Forever in My Heart<\/strong><\/p>\n***Now, while we\u2019re here alone, and all is said and done.\u00a0 Now I can let you know because of all you\u2019ve shown.\u00a0 I\u2019ve grown enough to tell you.\u00a0 You\u2019ll always be inside of me.\u00a0 How many roads have gone by?\u00a0 So many words left unspoken.\u00a0 I needed to be by your side.\u00a0 If only to hold you.\u00a0 Forever in my heart.\u00a0 Forever, we will be.\u00a0 And even when I\u2019m gone, you\u2019ll be here with me.\u00a0 Forever.\u00a0 Once, I dreamed that you were gone.\u00a0 I cried out trying to find you.\u00a0 I begged the dream to fade away.\u00a0 And please awaken me.\u00a0 But night took a hold of my heart.\u00a0 And left me with no one to follow.\u00a0 The love that I lost to the dark I\u2019ll always remember.\u00a0 Forever in my heart.\u00a0 Forever here you\u2019ll be.\u00a0 Know that when I\u2019m gone, you\u2019ll be near to me.\u00a0 Forever in my life.\u00a0 Always thought I\u2019d be.\u00a0 I\u2019d be yours. Forever.\u00a0 (Song: Forever, lyrics by Kenny Loggins, Eva Ein Loggins, and David Foster.) ***<\/p>\n
I had no idea how many times I had limped over to the grandfather clock there by the front door.\u00a0 The one thing that I did know was that it must be keeping time though every hour that passed by was at least a full day in my mind.\u00a0 I\u2019d never noticed how quiet the ranch house was when there wasn\u2019t anyone else there but me.\u00a0 That was a rare thing with two noisy brothers, a Chinese cook and part of the family, and of course my father.\u00a0 Pa wasn\u2019t noisy, but you\u2019d know he was in the room just by the look he\u2019d shoot your way.\u00a0 In fact, he said more with his expressive eyebrows than most people could with a shout. I knew that from first-hand experience.\u00a0 It was extremely rare for me to go one week without Pa\u2019s eyebrows raised over something I had either said or done.\u00a0 I guess it was because I\u2019m his youngest and from what everyone tells me the rowdiest and the most hardheaded of the three sons, he\u2019s tried to raise single handedly.\u00a0 I won\u2019t deny that.<\/p>\n
I cursed myself for being so clumsy as it was the only reason why I wasn\u2019t out with the herd like both Adam and Hoss plus every single one of our ranch hands because I\u2019d hurt my ankle.\u00a0 It was a stupid move on my part but how I\u2019d done it would no doubt be brought up to me probably for the rest of my natural life.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t meant to stay out so late but by the time I\u2019d played that last hand of five card draw the Silver Dollar Saloon was closing.\u00a0 I pocketed my winnings, which were a grand total of two dollars after five straight hours.\u00a0 Then I hurriedly ran outside and just about leaped into my saddle.\u00a0 Cochise knew that she\u2019d be in for a real run now that it was past midnight.\u00a0 I had a full moon to see by which was the only thing going for me that night.\u00a0 By the time the two of us made it into the barn I was already making up a tall tale as to why I was coming home at such an ungodly hour.\u00a0 Not that I thought Pa would believe me, but only to make myself feel better before trying to make it inside without waking the whole house.<\/p>\n
Now to explain how I got hurt I\u2019ll have to describe what happened step by step; which is a very appropriate choice of words. \u00a0\u00a0I very quietly lifted the door latch hoping that when I had oiled it for Hop Sing it had paid off.\u00a0 Slowly I pushed the door forward a quarter of an inch at a time.\u00a0 It was then that I noticed that the flames in the fireplace were barely visible.\u00a0 Boy, that was a welcome sight!\u00a0 It meant that Pa hadn\u2019t stayed up to stoke it while waiting on his no-account shiftless youngest son to come home.<\/p>\n
***Yes!\u00a0 Finally!\u00a0 Pa hadn’t waited up for me!\u00a0 I\u2019m going to be able to tell him in the morning that I must\u2019ve gotten home very shortly after everyone made it to bed! ***<\/em><\/strong> I thought as I quietly rolled up my holster and placed it with my hat on top of the credenza.\u00a0 Now all I had to do was make it up the stairs.\u00a0 Oh, there was a trick to doing that which I had also learned from prior experience.\u00a0 Two of the steps make a terrible squeaking sound if you hit them dead center with your shoes.\u00a0 So, before I moved a foot away from the front door I removed both of my boots.\u00a0 I thought how very clever I was and couldn\u2019t help smiling about it.\u00a0 There\u2019s something to be said for age and wisdom of course I had neither as anyone in my family would attest to.\u00a0 But I wasn\u2019t a seventeen-year-old anymore and I had a good two months of being a year from that now.\u00a0 So, if anyone asked me how old I was I always say \u201calmost nineteen\u201d which makes my brothers laugh.\u00a0 My wisdom isn\u2019t from books, having barely gotten out of school with such awful grades the teacher made a point of telling my father she was surprised that I wasn\u2019t adopted.