{"id":7800,"date":"2013-06-28T17:25:24","date_gmt":"2013-06-28T21:25:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7800"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:13:49","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:13:49","slug":"the-long-journey-home-part-2-adam-and-becca","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7800","title":{"rendered":"The Long Journey Home (by MonicaSJ)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:<\/strong>\u00a0This is a sequel to Lost and Found<\/em>.\u00a0 Adam looked long and hard to find his wife and bring her home.\u00a0 Now he must fight even harder to save her and his infant son from a fate worse than death.<\/p>\n

Rating:<\/strong>\u00a0T \u00a0WC 28,000<\/p>\n

Lost and Found Series:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lost and Found<\/a>
\nThe Long Journey Home: Adam and Becca<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0The Long Journey Home<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Prologue<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam sat in a chair next to the bed watching his wife and child sleep, knowing that very soon utter chaos would erupt in the currently peaceful house. Having just arrived from San Francisco in a private coach, his first priority had been to get Rebecca and the baby settled comfortably while they waited for Dr. Paul Martin to decide the next steps to be taken to bring his wife back to him. She was there in body, but her mind, her spirit and her emotions\u2026even her recognition of him was clouded behind a shroud of opium addiction.<\/p>\n

His child would be around two years and 3 months old, but he hadn\u2019t even been introduced. Rebecca had given birth after she had been kidnapped and sold into white slavery. He hadn\u2019t known she had been pregnant when she was taken, and as far as he knew, she hadn\u2019t either.<\/p>\n

After finding that Rebecca had married a Cartwright, her missing brother, Robbie, had intended to hold her for ransom. Unfortunately the men he had allied himself with had other plans\u2026to sell her into oblivion and disappear, never to be traced to the kidnapping. Her brother had been killed on the way to San Francisco; the knowledge of why trapped only in Rebecca\u2019s mind.
\nFollowing the trail to San Francisco, Adam found he had been only a few hours too late to prevent the man who bought her from leaving on a ship bound for the unknown. Now, as he sat watching her sleep, he remembered standing on the dock in San Francisco for hours, looking out over the ocean for any sign of her and finding none.<\/p>\n

The State Department spent three long years chasing after General Wei Jun, a known opium smuggler for the British. It was rumored that he had paid the highest price ever in the slavery trade for Rebecca to become his wife because of her blonde hair, fair skin and unusual eyes, one the green color of the lofty Ponderosa pines in the forest and the other, the amber of a field of hay in sunshine.<\/p>\n

It had been the Chinese community of San Francisco through their secret society of Tong who had finally lured General Wei back to San Francisco with the promise of $25,000 in silver ingots to view, touch, and pay their respects to Wei\u2019s Yellow Flower. The small war that had taken place had left General Wei and his men dead. The Cartwrights had provided the silver which the Tong had kept; a small price to pay for the return of Adam\u2019s wife, and as it turned out, his child, the identity of whom, with his thick, black curls and dimples, there could be no mistake.<\/p>\n

The woman who had taken care of Rebecca for those three years, Chi Mei, had also been Wei\u2019s slave and had come back to the Ponderosa with the Cartwrights to help care for Rebecca and the baby. After Rebecca had called to her before they left San Francisco, Adam knew Rebecca trusted Chi Mei; at that moment, Chi Mei had been the only one she trusted.<\/p>\n

During those three years without his wife, he could only imagine what horrors she had endured. Now, sitting next to her, he knew he was about to find out everything. He didn\u2019t want to know for himself, already feeling he hadn\u2019t protected her, that he hadn\u2019t kept his promises to her, that he had been unable to find her. But he knew that in order to bring her back, he would have to understand and face all the fear, all the anger, all the pain in her\u2026and all her disappointment in him\u2026that suddenly being without the opium would bring to the surface.<\/p>\n

And the child\u2026the innocent, small boy who would never comprehend what had been done to him\u2026what she had done to him to save him, and who might not be strong enough to survive the withdrawal of his need. Adam had resisted holding him, wanting to ignore the love that already filled his heart for the child\u2026his son\u2026questioning whether he had the strength to save them both, knowing full well he might have to say goodbye to a son he could touch, but never know.<\/p>\n

Even if Rebecca could successfully beat the addiction, would she be the same? Would she still be the woman he had fallen in love with so easily; a woman who wasn\u2019t educated or refined, a woman who had been poor all her life, but a woman whose eyes saw wonder in everything, who heard beauty in words that many people couldn\u2019t comprehend, and a woman who sought out the good in everyone, regardless of how bad a person was. She had always had a smile for everyone, including old Mrs. Bailey who, after her husband died, had become bitter toward the world. Rebecca had changed Mrs. Bailey\u2019s life in one act of kindness, one word of interest, one caring soul. That was his Rebecca.<\/p>\n

After resolving that he would never find a woman he could love who would stay with him, he prayed that God would send him an angel; and then she appeared in one of the Ponderosa\u2019s south pastures, close to death. He remembered how he had been drawn to that pasture that day when there was no reason for him to be there. Adam chuckled out loud, remembering the mental conversation he imagined having with God when he had made up his mind to ask her to marry him, trying to make sense of the voice in the back of his head that kept telling him to go to the south pasture the day he found her.<\/p>\n

God: Adam, go to the south pasture.<\/em><\/p>\n

Adam: Why? I don\u2019t need to go to the south pasture.<\/p>\n

God: Adam, when you ask God for something, don\u2019t you think you should trust him?<\/p>\n

Adam: I asked for an angel. How could there possibly be any heavenly beings in the south pasture?<\/p>\n

God: Are you forgetting who I am?<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben Cartwright carefully pushed the door of the bedroom open, creasing his eyebrows as he listened to his son\u2019s quiet laughter. \u201cWhat\u2019s so funny?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was just remembering a conversation I had with God,\u201d said Adam, smiling, looking back toward Rebecca.<\/p>\n

Ben raised his eyebrows, surprised that his son would have had a conversation with God, and wishing he could have been a fly on the inside of Adam\u2019s skull, listening. Remembering why he had come, his smile disappeared. \u201cPaul is here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s smile was gone as quickly as his father\u2019s. \u201cI don\u2019t want her left alone\u2026in case she wakes up and doesn\u2019t know where she is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Chi Mei?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe needs to be part of this, Pa. She knows what Becca\u2019s gone through. We need to know that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, then. I\u2019ll send Joe back up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam hesitated, then slowly rose from the chair, looking back at his wife before he left the room, dreading what he knew was about to begin.<\/p>\n

Chapter One<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chi Mei sat in the middle of the settee between Adam and Ben. Dr. Martin stood in front of the fireplace taking mental notes as Chi Mei spoke in a light, delicate voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was told to keep her on a regular dose of opium\u2026in her water and food. General Wei came to her quarters to speak to her, but she was not able talk much because of the opium. He had told many men that she would be his wife. He walked her around the deck of the ship once to show her to his men, demanding they respect her. When we had been at sea for three months, I knew that she was with child. I was able to hide this from General Wei for another month, but she began to show and he noticed. She told him then that she was married and that the child belonged to her husband. He was angry, and told her he would kill the child.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did she do?\u201d asked Dr. Martin.<\/p>\n

Chi Mei hadn\u2019t looked up through the first part of her story. She sat wringing her hands.<\/p>\n

Adam took her hands in his. \u201cChi Mei, do you understand why we need you to tell us what happened to her?\u201d She was silent. \u201cWe\u2019re going to stop giving her the opium. We need to know what happened to try to avoid saying and doing things that might make her pain worse. We need to understand what happened to her if she talks about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked up at him and nodded. \u201cShe told him she would die if he killed her baby.\u201d Adam took a deep breath and looked away. \u201cGeneral Wei believed she would take her own life, and he would not be able to recover his investment. He stripped her and had her taken to the deck and tied to the mast\u2026we were in a storm, and he left her tied to the mast until the storm was over. When she came back into the hold, she was so cold. He tied her to the mast during each storm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat back, covering his mouth with his hand, anger beginning to well within him.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, maybe you shouldn\u2019t listen to this,\u201d said his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have to know this\u2026to know how to help her. I\u2019m fine,\u201d he said, rising from the settee and standing at the foot of the stairs, leaning against the post.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat else, Chi Mei?\u201d asked Paul.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe never hit her\u2026he did not want to damage her body. When he found she was not pure, he did not marry her, but because he had already told many men he would, he did not say that he had not. The child\u2019s life was spared, but he was kept covered so that anyone who saw him would not question the child\u2019s parentage. The men who came to see her all thought she was Wei\u2019s wife. He used her to make money by showing her to men who would pay to see her eyes. He would allow them to\u2026touch her\u2026if they paid. He would present her on deck wearing only\u2026gloves and a sash. The more the men paid, the more personal the touching.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat down on the step with his head in his hands. Ben watched him as the muscles in his jaw tightened. Still, he sat in silence and listened.<\/p>\n

Dr. Martin sat on the table in front of Chi Mei. \u201cDo you understand what rape is?\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded. \u201cGeneral Wei was bound by the honor of marriage as far as the men knew. He could not allow another man to couple with her. I do not think Wei did. He was never alone with her in her quarters. He thought of her as\u2026unclean.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWas there anything else about her treatment that she will remember\u2026anything at all we should know?\u201d asked Paul.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe complied with General Wei\u2019s commands in return for the safety of her child, but he would not allow me to use the ship\u2019s stores to feed the child or ease his pain. She had no choice but to provide his nourishment, and by doing so provided for the child\u2019s need. She would tell the baby about his father, about the great Ponderosa where he lived. She would sing a song\u2026\u201d Chi Mei sang in a faint, soft voice, \u201cEarly one morning, just as the sun was rising<\/em>\u2026Wei would punish her whenever he heard. He tortured her with water so that her body was not damaged\u2026by placing her in a cold tub or dunking her head over and over again until she could not catch her breath or having the men pour buckets of cold water over her head.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laid his head on his arms crossed over his knees.<\/p>\n

\u201cChi Mei, did she ever leave the ship?\u201d asked Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, she was not allowed out of her quarters except for a viewing. Those were in the early evening. That is why she could not see in the bright daylight in the coach. Her quarters were kept very dim. This is one reason the men wanted to touch her\u2026her skin was very soft\u2026and white\u2026like a porcelain doll.\u201d Chi Mei reached out to touch Ben\u2019s arm. \u201cShe dreamed of him,\u201d she said, nodding toward Adam. \u201cShe spoke to him in her sleep and when the opium was strongest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul took her hands in his. \u201cChi Mei, you were his slave. Did he hurt you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGeneral Wei purchased me from my father when I was a small child. My parents were very poor. They sold me to feed the other children. He taught me your language, so that I could travel with him as he looked for the woman he would take for his wife. He took me to be her servant. I was never allowed to be around his men. He looked at many women like Kan Huar.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKan Huar?\u201d asked Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt means Yellow Flower. That is what he called her. When he saw her eyes, he chose her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam suddenly stood and hurried to the door where he took his gun and hat. Ben followed, grabbing his arm. \u201cAdam, where are you going?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked at him with red, wet eyes. \u201cI need\u2026I\u2019ll be back in a little while.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam stood in the barn even after he had Sport saddled, unsure of where he could go to escape the anger he was feeling. Thinking back before Rebecca was taken, he knew Robbie could have been close. His instincts had told him that Robbie might reappear to hurt her after leaving her for dead. He shouldn\u2019t have let Becca go riding alone\u2026not until he knew where Robbie was. He stepped up onto Sport and rode, ending up in front of Mrs. Bailey\u2019s house.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey heard him ride up and looked out the window, watching as he dismounted and stood next to Sport, staring at his saddle. She opened the door and sat on the front porch swing. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go ahead and tie him and come up here and sit while you stare?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned his head toward her, still bent, and nodded. When he sat in the swing, he kept his feet flat on the porch and leaned forward, pushing the swing back and preventing Mrs. Bailey\u2019s feet from reaching the porch.<\/p>\n

\u201cLean back and talk before you dump me out of this swing. When did you get back?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam leaned back, removing his hat and placing it on his knee. \u201cA few hours ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

They sat in silence for a moment. \u201cDo I have to ask?\u201d she said, turning to look at him.<\/p>\n

His chin quivered ever so slightly, and she could see the tears in his eyes glistening in the evening light. \u201cShe\u2019s home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, she\u2019s not,\u201d said Mrs. Bailey quietly. \u201cYou knew it would be this way.\u201d Silence. \u201cDo you know what she\u2019s been through?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA Chinese woman came back with us. She took care of Becca for the last three years. She told us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt must\u2019ve been pretty bad for you to be here instead of there. But you knew she would be used. You prepared yourself for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought I had; at least some of it. He controlled her with opium\u2026and he tortured her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey reached over and took his hand. \u201cI had a conversation with your father once; the day you started teaching Rebecca how to ride a horse. You and she are alike in, at least, one respect. Both of you have weathered all kinds of bad things in your lives, and yet, you both continue to try to please everyone\u2026to do the right thing. You\u2019ve both been strong all your lives. At some point, you won\u2019t be.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have every right to be angry, Adam. Just make sure the direction of your anger is valid.\u201d<\/p>\n

He spoke through gritted teeth. \u201cI didn\u2019t protect her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what do you think you should\u2019ve done? You couldn\u2019t be with her twenty-four hours a day. That would have crippled you both. Adam, bad things happen to good people. It\u2019s a fact of life. Rebecca is no stranger to bad things.\u201d<\/p>\n

His voice saddened. \u201cBecca always said everything happens for a reason.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe also said we don\u2019t always know what that reason is. This is one of those times.\u201d Adam stood and leaned on a post with his back to Mrs. Bailey. \u201cYou don\u2019t have the luxury or the time to blame yourself,\u201d said Mrs. Bailey. \u201cShe\u2019s not going to make it back without you. Besides, you\u2019re not going to get any sympathy here for blaming yourself because I happen to know this wasn\u2019t anyone\u2019s fault but the man who took her. It\u2019s not yours and it\u2019s not hers.\u201d She sat in silence studying his back. It was stiff and straight. He\u2019s trying much too hard.<\/em> \u201cAdam, come back and sit, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

When he had seated himself next to her on the swing, Mrs. Bailey bowed her head and laid her hands in her lap. \u201cThis could well be the thing she\u2019s not strong enough to handle, especially with the opium. So whatever you\u2019re feeling, feel it to its end before you go back, because when you go back, she\u2019ll need you to be the strong one.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s something else. We have a son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey\u2019s eyes grew wide as she looked at him. \u201cI\u2019d tell you you\u2019d have to explain that one to me, but I won\u2019t. Just tell me how come you didn\u2019t know you had a child on the way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was pregnant when she was taken. I didn\u2019t know. I don\u2019t think she did either. Much of what was done to her was caused by her efforts to protect the baby. And probably a lot more wasn\u2019t done to her because of him. The man that held her considered her unclean. He took her to be his wife, but when he found out she had been married and was carrying a child, she became nothing more than an investment. He threatened to kill the baby, and she bartered for him with her life\u2026and her self-respect. And now the baby\u2019s as addicted as she is.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey turned away and brought her handkerchief up to her face, wiping her eyes and nose. Adam reached back and held her hand. She pulled him back in the swing and the two sat holding each other for a few moments while they both collected themselves.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have to trust your pa to help you through this. He\u2019d never think anything less of you if you can\u2019t hold back your tears.\u201d She pushed him back away from her and held his face in her hands. \u201cThere\u2019s no shame in it. It takes a stronger man to share his hurt than it does to keep it buried.<\/p>\n

Now,\u201d said Mrs. Bailey, sniffling, \u201cyou know you need to be with her. She\u2019s been told she\u2019s unclean for so long, she probably believes it. She\u2019s also probably very ashamed. You need to make her understand she has nothing to be ashamed of. Now, tell me what else you need from me so you can go take care of your wife and son.\u201d<\/p>\n

He leaned over and kissed Mrs. Bailey\u2019s cheek. \u201cYou know as well as I do you already said what I needed to hear.\u201d He rose from the swing and started down the front porch steps, but turned back. \u201cI don\u2019t want you to come by yet. The next few weeks or so won\u2019t be pleasant. I\u2019ll ask Doc Martin to let you know how it\u2019s going.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know where I am if you need me. And you remind her\u2026when she can understand\u2026 that I\u2019m still here, and I still love her,\u201d said Mrs. Bailey with moist eyes. \u201cAnd Adam, you make sure she knows you love her, too. You tell her.\u201d
\nChapter Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

Preparations for Rebecca\u2019s recovery had already been made by the time Adam arrived home. Rebecca\u2019s bedroom had been cleared of everything except her bed, a night table and a chair. Chi Mei would be taking care of the baby for the most part, and Dr. Martin had explained to her about the bottle, the milk and the laudanum. Little Adam would be given cow\u2019s milk from a bottle and would be given a steadily reduced amount of laudanum. Dr. Martin was not willing to completely take the opium away from the child, fearing that the withdrawal that Rebecca would endure would be too much for him. Under no circumstances would Rebecca be allowed to breastfeed…the amount of opium the child received had to be strictly controlled.<\/p>\n

Chi Mei would also be helping Rebecca get through the breast discomfort that suddenly ending the baby\u2019s feeding would bring. Dr. Martin gave her instructions, but Chi Mei was completely aware that following them would be difficult, at least until Rebecca\u2019s withdrawal symptoms had come to an end. In addition, she had her own ideas about relieving that type of discomfort; Chinese women loosely bound their breasts after covering them with cold cabbage leaves.<\/p>\n

Rebecca had awakened and left her bedroom, looking for her water. Chi Mei had chased her, and when she called for help, Ben and Dr. Martin had followed her. When Adam stepped into the house, the first sound he heard came from upstairs\u2026the sound of shattering glass. He ran up the stairs, following the loud voices to his own room, and when he opened the door, a bottle of cologne narrowly missed his head, shattering against the door frame. He flinched away from the shards of glass that peppered his shoulder.<\/p>\n

Rebecca was pressed into a corner between the wall and his chest of drawers, cowering and looking frantic and confused. She picked up the music box\u2026the one Adam had brought from their own bedroom in their own home\u2026and held it high ready to throw. The lid fell open and the music began to play, stopping her motion. She had been looking anywhere but into the faces that surrounded her since she woke up and still, she looked around the room at nothing in particular, listening to the music. Her breathing slowed, and she lowered the music box, looking at it, creasing her brows as if trying to place a memory. She remembered\u2026something.<\/p>\n

