Summary: Little Joe relives what he believes was one moment in time when he was in between life and death and explains what made him come back. Inspired by the episode, “Bushwhacked!”. Rating T, WC 10,002<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
One Moment in Time<\/strong><\/p>\n *** I broke my heart, fought every gain.\u00a0 To taste the sweet, I face the pain.\u00a0 I rise and fall yet through it all, this much remains.\u00a0 I want one moment in time when I\u2019m more than I thought I could be.\u00a0 When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away.\u00a0 And the answers are all up to me.\u00a0 Give me one moment in time when I\u2019m racing with destiny.\u00a0 Then in that one moment of time I will feel, I will feel, eternity.\u00a0 (Song: One Moment in Time, lyrics by John Bettis.) ***<\/p>\n *** One shirt, one pair of pants and one green corduroy jacket.\u00a0 All with holes in them caused by bullets. ***<\/em><\/strong> I thought to myself as I began to sort through everything that was left inside of the buckboard.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t sure if Hop Sing would be able to make the necessary repairs in the jacket, which was Joseph\u2019s favorite of course.\u00a0 The shirt and pants were going straight into the trash barrel, but the verdict was still out on that jacket.\u00a0 There\u2019s just no way that I\u2019ll allow these torn clothes to be saved to be used as rags, not with my boy\u2019s blood on them!\u00a0 I moved my attention down to the rest of the gear we\u2019d taken with us.\u00a0 Hoss had offered to unload the wagon, but I needed some time to think.\u00a0 The trip we had just taken had been a long one and I wanted to feel useful as I tried to put things into some kind of order; at least in my mind.<\/p>\n I\u2019d gotten that wire almost two weeks ago now and it had said the kinds of things that no parent wants to read.\u00a0 Joseph had been shot and the man who had found the boy had sent word that he was in grave condition.\u00a0 Hoss and I swung right into action and were on our horses and heading to Lone Pine less than an hour after Smokey handed the telegram to me.\u00a0 I knew if we rode hard, we could make it to the ranch where Joe was being cared for in about two days.\u00a0 That had been a rough forty-eight hours for both Hoss and me.\u00a0 I worried that we might not make it to Joseph in time.\u00a0 Time.\u00a0 It\u2019s funny how you just take time for granted, like you have an endless supply of it.\u00a0 But you never do.\u00a0 I felt such an urgency to get to my son, but during those two frightful days it was as though time itself had stopped much like a broken clock.\u00a0 In fact, it seemed like it was taking an eternity to get there.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t help worrying that I might lose Joseph without ever being able to say goodbye to him.\u00a0 Not that I could have<\/em><\/strong> said goodbye to him; not ever!<\/p>\n I had sent my son to Fort Churchill just ten miles due north of Lone Pine.\u00a0 It had been a simple transaction involving selling remounts to the army.\u00a0 Afterwards Joe was heading home with a billfold full of cash.\u00a0 I\u2019d suspected that some highwayman had shot my son and run off with the money leaving the boy lying out in the desert presuming he was dead.\u00a0 But that wasn\u2019t the case.\u00a0 No one understood why anyone would\u2019ve shot my son twice and left him to die and yet hadn\u2019t taken the money with them.\u00a0 Even Sheriff Truslow, the not so helpful lawman there, hadn\u2019t been able to figure that one out.\u00a0 But Joseph had.\u00a0 Though he\u2019d been delirious for days, he had continually muttered those words, \u201cwagon wheel and teepee.\u201d \u00a0At the time no one knew that the boy had been giving us the only clue we\u2019d need to find out who had shot him all along.\u00a0 Joe had come upon two men with running irons.\u00a0 They had been changing the brands from Griswold\u2019s \u201cteepee\u201d to their \u201cwagon wheel\u201d and thus had stolen quite a few head of cattle.\u00a0 Once they realized that my son had them dead to rights, they pursued him and fired those two bullets which had almost killed him.\u00a0 I was glad that they were both locked up now or I might have done something with them myself!<\/p>\n I\u2019ll forever be grateful to Tom Griswold for finding my boy and for being a good Samaritan.\u00a0 Both he and his ranch hand named Ern had taken Joe via a travois to their ranch, no doubt saving his life.\u00a0\u00a0 If they hadn\u2019t heard the couple of reports that Joe\u2019s Colt had gotten off as a last-ditch effort to signal for help, I\u2019d never have known Joseph\u2019s fate.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Hoss called over to his father as he walked out to the front hitching post where he had left the buckboard.<\/p>\n Turning around I forced the glum look off my face for my middle boy\u2019s sake.\u00a0 \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing and I got Little Joe out of that shirt of yours and put him in bed.\u201d<\/p>\n In the rush to get on our way I had forgotten to pack my youngest a shirt but fortunately I did remember to bring the pants that Joe needed.\u00a0 For the last several days my son had worn the extra shirt I had packed for myself.\u00a0 It hung on him but with that back wound the boy didn\u2019t need anything form-fitting disturbing the bandages that Doctor Scully had placed over the incision he\u2019d made.\u00a0 \u201cOh?\u00a0 Did your brother put up much of a fuss?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss chuckled and shook his head, \u201cNo \u2013 not this time.\u00a0 We got him into a nightshirt and he was out cold the minute he leaned back on his pillows.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI figured that would happen.\u00a0 Joe talks a good game, but I think we both know that he\u2019s got a lot of healing to do and he\u2019s just plum worn out. Oh, by the way, I sent Fletcher into town to bring Doc back with him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoc ain\u2019t gonna like it that another doctor worked on my little brother,\u201d Hoss grinned knowingly and reached inside the wagon.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll bring the rest of this stuff inside, Pa.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t you go sit down?\u00a0 I know you\u2019ve got to be tired.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust WHO<\/strong> made you such a mother hen all of a sudden?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss turned pensive for a couple of seconds before smiling at his father.\u00a0 \u201cNow \u2013 let me see \u2013 I guess it was the same man who covered me up with that blanket out on the trail last night.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head; he was guilty as charged and he knew it.\u00a0 \u201cPoint taken,\u201d He nodded.\u00a0 \u201cAlright, Young Man, I gladly surrender the rest of these things to your care.\u00a0 I already stowed my and your brother\u2019s saddles inside the barn and saw to the three horses.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss watched as his father began to walk away.\u00a0 He called after him, \u201cPa?\u00a0 What do you want me to do with these?\u201d He held up his brother\u2019s torn clothes that had been left inside the bed of the buckboard.<\/p>\n Ben hurried back to his son and removed Joe\u2019s clothes from his hands.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll take care of it, Hoss.\u201d\u00a0 He turned around and headed into the ranch house, holding his son\u2019s shirt, pants, and jacket far out in front of him as though they carried pestilence. ***Everything is going straight into that trash barrel.\u00a0 I\u2019ll buy Joseph a new jacket.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure that new tailor in town, Jim Weems, can make him another one.\u00a0 As long as it\u2019s green, his favorite color, I\u2019m sure Joe won\u2019t mind. \u00a0Even if Hop Sing could repair the bullet hole, I\u2019d always remember the blood that I saw all over it.\u00a0 No, I\u2019m getting rid of the thing right now! ***<\/em><\/strong> He swore to himself as he crossed the threshold.<\/p>\n Doctor Paul Martin didn\u2019t arrive until after eight o\u2019clock that night.\u00a0 He\u2019d spent the whole day tending to folks and looked as though it had all caught up with him.\u00a0 But there was no way that he was going back to Virginia City, after having been over to three other ranches that day, without seeing his favorite and most frequent patient.