Summary:\u00a0 When his relationship with Little Joe is strained, Ben reflects on his feelings towards his own father.\u00a0 A letter from the past reveals the true cause of the problem. Rating T, WC 22,323<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I Am Your Child<\/strong><\/p>\n ***Whatever will come, will come from me.\u00a0 Tomorrow is won, by winning me.\u00a0 Whatever I am, you taught me to be.\u00a0 I am your hope; I am your chance.\u00a0 I am your child. *** (Song: I Am Your Child, lyrics by Barry Manilow)<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright drew in a deep unsettled breath as he paused just outside the door to his son\u2019s bedroom.\u00a0 He was afraid of what he\u2019d find once he walked inside to see what Joseph was doing.\u00a0 In his heart Ben knew.\u00a0 The very idea of it made the lump in his throat double in size.\u00a0 Deciding against knocking on the door to announce his presence, he pushed his way inside.\u00a0 It was just as he had suspected, the boy was standing off to the side of his bed with what looked like every shirt he owned held there in his hands.\u00a0 On his bed sat a carpet bag which looked as though it was already half filled.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben\u2019s voice came out with a note of hesitancy to it.<\/p>\n Little Joe shot a quick glance towards the door when he heard his father but didn\u2019t respond verbally to his name being called.\u00a0 He simply went back to what he was doing and continued to gather up his possessions.\u00a0 As far as he was concerned there wasn\u2019t anything else that he could say to the man.<\/p>\n Nearing the boy\u2019s bed, Ben\u2019s eyes surveyed the way that his son\u2019s jaw seemed to suddenly tense up.\u00a0 He reasoned that Joe was attempting to appear as though he was in full control over his emotions.\u00a0 His father knew better.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 stop.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLeave me alone, Pa,\u201d he began, a sharpness to his tone of voice.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be out of here in just a few minutes.\u00a0 Then it\u2019ll be like I never existed.\u00a0 And that shouldn\u2019t be too hard for you to imagine.\u00a0 For two straight weeks you\u2019ve been pretending that I\u2019m not here anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSon \u2013 it\u2019s time that we talked \u2013\u201d Ben attempted to make his plea, but Joe jumped back in and cut him off.<\/p>\n \u201cTalk?\u201d Little Joe asked incredulously.\u00a0 \u201cWhy is it that all of a sudden you want to talk to me now, Pa?\u201d He spun back around to face his father trying to hide his heartbreak behind his impassive visage.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not going to let you leave,\u201d he stated firmly, never taking his eyes off the boy and the controlled demeanor he was trying so hard to project.\u00a0 \u201cAnd no matter what you think about what\u2019s happened these last couple of weeks \u2013 I can assure you that I have always cared about you, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou have always cared!\u00a0 Really, Pa?\u201d Joe\u2019s reply shot out high pitched and filled with one hundred per cent pain.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve pushed me away every single time that I\u2019ve tried to talk to you.\u00a0 You\u2019ve treated me like I\u2019m someone else\u2019s son!\u201d he declared and walked to the bureau to retrieve his hairbrush.\u00a0 Little Joe had no intention of stopping what he had been doing.\u00a0 He was going to finish packing and then leave the Ponderosa and that was that.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, please \u2013 just listen to me,\u201d Ben pleaded with the boy.\u00a0 He had read the sorrow all over his son\u2019s face even though Little Joe was doing his best to appear unphased by his father\u2019s words.\u00a0 He also appeared determined to finish packing up his belongings.<\/p>\n Joe leaned against his bureau and, resting his elbows on the top, he placed his hands up to his face. \u00a0\u00a0With a slow mournful tone he replied, \u201cI\u2019ve watched the way you are with Adam and Hoss.\u00a0 You\u2019re the same as you\u2019ve always been with them!\u00a0 You put your arm around them \u2013 give them a pat on the back just to let them know that you care.\u00a0 But with me \u2013 it\u2019s been totally different.\u00a0 You haven\u2019t touched me in any way since that night out in the barn.\u00a0 Come to think of it \u2013 you didn\u2019t touch me that night either!\u00a0 The only thing that touched me was your belt!\u00a0 I just kept asking you over and over again why you were treating me differently.\u00a0 And all you ever said to me was \u201cgo to bed, Joseph\u201d<\/em><\/strong> or \u201cgo do your chores, Joseph\u201d<\/em><\/strong> \u2013 anything that would get me out of your sight!\u00a0 So now I\u2019m getting out of your sight for good.\u201d\u00a0 He walked back to the bed and dropped the hairbrush inside his bag and then lifted his clothes to put them in next.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph,\u201d Ben paused as he fought back his tears upon hearing what the boy had just conveyed.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t have been so heartbreaking if it hadn\u2019t been true that he had pushed his son away; but it was.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s not at all what I want.\u00a0 This whole terrible situation has been my fault \u2013 not yours.\u00a0 I\u2019m asking you to listen to me, Son.\u00a0 Just give me time to explain.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe dropped the stack of shirts down onto his bedspread next to his carpet bag.\u00a0 He closed his eyes and shook his head sadly.\u00a0 As far as he was concerned Pa was only making things worse now.\u00a0 If the man had just let him leave and not said a word about it, Joe felt it would\u2019ve been more merciful.\u00a0 He wondered what his father had to say to him now.\u00a0 For better than two weeks Pa had pushed him away and kept him at arms\u2019 length from him.\u00a0 When Joe had attempted to ascertain why he was being given the cold shoulder all he had come up with was that letter that he had found from his grandfather hidden in Pa\u2019s bible.\u00a0 But even after reading it, all he knew was that it had gotten his father upset.\u00a0 Of course, Pa didn\u2019t know that he had sneaked into his bedroom that day and read it.\u00a0 Regardless of all the hurtful words which the letter had contained, Joe failed to understand what, if anything, it had to do with the way Pa had been acting towards him.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy now, Pa?\u00a0 Is it that you want me to stay because it would look suspicious if you suddenly only had two sons?\u00a0 Would it tarnish your image as the perfect father?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph, I know you\u2019re hurting, and I can\u2019t blame you for what you\u2019ve been thinking.\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk this out before it goes any further.\u00a0 Now will you let me try and explain it all to you, please?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe looked down at his bedspread, trying his best not to stare across the room at his father.\u00a0 He had made his mind up to leave the ranch and no matter what Pa was going to say it wasn\u2019t about to dissuade him.\u00a0 Weeks of feeling like the man couldn\u2019t have cared less about him had caused, what seemed to Joe at the time, irreparable damage.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d he finally choked out.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Son?\u201d Ben responded, hoping that he had opened the door of communication wide enough that they could resolve their problems and mend their relationship back to what it had been.<\/p>\n \u201cAnswer this one question,\u201d he began, still fighting for control over his emotions to keep himself from breaking down.\u00a0 Joe knew that he couldn\u2019t let Pa\u2019s words get to him no matter what his reply was going to be.\u00a0 He had to remain strong so he would be able to do as he had planned and leave the ranch and never look back.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you hate me?\u201d<\/p>\n Feeling as though his breath had been stolen, Ben just stood there shaking his head filled with overwhelming sorrow that the boy would ever need to ask him that.\u00a0 It had taken several minutes for Pa to regroup before even attempting to respond to his son\u2019s question.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph,\u201d he paused and squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a minute, fighting the tears that were trying to escape them.\u00a0 There before him stood his youngest child, the apple of his eye, and Ben would never have imagined that he\u2019d hear that question out of him.\u00a0 Just the very idea of it pained his heart.\u00a0 \u201cHave I hurt you so badly that you\u2019d think that I could ever hate you?\u201d Ben returned, his voice quivering with an intense sadness that struck at his very soul.<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Joe stated adamantly and turned away from his father\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 Pa had stared over at him as though he had really been shaken by his question.\u00a0 But Joe couldn\u2019t believe it after all the indifference that his father had shown him for so long.<\/p>\n Ben wanted to walk over to Joseph and wrap his arms around him.\u00a0 He wanted to hold his son and prove that he had been so wrong about how he felt towards him.\u00a0 But he couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 Not yet anyway.\u00a0 There was the matter of an explanation first.\u00a0 However, before that could be accomplished, he hoped that he could straighten out Joe\u2019s way of thinking.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I love you,\u201d Ben whispered, hoping with all his heart that the boy would turn back around and look at him.<\/p>\n Little Joe had waited so long to hear those words from his father.\u00a0 But now, after all that had transpired between the two of them, they just came out sounding trite.\u00a0 Joe felt that Pa had only said it because he knew that he was leaving home.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re just saying that Pa.\u00a0 If you really loved me, I would\u2019ve known.\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t have had to tell me,\u201d He retorted.<\/p>\n Shaking his head over what the boy had replied, Ben tried again to get his meaning across to Joe.\u00a0 \u201cJust let me explain everything to you, Joseph, before you dismiss what I\u2019ve just told you.\u201d<\/p>\n Turning around, Little Joe stared across to the other side of his bed.\u00a0 It being what separated the two of them now seemed appropriate.\u00a0 There had always been a barrier, albeit an invisible one, which separated him from his pa the last several weeks.<\/p>\n \u201cPa,\u201d Joe\u2019s voice suddenly held a slight tremble to it.\u00a0 He was consumed with both anger and heartbreak, and both emotions were so intense that he could taste them.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s best for us both if we just put an end to all this.\u00a0 I can\u2019t take it anymore.\u00a0 Just let me leave.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and then squared his shoulders.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t about to let his son leave without first explaining his actions to him and the reason behind having kept him at bay.\u00a0 Walking around the bed Pa stopped just a few feet from where his youngest stood.\u00a0 He tried once again to find the right words that would make Joseph understand what had happened between the two of them.<\/p>\n \u201cIf I were to let you go it would kill me inside, Son,\u201d he admitted with a fierceness to his statement.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t going down without a fight, and it showed in his voice and in the expression that he now wore.<\/p>\n Joe looked at his father and raised a hand up in the air in gesture.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t believe what Pa was saying to him.\u00a0 \u201cHow can you say that to me now, Pa?\u00a0 For weeks you\u2019ve acted like I was nothing more than an inconvenient nuisance to you!\u00a0 Why is it that I\u2019m back in your good graces just because I\u2019m packing up my things?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, please,\u201d he pleaded once again, wishing the whole while that he could reach for the boy and hold him to his chest just to beg his forgiveness for both what he had done and what he hadn\u2019t.\u00a0 \u201cI know that you\u2019re hurt.\u00a0 And I realize that I\u2019m at fault.\u00a0 But if you\u2019ll just hear me out \u2013 maybe I can get you to understand.\u201d<\/p>\n Staring down at the floorboards Joe let out an exasperated sigh and shook his head.\u00a0 He had half expected tears to form in his eyes due to the thick clouds of sadness hanging in the air along with the raw emotion pouring out in all that they had said to each other.\u00a0 But after weeks of expending so many tears there alone in his bedroom, Little Joe reasoned that he just didn\u2019t have anything left inside anymore.<\/p>\n \u201cI just can\u2019t take this anymore,\u201d he announced bitterly.\u00a0 Pa had pushed him away one too many times and he wasn\u2019t going to be hurt again.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, please,\u201d Ben tried again.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t care how many times he would have to plead with the boy he wasn\u2019t going to give up.<\/p>\n Little Joe abruptly dropped down on his bed.\u00a0 He sat in quiet consternation for several minutes wondering if there was any point in answering his father\u2019s request.\u00a0 Finally, nervously biting at his bottom lip, he responded to his father\u2019s ardent plea.<\/p>\n \u201cGo ahead,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d Ben sighed with relief as he settled down on the bottom of the bed.\u00a0 He kept his distance from his son only because he had to.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re going to have to go back to the beginning of all this, Joseph.\u00a0 There are quite a few things that I\u2019m going to have to explain to you,\u201d he began and briefly closed his eyes.\u00a0 It was time to go back three weeks to where it had all started.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright\u2019s boots pounded on the wood planking of the living room as he worriedly paced back and forth.\u00a0 He had already looked out the front door half a dozen times and still there was no sign of his youngest son.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t decide which emotion he was feeling more, anger or worry over the boy\u2019s failure to come home on time as he had been instructed earlier in the day.\u00a0 Ben eyed the brandy decanter across the room and was tempted to pour a healthy shot or two to calm his frazzled nerves.\u00a0 He decided against imbibing in the liquor because he wanted his senses to be sharp upon the young man\u2019s return.\u00a0 He was planning on giving Joseph an earful.<\/p>\n After placing a few more logs on the fire, Ben settled into his red leather chair and thought of all the many lectures he had given Joseph over the last few weeks.\u00a0 The boy had just turned seventeen and was becoming even more of a handful than he had been as a schoolboy.\u00a0 Of course he was used to dealing with some rebellion, having already raised two sons.\u00a0 But neither Adam nor Hoss had ever pulled the kinds of things that their little brother had.\u00a0 When it came to being disobedient, Joseph broke the mold and, in fact, scattered it into pieces for his father to step on.\u00a0 He groaned to himself when he looked over at the grandfather clock.\u00a0\u00a0 *** Midnight and still no sign of that disobedient little hellion ***<\/em><\/strong> he thought to himself and sighed.\u00a0 Ben was more than concerned at that point and was just about ready to grab his holster and hat and go out after his son when he heard the footsteps out on the front porch.\u00a0 *** This ought to be good.\u00a0 Wonder what kind of yarn the kid will spin this time? *** <\/em><\/strong>he growled to himself as he stood from his chair.<\/p>\n Little Joe gingerly opened the front door hoping with all his heart that Pa had gone to sleep.\u00a0 He knew it wasn\u2019t likely, but he figured that it didn\u2019t hurt to pray.\u00a0 The minute that he turned and closed the door he heard his father coughing to clear his throat.\u00a0 Little Joe winced his face knowing that was never a good sign.\u00a0 Now he knew that he\u2019d have to come up with an excuse as to why he hadn\u2019t obeyed his father and had stayed out way too late.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, hi, Pa,\u201d Joe announced nervously as he glanced across the room.\u00a0 \u201cSorry I\u2019m late.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, that\u2019s alright, Joseph, I know you\u2019ve had a long ride to Virginia City and back,\u201d he began drolly.\u00a0 Ben moved over to where his son stood at the credenza unbuckling his holster.\u00a0 Squaring his shoulders, and with his legs spread apart and his hands on his hips, Ben struck his usual paternal stance as he continued, \u201cIt\u2019s really something how the rest of us can get back and forth from town in about one fourth of the time that it takes you though.\u00a0 Should I have the vet come out and look at Cochise?\u00a0 Perhaps she\u2019s ill.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe frowned and dropped his gaze to the floor.\u00a0 He braced himself for the upcoming lecture.\u00a0 He knew that the wisest thing to do now was to answer almost every question posed to him with a subtle \u201cyes sir or no sir\u201d to quell his father\u2019s wrath.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir, Cochise is fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u00a0 Then did you get lost on the way back?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir,\u201d Joe repeated.<\/p>\n Ben leaned forward and breathed in deeply.\u00a0 \u201cThat wouldn\u2019t be whiskey that I smell on you, would it, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe realized that there was no point in trying to lie about the fact that he\u2019d been drinking at the Silver Dollar Saloon.\u00a0 Somehow Pa always knew.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir, I had a little taste \u2013 not much,\u201d He explained, still refusing to look into Pa\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n Ben folded his arms across his chest and studied the boy\u2019s face before speaking.