Adam walked to her, taking her hands in the palms of his as she held the music box. She tensed at his presence, but didn\u2019t look at him, rather looking off to the side. \u201cWh\u2026where\u2026am\u2026I?\u201d she whispered as if she was afraid to be heard.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re home,\u201d Adam answered softly, taking the music box from her hands and replacing it on the top of the chest. He gently pulled her from between the wall and the chest, guiding her out of his room and down the hall.<\/p>\n

As they walked, he heard her whisper, \u201cThis is a trick. What does he want from me now?\u201d When they were back in her bedroom, and Adam had eased her back down in the bed, she called for Chi Mei. \u201cWhere is my water?\u201d<\/p>\n

Chi Mei looked from Adam to Dr. Martin, not knowing how to answer her question. There would be no more of her<\/em> water.<\/p>\n

Adam sat on the side of the bed, trying to look into her eyes, but she continued to focus somewhere else, avoiding him. \u201cBecca, do you know who I am?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a trick,\u201d she whispered. \u201cHe wants something from me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you whispering?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause he\u2019ll punish me if I talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, General Wei can\u2019t hurt you anymore. He\u2019s gone.\u201d What Adam saw in her face was unexpected\u2026he saw sudden terror.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy baby!\u201d she cried frantically. \u201cBring me my baby!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe is afraid he took the baby,\u201d said Chi Mei as she ran from the room. She returned almost immediately with the child, carefully placing him in Rebecca\u2019s arms. Rebecca instinctively began to unbutton her gown.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Don\u2019t let her feed him,\u201d said Dr. Martin. \u201cChi Mei, the bottle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chi Mei left again and returned with a bottle, handing it to Adam who was busy trying to prevent Rebecca from unbuttoning her gown. He showed her the bottle. \u201cHere, this is what he needs now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo; I\u2019m the only one who can give him what he needs.\u201d Baby Adam began to cry and pull on her gown. Her hands and the child\u2019s hands had become a tangle of hysterical proportions until Adam finally pulled her forward, sliding behind her and wrapping his arms around hers as she held the baby. He put the bottle in her hands and guided it to the baby\u2019s mouth, the baby sucking furiously for a moment, stopping and mewling, and sucking again. Rebecca struggled weakly against Adam, but eventually gave up, giving in to his stronger grip on her hand.<\/p>\n

He whispered in her ear as the baby drank. \u201cBecca, you cannot feed him anymore. He has to be fed with a bottle. You won\u2019t be getting opium. Your water is just water. He needs what\u2019s in this bottle now. And Wei will never hurt him\u2026or you\u2026ever again.\u201d He had no idea if she heard him or comprehended what he had just said; she was looking down at the baby, cooing and cuddling him, protecting him\u2026from her bogeyman.<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath, looking up at Dr. Martin. \u201cI didn\u2019t expect this. I thought she\u2019d be in pain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cChi Mei gave her a stronger dose when you arrived from San Francisco. I wanted to make sure we had time to prepare.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPaul, why does she have to go through this? Can\u2019t you give her laudanum like the baby?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s been proven that in adults it\u2019s better this way. If we take her off slowly, she\u2019ll find a place where she\u2019s comfortable and because she\u2019ll be mentally aware, it will make her long term recovery doubtful. This way, she\u2019ll associate the opium with the pain and won\u2019t be as inclined to continue to need it.\u201d Dr. Martin put his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cThis is only a mild example of what\u2019s to come, Adam. She\u2019ll be in unbelievable pain very shortly. She won\u2019t be even a shadow of the woman you knew. You have to be ready for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chi Mei took the baby from Rebecca\u2019s room once he had drifted to sleep, causing a stir.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe stays with me,\u201d said Rebecca loudly. Dr. Martin shook his head at Adam; both had noticed that Rebecca had broken out in a cold sweat. She was shaking, her breathing had become shallow, and her eyes and nose were beginning to run. She hurried to the door, but Adam intercepted her.<\/p>\n

As she tried weakly to move around Adam, Dr. Martin asked, \u201cAre you sure you want to handle this alone?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPaul, the only thing you can do to make it easier is give her more, and that\u2019ll just prolong it. No, I want it out of her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what I meant.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m responsible for this,\u201d Adam barked.<\/p>\n

Paul breathed deeply, taking Adam\u2019s arm. \u201cYou\u2019re not.\u201d He looked from Adam to Rebecca. \u201cI have to go back to town. A new shipment of laudanum came today. I gave Chi Mei my last bottle. Do you have any questions before I go?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam snorted. \u201cNo, you made it all pretty clear.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember, she\u2019s going to dehydrate, so you need to keep giving her water. It\u2019s liable to come up, but she\u2019ll absorb some.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Dr. Martin left the room, Adam turned her around with her back against his chest and enveloped her, holding her hands against her body. Leaning his head against hers, he spoke softly in her ear, \u201cBecca, do you know who I am?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you doing this to me? I need my water,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, you don\u2019t have to whisper. Wei is dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

She continued to fight him. \u201cHe\u2019ll punish me if I talk to you. Please, I\u2019ll drink my water,\u201d she cried. \u201cJust don\u2019t hurt my baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one\u2019s going to hurt the baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her struggling stopped, and she slumped against him, begging, \u201cPlease, don\u2019t hurt my baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady. He turned her around in his arms. \u201cI would never hurt our son. He\u2019s sleeping. You can see him in a little while.\u201d She glared up at him, pushing away and retreating to a corner. Sinking to the floor, she brought clenched hands up to her face, and wept, withdrawing into herself. Adam didn\u2019t think she could press any further into the corner, but when he stepped toward her, she drew back even more, pulling the chair in front of her.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t tell if she was crying or if her eyes were just watering; one of the symptoms Paul had described, but tears were streaming down her face. He also noticed she had begun to scratch her arms and legs. Walking back to the door, he yelled down the hall, \u201cPa, would you bring up my black gloves?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe right there,\u201d was the faint answer from downstairs.<\/p>\n

Adam answered the light knock at the door. \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s scratching, but I don\u2019t think she\u2019s in any physical pain yet. She still doesn\u2019t know where she is, and she still thinks Wei will punish her if she talks to me.\u201d Looking down at the floor he added, \u201cShe thinks I\u2019m still in her dreams.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben started to ask to let him help, but he saw that Adam had transformed himself. At the moment, he was\u2026unemotional\u2026detached. \u201cCall if you need anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded and closed the door, then went to the corner and put the gloves on her hands. He went back to the door, leaned against it and watched. As long as she was in the room, it didn\u2019t matter whether she was on the bed or on the floor. He was sure she\u2019d be all over the room before this was over, and he was going to let her stay wherever she wanted to be. She would be going through hell, and there was no stopping it. Closing his eyes, he clenched his jaw. This hell she was going through was his fault. If he had changed just one thing\u2026. All he could now do was prevent her from leaving the room or hurting herself. He thought to himself how this was the easiest part for him; he knew the hard part would come after the opium was no longer in control, when she remembered everything that happened to her, what she had done to her child, how it happened and why\u2026fear, despair…and maybe hate. And so, he watched\u2026and waited.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam had closed his eyes only for a moment, but when he opened them, Rebecca\u2019s condition had worsened. She was curled into a ball in the corner with her arms wrapped around her, noticeably shaking. Grabbing the blanket off the bed, he knelt and wrapped it around her, then carried her to the bed and held her as she convulsed.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo cold,\u201d she whispered in a trembling voice.<\/p>\n

He felt her forehead. The fever had begun. Dr. Martin had said if the fever got too high, they\u2019d have to get it down. Adam hoped that wouldn\u2019t happen because the only way he could bring the fever down was to put her in a tub of cold water\u2026something that Wei had done to punish her.<\/p>\n

She began to rock back and forth, clutching her stomach. \u201cPlease,\u201d she whispered. \u201cGive me my water. Please.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam picked up the canteen that had been lying on the floor next to the bed and brought it to her lips. She took a drink, then pushed the canteen away. \u201cNo,\u201d she spat. \u201cI need my<\/em> water.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo more opium, Becca,\u201d answered Adam quietly, stroking her hair back away from her face.<\/p>\n

They heard the baby shriek, and Rebecca began to shove him away. Adam had no idea where she found the strength, but she managed to elbow him in the chin, then bit into his arm. He let her go and stood against the door as she tugged on the door knob. \u201cYou can scream as loud as you want, but you\u2019re not getting out of this room,\u201d he said calmly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you doing this to me? What did I do that made you forget about me?\u201d she screamed. Adam\u2019s mouth fell open as he leaned back against the door and took several heavy breaths. Rebecca sank to her knees. \u201cPlease let me have my baby. He needs me,\u201d she pleaded, sobbing.<\/p>\n

Though Adam fought to remain disconnected, his emotions were winning. He turned away trying to hold back the tears stinging his eyes. When he had regained control, he knelt in front of her, but when he tried to hold her she pushed away. Hanging his head, he said quietly. \u201cHe\u2019s with Chi Mei. She\u2019ll take care of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlright. Do whatever you want, but let me have my child,\u201d she growled through her tears. Adam, still on his knees, leaned back, his brow creased, his lips parted. Rebecca rose up on her knees, unbuttoned her gown and let it fall to the floor around her. She focused her eyes on his chest, speaking angrily. \u201cThis is what you want, isn\u2019t it? This is what all of you want. Just do it. Give me my water and let me have my baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stunned, Adam looked away for a moment, thinking this was how she had protected the child over the last three years. Leaning toward her as his eyes reddened and filled with tears, he gathered her gown and pulled it back up around her. He took her face in his hands, but her eyes looked away. \u201cBecca,\u201d he whispered, his voice shaky. \u201cIt\u2019s Adam. I could never forget you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She shrank away and crumpled to the floor, holding her stomach. \u201cYou\u2019re just a dream. Go away before Wei comes,\u201d she whispered weakly.<\/p>\n

Adam let her lie on the floor, rocking\u2026weeping\u2026every now and again, gasping in pain. He sat and waited in the chair, his elbows on his thighs, his chin on his hands, trying to get control over his own feelings, tensing with every sob and gasp he heard. This is the opium. It\u2019s not Becca.<\/em> Glancing at his watch, he wondered how much more either one of them could handle. Time was passing much too slowly.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Six<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam had lost track of time, spending all of his waking hours in the bedroom with Rebecca. When she slept, he ate what little he could and napped while his father or Dr. Martin sat with her. He took some of this time to check on the baby. The laudanum, for the most part, prevented the incredible pain that his mother experienced, but he was always fussy. Little Adam took brief naps, and spent the rest of his time in Chi Mei\u2019s arms. He was constantly moving, trading quiet whimpers for loud shrieks. Diapers were regularly going in and out of the room; diarrhea had set in. Dr. Martin\u2019s estimate to have him completely off the laudanum was still several weeks, much longer than his expectations for Rebecca. It was just as well. Adam still had to deal with the real Rebecca when the opium was no longer in her.<\/p>\n

While the baby was sleeping, Chi Mei would take care of Rebecca\u2019s other issue with little success. Keeping her breasts bound was difficult, and relieving the pressure was impossible. Even so, Rebecca didn\u2019t seem to be able to differentiate the pain in her breasts from the withdrawal pain all over the rest of her body.<\/p>\n

She had scratched her arms and legs until they bled, and keeping bandages on her was proving nearly impossible. She had begun to vomit, so keeping her hydrated was a challenge. Adam could handle the physical effects of her withdrawal much easier than he was handling the crying, screaming and begging.<\/p>\n

Even with all this, his worst fear would not be realized until Paul came in to check on her. Feeling her forehead as she pitched back and forth on the bed, Paul decided her fever had to be brought down.<\/p>\n

\u201cPaul, are you sure?\u201d asked Adam, anxiously.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t get a good temperature reading. I need a good twenty minutes, and with her tossing and turning, I\u2019ll never get a reliable reading. She\u2019s hotter now than she was just a half hour ago. I don\u2019t want to risk it.\u201d He stood, placing his hand on Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI know why you don\u2019t want to do this, Adam, but I\u2019m afraid this has to be done. I\u2019ll ask the boys to bring a washtub up and prepare it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat on the side of the bed, watching Joe and Hoss as they prepared a cold bath, bringing up bucket after bucket of spring water. When the bath was ready, Adam picked her up and carried her toward the tub, but before he could lower her, she pulled herself up to his shoulders, trying to climb over him, begging, \u201cPlease\u2026I\u2019ll do anything he wants. I told you he\u2019d punish me for talking to you,\u201d she pleaded. \u201cNo! Please, no!\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her off of Adam, holding her with her back against him and her feet off the floor as she flailed wildly.<\/p>\n

Adam stepped back, his face twisted in distress, his chin quivering. \u201cI can\u2019t do this,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, take him out. Me and Joe\u2019ll take care of her,\u201d said Hoss, Rebecca\u2019s struggles seemingly no more than a mild annoyance to him.<\/p>\n

As Dr. Martin and Ben pulled Adam out of the room, Hoss looked at the tub. \u201cWho\u2019s it gonna be, Joe? Me or you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked at the tub, then back to Hoss. \u201cI\u2019ll do it\u2026but, you\u2019re gonna have to help.\u201d Joe slipped off his boots, socks and belt and emptied his pockets. He stepped into the tub, sitting on the side and looking over at Hoss, wincing.<\/p>\n

It took both of them to get Rebecca in the tub, gown and all. Joe sat on the side, holding her down while Hoss took buckets of water out of the tub, replacing it with buckets of cold water. Rebecca stopped struggling, and raised her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, shivering. \u201cPlease\u2026no more\u2026I won\u2019t talk to him anymore,\u201d she sobbed. \u201cTell Wei I won\u2019t talk to him anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

On the front porch, Ben sat watching Adam stare up at the sky. \u201cWhy would He do that?\u201d asked Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy would who do what?<\/p>\n

\u201cGod.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben straightened, suddenly concerned where Adam\u2019s thoughts were taking him. He knew that Adam wasn\u2019t as steadfast in his belief as he was, but Ben wasn\u2019t prepared to tolerate blasphemy either. \u201cI don\u2019t know what you mean.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI almost let myself believe that God actually answered a prayer\u2026to send me an angel. Think about it, Pa. What were the chances I\u2019d be in the same field she stumbled into when I had no reason to be there? What I don\u2019t understand is why He\u2019d send her and then sacrifice her to someone like Wei.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice slowly elevated as he stared out at nothing. \u201cShe has everything that\u2019s good in her. How could her God allow her to go through that?\u201d He spun around, angrily facing his father, pointing to the second floor window above the porch, shouting, \u201cHow could your<\/em> God allow her to go through that<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben responded calmly. \u201cHow could\u2026God\u2026let your mother die\u2026or Hoss\u2019s mother\u2026or Joe\u2019s? Ours is not to question God. He expects us to have faith that what happens in our lives has a deeper meaning, whether we understand it or not.\u201d Ben walked out to Adam, putting his arm around his shoulder. \u201cAdam, her brother took her. Maybe it was God who brought her back\u2026with your son. Maybe He\u2019s testing your faith. Either way, the woman you love is back home and upstairs, and she needs you. She needs you to be strong, because she\u2019s not right now. You are the one that has to help her back.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dr. Martin came back to the bedroom from the baby\u2019s room every few minutes, touching Rebecca\u2019s forehead, and finally telling Hoss to take her out of the tub.<\/p>\n

Adam returned with towels, handing one to Joe, looking gratefully into his eyes. The corner of Joe\u2019s mouth went up as he squeezed Adam\u2019s arm. He wrapped another towel around Rebecca. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry,\u201d he whispered to her as he dried her. When Hoss and Joe left the room, he removed her gown and finished drying her, then redressed her and guided her to the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease leave me alone,\u201d she whispered, still shivering. \u201cHe did this because of you. Just go away, please.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam wanted to tell her again that Wei was dead, but he didn\u2019t get a chance. She vomited violently, losing everything they had managed to get in her.<\/p>\n

Chapter Seven <\/strong><\/p>\n

Rebecca opened her eyes and looked around the room. She was alone. Was it all a dream? She remembered Adam being there. Or did she? She slowly rose from the bed and made her way to the door, turning the knob quietly and pulling the door open only a crack. Seeing no one in the hall, she opened the door wider, looked both ways, then stepped out into the hall. It was all familiar\u2026this looked like the Ponderosa. But that was impossible. Wasn\u2019t she still on Wei\u2019s ship? She found the stairs and stopped to listen, hearing muffled voices behind her, but nothing from downstairs. Slowly taking one step at a time, stopping to listen, then taking another, she made it to the bottom step before she heard someone call her name behind her. Without turning to look, she ran to the front door, flung it open and rushed outside.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca,\u201d Adam yelled as he sprinted down the stairs, following right behind her as she headed out the front door. Ben and Dr. Martin followed him.<\/p>\n

Before he reached her, she stopped and looked at the ground. She felt dirt under her bare feet. Slowly dropping, she dug her hands into the loose earth, lifting them and letting the soil sift through her fingers. Solid ground. She had expected water all around her, but she was on solid ground\u2026dirt.<\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss emerged from the barn and froze as Adam walked briskly to her, kneeling in front of her. \u201cBecca?\u201d he said hopefully as he held her arms.<\/p>\n

Raising her head, she slowly lifted her eyes, looking directly into his. \u201cAdam?\u201d she whispered, her chin quivering. As tears filled her eyes, she spoke softly again, \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n

He gently touched her face. \u201cYou\u2019re home, Becca. You and the baby are home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHome,\u201d she said in a weak, hoarse voice. \u201cHome,\u201d she repeated as Adam pulled her into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she held on as if her life depended on it. \u201cPlease keep him away from me,\u201d she sobbed as she clung to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWei can\u2019t hurt you anymore, Sweetheart. He\u2019s dead\u2026and you\u2019re home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss put his hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder and turned away, not wanting anyone to see the tears welling in his eyes. Joe looked at his father, nodding, blinking back his own tears while Dr. Martin squeezed Ben\u2019s shoulder. Ben didn\u2019t know whether to smile or cry; he knew there was still a long road ahead of the two people, his son and daughter, kneeling in the dirt, holding on to each other. Finally, he allowed himself a relieved smile. The healing had begun.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Eight<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam paced back and forth at the foot of the bed, and Ben stood leaning against the door as Dr. Martin spoke with Rebecca. It was clear that she was still foggy, but she knew where she was, and she acknowledged it. She knew who Adam was and that he was real. More importantly, she understood that Wei was dead.<\/p>\n

