{"id":7317,"date":"2014-05-07T23:26:29","date_gmt":"2014-05-08T03:26:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7317"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:12:15","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:12:15","slug":"gone-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7317","title":{"rendered":"Gone (by BnzaGal)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0<\/strong>One stormy night near Lake Tahoe spells sorrow and disaster for the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n

Rating: \u00a0T(18,935 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Gone<\/strong><\/p>\n

–Introduction–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Gone. It was a word that could bring a tearing and searing pain to ones very core. Gone. He was gone. One glance he was there, the next he had disappeared into the mist. If only they had known that the little rowboat holding the two young people would never return except for the bits of wood that would wash ashore.<\/p>\n

Gone. Lost to them. No amount of sitting on the shores of the deceptively calm lake and staring out across her waters would ever bring back what the wind and waves had stolen from Benjamin Cartwright that night.<\/p>\n

How many times had he said that word? Gone. How much more could be taken from him? How much pain and loss could one lifetime contain?<\/p>\n

Ben stared out across the lake that he had once believed to be the prettiest spot of the Ponderosa. He had buried his Marie on the bluff above him. Now it looked as if the lake would be the grave of his son. No headstone to lay flowers by. No marker to stand by and pretend you are close once more.<\/p>\n

The lake was no longer beautiful. Her gentle ripples seemed to laugh at his sorrow. Her cool, refreshing waters were the chilling claws of death, clutching and refusing to give up her prey. The lapping against the shore murmured\u00a0gone<\/em>. She was loathsome and cruel, hiding away in her depths one whom Ben loved.<\/p>\n

The wind blew off the lake in gusts, small compared to the ones of that night. Yet they seemed to carry on them the cries of one who would never speak again. One whose breath had been stolen too young. The word on the wind that had been spoken in love and called in moments of panic echoed in Ben\u2019s ears.\u00a0\u201cPa.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>Ben wondered if his son had called for him as he struggled against the waves that night and he had simply not heard.<\/p>\n

Ben stood and threw a rock into the water. Tears where threatening to choke him. He couldn\u2019t even force the name that burned in his heart through his trembling lips. Instead, an angry yell surged from his broken heart. He bowed his head and pressed his hands into his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow much, God?\u201d He raised his cry heavenward. \u201cHow much will you take from me?\u201d The tears fell down his unshaven cheeks. \u201cWasn\u2019t his mother enough? Why do you need more?\u201d<\/p>\n

–Chapter 1–<\/strong><\/p>\n

It was a joyous occasion. Colors seemed to spring from everywhere. Guests arrived in a steady trickle and even the overcast skies couldn\u2019t dampen the spirits of all who had come to celebrate Hoss\u2019 twenty fifth birthday. Food was plentiful as was pleasurable company. Friends laughed with each other and young couples danced away while older couples tapped their feet to the music and smiled as they remembered what it had been like to be young and free.<\/p>\n

Unlike many parties hosted by the Ponderosa, this one was held on the beautiful shores of Lake Tahoe. The waters were rougher than normal and were picking up in intensity as the evening wore on. The wind grew steadily stronger blowing carefully done hair into a tangled mess and whipping it about the faces of many a young woman.<\/p>\n

Hoss scrunched his face up toward the darkening sky. \u201cMaybe we shoulda had the party indoors.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked up at the sky. \u201cSure looks like we\u2019re in for a storm.\u201d He looked around to all the guests. \u201cWe should probably start herding people up to the house before it hits.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded his agreement, \u201cDo you see Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pointed toward the group of dancing couples, \u201cI think the Widow Hawkins found him again.\u201d A small grin spread across his face deepening the dimple low on his cheek.<\/p>\n

Hoss glimpsed his father swirling around held closely by the shorter woman. A smile was pasted on his face, but his eyes were searching for a way of escape.<\/p>\n

\u201cShould we go rescue him?\u201d Adam headed for the dancers and Hoss followed on his heels.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eye caught sight of his sons and the smile grew more real and full of relief.<\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse me, Miss Hawkins, but I need to talk to my father.\u201d Adam gave a little bow and pulled his pa away from his partner. \u201cSorry to interrupt your dance, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shot his son a glare, but it soon melted into a tired smile. \u201cYou could have come a little sooner.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were wondering if we shouldn\u2019t move the party up to the house.\u201d Hoss looked again to the sky. \u201cIt\u2019s looking like it\u2019s going to get mighty messy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben followed his son\u2019s gaze and, as if on cue, a burst of wind from off the lake hit them sending a shiver down Ben\u2019s back. \u201cAre there still boats out on the lake?\u201d Ben squinted out across the rough water.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think so.\u201d Adam watched as a lady\u2019s skirt blew up in the wind and tried to hide a chuckle as she scrambled franticly to keep herself modest.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s start.\u201d Ben raised his arm in the air and hollered. \u201cLadies\u2026 ladies and gentlemen, the weather\u2019s getting ugly.\u201d All the guests raised their eyes heavenward. \u201cWe\u2019re going to be moving the party up to the house if you would like to make your way up there, or if you want to beat the storm home we understand if you want to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

Clumps of people began to move in every direction. Food was gathered up off the tables and loaded into a wagon. Many guests headed back toward town but a few close friends made their way toward the house.<\/p>\n

Adam rode ahead to warn Hop Sing that the guests were coming. By the time they arrived the house was ready to receive the guests. Hoss stood on the porch and re-greeted his party goers until the last of them was safely inside. The first rumbles of thunder and the first drops of rain began as Hoss closed the door shutting out the worsening weather.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 2–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Guests jumped as lightning struck near by and the thunder rattled the windows. The few young women present used the excuse to lean against their escorts, who in turn would bravely wrap an arm around the shoulders of their girls.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen, have you seen my Christy?\u201d Ben turned to see Charles Brigham looking nervously around the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe she caught a ride back to town with some friends.\u201d Ben suggested looking himself around for all his sons. He easily spotted his large son, Hoss, snatching more food from the platter Hop Sing was brining out. Adam was leaning by the fireplace talking to one of his friends.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw her earlier with Little Joe.\u201d Charles said with a hint of accusation in his voice.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s eyes ran the room over searching for his youngest. \u201cI don\u2019t know where Joe is at the moment.\u201d A frown slowly settled over his brow.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf he and my daughter\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure you don\u2019t have to worry. My Joseph is a gentleman.\u201d Ben said sternly as he crossed to where Adam stood. \u201cAdam, have you seen your brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pointed to where Hoss still hovered near the food table, avoiding Hop Sing\u2019s glares.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe other one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was with Christy Brigham last I saw, but that was quite a while ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded and headed over to Hoss. \u201cHave you seen Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot since he and Miss Christy headed out on the lake. I bet Joe took her home or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben grunted and moved to where Joe\u2019s best friend Mitch stood smiling down at his girl. He stared at the young couple for a moment. They weren\u2019t speaking, just staring at each other. Ben cleared his throat and the two people turned to him. \u201cMitch, have you seen Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mitch looked back to his girl. \u201cI haven\u2019t seen anyone but Amy all day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Amy blushed sweetly and dropped her eyes. \u201cI saw him with a girl earlier. They were headed out on the lake.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s frown deepened. \u201cThey can\u2019t still be out there,\u201d he muttered, but he couldn\u2019t stop a cold feeling from settled in the pit of his stomach. They couldn\u2019t be out on the lake. No. Not in a storm like this. Joe knew better. They had to be somewhere else. Somewhere safe. Somewhere dry. Somewhere\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d Adam\u2019s steady voice interrupted Ben\u2019s thoughts. \u201cMr. Brigham\u2019s starting to get a little\u2026\u201d Adam looked back to where Charles stood across the room staring at the staircase that led up to the bedrooms, \u201c\u2026agitated.\u201d He turned back to his Pa. \u201cHe\u2019s starting to think that Joe is holding his daughter captive against her will or some such nonsense.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben rolled his eyes, \u201cMy friends.\u201d He threw his hands in the air. \u201cAdam, start a search for your brother will you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Pa,\u201d Adam turned to obey his Pa when Ben caught his arm.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd if there is any trouble\u2026\u201d Ben left the sentence hanging.<\/p>\n

\u201cRight,\u201d Adam casually milled through the party as though nothing was wrong and eventually ascended the stairs with no one noticing that he was on the hunt for a missing couple. The thoughts of what he would do when he found his little brother danced in his head like the music swelling from below.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 3–<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you checked the hayloft?\u201d Ben kept the smile on his face for show.<\/p>\n

\u201cTwice.\u201d Adam concluded. Some of the rain that had fallen outside was now dripping down the sides of Adam\u2019s face. \u201cHe\u2019s not here. I\u2019ve asked around and nobody ever saw them get back from the lake.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Adam.\u201d Ben clenched his jaw. The smile was gone and fear once again clawed at his core.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you have to consider that possibility.\u201d Adam sounded a lot calmer than he felt. \u201cHe might have had to put into shore somewhere farther along when it got rough.\u201d Even while Adam spoke his eyes sought out Hoss. Once he gained his brother\u2019s attention he tipped his head ever so slightly.<\/p>\n

Hoss understood and excused himself from his conversation with a guest. He crossed the room in full strides, \u201cYou ain\u2019t found Joe yet.\u201d It was a statement not a question.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going down to the lake.\u201d Adam placed his dripping hat back on his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m goin\u2019 with you.\u201d Hoss pushed back through the small crowd to the credenza where he picked up his hat and slapped it on his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m coming too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about all the guests, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFinding Joe is more important right now than entertaining guests.\u201d Ben cleared his throat. \u201cFriends\u2026 Friends,\u201d The chatter ceased. \u201cThank you. My sons and I are going out to look for Little Joe and Christy. They seemed to have disappeared.\u201d In Ben\u2019s mind he knew what all the guests must be thinking. \u201cPlease, make yourselves at home. If the storm doesn\u2019t let up soon, I\u2019m having Hops Sing prepare the guest rooms for the ladies and there\u2019s room in the bunkhouse for you men.\u201d Ben crossed the room and shrugged into the coat Hoss was holding for him. \u201cI hope we will be back soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going with you, Ben,\u201d Charles stepped forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll help too.\u201d Several other men began to gather up their gear, wanting in on the finding of a stray couple.<\/p>\n

Ben nodded and followed Adam and Hoss outside.<\/p>\n

The rain was beginning to let up some but the wind was still fighting hard. The horses were quickly saddled and mounted.<\/p>\n

Ben felt the dread build up inside of him. \u201cPlease, God,\u201d he whispered, \u201cKeep them safe wherever they are.\u201d His prayers where taken up by the wind and whisked away.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 4–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam squinted out into the early morning greyness. They had been out all night. Some had returned to the ranch in the night, but still a handful remained, hoarsely calling, growing discouraged and increasingly worried as they searched up and down the shorelines.<\/p>\n

Now as morning was trying to shake off the hold of night, Adam strained his ears listening for any clue to his brother\u2019s whereabouts. \u201cJoe?\u201d No matter how hard he forced the air through his lungs it never seemed to penetrate through the wind that tried it\u2019s best to rip Adam\u2019s hat off.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d Ben\u2019s voice reached Adam\u2019s ears. The glow of a lantern bobbed toward him. Ever since they had discovered that a rowboat was missing Ben had been nearly frantic. \u201cHe\u2019s out there, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t know that for sure.\u201d Adam didn\u2019t want to think of his brother out there. Dead.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a boat missing,\u201d Ben rubbed a hand across his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne could have come loose.\u201d Adam said trying to calm his stomach from churning like the waters of Lake Tahoe. \u201cThe waves are big enough to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo sink a boat.\u201d Ben stated huskily.<\/p>\n

Adam turned his head away and tried to rein in his emotions. \u201cThe storm came on so fast,\u201d Adam looked at his father\u2019s shadowed face. \u201cHe probably put in somewhere safe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t believe that,\u201d Ben looked sadly at his eldest. \u201cDo you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam couldn\u2019t meet his father\u2019s gaze, instead he watched the waves roll toward shore one after another. Tirelessly. Relentlessly.<\/p>\n

A cry from Hoss turned the heads of all who heard it. Ben\u2019s eyes locked on his middle boy. He was pointing at something. Something in the water. Ben was already running before his eyes found what Hoss was wading out into the cold waters after.<\/p>\n

In the dark no one could be sure that it wasn\u2019t just a log or some debris cast loose in the storm. No one knew what it was for sure until Hoss lifted it in his arms.<\/p>\n

Adam bit back a curse and ran into the water, praying that it wasn\u2019t what he knew it was.<\/p>\n

Ben stood motionless on the shore. His mind screamed at him to go, but his feet refused to take him there. A cold chill, far colder than the storm tossed waters, stole down his back. Tears stung at his eyes. His hands clasped and unclasped as he watched his two sons cradle a body between them and carry it back toward him.<\/p>\n

