{"id":7699,"date":"2014-05-09T14:17:05","date_gmt":"2014-05-09T18:17:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7699"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:11:46","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:11:46","slug":"feeling-guilty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7699","title":{"rendered":"Feeling Guilty (by DJK)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/span>Three vignettes that have the Cartwright brothers dealing with feeling guilty.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word count:\u00a0\u00a0 1882<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Feeling Guilty<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Whatever is Available<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Leaning back on two legs of his chair, Adam stared out across the yard. His focus was total and directed at the water trough. Ben walked out onto the porch and took the chair on Adam\u2019s left.<\/p>\n

\u201cWarm night,\u201d Ben observed casually.<\/p>\n

\u201cMmmmm,\u201d came Adam\u2019s murmured acknowledgement, but his eyes did not even flicker from their focus on the water trough.<\/p>\n

Ben took a deep breath and ventured, \u201cIf you\u2019d like to talk about it. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI told you everything that happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStill. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt looks so innocuous, doesn\u2019t it? Ordinary, innocuous, and certainly not dangerous.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes left his son\u2019s face and followed Adam\u2019s gaze to study the trough.<\/p>\n

\u201cDanger sometimes appears in unexpected places.\u201d Ben\u2019s gaze returned to his son, and he watched Adam\u2019s hands come together fingertips to fingertips. \u201cThe boy is going to be fine, Adam. You said Paul was definite about that. You saved him, son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s saw his memory played out before his eyes: the toddler crawling up onto the side of the water trough, slipping, and falling headfirst into the water. \u201cIf I hadn\u2019t seen him. . . when I first pulled him out, Pa, I thought. . . he swallowed so much water.\u201d Adam shook his head to shake away the images in his mind. \u201cI hadn\u2019t even planned to go into town today. If I hadn\u2019t been there, hadn\u2019t seen him. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you did see him, and you pulled him out, and he is going to be fine. That is what you should focus on, son; you were there, and you saved him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHis mother . . .she wasn\u2019t ignoring him; she just. . . she felt so guilty. You could see it in her eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben reached out and placed his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder and squeezed gently, \u201cYou saved her too, son, from a lifetime of guilt and recrimination.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen they\u2019re little, you can\u2019t watch them every moment; no one can watch every moment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, no, you can\u2019t!\u201d Something in his father\u2019s tone finally brought Adam\u2019s eyes to Ben\u2019s face. Ben\u2019s hand moved slowly to touch his son\u2019s cheek in a way he had not done for a dozen years. \u201cYou try your hardest and pray that God\u2019s eyes are on them when yours are not.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mouth curled up, \u201cThere were times I tried very hard to find a moment when your eyes weren\u2019t on me!\u201d Ben\u2019s lips tilted upward in response. \u201cOf course, you had me convinced that you could see behind your back and around corners.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you still convinced?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAt times.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s hand patted his son\u2019s cheek with paternal condescension. \u201cGood! Adam, God\u2019s eyes were on that little boy, and he used you as his hands.\u201d Ben watched something deep inside his child relax, and his own worry eased.<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose he has to use whatever is available.\u201d Adam\u2019s tone was light, and Ben chuckled in response.<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose he does.\u201d Ben leaned back in his chair. Both father and son sat in the warm darkness with their eyes fixed on the star-filled sky above them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

There\u2019s Always Something More<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss.\u201d It was Adam\u2019s big brother voice. The same one he could remember hearing when he was four and believed the only person that could fix more things than his brother was his pa.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be in in just a bit.\u201d He did not turn to look at Adam but only shifted his weight from one foot to another. He was not surprised when his brother came to stand beside him.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s arms slid across his chest as his hands tucked neatly into his armpits. He rocked back on his heels and then settled against the porch support in a leftward lean. \u201cThere was nothing more you could have done.” It was that same voice with its comforting sense of surety.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s always something more a body coulda done.\u201d<\/p>\n

This time Adam\u2019s voice snapped with a sudden flash of anger. \u201cNo! Sometimes there\u2019s not. You did more for him than. . . well, obviously you did more than anyone else, even his family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss still had not turned his face toward his brother for even a second. \u201cHe weren\u2019t bad, Adam, not really, not the way some folks thought.\u201d Was there a thread of accusation in Hoss\u2019s words?<\/p>\n

Adam drew in a slow breath and let it out even more slowly. \u201cNo, he wasn\u2019t bad. I never. . . Hoss, he made his choices; every man does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe weren\u2019t but eighteen, Adam.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, and I\u2019d be the last to call him full-grown, but he wasn\u2019t a little boy, Hoss, and his choices were his own.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI just feel like I coulda. . .well, I should have been able to make him see…\u201d Hoss let his words drift into the darkness.<\/p>\n

It had been a decade since Adam had actually taken his brother\u2019s chin in his hand and turned Hoss\u2019s eyes to his, but he did it while straightening to his fullest height.<\/p>\n

