Summary: \u00a0When Little Joe is released from prison after serving two years for a crime he didn\u2019t commit, he must fight to rebuild his life as the Cartwrights struggle to protect the bonds that hold the family close.\u00a0 WARNING:\u00a0 Contains references to violence and sexual assault.\u00a0\u00a0Rated: \u00a0MA\u00a0 WC 37,000<\/p>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Prisoner<\/strong><\/p>\n Part 1:\u00a0 Freedom, and not<\/strong><\/p>\n Long before dawn, and long before the guard came through and shouted for everyone to get up, Joe Cartwright was awake.\u00a0 Awake, and waiting.\u00a0 It was a different kind of waiting from the past two years.\u00a0 This waiting scared the daylights out of him, because this waiting wanted to hope.<\/p>\n He\u2019d thought hope was dead a long time ago.<\/p>\n He still couldn\u2019t get over how strange it felt to be clean.\u00a0 They\u2019d let him wash before they hauled him over to the court.\u00a0 He\u2019d expected as much.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t want anyone to know what went on here, how the inmates really lived.\u00a0 The water was cold, but he had a sliver of soap, and he made the most of it.\u00a0 He wanted to take his time and savor the feeling, but he knew better.\u00a0 The older scars on his back bore mute testimony to the defiance he\u2019d displayed in the early days, while others lash marks were more recent, the result of some imagined disobedience or simply a guard’s bad mood.\u00a0 Still, he slid the soap over his body, not caring who might be watching as he washed every last bit of himself, every bruised and battered inch, and fought not to cry at how thrilling it was.\u00a0 All those years when he was a kid and resisted taking a bath.\u00a0 God, if he\u2019d only known. . . .<\/p>\n They gave him street clothes, too.\u00a0 An almost-clean white shirt with sleeves long enough to cover the hard red marks on his wrists, even though they put the shackles right over the cuffs, and worn gray pants that were far too big in spite of being the smallest they could find among the belongings confiscated from the new prisoners.\u00a0 If it hadn\u2019t been for the belt, and McGuire\u2019s awl to punch extra holes in it, the pants probably would have fallen down before they could shove him into the wagon for the trip to court.\u00a0 It occurred to Joe that he didn\u2019t even know what had happened to his own clothes.\u00a0 Probably stolen by one of the guards.\u00a0 Callahan was about his size, or at least the size he\u2019d been two years ago, and the clothes had been well-made and expensive.<\/p>\n He\u2019d thought the judges would decide right then and there, but it was late when the hearing ended, and the one who seemed to be the head judge said they wanted some time to think about what they\u2019d heard.\u00a0 They\u2019d have a decision in the morning, he said.<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t look back at Pa; he couldn\u2019t bear to see his father\u2019s disappointment.\u00a0 They were sitting right behind him, and he heard Hoss clap a hand on Pa\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t allowed to reach over and touch him, though.\u00a0 There were rules.\u00a0 So, Joe Cartwright sat very still, his face stony, and resumed waiting.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see you in the morning, son,\u201d Pa had said hoarsely, and Joe nodded to show that he\u2019d heard.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t have spoken, even if he\u2019d been allowed to.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t think beyond the moment.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t think what would happen to Pa\u2014to all of them\u2014if the judges said no, they weren\u2019t convinced that Joe had been wrongly convicted, and that the rest of the ten-year sentence was to be served.<\/p>\n Emerson appeared with a bucket of gruel.\u00a0 The others in the cell dove for it, but Joe sat back, watching.\u00a0 He fought to silence the tiny voice in his head that said that this could be his last meal here, the last time he would have to fight with others to plunge his hands into the cold gruel and try to ignore the maggots as he ate whatever he\u2019d been able to grab.\u00a0 Don\u2019t,<\/em> he cautioned himself.\u00a0 Don\u2019t hope.\u00a0 Don\u2019t think.\u00a0<\/em> He\u2019d already done more than his share of thinking and hoping during his first trial, when he\u2019d been so convinced that they\u2019d find the man who attacked Sally Barnes, that no one would ever believe he was capable of such a horrific act, that his father and brothers were right when they told him to trust that justice would be done.<\/p>\n And then, on a day when the sun shone bright in the summer sky, twelve men announced to the world that he was guilty of one of the worst crimes a man could commit, and he was sentenced to ten years in the Nevada Territorial Penitentiary.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, Emerson,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d\u00a0 The guard looked warily at the kid who sat with his back against the cold stone wall.\u00a0 Everybody knew the kid might be getting out.\u00a0 His old man had reportedly spent obscene amounts of money on investigators and lawyers, and apparently, somebody\u2019d come up with a halfway-decent argument.\u00a0 Hard to know if there\u2019d really been a mistake at that trial or if they\u2019d just found some judge who was willing to be bought.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the date today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you care?\u201d\u00a0 It was a little game the guards played\u2014withhold everything you possibly could, just to let these scumbags know who was really in charge.<\/p>\n \u201cJust wondering,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 That was the game the inmates played back, pretending that they didn\u2019t really care about anything the guards withheld.<\/p>\n Emerson looked at the kid for a long minute.\u00a0 The others were just finishing up the gruel.\u00a0 There was something about this kid, always had been.\u00a0 Everybody said they were innocent, but there was something about this one that made even Emerson think that it might really be true.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mon,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cTime to get dressed.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe regarded Emerson for a few seconds before he got to his feet\u2014not long enough to be insubordinate, but too long to be quite obedient.\u00a0 His cellmates, their breakfast done, glared at Joe.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t said anything to them about what was happening\u2014hadn\u2019t wanted them to know\u2014but Callahan, the bastard who worked nights, had asked him about the hearing, right in front of everybody.\u00a0 Big Rusty, who\u2019d robbed a bank in Yerington but was a decent fellow, seemed to be genuinely pleased for him, but the others were angry and envious, and they hadn\u2019t held back in letting him see how they felt.\u00a0 If it hadn\u2019t been for Rusty, he might not have lived to see this day at all; as it was, three nights ago, even Rusty hadn\u2019t been enough to keep them from showing their resentment by beating the daylights out of him and then, when he could hardly move, having a \u201cspecial time\u201d with him.\u00a0 He\u2019d barely been able to walk into the courtroom yesterday, but that was all right.\u00a0 He\u2019d have crawled on his hands and knees if he\u2019d had to.<\/p>\n He nodded to Rusty, who nodded back.\u00a0 He felt the eyes of the others on him, like a swarm of spiders.\u00a0 Head held high, Joe walked out of the cell without a backward glance, praying like he\u2019d never prayed before.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n \u201cAll rise.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe stood as straight as he could.\u00a0 Beside him, Hiram Wood fixed his attention on the three judges who took their places.\u00a0 On his other side, the guard stood, hand resting on his gun.\u00a0 There were armed guards at every entrance to the high-ceilinged room, just in case anybody got any ideas.<\/p>\n \u201cBe seated,\u201d said the judge in the center, pounding his gavel.\u00a0 He looked around the room soberly.\u00a0 \u201cWe have reviewed all the documentation in this case, and there is quite a bit of it,\u201d he began.\u00a0 \u201cThe long and the short of it is that the defendant claims that he was wrongly convicted.\u00a0 He had a fair trial.\u00a0 He was represented by the attorney of his choice.\u00a0 The jury heard all the evidence and returned a unanimous verdict.\u00a0 There\u2019s no claim of bias.\u00a0 And yet, the defendant asks this court to find that the jury made a mistake and convicted the wrong man of this heinous crime.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe felt his stomach lurch.\u00a0 He clenched his jaw to hold back any sign of emotion.\u00a0 His hands, held by shackles beneath the table, curled into fists, and he drove his fingernails into his palms.<\/p>\n \u201cAs I said, we\u2019ve reviewed all the documents and briefs in this case,\u201d said the judge.\u00a0 \u201cWe took the very unusual step of hearing evidence to ensure that no questions remained.\u00a0 We listened to the defendant and to six other witnesses yesterday.\u00a0 My brother judges and I have discussed the matter at length.\u201d\u00a0 He looked around the room again.\u00a0 \u201cWe have a system of laws in this country.\u00a0 It\u2019s not perfect, but it\u2019s the best we have.\u00a0 One of those laws, our constitution, provides that when a man is accused of a crime, he\u2019s to be tried before a jury.\u00a0 It\u2019s no small thing to ask this court to throw out a jury\u2019s verdict and to substitute its own judgment.\u201d\u00a0 He paused, looking first at the judge on his left, and then at the judge on his right.\u00a0 \u201cWill the defendant please rise.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe and Hiram stood.\u00a0 Joe prayed that his trembling wasn\u2019t visible to the three white- haired men who sat behind the high bench, ready to seal his fate.<\/p>\n The judge fixed his gaze on Joe.\u00a0 \u201cMr. Cartwright, you have served twenty-three months of a ten-year sentence.\u00a0 There is nothing that this court can do about that.\u00a0 However, it is the opinion of this court that the verdict was contrary to the evidence, and that the evidence presented in this matter was such that the jury could not legally and logically have returned the verdict that it did.\u00a0 Therefore, the court hereby sets aside the jury\u2019s verdict and remands this matter to the trial court with direction to enter judgment in favor of the defendant.\u201d\u00a0 He watched Joe\u2019s face, and when it was clear that Joe hadn\u2019t understood the legalese, the judge said, \u201cThe defendant is hereby ordered to be released from custody immediately.\u00a0 Mr. Cartwright, the territory of Nevada apologizes deeply for what you and your family have endured these past two years.\u00a0 We wish there was more that we could do for you, but there isn\u2019t.\u00a0 We wish you the best, young man.\u00a0 You\u2019re free to go.\u201d\u00a0 He pounded his gavel.\u00a0 \u201cThe court stands in recess.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll rise,\u201d intoned the bailiff, as if he had not just witnessed a miracle.<\/p>\n Joe turned to Hiram.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n Hiram\u2019s smile was as wide as the ocean.\u00a0 \u201cWe won, Joe.\u00a0 It\u2019s over.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t have a chance to say anything else, because Pa was holding him so tightly that he couldn\u2019t breathe.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s over, son,\u201d he said, crying unashamedly as he held his son for the first time since before that despicable verdict had been returned.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all over, Joe.\u00a0 We\u2019re going back to the Ponderosa.\u00a0 We\u2019re going home.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa.\u201d\u00a0 Joe stood still, allowing his father to hold him.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t feel anything.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t think.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t move.\u00a0 Finally, he said again, \u201cPa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, son?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe held up his hands, still shackled.\u00a0 \u201cI need to get these off.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stared for a moment.\u00a0 Slowly, he rested his fingers on the heavy iron cuffs surrounding his son\u2019s bony wrists.\u00a0 He bowed his head over Joe\u2019s hands, his tears falling on the rough black manacles.\u00a0 At Hiram\u2019s gesture, the guard with the key released the shackles on Joe\u2019s ankles, and then on his hands.\u00a0 The iron clanked against itself as he took them away, and Ben pulled Joe close again, as if he could never hold him enough.\u00a0 Hoss and Adam pounded Joe\u2019s back and tousled his hair, and Hiram beamed with pride.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s go home,\u201d Ben said finally.\u00a0 He swiped at his eyes, seeming not to notice that his son remained dry-eyed.\u00a0 With his arm around Joe\u2019s shoulders, Ben led the way out of the courtroom.<\/p>\n Joe blinked in the sunlight.\u00a0 Even though he\u2019d just been brought in a few hours earlier, it felt like years since he\u2019d seen the sun.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s the date today?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u201cThe seventeenth,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 At Joe\u2019s questioning look, he added, \u201cOf May.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 May 17, 1863.\u00a0 The day my life began again.\u00a0<\/em> It didn\u2019t feel real.\u00a0 The wooden sidewalk was springy beneath his feet, so unlike the stone floor of his cell.\u00a0 A light breeze ruffled his hair.\u00a0 People walked past them, laughing and chatting as if they had all the time in the world to tend to their business.\u00a0 The prison wagon had waited for him; now, it rattled past, and he had the sudden, absurd sense that it was disappointed to be empty.<\/p>\n May 17, 1863<\/em>, he repeated silently.\u00a0 He waited to feel something inside, anything.<\/p>\n While he waited, he listened to the eager chatter of his father and brothers, and he felt their arms around him.\u00a0 This is real<\/em>, he told himself.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a dream.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a mistake.\u00a0 It\u2019s real.\u00a0<\/em> Silently, he recited the words again and again as his family escorted him down the street, but he couldn\u2019t make himself believe them.\u00a0 He\u2019d dreamed of this moment too often, and in his heart, he knew he wasn\u2019t brave enough to survive another disappointment.\u00a0 He\u2019d already used up every scrap of his courage just to survive the past two years, and there wasn\u2019t any left.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n \u201cIs he asleep?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded and held a finger to his lips as he closed the door to the bedroom.\u00a0 Adam and Hoss sat in the parlor of the hotel suite, the remains of their celebration dinner still covering the table.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s no wonder,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cThe kid\u2019s got to be worn out.\u00a0 He\u2019s had a hell of a time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam,\u201d his father remonstrated mildly.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t ordinarily care for that kind of talk, but in this case, he couldn\u2019t object too strongly:\u00a0 the description was merely accurate.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe it\u2019s really over,\u201d said Adam, shaking his head in wonder.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t believe it happened in the first place,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cHow anybody could\u2019ve thought Joe would\u2019ve done somethin\u2019 like that\u2014it never made sense, not for a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d said Ben.<\/p>\n Ever since the night Roy Coffee had come out to the Ponderosa to arrest Little Joe, Ben had remained convinced that somehow, someone would figure out that this was a horrible mistake.\u00a0 And yet, twelve men\u2014some of whom had known Joe all his life\u2014sat in a room and pronounced the impossible possible.\u00a0 Hiram had asked that the jury be polled, and the judge had asked each of them individually what their verdict was.\u00a0 Twelve times, the word rang out:\u00a0 \u201cGuilty.\u201d\u00a0 Each time, Joe\u2019s body recoiled just a little, as if he\u2019d been shot.<\/em><\/p>\n The boy had only cried once that they\u2019d seen.\u00a0 None of them had broken down in front of the others.\u00a0 Ben had restricted his emotional moments to the privacy of his room, late at night.\u00a0 By day, he was strong for his sons, just as they were strong for him.\u00a0 And they all held themselves together, right up until the moment Joe was about to leave Roy Coffee\u2019s jail cell to be transported to the territorial penitentiary.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019ll be all right, Pa,\u201d Joe had said, looking far younger than his nineteen years as the guard clamped the heavy iron shackles on his wrists and ankles.<\/em><\/p>\n Ben reached out to hold his son one more time, but the guard said, \u201cSorry, sir, you can\u2019t touch the prisoner.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s my little brother, and we can\u2014\u201d Hoss began, but Ben laid a hand on his arm, and he stopped.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cJoe, we\u2019re going to come and see you every chance we get,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 He fought to sound calm and reassuring, to keep the desperation from his voice.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you worry about anything.\u00a0 This is all a mistake, and we\u2019re going to get it sorted out.\u00a0 You just take care of yourself, and we\u2019ll handle everything else.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n The guard yanked Joe\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, kid,\u201d he growled.\u00a0 Joe stumbled over the chain connecting his ankle shackles before he found his footing, and he trudged the few steps across Roy\u2019s office without looking up from his feet, seeming not to notice that his father and brothers walked with him.<\/em><\/p>\n Just before the guard shoved him into the prison wagon for the trip to Yuma, Joe looked back at the stricken faces of his father and brothers and Roy, and panicked tears rolled down his cheeks.\u00a0 He opened his mouth, but no words came out.\u00a0 Then, the guard hauled him into the wagon, and the door slammed behind him.\u00a0 As the wagon drove away, Ben felt his knees give way, and he would have fallen if Hoss and Adam hadn\u2019t caught him.<\/em><\/p>\n They had indeed come to Yuma many times to see Joe, but they\u2019d rarely been permitted a visit.\u00a0 Over the course of his incarceration, he\u2019d been allowed visitors barely a half-dozen times.\u00a0 Each time, the guards threatened him with lurid stories about what would happen if he told his family or his lawyer anything that went on behind the prison walls, and each time, they beat him afterward, claiming that he\u2019d revealed something or other.\u00a0 And even though his family told him that they were trying everything, hope grew fainter and fainter.<\/em><\/p>\n Adam poured each of them a brandy, and they drank in silence.\u00a0 It was too remarkable, the notion that Joe was in the next room.\u00a0 If they wanted to, they could just open the door and walk right in and see him, talk to him, touch him.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter that Joe had barely touched his dinner or that he\u2019d hardly said a word since they left the courthouse.\u00a0 For tonight, it was enough that he was here.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019m gonna turn in,\u201d said Hoss, rising and stretching.\u00a0 He\u2019d won the coin toss, and he was going to get to share a room with Little Joe tonight.\u00a0 He bid everyone goodnight and went into the bedroom.\u00a0 An instant later, he darted back out.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, he\u2019s gone!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d\u00a0 Ben and Adam were on their feet and in the room.\u00a0 There was no question about it.\u00a0 Joe wasn\u2019t in the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous.\u00a0 Where could he have gone?\u00a0 We were right outside the door!\u201d\u00a0 Adam lit the lamp as if the answer was hidden by the dark.<\/p>\n \u201cThe window\u2019s closed,\u201d offered Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re on the third floor,\u201d said Ben sharply.<\/p>\n Adam moved to the window and stopped, holding a finger to his lips.\u00a0 Joe was curled up on the floor in the space between the bed and the wall, a blanket drawn partly over him.\u00a0 The nightshirt Ben had brought him from home was so outsized now that it looked as if he\u2019d borrowed it from Hoss.\u00a0 In sleep, he looked younger even than the boy who had left them in shackles, two long years ago.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Hoss looked perplexed.<\/p>\n Adam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cDoesn\u2019t look like he fell,\u201d he whispered.\u00a0 \u201cLooks like he meant to be there.\u201d\u00a0 He looked questioningly at his father.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you think?\u00a0 Leave him, or get him back to bed?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben regarded his youngest son.\u00a0 His deep brown eyes were troubled.\u00a0 \u201cLet him be,\u201d he said heavily.\u00a0 \u201cIf that\u2019s where he wants to be. . . .\u201d\u00a0 His voice trailed off.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019ll need another blanket, then,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He pulled a blanket from the empty bed and knelt to tuck it around Little Joe.<\/p>\n In the next instant, Adam was on his back, Joe was kneeling on Adam\u2019s chest, and his hands were around Adam\u2019s throat.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u00a0 Stop it!\u201d\u00a0 Ben yanked his son back.<\/p>\n Joe jerked free of his father\u2019s arms.\u00a0 His face was twisted in rage and hatred.\u00a0 In the next instant, horror filled his eyes as he realized where he was and what he\u2019d done\u2014and to whom.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, God, Adam, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d he breathed.\u00a0 He stood shakily and reached down to help his brother to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cAre you all right?\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry, Adam.\u00a0 I don\u2019t\u2014I didn\u2019t\u2014I\u2019m sorry.\u201d\u00a0 His breathing grew rough and ragged as he tried to contain himself against the enormity of what he\u2019d done. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d he repeated, fighting for air.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Joe, I\u2019m fine.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t hurt me.\u201d\u00a0 Adam guided his brother to sit on the edge of the bed.\u00a0 He kept his voice low and even, as if he were calming a skittish horse.<\/p>\n \u201cTake it easy now.\u00a0 Everything\u2019s all right.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sat next to his son, his arm around Joe\u2019s shoulders as his son gasped for breath.\u00a0 \u201cJust slow down, son, you\u2019re okay,\u201d he said in the same soothing tones.\u00a0 \u201cDeep breaths, slow and easy, that\u2019s it.\u201d\u00a0 He took the glass of water that Hoss had fetched.\u00a0 \u201cTake a drink, Joe,\u201d he said.\u00a0 He steadied the glass in Joe\u2019s hand, and Joe managed to drink.<\/p>\n Ben looked up at Adam with a question in his eyes, and Adam nodded reassuringly.\u00a0 He was a little shaken, to be sure, but he wasn\u2019t hurt.\u00a0 Even if he had been, though, he would never have admitted it.\u00a0 He had a pretty good idea what had just happened and why, and if he was right, a few bruises were nothing in the face of what Joe must have been through.<\/p>\n They sat quietly together until Joe was calmer, his breathing easier.\u00a0 The young man pressed his head into his hands, not looking up as his father rubbed his back.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you think, son?\u00a0 You ready to try going back to sleep?\u201d Ben suggested gently.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Joe said, trying to control his voice.\u00a0 It was bad enough that he\u2019d been unable to sleep in the bed.\u00a0 He\u2019d really thought he could do it\u2014he\u2019d even started to doze off\u2014but then his father had left the room, and he\u2019d panicked.\u00a0 And then to attack his own brother. . . .\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t bring himself to look at any of them.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t face the questions, or worse, the well-meaning, concerned silences.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe a little brandy will help you relax,\u201d suggested Adam.\u00a0 Gently, he wrapped Joe\u2019s hand around the glass he\u2019d fetched from the parlor.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI haven\u2019t\u2014I haven\u2019t had anything to drink since before\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll be fine, son,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you worry about that.\u00a0 It\u2019ll help you sleep, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n Slowly, almost mechanically, Joe brought the glass to his lips.\u00a0 The first sip tasted like bitter fire, and he cringed.\u00a0 There was nothing pleasant or familiar about it.\u00a0 Wordlessly, he held out the glass, and Hoss took it without question.<\/p>\n \u201cJust lie back for a little bit,\u201d Ben suggested.\u00a0 He was at a loss as to how deal with something like this, but his instincts told him to move slowly.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to go to sleep if you don\u2019t want to.\u00a0 Just try lying back and see how you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n Reluctantly, Joe slid back onto the bed and lay down.\u00a0 The faint sweet scent of laundry soap on the crisp cotton sheets made his stomach turn.\u00a0 The softness of the mattress and the pillow were cloying.\u00a0 He could imagine sinking down into them, down until they closed over him, suffocating him.\u00a0 He shifted, fighting down panic by trying to find a position that made sense to his body.\u00a0 His father drew the blankets up over him, and in one movement, he shoved them aside and sat bolt upright, unable to catch his breath.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d he said at last.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I just can\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 It didn\u2019t make sense, any of it, but he couldn\u2019t help himself.<\/p>\n Somehow, Hoss seemed to understand.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Little Brother,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mere.\u201d\u00a0 He reached to help Joe out of the bed.\u00a0 Barely touching his brother, he guided Joe out into the parlor and settled him on the settee, wrapping an afghan around his shoulders.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you warm enough, Joseph?\u201d Ben asked as he pulled up a chair beside the settee.\u00a0 Without waiting for an answer, Hoss added wood to the fire.\u00a0 Then, he turned down the flames on each of the lamps until the room was warm and dimly lit, the comforting scent of woodsmoke reminiscent of days long gone by.<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019s that, Little Brother?\u201d Hoss asked as he settled himself on the edge of the settee.\u00a0 The panic in Joe\u2019s eyes seemed to be relaxing somewhat, and Hoss patted his knee.<\/p>\n Joe nodded, forcing a smile that was weak, but genuine.\u00a0 \u201cThanks,\u201d he murmured.\u00a0 He pulled the afghan closer around himself, trying to pretend that they weren\u2019t all watching him.\u00a0 No one seemed to know what to say, and the silence stretched out.\u00a0 Finally, Joe said, \u201cIf you all want to go to bed, that\u2019s fine.\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to sit here for a little while.\u201d\u00a0 Even he could hear how shaky he sounded, and he pretended to focus on the fire so that he wouldn\u2019t have to see the worry in their faces.<\/p>\n Ben looked to his older sons.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s late,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you two turn in?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam frowned as if he wanted to say a great deal, but he resisted.\u00a0 Instead, he said, \u201cGood idea, Pa.\u00a0 Good night.\u00a0 \u2019Night, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss appeared equally reluctant.\u00a0 \u201c\u2019Night, Pa.\u00a0 \u2019Night, Shortshanks,\u201d he said, rising.\u00a0 As he\u2019d hoped, the use of the nickname brought a small smile from his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cGood night, you two,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He watched his brothers leave the room before he turned to his father.\u00a0 \u201cPa, you don\u2019t have to stay up with me,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go to bed, too?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stroked his son\u2019s hair.\u00a0 \u201cI still can\u2019t believe it\u2019s all over,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI keep feeling as if this is just a dream.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, if it\u2019s a dream, we\u2019re both having the same one,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n Ben smiled for a moment before he grew serious.\u00a0 \u201cSon, I don\u2019t know everything you went through in there,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI know you already know this, but\u2014whatever you need, we\u2019re here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d said Joe, and he did.\u00a0 Whether he could articulate it, to them or even to himself\u2014well, that remained to be seen.\u00a0 Still. . . .\u00a0 \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n They watched the fire, neither speaking, until Ben noticed Joe\u2019s eyelids drooping.\u00a0 \u201cYou ready to go back to bed?\u201d he suggested.<\/p>\n \u201cI think I\u2019m just going to stay here,\u201d said Joe, drawing the afghan closer around him.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s eyes were somber.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it, son?\u201d he asked quietly.\u00a0 He braced himself for whatever he might hear.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d he admitted.\u00a0 \u201cI used to dream about sleeping in a big, soft bed, with clean sheets and real blankets\u2014but for some reason, it just\u2014I don\u2019t know, I just can\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s too much<\/em>, he wanted to say.\u00a0 I can\u2019t explain it.\u00a0 It just is.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThen you stay right here,\u201d said his father.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve got a lot to get used to again.\u00a0 Just take your time.\u00a0 You\u2019ll do it when you\u2019re ready.\u201d\u00a0 He disappeared into the bedroom, returning a minute later with the pillow and blankets from the bed.\u00a0 \u201cIn the meantime, I don\u2019t want you getting chilled,\u201d he said with mock gruffness as he spread the blankets over his son.\u00a0 He tucked the pillow behind Joe, and his voice grew softer.\u00a0 \u201cDo you want me to stay with you?\u201d<\/p>\n It was an offer with no conditions, no judgment\u2014just a father\u2019s love and concern\u2014but Joe shook his head again.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m all right,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou just go on to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019re sure. . . .\u201d\u00a0 Ben looked dubious.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sure,\u201d said Joe with more assurance than he felt.\u00a0 Ben looked unconvinced, and so Joe forced a smile as he squeezed his father\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cGood night, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood night, Joseph,\u201d said Ben, his throat suddenly thick with tears.\u00a0 He leaned down and kissed his son\u2019s brow, and Joe felt the stirring of something inside him that wanted desperately to believe he was finally safe.\u00a0 Long after he heard the door of Ben\u2019s room click shut, he sat on the settee, watching the flames dance.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n \u201cMornin\u2019, Pa,\u201d said Hoss, stretching as he strolled into the parlor.\u00a0 Ben held his finger to his lips and nodded toward the settee, where Joe was still asleep.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019 brow wrinkled.\u00a0 \u201cDid he sleep there all night?\u201d \u00a0At his father\u2019s nod, he asked, \u201cBut why?