Summary: \u00a0\u00a0Cousins, cousins and more cousins.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u2019s relatives make the Ponderosa a real China-Rosa. Poor Ben isn\u00b4t very happy about that and even less about his three sons.<\/p>\n
A\u00a0little\u00a0parodistic comedy (set around 1854, a late prequel)<\/p>\n
Rated:\u00a0K+ \u00a0WC 3600<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Story Notes:<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n Thank you Michele and faust for the marvelous job to bring my rough\u00a0translating in readable English, and thank you Sklamb for polishing the story again and for your suggestions I was glad to use in this second version<\/em>!<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Chinarosa<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cMistel Caltlight, good afternoon! Hot water ready soon. Please sit down. I bring comfortable shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHonolable Mistel Caltlight wish music?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHere, Mistel Caltlight. Pipe already burning. All things good? You happy?\u201d<\/p>\n Pipe in hand, Ben Cartwright sat in his favorite leather armchair. At his feet, two young Chinese men were trying to take off his boots.<\/p>\n How did that happen?\u00a0<\/em>he thought. He gazed around and saw the smiling faces of another pair of Chinese who were courteously bowing. The young man had a string instrument in his hands and the young girl was lightly jingling small bells. They looked expectantly at Ben.<\/p>\n He nodded, and the music started.\u00a0Chinese music.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Chinese music sounds a bit strange to occidental ears. But\u00a0 hadn’t he had enough time to get familiar with it? Each evening, for more then three weeks now, Ben had been welcomed with music. But no, he thought, the music still wasn\u2019t familiar at all. He puffed resignedly at his pipe, and immediately started coughing.\u00a0What in tarnation is in that pipe? It tastes like cough medicine, only much stronger.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n The music broke off abruptly. Young Ho stopped fumbling with Ben\u2019s shoes and jumped to his feet, alarm on his face. \u201cTobacco no good? This special tobacco for old men. Make life longel, vely healthy. Gift flom uncle to honolable Mistel Caltlight.\u201d<\/p>\n How lucky\u00a0<\/em>for Ho\u00a0that Pa\u2019s all too choked up to speak<\/em>, thought Adam, who, with great amusement, had witnessed the scene from where he stood on the landing. \u201cSay, don\u2019t you like the healthy tobacco, honorable father?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot one more word, Adam! I have no mind for those sarcastic, disrespectful, smart remarks of yours. And don\u2019t think I\u00a0am<\/em>\u00a0a toothless old man,\u00a0boy<\/em>,\u201d Ben snapped at his oldest, who\u2019d just turned twenty four.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa. I was just teasing you. I didn\u2019t expect you\u2019d be so edgy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI am not edgy!\u201d Adam was sure Pa\u2019s bellowing could be heard in Virginia City.<\/p>\n At that, the four Chinese tiptoed towards the rescuing kitchen door.<\/p>\n \u201cAll things are not good?\u201d the oldest of them ventured nervously.<\/p>\n Ben took in the four shyly smiling faces, and sighed. \u201cEverything is well. It\u2019s all right,\u201d he said, forcing an encouraging smile on his face. Then he cast an angry glance sideward to Adam, \u201cWell,most<\/em>\u00a0things, anyway.\u201d He sighed again. \u201cIs the bath by any chance ready at least?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUm, Pa, I just wanted to show you something.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan it wait until my bath?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure. They won\u2019t run away, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey? Who?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, it\u2019s a surprise, Pa. A little Chinese surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben eyed his son suspiciously, but then decided to not bother at least until after he’d enjoyed his bath.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Ben soaked in the hot, peppermint scented water and thought back over how all this had begun.<\/p>\n About a month ago, Hop Sing had announced that two of his cousins, Number 11 and Number 17, were on their way to Virginia City. One of their uncles planned to move there to open a laundry, and the two eighteen-year-olds were supposed to help him set up his business.<\/p>\n It went without saying that Ben had invited his loyal cook\u2019s relatives to be guests at the Ponderosa until the uncle\u2019s arrival.