Please, God, not my son. Please. Please, God.<\/em><\/p>\n

–Chapter 5–<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Christy,\u201d the hushed whisper ran down the line of searchers. Someone was dispatched to find Mr. Brigham who had ridden to see if his daughter was in town and to get the sheriff if she wasn\u2019t. The messenger and his horse were flying toward town before Adam and Hoss set down their burden.<\/p>\n

Ben felt relief wash over him unbidden followed quickly by horror. It wasn\u2019t Joe. But then where was Joe? His eyes went back out to the hurling waves. His son was out there. Somewhere.<\/p>\n

Hoss looked full into Christy\u2019s face but only for a moment. It was all he could bear. She was dead, and no one had to question it. The pretty face of the woman who had been so vibrant only a handful of hours before was now white tinged with blue. Small rocks had imbedded themselves under the skin of her check when the unrelenting waters had thrown her against the gravely shores. Cuts, most shallow but some deep, riddled her face and arms. Her skirts had been torn off in the rolling churning waters and all that remained to cover her legs was a single thin petticoat, ripped badly in several spots to reveal the scrapes on her lower half.<\/p>\n

Adam reached down and brushed away a wet strand of hair that clung along the soft curves of her face and ended on her blue lips. Her skin was cold. Almost ice like. It sent a shiver through his own body.\u00a0 Noticing her blouse was torn exposing more than Christy would have ever allowed in public Adam slipped out of his coat and covered her, laying it across her sideways so it would cover some of her legs as well.<\/p>\n

Adam stood and faced his Pa who was looking out at the storm tossed lake. Would Joe wash up soon? Adam tried to block the images that tried to force themselves into his mind. But he couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Adam heard his Pa murmur something and almost asked him what he had said when he realized his Pa\u2019s eyes were closed in earnest prayer. Adam hoped his Pa\u2019s prayers weren\u2019t too late for his little brother.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 6–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Roy hated his job. Yesterday, if asked, the sheriff would have said that he enjoyed bringing justice to the small town of Virginia City. He felt accomplished when he broke up fights, stopped robberies, and kept the peace. But today\u2026 today he hated his job.<\/p>\n

The dim streets were quiet as they usually were at dawn and especially so after a big storm like they had seen last night. These were his streets. He had given his life to keep them safe. This was his town. He had fought and bled for her. Her children were his children and he protected them with his all.<\/p>\n

Roy walked down the familiar streets. Each dusty avenue held a memory for him. He passed the bank. He had stopped several robberies there. He turned and walked by a saloon. He had broken up many brawls there. Roy stepped up onto the boardwalk. He could see where a bit of blood stained the wood. Someone had been shot down right there once. After locking up the murderer Roy had gotten down on his knees and had scrubbed for an hour trying to get his street clean again. But some stains, like memories, never really washed completely away.<\/p>\n

His objective was in sight now. He hated his job. A little house, a little picket fence, a little family, a huge loss. He hated his job.<\/p>\n

He had been with Charles Brigham when the news from the lake had reached them. Charles had mounted up and spurred his horse toward his daughter. Roy had assured him he would tell, Heidi, his wife, her mother.<\/p>\n

Up the porch steps. Raising his fist to rap on the door he paused, breathing deeply, readying himself for what would come. He knocked.<\/p>\n

The door almost immediately flew open. Mrs. Brigham stood a robe wrapped tightly around her short, ample frame. \u201cRoy,\u201d she breathed. \u201cCharles and Christy didn\u2019t come home last night.\u201d Tears that had been on the verge of spilling all through the long night now welled up in her eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Brigham,\u201d Roy reached out and took the woman\u2019s forearms in his hands. \u201cHeidi\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re dead, aren\u2019t they.\u201d Heidi\u2019s chin trembled.<\/p>\n

\u201cChristy and Joe Cartwright, it seems, went out in a boat at the party and got caught in the storm.\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman\u2019s tears began to fall.<\/p>\n

\u201cCharles and the others have been out searching for them, but\u2026\u201d Roy hated his job. \u201cChristy\u2019s body washed to shore\u2026 I\u2019m afraid she\u2019s gone, Heidi.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mrs. Brigham bent forward, burying her face in Roy\u2019s hands. \u201cChristy.\u201d The single word was muttered over and over as Roy pulled her into his arms and let her weep against his chest.<\/p>\n

He hated his job.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 7–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Christy\u2019s body was taken away and most of the searchers returned to Virginia City. Only Mitch Devlin and Sheriff Coffee, who had ridden out to meet up with them, remained with the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n

They rode along the shores. Their voices croaking out a call. Their hearts praying that they would find Joe alive.<\/p>\n

Hoss rode beside Adam as they hunted along the shores. The brothers were worn out and tired, their shoulders drooped, their eyes blurry.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou reckon, he\u2019s gone, Adam?\u201d Hoss pulled Chub to a stop and pressed a hand against his eyes to try to cover the pain that those words had brought him.<\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t answer at first. He looked out at the lake that was only gently rippling showing none of the fury that she had displayed last night. \u201cWe\u2019ll find him.\u201d Adam started riding again.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think he\u2019s still alive?\u201d Hoss followed Adam watching the back of his head while he tried to rid the picture of Christy\u2019s face from his mind.<\/p>\n

Honestly, no.\u00a0<\/em>Adam cringed at his own thoughts. He had to be strong for his family. \u201cWe\u2019ll find him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what I asked.\u201d Hoss said determined. \u201cI asked if he was still alive.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAm I God?\u201d Adam raised his voice bitterly. \u201cCan my saying so make any difference? Can I change what\u2019s happened?\u201d Adam tried to take some of the sting out of his voice, \u201cI can\u2019t do anything, Hoss. I\u2019m as helpless as you.\u201d He urged his horse on faster around a thick wild patch of brush that was partially underwater due to the unusually high waters of the lake.<\/p>\n

Hoss sighed and followed, once again he raised up a prayer for his little brother. Adam was right. They were helpless. All they could do was keep looking. So Hoss turned his eyes back down to the rocky shore and the waters beyond them.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 8– \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pain. Searing, all consuming pain. White and hot and yet black and cold at the same time. Merciless, screaming pain. It crept in through his fingers, coursed down his arms, shot up to his head, and curled around in his middle.<\/p>\n

Everything hurt. Almost everything. Nearly everything. He couldn\u2019t feel much of his legs. They felt numb and stiff. At least the pain hadn\u2019t made it\u2019s way to them as well.<\/p>\n

Joe tried to open his eyes. He wanted to. He felt he needed to. He could hear voices. The voices of his brothers, but they were so far away. So agonizingly distant. He tried to cry out. To beg his brothers to take away the pain, but nothing came from his parted lips.<\/p>\n

Green eyes finally peeked out behind swollen, gritty eyelids. He blinked slowly, trying to gather information about his surroundings. He was in bushes. Tall, woody bushes that blocked his view of anything else.<\/p>\n

Joe turned his head hissing through his teeth at the throbbing near the base of his skull. A frown puckered his brow. His arm was bare. Bare and bloodied from a gash that ran down half its length. He slowly turned his head the look at his other arm. It seemed to have faired better. The sleeve only ripped in one place.<\/p>\n

Joe tried to get his arms under him to lift himself up, but he couldn\u2019t seem to hold his own weight. He rolled to the side and learned that he was halfway in water. His legs were numbed by its iciness. His left pant leg was torn away revealing his swollen leg.<\/p>\n

Broken?\u00a0<\/em>Joe grimaced. He looked down at his chest and saw that it too had taken a beating. Deep bruising surrounded a ragged rip in the skin that followed a diagonal from shoulder to near the tip of the sternum. At least all the wounds were not openly bleeding and Joe allowed himself to lay back and rest. He would try to move in a little while. He couldn\u2019t now. Not now. He just needed a little rest.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 9–<\/strong><\/p>\n

The first thing he was aware of was the shivering shudders that rippled through his body. Joe\u2019s eyes opened as he tried to keep his teeth from clattering.<\/p>\n

The wind found her way through the bushes and trailed her fingers down Joe\u2019s back.<\/p>\n

Joe licked his lips and pulled himself up on his arms. He had to get moving. Someone would be looking for him. He had to get home.<\/p>\n

The brush was thick and dragging himself through them would be next to impossible. So instead Joe crawled back out into the shallows of the water and pulled himself to the edge of the bushes.<\/p>\n

It was a slow process, especially slow for Joe who had little patience for riding or walking at a slow pace. Little by little, inch by inch, foot by foot, yard by agonizing yard, Joe made his way off the rocky shore and onto the grassy ground. Once he reached it he lay there, gasping. His eyes closed, he grit his teeth as the feeling returned to his legs bringing a crushing pain with it.<\/p>\n

\u201cGotta keep moving.\u201d It was the first words he had spoken aloud. He grunted as he began to pull himself forward again. In his mind he could hear snatches of a conversation. A memory from many years ago.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s to hard, Adam,\u201d<\/em>\u00a0It was Joe\u2019s own voice, although much, much younger.\u00a0\u201cI can\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, you can.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>In his mind, Joe could see his older brother lowering himself down to what had been Joe\u2019s height back then.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s too hard, Adam.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>There was a pout in his young voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don\u2019t try you never will, that\u2019s for certain.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0Joe closed his eyes and could see Adam\u2019s face floating above him somewhere.\u00a0\u201cBut if you keep trying, keep working at it, you will be as good as Hoss and I are at it. Maybe even better. But you can\u2019t quit, Joe. You must never quit at something because it\u2019s hard.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>Joe could almost feel Adam\u2019s hand on his shoulder as it was in his memory.\u00a0\u201cPromise me you won\u2019t give up?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI promise.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0The words echoed in Joe\u2019s ears and brought a smile to his lips. \u201cI promise,\u201d he spoke out loud.<\/p>\n

Opening his eyes Joe set himself a target. There was a tree maybe twenty yards away. Once he reached it he would pick another target and head for it. He wasn\u2019t quite sure exactly where he was, but he knew that he could make it. Would make it. He wouldn\u2019t give up. He\u2019d promised, Adam.<\/p>\n

Pulling himself on and dealing with the pain movement brought he pressed on farther, unaware in his confused, fever addled mind that he was dragging himself farther and farther away from his family.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 10–<\/strong><\/p>\n

The search party all met with each others eyes hoping to find a spark of hope in them. They found none. Eyes unlocked and dropped to the ground. No luck. They had ridden along the shores of Lake Tahoe where it touched Ponderosa land and still, no luck.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll try again.\u201d Ben dismounted and stared and the spot on the shore where Christy\u2019s body had laid. \u201cFresh horses. Then we\u2019ll try again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss and Adam nodded absently.<\/p>\n

Roy sighed, \u201cBen I\u2019ve got to go back to town. Clem ain\u2019t back yet so there\u2019s nobody there to look after things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have to head back too.\u201d Mitch lowered his eyes. \u201cAmy\u2019s heading back to Left Ridge today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, we understand.\u201d Ben managed half a smile and a wave.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood luck, Ben, boys.\u201d Roy took the trail leading back to town and Mitch followed him. The three Cartwright\u2019s turned their weary horse toward home.<\/p>\n

Nothing was said as they rode. What could be said? With the passing of the hours hope had dwindled away. How long had they been searching already? How long since they had last seen Joe? How much of a chance did they have?<\/p>\n

Hop Sing was out on the front porch waiting for them having heard their horses riding up. He had lit the lamp by the front door the night before to guide his family back home safely and it was still burning now as night again began to once again descend over the ranch.<\/p>\n

The cook\u2019s eyes peered through the gathering darkness and counted the riders as they appeared. One. Two. Three\u2026 Three. The cook lowered his head. They had not found the one they were seeking for.<\/p>\n

Turning, Hop Sing shuffled back into the house that he had spent most of the day putting back into order after the last of the guests had left. All day he had prayed to his ancestors for the safe return of his family\u2019s youngest member. Now they had come home without him.<\/p>\n

Hop Sing entered his kitchen and began to re-warm the dinner he had prepared. He took three place settings out to the table as the Cartwrights filed in quietly through the front door.<\/p>\n

Ben watched Hop Sing silently pass over Joe\u2019s usual place at the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cDinner ready soon,\u201d the cook said softly before retreating back into his kitchen.<\/p>\n