\u00a0 \u201cA taste, Joseph?\u00a0 Would that be the same as about two shots?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa,\u201d Joe answered, slightly shaking his head.<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u00a0 Am I supposed to stand here guessing how many \u201clittle tastes\u201d you had at –,\u201d He paused and glanced over at the clock, \u201cQuarter past twelve?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe a shot and a half,\u201d Little Joe offered with a slight shrug to his shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cI see,\u201d Ben nodded and moved closer to his son.\u00a0 \u201cWas the Silver Dollar on your way to the post office?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir \u2013 on the way back I kind of ran into a couple of friends and \u2013 well \u2013 time just got away from me.\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Ben glowered at the boy but didn\u2019t reply.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019m seventeen,\u201d Little Joe protested his father taking issue with the fact that he\u2019d been out drinking.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m very aware of your age, Joseph.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been seventeen for two whole weeks.\u00a0 But that doesn\u2019t mean that you can stay out drinking until all hours.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve told you that I don\u2019t want you to drink hard liquor.\u00a0 I believe that I\u2019ve told you you\u2019re allowed to have one beer \u2013 and not even that too often.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam and Hoss \u2013\u201d Joe began but Pa cut him off quickly.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to hear you comparing yourself with your brothers, Young Man.\u00a0 They don\u2019t have anything to do with what we\u2019re talking about right now.\u00a0 And besides that, they\u2019re both older than you!\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe crossed the room lifting his hands up in the air in gesture.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mon Pa, they\u2019re always going to be older than me!\u201d He complained, his temper flaring.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019ll be enough, Young Man,\u201d Ben warned and walked over to the boy.\u00a0 \u201cNeither of your brothers were out drinking whiskey when they were seventeen.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why you think that you should be treated differently than I treated Hoss and Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe dropped his head and let out a deep sigh.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to argue, Pa.\u00a0 Can I just go to bed?\u00a0 It\u2019s late.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m very cognizant as to the lateness of your arrival, Joseph.\u00a0 Now sit down,\u201d Ben pointed across the room and directed his son to take a seat.<\/p>\n Reluctantly Joe took a seat on the settee as he had been instructed.\u00a0 He folded his arms across his chest trying to hold in his frustration as Pa sat down opposite him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou were supposed to finish your chores and then go into town for the mail.\u00a0 That was hours ago.\u00a0 Both your brothers came home on time, ate their dinner and went to bed.\u00a0 Whereas I sat here worrying about something happening to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can handle myself just fine,\u201d Little Joe muttered and then noticed his father\u2019s stern glare directed at him.\u00a0 He reached inside his jacket and pulled out the stack of letters.\u00a0 \u201cHere,\u201d he said and handed his father the mail.<\/p>\n Ben was unamused by what the boy had said, and it showed in the way he just tossed the letters down onto the coffee table.\u00a0 \u201cI think you can just stick around the house for the next week, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not fair!\u201d Joe protested, springing up from the couch.\u00a0 \u201cI brought you the mail \u2013 and I got my chores done!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou also didn\u2019t come home as I told you to do and you\u2019ve been out drinking hard liquor.\u00a0 That\u2019s two counts that you have against you right now.\u00a0 Should I add shouting to the list?\u201d Ben asked as he stood again and faced the boy.<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head and frowned.\u00a0 \u201cOkay\u2014I\u2019m sorry I shouted,\u201d He whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright\u2014and what about not following instructions and drinking?\u00a0 Are you sorry you did any of that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf it costs me a week around here, I am.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben placed a hand onto his son\u2019s shoulder and forced his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, I don\u2019t think that I\u2019m being unreasonable with you.\u00a0 Evidently you don\u2019t care that I sat here worrying about you, but I was just about ready to head off to see if I could find you.\u00a0 Your actions affect all of us whether you realize it or not.\u00a0 Now there\u2019s plenty of chores to do around here and more than enough to keep you occupied for a week or more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust because I was late?\u201d He asked incredulously, still indignant over being restricted to the house for an entire week.<\/p>\n Groaning, Ben lifted his son\u2019s chin and stared into the boy\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, we\u2019ve gone over this already.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t do what you were supposed to do, you drank what you shouldn\u2019t have, and you stayed out until midnight and made me worry.\u00a0 One week working here at the ranch house isn\u2019t much of a punishment.\u00a0 Ask your brothers what they would\u2019ve gotten had they done what you did today.\u00a0 They\u2019d tell you that they both would have had a trip out to the barn with me and a whole lot longer than a week of hanging around here!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019m sorry that I\u2019m not as perfect as my brothers were at my age!\u201d Joe returned angrily.<\/p>\n \u201cYou are this close now,\u201d Ben warned, raising his hand and signifying an inch with his thumb and index finger.<\/p>\n Pushing away from his father, Little Joe turned for the stairs without another word said.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben called after the boy.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re not done yet.\u201d<\/p>\n Spinning around, Joe stared over at his father.\u00a0 \u201cWhat now?\u00a0 You going to threaten me with a tanning again, Pa?\u201d He responded hurtfully.<\/p>\n Ben walked over to the stairs and reached for his son\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph,\u201d he began softly trying to tap down his son\u2019s temper.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t like being on the outs with you.\u00a0 However, you\u2019ve got to start following the rules around here.\u00a0 If Adam or Hoss had done what you did today back when they were seventeen, they would have had this same restriction \u2013 plus a whole lot more.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t recall either of them ever flaring off at me like you\u2019ve been doing here lately.\u00a0 You need to watch your tone of voice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine,\u201d Little Joe muttered.\u00a0 \u201cCan I go now?\u201d<\/p>\n Sighing wearily over his failure to get through to his son, Ben nodded to Little Joe and watched him walk up to his room.\u00a0 *** That boy will probably be the death of me.\u00a0 Why has he always been the hardest to raise?\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019m getting soft in my old age? *** <\/em><\/strong>he wondered and then walked up to his room for a few hours of sleep.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n The following day Ben had to explain to both of Joe\u2019s brothers that he wouldn\u2019t be riding out with them to tend the herd.\u00a0 Hoss had stayed up late looking out his bedroom window until he saw his little brother get home.\u00a0 He figured that there must\u2019ve been a big blow out between his father and Little Joe, so he didn\u2019t ask too many questions.\u00a0 Adam had been up reading when his little brother had made it in and had heard Pa\u2019s lecture thus, he didn\u2019t have to ask Pa what had happened the night before.\u00a0 When Joe came down the stairs and took his seat at the table the room fell hushed.\u00a0 The silence wasn\u2019t lost on him as he shot a glance at both of his brothers and then over to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cI just told your brothers that you\u2019ll be working around here for the next week, Joseph,\u201d Ben announced and passed a cup of coffee to the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cGreat — I figured that\u2019s what you\u2019d do,\u201d Joe stated flatly.\u00a0 He knew that there were never any secrets in the family, and that his brothers had been told all about what he had done the previous day.\u00a0 Little Joe filled his plate with bacon and eggs and was just about to start eating when Adam chimed in.<\/p>\n \u201cKid, you don\u2019t need to be swilling rotgut it isn\u2019t good for you,\u201d Adam piped up from the end of the table.<\/p>\n Little Joe didn\u2019t appreciate what his brother had said and it showed on his face.\u00a0 \u201cWell, it tasted just fine to me,\u201d He spat back.<\/p>\n \u201cYou do know why they call it rotgut, right?\u201d Adam returned, casting a disapproving glance over at Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve already had the complimentary lecture, Adam, I don\u2019t need another thank you,\u201d He retorted.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys \u2013 let\u2019s have some peace at the breakfast table please,\u201d Ben jumped in attempting to prevent another argument between the two sons who went after each other the most.<\/p>\n Ignoring his father\u2019s statement, Joe rolled his eyes at his oldest brother and turned to Hoss for help.\u00a0 \u201cYou drink rotgut don\u2019t you, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n Feeling put on the spot after noticing his father\u2019s stern visage, Hoss tried to think of a diplomatic way around his brother\u2019s question.<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 yeah, Little Brother, I drink it sometimes,\u201d he said and paused to look at his father who was sitting there frowning.\u00a0 \u201cBut I prefer a nice cold beer.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t sneak up on a man like rotgut does.\u201d<\/p>\n Clearing his throat to get the attention of all three of his sons, Ben announced, \u201cAlright, Boys, next topic \u2013 I believe we\u2019ve covered the foolishness of imbibing in rotgut sufficiently now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess we\u2019d better get out to the herd, Hoss,\u201d Adam said and, polishing off the last of his coffee, stood from the table.\u00a0 \u201cPa, we should be home before dark<\/strong>,\u201d he offered and, looked directly at Little Joe, indicating with emphasis the fact that there wasn\u2019t any valid reason to return home late like the boy had done the previous night.<\/p>\n *** He\u2019s always got to add his own two cents in about everything that I do! ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe thought to himself and shook his head very annoyed.\u00a0 \u00a0He had a few choice words that he would\u2019ve liked to say to Adam in response, but he didn\u2019t think they would go over very well with his father at the time.<\/p>\n \u201cSee you, Pa.\u00a0 See you Short Shanks!\u201d Hoss called as he stood and made his way out of the dining room.<\/p>\n \u201cYou boys have a good day,\u201d Ben returned as he watched them walk into the next room to get their gear.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared down at his plate and waited.\u00a0 He presumed his father would have a few parting words to say to him before he left for town.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben began and stared over at the boy.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s wood to be chopped and those boards on the porch need fixing.\u00a0 You\u2019ll find everything you need already out there.\u00a0 Then you can tackle the barn.\u201d<\/p>\n Dropping his head down to his chest Joe chose his reply carefully.\u00a0 \u201cAre you really making me stay here all week, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded his head and replied, \u201cDon\u2019t you remember our little talk last night?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 yeah \u2013 but I just figured that you were kind of upset.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think you really meant it, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI did,\u201d Ben stated adamantly.\u00a0 \u201cI told you that you got off easy.\u00a0 Just ask your brothers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t ask my brothers because they\u2019re not out in the yard where I\u2019ve got to stay!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 that\u2019ll be enough.\u201d<\/p>\n Standing from the table Joe dropped his napkin down on his plate.\u00a0 \u201cAll I did was come in a little late \u2013 and I just had a little taste of rotgut,\u201d he protested to deaf ears.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben repeated himself, still staring at his son.<\/p>\n \u201cThe whole week, Pa?\u00a0 I was going to see Mitch on Thursday.\u00a0 If I get everything done, can\u2019t I at least go over to his place?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOne week.\u201d<\/p>\n Drawing in a deep breath and trying his best not to offer another protest, Joe turned for the door.<\/p>\n Ben listened to the front door opening and waited to hear it close. He was a bit surprised that Joe hadn\u2019t slammed it on his way out to show his displeasure over being stuck at the house.\u00a0 He sat back in his chair and shook his head over the boy\u2019s antics.\u00a0 ***A taste indeed!\u00a0 Does he really think I bought that?\u00a0 That boy! *** <\/em><\/strong>Ben mused as he finished his coffee and enjoyed the very rare tranquility that had fallen over the house.<\/p>\n **************<\/p>\n And so went Little Joe\u2019s week of staying close to the house and working due to his restrictions.\u00a0 Though he had fussed a bit on the first day, he settled down and finished all the chores that his father had assigned to him.\u00a0 By the time Thursday rolled around he had almost given up on asking his father about leaving to go over to the Devlin ranch.\u00a0 Joe reasoned that if he could catch Pa in a good mood he\u2019d try one more time.<\/p>\n Walking outside, Ben noticed his youngest chopping wood just to the right of the porch.\u00a0 He smiled to see his son hard at work and made his way over to him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben said, placing a hand on his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve done a very good job around here this week and I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n Mopping his brow, Joe dropped the axe back on top of the chopping block and grinned over at his father.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa.\u00a0 Any chance of an early release?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure,\u201d Ben pursed his lips and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cOn Sunday you can leave here and go to church with me.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe groaned and shook his head unamused.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about today or Friday?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOne week, remember?\u201d He asked, raising his eyebrows.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright,\u201d Joe relented and lifted the axe back into his hand.<\/p>\n Ben chuckled and patted the boy\u2019s back.\u00a0 \u201cNow I\u2019ve got to go pay the men up at the mill and then run a few errands in town.\u00a0 \u00a0Your brothers probably won\u2019t be getting home tonight until dark.\u00a0 I need those fence poles loaded into the buckboard today so Fletcher and his crew can set them tomorrow.\u00a0 They\u2019re up by the creek digging the post holes right now. \u00a0After you do that, I need you to finish straightening up the tack room once you\u2019re done chopping this wood for Hop Sing\u2019s stove.\u00a0 I hope to be back before suppertime.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s going to take me all day, Pa,\u201d Joe groaned.<\/p>\n Ben chuckled and patted the boy\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cI realize that, Son.\u00a0 But it will make you appreciate minding the herd next week when you\u2019ll be free to leave here again.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe just shook his head as he watched his father mount his horse.\u00a0 He sighed to himself and wondered if those two full shots of rotgut had been worth the week of confinement.<\/p>\n \u201cNow you stay put, Joseph,\u201d Ben called down to the boy.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d he nodded as Pa rode out of the yard.\u00a0 *** Yeah, like I can go anywhere with all those chores you loaded me up with! ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought to himself and then went back to work.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Making decent progress on his list of things that Pa had left for him to do, Little Joe took a break on the porch.\u00a0 Hop Sing was in Virginia City so he had made his own coffee and slowly sipped it and tried to relax before tackling the rest of his chores.\u00a0 He was just about ready to get back to work when his friend Mitch Devlin rode into the yard.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe!\u201d the young man sang out, smiling as he dismounted at the front hitching post.<\/p>\n \u201cHi, Mitch,\u201d Joe said and stepped down to greet him.\u00a0 They shook hands and then walked back to the porch and sat down in the two rocking chairs.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s up with you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you were coming by my place today?\u00a0 I waited until noon and then headed out here to find out what happened to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe frowned and drew in a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cThe other night I got in late and my pa got on me about it, so I\u2019ve been stuck doing chores here all week.