the boy\u2019s face, as he chuckled softly. \u201cYou never were one to like the talk of blood.\u201d But as he began to unbutton Adam\u2019s jacket for a look at the damage, he hollered toward camp for help and a lantern.<\/p>\n

The group came running with Hugh in the lead. Holding the lamp near enough to see, Ben and the foreman gasped to find the young man\u2019s clothing and jacket lining drenched with dark red blood. The cloth covering the \u201cnick\u201d was soaked to saturation and when lifted, they found a steady flow of blood issuing from what they quickly decided was a lacerated blood vessel.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you told me it was a scratch!\u201d Ben roared at Hugh.<\/p>\n

\u201cI swear it didn\u2019t even bleed at first but it must have gotten worse with him moving around.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam had remained silent while still alert enough to realize there was a serious problem. He reached for his father\u2019s arm, holding on tightly. \u201cPa, I just wanted to…\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben rested a hand on his son\u2019s cheek. \u201cAdam, I understand. Let\u2019s just get you fixed up now. We\u2019ll carry you to the wagon and get that bleeding stopped. That\u2019s all you need to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can walk there.\u201d His strength built for the effort as he pulled away from Ben, using his good arm to push up on the rock behind him while several of the crew rushed over to support his ascent. He smiled as he stood before his father.\u00a0 \u201cSee?\u201d The smile left along with the brief color that had risen in his cheeks with physical exertion. His head spun as the truth of Randall\u2019s earlier words whispered in his ears: \u201cIt don\u2019t matter\u2026 the kid\u2019s dead anyway.\u201d He spoke his torment through a final heavy sigh, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa\u2026\u201d as he crumbled to the ground and dissolved into unending darkness.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Just a Year<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Quiet of Uncertainty \u2013 A Lesson in Hope<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThank you Mrs., ah\u2026Mrs.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYarborough, Mr. Cartwright, Harriet Yarborough and my husband is Clem. Remember I said how we live at the boarding house. Clem would\u2019a come with me today but he\u2019s helping to build a house for them two ladies who live at the boarding house with us; the one of them teaches kids.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSo you said. Well, thank you again, Mrs. Yarborough. It was kind of you to stop out and bring us that wonderful cake.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust bein\u2019 neighborly at a time of sorrow, Mr. Cartwright. As I said when I got here, we was just sorry as all get out to hear about your son. He was a very nice young man and once helped Clem and me when we was stuck on the road with a missin\u2019 wheel. Put his shoulder into it and got the wagon right up while my Clem slipped that hub back in place and got us on our way.\u201d The woman\u2019s eye misted over as her bottom lip quivered. \u201cIt\u2019s just a shame what happens to good people. Ain\u2019t never the scoundrels who end up\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben cut her off as he took her shoulders and turned her so she wouldn\u2019t see their ranch hand, Hank, coming out the kitchen door bearing the woman\u2019s towering cake to the wagon that was soon heading out to the camp.\u201c You should be leaving for home now, Mrs. Yarborough. I wouldn\u2019t want you on the roads after dark, and you know fast evening sets this time of year.\u201d Ben assisted Harriet up into her wagon once Hank had the cake out of sight, and bid her farewell. \u201cThank you again. I have many things I need to attend to as you might well imagine, so will bid you adieu.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hank came over to his boss as the woman pulled out of the yard. \u201cI think I\u2019m about ready to go, sir. Gotta say, I\u2019m sorry over the situation, but the hands will appreciate all that home cookin\u2019. Thanks for sending it our way.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re just glad it isn\u2019t going to waste.\u00a0 You go along and tell Hugh I\u2019ll ride out to check on things in few days.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Finally alone, Ben leaned against the hitch rail and sighed in exhaustion. He had no idea how so many people, including so many he didn\u2019t even know, had heard about Adam and wondered if the women of the territory had some sort of communication system that the men weren\u2019t aware of. Maybe it was a form of smoke signals they sent out the chimneys of their cook stoves. He smiled at the notion of those strong willed, pioneering females keeping each other informed through a series of gray puffs drifting skyward, yet the reality was that a few of the ranchers had left camp the day after Adam was shot, and took home the news that spread like wildfire from one woman to the next.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was honestly amazed and humbled at the expressions of sorrow and wishes that had begun pouring in within two days of the shooting\u2014most often delivered in the form of food. He figured that edibles were considered the universal antidote to sadness. The greater the loss, the more food that was offered in tribute, and there had been so many casseroles, stews and bakery items delivered, that Hop Sing had soon run out of plates and bowls to store them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Most of the food offerings had come in the front door and gone immediately out the back as the Cartwright cook sent them out to the drovers at camp. He wanted no part of such gifts, feeling that he knew best what this family needed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben knew there were no appetites in the house anyway: even Hoss had been reduced to nibbling at his food before pushing the plate away.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Still leaning against the rail, Ben\u2019s eyes were drawn toward the window above him\u2014Adam\u2019s room\u2014and the events of the past few days began to drive hot pokers into his heart once again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He\u2019d seen Adam having breakfast that last morning: that very ordinary morning. His son was going to ride out with the herd while he attended to business in town, and they\u2019d planned to meet up when they both arrived at camp later in the day. The boy had seemed himself that morning and had left about 30 minutes ahead of his own departure, but Adam must have returned home and taken the Colt pistol once the house was empty.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Ben had arrived at camp that afternoon, Hugh had met him with the news that Adam had been shot in a gunfight, but hadn\u2019t been seriously injured. He\u2019d laughed at Hugh, thinking he was joking, but as the foreman had laid out the details, Adam\u2019s betrayal had begun to burn in Ben\u2019s gut. The boy had tricked him into practicing with the gun to see who drew faster and then had decided to act without any help while ignoring his father\u2019s warnings and advice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s chest clenched to the point of pain as he recalled Adam walking into camp with the colt slung low on his hip evidencing his disobedience, and all he could think of at the time was how much his son was going to suffer for his lies and manipulation. He remembered thinking then, as he did again now that had he heard that story about anyone but Adam, he might have believed it without a second thought. It was only because it had been \u201cthis\u201d son that he\u2019d actually listened as Adam had endeavored to explain.\u00a0 Hugh had told the angry father about Randall\u2019s treachery, and how he\u2019d played an innocent young man into thinking there was only one way to save his pa. This had all made sense, yet Ben hadn\u2019t been able to simply look past Adam\u2019s actions either. But he\u2019d listened, while becoming less sure of what to do: his resolve softening in regards to the severity of the punishment as he realized his oldest child had done what he thought he had to. The tipping point toward some leniency had come when he\u2019d admitted to himself that when he was young and invincible, he might have made a similar leap of faith.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

None of those thoughts had mattered in the end when he\u2019d noted that Adam looked too pale and had decided that he should check the wound before moving ahead with judgment and sentence. An involuntary shiver coursed from head to toe as he remembered what he\u2019d seen as he\u2019d opened the boy\u2019s coat. Everything had been soaked to saturation with blood: dark red blood\u2014so much that even the red pattern in Adam\u2019s coat was awash in it when given a closer look. Adam had managed to stand one final time, speaking his regret: the last words his son had spoken. He and Hugh had managed to find a small fragment on Adam\u2019s collar bone that must have splintered with the bullet\u2019s impact and its rough edge had probably lacerated a blood vessel as the boy had used his arm bringing the herd in. Their final option had been to cauterize the area that continued to ooze, and that had put a stop to the bleeding: even though it had come so late as to not make much difference.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Some of those who\u2019d stopped by in the last two days had prematurely offered their \u201ccondolences,\u201d yet Ben wasn\u2019t so sure they were wrong. \u00a0Anyone hearing the grizzly details of the blood-soaked coat and Adam\u2019s collapse might have assumed the worst, and Ben had an uneasy feeling that he might truly have witnessed his son\u2019s \u201cdeath\u201d in the cook\u2019s wagon at camp four days ago. Glancing again at the window above him, he sighed with the knowledge that while the form of his son rested in a bed in that room, his beloved Adam seemed gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As they\u2019d worked on his shoulder that night, Adam had opened his eyes and focused on his father. There\u2019d been no fear: only a sadness that haunted Ben every time he\u2019d closed his own eye since then. He\u2019d spoken to his son at that moment, telling him of his love and pride, with the encouragement not to worry: that everything would be fine. It had been his final parental lie, and it was then that Adam\u2019s dark, amber-fired eyes had faded, taking his son\u2019s essence away while leaving a shell.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben looked down at his hands while scrubbing them together. They\u2019d been covered with Adam\u2019s blood that night and he could still feel it there\u2014sticky with the spirit of his son\u2014poured out in endless waves of red.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To stem his misery, Ben entered the house and made his way to the only place he wanted to be: Adam\u2019s side. As he entered the room he noted that his son\u2019s complexion matched the bleached cotton of the sheets that covered him. The wound had not bled further, but he reasoned there probably wouldn\u2019t have been much blood left even if it had opened again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had sent for a doctor from Carson City, but after viewing the clothing Adam had worn\u2014calculating how much blood had been lost to so thoroughly saturate them\u2014he had given his opinion that it was doubtful that Adam could recover. The man was honest in his explanation that even though the boy\u2019s heart still beat, he breathed and even drank when a cup was held to his lips\u2026these were not signs of recovery, but rather reactions that could remain intact even when his higher brain functions had ceased. Ben had seen that sort of thing before in battle. A mortally wounded soldier had sometimes continued to \u201crespond\u201d even when there had been no chance of recovery, and those men had died\u2014some soon afterward\u2014while others had lingered for a time. Understanding and accepting were two different things though. Those soldiers had been so horribly maimed that Benunderstood<\/em>\u00a0why they had been unable to live.