\u00a0 After a few pleasantries had been passed around Paul had fussed at Joe for getting hurt again before he began to inspect the other doctor\u2019s handiwork.<\/p>\n Doc first examined Joe\u2019s leg wound, adding some ointment to the area after cleaning it well.\u00a0 He then turned his full attention to the incision on Joe\u2019s back.\u00a0 He spied the tell-tale signs of infection on either side of where the sutures had been placed.\u00a0 However, Paul had already noticed the anxious appearance on Ben\u2019s face and didn\u2019t want to alarm him.\u00a0 He cleaned around the wound and then dabbed some of the same ointment all around the incision.\u00a0 Finishing his ministrations, he placed a new bandage over it.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, you can roll over now so I can take your temperature,\u201d Paul instructed.<\/p>\n Obliging the doctor, Joe rolled onto his back and smiled up at the man.\u00a0 \u201cDoc, I\u2019m feeling just fine,\u201d he began to protest only to have a thermometer stuffed inside his mouth.<\/p>\n \u00a0That boy thinks I\u2019m buying what he\u2019s selling! ***<\/em><\/strong> Ben thought to himself while letting out a tired sigh.\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong> Two bullet holes in him and he\u2019s lying there insisting he\u2019s \u201cjust fine\u201d!\u00a0 Joseph, you are single-handedly making me old! ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThat ought to give us a few minutes of peace now, Ben,\u201d Paul chuckled and turned back towards his friend.<\/p>\n Attempting to get a good look at Doc\u2019s face to see if he was keeping something from him, Ben played along.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019ll be nice \u2013 how about leaving that thing with me for when I need some quiet around here?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe groaned and shook his head over what both men had just said.\u00a0 A few minutes later the doctor pulled the thermometer out from between his patient\u2019s lips and studied the reading.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll live,\u201d Paul announced drolly and patted Joe\u2019s arm.\u00a0 He shook the thermometer down and cleaned it off, placing it back inside his medical bag.<\/p>\n \u201cHow long did it take you to get home from Lone Pine, Ben?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s expectant gaze was divided between the doctor and his youngest son.\u00a0 He was already wondering what the man had seen upon checking the two bullet wounds.\u00a0 \u201cIt took us three full days, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe hadn\u2019t missed the urgency in Pa\u2019s response and piped up.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019d better tell Pa that I\u2019m okay, Doc, because he\u2019s got that same old worried expression on his face.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou just be still, Young Man,\u201d Ben countered sternly and then focused in on Paul.<\/p>\n Doc sighed wearily and sat down in the chair next to the bed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d say that Doctor Scully did a good job on those wounds \u2013 but \u2013 Joe\u2019s got a smidgeon of infection near the incision in his back.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared at his youngest and wondered why he had listened to him when he had insisted that he was well enough to go home.\u00a0 \u201cI told you we should\u2019ve stayed at the Griswold\u2019s for a couple more days!\u201d Ben fussed and drew closer to the bed.\u00a0 \u201cIs it serious, Paul?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got some medicine I\u2019ll leave with you that should help.\u00a0 I cleaned both areas pretty well,\u201d he tried to reassure the worried father before him.\u00a0 \u201cI want Joe to stay in bed.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t need to be up anyway because of that leg \u2013 not to mention his back wound.\u00a0 Keep him down,\u201d Paul instructed and pulled a small brown bottle out of his bag.\u00a0 \u201cGive him a teaspoon of this three times a day with his meals.\u201d<\/p>\n Reaching for the bottle, Ben looked at the label before setting the medicine on the nightstand.\u00a0 \u201cAnything else we need to do?\u201d he asked, his voice deepening with the exact same strain he had carried for two straight weeks.\u00a0 In his mind a smidgeon of infection<\/em><\/strong>, as Doc had called it, could mean that he might lose his youngest.\u00a0 Having witnessed his son\u2019s heart stop beating once before, Ben was gripped by a daily terror that it just might happen again.<\/p>\n Doc smiled to alleviate his friend\u2019s concern.\u00a0 He knew Ben Cartwright well enough to know that he\u2019d get himself all worked up and wouldn\u2019t be able to sleep if he was afraid of losing that rambunctious youngest son of his.\u00a0 \u201cYes \u2013 keep this boy out of trouble, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s quirky laughter resounded in the room as he watched his father shaking his head filled with exasperation.<\/p>\n \u201cLord knows I\u2019ve tried,\u201d Ben sighed, finally letting out the breath he had held ever since Paul had said the word infection<\/em><\/strong>.\u00a0 \u201cHe finds trouble everywhere he goes.\u00a0 I suppose I should\u2019ve sent Hoss to Fort Churchill and not this young man.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul stood from his chair and patted the man\u2019s arm fondly.\u00a0 \u201cNow, Ben, we both know that Little Joe would still get hurt even if he was confined to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 It\u2019s just his nature.\u201d He argued and then directed his gaze over to his patient.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t let me find out that you\u2019ve gotten out of this bed!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe nodded with an impish grin on his face.<\/p>\n Taking note of his patient\u2019s apparent amusement, Doc pointed over at him, \u201cHe\u2019s just got to try and rile me, doesn\u2019t he?\u201d\u00a0 Paul shook his head as he looked back and forth between his patient and the worried father.\u00a0 In his opinion Little Joe wasn\u2019t taking his injuries seriously and Ben was just the opposite.\u00a0 He could tell that the man was downright scared over the prospect that his son had some infection in his incision.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Paul, I\u2019ll keep him down,\u201d Ben assured and watched as the man lifted his medical bag off the nightstand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to see Doc to his surrey, Joseph.\u00a0 Now you stay put!\u201d He glared at his son, pointing his finger over at him to show that he meant business.<\/p>\n Joe settled back against his pillows and groaned.\u00a0 \u201cGeesh, I never said I was gonna try and get up!\u00a0 You both should know that I always listen to reason.\u201d He complained, feigning innocence.<\/p>\n Paul grinned over at his patient and dropped a hand down to his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cOf course you\u2019ve always done exactly<\/em><\/strong> as instructed,\u201d He quipped and then turned for the door.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be back the day after tomorrow.\u00a0 Behave yourself, Little Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI will.\u00a0 Thanks, Doc,\u201d Joe nodded obediently as he watched both Pa and the doctor turning out of his room.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, will the boy be okay?\u201d Ben couldn\u2019t hide his worry, keeping pace with the doctor as they descended the stairs.<\/p>\n \u201cI expect so \u2013 though he does have that little bit of infection going on there in his back.\u00a0 The wound to his leg appears to be healing nicely.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just see if that medicine will help.\u00a0 That boy sure went through the mill, didn\u2019t he?\u00a0 It looks like Doctor Scully made a rather deep incision in Joe\u2019s back.\u201d<\/p>\n When the two men made it down into the living room Ben paused before answering.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, Ben?\u201d\u00a0 Paul knew that his friend had something to tell him, but it appeared as though he was having a hard time finding the right words.<\/p>\n Trying to rub the stiffness out of his neck which Ben presumed had to be due to the stress he\u2019d been under ever since seeing his son and his wounds, he chose his words carefully.