Ben sank down into his chair and absently watched then flames lick the logs that crackled in its heat. The fires warmth seeped into his body but could not thaw the chill that wrapped around his insides.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen are we going back out, Pa?\u201d Hoss\u2019 voice was soft.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs soon as we can eat and get fresh horses.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa,\u201d Adam sunk down on the settee. \u201cWe won\u2019t be able to do anything in the dark. We could ride right past him and never see him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut tomorrow could be too late.\u201d Ben whispered, the thought of his son lying somewhere hurt and dying flashed through his mind.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if he ain\u2019t out there to find?\u201d Hoss didn\u2019t know the words had slipped from his thoughts and out his mouth.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t say that.\u201d Ben looked at his middle son, a deep frown lined his face. \u201cDon\u2019t even think it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss turned and watched Hop Sing place a platter of roast and potatoes next to his fresh biscuits. The smells floated over to them, but instead of making Hoss\u2019 stomach rumble it made it roll. Hoss was sure that no one would be eating much of Hop Sing\u2019s dinner tonight.<\/p>\n

\u201cDinner ready.\u201d The cook quietly exited the room.<\/p>\n

Adam sighed and stood and Hoss followed him to the table. \u201cYou got to eat, Pa\u201d Adam took his seat at the table.<\/p>\n

Ben nodded and silently crossed to his chair and sat down.<\/p>\n

Plates were half filled and the meal was poked at. Hop Sing shook his head as he watched the family pretend to eat more than they had.<\/p>\n

Ben was the first to stand. He muttered a thank you to Hop Sing before walking to the center of the great room, his hands thrust deeply into his pockets. \u201cWe\u2019ll start out first thing in the morning. As soon as there\u2019s enough light to see by.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss pushed back from the table and moved to stand behind his father, placing a hand on his Pa\u2019s shoulder. \u201cWe\u2019ll find him, Pa.\u201d He knew he sounded more convinced than he felt. Somehow, deep inside he had a nagging feeling that he would never see his little brother again.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 11-<\/strong><\/p>\n

He had reached his destination. A tree broken off ten feet up by some long ago storm. The wood was soft having soaked up the rain into its decaying trunk. Moss crept up its sides and covered its base.<\/p>\n

Joe pulled himself up to it and leaned his back against it. His breath came in heaves and sweat slicked his body causing him to shiver even more.<\/p>\n

Darkness was falling making it impossible for him to see any distance to pick a new landmark to steer himself by. Instead Joe began to again assess his injuries. There was a small amount of blood that seeped its way out of Joe\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

Clumsily, Joe tore a strip of cloth from his tattered shirt and wrapped it around his arm. With a sigh, he leaned forward and widened the rip in his pant leg. His eyes met with dark bruising and swelling. He reached out and gently felt the leg hoping against his instincts that it wasn\u2019t really broken.<\/p>\n

He sucked air through his teeth and tried his best to suppress the moan that welled up in his chest. It wasn\u2019t broken so much as it was cracked. Joe knew that even though it was still extremely painful he should count his blessings. At least it wouldn\u2019t need setting.<\/p>\n

Joe leaned his head back against the moss covered bark. Its damp coldness reminded him of the fever that was steadily rising within him.<\/p>\n

His family was out there. It wouldn\u2019t be long now. He would be safe. He just had to keep believing, keep trusting, keep going onward. Soon\u2026 soon\u2026<\/p>\n

Sleep stealthily stole over him, wrapping him in her arms and pulling him down into blissful unknowingness.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 12–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben couldn\u2019t sleep. He had tried. He had tried for hours. He rolled onto his back and sighed. Joe was gone. He wasn\u2019t in his bed where he was supposed to be. He wasn\u2019t warm and safe. Ben couldn\u2019t even be sure he was alive.<\/p>\n

Sitting up he threw his blankets back shuddering as the chill of night hit him.\u00a0Joe doesn\u2019t even have a blanket.<\/em>\u00a0Ben wrapped his robe around his body.\u00a0He\u2019s all alone out there.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben crossed to his door and opened it. He knew there was no use in it. It hadn\u2019t been just a nightmare. Joe wouldn\u2019t be there when he opened his youngest\u2019s door. But he had to try anyway.<\/p>\n

Ben placed a hand on the doorknob. Slowly he turned it. The room was empty. Ben closed his eyes. When he opened them nothing had changed. He stepped into the room and looked around at the familiar items. Everything was in its proper place except for the room\u2019s only occupant who was supposed to be lying in the bed.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s hand absently fingered Joe\u2019s pillow where his head should have been, his hair tousled by sleep.<\/p>\n

\u201cI couldn\u2019t sleep either.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice made Ben turn around.<\/p>\n

\u201cI kept hoping it was a dream\u2026 that I would wake up.\u201d Ben shook his head.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Adam offered a very brief, sad smile. \u201cI was in here earlier hoping for the same thing.\u201d With long strides, Adam was at the window. \u201cI was just waiting for the first sign of day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was always Joe\u2019s favourite time of day.\u201d Ben sank down heavily onto his son\u2019s bed. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t often he was up in time to see it,\u201d Ben smiled softly. \u201cBut he said it was like everything was fresh and new. It didn\u2019t matter what had gone wrong yesterday. There was a new day ahead full of opportunities.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam rubbed a hand across his tired eyes and wondered if Joe was alive to see this sunrise or if the sun of his life had set for good.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 13– \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

A bird cried out. Joe blinked in the predawn light, trying to make sense of the shadows that surrounded him. The lonely bird cried again from a branch directly above Joe\u2019s head. Joe tried his best to make out the bird\u2019s coloring. He listened to its call and knew that he should recognize it. But its name escaped his mind.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you lost too?\u201d Joe was surprised at the scratchy sound of his own voice. He raised his head up and looked down at the makeshift blanket he had covered himself with in the middle of the night. The leaves and pine needless with the occasional drying pine branch had offered him little warmth but it was better than nothing.<\/p>\n

They would find him soon. Surely by now his family was combing every inch of land looking for him. He thought briefly of Christy and prayed that she had made it safely back to shore after the undertow had pulled him away from her.<\/p>\n

Joe closed his eyes and laid back. They had laughed when it had first happened, when they had found out that the little boat was leaking faster then they could bail. They were both strong swimmers, they hadn\u2019t been too worried when the boat sank beneath the waters leaving them treading water and laughing at their misfortune.<\/p>\n

Joe had taken off his jacket then had helped Christy shed herself of her heavy skirt as they picked the closest shoreline to swim toward.<\/p>\n

Joe could still hear Christy panting as they swam against waves that kept getting bigger and bigger. \u201cI told you we were out too far.\u201d She had shouted after spitting out a mouthful of water. Her eyes were wide and fearful. The waves had been so small just minutes before. Now it seemed as if an unknown force were churning the waters trying to take them down.<\/p>\n

Joe stayed close to her as Tahoe did her best to separate them and keep them from their destination. By the time the storm was full upon them they were exhausted. \u201cStay close to me, Christy.\u201d Joe had struggled to make his voice heard. Keeping his head above water became harder and harder with each wave. Knowing which direction they were swimming in becoming impossible as the darkness and rain blinded him.<\/p>\n

Joe had found himself caught up in some strange swirling current that had dragged him down. Even under water he could hear Christy screaming his name. He managed to surface and call for Christy to keep going before the next wave crested over his head and sent him back down into the darkness.<\/p>\n

Joe opened his eyes. Dawn was beginning to challenge the darkness. Slowly she beat away the shadows and warmed the chill of night while Joe lay still and watched. The bird in the tree overhead chirped happily as if welcoming the day then hopped to the edge of the branch and launched himself into the air.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you happen to see Pa,\u201d Joe whispered watching the tiny bird fly away, \u201cTell him I\u2019m here.\u201d Joe smiled softly. If only birds could talk.<\/p>\n

He pulled himself up and grasped a nearby stick to use as a crutch of sorts before again pressing slowly and painfully on. It was a new day, fresh and ready to be discovered. Joe hoped that he too would be discovered.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t going fast but at least he was going and each step he took was bringing him closer to his family.<\/p>\n

If only that were true.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 14–<\/p>\n

Fear rode along with the three Cartwrights and Anxiety held the reins as they headed back to the lake to search again. And, although no one was ready to say it, Hope had faded as the sun raised her head. The longer they thought about it the more they realized that Joe was most likely gone and was now lost somewhere out in the vast lake.<\/p>\n

The lake was grey in the early morning light. Birds chirped from there perches in the trees, seemingly oblivious to the sorrow that was carried by the men as they rode by.<\/p>\n

Ben glanced at the path winding up to his Marie\u2019s grave. Would he be able to lay her son next to her? Or was his body forever lost to Lake Tahoe? He turned his head away with a whispered, \u201cIs he safe with you, my love?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that..?\u201d Hoss\u2019 unfinished question brought Ben\u2019s eyes back to the shoreline of the lake. What they saw made him rein in Buck.\u00a0 Adam and Hoss copied their father\u2019s actions.<\/p>\n

Ben knew what it was and who it belonged to before he had dismounted and run down to kneel by the shallow water. He clutched the dripping green jacket to his chest and bowed his head over it. Slowly the water seeped down the front of Ben\u2019s shirt, but he didn\u2019t seem to notice.<\/p>\n

A shadow flitted past Ben and he looked up into the skies in time to see a small bird swoop by to disappear into the trees. Ben slowly stood, the jacket still pressed against his chest. He looked again for the little bird while thinking that his youngest had flown away before him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll find him, Pa.\u201d Hoss couldn\u2019t meet his father\u2019s eyes as he said the words.<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head. \u201cNo, Hoss, I don\u2019t think we will.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened to \u2018don\u2019t even think it\u2019?\u201d Adam watched the gentle lapping of the waters against the shore.<\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t answer. He couldn\u2019t answer, even if he had wanted to.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 15–<\/strong><\/p>\n

They split up, Hoss and Pa riding one way and Adam heading in the opposite direction.<\/p>\n

Minutes slowly dwindled into hours. Spring was blooming all around Adam. The wildflowers lifted their tiny head bravely toward the sun, spreading out their rays to soak up her warmth. The sun seemed to smile down at the land she warmed. Birds chirped happily in the trees that they would make their homes.<\/p>\n

It was the kind of day that would make any man stop and smile and enjoy the first day that could truly be deemed gorgeous after a long hard winter. But Adam Cartwright rode in the shadow of fear and the beginning of sorrow. The shadow only darkened as the day grew brighter.<\/p>\n

Normally Adam appreciated the beautiful land that he and his Pa had come many miles and endured many trials to obtain. But not today. Maybe not ever again. At least, not to the extent that he once had.<\/p>\n

He tried to keep his mind vacant of the thoughts hat fought hardest to invade his mind\u2019s eye.<\/p>\n

Onward. Yes, forward. Mustn\u2019t stop. Can\u2019t quit. Keep moving. Keep looking.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam rode on, searching for a brother he knew would never be found. They had already combed their eyes over the shores, hoping against all odds that they would find Joe. Alive. But their search had turned up nothing. No brother to bring home. No body to burry.<\/p>\n

Adam wasn\u2019t a fool. He knew that if they found Joe it would only be his bloated body. As much he wanted to find his baby brother, to lay him to rest, he didn\u2019t want to find him, to see him like that. Not like that. Not his brother.<\/p>\n

Adam reined in Sport and frowned at some indentations in the gravely strip along the otherwise rocky shore. It could have been made by anything. He and Hoss could have made it last trip around. Or maybe\u2026No. No, he would let his mind go there. Wouldn\u2019t raise his hopes when there was no hope to raise.<\/p>\n

Onward. Yes, forward. Keep going. Keep<\/em>\u00a0riding. Don\u2019t let yourself think. Don\u2019t dwell on the green eyes you will never see again. Don\u2019t think. Ignore the tearing pain.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Sport was pulled to a stop and Adam wept.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 16–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Darkness veiled the little campsite that Adam had hastily thrown together when it became to dark to continue. The flames cast long waving shadows into the night. The quiet sound of the lake water lapping against the shore accompanied by a host of crickets, the occasional hoot of an owl, and the crackle of the fire were the only sounds to be heard.<\/p>\n

Adam closed his eyes.\u00a0\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0almost as soon as his eyes closed a memory from many years ago floated hazily into view.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat, Hoss?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cJust look at him, Adam<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0Hoss reached out a chubby finger and allowed it to be claimed by a much smaller hand. Baby fingers curled around Hoss\u2019. Little Joe\u2019s baby mouth opened as he pulled with all his three month old strength, trying to get his brother\u2019s finger to his mouth.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t he the most perfect thing you ever did see?\u201d The six year old\u2019s eye were bright.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam lowered his book to watch his brothers on the floor near his feet. Joe was still trying to fit Hoss\u2019 finger in his mouth.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cHe sure is little, Adam.\u201d Hoss rubbed Joe\u2019s tummy with his free hand. \u201cIs he ever going to be as big as Pa?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course he will,\u201d Adam set his book aside. \u201cYou were that little once,\u201d Adam smiled. \u201cWell, maybe not as little as he was at first, but he\u2019s grown some already.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Hoss looked between his brothers. \u201cWhat if something happens to him?\u201d His face scrunched up with worry. \u201cHe\u2019s so little, Adam, he doesn\u2019t even know how to yell for help.\u201d Tears filled the sky blue eyes.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam knelt next to Hoss and placed a hand on his shoulder as he had seen his Pa do on numerous occasions. \u201cThat\u2019s why God placed our Little Joe in this family. He gave him to you and me to protect.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Hoss nodded solemnly, \u201cWe\u2019ll protect him, won\u2019t we, Adam.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam gave the shoulder a squeeze, \u201cOf course we will.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Hoss turned back to Joe. \u201cMe \u2018n\u2019 Adam\u2019s gonna keep you safe.\u201d He let Joe\u2019s mouth claim his finger. \u201cWe\u2019ll protect you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes opened to the stars that blinked and twinkled in the sky overhead. A lone tear trailed it way down the unshaven cheek. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe.\u201d He whispered aloud. \u201cGuess I failed you, didn\u2019t I.\u201d Miserably, Adam rolled to his side and watched the flames early into the next morning.<\/p>\n