<\/p>\n The two friendly young men, Ho and Wan, had been at the Ponderosa a week when they got a wire from San Francisco saying that their uncle had fallen gravely ill.<\/p>\n A few days later he had learned that another cousin and his fianc\u00e9e as well as the uncle\u2019s three young sons had arrived in Carson City where they had intended to meet their relative. Since the uncle wasn\u2019t fit to travel, now they were stranded in Carson City without a single cent. Naturally, Ben had also offered them a place to stay.What else could he have done? Let them die of starvation because no one ever gave a Chinese man a job?<\/p>\n And so all seven now lived on the Ponderosa; and they tried their best to be helpful.<\/p>\n Yes; vely, vely helpful.\u00a0<\/em>Ben plunged himself backwards to rinse his hair with another heavy sigh.<\/p>\n \u201cYou like help with hair wash, Mistel Caltlight? Or you like massage?\u201d Ben heard Lin Mei, the fianc\u00e9e of Lao\u2013who was also known as cousin No. 6\u2014ask as he emerged from the water again.<\/p>\n \u201cLin Mei…what on earth are you…doing here? It\u2019s not…it\u2019s not appropriate. Please leave immediately! At once!\u201d Ben stammered, trying to submerge his body as much as possible.<\/p>\n \u201cVely well, honolable Mistel Caltlight.\u201d Lin Mei left the washhouse with a graceful bow.<\/p>\n Under water, Ben let out in relief the breath he had involuntarily been holding. Being angry wasn\u2019t an option, he knew. It had been only last week when he had thundered at the barely twelve-year-old Joe and the little Chinese boys for playing Mahjong not just as a funny game, but for money – and not just gambling for a few cents, but for dollars. He\u2019d been furious. Then he had realized that gambling was so commonplace in China that none of his guests had thought it would offend their host. Nevertheless, ever since that incident they all tried to make up for their mistake with even more helpfulness.<\/p>\n Ben sighed again, and after a glance over his left shoulder, he got out of the tub.<\/p>\n He chuckled as he was drying himself. Well, there most certainly had been times he wouldn\u2019t have declined Lin Mei\u2019s offer. Back when he\u2019d been much younger\u2026.<\/p>\n Then it hit him.\u00a0Adam!\u00a0<\/em>She wouldn\u2019t have\u2014No, she wouldn\u2019t. Or would she?<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Adam opened his wardrobe\u2019s doors theatrically, then stepped aside to give his father a good view of its contents. \u201cNow, aren\u2019t those sweet?\u201d he asked sardonically.<\/p>\n Inside, all his handkerchiefs sat in a perfect line, nicely folded into cute shapes: there were owls, frogs, swans, and what appeared to be swallows.<\/p>\n \u201cSure they are,\u201d they heard from Hoss who stepped into the room, still only in pants and long-johns, and carrying a checkered swan carefully on his palm.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a real shame I didn\u2019t know about this use of handkerchiefs when I was a boy,\u201d he said, his voice thick with awe.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, it would have saved you from a lot of trouble with Pa if you could have made all your little animal friends yourself,\u201d Adam grinned. \u201cAlas,\u201d he continued, checking the menagerie. \u201cI don\u2019t see a skunk among these.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Adam, that little skunk wasn\u2019t half bad. Well, mostly, anyway\u2026\u201d Hoss said, nudging Adam in the ribs.<\/p>\n And then Joe also joined them. \u201cHey, Adam, what kind of animals do you have?\u201d he asked, peeking into Adam\u2019s open wardrobe. Then, after an intense survey of his brother\u2019s zoo, \u201cWhatcha say? Trade two of your swans for two of my frogs? No? All right, three? Yours are all pretty white, and\u2026and I wanta give some to Amy-Sue tomorrow at school. And I know fer sure she doesn\u2019t like frogs.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you loco, Joe? What on earth makes you think I\u2019d trade the fine linen kerchiefs I brought all the way from Boston for yours, so you can give them to a girl at school?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam, don\u2019t speak to your brother like that,\u201d Pa intervened, \u201cAnd you two, get ready for dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes Sir,\u201d Joe and Hoss chorused, leaving Adam\u2019s room.<\/p>\n \u201cWill you trade then, Hoss?\u201d they heard Joe\u2019s fading voice from the hall.<\/p>\n \u201cSon.\u201d Ben cleared his throat. \u201cI have a question.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes. Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid Lin Mei, um…offer you a…err…\u00a0massage?