{"id":68963,"date":"2026-08-08T09:48:37","date_gmt":"2026-08-08T13:48:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=68963"},"modified":"2026-09-08T14:59:00","modified_gmt":"2026-09-08T18:59:00","slug":"a-good-shirt-is-hard-to-find","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=68963","title":{"rendered":"A Good Shirt Is Hard to Find (by Tavia42)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: In the Season 12 episode \u201cEl Jefe,\u201d Joe is unaccountably wearing a red shirt.\u00a0 This is so strange and unprecedented that it required a What Happened Before to explain it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Rating: G | Word Count: 2,293<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

Joe leaned on his pitchfork, wiped the sweat from his brow, and viewed the remaining expanse of barn floor still to be mucked out with dissatisfaction.\u00a0 Hoss sure had gotten the better end of the deal today, off for a nice wagon ride to get supplies and probably have a beer in town, while he<\/em> was stuck mucking out the barn.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is not my favorite part of having horses,\u201d he informed Cochise, whose stall was next.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t blame you.\u00a0 It\u2019s not your fault.\u00a0 But this<\/em> is not much fun.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d mucked out plenty of stalls, over plenty of years, but it never got any less smelly.\u00a0 He heaved a sigh, and hoisted up the pitchfork again.\u00a0 \u201cAll right, let\u2019s get it done,\u201d he said and, when Chub chimed in with a whinny from the next stall over, added, \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I\u2019ll get to you too.\u00a0 I’ll have you out of your stall in a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chub tossed his head up higher, stamping the ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, easy, I said I\u2019ll get to you!\u201d Joe protested.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re like big brother waiting for meal time.\u201d<\/p>\n

The horse stamped again, and Joe set down the pitchfork to come over and pat his flank.\u00a0 \u201cCalm down, there\u2019s no rush.\u00a0 And if you aren\u2019t happy that Hoss went out without you, well, he\u2019ll be back later.\u201d<\/p>\n

The normally-calm horse shied away and Joe backed up, hands raised.\u00a0 \u201cHey, take it easy, pal, I just\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

One boot landed on the pitchfork\u2019s handle.\u00a0 It rolled beneath him, his foot went out from under him, and Joe crashed down onto the barn floor with a thud.\u00a0 The barn floor that was currently covered in mud and straw and far less savory things.<\/p>\n

Joe sat up and glared at the two horses.\u00a0 \u201cNobody laugh.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cochise whinnied in what was definitely a horse snicker, and Chub looked back as innocently as though he had had no involvement in the situation at all.<\/p>\n

\u201cI bet Hoss put you up to this,\u201d Joe muttered, getting up and trying to brush hideous-smelling muck off of his clothes.\u00a0 Which accomplished nothing except to smear it around.<\/p>\n

He was just trying to decide if it was better to finish the job and then change clothes, or if he ought to change first, when he heard the rattle of wheels out in the yard.\u00a0 He took a quick peek out the half-open barn door, in time to see Hoss helping a man in the back of the wagon.\u00a0 Looked like one of the Mexican farmers from over Prince River direction, but Joe couldn\u2019t think of the name.<\/p>\n

\u201cBig brother and his strays,\u201d Joe murmured.\u00a0 And big brother was never going to let him forget it, if he saw him covered in all of\u2026this.\u00a0 He could practically hear Hoss\u2019 big laugh echoing through the barn already.<\/p>\n

Only one option available.\u00a0 As quickly and as quietly as he could, Joe slipped out the side door of the barn, snuck around the house while Hoss was focused on his friend in the wagon, got in at the back door and nipped up the back staircase, sliding safely into his own room with a sigh of relief.<\/p>\n

Like mucking out stalls, sneaking around the house was something Joe\u2019d had a great deal of experience with.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t come up as much as in his younger days, but the skills survived.<\/p>\n

He shed his stinking clothes into a pile on the floor, did a quick wash of his hands in the basin in his room, and opened up his wardrobe.\u00a0 It was easy to grab a pair of pants from the stack on the shelf, but he had to push past several spare green jackets to find a shirt.\u00a0 Now that he thought about it, wasn\u2019t it laundry day?\u00a0 He must\u2019ve been pretty rough on his shirts this week, with only three tan ones still hanging in there.\u00a0 There had to be at least half a dozen or more in Hop Sing\u2019s laundry pile.\u00a0 He pulled on one of the clean shirts from the wardrobe, checked in the mirror, and pronounced himself fit for human \u2013 especially big brother\u2019s \u2013 sight again.<\/p>\n

As Joe opened his door, he could hear voices from downstairs.\u00a0 Hoss and Pa and Hop Sing, all in the great room.\u00a0 Perfect, he could get out the back, dump his clothes in the laundry pile, and get back over to the barn, with no one knowing about his unfortunate tumble and its smelly result.<\/p>\n

All went fine, right until he was walking past the kitchen door on his way to the barn, quiet-like to avoid attention.<\/p>\n