\u00a0 There\u2019s a perfectly good bed\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d said Ben in a low voice.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not sure he does, either, but that\u2019s what he wanted.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss sat down at the table, pouring from the coffeepot that room service had brought.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think happened in there?\u201d he asked finally.<\/p>\n Ben met his middle son\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Yes, it was a genuine question, not the reluctant request for confirmation he\u2019d have gotten from Adam.\u00a0 Even in light of everything\u2014 including what they\u2019d seen the night before\u2014Hoss still cherished the hope that his brother had been spared the worst.<\/p>\n But Ben wasn\u2019t na\u00efve.\u00a0 Joe was only nineteen when he went in, shorter and slimmer than most young men of his age.\u00a0 Women had long commented on how attractive he was, and even men had described him as \u201cthe purty one\u201d of the Cartwright brothers.\u00a0 That his face bore only one small scar, at the corner of his mouth, was nothing short of a miracle.\u00a0 He could not convince himself that the boy had remained untouched.\u00a0 Ben was a man of faith, but that faith did not extend to the inmates who had shared Joe\u2019s cell.<\/p>\n Before he had to answer, a noise from the settee drew their attention.\u00a0 Joe sat up, yawning.\u00a0 He looked around, an instant of panic supplanted by relief and wonder.\u00a0 He smiled sleepily at his father and brother.\u00a0 \u201cMorning, everybody,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cGood morning, son,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cDid you sleep well?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike a rock,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cGuess I was more tired than I thought.\u201d\u00a0 He pulled on the dressing gown Ben had left on the chair for him and padded over to the table.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s under here?\u201d he asked.\u00a0 He lifted one silver dome after another, each offering more tantalizing than the one before.\u00a0 The delicious aromas reminded him that he\u2019d barely eaten the night before.<\/p>\n Only twenty-four hours earlier, Joe\u2019s breakfast had been a bucket of cold, insect-riddled gruel.\u00a0 But for the grace of God and three judges, he might still be there.\u00a0 A shudder ran through him, and he shook his head to banish the thought.<\/p>\n \u201cWant some coffee, Little Brother?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss was already pouring.<\/p>\n \u201cSure,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He seated himself, gazing on the bounty of the table in something approaching awe.\u00a0 Pa had clearly gone all out, probably ordering whatever the kitchen had in the obvious hope that something would tempt his youngest son.<\/p>\n \u201cHow about eggs?\u00a0 Flapjacks?\u00a0 A steak?\u201d\u00a0 All of the above graced Hoss\u2019 plate.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t make up my mind,\u201d said Joe honestly.\u00a0 Such abundance was almost unnerving.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, then, you jest try some of everything!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss proceeded to heap a plate full, and<\/p>\n Ben laughed as Joe\u2019s eyes grew wide.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever eaten this much in my life!\u201d said Joe, but he didn\u2019t protest when Hoss set the plate in front of him.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sure your brothers will finish off whatever you don\u2019t,\u201d said Ben, patting his arm.<\/p>\n As Joe began to cut his steak, Adam came in.\u00a0 Surveying Joe\u2019s plate, he grinned, \u201cI don\u2019t suppose you saved me anything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Older Brother, I think there\u2019s still a little for you,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He took a bite of steak, closing his eyes blissfully as he chewed.\u00a0 When he opened his eyes, he saw his father and brothers looking at him.\u00a0 \u201cHaven\u2019t had steak lately,\u201d he said simply, turning his focus to his plate.<\/p>\n Ben broke the awkward silence.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t we stay here for a few days before we head home?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStay here?\u00a0 Why?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss looked confused.<\/p>\n Ben glanced at Joe, who was intent upon his breakfast.\u00a0 \u201cI just thought it might be good for us all to take a little break,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cOnce we get back to the ranch, it\u2019s back to work, and I thought a few days off might be nice.\u00a0 Of course, if you really want to work. . . .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot me,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He\u2019d caught his father\u2019s glance, and he had a pretty good idea why Pa suddenly wanted to stay in town.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know what Pa and Joe had talked about last night, but it was already obvious that Joe\u2019s release wasn\u2019t going to be as seamless as they might have hoped. Clearly Pa wanted to ease the kid into regular life a little bit at a time.\u00a0 Besides, it would be good for him to get used to being with the family again before he tried to deal with the hands, many of whom had been hired during the past two years.<\/p>\n \u201cI could stand a few days off,\u201d said Hoss, understanding.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u00a0 What do you think?\u201d asked Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cWho, me?\u00a0 Sure, whatever you want,\u201d Joe said through a mouthful of food.\u00a0 The boy hadn\u2019t had much appetite last night, but he was sure making up for it now, Hoss observed with satisfaction.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s settled, then,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, you can slow down a little, there\u2019s plenty,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n Joe froze in mid-chew.\u00a0 Two years of fighting for every morsel, racing through what he grabbed in order to grab some more, had left its mark after all.\u00a0 He turned red, and he set down his fork and swallowed.\u00a0 \u201cSorry, Pa,\u201d he said, bowing his head.<\/p>\n \u201cYou all right, son?\u201d\u00a0 Ben wasn\u2019t sure what had just happened, but somehow, he\u2019d apparently said the wrong thing.\u00a0 He reached over to pat his son\u2019s hand, but Joe moved his hand away so smoothly that it was unclear whether he\u2019d seen his father\u2019s gesture.\u00a0 \u201cJoe?\u00a0 Is something wrong?\u201d Ben asked, trying to catch his eye.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, everything\u2019s okay,\u201d said Joe, but the genial atmosphere of a moment earlier had vanished.<\/p>\n \u201cYou want another steak?\u00a0 Some more eggs?\u201d offered Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, thanks, I\u2019m fine,\u201d said Joe, not looking up from his plate.\u00a0 The others exchanged glances, each inviting the other to pick a new, innocuous topic.<\/p>\n Finally, Adam said, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve got to go over the livery stable and let the owner know the horses will be staying a while longer.\u00a0 Hey, Joe, why don\u2019t you come with me?\u00a0 There\u2019s somebody there who\u2019d like to see you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe?\u00a0 I don\u2019t know anybody in this town\u2014leastwise, nobody who\u2019d want to see me,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He drained his coffee cup slowly and set it down with such care that the cup made no sound as it met the saucer.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, that\u2019s not quite true,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I think I can guarantee that this is somebody you\u2019d like to see, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s brow furrowed, as did his father\u2019s and Hoss\u2019s.\u00a0 After a moment, though, the other two smiled, understanding.\u00a0 \u201cI think that sounds like an excellent idea,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cWhile you boys are over at the livery stable, I can pick up some clothes that fit Joe a little better than that outfit he was wearing yesterday.\u201d\u00a0 He didn\u2019t mention that he\u2019d packed some of Joe\u2019s old clothes; the boy had lost so much weight that they wouldn\u2019t fit<\/p>\n \u201cAs soon as you\u2019re done with breakfast, Little Brother, we\u2019ll head on over,\u201d Adam said.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m done now,\u201d said Joe, pushing back his chair.\u00a0 The half-eaten steak and barely-touched eggs sat on the plate, cooling in their own grease.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, I didn\u2019t mean\u2014\u201d Ben began.<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2014I\u2019m done.\u201d\u00a0 Joe rose, and a moment later, the bedroom door closed behind him.<\/p>\n After a few minutes, Adam knocked once, then entered.\u00a0 Joe was sitting on the bed, the borrowed pants in his hand.\u00a0 His eyes revealed no emotion, but his jaw clenched.\u00a0 \u201cPa really didn\u2019t mean anything,\u201d Adam said, sitting beside his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d said Joe dully.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s spent over thirty years correcting everybody\u2019s table manners,\u201d Adam said. \u00a0\u201cHe can\u2019t help himself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d said Joe again.<\/p>\n \u201cHe feels pretty bad that he upset you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sure he does.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, Joe?\u201d asked Adam quietly.\u00a0 \u201cTime was when you wouldn\u2019t even have noticed a comment like that, or you\u2019d have made a joke about it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTimes have changed,\u201d said Joe just as quietly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve changed.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t need to have it shoved in my face.\u201d\u00a0 For an instant, he looked up, and the pain in his eyes was sharp.<\/p>\n \u201cThat wasn\u2019t what he was trying to do,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cIf anything, he was treating you the way he always has.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt didn\u2019t feel like it,\u201d said Joe, eyes fixed again on the floor.\u00a0 He forced the bitter-tasting words out:\u00a0 \u201cIt felt like he was laughing at me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, you know Pa would never do a thing like that,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cThis is Pa, remember?\u00a0 He could never be cruel.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe was silent.\u00a0 He felt as if he\u2019d lived forever in a world where nothing made sense.\u00a0 One of his oldest friends had accused him of attacking her.\u00a0 People he\u2019d known all his life sent him to prison.\u00a0 Inside the cold, dark prison walls, guards and inmates alike seemed to take special pleasure in mocking the handsome rich kid, educated and well-spoken, who\u2019d found himself in with the lowdown and dirty and ignorant, and who foolishly insisted that he was innocent.\u00a0 Once cheerful and optimistic, he\u2019d learned all too well to expect the worst, and nearly always, those expectations had been justified.<\/p>\n Adam rested his hand on the back of Joe\u2019s neck.\u00a0 \u201cHe didn\u2019t mean anything by it,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI swear he didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d said Joe unconvincingly.\u00a0 He cast around for another topic.\u00a0 \u201cNow, let me get dressed, and we can go see whoever it is who wants to see me.\u201d\u00a0 He forced himself to look up.\u00a0 \u201cCan you at least tell me her name?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam grinned.\u00a0 \u201cNot a chance,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re just going to have to wait.\u201d\u00a0 He stayed where he was for a minute, but when Joe made no further move to get dressed, he rose.\u00a0 \u201cJust don\u2019t take too long,\u201d he added as he left the room.\u00a0 Joe waited another minute to be sure no one was going to come in before he pulled his nightshirt over his head, exposing the florid bruises left by his cellmates.<\/p>\n When he was dressed, Joe opened the door, and conversation stopped.\u00a0 He gathered up his nerve, strolling into the parlor as if he owned it.\u00a0 \u201cEverybody ready?\u201d he asked as his father was about to speak.<\/p>\n \u201cReady if you are, Little Brother,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cThen let\u2019s go,\u201d said Joe as jauntily as he could manage.\u00a0 He saw his father\u2019s tremulous smile and dropped his voice to a stage whisper.\u00a0 \u201cPa, could you do me a favor?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course, son.\u00a0 What is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Pa, it\u2019s like this.\u201d\u00a0 He took a deep breath, as if bracing himself.\u00a0 \u201cWhen you go out and get those clothes\u2014well, can you just remember that I\u2019m only twenty-one, and not get me old-man clothes like Adam\u2019s?\u201d\u00a0 As he\u2019d hoped, his family burst into relieved laughter, and his father tousled his hair gratefully.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll do my best,\u201d Ben promised.\u00a0 \u201cYou boys enjoy yourselves.\u00a0 I\u2019ll see you back here later.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSounds good, Pa,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 As the three brothers headed for the door, he patted his little brother\u2019s shoulder proudly.\u00a0 The kid might have changed, but underneath it all, he was still Little Joe.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n As they neared the livery stable, Joe\u2019s steps slowed.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t imagine who would want to see him.\u00a0 As far as everyone else knew, he was a convict, a felon, a man who had committed a despicable act against an innocent girl.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, maybe this isn\u2019t such a good idea,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cNonsense,\u201d said Hoss too heartily.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019ll be fine.\u00a0 Believe me, this is somebody you\u2019re gonna want to see.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t really picture that,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He swallowed hard and didn\u2019t notice that his brothers exchanged a concerned glance over his head.\u00a0 At the door of the livery stable, he stopped.\u00a0 \u201cLook, fellows, I don\u2019t want to do this.\u00a0 Not yet, anyway.\u00a0 Just tell whoever it is that I\u2019m sorry, but I had to go.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss laid an enormous arm around his shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cYou just trust us, Little Brother,\u201d he said quietly.\u00a0 \u201cI promise you, you\u2019re gonna be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, I don\u2019t want to do it,\u201d said Joe, a tinge of panic in his voice as he ducked out from under his brother\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u201cHold up a second, Joe,\u201d Adam said.\u00a0 He placed his hands on Joe\u2019s shoulders, careful to mask his dismay at how frail his brother felt.\u00a0 The thin shoulders fairly vibrated with tension under Adam\u2019s hands, making the younger man seem simultaneously vulnerable and dangerous.\u00a0 \u201cWe wanted to surprise you,\u201d Adam said.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe that was a bad idea right now.\u00a0 If you want, I\u2019ll tell you who\u2019s in there, and you can make up your mind whether you want to go in.\u00a0 And if you decide after you\u2019re in there that you don\u2019t want to stay, you don\u2019t have to.\u00a0 But believe me, Joe, we\u2019re not going to let anybody hurt you, in any way.\u00a0 We promise you that.\u201d\u00a0 He looked directly into his brother\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s up to you, Little Brother.\u00a0 What do you want to do?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe looked from Adam to Hoss.\u00a0 Everything in him wanted to run away, back to the hotel room where he was safe.\u00a0 But he had trusted them his entire life.\u00a0 They wouldn\u2019t lie to him.\u00a0 He had to try again.\u00a0 His heart was pounding so hard that they must have heard it.\u00a0 He took a deep breath and resisted a sudden insane urge to grab their hands like a small child.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s go in.\u201d<\/p>\n The brothers walked into the cool darkness of the stable.\u00a0 \u201cHey, Red, you here?\u201d called Hoss.\u00a0 There was no answer.\u00a0 \u201cGuess he ain\u2019t around,\u201d he shrugged.\u00a0 He turned to Joe.\u00a0 \u201cClose your eyes.\u201d\u00a0 Against his better judgment, Joe closed his eyes, fighting down panic as Hoss led him across the stable.<\/p>\n Then, he felt Hoss place his hand against a warm, velvety muzzle.\u00a0 His eyes flew open, and there before him was his beloved Cochise.\u00a0 \u201cOh, my God,\u201d he breathed.\u00a0 His brothers stood back as he stroked the horse\u2019s neck.\u00a0 Cochise whinnied, nudging him.\u00a0 \u201cHe remembers me,\u201d said Joe, his voice breaking.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2019Course he does,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cHere, I brought something for you to give him.\u201d\u00a0 He handed Joe an apple from the fruit bowl in the hotel lobby.\u00a0 Joe held out the apple, and the pinto took it daintily, tilting his head as if asking for more.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2014why\u2014what\u2019s he doing here?\u201d Joe asked finally.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was Hoss\u2019s idea,\u201d Adam said.\u00a0 \u201cHe figured that you\u2019d need a way back to the ranch.\u201d<\/p>\n The big man\u2019s face was all grin as his little brother looked up at him.\u00a0 \u201cThank you,\u201d Joe whispered.\u00a0 \u201cThank you both.\u201d\u00a0 He buried his face in the horse\u2019s neck.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t believe he\u2019s here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think mebbe you want to go for a ride?\u201d suggested Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cIs my saddle here?\u201d\u00a0 Joe looked around.<\/p>\n \u201cAll your gear,\u201d confirmed Adam.\u00a0 \u201cOtherwise, you\u2019d be riding bareback all the way home, and we didn\u2019t figure that\u2019d be all that comfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe winced at the thought.\u00a0 \u201cOh, I\u2019d have just used yours,\u201d he said lightly, and he was grateful for his brothers\u2019 chuckles.\u00a0 When Hoss handed him the saddle, his hands remembered what to do even before his mind asked the question.\u00a0 He slipped the bit between the pinto\u2019s teeth and the bridle over his head.\u00a0 Then, he turned to his brothers.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, am I riding alone, or are you two going to saddle up?\u201d he demanded with mock<\/p>\n \u201cJust give us a minute,\u201d said Adam, controlling his voice with effort.\u00a0 Hoss, the big softy, had tears in his eyes.\u00a0 They saddled their horses and led them outside to where Joe and Cochise waited.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you remember how to do it?\u201d asked Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cI think so,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 His brothers held their breath, and Joe closed his eyes for a moment, recalling the feeling.\u00a0 Then, he opened them, grabbed the saddle horn, and swung into the saddle without touching the stirrups.<\/p>\n \u201cGood for you!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss punched Joe\u2019s arm as Adam applauded.\u00a0 A moment later, they were mounted, and for the first time in two years, the three Cartwright brothers rode out together.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n It was nearly noon when they returned to the stable.\u00a0 They were hot, dusty and tired, and elation shone from Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t believe you brought him,\u201d he kept saying.\u00a0 At one point, he turned to his brothers.\u00a0 \u201cWhat if the hearing hadn\u2019t gone\u2014the way it did?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen, we\u2019d have taken him home to wait for you,\u201d said Adam simply, betraying no trace of his feelings about the idea of leading the pinto home, his saddle empty.<\/p>\n The currycomb was still in Joe\u2019s saddlebag.\u00a0 It felt hard and cold in his hand.\u00a0 He\u2019d been using it that night when Roy walked into the barn, with Pa right beside him, to tell him that he was under arrest for attacking Sally Barnes.\u00a0 When arguing proved fruitless, he\u2019d dropped the currycomb into the bag and saddled Cochise for the ride to town.\u00a0 Holding the currycomb, stroking the horse\u2014just two of the thousands of moments he\u2019d lost.<\/p>\n Now, as his brothers\u2019 talk swirled around him, Joe focused intently on his horse, forcing his mind to see nothing but sweat marks and loose hair and dust.\u00a0 The conversation receded, as if his brothers had moved far away.\u00a0 He dropped his head against the beloved black and white flank, his breathing becoming rough as he reached up with one trembling hand to grab a handful of mane.<\/p>\n Then, he felt the currycomb being taken from his hand, and Hoss pulled him into a hug.\u00a0 Adam\u2019s hand rested on his shoulder as he trembled against Hoss\u2019s broad chest.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s it, you jest let it out,\u201d Hoss murmured, but he couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 He\u2019d spent so long holding in his feelings that he was frightened now of letting go, of letting terror and pain and loneliness and despair overflow their banks.\u00a0 For a moment, he felt like if he started to cry, he would never stop.<\/p>\n He closed his eyes and shook his head, taking a deep breath to push back the threat.\u00a0 Then, braced against his own feelings, Joe let himself lean against Hoss, and he felt the familiar strong arms around him, holding him up.\u00a0 As Adam patted his shoulder, and Hoss rubbed his back, Joe knew that, for a moment, he was safe.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got to finish grooming Cochise,\u201d he said finally.\u00a0 With one last squeeze, Hoss let go of him, and Joe picked up the currycomb his brother had dropped.\u00a0 There was something soothing about grooming, the rhythmic motions of the currycomb and the soft nickering of the horse.\u00a0 His brothers watched without comment as he worked, talking softly to the gelding as he combed and brushed and picked hooves.\u00a0 At last, Little Joe looked up.\u00a0 \u201cWe should get going,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2019s probably going to wonder what happened to us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry, he knew what we were doing,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cWhy do you think he didn\u2019t insist on your going shopping for clothes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought he was just being nice,\u201d admitted Joe.\u00a0 He dropped the grooming tools into his saddlebag and patted the horse\u2019s neck.\u00a0 \u201cThanks,\u201d he whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cGood to see the two of you together,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cNow, let\u2019s get back, or Pa\u2019ll eat lunch without us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe wouldn\u2019t dare,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201c\u2019Cause I\u2019d go down to the kitchen and eat everything that was left!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe managed a tremulous grin.\u00a0 He felt fragile and watery, and at the same time, he\u2019d felt just a hint of his old self.\u00a0 Walking between his brothers, it occurred to him that, just maybe, everything would be all right after all.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Ben was in the suite when his sons returned.\u00a0 He\u2019d waited there for the first hour, half-expecting that Joe would be back.\u00a0 When he was finally confident that all had gone as planned, he set out to buy new clothes for his son and to tend to other business in town. \u00a0Even so, he returned to the suite long before his sons.\u00a0 Restless, he arranged for a tub to be brought up\u2014if Joseph had been riding all this time, he was likely to be sore, he told himself, but the truth was more complicated.\u00a0 It occurred to him that maybe, if Joe had a chance to wash off the dust of prison, literally as well as symbolically, and to dress in fresh, clean clothes, he might feel\u2014and act\u2014more like his old self.<\/p>\n He tried to make himself focus on innocuous questions, such as whether to have dinner in the room or downstairs in the restaurant, but his mind refused to be confined to such mundane matters.\u00a0 Snippets of memory tumbled through his mind\u2014Joe at five years old, laughing with delight over the birthday cake his mother had made; at nine, fists on his hips as he argued for the chance to ride with the men on the cattle drive; at fourteen, thrilled beyond belief as he received his first lesson in handling a sidearm; at eighteen, dancing with the prettiest girl at the party as music and laughter filled the Ponderosa.<\/p>\n At nineteen, standing stunned and disbelieving as the jury pronounced him guilty of assaulting that same pretty girl.<\/p>\n The opening of the door interrupted his thoughts.\u00a0 \u201cWell, it\u2019s about time you three got back here!\u201d he scolded good-naturedly.<\/p>\n \u201cWe jest about had to pry this \u2019un away from that danged horse!\u201d teased Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought he was going to ask if he could bring him back to stay with us,\u201d added Adam.<\/p>\n Ben smiled at his youngest son, who was grinning at his brothers.\u00a0 \u201cSo, you had a good time?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe best,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He looked almost relaxed, and silently, Ben blessed his sons for their idea.<\/p>\n He pulled the rope for room service.\u00a0 \u201cI thought you boys might want a chance to clean up,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s a tub in the bedroom, and they\u2019ve got the water ready downstairs.\u201d\u00a0 He felt a pang of sadness when Joe lit up at the prospect.\u00a0 So many things that the boy had missed, and right then, he wanted to make up for every single one of them.<\/p>\n Joe turned to his brothers.\u00a0 \u201cYou want to draw straws for first bath?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam patted his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou take it, kid,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re the one who hasn\u2019t been in a saddle in two years.\u00a0 Something tells me you\u2019re going to be a little sore by tomorrow, so you might as well start soaking it out now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf Adam\u2019s givin\u2019 up first bath, I reckon you better take it,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t seen that happen since my sixteenth birthday when Bessie Sue was comin\u2019 to my party.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI reckon I better,\u201d said Joe as the hotel staff came in with buckets of steaming water.<\/p>\n A short time later, he was lying back in the tub, luxuriating in the heat of the water.\u00a0 Adam was right about the sore muscles; already, he could feel the ache in his thighs, but it was a good ache.\u00a0 He closed his eyes, remembering again the power of the pinto between his legs as they galloped along the road, Hoss and Adam coming up behind him, but never passing.\u00a0 He wondered suddenly who had ridden Cochise over the past two years.\u00a0 Somebody must have; they would never have left him to pasture all that time.\u00a0 Adam probably, he decided, content with that answer.<\/p>\n He slid down in the tub to wet his hair.\u00a0 The last lice shampoo, done only last week, seemed to have done the trick, a fact for which he was grateful; he\u2019d have hated to come back to his family needing to be deloused.\u00a0 Fact was that the guards didn\u2019t give two pins if the inmates were crawling with bugs, but they didn\u2019t want to risk getting them themselves, and so they made a point of washing them down with harsh soap a couple times a year.<\/p>\n A knock on the door roused him from his drowsy thoughts.\u00a0 Before he remembered, he sat up and called, \u201cCome in.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben opened the door.\u00a0 \u201cI forgot to bring you towels\u2014\u201d\u00a0 He broke off as he saw the bruises on his son\u2019s emaciated torso.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, who did that?\u201d<\/p>\n Too late, Joe tried to sink down in the tub, but his father was already across the room.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s nothing, Pa,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cJust an argument with some of the fellows.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut, Joe\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Ben had seen his son beaten up, but nothing like this.\u00a0 \u201cYou didn\u2019t crack any ribs, did you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, nothing like that,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t offer the fact that his cellmates knew what would happen if they inflicted anything that would have been obvious to the court.\u00a0 The guards didn\u2019t care if inmates beat each other to a bloody pulp, as long as no outsiders knew.\u00a0 If Joe hadn\u2019t been scheduled to go to court, the beating would likely have been quite different.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Pa, I\u2019m fine,\u201d he added.\u00a0 Go away<\/em>, he pleaded silently.\u00a0 Let me think about today, nothing before that.<\/em><\/p>\n Ben reluctantly set down the towels.\u00a0 \u201cYou want me to wash your back?\u201d<\/p>\n Later, Joe couldn\u2019t imagine how he said yes<\/em> to that question.\u00a0 The only explanation he could think of was that he was so desperate to get back to his relaxing bath that he forgot what he needed to hide.\u00a0 And he leaned forward.<\/p>\n At his father\u2019s gasp, he turned quickly, as if that would hide the scars, would make them go away.\u00a0 The shock in Pa\u2019s eyes was unlike anything Joe had ever seen.\u00a0 Bitterly, he berated himself for taking away his father\u2019s innocence.<\/p>\n Ben knelt beside the tub, his hand resting on Joe\u2019s wet shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cWho did that to you, son?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe guards,\u201d Joe said in a flat, emotionless voice.<\/p>\n Gently, almost fearfully, Ben turned his son to face away from him.\u00a0 He ran his fingers over the scars.\u00a0 Some of them were old, but others looked like they were still healing.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cWhenever they felt like it,\u201d he said.\u00a0 He looked back, and the agony in his father\u2019s eyes was too much to bear.\u00a0 He rested one wet hand on his father\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s over, Pa,\u201d he said gently.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all behind us.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben bowed his head.\u00a0 He knew what Joe was doing, and he was humbled.\u00a0 He rested his cheek against his son\u2019s wet curls for a moment before he stood.\u00a0 \u201cWhere\u2019s the soap?\u201d he asked, controlling his voice with great effort.\u00a0 And then, with hands that trembled only slightly, Ben Cartwright began to wash the scars on his son\u2019s back.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Adam walked soundlessly into the darkened parlor.\u00a0 Without a word, he poured two brandies and took one to where his father sat in the chair by the window.\u00a0 \u201cFeel like talking about it?\u201d he asked quietly, pulling up the ottoman to sit next to him.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s head jerked around at his son\u2019s voice, but he relaxed almost immediately.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Adam,\u201d he said, accepting the glass.<\/p>\n The two men drank quietly for a few minutes.\u00a0 Then, Adam asked, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou barely said two words ever since we got back, and the way Joe kept watching you, as if you were going to do something\u2014it\u2019s pretty clear that something happened. \u00a0You want to talk about it?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben drained his glass.\u00a0 \u201cThey beat him,\u201d he said finally.<\/p>\n \u201cWe suspected as much,\u201d Adam reminded his father gently.\u00a0 \u201cHow do you know?\u00a0 Did he tell you?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI saw the scars,\u201d he said hoarsely.