\u00a0 Good old Miss Gower and her terrible sense of humor.\u00a0 She had a fondness for my brother Adam and thought him to be quite the scholar.\u00a0 It just made me look more like the dunce she believed me to be just because he graduated from college.\u00a0 My only saving grace was my brother Hoss, though even he excelled at book-learning far more than his kid brother.\u00a0 But I had what I considered \u201cvast life experiences\u201d which made me smart in my own kind of way.\u00a0 I knew how to oil a front door latch and where every squeaky step was on the staircase!<\/p>\nThat night I learned an invaluable lesson about life.\u00a0 Just because a fire looks like it\u2019s about out does NOT<\/strong> mean that your father isn\u2019t lying on the settee with a book on his chest waiting for you to sneak by him.<\/p>\nI made it to the first step and tiptoed to the second making my way up to my bedroom undetected.\u00a0 My arrogance was my downfall.\u00a0 And, in hindsight, downfall was a good word for what happened.<\/p>\n
\u201cGoing somewhere, Joseph?\u201d The deep baritone voice came up along with the man lying on the sofa.<\/p>\n
It startled me.\u00a0 No, to be perfectly honest it frightened me so much that I slipped and fell straight down into the living room.\u00a0 The next thing I knew a very tired looking father was standing above me just shaking his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh \u2013 hi, Pa,\u201d I said, trying not to show the guilt that was now all over my face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy hello, Son,\u201d Pa nodded down to me.\u00a0 \u201cNice of you to drop by at \u2013\u201d he paused and caught a sight of the grandfather clock across the room.\u00a0 \u201cNow let’s just see how well you know your numbers, Joseph.\u00a0 The little hand is on the three and the big hand is on the four.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUh \u2013 didn\u2019t know it was that late,\u201d I tried to gather my boots which had gone in two different directions.\u00a0 I know that I looked foolish as I crawled around on my hands and knees like an infant until I finally pulled them to my chest.\u00a0 Then I looked weakly up at my father.<\/p>\n
Pa just stood there with his hands on his hips and his feet spread apart.\u00a0 Not only did his eyebrows say more than words but that stance of his did too.\u00a0 I took it to mean, ***Joseph, you\u2019re in deep trouble with me now. ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nPa drew in a deep breath as he watched his youngest crawling around at the base of the staircase retrieving his boots.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t said anything yet, which wasn\u2019t a good thing.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when I finally stood and found out what that little unexpected fall had done to me.\u00a0 Just as soon as I took one step in my stocking feet my right leg gave out and I went down to the floor once again.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph,\u201d Pa said, a hint of worry blended with aggravation in the sound of that one word.\u00a0 He knelt next to me and asked, \u201cWhat did you do this<\/em><\/strong> time?\u201d<\/p>\n\u201cOh \u2013 it\u2019s nothing, Pa,\u201d I returned, filled with embarrassment over my stupid move.\u00a0 Then I felt Pa\u2019s hands pulling me up.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s go over to the settee.\u201d<\/p>\n
I had to be assisted because it hurt to put weight on my right foot.\u00a0 Pa made me lean back as he pulled up my pant leg.\u00a0 Then, being the expert that he is due to my many injuries over the years, he inspected my leg from my knee down to my foot.<\/p>\n
\u201cSprain,\u201d He sighed and tugged the pant leg back down.\u00a0 \u201cYou won\u2019t be joining your brothers out with the herd tomorrow, Young Man.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared up at my father who was hovering over me shaking his head.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to ask what he was thinking, I just knew.\u00a0 *** Joseph you are going to be the death of me, Boy! ***<\/em><\/strong> Is what he wanted to say.\u00a0 But Pa always gave me a break for at least the first ten minutes after I did something stupid before he went into an all-out lecture.<\/p>\n\u201cJoseph, you are going to be the death of me!\u201d Pa fumed, still shaking his head.<\/p>\n
I hadn\u2019t counted on him starting right in on me, but I guess the ten-minute rule is only in effect if it\u2019s before three a.m.\u00a0 I supposed I was fair game for him now.<\/p>\n
\u201cGee, Pa, I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
My father stared at me much like Miss Gower used to when I\u2019d tell her that I\u2019d lost my homework while crossing a raging river to save a wounded child.\u00a0 All belief in my being sorry for anything was suspended after three a.m. too, I supposed.<\/p>\n
\u201cPlaying poker until the dawn and sneaking in here \u2013 and going to the lengths you did \u2013 like removing those boots I sometimes wonder if you are adopted.\u201d<\/p>\n
