Summary: Sometimes being the\u00a0perfect son is not easy to live up to; even Hoss has to have an off day.\u00a0 But what is troubling Hoss to make him lose his appetite,\u00a0lash out at his youngest brother and square up to his eldest.<\/p>\n
Rated: K \u00a0WC \u00a04800<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Everyone Cries Sometimes<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Hoss had always been known as a pleasant child,<\/strong> the sort of boy that every mother loved and every father would be proud of.\u00a0 He hardly ever complained, was almost never ill and was generally helpful and polite.<\/p>\n But today Hoss woke up after a restless night not feeling quite himself.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t feel ill, just out of sorts and he didn\u2019t want to get out of bed to do chores and he certainly didn\u2019t want to go to school.\u00a0 When his little brother ran into the room and jumped up on the bed next to him, straddled his back and began bouncing up and down, Hoss was not in the mood to play.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat you doing still in bed Hoss?\u201d Joe asked, bouncing up and down with gusto.<\/p>\n \u201cQuit that jumping about,\u201d Hoss grumped.\u00a0 \u201cOr I\u2019ll tan your hide.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe giggled; Hoss\u2019 threats to tan his hide were always empty, so he kept on regardless.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam says you better get up now,\u201d Joe informed him.\u00a0 \u201cAnd Adam\u2019s in charge cause Pa went to Carson City early this morning,\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa never said nothing to me about going to Carson City.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s cause you\u2019re not the boss,\u201d Joe jibed, now jumping so hard that Hoss\u2019 back was beginning to ache.<\/p>\n For some reason Hoss couldn\u2019t explain, the fact that Pa had spoken to Adam and not him made him feel even worse than he already did and Joe\u2019s constant bouncing was really beginning to annoy.\u00a0 Reaching behind\u00a0 he delivered a stinging slap to Joe\u2019s bare leg.\u00a0 \u201cI told you to stop that bouncing, now get out of my room!\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe immediately stopped and slid from the bed rubbing the red hand print on his calf.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m gonna tell Adam you hit me,\u201d he declared, tears now beginning to form in his hurt eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cTell him what you want tattletale,\u201d Hoss retaliated before turning away and burying his head into the pillow once more.<\/p>\n By the time Hoss forced himself out of bed, washed and went downstairs for breakfast the others had already eaten.\u00a0 Hoss sat at the table alone, but he had no appetite; \u00a0just managing to eat a few pancakes but leaving the bacon and eggs untouched.<\/p>\n Hop Sing bristled into the room carrying more hot food and was upset to see that Hoss\u2019 was not tucking in with his usual enthusiasm.\u00a0 Placing a hand on Hoss\u2019 brow he asked,<\/p>\n \u201cBoy sick?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss pushed the hand away from him.\u00a0 \u201cNo I ain\u2019t sick Hop Sing.\u00a0 Can\u2019t a fella not be hungry for once, without everyone jumping to conclusions?\u201d\u00a0 Walking away from the table, he picked up his jacket and headed outside.<\/p>\n Adam was best way through both his and Hoss\u2019 chores when Hoss arrived and he had worked himself up into a fair old temper doing them.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019ve you been?\u201d Adam snapped irritably.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2019s not here this morning and I need to ride over to the logging camp to give the men their instructions.\u00a0 I\u2019ve already done my chores and half of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell that\u2019ll make a change,\u201d Hoss griped.\u00a0 \u201cCause usually I end up doing mine and half of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked at him with fire in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cHalf my chores!\u00a0 I wish I only had yard chores to do.\u00a0 When I finish here I still have a whole day full of chores on the ranch to be done.\u00a0 Once you finish that\u2019s it, you can go to school.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shrugged his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t have to go to school; I\u2019d rather be out fixing fence anyway. Sure has got to be more interesting than school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh no,\u201d Adam corrected.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t come that one Hoss, you are going to school whether you like it or not.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss didn\u2019t respond, but he felt even more miserable than he had before.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s Little Joe?\u201d Adam now asked, looking all around for the small boy.<\/p>\n \u201cHow should I know? I\u2019m not his keeper,\u201d Hoss responded.\u00a0 Joe had kept out of his way after the slap he\u2019d given him earlier that morning.<\/p>\n \u201cWell he hasn\u2019t fed the chickens yet,\u201d Adam complained.