\u00a0 \u201cWhen he was in the bath.\u00a0 Some of the other inmates had beaten him up, and he was pretty bruised, but then I saw his back\u2014Adam, they used a whip on that boy.\u00a0 And not that long ago, either\u2014 some of those marks were only about half-healed.\u201d\u00a0 He shook his head, and Adam refilled his glass.\u00a0 \u201cHave you seen his wrists and his ankles?\u00a0 He has scars there, too\u2014 from the shackles, he told me.\u00a0 There\u2019s practically nothing to him\u2014I can\u2019t imagine what they fed him.\u00a0 And God only knows what they did that I couldn\u2019t see. . . .\u201d\u00a0 He dropped his head to his hands, and Adam placed a hand on his father\u2019s trembling shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s my son.\u00a0 I was supposed to keep him safe.\u00a0 I\u2019m his father.\u00a0 That was my job.\u00a0 And instead, these people beat my boy, they tortured him, and he went through that hell alone, and I wasn\u2019t there to protect him, or take care of him, or even hold him. . . .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, you did the best you could,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He felt helpless in the face of such anguish.\u00a0 \u201cYou fought for him, and when everybody said it was impossible, you got him out of there anyway.\u00a0 He\u2019s safe now.\u00a0 We\u2019re all going to take care of him and help him heal from what happened.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re going home in the morning,\u201d Ben said.\u00a0 \u201cI want him at the Ponderosa, where we can take proper care of him.”<\/p>\n \u201cAll right,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He knew better than to argue, even if there were an argument to be made.\u00a0 \u201cRight after breakfast, we\u2019ll head out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re stopping in Virginia City on the way,\u201d Ben said.\u00a0 \u201cI want Doc Martin to take a look at him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMakes sense,\u201d Adam concurred.\u00a0 He rose, patting his father\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cWhy don\u2019t you get to bed now, Pa?\u00a0 It\u2019s going to be a long day tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI suppose you\u2019re right,\u201d said Ben, also rising.\u00a0 He managed a small smile for his eldest son, the one he could always lean on.\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Adam,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He set the glasses on the table, and he and Ben disappeared into the far bedroom.<\/p>\n Which was why they never heard the tiny click as the door to the other bedroom closed, and Joe leaned against it, trembling.<\/p>\n He\u2019d been about to go out into the parlor himself when he\u2019d heard the voices.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t meant to eavesdrop, but eavesdrop he did, and he heard everything.<\/p>\n If they were this upset about what they could see, he couldn\u2019t even imagine what it would do to them to know the rest.<\/p>\n In the darkness, Joe made his way back to the bed by the window and huddled under the covers.\u00a0 Strange to think that, just last night, the notion of sleeping here had been so upsetting.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t known what upsetting was.\u00a0 He curled up on his side, knees drawn up to his chest, and clenched every muscle in his body in order to avoid making any noise, even if any would have been audible over Hoss\u2019 snoring.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Ben, Adam and Hoss walked into the waiting room at Doc Martin\u2019s office.\u00a0 There was no sound.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe they were done earlier than they expected,\u201d suggested Adam.\u00a0 Both Doc and Joe had been adamant that they didn\u2019t need the rest of the family to stay.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve known Doc all my life,\u201d Joe had said to his father.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to worry about.\u201d\u00a0 And so the others had reluctantly gone about their business, waiting impatiently for the hour to be over.<\/p>\n Just then, Doc came out of the examining room, sporting a large purple bruise on his jaw that he hadn\u2019t had an hour earlier.\u00a0 \u201cPaul!\u00a0 What happened?\u201d\u00a0 Ben was appalled at his friend\u2019s injury.<\/p>\n Doc shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cNothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s Joe?\u201d asked Ben.<\/p>\n The doctor sighed.\u00a0 \u201cCome inside,\u201d he said.\u00a0 The Cartwrights didn\u2019t look at each other as they headed into Doc\u2019s private office, and he closed the door after them.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2019s in the clinic,\u201d Doc said.\u00a0 \u201cHe should be coming to soon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cComing to?\u00a0 What happened?\u00a0 Did somebody break in?\u201d\u00a0 None of this made sense to\u00a0Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cI wish,\u201d said the doctor, sitting behind his desk.\u00a0 He looked from one Cartwright to another.\u00a0 In his most professional, detached, matter-of-fact voice, he said, \u201cThere was a problem.\u00a0 I was examining Joe, and it was going fine, and\u2014well, when I reached a certain point, he apparently panicked.\u201d\u00a0 He looked again from one to another to ensure that they all knew what he meant.\u00a0 Hoss looked unsure, but Ben and Adam nodded grimly.\u00a0 Then, he continued, \u201cHe tried to run out of the examining room, even though he was completely undressed at that point.\u00a0 Naturally, I tried to stop him, and we struggled.\u00a0 I called for Rose to get a cloth with chloroform.\u00a0 He got as far as the outer office\u2014 fortunately, there was no one out there except old Bernard, doing the cleaning\u2014and Bernard and I were able to pin him long enough for Rose to hold the chloroform over his face.\u00a0 When he passed out, we moved him into the clinic, and he\u2019s there now.\u201d<\/p>\n For a minute, no one spoke.\u00a0 Finally, Ben asked, \u201cIs he all right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPhysically?\u00a0 He\u2019ll be fine,\u201d said the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s younger and stronger than I am.\u00a0 I\u2019m just glad I was able to tackle him\u2014otherwise, I think he\u2019d have run out of the office.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou said he\u2019ll be fine \u2018physically,\u2019\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cAre you saying he\u2019s not fine in some other way?\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor suppressed a sigh.\u00a0 \u201cThe boy\u2019s been through hell,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI know you already know that\u2014just as I suspect you already know what my examination revealed.\u00a0 Emotionally, he\u2019s very fragile right now.\u00a0 He was just a boy when he went to prison\u2014maybe if he\u2019d been older, he\u2019d have been able to handle it better. \u00a0I can\u2019t say for certain.\u00a0 All I can tell you is that, right now, that boy is terrified of\u2014well, most everything, I\u2019d imagine.\u00a0 Everything is strange for him right now\u2014what he\u2019s doing, how he feels\u2014what he thinks you all think of him.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to be very patient.\u00a0 Don\u2019t expect him to be the way he was before.\u00a0 Just let him work things out in his own way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPaul, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t believe he did this to you.\u00a0 What about Rose and Bernard?\u00a0 Are they all right?\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor waved the apology away.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re all fine,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cRight now, I\u2019m much more concerned about Joe.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to be very upset when he realizes what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you saying he doesn\u2019t know?\u201d asked Adam.\u00a0 \u201cDidn\u2019t he know it was you he was fighting?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think he did,\u201d said Doc.\u00a0 \u201cBut he\u2019d told me what he did to you that first night, too.\u00a0 Then, he didn\u2019t know what was going on, and he was just reacting.\u00a0 This time, he knew it was me, but I\u2019m not at all sure he knows what he did.\u00a0 His panic was so far beyond any normal reaction that I\u2019d be willing to bet he reached a point where he didn\u2019t know what was happening.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat poor kid,\u201d breathed Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cIf I knew the fellers who did this to him. . . .\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe more important issue is\u2014\u201d Doc broke off as there was a light tap on the door.<\/p>\n \u201cCome in.\u201d<\/p>\n Rose Martin poked her head in the door.\u00a0 \u201cI think Joe\u2019s coming out of it,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n The men rose and hustled over to Joe\u2019s room.\u00a0 At the doorway, Doc stopped them.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, I think maybe you should go in alone,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cGive him a few minutes to get his bearings.\u00a0 Then, he and I can talk.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded, his trepidation well-hidden.\u00a0 In all his years as a father, he\u2019d never experienced anything remotely like this.\u00a0 He opened the door to see his son stirring, and he grabbed the washbowl; Joe tended to have a harsh reaction to anesthesia.\u00a0 Sure enough, the boy had barely opened his eyes when nausea overtook him and he vomited into the bowl.\u00a0 Ben poured a glass of water, and he helped Joe to steady it enough to rinse his mouth.\u00a0 Then, he poured a fresh glass, and Joe drank before he leaned back.<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019re you feeling, son?\u201d Ben asked.<\/p>\n \u201cMust have hit my head,\u201d managed Joe.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s killing me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s probably just the chloroform,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s chloroform hangovers were worse than most men\u2019s whiskey hangovers.\u00a0 He dipped a cloth in cool water and wiped Joe\u2019s face, as much to buy time as for any other reason.\u00a0 Finally, he made himself ask, \u201cDo you remember anything about what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head, wincing at the movement.\u00a0 \u201cI had the strangest dream, though,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI dreamed I was stark naked and wrestling with Doc Martin on the floor of his office.\u00a0 He was a tough old bird, too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you know why were you fighting?\u201d asked Ben.<\/p>\n Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cDunno,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI remember being so scared, but that doesn\u2019t make any sense.\u00a0 There\u2019s no reason to be scared of Doc.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stroked his son\u2019s brow.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, it wasn\u2019t a dream.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u00a0 What do you mean?\u201d\u00a0 Joe blinked hard, squinting through the chloroform fog.<\/p>\n \u201cYou did fight with Doc Martin,\u201d Ben said.<\/p>\n \u201cI did what?\u201d<\/p>\n In his gentlest voice, Ben recounted what Doc Martin had said.\u00a0 As Joe listened, color drained from his face.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t have done this twice.\u00a0 There had to be some mistake.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Pa, it couldn\u2019t have happened that way,\u201d he insisted.\u00a0 \u201cIt was a dream.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know, maybe this is a dream, too.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 All I know is I couldn\u2019t have done something like that, I just couldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n His father\u2019s eyes were compassionate and sad.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, son,\u201d he said, taking Joe\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cI can\u2019t imagine how upsetting it is to hear something like that\u2014but it\u2019s true.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a dream, Joe.\u00a0 It really happened.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 Joe sat up quickly, but a wave of dizziness and nausea demanded his full attention, and he doubled over, eyes closed.\u00a0 Pa helped him to lay back, murmuring quiet, soothing words as he sponged Joe\u2019s face with the wet cloth.\u00a0 As Joe tried to think of an explanation, he reached up and felt his own shirtless chest.\u00a0 Tentatively, he reached under the covers and his hand brushed his bare thigh.\u00a0 It was true.\u00a0 It was all true.\u00a0 He pressed his fist against his mouth, eyes tightly closed, and turned in the bed, his back to his father.<\/p>\n \u201cEasy, Joe, just take it easy,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 He laid one hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder as he moved to sit on the bed beside his son.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re all right, everything\u2019s all right.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t hurt anybody.\u00a0 Just take it easy, son.\u00a0 Everything\u2019s going to be fine.\u201d\u00a0 He sat by his son, rubbing the young man\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n After a few minutes, there was a light knock on the door, and Doc came in.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, I need to talk to you,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Joe turned and sat up.\u00a0 \u201cDoc, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d he blurted.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2014did I do that?\u201d\u00a0 He stared at the bruise on the elderly man\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it,\u201d said the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cI expect Bernard and I may have left you with a few bruises, too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBernard?\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s eyes widened.\u00a0 Bernard was the elderly black man who cleaned for the doctor.\u00a0 As long as Joe could remember, Bernard had been grizzled and bent over, and he\u2019d always looked as if a strong wind would blow him away.\u00a0 \u201cDid I attack Bernard, too?\u201d\u00a0 His stomach was suddenly churning again.\u00a0 \u201cPa, the bowl\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Ben seized the bowl just in time, and Joe was sick again.<\/p>\n The doctor laid a hand on Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 No fever; this reaction was likely a combination of the chloroform and the news.\u00a0 \u201cLay back for a few minutes,\u201d he said.\u00a0 When Joe had done so, he said, \u201cAnd no, you never laid a hand on Bernard.\u00a0 He came to help once you were down.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDid you knock me out?\u201d\u00a0 He didn\u2019t feel as if he\u2019d been punched.<\/p>\n The doctor shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cWe used chloroform,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cNone of us was in a position to punch you that hard, although Rose could probably have done it if she had to.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMrs. Martin was there, too?\u00a0 While I was\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Joe broke off, his face flaming with\u00a0embarrassment.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, she\u2019s been my nurse for over forty years,\u201d said Doc.\u00a0 \u201cBelieve me, she didn\u2019t see anything that surprised her.\u201d\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t strictly true.\u00a0 She\u2019d assisted at Little Joe\u2019s birth, and she\u2019d been by Doc\u2019s side as he\u2019d tended the boy\u2019s illnesses and injuries over the years, but he\u2019d never seen her speechless until today, when she saw the angry red marks of a whip on Little Joe Cartwright\u2019s back.<\/p>\n Suddenly, like a candle extinguished with a single breath, Joe\u2019s distress seemed to vanish.\u00a0 His voice was unemotional, almost cold, and his control was precise.\u00a0 \u201cSo, what you\u2019re telling me is that I tried to run out of your office stark naked, you knocked me down, you and Bernard held me down, and Mrs. Martin chloroformed me?\u201d\u00a0 He might as well have been reciting the multiplication tables for all the words seemed to mean to him.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s about the size of it,\u201d said the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cAnd as I said before, there\u2019s nothing for you to worry about.\u00a0 We\u2019re all fine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can imagine,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He looked away from the side of the bed where his father and the doctor were.\u00a0 \u201cWould you two please leave me alone?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you all right, son?\u201d\u00a0 Ben stroked his son\u2019s hair, puzzled by the sudden change in the boy\u2019s affect.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d just like to be alone,\u201d said Joe in that same unemotional voice that was so unlike the Joe they knew.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, there\u2019s nothing to\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Ben began.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, would you please just leave me alone!\u201d\u00a0 The precise control was starting to slip.<\/p>\n The doctor took Ben\u2019s arm, quietly urging him to his feet.\u00a0 \u201cYou stay right there in bed, young man,\u201d Doc said.\u00a0 \u201cYou still need to rest a while before you start for home.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you out of this bed until I say so.\u00a0 Your father and I will be right outside if you need us.\u201d<\/p>\n The door closed behind them.\u00a0 Joe lay motionless, listening as the footsteps in the hall died away.\u00a0 Only then did he allow the enormity of his actions to wash over him.\u00a0 He rolled over and pressed his face into the pillow, fighting panic.<\/p>\n An hour later, Hoss opened the door as Little Joe was fastening his pants.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019re you doing out of bed?\u201d the big man asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d shrugged Joe.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d\u00a0 His hair was mussed, and his eyes were bleary with sleep.<\/p>\n Hoss blinked at the question, which was barely a shade off being rude.\u00a0 His little brother was just tired, he decided.\u00a0 \u201cDoc says you\u2019re supposed to use this stuff on your back.\u00a0 You want me to put some on before you put your shirt on?\u201d\u00a0 He frowned.\u00a0 Joe looked as if he couldn\u2019t possibly have cared less about something as mundane as Doc\u2019s stuff for his back.\u00a0 \u201cCome on,\u201d Hoss urged.\u00a0 After a minute, Joe turned his back to Hoss.\u00a0 The big man began to work the salve into the healing wounds, his jaw clenched lest he say anything about the violent bruises, the vicious wounds, or the knobby backbone and the ribs he could practically count.<\/p>\n \u201cThere you go, all done,\u201d he said at last.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d Joe whispered.\u00a0 He put on his shirt, but his hands were trembling, and he couldn\u2019t maneuver the buttons.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Hoss started to reach for him, but Joe held up his hand.<\/p>\n \u201cHoss, just\u2014just don\u2019t, okay?\u201d\u00a0 His voice was tight with anguish.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d said Hoss, hiding his hurt.\u00a0 \u201cWhyn\u2019t you sit down for a minute?\u00a0 You ain\u2019t supposed to be up yet anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cBesides, I\u2019ve still got to talk to Bernard and Mrs. Martin.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBernard\u2019s gone home for the day,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cSo\u2019s Mrs. Martin\u2014she had to fix Doc\u2019s dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n Damn<\/em>.\u00a0 Joe yanked on one of his new boots, wondering about the possibility of finding Bernard\u2019s house.\u00a0 He knew that Bernard lived in the shanties on the edge of town, but he wasn\u2019t sure where.\u00a0 Besides, if anybody thought he was guilty of\u2014of what he\u2019s been accused of\u2014they wouldn\u2019t want to tell him anything.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Little Brother, let\u2019s get going,\u201d said Hoss as Joe pulled on his other boot.\u00a0 \u201cJust take it easy.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be back at the Ponderosa real soon.\u201d<\/p>\n The Ponderosa.<\/em>\u00a0 All Joe\u2019s life, the word had conjured up images of meadows and impossibly blue skies with hawks soaring overhead, pine trees so straight and tall that they nearly touched the sky, burbling brooks wandering down a hillside, and the lake in all its glory.\u00a0 And it had also meant family and comfort, belonging and security, and love.<\/p>\n All things that existed\u2014he knew that rationally\u2014but at this moment, he couldn\u2019t have said whether he believed in any of them.\u00a0 It was like believing in Santa Claus:\u00a0 as much as he\u2019d cherished the idea as a child, the time had come when he\u2019d had to admit that there was no such thing.\u00a0 He tamped down the pain as he tried again to button his shirt.<\/p>\n He might not have believed in his illusions, but that didn\u2019t mean that he didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Adam knocked on Joe\u2019s bedroom door once, and then again.\u00a0 When there was still no answer, he opened it.\u00a0 \u201cJoe?\u201d he called softly.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I\u2019m here,\u201d said Joe resignedly.\u00a0 He stood by the window, not turning as he spoke.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t answer,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cYou okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just\u2014I really don\u2019t feel like seeing anybody right now.\u201d\u00a0 An understatement, to be sure, and Adam knew it.<\/p>\n Joe had gone straight to his room when they arrived home two hours earlier.\u00a0 Reluctantly, Ben had kept his older sons downstairs, urging them to give their brother a chance to rest.\u00a0 Even so, none of them did much more for the remainder of the afternoon than to watch the stairs, just in case Joe appeared.<\/p>\n \u201cSupper\u2019s ready,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing made all your favorites.\u201d\u00a0 When Joe shook his head wordlessly, Adam crossed the room to where he stood, resting a hand on his younger brother\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, nobody blames you for what happened today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know.\u201d\u00a0 Unexpected bitterness tinged the words.<\/p>\n Adam waited.\u00a0 The little brother he\u2019d known two years ago couldn\u2019t have kept a thought to himself if you paid him.\u00a0 As the brothers stood in silence, though, he understood again that the Joe who had returned to them wasn\u2019t the same one who had left.\u00a0 And so, he asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d\u00a0 Joe shook his head again.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll feel better if you eat something,\u201d Adam suggested, aware that he sounded like their father at his mother-hen best.\u00a0 \u201cHop Sing\u2019s going to be mighty upset if you don\u2019t eat,\u201d he added, trying not to sound too serious.\u00a0 When Joe didn\u2019t respond, Adam sighed and patted his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe you\u2019ll want something later.\u201d\u00a0 He turned to go, just reaching the door when Joe\u2019s voice stopped him.<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam turned back.\u00a0 Joe was still facing the window, although Adam doubted very much that his brother was seeing anything outside.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is it, Joe?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAm I crazy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 Adam crossed the room, brow furrowed, supper\u00a0forgotten.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve been out less than three days, and I\u2019ve already attacked two people who I know would never do anything bad to me.\u00a0 There\u2019s only one reason people don\u2019t blame you for that kind of thing.\u201d\u00a0 Joe fought back the panic that lodged in his throat as he turned to face his brother.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019d tell me, right?\u00a0 You\u2019d tell me if I was crazy, wouldn\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 His eyes betrayed his fear as they searched Adam\u2019s face for clues.<\/p>\n Adam rested his hands on Joe\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, you\u2019re not crazy,\u201d he said gently.\u00a0 \u201cYou spent two years in hell.\u00a0 That\u2019s enough to get anyone turned around.\u00a0 That\u2019s all.\u00a0 You\u2019re just a little turned around right now.\u201d\u00a0 He watched Joe carefully, willing him to believe.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re going to be fine,\u201d he said with more assurance than he felt.\u00a0 \u201cGive yourself some time to get used to things again.\u201d\u00a0 When Joe\u2019s expression didn\u2019t change, Adam said, \u201cYou look exhausted.\u00a0 Get in bed, and I\u2019ll bring up a tray.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAdam?\u201d\u00a0 It was barely more than a whisper.\u00a0 \u201cPromise me something?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPromise me\u2014if it turns out that I really am crazy\u2014promise you\u2019ll tell me.\u00a0 Pa and Hoss would never say it, no matter what.\u00a0 So I need you.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to be one of those people who walk around thinking they\u2019re normal when everybody else knows better.\u00a0 I need to know you\u2019ll tell me the truth\u2014if I\u2019m crazy, you\u2019ll say so.\u201d\u00a0 His voice broke at the \u00a0end.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, that\u2019s not going to happen.\u00a0 You\u2019re not crazy.\u201d\u00a0 Adam spoke as definitely as he could, but disbelief was plain on Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 \u201cTrust me, Joe.\u00a0 You\u2019re not,\u201d he insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cBut if I am\u2014promise you\u2019ll tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n The kid was as taut as a bow string.\u00a0 The green eyes that used to dance with laughter were sharp with agony.\u00a0 And yet, there was a raw courage in him that was willing to hear the truth, and uncharacteristically, Adam felt a lump in his throat.\u00a0 Slowly, he exhaled.\u00a0 He felt as if he were admitting defeat, and yet he knew no other choice.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, Joe, I promise.\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell you,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, let\u2019s get you into bed.\u00a0 You\u2019ve had enough excitement for one day.\u201d\u00a0 He rested his arm around his brother\u2019s shoulders, and Joe didn\u2019t resist as Adam led him to the bed and sat him down.\u00a0 He handed Joe a nightshirt from the dresser drawer.\u00a0 \u201cYou get changed, and I\u2019ll let Pa know you\u2019re not coming down.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019ll just tell him you\u2019re tired,\u201d Adam added as panic flickered across Joe\u2019s face.\u00a0 At the door, he turned.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not crazy, Joe,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Joe sat on the bed, not looking up from the nightshirt in his hand.\u00a0 He looked as if he were braced for a blow, but when he spoke, the words were quiet with relief.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The knock at the door was a welcome interruption.\u00a0 Gratefully, Ben abandoned the columns of figures that refused to add up to the same total twice.<\/p>\n His gratitude faded when he opened the door and he saw his caller.\u00a0 Ed Barnes, owner of one of the dry goods stores in town.\u00a0 Widowed father of two sons and a daughter who was the apple of his eye.\u00a0 Sally Barnes, the girl who accused Little Joe.\u00a0 Ben was suddenly glad that the boys were up toward the north pasture, looking for strays.<\/p>\n \u201cEd,\u201d nodded Ben.\u00a0 \u201cWon\u2019t you come in?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis ain\u2019t a social call,\u201d said Ed.\u00a0 \u201cI just came to tell you that if your boy comes anywhere near my Sally, my boys and I\u2019ll blow his head off with a shotgun.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.\u00a0 This man wasn\u2019t exaggerating, not even a little bit.\u00a0 Ben Cartwright had heard plenty of idle threats in his time, as well as lots of puffed-up talk.\u00a0 This statement, delivered in a dead monotone, had the ring of truth.<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe has no intention of going anywhere near Sally,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I\u2019m going to let you ride out of here because you\u2019re a father and so am I, and I understand that you\u2019re upset.\u00a0 But hear me good, Ed.\u00a0 You ever say anything like that again, or you or your boys do anything to make good on that threat, and I\u2019ll have the sheriff on you before you take your next breath.\u00a0 My boy\u2019s innocent.\u00a0 The Nevada Supreme Court said so.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry you can\u2019t believe that Sally was mistaken, but Little Joe never laid a hand on her.\u201d<\/p>\n Ed sneered.\u00a0 \u201cHow much does a judge cost these days, Ben?\u00a0 Five thousand?\u00a0 Ten?\u00a0 And with three judges on that panel\u2014must have been mighty pricey to get your boy turned loose.\u00a0 But like you say, we\u2019re both fathers.\u00a0 I\u2019d have done the same if it was one of mine and I had the money.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere was no money,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 He was holding his temper only by a great effort.\u00a0 \u201cThe court said my boy\u2019s innocent, whether you believe it or not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, no, they didn\u2019t,\u201d said Ed.\u00a0 \u201cI may not be a rich rancher, but I know the difference between \u2018innocent\u2019 and \u2018not guilty.\u2019\u00a0 \u2018Innocent\u2019 would mean he didn\u2019t do it; \u2018not guilty\u2019 just means they couldn\u2019t prove he was guilty.\u00a0 That court said the jury didn\u2019t have enough evidence to find your boy guilty.\u00a0 They never said he was innocent.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGet off my property,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 His fists were clenched and itching to slam Ed Barnes in his arrogant mouth.\u00a0 \u201cAnd don\u2019t ever threaten my son again, or you\u2019ll find out what the inside of a cell looks like.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c\u2019Twasn\u2019t a threat, just a warning,\u201d said Ed, turning to leave.\u00a0 \u201cMore than your boy gave my Sally.\u00a0 She thought he was her friend.\u00a0 Even now, she\u2019s begging me to forget all about it, let bygones be bygones.\u201d\u00a0 He spat into the dust and swung into his saddle.\u00a0 \u201cLike hell,\u201d he said, and galloped out of the yard.<\/p>\n It took half an hour and two large brandies before Ben was calm enough to return to work.\u00a0 Even then, Ed Barnes\u2019 words kept running through his head:\u00a0 That court said the jury didn\u2019t have enough evidence to find your boy guilty.\u00a0 They never said he was innocent.<\/em><\/p>\n Ed Barnes was a shopkeeper, not a lawyer.\u00a0 He would never have figured out this distinction on his own.\u00a0 Somebody, somewhere, was talking.\u00a0 The prosecutor, maybe.<\/p>\n Dear God,<\/em>\u00a0he thought.\u00a0\u00a0Hasn\u2019t Joe been through enough without people still questioning his innocence?<\/em><\/p>\n The sound of a buggy startled him.\u00a0 Now who?<\/em> he thought.\u00a0 His mind raced, trying to think of who else might be coming to threaten Little Joe.<\/p>\n Seeing Doc Martin alighting from the buggy was an enormous relief.\u00a0 \u201cDoc!\u201d Ben called a bit too heartily.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s good to see you!\u201d\u00a0 He shook the doctor\u2019s hand vigorously.<\/p>\n \u201cBen, are you all right?\u201d\u00a0 His oldest friend peered at him.<\/p>\n \u201cI just had a visit from Ed Barnes,\u201d Ben explained, and the doctor nodded, understanding.<\/p>\n \u201cAs bad as you\u2019d expect?\u201d he asked sympathetically.<\/p>\n \u201cWorse,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cWhat brings you out here?\u00a0 Not that I\u2019m not glad for a friendly face, but you\u2019re a long way from your office.