Oh no, Pa was harkening back to Miss Gower\u2019s line and that wasn\u2019t a good thing either!<\/p>\n
\u201cPa \u2013 I almost won the whole pot tonight.\u00a0 I would\u2019ve been home sooner but –,\u201d<\/p>\n
That was when I felt the death grip on my right shoulder and then watched as Pa\u2019s eyebrows knitted themselves together.\u00a0 I knew I was in for it now.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, let\u2019s get you upstairs and into bed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can make it, I\u2019ll just kind of hop, Pa,\u201d I tried to help the situation, but my father wasn\u2019t impressed at all.\u00a0 He crossed his arms over his chest and pursed his lips.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph?\u201d he questioned far too calmly.\u00a0 It made me wonder just how my Christian name could sound so terrifying when Pa said it.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you hop up the staircase, I want you to be careful.\u00a0 There are two squeaky boards that you need to avoid so you don\u2019t wake anyone up,\u201d he mentioned drolly just to let me know that he was fully aware why I had my boots off.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Sir \u2013 I think you\u2019re right,\u201d I nodded because it would serve no purpose to lie about what I had been doing.\u00a0 Pa was amazing!\u00a0 Somehow, he always knew every sneaky thing I did.\u00a0 I wondered if he was really a mind reader and just kept that to himself.<\/p>\n
Before I could say another word, Pa had pulled me up from the sofa and placed his hand underneath my right arm.\u00a0 Then the two of us made it upstairs, and those two boards squeaked very loudly under Pa\u2019s boots and my one working foot.<\/p>\n
\nI glanced up at the grandfather clock again.\u00a0 Now my stomach was starting to tighten with fear.\u00a0 Pa should\u2019ve been home hours ago.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what to do about it.\u00a0 My brothers wouldn\u2019t be home for days and none of the hired hands would be back inside the bunkhouse until the entire herd was moved to the northern pastureland.\u00a0 Even Hop Sing was gone.\u00a0 A sick cousin in town had taken priority over tending to us.\u00a0 Hop Sing was always there for both of his families, those Chinese and American.<\/p>\n
I kept telling myself that Pa was perfectly capable of taking care of himself.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t working.\u00a0 Though I knew that he had mastered clipper ships as a captain and afterwards had taken that arduous trek by wagon train clear across the country.\u00a0 He had fought Indians and thieves and then carved a ranch out of nothing but wilderness. Surely Pa could handle anything.\u00a0 I limped over to the living room and grabbed the cup of coffee which had gone ice cold.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter; I drank it anyway.\u00a0 Leaning back on the settee I was going to stretch my legs out in front of me and put my feet on the forbidden coffee table, but I couldn\u2019t bring myself to do it.\u00a0 I mean the coast was clear with Pa being gone, but somehow, I didn\u2019t want to do it anymore.\u00a0 The little bit of worry I had about my father was working up into deep concern.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s when it hit me.\u00a0 How many times have I put my father through this kind of worry?\u00a0 How many times have I made him stare at the same clock that I couldn\u2019t take my eyes off now?\u00a0 It gave me such a terrible feeling of regret.\u00a0 I had been thoughtless and now it hurt deep inside.\u00a0 Pa had worried, he had beaten a path back and forth to the front door so many times.\u00a0 Looking outside to see if I was riding up only to realize I was going to do something stupid like stay out to an outrageous hour and then come sneaking back in.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t funny.\u00a0 It was clear to me now and it made me feel awful to have done it to my Pa.\u00a0 I had acted so inconsiderate to a man who loved me so much that he\u2019d worried himself into a head full of white hair because of me.<\/p>\n
Once again, I limped to the clock.\u00a0 It was three a.m.\u00a0 The same three a.m. that I\u2019d come into the ranch house three mornings ago.\u00a0 Why did I do that?\u00a0 For two stinking dollars?\u00a0 I put my Pa through the worry and later having to tend to my injury.\u00a0 Pa hardly fussed about it after he\u2019d iced my ankle.\u00a0 Now I was consumed with remorse along with my worry over why Pa hadn\u2019t made it home.\u00a0 Doctor Martin had come out and told both Pa and me that I had to stay off my right leg for two weeks due to the sprain.\u00a0 While everyone else was out pulling their weight I couldn\u2019t stand on mine.\u00a0 At the very least it should have been me and not Pa who had gone into Virginia City the day before to handle the payroll and tend to the other errands.\u00a0 But no, Pa had to do it just because I had done something thoughtless and stupid.\u00a0 Maybe Miss Gower was right, I was<\/strong><\/em> adopted!