\u00a0 But Adam had barely been injured\u2014the small notch responsible had already begun to heal. Adam seemed to be merely resting, so Ben had been unable to\u00a0accept<\/em>\u00a0that he could not recover.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The doctor had left with little encouragement other than to say, \u201cMiracles are always possible.\u201d\u00a0 Ben hated platitudes, but in this case he kept those words in the shirt pocket over his heart. \u00a0He\u2019d adapted the doctor\u2019s words and breathed them now. \u201cWhere there\u2019s life, there\u2019s hope.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Forcing himself back into the present, Ben looked around the small room to see those things that gave witness to all of Adam\u2019s passions. There was a mound of paper on a shelf and Ben retrieved what must have been his son\u2019s first attempts at drawing up the plans he\u2019d presented to his father just a week ago when he\u2019d told him that their house was too small. Part of the \u201cbusiness\u201d Ben had seen to in town the day his son had been shot, had been to send the boy\u2019s renderings to an architect in Sacramento, hoping to surprise Adam with the actual blueprints before he left for school. He\u2019d even placed ads to find a lumbering crew to start hewing timber for the construction. Looking over Adam\u2019s rough drafts, Ben realized again what a talent the youngster had for…the truth was that he was pretty good at whatever he tried\u2014with the exception of being a gunfighter. \u00a0Ben\u2019s long-term plan had been to have the house finished by the time Adam returned from school in five years, knowing the college graduate would be excited at having a hand in defining the Ponderosa\u2019s footprint for years to come.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Continuing his perusal of the room, Ben spotted the crate of books from Boston that was still mostly full except for a few tomes neatly placed on the shelves\u2014the texts Ben figured Adam had selected to review first. The boy was so organized in his thinking, always planning each step. That\u2019s what made all of what had happened so unbelievable: such a nightmare. Ben knew Adam had considered each facet of what he\u2019d planned, applied logic and weighed all the options to decide he could do it. In the end, he\u2019d been defeated by a rough edge of bone and a sense of obligation that wouldn\u2019t allow him to neglect his responsibility to the ranch even after being wounded.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had sent Hoss and Joe to school despite the events at home, figuring they\u2019d be better focusing on something besides the quiet and sadness that hung around the house like a shroud. They\u2019d be home soon, but even then the house would remain unnaturally silent.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The stillness seemed to eat up the air in Adam\u2019s room until Ben thought he would suffocate. Hoping to create a diversion from the quiet, he rose to examine the books that Adam had chosen for his initial study. Selecting a heavy text called,\u00a0An Introduction to Earth Science<\/em>, took his place in the chair next to the bed, opened the book on his lap and began to read aloud: \u201cTypically Earth Scientists will use tools from physics, chemistry, biology, chronology and mathematics to build a quantitative understanding of how the Earth works. This comprehensive study will begin with an introduction to Geology, the study of the earth, the materials of which it is made, the structure of those materials, and the processes acting upon them\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By the time he heard the voices of his younger sons in the yard below, Ben had learned that James Hutton was viewed as the first modern geologist, and in 1785 he\u2019d presented a paper entitled\u00a0Theory of the Earth<\/em>\u00a0to the Royal Society of Edinburgh, explaining that the Earth must be much older than had been previously supposed. He\u2019d also found out that the study of the materials of the earth could be traced back to ancient Greece.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben greatly enjoyed reading to his son, and thought he\u2019d noted a response from Adam, although what it had been he couldn\u2019t truly say. Maybe it was that Adam\u2019s expression changed just a breath, or his color had flushed with a brush of pink\u2026or maybe it was all in his own imagination. Whatever it was, it gave the man hope and he resolved he would continue to read to him as often as he could.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The initial hours of uncertainty regarding Adam\u2019s condition had stretched into days, and now, more than a week. Although there seemed to be small changes, a visit from the doctor brought little encouragement.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dr. Fredericks examined the patient, noting that while Adam\u2019s color was better, there was little else to indicate improvement. He gave his assessment matter-of-factly: \u201cThis is a very odd case, Mr. Cartwright. The damage to your son\u2019s body caused by the gunshot was so minimal that he should have made a speedy and complete recovery\u2026if only he\u2019d noticed the bleeding sooner\u2026\u201d He\u2019d breathed out a deep sigh of his frustration with how things so seemingly simple could take such unforeseeable turns.\u00a0 \u201cBut he lost so much blood\u2026 He was a strong, healthy boy; I can see that\u2026and in some ways that makes this sort of thing much worse.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow can his being healthy make this any worse?\u201d Ben\u2019s eyebrows knit in confusion.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dr. Fredericks could see how much this father wanted to hear good news, but there seemed none to give. \u201cIt\u2019s a matter of degree, I suppose. If your son had been hurt more, his body wouldn\u2019t have withstood the blood loss and he would have died immediately.\u201d The man saw Ben nod his understanding and appreciated that this seemed to be practical man who could accept information without the complication of emotion. \u201cBut since the wound itself wasn\u2019t serious and your son was in vigorous condition at the time it happened, his body continues to fights on.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s face brightened. \u201cThat would seem to be a good thing then.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Seeming\u2019 and \u2018being\u2019 are two different things.\u00a0 The body\u2019s mechanisms may continue to work, but the large blood loss and lack of response since the injury would indicate that your son\u2019s brain suffered irreparable damage.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The pallor returned, \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBelieve me when I say that this is the most unfortunate and hardest news that a doctor can give. From what I can see, your son\u2019s life is being controlled only by those things that require no conscious effort. A mind is different than a brain, Mr. Cartwright. I told you last time that your son\u2019s brain would continue to make his heart beat and cause him to breathe and respond to some stimuli. In fact, he can actually live a number of years in this state.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis state? You\u2019re telling me that his body will be alive, but his mind is dead\u2014or at best in a sort of permanent limbo?\u201d Ben sat, unable to support the weight he felt was pushing him down. For his son, this was a sentence worse than death: to have life, but not the capacity to learn or to express his thoughts\u2026 The father\u2019s breath came in ragged puffs, bringing the physician to his side.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright, this is too much for you. I can see that you are doing a fine job of caring for your son, but you operate the largest ranch in the area and have two other children who need you as well. You will sicken yourself if you continue the pace you\u2019ve set and as things are, there\u2019s no answer as to when this might conclude.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben locked a steely look on the man next to him. \u201cFirst off, I\u2019m not doing this alone. Hop Sing is largely handling Adam\u2019s physical care, while I and my other two sons spend time with him. We read to him and try to never let him alone, and he seems to do better when we\u2019re in here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dr. Fredericks touched Ben\u2019s shoulder. \u201cYou\u2019re all doing a fine job, although I doubt that any of the stimuli you\u2019re providing can penetrate enough to make a difference. I often find that families do such things as you mentioned\u2026at least at the beginning, thinking them to be helpful. But the efforts fade in time as there is no response. I\u2019m not saying that you that you should stop what you\u2019re doing, but I advise that you be ready to face that it will bring no better outcome.\u201d The doctor was surprised at the angry look directed his way over what he thought were words of comfort, and hastily prepared to leave. \u201cI doubt that you want to hear what I have to suggest right now, but this is something that must be considered. If I were you, I\u2019d enlist the help of a woman from the area to provide nursing care and sit with him so that you and your other boys can get back to your normal activities. And if there is no improvement in a reasonable amount of time, you will have to consider the possibility of institutionalizing the boy so that he can have proper care. \u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben edged toward anger. \u201cI understand that you\u2019re trying to be reasonable, doctor, but my family is operating as \u2018normally\u2019 as it can when considering the circumstances, and we wouldn\u2019t want it any other way. And I don\u2019t understand what an institution can provide that we can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere would be more staff to tend to him. He would have care 24 hours a day and you would be able to go on with your life while others who know more about such things would look after your son. They could also see that he was properly fed\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben interjected, \u201cYou may mean well, but please stop. I\u2019ve visited such places and was sickened to see that they\u2019re little more than warehouses. I will never allow my son to be in such a place. If I have to strap him to my back and carry him with me while I run this ranch, I will.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The doctor\u2019s lips pinched into a peevish pucker. \u201cThat\u2019s fine for you to say now and I pray that your son\u2019s case will come to resolution before you\u2019ll need to make such repellent decisions, but I\u2019ve seen these things happen often enough to know that time and uncertainty can alter many an assured position. I\u2019ll stop back in a few weeks to see how you\u2019re all doing and ask that you inform me should his condition change\u2026either way.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben knew the doctor wasn\u2019t being intentionally unkind. He was just giving suggestions that others found most relieved them of their uncertainties and burdens. Ben wondered if it would have made a difference had this doctor known Adam prior to the incident so that he could understand that\u00a0this<\/em>\u00a0patient was special beyond comprehension: that he couldn\u2019t be treated like \u201cothers\u201d he had known. And to that thought as the physician neared the door on his way out, Ben raised his voice with a final comment. \u201cBy the way, doctor, my son\u2019s name is, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cPardon me,\u201d Dr. Fredericks stopped his progress, \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d