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was out at the Tremaine place, and I thought I\u2019d stop in on the way back for a cup of coffee and maybe a quick look at my favorite patient,\u201d said the doctor.<\/p>\n Ben smiled.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2019s up in the north pasture with Adam and Hoss,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019re fixing fences.\u00a0 But Hop Sing\u2019s got the coffeepot on.\u201d<\/p>\n A few minutes later, they were comfortably ensconced, Ben at his desk and the doctor at the chair on the other side.\u00a0 \u201cSo, how\u2019s he doing?\u201d asked the doctor.<\/p>\n Ben listened for a moment.\u00a0 He thought he\u2019d heard a horse, but no one came to the door.\u00a0\u00a0Probably my imagination,<\/em>\u00a0he chastised himself.\u00a0 Ed Barnes has already said his piece.\u00a0 He\u2019s not going to come back here.\u00a0<\/em> \u201cJoe\u2019s doing well,\u201d he said, forcing himself to focus on the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cSurprisingly so, considering those first few days.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut?\u201d the doctor encouraged.<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2014it\u2019s almost\u2014it\u2019s like he\u2019s not himself.\u201d\u00a0 It was the first time Ben had said it aloud.\u00a0 He\u2019d seen it almost from the beginning, and he was certain Adam and Hoss had, too.\u00a0 Several times, he\u2019d even caught Hop Sing staring at Joe, brow furrowed, but no one said anything.\u00a0 It seemed\u2014well, ungrateful.<\/p>\n The doctor nodded as if he understood.\u00a0 \u201cHow is he \u2018not himself\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2014you know, Joe\u2019s never been one to hold anything back,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cHot-tempered, speaks before he thinks, gets excited about things.\u00a0 Since we\u2019ve been home, I haven\u2019t seen any of that.\u00a0 It\u2019s as if he\u2019s keeping everything inside now\u2014almost as if he\u2019s afraid he\u2019s going to slip again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wouldn\u2019t blame him for worrying about that,\u201d the doctor said.\u00a0 At Ben\u2019s skeptical nod, he prodded, \u201cWhat else?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is going to sound silly, but\u2014you know that when he\u2019s upset about something, he often has nightmares.\u00a0 And not just quiet bad dreams\u2014I can\u2019t tell you how many times in his life I\u2019ve been wakened by his calling out in the middle of the night.\u00a0 And yet, even with everything he\u2019s been through, there haven\u2019t been any nightmares.\u00a0 Not even that first night, when he couldn\u2019t sleep in that bed.\u00a0 That\u2019s unusual for Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n The doctor considered this.\u00a0 \u201cWhat else?\u201d he asked after a minute.<\/p>\n Ben was silent.\u00a0 Finally, he said, \u201cI haven\u2019t seen him cry once since he\u2019s been out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, he is older now,\u201d said Doc gently.<\/p>\n Ben shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s it,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cDoc, he\u2019s just not himself.\u00a0 He almost reminds me of Adam at this age, except much more so\u2014he\u2019s keeping such tight control of himself.\u00a0 That\u2019s just not like Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n Outside the window, Joe shook his head.\u00a0 First, they were worried because he was upset; now, they were worried because he wasn\u2019t upset enough.<\/p>\n He remembered the last time he cried. . . .<\/p>\n It was his third night in prison.\u00a0 The first night, he\u2019d cried himself to sleep like a kid, but he\u2019d done it silently.\u00a0 He had to\u2014there were five other men in the cell with him, and he was damned if they\u2019d hear him cry.\u00a0 He was already scared out of his mind.\u00a0 No point in giving them ammunition.<\/em><\/p>\n The guards had already come through for the night when one of his cellmates, Larry, whispered in the dark, \u201cThe kid\u2019s cute.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Joe froze.\u00a0 His heart pounded so hard that it felt like it would come right out of his chest.\u00a0 They had to be able to hear it.\u00a0 But he stayed quiet, just in case it might make a difference to them if they thought he was sleeping.<\/em><\/p>\n Carlton snorted.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s just a baby,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cIs that what you like, Larry?\u00a0 Little boys?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThis\u2019un\u2019s grown up enough,\u201d said Larry.\u00a0 \u201cI can tell.\u00a0 How old\u2019re you, sonny?\u00a0 Fifteen?\u00a0 Sixteen?\u201d\u00a0 When Joe didn\u2019t respond, Larry came over to where Joe lay on the floor, blanket tucked around him, and he kicked him in the ribs.\u00a0 \u201cAnswer nice when I talk to you, hear?\u00a0 How old\u2019re you?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Joe glared at him for all he was worth.\u00a0 Larry probably outweighed him by fifty pounds, but it didn\u2019t look like much of that was muscle.\u00a0 \u201cOld enough to know better than to listen to the likes of you,\u201d he spat out.<\/em><\/p>\n Immediately, Larry grabbed Joe\u2019s hair and slammed his head against the stone floor.\u00a0 For a minute, all Joe could see were flashing white lights in the darkness.\u00a0 Eventually, the ringing in his ears faded enough for him to hear Larry.\u00a0 \u201cNow, I\u2019m gonna ask you again, and you\u2019re gonna answer.\u00a0 How old are you?\u201d Larry demanded, still holding Joe\u2019s hair as he knelt on Joe\u2019s chest.\u00a0 He slammed Joe\u2019s head on the floor again for good measure.<\/em><\/p>\n Even in the dim light, he could see the glint in Larry\u2019s eye.\u00a0 This wasn\u2019t like the Bucket of Blood, where everybody knew the unspoken rules about how to fight.\u00a0 There were no holds barred here.\u00a0 These people would kill him if he gave them half a reason.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cNineteen,\u201d Joe managed.\u00a0 If he was going to get killed in here, it should be for <\/em>something more important than his age.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThere, now, you see that?\u00a0 I told you he was a big boy!\u201d\u00a0 Larry laughed.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, Big Boy, let\u2019s see what you got.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t know how long it went on.\u00a0 He fought as hard and as dirty as he could, with every trick his brothers had ever taught him, but there were five of them and only one of him.\u00a0 He started to scream for help, but Carlton backhanded his face so hard he thought his neck was broken.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou bring the guards, and you won\u2019t live to see morning,\u201d he hissed.\u00a0 \u201cAnd believe me, you\u2019ll want to be dead a long time before you finally are.\u201d\u00a0 He straightened up.\u00a0 \u201cLet me go first,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll break him in.\u201d\u00a0 He stripped Joe\u2019s shirt off and gagged the boy with it.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s hear you scream now,\u201d Carlton laughed, as if he was enjoying himself.<\/em><\/p>\n Afterward, they left Joe to crawl back to his blanket.\u00a0 He hurt so badly he could barely move.\u00a0 If he\u2019d had any strength, he would have screamed for the guards, just so somebody would kill him and it would all be over.\u00a0 Better death than this agonizing hell.\u00a0 He drew his blanket around him and curled up as tightly as he could, silently begging for Pa as if he were a little kid, and hiding his face in the threadbare blanket so that they wouldn\u2019t hear him crying. . . .<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHear anything good?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe whirled around to see Adam and Hoss standing behind him, slightly more than arm\u2019s-length away.\u00a0 They knew enough by now not to sneak right up on him.<\/p>\n Joe held a finger to his lips and beckoned them away from the window.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2019s talking to Doc,\u201d he said.\u00a0 The pain of memory lingered in his eyes, and Hoss had to fight the urge to reach for his brother.<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t we teach you it\u2019s not polite to eavesdrop?\u201d chided Adam, one eyebrow raised.\u00a0 He\u2019d seen the look in his brother\u2019s eyes, too.\u00a0 Lightening the moment seemed the thing to do.<\/p>\n \u201cYou taught me fine, elegant manners,\u201d said Joe, not quite matching Adam\u2019s teasing inflection.\u00a0 He resisted the urge to add,\u00a0And I had to forget them in order to survive.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cApparently, we didn\u2019t do a good enough job,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He cast around for an innocuous topic.\u00a0 Then, he grinned at Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe we need to teach this boy some other skills.\u00a0 Hoss, I think maybe our little brother needs a refresher lesson in how to clean out a chicken coop.\u00a0 What do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think that sounds like a fine idea, Older Brother,\u201d chuckled Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cAn\u2019 the best way to learn is by doin\u2019.\u00a0 Once he\u2019s got all them smelly old chicken droppings scraped out of the coop, I reckon he\u2019ll be ready for bigger jobs\u2014like the horse manure in the barn.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMy sentiments exactly,\u201d drawled Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cVery funny, you two,\u201d said Joe, trying to get into the spirit of the teasing.\u00a0 In the old days, banter like this would have quickly turned into a wrestling match, but his brothers seemed to understand that wasn\u2019t a good idea, even if they didn\u2019t know why.\u00a0 But Joe knew.\u00a0 The truth was that he didn\u2019t trust himself to remember where the boundary lines were.\u00a0 It had been too long since he\u2019d fought just for fun.\u00a0 He only knew how to fight for survival now.<\/p>\n Just then, the front door opened, and Pa and Doc came out.\u00a0 \u201cI didn\u2019t hear you boys ride in,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cFences all finished?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEvery last one,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cShortshanks here ain\u2019t lost his touch.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m glad to hear that,\u201d said Ben, smiling at his youngest son.<\/p>\n \u201cDoc, what\u2019re you doing out this way?\u201d asked Adam too casually.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t have to look to know that Joe was giving him a grateful look.<\/p>\n \u201cJust stopped by on my way back into town,\u201d said the doctor.\u00a0 \u201cAs long as I\u2019m here\u2014Joe, do you have a minute?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe resisted the urge to roll his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cSure, Doc,\u201d he said.\u00a0 It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if the doctor felt safe alone with him, but he knew that the question wouldn\u2019t sound funny or lighthearted\u2014it would sound nervous, and maybe a little bit bitter.\u00a0 Without a word or a backward glance at his brothers, Joe followed the doctor back into the house.<\/p>\n Maybe it was the memories, or maybe it was being alone with Doc, but that night, Joe woke up with another of the nightmares his family never knew about.\u00a0 He\u2019d had them almost every night, sometimes two or three times.\u00a0 He\u2019d waken, heart pounding, lying frozen in the same position, lest someone hear, just as he had so many times in his cell.<\/p>\n This was one of the familiar nightmares.\u00a0 People he\u2019d known all his life, standing in a tight circle around him, pointing at him, shouting accusations and obscenities, and then they pulled out their guns and started shooting at him from all directions at once.\u00a0 Whenever he woke from this one, his mind inevitably returned to the same question:\u00a0 how could Sally Barnes have made such a mistake?<\/p>\n She hadn\u2019t been at the trial; they didn\u2019t make women stand up in public and talk about those things.\u00a0 But her father was there, and he told the jury everything she\u2019d said.\u00a0 Yes, he\u2019d confirmed, she and Little Joe Cartwright had known each other all their lives.\u00a0 Even though it was dark when she was attacked, she knew who\u2019d done it.\u00a0 She\u2019d begged him not to touch her, but he\u2019d forced himself on this innocent girl, and then he\u2019d left her make her way back to town alone.\u00a0 No question who\u2019d done it.\u00a0 Sally said it was Little Joe, and she would know.\u00a0 After all, he was her childhood friend.<\/p>\n Her childhood friend<\/em>.\u00a0 When Ed Barnes said that, he glared at Little Joe with more contempt than Joe had ever seen on a man\u2019s face.\u00a0 And when Joe looked up, he saw the jurymen all looking at him the same way, and he knew he was going to prison.<\/p>\n Now, as he lay in the dark, his breathing slowly returning to normal, he reflected on the irony that his father was worried because he thought Joe wasn\u2019t having nightmares.\u00a0If he only knew<\/em>, Joe thought.\u00a0 His whole life, waking and sleeping, was a nightmare.\u00a0 Not that he would ever say so.\u00a0 Better Pa should worry because he thought Joe was recovering too well.<\/p>\n Soundlessly, he slipped from the bed and opened his desk drawer.\u00a0 The bottle and the glass were tucked at the back of the drawer; even if someone came into his room looking for something, they\u2019d never find the bottle.\u00a0 If Pa had noticed the absence of one bottle of whiskey from the back of the liquor cabinet, he hadn\u2019t said anything.\u00a0 Joe mused that one thing he\u2019d quickly recovered from was his concerns about alcohol.\u00a0 In the dark terrors of the night, whiskey was his new best friend.<\/p>\n He replaced the bottle and glass and slid the drawer shut.\u00a0 Warmed by the whiskey, he climbed back into bed and lay still, waiting for sleep to reclaim him, praying that the nightmares would somehow remain at bay.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Ben stopped himself outside the door to the room in Doc\u2019s clinic, trying to contain himself.\u00a0 He would not yell.\u00a0 He\u2019d already heard most of it from Roy Coffee.\u00a0 His sons undoubtedly had an explanation for being there in the first place, and he would wait for it.<\/p>\n And then, he\u2019d lay into those three in a way they wouldn\u2019t soon forget.<\/p>\n He opened the door.\u00a0 Hoss sat on the foot of the bed, Adam in the bedside chair.\u00a0 Joe was in the bed, propped up by pillows.\u00a0 His right wrist was bandaged, and the lump on his right temple was developing glorious color.\u00a0 It\u2019s nothing serious,<\/em> Ben reminded himself firmly.\u00a0 Doc had said it was just a mild concussion and a sprained wrist.\u00a0 He\u2019d commented, though, that the boy was fortunate to have landed first on the wrist; otherwise, if his head had hit the table full force, things could have been bad.<\/p>\n As he stepped into the room, the conversation ceased.\u00a0 For a second, he almost laughed at their expressions, which were the same wary, guilty looks they\u2019d worn as children.<\/p>\n He turned first to his youngest son.\u00a0 \u201cDoc says you\u2019re going to be fine,\u201d he announced.\u00a0 \u201cHe doesn\u2019t even think you need to stay here overnight.\u201d\u00a0 It had taken a couple hours before Joe regained consciousness, but Paul Martin had reassured Ben that the young man seemed to be coming around just fine.\u00a0 A few days of bedrest, and maybe something for the headaches and dizziness, and all would be well.<\/p>\n \u201cHe told me,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He shot a quick look at Adam, who nodded reassuringly.<\/p>\n \u201cSo.\u201d\u00a0 Ben glared at each son in turn.\u00a0 \u201cTwo hundred dollars,\u201d he said, drawing the words out.<\/p>\n \u201cTwo hundred dollars?\u201d Hoss repeated.<\/p>\n \u201cTwo hundred dollars,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cSam\u2019s dividing the damage between you three and the Barnes boys.\u201d\u00a0 He saw quick glances exchanged at you three.<\/p>\n \u201cBut, Pa, it wasn\u2019t our fault,\u201d protested Adam.\u00a0 \u201cTommy Barnes took a swing at Joe.\u00a0 What were we supposed to do?\u201d\u00a0 He didn\u2019t say that he\u2019d been impressed\u2014and slightly unnerved\u2014by Joe\u2019s reflexes and the cold, brutal way that he fought now, observing no rule except that of survival at all costs.\u00a0 If Tommy hadn\u2019t been nearly Hoss\u2019 size, Joe probably could have taken him.<\/p>\n \u201cTommy Barnes took a swing at Joe.\u201d\u00a0 Ben had a way of repeating reasonable explanations that made them sound like the most ludicrous of excuses.\u00a0 “Would one of you mind telling me what the devil you were doing in that saloon in the first place?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was my idea,\u201d said Little Joe.\u00a0 Something in his tone almost challenged his father to criticize him.<\/p>\n \u201cYour idea.\u201d\u00a0 It sounded absurd when Ben said it.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t suppose any of you had the idea to do as you were told, which was to get the supplies and come back to the ranch!\u201d\u00a0 The sentence ended in a roar.<\/p>\n \u201cI just thought it might be nice to stop in for a drink.\u201d\u00a0 Somewhat uncharacteristically, Joe was defending his position.\u00a0 It used to be that, when Ben was in this kind of a mood, Joe would just duck and wait for the storm to blow over.\u00a0 Curiously, he did not appear to be nearly as impressed as he once would have been by his father\u2019s temper.<\/p>\n Ben heaved a mighty sigh to show how patient he was being with his half-witted sons.\u00a0 \u201cDid we not talk about this before you left this morning?\u201d he began.\u00a0 At Joe\u2019s reluctant nod, he continued, \u201cAnd did I not say that you were to pick up the supplies and come straight back?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir, but\u2014\u201d began Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd did I not tell you that I needed the three of you back by noon so that you could get started with the branding?\u201d\u00a0 Again, the glare.<\/p>\n This time, even Joe looked slightly sheepish.\u00a0 \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 It was slightly more than a mumble.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd is it not now past four o\u2019clock, which means there\u2019s been no branding done today, and now Joseph won\u2019t be able to help with that for the rest of the week, at least!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam raised his hand.\u00a0 \u201cPermission to speak, Major?\u201d\u00a0 At his father\u2019s glare, he dropped his eyes for a second in a show of respect.\u00a0 He knew that a fair bit of this performance was bluster, but he also knew that Pa had been genuinely worried.\u00a0 Little Joe had been settling in on the ranch over the past few weeks, but Virginia City was a different subject altogether, and Pa had been antsy about that for days.<\/p>\n Joe had picked up with the ranch chores as if he\u2019d never left.\u00a0 Occasional quiet reminders from his brothers were all he needed.\u00a0 The work wasn\u2019t the problem.\u00a0 The men, on the other hand\u2014he never knew what to expect from them, and it made him feel off-balance and irritable.\u00a0 A fair number of the hands on the Ponderosa were new to the area since Joe had gone to prison.\u00a0 The truth was that they didn\u2019t care one way or the other why Joe had been away or why he was back.\u00a0 A few of them had discussed it when Joe first arrived home, but in the ensuing weeks, the novelty had faded.<\/em><\/p>\n The older hands were another story.\u00a0 They knew the Barneses, and they knew the Cartwrights, but none of them knew what had really happened the night Sally was attacked.\u00a0 Some of them were convinced that Joe had done it, figuring he\u2019d get away with it because his name was Cartwright; others held fast to the belief that Little Joe Cartwright was incapable of such a thing.\u00a0 To a man, they watched Joe closely, trying to discern whether he was an innocent man who\u2019d been wrongly convicted or a guilty man whose connections had finally sprung him.<\/em><\/p>\n Joe being Joe, the notion of just letting them talk was unacceptable, despite his father\u2019s counsel to do just that.\u00a0 At first, he\u2019d tried to win back their respect by working as hard as he could.\u00a0 When he was thrown from his first bronc, he was up out of the dirt and ready to climb back on before the horse had stopped prancing.\u00a0 Where his brothers used to have to drag him out of bed, he was now up before the sun, the first out to work and the last back in.\u00a0 When this failed to quiet the talk, he resorted to fighting, but he chose his opponent carefully.\u00a0 Slim Taylor, who was a friend of Tommy Barnes\u2019, had the loudest mouth.\u00a0 Joe waited until they were surrounded by a number of hands\u2014and his father was safely back at the house\u2014before challenging Slim to defend his remarks.\u00a0 A scant few minutes later, as Slim lay unconscious in the dust, Joe glared at the others.\u00a0 \u201cAnybody else got anything they want to say to me?\u201d he demanded.\u00a0 When there was no response, he dusted himself off and snapped, \u201cThen get back to work.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n But Virginia City was something else again.\u00a0 For a start, those people didn\u2019t work for the Cartwrights.\u00a0 Some were on Joe\u2019s side, and others weren\u2019t.\u00a0 The Barneses, of course, but there were others, too.\u00a0 The men who had made up that jury all lived in or around town, and they hadn\u2019t taken kindly to a court telling them that they were wrong.\u00a0 Even more than the Barneses and their friends, the jury members insisted that Little Joe was walking the streets as a free man solely because his name was Cartwright and his father had money.<\/em><\/p>\n The day came, as Ben knew it would, when Joe wanted to head into town.\u00a0 At first, the young man had had his hands full, just dealing with life on the ranch.\u00a0 After a few weeks, though, he began to chafe at Ben\u2019s various excuses for keeping him on the Ponderosa.\u00a0 The truth was that Ben was afraid of what would happen.\u00a0 He had no problem picturing Tommy or Ned Barnes challenging Joe to a gunfight, and he knew that Joe would never back down if he were challenged.\u00a0 So, Ben tried to manage Joe\u2019s inaugural trip to Virginia City so that it would be as brief and inconspicuous as possible.\u00a0\u00a0Just pick up the supplies and come right back to do the branding,\u00a0he\u2019d said.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t thought he needed to tell his two older sons to stay away from the saloon.\u00a0 He figured that they had enough sense to know that.<\/em><\/p>\n Apparently, he\u2019d been wrong.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWell?\u201d demanded Ben.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you want to say?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOnly that\u2014well, we went to the saloon because we hadn\u2019t done anything like that together in a long time.\u00a0 We were just going to have a quick drink and be on our way.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t know the Barneses would be coming in.\u201d\u00a0 Always the voice of reason, Adam met his father\u2019s gaze levelly.\u00a0 He knew that, more than their ignorance of the Barneses\u2019 activities, Ben\u2019s attention would be caught by oh-so-casual comment about not having gone to the saloon together for a long time.<\/p>\n The truth was that Adam knew the saloon was a bad idea before they ever went in.\u00a0 As the morning had progressed, Joe had been developing a quite a chip on his shoulder.\u00a0 Some folks had been genuinely glad to see him.\u00a0 When he\u2019d dropped by Doc Martin\u2019s office to apologize to Mrs. Martin and Bernard, Rose Martin gave him a big hug and Bernard grinned as he shook his hand.\u00a0 Others hadn\u2019t known quite what to make of Little Joe\u2019s sudden reappearance; Laurie Ann Miller of the mercantile had looked shocked when Joe walked in, although the Ponderosa\u2019s business was important enough that she immediately recovered herself and assumed a wide, almost-sincere smile. Some folks stared openly, and still others, including young ladies who were friends of Sally Barnes\u2019s, refused to acknowledge the Cartwright brothers, and a few actually crossed the street to avoid them.<\/p>\n So, by the time Joe suggested a drink, all three brothers were irritated and feeling that they quite deserved a cold beer before setting off for an afternoon of branding.\u00a0 Even Adam, whose common sense urged him to get his brothers back to the ranch, felt entitled to a brief respite before an afternoon of sweating over the branding fire.\u00a0 Sam, the bartender, acted as if he\u2019d just seen Joe last week.\u00a0 For a few minutes, it was like the old days.<\/p>\n But Harry Arnold had darted out of the saloon as soon as the Cartwrights came in, and Adam knew in his gut that he had gone to fetch Tommy and Ned.\u00a0 He should have gotten his brothers out of there right then, but he\u2019d thought there was time to finish their beers.\u00a0 He was wrong.\u00a0 The Barnes brothers strolled in minutes later, and the next thing anybody knew, it was a free-for-all.\u00a0 When the dust cleared, Roy Coffee announced that he was going to throw the Barneses and the Cartwrights into a couple of cells to cool down.\u00a0 That was when everybody noticed that Little Joe seemed to be missing.\u00a0 He was found under a table, out cold, with a lump already rising on his temple and his right hand swelling.\u00a0 The Barnes boys raised hue and cry at the notion that they would be going to jail while Adam and Hoss took Joe over to the doctor\u2019s, but Roy told them to pipe down before he knocked their heads together so that they\u2019d need the doctor, too.<\/p>\n After many years of handling his father, Adam not only knew how to tell a story, but he knew when, and this wasn\u2019t the time.\u00a0 He\u2019d wait until they were home and their father had calmed down.\u00a0 He knew that Pa would want to hear it everything, just the way he knew that Pa would fret himself to a shadow the next time Little Joe went into town.\u00a0 It was the nature of the beast, and there was nothing to be done about it.\u00a0 But for now, there were distractions available, and Adam intended to use them.\u00a0 So, he rose and stretched, saying, \u201cWhat do you think, Little Brother?\u00a0 You ready to go?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve been ready all afternoon,\u201d grumbled Little Joe.\u00a0 He swung his feet over the side of the bed and stood up a little too fast, grabbing Adam\u2019s arm as he swayed.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, I\u2019m fine,\u201d he said a moment later.\u00a0 He pretended not to see his father frowning as Hoss took Joe\u2019s other arm, careful not to disturb the bandaged wrist.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d said Ben, one last impatient glare masking his worry as he led the way out of the clinic to where the buckboard waited.\u00a0 As he started down the hall, muttering about his mutton-headed sons, he heard an unexpected giggle behind him.\u00a0 He stopped and turned, eyebrows raised at his youngest son\u2019s boldness.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, I know I\u2019m home,\u201d grinned Little Joe, winking at his father.<\/p>\n \u201cYou just watch yourself, young man,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 He tried to keep his grumpy tone, but all his anger had melted in the instant of that wink.\u00a0 His sons were indeed home\u2014all three of them.<\/p>\n Whatever problems lay ahead, they could handle them, because they were together.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Part 2:\u00a0 Into the River<\/strong><\/p>\n Ben passed the potatoes to Joe.\u00a0 He tried not to watch too closely as Joe served himself, and he carefully turned his attention to the platter of roast beef that Hoss was handing him.<\/p>\n Once all the dishes had been passed, Ben shot a quick look at his youngest son\u2019s plate.\u00a0 Barely enough to keep a bird alive,<\/em> he thought.\u00a0 And if tonight were anything like the last several nights, Little Joe wouldn\u2019t even finish what he\u2019d taken.<\/p>\n Ben was at a loss.\u00a0 The doctor had said just yesterday that Joe\u2019s body was healing well.\u00a0 His wrist was nearly as good as new, and the headaches were almost gone.\u00a0 The newer wounds on his back had pretty much healed, and Hop Sing had an herbal salve that he insisted would eventually make the scars disappear.\u00a0 The same salve had lessened the redness and softened the calluses on his wrists and ankles.\u00a0 And as for the other\u2014well, Doc had told Ben point blank that that was for Joe to talk about, if he chose to.\u00a0 And so far, at least, Joe had chosen not to mention it.<\/p>\n And yet, something definitely wasn\u2019t right.\u00a0 In the days since the fight with the Barnes brothers, Ben had caught glimpses of something unsettled in his son\u2019s face.\u00a0 In those moments, Joe reminded him of a caged animal, restless and tense.\u00a0 He showed progressively less interest in pastimes he\u2019d enjoyed since coming home, such as checkers or those dreadful detective novels; instead, he spent entire evenings staring unseeingly at the fire, often seeming not to hear when someone spoke to him.\u00a0 When he\u2019d first arrived home, he\u2019d started gaining weight, but now his face was thin and drawn, with dark circles under his eyes.<\/p>\n And yet, Joe routinely denied that anything was wrong.<\/p>\n Gradually, Ben became aware of Adam talking.\u00a0 \u201cRed and Dale said that the other line shack is nearly out of provisions, too,\u201d his eldest son concluded.\u00a0 \u201cSo, I guess somebody\u2019d better get out there and restock everything.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go,\u201d said Little Joe unexpectedly.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, what are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 Ben\u2019s fork stopped halfway to his mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cI said I\u2019ll go and restock the line shacks,\u201d said Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI want to.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, don\u2019t be ridiculous,\u201d said Ben without thinking.\u00a0 His sons stared, and he backtracked hastily.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s a three-week job.\u00a0 I need you around here,\u201d he said lamely.<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean you don\u2019t think I can handle it.\u201d\u00a0 Joe leveled a hard stare at his father.<\/p>\n Ben met the stare.\u00a0 \u201cNot yet,\u201d he admitted, his voice quiet.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re ready to go off for three weeks by yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I\u2019m fine,\u201d said Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s just a few weeks riding around the ranch.\u00a0 I probably wouldn\u2019t even see anybody the entire time.\u201d\u00a0 At least, I hope not<\/em>, he thought.\u00a0 Three weeks without people watching him.\u00a0 It sounded like heaven.<\/p>\n \u201cEven so, I don\u2019t want you going off by yourself right now,\u201d said Ben.<\/p>\n Joe took a deep breath to steady himself.\u00a0 \u201cPa, I\u2019d really like to do it,\u201d he said, and even he could hear the angry tremor in his words.<\/p>\n His father shot him a sharp look.\u00a0 \u201cI appreciate you volunteering, but I just don\u2019t think this is the time.\u201d\u00a0 He turned his attention back to his plate, the subject obviously closed.<\/p>\n \u201cBut, Pa\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s enough, Joseph,\u201d said Ben.<\/p>\n Joe slammed his fork on the table.\u00a0 His voice was even and intense.\u00a0 \u201cYou won\u2019t even listen to me?\u201d\u00a0 He clenched his fists.<\/p>\n \u201cMy mind is made up,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019re ready, that\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, what I think doesn\u2019t matter?\u201d Joe challenged him.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s what Pa\u2019s sayin\u2019,\u201d said Hoss mildly.<\/p>\n \u201cSure it is,\u201d said Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cPa\u2019s made up his mind, and that\u2019s all that counts.\u00a0 Nothing else is even worth hearing about.\u201d\u00a0 He shoved back his chair and stormed out of the house, ignoring his father\u2019s calls for him to return to the table.<\/p>\n The rest of the family was at breakfast when Joe let himself back into the house the next morning.\u00a0 They all looked up when he walked in, but no one spoke.\u00a0 He met each gaze in turn, waiting.\u00a0 It was one of the prison habits that had served him well, that of not speaking first.\u00a0 That way, you kept the advantage.