When she asked to see the baby, Dr. Martin nodded to Adam, who left the room. \u201cRebecca, I need you to listen very carefully. Little Adam\u2019s recovery from the opium is going to be slower than yours. He\u2019s still getting some. So, he won\u2019t be attentive. He\u2019ll be groggy. Do you understand me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs he alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe still has opium in him. We\u2019re taking it away slowly so he doesn\u2019t go through what you\u2019ve been through the last few days. So, he\u2019s still sleepy\u2026and fussy. But, I\u2019m confident he\u2019ll be alright. Do you remember that you\u2019re not feeding him?\u201d She nodded.<\/p>\n

When Adam entered the room Chi Mei shared with the baby, he stopped just inside the open door, watching as she sat in a rocking chair with him on her shoulder. He was whimpering, but not all out crying, and he was restless, moving his head from one side to the other as if he wanted to sleep, but couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow is she?\u201d asked Chi Mei.<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter. She knows I\u2019m not a dream and she knows where she is. She wants to see him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chi Mei stood up, walking to Adam and waiting for him to take the baby. He hesitated. He had resisted holding him until he was sure Little Adam would be alright. Dr. Martin had said he was confident about his recovery. But there was something\u2026frightening\u2026about holding him for the first time.<\/p>\n

As if reading his thoughts, Chi Mei said, \u201cMr. Cartwright, it will take time, but he will come to know you as his father.\u201d She turned Little Adam around, and the child began to cry. Adam reached for him, and the baby looked up at Chi Mei and began to cry in earnest. When Adam pulled back, Chi Mei pushed the baby into his arms. \u201cIt will be good for him to see his mother and his father together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam held the two-year-old to his shoulder, stroking his head, quietly shushing him as he walked down the hall to Rebecca\u2019s room. When Adam sat down on the side of the bed, Little Adam leaned toward his mother with his arms outstretched and his fingers grabbing as he cried.<\/p>\n

She took him, holding him, kissing him, soothing him down to a whimper. Adam reached out to touch him, and the baby turned away crying again. When Adam withdrew his hand, Rebecca grabbed it, guiding it to the child\u2019s back as she spoke to Little Adam in a low, soft voice. \u201cThis is your father, my precious.\u201d She gave the baby back to Adam, and though the baby fussed, she spoke reassuringly to him. She began to sing softly, \u201cEarly one morning\u2026<\/em>\u201d Then she nodded to Adam, who began to sing in a quiet voice. Little Adam raised his head, looking at Adam and mewling, but slowly quieting. Soon, he laid his head on Adam\u2019s shoulder. When Adam stopped singing, the baby put his hand on his father\u2019s chin, so Adam continued to sing until Little Adam\u2026and his mother\u2026fell asleep.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Nine<\/strong><\/p>\n

It had been a quiet evening, the first one in a week. Rebecca slept, though fitfully, as Adam watched over her. Though she cried out in her sleep, still having some pain, Adam began to think that the begging and screaming was over. And for the most part it was. Mornings were the worst part of her day. She was starting to remember the last three years and would wake up in cold sweats from her nightmares as much as from the opium still in her system. When she began to stir, Adam sat on the side of her bed to help her remember she was home, but this morning, she turned away from him, crying.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you want to leave, I understand,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s jaw dropped. \u201cWhatever made you think I\u2019d want to leave you, Sweetheart?\u201d<\/p>\n

Curling into a ball, she spoke softly between her sobs. \u201cBecause I\u2019m\u2026dirty\u2026unclean. Because of all those men.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t think she could get any tighter into her ball, but she did. \u201cI can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

He touched her shoulder, and she moved away from him. \u201cBecca\u2026you can\u2019t believe Wei\u2019s lies. I don\u2019t think you\u2019re\u2026unclean. I love you, Sweetheart.\u201d<\/p>\n

He took her arms in his hands, but she wriggled away, pressing herself against the headboard, looking away. \u201cYou have every right to hate me. I didn\u2019t stop them,\u201d she cried.<\/p>\n

Adam sat back on the side of the bed and rubbed his forehead. He had hoped bringing Rebecca back wouldn\u2019t be as difficult as he had thought based on how well she had seemed the day before. Now, as his eyes became moist with tears, he had no idea how he could convince her he still wanted her if she wouldn\u2019t even look at him\u2026wouldn\u2019t let him touch her. His words weren\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, I\u2019m going to be gone for a little while, but I\u2019ll be back. I\u2019ll leave the door open so Chi Mei can hear you call.\u201d When he reached over and laid his hand on her head, she flinched.<\/p>\n

He left the room, and stopped to speak to Chi Mei. \u201cHow is he?\u201d he asked, nodding toward Little Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think he\u2019s in more pain right now. Dr. Martin just reduced his laudanum again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam quietly walked to the child\u2019s bed. See him lying there whimpering, sucking in several breaths and continuing to cry made Adam want to pick him up and hold him…cuddle him the way his mother did. But still, he resisted. Little Adam hadn\u2019t been comfortable in his arms. He knew that at some point, he\u2019d have to get to know his son. But he had time. Right now, he had to save his wife.<\/p>\n

\u201cI left Becca\u2019s door open so you can hear if she calls. I have to leave for a little while. I\u2019ll be back as soon as I can.\u201d Chi Mei nodded.<\/p>\n

When Adam reached the sitting area, Ben looked up from the book he\u2019d been reading. \u201cAdam? Something wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

He turned halfway around and looked back up the stairs, then turned back to his father with his hand on the back of his neck. \u201cShe\u2019s ashamed. She\u2019s not looking at me. She\u2019s not talking to me.\u201d He let his hand drop down to his hip and bowed his head. \u201cShe told me she\u2019d understand if I wanted to leave her. She won\u2019t listen to me. I thought I\u2019d ask Mrs. Bailey to talk to her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cI think that\u2019s a good idea. Rebecca used to think of Mildred as sort of a mother. I stopped by while I was in town a few days ago. She\u2019s worried. I think it would be good for both of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chapter Ten<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam opened the front door guiding Mrs. Bailey inside. \u201cMildred,\u201d said Ben, hurrying from the sitting area, taking both of her hands in his. \u201cI\u2019m glad you could come.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think anyone could have stopped me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I don\u2019t. And I see you\u2019re prepared to stay.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs long as I\u2019m needed. And I can\u2019t wait to see that boy of yours,\u201d she said, turning to Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, he\u2019s not real fond of anyone but Chi Mei and his mother yet. But we\u2019ll try to give you some time with him,\u201d answered Adam.<\/p>\n

Ben took her arm and guided her to the stairs. \u201cLet\u2019s get you settled in; then you can see Rebecca.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need to get settled. Just throw that bag in a bedroom. I want to see her.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Ben escorted Mrs. Bailey up the stairs and down the hall, he warned her. \u201cNow Mildred, I don\u2019t want you to be too surprised. She\u2019s not the girl you knew. She\u2019s still feeling some of the effects of the opium, and now\u2026\u201d he stopped and looked at Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Bailey, I told you she needed you. The reason is that\u2026well, she\u2019s\u2026ashamed because of what was done to her. She\u2019s not talking to me anymore. She won\u2019t even look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

They stopped at the open door of Rebecca\u2019s bedroom, and Mrs. Bailey took Adam\u2019s hand. \u201cAnd you figure she\u2019ll talk to me. Don\u2019t worry, Son. I know what to tell her. Now, if she\u2019ll listen\u2026that\u2019s another story.\u201d<\/p>\n

When they stepped into the room, Becca was standing at the window holding Little Adam. Chi Mei had been sitting on the side of the bed, but rose and took the baby back to his room. Rebecca drew her robe tightly around her and wrapped her arms around herself as if she was trying to hide\u2026as if she was embarrassed standing in front of the two men. She turned and faced the wall.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey walked to her and put an arm around her. \u201cRebecca, why don\u2019t you come spend some time with me,\u201d she said as she slowly turned with Rebecca and headed to the chair. Ben and Adam backed toward the door, and Ben turned back down the hall, but Adam lingered just outside, listening\u2026hoping that Mrs. Bailey could talk her through this.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey sat down in the chair, drawing Rebecca down in front of her to the floor. \u201cNow Rebecca, lay your head down right here in my lap and get it out. Then we\u2019ll talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca did as she was told and wept.<\/p>\n

Chapter Eleven<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam went to Chi Mei\u2019s room, deciding it was time for him to get to know his son in earnest. He felt sure Mrs. Bailey would take up most of Rebecca\u2019s time for, at least, the next few days, so he could spend some uninterrupted time with Little Adam. The baby fought him at first, crying, turning to Chi Mei with his arms outstretched, then butting his head against Adam\u2019s chest, squealing, but Adam let him cry or squeal until he was too tired to keep going. At that point, Adam guided the baby\u2019s head down on his shoulder and whispered, \u201cIt\u2019s alright, Little Buddy. Your pa has you.\u201d He held the baby close and rocked as he spoke to Chi Mei.<\/p>\n

\u201cChi Mei, did you ever witness a viewing?\u201d She nodded. Adam took a deep breath. \u201cAnd the men who paid to touch her\u2026they touched her wherever they wanted?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt depended on what they paid. There were few who could afford to pay more than to see her, but the ones who could did not have limits. Mr. Cartwright, most of them embraced her. There were only a few that chose differently. But, General Wei\u2026\u201d She lowered her eyes. \u201cHe was not respectful of her. He flaunted that she was his to do with as he wanted. He is the one who touched her most often\u2026anywhere he pleased. And after he did, he stood her next to him as he washed his hands and looked at her\u2026as though he was disgusted.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s nostrils flared as he sat quietly, seething. Finally, he spoke. \u201cWhat did she do when she was back in the hold?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst, she took care of her baby. He always came first. Then she curled into a ball and cried herself to sleep. This time was when she was the most lucid from the opium\u2026then and whenever he threatened the baby\u2026as though she forced herself through the opium.\u201d She looked into his eyes. \u201cMr. Cartwright, she is very strong.\u201d Chi Mei stood. \u201cIt is almost time for his bottle. I will bring it back up,\u201d she said, bowing and leaving the room.<\/p>\n

When she returned, she gave the bottle to Adam, who took the baby to his own room, closed the door, and sat in the chair next to the window waiting for Little Adam to wake up. \u201cWell, Little Buddy, I don\u2019t think we can keep calling you Adam. It\u2019ll be too confusing. And I\u2019m not gonna call you Little Adam. You have an uncle everyone calls Little Joe. One \u2018Little\u2019 in this family is enough.\u201d Adam looked out the window as he thought. \u201cWhat if we call you AJ\u2026for Adam Junior?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twelve<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chi Mei wandered downstairs to the kitchen, looking for something to do. It wasn\u2019t often that she was able to leave the rooms upstairs, but while Rebecca and the baby were occupied by others, she decided to get to know the rest of the house. Hop Sing was there, preparing the evening meal, and put down his stirring spoon to turn and bow. Chi Mei returned his bow and speaking in Cantonese asked in her quiet, delicate voice, \u201cI have nothing to do at the moment. May I help?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou speak English very well,\u201d replied Hop Sing in his native tongue, smiling.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was taught. I did not have to learn on my own.\u201d She made her way to the table where a bucket of potatoes were waiting to be peeled. \u201cMay I?\u201d Hop Sing smiled and nodded, handing her a knife. He found another and both sat down to peel.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing, did Miss Rebecca and her husband live here before?\u201d<\/p>\n

Shaking his head, Hop Sing said, \u201cNo, they have a house up on the hill.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen she is better will they go home?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do not know.\u201d He peeled a potato as he spoke. \u201cDo you have somewhere to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot unless I go with Miss Rebecca. If she does not need me, I do not know where I will go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI will make sure you have a place to go. There are many good Chinese in Virginia City. You will be able to find work there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI will miss them both; most of all the baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing sat quietly, thinking. If he spoke with Mister Adam, maybe he would allow Chi Mei stay on. He looked up and smiled at her, thinking it would be nice if Chi Mei stayed on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Thirteen<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey stroked the hair back away from Rebecca\u2019s face when Rebecca raised her head, wiping her face on her robe. \u201cNow that you\u2019ve got that all out, are you ready to talk about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca leaned back on the side of the bed, holding her arms around her, looking away in shame.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, it might make it easier to deal with if you just say what you\u2019re feeling,\u201d said Mrs. Bailey.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe knows what Wei did. How can he even look at me?\u201d He must think\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you think Adam thinks?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe way he thinks about the saloon girls in town. He\u2019d never say anything to them; he\u2019s too polite, but he\u2019d never take one for his wife either. As Wei told me\u2026I\u2019m used\u2026I\u2026I\u2019m unclean,\u201d she said, tearing up.<\/p>\n

\u201cHogwash. Rebecca, you did not go there willingly. And whatever Wei did to you, he did not do with your permission. He drugged you and threatened your child to get what he wanted. The only person anyone here thinks of as unworthy is General Wei, and we don\u2019t have to concern ourselves with him any longer.\u201d She paused. \u201cLook up here at me. I want to see that you\u2019re hearing me while I tell you about your husband, because he suffered about as much as you did those three years you were gone.\u201d Rebecca looked up. \u201cHe also blamed himself for what happened to you, and he was tormented, thinking about what was being done to you. He knew at least part of what you were going through, yet he still wanted to get you back. Does that sound like a man who doesn\u2019t want you back now?\u201d Rebecca looked away again, sniffling. \u201cRebecca, he looked for you, and when he couldn\u2019t find you he stopped living in the truest sense of the word. He never said so, but I know\u2026he didn\u2019t want to live without you. There was a void\u2026for both of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

Over the next few days, Mrs. Bailey spent her time telling Rebecca about Adam\u2019s life for the last three years, reminding her that what had happened wasn\u2019t her fault or Adam\u2019s fault. But when she brought up Rebecca\u2019s brother, Rebecca\u2019s reaction was unexpected. She backed into a wall and began to scratch her arms again, causing Mrs. Bailey to call for help.<\/p>\n

After Rebecca had lain down for the evening, Mrs. Bailey spoke with Adam at dinner. \u201cAdam, do you remember how she was before\u2026especially about her brother?\u201d Adam nodded. \u201cShe\u2019s lost something. I don\u2019t know if she\u2019ll have the same outlook she had. She\u2019s finally seeing that there are some people that have nothing good in them. And it\u2019s a bitter dose of reality because it\u2019s her brother who she\u2019s starting to blame. I think we need to know what his part in all this was.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s the only one who knows that. I only have guesses.\u201d<\/p>\n

As they sat at the dining table, Mrs. Bailey reached over and patted his arm. \u201cWe\u2019ll start on that tomorrow. And I think she\u2019s ready to come out of that room. Dinner at the table will do her good. She needs to become accustomed to being around you men again without thinking you believe she\u2019s dirty. We\u2019ll do a little at a time. Did you make any progress talking to her today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI took AJ to her and sat on the side of the bed while she gave him his bottle. She wouldn\u2019t look at me. But she watched later when I got him to bounce on his legs on my lap. I actually caught her smiling.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Fourteen<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr. Martin quietly closed the bedroom door and made his way down the stairs where the Cartwrights and Mrs. Bailey were waiting.<\/p>\n

Adam, who had been standing at the bottom of the stairs, waited for Paul to step away from the bottom step, then asked, \u201cHow is she?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul smiled. \u201cShe\u2019ll be alright, Adam. I made sure the wounds on her arms are clean and bandaged them. If you can keep her from scratching, they should heal nicely.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand why she was upset. We didn\u2019t talk about anything that would have upset her, but I had to keep moving her hands away from her arms. It\u2019s as if just sitting at the table agitated her.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I think the opium is out of her. You said she ate some dinner that didn\u2019t come back up?\u201d Adam nodded, waiting for Paul\u2019s explanation of the scratching. \u201cAdam, I told you there would be leftovers from the opium, and this is one of them. It started as a nervous habit with the opium and it\u2019s become a situational habit now. She\u2019s going to scratch when she gets uncomfortable or nervous, but it\u2019s a habit that can be broken. Just keep moving her hands away\u2026and give her long sleeves to wear.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou said before that this may be the hardest part\u2026after the opium is out of her. What did you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul sat down on the settee and crossed his legs, getting comfortable. Ben handed him a cup of coffee. \u201cThank you, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, her mind and her body have learned the habit of addiction. Even though the opium is gone, the habits that go with it are still there. If given the opportunity, she may try to find more opium to get the feeling she\u2019s been used to for so long. For instance, if she can\u2019t sleep, she knows that opium will help her sleep. If she can\u2019t emotionally handle something, she knows the opium will offer an escape. She\u2019s still very withdrawn, I\u2019m sure because of what she thinks we all think of her. You need to draw her out. Start doing things with her that she used to do. Get her out of the house. Take her for a walk. Take her on a picnic. I\u2019d save riding for later. I\u2019m not sure how she\u2019ll react since all this started with a ride. Mrs. Bailey, I have no doubt you\u2019ve been a tremendous help, but I think you can be more help to her at home. Your home is familiar to her. She feels safe with you, and Adam, I think it would be good to start visiting Mrs. Bailey on a regular basis\u2026just like you used to\u2026at her house.\u201d Adam nodded. \u201cAnd you, Adam, need to spend time with her alone. You are the one that she needs to learn to trust again. After that, everyone else will be much easier.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about AJ?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s definitely more alert than he was last week. And I noticed he was bouncing while Chi Mei held him for me. He\u2019s on a pretty low dose of laudanum, so we\u2019ll get him completely off in another week. I also noticed things are going into his mouth, so it looks like he\u2019s ready to chew. He\u2019s got a mouthful of teeth, so why don\u2019t you start adding some soft food to start. Once he starts eating that without much effort, give him something a little more solid, like peas or beans, eggs and soft cheese. Don\u2019t give him anything really chewy yet. He\u2019s got to learn to use those teeth. Start with a small amount before he has his bottle, then gradually add more. You should be able to reduce his bottle as you go. At this point it should be similar to weaning a twelve-month-old. And keep him moving. The more he moves, the stronger his muscles will be. He would normally be walking now and attempting to feed himself. And he\u2019s small for his age. We may not know the full affects of the opium for several years. The important thing is to keep him moving and keep introducing him to things relevant to his age. Maybe if we can catch him up while he\u2019s still very young, none of this will carry forward into his adolescence.\u201d<\/p>\n