\u00a0 I don\u2019t act like either of my brothers or my father for that matter.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even act like Hop Sing!\u00a0 And on top of that I\u2019m inconsiderate.<\/p>\nThinking that I had heard something outside, I pulled the front door open and looked out into the yard.\u00a0 Nothing but the wind picking up and ringing that bell that should\u2019ve been tied down earlier.\u00a0 I limped out the door and secured the rope.\u00a0 I prayed that Pa would appear, and my worry would prove to be in vain.\u00a0 But he wasn\u2019t back.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t home and he had a lot of money on him.\u00a0 I wondered if someone had watched him at the bank and maybe waylaid him for the payroll?\u00a0 What if he\u2019s lying on the ground wounded or — no, I can\u2019t think that.\u00a0 If Pa was gone \u2013 I don\u2019t want to think of it.\u00a0 I need him too much.\u00a0 That\u2019s a selfish thing to say but it\u2019s true.\u00a0 I know my brothers need him too.\u00a0 This world would mean little to me if there wasn\u2019t a Ben Cartwright in it.<\/p>\n
The clock chimed four times.\u00a0 That was all that I could take!\u00a0 I limped up the stairs and those two steps squeaked.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care about that this night.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t the one sneaking out of the house, I was going to limp on out of it just as soon as I got my boots.\u00a0 I found them at the side of my bed and pulled them on.\u00a0 My right ankle screamed at me, but I didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 I had to go.\u00a0 I had to find Pa.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t like him not coming home.\u00a0 No, only someone who was thoughtless stayed out as late as this.\u00a0 That\u2019s me, not Pa!<\/p>\n
\nI made it back down into the living room and limped over to the credenza.\u00a0 My ankle was still swollen and protesting the feel of my boot.\u00a0 I\u2019d have gone out that morning even if it had meant that I would end up losing my whole dang leg if I could\u2019ve found my father.\u00a0 \u00a0I decided that no matter how far I had to go to retrace Pa\u2019s steps or however long it took me, I was going to find him.\u00a0 I strapped my holster around my waist and secured the strings to my left thigh.\u00a0 Before I left, I needed to look at the clock one more time, so I\u2019d know what to tell Sheriff Coffee once I made it into town.<\/p>\n
Looking over at the grandfather clock it read twenty minutes after four.\u00a0 I cast a look around the living room taking it all in.\u00a0 My eyes fell on Pa\u2019s red leather chair sitting to the left of the fireplace.\u00a0 I wondered if it would always be empty now.\u00a0 There were tears welling up in my eyes and I had to fight them back. \u00a0But the persistent dread just wouldn\u2019t let go of me.\u00a0 What if Pa wasn\u2019t ever coming back?\u00a0 The house already felt like the heart of the place was missing.\u00a0 What if something had happened to Pa \u2013 something bad? I knew that this ranch house would never feel like home again.<\/p>\n
That was the very second that the front door opened.\u00a0 I quickly spun around, almost losing my balance.\u00a0 Catching myself at the last minute I held my place as I stared at the man in the fawn-colored coat.<\/p>\n
\u201cPa?\u201d I\u2019m not sure if I said the word or just thought it in my mind.\u00a0 I stared over at the clock again and it was twenty-one minutes after four.\u00a0 I almost felt like life had begun again for me, as if the whole world stopped until the moment I\u2019d seen my father.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph?\u00a0\u00a0 What are you doing up so late, Boy?\u201d Pa asked as he set his hat, holster and the payroll satchel on the credenza and walked over to me.<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t talk.\u00a0 I just intently stared at my father.\u00a0 Every crease on his face and every worry line that I\u2019d put there now had new meaning for me.\u00a0 Just half a minute ago I was terrified that my father was dead and now he stood there in front of me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do you have your holster on, Son?\u201d Pa queried as he set a hand onto my shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cI \u2013 well \u2013 I,\u201d I found words impossible to come by at that moment and I\u2019m sure that I sounded like I was as dumb as Miss Gower believed me to be.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph?\u00a0 What\u2019s wrong?\u201d Pa questioned, giving me the once over with his eyes.<\/p>\n