\u00a0 \u201cI haven\u2019t said a word to Joseph about it \u2013 but we almost lost him, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Doc returned, surprised by what Ben had proffered.\u00a0 \u201cDid Doctor Scully have trouble getting those bullets out?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 not exactly.\u00a0 He had to dig the one out of Joe\u2019s leg, but he told me that it came to a rest against a bone.\u00a0 But the slug in his back required some maneuvering to get to.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t sure how far it had entered until he began his probe.\u00a0 Without you being around I was just glad that we\u2019d found a doctor to tend the boy.\u00a0 From the credentials he quoted me, he was a very well qualified field surgeon during the war.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen I don\u2019t understand.\u00a0 Was there a lot of infection in that back wound?\u2019<\/p>\n Ben nodded, \u201cJoe\u2019s fever was very high for quite a while due to that gunshot and all the infection the surgeon found in the wound.\u00a0 That\u2019s why he believed he had to operate when he did or he was afraid that we\u2019d end up losing Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot long after he\u2019d administered the ether and began to operate\u2013 well – Joseph\u2019s heart just stopped.\u00a0 Doctor Scully thought that the boy had died and sent for me.\u00a0 I was just outside on the porch waiting, and Hoss was out trying to track down whoever had shot his brother.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, my Lord \u2013 that\u2019s awful.\u00a0 How long \u2026 how long did Joe go without a heartbeat?\u201d Paul asked.\u00a0 Stepping in to offer moral support, he placed a firm hand on his friend\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 He could easily imagine the devastating heartache Ben had experienced thinking that his youngest was dead.<\/p>\n Shaking his head to rid himself of the haunting memory, he whispered, \u201cAlmost two full minutes.\u00a0 I barely made it to Joe\u2019s bedside.\u00a0 I placed my hand on his shoulder and pleaded with him to come back to me.\u00a0 A few agonizing seconds passed, and then we heard a sudden, loud gasp.\u00a0 And just like that \u2026 he was back.<\/p>\n Paul shook his head, a cold chill running down his spine.\u00a0 \u201cThat sounds incredibly frightening for you, Ben.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how you held it together.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben let out a heavy sigh, nodding slowly, \u201cI was hesitant to let the doctor go back after that bullet, but he insisted that it had to come out or we would lose him.\u00a0 I think that was the longest hour of my life, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n Pulling on his cloak, Doc didn\u2019t speak for a couple of minutes.\u00a0 He had felt a chill coming over him just thinking about what life would have been like for his friend if he had lost his youngest son.\u00a0 Paul knew that Joe\u2019s death would\u2019ve destroyed the man before him.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, you\u2019ve not mentioned any of this to Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head, \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t feel the need to.\u00a0 But I did tell Hoss.\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s why we\u2019ve both been a bit on edge ever since that day.\u201d<\/p>\n Doc wanted to try and reassure the anxious father.\u00a0 He opened the door and looked back over at him.\u00a0 \u201cI think that was a good decision on your part.\u00a0 No need to tell the boy what happened to him.\u201d<\/p>\n Coughing into his fist to relieve his pent-up fear regarding his son\u2019s condition, he asked. \u201cIs there anything else I should or shouldn\u2019t do for Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe boy\u2019s fever isn\u2019t too high.\u00a0 I think that medicine will help with the infection and bring down his temperature too.\u00a0 As for tending to him \u2013 well — I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a good idea for him to have a bath just yet.\u00a0 I\u2019d like that wound in his back to stay clean and dry for now so keep that bandage on him.\u00a0 Just have him sponge off.\u00a0 Get some good food into Joe so he\u2019ll regain his strength.\u00a0 Oh \u2013 and you make sure to keep him in bed even if you\u2019ve got to hogtie him!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben laughed over the way Paul knew his son far too well and how Joe had never stayed in bed even when forced to do so.\u00a0 But that stopped now as far as his father was concerned.\u00a0 The stakes were too high after what had happened in Lone Pine.\u00a0 Ben gave a quick nod as he replied with stern resolve, \u201cI can promise you I\u2019ll do just that if he tries to get up!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow you go get yourself some rest, Ben.\u00a0 I don\u2019t need any more patients!\u00a0 I\u2019ll be back the day after tomorrow.\u00a0 But if you need me sooner just send someone to fetch me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThank you for coming out so late, Paul.\u00a0 I know you\u2019ve had a long day \u2013 so well \u2013\u201d<\/p>\n Cutting his friend off in midsentence, Doc smiled and nodded to him.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m used to it by now.\u00a0 Go get some sleep.\u00a0 Goodnight, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGoodnight, Paul,\u201d he responded gratefully and gave the man a quick pat to his back.\u00a0 Ben stood in the doorway as he watched the doctor heading to his surrey.<\/p>\n After eating a late supper Ben and Hoss took turns keeping an eye on Joe before they both cleaned up a bit and settled into their beds to get some shuteye.\u00a0 Joe hadn\u2019t stayed up long either, being a bit played out after the long trip home.\u00a0 His father had given him the medicine Doc had left along with his supper, and it wasn\u2019t long afterwards that he fell off to sleep.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss?\u201d Ben whispered as he entered Joe\u2019s bedroom carrying a lamp in front of him.\u00a0 He neared his middle boy who was just standing next to the bed staring down at his little brother.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s after two, what are you doing up?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss made a quick motion with his hand, wiping away a few tears before turning around to look at his father.\u00a0 \u201cNothing, Pa \u2013 I just woke up and thought I\u2019d check on him one more time.\u201d<\/p>\n With a knowing grin on his lips, Ben touched Hoss\u2019 arm and responded quietly, \u201cI know \u2013 it\u2019s still bothering you, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa,\u201d He confessed and drew in a quick breath attempting to set aside his worry over his brother and all that had happened to him.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI keep seeing that fellow trying to suffocate Little Joe with that pillow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Son,\u201d Ben sighed as he leaned down towards his youngest.\u00a0 He lightly settled the palm of his right hand on Joe\u2019s forehead to detect if his fever had eased up.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t any warmer, but the fever was still present.\u00a0 \u201cThank the good Lord that you got inside that room in time to toss that criminal through Griswold\u2019s window.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head and replied sullenly, \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have left him, Pa \u2013 if he had been killed it would\u2019ve been all my fault.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Hoss,\u201d Ben paused and searched his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 He could read the worry and regret all over it.\u00a0 \u201cYou had no way of knowing that they\u2019d set that fire just to draw you out of the house.\u00a0 If I had been there in that bedroom, I would\u2019ve done the same thing that you did.\u201d<\/p>\n Reaching down, Hoss gently eased his brother\u2019s blanket up around his shoulders before replying.\u00a0 \u201cYeah \u2013 I guess.\u00a0 But we almost lost him, Pa \u2013 and more than once this time!\u00a0 First, they shot Joe twice and left him for dead and then they set fire to the Griswold\u2019s outbuilding to lure me outside so they could sneak in and kill him.