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDarn \u2013 I came here to tell you that Chuck Conway is going to be at the Circle W today to try and break that black stallion that Mister Mathers caught a few weeks back.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s face lit up.\u00a0 Chuck Conway was the most experienced wrangler in the area, and he\u2019d always enjoyed watching the way the man handled the new horses.\u00a0 And besides that, Little Joe had seen the horse when the owner of the Circle W brought it in and was hoping that the man might just let him have a go at breaking it.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen\u2019s he doing it?\u201d Little Joe asked, his mind already processing how he could get over to the other ranch to see it.<\/p>\n \u201cLater this afternoon.\u00a0 He\u2019s coming from Carson City \u2013 so Mister Mathers told my pa that it\u2019d be around four or five before he can make it to the Circle W.\u201d Mitch explained.\u00a0 He could almost hear the wheels in his friend\u2019s head turning, working on how he could make it over to the ranch and back in time.<\/p>\n Nervously biting on his bottom lip, Joe stood from the chair and stared down at his friend.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve got at least two hours of work before I could go out there, Mitch.\u00a0 Pa said I had to stay here \u2013 but maybe if I could make it to the Circle W and back here before dark, I could beat him and my brothers back home?\u00a0 Then Pa would be none the wiser.\u201d<\/p>\n Mitch rose from the chair, slapped Little Joe\u2019s back and grinned, \u201cHeck, I\u2019ll help you!\u00a0 If the two of us work together I bet we\u2019d still have time to get out there.\u00a0 But what about your pa?\u00a0 If you leave the ranch what\u2019ll you do if he finds out?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe won\u2019t \u2013 all\u2019s we have to do is get those chores taken care of first.\u00a0 It shouldn\u2019t take me more than an hour or so to get back here after we watch Conway have a go at that horse.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got plenty of time before it gets dark.\u00a0 Besides everyone\u2019s gone even Hop Sing.\u00a0 Nobody will even know I left.\u201d<\/p>\n Laughing, Mitch nodded and stepped down off the porch.\u00a0 \u201cThen let\u2019s get started!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Mitch,\u201d Little Joe smiled as the two of them walked across the yard to finish all the remaining chores.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n ***The road to hell is paved with good intentions. ***<\/em><\/strong> Little Joe thought to himself as he walked his horse the remaining five miles back to the ranch house that night.\u00a0\u00a0 Everything had gone as planned.\u00a0 He had arrived at the Circle W. with Mitch and had watched the wrangler break the wild black stallion.\u00a0 All of that had gone smoothly.\u00a0 When he left Mitch at the cutoff between the Ponderosa and the Devlin ranch both young men were happy that there was still a good hour or so before the sun was going to set. \u00a0That meant that Little Joe would have ample time to get home before any of his family members would make it there.\u00a0 Fortunately, Cochise was a fast horse who could get him back to the ranch house with time to spare.\u00a0 Not a mile from where he had said goodbye to his friend things had gone drastically awry.\u00a0 Cochise had begun to limp and when Little Joe hopped down to check on the horse\u2019s front left hoof, he found that she had been hurt.\u00a0 There was a good-sized cut on her footpad which meant that there would be no riding her.\u00a0 He loved his horse and wouldn\u2019t have done anything that would have made her hurt worse like riding her all the way home.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay, Cooch,\u201d Little Joe cooed to the animal and patted her on the withers.\u00a0 \u201cYou must\u2019ve stepped on a sharp rock or something.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry — when we get home Hoss will doctor you and you\u2019ll be as good as new in a couple of days.\u00a0 I just wish that if you had to get hurt that it hadn\u2019t been today that you came up lame. There\u2019s just no way that the two of us can walk the rest of the way home and get in before dark now.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go,\u201d he sighed and grabbed the reins pulling the horse behind him.\u00a0 Slowly Joe walked with his horse the rest of the way back to the ranch house.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m gonna say to Pa.\u00a0 I guess I\u2019ll just try to tell him the truth \u2013 and hope that my getting the chores done before I left will help.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just explain about wanting to see Chuck break that horse \u2013 and maybe Pa won\u2019t be too mad.\u00a0 He\u2019ll fuss \u2013 and maybe add another week to my sentence,\u201d Joe continued to talk things over with his horse to pass the time.\u00a0 Night had already fallen and if it weren\u2019t for the fact that the road to the house was well worn and that there was a full moon up in the sky, he\u2019d have had trouble seeing his way.\u00a0 \u201cWho am I kidding?\u00a0 Pa\u2019s gonna have a pure fit!\u00a0 As soon as I tell him where I went and why he\u2019s going to start yelling,\u201d Joe frowned when he spied the soft glow from the porch lamp.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I\u2019ll take care of you first and then go in there and try my best to talk to Pa.\u00a0 I mean I did break the rules \u2013 but at least he\u2019ll let me have my say before he starts in on me,\u201d He sighed and pulled his horse into the barn.\u00a0 Little Joe was exhausted after putting in a hard day\u2019s work along with the very long walk home.\u00a0 He removed the saddle and bridle and settled Cochise into her stall.\u00a0 Joe washed the horse\u2019s hoof off with some water and, content that she was going to be okay once Hoss had a chance to tend her, he poured some fresh oats into the feeding trough.\u00a0 It was at that moment that he heard someone\u2019s approach.\u00a0 Looking behind him he noticed his father standing there in the doorway.\u00a0 Little Joe thought about what he would tell him. He hoped to explain to Pa that he hadn\u2019t left as an act of rebellion.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Ben had seen Cochise\u2019s empty stall the minute he had arrived home earlier and settled Buck into the one next to hers.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t believe that his youngest would have disobeyed his order to stay put.\u00a0 Joseph didn\u2019t always follow the rules, that was a well-known fact.\u00a0 But he rarely flat-out ignored his father\u2019s commands, especially when he was already in trouble for disobeying him about something else.\u00a0 He had paced the floor in front of the fireplace and, once his other sons had made it in just before dark, it had only fueled his anger at his youngest boy.\u00a0 Almost two hours after Hoss and Adam had gotten home, he looked out of the window behind his desk and witnessed Joseph pulling his horse into the barn.<\/p>\n Little Joe watched as his father approached and tried to decide what he should say to him by way of an explanation.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t have mattered.\u00a0 Before he could offer up one solitary word, Pa had already removed his belt and spun him around by his arm.\u00a0 Joe couldn\u2019t believe that his father wouldn\u2019t, at the very least, let him explain to him why he had left.\u00a0 Although he knew that what he had done had been the wrong thing to do, in the past Pa had always let him have his say before being punished.\u00a0 That night had proven to be an exception to his father\u2019s former behavior.\u00a0 When it was all said and done, Little Joe had received ten strong claps from his father\u2019s belt to his backside before Pa had finally relented and stopped.<\/p>\n \u201cGet in the house and go up to your room,\u201d Ben ordered in a low controlled tone of voice and threaded his belt back onto his trousers.<\/p>\n Standing there stunned, Little Joe didn\u2019t say a word.\u00a0 He simply hurried out of the barn, never looking back.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Little Joe entered the house before his father and quickly advanced to the staircase.\u00a0 Both Adam and Hoss watched as the boy paused before going up.\u00a0 They knew that something must have happened between their brother and father by the expression on Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 He looked as though he was trying very hard not to break down.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss,\u201d Joe choked out as he held onto the railing, fighting for control of his emotions so he wouldn\u2019t break down in tears there in front of his brothers.\u00a0 \u201cWill you look at Cochise for me?\u00a0 She\u2019s got a cut on her front left hoof,\u201d he asked, never looking over at either brother.<\/p>\n Hoss shared a worried glance with Adam and replied, \u201cSure I will, Little Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Little Joe answered just as Pa walked inside the house.\u00a0 He hurried up the stairs without uttering another word.<\/p>\n Ben cast a quick glance towards the stairs and witnessed the boy\u2019s fast retreat up to his room and then walked over to his study.\u00a0 He poured some brandy into a glass and then sat down at his desk.\u00a0 Both Adam and Hoss stood next to the fireplace wondering if they should ask any questions or give their father time to settle down first.<\/p>\n \u201cThink I\u2019ll go out to the barn for a little while,\u201d Hoss announced and walked outside.<\/p>\n Adam hesitated for a minute before walking over to his father\u2019s study.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know if he would want to talk or if he\u2019d rather be left alone with his thoughts for a while.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u00a0 Anything I can do?\u201d He offered as he stood opposite the man.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head but didn\u2019t respond verbally.<\/p>\n \u201cI think I\u2019ll go out with Hoss for a little bit,\u201d Adam said and, knowing that his father needed some time to digest what had happened between him and Joe, left the house.<\/p>\n An uneasy stillness fell over the ranch house.\u00a0 With two of his boys outside and one upstairs in his room, Ben struggled to make some kind of sense of everything that had happened.\u00a0 Drawing in a deep breath, he held it in for a minute as he fought his emotions.\u00a0 He finally let it out and thought about what had happened in the barn.\u00a0 Closing his eyes he reflected on the way that he had reacted to Little Joe\u2019s act of disobedience.\u00a0 Ben knew that he hadn\u2019t given the boy the chance to explain himself, even though most likely there wasn\u2019t one good reason why Joseph had left the house against his orders.\u00a0 Opening his eyes again, he stared at his drink as he held it up to eye level.\u00a0 He absently rolled the brandy around in the glass.\u00a0 For some reason he was filled with such a heavy feeling of sorrow deep in his heart.\u00a0 Not that he ever felt good about punishing any of his sons, especially when he had to use his belt, but this time just felt different to him.\u00a0 *** Just like him. ***<\/em><\/strong> He frowned as he thought to himself, finally downing the brandy in one quick swallow.\u00a0 *** I did exactly what he would have done.\u00a0 Now what do I do? *** <\/em><\/strong>Ben wondered as his gaze tracked up to the top of the stairs.\u00a0 He knew that Joseph would be lying up there in his room upset over what had transpired in the barn.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t asked the boy why he had gone against his orders.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t done anything but react to Little Joe\u2019s disobedience.\u00a0 Ben felt a deep sickness in the pit of his stomach and, for the life of him, he didn\u2019t know what to do about it.\u00a0 He had hurt his son and regardless of whether Little Joe had deserved it or not, Ben felt terrible about what he had done.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss had stayed out in the barn for better than an hour before coming back into the house.\u00a0 They noticed that Pa was still sitting there at his desk and walked over to him.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Hoss began as he approached his father.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid Little Joe tell you that Cochise has a cut on her hoof?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben coughed into his fist to remove the latent emotion in his throat.\u00a0 \u201cNo \u2013 he didn\u2019t,\u201d He answered.\u00a0 ***I never gave the boy a chance to tell me. ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought to himself as he stared up at his middle boy.\u00a0 \u201cHow bad is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not too bad.\u00a0 I made a poultice and put it on her for a while.\u00a0 As long as Little Joe don\u2019t ride her for a few days, I expect she\u2019ll be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you for tending to her, Son,\u201d Ben nodded over to him.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, why don\u2019t I fix us some coffee?\u201d Adam offered, still attempting to open the door of communication in case his father needed to talk.<\/p>\n Ben stood from the desk and stared back and forth at his sons.\u00a0 He could see that they were trying to make him feel better but that wasn\u2019t going to happen.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t shake off the mood he was in that night.<\/p>\n \u201cNo thank you, Adam.\u00a0 I\u2019m kind of tired.\u00a0 Think I\u2019ll turn in.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u00a0 Do you want to talk about it?\u201d Hoss finally asked.\u00a0 \u201cWe can tell that you\u2019re upset.\u00a0 Did Little Joe tell you why he left?\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Ben tried to come up with something to say but the words wouldn\u2019t come.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know how to put into words why he hadn\u2019t given the boy the chance to explain his actions that day.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s just talk about that some other time, Boys.\u00a0 Goodnight,\u201d He answered and walked to the staircase without another word said.<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss exchanged a worried glance.<\/p>\n \u201cNever remember Pa not wanting to talk over his troubles before,\u201d Hoss commented.<\/p>\n Adam patted his brother\u2019s shoulder and replied, \u201cWell, you know how much he hates to punish our brother \u2013 so he\u2019s taking it a bit hard this time.\u00a0 Things will work out, Hoss, don\u2019t worry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know if I ought to go tell Little Joe that Cochise will be alright or not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019ll keep until tomorrow.\u00a0 You can tell the kid at breakfast.\u00a0 Little Joe probably doesn\u2019t want to talk right now any more than Pa does.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss nodded, \u201cGuess you\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Little Joe washed his face for the third time trying to erase the tears which had left his eyes the minute he was alone in his room.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know which hurt worse, the tanning he\u2019d gotten or the fact that Pa wouldn\u2019t let him explain before he had punished him.\u00a0 That had never happened before.\u00a0 At the very least his father always let him have his say even if it didn\u2019t change the outcome of what would happen next.\u00a0 Joe couldn\u2019t understand why he hadn\u2019t done that this time.\u00a0 Yes, Little Joe knew he\u2019d been in the wrong.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter that he had gotten his chores done, he still shouldn\u2019t have left.\u00a0 Pa had been very clear about that prior to leaving that morning.\u00a0 Joe misjudged his timing, thinking that he\u2019d have plenty of it to go over to the Circle W and back and no-one would be the wiser.\u00a0 Cochise pulling up lame had thrown a wrench into that plan.\u00a0 Drying his face, Joe presumed that his father would be making an appearance soon to talk to him as he usually did after he had punished him.\u00a0 Little Joe wasn\u2019t looking forward to that either.\u00a0 He decided he\u2019d finish washing off and put on a nightshirt so it would be done before his father made his way up to his room.\u00a0 An hour after he\u2019d gotten washed and changed Joe wondered what was keeping Pa.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to go and see if something was going on downstairs.\u00a0 Joe figured that Pa was probably telling his brothers about what had happened in the barn though it wouldn\u2019t have been hard to guess.\u00a0 He\u2019d seen both Adam and Hoss look over at him when he was crossing the living room.\u00a0 They surely figured out what Pa had done to him if they\u2019d seen the look on his face.\u00a0 Spreading out on his bed, Little Joe simply waited.\u00a0 Another hour passed by and Pa had yet to come up.\u00a0 The whole night things hadn\u2019t played out like he had thought it would.\u00a0 Pa hadn\u2019t let him have his say before punishing him and he never showed up in his room to talk things out.\u00a0 Giving up on that happening, Little Joe slipped under his sheet and comforter and turned the wick of his lamp down low.\u00a0 It was time to go to sleep and put an end to the awful day he\u2019d had.<\/p>\n Unbeknownst to Little Joe, Pa had made it to his bedroom but had never opened the door.\u00a0 He simply stood out in the hall and stared over at the boy\u2019s door.\u00a0 Ben wanted to go in and talk to his son, but he wasn\u2019t sure what he should say.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to send mixed signals to the boy, and he felt like that would be what would happen if he walked inside at that point.\u00a0 Ben was angry that Joseph had disobeyed him, and for that reason he had been punished.\u00a0 However, he was angry with himself as well.\u00a0 He was consumed with guilt for not letting Little Joe explain why he had left and how his horse had been injured.\u00a0 Ben felt awful that he had hit his son without talking to him and that feeling wasn\u2019t going to go away overnight.\u00a0 Drawing in a deep and painful breath, Ben turned and walked across the hall to his bedroom.\u00a0 He hoped that he would be able to sleep.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Little Joe was the last one to make it to the dining table that morning.