Too quiet, maybe, when the door opened and Joe suddenly found himself liberally splashed with filthy water.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh\u2026sorry, Joe,\u201d Jamie said, holding a dripping dishpan and looking at him with wide eyes.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing asked me to toss out the dishwater\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked down at his fresh shirt, now thoroughly drenched, with bits of scrambled egg and shreds of potato peels clinging to the cloth.\u00a0 \u201cShouldn\u2019t you be in school?\u201d he said through clenched teeth, not trusting himself to say more.<\/p>\n

\u201cLate start today,\u201d Jamie explained, \u201cso I was helping Hop Sing, and, uh\u2026I am sorry, Joe, you know, I didn\u2019t mean\u2026you know what, I\u2019m just going to go to school.\u201d\u00a0 He nodded vigorously.\u00a0 \u201cYeah, I\u2019ll just\u2026see you later then.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood plan,\u201d Joe managed.<\/p>\n

Jamie scampered off towards the barn, while Joe tried to remember if he\u2019d ever thrown dirty water on Hoss or Adam when he was younger.\u00a0 Pretty sure they would have dumped him in the horse trough if he had.<\/p>\n

Gritting his teeth, he went back inside through the kitchen door, just as Hop Sing came in from the direction of the great room, carrying a bundle of cloth.\u00a0 The man\u2019s eyes opened up wide.\u00a0 \u201cWhat Little Joe do?\u00a0 No dripping on Hop Sing\u2019s floor!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, I know,\u201d Joe said, waving a hand, and made for the back stair again.\u00a0 \u201cI was just going to change.\u201d<\/p>\n

Back upstairs again, another shirt shed, another one pulled from the wardrobe.\u00a0 He felt less satisfied as he checked in the mirror this time.\u00a0 He looked<\/em> all right, but he was beginning to have an uncomfortable suspicion that some smells of barnyard and breakfast residue still lingered.\u00a0 Maybe a little sprinkling of aftershave to cover up with a better scent.<\/p>\n

When his intended light sprinkling led to a cap popping off, the bottle fumbling in his hand, and most of the contents spilling down his front, he wasn\u2019t really surprised.\u00a0 It was that kind of day.<\/p>\n

What was a nice smell in a small amount was a pretty overpowering reek in this quantity, not to mention his entire front was soaked.<\/p>\n

Another shirt for the laundry pile, and Joe reached into the closet for a new replacement\u2026only to come up with nothing but green corduroy.\u00a0 He frowned, and riffled through the jackets twice, then a third time.<\/p>\n

He was sure<\/em> there had been three shirts in there when he first came in from the barn.\u00a0 He\u2019d lost one to Jamie\u2019s dishwater, another to the aftershave, there should be one left.<\/p>\n

But now that he thought about it\u2026hadn\u2019t Hop Sing been carrying cloth of just about the right color, when he came into the kitchen downstairs?<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing!\u201d Joe hollered from his doorway.\u00a0 Better to yell than to go downstairs with no shirt on and start inviting questions.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Hop Sing, where\u2019s my shirt?\u201d<\/p>\n

Thumping on the stairs, and the little cook burst into the upstairs hallway on a flood of Chinese.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy shirt<\/em>, Hop Sing,\u201d Joe repeated, when there was a pause in the flow.\u00a0 \u201cWhat happened to it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing threw up his hands, glowered at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing take shirt for Mr. Hoss\u2019 friend.\u00a0 Friend need new shirt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy my shirt?\u00a0 What\u2019s wrong with his<\/em> clothes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cToo dirty,\u201d Hop Sing pronounced.\u00a0 \u201cAnd covered in blood.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, so it was one of that<\/em> kind of stray.\u00a0 And it wasn\u2019t that Joe begrudged helping someone, but he was standing here with no shirt and no options.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t he have one of Hoss\u2019 shirts?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing shook a finger at him.\u00a0 \u201cToo big.\u00a0 Little Joe stop trying to take shirt off wounded man\u2019s back!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s my<\/em> shirt!\u201d Joe protested.\u00a0 \u201cMy last one!\u201d\u00a0 And surely the man hadn\u2019t even had a chance to put it on yet.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t you find another one for him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing not have time to go hunt for shirts!\u00a0 Little Joe go look for shirt himself!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing whirled and stomped off down the stairs, muttering in Chinese again.\u00a0 Joe stared at his retreating back, and wondered just what he was supposed to do now.<\/p>\n

All of his own shirts were in the laundry.\u00a0 Even his white one, which hadn\u2019t been washed since Sunday services.\u00a0 He could<\/em> just wear a jacket, but\u2026no, even fastened all the way up, it would be obvious if he didn\u2019t have a shirt underneath.<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019 shirts would be tents on him, and wearing one would provoke even more ribbing than if he\u2019d been caught in the barn in his original dirty one.<\/p>\n

Pa\u2019s shirts\u2026would probably fit better than Hoss\u2019, but somehow he didn\u2019t quite dare go invade Pa\u2019s wardrobe.\u00a0 And that went double for Hop Sing’s clothes.<\/p>\n

Jamie\u2019s would be too tight, and as ridiculous in their own way as wearing one of Hoss\u2019 shirts.<\/p>\n