\nThe father walked to the bedside, laying a hand on his son\u2019s cheek. \u201cI said, his name is Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The older man wore a mask of question, still not comprehending.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cEven though you were aware of my son\u2019s name from the time you first time you entered our home, you continue to call him, \u2018he,\u2019 \u2018the boy,\u2019 \u2018him,\u2019 \u2018your son\u2019\u2026everything except his actual name. So let me introduce you. This is Adam Cartwright, Dr. Fredericks. He\u2019s 17, unbelievably intelligent, and one of a kind. I wish you could have known him the way he was rather than as he is now, but I want you to understand that I will no longer allow you to speak of him as though those things don\u2019t matter anymore. He\u2019s still the same even if you can\u2019t see it. All that matters is that I will do everything in my power to make sure he always knows that he\u2019s with us and that we will never forget who he is.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After the doctor was gone, Ben selected a book on botany and began to read. He was more convinced than ever that Adam was different when someone was reading or speaking to him. His breathing became steadier and his facial features relaxed rather than having the tightness that pulled his eyebrows together and pinched at the corners of his mouth. The entire family was now taking turns reading to him. Even Little Joe had wanted to contribute and Ben had encouraged him to read from his school primer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After reading for a while, he checked the time and grew a bit restless as he realized that it was still a few hours until the boys would be home from school. Hop Sing was around somewhere, but obviously occupied or he would have checked in. Looking for a change of pace, Ben found Adam\u2019s Bible, thinking he might read from that for a while. As he paged through, looking for the first chapter of Luke and the story of Elizabeth, he recalled an incident the previous evening when he\u2019d found Hoss reading to his brother from Psalms, while tears streaked down the middle brother\u2019s cheeks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe had cried at first when Adam was brought home, but had approached his recovery with such surety that even though their concern had kept them quieter than usual, they\u2019d moved past tears. He\u2019d questioned the eleven-year-old: \u201cIs something wrong, Hoss? Are you worried about Adam? He seems to be holding his own, so you can take comfort in that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt ain\u2019t that so much, Pa. It was somethin\u2019 I heard earlier when some of the hands were by the house. Is it my fault that Adam isn\u2019t gettin\u2019 better?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The crew had begun taking turns riding to the homestead for updates. Ben would either find a burly ranch hand standing nervously by the front door, or he\u2019d come outside and see a silent sentinel sitting atop his horse while staring up at Adam\u2019s room. They\u2019d grunt their inquiries as to Young Cartwright\u2019s condition and then be off again, and Ben couldn\u2019t imagine what any of them would have said to imply that Hoss had anything to do with what had happened. \u201cMaybe you need to tell me what you heard.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHank and Tom were outside yesterday when I was up here, and could hear they was talkin\u2019 about what a shame it was that Young Cartwright was in such bad shape, and one of them wondered if that the kid was so sick in summer was to blame for him not getting\u2019 better.\u201d More tears had rolled. \u201cThe only time Adam was so sick this summer was when I made him that way. I tricked him into taking that medicine that hurt him and maybe it\u2019s still hurtin\u2019 him like those guys said.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The father was moved with compassion. \u201cThat isn\u2019t true, Hoss. Adam was just fine before this happened and his condition is only due to the injury. Don\u2019t let what you heard bother you. I think we\u2019re all trying to find reasons for why this happened and there just aren\u2019t any good ones. There\u2019s only one person to blame for what started all this and he\u2019s long gone from here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His comments had soothed Hoss, but Ben knew there was a lot of blame being shared. Hugh blamed himself for keeping Randall on when he knew he was no good, and for not pressing Adam for the truth the day of the gunfight. Ben served up his own portion of guilt for not recognizing that his son was in trouble, and each ranch hand felt they\u2019d betrayed the best of their bunch by not keeping a better eye on Randall that day. In the end, he figured that no amount of blame-placing changed the circumstances and they were all better off just accepting that there were many facets to this complicated tragedy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He\u2019d just begun reading from Luke when Ben heard a gentle tapping on the outside door and figured it was one of the hands there for their daily update. \u201cI\u2019m going to see who\u2019s at the door and will be back in a bit, Adam,\u201d he told his son as he left the room. He\u2019d made up his mind that no matter what the doctor had said he was going to continue to include his son whenever he could.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hugh was at the door, holding a revolver out for Ben\u2019s inspection.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThought you might like to see the gun that shot Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019d you get it? Did Randall come back?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNah, we got it off a drifter who came this way from Carson. Said he found a dead man by the side of the road and buried him, then took what little the man had and headed west again. Of course we recognized Randall\u2019s horse as soon as the guy rode in with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDid he know how Randall died?\u201d Hearing of the death made him curious, but gave him no satisfaction.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hugh\u2019s voice carried a tinge of gratification. \u201cI think I might be responsible for that. The drifter said Randall\u2019s hand was swelled up more\u2019n twice normal size and looked black. I figure that\u2019s the hand I plugged when he shot at Adam and it must have gone bad on him.\u201d After a moment of reflection, he added, \u201cCan\u2019t say I\u2019m sorry it happened and in some ways wish I could\u2019a been there to watch the pain he was in, not that it makes any difference to nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose it really doesn\u2019t, but it\u2019s good that he won\u2019t be bothering us or anyone else after this. Thank you for letting me know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss and Joe returned home as Hugh was riding out and the youngest came flying toward his father waving a slip of paper. \u201cPa! Hoss and me don\u2019t need to go to school for two weeks. It says so in this note!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben thought of correcting Joe\u2019s grammar, but read the note instead.\u00a0Dear Parents, Due to the number of children out for harvesting, school will be suspended for two weeks, resuming Monday, October 10th.\u00a0<\/em>\u201cSeems like you\u2019re right Little Joe. You don\u2019t have school for a while, so you and Hoss can give me a little extra help around here. I think I\u2019ll appreciate that very much.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 face fell. \u201cHmm, chores ain\u2019t exactly what I was hopin\u2019 we\u2019d be doing, but I guess that\u2019s fine, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben looked up as he raised his axe to split another piece of firewood and saw a dust cloud in the distance indicating a wagon approaching.\u00a0 \u201cLooks like we\u2019re in for another round of company, boys,\u201d he called to Hoss and Joe who were helping to stack the split logs near the kitchen for Hop Sing to use in his stove. \u201cBetter knock some of the dust off your duds and wash your faces before they arrive.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss gave an audible groan as they finished their dust-off and came to their father\u2019s side just as the wagon began to wind its way into the outer section of the yard. \u201cDad burn, it\u2019s Miss Jones! Wonder what she wants out here?\u201d To Hoss\u2019 way of thinking, the presence of their teacher could only carry bad news. \u201cI thought we was to have a few days off, but maybe she\u2019s changed her mind since yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMind your manners, Hoss, and hush.\u201d Ben could see that the wagon was occupied by two women, undoubtedly Miss Jones and her mother, who did everything together.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben watched the women with interest as the wagon pulled to a stop. Mrs. and Miss Jones had been in Virginia City about a year now. They\u2019d come west with Mr. Jones, who was an assayer thinking he\u2019d find great opportunities in California. But the patriarch had died on the trip, leaving his wife and daughter to fend for themselves. Virginia City was closest to where Mr. Jones had passed, prompting his wife to want to stay near to where her husband was buried. As far as Ben could tell, money wasn\u2019t a problem and the two had settled into the boarding house while having a home built at the edge of town.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

His first impressions at meeting the pair made him think that Mrs. Jones was a nice woman who held a very tight rein on her daughter, Abigail. To see the two next to one other, one would have guessed them to be sisters rather than mother and daughter. In most instances this comparison would mean that the mother looked young for her age, but in this case it was Abigail who dressed much like her mother and wore her hair in the fashion of older women, making her seem matronly. Ben figured Abigail was no more than 18 or 20 at the most, but couldn\u2019t be sure.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At first he\u2019d felt sorry for the young woman, thinking that she was perhaps forced to live as an old soul. He\u2019d soon changed his position as he came to understand that she stood up for herself just fine, and began to suppose that rather than not having had the opportunity to be young and lighthearted, her mannerisms had merely indicated who she truly was. Ben remembered meeting the younger Jones woman for the first time and making the mistake of calling her Abby. She\u2019d responded curtly, \u201cI am pleased to meet you, Mr. Cartwright. You may call me Abigail or Miss Jones: either is fine, but Abby is simply unacceptable.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben smiled as he approached the wagon to help the ladies down and was struck again by the severity of Abigail\u2019s looks. Her mother\u2019s features were softer, and brightened when the woman smiled, but Abigail was all points. It wasn\u2019t that she was homely, but there was a sharpness to the cut of her nose, cheekbones and jaw, that made her appear to squint, and pulled her lips into a constant crease implying she had something sour in her mouth. He wondered briefly if she\u2019d look different with her hair worn loose or curled around her face as younger women usually did, but realized that maybe this look truly did suit her best.