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t uncommon but the silence which had fallen over the room was.\u00a0 He sat down and tried not to show the pain that it had caused when his backside hit the hard wooden chair.<\/p>\n \u201cMorning,\u201d he said sullenly.<\/p>\n \u201cMorning, Little Brother,\u201d Hoss was the first one to answer.<\/p>\n \u201cMorning, Kid,\u201d Adam joined in and cast a quick glance to the head of the table where his father sat.<\/p>\n \u201cGood morning,\u201d Ben said in reply, though he never looked over at his youngest.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared down at his plate and decided that he\u2019d better at least attempt to eat.\u00a0 He put some eggs and toast on his plate but didn\u2019t take more than one bite of each.\u00a0 He kept waiting for Pa to speak up but he hadn\u2019t uttered another word after saying good morning.<\/p>\n Noticing the awkward silence, Hoss piped up, \u201cLittle Brother, Cochise is gonna be okay.\u00a0 I put a poultice on that hoof, and I\u2019ll check on her before I leave to go tend those ornery cows.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Hoss,\u201d Joe nodded over to his brother, glad that someone was speaking to him at the time.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not very bad then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 must be a cut from an old rock \u2013 but it\u2019s not that deep,\u201d Hoss replied still wondering why his father wasn\u2019t saying a word.<\/p>\n \u201cIs Fletcher coming to get those fence posts today, Pa?\u201d Adam asked, hoping that it would open the conversation up some.<\/p>\n Ben glanced back and forth between Adam and Hoss and then looked at Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cYes, he\u2019s a bit short handed.\u00a0 Joseph, I want you to go with him today.\u00a0 He\u2019ll take you in the buckboard.\u00a0 As soon as you\u2019re done with breakfast go on out and wait for him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d He answered and put his napkin on the table and stood.\u00a0 He turned for the front door without saying anything further.\u00a0 Pa had acted so indifferent to him that it was only making him feel worse than he already did.\u00a0 He thought that his father would want to speak to him about what had happened the previous day but obviously he didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Now Little Joe felt like Pa just wanted to be rid of him.\u00a0 He walked outside and waited for the foreman to come.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess you\u2019re still mad at the kid, huh?\u201d Adam asked as he finished his coffee and stared at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not mad.\u00a0 I just gave him something to do,\u201d Ben responded succinctly, not wanting to get into all that had transpired the previous day.<\/p>\n Choosing his words carefully, Hoss continued where his brother had stopped, \u201cPa, you didn\u2019t go up to Little Joe\u2019s room last night to talk to him, did you?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head and sighed.\u00a0 He was at a loss to explain his behavior towards the boy.\u00a0 He noticed both of his sons staring at him and knew that he had to say something in response.\u00a0 \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Boys, I don\u2019t want to get into what happened with your little brother.\u00a0 Just let me handle it the best way I know how.\u00a0 Now, don\u2019t you both need to get out with the herd?\u00a0 The calf count is due in the next couple of days.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss stood and looked at their father.\u00a0 They realized that he was letting them know that talking about Little Joe\u2019s punishment was off the table for the time being and neither man wanted to rile their father.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re heading out now, Pa,\u201d Adam announced and walked over to him.\u00a0 \u201cEverything will be okay, you\u2019ll see,\u201d he said and patted his father\u2019s back before turning to leave.<\/p>\n \u201cSee you in time for supper, Pa,\u201d Hoss smiled over at his father and turned out of the room with his brother.<\/p>\n Once he was alone at the table, Ben dropped his head down into his hands and sighed.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t remember when he had felt so troubled before.\u00a0 He thought about the way his youngest had looked that morning when he watched the boy coming down the stairs.\u00a0 Ben had wanted to reach for his left arm the minute that he had taken a seat there next to him.\u00a0 But he hadn\u2019t done that.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t do that.\u00a0 For some reason which was unknown to him he felt like he needed to distance himself from Joseph.\u00a0 Perhaps it was his own misgivings for the way he had acted the night before, Ben wasn\u2019t sure.\u00a0 Regardless there was an awkward uneasiness that he just couldn\u2019t shake when it came to his youngest son now.\u00a0 And he didn\u2019t know how to get it to go away.\u00a0 *** Oh, Joseph.\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t I talk to you before punishing you last night?\u00a0 Why now?\u00a0 I\u2019m turning into him.\u00a0 I can feel it — and I\u2019m going to have to do whatever I can to prevent that from happening.\u00a0 Even if that means keeping you at arm\u2019s length from me. ***<\/em><\/strong> He thought to himself as he stood from the table.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Fletcher stared over at the boy who was leaning against the buckboard.\u00a0 He had watched Little Joe most of the morning and could tell that the boy had a world of troubles on his shoulders.\u00a0 The kid had worked hard and pulled his own weight as they worked on the fencing for hours.\u00a0 When he had told both Joe and Cody to take a break for lunch, he noticed that the boy hadn\u2019t eaten a thing, though Hop Sing had sent plenty with the buckboard.\u00a0 Shaking his head bewildered, he then nodded over to Cody.\u00a0 \u00a0The other man had read the look on Fletcher\u2019s face and knew that he needed a minute alone with Little Joe.\u00a0 Fletcher walked over to the buckboard to find out what was going on with the kid.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter, Little Joe?\u00a0 You ain\u2019t eaten one thing from that basket that old Hop Sing packed up for the three of us,\u201d he said and took a seat in the bed of the wagon.<\/p>\n \u201cGuess I\u2019m not very hungry, Fletcher,\u201d Joe responded quietly.\u00a0 Even though he had missed supper the previous night and had only eaten one mouthful of eggs and toast, he couldn\u2019t bring himself to eat.<\/p>\n \u201cI just can\u2019t believe that you and Hoss are brothers!\u00a0 My that boy can eat!\u201d Fletcher quipped, hoping to pull the boy out of his shell.<\/p>\n Little Joe looked down at the ground and replied, \u201cHe\u2019s bigger so he\u2019s got to eat more.\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher reached over and patted the boy\u2019s arm and said, \u201cYou ever think that he\u2019s bigger than you because you don\u2019t eat half the time, Boy?\u201d<\/p>\n Not offering a verbal reply, Joe just shrugged his shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, I don\u2019t like to see you so down in the gills.\u00a0 It takes away all the fun I have yelling at you!\u00a0 Now \u2013 you want to tell me what\u2019s going on?\u00a0 I might not be able to solve your problem but sometimes a man\u2019s just got to get things out of his gut.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFletcher, I appreciate your offer \u2013 but it\u2019s just something I\u2019ve got to work out on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n Reaching his hand out, the man touched the boy\u2019s chin and redirected his gaze.\u00a0 \u201cYou got into it with your pa, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess you can say that,\u201d Little Joe nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cYou guess?\u00a0 Either you did or you didn\u2019t \u2013 so which was it?\u201d<\/p>\n Frowning, Little Joe answered, \u201cI can\u2019t say I got into it with him \u2013 because he didn\u2019t talk to me.\u00a0 He just punished me and that was it.\u00a0 No discussion \u2013 not last night and not today.\u00a0 All my father said was for me to come out here with you.\u201d<\/p>\n Mulling over what the boy had just offered, Fletcher scrubbed at his chin.\u00a0 \u201cSo, your pa is giving you the cold shoulder, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe simply nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 what did you do to get him mad at you?\u201d he asked a look of suspicion in his eyes.\u00a0 He knew the youngest Cartwright boy had gotten himself into quite a few fixes over the years.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t listen to him.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t supposed to leave the yard, and I ran off to go watch Chuck Conway break that black stallion that Mister Mathers caught two weeks ago.\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher drew in a deep breath and considered what the boy had told him.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I heard that old Chuck gave that stallion a real work out yesterday.\u00a0 Did you tell your pa that you just wanted to see him break that horse?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head, and his face took on a stricken appearance.\u00a0 \u201cI told you he didn\u2019t want to talk to me.\u00a0 Pa just hit me and sent me to my room last night.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat don\u2019t rightly sound like old Ben,\u201d Fletcher admitted.\u00a0 He could tell that the boy wasn\u2019t lying to him, but he found it hard to believe that his boss hadn\u2019t bothered to talk to his youngest son.\u00a0 He knew for a fact that Ben Cartwright doted on the boy.\u00a0 He patted Little Joe on the shoulder and continued, \u201cMaybe he\u2019s got some other worries on him right now, Joe.\u00a0 You know sometimes a man gets so caught up in his problems that he can get riled up with little provocation.\u00a0 I just bet you that your pa will talk to you tonight.\u00a0 He probably just had a burr under his saddle last night.\u201d<\/p>\n Staring into the foreman\u2019s eyes he wanted to believe what he had said.\u00a0 Fletcher was usually very boisterous and rough around the edges.\u00a0 It surprised him that he showed so much concern over his problems.\u00a0 \u201cHey — thanks for talking to me, Fletcher.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou lopped eared stump brain ornery pampered cuss,\u201d He began to hurl his normal insults but stopped for just a second and winked over at Little Joe before finishing his spiel.\u00a0 \u201cIf you don\u2019t get your lazy self over to those fence posts and get to work, I\u2019m gonna take this here hammer and wrap it around your neck \u2013 twice!\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe rewarded the man for his kindness with a big smile.\u00a0 It was the first time he had forgotten his problems for such a long while that it felt good.\u00a0 \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Little Joe answered and walked over to the fence posts, lifting two up in his arms and carrying them over to Cody.<\/p>\n *** I think I\u2019m going soft in my old age. Stupid little cuss and his problems.\u00a0 What am I \u2013 a nurse maid for wayward boys?\u00a0 Old Ben better start acting right towards that kid or boss or no boss I\u2019ll wrap a hammer around his neck too! ***<\/em><\/strong> Fletcher grinned to himself and then walked over to help Little Joe and Cody with the fencing.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss had just stabled their horses when the buckboard pulled up in the yard. They walked over to greet Fletcher and their brother.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, you two get all that nasty fencing done?\u201d Hoss smiled as he approached the wagon.<\/p>\n Fletcher eyed both Cartwright brothers and replied, \u201cOf course we did \u2013 ain\u2019t that what we set out to do today?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam laughed and nodded at the foreman.\u00a0 \u201cWe figured that you would, Fletcher.\u00a0 Want to come inside and have some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, but I\u2019ve got something stronger in mind.\u00a0 Gonna go clean up and head on into town.\u201d\u00a0 He stared over at Little Joe and noticed how he had lingered as if he didn\u2019t want to go into the house.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll see you boys.\u00a0 Little Joe, you did a good job for such a lazy spoiled kid.\u201d<\/p>\n Looking over at the foreman and seeing the smile on his face, Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m gonna be fixing those two weathered gates at the main breaking corral tomorrow.\u00a0 Maybe you want to come help?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf Pa says so,\u201d Little Joe answered.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019ll check with you in the morning.\u00a0 Night, Boys,\u201d Fletcher nodded and turned the wagon to the far side of the barn to unhitch the team of horses.<\/p>\n Hoss slung an arm around his little brother\u2019s shoulder and said, \u201cLet\u2019s go inside.\u00a0 Hopefully Hop Sing will have dinner ready soon.\u00a0 Bet you\u2019re hungry after working on fences all day.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuess I am,\u201d Little Joe replied and walked into the house alongside his two brothers.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Ben was on the staircase heading down to the living room when he saw the front door open and his three sons walking inside.\u00a0 He drew in a deep breath still unsure as to how he was going to handle the situation with his youngest boy.<\/p>\n \u201cYou boys all have a good day?\u201d he asked making it down into the living room.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir \u2013 we got a good start on that calf count.\u00a0 Should be able to finish tomorrow, Pa,\u201d Hoss offered as he sat down on the settee.<\/p>\n Adam watched his youngest brother as he just stood there next to the credenza.\u00a0 It looked as though he was seeking permission to speak to their father at the time.<\/p>\n \u201cFletcher said that Little Joe put in a hard day,\u201d Adam smiled and joined the other men around the fireplace.<\/p>\n \u201cGood,\u201d Ben replied and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess I\u2019ll go get cleaned up,\u201d Little Joe muttered and walked to the staircase.\u00a0 He had felt his father\u2019s uneasiness and the way that he hadn\u2019t offered anything more than that one-word response to Adam\u2019s praise.<\/p>\n Hoss watched his brother walk to his room and turned to say something to his father once he\u2019d heard the bedroom door closing.\u00a0 \u201cPa?\u00a0 You still mad at Little Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not mad, Hoss,\u201d he insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t hardly say anything to him when the three of us came in a minute ago.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere wasn\u2019t much that I could say,\u201d Ben sighed.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t shake the uneasy feeling he had about what had happened the night before.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t risk making things worse with the boy either, so he had chosen to draw back from him.<\/p>\n \u201cThe kid left the ranch like he wasn\u2019t supposed to and he came back late,\u201d Adam interjected.\u00a0 \u201cYou punished him \u2013 so why does it seem like you\u2019re still on the outs with the kid, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Standing from his chair, Ben replied, \u201cI\u2019m not on the \u201couts\u201d with him.\u00a0 Now I\u2019ve got some work at my desk that I need to attend to before supper.\u00a0 Hop Sing said it\u2019ll be ready in about an hour.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss and Adam watched as their father crossed the living room and took a seat behind his desk.\u00a0 They exchanged a confused glance wondering what was going on between Pa and the boy he most often doted on and never ignored.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n To say that Little Joe had been uncomfortable sitting just to the right of his father at the dinner table that night would have been an understatement.\u00a0 The conversation had been a bit sparce and he watched his two brothers looking back and forth between them quite a few times.\u00a0\u00a0 Joe felt like his pa was doing everything that he could not to look at him or even acknowledge his presence.\u00a0 It was all that he could do to just sit there and try to get his supper down.<\/p>\n It had taken all the willpower that he possessed to pipe up and say something to his father, but he finally did.\u00a0 Just as soon as Hop Sing had come in to clear the dishes from the table, he knew that he had to try to ask his father about the plans for the next day.<\/p>\n \u201cFletcher asked if I could help him make the repairs on those two gates at the breaking corral tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n Not looking at the boy, Ben replied, \u201cThat\u2019s fine.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe watched as Pa stood from his chair and walked around the table.\u00a0 He had patted Hoss\u2019 shoulder as he made his way into the living room.\u00a0 Earlier, right before they had sat down for supper, Little Joe noticed his father slinging his arm around Adam as they had walked over to the dining table.\u00a0 It only made him feel worse.\u00a0 As far as he was concerned Pa was ignoring him and treating him differently from his brothers.\u00a0 That fact hurt more than his punishment out in the barn had.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess I\u2019ll go to bed.\u00a0 Goodnight,\u201d Little Joe announced as he stood at the bottom of the stairs, his face turned away from the three men now sitting in the living room.<\/p>\n \u201cGoodnight, Kid,\u201d Adam returned, shooting a glance towards his father.<\/p>\n \u201cRest up, Short Shanks,\u201d Hoss joined in.<\/p>\n Little Joe waited for a few seconds to see if Pa would say anything.<\/p>\n \u201cGoodnight,\u201d Ben returned quietly.<\/p>\n Joe hurried up to his room.\u00a0 He knew that his father would\u2019ve said something else to him if things had been straightened out between the two of them.\u00a0 At the very least he would have gotten a \u201cgoodnight son\u201d out of him.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t believe that Pa was carrying on the way that he was.