____***____<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Pa was asleep. At least, if he wasn\u2019t he was doing a good job pretending. Hoss wasn\u2019t certain as he stared into the campfire. The flames waved and swivelled, dancing to a music human ear has never heard. The logs Hoss had just thrown on sizzled and cracked, singing a song without words.<\/p>\n

How many times had he and Joe sat around a fire and talked? They might never have said anything important in the world\u2019s eyes, but those conversations were easily the highlight of every tail ride he and Joe had gone on.<\/p>\n

Hoss chucked the small rock he had been rolling around in his hand out into the darkness. He and Joe had been planning a camping trip together for a while now. It would have been so much fun. Hoss gritted his teeth and broke his gaze with the fire. He\u2019d put it off. Twice. They\u2019d missed out on more than good times. They\u2019d missed out on memories. He\u2019d lost a memory he could have had. Now it was too late. He\u2019d never make another memory with Joe.<\/p>\n

What was the reason? Why had they delayed the trip? It couldn\u2019t have been important. Nothing should have been more important.<\/p>\n

Hoss couldn\u2019t think of a thing he wouldn\u2019t give for just one more minute with Joe. A chance to say good bye, to say how much he loved him, to give him one last brotherly hug.<\/p>\n

If only you could turn back the clock, take up an opportunity you had passed by. But time and opportunity pass by only once. Nothing could bring them back. No matter how much Hoss wished otherwise.<\/p>\n

____***____<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Cold. Shivering. Shuddering. Chattering. Joe wondered if it were his bones rattling or his teeth. Maybe it was a combination of both.<\/p>\n

He had been dragging himself onward most of the day, taking long brakes in between. Now he eased himself to the ground for some sleep. He couldn\u2019t continue tonight. It was quickly darkening and he was beyond exhausted. His only fear was falling asleep and not waking when the sun rose the next morning.<\/p>\n

Raising his shoulders to try to shield his neck from the cold, he tucked his chin down and wrapped his arms around himself, tucking fingers in under his arms. He whimpered as he tried to curl his legs closer to himself.<\/p>\n

Joe closed his eyes against the pain that radiated through nearly every part of his body and tried to concentrate on warming his clammy skin.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t want to think of how much longer he could survive without help. Earlier he had noticed the state of the gash across his chest. It had been packed with dirt and there had even been part of a leaf in the congealed blood. Red infectious streaks lined the skin that had grown warm to the touch. At least part of him was warm. He tried to smile at the thought but shook his head sadly instead.<\/p>\n

Tears welled up behind his closed eyelids but eventually slipped through. They would be worried about him. His family was probably out there right now searching for him. Looking up at the same stars overhead.<\/p>\n

Joe squeezed his arms tighter around himself. \u201cI\u2019m trying, Pa.\u201d He whispered, \u201cFirst light and I promise I\u2019ll come.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gazed steadily through the tree branches at the stars still shining brightly overhead as they did every night. It was something you could count on like the rising of the sun. And like the love of his family. They would find him soon. They wouldn\u2019t give up.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 17–<\/strong><\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t first light. Joe wasn\u2019t sure what time of day it was. Some sort of strange hazy fog seemed to have settled over his vision. His mind seemed unable to think straight. His limbs refused to move at his bidding.<\/p>\n

The only thing that remained clear was the fact that he had to keep going. Nothing else made any sense. Nothing else mattered. Not the pain not the haze. Nothing. He had to get home. Had to get back to his Pa and his brothers.<\/p>\n

It was a fight getting to his knees. Grabbing his stick, Joe tried to pull himself to his feet. It was harder than it had ever been before. Joe was not a tall man, but the ground, when he finally made it to his feet, had never looked quite so far away before.<\/p>\n

Gritting his teeth, Joe put one foot in front of the other. He relied, not on his strength for he had none left, but on the fierce determination that he was known for. His mouth settled into a grim line and he set forward using another gnarly pine as a marker.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m coming, Pa. I\u2019m coming.\u201d<\/p>\n

The going was slower than ever. The sun was high overhead and finding her way through the forest of branches to where Joe limped from tree to tree leaning on each one he passed. His breaths came in heaving gasps. Sweat rolled its way down his face and neck, soaking into his grimy collar.<\/p>\n

Keeping his eyes on his marker, even though it seemed to grow farther away with each step he took, Joe pressed on. His feet, at length, found themselves standing on a path. A real dirt path running through the forest floor.<\/p>\n

Joe blinked at the unmistakable prints human boots next to hoof prints. The rain from days ago had left the ground in perfect condition for moulding and holding the prints. Joe\u2019s heart raced. He was on the right track. Someone was nearby.<\/p>\n

He stumbled forward faster than before, following the new path with new hope.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 18–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Having reached her zenith, the sun slowly sunk down into the West. Joe\u2019s whole body felt weak. How long had it been since he had eaten? How long since he had seen a drop of water? He thought he had swallowed enough water in the lake to last him a lifetime, but it turns out it wasn\u2019t. How long ago had it been since he had stumbled across that little stream of cold water? And those berries that he had said a quick prayer to God that they weren\u2019t poisonous, how long ago had he left that bush behind.<\/p>\n

Thoughts, hours, days, they all seemed jumbled and blurred.<\/p>\n

Catching his dragging foot on a protruding rock in the trail, he collapsed. Joe cried out in agony as the pain ripped a path through his entire body. He couldn\u2019t go any further. He could move. He just wanted to close his eyes and let the shadows that blurred his vision to claim him.<\/p>\n

“Promise me.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0Adam\u2019s words whispered over and over in his ears.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t go on, Adam.\u201d Joe cried the words bringing more pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cPromise me you won\u2019t give up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I tried. I really tried, but I\u2019m tired. Tired of trying.\u201d Joe curled into himself and let his eyes droop. \u201cI can\u2019t\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPromise me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

A sob caught in Joe\u2019s throat. \u201cI can\u2019t. I\u2019m sorry. I just can\u2019t\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a Cartwright. Do you know what that means?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0Adam\u2019s voice was angry.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, please let me go.\u201d Joe dug his fingers into the dirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou won\u2019t give up.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0The memories began to merge together until Adam was yelling at him.\u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re a Cartwright. You won\u2019t give up.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0Joe closed his eyes tighter.\u00a0\u201cYou won\u2019t give up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I love you.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0This time it was Pa\u2019s voice floating through his fevered mind.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou won\u2019t give up.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI promise.\u201d Joe shakily whispered the words.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, I love you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cPromise me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI promise.\u201d Joe choked out the words and reached a hand forward, clawing at the ground and dragging himself forward. \u201cI promise.\u201d He reached forward again grasping an exposed tree root. \u201cI\u2019m coming. I promised.\u201d<\/p>\n

–Chapter 19–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shadows lengthened until they swallowed up everything in their path. Stars blinked in the far distance as the moon washed the world in her cold light. The evening breeze slowly turned into midnight\u2019s chill.<\/p>\n

Nothing out of the ordinary stirred on the forest\u2019s floor. In one corner of the dark woods a small rodent lost the game of tag it unknowingly had played with an owl. Not far from there a gnarled tree, void of all leaves and slowly decaying back into the ground from where it had once appeared a proud seedling, let the moonlight filter through to where her old roots occasionally rippled above ground.<\/p>\n

A hand dirty and torn rested limply on one of those roots that appeared for several inches then dove back beneath the rich earth. The fingers were curved over the root as man rests his hand on his woman\u2019s shoulder. Gently. Tenderly.<\/p>\n

Dirt was caked beneath the broken nails as if the hand\u2019s owner had clawed his way to this point, his arm stretched out to take him farther but no strength left to get him there.<\/p>\n

The dying tree shuddered, creaked, and moaned with a puff of wind that would now and then reach her. Someday soon she would fall and rot into the floors which she had stood on for nearly a century. She would make way for new trees to fill the gap she left behind. But not tonight.<\/p>\n

Tonight she would hold the hand of this lone, forsaken human and watch over him while he lay at her feet.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 20–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben looked out over the shining waters of the lake as the sun cast her first beams over it. He knew his sons were waiting for his decision. It was a decision no father should ever have to make. Ben knew his sons would stand behind his decision, whatever it may be.<\/p>\n

The truth was hard to accept. Hope had slowly been crushed until there was nothing left. The time for searching and praying was over. The time to grieve and to accept had come. But how could Ben admit it? How could he tell his boys it was time to give up the search, to go home, to pick up where they had left off, to live on?<\/p>\n

To say it aloud would make it true and final. Deep down, Ben couldn\u2019t accept that. He never would be able to.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa?\u201d Adam broke through the haze in Ben\u2019s mind.<\/p>\n

Ben knew he had to. It was impractical to keep searching. They had a ranch to run. Lives to live. Life would go on, wouldn\u2019t it? The sun would rise with only three Cartwrights there to view her splendour, wouldn\u2019t she?<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re heading home.\u201d The words sounded hollow and defeated, echoing from a heart Ben was sure would never be whole again.<\/p>\n

Ben turned his gaze resting on the two remaining treasures he had. Adam\u2019s gaze stared out at nothing and everything the muscles along his eldest\u2019s face bunched and clenched. Hoss\u2019 eyes were downcast. His slumped shoulders quivered in a quiet sob of the deepest anguish.<\/p>\n

Ben turned back around, unable to look into Adam\u2019s unseeing eyes nor Hoss\u2019 tear filled ones. Tears of his own slipped unchecked down his weary face. He wanted to scream, to throw something at the waters that had stolen his son. But he didn\u2019t. He knew it could not bring back what he had lost. So instead he let his tears fall and his blurred eyes watch the rippling waves as they laughed at his sorrow.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 21–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Joe opened his eyes slowly. The world around him was brighter somehow, the colors more vivid. Cautiously he sat up, but this time the pain didn\u2019t rip through him. He looked around him in every direction. He was still on a rough dirt path, but it was different from the one he had been on just seconds ago\u2026 or was it hours?<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d Joe looked for the source of the voice. His breath caught in his chest as a young man appeared in front of him, as if out of nowhere.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d The voice chuckled. \u201cYou\u2019ve finally come!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked up and blinked in surprise. \u201cJack?\u201d He scrambled easily to his feet, his childhood friend grasping his arm and pulling him. \u201cIs it really you?\u201d Joe looked down at the hand on his arm. \u201cBut it\u2019s impossible. You\u2019re\u2026 I saw you\u2026 die. We all did.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jack grinned and nodded.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s smile vanished and he paled. \u201cAm I\u2026 did I\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Jack gave Joe\u2019s arm a tug. \u201cCome with me, Joe.\u201d He took off running with a glance back and a beckoning wave.<\/p>\n

Joe hesitated, but only for a moment, then ran after him. The path they were on rose steeply toward where it looked like the sun was rising. Only that was impossible. Joe stopped and looked overhead to where the sun was already shining. Could there be more than one sun?<\/p>\n

Jack was at the crest of the hill. \u201cCome on, Joe! There are so many people who\u2019ve been waiting to see you again!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked back to where they had come from. The colors that had seemed so vivid were fading into a grey. The path ran straight and long and the longer Joe stared at it the closer everything seemed to get. Squinting, he saw where the path ended in the other direction.<\/p>\n

He could see the ranch house. Cochise was tied out front and the door was opened as if it were a sunny summer day. Joe\u2019s felt his heart beat harder as he watched his Pa walk out into the yard.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d Pa paused in the yard and cupped his hands around his mouth. \u201cJoe? Where are you?\u201d He sounded worried. Scared.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d Jack called from above. \u201cHurry, Joe!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe took another step toward the light glowing at the top of the hill. But every step he took toward Jack made the path behind him grow darker and duller. He could barely make out his Pa as he continued to call for him.<\/p>\n