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Reaching for Mrs. Jones\u2019s hand, Ben asked, \u201cWhat brings you ladies all this way on a fine fall day?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Abigail spoke for the women. \u201cIt\u2019s good to see you, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d She looked over at her two pupils and added, \u201cHoss and Joseph, it\u2019s good to see you using your free time wisely in helping with chores, but perhaps you could go into the house and tend to your studies for a bit while I speak to your father.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The boys didn\u2019t wait to be told twice and disappeared after extending their greetings. They liked Miss Jones but she didn\u2019t put up with any horseplay and was strict with the children she taught. Hoss didn\u2019t like school, but it wasn\u2019t that he minded learning. Marie had taught him to read and do arithmetic and he enjoyed all of that; it was being penned up in a room all day doing it that drove him to distraction. He figured he\u2019d learn so much more if he could just do things instead of listening to how others had already done them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After Marie had died, Adam and Ben had tried to take over where she had left off with teaching the younger boys, but there was always so much to do that home schooling usually got pushed to the bottom of the heap. Since Virginia City wasn\u2019t in a position to support a public school, there weren\u2019t any other options. Adam had met Abigail in town and the two had developed a friendship based on their shared admiration of education. Once Adam found out that Abigail had earned her teaching certificate back East, he\u2019d spoken to his father about making an offer to pay her to take Hoss and Joe on as pupils. Will Cass and a few other families had heard about the offer and \u00a0had decided that it seemed a sound plan as well, and Abigail Jones soon had 8 children coming to class in a storage room at Cass\u2019s store.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The younger Cartwright brothers often made fun of Miss Jones\u2019s voice or mannerism with each other, but knew they couldn\u2019t get away with doing it in front of their older brother. Hoss had once made the mistake of mimicking her and saying how plain she was, and received an upbraiding from Adam, who\u2019d told him,\u00a0 \u201cAny woman who uses her mind is beautiful, Hoss. It\u2019s not fair to judge a person on looks. It\u2019s what\u2019s in their heads and hearts that\u2019s important.\u201d Hoss understood that was true, but also knew that his brother wasn\u2019t quite as open-minded about the absence of a pretty face as he claimed to be. Adam might say that looks didn\u2019t matter, and might even be very fond of Miss Jones\u2019s brain, but Hoss never saw him give her a look like he did Becka Marks, the pretty blond from a ranch north of the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once the boys were in the house, Mrs. Jones offered, \u201cWe are so saddened to hear of young Adam\u2019s plight. You must be devastated.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben fully expected a dish of stew to be presented at any moment, but instead, Abigail took up the conversation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss and Joe have told me that Adam remains in a sort of constant sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a pretty accurate description.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Abigail tipped her head in a pose that from any other young woman might have seemed to convey concern, but on her, just made her look ill at ease. \u201cThey also told me that you\u2019ve been reading from the textbooks Adam received from Boston, but that with all the work you do during the day and then with trying to stay by your son\u2019s side through the night, you often fall asleep\u2026.\u201d A soft giggle escaped as she added, \u201csometimes in mid-sentence.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A red tinge brushed Ben\u2019s cheeks as he thought about the talk he\u2019d have to have with his younger sons about not carrying tales of their home life to school. \u201cIt embarrasses me to say so, but I\u2019m afraid my young magpies are correct.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell then, if that\u2019s true\u2026then about those books\u2026I was wondering if you would let me have\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It suddenly became clear what Miss Jones wanted, and Ben stopped her. \u201cI think you\u2019re a little premature, Miss Jones. Adam isn\u2019t done with his books just yet, but should he not have further need\u2026then I may let you have them.\u201d\u00a0What is it about this woman?<\/em>\u00a0She seemed so mousey, yet here she was, asking for his son\u2019s books before the boy ever had the opportunity to use them.\u00a0How dare she?<\/em>\u00a0She was just like everyone else who was waiting for his son to die\u2026worse really, since she already had plans for his most cherished possessions. And that voice of hers: like metal rubbing against metal, her words clipped in a style that made him grit his teeth.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had second thoughts about his outburst however as he waited to deal with the tears he was sure would come when the rebuke he\u2019d just given her began to register, but was gratefully surprised as his words seemed to have no impact on the woman. In fact she began to titter in that metallic voice of hers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh dear, Mr. Cartwright, you must let me finish.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cForgive me, Miss Jones. It seemed you already had.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t asking to have Adam\u2019s books, but I would love to\u00a0have<\/em>\u00a0the opportunity to read some of them. As you know, I will be free for the next two weeks and thought that mother and I might come out here each day so that I can read to Adam while you go about your ranch work. I assure you that it would be a far greater kindness to me than a service to you. It would be wonderful to actually read and share books that I might otherwise never experience, and do hope you will accept my offer.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The father was speechless. He considered how Adam would respond to this stranger at his bedside. Would the boy find her voice grating as he did and cringe in whatever world he lived in now, or was it as the doctor had implied: that it wouldn\u2019t matter anyway since Adam wasn\u2019t aware enough to draw any conclusion. His heart was touched by this young woman as he realized that she had listened to Joe and Hoss, assessed that his family was in need and offered assistance to them in a way that would mean a great deal more than a plate of cookies. The choice was easy: Adam liked Abigail and shared a love of learning with her that overcame any negatives Ben could conceive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a most kind offer, Abigail. I\u2019m sorry I, ah, snapped at you a moment ago.\u201d Ben felt a little of the weight rise from his shoulders with this woman\u2019s generous offer and thought he should share the concerns that had prompted his harsh response. \u201cYou see, for a moment there I thought that you, like others who\u2019ve stopped by, had come to the conclusion that Adam will never recover. Even the doctor has said that this all makes no difference: that even though Adam lives on, his mind has ceased to function and he can\u2019t appreciate what we\u2019re doing for him. So I ask you to respect that we believe Adam is still whole, even though he might be a little lost right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Abigail moved directly in front of the grieving man and touched his arm. \u201cAdam was one of the first people I met after we settled here. I was sad, lonely and confused over where my life would lead and never expected to find a person of such intelligence who appreciates the beauty of words as much as I do. Your son encouraged me to tell him about the books I love, told me about his studies and even mentioned that he was expecting that crate of books that I\u2019ve heard so much about from the boys. Adam has such an eager mind that no bullet could have erased that, Mr. Cartwright. I believe that as long as he lives, that part of him must live on as well. \u00a0By reading to him I will be able to return the kindness he showed me when I too, was a little lost.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The young woman arrived at 10 on Monday morning as promised, accompanied by her mother who wished to avoid any hint of impropriety at Abigail being alone this house of men. Mrs. Jones bade the Cartwrights a good morning, looked around the living area and then stationed herself in Elizabeth\u2019s comfortable chair with a basket of needlework at her side.<\/p>\n

Abigail asked to be shown to Adam\u2019s room, and once there, ceased to be the reserved schoolmarm as she drew herself up in an air of confidence. Walking to the bedside, she touched Adam\u2019s hand, speaking directly to him. \u201cAdam, it\u2019s Abigail Jones. I\u2019m most thrilled to be here today, as your father has given me permission to peruse your textbooks and read to you from them. I\u2019m sure I won\u2019t understand everything, but there should be many that we can enjoy together.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was amazed at this transformation and touched by her ability to so easily include Adam in her conversation. He watched as she moved to the shelf of books, chattering excitedly about the titles she found, but when nothing there seemed right to start with, she looked through the crate until exclaiming, \u201cAh, here\u2019s the one: The\u00a0Sonnets of Shakespeare<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As she made herself comfortable, Ben gave her a few details of where she would find things around the house, made sure she knew that she and her mother were invited to lunch with them, and then left the two bibliophiles to headier purposes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After exchanging a few pleasant words with Mrs. Jones, Ben begged his leave, but remembered that he\u2019d left his coat in his room and headed back up to retrieve it.\u00a0 Nearing the top of the steps, he could hear a voice reading:<\/p>\n

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
\nThat thereby beauty’s rose might never die,
\nBut as the riper should by time decease,