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head listening to his son\u2019s rendition of what had happened to his little brother.\u00a0 \u201cI know it\u2019s not much consolation \u2013 but those two men will be serving hard time in prison for the next ten years for both cattle rustling and attempted murder, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned and looked over at his father, \u201cPa \u2013 I just can\u2019t let go of it \u2013 it\u2019s got me shook.\u201d<\/p>\n Placing a hand on his middle boy\u2019s shoulder, Ben nodded to him.\u00a0 \u201cI guess I shouldn\u2019t have told you that your brother\u2019s heart stopped beating during that surgery.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa — I\u2019m glad that you did.\u00a0 A little while ago before you walked in here, I was wondering what my life would be like without my little brother.\u00a0 I just couldn\u2019t get it out of my head, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared down at his youngest and then back over to Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cI know,\u201d he returned his voice thick with emotion and in a way that let his son know that he\u2019d been asking himself that same question ever since he\u2019d almost lost his youngest.\u00a0 Hoss could easily detect the kind of sorrow that hadn\u2019t let go of his father just thinking about the fact that for all intents and purposes Little Joe had died the day he\u2019d had surgery.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s let the boy sleep, Hoss.\u00a0 C\u2019mon, go back to bed,\u201d He coaxed and watched as his son moved over to the bedroom door.<\/p>\n \u201cYou coming, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded, \u201cI\u2019ll be right out.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss knew that his father needed a little time alone with Joe and wasn\u2019t going to ask any more questions.\u00a0 \u201cSee you in the morning,\u201d he whispered and walked out into the hall.<\/p>\n Gently easing down on the side of the bed, Ben reached over and placed the palm of his right hand onto his son\u2019s cheek.\u00a0 \u201cOh, Joseph,\u201d He began trying his best not to awaken him.\u00a0 \u201cYou scared both your brother \u2013 and your father this time.\u00a0 If I had lost you –,\u201d Ben had to stop himself due to the tears that were welling up in his eyes.\u00a0 The thought of losing his youngest was still just as fresh in his mind as it had been the day Doctor Scully had yelled for him to hurry to the boy\u2019s bedside.\u00a0 Ben would never forget seeing Joe lying there looking so lifeless.\u00a0 He had heard the doctor\u2019s words *** I\u2019m sorry but we\u2019ve lost him, Mister Cartwright. <\/em><\/strong> Those words had just about stopped his own heart too.\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong> Joseph, you can make it!\u00a0 Come back to me, son! *** <\/em><\/strong>he had pleaded as he leaned over his son. Ben remembered saying those same words to Marie, Joe\u2019s mother, right after she had taken that fall just outside of the ranch house.\u00a0 He begged her to come back only to lose her forever.\u00a0 Ben couldn\u2019t believe he had lost their son without him ever knowing that his Pa was there at his side.\u00a0 His tears had fallen onto the plain white bedsheet which came to rest there at the boy\u2019s waist in preparation for surgery.\u00a0 Closing his eyes Ben had begged God to show him that He\u2019d heard his ardent prayer.\u00a0 He could clearly see the incision that Doctor Scully had made just a half of an inch to the right of his son\u2019s spine.\u00a0 The fresh blood had pooled up inside the gaping wound but was no longer advancing down his back because Joe\u2019s heart had stopped beating.\u00a0 Ben pleaded one last time and louder than before, *** Joseph, you can make it \u2013 come back to me! <\/em><\/strong> It was at that precise moment that a loud gasp emanated from Joe\u2019s mouth and against all odds his youngest was alive again!\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong>Thank God! ***<\/em><\/strong> He had said blinking back his tears.<\/p>\n Sighing to himself wearily, he stared down at his youngest.\u00a0 The boy was still sleeping soundly, completely unaware that his father had been sitting right there on the edge of the bed for quite a while. He hadn\u2019t really had any one-on-one time with Joseph ever since the shooting.\u00a0 There were helping hands around his bed constantly from Mrs. Griswold and her daughter along with the doctor who was there most days.\u00a0 And at night both he and Hoss sat there next to Joe and watched over him. Always there was the worry that wouldn\u2019t ease up; the notion that his son had died haunted him.\u00a0 Ben wished that he could erase the frightful memory from his mind and heart.\u00a0 But he didn\u2019t believe that he ever would forget witnessing his son lying there so lifeless and in the throes of death.\u00a0 He pressed the palm of his right hand down onto his son\u2019s chest.\u00a0 Ben closed his eyes as the strong steady heartbeat reverberated against his hand.\u00a0 *** Keep beating \u2013 strong and steady \u2013 keep beating! *** <\/em><\/strong>Ben counted each beat in his head.\u00a0 He had to remind himself that the same heart that had stopped was steadily beating again.\u00a0 But could he ever trust it?\u00a0 Ben fought back the same paralyzing fear. \u00a0<\/em>He would just have to keep telling himself that the boy would heal in time despite what had happened to him during the surgery.\u00a0 \u201cIf I had lost you, Joseph –,\u201d He choked out the words again, and just like before, they brought tears to his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t get it out of my mind \u2013 the fact that you were gone.\u201d\u00a0 Ben drew in a deep breath and gently eased the blanket up around his son\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 Out of habit, he softly swept the boy\u2019s curly bangs off his forehead and smiled over the fact that, as usual, Joseph could use a haircut.\u00a0 \u201cSleep, Joseph \u2013 I love you,\u201d He whispered and pulled himself off the bed.\u00a0 Ben stood there watching the boy sleep for a few minutes, praying that the medicine would take hold and that the infection would be gone from Joe\u2019s body soon.\u00a0 He hesitated for a few seconds, wanting to stay but knowing he\u2019d need his sleep so he could take care of his son the next day. Surrendering to his exhaustion he readied to leave.\u00a0 A sentimental smile played upon his lips as he bent down and left a kiss on Joseph\u2019s cheek before quietly walking out of the room.<\/p>\n Joe convalesced for the next week, his body growing stronger.\u00a0 His temperature had gone back to normal, and Doctor Martin had given the family the good news that it looked as though the young man would be okay in time.\u00a0 He still enforced his orders for Joe to stay inside and instructed him not to move around too much.\u00a0 Joe was glad to get out of bed even if he was only allowed to sit by the window in his room. He was somewhat surprised to find both his father and brother hovering over him more than they usually did when he was sick or hurt.\u00a0 Joe just presumed that they were acting that way because he\u2019d given them a good scare due to the fact he had been shot twice and left for dead.<\/p>\n Growing frustrated by his long confinement, eight days after he\u2019d been brought home from Griswold\u2019s ranch Joe quickly donned his robe and slippers and eased out of his bedroom.\u00a0 He stealthily made his way down the hall and to the stairs unnoticed by his overly protective father and brother who were sound asleep in their bedrooms. With his right leg still a bit unsteady due to the damage that the first bullet had caused, Joe cautiously held onto the banister until he made it down to the living room. \u00a0He needed some air, and more of it than the window in his room offered him. \u00a0Joe quietly limped out of the house, settling down at the table on the front porch.<\/p>\n Closing his eyes, Joe took in the sound of the wind blowing through the pines and the chirping of some very loud crickets.\u00a0 It was the first time since he\u2019d come home that he felt normal.\u00a0 He knew that his father and brother only had his best interests at heart but the way they had fussed over him this time had made him feel very ill at ease.\u00a0 Joe just wanted to breathe without two people standing over him constantly checking him for signs of a fever.