\u201cStop it! Stop it now, little brother. Enough is enough. What happened is not your fault, and if you refuse to see that for yourself, I\u2019ll just have to knock some sense into you.\u201d Adam\u2019s tone would have sent a chill down most men\u2019s spines; it just turned Hoss\u2019s lips up at the corners.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that so?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u201d The big-brother surety was there once again.<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head free from Adam\u2019s fingers. \u201cYou and what army, brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, let\u2019s see: Pa, Joe, Hop Sing, Doc, Roy, and every hand that\u2019s been here longer than a week for a start.\u201d Hoss rolled his eyes and then just turned to stare once more into the night. Adam rubbed his nose and then spoke softly, \u201cSometimes, Hoss, all you can do for others is open the door; then they have to walk through it themselves. Pa\u2019s told you as much more than once.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you have to admit it\u2019s true.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe. It just seems, well, that you ought to be able to give them one almighty shove and get \u2018em through.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you shove somebody, they\u2019re likely to stumble or fall.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss\u2019s shrug was slight. \u201cWell, there is that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened can\u2019t be changed, Hoss. Let it go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s still the young one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTy\u2019s little brother?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSomebody needs to make him see Ty wasn\u2019t bad and he don\u2019t have to be either.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen quit wallowing in guilt and open that door.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss turned to completely face Adam. \u201cI was thinking maybe. . .he\u2019s only fifteen, but I was thinking we could. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Hoss smiled, \u201cthat door might open a whole lot easier with more than one fellow pulling.\u201d His grin broadened.<\/p>\n

Adam shook his head and smiled back. \u201cLet\u2019s talk about it over some of Hop Sing\u2019s cherry pie.\u201d He threw his arm over his brother\u2019s shoulder. They walked side by side and only separated to walk through the door.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

People Done Right, But \u2026<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At the first insult, Candy tensed slightly. At the second, he began to drain his beer in preparation for what he expected to happen next. Not that he had any intention of preventing the fight. If Joe wanted to stuff the man\u2019s words back down his throat, he had the right; Candy simply planned to make sure the fight was fair and hopefully remained a two-man battle not an all-out brawl. When the third insult rang out louder than the first two, Candy\u2018s eyes were fixed on Joe Cartwright. Joe was rigid, and his color was high. Draining his beer in one final swig, Joe banged the glass on the bar and turned.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Candy. We\u2019re leaving.\u201d Joe\u2019s voice was tight and controlled. He strode out of the bar, and Candy followed. Joe swung into the saddle and headed out of town without pausing. Candy did not pull his horse beside Cochise until they had reached the edge of town.<\/p>\n

\u201cMellowing in your old age, are you, Joe?\u201d Candy observed lightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe used to be my friend.\u201d It was a flat statement delivered without Joe even turning his head toward Candy. Then Joe dug his heels into Cochise\u2019s flanks and galloped away from both Candy and the road.<\/p>\n

Hoss was in the yard when Candy rode up and dismounted.<\/p>\n

\u201cThought Little Joe was with you,\u201d Hoss observed with a frown gathering on his brow.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrouble in town?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot exactly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss simply waited expectantly.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome barfly was tossing insults around about Cartwrights in general and pretty rich boys like Ben\u2019s baby in particular.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe. . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t fight him,\u201d Candy said quickly, \u201cSaid he used to be a friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTall, rangy fellow with sandy hair?\u201d Hoss asked. Candy nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s Randy Field. Little Joe rode off toward the lake, I expect.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah.\u201d Candy settled back against the barn wall and waited for an explanation.<\/p>\n

Hoss gazed at him and then shrugged, \u201cNot much to tell really.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHas to be something behind Joe walking away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, well, Randy was engaged to a sweet little gal name of Martha. Well, one day Martha goes to Randy and tells him she can\u2019t marry him \u2018cause she\u2019s got feelings for another man. Tells him she likes him too much to make him live life as second best. Tells him he deserves better than a woman who loves another man.\u201d Hoss paused and swallowed.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Hoss admitted. \u201cNow don\u2019t go thinking that anything had been going on. Martha told Randy right then that the man had no feelings for her, hadn\u2019t led her on or nothing. At first Martha didn\u2019t name no names, but, well, Randy figured things out pretty quick, and in the end, she admitted to him it was Joe. Then she came straight over to Little Joe and told him what had happened. That\u2019s how we know what she said. Maybe she thought. . . anyways, Little Joe didn\u2019t have any feelings like that for her, and, well, in the end she went to live with a sister in St. Joe. \u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cThis Randy fellow didn\u2019t believe Joe hadn\u2019t led her on?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss shook his head. \u201cEven if he would have doubted Joe, he believed Martha.” Hoss sighed. \u201cI think maybe that only made it worse. I mean, well, here he was loving the gal and offering her his name and a life together, and Joe don\u2019t do nothing not even smile her way, and she chooses pinning for him over all Randy offers.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Candy agreed softly. \u201cAnd Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe felt guilty \u2018bout it all even though he hadn\u2019t done nothing but be him. I think if Joe had done something, it might have been better. He could have let Randy break his nose or a few ribs and then apologized, but way things were, it just festered. If Joe is around when Randy\u2019s been drinking, and that\u2019s a lot of the time these days, well, you saw.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss sighed again. \u201cEnded up with a lot of bad, and nobody to blame it on.\u201d Hoss shook his head sadly. \u201cPeople done right, but everything went wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candy straightened. \u201cHappens that way sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss returned to his task. \u201cLittle Joe\u2019ll be back for supper. Late maybe, but he\u2019ll be back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cExpect he will,\u201d Candy agreed and went to stable his horse.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: Three vignettes that have the Cartwright brothers dealing with guilty.<\/p>\n

Rated:\u00a0 K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word count:\u00a0\u00a0 1882<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":143,"featured_media":5762,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,1008,8],"tags":[14,15,1109,17,16],"class_list":["post-7699","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-family","category-short-stories","tag-adam-cartwright","tag-ben","tag-candy-canady","tag-hoss","tag-joe","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-1008-id","wpcat-8-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2649,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/BrothersComedyStories.jpg?fit=628%2C480&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":6355,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6355","url_meta":{"origin":7699,"position":0},"title":"Cartwright v, Cartwright (by debpet)","author":"debpet","date":"August 7, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0One of Ben Cartwright's sons is suing another! 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