\nHis tender heir might bear his memory:<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s only question was: whose voice was it? Glancing in Adam\u2019s room, he saw that it was indeed coming from Abigail Jones. Gone was the metallic twang; her voice was melodious and rich. Ben had heard such vocal changes before as those who had trouble speaking their own thoughts let themselves be transported by words that they didn\u2019t have to create. He reasoned that perhaps Abigail\u2019s nature made her try too hard when she was being herself, but in reading the beautiful words others had written she was freed of her self-consciousness and timidity.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Ben answered the light rap on the door the second morning, Abigail flew past him into the house and up the steps with a prim smile and \u201cGood morning, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d tossed over her shoulder. He was impressed by her enthusiasm and felt encouraged by the presence of this young woman.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben and the boys spent that morning cleaning the barn and returned to the house only when their stomach\u2019s indicated it was lunchtime. The three hungry males stopped in their tracks as they entered the kitchen and saw Mrs. Jones with a huge towel wrapped around her as an apron while she stood over the stove ladling soup into bowls.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The woman was humming and on noting the trio standing in the doorway, she beckoned them in, pointing to the table. \u201cEverything\u2019s ready: sit! Eat! I\u2019ve already had mine, so I\u2019ll keep peeling apples while you three dig in. There\u2019s fresh bread on the table along with some apple butter I made with your cook this morning. Try it, I think you\u2019ll like it!\u201d When no one moved for a moment, she commanded, \u201cHurry now, or it\u2019ll get cold.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Mrs. Jones. Everything sure smells good.\u201d Ben motioned the boys to the table as he asked, \u201cUm, where is Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe took soup up to Adam and is sending Abigail down for her lunch. But it\u2019s taking longer than I expected so I\u2019ll go see if there\u2019s a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After she disappeared up the steps, Hoss commented just loud enough for the others to hear, \u201cIf I wasn\u2019t sure that was Mrs. Jones, I\u2019d say it was Hop Sing wearin\u2019 a dress!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Joe giggled. \u201cShe sure talks just like him, don\u2019t she?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had to keep himself from laughing too. \u201cMind your manners boys and eat your soup. I\u2019m going to have a quick talk with our cook before I eat.\u201d\u00a0 Thankfully he met the ladies as they were coming downstairs, and figured he\u2019d have a few minutes of privacy with Hop Sing to find out what was going on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam was propped in a sitting position while taking sips of the broth Hop Sing put to his lips. Ben was struck by how ordinary everything looked\u2014like any other time one of the boys needed tending when they were ill for a brief time. What took his breath and made his heart ache each time he saw these very normal activities was that he knew they weren\u2019t normal at all.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He was finally able to shake away the sadness to ask, \u201cHow was his morning?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHad cereal for breakfast, now soup. Do good. Maybe like Miss Abigail\u2019s reading.\u201d He snickered, \u201cMuch better than father snoring before he get two sentence done.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s probably true. Have you heard her up here? Her voice is so different when she reads; doesn\u2019t even sound like the same person.\u201d He watched a bit longer, willing his son to look at him: to open his eyes and see what was around him. Adam\u2019s eyes had opened from time to time over the weeks, but there had been no recognition, and Ben had assumed it was more of what the doctor had explained: that Adam\u2019s brain was sending signals his mind couldn\u2019t interpret.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d Ben remembered why he\u2019d come upstairs. \u201cI noticed that Mrs. Jones is busy working in the kitchen. She\u2019s a guest in this house and I don\u2019t think she should be doing chores for us.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing stopped to look at his boss. \u201cThat what I tell her. No help! Sit. Be guest.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd yet, she\u2019s working.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSay she tired of sitting while everyone else busy. Not good for her to feel \u2018useless\u2019 and want to help too. I say no again, but she pick up knife and ask how I like apples cut.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben smiled. Evidently his cook had met up with a powerful force. \u201cI\u2019m still surprised you didn\u2019t tell her to leave. You don\u2019t like anyone in that kitchen with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing\u2019s eyes grew large. \u201cI say again she no help, but she say if she can\u2019t help, she not come anymore. And if she not come, Miss Abigail not come either. Then stood with hands on hips and ask for towel to cover clothes.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat was pretty sneaky. If she wouldn\u2019t come, her daughter couldn\u2019t come either, so you couldn\u2019t refuse. Sounds like you\u2019ve met your match. Are you getting along and being nice?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A smile brightened the cook\u2019s face. \u201cShe very nice lady! Always ask before doing so I tell her how I like. Good cook too. Show me new recipe for preserves call apple butter, and say we do same with pumpkin later in week. Mr. Hoss will like much. Also show how to make apple pie filling to put up. No work later when use it!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cWell I\u2019m glad it\u2019s working out. You could use a little help around here too.\u201d Before leaving he walked to the bedside, laying his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI\u2019ll see you later, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Lunches became feats of culinary excellence over the next three days as the two compatriots of the kitchen exchanged ideas and recipes. Everyone seemed a bit sad as the week drew to a close, knowing there\u2019d be a gap over the weekend until the two women returned on Monday.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss stayed out of the house as much as possible while Abigail and her mother were there, but Miss Jones did round them up for studies at least once a day while she let Adam rest. Even then, Hoss didn\u2019t mind because it reminded him more of the days when Marie would sit with them at the table to go over his lessons and then make up problems to help him remember. His favorites were the ones Marie created dealing with baby raccoons, chicks or just about any animal.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hoss had told Miss Jones about Marie and how she\u2019d taught them, and was so \u201cdoggoned excited\u201d that she\u2019d made up a few homespun problems herself. He told his father, \u201cShe weren\u2019t so good at it as Mama was, but she tried, Pa, and that was sure nice of her.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The second week continued as the first had ended. Hop Sing and Mrs. Jones continued to develop a camaraderie that Ben had never seen from his cook before. He knew there was no romance going on, just the closeness that develops between people with common interests and talents. The bond had grown so secure that Ben had been shocked by a jaw-dropping conversation he\u2019d overheard earlier that day.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He\u2019d entered the house quietly to sneak a piece of cake for himself and the boys as an afternoon snack. It was a chocolate nutty thing that had never graced the Cartwright table before and all three of them agreed that it was worth risking Hops Sing\u2019s wrath to sneak a second piece. Hop Sing and Mrs. Jones were outside the window folding sheets and he\u2019d heard Mrs. Jones begin the conversation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt certainly has been pleasant spending these days out here. I haven\u2019t felt this useful in a very long time and will be sad to leave on Friday.\u201d
\n\u201cHop Sing much grateful for help. Learn many new things.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMy only regret is that Adam has not improved while we\u2019ve been here. Perhaps the doctor is correct and he simply won\u2019t recover\u2026although it pains my heart to even entertain such a thought. But one must wonder how long he can go on sipping only broth\u2026\u201d Her voice trailed off with a poignant sigh.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou wrong, lady. Mister Adam get better all the time. Look better, stronger. He wake up any day now. You see.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThe Cartwrights are very fortunate to have you. And I hope that you\u2019re correct about his progress. You know\u2026\u201d She paused as if checking to make sure they were truly alone. \u201cAfter I met Adam and saw how taken my Abigail was with him, I got to thinking that she might make a suitable wife for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That comment had sent Ben\u2019s jaw plummeting, and he stood dead still so as not to give his position away before hearing Hop Sing\u2019s response.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean that?\u201d the cook asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWell, yes. What makes you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMister Adam just 17 now, much young to marry. Need school before even think of such thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It was Hop Sing\u2019s final thought though that helped Ben understand the trust these two strangers had developed as they\u2019d worked together.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Abigail nice girl. Very smart. Pretty, but Adam marry beautiful woman like father did. All Mister Cartwright\u2019s wives beautiful. You see pictures inside. Son marry like father.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben expected that Mrs. Jones would be defensive over such thoughts, but her answer surprised him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose you\u2019re right about that. I think parents tend to see only the good things about their children and I\u2019m no different. I\u2019ve encouraged Abigail to dress in prettier, more youthful dresses and wear her hair differently, but she tells me that she\u2019s satisfied with who she is and won\u2019t change just to please a man. Yet because she is this way young men are often unkind to her. Adam was different. He made her feel happy about who she was. But I believe that you\u2019re right. He will want a woman with a good mind, but one who will wear her beauty as easily as she wears her clothing and be graceful in social situations. That\u2019s not my Abigail.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMiss Abigail find good man to marry.\u00a0 Be very happy. You see.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The eavesdropper completed his mission and headed quickly out the front with his three slices of ambrosia so as not to be discovered. He\u2019d learned a great deal about both the people out there folding clothes. Hop Sing had a heart as big as the Nevada Territory and wouldn\u2019t be dissuaded from his hope that Adam would recover. The man had also been honest with Mrs. Jones about the likelihood of Abigail and Adam being a couple.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