I broke his stare and looked down at the floor.\u00a0 I\u2019ll admit to saying a couple of \u201cthank God\u2019s<\/em><\/strong>\u201d to myself.\u201d<\/p>\nFinally, Pa understood.\u00a0 He\u2019d noticed my looking at the grandfather clock and, evidently, the expression that I was wearing was a replica of the way he looked whenever he had paced there in front of it worried about me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you okay, Pa?\u201d I finally found my voice again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, sorry to get in so late.\u00a0 Roy needed my help with a few prisoners he\u2019d just caught and Clem was home sick.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d I nodded but all I could think about was how my father could have been killed bringing the payroll home all by himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should be off that ankle, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI \u2013 I\u2019m okay, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n
With a tilt to his head, my father examined me with his eyes and then a knowing smile turned up the corners of his lips.\u00a0 And the next minute, without warning, I was locked inside his embrace.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot a good feeling, is it?\u201d Pa whispered.<\/p>\n
With my face pressed against my father\u2019s shoulder I shook my head.\u00a0 \u201cNo, Pa \u2013 it\u2019s not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve done it quite a lot in the last eighteen years and two months.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPa \u2013 I\u2019m really sorry,\u201d I tried to get my meaning across, but it just didn\u2019t express how I was feeling.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI \u2013 I thought something happened to you.\u00a0 Oh \u2013 Pa \u2013 if I lost you \u2013 I just \u2013 well \u2013\u201d I never finished my statement.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t. \u00a0I never wanted to think of my father not being with me.\u00a0 I wanted to look across the living room and see him sitting in his red leather chair smoking his pipe and spouting his wisdom.\u00a0 Bad thing was that I couldn\u2019t express that to him no matter how much I wanted to.\u00a0 I was really beginning to believe that Miss Gower hadn\u2019t been wrong about my intelligence or lack thereof.\u00a0 Adam could recite Shakespeare and even Hoss could hold a straight thought.\u00a0 But all I could do that night was stutter.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph,\u201d Pa whispered and ran his fingers through my hair, his usual method of calming me.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m never going to leave you so get that out of your head.\u00a0 Even when it\u2019s time for me to join your mother I\u2019ll be with you inside your heart.\u00a0 And on those nights that you\u2019ve made me wait and worry about you there\u2019s one thing that\u2019s helped me and that\u2019s knowing that you are forever in my heart<\/em><\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\nI could only nod.\u00a0 That seemed like a dumb thing to do at the time but somehow, I think Pa knew why I had done it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t talk about my father dying and I never will.<\/p>\n
The clock chimed on the half hour.\u00a0 It was four-thirty now.\u00a0 Pa pulled me back and grinned at me.\u00a0 I wanted to say something that would sound as smart as Adam or at least as thoughtful as Hoss.\u00a0 But I was neither of them.\u00a0 Maybe I am<\/strong><\/em> adopted?\u00a0 If I am then fine!\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t have asked for a better father, adopted or not.<\/p>\nI heard Pa chuckle and then he patted me on the back.\u00a0 \u201cNo, you\u2019re not!\u201d He insisted with a wink.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAdopted,\u201d He returned with a gleam in his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow\u2019d you know I was thinking that?\u201d<\/p>\n
Pa laughed and ruffled my hair.\u00a0 \u201cI just know.\u201d<\/p>\n
I smiled gratefully.\u00a0 Of course, he\u2019d told me that before but somehow that night the way he\u2019d said it felt genuine to me.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you\u2019re not dumb either, Joseph.\u00a0 No matter what Miss Gower said.\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed along with him.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure,\u201d Pa nodded.\u00a0 Then he raised his eyebrows and said, \u201cOf course you don\u2019t use the brains the good Lord gave you sometimes.\u00a0 But nonetheless you are smart.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThanks,\u201d I know I sounded like I\u2019d just won a blue ribbon at the county fair.\u00a0 Even if Pa was the only person in the world who would ever say that I was smart I was okay with it.<\/p>\n
Something made me glance over at the clock again.\u00a0 It was forty minutes after four.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph,\u201d Pa whispered as he put his hand underneath my chin to redirect my gaze and make me look back over at him.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay now, I\u2019m home.\u00a0 You can stop looking at the clock.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sighed and then I took a deep breath.\u00a0 Then I let it out along with all of my previous worry about my father.<\/p>\n