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben shouted.\u00a0 Gripped by the sudden, terrifying fear over his son\u2019s health, he moved swiftly over to the porch, his worry instantly twisting into anger.<\/p>\n Joe turned and stared at his father, confused by the way he had yelled at him and the furious countenance that he wore.\u00a0 Before he could say anything in response, Pa had placed a hand on his shoulder and was glaring at him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou get right back up to your room this instant!\u201d his voice boomed as he pointed a rigid finger toward the door.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d Joe asked softly.\u00a0 The harsh reprimand stung, and the raw hurt in his eyes gave away his confusion.\u00a0 \u201cPa? Why are you yelling at me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t ask me that \u2013 I just told you to go to your room and I mean it.\u00a0 Now you\u2019d best mind what I just told you to do, Joseph!\u201d Ben demanded, stepping closer to press the point.<\/p>\n \u201cStop fussing over me, will you?\u201d Joe complained, wondering why his father wasn\u2019t easing up on him.\u00a0 \u201cAnd you don\u2019t have to yell at me either.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t done anything wrong.\u00a0 I just wanted to sit outside for a little while.\u201d<\/p>\n The tension left Ben\u2019s hand, and his fingers slid from Joe\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 Watching the sudden heavy sadness cloud his son\u2019s face, Ben felt the sharp pang of regret.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t meant to yell; panic for his youngest child\u2019s health had simply stolen his voice and turned it into rage.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he whispered, a sudden wave of embarrassment washing over him.\u00a0 Slipping into the chair next to his son, he let out an unsteady breath.<\/p>\n Joe reached over, resting a hand gently on his father\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cPa?\u201d he spoke out softly, trying to ease the heavy mood between them. \u00a0\u201cPa \u2013 what is it?\u00a0 It\u2019s just not like you to yell at me for no reason.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed, trying to explain why his worry had exploded the way it did.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t meant to shout, but he couldn\u2019t stop himself.\u00a0 Ever since his son\u2019s heart had stopped beating, there hadn\u2019t been a single day that Ben didn\u2019t fear losing him.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph\u2014I woke up and went into your room to check on you, and \u2013\u201d Ben stopped short, the words choking in his throat unable to force the rest of the memory past his lips.<\/p>\n \u201cCheck on me?\u00a0\u00a0 What – again<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d Joe asked, his voice laced with exasperation.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 between you and Hoss you\u2019re both up half the night checking on me here lately.\u00a0 You heard Doc \u2013 he said I\u2019m gonna be okay.\u00a0 What\u2019s going on?\u00a0 Is there something you\u2019re not telling me?\u201d Joe\u2019s piercing stare was beginning to find its way into his father\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n Shaking his head, Ben forced a quiet response, desperately trying to shield the truth from his son. \u00a0\u201cNo \u2013 there\u2019s nothing.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, Joseph, I shouldn\u2019t have raised my voice to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, Pa,\u201d Joe sighed, his tone softening as he watched the sudden change wash over his father\u2019s face.\u00a0 He drew in a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to wait for Pa to finally voice the secret that had been eating at him for weeks.\u00a0 But looking at him now, Joe knew the truth wasn\u2019t coming.\u00a0 \u201cI already know.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to tell me why you\u2019re so afraid that something\u2019s going to happen to me.\u201d<\/p>\n Looking at his son perplexed by what he had just proffered, Ben asked, \u201cWhat do you mean you know<\/em><\/strong> why I\u2019m afraid that something is going to happen to you, Joseph?\u00a0 Just what do you think you know<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d<\/p>\n Shrugging his shoulders nervously Joe announced quietly, \u201cI know\u2026 I know that I died, Pa<\/em><\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n Caught off guard, Ben almost fell out of his chair due to what the boy had just revealed to him.\u00a0 His words were stuck in his throat and his heart raced over the implications.\u00a0 He just stared blankly at Joseph and tried not to reveal the fear in his eyes.<\/p>\n Joe could read the hesitancy written all over his father\u2019s face along with the uneasiness in his posture.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 it\u2019s okay \u2013 you don\u2019t have to hide it from me anymore,\u201d he whispered and placed his hand on his father\u2019s arm, giving it a slight reassuring squeeze.<\/p>\n Clearing his throat, Ben returned insistently, \u201cYour brother shouldn\u2019t have told you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa \u2013 Hoss didn\u2019t say anything to me,\u201d Joe replied shaking his head.<\/p>\n \u201cThen Paul told you,\u201d Ben countered, sure that it had to be the doctor who had mentioned it to his son though he didn\u2019t know why.<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 Doc didn\u2019t say anything about it either,\u201d Joe insisted, shaking his head.<\/p>\n Confused by what Joe had just relayed, Ben\u2019s eyebrows narrowed, \u201cWell they\u2019re the only ones who knew besides me, Joseph.\u00a0\u00a0 Only five people knew what happened that day, the three of us along with Doctor Scully and Mrs. Griswold.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo \u2013 Pa \u2013 nobody had to tell me anything. \u00a0I\u2019ve known about it ever since the day it happened.\u00a0 I just didn\u2019t say anything about it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben dragged his chair closer, placing a firm hand on his son\u2019s shoulder as he stared intently into his eyes.\u00a0 Reading the raw sincerity written across Joe\u2019s face, a sudden, chilling realization washed over him \u2013 the boy was telling him the absolute truth.<\/p>\n \u201cHow, Joseph?\u201d Ben managed to ask, his voice wavering as he stared at his son.\u00a0 \u201cHow did you know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s kind of hard to explain it to you, Pa,\u201d Joe whispered, breaking eye contact.\u00a0 He looked down at the table in front of him, attempting to organize his thoughts before trying to convey his feelings to his father.<\/p>\n Nodding his head, Ben encouraged his son, \u201cGo ahead I\u2019d like to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe wondered how he\u2019d ever manage to explain himself sufficiently enough.\u00a0 He knew that no matter how he tried to tell his story it would sound unbelievable.\u00a0 Drawing in a deep breath he stared into Pa\u2019s eyes and began, \u201cI know that I had an ether mask on \u2013 I could smell it \u2013 right before I went under.\u00a0 He cast a quick glance over at Pa hoping for some kind of confirmation.\u00a0 He watched as his father nodded his head.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Son \u2013 Doctor Scully had just begun the operation.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 I don\u2019t know how long I was unconscious — but I suddenly felt different\u2014like I was as light as a feather.\u00a0 My mind was probably under the influence of that ether, and since I\u2019d had it before I remember that it can cause you to dream up some wild things.\u00a0 But this time it was different, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben studied his son\u2019s face and read the intensity on it.\u00a0 \u201cHow was it different?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI \u2013 well — -I could see things that I shouldn\u2019t be able to \u2013 like I was kind of floating above my body.\u00a0 I could see the doctor and Mrs. Griswold standing over the bed.\u00a0 The doctor had the scalpel in his hand, and he was cutting into my back.\u201d<\/p>\n His eyes wide with disbelief, Ben asked, \u201cAre you telling me that you saw the operation?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded adamantly.