On the other hand, Mrs. Jones allowed herself to see Abigail realistically enough to know that her daughter might be more comfortable with a quieter life than Adam would offer. Overall, he was grateful that Hop Sing had helped the mother remove he expectations from Adam\u2019s future.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That expectation was soon back in play as the younger member of the Jones family made her feelings clear in another conversation Ben \u201coverheard.\u201d He was beginning to feel like a fly on the wall, but reasoned that he couldn\u2019t have removed himself from either eavesdropping session without making matters worse than simply standing by quietly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had become very restless the previous night, keeping Ben at his side. There had been other times when the boy had thrashed\u2014had even seemed to be speaking to someone as his lips had moved in silence. Such times gave Ben hope that this was an indication of Adam\u2019s fight to find his way back to them. However, as the night waned, the fighting had ceased with a return to that calm look of slumber. Ben\u2019s frustration had bubbled over as he\u2019d hollered at Adam, \u201cFight, son! Conquer this once and for all! You can\u2019t go on this way forever!\u201d Even now he shuddered as he recalled the harshness in his tone. And the worst part was that as he\u2019d pronounced his frustration verbally, he\u2019d begun to think that perhaps Doctor Fredericks would be proven correct after all. Ben had begun to ask himself some hard questions: Was he truly losing his patience and beginning to doubt that anything they were doing would pay off? Was Adam\u2019s condition too difficult to deal with by themselves? Was he losing faith that Adam would ever be whole again?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Toward dawn, Hop Sing had entered, and after giving father and son a quick assessment, had whispered, \u201cBad night?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou could say that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBad for you, or bad for son? You look worse than him. Go sleep. I stay here now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It hadn\u2019t taken another prompt for Ben to move to his own room where he\u2019d dropped onto his bed and slept as images from the night plagued his mind. Yet within the torment was a soft voice telling him to forgive himself\u2014for all of it: not stopping Adam from taking the gun, not being there when he was shot, not recognizing that the boy was in serious peril as he demanded an explanation for his actions, and finally for his impatience in Adam\u2019s recovery. The voice had told him to rest, and then had promised that Adam was fine and just needed a little more time.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He awakened hours later and checked his clock to see that the morning had already passed to mid-day. As he recalled the dream that had lulled him into sleep, he realized again how complicated the human mind truly was. In his anguish at hollering at his son, his own mind told him what he needed to hear, but in a way that he would accept it: it was Elizabeth\u2019s voice he\u2019d heard and with her kind words he had rested fully for the first time in weeks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As he\u2019d risen and readied for the remainder of the day, he heard another voice: this time it wasn\u2019t the beautifully toned Abigail as she continued to read about Roman history, but rather her own tinny voice as she spoke haltingly. A few words drifted in through his door as he realized that this was a very private conversation. Yet if he moved or exited, she would suspect that he had heard and would probably be very embarrassed, so he stayed put and tried to think of other things; the harder he tried to not listen, the more he heard\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThis is my last day here, and it has been a most wonderful two weeks, Adam. I can\u2019t help but wonder what you think about as you sleep. Do you know that I\u2019m here? Have you understood the books that I\u2019ve read to you?\u201d Abigail paused before saying what was in her heart. \u201cI know that we\u2019re very different people, but since I first met you, I\u2019ve wondered whether you could ever think about me in any other way but as a friend. I suppose it doesn\u2019t matter, for when you awaken, you will leave for school, and I will remain here, stuck in a life colorless and lonely without you. But if you should ever wonder whether I care for you, Adam, the answer is yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben waited until Abigail had settled back into reading from the history text before he slipped silently from his room and headed outside. As he thought about what he\u2019d just heard, he felt that Hop Sing and Mrs. Jones were right about Adam. Ben could not foresee a time when he would choose a girl like Abigail Jones\u2014not because his son was overly concerned with looks\u2014but because Adam would choose a woman who was more secure about herself than Abigail: an equal in all ways. Ben\u2019s sympathy went out to Abigail for he knew that somewhere in her heart she wanted a fairy tale ending that would never be.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He appreciated the help the Jones women had given his family, but reasoned it was time for them to move on. He applied that same reasoning to himself as well as he began to make plans.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>Doctor Fredericks arrived at the Cartwright house in the third week of October, and after examining Adam declared him to be in very good shape, but still held no hope of further improvement.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHave you continued reading to your son?\u201d he asked of Ben, before correcting his statement to, \u201cI mean, have you continued reading to Adam?\u201d The old doctor smiled as he noted, \u201cI remember what you told me about using Adam\u2019s name. I\u2019m afraid that physicians often forget that the patient they\u2019re treating is more than a list of symptoms and responses, and I suppose we become frustrated and distant when we can\u2019t find the answers to make things better. I apologize for speaking about Adam instead of to him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben was gratified by the confession. \u201cThank you, doctor. I think I\u2019ve had time to think about a few things you said as well, and some of them do make sense.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSuch as?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI still believe that including Adam in our daily lives is important, but you were correct: it takes a lot of time and we\u2019re all getting worn. I try to stay with him all night, but sleeping in a chair isn\u2019t restful. As I plod through the day I\u2019m often short with everyone, making them think I\u2019m angry when I\u2019m really just tired.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHave you decided that Adam should be placed in a hospital? There is a good one in St. Louis as well as one run by a religious order in San Francisco.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A look of horror flashed over Ben\u2019s face. \u201cThat still isn\u2019t an option. We\u2019re nearing fall roundup and once that\u2019s done I\u2019ll have more time. But I have sent inquiries to find an orderly who would come to stay with us. Hop Sing can\u2019t keep handling Adam and the household, and I need to spend more time with the boys and on the ranch. \u00a0We\u2019ll manage until we can find someone suitable, but for now I\u2019ve decided that Adam can be alone through the night. It\u2019ll be hard\u2026on me, but if I truly believe that things should feel ordinary to him, then sitting at his side every night isn\u2019t how things would normally be.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt seems like you\u2019ve put a great deal of thought into this.\u00a0 It\u2019s important for you to rest, and since your room is near, you\u2019ll hear anything that seems out of the ordinary.\u00a0 It won\u2019t be easy, but you\u2019ll come to understand that you\u2019re not abandoning Adam by taking better care of yourself and your other obligations.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fall roundup was upon him much too soon and as uneasy as he felt about being gone a few days, Ben knew that he had to help bring the herd down from the high country and get them into the south pasture for the winter. As he made plans for his absence, he arranged for Hoss and Little Joe to stay with the Smyth family, freeing Hop Sing to care for Adam without other worries.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben lingered at Adam\u2019s bedside before leaving on the morning the drive was to begin. \u201cI sure wish you were coming along, son. The men keep asking about you. They miss you being out there with them; they miss your songs too. Hugh says they\u2019ve tried to make up their own words like you used to, but no one can do it like you. Your brothers will be staying with the Smyths so they can get to school, but Hop Sing will be here with you. He\u2019s even promised to read to you in his own tongue, something you\u2019ve always enjoyed hearing.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be gone four days if all goes well, and then we\u2019re pretty much ready for winter.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dropping to one knee, he touched his forehead to his son\u2019s. \u201cI have to go now, Adam.\u201d His voice cracked as he added, \u201cI\u2019ll see you in a couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben accepted the concept of premonition and at times \u201cfelt\u201d things more than knew them, but he wasn\u2019t prone to take much stock in such forewarnings\u2014believing that you made your own fate by good decisions and consideration of the facts. Yet as he descended the stairs, he was enveloped by a certainty that things were about to change. He stopped briefly as he looked around his home one last time, then shook off the ominous feeling and headed out the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The foreboding that had chilled Ben at his departure was born out on the third day of the drive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They\u2019d reached grazing land that was a reasonable ride to the ranch and Hugh had suggested, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you head home tonight, Mr. Cartwright. I know you\u2019re itching to check on Adam, and you can easily ride back tomorrow to go over the final details. We\u2019ll get along fine without you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben had gratefully accepted the suggestion and was going over a few last items with Hugh when they saw a horse approaching fast from the direction of home. The rider was small, dressed in gray, and the two men looked to each other as they each spoke, \u201cHop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Both Hugh and Ben ran to meet the wild-eyed cook as he brought the horse to a halt and began talking a mile-a-minute. \u201cEverything fine this morning. Take care Mister Adam like always. Everything fine still. But go check now and he gone!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hugh looked to see how Ben was handling the news, ready to lend a shoulder to lean on if the man needed one. He saw his boss pale, then draw himself up to face the loss as he faced everything: head on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben finally replied, \u201cThank you, Hop Sing. I was just getting ready to return home when you came so why don\u2019t you go on ahead. I\u2019ll finish up and be along in few minutes.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The cook looked confused and reiterated his earlier news. \u201cBut Mister Adam is gone! You come now!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI heard what you said, but I\u2019ll be able to deal with this better once I know Hugh and the men can finish up without me returning.\u00a0 I\u2019d ask you to wait, but I\u2019d prefer to make the ride home alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Shrugging his shoulders, Hop Sing muttered in an unintelligible mix of languages, turned his horse and took off toward the house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rode into the yard no more than 15 minutes after Hop Sing had arrived. As he tied his horse, Ben\u2019s eyes were drawn as they had been for the last six weeks, to the window above him. In his heart he knew he would continue this ritual for some time to come even though his reason had changed from hope to despair. \u00a0He sighed deeply as he dismounted and headed inside.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing stood at the top of the stairs motioning for him to hurry.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The grieving father entered the room, his heart beating wildly as he saw the tangled mess of covers\u2026but nothing else. He asked with concern, \u201cYou moved him already? Where did you take him?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Pointing toward the empty bed, Hop Sing explained again, \u201cI not take him anywhere. He gone, like I say.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Ben roared. \u201cWhat do you mean, he\u2019s gone. I thought you meant he died!