\u00a0 Yes, he knew that he shouldn\u2019t have left the ranch or come home after dark.\u00a0 Joe knew that he had out and out disobeyed his father. \u00a0But he had done far worse in the past, and Pa hadn\u2019t acted like he was doing now.\u00a0 Little Joe didn\u2019t bother changing into a nightshirt.\u00a0 He just spread out on his bed and willed himself to fall to sleep.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n *** The room was dark with only the light from one kerosene lamp sitting on the table in the far corner.\u00a0 It cast the shadow of the man onto the wall which made him appear larger than life.\u00a0 He watched as the figure walked away from him not bothering to answer his question.\u00a0 \u201cBut Father \u2013\u201d He began but was cut off right away.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll not say it again.\u00a0 I do not want to hear another word!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cBut Father \u2013 if you\u2019ll just listen,\u201d Again he was cut off.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve warned you never to argue with me. When I say I don\u2019t want to hear another word I mean it, Benjamin!\u201d The man shouted.\u00a0 It was then that he spotted the razor strap. ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Ben lurched forward in his bed, his heart beating rapidly and sweat pouring down from his forehead.\u00a0 He had to remind himself where he was at the time.\u00a0 Ben eyed the lamp there on his nightstand, its flame turned down low.\u00a0 He reached for the wick knob and raised it up higher.\u00a0 Swinging his legs off to the side of his bed, Ben debated if he should go downstairs to get something to drink. The dream had left him anxious and his heart feeling a particular kind of dread that he hadn\u2019t experienced for more years than he could remember.<\/p>\n ***Why now?\u00a0 Why did I dream about him after all these years? ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben wondered as he stood from the bed and reached for his robe.\u00a0 He pulled it on and glanced over at the mantle clock.\u00a0 It was two a.m. and Ben was in his own room. He was there in his house; the house that he had carved out of the wilderness.\u00a0 There were three young men sleeping in their rooms, and they were his sons.\u00a0 Ben was a father and hadn\u2019t been in the role of a son for many years.\u00a0 He shook his head, still confused by what he had seen in his nightmare.\u00a0 ***I\u2019m far away from all that I left behind so many years ago.\u00a0 But I heard his voice \u2013 my father\u2019s voice. ***<\/em><\/strong> He sighed and walked to the door, finally pulling it open.\u00a0 Ben stepped into the hallway and stared over at the room across from his.\u00a0 ***Oh, Joseph \u2013 that\u2019s why I dreamt what I did.\u00a0 You\u2019re his namesake \u2013 and after what just happened between us \u2013 it all makes sense.\u00a0 I acted exactly like he would have. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben shook his head sadly.\u00a0 He wished that he could go inside the bedroom and wake Little Joe and apologize for his actions.\u00a0 But he couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 Ben closed his eyes and fought back the sorrow that just wouldn\u2019t let go.\u00a0 He had heard his father\u2019s voice, and it was a painful reminder of why he had left home so many years ago.\u00a0 ***It\u2019s not going to happen to the two of us. ***<\/em><\/strong> he vowed and walked to the staircase.\u00a0 Ben needed some air.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n The next morning had been a replay of the previous one with little conversation around the table and an uneasiness in the air which everyone could feel.\u00a0 Adam and Hoss left right after they\u2019d eaten to finish the calf count, and Little Joe had gone out to work with Fletcher without any fanfare.\u00a0 That just left Ben alone with his thoughts as he attempted to work on his ledgers.\u00a0 He tried to push all thoughts of his nightmare out of his mind along with the way that Joseph had looked when he had left that morning.\u00a0 There had only been a solemn \u201cgood morning\u201d that had been exchanged between his youngest and him and that was the extent of their interaction with each other.\u00a0 Ben hated that.\u00a0 But he couldn\u2019t help how he was feeling at the time.\u00a0 Joseph was now a stark reminder to him of his youth and his feelings towards his own father.\u00a0 He needed to keep the boy away from him for fear that there would be another situation like what had happened in the barn two nights prior.\u00a0 Ben drew in a deep breath and dabbed the end of the pen in the inkwell on his desk.\u00a0 He had to concentrate on the books, at least they made sense to him.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Fletcher, you were wrong,\u201d Little Joe announced as he picked up the tools and put them inside of the buckboard.\u00a0 The foreman and he had worked hard that day and they were just getting ready to head back to the ranch house.<\/p>\n Fletcher shook his head getting a bit agitated over what the boy had told him.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re telling me that your pa still hasn\u2019t cracked and spoke to you about what happened the other day?\u201d He asked incredulously.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 other than a goodnight or good morning Pa hasn\u2019t said one word to me,\u201d Little Joe nodded and stepped up into the wagon.<\/p>\n Fletcher climbed up alongside the boy and frowned.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 now tell me the truth.\u00a0 You sure you didn\u2019t do something other than leaving the ranch when you wasn\u2019t supposed to and coming home late?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Sir \u2013 that\u2019s all that I did.\u00a0 I know that it was wrong \u2013 and I probably deserved what I got out there in the barn.\u00a0 But the way Pa\u2019s been acting you\u2019d think I\u2019d set the house on fire.\u201d<\/p>\n Sending the team of horses forward with a quick slap of the reins, the man thought on all that Joe had conveyed.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just hard to believe, Little Joe.\u00a0 Your pa\u2019s always been a fair man.\u00a0 We ain\u2019t always seen eye to eye, you know?\u00a0 But he\u2019s always been willing to talk out any problems with me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t understand what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher dropped a hand onto the boy\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 He could see the pure misery that was all over Joe\u2019s face at the time.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, you\u2019re just going to have to take the tiger by the tail then.\u00a0 You just wait until old Ben has his dinner and then ask to talk to him.\u00a0 Tell your brothers to get lost.\u00a0 Then you tell your pa what\u2019s on your mind.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe looked apprehensively at the other man and replied, \u201cWhat if Pa won\u2019t talk to me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019ll talk, Little Joe.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019s just been waiting for you to pipe up?\u00a0 Once you break the ice a bit, I\u2019m sure you two can get it all ironed out,\u201d Fletcher insisted.<\/p>\n Shrugging his shoulders helplessly, Joe said, \u201cOkay, I guess I can try.\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher patted the boy\u2019s knee and replied, \u201cIt\u2019ll work out.\u00a0 Like as not when you head out to fix those fences with me tomorrow, you\u2019ll be thanking me for all my advice!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI hope so,\u201d Little Joe nodded and watched as the buckboard pulled up into the yard.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll see you tomorrow, Joe.\u00a0 And most likely you\u2019ll have a big smile on your face.\u00a0 I\u2019d like that – – then I can start yelling at you again!\u201d Fletcher grinned as he watched the boy jump down from the buckboard.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Little Joe nodded to the man.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t go getting all mushy on me \u2013 you dad gum worthless mule headed varmint,\u201d He laughed and slapped the reins to move the wagon over to the corral.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n That evening Little Joe patiently bided his time.\u00a0 He sat quietly during supper only talking with his brothers if they asked him a question.\u00a0 Pa had remained subdued and only offered a few statements about the workday.\u00a0 Joe watched as one by one both of his brothers bid their father and him goodnight and retired for the evening not long after they had eaten.\u00a0 That left him alone with Pa.\u00a0 Sitting on the settee, Little Joe watched as his father sat in the red leather chair next to the fireplace reading a book.\u00a0 Pa hadn\u2019t said a word to him for the entire hour that had passed since Hoss and Adam had gone up to their rooms.\u00a0 Little Joe\u2019s mouth felt as though it was filled with cotton wadding it was so dry as he readied to say something to his father.\u00a0 He had never felt so nervous to be alone with the man before.\u00a0 It made him wonder what had happened to the compassion that Pa had always freely offered him.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Joe called over after finally getting up the nerve to say something.<\/p>\n Ben set the book down in his lap and cast an uneasy glance over at the boy.\u00a0 \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n Pulling himself off the settee and moving over to the fireplace he stood opposite his father and fought to get the words out.\u00a0 \u201cI — well I was wondering if we could talk?\u00a0 I mean \u2013 you\u2019ve hardly said anything to me for days.\u201d<\/p>\n ***Oh, Joseph what can I say to you?\u00a0 I just don\u2019t have the words \u2013 to explain why I did what I did the other night. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben thought as he redirected his gaze back down to his book.<\/p>\n A few awkward minutes later, Ben stood from his chair and looked across the room at the grandfather clock.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s late \u2013 I think you should go to bed, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut Pa \u2013 I just thought that \u2013\u201d Joe was cut off in midsentence by his father.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s late,\u201d Ben reiterated and dropped his book down on top of the coffee table.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to turn in now and I suggest you do as well.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe examined the expression on his father\u2019s face.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t determine if he was witnessing anger or annoyance, but either way it was very apparent that Pa had no desire to talk with him.\u00a0 Wishing that he had never attempted to speak with his father, Little Joe turned and, without saying another word, hurried up the stairs.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want Pa to see the tears in his eyes because he believed that the man wouldn\u2019t have cared anyway.<\/p>\n ***I\u2019m so sorry, Son.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t risk getting close to you only to hurt you more in the long run. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben fought back his own tears after watching the boy rushing away from him.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n \u201cYou going to work with Fletcher again today, Little Brother?\u201d Hoss asked as he passed the boy over some toast.<\/p>\n Little Joe looked even more glum than he had the previous couple of days as he mindlessly drew the toast from the platter and tossed it on his plate.\u00a0 \u201cI guess.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa \u2013 we could use Little Joe to help with the branding,\u201d Adam suggested.<\/p>\n Ben set down his coffee cup as he shot a quick glance around the table.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Fletcher will be expecting your brother to help him today.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe simply threw his napkin down onto his plate and stood from the table.\u00a0 Without another word he walked to the door, grabbed his jacket and left.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 this thing with you and Little Joe \u2013 well the boy\u2019s having a tough time of it,\u201d Hoss returned quietly.\u00a0 \u201cHow long are you going to give him the silent treatment?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben frowned and thought about what he could say in response.\u00a0 He finally answered, \u201cHoss, I\u2019ve told you and Adam that I would handle the situation and that\u2019s what I\u2019m doing.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head and said, \u201cPa \u2013 is there something else bothering you?\u00a0 Because you\u2019re always the first person to forgive that kid \u2013 and Lord knows in the past he\u2019s done worse than what he did the other day.\u00a0 So, what is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just something that the two of us have to work out ourselves,\u201d Ben explained.\u00a0 \u201cNow, it\u2019s about time that the two of you head out, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss exchanged a confused glance with his brother and they both stood from the table.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see you later, Pa,\u201d Hoss said quietly and walked out of the room with his brother.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n \u201cSo, you\u2019re telling me that your pa didn\u2019t say anything?\u201d Fletcher asked the forlorn young man sitting on the ground leaning against a tree.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Little Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI just can\u2019t talk about this stuff anymore.\u00a0 I guess I know how my father feels about me now.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t care less.\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher kneeled alongside the boy and dropped a commiserative hand onto his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cHow about I go and talk to Ben for you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head adamantly.\u00a0 \u201cNo!\u00a0 Please, Fletcher, don\u2019t do that.\u00a0 He\u2019d probably get mad at me, and things are bad enough now.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just have to wait Pa out, I guess.\u00a0 Either he\u2019ll eventually start talking to me or \u2013\u201d Joe trailed off.\u00a0 He had an idea what he might do if his father continued to ignore him, but he wasn\u2019t going to say.<\/p>\n The foreman studied the boy\u2019s face and replied, \u201cLittle Joe \u2013 it ain\u2019t gonna matter if he gets mad since he ain\u2019t talking to you anyway, right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlease?\u201d<\/p>\n Sighing to himself, Fletcher finally nodded over at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, but when I get back from the timber camp next week if things aren\u2019t any better between the two of you, I\u2019m going to have it out with your pa.\u00a0 You understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d Little Joe agreed and stood to pack up the tools that they had use to make the fence repairs.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019d better be heading back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, you ornery little varmint,\u201d Fletcher said and slung an arm across Little Joe\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 He felt sorry for the kid and wished that he could do something to help him.\u00a0 The two of them made it back to the buckboard and headed to the ranch house.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Little Joe jumped out of the buckboard and waved goodbye to Fletcher who was taking the wagon to the timber camp where he\u2019d be working for the next week.\u00a0 He turned to see both Mac Devlin and his son Mitch coming out of the house along with his father.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Little Joe!\u201d Mitch called out as he moved closer to his friend.<\/p>\n \u201cHi, Mitch,\u201d Joe nodded to his friend, avoiding his father standing next to Mac.<\/p>\n \u201cWe just stopped by to see if you wanted to go into town with us.\u00a0 There\u2019s a carnival that\u2019s just started up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks \u2013 but I\u2019m kind of tired,\u201d he replied.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t feel like asking his father\u2019s permission nor was he up to trying to have a good time.<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure, Little Joe?\u201d Mitch asked, surprised that his friend wouldn\u2019t want to see the carnival and have a night in town.\u00a0 \u201cYour pa said you could go \u2013 I asked him.\u201d<\/p>\n Looking away from his friend, he answered.\u00a0 \u201cI put in a long day and just don\u2019t feel like it.\u00a0 You go on and have a good time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Joe \u2013 maybe next time,\u201d Mitch nodded as his father moved closer.<\/p>\n \u201cWe best get going,\u201d Mac said and threw his arm across his son\u2019s shoulder, pulling him close.\u00a0 \u201cI promised this one a good time since he\u2019s done such a great job at the ranch this week.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe stared at both father and son and their open display of affection.\u00a0 It was the last thing he needed to see at the time.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll see you, Mitch,\u201d Joe said and quickly passed by his father and hurried into the house.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s gaze followed his son as he left.\u00a0 He could almost feel the pain that the boy was carrying as he had walked past him.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see you in church, Ben,\u201d Mac said as he and his son mounted their horses.<\/p>\n \u201cHave a good time,\u201d Ben waved to them as they left the yard.\u00a0 Sadly, he walked inside the house.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Brother?\u201d Hoss sang out as he opened the door to his brother\u2019s bedroom and walked inside.\u00a0 \u201cWant to talk?\u201d<\/p>\n Pulling himself up on his bed, Little Joe looked over at Hoss and replied, \u201cNot especially, Hoss.\u00a0 I\u2019m kind of tired — it was a long day.\u201d<\/p>\n Taking a seat across from his brother, Hoss stared over at the boy.\u00a0 \u201cYou barely said a word at supper.