The next morning, Adam went to Rebecca\u2019s room to wake her. As she had before, she turned away from him. He reached over and turned her back, but she still looked away. Taking both of her arms, he drew her up next to him. She trembled as he caressed her face. \u201cBecca, I have never stopped loving you\u2026and I never will.\u201d His heart leaped when she looked into his eyes. It was only for a moment, but she looked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re going downstairs for breakfast this morning, then we\u2019re going to take Mrs. Bailey home; all three of us. Why don\u2019t you pick out a dress?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca eased off the bed and walked to her wardrobe, picking out a dark brown dress. Walking up behind her, Adam took the dress from her and replaced it in the closet. \u201cHow about this one?\u201d he said, pulling out a pink dress with white and green flowers. \u201cGo ahead and get dressed, and I\u2019ll go get AJ ready.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAJ?\u201d she asked quietly, holding the dress to her and casting her eyes down.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam. I\u2019m going to get Adam. We\u2019ll talk about his name later.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Adam walked back into Rebecca\u2019s bedroom, she was dressed and was sitting in front of the mirror, putting her hair up. Holding AJ upright in his arms, Adam stood in the door watching her, smiling at the effort she was making to look\u2026like she used to. She had lost weight and was pale, and her eyes still had faint dark circles around them, but seeing her in the dress with her hair up brought Adam some hope. Her journey back was going slow, but he was glad to see some progress.<\/p>\n

AJ was alert and had gotten comfortable in Adam\u2019s arms. He looked at his mother, gurgled and smiled, holding out one hand and grasping the air with his fingers. Rebecca rose from the chair in front of her dressing table; a piece of furniture that Adam had only recently moved back in the room. She stood with her hands clasped in front of her with her head bowed. \u201cCome on. Let\u2019s go downstairs,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

For the first time, Adam\u2019s family left the second floor of the house together. They made their way down the stairs slowly, Adam holding AJ in one arm and holding one of Rebecca\u2019s hands while he stepped down in front of her. When the Cartwrights and Mrs. Bailey saw them together, smiles took over their faces as they stood and waited for them to reach the bottom.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, let\u2019s have breakfast,\u201d said Ben, grinning.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Fifteen<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Cartwrights and Mrs. Bailey spent most of breakfast watching as AJ got his first taste of real food\u2026grits with butter. Adam had made a child\u2019s chair to sit high, but fit under the dining room table, and set it between him and Rebecca. Rebecca watched as Adam held a spoon to AJ\u2019s mouth while AJ sat, sputtering. Adam tried taking an animated bite while AJ watched, reaching up and grabbing Adam\u2019s lip to find where the grits had gone. He finally opened his mouth enough for Adam to get the spoon in and when he pulled the spoon out, AJ sat with his mouth open and his tongue out. When everyone laughed, AJ sputtered a laugh as well, sending grits flying across the table.<\/p>\n

Everyone laughed but Rebecca, a tear making its way down her cheek. She stood, running toward the door as Adam called to her. \u201cBecca! Chi Mei!\u201d Chi Mei rushed in from the kitchen. \u201cFinish feeding AJ, please,\u201d said Adam as he ran to the door and outside, stopping and looking. \u201cBecca!\u201d He ran toward the barn and caught movement to his left. She was running toward the meadow that stretched behind the house. \u201cBecca!\u201d he yelled, running after her.<\/p>\n

Joe and Hoss stood when Adam ran out the door, but Ben called them off. \u201cBut Pa\u2026\u201d started Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam and Rebecca need to work this out between them, Hoss,\u201d said Ben calmly, giving Hoss an understanding look.<\/p>\n

Adam never realized that Rebecca could run so fast. He was catching up, but it was taking longer than he expected\u2026long enough that she might make it to the trees at the other side of the meadow before he caught her.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca!\u201d<\/p>\n

She was tiring quickly, allowing Adam to overcome her. He grabbed her and both tumbled to the ground out of breath.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca,\u201d Adam gasped. He rolled her over on her back and covered her, holding her in his arms. \u201cWhy are you running away?\u201d he said between deep breaths. She shook her head, unable to speak through her tears. Adam sat up, bringing Rebecca up against him.<\/p>\n

With her face buried in his shoulder, she finally managed to speak. \u201cI did that to him. I knew it would hurt him, and I did it anyway,\u201d she said between heavy sobs.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou had no choice. You did what you had to do to save him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t deserve him. Just let me go back to the mountain. Everyone will be better off without me,\u201d she cried.<\/p>\n

Adam raised her face to his. \u201cLook at me.\u201d She turned away, and he gently took her chin and turned her back to him. \u201cNeither one of us will be better off without you. We love you.\u201d Adam silently rejoiced when she looked him in the eye. \u201cBecca, Wei took you away from me. Now that I have you back, I\u2019m not letting him win.\u201d She took several short, deep breaths and exhaled into a cautious calm. Adam kissed her forehead, then moved to her cheek, lingering there. He looked back to her eyes, then gently touched her lips with his\u2026their first kiss since she had been taken over three years ago. \u201cEveryone is waiting for us. Are you ready to go back?\u201d Wiping away her tears, she nodded. Adam took her hand and guided her back to the house.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Sixteen<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rebecca hesitated, leaning on the side of the open door after everyone else had walked outside. Mrs. Bailey and Chi Mei were sitting in the back of the buggy when Adam passed AJ to Chi Mei, then turned for Rebecca. He held his hand out to her, but she slowly backed up, terrified at the prospect of leaving the relative safety of the house. \u201cExcuse me,\u201d said Adam, turning to the others before he walked to the door and followed Rebecca in.<\/p>\n

She was still backing up, heading toward the stairs when Adam stepped inside and approached her. \u201cBecca, we\u2019ll be at Mrs. Bailey\u2019s house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do we have to go there? She can stay here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause Paul says it\u2019s time for you to get out of the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to leave the house,\u201d she said, grasping the post at the bottom of the stairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were ready to go to the mountain earlier,\u201d he said, smiling.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one would find me on the mountain. I would be safe there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mouth dropped open. \u201cBecca, you\u2019re safe here. No one will take you away. I won\u2019t let that happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, don\u2019t make me go,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

Her plea pulled at his heartstrings. Still, he knew he had to get her away from the house. If he didn\u2019t do it now, he\u2019d never get her out. \u201cMrs. Bailey and Chi Mei are waiting in the buggy,\u201d he said as he walked up to her, holding his hand out. \u201cYou\u2019ll be sitting next to me the entire time, Sweetheart.\u201d Her eyes showed panic as he put his arm around her waist, pulling her into him and walking her outside to the buggy. He picked her up and placed her on the seat, then came up next to her, moving her across the seat and wrapping her arm around his. \u201cHold on to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Throughout the entire two hour ride into town, Adam felt her tremble. She held onto his arm as if her life depended on it, an occasional tear finding its way down her cheek. When they arrived at Mrs. Bailey\u2019s house, Rebecca rushed inside with her head bowed, hoping no one in town had seen her. She was dirty\u2026unclean\u2026and she was sure that Virginia City knew it.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey immediately pulled her to the settee and sat down next to her. \u201cListen to me, Rebecca. There is no one here who wants to hurt you.\u201d Taking her hand, she broached the subject both she and Adam were dreading. \u201cRobbie can\u2019t hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca looked up toward the door and held her breath. She had tried not to think about Robbie, and she didn\u2019t want to think about him now.<\/p>\n

Adam knelt in front of her. \u201cBecca, what happened to Robbie?\u201d Her chin quivered, and she closed her eyes as tears began to flow.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe argued with the man who was in charge. Robbie wanted to let me go after he got money from you. But the other man said it was too dangerous; that they\u2019d be found out. He told Robbie I would be sold, and no one would ever see me again. Then he took my wedding band out of his pocket and handed it to Robbie. He told him that was all he was going to get\u2026to take it and leave. Robbie left, but he came back and tried to get me out of the back of the wagon. They shot him and left him there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, listen to me. There is no one in Virginia City who wants to take you or hurt you. There\u2019s no reason for you to be afraid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut they all know, don\u2019t they? They all know what Wei did to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey pulled her into her side, guiding Rebecca\u2019s head to her shoulder. \u201cChild, there isn\u2019t a person in this town who hasn\u2019t hoped all along that you\u2019d be found. What happened to you could happen to any other woman or girl here. No one wants that, and no one thinks anything about you other than being happy that you\u2019re home. Now, we are all going to the kitchen, and you and I are going to make lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n

While Chi Mei fed AJ applesauce, Mrs. Bailey and Rebecca prepared fried chicken and biscuits. Giving Rebecca something to do that she had done before seemed to calm her, occupying her mind, keeping her fears at bay. Adam watched, smiling at the familiar sight of his wife busily working in the kitchen. He looked across at AJ who appeared to have found something that he liked and was willing to keep inside his mouth. He was taking it as fast as Chi Mei could shovel it in.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey sat a small bowl of mashed potatoes down next to the applesauce. \u201cDon\u2019t give him too much of the applesauce. It will make his tummy hurt.\u201d Chi Mei tried the mashed potatoes which AJ promptly held out on his tongue. Then she added just a touch of applesauce to it, and he happily swallowed.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Seventeen<\/strong><\/p>\n

The ride home from Mrs. Bailey\u2019s was uneventful. Rebecca seemed more relaxed, although she sat as close to Adam\u2019s side as she could and still hold AJ, who was sleeping soundly with a full tummy of solid, though soft, food. Rebecca had always enjoyed the scenery on the ride to and from town, but now, she refused to look around, keeping her eyes either fixed on her hands or on the baby.<\/p>\n

This was the first time that Chi Mei had been able to ride into town, and she was enjoying the beauty around her. Having been used to the view of never-ending water or the hustle and bustle of the ports, she hadn\u2019t seen countryside like this since her childhood at her parent\u2019s home in China. She decided this would be a nice place to live, if only the Cartwrights would allow her to stay.<\/p>\n

When they arrived at home, Ben heard the buggy enter the yard and rushed out to greet them. Holding his hands out to Rebecca, he asked, \u201cMay I?\u201d nodding toward the baby.<\/p>\n

Adam bent next to Rebecca\u2019s face, speaking quietly, \u201cGrandpa hasn\u2019t met his grandson yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking into Adam\u2019s eyes nervously, her posture eased a bit when she saw his smile, then she passed a still-sleeping AJ to his grandfather.<\/p>\n

Adam helped both women out of the buggy, and Chi Mei asked to be excused to the kitchen to see if Hop Sing needed any help. As she walked away, Adam followed her with a slight smile and cocked head. He and Rebecca were left alone in the yard. Holding his hand out to her, he asked, \u201cWould you take a walk with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

She looked at his hand, then looked away. \u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot far. It\u2019s a nice evening. I thought you might like to stay outside for a while longer.\u201d He took her hand, beckoning her to walk with him. They walked to the corral where the Cartwright\u2019s horses were grazing, and all the while Rebecca looked at the ground. \u201cBecca, there\u2019s not much interesting on the ground. Look up\u2026look around you.\u201d She raised her head, turning it slightly and cutting her eyes to the left and right, then looking forward at the horses.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know what happened to Choco?\u201d she asked suddenly, stepping up to the corral fence and looking over it at the horses.<\/p>\n

\u201cI assumed that the men who took you kept her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca shook her head. \u201cThey sent her over a cliff into the river near Slippery Ford, saddle and all. They said she\u2019d just slow them down, and the fifty dollars they\u2019d get for her wasn\u2019t worth taking her along. They said it would be too risky to sell her with a Ponderosa brand, even if they covered it. I remember watching her slide down the rocks into a deep pool, then over the edge of that.\u201d Tears ran down her cheeks. \u201cI couldn\u2019t cry\u2026I didn\u2019t feel\u2026anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pulled her into him and held her close. \u201cThat was the opium, Becca. Not you. I know you loved that horse.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cChoco was one of the first things you ever gave me\u2026besides my scarf. I don\u2019t know what happened to my scarf.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked to the side in thought, Becca having triggered a memory. \u201cWhy don\u2019t we go back to the house? I\u2019ll bet AJ is awake.\u201d He wrapped his arm around her waist and walked with her toward the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou never told me why you call him AJ.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I could see \u2018Adam\u2019 getting confusing, and we already have a \u2018little\u2019\u2026one\u2019s enough,\u201d he said, smiling down at her. AJ is for Adam, Junior. Does he have a middle name?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. I thought maybe Robert after my father, but then Robbie\u2019s name was Robert, too. So, I didn\u2019t give him a middle name.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell then, AJ is perfect. I don\u2019t have a middle name either.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chapter Eighteen<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rebecca awoke to a knock at her bedroom door. As she willed her way to wakening, there was another knock, then the sound of the latch opening. She looked up and saw AJ\u2019s little face through the crack in the door, and soon, Adam was pushing through behind him. Cradling AJ in this arm, he said, \u201cSee, Mama\u2019s right here.\u201d When Adam passed AJ to his mother, she smiled: no, she grinned a big, bright, beautiful grin that took over her face. Adam froze for a moment, looking intently at her, remembering the smile that made his stomach flutter\u2026Becca\u2019s smile was back. As she cuddled AJ, he sat on the bed next to her. \u201cI have something for you,\u201d he said as she watched him pull a blue scarf out of his pocket.<\/p>\n

Her mouth dropped open, and she caught her breath. \u201cYou found it?\u201d she asked, looking from the scarf to his eyes and back to the scarf.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe found it when we were searching for you by the lake.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou kept it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s always been with me. Except when you came home, I asked Hop Sing to have it cleaned,\u201d he said as he tied it around her neck.<\/p>\n

Her fingers grasped the scarf as she looked at him\u2026like she used to\u2026as if she loved him. \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Touching her face, he answered, \u201cYou\u2019re welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The entire Cartwright family had breakfast together that morning. While Rebecca fed AJ eggs, Adam talked about going to town again. \u201cWe could drop Chi Mei and AJ off at Mrs. Bailey\u2019s. I\u2019m sure she\u2019d enjoy the company. She hasn\u2019t had that much time with AJ. I thought you and I might have a nice dinner out, maybe at the International House.\u201d Rebecca lowered her hands to her lap and bowed her head. \u201cBecca, you used to enjoy going into town.\u201d She glanced up at him, then left the table and stood in the middle of the sitting room. She jumped when Adam touched her arms. \u201cSweetheart, you have nothing to be afraid of. I\u2019ll be with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you don\u2019t know what any of them think,\u201d she said quietly, moving her hands to her arms. Though her long sleeves prevented her from tearing her skin, she scratched. Adam moved her hands and held them as he turned her around to face him. \u201cMost of them have asked about you and have sent their well wishes. I can\u2019t think of anyone who wouldn\u2019t want to see you up and around.\u201d He took her face in his hands. \u201cThe only one who thinks those things is you\u2026and you need to stop,\u201d he said, bending to gently kiss her. \u201cWhy don\u2019t we take some of Hop Sing\u2019s roast beef and fresh bread and have lunch with Mrs. Bailey? Then, when we go out for the evening, if you get too uncomfortable, we can go right back to Mrs. Bailey\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

After getting everything packed up, including lunch and clothes for dinner, Adam drove Rebecca, Chi Mei and AJ into town. He watched Rebecca sitting beside him, mostly looking down, but every now and again, something would catch her eye and she\u2019d look out and smile. After lunch, she sat with Adam in the swing on Mrs. Bailey\u2019s front porch while Chi Mei and Mrs. Bailey played with AJ. The child had just begun to crawl, and Mrs. Bailey couldn\u2019t keep up with him, so Chi Mei stayed to scoop him up if he went too far. AJ was happily laughing and squealing, but so far, he hadn\u2019t attempted to say anything.<\/p>\n

Several people walked by the house, and when they saw Adam and Rebecca sitting on the porch they stopped to say hello. Rebecca smiled timidly, but when she looked up, she didn\u2019t look directly at them. Still, Adam was pleased by her effort.<\/p>\n

When they were dressing for dinner, Rebecca sat on the bed and watched him. When he looked at her, she looked away. Pulling a chair in front of her, he sat down. \u201cWhat is it, Becca?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember\u2026asking if you forgot about me.\u201d Adam reached for her hand, and she pulled back at first, but then slowly gave it to him. Tears escaped her eyes, and she reached up and wiped them away. \u201cI\u2026at least part of me\u2026hated you.\u201d A quiet sob found its way out. \u201cI didn\u2019t know why you hadn\u2019t come for me. And then you did. I remember when you took me from the ship.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, when we got back from Timm\u2019s place\u2026where we went to look at the bull, I looked for you. We went to the lake, and that\u2019s where Joe found your scarf. After that, Hoss and I tracked you all the way to San Francisco, but by the time we got there, Wei had already taken you out to sea.\u201d She moved a finger to his lips, and he closed his eyes, remembering the touch he was feeling again. He took her hand in his, holding it to his lips.<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Bailey told me.\u201d<\/p>\n

As Adam held her hands, he moved to the edge of the chair. \u201cBecca, I looked for you, but once Wei took you out to sea\u2026I had to trust others to find you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d she whispered, raising her hand to his face, caressing his cheek. \u201cMrs. Bailey told me.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

When Adam and Rebecca were ready for dinner, Adam escorted her out of the house and down the front stairs while Mrs. Bailey stood on the porch saying goodbye.<\/p>\n

Adam guided her to the boardwalk, but when she looked in front of them she tensed at the sight of so many people walking through town. She moved sideways into Adam, and ended up standing halfway behind him, making him wince at the tightness of her hold on his arm.<\/p>\n

He pulled her back to his side, placing her hand on top of his arm. \u201cBecca, we are going to walk up this sidewalk. I know you\u2019re frightened, but you have no reason to be. The more we do this, the easier it will get.\u201d He guided her forward and thought she might shatter, she was so stiff, and though it was difficult to get her to take each step, they eventually made it to the International House.<\/p>\n

When they arrived at the restaurant, Adam requested a table in a back corner that was separated from the rest and somewhat private. He seated her against the back wall so she could see the entire restaurant, and rather than sitting across from her, sat at the side of the table that allowed him the same view.<\/p>\n