<\/p>\n Hop Sing brought out a platter of eggs.\u00a0 When he saw Little Joe standing silently by the settee, he launched into a harsh reprimand in his native tongue.\u00a0 Only he and Joe knew what he was saying.\u00a0 The others watched as Joe flinched at what he heard.\u00a0 Finally, Hop Sing threw up his hands and headed back into the kitchen.\u00a0 Joe turned to go upstairs, but Ben\u2019s voice stopped him.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you want any breakfast?\u201d<\/p>\n There was something in his father\u2019s voice that Joe had never heard, at least not in any words directed at him.\u00a0 He turned back, and this time, he studied Pa\u2019s face.\u00a0 He saw anger there, and much more\u2014hope, worry, frustration, fear\u2014and hurt.<\/p>\n Joe rested his hand against the settee so casually that no one would have known it was holding him up at that moment.\u00a0 Of all the things he\u2019d never thought of, probably the one farthest from his mind was the notion that his father would have been hurt by his staying out last night.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t as if he\u2019d done anything dangerous or stupid.\u00a0 It hadn\u2019t even been intentional.\u00a0 He\u2019d gone up to the bluff overlooking the lake, where his mother was buried.\u00a0 No one should have been surprised by that; ever since he was old enough to leave the house by himself, that had been his destination when he was troubled.\u00a0 As he\u2019d done many times before, he\u2019d sat by her grave, listening to the gentle lapping of the water, until he could feel himself nodding off.\u00a0 Without thinking about anything more than how tired he was, he stretched out on the ground.\u00a0 The next thing he knew, the sun was in his eyes.<\/p>\n He looked from Pa to his brothers.\u00a0 Adam and Hoss looked like they wanted to thrash the daylights out of him.\u00a0 Oddly, the thought gave him strength; he knew how to deal with that.\u00a0 He straightened and said, \u201cNo, thanks, Pa.\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to clean up a little.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t eat anything last night, either,\u201d his father reminded him, his voice tight with the effort of not saying more.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not hungry.\u201d\u00a0 He started for the stairs, then turned back.\u00a0 \u201cSorry if I worried you last night.\u00a0 I went to visit Mama.\u201d\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t much, but it was the best he could do.\u00a0 He headed upstairs without waiting for an answer.<\/p>\n Joe had just pulled off his shirt when Hoss entered the room without knocking.\u00a0 \u201cDo you mind?\u201d snapped Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cYou \u2019n\u2019 me\u2019s gonna have a little talk,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n Joe stood very still.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t believe Hoss would fight him in the house, but that look on his big brother\u2019s face could only mean one thing.\u00a0 He waited, unmoving, as Hoss began to pace.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, you listen here,\u201d said the big man after a minute.\u00a0 \u201cI know you got all sorts of troubles and you ain\u2019t havin\u2019 an easy time, an\u2019 I don\u2019t mean to make things harder for you.\u201d\u00a0 He paused as if he expected Joe to speak, but his brother remained silent.\u00a0 Finally, Hoss said, \u201cLittle Joe, you just can\u2019t keep doing this to Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoing what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll this,\u201d said Hoss, his hands describing a universe with large, sweeping gestures.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t think Pa slept at all last night.\u00a0 He wanted all three of us to go out and look for you. It took Adam and me half the night to convince him to wait until morning.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy would you need to look for me?\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t lost,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 At Hoss\u2019 expression, he said more softly, \u201cI just wanted some time to myself, that\u2019s all.\u00a0 Was that so wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cThat ain\u2019t wrong.\u00a0 But the thing is, Joe, you gotta remember that you ain\u2019t the only one who got hurt with this whole thing.\u00a0 What happens to one of us happens to the rest.\u201d\u00a0 He looked somberly at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI know Pa can be a real mother hen sometimes, but\u2014you don\u2019t know what it was like for him.\u00a0 He don\u2019t mean to smother you, but he\u2019s worried.\u00a0 First, there\u2019s all that stuff with Adam and Doc, and then the Barnes boys, and now, you don\u2019t talk to nobody and you\u2019re barely eatin\u2019, and you know how Pa is about that anyway\u2014and he don\u2019t know what to do, and so he\u2019s frettin\u2019 about everything.\u201d\u00a0 He rested one big hand on his brother\u2019s bony shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know what it was like for you there, and I don\u2019t mean to say that what it was like for us was anywhere near what happened to you, but\u2014well, you can\u2019t shut Pa out.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe was silent.\u00a0 At last, he looked up, his eyes unbearably sad.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t want to hurt anybody,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI just don\u2019t know how to be strong for you all.\u00a0 Hell, I don\u2019t even know how to be strong for myself most of the time.\u201d\u00a0 He bowed his head, unable to face his brother as he continued, \u201cI feel like I\u2019m in a river, trying to fight the current to get to shore, only I can\u2019t remember why I wanted to be on shore in the first place, and sometimes, it just feels like too damned much trouble and I want to just let go and let whatever\u2019s gonna happen, happen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss grabbed both of Joe\u2019s arms.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you let go.\u00a0 You gotta get to shore, \u2019cause that\u2019s where we are, and we\u2019re pullin\u2019 for you.\u00a0 You gotta keep fighting, Joe.\u201d\u00a0 He lifted Joe\u2019s chin and met his brother\u2019s eyes as hard as he could.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re gonna be okay,\u201d he promised.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know when, and I don\u2019t know how, but one of these days, you\u2019re gonna be okay.\u00a0 I ain\u2019t never lied to you, Little Brother, and I ain\u2019t lyin\u2019 now.\u00a0 You got too dang much grit and stubbornness and downright orneriness to let that river get you.\u00a0 Not after everything you did to survive in there.\u00a0 You\u2019re gonna make it, \u2019cause you wouldn\u2019t know how to do anything else.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe swallowed hard.\u00a0 \u201cI wish I could believe you,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cYou believe me,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m tellin\u2019 you the truth.\u00a0 You\u2019re gonna get to shore, and if it means we have to jump in the water and haul you out, then that\u2019s what we\u2019re gonna do.\u201d\u00a0 He pulled Joe into a fierce, protective hug.\u00a0 \u201cYou ain\u2019t goin\u2019 under,\u201d he whispered.\u00a0 \u201cNot if I have anything to say about it.\u201d\u00a0 He held his brother close, rubbing the scarred back, willing his own strength to be enough for both of them.\u00a0 Then he released the embrace and smacked the back of Joe\u2019s head lightly.\u00a0 \u201cNow, you get yourself downstairs and get somethin\u2019 to eat.\u00a0 No wonder you\u2019re so worn out\u2014you don\u2019t eat nothin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe poured water into the washbowl and splashed his face.\u00a0 \u201cI never seem to be hungry,\u201d he said, toweling off.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you gotta eat anyway,\u201d said the big man.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s hard when everybody\u2019s watching,\u201d said Joe, buttoning a fresh shirt.\u00a0 \u201cFeels like whatever I do, there\u2019s somebody watching me do it.\u201d\u00a0 He shook his head as he tucked in the shirttails.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s why I wanted to go out and take care of the line shacks,\u201d he admitted.\u00a0 \u201cJust for a few days by myself, with nobody watching.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss regarded his brother.\u00a0 This, he understood.\u00a0 \u201cTell you what,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou go down and have breakfast\u2014and I mean a real breakfast, not just a biscuit and coffee\u2014 and I\u2019ll talk to Pa and see if we can\u2019t figure somethin\u2019 out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDeal,\u201d said Joe with a crooked little half-grin.<\/p>\n Three hours later, he walked into the living room, around the corner to his father\u2019s desk.\u00a0 \u201cHoss said you wanted to see me,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Ben nodded, gesturing for his son to sit.\u00a0 Neither spoke.\u00a0 Finally, Ben said,\u00a0 \u201cHoss is going to take care of the line shacks,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Joe\u2019s face remained impassive.\u00a0 \u201cBut I suspect he could probably use some help,\u201d he added.\u00a0 \u201cThe two of you can go together if you want.\u201d\u00a0 He watched his son carefully, hoping for some sort of pleased reaction, but Joe wasn\u2019t giving anything away.<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s heart ached.\u00a0 There was a time when they could have talked about everything that was bothering the boy.\u00a0 Boy,<\/em> he reflected.\u00a0 He caught his breath as he realized the truth, that Joe could leave any time he chose.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t need his father\u2019s permission, or even his approval.\u00a0 Joe was free, white and twenty-one, and he could do as he liked.\u00a0 Nothing required him to stay on the Ponderosa if he didn\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n But he was here.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t left.\u00a0 That had to mean something.<\/p>\n \u201cI know you\u2019re disappointed,\u201d Ben said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, son.\u00a0 That\u2019s the best I can do right now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 Joe rose.\u00a0 The hardness in his eyes softened for just a moment.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I worried you last night.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben swallowed hard.\u00a0 \u201cGo on, finish fixing that wagon,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Joe nodded, and his father watched him go.\u00a0 When he heard the door close, he let his head fall back against the back of the chair.<\/p>\n As much as his son wanted to believe he was capable of being out there on his own, he simply wasn\u2019t ready for that.<\/p>\n And neither was his father.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n They\u2019d been riding for about an hour when Hoss held up his hand.\u00a0 Joe rode up alongside him.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u00a0 You ain\u2019t ready for a rest already, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI been thinkin\u2019,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cNow, Pa\u2019s figgerin\u2019 this is a three-week job, so he ain\u2019t expecting to see us before the 23rd or thereabouts.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, if\u2019n we get done a little early, we might be able to take some time and relax\u2014 mebbe do some fishin\u2019 or huntin\u2019.\u00a0 This here\u2019s the prettiest time of the year up toward Long Horn Ridge, and we could head up that way.\u201d\u00a0 Long Horn Ridge was out on the far edge of the Ponderosa.\u00a0 Hoss waited for Joe to ask more, but his little brother just watched him with that same guarded look he wore most of the time anymore.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, here\u2019s what I\u2019m thinkin\u2019,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll start with the old cabin, and take care of the shacks over toward the east edge, and you head out toward the west road and take care of the shack over near the lake and the one up by the north pasture and that other one where we got stuck that time in that snowstorm, and we could meet up at the one by Black Wolf Canyon, say about suppertime tomorrow.\u00a0 What do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe felt his heart lift.\u00a0 He should have known Hoss would figure something out.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t everything he\u2019d wanted, but it was close.\u00a0 And maybe by suppertime tomorrow, he\u2019d even want a little company.\u00a0 \u201cSounds good to me,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n As Joe leaned over to untie one of the pack horses, Hoss added, \u201cOh, and Joe?\u201d\u00a0 His brother looked up.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t reckon we need to tell Pa just how we\u2019re doin\u2019 everything.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe grinned.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t reckon we do, at that,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cSee you tomorrow.\u201d\u00a0 He could feel his big brother watching as he rode off, but somehow, that kind of watching was all right, and he lifted his hand in a wave to let Hoss know.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n There.\u00a0 There it was.\u00a0 He\u2019d definitely heard something this time.\u00a0 Joe pressed his back against the wall, gun in hand.\u00a0 He was ready.<\/p>\n At first, this had seemed like such a wonderful idea.\u00a0 After he left Hoss, he moseyed along the road, listening to the clopping of hooves, the rustle of the breeze in the leaves, the sound of the brook that ran near the road in some spots.\u00a0 The air smelled of pine and vanilla and leaf mulch.\u00a0 The sun was so bright that he had to tilt the brim of his hat down, but amazingly, it wasn\u2019t too hot.<\/p>\n After an hour, he stopped to rest the horses.\u00a0 They drank from the brook as he filled his canteen.\u00a0 He sat back, luxuriating in this delicious freedom.\u00a0 Nobody for miles around.\u00a0 Nobody watching him.\u00a0 Nobody to threaten him.\u00a0 It occurred to Joe that, except for being asleep or going up to his mother\u2019s grave, this was the first time he\u2019d been all alone since before he got arrested.\u00a0 He stretched out on the bank, eyes closed, and let his mind drift.<\/p>\n Then, his eyes snapped open.\u00a0 Left unattended, his thoughts had returned to the question that was never far from his consciousness:\u00a0 how could Sally Barnes have made such a mistake?\u00a0 No<\/em>, he told himself.\u00a0 I\u2019m not thinking about that now.\u00a0 I\u2019m just not.\u00a0<\/em> He forced himself to notice the sparkling of the water as it splashed over the rocks in the sun, the hawk that circled high above, the soft whinnying of the horses.\u00a0 He dug with his fingers into the cool earth, crumbling it to release its rich scent, and he concentrated on the moist texture as intently as if he were a farmer assessing his fields.\u00a0 Then, he let the dirt fall, and casually, he dropped his hand to the butt of his gun, the smooth hardness reassuring him as nothing else did.<\/p>\n When his mind refused to be tamed, he decided to get going.\u00a0 Movement, action\u2014that was what he needed.\u00a0 He tightened Cochise\u2019s cinch and the pack horse\u2019s load, and defiantly, he swung into the saddle.\u00a0 \u201cCome on,\u201d he said, urging the horses to move on.<\/p>\n It was late afternoon when he arrived at the first cabin.\u00a0 To say it was ramshackle was an understatement.\u00a0 Joe reflected that, in addition to stocking it, he was going to need to do some cleaning as well.\u00a0 He grimaced as if someone were present who would see his displeasure and offer to take over the chore.\u00a0 Then, resolutely, he unsaddled his horse and unloaded the pack horse, hauling everything inside.\u00a0 He found a bucket, a rag and a old corn broom with bristles bent from years of use.<\/p>\n It took a couple hours, but eventually, the shack was inhabitable.\u00a0 He stacked the cleaning supplies in the corner and yawned.\u00a0 It was tempting just to lie down and sleep, but he\u2019d promised himself that he would try to eat better on this trip.\u00a0 At least there was no one to watch him, and no one to be disappointed if he couldn\u2019t manage it.<\/p>\n He stuffed kindling and wood in the stove and held a match to it.\u00a0 \u201cLight, damn you, light,\u201d he muttered.\u00a0 The wood and kindling hadn\u2019t seemed wet, but they wouldn\u2019t catch for anything.\u00a0 Eventually, he opened a can of beans and forced himself to eat them cold.\u00a0 Pa should see me now<\/em>, he reflected.<\/p>\n As the sun dipped below the trees, Joe went out to tend to the horses.\u00a0 \u201cYou two be good,\u201d he cautioned.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll see you in the morning.\u201d\u00a0 He headed back into the cabin, grateful for the one lamp and the new supply of oil.<\/p>\n The darkness deepened.\u00a0 Joe wondered what time it was.\u00a0 It seemed early to go to sleep, and yet there was nothing else to do.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t remembered to throw one of his detective novels into his saddlebag, so he had nothing to read.\u00a0 Hoss was probably a day\u2019s ride from here, and likely there wasn\u2019t anybody any closer.\u00a0 With the sun down and no fire, he was getting pretty chilly.\u00a0 He tried to picture what it would be like for someone to come upon this cabin in a few months, when the nighttime temperatures would dip so low.\u00a0 They would be so grateful for all his hard work today.<\/p>\n Joe spread his bedroll out on the cot.\u00a0 Like most of the shacks, this one had only one cot.\u00a0 He kicked off his boots, snuffed out the lamp, and lay back, waiting for sleep to claim him.<\/p>\n He was just dozing off when he heard the noise outside.\u00a0 The sharp snap of a branch.\u00a0 Instantly alert, he sat up, listening as hard as he could.\u00a0 When he heard shuffling that sounded a little too much like footsteps, he reached for his gun.\u00a0 A couple years ago, in another lifetime, he would have gone outside to see what made the noise.\u00a0 But not now.\u00a0 Not for anything was he leaving his back unguarded.\u00a0 Now, with his back pressed up against the wall and the gun in his hand, Joe Cartwright waited to see who would walk through that door.<\/p>\n The shuffling stopped.\u00a0 Joe waited to hear what would come next.\u00a0 For what felt like a long time, he listened.\u00a0 Nothing.\u00a0 He wanted to believe that whatever\u2014whoever\u2014it was had left, but he hadn\u2019t heard any more shuffling.\u00a0 So, the shuffler was right outside the cabin.\u00a0 On the other side of the very wall he was leaning against.<\/p>\n He was shivering.\u00a0 He told himself it was because of the cold.\u00a0 Clenching his teeth to keep them from chattering, he crept to the window.\u00a0 He heard nothing.\u00a0 He poked his head up just a bit, but he saw nothing.<\/p>\n They want me to come outside.<\/em><\/p>\n Once upon a time, he\u2019d have done it.\u00a0 Back then, he\u2019d never have let anybody hole him up like a rabbit.\u00a0 He clutched his gun.\u00a0 He was the same man now he\u2019d been then, the very same.\u00a0 He could go out and confront whoever it was.<\/p>\n What if it\u2019s Carlton?<\/em><\/p>\n He didn\u2019t know where the thought came from, but it made his heart pound.\u00a0 Suddenly lightheaded, he slid down to sit on the floor beneath the window.\u00a0 Carlton had had only a few months left on his sentence.\u00a0 He could have gotten out early.\u00a0 He could have come to find Little Joe.\u00a0 He could have found the Ponderosa, seen them leave, trailed Joe all day.\u00a0 He could be standing outside the cabin right now.<\/p>\n Joe wiped the sweat from his brow.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t do for Carlton to see him sweating in this cold weather.\u00a0 He\u2019d know Joe was nervous about seeing him.<\/p>\n The solitude that was so inviting in the light and warmth of the day was cold and oppressive now.\u00a0 Nobody around for miles. . . .\u00a0<\/em> It had been a much more comforting thought when there was truly nobody, when there was no need to worry about intruders.\u00a0 The thought of being alone with Carlton felt like a punch to his gut.\u00a0 Only his fear of making noise, of alerting Carlton to his location, enabled him to keep his supper down.<\/p>\n Silent, Joe sat beneath the window, gun at the ready, waiting for his cellmate to burst through the door.\u00a0 If it\u2019s him, I\u2019ll kill him,<\/em> he thought.\u00a0 And so he sat, tense and poised for action, shifting position silently when cramping muscles demanded a change.<\/p>\n It seemed forever before the dark lessened.\u00a0 Slowly, blackness faded to gray, first dark and then lighter.\u00a0 There was no east window, but eventually, trickles of daylight spilled in through the window above Joe\u2019s head.<\/p>\n He listened again.\u00a0 His head was pounding.\u00a0 At the far edge of hearing, he caught shuffling in the dry leaves.\u00a0 He listened harder.\u00a0 Then, he knelt and peeked out the window.\u00a0 Still nothing visible from here.\u00a0 Whoever it was, he was too smart to be near the window.<\/p>\n Cochise whinnied, and Joe felt his blood run cold.\u00a0 If Carlton tried to take his horse, that would be the last straw.\u00a0 He\u2019d shoot the man where he stood.\u00a0 He\u2019d shoot him in the back as he rode away.\u00a0 Carlton the monster would never, ever have Cochise.<\/p>\n He stood, flattening himself against the wall.\u00a0 His legs were cramped from long hours of sitting.\u00a0 He flexed his fingers, stiff from clutching the gun all night.\u00a0 All right, here we go.\u00a0 Let\u2019s see what that son of a bitch is made of.\u00a0<\/em> Slowly, silently, he made his way across the room to the door and opened it.\u00a0 He made no noise as he stepped outside.\u00a0 Then, when he heard the same rustling leaves again, he whirled and fired, and his bullet found its mark.<\/p>\n The raccoon lay dead where he\u2019d shot it, red blood seeping across light brown fur.\u00a0 Joe listened with all his strength.\u00a0 There was no other sound.\u00a0 He crept around the cabin.\u00a0 No footprints.\u00a0 No sign of anyone.<\/p>\n He straightened up and walked deliberately, purposefully, over to the horses.\u00a0 He untied them and led them down to the brook to drink.\u00a0 When they had drunk their fill, he brought them back up and fed them.<\/p>\n And then, he sank down in the doorway to the cabin, dropping his gun to the ground as he wrapped his arms around his knees and bowed his head.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n The smell that drifted to Hoss on the breeze was so startling that, for a minute, he thought Hop Sing must be there.\u00a0 When he walked into the shack, though, he saw only Little Joe, stirring something in an iron pot on the stove.<\/p>\n \u201cDadburnit, Little Brother, what\u2019ve you got goin\u2019 on there?\u201d\u00a0 He leaned over to get a whiff.<\/p>\n \u201cNow, you just stay back,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 His attempt to shove his large brother aside was ineffectual, but he managed to guard the spoon.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019re you makin\u2019, anyway?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss tried to see into the pot, but Joe was blocking it with his body.<\/p>\n \u201cRabbit stew,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He peered intently into the pot, hiding his vast relief at Hoss\u2019s arrival.\u00a0 He\u2019d raced through the remaining shacks, pushing the horses more than he should have, to get here.\u00a0 All day, he\u2019d berated himself for his cowardice, but the truth was that he was glad he wasn\u2019t going to be alone tonight.\u00a0 Grimly, he reflected that his father had been right.\u00a0 Thank God Pa hadn\u2019t listened to him.\u00a0 Three weeks on his own\u2014he\u2019d either have pulled himself together or lost his mind entirely.<\/p>\n Joe made a big show of dipping the spoon into the pot and bringing a spoonful to his lips to taste.\u00a0 He smacked his lips and returned the spoon to the pot.\u00a0 \u201cAlmost ready,\u201d he announced, pleased.\u00a0 Hop Sing had done well by them.<\/p>\n The cook had tucked several packets of herbs and seasonings into Joe\u2019s saddlebags, together with carefully written directions for what to do with them.\u00a0 \u201cJust do what Hop Sing say, food good,\u201d he\u2019d promised.\u00a0 The little Chinaman was as aware of Joe\u2019s lack of appetite as the rest of the family, and he\u2019d enlisted Adam\u2019s help in writing down his recipes in English, hoping that the youngest Cartwright might be tempted.\u00a0 And so, Joe had dutifully added a pinch of this, and a handful of that, and the results smelled better than he would ever have expected.<\/p>\n \u201cDoncha think maybe you need another opinion?\u201d offered Hoss hopefully.<\/p>\n \u201cNope,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cYou can go and wash up, and if there\u2019s any left when you get back, you can have some.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019d better be a lot, \u2019cause I\u2019m hungry!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss hustled down to the brook and back, bursting through the door just as Joe was dishing up the stew.<\/p>\n Between them, the brothers finished off the pot of stew.\u00a0 Hoss was careful not to comment, or even to be seen noticing, but he was most satisfied to see that Little Joe ate a substantial helping of the stew.\u00a0 Maybe Joe had been right all along about what he needed\u2014time to himself, and room to breathe.<\/p>\n Hoss leaned back against the wall, letting out a loud belch.\u00a0 \u201cCompliments to the chef,\u201d he said as Joe snorted.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think a half-assed little noise like that is a compliment?\u00a0 That\u2019s almost an insult, Brother.\u00a0 Now, this would be a compliment!\u201d\u00a0 Joe let rip with a burp that was surprisingly loud for someone his size.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat, that little puny thing?\u00a0 You jest listen here, Little Brother, and I\u2019ll show you how it\u2019s done!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss demonstrated a long, loud belch that left Joe doubled over, laughing and trying to gather enough breath for a response.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know what we need, don\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 Joe scrambled up and grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the newly-stocked shelf.\u00a0 Returning to his seat on the floor, he poured a generous amount into two coffee cups and handed one to Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cTo compliments!\u201d he chortled, raising his cup, and Hoss did the same as both brothers let rip with another loud, long burp.<\/p>\n \u201cCan\u2019t you just imagine Pa if he could hear us now?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss emptied his cup in one swallow and held it out for more.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2018You boys know better than that!\u2019\u201d said Joe in his deepest voice as he refilled both their cups.\u00a0 \u201c\u2018Mind your manners, now!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou always did get me in trouble,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s \u2019cause you were older,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cYou were supposed to know better than to listen to the likes of me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReckon I should\u2019ve, at that,\u201d mused Hoss, holding out his cup again.<\/p>\n \u201cBesides, I usually got in trouble right alongside you,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 The whiskey was warming him.\u00a0 He leaned back against the cot.\u00a0 \u201cRemember the time Mama and Hop Sing made Christmas cookies, and we snuck into the kitchen in the middle of the night and ate a whole plateful?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor a little kid, you could eat a lot,\u201d Hoss recalled.\u00a0 \u201cYou ate near as many as I did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you were ten, and I was only four!\u201d\u00a0 Joe pointed out.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2019Course, I wasn\u2019t the one who got sick all over the kitchen floor,\u201d Hoss reminded him.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve never been able to look at a Christmas cookie quite the same way since,\u201d admitted Joe.\u00a0 He poured another round.\u00a0 \u201cTo Christmas cookies!\u201d\u00a0 The tin cups clanked, and the brothers drank.<\/p>\n \u201cYou ever wonder how life would have been different if Mama hadn\u2019t died?\u201d Joe mused.<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve wondered that about my ma, too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf your ma hadn\u2019t died, Pa wouldn\u2019t have married Mama,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He squinted as if trying to picture such a world.\u00a0 \u201cIf your ma had been my ma, I\u2019d probably be as big as you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWouldn\u2019t be callin\u2019 you \u2018Little\u2019 Joe, then, would we?\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cYou \u2019n\u2019 me could pound Adam into the ground,\u201d Joe grinned.\u00a0 Then, he fell silent, his grin fading as his gaze turned inward.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d asked Hoss after a minute.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s silence was skeptical.\u00a0 Finally, he admitted, \u201cI was just thinking\u2014Sally couldn\u2019t have confused me with whoever attacked her, if he was the size I am now and I was as big as you.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss reached for the bottle and poured another round.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s always on your mind, one way or another, ain\u2019t it?\u201d he asked quietly.<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cPretty much,\u201d he admitted.<\/p>\n Hoss studied the amber liquid in his cup.\u00a0 Then, he looked up to see Joe watching him, and he asked, \u201cIs there anything I can do to help?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI wish there was.\u00a0 But thanks for asking.\u201d\u00a0 He emptied his cup and set it down.\u00a0 Hoss reached for the bottle, and Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI think I\u2019m gonna turn in,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Hoss gathered up the whiskey and cups and set them on the shelf as Joe spread out his bedroll on the floor.\u00a0 At Hoss\u2019 questioning look, he said, \u201cYou take the cot.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get it next time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you want,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 He spread out his bedroll on the cot.\u00a0 \u201c\u2019Night, Little Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe snuffed out the lamp and lay down on his bedroll.\u00a0 \u201c\u2019Night, Hoss.\u201d\u00a0 He smiled in the darkness as Hoss\u2019 familiar snoring filled the room.\u00a0 Then, he reached up, resting his hand on his brother\u2019s strong arm, and fell asleep.<\/p>\n And in years to come, Joe Cartwright would remember that night as the first time that he truly believed he might not drown.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n The days fell into an easy pattern.\u00a0 Two or three days separate, and then the brothers would join up for a night.\u00a0 Slowly, determinedly, Joe became accustomed to the nights on his own.\u00a0 By the second week, he was comfortable enough to sit on the threshold with his coffee after supper, looking up at the stars.\u00a0 He still kept his gun right beside him when he slept, but he did sleep, and that was something.<\/p>\n They finished stocking the shacks early enough to give them six days up at Long Horn Ridge.\u00a0 Hoss was right:\u00a0 this was the prettiest time of year up there.\u00a0 The tall grasses swayed gracefully in the hot summer breeze. \u00a0The sun sparkled on the river below, and the banks were lush and green.\u00a0 Flowers whose names they didn\u2019t know peeked out of crevices where the rock shaded them, keeping them from burning away in the heat of the day.<\/p>\n For the umpteenth time since they\u2019d left, Joe found himself glad that Hoss had come with him.\u00a0 His big brother was an easy person to be with.\u00a0 He\u2019d laugh himself silly over the worst jokes.\u00a0 He was perfectly comfortable passing an entire afternoon without talking, but it was a good, uncomplicated silence\u00a0 It was shamefully easy to sell him on practically any harebrained idea.\u00a0 And if a man needed to discuss something serious, there was no better listener.<\/p>\n Not that Joe had any intention of talking about anything serious. \u00a0They were having a good time, and he didn\u2019t want to spoil it.\u00a0 He was doing a good job of keeping his moments of panic to himself.