Another sound made Joe turn back toward Jack and the unknown light. Singing. Soft, gentle lullabies drifted over the ridge. Joe recognized the voice and the song. \u201cMa?\u201d The singing stopped.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph?\u201d A woman\u2019s voice called.<\/p>\n

\u201cMa?\u201d Joe began to run again toward the waiting light.<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle Joe!\u201d It was Hoss\u2019 voice. Joe was sure there were tears in it. \u201cWhere are you little brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss,\u201d Joe slowed and looked back to the faded land that had been his world. \u201cMa,\u201d He felt the weight of his decision.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d Hoss called again, but his voice was growing ever more distant, fading along with Pa\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Joe was almost to the top. He blinked in the growing light. Then he heard crying. Soft, quiet sobs. Again he stopped. He had never heard this cry before and yet, somehow he knew who it belonged to. \u201cAdam,\u201d Joe whispered softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe,\u201d Jack sounded impatient. \u201cCome on. Come see.\u201d He disappeared over the ridge, leaving Joe alone.<\/p>\n

He felt torn. The voices of those he loved called for him. Cried for him. Wanted him. He couldn\u2019t stay in both any more than he couldn\u2019t remain here in between.<\/p>\n

Something pulled at him from the light and whatever lay beyond. He took a few more steps upward. Somehow they were easier than going back down. Another few steps and he would be able to see over the ridge to the valley below. His mind thought through all those who would be there waiting for him and a smile crossed his face. But then\u2026 he looked back into the darkness and the pain it would bring.\u00a0 But there on the other side of that darkness was a light. A light so dim he could barely see it. It reminded him of the lantern that hung on their front porch guiding him home when it was dark out and the moon and stars were hidden from view.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d He whispered to those he loved and headed toward the light of his choice.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 22–<\/strong><\/p>\n

A buggy slowly pulled to a stop in the yard of front of the Ponderosa ranch house. Reverend Ferris sighed and climbed out. He ran a hand through rapidly thinning hair then smoothed out the front of his shirt. Unlike his other visits to the Ponderosa no one came out to greet him as he slowly strode toward the door.<\/p>\n

He hesitated in raising his fist and knocking on the door, looking back to his buggy and wishing his buggy were back home. Because that would mean he was there too. But he had a duty to perform.<\/p>\n

Ben answered the door and took in the man standing before him, \u201cReverend.\u201d He stood aside and politely ushered his guest inside.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t stay long, Ben\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I get you some coffee? Tea?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Neither, thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben motioned to a chair and the greying preacher lowered himself into it. \u201cWhat brings you here, Reverend?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted to give you and Hoss and Adam my and Mrs. Ferris\u2019 condolences and to offer you my services.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cServices?\u201d Ben sank down in his own chair.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll be wanting a\u2026 memorial of sorts, won\u2019t you?\u201d Caleb Ferris looked down at his clasped hands. He hated this part of his calling.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d was all Ben could think to say. His mind ran back to the funeral that had taken place on the hill overlooking Lake Tahoe. Only then it had been Joe\u2019s mother who had been stolen from him too young. Both mother and son taken away far too soon.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Ben nodded. \u201cWe need something to\u2026 say goodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know it\u2019s hard, Ben, but with God\u2019s help we can make it through.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGod\u2019s help,\u201d Ben shook his head sadly. \u201cWhere was God\u2019s help when my son was drowning, Reverend? Where was God then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t pretend to know God\u2019s whole plan, Ben. No man ever will. Some things we will never understand.\u201d Reverend Ferris leaned forward in his chair. \u201cBut one thing we do know, He cares, Ben. In our darkest trials, in our sorrow, in our laughter he is always there. He says, \u2018Yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands<\/em>,\u2019\u201d The old preacher looked down into his own palms. \u201cHis word tells us that no man can \u2018pluck them out of my hand<\/em>.\u2019 In Psalms we can find comfort in these words: \u2018He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.<\/em>\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t always understand, Ben. We just have to trust that he does.\u201d<\/p>\n

–Chapter 23–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam leaned heavily against the corral fence and watched the land as dusk fell like a curtain. Tomorrow would be his youngest brother\u2019s memorial service. Held on the shores of Tahoe, they expected a large number of friends to make their way out there to pay their last respects to one loved by many.<\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s best friend, Mitch, had ridden in the day before to tell them that his Amy and her father, Craig, were coming in on the stage from Left Ridge just so they could be there. Another friend of Joe\u2019s, Seth, was forgoing his only chance at a week off to stay and come to the service. Adam wished Joe could know all those who would gather to show their love for him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d Adam heard Hoss come toward him but didn\u2019t turn or acknowledge him.<\/p>\n

Hoss crossed his arms over the top rail of the fence and lowered his chin onto them. \u201cRemember the first time Joe rode a horse?\u201d Hoss sighed. \u201cHe nearly gave Marie a heart attack when he dug his heels into that critter and the old horse tossed him in the dirt.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m leaving tomorrow.\u201d Adam acted as if he hadn\u2019t heard his brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Hoss straightened leaving only his hands on the fence. \u201cYou can\u2019t leave now, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe ranch has to keep going, Hoss.\u201d Adam tried to sound businesslike to hide the fact that he couldn\u2019t stand being surrounded by so many memories. \u201cThere are still contracts that need to be filled, and others that need to be secured.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss understood his brother better than Adam thought he did. \u201cWhen will you be back?\u201d<\/p>\n

When the hurt stops<\/em>\u00a0Adam thought to himself. Turning to Hoss for the first time he sighed quietly, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou will stay for the service won\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I will. Joe\u2019d never forgive me if I missed it.\u201d Adam gave a small sad smile that faded away faster than it had come.<\/p>\n

\u201cI still can\u2019t believe it,\u201d Hoss looked out to where Cochise milled about sadly in the corral. \u201cI keep expecting him to come through the door. This morning I almost went up to wake him up. I had my hand on his door when I remembered he wasn\u2019t just sleeping in. He\u2019s gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned his head away so his brother couldn\u2019t see the tears that welled in his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI keep wonderin\u2019 why.\u201d Hoss shook his head, \u201cGuess there\u2019s ain\u2019t an answer to that question.\u201d Hoss looked over at Adam and sighed. Would he never show emotion? \u201cThe world won\u2019t think any less of you if you cry, Adam.\u201d Hoss turned to head back to the house. \u201cThey might even think more of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears track down his face. He listened to Hoss\u2019 retreating footsteps. He had to leave this place. Too many memories lingered in every corner. He couldn\u2019t go anywhere without thinking of Joe. There was no place he could go where the memories didn\u2019t echo. No place here at least.<\/p>\n

As soon as the service was over tomorrow he would leave. Maybe in time the memories would fade away to a dull ache instead of a ripping pain. When they did, only then would Adam return.<\/p>\n

–Chapter 24–<\/strong><\/p>\n

Today it was official. Joseph Francis Cartwright was gone. Black clad mourners made their way to the shores of Tahoe. The waters were still. The wind dared not to blow. Sniffles from the women present and the occasional chirp of a bird was the only other noise as Reverend Ferris read from the scriptures, his voice rising and falling over the familiar words.<\/p>\n

Ben stood flanked by his remaining sons and stared out over the cruel waters. He had worn his black suit and had dusted off his black hat for the occasion. That morning he had gazed steadily at his reflection in a mirror and knew that his clothing was not nearly as dark as his sorrow.<\/p>\n

Flowers, brilliant and beautiful flowers were tossed in a heap on the rocky shore. Vibrant, like Joe was, or rather, like Joe had been.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u00a0Hoss thought sorrowfully on the word. He had once had a brother, a best friend. Had. But not anymore. How he loathed that word and what it meant.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    It meant no more laughter, no more smiles, no more little brother. How it hurt! How it brought stinging tears to his eyes and burning pain to his heart. His baby brother was gone forever.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. \u00a0So final. So definite. Adam dwelt bitterly on the word. Joe wasn\u2019t just gone for a while. He wouldn\u2019t turn around one day and find his brother there. Death was final. Forever. Forever without Joe. As if he had never been.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Love was a painful thing. Was it worth the pain it left in its wake? Adam wished briefly that Joe had never been. If Joe had never been then the gaping crevice in his heart wouldn\u2019t be either.<\/p>\n

      But he didn\u2019t wish it long when he remembered how full his heart had been for years. Joe had completed them. Now there were three again, the fourth lost. Forever.<\/p>\n

      Adam looked at the flowers littering the last place Joe had stood on the earth. There had been no goodbyes, no final look, no clasped hands or hugs. He had simply jumped into a rowboat with his latest girlfriend and left with every intension of returning in time for a slice of Hoss\u2019 birthday cake. But the lake had another plan.<\/p>\n

      Adam stared out across the waters that would be the final resting place of his brother. People were bowing their heads as the pastor prayed, but Adam kept looking out over the lake. His saddle bags were packed. He would leave this place and its haunting memories.<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 25–<\/strong><\/p>\n

      \u201cCome on, son,\u201d a voice penetrated the foggy mists that seemed to shroud Joe\u2019s mind. \u201cYou can do it,\u201d the voice urged. Joe felt a warm hand wrap gently around his wrist. The hand was rough and yet soft and gentle at the same time.<\/p>\n

      \u201cPa?\u201d Joe tried to open his heavy eyelids.<\/p>\n

      \u201cNo, son, not your pa.\u201d The voice was deep like Pa\u2019s but different. \u201cBut if you\u2019d open your eyes for ol\u2019 Jedidiah then maybe we can figure out where you really belong.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cWho?\u201d Joe managed to open his eyes a crease.<\/p>\n

      \u201cJedidiah,\u201d Joe tried to make out the speaker, but the fog in his head seemed to be clouding his vision as well.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWhere\u2026\u201d Joe\u2019s voice croaked and he swallowed. Closing his eyes again, Joe almost wished he could return to the dark abyss of nothingness. Almost. But not quite. The voice had wanted to find his Pa.<\/p>\n

      \u201cDon\u2019t you go fallin\u2019 asleep on me again.\u201d The hand on his arm shook him. \u201cOpen them eyes of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe obeyed and blinked quickly, trying to pull the room into focus.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThere we go.\u201d The man leaned closer, \u201cGreen eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe blinked up at the man above him. In the dim cabin light Joe at first couldn\u2019t make him out. Jedidiah was old with only a bit of white hair clinging to either side of his head. His eyes looked nearly black and his skin was a color just darker than Pa\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWhere?\u201d Joe forced the word through swollen and cracked lips.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThis here\u2019s my cabin. I have a little claim I work not to far from here.\u201d The man named Jedidiah smiled showing teeth that seemed very white against his dark skin. \u201cI found you on my path about five days ago,\u201d the smile faded. \u201cThought for sure you was going kick off to the beyond. Nearly did once or twice.\u201d Jedidiah filled a dipper in the bucket sitting near the foot of the chair he was in. \u201cYou fought hard, boy. Your Pa\u2019ll be proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe opened his lips as the dipper was pressed against them. He drank thankfully.\u00a0 A sigh escaped his lips as the dipper was pulled away.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou got a name?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cJoe,\u201d he sank back against a hard pillow, \u201cJoe Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah\u2019s eyebrows came up, \u201cYou\u2019re Cartwright?\u201d Jedidiah shook his head and filled the dipper again.<\/p>\n

      Joe lifted his head again to drink more of the cool water.<\/p>\n

      I heard there was a Cartwright gone and drown hisself last time I was in town. Quite a lot of folks talkin\u2019 \u2018bout it. Was on my home when I found you.\u201d The older man straightened the blanket covering Joe. \u201cYou sure was a ways from the lake though. You must have been walkin\u2019 or crawlin\u2019 a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe\u2019s eyes started drooping, \u201cMy Pa must be worried sick.\u201d He licked his lips, \u201cHe\u2019s out there looking for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cSon,\u201d Jedidiah shook his head, \u201cYour Pa thinks your dead. They\u2019ve probably already buried you, not in body a\u2019course.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cCan you get word to them?\u201d Joe asked worriedly.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI would Joe, but it\u2019s a day there and a day back to Virginia City and you can\u2019t be left alone that long right now.\u201d He waved a hand, \u201cDon\u2019t argue with me. Yesterday you was on the threshold of Heaven. You was so close\u00a0I\u00a0<\/em>almost heard the angels singin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cBut\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cNope, don\u2019t start. Just rest and get well, then we\u2019ll talk about getting you back to your family.\u201d<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 26\u2014<\/strong><\/p>\n

      The sun rose sluggishly into the sky, eventually finding her way to shine on a small cabin nestled in among the pines.<\/p>\n