\u00a0 Come on \u2013 maybe if you\u2019d talk about it -it might help?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNothing to say.\u00a0 I know both you and Adam can see how it is between Pa and me.\u00a0 It\u2019s been like that all week and it\u2019s not getting any better.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHave you tried to talk to him, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding, Joe returned, \u201cSure I have \u2013 only to have him tell me to go to bed.\u00a0 All I did was leave the ranch and come home late.\u00a0 Okay —I was wrong for doing it.\u00a0 And I\u2019m not complaining about Pa tanning me because of it.\u00a0 But he wouldn\u2019t let me tell him why I did it \u2013 or why I got home so late.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned and nodded, \u201cI figured that was what happened.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s been really closed-mouthed about it.\u00a0 So, he wouldn\u2019t let you tell him anything that night?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shook his head in dismay, \u201cNo \u2013 nothing.\u00a0 He just walked inside the barn and grabbed me by the elbow to spin me around.\u00a0 The next thing I knew Pa was using his belt on me.\u00a0 That was it.\u00a0 And when I tried to talk to him last night, he just shut me out like I don\u2019t even matter to him anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Little Brother, that\u2019s one thing that I know ain\u2019t true.\u00a0 I know for a fact that our pa loves you more than anything.\u00a0 He might still be upset about you disobeying him \u2013 but I promise you that he loves you \u2013 no matter what you\u2019ve done.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not come near me this whole week, Hoss.\u00a0 I\u2019ve watched the way that he\u2019s thrown an arm around both you and Adam and patted your backs lots of times.\u00a0 Pa always shows the two of you that he cares about you.\u00a0 But he keeps his distance from me and pretends like I don\u2019t exist.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can try to talk to him for you?\u201d Hoss offered, feeling bad for his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 that\u2019s not going to do anything.\u00a0 If this keeps up, I\u2019m just going to,\u201d Joe paused not wanting to reveal the plan he was already formulating in his head.\u00a0 He changed the subject.\u00a0 \u201cI think I\u2019m just going to go to sleep.\u00a0 Thanks for caring, Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Sighing, Hoss stood and patted his brother on the shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cWe all care about you \u2013 including Pa.\u00a0 It\u2019ll get better, Little Brother \u2013 just give it a couple more days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure,\u201d Joe frowned and watched Hoss move to the door.<\/p>\n \u201cSee you in the morning,\u201d he called across the room and stepped out into the hallway.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, see you in the morning,\u201d Joe muttered and leaned back on his bed.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n No matter how hard he tried, Little Joe couldn\u2019t fall to sleep that night.\u00a0 He had heard the doors being closed to both Adam and Hoss\u2019 bedrooms.\u00a0 Joe walked out into the hall and stared over at his father\u2019s room.\u00a0 The door was open and that meant that Pa was still downstairs.\u00a0 He decided to confront him once more.<\/p>\n Descending the stairs, Little Joe stopped at the first landing and looked over at the fireplace.\u00a0 Pa just stood there staring into the flames.\u00a0 He made his way over to him and waited for his father to acknowledge his presence.\u00a0 It had taken a couple of minutes but finally he watched as Pa turned and looked directly at him.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you went to bed,\u201d Ben began, still feeling very uncomfortable around the boy due to his own feelings of guilt.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 I want to talk to you,\u201d he answered, almost choking on his words due to his apprehension.\u00a0 Little Joe still found it hard to believe that he was having such a hard time trying to talk to his father.\u00a0 The two of them had always been so close that he just couldn\u2019t understand why Pa wouldn\u2019t want to get things straightened out between them.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 I\u2019m getting ready to go to bed.\u00a0 So why don\u2019t you go back up to your room.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me what I did that was so God awful that you won\u2019t even talk to me!\u201d He insisted, raising his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cQuiet down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot until you tell me why you keep pushing me away!\u201d Joe continued, growing louder.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I just told you to keep your voice down.\u00a0 Now stop it,\u201d Ben returned sternly.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd if I don\u2019t?\u00a0 What are you going to do, Pa?\u00a0 You going to hit me?\u00a0 Fine!\u00a0 Then do it \u2013 and I\u2019ll take it.\u00a0 At least it would show me that you know that I\u2019m here in front of you!\u00a0 Anything is better than you constantly pushing me away.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I said go to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa,\u201d Joe paused and this time his voice broke.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t hold back his sadness over his father\u2019s indifference.\u00a0 His eyelids had what looked like a slow fade and his top lip quivered due to his heartbreak over his father\u2019s aloofness.\u00a0 Little Joe needed some kind of assurance that the man before him didn\u2019t hate him.\u00a0 But that hadn\u2019t come.\u00a0 \u201cIt doesn\u2019t really matter if I\u2019m standing here next to you or if I\u2019m up in my room.\u00a0 You don\u2019t see me anymore because you don\u2019t want to.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben turned away from his son and squeezed his eyelids shut tightly to prevent the appearance of tears.\u00a0 Hearing the depth of sadness in his son\u2019s voice stabbed at his heart worse than a knife would have.\u00a0 ***I do see you, Son! And despite what you\u2019re thinking \u2013 I still love you.\u00a0 But I won\u2019t risk hurting you again.\u00a0 If I get too close to you it will only make matters worse.\u00a0 I can\u2019t trust myself anymore.\u00a0 I\u2019m just like him.\u00a0 And you\u2019ll grow to hate me and then you\u2019ll want to leave \u2013 just like I did. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben\u2019s thoughts pounded in his head.\u00a0 When he opened his eyes again Joseph was gone.\u00a0 He heard the door to the boy\u2019s bedroom shut.\u00a0 Ben fell into the blue winged back chair and dropped his head down into his hands.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n *** I said come here! The shout reverberated in his ears as he looked at the man across the room who had an incensed look on his face.\u00a0 No, Father, I\u2019m leaving.\u00a0 You put that duffle down this instant, Benjamin!\u00a0 I\u2019ll not have you walk out of this house.\u00a0 You did this, Father.\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who has pushed me away.\u00a0 I\u2019ll lay a strap to you if you don\u2019t drop that bag right now!\u00a0 No more, Father.\u00a0 No more razor straps and no more threats.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to sea where a man can breathe.\u00a0 I\u2019ll find much more comfort in the solitude of the ocean than I ever found here with you.\u00a0 Benjamin, put that down and come here right now!\u00a0 Goodbye, Father. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben sprang up in his bed, his heart pounding with both fear and overwhelming grief.\u00a0 \u201cMy God, why won\u2019t the memories go away?\u201d He whispered.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve not thought about you in so many years, Father.\u00a0 Why must you torment me?\u00a0 Don\u2019t I have enough problems right now?\u201d\u00a0 Ben stood from his bed and pulled on his robe.\u00a0 He needed to get some air just as he had done after every nightmare that he had experienced that week.\u00a0 \u201cPlease, Dear Lord, help me to forget.\u201d<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n For the next three days Little Joe had gone out to round up strays with his brothers.\u00a0 At least it was a change of pace, and he was glad to be doing something that he liked.\u00a0 Joe hated to go home at the end of the day because there was always an uneasy silence between him and Pa.\u00a0 But he did what he had to do and when he got home each night, he just went through the motions.\u00a0 His two brothers had watched him closely.\u00a0 Neither man could understand what was going on between the boy and their father, it was anything but normal.\u00a0 They had seen Little Joe get into a lot of trouble over the years and Pa had always forgiven him.\u00a0 Now, however, it seemed like he couldn\u2019t let go of what Joe had done.<\/p>\n Hoss ambled over to his older brother and waited for him to dismount there at the ranch house.<\/p>\n \u201cLong day, huh?\u201d He grinned over at Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, it was,\u201d He agreed as he swung down from Sport.\u00a0 \u201cBut we\u2019ve just about got all of the strays accounted for.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey \u2013 thought Joe was right behind us?\u201d Hoss asked as he looked towards the barn.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think that the kid was any too anxious to get back here, Hoss,\u201d Adam frowned as they exchanged a knowing glance.<\/p>\n Hoss sighed and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI just keep hoping that things will change between Pa and him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI do too,\u201d Adam nodded.\u00a0 They both knew their little brother well.\u00a0 With Little Joe\u2019s personality the highs were extremely high, and the lows were painfully low.\u00a0 But their brother\u2019s sense of calm resolve that their father no longer cared about him had grown unbearable for his two brothers to watch playing out every night.\u00a0 \u201cI tried to talk to Pa about it again last night, but he shut me down.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss was just about to say something when Little Joe rode into the yard and dismounted there next to his brothers.<\/p>\n \u201cHow did you do, Little Brother?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI got those last three, Hoss.\u00a0 I cut them in with the herd,\u201d Joe answered and cast an apprehensive glance towards the front of the house.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll stable your horses,\u201d He offered and reached for the other two sets of reins.<\/p>\n Adam tried to think of something uplifting to say to his brother but had run out of helpful suggestions as to how to speak to their father.\u00a0 He simply patted the boy\u2019s shoulder and thanked him.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s stalling again. The kid doesn\u2019t want to go inside the house,\u201d Hoss remarked as he watched Little Joe walking into the barn trailing the three horses behind him.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 it\u2019s going to be a repeat of last night looks like.\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s go inside and get washed up,\u201d Adam returned and the two men headed into the house.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n It was late in the evening, and everyone had gone to bed.\u00a0 Little Joe found that sleep was allusive and had given up on the idea after an hour of tossing and turning in his bed. \u00a0No matter how hard he had tried he couldn\u2019t shake loose his feelings of loss.\u00a0 He fought to simply get used to the idea that his father no longer cared about him, but he just couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 So that night, two weeks to the day since the incident out in the barn, he silently made his way into the hall.\u00a0 Little Joe decided that he was going to confront his father in his bedroom where Pa couldn\u2019t as easily dismiss him.\u00a0 Or so he had hoped.\u00a0 Due to the lateness of the hour, he silently stole out of his bedroom and made his way across the hall.\u00a0 He noticed that Pa\u2019s bedroom door was two-thirds of the way closed.\u00a0 Peering around the door, Joe witnessed his father sitting on the side of his bed.\u00a0 He appeared to be holding a letter in his left hand, and his right was held up covering his face.\u00a0 By the looks of him, Pa appeared to be distraught about something.\u00a0 Little Joe wondered what was going on but was too afraid to walk inside the room to find out.\u00a0 It was then that he watched Pa brushing aside some tears.\u00a0 It had taken him by surprise, and he eased back a bit to evade detection.\u00a0 He reasoned that something in the letter held in his father\u2019s hand must have gotten him upset enough to cry.\u00a0 Joe couldn\u2019t imagine what it could be.\u00a0 He had rarely seen Pa cry, but there he was, sitting alone in his room and wiping his tears away on the sleeve of his robe.\u00a0 With what seemed to be a great deal of effort on his part, Pa pulled himself up from his bed and walked to his nightstand.\u00a0 Pa placed the letter inside his bible and closed it.\u00a0 He then removed his robe.\u00a0 Joe moved quietly back to his room so his father would never know that he had witnessed him breaking down.\u00a0 ***I\u2019ve got to find out what Pa was reading.\u00a0 It might not have anything to do with the way that he\u2019s been treating me.\u00a0 But just in case it does, I\u2019m going to get my hands on it. ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe vowed to himself as he eased his door closed.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Little Joe volunteered to stack the new hay up in the loft and clean the barn the following day.\u00a0 He knew that it would afford him the chance to venture back up to his father\u2019s room so he could get a look at the letter which had been secreted inside his bible.\u00a0 He bided his time and kept a good eye out for his father\u2019s departure into town.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam had left right after breakfast and even Hop Sing had taken the buckboard into Virginia City thus giving him more than ample time to go back inside the house and up to Pa\u2019s room.<\/p>\n Sitting on the side of the bed later that afternoon, Little Joe pulled the letter out of the bible and began to read the contents.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t long before he realized that it was a very old letter whose author was his grandfather; the man who he had been named after.\u00a0 He sat there trying to ascertain why the contents had such a negative impact on his father.\u00a0 It read:<\/p>\n ***Dear Benjamin, I learned from your brother John that you\u2019ve just had your third child, and it came as quite a surprise to me that you\u2019ve named him Joseph after me.\u00a0 I can only pray that it is a sign that the bitterness which has existed in our relationship has lessened after so many years.\u00a0 I never wanted it to be this way, Son.\u00a0 I never wanted to be estranged from my youngest child.\u00a0 Upon close reflection and to my great sadness I now understand what happened between us.\u00a0 I realize now that it was my hard hand and cruel words that drove you away and forced you to first choose a life at sea and now a life in the wilderness.\u00a0 I can\u2019t change what course our lives took, Benjamin, though as my life is slipping away, I wish that it were in my power to go back and relive your youth.\u00a0 You were more like your mother \u2013 a kind soul.\u00a0 Your brother John more like me.\u00a0 Perhaps a dreamer but with little follow-through on making them become a reality.\u00a0 But from what John has written you\u2019ve made your own dreams come true.\u00a0 You have three sons now and I\u2019m sure that you\u2019re the kind of father that you wished that you had growing up.\u00a0 I made mistakes, and I realize that now.\u00a0 You were my youngest and I tried to make you stronger than I felt you were.\u00a0 I was wrong, you were strong all along, Benjamin.\u00a0 I was not.\u00a0 It takes no strength to lay a strap on your son instead of trying to find out the cause of the problem first.\u00a0 I never took the time to talk to you and only reacted.\u00a0 Your mother, God bless her, intervened so many times until her death.\u00a0 And after she was gone, I grew to be even worse towards you.\u00a0 Perhaps it was because I saw so much of her in you?\u00a0 A man is his own worst judge I suppose.\u00a0 But I believe that I failed at being a father, especially to you.\u00a0 If John has yet to write to you, I know he\u2019s still wandering the countryside with his boy Will.\u00a0 But he knows that the doctor has told me that it\u2019s now a matter of days not weeks until my passing.\u00a0 John was to let you know for me.\u00a0 Benjamin, I am so sorry that I returned all the letters that you sent me over the years.\u00a0 I now know that it was the reason why you finally stopped sending them.\u00a0 It was wrong of me, and I know that it hurt you.\u00a0 And still you have just named your boy after me.\u00a0 That has to mean something, Son?\u00a0 I pray that somehow you will remember back when you were a young boy and I held you in my arms.\u00a0 That was back before I let myself harden into a man who you were afraid to come to with your troubles.\u00a0 Think of those early years when you and I were so close, Son, for me as one of my last requests.\u00a0 And, if you can find it in your heart someday, please forgive me, Ben, for every time that instead of speaking to you that I took a strap to you.\u00a0 I want you to know that I am filled with both self-loathing and a heavy remorse that I will take to my grave.\u00a0 Of all my many sins, hurting you is the most grievous one that I committed in my lifetime.\u00a0 I need to tell you this to remove any doubt you may have held in your heart over these many years.\u00a0\u00a0 I love you Son and I always have.\u00a0 Be well and raise all three of your boys differently than I raised you.\u00a0 Your father. ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Little Joe carefully folded the letter and walked back to the nightstand.\u00a0 He had left the bible opened to where his father had placed it and put it back just as he had found it.\u00a0 He sank back down onto Pa\u2019s bed filled with confusion.