\u00a0 \u201cI saw some of it \u2013 that is until things changed.\u00a0 Suddenly both the doctor and Mrs. Griswold seemed to be panicking about something.\u00a0 But before I could see what the problem was, I found myself outside.\u201d<\/p>\n Confused by what his son had related, he asked, \u201cOutside?\u00a0 Outside where, Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Shaking his head over what he was about to show his father, Joe studied Pa\u2019s face to try and discern what he\u2019d think of what he was about to tell him.<\/p>\n \u201cOutside on the porch, Pa,\u201d He whispered, witnessing the shock that was beginning to take hold of his father\u2019s face.<\/p>\n Ben leaned back in his chair, drawing in a deep breath to steady himself.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t predict what his son was about to say, but reading the sheer rigidity in Joe\u2019s posture, he braced himself for something completely unimaginable.<\/p>\n \u201cThe porch?\u201d Ben queried, knowing good and well he had been on the porch during the surgery both before and after his son\u2019s heart had stopped beating.<\/p>\n \u201cI know, Pa,\u201d Joe nodded staring into his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know what<\/em><\/strong>?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know you were there on the porch \u2013 I saw you,\u201d Joe answered, his eyes burning with intensity.<\/p>\n Unable to answer, Ben simply stared at his son strangely.<\/p>\n \u201cHere,\u201d Joe sighed and reached inside one of the pockets of his robe.\u00a0 He drew out a piece of paper and handed it to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d He questioned, his hands fumbling with what his son had given him.<\/p>\n Shrugging his shoulders nervously Joe answered, \u201cPa \u2013 a couple of days after I\u2019d finally come around, I asked Mrs. Griswold for a piece of paper and a pencil.\u00a0 I drew exactly what I saw the day that I died.\u00a0 Go ahead and look.\u201d<\/p>\n Using the table to smooth out the folds, Ben intently studied the drawing his son had made.<\/p>\n Joe pointed at the railing that went around the Griswold\u2019s front porch.\u00a0 \u201cPa \u2013 I never saw the exterior of that house or the porch until the day you and Hoss were going to take me home.\u00a0 The day that they rigged up that travois and brought me there everyone said I was unconscious.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t come back around until days after you and Hoss made it to their place,\u201d He explained.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t understand, Son,\u201d Ben announced shaking his head.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I never saw that porch in my life.\u00a0 But I was able to draw it long before I laid my eyes on it the day that we left their ranch.\u00a0 That\u2019s where you were standing when my heart stopped beating,\u201d he pointed to the railing on the far-left side of the porch.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s the X<\/strong> that I marked on that railing to show that\u2019s where you were standing, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben fell back in his chair still holding the drawing in his hands.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s exactly right \u2013 that\u2019s where I was when Doctor Scully shouted for me to come inside because he\u2019d thought you were gone!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned as he nodded his head, \u201cYeah, I know, Pa \u2013 I saw you standing there just as clear as day.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben gripped his son\u2019s shoulder, trying to rationalize what seemed utterly impossible to him.\u00a0 \u201cYou drew this \u2026 before we left the Griswold\u2019s ranch, Son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir \u2013 days before we left.\u00a0 You and Hoss were outside with the sheriff talking about the two men who tried to kill me.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t get what happened out of my head so I thought that maybe if I\u2019d draw it that it might make sense.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me any of this, Joseph?\u201d he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s easy, Pa,\u201d Joe smiled wryly.\u00a0 \u201cBecause I could tell that you were very uneasy about what happened \u2013 and once Hoss began to act like you, I knew he\u2019d been told about it too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo \u2013 this is what happened during the time you were —\u201d Ben trailed off, refusing to say the word \u201cdead\u201d.<\/p>\n Joe could see how uneasy his father was and nodded over to him.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Pa, I don\u2019t mind saying it.\u00a0 I died \u2013 I know I did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you remember coming out of it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn\u2019t as easy as just \u201ccoming out of it\u201d, Pa.\u00a0 There was something else \u2013 beyond seeing you there on the porch.\u00a0 I know that you were praying out there\u2014I saw you bowing your head.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right \u2013 I was,\u201d he returned and then placed an unsteady hand on his son\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I thank God that He answered me.\u00a0 Now tell me the rest of it, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Sliding his chair back, Joe pulled himself upright.\u00a0 He had to sort out his thoughts, still trying to convey all the strange events that happened to him.\u00a0 Moving away from the table, still favoring his right leg due to the bullet wound, he limped over to one of the support beams on the porch. Joe leaned heavily up against it and closed his eyes for a few minutes.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s kind of hard to explain it to you, Pa,\u201d Joe continued in a whisper.<\/p>\n Ben coaxed Joe out with his story, \u201cGo ahead, Son, I\u2019d like to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight before I was taken off somewhere I tried to call to you, Pa.\u00a0 But you couldn\u2019t hear me.\u00a0 I could see how sad you were, and I was trying to let you know that I was alright.\u00a0 It was a terrible feeling, Pa \u2013 not being able to get your attention.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben walked over to his son, dropping a hand onto Joe\u2019s shoulder to provide what comfort he could, \u201cI can only imagine, Joseph,\u201d he said softly.\u00a0 \u201cWhat happened after that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI saw you rushing inside the house to see what had happened to me and then I was gone!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGone?\u00a0 Gone where?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLook out there, Pa,\u201d Joe pointed out into the yard.\u00a0 \u201cYou see how dark it is?\u00a0 There\u2019s not even a moon out tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben simply nodded and waited for his son to continue.<\/p>\n \u201cWell \u2013 that\u2019s how it was \u2013 right after I\u2019d seen you out on that porch.\u00a0 I knew that I was dead and I was in the dark and I was all alone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you saying that you knew that your heart had stopped?\u201d Ben asked incredulously.<\/p>\n Joe sighed and nodded his head.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, Pa.\u00a0 I knew \u2013 I knew I had died.\u00a0 Then, for what seemed like an eternity, I found myself in total darkness.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a good feeling either.\u00a0 I thought when I died that I would see a bright light or something.\u00a0 I mean \u2013 I\u2019ve not been the best person in the world \u2013 but I figured I wasn\u2019t the worst person either.\u00a0 So, I thought I\u2019d see the pearly gates or a rainbow\u2014you know \u2013 something that would let me know that I\u2019d gone the right way?\u00a0 But I was just standing in a black void of some kind \u2013it was like a heavy dark cloud that surrounded me.\u00a0 It was so thick that I couldn\u2019t even tell up from down.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head, amazed by what his son was relating to him.\u00a0 He could read the bewilderment all over Joe\u2019s face and knew that he needed to get his story out to try and make some kind of sense out of his bizarre experience.\u00a0 \u201cGo on, Joseph \u2013 tell me what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared off towards the barn which was totally cloaked in darkness.