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you know how Hop Sing gets about those chickens.\u00a0 I guess you better do it Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss was rightly outraged.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t doing it Adam, that\u2019s Little Joe\u2019s job.\u00a0 That kid gets away with murder.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s five years old,\u201d Adam explained as if Hoss didn\u2019t know already.\u00a0 \u201cSo I\u2019m telling you to feed the chickens.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I\u2019m telling you I ain\u2019t doing it and you can\u2019t make me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see about that,\u201d Adam spat, his hackles now well and truly up.\u00a0 It was bad enough for Adam having the men question his authority; he wasn\u2019t taking any lip from an eleven year old boy.<\/p>\n Grabbing hold of Hoss by the arm he tried to pull him from the barn, but Hoss didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 He might be eleven years old but Hoss was already the size of most men and he was certainly more than a match for his oldest brother.<\/p>\n The harder Adam tried, the more Hoss dug in his heels and refused to budge.\u00a0 In the end Adam gave up; he really didn\u2019t know what had got into his middle brother this morning.\u00a0 With a push to Hoss\u2019 chest he walked away from the barn and back to the house.<\/p>\n As Adam entered he found Joe sitting on the bottom step of the stairs, a handful of toy soldiers in his hands.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you doing here Little Joe?\u201d Adam asked in exasperation.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re supposed to be outside doing your chores.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to play with my soldiers first,\u201d Joe replied petulantly, sticking out his bottom lip.<\/p>\n This was too much for Adam; he wasn\u2019t about to have any insubordination from this quarter.\u00a0 Grabbing his little brother by the arm before he could escape, Adam placed his right foot on the stair and turned the small boy over his knee, before landing two heavy swats to his upturned rump.<\/p>\n \u201cNow when I tell you to do something, you do it,\u201d Adam said sternly before setting the child back on his feet.<\/p>\n Tears sprang to Little Joe\u2019s eyes at the injustice he perceived being done to him.\u00a0 He ran for the door, but in a last act of defiance he turned and shouted at Adam, \u201cI\u2019m gonna tell Pa when he gets home how mean you and Hoss have been and then you\u2019ll both be in big trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam didn\u2019t have time to ponder Joe\u2019s words before crashing from the kitchen alerted him to another problem.\u00a0 Tentatively looking in from the doorway Adam asked,<\/p>\n \u201cEverything all right Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHmmmph,\u201d Hop Sing replied.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing spend all morning making breakfast and boy no hungry.\u00a0 Food wasted, Hop Sing throw it all away.\u00a0 Tell you what, boys cook own breakfast in future.\u00a0 Hop Sing got better things to do.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam backed away quickly.\u00a0 \u201cWhat was wrong with everybody this morning?\u201d<\/p>\n ************************<\/p>\n Wiping the tears from his eyes Joe sniffed all the way to the barn.\u00a0 As he entered he ignored his middle brother who was still sweeping the floor; he wasn\u2019t about to forgive him for the swat he had received earlier.<\/p>\n Hoss felt a fleeting moment of guilt when he saw his tearstained face, but the moment was gone in an instant when Joe stuck out his tongue between his lips and gesticulated an insult in his brother\u2019s direction.<\/p>\n Joe went to the corner of the barn and dipped the feeding bowl for the chickens carelessly into the sack of feed lying there.\u00a0 As he made to leave, Hoss shouted him back.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat you doing Joe?\u201d he cried.\u00a0 \u201cI just swept all this floor and now you\u2019ve dropped chicken feed all over it.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked behind him and saw the trail of feed from the sack to where he was standing.\u00a0 With a shrug of his shoulders he answered.\u00a0 \u201cWell you\u2019ll just have to sweep it again, won\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss jumped in front of Joe blocking his way.\u00a0 \u201cNo you\u2019ll sweep it,\u201d he ordered, handing Joe the broom.\u00a0\u00a0 Standing up to his full height, Hoss looked down menacingly at the small boy in front of him.\u00a0 Joe barely came up past his brother\u2019s knees.<\/p>\n But size meant little to Joe when his hackles were up and he squared up to his middle brother without fear.\u00a0 On the other hand Joe was no fool and he knew that if it came to brute strength he didn\u2019t stand a chance, so he did what he always did in these situations; he played dirty.\u00a0 Pulling back his boot he kicked Hoss squarely in the shins, causing the bigger boy to yell out in pain and hop back on one foot.<\/p>\n Little Joe knew better than to hang around and dropping the chicken feed to the ground he was off and running for the house and the safety of Hop Sing.