{"id":7741,"date":"2013-07-15T15:00:22","date_gmt":"2013-07-15T19:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7741"},"modified":"2026-08-03T11:58:43","modified_gmt":"2026-08-03T15:58:43","slug":"letting-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7741","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go (by DJK)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/span>What Hoss had to say about Adam’s leaving.<\/p>\n

Rated: K+\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Word count: 1046<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Letting Go<\/strong><\/p>\n


\nAdam Cartwright leaned against the granite outcropping and gazed out over the lake. Sighing he tossed a pebble into the water and watched the circles form, expand, and disappear. His arms crossed on his chest, and his right hand came up slowly to tug his left ear. His father understood, not happily, but he understood. Ben Cartwright was no hypocrite. He had left his home to sail the sea and departed Boston to follow a dream, so Pa understood and had even given his reluctant blessing. Pa would hug him goodbye and roast the fatted calf whenever he returned, no matter how long that might take.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam rubbed the bridge of his nose. Joe, well, Adam knew that Joe would never understand, comprehend perhaps and hopefully in time forgive, but his baby brother would never truly understand. Adam sighed again although he had accepted that fact. After all, there were things about his baby brother\u2019s actions that he would never fully understand. Adam began to slowly chew his lower lip. Then there was Hoss, his little brother. Adam\u2019s lips curled up as they did every time he applied the word little<\/i> to Hoss. Still, Eric Gunnar Cartwright had been born his little brother, and little brother he would always be.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam had tilted back his head to look into Hoss\u2019s eyes and told him so more than once. Adam rubbed a spot directly between his eyes. Hoss had had almost no comment since Adam had informed his family of his decision to go, and for the first time in his life Adam did not know what his first brother felt. There seemed to be a fog between them. Well, fog could be blown away! Adam\u2019s hand slapped against the granite. He strode over to his horse, mounted Sport, and rode off.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam found Hoss where he had expected to find him. Reining Sport to a halt, he lifted his leg over the saddle horn, slid to the ground, and walked slowly toward his brother. Hoss stood leaning against a huge boulder as still as if he had grown to be a part of it. Adam sat down beside Hoss and joined him in staring out at one of the prettiest meadows on the entire Ponderosa.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt don\u2019t get no easier.\u201d Neither man turned to face the other; both stared ahead as they talked, but Hoss did ease himself to the ground settling beside his brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLetting go?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, even with practice it don\u2019t get no easier.\u201d Hoss drew in a deep breath. \u201cI want ya to be happy, Adam. Sometimes it seems you\u2019ve been the least happy of us all.\u201d There was melancholy in Hoss\u2019s tone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not that I\u2019m unhappy.\u201d His answer held more sharpness than Adam had intended.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI guess it\u2019s just hard for me and Joe to think there might be something more beautiful than what we got here.\u201d Hoss unconsciously plucked blade after blade of long grass from the ground beside him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cThere is more beauty here than any man could ever desire. Even as a boy I knew that, Hoss, a little piece of Heaven.\u201d Adam plucked a weed from the ground and twisted it in his fingers.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMore exciting then.\u201d A touch of weariness had joined the melancholy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cOur lives haven\u2019t exactly been boring, little brother.\u201d Hoss knew that a sardonic grin had appeared on Adam\u2019s lips without looking.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cNaw, life\u2019s not boring.\u201d A dry chuckle followed that observation. \u201cSome days, maybe, but not life.\u201d Hoss sighed. \u201cIf you need to look for something better for yourself, well, then you need to go.\u201d The words were heavy with resignation. \u201cI\u2019d never want any but the best for you, big brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam did turn his head at that remark. Staring at Hoss\u2019s profile, he answered, \u201cYou don\u2019t really think . . . I never. . . you can\u2019t believe I think here isn\u2019t good enough!\u201d Hoss heard the indignation and knew it was righteous. He turned away from Adam.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cGood enough, just not the best.\u201d The statement was bitter, far too bitter to have come from his little brother\u2019s lips. Adam\u2019s hands gripped his brother\u2019s arms, and he managed to force Hoss to face him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cYou know me better than that.\u201d His eyes were dark and blazing. Hoss dropped his chin to his chest as he had all his life when faced with that gaze.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cJust being selfish and wanting to blame it on you, I guess.\u201d He muttered and shrugged his shoulders in silent acceptance.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s gasp loosened. \u201cYou\u2019re the least selfish person, I know, Hoss Cartwright. I\u2019ve always been more selfish than you. I\u2019m being selfish now; I know that.\u201d His underlying guilt was present in his voice.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cIffen we could just talk to ya now and then, you know\u2026 if voices could travel. Then we could know for sure how ya was always. It would be easier that way.\u201d This time Hoss\u2019s words were tinged with desperation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cEasier for me too.\u201d Hoss heard everything Adam had hidden when he made the self-assured announcement of his impending journey. Adam knew even more about how death could pounce than Hoss, and Hoss knew that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

He reached out and placed his arm across Adam\u2019s shoulders, its weight solid, not heavy, against his brother\u2019s back. \u201cI won\u2019t ask ya to promise,\u201d Hoss said softly his hand patting slowly against Adam\u2019s upper arm. Hoss had never asked for promises he knew someone might not be able to keep. His lips twisted into a rueful smile. \u201cLittle Joe, now, he might demand a few, but. . . well, that\u2019s his way, so. . .well, you know that\u2019s his way; he needs to know you\u2019re coming back; he needs. . .well, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you know I will if I possibly can.\u201d Even when Hoss had been little more than a baby, Adam had seldom sugar-coated reality for his little brother.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d The fullness of all he knew was in those two small words.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

They watched the sun set as they sat alone together for what might be the very last time and surely was the last before their separation. Then they rode home. Four days later, when Adam hugged his little brother good-bye there was no fog between them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: What Hoss had to say about Adam’s leaving.<\/p>\n

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