During dinner, she kept her head bowed, but occasionally glanced up, quickly looking back down. The other patrons of the restaurant watched the two Cartwrights in the corner out of mild curiosity, but kept a polite distance.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, how would you like to get away for a few days? I thought we could go up to the shack by the small lake up on the summit. Just you, me and AJ. We can do some fishing.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled timidly. \u201cI don\u2019t think I like fish anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh? You used to love fried fish.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her smile disappeared. \u201cMy meals on the ship consisted mostly of fish and rice.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam put his fork down and frowned. \u201cBecca, I\u2019m sorry. I didn\u2019t mean to bring back bad memories.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it wasn\u2019t fried. Maybe it won\u2019t seem the same.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled, understanding she was trying. \u201cSo does that mean you\u2019d like to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go,\u201d she said softly, leaning back in her chair. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Adam, but I don\u2019t have the appetite I used to.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked at her plate. She had barely eaten anything. He sat back and watched her for a moment, noticing that she was holding her arms tightly to her side, even when she took a bite. She was trying to make herself\u2026invisible. He had known she would be nervous this evening, but the realization that being seen\u2026by anyone\u2026would trouble her so much was disconcerting. He thought that if she had a choice, she\u2019d stay in her bedroom alone except for AJ\u2026and maybe him.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, he didn\u2019t get to pursue it with her. The restaurant manager arrived at their table, whispering in his ear. \u201cDr. Martin sent a message. He asked that you go back to Mrs. Bailey\u2019s house right away.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Nineteen<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam had no trouble getting Rebecca out of the restaurant and back to Mrs. Bailey\u2019s house after he relayed Dr. Martin\u2019s message. She was afraid for her child, but when Dr. Martin met them at the door, the first thing he told them was that the baby was alright.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Mrs. Bailey. She collapsed, complaining of chest pain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere is she? Is she alright?\u201d asked Rebecca, almost frantically as she stepped into the parlor looking around.<\/p>\n

Adam stepped behind Rebecca, holding her shoulders when Paul looked at him gravely. \u201cRebecca, she\u2019s in her room resting, but before you see her, I want you to know what\u2019s happened.\u201d He motioned to a chair. \u201cPlease, sit down while I explain.\u201d<\/p>\n

On the verge of tears, she looked back over her shoulder at Adam, who nodded. \u201cLet\u2019s sit down and listen to what Paul has to say.\u201d He pulled a chair next to her and held her hand while Paul spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cRebecca, Mrs. Bailey is eighty-years-old. This isn\u2019t uncommon in people her age. It\u2019s her heart. It\u2019s not beating as it should.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca trembled and her breathing quickened. \u201cWill she be alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul lowered his head, taking a deep breath, then looked back up at her. \u201cShe doesn\u2019t have very long. I gave her something, but I\u2019m afraid I can only make her comfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam looked at Paul with a furrowed brow and deep frown. Paul answered his look by shaking his head.<\/p>\n

Rebecca wiped tears away from her cheek. \u201cCan I see her?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, she\u2019s asking for you,\u201d answered Dr. Martin. \u201cBut I wanted you to be prepared. She\u2019s very weak.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca rose and nodded, slowly walking toward Mrs. Bailey\u2019s bedroom, and Adam followed.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust the two people I wanted to see,\u201d Mrs. Bailey whispered when she saw them enter her room. \u201cBoth of you come over here. I have something to tell you.\u201d The bun that Adam and Rebecca were accustomed to had been taken down, her long, silver hair draped over one shoulder and lying neatly on the pink flowered spread that covered her. Rebecca sat on the side of the bed with Adam standing behind her. \u201cDid I ever tell you that I had three children?\u201d Mrs. Bailey said in a weak, soft voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you didn\u2019t,\u201d answered Rebecca.<\/p>\n

\u201cNone of them lived to adulthood. My firstborn son died of the fever when he was about your Little Adam\u2019s age. My second child, another boy, was killed in an accident in the town where we lived. He ran in front of a stagecoach heading out of town. And my daughter\u2026\u201d Mrs. Bailey took Rebecca\u2019s hand and pulled her closer. \u201cMy Rebecca was raped when she was sixteen. When she found out she was pregnant, she took her own life.\u201d Both Rebecca and Adam dropped their jaws in shock. \u201cWhen you found me in church and told me your name was Rebecca, I thought that God had truly sent me an angel. I felt that even more strongly when Adam told me he felt the same way about you. There\u2019s something special in you, Rebecca. You and Adam had something special. I don\u2019t want you to let General Wei take that away from you, the same way that rapist took my daughter.\u201d Adam squeezed Rebecca\u2019s shoulders. \u201cNow, I\u2019ve told you everything you need to hear. The man standing behind you loves you, and it doesn\u2019t matter what Wei did to you. I want you to promise me that you\u2019ll trust Adam. Promise me. I want to hear it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI promise,\u201d said Rebecca softly, her chin quivering.<\/p>\n

Tears welled in Mrs. Bailey\u2019s eyes as she looked up and whispered. \u201cI can rest easy knowing all my children are in good hands now.\u201d She closed her eyes and released her last breath.<\/p>\n

Adam looked out the window by the bed and let his tears flow down his cheeks. Rebecca held Mrs. Bailey\u2019s hand, laying her head down on the bed next to her and quietly wept. \u201cMother,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty<\/strong><\/p>\n

The ride to the Ponderosa was silent with Rebecca sitting next to Adam, but not touching him. She sat with her feet together and her hands clasped in her lap, looking down at nothing in particular. Adam let her sit, lost in his own grief at the unexpected tragedy. It had happened so fast; only an hour had passed from the time Mrs. Bailey collapsed until she died. Adam had grown to trust Mrs. Bailey with his innermost feelings. He could sit with her without saying a word, and she knew both what was troubling him, and what she should say to make it all make sense. She was the only one he trusted to do the same for Rebecca. Now she was gone. Had she said enough to bring Rebecca back?<\/p>\n

Rebecca was blank. She didn\u2019t feel anything\u2026only numbness. It was as if she were still stuck in a bad dream and when she was just about to wake from it the nightmare sucked her back in. She thought of only one thing\u2026escape.<\/p>\n

When they arrived at the Ponderosa, Adam helped Chi Mei, who had been holding AJ, out of the back seat. She disappeared into the kitchen with the child, knowing there would be a discussion in the sitting room that did not involve her.<\/p>\n

Rebecca sat motionless on the seat. Other than the jars and bumps of the road, she hadn\u2019t moved since they left Virginia City. \u201cBecca?\u201d said Adam, leaning into the buggy. He took her hand, and it felt lifeless in his. He lifted her off the seat, leaning down and putting her feet on the ground. \u201cLet\u2019s go inside,\u201d he said as he walked with her toward the house, thinking that if he let her go, she\u2019d drop to the ground as if she had no bones.<\/p>\n

Ben had seen Chi Mei whisk AJ into the kitchen, then when he watched Adam bringing Rebecca into the house, he became alarmed and stood. \u201cAdam, what\u2019s happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Rebecca was alert again. \u201cI\u2019m going upstairs. I want to lie down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll help you,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019s alright. I\u2019m just going to lie down. You don\u2019t have to come up with me.\u201d She walked to the stairs and ascended, then disappeared around the corner without looking back.<\/p>\n

Adam turned to his father. \u201cPa, I don\u2019t know how to say this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben waited quietly for Adam to say what he needed to say, seeing pain in his son\u2019s face, the red eyes, the mouth turned in a deep frown.<\/p>\n

Clearing his throat, Adam started to speak, but only a hoarse sound came out. He stopped, and took a deep breath. \u201cMrs. Bailey\u2026she\u2019s\u2026gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGone?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Pa. Paul said her heart gave out on her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sadness took over Ben\u2019s face as he looked out across the room, then reached back feeling for the arm of the chair. Without looking, he lowered himself down.<\/p>\n

Adam went to the blue chair and sat down as well, both men remaining quiet for awhile. They heard a horse approach the house, but neither moved to see who was there. In only another minute, Hoss came through the door. \u201cYou know if that Little Joe doesn\u2019t start takin\u2019 work seriously, we ain\u2019t never\u2026\u201d Hoss stopped and looked at both men. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Bailey has passed away,\u201d answered Ben, glancing up at Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I\u2019m real sorry to hear that. Rebecca must be takin\u2019 it real hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe went up to her room to lie down,\u201d said Adam. He looked up to the top of the stairs and got up. \u201cWhat was I thinking letting her go up there by herself? She\u2019s probably crying herself sick. Excuse me,\u201d he said as he climbed the stairs.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

When Rebecca reached the top of the stairs, she walked down the hall past her bedroom and into the baby\u2019s room. Dr. Martin had said AJ was still getting some opium. She looked on the bed table, on top of the chest of drawers, then opened the upper door of the chest, finding a full bottle of laudanum. Taking the bottle and closing the chest door, she quickly made her way to her own room and quietly closed the door. She sat on the side of her bed, looking at the bottle, remembering how easy it was to\u2026not care. Adam wanted this out of her, but surely just the amount that was in the laudanum couldn\u2019t hurt her. After all, they were giving it to the baby. It would only be this one time\u2026when she really needed it. She pulled the cork out of the bottle, held it to her lips, closed her eyes and turned the bottle up. She only took a few swallows, but after a few minutes, felt nothing, so she drank the rest of the bottle. It only took a few more minutes for her to fall backwards onto the bed, the bottle falling to the floor.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam knocked on her door, and getting no answer, he turned the knob and slowly pushed it open. Rebecca was lying on the bed as though she had sat down and lain back. \u201cBecca?\u201d He took a few more steps, then saw the bottle on the floor, kneeling to pick it up. Hurrying back out of the room he yelled down from the top of the stairs, \u201cSend Chi Mei up here now!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, what\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n

He held up the bottle. \u201cShe took laudanum. Hoss, find little Joe and send him into town for Paul. Tell him to tell Paul that she drank a bottle of laudanum. Then come back. I\u2019m gonna need your help.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chi Mei ran in from the kitchen, holding AJ. \u201cChi Mei, do you know how much was in this bottle of laudanum?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was a new bottle. It was full.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, Hop Sing has an herb\u2026I think it\u2019s called lobelia\u2026it will make her throw up. Would you ask him to prepare it to give to Becca?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright, Hop Sing is not here. I know it,\u201d said Chi Mei, handing AJ to Ben. \u201cI will prepare it,\u201d said Chi Mei, running back to the kitchen.<\/p>\n

Adam disappeared back around the corner. He sat down on the bed next to Rebecca and pulled her up in his arms, gently slapping her face. \u201cBecca,\u201d he said loudly. \u201cBecca, wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

She groaned and turned her head. \u201cLet Wei kill me. I don\u2019t care anymore,\u201d she said, her speech slurred so badly Adam could hardly understand what she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, come on, Sweetheart. Wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss hurried into the room and winced at the sight of her. \u201cAdam, Joe\u2019s on his way. What d\u2019ya want me to do next?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGet some towels and a bucket and bring some hot water up\u2026and some clean cloths. Becca,\u201d he said, patting her cheeks. \u201cWake up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chi Mei came into the room carrying a cup and a teapot. Ben joined them after putting AJ down to sleep. While Chi Mei poured a cup of tea, Ben took the towel he brought with him and laid it over Rebecca\u2019s chest under her chin. \u201cWhat can I do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHelp me hold her up while I try to get this tea in her.\u201d Ben put his arm around her shoulders and held her while Adam stood over her, opening her mouth with one hand while pouring the tea in her mouth. She choked and spat and began tossing her head back and forth. \u201cPa, hold her head still. I have to get some of this down.\u201d Again, Adam poured the tea in her mouth.<\/p>\n

Hoss arrived with buckets, towels and hot water, and by the time he placed the bucket in front of Rebecca just below Adam, she was already starting to heave. Ben pulled her forward, as it began to come out. Adam handed Chi Mei the cup and took a towel from Hoss, laying it in her lap. \u201cHand me a warm cloth.\u201d He began wiping her forehead and face between retches. When she stopped, Adam forced her to drink more of the tea which started the vomiting all over again. He didn\u2019t stop until nothing else came up.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-One <\/strong><\/p>\n

When Paul arrived at the Ponderosa, the house was quiet. Joe escorted him inside. Paul found Ben sitting in the leather chair, staring into the fire.<\/p>\n

\u201cBen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Paul,\u201d he said as he rose.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe tells me Rebecca drank a bottle of laudanum.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded. \u201cYes, she did. Adam remembered an herb that would make her vomit. Hop Sing had it, so Chi Mei made tea. Adam thinks she got most of it out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re upstairs?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d answered Ben, motioning for Paul to accompany him up the stairs. When Paul entered the room, Hoss left, going downstairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow is she?\u201d asked Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s sleeping. She looks awfully pale, though,\u201d answered Hoss.<\/p>\n

Paul found Adam on the bed, sitting up against the headboard, Rebecca\u2019s head lying on a pillow over his legs. \u201cAdam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam brushed Rebecca\u2019s hair back away from her face. \u201cI think she got it all out. I left the bucket over there,\u201d he said, nodding toward the window.<\/p>\n

Paul looked in the bucket. \u201cThe whole bottle?\u201d Adam nodded. \u201cHow long has she been sleeping?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout an hour. She wakes up every now and then crying, but then goes right back to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I can\u2019t give her anything else. I wouldn\u2019t leave her alone tonight or for the next several days. I\u2019m taking AJ off the laudanum. He\u2019s on such a low dose now, he might as well just come off of it. I\u2019ll take the rest of the laudanum you have in the house with me. Out of curiosity, how did you know about lobelia?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam exhaled and turned his head in thought. \u201cI don\u2019t know, Paul. I must have heard it or read it somewhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it\u2019s a good thing you remembered it. It would have been a real setback for her if you hadn\u2019t gotten it out as quickly as you did. I\u2019ll go talk to Chi Mei about AJ. At this point, there\u2019s nothing more to be done.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you mean this isn\u2019t what you\u2019d consider a setback?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPhysically, no. I should have warned you that she might try something like this after the day you both have had. Remember what I said about the habit. She was looking for an escape.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cThanks for coming, Paul.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam slowly moved off the bed. He went to his room, taking his night shirt out of a drawer, pulling his robe out of the wardrobe and collecting his slippers, taking everything into Rebecca\u2019s room. First he got her changed into her nightgown and straightened the blankets on the bed, then he changed into his nightshirt and slipped under the covers, holding her while she slept. Several times during the night she woke crying, and each time he\u2019d calm her until she went back to sleep.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

Chapter Twenty-Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

When Rebecca woke up, she found Adam sitting in a chair next to the bed reading. \u201cGood morning,\u201d he said. \u201cHow do you feel?\u201d She turned over on her side, facing him, but said nothing. \u201cWell, at least you didn\u2019t turn away from me,\u201d he said with just a touch of anger in his voice. She opened her mouth to speak, but only a faint, hoarse noise came out. \u201cI\u2019ll bet your throat hurts.\u201d She nodded. Reaching over to the night table, he poured a glass of water. \u201cThis should help.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sitting up, she leaned against the headboard. \u201cThank you,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

He pulled the chair up to the side of the bed. \u201cBecca, why didn\u2019t you tell me you needed\u2026something?\u201d She cast her eyes down, a tear dropping into the glass of water she was holding. Adam moved to the side of the bed next to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just wanted a little\u2026to not feel,\u201d she whispered. \u201cBut I didn\u2019t feel any different with just a little, so I took more.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, do you want to be addicted?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you know that laudanum is made with opium? If we hadn\u2019t gotten it out of you, you might have had to start over.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her crying was soundless because of her raw throat, but tears were raining down. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pulled her into his arms, but she kept her arms in front of her. \u201cWei pushed me up against those men, and they\u2019d move their hands down my back and\u2026they made me feel\u2026helpless.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, you\u2019re not helpless here,” he whispered in her ear. “And I would never hurt you like that.\u201d She moved her arms around him, holding him tightly. When she had stopped crying, Adam sat her up. \u201cDo you think you can eat a little breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, but Dr. Martin said it would help to put something in your stomach. And I know this is hard for you, but we have to talk about Mrs. Bailey\u2019s final wishes.\u201d Rebecca turned and tried to push away, but Adam held her to him. \u201cListen to me. I know this is hard. I know this hurts. I\u2019m hurting, too. But death is part of life. She wasn\u2019t afraid, and I don\u2019t believe she was in pain. Do you remember what she said? She said she could rest easy.\u201d He looked into her eyes as he brushed her hair back. \u201cHer attorney is coming by today to talk to us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you stay with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI won\u2019t leave your side.\u201d<\/p>\n

She got up and dressed, then went downstairs with Adam. The rest of the Cartwrights were already seated along with Chi Mei, who was busy feeding AJ. When Chi Mei started to rise, Adam motioned for her to stay, seating Rebecca on the other side of AJ and taking the seat next to her at the end of the table. He poured a glass of milk. \u201cThis will probably feel good on your throat. Do you want to try some eggs?\u201d Glancing up at him, she slightly nodded.<\/p>\n

The Cartwright men spent most of breakfast discussing the work of the day until they were interrupted by a chattering AJ. He reached over to his mother, grabbing her sleeve, and said, \u201cmamamamama.\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking over at him wide-eyed, a shaky smile began to form on her lips as she lifted the child out of the high chair and brought him into her lap. By that time, Adam was up and kneeling at her side, grinning widely at AJ\u2019s first word as the others celebrated with laughter.<\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam brought Rebecca and AJ out to the front porch while he chopped wood for the fire, a chore he could do without leaving her. He watched as she played with the child, imagining this was the way she would be with him if the last three years were erased; happy, laughing and baby-talking while AJ responded in kind. Adam stopped chopping and walked over to the porch, taking AJ and raising him up over his head, sparking another round of squeals and gurgles from his son\u2026and laughter from his wife.<\/p>\n