\u00a0 Besides, so far, he hadn\u2019t wakened Hoss with any of his nightmares; as Joe sat up, cold with terror and gasping for breath, Hoss snored on.<\/p>\n The nightmares weren\u2019t even happening every night now.\u00a0 Since they\u2019d left the house, he\u2019d had three nights with no nightmares, and one of them was when he was by himself.\u00a0 It wouldn\u2019t have sounded like much to somebody who didn\u2019t know, but Joe took it as a sign that things were indeed getting better.<\/p>\n On their second day at Long Horn Ridge, Hoss and Joe went swimming in the river.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t foolish about where they swam, but there still came a point when Joe misjudged and found himself caught in the current.\u00a0 A minute later, he had grabbed onto a tree branch, shaken, but safe, and that should have been that.<\/p>\n But the incident was too close to far too many nightmares.\u00a0 Frantic, he floundered through the water until he gained the riverbank and scrambled up.\u00a0 Once on dry land, the current safely behind him, he fell to his hands and knees and was sick.<\/p>\n \u201cYou okay, Little Brother?\u201d\u00a0 Immediately, Hoss was beside him.<\/p>\n Joe nodded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he said after a minute.<\/p>\n Hoss rested one large hand on Joe\u2019s forehead.\u00a0 Satisfied, he said, \u201cI don\u2019t know about you, but I\u2019ve had enough swimming for one day.\u00a0 Let\u2019s get dressed, and after lunch, we can go out hunting for supper.\u00a0 What do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSounds good.\u201d\u00a0 It was as much as Joe could have said without the wobble in his voice giving him away.\u00a0 He could feel Hoss\u2019s eyes on him as they dressed, and he forced himself to go slowly, breathing deeply and trying to keep his hands from shaking.<\/p>\n Back at the cabin, Hoss started to dish up beans for both of them, but Joe held up his hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not hungry,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cYou feelin\u2019 okay?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss\u2019s eyes were dark with concern.<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just not hungry.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss appraised his brother.\u00a0 Finally, he said, \u201cSuit yourself.\u00a0 There\u2019ll be some here if you get hungry later.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThanks,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n And that night, the nightmare came, swift and fierce. . . .<\/p>\n The current buffeted him as he twisted and turned and tried to grab at something, anything, to stop the rough waters from battering him.\u00a0 He went under once, twice, a third time, and when he came up that time, Carlton was standing on the shore, laughing and pointing at him.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIf you try to get out, I\u2019ll push you back in!\u201d Carlton shouted.\u00a0 \u201cGive it up, Cartwright! That\u2019s where you\u2019re going to die!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d Joe tried to scream, trying desperately to keep his head above water.\u00a0 \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 As always in these night terrors, his voice was barely a whisper.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWhen you come out, you\u2019ll be mine, all mine,\u201d said Carlton.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 Joe fought for sound.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll kill you, Carlton!\u00a0 I\u2019ll kill you first!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Carlton laughed and laughed.\u00a0 \u201cYou can\u2019t kill me,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cBut I can have you any time I want.\u00a0 We\u2019ll have lots of special times, just wait and see!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 For a moment, he sank below the surface, the churning water turning him around and around until he had no idea which way was up.\u00a0 Then, he broke through to the surface, gasping for air.\u00a0 \u201cNo!\u201d he shouted, finding his voice for the first time.\u00a0 \u201cNo!\u00a0 Stay away from me!\u00a0 I\u2019ll kill you!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cJoe!\u00a0 Joseph!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cStay away, Carlton!\u00a0 I swear to God, I\u2019ll kill you!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n And then, somehow, he was out of the river, and Carlton was holding onto him.\u00a0 He struggled, but Carlton was stronger.\u00a0 Panic gripped him, and he fought even harder, screaming and swearing as he clawed and kicked, but nothing worked.\u00a0 \u201cLet me go!\u201d he screamed.\u00a0 \u201cLet me go!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n And there was a crash, and searing pain in his hand, and\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cJoe!\u00a0 Wake up!\u00a0 Joe, it\u2019s me!\u00a0 Wake up!\u201d<\/p>\n Chest heaving, Joe opened his eyes.\u00a0 Before him was a broken window.\u00a0 Blood dripped from his right hand.\u00a0 From behind, Hoss held him fast, arms wrapped around Joe\u2019s arms and chest.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Joe, it\u2019s just a dream,\u201d Hoss was repeating.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all right.\u00a0 You\u2019re safe. Ain\u2019t nobody gonna get you.\u00a0 Ol\u2019 Hoss is here.\u00a0 It was just a dream.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHoss?\u201d\u00a0 As he\u2019d fought for voice, Joe now fought for breath.\u00a0 He was shaking uncontrollably.\u00a0 \u201cHoss?\u201d<\/p>\n At the tentative word, Hoss turned Joe around, holding him close.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re all right, Little Brother,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cJust take it easy.\u00a0 You\u2019re fine.\u201d\u00a0 He guided Joe over to the cot and sat him down, still holding him.\u00a0 \u201cEasy, Joe.\u00a0 You\u2019re safe now.\u201d\u00a0 He kept repeating the soft words, rubbing Joe\u2019s arm, until his brother\u2019s breathing was slower.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 He made himself sit up straight, even though everything in him wanted to curl up in a ball with his eyes tightly closed.<\/p>\n \u201cNothin\u2019 to be sorry about,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cIt ain\u2019t your fault.\u201d\u00a0 He picked up Joe\u2019s hand, and the dark blood was visible even in the moonlight.\u00a0 \u201cWe need to clean this up.\u201d\u00a0 He guided Joe over to the corner where the supplies were stored.\u00a0 He lit the lamp and ladled water from the barrel into a bowl.\u00a0 With all the gentleness Joe had long ago come to expect from his brother, Hoss placed Joe\u2019s hand into the cool water and held it there, allowing the blood to soak off.\u00a0 Then, he took the wounded hand out and patted it dry, holding the light close so that he could inspect the cuts for shards of glass.<\/p>\n \u201cThat don\u2019t look too bad,\u201d he opined.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t even think we need to bother Doc Martin for this.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just clean it out real good and wrap it up, and you\u2019ll take it easy for a couple days, and it\u2019ll be fine.\u201d\u00a0 As he spoke, he assembled whiskey and bandages.\u00a0 \u201cYou ready?\u201d\u00a0 Joe nodded, and Hoss poured whiskey over the cuts.\u00a0 Reflexively, Joe grabbed for Hoss\u2019s arm with his free hand, biting his lip against the fiery alcohol.<\/p>\n Finally, the hand was cleaned and bound.\u00a0 Hoss set Joe on the cot and swept up the broken glass.\u00a0 He inspected the broken pane; after a minute\u2019s thought, he crumpled up paper and stuffed it in the hole.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019ll do for tonight,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cTomorrow, I\u2019ll head into town and get a new windowpane.\u201d<\/p>\n He sat down next to Joe, who hadn\u2019t spoken or moved.\u00a0 \u201cYou all right, Little Brother?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cFirst time I ever yelled,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019s brow crinkled.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn that nightmare,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cUsually, I can\u2019t make any noise.\u00a0 This was the first time I could ever yell at him.\u201d<\/p>\n Questions swarmed in Hoss\u2019s head.\u00a0 He started with an easy one.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you mean, \u2018usually\u2019?\u00a0 You been havin\u2019 nightmares before now?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe laughed, a short, humorless bark.\u00a0 \u201cOnly for the last two and a half years,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cBut how come we ain\u2019t never heard you?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss remembered Joe\u2019s nightmares from long ago.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s screams would wake the entire household.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess because I couldn\u2019t make noise,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cIf you don\u2019t scream, nobody knows.\u00a0 It started like that when I was inside, just for survival.\u00a0 And when I got out\u2014well, I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 Maybe it was still survival in a way.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss frowned.\u00a0 \u201cHow often do you have these nightmares?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cAlmost every night,\u201d he admitted.\u00a0 \u201cBut sometimes I don\u2019t.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have one last night.\u201d\u00a0 He sounded almost proud, and Hoss\u2019s heart ached.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you say something?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat was there to say?\u00a0 I lived in hell, and I have nightmares about it.\u00a0 Probably means I\u2019m sane.\u00a0 If I were used to it\u2014then, I\u2019d be crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss pondered this.\u00a0 Then, he gathered up his nerve and asked the question.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2014who\u2019s Carlton?\u201d<\/p>\n Shutters slammed shut in Joe\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 \u201cMy cellmate,\u201d he said tonelessly.<\/p>\n Bitter fear filled Hoss\u2019 mouth.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2014what\u2014did he\u2014\u201d\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t make himself finish.<\/p>\n Abruptly, Joe turned away, shaking his head and hugging himself as if he were suddenly cold.\u00a0 Hoss laid a hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder, and Joe jerked out from under his touch.<\/p>\n Hoss thought back to the talks they\u2019d had, he and Adam and Pa, in the early days after Joe\u2019s release.\u00a0 He thought about what Doc had said when he examined Joe.\u00a0 They\u2019d all said it must have happened, but Hoss hadn\u2019t believed it.\u00a0 They\u2019d been guessing.\u00a0 Nobody knew for sure.<\/p>\n Until now.<\/p>\n Slowly, carefully, Hoss rested his hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder again.\u00a0 Joe jerked, but Hoss kept his hand steady.\u00a0 Gradually, as if his brother were a skittish horse, he began to rub Joe\u2019s shoulder, and then his back.\u00a0 With gentle reassurance, he drew him close, and he held the rigid body, whispering quiet words intended to comfort both of them.\u00a0 After a long time, he felt the tension begin to ease, and finally, Joe allowed his head to rest against Hoss\u2019s broad shoulder, his eyes closed.<\/p>\n \u201cYou think you can sleep now?\u201d Hoss asked at last.<\/p>\n Joe sat up, nodding.\u00a0 \u201cJust give me a drink, and I\u2019ll sleep fine.\u201d\u00a0 At Hoss\u2019s frown, he said, \u201cHow do you think I usually get back to sleep?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss fetched the whiskey.\u00a0 Joe took a swig from the bottle and handed it back.\u00a0 Hoss took a swig for himself before he corked the bottle.\u00a0 He picked up Joe\u2019s bandaged hand.\u00a0 \u201cThis should be good until morning,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll redo the bandage then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 Joe watched as Hoss replaced the whiskey bottle on the shelf.\u00a0 When the big man turned, his eyes were ineffably sad.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Hoss,\u201d Joe whispered.\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry you ever had to know this<\/em>.\u00a0 It was the last thing in the world that he\u2019d ever wanted.<\/p>\n \u201cYou got nothin\u2019 to be sorry for,\u201d said Hoss firmly.\u00a0 \u201cNow, you get yourself some sleep.\u00a0 No, stay where you are,\u201d he added as Joe started to move back to his bedroll on the floor.\u00a0 \u201cI said \u2018stay there\u2019,\u201d he said as Joe opened his mouth to protest.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir,\u201d said Joe with the faintest of mocking grins.<\/p>\n The lump in his throat kept Hoss from answering.\u00a0 He tousled his brother\u2019s hair and snuffed out the lamp.\u00a0 Eventually, he heard Joe\u2019s breathing become deep and even.<\/p>\n And Hoss sat beside the cot, keeping watch over his little brother, first in the dim light of the moon, and then in the dawning of the sun.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Hoss heard the quiet step behind him.\u00a0 He turned from his seat on the tiny porch to see Little Joe standing, watching.\u00a0 Even in the gray light of dawn, pain flamed in his little brother\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019re you doin\u2019 up this early?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI was just going to ask you that,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He settled himself on the step and held out the bottle.\u00a0 When Hoss shook his head, Joe said simply, \u201cIt helps.\u201d<\/p>\n Two nights had passed since Joe\u2019s nightmare.\u00a0 They were heading home the day after tomorrow, but Hoss had never felt less like going home.\u00a0 He could feel Joe\u2019s eyes on him, silently questioning, as he tried to act normally.<\/p>\n It was, he supposed, the difference between suspecting and knowing.\u00a0 As long as there had been a question, he could pretend it hadn\u2019t happened.\u00a0 But knowing\u2014that was taking some getting used to.<\/p>\n And whenever he had that thought, he immediately reprimanded himself.\u00a0 If Joe could live with what had been done to him, surely Hoss could live with knowing.<\/p>\n He took the bottle, tossed back a swig, and handed it back.\u00a0 \u201cDoes Pa know?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sure he does,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI figured Doc had told you all.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss thought back to that day at Doc\u2019s office.\u00a0 \u201cI reckon maybe he did,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI just didn\u2019t want to hear it, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe drank and held the bottle out again.\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t blame you for that.\u201d<\/p>\n They sat quietly, passing the bottle back and forth as the sun rose over the ridge.\u00a0 The scent of pine drifted on the breeze as the river below continued to splash over rocks.\u00a0 Something\u2014a fox, maybe\u2014darted through the clearing and disappeared into the trees, a swift rustling the only evidence of its presence.<\/p>\n Hoss reached for the bottle again.\u00a0 There was so much he wanted to say.\u00a0 He wanted to make sure Joe knew he understood that it was a terrible, horrific thing that had happened, and that he knew there was nothing Joe could have done to prevent it.\u00a0 He wanted to tell Joe how sorry he was for taking him to task about how he should be concerned about Pa, how Hoss had had no idea what he was talking about.\u00a0 He wanted to ask how Joe had survived, and how he lived day to day.\u00a0 He wanted to let Joe know that he would listen to whatever his little brother wanted to tell him.\u00a0 He wanted to swear on his mother\u2019s grave that he would make sure nothing like that would ever, ever happen to Joe again.<\/p>\n But all he could say was, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Little Brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Wordlessly, Joe took the bottle from his brother\u2019s hand.\u00a0 He corked it and set it down by his feet.<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d he whispered at last.\u00a0 \u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n And he rested his bandaged hand on Hoss\u2019 shoulder as the tears on his big brother\u2019s\u00a0cheeks glistened in the light of dawn.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Part 3:\u00a0 And the Truth Shall Set Them Free<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cYou sure this is a good idea?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss looked as skeptical as Adam had ever seen him.\u00a0 He tugged at his collar, finally succeeding in buttoning the top button of his dress shirt.<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He scrutinized his reflection and smoothed his hair.\u00a0 \u201cBut Joe said he wanted to try, and he knows the rules.\u00a0 Any trouble, and we leave.\u00a0 We don\u2019t stay around to fight.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss rolled his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll bet he warn\u2019t much for that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, but that was the deal Pa made with Roy Coffee,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cSince when is Roy Coffee worryin\u2019 about a Saturday night dance, anyway?\u201d asked<\/p>\n \u201cSince Ed Barnes is still all over town about how he\u2019ll kill Joe if Joe gets within ten feet of Sally,\u201d said Adam, adjusting his tie.\u00a0 \u201cRoy figures the best way not to have trouble is to head it off at the pass.\u00a0 Legally, he can\u2019t keep Joe from doing anything or going anywhere, but you know Roy\u2014that doesn\u2019t stop him from making very, very strong recommendations.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs Sally even gonna be at the dance?\u201d asked Hoss.\u00a0 He tried to tie his tie, but that had never been one of his talents.\u00a0 After three unsuccessful attempts, Adam pushed his hands aside and tied the tie.<\/p>\n \u201cWho knows?\u201d Adam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cBut a lot of her friends will be, and I\u2019m thinking that they\u2019re not going to be any more accommodating than her family.\u00a0 I just hope there\u2019s somebody for Joe to dance with.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019 eyes clouded at the thought of Little Joe getting hurt again, in any way.\u00a0 He\u2019d been hurt enough for ten lifetimes.\u00a0 Ever since Long Horn Ridge, Hoss had fought the urge to protect the boy from every little thing.\u00a0 It occurred to him that this must be how Pa felt sometimes.\u00a0 But he just said, \u201cNever thought I\u2019d live to see the day that that\u2019d be our worry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNeither did I,\u201d said Adam.<\/p>\n \u201cNeither did you what?\u201d\u00a0 Joe poked his head around the door.\u00a0 \u201cIf we don\u2019t get going soon, all the pretty girls will have partners.\u00a0 Hey, Hoss, c\u2019mere.\u201d\u00a0 He grabbed Hoss\u2019 tie, untied it and retied it expertly.\u00a0 \u201cI swear, if you ever learn to tie a tie, it\u2019ll be a miracle.\u00a0 Hey!\u201d he added as Adam smacked him on the back of the head.\u00a0 \u201cWhat was that for?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust to remind you to respect your elders,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He blew out the lamp, and the brothers headed down the hall, stopping at their father\u2019s bedroom.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re going now, Pa,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cDo you need anything before we go?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked up from his book.\u00a0 Of all the times to be sick,<\/em> he groaned inwardly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve got everything I need,\u201d he said.\u00a0 He looked from one son to another, his gaze falling last on Joseph.\u00a0 \u201cNow, you boys remember what Roy said.\u00a0 No trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I\u2019m not going to make trouble,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He knew that he was the target of this admonition.\u00a0 \u201cBut I won\u2019t run away from it, either.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben sighed.\u00a0 To his older sons, he said, \u201cWould you two give us a minute?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll see you downstairs, Little Brother,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n After the footsteps had faded, Ben said, \u201cSit down, Joe.\u201d\u00a0 He patted the side of the bed, and his youngest son sat beside him.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t mean for you to run away, you know that,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cBut Ed Barnes is still saying some pretty inflammatory things, and I don\u2019t want you to get into with him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa, nothing\u2019s gonna happen,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure Sally won\u2019t even be there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe not, but her brothers probably will be,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cAnd they\u2019re every bit as hot- headed as their father\u2014and if anybody should know that, it\u2019s you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can handle myself,\u201d said Joe with a sudden quiet intensity.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m afraid of,\u201d said his father, equally intense.<\/p>\n \u201cPa, it\u2019ll be fine,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He patted Ben\u2019s arm and rose.\u00a0 \u201cBesides, I\u2019ve been gone so long that probably nobody\u2019ll even recognize me!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben regarded his handsome son who had once had a sparkle in his eyes and a devilish smile that could have charmed any girl in town.\u00a0 True, the boy was closer to his old self than he\u2019d been before; the trip with Hoss had clearly done him good.\u00a0 Ben had smiled inwardly when he saw his sons exchanging fast glances as he inquired about how things had gone.\u00a0 He\u2019d known even before they left that Hoss would find a way to give Joe the breathing room he craved, and while he\u2019d still worried, he drew comfort from the fact that Hoss would only give his little brother so much slack rein.\u00a0 He still felt that he\u2019d been right\u2014three weeks alone would have been more than Joe could handle\u2014but with time to himself, and time with his big brother, Little Joe seemed to be on his way back to them.<\/p>\n But now, Ben\u2019s heart ached at what he was certain lay ahead for his son that evening.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t imagine any of the nice girls agreeing to dance with somebody who\u2019d been accused of what Joe had.\u00a0 It sounded to Ben like a recipe for disaster.\u00a0 But Joe was an adult. He had every right to go to a dance if he wanted to.<\/p>\n And he had the right to get his heart broken, just like any other man.<\/p>\n Resigned, Ben said, \u201cHave a good time, son\u2014and stay out of trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll do my best,\u201d promised Joe.\u00a0 He winked at his father and darted out of the room, and Ben listened to his boots clatter down the stairs.<\/p>\n And wished with all his heart that he could keep his son home.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n \u201cYou want some punch?\u201d\u00a0 Without waiting for an answer, Hoss handed Adam a cup.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not as if there\u2019s much else to do here,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cWonder if we can convince Little Brother to head over to the saloon for a beer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think he\u2019s still hopin\u2019 there\u2019ll be somebody for him to dance with,\u201d said Hoss, draining his cup in one gulp.<\/p>\n Adam followed his large brother\u2019s gaze.\u00a0 Little Joe stood apart, watching the dancing.\u00a0 He\u2019d asked a couple of girls to dance, and his expression hadn\u2019t changed when they declined.\u00a0 Only someone who knew him as well as his brothers would have seen the hurt and the building anger in his eyes.<\/p>\n The response wasn\u2019t unexpected, of course.\u00a0 Joe was realistic enough to know that his first dance was going to be awkward, especially with Ed Barnes shooting off his mouth.\u00a0 His father had tried to discourage him, but Joe was adamant.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t been off the Ponderosa for much more than errands since he got home, and he wanted to go out and have fun.<\/p>\n Or at least, to see if it was still possible for him to have fun.<\/p>\n Joe was no fool.\u00a0 If he went to the Bucket of Blood for a beer, there would be another fight, almost guaranteed.\u00a0 Going into town to do errands was hardly entertainment.\u00a0 Unlike Adam, he wasn\u2019t all that interested in traveling acting troupes and the like.\u00a0 So, that left the dance, and he nailed a smile on his face that was a pretty good approximation of his old grin and went all out to convince his father and brothers that it would be great fun.<\/p>\n Walking in the door was another story, though.\u00a0 The way the room fell silent when the Cartwright brothers walked in would have made a lesser man turn and leave.\u00a0 But Little Joe Cartwright had never been a quitter, not even before he lived in a world where quitting could get a man killed.\u00a0 So, he swaggered into the room as if he owned the place, smiling as he made a point of catching as many eyes as possible.\u00a0 A few of men gave him a cautious smile and slight nod, but most of the men and all of the women looked away.<\/p>\n Eventually, Joe wandered over to the punch bowl.\u00a0 \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you two dancing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t feel like it, I reckon,\u201d said Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t stand around on my account,\u201d said Joe irritably.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t about to have his brothers feeling sorry for him on top of everything else.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not on your account,\u201d said Adam mildly.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve noticed, but the men in this room outnumber the women by about five to one, and I, for one, am not interested in dancing with Billy Clark.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe harrumphed as he filled a punch cup.\u00a0 Five to one, ten to one\u2014there was a time when it wouldn\u2019t have mattered.\u00a0 He\u2019d have had the prettiest girls in the room vying for his attention all night long.\u00a0 But now\u2014well, he might just as well have had smallpox for all the interest they had in him.<\/p>\n Just then, a low, musical voice purred, \u201cYou must be the famous Little Joe Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n The Cartwright brothers turned to see a blond woman in a green satin dress.\u00a0 Adam thought he recognized her from one of the saloons, but he couldn\u2019t recall her name.<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s expression was unreadable.\u00a0 \u201cYes, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n She looked him over quite openly, standing on her tiptoes to see the top of his head and walking behind him.\u00a0 Finally, she said, \u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u00a0 From everything I\u2019d heard, you were supposed to have horns and a tail.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss\u2019s eyes widened in shock at her audacity, but Joe showed no reaction.\u00a0 Instead, he said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry to disappoint you, ma\u2019am.\u00a0 And before you ask\u2014I left my pitchfork at home tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n She burst out laughing.\u00a0 \u201cOh, thank God, a man with a sense of humor,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cEvery now and again,\u201d said Joe, still guarded.\u00a0 \u201cIs that important?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Cartwright, in this town, it\u2019s almost unheard-of,\u201d she said.\u00a0 She started to reach past him for the cups, and reflexively, he poured her some punch.<\/p>\n A small smile tipped the corners of Joe\u2019s mouth.\u00a0 \u201cWhere are you meeting all these serious men?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAt work,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cI work at the Silver Dollar.\u201d\u00a0 She extended her hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m Colleen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPleased to meet you, Colleen,\u201d Joe said, taking her hand.\u00a0 \u201cThese are my brothers, Adam and Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou two look familiar,\u201d she said.\u00a0 To Joe, she added, \u201cI\u2019ve only been there a few months.\u00a0 You should come by.\u00a0 We could use a few laughs.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSome would say I\u2019m not exactly a barrel of fun,\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n Colleen shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe not, but the girls say you\u2019re quite a dancer.\u201d<\/p>\n The hint was so broad that he could have driven a buckboard on it, and Joe found himself smiling.\u00a0 \u201cThey say that, do they?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSome of them,\u201d Colleen said.\u00a0 \u201cAre they right?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSounds to me like something you\u2019d need to judge for yourself,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 He offered her his arm.\u00a0 \u201cWould you like to dance?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you\u2019d never ask.\u201d\u00a0 She smiled as he led her onto the dance floor, both of them pretending not to notice the number of people who stopped dancing.<\/p>\n In a low voice, Hoss said to Adam, \u201cDid you arrange this?\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI take it from the question that you didn\u2019t, either?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cD\u2019you think\u2014no, Pa would never do somethin\u2019 like that.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cMaybe she just stopped by because she was curious,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI suppose word probably traveled fast that he was here.\u00a0 To be honest, I don\u2019t care what her reasons are.\u00a0 The kid\u2019s dancing, and that\u2019s what he wanted.\u201d\u00a0 He leaned against the wall, watching his brother with an almost fatherly sense of pride and relief.<\/p>\n The music ended, and applause rose from the handful of people who weren\u2019t too busy being appalled by Joe and Colleen.\u00a0 \u201cThe girls were right,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re an excellent dancer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m out of practice,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cThen you fake it well, and that\u2019s almost as important,\u201d she said.\u00a0 She held out her hand.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s been lovely, Mr. Cartwright, but I need to get back to work.\u00a0 Thank you for a delightful dance.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMay I walk you back to the saloon?\u201d offered Joe.<\/p>\n Before Colleen could answer, a man snarled, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t do that if I were you, girlie.\u00a0 You get alone with him, there\u2019s no telling what could happen to you.\u201d<\/p>\n Without thinking, Joe whirled, delivering a left hook that knocked the man to the floor.\u00a0 As the man struggled to sit up, Hoss grabbed Joe\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u201cEasy, Joe,\u201d he murmured.\u00a0 \u201cHe ain\u2019t worth the trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook off Hoss\u2019s hand and walked over to where the man was almost sitting up.\u00a0 With the toe of his boot, he shoved the man back down.\u00a0 \u201cYou got off easy this time,\u201d he said in a voice so low that only the man could hear.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t push your luck.\u201d\u00a0 He turned on his heel and strode back over to the punch bowl.\u00a0 \u201cMay I walk you back to the saloon, Miss Colleen?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u201cCertainly,\u201d she said, placing her hand on Joe\u2019s arm.\u00a0 She turned to Hoss and Adam.\u00a0 \u201cYou two are welcome to come as well,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cI think the group over at the saloon is probably a lot livelier than this crowd.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI reckon you\u2019re right,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 He and Adam fetched their hats, and the four of them strode out of the hall, leaving the group behind them as silent as when they\u2019d come in.