\u00a0<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, absolutely! And it was very relaxing, y\u2019know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, she has some kinda contraption, like a whisk or something, and she does wonders to your scalp with it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn the tub?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn the tub? Why would she, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, well, yes, why would she\u2026?\u201d And with that Ben hurriedly left his eldest, whose confused face slowly melted into a big grin.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Coming down the stairs for his daily routine before bedtime, his round through the yard and the barn, Ben sighed heavily\u2014as he had done so often these past few weeks.<\/p>\n His guests had been living on the Ponderosa for about two months now, and the word\u00a0uncle<\/em>\u00a0hadn\u2019t been heard for a long time. Apparently the man was better, that much. Ben knew, but he didn\u2019t know how to ask about the uncle and his laundry plans without being considered an impatient or impolite host. And politeness was essential for all Asian men\u2014that he knew for sure.<\/p>\n Ben stood on the landing, looking over the great room. He sighed again. The room was covered in sheets of paper varying in size, color and shape, all designed to eventually be shaped into a gigantic Chinese paper dragon.<\/p>\n Worrying his tongue between his lips, Adam sat at the green table trying to stick tiny pieces of tissue paper together, using a toothpick to get just the right amount of glue onto them.<\/p>\n He glared at his father and reproached, \u201cPa, you\u2019re causing turbulence!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed again, but tried to slow down and walk cautiously around the pieces of the dragon strewn on the floor. Only his desk was free of glue, looking like an island in an ocean of colors and shapes. But this island existed only due to his threat of force if anyone dared to use it for crafting.<\/p>\n The whole dragon thing had started quite nicely and harmlessly.<\/p>\n The two younger Chinese boys and Little Joe had declared they would like to build and fly a kite. Ben had been delighted. The boys would be outside in the fresh air; and the great room would be quiet for a while. So he had provided all they\u2019d needed: old newspapers, thin slats, and a big roll of cord. He had enjoyed kite flying when he\u2019d been a boy, and he hoped the boys would have fun, too.<\/p>\n The Chinese boys had eyed the supplies incredulously and then thanked Ben politely. They also had declined his offer to help. They would ask Lao for help,\u00a0Mistel Caltlight too busy.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n He hadn\u2019t become at all suspicious even when Lao had bought a lot of fancy colored tissue paper. Not my concern, so he\u2019d thought.<\/p>\n But now it was his concern. Not just the four boys, but also Adam, Lin Mei, and Lao used their spare time to work on this Chinese dragon-shaped kite; and the great room was crowded day and night. No quiet at all. Especially when he tried to put Joe to bed. Every evening the boy was a sticky mess, but refused to waste any of the precious minutes before bedtime cleaning himself up. So there were arguments and tears every evening.<\/p>\n Ben reached the front door and opened it very carefully.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, no draft!\u201d Adam hissed.<\/p>\n Ben was tempted to slam the door shut, but he closed it deliberately and slowly, wondering why he had ever thought boys roughhousing indoors was a problem.<\/p>\n *** Eventually he started his tour of the house and the adjacent buildings. In the barn, the livestock was quiet; all he heard in the yard was the peaceful sound of cicadas and a low whisper from the bunkhouse.<\/p>\n That must be Wan and Ho, he thought. For the last two weeks, both of them had been working with Hoss on the range. They weren\u2019t a big help, inexperienced in ranchwork as they were, but the three young men got along pretty well and at least the young Chinese men weren\u2019t in the way in the house anymore. Not in his way, he thought with a satisfied smile. He was finally allowed to take off his boots and light his pipe all by himself again.<\/p>\n Maybe he should persuade the boys to retire now. Tomorrow would be another hard day for them.\u00a0Hoss can show them how to mend fences<\/em>, he thought as he went past the bunkhouse to bid them good night.<\/p>\n The sight that presented itself made Ben freeze in his tracks: three mattresses from the bunkhouse had been laid out on the floor into a triangle surrounding a boiling and gurgling water pipe.And sucking on the mouthpieces, three dark figures were lying on the bolsters.<\/p>\n As Ben realized that one of those figures wasn\u2019t Chinese, his frozen body quickly heated back to movement.<\/p>\n \u201cErik!