{"id":6611,"date":"2014-05-04T14:50:13","date_gmt":"2014-05-04T18:50:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6611"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:12:24","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:12:24","slug":"waiting-to-sleep","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6611","title":{"rendered":"Waiting to Sleep (by mamse5)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0<\/span>Ben isn\u2019t really a worrier. Then again, who knows what a parent thinks about, when beloved sons haven\u2019t returned after a Friday night dance. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span>\u00a0K+ \u00a0WC\u00a02000<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Waiting to Sleep<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

Punching the pillow several times,<\/strong> I turn from my left side to my right, searching for a comfortable position. I don\u2019t have to wonder at the time, as the old clock downstairs just rang out the single chime. One. One o\u2019clock and my boys aren\u2019t home.<\/p>\n

Maybe I should relight the lamp and try to read again, but my hand is just now relaxing from the last stretch of holding my book. Besides, I don\u2019t want the light burning when my sons ride in. Oh yes, I know, I don\u2019t have to explain myself. If I want to stay up late reading, that\u2019s my decision. Neither do I want them to think that I don\u2019t trust them, or that I\u2019m mothering them in a way that has me waiting up until they return. Well, maybe I am exhibiting some mothering traits here. I can\u2019t truly say for sure. Maybe if Marie were here, I\u2019d be sleeping soundly beside her while she tossed and turned instead.<\/p>\n

All right, this side isn\u2019t comfortable either. Maybe lying on my back . . .<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why those boys think they need to carouse every Friday night. There\u2019s work to do in the morning. I know I need my sleep, and even though they\u2019re years younger, it wouldn\u2019t hurt them to be a little more practical and turn in a bit earlier. When I was their age . . well, when I was their . . . okay maybe I did a little carousing too. But not every Friday night. And for heaven\u2019s sake, when I was Adam\u2019s age, I already had . . Adam.<\/p>\n

This is ridiculous. They\u2019re grown men. Capable, dependable, trustworthy. They can take care of themselves. And even if Little Joe is young and a little more . . . well, Adam and Hoss are there to keep an eye on him.<\/p>\n

My back is aching and I\u2019m not sure . . maybe I\u2019m too tense. I\u2019ll try my side again . .<\/p>\n

Why am I letting this bother me so much tonight? Is it because the door is unbolted, the house unsecured as I try to sleep? There was that situation at the Landers Ranch last fall, the family attacked by no-goods hoping to rob them in the middle of the night. Is that praying on my mind? It shouldn\u2019t bother me. I\u2019m well able to defend myself; a pistol in the drawer of my bedside table. And I\u2019ve never subscribed to the need of locking the door with the family packing house keys in their pockets like city-folk. Besides, those men kicked in the Landers\u2019 front door anyway. No, that\u2019s not the problem here. I\u2019m just letting my imagination get carried away.<\/p>\n

Fine. Everything is good. I\u2019m going to relax and really get some sleep this time. One deep breath, two . . my muscles loosen, my limbs feel heavier . . if this shoulder of mine would just quit aching I\u2019d actually feel pretty good about . .<\/p>\n

Shoulder. Hoss\u2019s shoulder. It\u2019s still healing. I\u2019ve seen him favoring it when he didn\u2019t know I was watching. What if they stopped in the saloon after the dance, hoping for a beer but ended up in a fight? Even Hoss, as big and strong as he is, has his limits. Reinjuring that shoulder could mean a longer recuperation this time. That wouldn\u2019t set well, especially with the busy season ahead. Cattle to move, branding, and fences to mend. Hoss isn\u2019t one to set around when there\u2019s work to do. What if . .<\/p>\n

No. Hoss will be fine. And if there is an altercation, Adam will surely watch out for Hoss. They\u2019re grown men \u2013 they can take care of themselves. Besides, didn\u2019t I just pray for all this a few hours ago? Well, it surely wouldn\u2019t hurt to ask again . .<\/p>\n

\u2018Please God, take care of my sons, keep them safe, watch over them . . .you know, all the things I asked for earlier . . again. Please. Amen.\u2019<\/p>\n