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n \u201cSo, did you have a good time last night?\u201d asked Ben the next morning.\u00a0 He was feeling much better than the night before\u2014so much so that he thought it would be nice if the entire family went to church.<\/p>\n The three brothers exchanged looks. \u00a0As the silence grew, Ben said, \u201cDid something happen that I should know about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, nothing,\u201d said Joe, carefully not looking at his brothers.\u00a0 One punch wasn\u2019t even worth mentioning.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, did you enjoy yourselves at the dance?\u201d\u00a0 Ben peered at his sons.<\/p>\n \u201cAt the dance?\u00a0 Not especially,\u201d said Adam after another silence.\u00a0 \u201cSo, we went over to the Silver Dollar.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou did what?\u201d\u00a0 Just exactly what he hadn\u2019t wanted to happen\u2014Joe and a bunch of drunken miners and cowboys.\u00a0 On the other hand, his youngest son didn\u2019t look any the worse for wear.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was fine, Pa, don\u2019t worry,\u201d said Little Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI won fifty dollars at poker.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhich, I think, officially doubles your lifetime record,\u201d said Adam dryly.<\/p>\n \u201cHow did you end up over at the Silver Dollar?\u201d asked Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cA girl who works there stopped in at the dance,\u201d said Joe, focusing intently on the piece of ham he was cutting.\u00a0 \u201cSo, when she had to go back to work, we just went with her.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben looked from one son to another to another.\u00a0 He was certain that there were gaps in the story that hadn\u2019t been filled in, and might not be for some time, but as long as there hadn\u2019t been any trouble, he supposed he would have to be satisfied with that.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, finish up, boys,\u201d he said, rising.\u00a0 \u201cWe need to leave for church in fifteen minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe need to what?\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s head snapped up.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought it would be nice if we all went to church together,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cIs there anything wrong with that?\u201d\u00a0 He looked more closely at his youngest son, whose expression was suddenly stony.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 Is something wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, sir.\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s voice was clipped, his jaw clenched, and in the next moment, Ben knew what had happened the night before.<\/p>\n Lowering his voice, Ben said, \u201cJoseph, if you\u2019d rather not\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go,\u201d said Joe in a tone that barely showed the respect due a parent.\u00a0 He drained his coffee cup as he stood, and without another word, he headed upstairs to change his<\/p>\n Quietly, Ben asked his remaining sons, \u201cOther than the girl from the saloon, did he dance with anybody?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cThey avoided him like he had the plague,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cWoulda broken your heart to see it.\u00a0 If it hadn\u2019t been for that Colleen, I don\u2019t think he woulda danced at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben shook his head sadly as he stood.\u00a0 \u201cExcuse me, boys, I need to get dressed.\u201d\u00a0 He headed up the stairs, reflecting that the good people often didn\u2019t look like the good people.<\/p>\n And he needed to remember to give Roy Coffee twenty dollars to cover the sum he\u2019d advanced to the girl from the saloon.\u00a0 Ben thought he might give Roy a bit extra and tell him to pass it on to the girl.\u00a0 From the sounds of things, she\u2019d earned it.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n The knock on the door was reluctant, almost tentative.\u00a0 Hoss and Joe didn\u2019t even bother looking up from the checkerboard, and Adam burrowed into his book.\u00a0 With an exasperated look at his sons, Ben answered the door.<\/p>\n Roy Coffee stood before him, looking as sorrowful as Ben had ever seen.\u00a0 \u201cEvenin\u2019, Ben,\u201d he said in a voice that sounded like he\u2019d rather be saying anything else.<\/p>\n \u201cEvening, Roy,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cCome on in.\u00a0 You want some coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n Roy shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cThis ain\u2019t a social call,\u201d he said.\u00a0 The brothers rose, alert and guarded.\u00a0 Roy looked from Adam to Hoss, and then turned his attention to Joe.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe, I gotta talk to you,\u201d he said heavily.<\/p>\n Joe didn\u2019t move.\u00a0 His eyes could have burned a hole in the sheriff, but otherwise, he betrayed no emotion.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d\u00a0 His voice was entirely devoid of feeling.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere were you this afternoon?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUp by Buckhorn Meadow, chasing after that sorrel,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 The question was all he needed.\u00a0 He knew what Roy was here for.\u00a0 Some girl had been attacked, and somebody was pointing the finger at him.<\/p>\n \u201cAnybody with you?\u201d\u00a0 Roy\u2019s voice, rough and matter-of-fact, invited an explanation.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 Joe knew better than to offer information.<\/p>\n \u201cNo chance you were in town?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRoy, what\u2019s this about?\u201d Ben interrupted.<\/p>\n Roy took a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cA girl was attacked behind the Bucket of Blood this afternoon,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cDescription fits a number of men, so I gotta ask.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Roy, Joe was off after that sorrel,\u201d said Ben.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd nobody seen him,\u201d said Roy.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m real sorry about that, Little Joe.\u00a0 You\u2019re the last one I talked to.\u00a0 All the rest got alibis.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo does Little Joe,\u201d interjected Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cHe was up at Buckhorn Meadow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWith nobody to back up his story,\u201d said Roy.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Little Joe, but I gotta take you in.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTake me in?\u00a0 Why?\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s hands were clenched into fists.<\/p>\n \u201cYou fit the description and you ain\u2019t got an alibi,\u201d said Roy.\u00a0 \u201cUntil we can sort this thing out, I can\u2019t be letting you run around loose.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRoy, that\u2019s ridiculous,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He and Hoss moved closer to their brother, flanking him.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have any evidence that Joe did this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe girl\u2019s description fits him,\u201d said Roy. \u00a0\u201cAnd I have a witness who gave the same description of a man who was running away just when the girl screamed.\u201d\u00a0 He looked from one Cartwright to another.\u00a0 \u201cBoys, I left Little Joe until last \u2019cause I was hopin\u2019 there\u2019d be somebody else who couldn\u2019t account for his whereabouts, but they all checked out.\u201d\u00a0 He turned to Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Little Joe, but you\u2019re gonna have to come with me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n The others turned as one, but Joe\u2019s eyes were fixed on the sheriff.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, it\u2019s all right, it\u2019s just a big mix-up,\u201d said Ben with slight desperation.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll be out in the morning, I\u2019m sure.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike last time?\u201d\u00a0 His voice was a shade off sarcastic.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s why I\u2019m on the list. Because if he doesn\u2019t check with me and take me in, people are gonna think I\u2019m getting special treatment, because we all know that \u2018the only reason that kid got out of prison was his father\u2019s money, because God knows he was guilty as sin\u2019.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that right, Roy? Isn\u2019t that the real reason you\u2019re here?\u00a0 You\u2019re figuring that if you lock me up, maybe nobody\u2019ll come out here and lynch me, isn\u2019t that it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t be ridiculous, Joe,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cOf course, that\u2019s not the reason.\u201d\u00a0 He looked to Roy for confirmation.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, Ben, until we can confirm Joe\u2019s story, I reckon he probably is safer in a cell,\u201d said Roy.<\/p>\n \u201cThen I guess I\u2019ll just have to take my chances,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cBecause I\u2019m not going with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, this ain\u2019t a choice,\u201d said Roy.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m takin\u2019 you in.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Roy, you\u2019re not,\u201d said Joe. \u00a0\u201cI\u2019ve been in a cell for the last time.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going back.\u00a0 No matter what.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, now, let\u2019s just calm down,\u201d said Ben, even though his son was eerily calm.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph, Roy says he needs to take you in, and he\u2019s the law.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing to worry about.\u00a0 It\u2019s just Roy\u2019s jail, and we\u2019re all coming with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you want to be with me, you\u2019re going to have to stay here,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not going back to a cell.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Joe, this ain\u2019t a negotiation,\u201d said Roy heatedly.\u00a0 He\u2019d been hoping to slip the boy into town quietly so that nobody would know he was there, but it didn\u2019t look like Little Joe was going to cooperate.\u00a0 \u201cNow, you get your jacket and hat, and let\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not going,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cSon, you don\u2019t have a choice,\u201d said Ben gently.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, yes, I do,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cWhat do you want me to do?\u00a0 Just go along nicely, and wait for justice to work?\u00a0 Like it did last time, maybe?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going.\u00a0 Roy, you do whatever you think you have to do, but I\u2019m not going with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, you stop that!\u201d\u00a0 Roy was getting irked.\u00a0 He wanted to cut the boy some slack, but he couldn\u2019t let Joe tell him what he would or would not do.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m the law, and I say you\u2019re comin\u2019 with me!\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cSorry, Roy,\u201d he said, almost casually.\u00a0 Then, in one swift move, Little Joe Cartwright stood before his family and the sheriff with a gun in his hand.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d like to oblige, but I can\u2019t.\u00a0 I tried your kind of justice already.\u00a0 Two years was enough time to lose.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, Joe, just take it easy,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s all sit down and talk and see if we can\u2019t figure something out.\u201d\u00a0 He wanted to reach for the gun, but he knew better.<\/p>\n Joe shook his head again.\u00a0 \u201cI won\u2019t go, not even for one night.\u00a0 I\u2019m willing to stay right here, and I won\u2019t even leave the house if Roy doesn\u2019t want me to, but I won\u2019t go back in a cell.\u00a0 And Roy, if you try to force me to go with you, one of us isn\u2019t going to get there.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou threatenin\u2019 me?\u201d demanded Roy incredulously.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d\u00a0 Ben\u2019s deep, authoritative reprimand rang out.\u00a0 It was the voice that had always made his sons snap to attention.\u00a0 But this time, Joe didn\u2019t move, and he didn\u2019t back down.<\/p>\n \u201cRoy, one of us needs to leave,\u201d Joe said, as if his father hadn\u2019t spoken.\u00a0 \u201cYou gonna go, or am I?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle Brother, whyn\u2019t you sit down, and we can talk about this?\u201d\u00a0 Hoss had been watching and listening, and there was something about his brother that was downright scary.\u00a0 He kept saying \u201cone of us,\u201d like he didn\u2019t care which one it would be.\u00a0 One of us<\/em> had to leave.\u00a0 One of us<\/em> wouldn\u2019t make it to town. . . .<\/p>\n And then, Hoss Cartwright got a hard, panicky feeling in the pit of his stomach, because he understood what Joe meant.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe Cartwright, you\u2019re comin\u2019 with me if\u2019n I have to hold a gun on you the whole danged way!\u201d said Roy.<\/p>\n \u201cThen you\u2019d better draw now,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cBecause I ain\u2019t walking out that door with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Joe, calm down,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He glanced at Hoss, who nodded.\u00a0 They\u2019d heard the same thing.\u00a0 \u201cJust give me the gun.\u00a0 We\u2019ll make sure you\u2019re safe.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ll make sure I\u2019m safe in a cell,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not going.\u201d\u00a0 To Roy, he said, \u201cYou want me to go with you, you\u2019re gonna need your gun.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben glanced at his older sons.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t quite certain what they were hearing, but they knew something, and it had them worried.\u00a0 His youngest son was as taut as a piano wire, his eyes constantly cutting from one man to another.\u00a0 \u201cJoseph,\u201d he said softly.\u00a0 \u201cI want you to put down the gun.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t, Pa,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 \u201cIf I do, I\u2019m going to end up in Roy\u2019s jail, and I won\u2019t do that.\u201d\u00a0 He turned his attention back to Roy.\u00a0 \u201cGo ahead, Roy,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cDo what you have to do.\u201d<\/p>\n Understanding dawned on the sheriff\u2019s weatherbeaten face.\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t gonna cut you down,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cNot in your own house.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen let\u2019s go outside,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, Joe, that\u2019s enough,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 He kept his voice gentle and soothing, his eyes fixed on Joe\u2019s as he prayed that his older sons would know what to do.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re all right.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to go anywhere.\u00a0 Just put down the gun, and we\u2019ll sit down and talk about what to do.\u00a0 That\u2019s all you have to do, son.\u00a0 Just put down the\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n His last words were drowned out by the shouting as Hoss grabbed the boy from behind and Adam tried to wrest the gun from his grip.\u00a0 Joe fought fiercely, screaming curses Ben had never heard him use\u2014and then there was a shot.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam pulled the gun from the limp fingers and handed it to the sheriff.\u00a0 Ben\u2019s stomach lurched as he saw his youngest son, slumped in Hoss\u2019 arms, blood trickling down his face from the wound on his temple.\u00a0 Hoss gathered the boy and carried him to the settee, and Ben rested his fingers on Joe\u2019s neck.\u00a0 Relieved, he took a deep breath and began to dab at the wound with his neckcloth.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just a crease,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Hop Sing brought in a basin of warm water and a cloth, and Ben sat on the table, sponging his son\u2019s head.<\/p>\n A few minutes later, Joe\u2019s eyes fluttered open.\u00a0 \u201cPa?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m right here,\u201d Ben breathed.\u00a0 The hardened ex-convict of a few minutes earlier was gone, and his boy was back.\u00a0 He held Joe\u2019s hand against his chest.\u00a0 \u201cAre you all right, son?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded, wincing at the movement.\u00a0 \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not sure,\u201d his father admitted.\u00a0 \u201cHow do you feel?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine,\u201d Joe murmured.\u00a0 Truth was that his head was burning and throbbing, all at once.\u00a0 He clenched his jaw to keep from getting sick.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t remember what happened, but he felt the way he used to on those occasions when one of his cellmates started acting like he was going to try to have a \u201cspecial time\u201d with Joe, and then something happened to interrupt it\u2014his heart pounded and it was hard to get enough air, and he was almost afraid to move for fear that they would remember him again.<\/p>\n Ben sponged away the blood and held a square of cloth against the wound to stop the bleeding.\u00a0 Now, as Little Joe lay defenseless on the settee, the terror was plain in his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all right, son,\u201d Ben said quietly.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to worry about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBen\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Roy started to speak, but realized that he had no idea what to say.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not going with you,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 He handed his father a brandy, and Ben wrapped Joe\u2019s hand around the glass, quietly urging his son to drink.<\/p>\n \u201cI reckon you\u2019re right, at least for tonight,\u201d said Roy.\u00a0 He\u2019d seen what had happened, and it shook him.<\/p>\n \u201cHe ain\u2019t goin\u2019 at all,\u201d said Hoss, almost daring the sheriff to say otherwise.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys,\u201d said Ben tiredly.\u00a0 He set the brandy glass on the table.\u00a0 \u201cYou two help your brother up to bed,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll be up in a minute.\u201d\u00a0 Carefully, protectively, Hoss and Adam helped Joe to his feet, supporting him as he made his unsteady way up the stairs.<\/p>\n When they were out of earshot, Ben turned to Roy.\u00a0 The lawman looked at the father with infinite sadness, and slowly, both nodded.\u00a0 They\u2019d seen the same thing, just before the shot.<\/p>\n Little Joe Cartwright had been trying to get the muzzle of the gun up against his own head.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Joe sat at the porch table, drinking his coffee and looking out into the yard as if the answer was going to come riding up.\u00a0 Eight days had passed since Roy Coffee tried to take him back to town.\u00a0 Eight days since he\u2019d stood his ground, refusing to go.<\/p>\n Eight days since he\u2019d tried to put a bullet in his own brain rather than go back to a cell.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t something he\u2019d ever planned, or even thought about.\u00a0 Until he stood there with Roy, he never knew he was capable of such a thing.\u00a0 But that didn\u2019t matter now.\u00a0 He\u2019d done it, or tried to.\u00a0 If Adam hadn\u2019t been stronger than he was\u2014Joe had to set down his cup, closing his eyes against the thought of what he\u2019d nearly put them through.<\/p>\n And they all knew.\u00a0 He\u2019d heard them talking outside his room that night. . . .<\/p>\n \u201cPa, I\u2019m sure it was a mistake!\u201d Hoss insisted.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe just wouldn\u2019t do a thing like that on purpose!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s no use, son,\u201d said Ben dully.\u00a0 \u201cWe all saw him.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe probably just panicked,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cI mean, who could blame him?\u00a0 After everything he went through before, why should he believe that justice would be done this time?\u00a0 I don\u2019t blame him for being scared.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAdam, there\u2019s a difference between being scared and\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Ben broke off, and Joe closed his eyes at the pain in his father\u2019s voice that wouldn\u2019t even allow him to say the words out loud.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cBut, Pa, it\u2019s only been a few months since he got home,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s still gettin\u2019 used to everything.\u00a0 You can\u2019t be surprised that the notion of goin\u2019 back to prison would hit him hard.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n There was a silence, and Joe could picture his father shaking his head sadly.\u00a0 Just leave me be, he wanted to say.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about me.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be out of here soon enough.<\/em><\/p>\n He didn\u2019t know where to go, but he\u2019d figure something out.\u00a0 The harder part would be figuring out how to go so that they didn\u2019t worry.\u00a0 They\u2019d been through enough worry for ten lifetimes.<\/em><\/p>\n Joe took another sip of coffee.\u00a0 Roy had come out this morning to let them know that he had the girl\u2019s attacker in custody.\u00a0 A drifter who\u2019d only been around a short while.\u00a0 The fellow had confessed\u2014he was drunk and tried to kiss her, and she resisted, and he got mad, and things went from there.<\/p>\n Joe had felt curiously distant from the conversation.\u00a0 The others were clearly relieved, and Roy told him that he had nothing to worry about, but Joe knew they were all wrong.\u00a0 Just because they\u2019d found the real attacker this time, it didn\u2019t mean he could relax and put it behind him.\u00a0 There would always be something to worry about.\u00a0 Every time he let down his guard, something happened to remind him that it would never be over.\u00a0 If the drifter hadn\u2019t confessed, there would always have been questions.\u00a0 If Sally Barnes could be so wrong about somebody she knew\u2014well, any other girl could make that mistake, too.<\/p>\n If Sally Barnes could be so mistaken. . . .<\/p>\n Joe dropped his head onto his hands.\u00a0 He felt completely naked, vulnerable, exposed.\u00a0 It was as if the entire world was clustered around the edges of the Ponderosa, waiting to see who would be the next to point a finger at him.\u00a0 He could almost hear them laughing as he tried to shout and plead and somehow, somehow, convince them that he truly wasn\u2019t the one who had done such an awful thing.<\/p>\n If he lived to be a thousand, he would never understand how she could have made that mistake.\u00a0 They\u2019d known each other since they were four years old.\u00a0 They\u2019d played together, gone to school together, and even sparked briefly when they were fifteen.\u00a0 He\u2019d have known her anywhere.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t believe she couldn\u2019t tell her childhood friend from some stranger, even in the dark.<\/p>\n But if she could confuse him with a man who would do such a thing, anyone else could.\u00a0 It was only a matter of time before some other girl made the same mistake\u2014and maybe that girl\u2019s brother might decide not to wait for a judge and jury. . . .<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u00a0 Are you all right?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe\u2019s head jerked up at his father\u2019s hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he said, recovering.\u00a0 He forced himself to look up, praying that Pa\u2019s eyes no longer held such sadness\u2014and disappointment.<\/p>\n He knew they were all disappointed in him.\u00a0 They had to be.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t blame them; he was ashamed of his own reaction.\u00a0 Only a coward would do such a thing.<\/p>\n But Pa just looked concerned.\u00a0 \u201cIs your headache any better?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s fine,\u201d he lied.\u00a0 He\u2019d had fierce, throbbing headaches ever since that night.\u00a0 Doc said they were the result of everything that had happened, including the bullet that glanced off his head, and they\u2019d likely go away in their own time.\u00a0 He\u2019d left a bottle of painkiller behind, but Joe hated to take it.\u00a0 It made him feel foggy and slow.\u00a0 Better to be alert, even if it meant having the pain.\u00a0 Better, and safer.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I want to you to take it easy today anyway,\u201d said Pa, looking unconvinced.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve got to head up to the timber camp and see how everything\u2019s going on the McIntyre project.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u2019s already gone into Virginia City, but he\u2019s left some sandwiches for you for lunch.\u00a0 I should be back before suppertime.\u201d\u00a0 He peered at Joe.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure you\u2019re feeling all right?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n Pa still didn\u2019t look certain, but he just said, \u201cI\u2019ll see you later, then.\u201d\u00a0 Joe watched him ride out, and he watched the empty road for a long time after the hoofbeats faded.<\/p>\n Hours later, the sound of a buggy pulled Joe from a restless nap.\u00a0 He rubbed his eyes as he replaced the blanket on the back of the settee.\u00a0 He knew Pa wouldn\u2019t mind that he\u2019d spent most of the day sleeping, but he didn\u2019t want to admit how worn out he\u2019d been.<\/p>\n The knock surprised him.\u00a0 He ran his hand through his hair and straightened his collar.\u00a0 Then, he opened the door and gaped.<\/p>\n \u201cHello, Little Joe,\u201d said Sally Barnes.<\/p>\n \u201cSally, what are you doing here?\u00a0 Who came with you?\u201d\u00a0 Joe looked past her, out into the yard.<\/p>\n \u201cNobody came with me,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cI need to talk to you.\u00a0 May I come in?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo\u2014nobody\u2019s here,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cYou should go.\u201d\u00a0 He clenched his fists to keep his hands from shaking.\u00a0 Never in his worst nightmares had he imagined that she would do this, but here she was.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know how she\u2019d gotten so confused when she was attacked, but suddenly, he found himself praying that she wouldn\u2019t get confused again.\u00a0 Nobody would ever believe that they were here alone and yet he hadn\u2019t touched her.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Joe,\u201d she said in that soft voice of hers that used to make excitement course through him.\u00a0 \u201cI just need to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSally, you\u2019ve got to leave,\u201d said Joe, still blocking the door.\u00a0 \u201cIf your pa and brothers knew you were here, I\u2019d be a dead man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey don\u2019t know,\u201d she said simply.\u00a0 \u201cNobody knows I\u2019m here.\u00a0 Now, may I come in?\u201d<\/p>\n Everything in Joe screamed that he should just close the door in her face, but he\u2019d been raised too well.\u00a0 A gentleman didn\u2019t do a thing like that to a lady who came calling.\u00a0 And so, he stepped back and allowed her to enter.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t move from his place by the credenza, though, and so she stood just inside the door.<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, say what you\u2019ve got to say and get out,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t remember ever being so nervous around a girl, but this wasn\u2019t just any girl.\u00a0 This was the girl whose accusation cost him two years of his life.<\/p>\n Sally drew a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cLittle Joe\u2014you know that I\u2019ve always thought of you as a friend,\u201d she began.\u00a0 \u201cAnd\u2014well\u2014when a person is in trouble, they count on their friends to help.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think of me as a friend?\u201d\u00a0 It was as if the entire world had been turned upside down.\u00a0 Sally Barnes, here at the Ponderosa, telling him that he was her friend.\u00a0 For an insane moment, Joe desperately hoped that he was still asleep.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ve known each other practically our whole lives,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cWhenever I needed anything\u2014a ride, a dancing partner, somebody to get rid of a boy who was bothering me\u2014you were always the first person I thought of.\u00a0 And I like to think that I was helpful to you, too, with homework and such.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSally, just say your piece and leave.\u201d\u00a0 Joe was starting to feel lightheaded.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess you heard what happened to Jeanne Remnick,\u201d said Sally.\u00a0 At Joe\u2019s blank look, she said, \u201cThe girl who got attacked by the drifter.\u201d\u00a0 Joe nodded, his eyes never leaving hers.\u00a0 \u201cWell, I heard that Roy Coffee was coming out to question you, and I tried to tell him you hadn\u2019t done it, but I couldn\u2019t give him any reason other than I just knew you hadn\u2019t, and he didn\u2019t think that was good enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe didn\u2019t tell me about this,\u201d said Joe slowly.<\/p>\n \u201cProbably because there was nothing to tell,\u201d said Sally.\u00a0 \u201cSome girl says you didn\u2019t do it, but can\u2019t say how she knows\u2014it\u2019s not even news.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t mean to be rude, Sally, but why are you here?\u201d\u00a0 Joe stepped back, bracing himself against the credenza.<\/p>\n Sally bowed her head.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s something I need to tell you,\u201d she said. \u00a0When Joe said nothing, she continued, \u201cWhen Sheriff Coffee said that he was going to talk to you, there were some people around, and they all said you were probably guilty.\u00a0 When I asked around a little bit, it seemed that there were a lot of other people who seemed to feel the same way, and they all said this because of you going to jail for\u2014well, because of me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPrison,\u201d said Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cI beg your pardon?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI went to prison,\u201d said Joe.\u00a0 \u201cNot jail.\u00a0 Jail is a Sunday school picnic compared to prison.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPrison,\u201d repeated Sally, blushing.\u00a0 \u201cAnyway, it\u2019s been a long time since\u2014well, I just feel so awful, and\u2014I can only imagine what people are saying to you, and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, Sally?\u201d demanded Joe.\u00a0 \u201cWhy are you here?\u201d<\/p>\n She looked down at her hands.\u00a0 When she looked up, her eyes were filled with tears.\u00a0 \u201cThis is so hard,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is?\u201d\u00a0 He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her to make the words come out faster.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, I\u2014I want to tell you something, but I don\u2019t want you to\u2014well, of course, you\u2019re going to get upset, it\u2019s silly to think you wouldn\u2019t, but you need to understand, I wouldn\u2019t have done it if I\u2019d had any other choice, and I need to know that\u2014that, well, you don\u2019t judge me.\u201d\u00a0 Her words spilled over themselves.<\/p>\n \u201cSally, what are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 A dark cloud of dread was beginning to grow.<\/p>\n She took a deep breath.\u00a0 \u201cAfter you\u2014went away, my father sent me to stay with my aunt in St. Louis,\u201d she began.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd\u2014I had a baby.\u201d\u00a0 The words came out in a rush.