\u201d he shouted. \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHi, Pa,\u201d his son slurred amiably. \u201cThis is great. Wanta try it?\u201d<\/p>\n The young man pointed his mouthpiece at his father, but his heavy arm sunk slowly to his chest, bringing the tip into his own mouth again. He took a deep drag that made the pipe bubble and gurgle like a waterfall.<\/p>\n He doesn\u2019t know what he\u2019s doing<\/em>, Ben thought, and he felt a shiver run down his spine.<\/p>\n \u201cErik, stand up and go into the house. Now!\u201d he bellowed trying to pull Hoss from the mattress.<\/p>\n After half a minute his father\u2019s command finally reached the young man\u2019s befuddled brain, and Hoss scrambled slowly to his feet and staggered to the house, with a happy grin on his face.<\/p>\n Ben glared darkly at the two young Chinese sitting slumped on the mattresses, and hissed with cold fury, \u201cHow dare you turn my house into an opium den! Put those mattresses back where they belong and then pack your things. Tomorrow morning you will leave my property. All of you! Enough is enough!\u201d And with that he turned abruptly and followed Hoss into the house.<\/p>\n Good Lord<\/em>, he thought,\u00a0opium!\u00a0<\/em>Didn\u2019t just one contact make you an addict? Of all people, they had enticed his good-natured and unsuspicious second son into it. And he himself had supported and encouraged their friendship, Ben thought between fury and guilt.<\/p>\n *** \u201cHop Sing!\u201d he called.<\/p>\n His searching gaze came to a rest on his eldest standing at the bottom of the stairs. \u201cHe\u2019s upstairs, Pa. I helped him to his bed. He couldn\u2019t stand by himself\u2026 I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with him.\u201d At the same moment he saw his cook standing motionless next to the table.<\/p>\n \u201cHop Sing, there you are! Your relatives will leave my home tomorrow at first daylight. All of them! I cannot allow them to abuse my hospitality and mislead my sons any longer!”\u00a0 I have to throw them out! And I will!\u201d Ben sputtered. He could feel the waves of red hot fury still washing over his body.<\/p>\n \u201cMistel Caltlight wish my relatives go away?\u201d Hop Sing spoke in a very low voice, his face unreadable.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, most certainly\u00a0I wish!\u00a0<\/em>\u201d Ben barked.<\/p>\n \u201cBut Pa, they haven\u2019t got a single cent,\u201d Adam stated, pulling on his boots. \u201cHow is your uncle anyway, Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUncle vely fine for last three weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Ben asked, puzzled.<\/p>\n \u201cUncle changed plans. Will remain in San Francisco, his boys come back and Lao will open laundry by himself with help from Wan and Ho.\u201d<\/p>\n Tightening his holster, Ben stared at his cook \u201cAnd why don\u2019t they just do that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUncle say, sons and nephews help Mistel Caltlight til not needed anymore. Because he vely, vely grateful.\u201d<\/p>\n Now Ben was completely perplexed. \u201cBut\u2026why didn\u2019t they say a word? I wouldn\u2019t\u2026I hadn\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUncle say, cousins help now out on the range, is sign Mistel Caltwlight need them. They help until cattle drive at autumn.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut I would never take them along on a cattle drive; they can barely ride,\u201d Ben replied helplessly.<\/p>\n \u201cHonolable uncle don\u2019t understand ranchwork vely well, but he vely grateful,\u201d said Hop Sing with a bow. \u201cHe forbid any of us to speak to Mistel Caltlight, so no one influence him and he enjoy gratefulness and help. All stay til cattle drive or until Mistel Caltwlight don\u2019t need help anymore. Uncle sent money for expenses.\u201c<\/p>\n Bewildered, Ben still stared at Hop Sing.<\/p>\n \u201cShucks, it worked out all right, Pa: you threw them out, and now they are free to go,\u201d Hoss happily pointed out as he came in from the kitchen, bringing a sandwich with him.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss? How did you get…are\u2026are you feeling well?\u201d asked Pa, scrutinizing his son with astonishment.<\/p>\n “I’m fine, Pa,” Hoss grinned reassuringly. “But that tobacco really tasted bad. I need to get it out of my mouth.” He took a large bite of the gargantuan sandwich in his hand.<\/p>\n \u201cJust wait a minute\u2026.,\u201d Ben plopped into his armchair causing\u00a0 a fresh cloud\u00a0 of tissue paper to flutter up around him. \u201cDid you just say you only smoked\u00a0tobacco?\u00a0<\/em>There never was any opium in that pipe? You only pretended there was? You weren\u00b4t ever ill?\u201d Bens left eyebrow rose.<\/p>\n \u201cBut, Pa, we had to find a way to get you to throw them all out…We had to push you….” <\/p>\n \u201cMe, Pa?