He was disappointed that the magic had to end when a buggy came into the yard bearing Mrs. Bailey\u2019s attorney. Handing the baby back to Rebecca, Adam walked out to the buggy. \u201cMr. Harris,\u201d said Adam, holding out his hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Cartwright,\u201d responded the man, taking Adam\u2019s hand, and then tipping his hat to Rebecca. \u201cIf the two of you are ready, I have Mrs. Bailey\u2019s Will to be read.\u201d He continued speaking as they walked into the house. \u201cI will tell you right off Mrs. Bailey left everything to Mrs. Cartwright, but I\u2019m sure you know the legal ramifications of that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chi Mei came into the sitting area and took AJ, and Adam guided Rebecca to the leather chair near the fireplace, sitting on the hearth next to her while Mr. Harris sat on the settee and spread his documents in front of him on the coffee table.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore we get started, can I offer you something to drink?\u201d asked Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Mr. Cartwright, I don\u2019t expect this to take more than few minutes. Mrs. Bailey\u2019s husband was a banker. She inherited his business ventures and investments. Now, I said everything, so I should read you the list. All money in two accounts at the Virginia City Bank totaling $20,252.38. I have the account numbers here,\u201d he said, pointing to another piece of paper. \u201cAll stocks in the Virginia City Bank vault listed there with the account numbers. All jewelry in the Virginia City Bank vault, also on the list,\u201d he said, nodding at the same piece of paper. Property in Sacramento consisting of a house and small barn currently being rented. \u201cFifty percent ownership in a cattle ranch, dairy and creamery, the\u2026ah\u2026Meder Ranch located north of Santa Cruz on the coast. Property in Virginia City consisting of a house and small barn and including all personal property inside the house and anywhere on the property. The approximate worth of the estate is $250,000. Now Mrs. Cartwright, Mrs. Bailey specifically listed you however, because you are married, by default, your husband takes control of the estate. Mr. Cartwright, I have a letter for you,\u201d he said, reaching across the table toward Adam, who leaned forward and took the envelope. \u201cThis letter lists some things Mrs. Bailey wanted Mrs. Cartwright to keep\u2026ah\u2026family heirlooms, I believe. Now if you\u2019ll just sign at the bottom of these documents, I have the deeds to the properties with me, and the Virginia City Bank has been given notice to transfer everything at the bank to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam had been watching Rebecca while the Will was read. Her demeanor never changed. She sat with her hands clasped in her lap and her head bowed with a blank expression on her face. He reached over and squeezed her hand, then leaned forward to the table and signed the documents.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, Mr. Cartwright. Here are the property deeds, and this is the rest of the property documentation,\u201d he said, handing Adam a thick folder. \u201cNow, if you\u2019ll excuse me, I\u2019m on my way to Placerville to read a Will there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course, Mr. Harris. If I have questions, may I contact you?\u201d asked Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Bailey kept all the parts of her estate very organized. I doubt you\u2019ll have any, but of course, whatever service I can be.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam walked Mr. Harris to the door. When he came back, Rebecca hadn\u2019t moved. He sat down next to her. \u201cAre you alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know if I can go back in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to if you don\u2019t want to. I won\u2019t do anything until you feel you can talk about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to lie down now, if that\u2019s alright.\u201d<\/p>\n

Standing, Adam held out his hand. \u201cCome on. I\u2019ll go upstairs with you.\u201d Rebecca took his hand and quietly walked up the stairs without looking up. She sat down on the side of the bed, removing her shoes, then laid back. Adam sat on the side of the bed next to her, holding her hand. \u201cWhat can I do to help you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to think about this.\u201d Her tears began to flow. \u201cI don\u2019t want to feel. I don\u2019t want to think about her being\u2026gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam lifted her up to him, holding her tightly as she cried. \u201cMrs. Bailey told me there was no use trying to talk until you get all the tears out.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mrs. Bailey\u2019s funeral was held the day after the attorney read the will. Adam had slept in the room with Rebecca again. When she awoke, he had her dress lying over her dressing table chair. He stayed with her while she dressed, ate breakfast with her, and when they arrived at the Virginia City cemetery, he kept her close. During the entire service she looked straight ahead, her face wet with tears, staring out at nothing. The only way Adam knew she was conscious was that her eyes were open, and she was standing upright.<\/p>\n

After the service, Mrs. Lewis approached them. \u201cRebecca, I know how you and Mildred were. I know you loved each other. I\u2019m so sorry this had to happen now.\u201d Rebecca stared forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Lewis, I know she heard you,\u201d explained Adam. \u201cShe\u2019s taking this hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand, Mr. Cartwright. I\u2019d like to come by and see her when she\u2019s ready. Mildred asked me to collect some fabric and notions for her. She thought keeping her busy with something she enjoyed before\u2026well, Mildred said she enjoyed the sewing\u2026Rebecca was so good at it\u2026Mildred thought keeping her busy would help.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Lewis, I\u2019m sure Mrs. Bailey knew what she was talking about. Why don\u2019t you give us until next week and then come by. Maybe by then, Becca will be\u2026better.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat with Rebecca in the back of the buggy on the way home while his father drove. Joe and Hoss had ridden their horses and followed behind. The ride was quiet until Rebecca suddenly spoke.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, what do you think the chances are of finding Robbie?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026why do you want to find Robbie?<\/p>\n

\u201cI want him brought back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, it\u2019s been three years since he was shot. There\u2019s not going be much to bring back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think you could find him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca\u2026\u201d Adam wasn\u2019t sure where this was coming from\u2026if it was some delusion brought on by her grief or if it was real. \u201cWe could try, Sweetheart, but we should talk about this at home\u2026in a few days.\u201d Rebecca resumed her trance.<\/p>\n

Over the next week, Rebecca seemed to retreat into her dazed state whenever AJ was not occupying her. Adam had asked her to move into his bedroom, and all the furniture and accessories had been moved back into the guest room she had occupied. They were sleeping in the same bed now, even though Adam always wore his nightshirt and never tried anything more than holding her while she slept. Rebecca was getting used to having him there, but still cringed whenever his touch seemed more than just a hug or kiss.<\/p>\n

The day Mrs. Lewis visited, however, brought about another slow change. She explained to Rebecca that Mrs. Bailey had asked her to bring over fabric and notions to give her something to do. Rebecca seemed excited in a very quiet way\u2026her eyes lit up at the prospect of making herself new clothes. She spent her days sewing and taking a bigger part in caring for AJ. She used some of the fabric to make clothes for AJ as well. With her time occupied, Adam was able to resume some responsibilities around the ranch, leaving for a few hours during the day to take care of ranch business. At first, Rebecca was upset, but eventually remained calm with the knowledge that one of the Cartwrights was there.<\/p>\n

It was Friday night, and Adam had already ended his day and was sitting in the blue chair letting AJ bounce while he waited for dinner. Rebecca sat in the leather chair and sewed.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, how would you like to take that fishing trip this weekend? We could leave tomorrow morning and come back Monday.\u201d She laid her sewing in her lap, clasped her hands and bowed her head as she always did when she was addressed. \u201cBecca, why do you stop what you\u2019re doing when I talk to you? And why don\u2019t you look at me?\u201d<\/p>\n

She slowly lifted her eyes. \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam smiled. \u201cYou don\u2019t need to be sorry. I just don\u2019t want you to feel\u2026\u201d he stopped, remembering how Mrs. Bailey spoke to her. \u201cWhat are you feeling now that makes it hard to look at me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam watched her eyes move and knew she was thinking. \u201cI was waiting to be told what to do. I was not to look at Wei. If I did, I was punished.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, I\u2019m not Wei. I miss the way you used to look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled and sat back in the chair, looking at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you like to take a few days and go up to Echo Lake\u2026just the three of us?\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded.<\/p>\n

After dinner, Adam gathered the supplies they would need, along with their clothes, and several fishing poles that had withstood many trips to the creek.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam, Rebecca and AJ left for Echo Lake at first light. AJ hadn\u2019t awakened at all and was sleeping in Rebecca\u2019s arms. The road they were taking went through the deepest part of the forest, then opened up to spectacular views of Lake Tahoe lasting until they started up the road to the summit.<\/p>\n

Adam watched Rebecca in silence most of the way. When she looked down, she was looking at their son. When she wasn\u2019t looking at AJ, she was looking around her\u2026and smiling\u2026and he hoped, remembering.<\/p>\n

Before she was taken, Adam and Rebecca had come up to Echo Lake together and spent long weekends there\u2026just the two of them. She had enjoyed fishing as much as he did. She had liked fried fish as much as he did. And though the water was cold, she had loved bathing and swimming in the lake, then lying on a blanket next to the water, drying in the warm sun. They had made love there, under God\u2019s sky, among the trees and boulders in the peacefulness surrounding the small mountain lake.<\/p>\n

He hoped she would remember.<\/p>\n

Once the wagon was unloaded, Rebecca prepared their dinner while Adam made up the bed with fresh linens. After dinner, they put AJ down for the night, then went outside to watch the sunset over the lake, sitting quietly together on a boulder near the shack. \u201cDo you remember?\u201d Adam asked as he put his arm over Rebecca\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n

By the time she answered, the sun had set, and though she had allowed his arm to stay around her, she moved away now, standing with her back to him. \u201cI remember. But it feels like I\u2019m seeing someone else\u2019s memories\u2026as if it was someone else\u2019s life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam stood behind her, touching her shoulders. She flinched, but didn\u2019t step away. \u201cBecca, that was our life together. I want that back. I don\u2019t want you to let what Wei did take that away from us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m trying,\u201d she whispered and walked back into the shack. Adam squatted down, picking up a rock and throwing it into the lake. Who am I fighting? Rebecca, Wei\u2026or both of them?<\/em><\/p>\n

The next morning after breakfast, Rebecca packed a picnic lunch, and they spent the day on the shore of the lake. While Adam fished, Rebecca watched while she played with AJ until Adam took him to the rock he had been sitting on and continued fishing while holding AJ on his lap. Looking back, he found Rebecca watching and smiling.<\/p>\n

After catching enough fish for their dinner, Adam put the fishing pole away and holding AJ by his hands, he walked AJ along the shore of the lake. \u201cBecca, he\u2019s pulling toward the water. What do you think about taking his diaper off and seeing if he likes it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to have to go with him if he goes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll take my boots off and roll up my trousers,\u201d he said, walking back to the blanket. He passed AJ to Rebecca while he removed his boots and rolled up his pants legs, then took AJ and removed his diaper.<\/p>\n

When he got AJ to the water, Adam held AJ\u2019s arms, dipping his feet in. \u201cHey, don\u2019t do that,\u201d Adam said loudly as he danced to the side, holding AJ away from him.<\/p>\n

He looked back at Rebecca who was laughing. \u201cYou have to be careful when cooler air hits it. He\u2019ll pee on you.\u201d Adam\u2019s eyes flew open wide as he threw his head back and joined her in laughter.<\/p>\n

She slowly stopped laughing and watched him. \u201cI\u2019ve always loved your laugh.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam picked the baby up, turning AJ away from him and went to the blanket, kneeling and laying AJ to one side. Leaning into Rebecca, he took her lips with his, laying her back on the blanket, but was soon interrupted by what he first thought was a rain shower. He quickly discovered that AJ was relieving himself again, creating a high, golden fountain that rained down on Adam\u2019s back. Instinctively, he rose back up on his knees, getting showered on the head.<\/p>\n

Rebecca saved what little self-respect Adam had left by reaching over and pushing the source of the shower in the opposite direction with her index finger, laughing all the while.<\/p>\n

Standing with his hands on his hips, Adam looked displeased at AJ, but quickly relaxed, laughed and shook his head. \u201cBecca, would you go get me some clothes to change into? I\u2019m going to take a quick dip,\u201d he said as he began to remove his clothes. When he took off his trousers, Rebecca turned away. \u201cSeeing me without clothes never used to bother you,\u201d he said as he shed his drawers. She continued to look away. \u201cI\u2019m going to take AJ with me while you go to the shack.\u201d<\/p>\n

She snapped back around. \u201cAdam, no please. He doesn\u2019t need to know what that feels like.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSweetheart, this isn\u2019t a punishment,\u201d he said, stepping forward to take the baby. \u201cDon\u2019t you remember when you went swimming in this lake? It was just as cold back then, but you enjoyed it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t hurt him,\u201d she said, standing.<\/p>\n

Adam took another step toward her, but she backed away. \u201cDon\u2019t you know I would never hurt him?\u201d He walked into the water and squatted quickly, then walked until he was up to his chest. Holding AJ up, he gradually brought AJ\u2019s feet down in the water. The baby held his feet up, so Adam cradled and immersed him. AJ stiffened, caught his breath and almost cried, but Adam brought him into his chest, holding him face to face with a look of surprise that made AJ do something between a laugh and a cry. Adam spun him around in the water, and soon, AJ was squealing, gurgling and laughing.<\/p>\n

Rebecca had stepped up to the water, watching anxiously, but when AJ appeared to be happy, she called, \u201cDon\u2019t\u2026hurt him,\u201d then turned toward the shack to retrieve clean clothes and a clean diaper.<\/p>\n

By the time she returned, the two were lying on the blanket, AJ on his back and Adam propped on one arm, teasing him. \u201cGet the two of you dressed. I\u2019ll go start dinner,\u201d she said, laying the clothes and diaper down next to Adam, then retrieving the string of fish and walking back toward the shack. By the time Adam was dressed and AJ was diapered, the smell of fish frying wafted through the trees to the lake.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomething smells good,\u201d said Adam, holding AJ, as he walked up to the cook fire Rebecca had prepared.<\/p>\n

\u201cFried fish, johnnycakes and corn,\u201d answered Rebecca. \u201cAnd mashed up johnnycake, egg and cheese for you,\u201d she said, tickling AJ.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you having fish?\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking down, she said quietly, \u201cI\u2019ll try it.\u201d<\/p>\n

AJ had laid his head on Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI don\u2019t think he\u2019s ready for dinner. He didn\u2019t have a nap today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you mind tending the fish while I put him down,\u201d she asked, taking AJ from him and turning toward the shack.<\/p>\n

When she returned, Adam had moved the table outside and had found some wildflowers to place in a cup in the center of the table. As he prepared two plates, he said, \u201cI brought a bottle of wine. It\u2019s in my saddle bag. Would you get it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I found this,\u201d she said when she returned. \u201cYou brought Browning.\u201d
\nHe stood and gently took the book from her, placing it on the table. \u201cI thought I\u2019d recite some poetry to you tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled timidly. \u201cYou always brought that book here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking her hand, he guided her to her seat at the table, and when she was seated, he poured the wine, then sat down. \u201cTo the present and the future,\u201d he said, holding up his cup.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you wanted me to remember our past.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt would be nice if you could\u2026without remembering the last three years.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, I remember the lake. I remember our home. I remember my garden. But every time I try to remember\u2026you\u2026us\u2026it\u2019s not your\u2026hands that I remember. It\u2019s not you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears were forming in her eyes as she spoke, and Adam took her hand. \u201cIn time, Becca. Why don\u2019t we eat? I\u2019m anxious to see if you still like fried fish.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-Six<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam and Rebecca\u2019s trip to the lake left Chi Mei with time on her hands. Much of the time was spent in the kitchen with Hop Sing. She also accompanied Hop Sing to town when he picked up supplies for the kitchen, and he introduced her to his friends and family in Chinatown.<\/p>\n

When they returned, Hop Sing asked Ben for the afternoon off. \u201cI don\u2019t see why not,\u201d said Ben. \u201cBut is everything alright, Hop Sing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Missa Cartlight,\u201d he answered smiling. \u201cEverything fine. I take Missy Chi Mei on picanic.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben couldn\u2019t help but smile. \u201cFine, Hop Sing. You go right ahead. Adam and Rebecca aren\u2019t due back until late tomorrow, so Chi Mei won\u2019t be needed until then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hop Sing bowed and turned, but paused and turned back. \u201cMissa Cartlight? What you think will happen to Missy Chi Mei when Missa Adam take Missy Rebecca home?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben breathed in deeply. \u201cI would think they\u2019d take Chi Mei with them. But that would be up to Adam, Rebecca and Chi Mei.\u201d Hop Sing nodded and left.<\/p>\n

He took Chi Mei to a high meadow near the lake, spread a blanket on the ground, and unpacked the picnic basket. Chi Mei had developed a taste for fried chicken, and that\u2019s what Hop Sing had prepared for her. As they ate, he told her about his conversation with Ben.<\/p>\n

\u201cI asked Mr. Cartwright if he knew what would become of you when Mister Adam and Miss Rebecca went home. He said he thought they would take you with them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Chi Mei looked down at her hands. \u201cThe Cartwrights are good men. I would be most happy to stay if I am needed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Moving next to her, Hop Sing said, \u201cI would be most happy for you to stay as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

She timidly looked at him, and Hop Sing smiled.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The ride toward home was more pleasant than the journey to the lake. AJ was awake for a good part of the trip, perched on one of Adam\u2019s legs, happily chattering, pointing, and alternately laughing and fussing at nothing in particular. When Adam pulled the buckboard off the road and stopped for lunch, Rebecca jumped down on her own, waiting to take AJ. \u201cI\u2019m sure he needs a clean diaper,\u201d she said, walking to the back of the wagon. Adam followed, taking out the picnic basket full of leftover fish, johnnycakes and corn from dinner. While she changed AJ\u2019s diaper, he laid a blanket down on the ground and sat waiting for them to join him.<\/p>\n

Rebecca placed AJ in the middle of the blanket, then sat to one side as she unloaded the picnic basket, giving the baby room to move around. She stopped and watched when AJ crawled over to Adam, grabbing high up his sleeve and beginning to pull himself up. His first try ended in a fall down on his backside which caused a fuss\u2026not a cry\u2026more like a series of annoyed grunts with a wrinkled nose, but soon, AJ was making a buzzing sound and trying again. Adam looked at Rebecca with an open-mouthed grin, meeting her smile and twinkling eyes. He looked a little more closely. Yes, her eyes were twinkling. When he looked back, AJ was wobbling on his feet, swaying as his knees bent and straightened. Adam circled him with his arms, not touching him, but prepared to catch him if he tumbled backwards. The look of surprise on AJ\u2019s face turned into a grin, showing in his round cheeks, his dimples and his little button nose as he squealed in delight. Reaching up with one hand to Adam\u2019s face, he said, \u201cda.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laughed loudly, scooping AJ up in his arms and laying him in his lap, playing and tickling while the baby gurgled and chortled. When he looked back at Rebecca, she had drawn her knees up in front of her, propping her arms on them and crossing them so that each of her hands rested on the opposite shoulder. She was looking at AJ with such love in her eyes. Then she looked at Adam\u2026with the same look. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she smiled, taking in the scene.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca?\u201d said Adam, bringing AJ back up on his shoulder.<\/p>\n

She wiped the tear way, then finished unpacking the picnic basket. \u201cCrying doesn\u2019t always have to be a bad thing, does it? I\u2019ve just been so worried that I had\u2026permanently injured him.\u201d She brought her hand up to her mouth and turned away, sniffling.<\/p>\n

Adam moved over to her with AJ. \u201cHe\u2019s not injured. He\u2019s just\u2026delayed. He\u2019s going to be alright.\u201d Looking back at him, she smiled timidly. \u201cHand me one of those johnnycakes and a cup of water. Let\u2019s see how he handles it without the mush.\u201d While Adam fed AJ, Rebecca shared her fried fish with Adam. \u201cI thought you might still like it,\u201d he said, smiling.<\/p>\n

That evening when they arrived at the Ponderosa, AJ was already asleep in Rebecca\u2019s arms. Adam lifted Rebecca off the seat as she held the baby, gently placing her feet on the ground. \u201cI\u2019ll be back to help you after I put him down,\u201d she said, walking to the house.<\/p>\n

Ben had come out of the house and walked toward them. \u201cRebecca, how are you?\u201d he asked, looking down at the child in her arms.<\/p>\n