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen was this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFebruary 17,\u201d she said.\u00a0 Seven months, almost to the day, after his conviction.<\/p>\n \u201cYou mean\u2014the man who attacked you\u2014oh, God, Sally, I\u2019m so sorry,\u201d Joe breathed.\u00a0 He closed his eyes, fighting sudden dizziness.\u00a0 Having her attacker\u2019s child . . . he couldn\u2019t even imagine it.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, that\u2019s not\u2014well, what I mean is\u2014\u201d\u00a0 Her eyes, the color of a summer sky, filled with tears.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, Sally?\u00a0 It\u2019s all right, you can tell me.\u201d\u00a0 Joe took her arm to lead her over to the settee, but she remained rooted in place.<\/p>\n \u201cStop being so nice to me,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u00a0 Here, let me get you something to drink.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t believe\u2014oh, Sally, you poor girl, I\u2019m so sorry.\u201d\u00a0 He left her standing where she chose to be and poured her a brandy.\u00a0 \u201cCome on, sit down and drink this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, would you just stop it!\u201d\u00a0 The tears spilled over.<\/p>\n \u201cStop what?\u00a0 Sally, what are you talking about?\u201d\u00a0 He searched her face, but he just didn\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2014I know who the father of my baby was,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cStop,\u201d he said, laying a finger gently on her lips.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to talk about it if you don\u2019t want to.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, for heaven\u2019s sake, Joe, would you listen to me?\u00a0 My baby\u2019s father was Albert Johnson.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlbert Johnson?\u201d\u00a0 It didn\u2019t make any sense.\u00a0 Albert Johnson was tall and skinny, with thick black hair and a thick black moustache\u2014and a little blond wife.<\/p>\n \u201cAlbert Johnson,\u201d she nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2014how could you confuse me with Albert Johnson?\u201d\u00a0 The dizziness was increasing, and Joe gripped the credenza.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t be saying what he thought.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t possible.\u00a0 It just wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe\u2014I didn\u2019t confuse anybody,\u201d she said.\u00a0 She lifted her chin and looked him dead in the eye.\u00a0 \u201cI was never attacked, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n He closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe.\u00a0 When he opened them, she was still standing in front of him.\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d he managed.<\/p>\n \u201cThere was no attack,\u201d she repeated.\u00a0 \u201cAlbert and I were in love, and\u2014well, when I got in the family way, we didn\u2019t know what to do, so we made up the story.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou made it up,\u201d said Little Joe, and his voice sounded to his own ears as if it came from a long, long distance away.<\/p>\n \u201c\u201dWe made it up,\u201d she said firmly.\u00a0 She watched him carefully; he was so pale that she was afraid he would pass out.<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2014you said\u2014you told them\u2014you told everybody that I\u2014\u201d\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t get the words out.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s why I came here,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cI wanted to tell you how sorry I am about that.\u00a0 I never meant to hurt you, truly I didn\u2019t, but I was afraid, and Albert said that nobody could know it was his baby, so I had to have an explanation for how I came to be\u2014that way.\u201d<\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t move.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t feel anything.\u00a0 He could barely breathe.\u00a0 The girl\u2019s eyes were still as blue as a summer sky.\u00a0 She stood before him, looking scared\u2014of what?<\/p>\n \u201cWhy me?\u201d he asked finally.\u00a0 \u201cOf all the men in this town, why did you have to pick me?\u201d\u00a0 His breathing grew rougher as he fought to hold himself together.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I never thought\u2014I figured nobody who knew you would ever believe you could do something like that,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cI never believed they\u2019d convict you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut when they did\u2014you still didn\u2019t say anything.\u00a0 And I went to prison. . . .\u201d\u00a0 He could feel his temper building.\u00a0 Oh, God, don\u2019t let me choke her<\/em>, he thought, and in that moment, he actually felt as if he could.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe, I\u2019m so sorry about that,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t what to say, except\u2014I was scared.\u00a0 My father and my brothers\u2014they\u2019d have killed me, Joe.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean like yelling or getting mad\u2014they\u2019d have killed me.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t say anything.\u00a0 I knew your father would get you out and\u2014mine would have killed me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you decided to sacrifice me instead of telling the truth,\u201d he said in bitter wonder.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t have a choice,\u201d she pleaded.\u00a0 \u201cIf I\u2019d told about Albert\u2014he said he\u2019d get all his friends to say that they\u2019d been with me, too, so that nobody could know whose baby it was.\u00a0 My life would have been ruined, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd instead, you ruined mine,\u201d he said.\u00a0 Barely keeping control now, he seized her arm.\u00a0 \u201cDo you have any idea what goes on in a prison?\u00a0 Do you?\u201d he shouted, shaking her.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s the worst kind of hell you can imagine.\u00a0 I lived like an animal.\u00a0 There was no outhouse\u2014we ate and slept and shat all in the same cell, all six of us in a cell that wasn\u2019t as big as that dining room.\u00a0 The food had maggots in it, but I ate it because it was that or starve.\u00a0 Rats crawled over me at night, and sometimes they bit me, but there was no doctor for that.\u00a0 We worked on chain gangs, no matter how hot or cold or rainy it was, because the prison could make money.\u00a0 We slept on the floor, and even in winter, I had one thin blanket, and I had to fight every night to keep it, because there were people who would have killed me to get it.\u00a0 In two years, there was exactly one person I could trust not to kill me if my back was turned.\u00a0 The rest of them would stab you in the back, literally, if you did something like take food that they thought was theirs.\u00a0 And the guards, the ones who are supposed to protect the prisoners?\u00a0 Forget them.\u00a0 They beat me, and whipped me, and chained me to the walls.\u201d\u00a0 He grabbed both her arms, forcing her to look him in the eye.\u00a0 \u201cAnd what you accused me of doing?\u00a0 It happened to me, Sally.\u00a0 For real, and more times than I can say.\u201d\u00a0 Tears poured down the girl\u2019s cheeks.\u00a0 \u201cAnd all so you could save your precious reputation.\u00a0 Well, I hope it was worth it to you,\u201d he spat out.\u00a0 He released her as if he couldn\u2019t bear to touch her, and she dropped to her knees, weeping.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m so sorry, Joe,\u201d she sobbed.\u00a0 \u201cI had no idea\u2014I\u2019m so sorry.\u00a0 Joe, I\u2014I don\u2019t know what to say\u2014I\u2019m so sorry\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben stood in the doorway, stunned.\u00a0 His son stood stockstill, looking down a young woman sobbing at his feet.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, what\u2019s going on?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n Little Joe looked up.\u00a0 His eyes were raw with anguish.\u00a0 He turned back to the weeping girl.\u00a0 \u201cGet out of my house,\u201d he said, his words laced with venom.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t ever want to see you again, do you understand?\u00a0 Get out, you despicable lying whore!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d\u00a0 Ben grabbed his son\u2019s arm.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is going on?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe ignored his father.\u00a0 \u201cTell him what you did,\u201d he commanded the girl.\u00a0 \u201cLook my father in the eye and tell him what you told me.\u00a0 Do it!\u201d he shouted.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph, calm down.\u201d\u00a0 Ben helped the girl to her feet.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is this all about?\u201d\u00a0 He paled as he recognized Sally Barnes.\u00a0 \u201cSally, what\u2019s the matter?\u00a0 Joseph, what is going on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGo ahead,\u201d spat Joe.\u00a0 For the first time, Ben saw hatred blazing in his son\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 He felt dizzy.\u00a0 \u201cI want to hear you tell my father the truth,\u201d Joe snapped.\u00a0 \u201cYou owe me that.\u00a0 You owe him.\u00a0 You put me and my family through hell.\u00a0 Now, tell him the truth!\u201d\u00a0 The last words were a roar.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u00a0 I mean it, settle down!\u201d\u00a0 He turned to the girl.\u00a0 \u201cWhat is he talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n The girl gulped.\u00a0 \u201cI lied, Mr. Cartwright,\u201d she sobbed.\u00a0 \u201cIt was all a lie.\u00a0 Joe never touched me.\u00a0 I was going to have a baby and I was scared and I didn\u2019t know what to do, and I never thought anybody would believe Joe could do something like that. . . .\u201d\u00a0 She collapsed against Ben, sobbing.\u00a0 Automatically, Ben held her, his heart pounding.\u00a0 He met his son\u2019s eyes, and his stomach lurched.\u00a0 Never had he seen such rage and loathing in any man\u2019s face.\u00a0 He was about to speak when Joe grabbed his hat and gun and stalked out of the house.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u00a0 Wait!\u201d\u00a0 Ben extricated himself from the girl and went after his son.<\/p>\n Joe had already flung the saddle on Cochise\u2019s back as Ben entered the barn.\u00a0 \u201cJoe\u2014\u201d Ben began, his hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n Joe jerked away and reached for the horse\u2019s bridle.\u00a0 \u201cLeave me alone, Pa,\u201d he said, anguish squeezing his voice.\u00a0 He tightened the cinch, and Ben held firmly to his arm to keep him from mounting.\u00a0 \u201cLet me go,\u201d said Joe desperately.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t, son,\u201d Ben said hoarsely.\u00a0 \u201cNot like this.\u201d\u00a0 He pulled his son close and held him tightly as Joe started to shake.\u00a0 In the next instant, the young man was gasping for breath.\u00a0 \u201cEasy, Joe,\u201d Ben murmured.\u00a0 \u201cTake deep breaths.\u00a0 Easy, now.\u201d\u00a0 He held his son up as Joe fought for air, choking and gasping.\u00a0 \u201cJust try to breathe deep,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re safe here.\u00a0 Just breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPa\u2014why\u2014how could she\u2014why, Pa?\u00a0 Why?\u201d\u00a0 Joe\u2019s voice broke as he fell to his knees in the straw, doubled over, his arms crossed against his midsection as if the violent torment was physical. \u00a0Gutteral, animal moans escaped him as he rocked back and forth, keening.\u00a0 Ben knelt beside his son, wrapping his arms around him.\u00a0 He wanted to reassure Joe that everything was all right, but he couldn\u2019t.\u00a0 The boy\u2019s life had been destroyed for a lie, and nothing about that horrible, vicious betrayal was all right.<\/p>\n In the dim light of the horse stall, the dam finally collapsed.\u00a0 Terror and rage, panic and despair, loneliness and heartbreak and anguish overwhelmed the young man.\u00a0 Held close in the safety of his father\u2019s embrace, Little Joe Cartwright surrendered at last to fiery, blinding grief, weeping uncontrollably for the cruel, senseless loss of all that he had once held so lightly\u2014sunshine on his face, easy laughter, checkerboards, hot baths, hours spent fishing or talking or working with his brothers, the rich warmth of his father\u2019s voice.\u00a0 Hop Sing\u2019s biscuits.\u00a0 Riding Cochise too fast along the Virginia City road.\u00a0 The first snowfall of the winter.\u00a0 Evenings of beer and poker and saloon girls sitting on the arm of his chair.\u00a0 Sleeping in his own bed every night.<\/p>\n Pretty girls to flirt with, to dance with.\u00a0 Women who didn\u2019t look at him with fear and revulsion.\u00a0 Respect from people on the street.\u00a0 Not constantly wondering when somebody would come after him.\u00a0 Not being accused every time some girl claimed to have been attacked.<\/p>\n Innocence.\u00a0 Faith in truth, in the law and in justice.\u00a0 In people who called themselves his friends.\u00a0 Faith that everything\u2014anything\u2014could be ever all right.<\/p>\n The barn was dark by the time Joe\u2019s sobs faded.\u00a0 Utterly drained, he leaned against his father\u2019s chest, clinging to the one constant that remained in his world.\u00a0 \u201cPa,\u201d he managed.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve got you, son,\u201d Ben murmured, brushing the damp curls back from Joe\u2019s forehead.<\/p>\n Joe clutched his father\u2019s hand.\u00a0 \u201cHow could she do it?\u201d he whispered, shards of pain breaking his voice.<\/p>\n Ben held his son close.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d he admitted.\u00a0 They sat without speaking for a long time.\u00a0 Finally, Ben suggested, \u201cLet\u2019s go inside.\u201d\u00a0 When Joe didn\u2019t respond, his father stroked his damp curls, murmuring, \u201cIt\u2019s all right, son.\u00a0 She\u2019s gone.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019d heard the buggy leave.\u00a0 He wondered if she\u2019d heard Little Joe\u2019s anguish, evidence of the devastation she had caused.<\/p>\n After a minute, Joe nodded.\u00a0 Stiffly, Ben got to his feet, then reached down to help Joe up.\u00a0 For a minute, he held his son tightly, wishing again for the power a little boy had once believed he had, the power to make everything better.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve gotta unsaddle Cochise,\u201d said Joe, his voice barely audible.<\/p>\n Ben nodded.\u00a0 He understood.\u00a0 And so he stepped back to allow Joe to perform this simple, normal task.\u00a0 Carefully, Joe slid the saddle from the pinto\u2019s back and placed it on the divider.\u00a0 He folded the saddle blanket and laid it on top of the saddle.\u00a0 Then, he turned to his father and opened his mouth, but no words came.<\/p>\n Tears slid down Ben\u2019s face as he took his son in his arms.\u00a0 When Joe\u2019s trembling finally stilled, Ben whispered, \u201cLet\u2019s go in.\u201d\u00a0 At Joe\u2019s nod, he shepherded his son into the house, holding onto him so tightly that it was impossible to know which of them was holding up the other.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n The knock at the door was a welcome distraction.\u00a0 Ben opened it, but his smile faded at the sight of Ed Barnes.<\/p>\n \u201cBen,\u201d said Ed.<\/p>\n \u201cEd,\u201d said Ben, giving nothing.<\/p>\n \u201cSally told me what she did,\u201d Ed said.\u00a0 \u201cLast night.\u00a0 She told me all of it.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s about time<\/em>, Ben thought.\u00a0 It had been nearly three weeks since her visit to Little Joe.\u00a0 Privately, Ben, Adam and Hoss had speculated about just what she had told her own family, or whether they even knew about her deception.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t begin to tell you how sorry I am,\u201d Ed continued.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m so ashamed, Ben.\u00a0 I can\u2019t believe my daughter could have done such a terrible thing.\u00a0 I know there\u2019s no way to make it up to you all, but I want you to know that I\u2019ve taken her into town, and she\u2019s told Sheriff Coffee the truth.\u00a0 My boys and I will make sure that word gets around.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben regarded the shopkeeper.\u00a0 He\u2019d always taught his sons that when a man asks forgiveness, they should forgive, but it seemed too easy this time.\u00a0 His boy had suffered so greatly\u2014they all had\u2014and to erase it all with mere words seemed to cheapen what had transpired.\u00a0 \u201cWon\u2019t you come in?\u201d he asked finally.<\/p>\n Ed shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNot this time,\u201d he said.\u00a0 His eyes held shared pain.\u00a0 \u201cI wouldn\u2019t blame you if you didn\u2019t forgive us, Ben.\u00a0 I know she was scared, but there\u2019s no excuse for what she did, none at all.\u00a0 When I thought my Sally had been\u2014well, I don\u2019t know if I could have ever have forgiven your boy\u2014and to know that she\u2019s responsible for this\u2014I understand completely if it\u2019s asking too much, but Ben, I\u2019d be greatly beholden if you could consider forgiving her\u2014and my boys, and me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re asking a lot,\u201d Ben said at last.<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d said Ed.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I don\u2019t expect an answer now.\u00a0 But regardless of what you decide, I want you to know how sorry we all are.\u201d\u00a0 He looked around, braced as if waiting for someone to take a swing at him.\u00a0 \u201cIs Little Joe around?\u00a0 I\u2019d like to tell him to his face that I was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s not here,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cThe boys are out looking for strays.\u201d\u00a0 And I wouldn\u2019t let you near him even if he were in the next room,<\/em> he thought, remembering back to the first days after Sally\u2019s confession.<\/p>\n It was as if all the tears that Joe had held back for so long were breaking through at once.\u00a0 All that evening, and well into the night, he\u2019d clung to his father, helpless to stop the grief that poured out.\u00a0 It had been bad enough when he\u2019d thought there\u2019d really been an attack and that his conviction was simply a mistake, but now. . . .\u00a0 The senselessness of his suffering was magnified a hundredfold.\u00a0 Someone he\u2019d trusted and counted as a friend had considered his life to be so worthless that she\u2019d deliberately tossed it on the fire like so much kindling in order to protect herself.\u00a0 The betrayal was as much a violation as anything he\u2019d experienced at the hands of strangers.<\/em><\/p>\n But this time, his father was here, and that made all the difference.<\/em><\/p>\n When Hoss and Adam returned two days later, Ben took them aside and recounted the events in a low voice.\u00a0 He reminded them that Sally\u2019s family hadn\u2019t known anything of her deception, leaving them irate but with no ready outlet, no one to challenge or fight.\u00a0 Just when Ben thought Hoss was going to put his fist through the wall in frustration, Joe came downstairs, eyes still reddened and puffy, but composed.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll tell you one thing, I\u2019m gonna make sure ever\u2019body knows the truth about that little hussy!\u201d Hoss was saying.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cNo, you won\u2019t,\u201d Joe said.\u00a0 His brothers\u2019 heads snapped around.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cBut, Joe, think of what ever\u2019body\u2019s been sayin\u2019!\u201d\u00a0 Hoss protested.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThere are still people who don\u2019t believe you,\u201d Adam said more gently.\u00a0 \u201cLetting them know the truth would finally clear your name.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Joe shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s like Pa\u2019s been saying all along\u2014the people who matter know the truth, and the rest just don\u2019t matter.\u201d\u00a0 He fell silent, and his eyes grew dark, as if focused on someplace only he could see, a place of ruthlessness and hatred and stifled grief.\u00a0 Then, he shook his head quickly, coming back to the present.\u00a0 \u201cShe used me because she thought she had to in order to protect herself,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cI won\u2019t do the same to her.\u00a0 It\u2019s not worth it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Ben laid a hand on his son\u2019s shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cAre you sure, Joseph?\u201d\u00a0 When Joe nodded, running his hand over his eyes, Ben said, \u201cAll right, then.\u00a0 It\u2019s settled.\u201d\u00a0 He wrapped his arm around Joe\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 He felt him start to shiver, and he jerked his head to signal to his older sons to leave them alone.\u00a0 He guided Joe into a chair, pouring a brandy and gently pushing it into his son\u2019s hand.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m proud of you, son,\u201d Ben said quietly, kneeling beside Joe\u2019s chair and resting his hand on the slim shoulder as his son drank.<\/em><\/p>\n Joe set the empty glass on his father\u2019s desk.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t be,\u201d he said.\u00a0 His voice was husky with exhaustion and grief.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not noble.\u00a0 I just want it all to be over.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI know you do,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 \u201cBut I\u2019m still proud of you.\u201d\u00a0 He handed Joe his handkerchief, and Joe wiped away the tears that still seemed determined to leak out at odd moments despite his best efforts.\u00a0 As Ben rubbed his son\u2019s back, he reflected on the miracle that, in spite of everything, his son was surviving this ordeal, in every way that mattered.<\/em><\/p>\n Now, as he faced Sally Barnes\u2019 father, Ben knew that, whatever he did or said, yea or nay, Ed would understand.\u00a0 As the man had once said, they were both fathers.\u00a0 But unlike Ed Barnes, Ben Cartwright had a different, higher standard to live up to\u2014the standard set by the bravest man he\u2019d ever known.<\/p>\n His youngest son.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019d like to stay here for a bit, I might be able to find him,\u201d Ben said at last.\u00a0 It was the best he could do right now, and Ed nodded.<\/p>\n An hour later, Ben heard the familiar, beloved voices, faint on the hot breeze.\u00a0 He came over the rise to see his sons gathered around a campfire, coffee cups in hand.\u00a0 He reined in his horse and watched.\u00a0 He was too far away to hear the words, but Hoss was clearly telling a story that was intended to get a laugh out of his brothers.\u00a0 For the first time in days, Ben found himself smiling as Hoss\u2019s exaggerated gestures and enthusiastic delivery drew chuckles and headshakes from Adam and Little Joe.\u00a0 Even at this distance, Ben could see the grin on his middle son\u2019s face at Joe\u2019s response, and the big man threw himself into the story even harder.<\/p>\n Just then, Hoss looked up the hill and saw him.\u00a0 He waved his big, cream-colored hat, and Ben waved back, urging his horse forward.\u00a0 By the time he reached them, Adam had already poured him a cup of coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cFinding a lot of strays, are you?\u201d Ben asked with mock sternness as he accepted the cup.<\/p>\n \u201cAbout a dozen, and they\u2019re all back with the herd,\u201d said Adam.\u00a0 \u201cSo we decided to take a little break.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019d be careful of that coffee, Pa,\u201d said Hoss.\u00a0 With a broad wink, he added, \u201cLittle Joe made it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, just because my coffee actually tastes like coffee, and not that brown dishwater you two like. . . .\u201d\u00a0 Joe began.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sure it\u2019s fine,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 He took a swallow and nearly choked, much to his older sons\u2019 amusement. \u201cLand sakes, boy, how much coffee did you put in that pot?\u201d he demanded.<\/p>\n \u201cSee, I told you it was too strong!\u201d announced Hoss delightedly.<\/p>\n Ben chuckled as his sons\u2019 banter rang through the late summer air.\u00a0 For a minute, he was tempted not to mention Ed Barnes.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to spoil this precious good time.\u00a0 He wanted to stay here with his sons, to laugh and tell stories and drink dreadful coffee.\u00a0 He could do that if he wanted to; Ed would simply assume he couldn\u2019t find Joe, and eventually, he\u2019d leave.<\/p>\n Ben watched his youngest son, smiling as Little Joe defended his coffee-making skills.\u00a0 For a long time, he\u2019d wondered if he\u2019d ever again see the spark that used to dance in those eyes.\u00a0 Now, he couldn\u2019t have said for certain, but he thought that, just maybe, there was a hint of the boy he\u2019d once known.<\/p>\n He tossed the rest of his coffee aside.\u00a0 \u201cJoe, there\u2019s someone back at the house who\u2019d like to see you,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n The brothers sobered quickly.\u00a0 Warily, Joe asked, \u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEd Barnes,\u201d said Ben.\u00a0 Instinctively, Adam and Hoss moved closer to their brother.\u00a0 \u201cHe wants to tell you how sorry he is for what happened.\u201d\u00a0 When Joe said nothing, Ben added, \u201cIt\u2019s up to you, son.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t want to see him, he\u2019ll understand.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe was silent for a long minute, his gaze fixed on his coffee cup.\u00a0 Then, he drew a deep breath and lifted his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll see him,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n As his sons kicked dirt over the fire and emptied out the coffeepot, Ben wanted to ask Joe if he was sure.\u00a0 Then, Joe looked up and caught his father\u2019s eyes, and he smiled, a crooked little half-smile.\u00a0 There might not be a sparkle in those green eyes, but over the anguish of unspeakable horrors that had smoldered there for so long, Ben saw signs of healing, of courage, of survival.\u00a0 It was too soon to say for certain, but he thought that, just maybe, there might even be hints that someday, there could be peace.<\/p>\n In any event, he reflected, there was promise.<\/p>\n * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n Epilogue<\/strong><\/p>\n Ben snorted with frustration as he reached into the back of his desk drawer.\u00a0 That blasted key had to be there somewhere.\u00a0 He pulled everything forward and dumped it unceremoniously on his desk.\u00a0 Notes, pencils, old lists, drafts of letters.<\/p>\n And a bulky sealed envelope, addressed to no one.<\/p>\n Astounding that he\u2019d forgotten it was there.\u00a0 His fingers rested on it, and his mind went back to his conversation with Hiram Wood, almost a year earlier, when Hiram filed their motion, asking for the hearing in Yuma.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are our chances?\u201d Ben asked.<\/em><\/p>\n Hiram shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI won\u2019t lie to you, Ben,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cThis is a long shot.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Ben Cartwright was an honorable man, just and upright.\u00a0 But he was also a father.\u00a0 He would never have asked the question for himself, but he would do it for his son.\u00a0 \u201cIs there anything we can do to\u2014improve the odds?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Hiram looked at him sharply.\u00a0 Ben held his gaze without flinching.\u00a0 For a long minute, the two men stood in silence.\u00a0 Finally, Hiram said, \u201cLet\u2019s see how things go.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n When they returned to the Ponderosa after the hearing, Ben shoved the envelope into the back of the drawer.\u00a0 He thought briefly of putting it into the safe, but there were too many times that he needed to open the safe with one of the boys standing beside him.\u00a0 There was a part of him that still didn\u2019t trust that the whole ordeal had ended, and that part refused to let him take it back to the bank.\u00a0 So, the envelope remained, at the very back, where no one would ever know about it.<\/em><\/p>\n He hefted the envelope, feeling its weight.\u00a0 Fifteen thousand dollars.\u00a0 It had taken some careful maneuvering to scrape up that much cash without anyone noticing.\u00a0 A little here, a little there, and hopefully nobody, not even his boys, would realize.<\/p>\n The front door opened, and Ben casually dropped papers on top of the envelope.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re ready to go,\u201d said Joe, his cheeks ruddy from the cold air.\u00a0 Snow dusted his hat and the shoulders of his jacket.\u00a0 \u201cYou sure you don\u2019t want to come along?\u00a0 Or are you already done with your Christmas shopping?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben smiled.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve got some things to do here,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cYou boys go ahead.\u00a0 Just don\u2019t be too late getting back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, sir.\u201d\u00a0 Joe started out of the room.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d<\/p>\n The young man turned back.\u00a0 When his father said nothing, he strode back over to the desk, head cocked quizzically.\u00a0 \u201cYou forget something, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben\u2019s hand rested on the papers covering the envelope.\u00a0 Before him stood his youngest son, alive and beautiful and well on his way to being as healed as a man could hope to be.\u00a0 \u201cNo,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cHave fun.\u201d\u00a0 He chuckled to himself as Joe shrugged and left the room.<\/p>\n Ben sat down at his desk and began to replace the contents of the drawer.\u00a0 He was about to tuck the envelope back in its spot when Adam came in.\u00a0 Without quite thinking, Ben said, \u201cAdam, would you come here?\u201d\u00a0 As Adam reached Ben\u2019s desk, Ben handed him the envelope.\u00a0 \u201cThis needs to be deposited,\u201d he said quietly.<\/p>\n Adam took the envelope.\u00a0 Wordlessly, he nodded, his gaze intent, and Ben felt his mouth go dry.\u00a0 Adam tucked the envelope in the inner pocket of his coat.\u00a0 \u201cWe won\u2019t be too late,\u201d he said, buttoning his coat.<\/p>\n Watching him leave, Ben wondered when his eldest son had figured out what he\u2019d been ready to do.\u00a0 He reflected that Hoss probably hadn\u2019t known; his middle son, so innocent and honorable, could never have kept quiet about such a thing.\u00a0 Possibly, Joe had hoped, but he\u2019d never said a word, probably assuming that Ben would be insulted by such a notion.\u00a0 And he would have been, that much was true.<\/p>\n But he\u2019d have done it anyway.<\/p>\n Ben Cartwright was a law-abiding citizen, a successful rancher, a devout man, a pillar of the community.\u00a0 But in the end, none of that mattered.<\/p>\n Because above all else, he was a father.\u00a0 And he would do anything to protect his sons.<\/p>\n After all, that was his job.<\/p>\n The End<\/em><\/p>\n ************<\/p>\n Disclaimer:\u00a0All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.<\/p>\n Tags:\u00a0 Family,\u00a0jail \/ jailed,\u00a0Joe \/ Little Joe Cartwright,\u00a0prison,\u00a0SJS<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Summary: \u00a0When Little Joe is released from prison after serving two years for a crime he didn\u2019t commit, he must fight to rebuild his life as the Cartwrights struggle to protect the bonds that hold the family close.\u00a0 <\/p>\n WARNING:\u00a0 Contains references to violence and sexual assault.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Rated: \u00a0MA\u00a0 WC 37,000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":142,"featured_media":13973,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_members_access_role":[],"_members_access_error":""},"categories":[23,690],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8047","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-ma-rated","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-690-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/TinBadge.jpg?fit=730%2C564&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8047","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/142"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8047"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8047\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13973"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8047"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8047"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8047"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}