\u201d Adam squealed. \u201cThe first Hop Sing and I heard of\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s marvelous plan was the moment he came through this door just a few minutes ago. And,\u201d he added with a mischievous grin, \u201cit\u2019s not in my interest to have our guests leave. I enjoy the ‘gratefulness’. Especially from Lin Mei\u2026after a bath.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam!\u201d Ben\u2019s glare made the curled corners of his adult son’s mouth droop immediately.<\/p>\n As their father, frowning, took a deep breath, both his sons winced even before he started to yell.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou know exactly how I feel about lies and deceit! Both of you! You better go to bed right now before I forget how old you actually are! Forward march!\u201d Ben roared, pointing at the staircase.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Sir,\u201d a very contrite Hoses answered promptly.<\/p>\n Even from Adam there was heard nothing more than a low, \u201cNight, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n The young men hadn\u2019t gone further than the bottom of the stairs, when they heard a soft chuckle behind them.<\/p>\n \u201cPa?\u201d They turned.<\/p>\n Ben looked at\u00a0 their flabbergasted faces, than rolled his eyes and\u00a0 shook his head. \u201cWell, my boys, tit for tat, I\u2019d say. But,\u201d Ben\u2019s face grew serious again. \u201cHoss, you have no idea how much that opium stunt horrified me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, Pa. I only wanted to help,\u201c Hoss murmured. \u201cI thought you would be angry, I would never \u2026.\u201d Hoss shook his head and then looked cautiously at his father, an apologetic smile around the corners of his lips. His smile grew wider when he saw it was answered with one from his Pa.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy me?\u201d Adam asked indignantly as he went to his favorite chair. \u201cI had nothing to do with the shenanigans. I\u2019m completely innoc\u2014oww.\u201d He stopped and turned around, rubbing the back of his head where his father\u2019s hand had delivered a not entirely playful slap. \u201cWhat was that for?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you really have to ask? It was because you still can\u2019t control your loose tongue. And didn\u2019t you just lie to me to cover for Hoss\u00b4s story, young man?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam ducked, but his father was quicker. Ben tousled Adam\u2019s hair as if he was still three years old.<\/p>\n \u201cThat<\/em>\u00a0is the only kind of massage you\u2019ll get on the Ponderosa in the future, my son,\u201d Ben said with a satisfied grin.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t bother, Pa. I pass on that,\u201d Adam said wryly as he tried to put his hair back in order.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, if that is so, then you can do something useful. Why don\u2019t you go and get a brandy for the two of us. Or would you like one too, son Number two?\u201d<\/p>\n And the three stood and held up their glasses as Ben proposed a toast, \u201cHere\u2019s to our soon-to-be former guests’ new life, and to our own soon-to-be back to normal life.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCheers!\u201d That came from the dining room. Hop Sing twinkled at them over the rim of a glass of plum wine and said, \u201cRelatives leave in two days after dragon feast. Hop Sing never hear much from uncle. Cheers!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n End Notes:<\/b><\/p>\n I know, you, dear reader, know\u00a0 that Origami is Japanese, not Chinese, but\u2026let\u2019s say when Lin Mei travelled by ship to America as a young girl, she met a young Japanese girl, both girls got bored and so the Japanese girl taught Lin Mei Origami. And because of a lack of paper sheets, they used their handkerchiefs. That\u2019s how it was, you can believe it. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\nThis nerve-racking helpfulness drove him crazy! Good gracious, it all had to end. But how?<\/p>\n
\nBen stood on the front porch in the dim light, deeply inhaling the mild evening air. Each breath helped his anger evaporate into the night.<\/p>\n
\nBen opened the door. Tissue paper fluttered through the room.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cAdam, where is your brother Erik?\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWe have to get him to Doc Martin, son. Go and hitch up the team,\u201d Ben urged.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cAnd you\u2026\u201c Ben turned to his eldest. \u201cYou put your brother up to this\u2014as usual.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n\u201cDon\u2019t do such a thing to me ever again, son.\u201d<\/p>\n