She smiled up at him. \u201cI\u2019m fine, Mr. Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou and I had an agreement that still stands as far as I\u2019m concerned.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine\u2026Pa,\u201d she responded, smiling, then continued into the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d he said, extending his hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, looks like the fort is in good order,\u201d Adam said, taking his father\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled. \u201cHow was the trip?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam stopped unloading and turned, smiling. \u201cIt was good, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-Seven<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam slowly began to spend longer hours away from the house working again with Joe and Hoss while Rebecca stayed in the company of either Ben or Hop Sing and Chi Mei. She had gone to church, and though she felt uncomfortable at first, not only because of the people there, but also because Mrs. Bailey wasn\u2019t sitting with her, she settled in and sang at Adam\u2019s urging.<\/p>\n

After dinner one evening and after Chi Mei had taken AJ up to bed, as Rebecca sat sewing and Adam reading, she put her work down in her lap, addressing Adam. \u201cI want you to bring Robbie back.\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyebrows creased, and he hesitated for a moment before responding. \u201cSweetheart, we talked about this before. There won\u2019t be much left.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you said we could talk about it again. Do you think you could find him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fairly certain we could,\u201d he answered, looking into the fire. \u201cHoss and I found him when we were following you. We buried him.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sat up straight. \u201cSo you know where he is?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it\u2019s been three years, but I think we could find the grave. But Becca, why do you want to bring him back?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause he needs to be taken care of properly,\u201d she said, sitting back. Adam knew the look on her face, even though he hadn\u2019t seen if for several years. Her jaw was set and her eyes were narrowed\u2026the way she used to look when her mind was set on something. There was a stubbornness about them that he welcomed.<\/p>\n

Hoss walked through the sitting area on his way upstairs from the kitchen.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoss, do you remember where we buried Robbie Jensen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, yeah, but why do you wanna know that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think you can take Joe and bring the body back here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI reckon we could. At least, what\u2019s left of it. But why?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI need him to be taken care of properly,\u201d answered Rebecca.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll talk to Joe\u2026see if we can leave in the mornin\u2019. It shouldn\u2019t take more than a couple a days. Hey, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked up from the papers he was working on at the desk. \u201cIs that alright with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Hoss. Is what alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

Walking over to the desk, Hoss said in a low voice. \u201cRebecca wants us to bring Robbie\u2019s body back.\u201d Ben looked up at him with raised eyebrows. \u201cI know, Pa. I reckon Adam thought it needed to be done, \u2019cause he asked.\u201d Ben breathed deeply and nodded.<\/p>\n

Walking back toward the stairs, Hoss said, \u201cI\u2019ll go up and tell Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Hoss,\u201d said Adam as he watched Rebecca resume her sewing.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d He arched his eyebrows. \u201cAre you going into town tomorrow?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I have to go to the bank, and Hop Sing asked me to pick up some things for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMay I go with you? I need to buy more ribbon,\u201d she said, glancing back at him and smiling.<\/p>\n

The corner of Adam\u2019s mouth turned up. \u201cI\u2019d like that. We could have lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n

The following morning, Adam and Rebecca left AJ with Chi Mei and took the buggy to town. When they arrived on the outskirts of Virginia City, Rebecca stopped Adam as they passed in front of Mrs. Bailey\u2019s house. Sadness took over her face as she stared at the front yard, once alive and colorful, now brown and wilted. She looked up at the second floor windows, and instead of seeing the sheer curtains blowing in the gentle breeze, the windows were closed and black. The swing on the front porch moved in the wind\u2026empty.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you want to go in?\u201d Adam asked softly.<\/p>\n

Taking a deep breath, she managed a slight smile. \u201cNo, not yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Patting her hand on his arm, he reined the horses forward into town, stopping in front of the bank. \u201cDo you want to come in with me or would you rather go to Mrs. Lewis\u2019s first?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like to go to Mrs. Lewis\u2019s\u2026alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, are you sure? You don\u2019t have to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you\u2026just watch me\u2026until I get there\u2026please?\u201d she said, looking down, but glancing up at him.<\/p>\n

He stepped down out of the buggy, then helped her down, smiling. \u201cYou\u2019re sure?\u201d She nodded. \u201cAlright. I\u2019ll watch from right here. Go ahead. I\u2019ll come get you when I\u2019m finished in the bank.\u201d<\/p>\n

She stepped off the boardwalk and slowly, timorously made her way across the street and to Mrs. Lewis\u2019s door. Turning, she waved her fingers, then stepped in.<\/p>\n

When Adam had finished his business at the bank and poked his head in the door of Mrs. Lewis\u2019s shop, he smiled. Rebecca was behind the counter with Mrs. Lewis, matching fabrics with lace, ribbons, buttons and thread. \u201cAdam, come in,\u201d said Mrs. Lewis. \u201cI think Rebecca has just about made up her mind.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like\u2026the yellow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam took a slow step toward her, slightly turning his head. \u201cBecca\u2026yellow?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI always liked yellow before\u2026and blue.\u201d She laid a blue bolt of fabric over the yellow. \u201cSee? It matches my scarf.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure?\u201d Adam asked, relaxing.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I\u2019m sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Lewis, can we pick this up in a little while?\u201d asked Adam. \u201cI need to make one more stop to pick up some herbs for Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d she answered. \u201cBut\u2026I don\u2019t mean to pry, but wouldn\u2019t it be better if Rebecca stayed here?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca cast her eyes down and clasped her hands in front of her. \u201cNo, it\u2019s alright. I\u2019ll go.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned her chin up with his finger. \u201cSweetheart, I have to go to Chinatown.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d she said quietly. \u201cBut if I blamed all the Chinese, I\u2019d have to blame Hop Sing\u2026and Chi Mei. I don\u2019t want to do that. I understand that all Chinese are not bad, just the same as all white men aren\u2019t good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go then,\u201d said Adam, smiling, holding out his arm; she wrapped hers around it, and the two walked into Chinatown.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-Eight<\/strong><\/p>\n

The minute Adam and Rebecca turned the corner into Chinatown, Rebecca\u2019s grip on Adam\u2019s arm became almost painful to him, she was holding on so tightly. When they arrived at the herb shop, Adam looked into her eyes, silently reassuring her before he removed her hand from his arm to give Lee Chang Hop Sing\u2019s list.<\/p>\n

\u201cMister Adam, it is good to see you and Mrs. Cartwright,\u201d he greeted, first addressing Adam, and then turning to Rebecca. \u201cIf you can wait for a moment, I will prepare the herbs on the list for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, you\u2019re safe here. These are our friends,\u201d whispered Adam.<\/p>\n

She nodded, and slowly stepped away, first looking around her, then drifting further into the shop to look at the wares. The more she looked, the further away she walked, until she had stepped out of the door to look at the silk fabric displayed in front of the store. She soon found herself in front of another shop and peeking in the door, she noticed the shelves behind the counter were lined with bottles of all shapes and sizes. Her eyes stayed fixed on a small bottle filled with a white powder.<\/p>\n

After she stepped inside, the Chinese man behind the counter asked, \u201cMay I help you?\u201d<\/p>\n

The front of the shop was very small with only enough room for the counter and the shelves behind it. To the right was a closed door, and while Rebecca stood at the counter, several Chinese men came and went, allowing her to see stairs leading down on the other side of the door.<\/p>\n

She pointed to a small corked bottle covered by a wax seal and containing a white powder, and the man reached up and placed the bottle on the counter. She stared at the bottle. Adam will be angry if he finds out. But what would be the harm to have it? I don\u2019t have to use it\u2026but it would be there\u2026if I needed it.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cHow much?\u201d she asked quietly, turning and glancing behind her.<\/p>\n

\u201cTwenty dollar,\u201d said the man behind the counter.<\/p>\n

She hesitated for a moment, then pulled open her reticule and laid twenty dollars on the counter, taking the bottle, dropping it in and quickly pulling the string.<\/p>\n

When she left, the man left the counter and went downstairs to tell his associates that the girl with the yellow eye was in Chinatown.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam had been watching Rebecca browse, but turned away to answer a question about Hop Sing\u2019s list. When he turned back she was gone. \u201cLee Chang, I\u2019ll be back in a few minutes.\u201d Lee Chang nodded.<\/p>\n

Looking around the racks of cloth and shelves of goods, Adam realized she must have left the store. He stepped out, looking around, but didn\u2019t see her. Trotting down the street in front of the shops, he stopped at each one, but she was nowhere to be found.<\/p>\n

He turned and saw a crowd beginning to form, moving slowly into the middle of the street. It was difficult to see into the crowd, but he saw that a woman was frantically trying to get through what had become a circle. Realizing the woman had to be Rebecca, he ran to her and pulled her out.<\/p>\n

Lee Chang heard the disturbance from his store and came out into the street, rushing to them. \u201cPlease, Mister Adam. Come this way.\u201d Rebecca was holding on to Adam so tightly, he couldn\u2019t peel her off, so he carried her back into Lee Chang\u2019s shop.<\/p>\n

Sitting her down in a chair, he pried her arms from around his neck and knelt in front of her. She was shaking, and her face was wet with tears. \u201cBecca, what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease take me home,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

Lee Chang had let them in the store, then closed the door behind them, staying outside. When he returned, he pulled the door closed again and locked it. \u201cMy apologies, Mister Adam. They meant no disrespect. When one saw her yellow eye, he told others. Many of those here have family in San Francisco. I am afraid the news of her abduction and why she was taken reached even here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not your fault, Lee Chang. I should never have brought her into Chinatown.\u201d Lee Chang frowned and turned. Looking down, Adam knew that what he said shamed him. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Lee Chang. I didn\u2019t mean to say that she shouldn\u2019t be here. It was too soon for me to bring her after her rescue. I know they meant no harm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lee Chang smiled and bowed. \u201cI will gather the remaining herbs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam wiped Rebecca\u2019s face with the bandana he kept in his pocket. \u201cBecca, why did you leave the shop?\u201d<\/p>\n

She sniffed. \u201cI went outside to look at the silk, and I guess I kept walking, looking at the things in front of the other shops. I never thought they\u2019d care about my eyes here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Returning from the back of the store, Lee Chang placed all the small bags of herbs into a box. After paying, Adam took the box and led Rebecca back across the street with his arm around her. Everyone stayed back, but watched them until they turned the corner out of Chinatown.<\/p>\n

Stopping in front of Mrs. Lewis\u2019s dress shop, Adam asked, \u201cCan you stay in Mrs. Lewis\u2019s shop while I go get the buggy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. I\u2019m alright.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam touched her cheek with his hand, then opened the door of the shop for her. Mrs. Lewis already had the notions Rebecca had purchased bagged, and by the time Adam arrived with the buggy, Rebecca had gathered everything in her arms and was waiting by the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cGoodbye, Rebecca,\u201d said Mrs. Lewis. Rebecca turned, slightly smiling.<\/p>\n

Once they were out of Virginia City, she relaxed her grip on Adam\u2019s arm and sat back in the buggy. \u201cBecca, you know they didn\u2019t mean to frighten you, don\u2019t you? There\u2019s no one here who wants to hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess I should just get used to it. I can\u2019t change my eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t want you to,\u201d said Adam, leaning over and kissing her cheek. \u201cYou have beautiful eyes.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Twenty-Nine<\/strong><\/p>\n

When Adam and Rebecca arrived at the Ponderosa, Rebecca took her purchases upstairs, dropped them on the bed and headed in search of AJ, the joy of her existence. He had been sleeping, and she brought him downstairs and sat with him while he slowly awoke.<\/p>\n

Adam went to the kitchen to deliver the herbs from Lee Chang\u2019s shop, then came back and sat on the coffee table in front of Rebecca. \u201cAre you alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

She glanced up from her son, on the verge of tears. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I shouldn\u2019t have left. I just wanted to browse the shops.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSweetheart, it\u2019s alright,\u201d he said, taking her hand. \u201cI\u2019m glad you felt you could look by yourself. And I don\u2019t want you to lose that courage. Those men didn\u2019t mean to frighten you.\u201d She smiled and nodded.<\/p>\n

The next evening, Rebecca sat on the rug in front of the settee, laughing as AJ practiced pulling himself up to his feet. Adam chuckled as he watched them from the hearth. A knock at the door drew him up and away. Opening it, he looked out in surprise. \u201cLee Chang?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMister Adam, I must speak with you,\u201d said the merchant, looking over Adam\u2019s shoulder into the house. \u201cMay we speak outside?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam creased his brow. \u201cOf course,\u201d he said, stepping out and pulling the door closed.<\/p>\n

\u201cMister Adam, after you left I found who had spread the news of the girl with the yellow eye. It was a man who works for Master Lu.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s nostrils flared, and he straightened from standing casually with his weight shifted to one leg. \u201cIsn\u2019t he the man who runs the opium den?\u201d<\/p>\n

Lee Chang nodded. \u201cI asked this man how he had seen Mrs. Cartwright.\u201d Chang bowed his head, troubled by what he had to say. \u201cHe told me that Mrs. Cartwright had made a purchase; a small bottle of opium powder.\u201d<\/p>\n

Barely keeping his anger in check, Adam thanked Lee Chang and saw him to his buggy. When Lee Chang was out of sight, he turned back to the house, breathing heavily, his mouth drawn into a tight line. He quietly closed the door and stood listening to the squealing and giggling coming from the other side of the settee. Noticing Rebecca\u2019s reticule on the entry cabinet, he grabbed it and walked into the sitting area, standing over her.<\/p>\n

She looked up at him, her laughter and smile fading when she saw him holding the purse. His face was expressionless and his eyes cold as stone. Walking into the room from the kitchen, Ben froze, seeing the look on Adam\u2019s face and the way he was standing over Rebecca.<\/p>\n

Adam pulled the reticule open and looked in as Rebecca drew AJ to her. When he pulled out the bottle of opium, she looked away, holding AJ even more tightly. \u201cI didn\u2019t take any. Look,\u201d she said, nodding at the bottle. \u201cIt\u2019s still sealed.\u201d<\/p>\n

He stood for a moment, staring at the bottle, then spun around, throwing it into the fireplace, sending powder and shards of glass all over the fire box. Rebecca stood with AJ and tried to run, but Adam grabbed her arm. Before she knew what was he was doing, he took the baby from her, sending the child into frightened screams as he reached back for his mother.<\/p>\n

She reached for him, but Adam caught her hand and threw it away from him. Rebecca\u2019s face twisted in terror. \u201cGive me my baby.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRebecca, if I can\u2019t trust you not to do that to yourself, I can\u2019t trust you not to do it to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears began to flow down her face as she realized what he was saying. Blinking back the wetness stinging her eyes, she fought to catch her breath. \u201cI would never hurt him. Please, don\u2019t take him away from me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned to leave, and when she grabbed his arm, he shrugged it away and continued into the kitchen, walking past his father. \u201cAdam, don\u2019t do this.\u201d<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t stop and disappeared around the corner. \u201cHop Sing, take Chi Mei and AJ and leave the house. Get the buggy hitched, go to my house and wait for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing not understand.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust go,\u201d Adam barked, passing AJ to Chi Mei. When the two left through the kitchen door, Adam came back into the front of the house, taking one more furious look at her, then turned toward the door and put on his gun belt.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait! What have you done with my baby?\u201d she yelled, running to him. She stood behind him, waiting for an answer that wasn\u2019t coming. \u201cAdam, please,\u201d she begged, grabbing his arm. He turned and firmly removed her hands from his arm, then opened the door. \u201cPlease, please not this,\u201d she begged, sinking to the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam!\u201d yelled Ben, but it was too late. Adam pulled the door closed behind him, leaving his wife sobbing on the floor against the door.<\/p>\n

Ben stood in the entry way, shocked, trying to breathe. He reached down to Rebecca and brought her up into his arms, holding her for a moment before he could speak. \u201cRebecca, he\u2019ll be back. And he\u2019ll bring AJ back.\u201d She went limp in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.<\/p>\n

Chapter Thirty<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben took Rebecca up to Adam\u2019s bedroom and guided her to the bed. \u201cRebecca, he\u2019ll be back. We just have to wait.\u201d He got no response. She had taken on the same trance-like state she had had after Mrs. Bailey\u2019s death. He pulled the blanket over her and left the room, going back down stairs. Nervously looking at the clock, he walked to the fireplace. He\u2019d always found it easy to think while looking into the fire, but all he saw were the remnants of the bottle and its contents. After an hour, he heard the buggy pull into the yard, and rushing to the door, he met Hop Sing on his way in.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing, where have you been?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMissa Adam send us to house on hill. He come by tell Chi Mei she stay there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben nodded and stepped out onto the porch, looking out as if he could make Adam appear with his thoughts. But another hour passed, and there was no sign of him. He sat in the leather chair and picked up his pipe, but he simply turned it over and over in his hand, never lighting it\u2026thinking. Mrs. Bailey had said that at some point, something would happen in their lives that would make them explode. Adam had been to the brink, had faced that battle and was winning\u2026or so Ben had thought until today.<\/p>\n

Ben suddenly looked up, a memory coming back to him from the time before Adam found Rebecca. He could always find Adam by the lake, and he knew that place still meant something because it was the place Adam had asked Rebecca to share his life. It made sense that he\u2019d be there thinking about their beginnings.<\/p>\n

He went upstairs to look in on Rebecca. She was still lying on the bed, softly sobbing, holding one of AJ\u2019s blankets. Quietly closing the door, he went back down, taking his hat and gun belt from the cabinet, then saddled Buck and rode out in search of Adam.<\/p>\n

When he arrived, he stopped at the edge of the woods. He saw Adam sitting on the boulder where he had always found him before, staring out at the water. When he approached, Adam turned. \u201cI used to come out here to be alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember. You always said the same thing when I came looking for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, I\u2019m not a kid. You can\u2019t fix this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben got comfortable on the boulder behind Adam. \u201cMrs. Bailey told me something once that I didn\u2019t believe was possible. I never would have thought that you could lose your temper the way you did tonight at someone you love the way you love Rebecca.\u201d Adam turned his head slightly and flared his nostrils. \u201cShe said that the two of you were alike in that you both have dealt with more than your share of disappointments.\u201d Cutting his eyes upwards, Adam exhaled. \u201cShe said the next bad thing that happened might be the thing that made you explode, that it had been building up all your lives, and the person who was there when you did wouldn\u2019t know what hit them. I\u2019m the one who didn\u2019t know what hit me\u2026at first. Rebecca does know. But it\u2019s still something that isn\u2019t completely in her control.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not convinced she wants to be in control.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not making excuses for what she did, but Paul did say she would be weak.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked at the back of Adam\u2019s head, wishing he had Mildred\u2019s insights. \u201cAdam, how would the day have ended if she had never been in Chinatown?\u201d Ben stood, stepped over to Adam\u2019s boulder and squeezed his shoulder. \u201cShe\u2019s almost back, Son. She won\u2019t make it the rest of the way without you. Do you really want to stop trying now when you\u2019re so close?\u201d He turned and stepped across the rocks back to the shore and Buck, leaving Adam alone on his boulder.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Thirty-One<\/strong><\/p>\n