<\/p>\n ************************<\/p>\n Hoss was on his way to school when all of a sudden he decided he just wouldn\u2019t go.\u00a0 He hated school, he didn\u2019t go much on book learning and well, he just didn\u2019t fit in, in more ways than one.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hoss\u2019 size made him stand out from the other boys and he was often the butt of their jokes and coupled with that the seats in the school were made for kids half his size; all in all, it was his least favourite place to be.<\/p>\n Turning his horse round Hoss rode towards the lake, his spirits lifting at the thought of a day to himself.<\/p>\n Sitting on the embankment looking at the mass of water with the early morning sun in his face, Hoss felt at peace\u00a0 for the first time that morning.\u00a0 In the stillness with nothing to distract his thoughts Hoss began to ponder on what could be wrong with him.<\/p>\n Life on the Ponderosa had changed so much in recent months and he knew in his heart that it all began with the death of his mother Marie.\u00a0 When it happened his Pa had been so full of grief that he couldn\u2019t cope and he walked around the house as if the rest of them didn\u2019t exist.\u00a0 At that time Adam had begun to take on most of the responsibility for the ranch and home and Hoss had been only too willing to help as much as he could.\u00a0 It was at that time that Hoss was grateful for his size; he had the strength and height to do the jobs of a grown man and Adam had come to depend on him.<\/p>\n Added to all that there was Little Joe.\u00a0 Many of the things Joe had outgrown had resurfaced over the last few months.\u00a0 He invariably wet the bed and sucked his thumb when upset.\u00a0 Always volatile, his mood swings were unpredictable and the whole family were subject to his tantrums at least once a day.<\/p>\n Hoss still didn\u2019t think Joe fully understood that his Mama wasn\u2019t ever coming back and he often found him sitting at the top of the fence looking wistfully down the lane.\u00a0 When Hoss asked him what he was doing, Joe invariably said he was waiting for someone.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t say who it was, but Hoss knew that Joe still believed in his heart that his Mama would come riding back one day.<\/p>\n Adam was grown up and Hoss considered himself to be grown up too, but Joe was just a little kid and he needed a lot of looking after.\u00a0 Again this job fell invariably to Hoss and he was tired of it.\u00a0 Between helping Adam and looking after Joe, Hoss had no time for himself.\u00a0 He wouldn\u2019t mind so much if they even noticed all the things he did, but half the time it was as if he didn\u2019t exist, they didn\u2019t notice him at all, he just blended into the background.\u00a0 They probably wouldn\u2019t even realise if he was gone.<\/p>\n The first few hours Hoss spent by the lake were pleasant ones and he was able to rationalise his feelings and generally feel sorry for himself; something he never had time for usually.\u00a0 At lunchtime he ate the food from his lunch pail, but he was still hungry, the missing breakfast leaving a hole in his stomach.\u00a0 From then the hours dragged and he constantly looked up at the sun, trying to gauge the time and whether it was safe for him to return home without being caught out.<\/p>\n ************************<\/p>\n Ben rode home that afternoon with a worried expression on his face.\u00a0 What was up with his middle son? \u00a0Hoss was an easygoing child, in fact you hardly noticed he was there half the time as he was so good.\u00a0 So why had he played truant from school that day? Ben just couldn\u2019t fathom it out and he probably would never have known if he hadn\u2019t bumped into the schoolmaster, Mr Johnson, on his way home.<\/p>\n As he rode into the yard and dismounted, Ben hardly had time to tie up his horse before a little bundle of energy ran out to greet him and flung himself into his arms.\u00a0 Placing his small son into the crook of his left arm and picking his saddlebags up with his right, Ben walked towards the house.<\/p>\n Joe was anxious to let his Pa hear his side of the story first hand and before Ben had time to take off his hat, Joe was in full swing.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd Hoss wouldn\u2019t get out of bed and then he smacked my leg so hard it left a mark.\u00a0 Look see!\u00a0 Oh it\u2019s not there now, but it was really red.\u00a0 And Adam hit my butt Pa.\u00a0 He said I had to feed the chickens and I was gonna do it, but Adam was just being so bossy.\u00a0 Hoss said I spilled chicken feed all over the barn, but Pa you can\u2019t get the chicken feed outta the sack without spilling it, can you?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben ran a weary hand over his eyes, before placing it over his son\u2019s small mouth in an effort to stop the tirade.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll speak to your brothers Little Joe,\u201d Ben promised, but there was something in the way Ben raised his eyebrows when he said it that made Joe think maybe it hadn\u2019t been a good idea to tell his Pa about that morning.\u00a0 Slinking out of his father\u2019s arms he decided he would make himself scarce for the rest of the time until supper.<\/p>\n Ben had just finished washing up and was sitting at his desk when Adam arrived home.