I need to sleep. I\u2019ll think of something else.<\/p>\n

We finished repairing the barn yesterday, so we can focus on some of the corrals tomorrow. I should send a crew out to the east line to make sure those fences held up through the winter. Strays need to be gathered from the north range. It will be a cold ride if we go up next week, but it would be best to get them moved in early. The spring grass here is looking good and even though it\u2019s cold . .<\/p>\n

Cold. Adam was coughing again last night, his lungs not fully strengthened after a tough winter cold kept him down for several weeks. He shouldn\u2019t be out this late, riding home in the cool night air. It could aggravate his lungs, maybe . .<\/p>\n

I\u2019m doing it again. Adam is an adult. My time to hover over him is past. Yes, he had a cold, but he was feeling much better this week, and told me at supper that he felt fit and ready for an evening out. I must trust him. Like all my boys. I\u2019ve taught them well. Now I need to let them alone to make their own choices without feeling like I\u2019m looking over their shoulder. Well . . at least, for the most part.<\/p>\n

This feather pillow is really showing the wear. Maybe I should have Hop Sing plump it up a little. Thumping the limp case a few more times, I turn my face to the wall. All right, this time I\u2019m going to keep my eyes closed . . recite some bible verses . . count sheep.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s that?<\/p>\n

Did I actually doze off this time? Miss the sound of horses coming in? Or did my sons manage to slip in quietly, stabling their mounts and making it into the house before I noticed. For surely that\u2019s the sound of boots on the stairs. Ahhh, what a waste this has been. Here they are, home safe and sound. The door is bolted against trouble, and we\u2019ll all soon be asleep under one roof. If I had been more trusting, I\u2019d be long asleep.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s amazing, how quickly my muscles seem to relax, each limb growing heavier as sleep reaches for me. I can hear the soft whisper of my son\u2019s voices as they make their way down the hall, first Adam and then Hoss answering. I wait for my youngest and his inevitable giggle, but there is silence.<\/p>\n

My eyes are open again, ears straining for each sound. Yes, there are two voices, and quiet footsteps. But there are only two. I\u2019m sure of it now, suddenly aware that I\u2019m sitting up in my bed.<\/p>\n

I resist the urge to jump up and get dressed. There must be some plausible explanation. Not that Joe wouldn\u2019t choose to stay in town, or refuse to come home when his brothers beckoned. No, my instinct says that my oldest boys wouldn\u2019t have left their brother in town unless it was safe to do so. Not this early in the spring, when snow still dots the land, and storms could still appear out of nowhere here in the mountains.<\/p>\n

But then those risks are always there, aren\u2019t they? My boys have been raised here. They know how to watch the land, the weather. They can handle themselves. I\u2019m just being ridiculous.<\/p>\n

Leaning back against my pillows for the umpteenth time, I rub my forehead, not surprised to feel the tension against my fingertips. What is wrong with me tonight?<\/p>\n

Joe, my impetuous young son. Maybe that\u2019s what this is all about. The memory of watching as he was thrown from that wild bronc weeks ago, seeing him motionless on the ground, blood visible on his face as his brothers gently turned him over . . .<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sitting up again, my heart thumping hard in my chest. What a frightening memory that is. The fall and then the days that followed as Joe recovered from what we assumed was a concussion. But he\u2019s doing fine now. I have to keep telling myself that. No headaches, no dizziness. I would never have given my consent for this Friday night trip to town if I didn\u2019t think he\u2019d healed. Not that he would\u2019ve paid attention anyway. Joe had promised to take Melissa to the dance, and with the way those two keep looking at each other, there\u2019s not much that would\u2019ve kept him from her side. Still, there\u2019s always the chance that he overdid it tonight . . .<\/p>\n

Foolishness! He\u2019s grown. He\u2019s impulsive but responsible. Besides, Adam and Hoss would not have ridden home if they noticed anything out of sorts with their brother.<\/p>\n

Unless they didn\u2019t notice. Unless he\u2019d done something to make them angry.<\/p>\n