\u00a0 His father hadn\u2019t shared much about his own father over the years, just a few words here and there and Joe hadn\u2019t asked any questions.\u00a0 Now he knew why Pa rarely spoke about his childhood.\u00a0 Joe could see why the letter had upset his father and yet he couldn\u2019t understand why it had shaken the man so badly after so many years had passed since receiving it.\u00a0 He also couldn\u2019t understand what, if anything, it had to do with the current breech in their relationship.\u00a0 If Pa had such an awful childhood and had been at odds with his own father, he wondered why he was suddenly treating him the same way his father had treated him all those years ago.\u00a0 As far as Little Joe was concerned none of it made any sense.\u00a0 Shaking his head discouraged that he wasn\u2019t any closer to learning why Pa no longer cared about him, Joe walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n That night at the dinner table while everyone else spoke about their day and plans for the next, Little Joe simply toyed with the food on his plate.\u00a0 His father had only said a couple of words to him that day including a subdued, albeit polite, \u201cgood morning\u201d and \u201chello\u201d upon putting his horse away once he\u2019d arrived back from town.\u00a0 The rest of the time he had spoken only to his brothers.\u00a0 Joe pondered what had been in the letter from his grandfather, finally dismissing it as having nothing to do with the current situation between his father and him.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s gaze fell on the boy to his immediate right.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t missed the way that Little Joe hadn\u2019t eaten more than a couple of bites of his supper.\u00a0 He felt awful that there was such a deep divide between the two of them.\u00a0 And he couldn\u2019t force himself to reach over and touch the boy\u2019s arm as he normally would have to tell him to eat or to ask him what was wrong.\u00a0 The nightmares which had plagued Ben wouldn\u2019t let go of him.\u00a0 The more that he thought about his father the more he worried that he was becoming exactly like him as he had proven that night out in the barn.\u00a0 And for the life of him, Ben couldn\u2019t let go of any of it.<\/p>\n \u201cThem cows tore down that new section of fencing over by Syler\u2019s Ridge, Pa,\u201d Hoss jumped in to break the uneasy silence which had fallen over the room.\u00a0 \u201cYou want me to go fix them tomorrow?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded over to his son and replied, \u201cYes, you\u2019d better see to it since Fletcher will be up with the timber crew for a couple more days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow about you go out with me, Little Brother?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe mindlessly sipped his water, not hearing what his brother had asked.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d Adam said and reached over to the boy, placing a hand on his right arm.\u00a0 \u201cDidn\u2019t you hear Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n Looking across the table, he apologized, \u201cSorry, Hoss \u2013 what did you say?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust wondering if you\u2019d go out with me tomorrow to fix those fences that got knocked down yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019ll be fine,\u201d Ben added as he stood from his chair and walked into the living room.<\/p>\n Little Joe stood from the table as well and didn\u2019t bother to say goodnight to anyone.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t feel like there was a point in offering polite meaningless pleasantries anymore.\u00a0 He simply walked up to his room.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n \u201cDad burn it!\u201d Hoss shouted as he watched his little brother falling down to the ground.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m plum sorry — the wire just snapped before I could do anything.\u00a0 Let me get a look at your leg, Little Joe,\u201d He insisted as he hurried next to the boy and spotted the blood coating the leg of Joe\u2019s pants.<\/p>\n Sitting on the ground, Little Joe pulled up his pant leg.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Hoss.\u00a0 It\u2019s not bad,\u201d he tried to ease his brother\u2019s mind.\u00a0 There was a three inch long cut on his calf just above his right boot.<\/p>\n \u201cIt cut slap through your trousers,\u201d Hoss fussed as he knelt next to him.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019d better get you on home.\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking it off, Joe stood and patted his brother\u2019s shoulder and replied, \u201cIt\u2019s not too deep.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just go home and clean it up a little and I\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 You and Dusty finish with those last couple of repairs and I\u2019ll see you back at the house.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss pulled himself up from the ground and watched as his brother moved over to his horse.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure you don\u2019t need any help?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe vaulted up onto Cochise and called down to his brother, \u201cNo \u2013 I\u2019ve got it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry.\u00a0 Hey \u2013 I\u2019ll see you when you get home.\u201d\u00a0 And with that Joe rode off to avoid anything else being said about his injury. He knew that his brother would have fussed over him, but he didn\u2019t need it.<\/p>\n \u201cYou take care of that cut!\u201d Hoss yelled as his brother rode out of sight.\u00a0 He looked over at the other man and sighed.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, let\u2019s fix that wire first so it don\u2019t hurt nobody else and then finish this job.\u201d<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n A little less than an hour later Hoss watched as his father rode up and dismounted next to Chubb and tied his reins onto a small scrub bush.\u00a0 He walked over to his son and smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cYou just about done for the day, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss tossed down his hammer and nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, Pa.\u00a0 What are you doing out here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I rode out to see how Adam was doing with those new calves. I thought that I\u2019d stop by and see how you and your brother were coming along with these fence repairs.\u00a0 Where is he anyway?\u201d Ben looked around and only spotted Dusty, who was busy picking up the tools that they had used.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t see Joe?\u00a0 I would\u2019ve thought that you\u2019d have passed him. He rode off the same way that you just came in,\u201d He returned.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t see him.\u00a0 Why\u2019d he leave?\u201d Ben asked when he witnessed the appearance of concern spreading across his son\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, maybe you\u2019d better go and check on him?\u00a0 I was pulling that fence wire and it snapped on me and swung around and cut Little Joe\u2019s leg.\u00a0 It went slap through his pant leg.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s face took on a worried appearance, \u201cHow bad?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI tried to get a look at it, but Joe didn\u2019t let me.\u00a0 He said it wasn\u2019t too bad and that he\u2019d just go home and fix it up.\u00a0 But it was bleeding pretty good, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go check on him,\u201d Ben nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Pa?\u201d Hoss said and walked closer to his father.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe thinks that you don\u2019t have no use for him anymore.\u00a0 He\u2019s feeling awfully low.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben walked over to his horse and untied the reins.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll go see to your brother, Hoss.\u00a0 See you when you make it home,\u201d He returned and swung up into his saddle.\u00a0 Kicking at Buck\u2019s sides he rode off towards the ranch house.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben called standing outside the door to the boy\u2019s bedroom.\u00a0 \u201cHoss said you got hurt,\u201d he said and opened the door.\u00a0 Joe was sitting in the chair next to his window and pulling on his boots as he walked over to him.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you let me have a look at it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Joe answered contritely.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s always the chance for infection if you get cut on that kind of wire,\u201d Ben continued.<\/p>\n Little Joe stared up at his father and shook his head in disbelief.\u00a0 \u201cSo, you\u2019re talking to me just because I got hurt?\u00a0 For two straight weeks you\u2019ve barely said a word to me.\u00a0 I guess I should\u2019ve gotten cut sooner just to get you to acknowledge that I\u2019m alive,\u201d He returned with both hurt and anger in his voice and on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph \u2013 maybe we\u2019d better have Doc take a look at that cut?\u201d Ben responded, not addressing the bitterness that his son had revealed in his response.<\/p>\n \u201cI said I took care of it,\u201d Joe insisted bluntly as he stood from the chair.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to put Cochise up.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll do that for you,\u201d He offered.<\/p>\n \u201cNo thanks \u2013 it\u2019s my horse, I\u2019ll tend to her,\u201d Joe muttered and walked away from his father.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t need Pa to act like he cared about him simply because he had been injured.\u00a0 Joe surmised that the man wouldn\u2019t have said a thing to him if he\u2019d come home without getting hurt.<\/p>\n Ben watched as his son limped across the room and headed out into the hallway.\u00a0 He knew why the boy had acted the way he had.\u00a0 The breech in their relationship was just as fresh as it had been the night out in the barn.\u00a0 Ben had no idea how to reach his son anymore.\u00a0 When he looked at Joseph it was a poignant reminder of the way that he had felt as a young man.\u00a0 He was hurt and confused, and Ben knew that he had caused it all.\u00a0 Despondently he walked out of his son\u2019s room.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n At the dinner table that night the atmosphere wasn\u2019t much better than it had been for almost two straight weeks.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam led the conversation with neither Little Joe nor Pa offering much.<\/p>\n \u201cI hope you cleaned that cut good, Joe,\u201d Adam finally addressed the injury that Hoss had told him his brother had gotten that afternoon.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I did,\u201d Joe nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Little Brother.\u00a0 I hate that I got you hurt,\u201d Hoss apologized again.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve had worse, don\u2019t worry about it,\u201d Joe nodded to his brother.<\/p>\n Ben cleared his throat and looked over at Adam.\u00a0 He decided to change the topic of discussion.\u00a0 \u201cDo you have enough men to help you with the branding tomorrow?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think so, Pa.\u00a0 But if you\u2019d like to loan me Hoss or Joe, I\u2019ll take them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, do either of you want to help your brother?\u201d Ben asked, mainly directing his attention to Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t mind helping Adam, unless you\u2019d like to do it, Little Brother?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head and replied, \u201cFletcher is due back \u2013 I\u2019ll go work with him.\u00a0 Excuse me — I\u2019m going to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben watched as his youngest walked away from the table and across the room without saying another word.\u00a0 He could feel the pain that Joe felt, and it had nothing to do with the cut on his leg.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe wouldn\u2019t let you tend his leg?\u201d Hoss asked once his brother had made it up to his room.<\/p>\n Sighing, Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss exchanged worried glances after witnessing the look on their father\u2019s face.\u00a0 The man appeared both confused and sorrowful.<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t you talk to him, Pa?\u201d Hoss continued trying to pry the information out of his father.<\/p>\n \u201cLet me handle it, Hoss,\u201d Ben countered.\u00a0 \u201cExcuse me,\u201d he said and stood from the table.<\/p>\n Both men watched as their pa left the dining room and walked out to the front porch.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know what it\u2019s going to take to get those two to settle their differences,\u201d Adam frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 I thought after Little Joe got hurt today that Pa would be fussing over him all night.\u00a0 But that didn\u2019t happen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I don\u2019t think that this stalemate can go on too much longer, Hoss.\u00a0 Pa looked a bit frazzled tonight, so I think he\u2019s about ready to crack.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe\u2019s been acting like he\u2019s just given up on Pa ever coming around.\u00a0 I feel bad for the kid,\u201d Hoss sighed and set down his fork.\u00a0 \u201cAll this worry has been affecting everyone.\u00a0 I have just about lost all of my appetite these last four or five days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCheer up, Brother,\u201d Adam smiled attempting to lighten Hoss\u2019 worry.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d say a day or two at the most and your appetite will be back in full force.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat sure sounds good to me.\u00a0 If this keeps up, I’ll be down to skin and bones,\u201d Hoss grinned.\u00a0 He was glad that he had his older brother to talk to.\u00a0 It helped.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n ***You sit down and listen to me!\u00a0 Father, you never listen to me \u2013 and that\u2019s exactly what\u2019s causing all the trouble between the two of us.\u00a0 Benjamin, you will not speak to me like that!\u00a0 Like what?\u00a0 Father, I\u2019m just trying to tell you how I feel.\u00a0 Ben reeled from the backhanded slap he had taken from his father\u2019s hand.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t deserve that, Father.\u00a0 And that\u2019s the last time you\u2019ll ever raise a hand to me.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what changed you. He said shaking his head filled with more sorrow than he knew what to do with. You haven\u2019t been the same since mother died.\u00a0 When I was younger there wasn\u2019t a better father in all the world than you.\u00a0 What happened to us? He whispered sadly.\u00a0 You\u2019re not going anywhere so just unpack that duffle, Benjamin. My ship leaves in the morning.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just wait on the dock until then.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you dare leave this house, Benjamin!\u00a0 Goodbye, Father.\u00a0 Come back! He shouted as his son hurried out the door. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben shook himself from the nightmare.\u00a0 The dream had been far too explicit.\u00a0 It had been all too real and a complete rehashing of the last time he had ever seen his father.\u00a0 He sat on the side of his bed and pushed aside the tears which had drifted down his face.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll not let that happen to us, Joseph,\u201d He whispered as he shook his head sadly.<\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n \u201cSo, you\u2019re telling me that you and your pa still haven\u2019t settled your differences?\u201d Fletcher asked with a good amount of bewilderment in his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, that\u2019s what I\u2019m telling you,\u201d Little Joe nodded as he set the canteen underneath the bench seat in the buckboard.\u00a0 The two of them had put in a long day and he had waited for Fletcher to ask about what was going on at home.\u00a0 He had witnessed the man staring over at him on numerous occasions that day as they made repairs on one of the line shacks.\u00a0 Now that it was time to head back to the ranch house, he figured that Fletcher would finally begin his questioning.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you\u2019ve tried to talk to Ben a couple of times?\u201d He continued as he climbed up into the wagon.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah \u2013 I have for what good it did,\u201d Joe frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not said a thing to you?\u00a0 Not in the last two weeks?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, he\u2019s talked to me,\u201d Little Joe returned with sarcasm in his tone of voice.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s said good morning and goodnight and go to bed, Joseph.\u00a0 And yesterday when I got cut on my leg by some fencing wire, he asked to look at it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, at least that\u2019s something, right?\u201d Fletcher asked hopefully.\u00a0 \u201cThat means he still cares about you, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Looking into the other man\u2019s eyes, Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Fletcher.\u00a0 Pa only went up to my room because Hoss asked him to.\u00a0 I know it, I could sense it yesterday.\u00a0 It was like he felt obligated to say that to me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow do you know that, Boy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause at dinner last night he went right back to treating me the same way that he\u2019s been doing this whole time.\u00a0 He hardly spoke a word to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher frowned, growing angered over the way that Ben Cartwright was treating his youngest boy.\u00a0 \u201cSo, what\u2019re you planning on doing now?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe crossed his arms over his chest and grew quiet.\u00a0 He knew what he was going to do about the situation, but he sure wasn\u2019t going to tell anyone else, including the man sitting there next to him.<\/p>\n \u201cI asked you a question, Boy,\u201d Fletcher returned gruffly.