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHe just gone. Come up to give water and he nowhere. Check house, barn. Look everywhere, but he gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The color drained from Ben\u2019s face as he sat on the bed. \u201cWho would do such a thing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNo one come. Hop Sing in house or just outside all day. Hear if horses come to house. No one come. This crazy!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s one way to describe it! If you didn\u2019t hear anything, then they must have come quietly, maybe watching until you were busy with something before sneaking inside.\u201d Ben shook his head repeating, \u201cBut who would do such a thing. Who would be that cruel?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing have no answer. No see anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s approach this rationally and start by looking for clues. Is there anything missing?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The cook eyed his boss skeptically. \u201cSeem to be missing son. That pretty big anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s lips pinched in a line of frustration as his eyes narrowed. \u201cPerhaps something besides Adam? Maybe something in here or downstairs? \u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNot notice. No find son, look quick around house and yard, then go find you.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s search the house first and move on from here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The two looked through the other bedrooms, moving down to the lower room without finding evidence of foul play or the missing boy. It was as Ben left the front door that he hit pay-dirt. In the dust he found footprints made by someone who was barefoot. His breathing came in short bursts of hope as he considered that perhaps Adam had actually gone from the house on his own two feet since there were no other prints to indicate that he was accompanied by anyone else.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like he went toward the barn.\u201d There was no containing his excitement as Ben took off in a run with Hop Sing at his heels.\u00a0 \u201cThey disappear at the barn door; there\u2019s not enough dust to get an imprint. You look in the loft and I\u2019ll check down here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben saw nothing unusual as he made a hasty search and was about to move to the shed when he caught sight of something he\u2019d missed on his first pass. A bulky wagon harness was hanging in the far end of the empty stall where Adam\u2019s horse was normally kept, but otherwise the area seemed empty. As he stopped to look more closely, Ben noted the striped fabric of a nightshirt behind the collar.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Heart pounding and his mouth so dry he could barely speak, he approached the crumpled mass of his son. Thoughts roiled in his mind as he contemplated how the boy had gotten there. Adam was sitting deep in the straw, head leaning against the wall, seemingly still in the state of sleep he\u2019d been in since the injury. He had obviously walked as evidenced by the footprints, leaving Ben wondering if the boy was capable of wandering in his sleep.\u00a0 The alternative was that he\u2019d actually awaken, but Ben was fearful of hoping for that, mindful of the disappointment it would generate if not true. He finally decided there was only one way to find out which option had brought Adam outside.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Crouching next to his son, Ben reached out to touch his shoulder. \u201cAdam, can you hear me?\u201d The absence of a response sent the man\u2019s heart plummeting. He looked away to call out, \u201cHop Sing, come down here. I\u2019ve found him and I\u2019ll need help getting him back to the house.\u201d As he heard the cook begin his descent from the loft, Ben turned again toward Adam, and nearly toppled backward in shock. His son\u2019s eyes were open and he was awake! \u201cAdam?\u201d he held the boy\u2019s shoulders. \u201cAdam, do you hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The boy began to shiver as he responded in staccato, \u201cSure\u2026I hear\u2026you, Pa. Why did\u2026did\u2026didn\u2019t you wake me up this morning?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hop Sing grabbed blankets from the tack box, tucking them around the boy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once he warmed up, Adam began a litany of questions and accusations that flowed like lava down a hillside. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on? Where is everyone? Why didn\u2019t someone wake me up? And where are my clothes? I couldn\u2019t find anything to wear and someone\u2019s been in my room going through my things…\u201d Those thoughts hung in the air as a look of fear replaced his growing confusion, and his voice broke in a strangled sob, \u201cPa, What\u2019s wrong with me? I\u2019m so tired and I can\u2019t figure anything out?\u201d Reaching for his father\u2019s arms, he lamented , \u201cI don\u2019t even know why I\u2019m out here.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Realizing that the father and son needed to be alone, Hop Sing offered, \u201cI go inside. Warm food and tea, fix bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Settling in next to his son, Ben wrapped an arm around Adam\u2019s shoulder and drew him near. \u201cWhat\u2019s the last thing you remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam thought for a moment, \u201cI woke up and wanted to get dressed, but I couldn\u2019t find any of my clothes. I thought maybe the rest of you were still sleeping, so checked, but both bedrooms were empty so I went back to my room and noticed that things were rearranged and thought Hoss and Little Joe had been playing around and went downstairs to find them. There was no one there either. I guess I must have come out here then.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry I wasn\u2019t here when you awoke. I think you must have just missed Hop Sing. He was probably looking for you while you were looking for him. Do you remember anything from before today?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam reached for his shoulder, \u201cI got shot yesterday, didn\u2019t I? I was explaining to you why I\u2019d taken the gun\u2026and then\u2026it\u2019s a blank. It wasn\u2019t much of a wound\u2014even feels really healed up already. I must have slept hard last night\u2026had some odd dreams\u2026and everything still seems fuzzy. My mother was reading to me\u2026you were too. Mostly, I felt like I was lost in a canyon. I could hear voices in the distance that I recognized\u2014yours, Hoss, Joe, Hop Sing\u2026and tried to walk toward them. But the faster I walked, the farther away your voices seemed. \u00a0I tried not to be scared, Pa, but I couldn\u2019t wake up from it and after a while I thought I was really lost.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben drew Adam in a quick embrace before leaving briefly to retrieve the clothing the boy had been wearing the night his journey into darkness had begun. He\u2019d meant to discard it, but had left it in the barn all this time, perhaps knowing it would be needed at some point. \u201cI know this is going to be hard to understand, but here\u2019s what\u2019s been happening. You were shot\u2014just as you recall, but it was a month and a half ago, not last night. That bullet did more damage that you realized and while you worked the herd that day, your shoulder started to bleed. This is what you were wearing.\u201d Ben gave Adam the stiff, blood-stained shirt, and the jacket\u2014with its heavy sheepskin lining, dyed a deep amber-red with his blood. \u00a0\u201cHugh and I figure that this lining absorbed so well that you didn\u2019t even realize you were bleeding, and by the time you got to camp that night, you\u2019d bled so much that\u2026well let\u2019s just say it was a miracle you survived.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam held the coat to examine it, but then pushed it away as visions of what had transpired that day played on the edges of his memory. \u201cThis happened a month and a half ago\u2026 six weeks?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCloser to seven actually.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat have I been doing all that while?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt seemed you were sleeping, but it wasn\u2019t something we could wake you from. The doctor who\u2019s been out here a couple of times was pretty sure you\u2019d never wake up, but we all held out hope that you\u2019d find your way back, and it sounds like you were trying to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what to say.\u201d The young man reached out and touched his father\u2019s face. \u201cI still feel like I\u2019m in that dream, like this is all just another part of it. I want to believe this is real\u2026that it\u2019s over\u2026but it\u2019s all illusive.\u201d Adam\u2019s hand fell back to his lap as his voice dropped to little more than a whisper, \u201cI still don\u2019t know that this is real, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben wrapped his arms around his son and pulled him close. \u201cIt\u2019s real, Adam. Don\u2019t worry any more. You can feel the warmth of my skin, my heart beating\u2026you don\u2019t feel things like that in a dream. I\u2019m as real as it gets, and you\u2019re safe now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

For the first time in many years, Adam laid his head on his father\u2019s shoulder and held on as he began to regain his own strength from the power he found in the arms that enfolded him. He asked without raising his head, \u201cPa, if I\u2019ve been asleep for weeks, why am I still so tired? And I must have missed so much, yet it seems like I know things that happened\u2014not just what was happening in the dream, but actual things. It\u2019s so hard to figure what\u2019s true and what isn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gently breaking away, Ben raised Adam\u2019s face to address his child\u2019s concerns. \u201cYou weren\u2019t really sleeping, son. It was a type of sleep but I think your body was healing and that takes a lot of energy. You don\u2019t get through something like you\u2019ve just experienced without being exhausted. As to your other question, there might be a reason you\u2019re aware of what\u2019s been going on.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWe continued to talk to you while you slept\u2014read to you, and kept you up on all the changes and activities around here. I always assumed that you might be more alert than your condition indicated.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI remember my mother reading to me, but that can\u2019t be, so maybe I\u2019m putting parts of that dream together with the other things you did.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben chuckled as he explained, \u201cYour mother may have come to you in your dreams, Adam. In fact I dreamed of Elizabeth myself during that time. But it was probably Abigail Jones\u2019s voice you heard reading to you. She has a lovely reading voice and spent two weeks here going over some of your textbooks. Abigail wanted to help and when she found out that we were reading to you, she knew it was the best way to offer her assistance. Her mother came along too and Mrs. Jones and Hop Sing became good friends.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThat was a thoughtful gesture. It is strange how different she sounds when she reads, isn\u2019t it? She worries and frets over everything when she speaks, while her voice rises to a most offensive tone, but when she reads, her words come from a different place\u2026especially if she\u2019s reading a love story.\u201d Adam noted that a look of sadness washed briefly across his father\u2019s face. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben smiled. \u201cNothing\u2019s wrong. I had pretty much the same thoughts about Abigail. She has so many fine traits, and yet it\u2019s the abrasive ones that others tend to focus on, and that\u2019s a shame. I worry that she\u2019ll have trouble finding someone who can appreciate the good things enough to overlook the others.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure who that someone will be or when he\u2019ll get here, but he\u2019ll come. I know one thing for certain\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt won\u2019t be me.\u201d Adam chuckled. \u201cNow if we could just find someone who\u2019s a knight\u2014a prince disguised as a commoner\u2014a minstrel of song\u2026like in her favorite stories\u2014then she\u2019ll be happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