I swing my legs off the side of the bed, reaching for my robe. Where I\u2019m going I haven\u2019t decided. To talk to my sons? To check the barn? To saddle Buck and ride to town?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m being ridiculous again. One long deep breath and I pull my arm back out of the robe sleeve and slowly lay down. Trust. I\u2019m supposed to trust them. Faith. I must have faith. Good Lord but it\u2019s hard to be a parent.<\/p>\n

My eyes are wide open as different scenarios speed through my tired mind. None of them are comforting, but I suppress the desire to get up and go looking. I have to keep reminding myself: Joe will be fine. No, Joe is fine.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve turned several times, but now I\u2019m staring at the ceiling again, faint moonlight piercing the shadows. As tired as I am, sleep eludes me. My ears are focused on anything out of the ordinary. It\u2019s getting harder to do as Hoss\u2019s snoring echoes down the hall.<\/p>\n

But there, a new sound . . . what is it? Could it be? The sound of . . . Yes, it is . . .
\nwhistling. Soft but clear, I hear a jaunty little tune, probably something he heard at the dance. It\u2019s getting closer, as if he\u2019s walking up from the barn. And then it\u2019s gone.<\/p>\n

The silence is deafening as I wonder if I really heard Joe or if I had just imagined it in my sleep-deprived state. No. It was him. That was the front door being bolted shut, and there\u2019s the sound of his boots on the floor. He\u2019s coming up the steps now, quietly as he tries to cover his progress. Has he been in the barn the whole time? Is that why Adam and Hoss were so unconcerned? I could ask at breakfast in the morning, but I would have to be careful so as not to give away the fact that I was awake. No, I won\u2019t ask. They\u2019re home. Safe. Another Friday night is behind me. Thank God.<\/p>\n

I listen as Joe\u2019s door closes quietly behind him, then with a deep sigh of relief, roll to my side and pull the quilt close around me. Finally I can sleep. I don\u2019t have to fight it any longer. And I\u2019m so tired.<\/p>\n

With another sigh, I close my eyes. And almost immediately they\u2019re open again, my focus on the moonlight gleaming around the edges of the heavy drapes. For heaven\u2019s sake, now I\u2019m not sleepy. I stare at the lines of light on the carpet and groan aloud.<\/p>\n

Maybe next Friday night, I\u2019ll just ride into town with them, visit some friends, have dinner at the International House and enjoy a few beers at the Bucket of Blood. Yes, that\u2019s what I\u2019ll do.<\/p>\n

I adjust my pillow one more time then stare through the shadows as I think about my plan. A deep breath, a little soul-searching, and I realize that next week, I\u2019ll probably be lying in the same position, just waiting to sleep. . . .<\/p>\n

The End!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Disclaimer:<\/span>\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

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<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0Ben isn\u2019t really a worrier. Then again, who knows what a parent thinks about, when beloved sons haven\u2019t returned after a Friday night dance. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0K+ \u00a0WC\u00a02000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":3737,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1004,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6611","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ben-cartwright","category-drama","wpcat-1004-id","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1605,"today_views":1},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/ben.jpg?fit=264%2C281&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4820,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4820","url_meta":{"origin":6611,"position":0},"title":"Proud (by Storm)","author":"storm","date":"May 29, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0\u00a0This is my story for the May challenge. 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However, when things take a turn for the worst, Ben does something he has failed to do in a long time. Rating: G Word Count: 1,000","rel":"","context":"In "Ben Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Ben Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1004"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/advent.jpg?fit=480%2C413&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4502,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=4502","url_meta":{"origin":6611,"position":3},"title":"A Christmas Story (by Storm)","author":"storm","date":"December 23, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 Here's my answer to the December Chaps and Spurs challenge. \u00a0 Rated: K+ \u00a0WC \u00a03100","rel":"","context":"In "Chaps and Spurs"","block_context":{"text":"Chaps and Spurs","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=39"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/4Cartwrights.jpg?fit=849%2C541&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":22746,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=22746","url_meta":{"origin":6611,"position":4},"title":"Father and Sons (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"June 10, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"SUMMARY:\u00a0 Ben has a frank discussion with his sons about their relationship and the future after some changes have taken place.\u00a0 It seems an appropriate story to post in the week before Father's Day.\u00a0 This is an expanded version of a pinecone. 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