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t speak, as if he had been propelled back to when he\u2019d had his experience.<\/p>\n When his son hadn\u2019t spoken for a few minutes, Ben gently squeezed his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re probably just going to think that I was hallucinating \u2013 like I\u2019d been doing when I was delirious and kept telling you about that wagon wheel and teepee.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I won\u2019t,\u201d Ben reassured his son.\u00a0 \u201cWe both know something<\/em><\/strong> happened to you\u2014so go ahead and tell me,\u201d he insisted.<\/p>\n Dropping his head down Joe gathered his thoughts again and finally looked up at his father before continuing.\u00a0 \u201cThat darkness seemed to surround me \u2013 but then suddenly, I noticed a soft glow in the distance.\u00a0 I turned around and it was that light \u2013,\u201d Joe paused and pointed over to the porch lamp hanging just outside of the front door.\u00a0 \u201cAnd then I saw the front door open \u2013 and there you were!\u00a0 You were walking out and you were calling over to me, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben listened intently not wanting to interrupt his son\u2019s description of events.\u00a0 He simply nodded for Joe to continue.<\/p>\n \u201cYou kept telling me to come back to you, Pa.\u00a0 And I kept telling you that I couldn\u2019t \u2013 because I was too tired,\u201d Joe stopped once more as a sudden flood of emotion swept over him.\u00a0 After being in the dark for what seemed like an eternity suddenly, he had seen his Pa and hope had swelled up inside of him. \u00a0He could see it all so clearly in his mind, just as he had for the last three weeks.\u00a0 There hadn\u2019t been one day since he had gone through the experience that he hadn\u2019t mulled it over in his mind and wondered what it meant.<\/p>\n Ben stared at his son, noticing how lost Joe seemed in the memory of everything he\u2019d gone through. \u201cGo on, Joseph,\u201d Ben murmured, offering a reassuring pat to the boy\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was like I couldn\u2019t see you very clearly, you know?\u00a0 I mean — I knew that it was you, Pa. But it looked like you were standing in between the dark and light and part of the time you weren\u2019t much more than a silhouette.\u00a0\u00a0 And I couldn\u2019t even tell which direction your voice was coming from \u2013 even though I could see you and the front door.\u00a0 I can still hear in my mind everything that you said to me and everything that I said to you too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me exactly what happened, Son,\u201d he insisted with a quick nod of his head.<\/p>\n Joe spoke out in a whisper, detailing it all just as he had seen in his mind every day for over three weeks.\u00a0 He watched as his father hurried out of the front door and cried out to him.<\/p>\n *** \u201cJoseph, you don\u2019t want to go out there, Son.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNo, I don\u2019t it\u2019s too dark.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThen come on back.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhere, Pa?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cHere, Son \u2013 over here.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know if I can, Pa \u2013 I\u2019m so tired.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou must, Joseph!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cSo tired \u2013 will you miss me?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes, I will.\u00a0 Come on, Son, you can make it!\u00a0 Come on!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t, Pa.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cCome on!\u201d ***<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI had almost stepped into that void, but I looked back and saw you again.\u00a0 You stood there just reaching your hands out to me, Pa \u2013 trying to prevent me from leaving you.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded his head, remembering how he had leaned down over his son and begged him to come back to him that day.<\/p>\n \u201cPa \u2013 I started to move away from where you were \u2013 and walk back into that dark void.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I could\u2019ve come back if I\u2019d gone much further.\u00a0 There was just one moment in time<\/em><\/strong> \u2013 when I heard your voice clearer than it was before \u2013 and you were pleading with me to come back to you.\u00a0 It was then that I knew I was being given the choice to either head into the darkness or come back home to you,\u201d Joe paused and looked up at his father, tears welling up in his eyes.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI felt myself coming back into my body and then I heard your voice.\u00a0 This time I knew that you were really there next to me.\u00a0 The doctor said he\u2019d picked up my heartbeat with his stethoscope, and I heard you say, \u201cthank God.\u201d\u00a0 I only came back because of you, Pa.\u00a0 The way that you kept insisting that I could do it and the way that you kept reaching your hands out to me, it was like you were pulling me out of that darkness and over to you.\u00a0 I was so tired, but you gave me the strength I needed to do it and that\u2019s why I\u2019m still here.\u00a0 I was given a choice, and the choice was an easy one.\u00a0 I chose to be here with you, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n Taking in a deep breath, Ben wrapped his arms around his youngest, pulling him tight to his chest.\u00a0 \u201cThank God that you did,\u201d he whispered, tears spilling from his eyes.<\/p>\n Resting quietly, his face pressed against the warmth of his father’s shoulder, Joe took a few minutes to gather his thoughts before speaking again.\u00a0 He felt completely safe held there in Pa’s arms, his mind heavy with the sudden realization of what his father must have gone through \u2013 enduring the absolute agony of believing his youngest son was dead.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, did anything I just told you make any sense, Pa?\u201d Joe asked softly, his voice breaking the silence as both he and his father wiped away the last of their tears.<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Ben responded, a gentle knowing smile gracing his lips. \u201cIt makes a lot of sense, Joseph,\u201d he admitted, his voice full of warmth. \u201cThe doctor yelled for me to come inside the house.\u00a0 I had been out on the porch waiting for him to finish operating on you.\u00a0 I raced to your bedside when Doctor Scully said that he\u2019d lost you.\u00a0 Your heart stopped beating \u2013 for two minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, I guess that\u2019s when you told me to come back to you, isn\u2019t it, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Staring directly into his son\u2019s questioning eyes, Ben nodded, \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u00a0 I kept pleading with you to come back to me.\u00a0 I also asked God to bring you back, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m glad He let me,\u201d Joe responded gratefully, smiling up at his father.<\/p>\n Filled with relief over the story he had just heard, Ben hugged his son once again and replied, \u201cSo am I.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe thought over everything his father had shared, piecing together what had happened during and after his surgery.\u00a0 He mulled over the details for a few quiet minutes before asking, \u201cYou believe me, right?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben lifted his son\u2019s drawing off the table and nodded, \u201cI don\u2019t really need proof \u2013 but I\u2019d say this was something tangible if I did need some.\u00a0 Now that\u2019s not to say that I\u2019m not amazed by what you\u2019ve told me — but I do believe you, Son.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned and said, \u201cIt was kind of a miracle, wasn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding his head Ben agreed, \u201cYes it was, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Pa \u2013 for believing me.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure some of it probably sounded a bit far-fetched.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben pursed his lips and thought for a minute before looking back over at his son.