\u00a0\u00a0 Adam had had a hard day and Ben could see the strain in the young man\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cEverything all right son?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam wasn\u2019t sure how much to tell his Pa.\u00a0 Some of the men really resented taking orders from a seventeen year old, wet behind the ears kid, and consequently a few skirmishes had taken place over the past weeks.\u00a0 Adam hadn\u2019t always come off too well; he hadn\u2019t been hurt badly but his pride had been dented in the process.\u00a0 He could have taken his problems to his father, but then the men would never learn to respect him. \u00a0It was up to him to prove he could do the job and that would take time.<\/p>\n So far it had been an uphill battle, but it was one that he was finally winning and the long standing crew of ranch hands were beginning to come round and it was only when new men joined the crew that the problems would start once again.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing I can\u2019t handle Pa,\u201d Adam eventually replied.\u00a0 \u201cHow did Carson City go?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThings went well,\u201d Ben enthused, before his face clouded.\u00a0 \u201cBut I\u2019m rather worried about your younger brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam raised his eyes to the ceiling.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t worry about him Pa; the little scamp is always up to something.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled in spite of himself.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not Little Joe I\u2019m worried about Adam, it\u2019s Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss?\u201d Adam queried.\u00a0 \u201cThen again, come to think about it, he sure was acting strangely this morning.\u00a0 He was late out of bed, didn\u2019t eat his breakfast and got really shirty when I tried to get him to do his chores.\u201d<\/p>\n Just then a little voice piped up from under the desk.\u00a0 \u201cAnd he smacked my leg for nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n With a knowing wink at his eldest, Ben knelt down and pulled the small body out from under his desk.<\/p>\n \u201cHow many times do I have to tell you about eavesdropping young man?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wasn\u2019t,\u201d Joe cried indignantly.\u00a0 \u201cI was here first playing with my soldiers.\u00a0\u00a0 You and Adam came and sat next to me, I didn\u2019t sit next to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam had to cover his mouth with his hand so Joe wouldn\u2019t see the smile on his face.<\/p>\n Ben turned the small boy round and with a quick swat to the rear he sent him towards the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cYou are becoming very cheeky young man, now I suggest you get washed up for supper before you get yourself into more trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph do you want to have a little talk with me?\u201d<\/p>\n With a shake of his head and a scampering of feet, Joe decided that any further protest would not be good for his health.<\/p>\n Once Joe was out of earshot, Ben turned again to his eldest.\u00a0 \u201cHoss didn\u2019t go to school today. \u00a0What do you think has got into him?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam could hardly believe it, Hoss was not one to break the rules.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m always trying to figure out what\u2019s going on inside Joe\u2019s head so I can keep one step ahead of him, but Hoss is different.\u00a0 Generally he\u2019s always so dependable; I never have to give him another thought.\u201d<\/p>\n Just at that moment Hoss decided to make an appearance and as he entered the house, he knew immediately that his Pa and brother were talking about him.<\/p>\n \u201cHi Pa\u2026 Adam,\u201d Hoss called; his guilt evident on his face for everyone to see as his bright blue eyes looked fearfully from his father to his brother. But his father had already decided now was not the time to talk to his middle son; he would wait until after supper.<\/p>\n ************************<\/p>\n As soon as supper was finished that evening Hoss heard the words he had been dreading.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam would you mind putting Joseph to bed this evening; Hoss and I have a few things to talk about.\u201d<\/p>\n An immediate whine went up from the youngest.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not time for bed, I\u2019m not tired.\u201d\u00a0 This was immediately followed by a huge sob and a flow of unchecked tears.<\/p>\n \u201cWell that little outburst only proves to me that it is bedtime and you are tired,\u201d Ben soothed.\u00a0 \u201cNow go on be a good boy and Pa will be up to see you shortly.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe threw himself onto the floor and was heading for a full blown tantrum, when Adam came to the rescue.\u00a0 Picking up the small boy and throwing Joe over his shoulder he ran towards the stairs.\u00a0 \u201cCome on little buddy, if you\u2019re real good I\u2019ll tell you the story of Blackbeard.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s tears stopped immediately.\u00a0 \u201cThe pirate?\u201d he asked hopefully.