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not planning anything.\u201d<\/p>\n Studying the boy\u2019s face, Fletcher knew differently.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe, I ain\u2019t as dumb as folks think I am.\u00a0 I can read it all over that face of yours \u2013 you\u2019re thinking about leaving now, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe shrugged his shoulders but didn\u2019t reply.\u00a0 He simply looked away from the man\u2019s penetrating eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t go running off, Joe.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t gonna solve nothing if you do,\u201d Fletcher said with a note of caution in his tone of voice.<\/p>\n The buckboard pulled up in front of the ranch house and Little Joe climbed down.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Fletcher.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019ll be working with you on the rest of those repairs to that line shack tomorrow.\u00a0 But \u2013 well \u2013 I appreciate all that you\u2019ve tried to do for me,\u201d Joe said and offered the man his handshake.<\/p>\n \u201cYou dumb kid,\u201d he groaned and returned the gesture.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you go doing nothing like running away.\u00a0 You hear me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGoodbye, Fletcher,\u201d Joe called to the man and hastily turned for the house.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want the man to see what was in his eyes.\u00a0 He had already guessed.<\/p>\n \u201cDad gum foolishness!\u201d Fletcher fumed as he drove the buckboard over to the corral.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t got the time for this!\u00a0 Ben Cartwright you and me are going to have us a little talk,\u201d He grumbled and walked towards the house.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben had watched from his desk as Little Joe hurried up to his room.\u00a0 The boy hadn\u2019t said a word as he flew past him heading for the stairs.\u00a0 It was at that moment that he heard the loud thump on the front door.\u00a0 He stood and walked into the next room and pulled the door open.\u00a0 Fletcher was standing there looking at him hard.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, I\u2019ve got a bone to pick with you!\u201d He exclaimed brusquely.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on in and you can tell me what\u2019s on your mind, Fletcher,\u201d Ben offered as he pulled the door back some.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, not in the house.\u00a0 You come on out here.\u00a0 There\u2019s no need for bloodshed in the house.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to ruin the floors.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u2019s got enough work to do!\u201d he returned.<\/p>\n Frowning after hearing what the other man had said, Ben walked outside and joined him on the porch.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d Ben began and sighed wearily.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s the complaint this time?\u00a0 You want the same wages as the foreman on the Circle W now?\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher stared into Ben\u2019s eyes and replied, \u201cWell yes as a matter of fact I do — but that\u2019s not why I\u2019m here.\u00a0 I want to talk to you about that youngest boy of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat about him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you know where he is?\u201d Fletcher asked drolly.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, he\u2019s upstairs.\u00a0 You should know, you just dropped the boy off here,\u201d Ben returned gruffly.<\/p>\n \u201cThen you seen him?\u201d He asked, raising his eyebrows to show his surprise.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course I\u2019ve seen him!\u201d<\/p>\n Fletcher scrubbed at his chin and responded, \u201cOh, now I was beginning to think that Joe was downright invisible.\u00a0 Least ways that\u2019s what that boy of yours thinks.\u00a0 He\u2019s told me that you don\u2019t notice him anymore.\u00a0 So, I thought that either he has the ability to make himself invisible or that you need to go have your eyes checked.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben groaned over what the man had said.\u00a0 \u201cFletcher, I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re getting at,\u201d he was cut off in midsentence.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not too fast to pick up on things anymore are you, Ben?\u00a0 You used to be sharp.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019ve been sitting behind that desk too much?\u00a0 Time for you to get out of this house and breathe in some air.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust tell me,\u201d Ben sighed again.<\/p>\n \u201cThat boy up there,\u201d He paused and pointed up to the room above the porch.\u00a0 \u201cHe thinks that his pa doesn\u2019t give one hoot about him anymore.\u00a0 He thinks that he\u2019s committed some kind of awful sin by sneaking out of here just to see a horse getting broke and having Cochise going lame on him.\u00a0 Now why are you giving that boy the silent treatment?\u00a0 He\u2019s paid for his crime ain\u2019t he?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll handle this in my own way,\u201d Ben insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cYour way?\u201d\u00a0 Fletcher fussed and spit on the ground.\u00a0 \u201cThat way of yours is gonna cost you that boy of yours.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to leave \u2013 and from what I saw on Little Joe\u2019s face he won\u2019t be coming back.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nervously bit at his bottom lip as he stared at the intensity on Fletcher\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cDid Joseph say that he was planning on leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t have to say it, Ben.\u00a0 I seen it on his face. You\u2019d better do something pretty darn quick if you want to keep him.\u00a0 Now I don\u2019t know exactly what\u2019s been going on between the two of you.\u00a0 I ain\u2019t never had any youngins.\u00a0 And to tell you the truth I ain\u2019t missed having any neither.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like messing in other folks\u2019 business, but I can\u2019t stand to see Little Joe like this.\u00a0 You\u2019re his pa so you should know how much he\u2019s hurting.\u00a0 Ben, you\u2019ve got a boy who loves you and it\u2019d be a pure shame to lose him.\u00a0 So why don\u2019t you go do something about it so we can all get some relief?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded to the man and replied, \u201cYou\u2019re right, Fletcher.\u00a0 This has gone on long enough.\u00a0 Thanks.\u201d He patted the man\u2019s shoulder and was rewarded with a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cGood.\u00a0 Now keep all three of those kids out of my way because they get on my nerves!\u00a0 They\u2019re all worthless and as spoiled as they come!\u00a0 And you should know because you\u2019re the one who spoiled them,\u201d Fletcher nodded to his friend to let him know that he was happy that something was going to be done to settle the problem.<\/p>\n Ben chuckled and nodded to the man.\u00a0 \u201cOf course they are.\u00a0 Thank you for letting me know how you really feel about them!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou go up and take care of your boy, Ben,\u201d Fletcher patted his friend on the arm and turned back into the yard.<\/p>\n *************<\/p>\n Ben stared over at his son.\u00a0 The carpet bag was there on the bed creating a barrier separating the two of them.\u00a0 He had attempted to explain what had transpired the last two weeks but was having a very difficult time doing so.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I realize that I\u2019ve not told you much about your grandfather.\u00a0 All you know is that you were named after him,\u201d Ben began.<\/p>\n Little Joe wondered if he could hide the guilt he felt or whether his father would be able to read it in his eyes.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t tell Pa that he had read the letter from his grandfather.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t have made things better between them only worse.\u00a0 Pa had kept it hidden for a reason.\u00a0 It was full of sad reflections and heavy regret.\u00a0 He dropped his head down to his chest to avoid detection.\u00a0 Pa could read him far too well.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben continued and tried to parse his words.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t have a good relationship with my father.\u00a0 We \u2013 well \u2013 we had our differences and I left home not too many years after my mother passed away.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe looked up and witnessed the pain on his father\u2019s face and knew why it was there.\u00a0 \u201cWhy, Pa?\u201d He asked, even though he was acutely aware what the answer was already.<\/p>\n \u201cHe \u2013 well \u2013 he was a hard man, Son.\u00a0 My father wasn\u2019t the kind of person who asked any questions before doling out punishment.\u00a0 He never let me explain myself when I got into trouble.\u201d\u00a0 Ben drew in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds.\u00a0 It was getting more difficult by the minute as he was forced to confront his past so he could mend the relationship there in front of him.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, he\u2019d hit you without letting you say anything, Pa?\u201d Joe tried to help.\u00a0 He knew that Pa was having trouble revealing the terrible way he had been treated.<\/p>\n Shaking his head, Ben replied, \u201cNo he wouldn\u2019t.\u00a0 And after a while there was only bitterness between the two of us because of it.\u00a0 That was why I left home and went to sea.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe realized how hard it had been for his father to have confessed what he had.\u00a0 It was the first time that he had seen Pa as not just his father but also as someone\u2019s son.\u00a0 Before that moment, Pa was merely Pa; unbreakable and unwavering.\u00a0 But somewhere beneath his wise words and carefully crafted lectures there existed someone\u2019s child who had been hurt so deeply by his own father\u2019s actions.\u00a0 Yet Pa had honored the man enough to name his third son after him. What remained of the child deep inside the man before him still bore the painful scars from his youth.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s heart ached to think about his father having been hurt like that.\u00a0 He wished that he could heal the wounds that remained inside Pa\u2019s heart, but he didn\u2019t think that it was in his power to do so.\u00a0 Staring into his father\u2019s eyes he tried to get past all that pain so he could focus on their relationship now.\u00a0 It also needed healing.\u00a0 And that was the one thing that he could try to mend.\u00a0 No matter what had transpired between the two of them over the past couple of weeks, Little Joe wanted to find a way to recover what they both had lost.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u00a0 Why are you telling me all of this?\u00a0 What does your pa have to do with what\u2019s happened between the two of us?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause, Joseph, that night out in the barn I acted exactly like my father used to.\u00a0 I never gave you the chance to explain yourself.\u00a0 I only reacted to what you had done.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter if you were at fault or not.\u00a0 You deserved to have your say, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut it was only that one time, Pa!\u201d Joe insisted, hoping to ease his father\u2019s mind.\u00a0 \u201cThat doesn\u2019t mean that you had turned into your father.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph \u2013 that\u2019s not what it felt like to me.\u00a0 I became consumed with fear \u2013 fear that my actions would eventually cause you to leave \u2013 just like I did all those years ago.\u00a0 I just couldn\u2019t risk losing you.\u00a0 I pulled away from you after that because I was scared \u2013 scared that I would end up becoming my father.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 you kept me at arm\u2019s length for weeks.\u00a0 That hurt me worse than anything that happened out in the barn,\u201d Joe protested.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re nothing like your father.\u00a0 I was going to leave because I thought you didn\u2019t care about me, not because I was mad at you for punishing me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know that now, Son \u2013 and it\u2019s all my fault,\u201d Ben confessed filled with regret.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa, you\u2019re wrong about that too.\u00a0 It was all my fault.\u00a0 I disobeyed you that day.\u00a0 I never should have left the ranch.\u00a0 I know that I had no business doing that.\u00a0 I\u2019m the one to blame for what happened, not you.<\/p>\n Ben read the look on his son\u2019s face and realized that the boy was trying hard to relieve him of his guilt.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, I\u2019m sorry \u2013 sorry for everything that happened between us.\u00a0 I was just so terrified that my actions would tear the two of us apart.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 from here on out \u2013 don\u2019t ever push me away.\u00a0 I can take just about anything but not that,\u201d He paused and reached for his carpet bag.\u00a0 He lifted it off the bed and dropped it down onto the floor.\u00a0 \u201cAnd nothing will ever separate me from you \u2013 because I won\u2019t let it.\u00a0 Pa \u2013 you\u2019re the best father in this whole wide world.\u00a0 And I love you,\u201d Little Joe had said the words attempting to heal his father\u2019s heart.\u00a0 He knew that Pa had been hurt due to the memories of his own childhood combined with all that had transpired between the two of them.\u00a0 Pa deserved to know that he was loved despite anything that had happened in the past.<\/p>\n Ben drew in a deep breath upon hearing his son\u2019s words.\u00a0 Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked over at the boy who he loved so much.\u00a0 His son had gotten to his heart and what he had confessed had purged all the bad memories out of it.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Joseph, I’ll never push you away again,” he whispered and reached for the boy.\u00a0 Ben pulled Joe over to him and locked him tightly in his embrace.\u00a0 Sweeping a hand through the boy\u2019s curly hair he said, \u201cI love you, Son.\u00a0 I always have and I always will.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe closed his eyes and for the first time in weeks he felt secure in the knowledge that his father had never stopped loving him.\u00a0 Held there in the man\u2019s arms he couldn\u2019t help feeling terrible about the way that Pa had been treated as a child.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019m so sorry for what my grandfather did to you,\u201d He whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph,\u201d Ben paused to gather his thoughts.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want you to think badly about your grandfather.\u00a0 When I was a young boy \u2013 well \u2013 there wasn\u2019t a better father than the one I had.\u00a0 He was warm and loving and kind.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that \u2013 well \u2013 for whatever reason the years changed him.\u00a0 The last letter I had from him arrived not long after you were born.\u00a0 He was very glad that I had named you after him.\u00a0 He apologized for what had happened between us and asked me to remember those happier times in my youth.\u00a0\u00a0 And, up to a couple of weeks ago \u2013 that\u2019s what I did.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe could hear the heavy remorse in Pa\u2019s voice.\u00a0 He struggled to find something that he could offer to him that might help.<\/p>\n \u201cIf that\u2019s what helps you, Pa — then that\u2019s what you should do.\u00a0 Just remember the good times.\u00a0 Remember him that way,\u201d Joe whispered as he felt his father\u2019s hand softly brushing back the curls on his head.<\/p>\n Ben closed his eyes as he fought to rid himself of all the sorrow.\u00a0 He had his father\u2019s namesake held there in his arms.\u00a0 The love he felt for his son was more than enough to purge the bad memories from his heart.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Son.\u00a0 I\u2019ll keep the good memories and leave the bad ones in the past.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m blessed, Pa, because I\u2019ve only got good memories,\u201d Little Joe whispered, letting his father know that what had transpired between them over the last two weeks had never happened as far as he was concerned.<\/p>\n Ben smiled to hear what his son had said.\u00a0 Their deep bond was back and just as intact as it always had been.\u00a0 Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to the boy\u2019s forehead and sighed. Everything was going to be alright now.\u00a0 *** Thank God. ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Epilogue<\/p>\n *** Father did you see it?\u00a0 My sailboat made it across the pond!\u00a0\u00a0 Joseph Cartwright patted his youngest son\u2019s head.\u00a0 Why yes, Benjamin, your sailboat is very fast!\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s faster than your brother John\u2019s boat.\u00a0 But we shant tell him so he won\u2019t feel bad.\u00a0 Yes, Father.\u00a0 I fashioned those sails myself.\u00a0 Did I do a good job? He asked.\u00a0 Benjamin, you did very well and I\u2019m proud of you.\u00a0 He said as he went down to his knees and hugged the boy close to him.\u00a0 And I love you, Son.\u00a0 I love you too, Father.\u00a0 You are the best father in the whole wide world. ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben Cartwright opened his eyes.\u00a0 A smile played upon his lips as he drew himself up in his bed.\u00a0 The nightmares had now been replaced by fond childhood memories, honoring his father\u2019s final request.<\/p>\n ***Whatever I am, you taught me to be.\u00a0 I am your hope; I am your chance.\u00a0 I am your child. *** <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n The End<\/strong><\/p>\n Written by: Wrangler<\/p>\n 6-14-2026<\/p>\n (Dedicated to my story consultant Rob, who, I am told, is a wonderful father.\u00a0 And to Ben Cartwright for being such a wonderful role model to so many over the years.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n