While Ben offered no more to the conversation, he did chuckle along with his son, relieved to hear his remarks concerning the lady, Abigail. \u201cAre you sturdy enough to head inside?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI guess so\u2026 Pa, is Randall really dead? I dreamed that I saw a grave marker with his name, but it seems real that he\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAs far as we know, he is. I told you that Hugh met a man that said he\u2019d found Randall dead on the side of the road: probably from an infection in his hand.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The exhaustion of trying to sort out what was real or simply dreamed caused Adam to begin shivering again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben rose and helped the boy to stand using his strength to shore up the little that Adam was able to muster. \u201cLet\u2019s get you inside. I\u2019ll answer everything you want to know once you\u2019ve warmed up. It\u2019s late October you know, and too chilly to be roaming around outside in your nightshirt.\u201d He wrapped the blankets around his son again and gathered him to his side to help him walk.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As they began the journey, Adam countered, \u201cThere\u2019s a good reason for me being out in my nightshirt, Pa: where are my clothes? I wanted to get dressed, but couldn\u2019t find anything to put on!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re in a box under my bed. We didn\u2019t want Miss Jones to be uncomfortable in the presence of your personal things.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI can see Abigail being a little uneasy looking at my long-johns.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice turned serious again, \u201cPa, about that other thing that was under your bed\u2026 I honestly can\u2019t remember much from that night right now, so had we come to an understanding about that?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSix weeks is a long time to think about things, son. I didn\u2019t want you to have the Colt because I was afraid of what might happen: and it did. You showed disrespect in going behind my back and risking your life. Through all this time, I kept thinking that none of this would have happened if you\u2019d trusted me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam nodded as Ben continued. \u201cOn the other hand, as you said that night, I was offering way too many \u2018what ifs\u2019 while you just had to act with the information you had. You\u2019d decided you had to stand alone and I don\u2019t think any amount of reason would have dissuaded you from that. It\u2019s just who you are, son, and perhaps\u2026you\u2019re just like me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben stopped and turned his son to face him. \u201cYou should be dead right now. There\u2019s no way you should have survived what you went through, and yet, here you are, standing on your own two feet: a little worse for wear, but whole. Your life is a gift\u2026to both of us, so I\u2019m not going to waste time being angry. I don\u2019t ever want you to lose your fire, Adam, but I do think you have a lot to learn about using it safely.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam realized he\u2019d been holding his breath during his father\u2019s explanation. As he breathed out he asked the question that was most important to him, \u201cPa, will you ever forgive me?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWill I forgive you? Adam, I forgave you the moment you walked into camp that evening.\u201d
\nBen could see Adam\u2019s face relax with the admission. \u201cHugh helped me see that you acted in the way you thought was expected of you in the circumstances. I didn\u2019t agree with that reasoning at first, but when I saw you standing there, looking somehow older and wiser from the sadness that follows such experiences, I realized that I was looking at myself. I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m just as impulsive, head strong and willing to risk everything to make things right. You made some good decisions and some really bad ones, but you made them from a place of goodness. That\u2019s what I finally realized and understood. You had to balance your betrayal of my trust with the greater good you thought you could accomplish.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa. Going behind your back was the one thing I couldn\u2019t get around, but I couldn\u2019t tell you what was happening until it was over: I had to do it on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ben finished his thoughts as they resumed their progress, \u201cI can\u2019t wait to see how that singular resolve of yours will play out in your life. There are two things I\u2019m certain of: one is that you\u2019ll never be shaken from your principles, convictions or decisions, and the other is that we\u2019ll butt heads over that many times to come.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

As they neared the door, Adam asked one last question. \u00a0\u201cPa, you said that I shouldn\u2019t have lived after what happened, so did you believe I would survive? When I first woke up and couldn\u2019t find anyone, and my clothes and horse were gone, it felt as though I didn\u2019t have a place here anymore: like I was a ghost walking where I used to live, but that you\u2019d removed the evidence of my having been here. I felt so alone\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure that things seem a little off-plumb for you right now, but never doubt that we were all here waiting and praying, certain of your return. You\u2019re not alone anymore. You\u2019re home where you belong\u2026at least for another five months.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Entering the house, Adam made his way across the room and collapsed in his mother\u2019s chair. His face had brightened with his father\u2019s last comment. \u201cI\u2019d forgotten about that. You have no reservations about letting me go after what\u2019s just happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI have hundreds of reservations, but you\u2019re a man now, and you need to do what you need to do. But how about you refrain from taking castor oil or getting shot during your remaining time at home.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s smile was broad as he saluted. \u201cAye, aye, Captain. I shall remain with my nose in my books, my shoulder to the grindstone and out of trouble.\u201d As Hop Sing entered the room with a tray of food, Adam quickly added a solemn, \u201cThank you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The clatter of dishes as Hop Sing set the tray down, followed by the barrage of orders to his charge to eat and drink, gave Ben a chance to head upstairs where he grabbed the box of Adam\u2019s clothes from under his bed. As he rearranged heavy text books on the shelves to make room for the clothing, the father was struck again by the silence in Adam\u2019s room. \u00a0But he sighed in thankfulness as he realized that it was now the silence of promise. One heavy tome tipped as he work, sending a picture of Elizabeth flying from the shelf. Catching it as it plummeted, Ben smiled while touching the image of his first wife, saying, \u201cMaybe you were here reading to your son after all, my love. I miss you so much when I have to face Adam\u2019s peril alone, but I think miss you most when I can\u2019t share my joy with you. All I know for sure is that this child of ours is a most precious gift.\u201d<\/p>\n

Next Story in the It’s Only a Year Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s Only a Year – The Final Trial – A Lesson in Mettle<\/a><\/p>\n

Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a017 year-old Adam has been in his first gunfight and although his wound seemed minor, it worsened as he continued to work, until he lost so much blood that he was near death. We now find out what happerned that night and who helps to heal a family wrought with sadness, guilt and decisions.\u00a0 there is no need to read the previous stories to enjoy this one. A young Abigail Jones makes her first appearance and Hop Sing makes a friend. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K+ \u00a015,000<\/p>\n

It’s Only a Year Series, links to all the stories within the series included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":5758,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,1008,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-prequels","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-30-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2885,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Adams-English-Scenic2.jpg?fit=450%2C436&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":48174,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=48174","url_meta":{"origin":6465,"position":0},"title":"Reborn On a Birthday (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"February 24, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Heading out on a hunting trip that Adam had requested for his birthday, the family runs into a lot more trouble than expected when they find signs of rustlers working on the Ponderosa. 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Rating: PG\u00a0 Word count: 2,194","rel":"","context":"In "Brothers"","block_context":{"text":"Brothers","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1009"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Colt-1873-Army-single-action-revolver.png?fit=600%2C458&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Colt-1873-Army-single-action-revolver.png?fit=600%2C458&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/Colt-1873-Army-single-action-revolver.png?fit=600%2C458&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1127,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=1127","url_meta":{"origin":6465,"position":4},"title":"Aftermath (by DBird)","author":"DBird","date":"July 16, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0The Cartwright brothers struggle to put their lives together, after surviving a brutal Indian massacre. Rated:\u00a0K+ \u00a0WC 17,500","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":47022,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=47022","url_meta":{"origin":6465,"position":5},"title":"Our Mother’s Keeper (by Jeanie Cartwright)","author":"Preserving Their Legacy Author","date":"December 22, 2001","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Hoss and Adam are attacked and robbed on the way home from a trip. Adam is injured and it\u2019s up to Hoss to save his brother\u2019s life and get him safely home to the Ponderosa. During the journey, Hoss reflects on an important bond he shares with his older\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Action\/Adventure"","block_context":{"text":"Action\/Adventure","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=2"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Preserving-Their-Legacy.png?fit=732%2C477&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6465","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/82"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6465"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6465\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5758"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}