In desperation, Joe opened up the linen cupboard in the hall.\u00a0 Maybe some past stray had left some clothes behind.\u00a0 That would have a sort of poetic justice to it, since a stray was currently in possession of his last clean shirt.<\/p>\n

Towels, sheets, spare blankets.\u00a0 He pulled folded cloth out of the cupboard, searching into the depths for anything left forgotten at the back.\u00a0 There were unexpected things in there, like the quilt that used to be on Adam\u2019s bed, and a blue dress left by\u2026he wasn\u2019t sure which of their female guests, but one of them must have forgotten it.<\/p>\n

Nothing useful until he finally spied a glimpse of red way at the back.\u00a0 He knew what it was even before he pulled it out, shaking the shirt loose of its folds.<\/p>\n

Candy had left about six months ago, for no particularly good reason.\u00a0 Not one that made sense to Joe, anyway.\u00a0 Something about wanting to figure out where he belonged and what he wanted and who he was.<\/p>\n

It was obvious<\/em> where he belonged.\u00a0 Right here, on the Ponderosa, and if Candy couldn\u2019t see that, well, good riddance, then.<\/p>\n

Joe sighed, holding up the bright red shirt.\u00a0 He remembered now, that Hop Sing had found it in the laundry three days after Candy\u2019d gone.<\/p>\n

In spite of himself, he found himself picturing the way Candy would grin at his current predicament.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou went through how<\/em> many shirts in ten minutes?\u201d Candy\u2019d say, and throw back his head and laugh.\u00a0 And Joe\u2019d probably laugh too, if Candy was laughing, because they\u2019d always laughed a lot together.\u00a0 Candy would have helped him sneak into the house if he was here.\u00a0 And he\u2019d definitely throw him the spare shirt and tell him to go ahead and wear it, if he was that hard-up for a shirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right then, I will,\u201d Joe said quietly, just as though Candy really had told him that, just as though Candy could hear him answer, from wherever he was.<\/p>\n

He pulled the shirt on, took a look in the mirror.\u00a0 It fit better than Hoss\u2019 would, but although it pained him to admit it, it looked better on Candy.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, if you want it back,\u201d he told the imagined Candy, who would surely shake his head and agree that it looked better on him, \u201ccome back and get it<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because he didn\u2019t really<\/em> mean good riddance.<\/p>\n

He took another look in the mirror, grimaced, and pulled one of his green jackets on over the shirt.\u00a0 This did not help, but he gave up and headed downstairs anyway.<\/p>\n

Down in the kitchen, Hoss\u2019 friend was sitting at the table, Joe\u2019s shirt draped around his shoulders, explaining to Pa and Hoss and Hop Sing about how he\u2019d been wounded and why he was being accused of murder.<\/p>\n

Definitely one of those<\/em> kinds of strays.<\/p>\n

Joe managed to hang at the back, and it was a while before the story paused enough that Hoss and Pa glanced back and took a proper look at him.\u00a0 Pa\u2019s eyes widened while Hoss did a visible double-take.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe,\u201d Hoss said after a moment, \u201cwhat<\/em> are you wearing?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe glared at him.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just a shirt, all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about it!\u201d Joe snapped.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah<\/em>, but\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe need cup of coffee,\u201d Hop Sing interrupted, pushing a mug into Joe\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cAnd Little Joe take off jacket.\u00a0 Getting too hot under collar.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoesn\u2019t go with the shirt anyway,\u201d Hoss remarked, and even Pa was grinning, though at least he was trying to hide it.<\/p>\n

Joe glowered at everyone, but took a drink of Hop Sing\u2019s coffee.\u00a0 He had to admit the man made good coffee.\u00a0 And he was right that it was too warm in the kitchen for the jacket.<\/p>\n

The stray, still sitting at the table, was looking confused.\u00a0 Joe was going to have to find out his name some time.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t understand\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s just a shirt,\u201d Joe repeated.\u00a0 \u201cGo on with your story.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d take off his jacket, and drink his coffee, and hear the stray\u2019s story.\u00a0 Then he\u2019d go back out to finish his work in the barn, and he\u2019d better do it very carefully, because he didn\u2019t know what<\/em> he was going to wear if he made a mess of this shirt.<\/p>\n

Besides, Candy really might want it back someday.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The End<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Author’s Note: Just a warning that if you decide to go watch “El Jefe,” it does not match this story in light-hearted tone! It’s also very much not a Joe episode – he apparently continues not wanting to talk, because he only has one line of dialogue. In one further clarifier, Jamie does not actually appear in this episode, but he should be on the ranch at this time so I wrote him in.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: In the Season 12 episode \u201cEl Jefe,\u201d Joe is unaccountably wearing a red shirt.\u00a0 This is so strange and unprecedented that it required a What Happened Before to explain it.
\nRating: G | Word Count: 2,293<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12522,"featured_media":68965,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[4,1007,8,616],"tags":[1583],"class_list":["post-68963","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-joe-cartwright","category-short-stories","category-whb","tag-el-jefe","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-1007-id","wpcat-8-id","wpcat-616-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/S12.10_El-Jefe-2.jpg?fit=1587%2C1197&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68963","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12522"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=68963"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68963\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/68965"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=68963"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=68963"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=68963"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}