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s the one,\u201d Adam replied.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll even tell you how he made people walk the plank.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s eyes widened with fascination and he immediately began to bombard his eldest brother with questions.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head; somehow he knew that little story was bound to come back and haunt them all before the night was out.\u00a0 But for now Ben had other things to worry about and walking over to the settee he sat down and called for Hoss to join him.<\/p>\n Hoss was nervous, it had been a long time since Pa had tanned his hide, and even on that occasion he had been unusually lenient, probably due to the circumstances.<\/p>\n The tanning as usual had been instigated by him falling for one of his little brother\u2019s schemes.\u00a0 After a lot of persuasion, Joe had convinced Hoss to rig up a rope from the loft roof to the ground below. \u00a0The rope hadn\u2019t been quite as long as needed and ended four feet short.\u00a0 Consequently, Hoss would slide down first and then he would stand ready to catch Little Joe in his arms as he slid down next.\u00a0 It had been a good game at the time and Hoss was impressed with his little brother\u2019s ingenuity.\u00a0\u00a0 That was until Pa arrived and found them.\u00a0 \u00a0Ben had been exasperated at his middle son for allowing Little Joe to do something so dangerous.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u201cBut Pa, I\u2019m standing at the bottom,\u201d Hoss argued.\u00a0 \u201cYou know I would never let him fall.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWhat about when you aren\u2019t there Hoss?\u201d Ben said soberly.\u00a0 \u201cYou know your little brother as well as I do, this is a game he\u2019ll want to repeat whether you are there to catch him or not.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Hoss sucked on his bottom lip, he knew what his father was saying was true.\u00a0 Little Joe could never be trusted to think before he acted, well not without a helpful reminder that was.\u00a0 And both he and Joe got their helpful reminder that afternoon; Hoss face down over his bed and Joe over his father\u2019s knee.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Back to the present and Hoss went to stand in front of his father, but was surprised when Ben patted the seat next to him.\u00a0 Hoss sat down gingerly; he really didn\u2019t know what to expect.\u00a0 Did his Pa know about the truancy and his ornery behaviour that morning?<\/p>\n There was silence for a moment as Ben studied the man-child in front of him; Hoss was so big for his age it was sometimes difficult for Ben to remember that he was still really a little boy, only eleven years old. \u00a0Hoss\u2019 eyes were downcast and he twisted his hands nervously, unsure whether to fold them or sit on them.\u00a0 Eventually he decided the latter and pushed them under his knees.<\/p>\n Ben berated himself; when was the last time he had really looked at this middle son of his? When was the last time he had looked into his eyes and asked if he was all right? Marie had been dead for less than five months and they were all still coming to terms with her death.\u00a0 After the initial shock, Ben had tried to keep a sense of normality in the family, but the gap that Marie left just couldn\u2019t be replaced.\u00a0 He especially had buried himself in his work, but it was so hard to enjoy the fruits of his endeavours without a partner to share the highs and the lows, the days and the nights.<\/p>\n Adam in the first few weeks had held everything together and for that Ben would be eternally thankful. God knows what would have become of them all if he hadn\u2019t had his eldest son\u2019s help during that tragic time.\u00a0 Little Joe had shouted and cried out his pain, long and loud, to anyone that would listen and he still needed lots and lots of extra attention to try and build stability in his small world once more.<\/p>\n But what of Hoss?\u00a0\u00a0 In all of this tragedy, what of his middle son?\u00a0 Ben felt ashamed as he realised that in lots of ways he had never given his second son another thought.\u00a0 Obviously at the time of Marie\u2019s death, Hoss had cried and been as upset as the rest of them, but after those initial days no more tears flowed and Ben had thought his son was coping admirably.\u00a0 Hoss had helped his elder brother take care of the ranch; he helped Hop Sing with chores around the house and he played nursemaid to his youngest brother probably the most.<\/p>\n Because he seemed to be coping, they all had assumed he was.\u00a0 But looking at the child in front of him now, a lump formed in Ben\u2019s throat as he realised that his most gentle of sons had been bottling up his own pain in order to shoulder the pain of his family.\u00a0 Because of his own past losses Ben realised he should have known that just because you don\u2019t wear your heart on your sleeve, it doesn\u2019t mean to say it\u2019s not breaking.\u00a0 How could he have been so selfish, so blind?<\/p>\n But Ben deep down knew why; he just hadn\u2019t been looking for it.\u00a0 It was easier to pretend everything was all right, because then you didn\u2019t have to face the truth.<\/p>\n After what seemed a lifetime to Hoss, Ben eventually spoke.