      The door of the cabin swung open letting the light from outside stream in before Jedidiah pushed the door closed again with his boot. \u201cMorning, Joe\u201d Jedidiah tossed his arm load of sticks into the box beside his little fireplace. \u201cYou warm enough?\u201d The older man placed a calloused hand on Joe\u2019s forehead.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWarm,\u201d Joe whispered hoarsely.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYes, you are.\u201d Jedidiah frowned and removed his hand. \u201cHow are you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cTired,\u201d Joe answered honestly.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThink you can eat something?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cMaybe a little,\u201d Joe tried to push himself up with his arms.<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah propped up the pillow and helped Joe to sit. \u201cI\u2019ve got some stew from last night. Maybe I\u2019ll give you the broth and eat the meat myself.\u201d The old man grinned.<\/p>\n

      Joe nodded feeling winded after the little movement. He frowned, hating the weakness he felt. \u201cHow about today?\u201d Joe asked, hope sparking in his eyes.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI might as well shoot you in the leg then tie you to a puma\u2019s tail.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI can make it two days without you.\u201d Joe pleaded.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou can\u2019t even sit up by yourself.\u201d Jedidiah shook his head. \u201cThey already think you\u2019re dead.\u201d He faced Joe. \u201cI know you don\u2019t want to hear it, and I\u2019m sorry. But a few more days isn\u2019t going to make all that much difference to them, but it will for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah threw up his hands and rolled his eyes. \u201cYou keep saying that, but it ain\u2019t true. You\u2019ve got a bit of a fever comin\u2019 back and your all busted up and weak.\u201d Jedidiah scooped up the bowl of broth for Joe. \u201cDo you give your pa this much trouble?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe felt a tired smile tug at the corners of his mouth. \u201cYou sound just like him.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019m a pa too, Joe.\u201d Jedidiah looked sadly down into the broth. \u201cIf someone could tell me where he was\u2026 that he was alive\u2026\u201d The older man cleared his voice and looked away. \u201cBut I wouldn\u2019t want anyone to risk his health to get the news to me, as much as I have dreamed of hearing it.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cJedidiah\u2026\u201d Joe looked at the man who had saved his life, and couldn\u2019t think of a thing to say.<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah saw the struggle in Joe\u2019s eyes. \u201cIt\u2019s alright, son. It\u2019s not as hard as it used to be.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cWhat happened?\u201d Joe watched Jedidiah sink into his little wooden chair by his bed.<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah ran a hand over what was left of his white hair. \u201cIt wasn\u2019t many years ago, Joe,\u201d the older man brought his eyes up to look into Joe\u2019s. \u201cI was a slave. My son was born a slave and my wife died a slave. It was all we knew. Being treated like we was less than the dirt we worked and the cotton we picked.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah stirred the bowl of broth quietly for several moments. \u201cWhen Samuel was about your age he fought with one of the overseer\u2019s. The man was attacking one of our girls. My Sam was sold the next day.\u201d The father shook his head. \u201cThey said they didn\u2019t need a rebel on their hands. My wife was already dead. I begged to be sold with him, but they didn\u2019t much care whether families got separated or not. Just so long as their cotton made it to market, they didn\u2019t care. What were we anyways?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cJedidiah,\u201d Joe reached out and rested his hand on the other man\u2019s arm, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d Joe knew the words were inadequate and wouldn\u2019t change anything for his new friend.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI searched for him. Once we was all free, I searched for him. But I never found out where he was sent to. No one would help. If they kept record of where they sold their property, they wouldn\u2019t share it. Told me they didn\u2019t keep record of every worthless cow they sold.\u201d Bitterness laced his words. \u201cHe could be anywhere, or he could be dead. Just wish I knew either way.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI know what your Pa\u2019s going through, Joe. Losing a son\u2026\u201d Jedidiah stood and went over to stare into the flames. \u201cHe\u2019ll be glad we waited until it was safe. Glad that we didn\u2019t risk your health.\u201d Turning back to Joe, \u201cHe\u2019s a lucky man, getting a son back from the dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 27\u2014<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Jedidiah watched Joe\u2019s chest rise and fall as he leaned his back against the wall of his cabin. There was a smile on the younger man\u2019s lips while he slept. Jedidiah had agreed to ride toward town come first light and search out Ben Cartwright.<\/p>\n

      In the days that had passed Joe became stronger and was now able to get around just fine by himself. The time had come for him to return to his family. Jedidiah would never say it aloud but he was going to miss him. Ever since he had given up the search for his son he had isolated himself here on this mountainside. He had never really realized how lonely he was until now.<\/p>\n

      He was a little anxious to meet Ben Cartwright. He had raised his son well. And bringing such news to a good man, to a fellow father\u2026<\/p>\n

      A log in the fireplace collapsed sending sparks leaping out only to die away before reaching the ground. Jedidiah had often sat and watched the sparks fly. They glittered for a moment then disappeared in the darkness. Just like a life, bursting forth and shining so briefly, then extinguished and forgotten about. But then again, sometimes it only took one spark to burn down a forest, to change the world.<\/p>\n

      Joe sighed in his sleep bringing Jedidiah out of his musings. He was jealous of this Ben Cartwright. He wondered if the man knew how blessed he was. If he didn\u2019t, Jedidiah was sure going to let him know.<\/p>\n

      –***–<\/p>\n

      Hop Sing set the last dish on the table and nodded at Ben\u2019s muttered \u201cThank you,\u201d before heading back to his warm kitchen. Hoss wasn\u2019t there again and the sight of Ben alone at that big table only reminded the cook of all the family, his family, had lost.<\/p>\n

      The house that had once echoed with laughter now sat silent save for the footfalls of people coming and going.<\/p>\n

      On nights like this one not so long ago Hop Sing would have heard the brothers banter back and forth and would have smiled from his place in the kitchen. Then with a call of thanks the family would have headed to finish the chores or sit around the fireplace. Adam might have taken out his guitar or whatever book he happened to be reading while Hoss and Joe sat down to a game of checkers that Joe was bound to win, honestly or not. Ben would have sat back watching with the hint of a smile on his face that read perfect contentment.<\/p>\n

      But now\u2026 now Ben was alone, his shoulders slumped, his sons all gone. First Joe, then Adam, and even though Hoss wasn\u2019t altogether gone he seemed to leave at sunup and return later each night.<\/p>\n

      There were times when Hop Sing wanted to remind Ben that he was still there, but he decided that it would be a poor consolation to a man who had lost what had been his life.<\/p>\n

      The kettle on the stove whistled and Hop Sing pulled out of his sorrowful musings. The cook poured himself a cup of the hot liquid and sat down at his table. Picking up his fork, he heard the front door open and paused to listen.<\/p>\n

      \u201cHoss?\u201d Ben\u2019s voice called.<\/p>\n

      \u201cIt\u2019s me, Pa,\u201d Hop Sing had to strain to hear to words.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou hungry, son?\u201d Hop Sing stood at the words and reached for the plate he always left out just in case.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI guess so.\u201d Hoss\u2019 voice grew louder as he came closer to the table.<\/p>\n

      Hop Sing entered the room and cast a quick glance at Hoss. He looked worn and thinner. \u201cMr. Hoss want coffee? Tea?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019ll take some coffee, Hop Sing,\u201d Hoss sank down into his chair. \u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Hop Sing nodded happily glad to be of some use and hurried back to his kitchen.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou\u2019ve been pretty scarce lately.\u201d Ben said softly.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI know, Pa,\u201d Hoss sighed. \u201cI just needed a bit of time to\u2026 I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI understand,\u201d Ben paused as Hops Sing placed the coffee in front of Hoss\u2019 plate. \u201cI just wish we could have worked through it together. Families are supposed work through things together and we\u2026\u201d Ben looked down at his plate. \u201cWe fell to pieces. I thought we were stronger then that. I guess that\u2019s my fault, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cIt ain\u2019t your fault, Pa.\u201d Hoss shook his head. \u201cIt\u2019s all of ours. Adams. Mine. All of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Hop Sing knew he should pry into the family conversation and disappeared back into his kitchen. His food was cold but he didn\u2019t feel much like eating anyways. The voices from the other room drifted in, but he tried not to listen to them.<\/p>\n

      Maybe they would sort things out and the house would become a home once more. And maybe someday laughter would return, like spring flowers after a hard winter.<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 28–<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Jedidiah dismounted his old horse and patted her neck. \u201cWhat do you say, Ebony, my girl? Would you like some oats maybe? You deserve a good rest.\u201d Jedidiah knocked forcefully on the unpainted door of the dimly lit livery stable.<\/p>\n

      The light grew closer and brighter as the livery\u2019s owner made his way to the door. \u201cWho\u2019s there?\u201d The door opened a crack.<\/p>\n

      \u201cJust want to put up my horse for the night. We\u2019ve come a long way.\u201d Jedidiah watched as the man\u2019s eyes narrowed and surveyed him. He was used to all sorts of glares.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI remember you.\u201d The man opened the door wider. \u201cWeren\u2019t you here not to long ago?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah nodded and handed the reins over to the man, knowing that the livery owner didn\u2019t want him setting a toe inside the stable. The man was more than happy to take his money and stable his horse, but he had made it clear in the past that he couldn\u2019t be seen letting a man of color into his stable. It might damage his reputation.<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah slapped Ebony\u2019s rump as she was led into the warm stable. \u201cSee you in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

      A hand shot back out of the stable, palm up. \u201cI\u2019ll take the money now.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah sighed and dug in his pocket. Placing a bit extra for some oats in the man\u2019s hand he tipped his hat and headed for the only place that would put him up for the night.<\/p>\n

      Miss Clementine was a little flighty but she was kind. Kind enough to let him stay in the little room at the back of her house that doubled as a storage area because it was too small for her to let out.<\/p>\n

      The sun had set but there was still a light on at the Widow Hawkins\u2019 house. Jedidiah walked lightly up the porch steps and rapped gently on the front door just in case any of the Widow\u2019s tenants were sleeping.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWhy, Jedidiah,\u201d Miss Clementine\u2019s voice sounded before the door was fully open. \u201cI thought it would be another month at least before Virginia City saw you again.\u201d \u00a0She waved him in and showed him to a chair. \u201cWhat do we owe this pleasure to, Jedidiah?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI have news to deliver.\u201d Even though Jedidiah liked this woman because she was kind to him, he didn\u2019t feel right telling her any more than he had already.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWhat sort of news can you hear up on the mountain of yours?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou\u2019d be surprised.\u201d Jedidiah smiled.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWould I?\u201d Clementine seated herself on the edge of a chair. \u201cDo tell.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cSorry, Miss Hawkins,\u201d Jedidiah shifted in his seat. \u201cI\u2019m afraid my message is for one man and his ears only.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Widow Hawkins sighed, \u201cCould you tell me who the message is for?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah shook his head.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI bet it\u2019s for Roy, isn\u2019t it? You came across some desperados while you were up on the mountain.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah shook his head again, \u201cThe news will be out soon enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cBig news then?\u201d The woman stood and shrugged. \u201cYou\u2019re mean to tease me, but never let it be said Clementine Hawkins wasn\u2019t a patient woman. I guess I\u2019ll just wait to hear it with everyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cNow,\u201d Clementine motioned for Jedidiah to stand. \u201cYou look tired, Jed. How about I show you to your room? I have an empty one upstairs that you can sleep in if you would like.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah shook his head, \u201cThank you, ma\u2019am, but I reckon I\u2019ll just stick with my normal room.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou sure?\u201d Clementine looked over her shoulder.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYes, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n

      The woman led him through the kitchen and into the back room.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWould you like payment in advance?\u201d Jedidiah dug into his pocket.<\/p>\n

      \u201cNonsense,\u201d Clementine snorted. \u201cI\u2019ve known you long enough to know you\u2019ll not skip out without paying. Besides,\u201d she smiled, \u201cyou may decide to stay an extra day.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah thanked her then settled onto the bed after the door had closed behind Clementine. He knew for certain he wouldn\u2019t be staying another night. Unless Joe\u2019s love for his pa was a one way relationship, Ben Cartwright would be on his horse before Jedidiah could tell him which way to go.<\/p>\n

      A smile played over the old man\u2019s lips then died away faster then it had come. Leaning back on the pillow he closed his eyes and sighed. They said that pain lessened with time and he had assured Joe that it had, but sometimes it seemed like the wounds were still fresh.<\/p>\n

      Some nights he could hear his own voice calling after the wagon that had come to take his son away.\u00a0\u201cI\u2019ll find you, son. We\u2019ll be together again. I promise.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

      Jedidiah opened his eyes to the darkness that surrounded him, and prayed as he had every night since that day. \u201cGod, help my son, wherever he is, and tell him I love him.\u201d<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 29–<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Virginia City began to stir just before the sun could peak her head over the eastern horizon. Jedidiah was already up and waiting in front of the sheriff\u2019s office. If anyone would help him find the Cartwright ranch he figured the sheriff would. After all, it was his job to help people as well as protect them.<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah kept his head down hoping not to draw any attention to himself. But even still one man passing by kicked dirt in his direction. Jed kept his eyes lowered unwilling to try to start anything over it. He had given up on that sort of thing a long time ago.<\/p>\n