When Ben returned home, he found Rebecca on Chi Mei\u2019s bed in AJ\u2019s room. She was leaning against the wall, clutching the same blanket she had before he left, and had gathered all his blankets and toys around her. Even his little dresses were neatly folded on the bed beside her. She wasn\u2019t crying, but it was plain from the wetness of her face and her swollen eyes that she had been. At the moment, she stared ahead without acknowledging that he was in the room. The look on her face made Ben fear for her sanity, knowing how she had fought to keep her child alive and safe and out of Wei\u2019s hands. Now it was Adam who had taken the child away from her, not only taking him out of her arms, but hiding him where she couldn\u2019t get to him.<\/p>\n

He left the room and went downstairs to wait.<\/p>\n

Several hours passed. It was already dark outside before Adam came through the door\u2026carrying AJ. He hung his hat on the rack beside the door, laid his gun on the cabinet, then walked into the sitting room and sat in the blue chair.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow is she?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s not good, Son. For the last few hours, I\u2019m sure she\u2019s been trying to understand the difference between Wei threatening to take her child away, and you actually doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were right, Pa. I should never have taken her into Chinatown. I took her to the one place she could get opium without anyone questioning it. Except Lee Chang.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLee Chang is a good friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam bent his head and scratched the back of his neck. \u201cShe was doing so well. She was becoming\u2026Becca.\u201d He snorted. \u201cShe bought opium, and she hid it from me when she should have trusted me, and I felt\u2026betrayed. I know it\u2019s not Becca\u2026it\u2019s the habit. I shouldn\u2019t have let it get to me that way.\u201d Looking at his son, he exhaled. \u201cWe\u2019re going upstairs,\u201d said Adam, kissing AJ\u2019s head. \u201cChi Mei said it took some time for him to settle down, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s in AJ\u2019s room.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded and headed up the stairs. When he got to AJ\u2019s room, Rebecca continued to stare for a moment, but when he approached her and sat AJ on the bed in front of her, she pulled the child to her, holding on to him and sobbing.<\/p>\n

Adam pulled her up off the bed and carried her into their bedroom, laying her on the bed with AJ. Sitting on the other side, he removed his boots and belt and lay down next to her, drawing her against him. There they lay the rest of the night.<\/p>\n

The next morning, Chi Mei knocked on the bedroom door, and Adam called, \u201cCome in.\u201d<\/p>\n

When he lifted AJ out of Rebecca\u2019s arms, she sat up. \u201cNo, please,\u201d she said fearfully, reaching for the baby.<\/p>\n

Adam quickly passed him to Chi Mei, then sat down, taking Rebecca\u2019s hands. \u201cIt\u2019s alright, Becca. Chi Mei is taking him downstairs to feed him while we talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca looked up at Chi Mei, who tried to assure her. \u201cWe will be in the kitchen.\u201d She left, pulling the door closed behind her.<\/p>\n

Rebecca sat up against the headboard. \u201cBecca, look at me.\u201d She looked away, her chin quivering.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlright then, just listen. I should never have taken you into Chinatown. You weren\u2019t ready to believe you don\u2019t need the opium.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sniffed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said, pulling her toward him. She resisted, but he continued to draw her to him, holding her, whispering in her ear. \u201cBecca, I need you to need me when you\u2019re afraid or hurt or can\u2019t face something. Not the opium.\u201d<\/p>\n

Keeping her arms between them, she spoke in a firm voice, very clearly and concisely. \u201cWhen I told Wei that I would kill myself if he took my child, I wasn\u2019t bluffing.\u201d Adam took her arms and moved her back so he could see her face as she continued, looking him squarely in the eye. \u201cYou took my child from me, and I had no idea where you took him or if you would bring him back. My son is the only reason I survived Wei. I can\u2019t survive without him now.\u201d<\/p>\n

His nostrils flared. Was she giving him an ultimatum? \u201cBecca, you are not in control of yourself when you have opium in you. I won\u2019t risk his life if you choose to take it again.\u201d<\/p>\n

She shoved away from him and yelled, \u201cI didn\u2019t take it. You knew I didn\u2019t take it, but you took him away from me anyway\u2026after you destroyed it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt would have been just a matter of time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t know that. And even if I did take it, all the opium in the world wouldn\u2019t cause me to do that to him. I could never hurt him,\u201d she choked, glaring at Adam with such a pained expression Adam\u2019s anger completely left him.<\/p>\n

Drawing her into him again, he held her tightly. \u201cWe\u2019ve both learned a lesson. We both have to be strong to beat this. But Becca, you have to trust me.\u201d He raised his head to look at her. \u201cI have no doubt that you would never give him opium. But what if you took it, and forgot about him. He could easily get hurt any number of ways, and you wouldn\u2019t even know.\u201d<\/p>\n

She held her breath and shuddered, a look of horror and sudden understanding taking over her face. \u201cOh God, no,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

Adam guided her head to his shoulder, and they stayed there, holding on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Chapter Thirty-Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

While Rebecca sat sewing, Adam sat on the hearth shoveling broken glass and cold embers covered in white powder into a bucket. When he had everything cleaned out of the fireplace, he used wet cloths to wipe it down so that there was no trace of the opium to burn with the next fire.<\/p>\n

Ben sat at his desk with his grandson on his lap. AJ tried to grab everything within reach, interrupting his grandfather to the point that Ben closed his books and gave in to the curiosity of the child.<\/p>\n

Rebecca had stopped and watched Adam as he wiped down the firebox, first wondering why he was going to the trouble, then remembering the odor coming from the side door at the shop where she had bought the bottle. Fire would cause fumes, and though the small amount probably wouldn\u2019t affect the men, it would only take a little for AJ and her to react. Her thoughts turned to Robbie. Joe and Hoss were due home sometime today. She had no idea why she needed Robbie back. Something that Mrs. Bailey had said stuck in the back of her mind\u2026sometimes a person is just mean\u2026there\u2019s nothing good in them.<\/em> Rebecca would never have given in to that reasoning before Robbie took her, and she had thought, up until recently, that giving in to Mrs. Bailey\u2019s words was a failing because everyone had some good in them somewhere. Believing otherwise was just another thing she had to overcome because of what Wei had done and because of the opium. But what if Robbie had tried to help her escape so he could still get money from Adam? <\/em><\/p>\n

She looked back at Adam as he wiped the last of the opium residue from the firebox. A picture formed in her mind of the two of them together three years ago. She remembered the happiness she felt in the very depths of her soul, an almost overpowering feeling of love and joy\u2026bliss. She remembered thinking she would never have known that kind of perfect happiness if not for Adam. She remembered the way he used to look at her\u2026the way he used to hold her\u2026love her\u2026as if he felt the same thing\u2026perfect happiness.<\/p>\n

The sound of a wagon entering the yard drew her from her thoughts, and she suddenly felt a pang of nervousness shoot through her. Why, she didn\u2019t know. She had an idea of what to expect, but now that Robbie was here, she wasn\u2019t sure what she wanted or needed.<\/p>\n

Adam knelt in front of her. \u201cBecca, are you alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

She quickly shook her head. \u201cYes. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

Smiling, Adam held out his hand. \u201cI said your name three times, and you didn\u2019t move.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry. I was\u2026thinking.\u201d She took his hand and rose, following Adam to the front door where Ben joined them, handing AJ to Chi Mei, who always appeared at almost the exact time she was needed.<\/p>\n

Hoss had pulled the wagon around so that the back of the wagon, containing Robbie\u2019s remains covered with a blanket, faced the porch. Hoss and Joe jumped down from the wagon and made their way to the porch. Becca had taken a step forward so the men were all behind her as she stared at the blanket covering an unnaturally flat, but lumpy mass.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you have any trouble finding the grave?\u201d asked Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it didn\u2019t look like it had been disturbed. Still had the rocks on it,\u201d answered Hoss.<\/p>\n

Joe reverently removed his hat. \u201cYou were right. There\u2019s not much left. Just bones.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca took a few slow steps to the back of the wagon and slowly lifted one corner of the blanket. She cringed, then let it drop. Robbie\u2026why?<\/em> She wrapped her fingers around the handle of the shovel lying in the back of the wagon next to the body. Little by little, she pulled the shovel out of the wagon.<\/p>\n

Hoss tapped Adam\u2019s chest with the back of his hand and nodded toward Rebecca. Looking around anxiously at his brothers and his father, Adam stayed back and watched quietly.<\/p>\n

Rebecca had pulled the shovel all the way out of the wagon, but held it with the blade hovering over Robbie’s bones. In a voice filled with quiet rage, she said, \u201cThis is all your fault. You killed Pa. You did this to me.\u201d As she spoke, she raised the blade over her head, and when she was finished speaking, she brought the flat side of the shovel blade down on the body under the blanket, making a loud smacking and cracking sound.<\/p>\n

The four men behind her took a step back, stunned as she raised the shovel and brought it violently down again, grunting loudly. Adam started forward, but Ben held him back, shaking his head, saying softly, \u201cYou had your turn. Let her have hers. She can\u2019t hurt him.\u201d<\/p>\n

They stood watching, cringing and wincing each time she heaved the shovel down time and time again, making a loud cracking and crunching sound with each whack, grunting and bellowing, \u201cYou\u2026did this\u2026to me,\u201d with the cadence of her blows.<\/p>\n

Breathing heavily, she stopped, lowering the shovel to the ground, catching her breath. Adam thought she was done and took a step forward, but she lifted the shovel and brought it down viciously one more time before she threw the shovel at the body.<\/p>\n

The men froze, waiting.<\/p>\n

She straightened her dress, tugging it down at the waist, then walked to the wagon and lifted the blanket, revealing unrecognizable pieces of bone. Looking over the body where the shirt pocket would have been, she reached in and picked something out of the busted skeleton, then turned, standing up straight with one hand holding the other that was clenched in a fist. \u201cI want to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecca, Sweetheart, you are home,\u201d said Adam, warily taking a step toward her.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to go to our home\u2026with our son.\u201d She stepped forward to Adam, looking up into his eyes with calm clarity. \u201cPlease take me home.\u201d Taking his hand and opening it, she held her fist above his hand, dropped something into it and closed his fingers around it.<\/p>\n

While Rebecca watched his eyes, he slowly opened his hand and caught his breath, then took her left hand and slipped her wedding band on the fourth finger. Taking her face in his hands, he kissed her and lingered close, quietly saying, \u201cLet\u2019s go home.\u201d<\/p>\n

As they turned to walk back into the house arm in arm, Hoss asked, \u201cWhat d\u2019you want us to do with Robbie?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca stopped and slightly turned. \u201cGet the undertaker. Have him buried in the cemetery.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben stood back, blew out a long breath, then followed Adam and Rebecca into the house.<\/p>\n

Chapter Thirty-Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

When Adam and Rebecca’s buckboard pulled in the front yard of their house, they both sat quietly for a few moments, remembering.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt needs a good cleaning. I hadn\u2019t been back here for a while until\u2026until I found the opium,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou brought AJ here?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded. \u201cAre you ready to go inside?\u201d<\/p>\n

Smiling and nodding, she looked the house over one more time, then answered, \u201cLet\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam helped her down from the buckboard, and held her hand as they walked to the front door. She hesitated when he pushed it open, stuck her head in first, then slowly entered with Adam following behind her.<\/p>\n

Rebecca looked around the living room. \u201cWell, this room looks fairly clean, thanks to Chi Mei.\u201d She turned back to Adam. \u201cCan we talk about Chi Mei?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlright,\u201d he said, raising his chin, crossing his arms and getting comfortable in his stance.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan she stay?\u201d<\/p>\n

Smiling, Adam looked down for a moment, then looked at her from under his brow. \u201cBecca, I\u2019m sure we could use her help in the beginning, but don\u2019t you think there will come a time when you\u2019re\u2026better\u2026and you won\u2019t need her?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, she\u2019s been with me, taking care of me and AJ for over three years now. She\u2019s like family.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll see.\u201d He scratched behind his ear. \u201cI get the feeling she might be starting a family of her own at some point\u2026maybe with Hop Sing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rebecca smiled and nodded, then continued to survey the house, going from room to room and ending in the kitchen. She stepped out the back door and looked at the patch of grass and weeds that had been her garden.<\/p>\n

Adam stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders. \u201cWe\u2019ll get that turned over again so you can replant it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Back in the kitchen, she looked through the cupboards, in the pantry, and in the icebox, leaving everything open to air out. \u201cI\u2019ll need some ice. And we\u2019ll need to get supplies. There\u2019s nothing here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI cleaned it all out so we wouldn\u2019t have a rat problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we need to get the bedrooms and kitchen cleaned up first. Once we do that, we\u2019ll need to bring the baby bed over from Pa\u2019s and buy a dresser for AJ\u2019s room. We\u2019ll need furniture for Chi Mei\u2019s room, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can put AJ in the middle room next to ours and Chi Mei in the bedroom on the other side,\u201d added Adam.<\/p>\n

She turned and wrapped her arms around his torso, making him smile and hug her back. \u201cAdam, I love this house. We were so happy here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Raising her face to his with his finger under her chin, he said, \u201cWe\u2019ll be happy here again.\u201d He held her face in his hands while he kissed her, then slowly moved his arms around her, holding her tightly, kissing her like he used to\u2026like the woman he loved. She pressed against him and kissed him back.<\/p>\n

That same evening, after the linens had been changed, the bedrooms had been dusted and mopped, and the curtains beaten to remove the dust, Adam and his brothers moved the baby bed from the main house. Chi Mei would stay there until furniture could be purchased for her room, and that evening, everyone sat around the dinner table at Pa\u2019s house.<\/p>\n

That night, Adam, Rebecca and AJ stayed at home. After putting AJ down for the night, Adam entered their bedroom and stopped at the door, watching Rebecca stare out the window, wearing her robe. When she heard him enter, she turned to face him, and to Adam\u2019s surprise, she untied the belt around her robe, letting the robe drop to the floor, wearing nothing underneath.<\/p>\n

He stepped toward her. \u201cBecca\u2026what\u2026I don\u2019t want you to do this because you think\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

She cast her eyes down. \u201cAdam, I need\u2026I want\u2026to remember\u2026you. Not Wei.\u201d When she looked into his eyes, he saw the woman he had married. He walked to her, lifted her and carried her to the bed, making love to her slowly, carefully, tenderly for the first time in over three years.<\/p>\n

Adam awoke as the first hint of light appeared in the bedroom window. He didn\u2019t move at first, not wanting to disturb the woman still sleeping in his arms. Gently pulling his arm from under her neck, he propped up, watching her, the image of peacefulness, still wearing a faint smile. She looked happy; as happy as he was.<\/p>\n

She opened her eyes and smiled up at him.<\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0This is a sequel to Lost and Found.\u00a0 Adam looked long and hard to find his wife and bring her home.\u00a0 Now he must fight even harder to save her and his infant son from a fate worse than death. <\/p>\n

Rating:\u00a0T \u00a0WC 28,000<\/p>\n

Lost and Found Series, links to all the stories within the series are included.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":217,"featured_media":4794,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","wpcat-23-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":1496,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Another-Mans-Garden.jpg?fit=408%2C624&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":56524,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=56524","url_meta":{"origin":7800,"position":0},"title":"A Journey Changed (by AC1830)","author":"AC1830","date":"March 23, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: A missing WHN scene at the end of A Journey Remembered.\u00a0 Rating: G, Word Count: 745","rel":"","context":"In "Ben Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Ben Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1004"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Ben-and-Adam-A-Journey-Remembered.png?fit=773%2C617&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7329,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=7329","url_meta":{"origin":7800,"position":1},"title":"The Wanted Poster (by Sibylle)","author":"Sibylle","date":"May 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0A wanted poster prompts Ben and Adam to re-examine a moment from their journey West. Rated:\u00a0K+ \u00a0600","rel":"","context":"In "Ben \/ Adam"","block_context":{"text":"Ben \/ Adam","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1016"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Adam-traurig.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Adam-traurig.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Adam-traurig.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Adam-traurig.jpg?fit=768%2C576&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":15958,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=15958","url_meta":{"origin":7800,"position":2},"title":"The Poetry of Ben and Adam Cartwright (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"February 7, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 With such a well of inspiration from which to draw, one could imagine them putting pen to paper on occasion.\u00a0 Ben's \"Journey to the Sea\" is an homage to his three wives; \"Girl in the Moonlight\" was composed by Adam.\u00a0\u00a0 Rating K+ (WC 290)","rel":"","context":"In "Ben \/ Adam"","block_context":{"text":"Ben \/ Adam","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1016"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Ben-and-Adam-1.png?fit=629%2C435&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Ben-and-Adam-1.png?fit=629%2C435&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Ben-and-Adam-1.png?fit=629%2C435&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":14303,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=14303","url_meta":{"origin":7800,"position":3},"title":"Pride Before A Fall (by JC)","author":"JC","date":"May 12, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0 A poem about what can happen when a man's pride gets in the way of love. \u00a0If the subject\u00a0is a Cartwright, it's bound to be Adam. Rating: T \u00a0 (400 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/suffering-Adam.jpg?fit=393%2C393&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":36609,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=36609","url_meta":{"origin":7800,"position":4},"title":"Grandfatherhood (by AC1830)","author":"AC1830","date":"May 20, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Ben reflects on the wonder of being a father and a grandfather. A Father\u2019s Day tribute. Rating: K, Word count: 518","rel":"","context":"In "Ben Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Ben Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1004"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/WOF-09.jpg?fit=651%2C529&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/WOF-09.jpg?fit=651%2C529&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/WOF-09.jpg?fit=651%2C529&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":25331,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=25331","url_meta":{"origin":7800,"position":5},"title":"Christmas Child (by AC1830)","author":"AC1830","date":"December 25, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: Adam ponders the blessing of family at the end of a joyful Christmas. Rating: G Word Count: 2,060","rel":"","context":"In "Writing Challenges"","block_context":{"text":"Writing Challenges","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=40"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/advent.jpg?fit=480%2C413&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7800","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/217"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7800"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7800\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4794"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}