\u00a0 \u201cHave I ever told you how proud I am of you Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n This was not what Hoss had been expecting and he couldn\u2019t raise his eyes to look at his father; he really didn\u2019t feel like a son to be proud of.\u00a0 Ben started to speak again.<\/p>\n \u201cYou and Adam have been my rock over these last few months; I don\u2019t know how I would have coped without you.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019 chin began to tremble.\u00a0 \u201cI played truant from school today Pa,\u201d he blurted out.<\/p>\n \u201cYes I know,\u201d Ben replied, still not taking his eyes away from his son\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I walloped Little Joe for nothing, well almost nothing,\u201d Hoss added, determined to make his Pa see that his faith in him was unjustified.<\/p>\n \u201cOh I\u2019m quite sure he deserved it,\u201d Ben smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cThen there\u2019s Adam,\u201d Hoss continued.\u00a0 \u201cHe asked me to do some chores and I-I, I told him to do them himself.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sat silent for a moment before saying, \u201cEveryone\u2019s allowed to have an off day Hoss, even you.\u00a0 No one\u2019s perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI ain\u2019t perfect Pa\u2026not me\u2026I ain\u2019t a nice person at all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s where you\u2019re wrong Hoss. \u00a0Your Mama, both your Mama\u2019s, would be really proud of their son.\u201d<\/p>\n Those words were too much for Hoss and the floodgates finally opened.\u00a0 \u201cI miss her Pa,\u201d he wailed.\u00a0 \u201cWhy did she have to go and leave us?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s arms encircled the trembling body and he pulled his son\u2019s head to his chest.\u00a0 \u201cYour Mama didn\u2019t choose to leave us Hoss; you know she loved us all so much.\u00a0 But sometimes God decides it\u2019s our time and there\u2019s nothing we can do about it.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss continued to sob in his father\u2019s arms for long moments, finally able to release the pent up anger and hurt he had been feeling for so long.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry Pa,\u201d he whispered eventually.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m too big to be crying like a baby.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are never too big to cry Hoss; everyone cries sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEven you Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEven me son,\u201d Ben whispered back. \u201cWe all cry when we lose someone we love.\u201d<\/p>\n Long moments ticked by as Hoss found solace in his father\u2019s arms, but as the light in the great room started to dim Hoss sat up and wiped his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I should go and say sorry to Adam Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam appreciates all you do Hoss, but go ahead and make your peace with your brother; you\u2019ll feel better for it.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss bent forward and kissed his Pa goodnight before heading up the stairs and into Adam\u2019s room.<\/p>\n Adam looked up at Hoss when he entered and then allowed his eyes to travel sideways to the small interloper who was lying half asleep in the bed next to him.\u00a0 No one liked having Joe in their bed.\u00a0 His little legs kicked and moved all night and in addition to that there was always the bonus of being peed on to make your discomfort complete.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry about this morning Adam,\u201d Hoss whispered quietly, hoping not to disturb his youngest brother.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s all right,\u201d Adam replied magnanimously.\u00a0 \u201cI was a bit of a grouch myself.\u201d<\/p>\n Little Joe\u2019s eyes opened and he smiled up at his middle brother.\u00a0 \u201cHi Hoss,\u201d he squeaked, before shoving his small thumb back into his mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cHi yourself squirt,\u201d Hoss smiled.\u00a0 \u201cYou want to sleep in my bed tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s smile widened behind his thumb and he reached up with his other hand to his brother.\u00a0 Hoss plucked him from the bed and headed towards the door.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks Hoss,\u201d Adam called after him.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve a long day tomorrow and I sure could do with a good night\u2019s rest.\u201d<\/p>\n As Hoss tucked his little brother into bed beside him, he apologised for his meanness that morning.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s all right Hoss and you\u2019re still my best friend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you\u2019re mine,\u201d Hoss agreed.\u00a0 \u201cNow go to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd Hoss,\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI promise not to pee on yer.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss chuckled as he pulled the small body to him.\u00a0 \u201cFamous last words,\u201d he thought, but he didn\u2019t mind, he really didn\u2019t mind at all.\u00a0 It felt good to be loved\u2026.and wanted.<\/p>\n The end<\/p>\n