\u00a0 \u201cWell, there was only one part of your tale that I\u2019d say sounded implausible to me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOnly one?\u201d Joe chuckled.\u00a0 He had expected much more than that.\u00a0 \u201cOkay \u2013 which part?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled and answered, \u201cThat part where you asked if I would miss you.\u00a0 I found it very hard to believe that you\u2019d ask that.\u201d<\/p>\n Grinning, Joe nodded, \u201cYeah \u2013 guess that was a stupid question — even for someone who was dead at the time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo more of that, Young Man \u2013 you weren\u2019t exactly dead \u2013 let\u2019s just say you were in<\/em><\/strong> between<\/em><\/strong> somewhere.\u00a0 It would ease my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Pa — I guess I did scare you pretty badly, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben tilted his head as he raised his eyebrows, \u201cWhat do you<\/strong> think?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded, \u201cYeah \u2013 I did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to ever go through anything like that again, Young Man,\u201d Ben announced sternly.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry I worried you, Pa,\u201d He apologized, hugging his father\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI guess that\u2019s why you and Hoss have been watching me like a hawk, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes \u2013 you\u2019re just going to have to give us some time to get used to the idea that you\u2019re not going to leave us again, Joseph,\u201d Ben smiled as he eased the boy out of his embrace.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, Pa,\u201d Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cYou can stay up all night checking on me if it\u2019ll make you feel better \u2013 I won\u2019t say anything about it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHopefully that won\u2019t be necessary too much longer,\u201d he insisted.\u00a0 Pa pointed a firm finger toward the front door.\u00a0 \u201cBut as for right now, Young Man, you\u2019re going up to your room \u2014with no complaints.\u201d\u00a0 Slinging an arm over Joe\u2019s shoulder, he guided him off the porch.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d Joe grinned knowingly as the two of them made their way to the front door.<\/p>\n Joe paused and looked over at the man there at his side. His eyes reflecting the love he felt for his father, he whispered, \u201cThanks, Pa \u2013 for bringing me back.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben ruffled a hand through his son\u2019s hair and grinned at him as he pushed the front door open.\u00a0 \u201cThank you for listening to me this time, Joseph.\u00a0 You haven\u2019t always done what I\u2019ve asked you to do, but you finally did when it counted the most.\u00a0 And for that I\u2019m very grateful.\u201d<\/p>\n As they stepped inside, Joe paused beside the credenza, sighing to himself.\u00a0 He felt a profound sense of relief having finally gotten the truth off his chest, wishing more than anything that life could just return to normal now.<\/p>\n Ben pointed to a box sitting on top of the credenza, and said, \u201cTake a look at this, Joseph.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stared at the package and then up at his father.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I was going to give you this tomorrow \u2013 but as late as it is, it’s tomorrow now,\u201d He chuckled and handed it to his son.<\/p>\n Lifting the lid, Joe removed the gift inside.\u00a0 \u201cHey!\u00a0 It\u2019s my jacket!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben grinned and shook his head, \u201cNo \u2013 not exactly \u2013 but it\u2019s pretty close.\u00a0 I had that new tailor in town make it for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat \u2013 couldn\u2019t Hop Sing mend the other one?\u201d Joe asked somewhat confused.\u00a0 He realized that there was a bullet hole in his old jacket, but for Hop Sing that wasn\u2019t much of a challenge to repair.<\/p>\n Ben hedged for a few seconds and then dropped his gaze, not wanting his son to know why he had tossed the old one.\u00a0 He finally replied, \u201cAh\u2014no \u2013 it couldn\u2019t be fixed.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned as he studied his father\u2019s face and his sudden hesitant demeanor.\u00a0 \u201cOh \u2013you got rid of it because of the blood \u2013 right, Pa?\u201d He countered knowingly.<\/p>\n Clearing his throat while trying to hide his guilt, Ben shook his head, \u201cNo Joseph \u2014it was \u2013 well \u2013 it was about time that you had a new one.\u00a0 The old one was getting pretty worn.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe patted his father\u2019s shoulder and nodded his understanding.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have to admit it; Joe just knew that for Pa the reminder of his son getting shot in the back was all over that old jacket — along with the two minutes when he had thought he\u2019d lost his youngest.\u00a0 Pa had already been through enough.\u00a0 Joe turned back towards his gift to put his father\u2019s mind at ease.<\/p>\n \u201cLooks better than the other one,\u201d Joe said as he shrugged out of his robe.\u00a0 He slipped into the jacket and grinned over at his father.\u00a0 \u201cFits just fine \u2013 and it\u2019s just the right color too.\u00a0 I can\u2019t believe you got this made for me in only eight days, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAh — another miracle<\/em><\/strong>,\u201d Ben chuckled, both pleased and relieved that his son liked his gift.\u00a0 He figured that Joe deserved something for all he\u2019d gone through lately.\u00a0 And, after all, he had thrown away his son\u2019s old jacket due to the bullet hole and the blood that coated it.\u00a0 Ben was thankful to have the sad reminder of how he had almost lost his son gone forever.\u00a0 He prayed that someday he\u2019d be able to forget the whole terrifying ordeal, but he wasn\u2019t too sure that either he or Joseph ever would.\u00a0 Shaking himself from his thoughts, Ben watched the smile spreading across his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 He still had Joseph, and that was all that mattered.<\/p>\n Joe eased out of the jacket, a bit overwhelmed by the sentiment.\u00a0 The old one may have carried a bullet hole, but this one carried his father\u2019s love.\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa,\u201d he whispered before gently setting the gift back inside the box and pulling his robe back on.<\/p>\n \u201cGlad you like it,\u201d Ben nodded as he draped an arm across his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cNow, Young Man, there\u2019s just one more thing I\u2019ve got to tell you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Pa, what\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n With an abrupt index finger pointed in the direction of the staircase, Ben went back to the strong, authoritative father Joe had known and loved his whole life.\u00a0 He announced sternly, \u201cGet yourself up to your room and go to sleep!\u201d<\/p>\n *** Well, I should\u2019ve seen that coming.\u00a0 Looks like everything\u2019s back to normal again! ***<\/em><\/strong> Joe sighed and nodded dutifully to his father.\u00a0 Whispering a quick, \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d he turned for the stairs.<\/p>\n Ben smiled warmly, his eyes tracking his son\u2019s steps up to his bedroom.\u00a0 The past three weeks of constant fear was replaced by the certainty that he would sleep a whole lot better that night.\u00a0 *** Thank you for coming back to me, Joseph, ***<\/em><\/strong> he thought.\u00a0 Then, with a much lighter heart, Ben turned and followed his son up the staircase.<\/p>\n The End<\/p>\n Written by Wrangler<\/p>\n 8\/8\/26<\/p>\n *** The episode \u201cBushwhacked!\u201d was written by Preston Wood, in my opinion one of the best writers that ever wrote for the Bonanza series. ***<\/strong><\/p>\n (Dedicated to the story consultant Rob, who works almost as hard as I do. And to Rosalyn, who thankfully caught my error. Eleven times I spelled Griswold wrong. Thank you for the correction and your help!)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Summary: Little Joe relives what he believes was one moment in time when he was in between life and death and explains what made him come back. Inspired by the episode, “Bushwhacked!”. 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