      Some people who called themselves wise still couldn\u2019t understand the meaning of the phrase \u201cAll men are created equal,\u201d and Jedidiah couldn\u2019t see that changing anytime soon.<\/p>\n

      The scraping of boots along the boardwalk brought Jedidiah\u2019s head up as someone stopped behind him. Jedidiah stood to his feet and took off his hat, pinning it to his chest with both of his hands. \u201cAre you the sheriff, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cThat\u2019s me.\u201d Roy Coffee let his eyes do a quick search of the man in front of him out of years of habit then looked straight into his dark eyes. \u201cCan I do something for you, friend?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019m searching for Ben Cartwright.\u201d Jedidiah saw the sheriff raise his eyebrow and explained, \u201cI have a message for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI was going to head out there myself this afternoon. If you want to give me the message I can take it to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cNo, sir, thank you, but this is a message that has to be delivered personally.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Roy scratched the back of his neck. The man in front of him didn\u2019t seem like he could be a threat to his old friend, but then the most deadly killers sometimes turned out to be the person you\u2019d least suspect. \u201cCould you tell me what kind of message it is that you\u2019re deliverin\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah lowered his eyes, \u201cI know it sounds suspicious, Sheriff, sir, but I can\u2019t be tellin\u2019 no one but Mr. Cartwright.\u201d He brought up his gaze and held the sheriff\u2019s hoping the other man would see that he meant only good not harm.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWe\u2019ll leave as soon as my deputy shows up.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cThank you, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

      ___**___<\/p>\n

      **<\/p>\n

      If Jedidiah had any doubts about the stories he had overheard regarding the Ponderosa\u2019s greatness they were now gone. Beautiful land stretched out in every direction like a vast empire. A man could get lost in amongst the trees and hills, but the well traveled trail was easy to follow. He probably hadn\u2019t needed the sheriff\u2019s guidance after all.<\/p>\n

      The sound of the striking of an axe blade against wood met the rider\u2019s ears before they came in full view of the ranch house.<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah smiled as he mentally placed his mountain shack next to the sprawling log home.<\/p>\n

      \u201cHoss,\u201d Sheriff Coffee raised a hand in greeting.<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah slipped the name into his mind and silently rolled it over his tongue as he swept his eyes over the young man who had paused his wood splitting to return the sheriff\u2019s greeting. This would be middle brother Joe had mentioned.<\/p>\n

      \u201cHey, Roy, what brings you out here?\u201d The broad man took in Jedidiah with a quick glance. \u00a0\u201cThere ain\u2019t trouble is there?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cCame to see your Pa and was sorta hoping to stay for one of Hop Sing\u2019s lunches.\u201d Roy nodded toward Jedidiah, \u201cThis here is Jedidiah. He\u2019s got a message of some sort for your Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cA message?\u201d Ben strode out into the yard and gave Jedidiah a friendly smile and a nod.<\/p>\n

      \u201cCan I talk to you privately, Mr. Cartwright?\u201d Jedidiah dismounted and loosely wrapped his reins around a rail in the corral fence.<\/p>\n

      Ben\u2019s brow puckered. \u201cWhatever it is you have to say can be said in front of my son and my friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cIt\u2019s about your son.\u201d Jedidiah was not prepared for the reaction.<\/p>\n

      Ben\u2019s face grew ashen. \u201cNot, Adam,\u201d his voice was barely above a whisper.<\/p>\n

      Hoss\u2019 fists clenched, \u201cWhat happened? Where\u2019s my brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah slowly smiled and shook his head. \u201cNot Adam. Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cJoe?\u201d Ben shook his head. \u201cI\u2019m afraid you\u2019re too late. My son is dead.\u201d Ben turned to hide the grief that tore at him.<\/p>\n

      \u201cNo,\u201d Jedidiah looked between the three men, \u201che\u2019s not.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cPlease, Mister,\u201d Hoss shook his head sadly, \u201cdon\u2019t go tellin\u2019 us things we know ain\u2019t true.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cBut it is.\u201d Jedidiah had never considered that they may not believe him. \u201cI found him a while back on the path up to my place.\u201d Jedidiah fumbled in his pocket for the item Joe had given him. \u201cHere, look.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Ben\u2019s breath caught in his throat as he reached out to take the frame the man held in his hand. The picture had been ruined by water, but the frame was still intact. Ben fingered it almost reverently. He looked up to Hoss and saw tears in his son\u2019s eyes. \u201cThis is Marie\u2019s frame.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cJoe never went anywhere without his momma\u2019s picture tucked in his pocket.\u201d Hoss swiped at a tear as a smile quivered over his face.<\/p>\n

      Roy watched with tears in his own eyes. Could it be? Could Little Joe really be alive?<\/p>\n

      \u201cIf this is a dream,\u201d Ben grasped Jedidiah\u2019s hand and shook it, \u201cdon\u2019t anybody wake me.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cIt ain\u2019t a dream.\u201d Jedidiah smiled at the joy that shown in the father\u2019s eyes. \u201cHe\u2019s up at my place complaining and tellin\u2019 me he\u2019s fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cThat\u2019s our Joe!\u201d Hoss laughed and slapped Roy on the back.<\/p>\n

      \u201cShow me the way.\u201d Ben ran toward the barn.<\/p>\n

      \u201cJedidiah,\u201d Hoss grasped the man\u2019s hand. \u201cYou can\u2019t have any idea what you\u2019ve given us.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah smiled and watch Hoss hurry to the barn to saddle his horse. \u201cYes, I think I can.\u201d<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 30–<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Joe had woken that morning feeling better than he had in a long time. Partially because he was getting better, but mostly because he knew it wouldn\u2019t be long before his pa and brothers showed up.<\/p>\n

      He had argued for hours with Jed for the right to be allowed to come along, but in the end Jedidiah only had one old tired horse and he wasn\u2019t about to let Joe ride in alone. And so Joe waited. He tried to pace but quickly became too tired for that. He was better, but not well.<\/p>\n

      Sitting on the cot that had been his prison for nearly two weeks he leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes. The sounds of the surrounding woods penetrated the walls of the cabin and Joe soon dozed off to the sound of birds chirping and the wind rustling the branches of trees.<\/p>\n

      The cabin was dim, almost dark when he opened his eyes again. A sound had awakened him, but he didn\u2019t know what it had been. He tensed, his ears straining to pick up the noise again. His heart beat a little faster and his eyes traveled to the long gun mounted over the cabin door.<\/p>\n

      Horses. Joe breathed easier then pushed himself off the bed. Excitement made his hands shake as he lit the lantern and tried to peer out the window. The darkness outside made it impossible to see the riders as they approached up the path.<\/p>\n

      \u201cJoseph?\u201d A deep voice cried out as soon as the riders were close enough to spot the light in the window.<\/p>\n

      \u201cPa,\u201d the word was only a whisper on trembling lips. Joe ran a hand over his unruly hair as he hurried to the door and lifted the latch, leaving the lantern on the table.<\/p>\n

      The moon shone down on the scene below as Joe stepped out of the cabin and found his gaze met by his father\u2019s.<\/p>\n

      \u201cJoe,\u201d Ben was off his horse and running like a young man toward his son. Joe limped a few paces into his father\u2019s arms. \u201cWe thought you were dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI know,\u201d Joe buried his head in his pa\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cNo, you have nothing to be sorry for.\u201d Ben gently touched the back of his son\u2019s curly head. \u201cYou didn\u2019t give up. I\u2019m so proud of you and so sorry that we gave up on you.\u201d Tears spilled down Ben’s cheeks.<\/p>\n

      \u201cJoe,\u201d Hoss touched his brother\u2019s arm and felt a wave of emotion sweep over him.<\/p>\n

      Joe pulled away from his pa to fall into Hoss\u2019 strong arms.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI thought\u2026\u201d Hoss choked on his words.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019m fine, Hoss. Really.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou\u2019re thinner than a beanpole.\u201d Hoss held his brother back at arms length.<\/p>\n

      \u201cJed\u2019s been starving me.\u201d Joe laughed.<\/p>\n

      All eyes turned to the man who stood back in the shadows watching the reunion.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI don\u2019t know how to thank you, Jedidiah.\u201d Ben moved to shake Jedidiah\u2019s hand. \u201cYou\u2019ve given me back more than you can imagine.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah\u2019s eyes met Joe\u2019s knowing ones for a fraction of a second then rested back on Ben. \u201cT\u2019weren\u2019t no trouble. I\u2019ve enjoyed the company.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cWell, I hope he wasn\u2019t too much trouble.\u201d Hoss slapped his brother on the back then smiled sadly at the way Joe swayed on his feet. He wrapped an arm around Joe\u2019s shoulders mostly to assure himself that Joe wouldn\u2019t fall over. \u201cWe know how plain ornery he can get when he\u2019s not feeling well.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cPa?\u201d Joe suddenly looked around confused. In the excitement he had missed something. \u201cWhere\u2019s Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

      A sad look crossed over both Ben and Hoss\u2019 face. Joe felt his stomach tighten and even Jedidiah looked genuinely worried. \u201cHe\u2019s okay; isn\u2019t he?\u201d Joe\u2019s voice was edged with a panic.<\/p>\n

      \u201cNo, nothing like that.\u201d Ben crossed back over to Joe. \u201cHe left shortly after\u2026\u201d Ben glanced at Hoss and decided not to mention the memorial service right then. \u201cWe\u2019ve only heard from him once, but he had some business to settle. Some things to work out on his own.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe nodded. \u201cSo he doesn\u2019t know.\u201d His stomach felt sick just thinking that Adam still thought he was dead. He didn\u2019t want to imagine what that would feel like.<\/p>\n

      \u201cRoy was over when we heard the news. He promised to send Adam a wire. He\u2019ll be back before you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe nodded. \u201cJedidiah,\u201d He gave a small smile to the man who had made this reunion possible. \u201cDo you reckon you could a find place for my family to bunk for the night?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Jedidiah smiled back, \u201cIt would be my pleasure.\u201d<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 31–<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Adam jumped down from the stage then turned to help the other passenger, a middle aged woman, down onto the dusty street. This latest town was an ugly one, but with a little negotiating on a lumber contract, it would be a profitable one.<\/p>\n

      \u201cAdam Cartwright?\u201d Adam turned toward the voice and set down the bag that had just been thrown at him.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019m Adam Cartwright.\u201d Adam found his hand taken by a firm grip followed by a smile.<\/p>\n

      Adam returned the handshake but not the smile. \u201cMr Tangen, the Ponderosa is always glad to do business with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Neil Tangen raised an eyebrow and surveyed Ben\u2019s eldest son with a quick sweeping gaze. \u201cHow\u2019s your father holding up?\u201d The man waited for Adam to pick up his bag. \u201cWe heard about your brother. What was his name?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cJoseph,\u201d Adam\u2019s eyes darkened, unnoticed by Neil Tangen.<\/p>\n

      Neil brushed a hand over his neat hair. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Terrible thing that.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Adam nodded and kept his head down. What did this man know about anything? He wanted to lash out. No matter how many times he rationalized that slamming his fist into a wall or someone\u2019s gut couldn\u2019t change anything or bring back what he had lost, he couldn\u2019t help thinking that it might make him feel better. Maybe if Mr Tangen was in pain from a well placed fist then maybe some of the pain that riddled Adam would lessen somehow. And from the greased and uncaring look of Mr Tangen Adam thought the world might actually be appreciative.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019ve reserved you a room at the hotel over there,\u201d Neil waved his hand toward a two story slightly dilapidated building with chipping sky blue paint. \u201cYou can get settled in and then drop by our house for supper. My girl Milly\u2019s young still, but she\u2019s a good cook and even better looking.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Adam nodded even though he didn\u2019t feel the least bit interested in food, or his daughter.<\/p>\n

      Entering the hotel lobby, Adam followed the worn path in the carpet to the front desk. \u201cThe name\u2019s Cartwright. I believe you have a room reserved for me?\u201d Adam set down his bag and let his eyes flick over the faded curtains and wallpaper.<\/p>\n

      The clerk slowly stood and open the registry book muttering \u201cCartwright\u201d as he ran a finger down the page. \u201cRoom 17,\u201d the clerk turned and took a key off the ring.<\/p>\n