\u201cHand it over, Joseph,\u201d Pa held out his hand and I removed my holster.\u00a0 He walked over to the door and placed it next to his.\u00a0 Then he moved back over to me and shook his head, giving me the look I\u2019d seen so many times.\u00a0 He was returning to his former self as the typical concerned father and worrying about my injury.<\/p>\n
Pa put his arm across my shoulder.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have to ask.\u00a0 He was helping me across the room due to my sprain.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour boots, Joseph,\u201d Pa pointed at my feet the minute I sat down and I nodded.\u00a0 Then I removed them and tried to hide how much it had hurt to pull my right foot out of the boot.\u00a0 But Pa knew anyhow, I could tell by the way he shook his head.\u00a0 He was probably thinking how amusing it was that I would be the one trying to rescue anyone as klutzy as I was.<\/p>\n
Then he did something that I hadn\u2019t expected.\u00a0 He patted my arm and whispered, \u201cThank you for what you were going to do, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n
That made me smile because he was acknowledging what I had planned on doing and wasn\u2019t making me feel like a total fool for being worried about him.<\/p>\n
\nThe two of us sat on the settee together with neither of us talking.\u00a0 I noticed his eyes closing with little effort. I knew that my father had to be exhausted after the long day and night he\u2019d put in.\u00a0 In just a few minutes Pa was sound asleep, and I didn\u2019t want to wake him.\u00a0 I reached behind us for the Indian blanket that was lying just to the left of where Pa was resting his head. Settling it over my father\u2019s chest I couldn\u2019t help staring at him like I was seeing him for the first time.<\/p>\n
My eyes misted up when I thought about what Pa had said just a few minutes ago.\u00a0 He\u2019d said I was forever in his heart<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 Despite all my antics, missteps and downright disobedience, my father loved and understood me.\u00a0 He was right about how bad it felt to wait and worry about someone who came in late, and I swore to myself I\u2019d not do that to Pa again.\u00a0 Not purposely anyhow.<\/p>\nI decided that if Pa could fall asleep there on the settee, then I could too.\u00a0 Stretching my legs out I set my feet on top of the coffee table.\u00a0 It was safe to do so, as Pa was sawing logs by then.\u00a0 The minute I leaned my head back and closed my eyes I heard him.<\/p>\n
\u201cJoseph\u2014get your feet off the table,\u201d Pa whispered and lightly elbowed my side.<\/p>\n
I turned and looked over at Pa only to see him grinning at me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Sir,\u201d I winked and withdrew my feet only to see him put his up on top of the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, now you can,\u201d Pa smiled.<\/p>\n
I think he just wanted to let me know that he was still there and that he was still in charge.<\/p>\n
As I set my feet on the sacred coffee table next to his he handed me half of that blanket and closed his eyes again.<\/p>\n
I watched Pa sleep until the clock chimed five times.\u00a0 Then I nodded off with those words in my head.\u00a0 Forever in my heart<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 That\u2019s where the man at my side would always remain.<\/p>\nThe End<\/p>\n
Written by Wrangler<\/p>\n
7\/15\/26<\/p>\n
The companion story to this is from Pa’s point of view and is my next one called, “Forever in My Heart #2”<\/strong><\/p>\n(Dedicated to my story consultant Rob for all his pep talks. And two special friends who I\u2019ve relied on, and they\u2019ve never let me down.)\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Summary: Little Joe waits by the grandfather clock for Pa’s return.\u00a0 As the hours tick away, Joe grows fearful that something’s happened to Pa, while reflecting on the times he’s worried his father by coming home late. Rating T, WC 4,674 Forever in My Heart\u00a0 Forever in My Heart #2\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":140,"featured_media":67985,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[1015,23,4,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-66973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-joe-pa","category-drama","category-humor","category-hurtcomfort","wpcat-1015-id","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-41-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/Screenshot_20260730_015857_YouTube.jpg?fit=1447%2C1080&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66973","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/140"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=66973"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/66973\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/67985"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=66973"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=66973"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=66973"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}