      Adam reached for the key only to have the clerk close his fingers around it. \u201cIt\u2019s hotel policy to receive payment in advance. It\u2019s not that we don\u2019t trust you, sir. Just that one too many a cowboy has snuck away without paying.\u201d The man said in a rehearsed voice. \u201cI\u2019m sure you understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI understand the policy but my room was reserved by Mr. Tangen.\u201d Adam pointed back to the book that still lay open on the counter.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYes, sir,\u201d he glanced back to the page, \u201cMr. Cartwright. Reserved, but not paid for.\u201d The clerk smiled at Adam\u2019s slightly bewildered face. \u201cYou obviously have never met Mr. Tangen before.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cNo,\u201d Adam sighed and reached into his pocket. \u201cHow much?\u201d<\/p>\n

      The clerk pointed to the sign on the counter then recounted the change he was handed before handing Adam the key. \u201cYou\u2019ll find your room up the stairs and to your right.\u201d He pointed toward the stair case. \u201cEnjoy your stay,\u201d he finished, slapping on a pathetic smile.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThank you,\u201d Adam lifted his bag and headed toward the creaking stairs.<\/p>\n

      Room 17 was right where the clerk had said and with a turn of the key Adam was inside. After tossing his bag onto a sagging green chair, Adam slid the bolt on the door and locked himself inside the small room.<\/p>\n

      Running a hand over his chin, Adam glanced into the small mirror mounted on the wall next to the curtained window. He would definitely need to shave before supper. He had inherited his full beard from his pa.<\/p>\n

      \u201cPa,\u201d Adam whispered the word aloud then stared into his own eyes. How\u00a0was\u00a0<\/em>his pa? Adam broke his gaze with himself as he realized he hadn\u2019t noticed. He had been too busy trying to escape his own pain and the memories that haunted the house. He was convinced that they could shove the entire population of Virginia City into that house and it would still somehow feel empty. It would never be full again. It couldn\u2019t be.<\/p>\n

      Did Joe know the gap he had left behind? Adam wished there was a way he could tell him.<\/p>\n

      Adam crossed over to the narrow bed and lay across it, tossing his hat toward the chair where he had left his bag. The hat missed and skidded across the floor.<\/p>\n

      Sighing, Adam folded his arm to cover his eyes. He kept seeing his pa\u2019s face as it had been watching him as he had ridden away. He looked so old, so sad, so worn and tired.<\/p>\n

      Adam\u2019s frown creased his forehead. He should be with his pa. His pa needed him, and he needed his pa. Adam sat up and looked over at his bag. He tapped his fingers on the thin blanket as he made up his mind. Standing, he went and opened his bag pulling out a sheet of partially crumpled paper.<\/p>\n

      Adam scrawled a hasty note explaining to Neil Tangen that he wouldn\u2019t be able to make it to dinner or to anything for that matter. With a quick apology, he signed the letter and sealed it in an envelope.<\/p>\n

      Bag and letter in hand, Adam nearly skipped down the staircase. He tipped his hat to the clerk, tossed him the keys, and was outside before the man could say anything.<\/p>\n

      \u201cHey, youngster,\u201d Adam called to a young boy. \u201cDo you know where the Tangen house is?\u201d The boy nodded. \u201cI\u2019ll pay you to give this letter to Mr. Neil Tangen\u201d Adam fished in his pocket again and extracted some change to give the boy.<\/p>\n

      Adam hurried toward the stage he had left behind only a short while ago.<\/p>\n

      \u201cBack so soon?\u201d The grisly man who drove the stage raised his eyebrows. \u201cWhat? You like stage rides or something?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cYep,\u201d Adam tossed his bag up, climbed through the open door, and settled in his seat. \u201cHey, driver,\u201d He leaned through the doorway. \u201cHow far does this stage go?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cClear through to Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cPerfect.\u201d<\/p>\n

      The driver shrugged and tied Adam\u2019s bag in with the rest. \u201cSuit yourself, mister.\u201d<\/p>\n

      — ** —<\/p>\n

      Neil Tangen had no sooner closed the door and turned around when someone knocked again. He rolled his eyes and muttered, \u201cIf he thinks I\u2019m going to give him a tip\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cA telegraph for an Adam Cartwright in your care, Mr Tangen.\u201d The tall skinny youth who ran telegraphs for the operator extended his hand. \u201cIt was forwarded from a Mr. Waverly in River City.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Mr. Tangen nodded, took the folded piece of paper, and closed the door. \u201cMilly?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cYes, Pa?\u201d Mr. Tangen\u2019s daughter emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron.<\/p>\n

      Neil scanned the letter from Adam. \u201cLooks like we won\u2019t be havin\u2019 a guest for dinner.\u201d He crumpled the letter in his hand and tossed it into the fireplace.<\/p>\n

      \u201cWhy not?\u201d Milly pouted. \u201cWhat did you say to him, Pa? You always scare off all my suitors.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cHe wasn\u2019t going to be your suitor, Milly. Trust me. He just left on the stage.\u201d Neil turned to the telegram in his hand. \u201cAdam must have just come from River City.\u201d His eyes scanned down to the end, skipping over the message. \u201cLooks like it comes from Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cShould we forward the telegraph to one of the towns the stage will pass through?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Neil tossed the message into the fire and watched the flames lick at the corners of the paper. \u201cHe\u2019s headed back anyway. They can tell him whatever they need to when he gets there. It\u2019d be a waste of money to send the telegraph to him when he\u2019s gonna find out in two days anyways.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Milly shrugged and headed back to her kitchen while her father sunk down in his chair and watched the flames completely consume the telegraph and its message.<\/p>\n

      –Chapter 32–<\/p>\n

      The stage arrived late. So late that Adam felt it only right to escort the lady passengers to the hotel using a lantern he borrowed from the stage office and skirting around Virginia City\u2019s less then proper establishments.<\/p>\n

      After returning the lantern, Adam made his way slowly toward the livery stable. As always, there was a dim light glowing inside. Adam wondered briefly if the man there ever slept or if he had simply grown accustom to sleeping next to a lighted lantern. It was a wonder he had never burnt the place down.<\/p>\n

      A hearty knocking brought the livery stable\u2019s owner toward the door with light in hand. \u201cWho\u2019s there?\u201d The door opened a crease.<\/p>\n

      \u201cAdam Cartwright,\u201d the words saw the door swing wide. \u201cJust got off the stage.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI heard she was running late.\u201d The man ushered Adam inside. \u201cNeed a horse? I can have one saddled for you in no time. Reckon you\u2019re pretty excited to get home.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cYes, thanks.\u201d Adam yawned and leaned against a post, thinking no more of the comment. \u201cI can bring her back tomorrow, the day after at the latest.\u201d Adam shifted as he noticed the grins the stable owner kept tossing at him. He had never been friends with the man and, other then the when he needed a horse, he had never really spoken to him. Now the man was grinning at him like he was his long lost cousin or something. Perhaps he was drunk.<\/p>\n

      \u201cHere we are,\u201d He led a drab looking horse into the lantern light.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThanks,\u201d Adam took the reins.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou can settle up when you bring her back.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou sure?\u201d Adam was nearly to the door.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThe Cartwright name is a good enough guarantee.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Without another word Adam was riding toward the Ponderosa. It would be the wee hours of morning before he would finally make out the shape of the barn and the house beyond.<\/p>\n

      The house was dark, but Adam knew his way to his room better then he knew the inside of his hat. This wouldn\u2019t be the first time he had to find his way there in the dark, and it probably wouldn\u2019t be the last.<\/p>\n

      Adam closed his bedroom door behind him and smiled knowing that he would surprise his family in the morning when he joined them for breakfast. He couldn\u2019t wait to see their faces. He knew they would be happy to see him. He longed to see them again and had half a mind to just peak into their rooms, but the reunion would keep until morning.<\/p>\n

      — ** —<\/p>\n

      Light streamed in through the window. Not a dim dawn light but a bright mid-morning light. Adam sat up and reached for the clothes he had tossed on the chair beside his bed hours before.<\/p>\n

      He hoped he hadn\u2019t slept in too late and that Pa and Hoss wouldn\u2019t already be out working.<\/p>\n

      Slipping into his boots, Adam grunted then stretched the muscles that were sore after his long, bumpy stage ride. His door opened soundlessly and he walked quietly down the hall, listening carefully to try to hear if Pa and Hoss were still in the house. He smiled when he heard Hoss talking softly.<\/p>\n

      Adam paused and tried to make out the words, but was unable to. Hoss was being uncharacteristically quiet for this time of morning.<\/p>\n

      Adam was about to start his quiet walk toward the staircase again when he noticed Joe\u2019s door was slightly ajar. All the pain seemed to rush back toward him in a wave. He took the two steps to the door then placed his hand on the handle. Part of him screamed for him to close the door and shut out the many memories that surely lingered in that room while the other part of him cried for him to go in. He lingered there his hand on the door knob for several moments before he gave to door a little shove. It swung inward with a squeak that Ben had purposely never fixed.<\/p>\n

      Adam stepped inside and blinked once. Twice.<\/p>\n

      Adam covered his face with his hands. He must be losing his mind. He never should have come back. He had been right. This house was just too full of memories. He could see him, looking just like he had so many times before. His hair was mussed; his arm was thrown up over his head and touching the headboard; his blankets were twisted around his waist.<\/p>\n

      Adam watched his chest rise and fall. He looked so real.<\/p>\n

      He\u2019s dead. Gone. Get a hold of yourself.\u00a0<\/em>Adam took a step forward. He couldn\u2019t seem to help it. Another step, he reached his hand out. He knew his baby brother would soon disappear into the dust of memories. In his mind he calculated how he would wake from this dream before he could touch the sleep tousled, curly hair. Dreams were cruel like that, allowing you to get so close to what you longed for then waking you before you could touch it.<\/p>\n

      Only Adam didn\u2019t wake up. His fingers brushed through soft hair then contacted with warm, firm skin. Adam traced his finger down the face. He wasn\u2019t real. He must have fallen off his horse in the dark last night and whacked his head. He was dreaming, or dead. It didn\u2019t matter. For a moment Joe was with him again and he didn\u2019t want nor care to ever wake up.<\/p>\n

      Green eyes blinked open and a sleepy smile spread over Joe\u2019s face, \u201cMorning, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Adam seemed to snap out of some sort of trance and drew his hand back as if he had been burned. His breath caught in his throat. Stumbling back, he nearly ran into Ben as he entered in through the door.<\/p>\n

      \u201cAdam!\u201d Ben grinned broadly. \u201cWhen did you get back?\u201d His grin faded as he saw his eldest\u2019s wide eyes and heaving breaths. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Adam looked at his father, but didn\u2019t speak.<\/p>\n

      \u201cDidn\u2019t you get the telegram?\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe propped himself up on his arms, \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2026\u201d Adam reached out and gently touched Joe\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI thought\u2026\u201d a teary smile started in Adam\u2019s eyes as he squeezed his brother\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI should have known you were too stubborn to die.\u201d The smile spread to the rest of his face.<\/p>\n

      \u201cI\u2019ve never been more thankful for all that dadburn stubbornness in all my days.\u201d Hoss half entered the room and leaned against the door frame. \u201cYou should have seen him Adam. While we was out frettin\u2019 and thinkin\u2019 he was dead, he was sittin\u2019 pretty up in a cabin with Jedidiah waitin\u2019 on him hand and foot.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cNot exactly,\u201d Ben chuckled.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou\u2019ll have to tell me all about it,\u201d Adam let his hand fall from Joe\u2019s shoulder. \u201cBut if I know Doc Martin I bet he ordered strict rest for the next few days.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Joe rolled his eyes, \u201cOf course he did.\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cWell then you had better obey him,\u201d Adam reached for the chair and pulled in close to his brother\u2019s bed before sitting in it.<\/p>\n

      \u201cYou still watchin\u2019 over me, older brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cDo you mind?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u201cNope,\u201d Joe gave him half a smile as his eyes slid closed. \u201cI don\u2019t mind at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Ben smiled softly and backed out of the room, closing the door gently. He let his hand rest on the door knob as his thoughts danced in his head. He looked up as if he could see through the roof and clear to Heaven.<\/p>\n

      \u201cBehold<\/em>,\u201d Ben whispered the words that he now believed had been written for him, \u201cI have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>He blinked back tears of joy, \u201cThank you, God.\u201d<\/p>\n

      –THE END–<\/strong><\/p>\n

      End Notes:<\/strong><\/p>\n

      I would like to thank all those lovely people who followed this story when it was a WIP on the forums. Your encouragements inspired me and kept me going.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      I can\u2019t believe I forgot to post it here in the library!<\/p>\n

      Any mistakes are totally my fault as this story was un-betad.<\/p>\n

      Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Summary: \u00a0One stormy night near Lake Tahoe spells sorrow and disaster for the Cartwrights.<\/p>\n

      Rating: \u00a0T(18,935 words)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":1805,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,41,1007],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-hurtcomfort","category-joe-cartwright","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-41-id","wpcat-1007-id"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/laketahoe.jpg?fit=960%2C640&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/162"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7317"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7317\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1805"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}