{"id":818,"date":"2004-06-01T11:12:07","date_gmt":"2004-06-01T15:12:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=818"},"modified":"2026-07-22T13:47:40","modified_gmt":"2026-07-22T17:47:40","slug":"follow-the-stars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=818","title":{"rendered":"Follow the Stars (by Claire)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 <\/span>Sometimes, the members of a family can surprise one another<\/p>\n

Rated:<\/span> K (12,125 words)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Follow the Stars<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam walked slowly back to the house, wishing the corral wasn\u2019t quite so far away. Each step he took was pure and unalloyed agony, every muscle and bone in his body screamed in protest, while a dull headache pounded relentlessly behind his temples. It had been a long day, a very long day indeed and the chattering child at his side did not make things any easier.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes it hurt?\u201d Joe asked curiously.<\/p>\n

\u201cHurt? Of course it hurts!\u201d Adam replied tersely. \u201cI rode two broncs this afternoon and came off each one a half-dozen times. I\u2019ll say it hurts!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gave him a look of complete and utter disgust. \u201cNot you \u2013 the horses! Does it hurt the horses when you break them? They don\u2019t look as if they\u2019re enjoying to much, do they?\u201d He pondered this for a moment and then smiled broadly. \u201cExcept when they buck you off, of course. They look quite pleased then, don\u2019t they?\u201d<\/p>\n

It had been a trying afternoon and Adam was really in no mood to discuss this any further. \u201cI don\u2019t know, Joe. And I don\u2019t really care. All I want to do right now is have a long, hot bath.\u201d He opened the door to the wash-house and limped inside. Joe followed happily in his wake.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d Adam demanded, unbuttoning his sticky shirt and noticing that Joe was sitting comfortably in an old wooden chair, watching him keenly.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing!\u201d Joe protested, then leaned back and folded his arms, with every appearance of settling in for a cosy chat.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen go and do it somewhere else,\u201d his brother advised.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou often walk in when I\u2019m having a bath,\u201d Joe said, in a hurt tone of voice. \u201cWhen you\u2019re getting ready to go out with a girl.\u201d He batted his long eyelashes winningly, but his brother was too busy struggling to pull off his boots to notice. \u201cAnd then we have a talk. It\u2019s nice.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam finally succeeded in freeing his hot, sweaty feet from his boot, wincing as his back sent out a warning twinge. \u201cThat is completely different. Now scoot!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stubbornly remained seated. \u201cI don\u2019t see why it\u2019s different.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I am a grown man and you are a little boy.\u201d Adam pointed meaningfully. \u201cAnd that is the door. Be sure to close it behind you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Joe stood up slowly and wandered over to the door, dragging his feet in a long-suffering manner. \u201cYou know, if you relaxed a bit and let your body move with the horse, you\u2019d get on an awful lot better with those broncs,\u201d he advised sagely, quickly pulling the door closed behind him. He grinned happily as Adam\u2019s boot made contact with the wood and sauntered into the house, whistling a jaunty tune.<\/p>\n

Finally alone, Adam sank into the tub with a groan of relief, savouring the peace and quiet. Joe has to be the most aggravating child I\u2019ve ever come across!<\/em> he thought. Everywhere I go, there he is, right behind me, trotting along like a little puppy at my heels! It\u2019s got to the stage where I can\u2019t even have a bath in peace and I\u2019m almost scared to go to the outhouse! Is just a few moments alone, once a week, too much to ask?<\/em><\/p>\n

The warm water was soothing and relaxing, easing away some of his ache and pains. Part of Adam enjoyed the flattering hero-worship his little brother displayed, while the rest of his being longed for a brief respite from the child\u2019s incessant chatter. He\u2019s probably right about my riding and the horse breaking, though,<\/em> he acknowledged ruefully, as he massaged his aching muscles.<\/p>\n

It was galling to be given advice by a ten year-old, but from the moment he had returned home, Adam realised that Joe seemed to have a natural affinity with horses and rode far better than the eldest Cartwright son could ever dream of doing. The child rode with a natural grace and fluidity that spoke eloquently of his skill and ease with horses. Of course, Joe had ridden since he was a toddler, while Adam was almost eleven before Ben could afford anything more than the sturdy horses, which had pulled their wagon westwards. Their broad beams were far too wide for a young boy to straddle and while Adam had helped to tend to their need, he was not able to learn to ride.<\/p>\n

By the time the family settled on the Ponderosa and were finally able to afford saddle horses, Adam he had lost the reckless, fearless approach of youth and was only too aware of how painful it would be if he came out of the saddle. Still, he had persevered and by the time he left for college, Adam was a solid, competent rider. But sometimes he felt a deep and resentful envy towards his younger brother\u2019s expertise.<\/p>\n

On his return home after four years back east, Adam had a painful re-acquaintance with several muscle groups he had almost forgotten he possessed. Still, he had persevered and now, eight months later, he felt confident enough to start helping with the horse breaking. Although, at first Adam was worried he would be the one who would be broken, rather than the horse! Matters were not made any easier by the fact that the Ponderosa\u2019s resident horse-expert always seemed to be perched on the corral railings, calling out advice and encouragement.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got him Adam!\u201d<\/em> Joe\u2019s voice called out vividly in his mind. \u201cOh! Hard luck! Hold on tighter with your legs next time!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Next time!<\/em> Adam thought grimly, rubbing the soap frantically between his palms and producing a fine lather. Next time that child will be doing his chores, as far away from me as possible!<\/em><\/p>\n

It was galling enough to have the ranch hands witness his trials, but to have Joe analysing each fall and offering the benefit of his wisdom was more than Adam could bear. Especially as he knew the child was right\u2026<\/p>\n

When he had returned to the Ponderosa, Adam was distressed to discover his youngest brother had few memories of him and treated him with dispassionate disinterest. It had taken a long time and considerable effort to rebuild the relationship, but he had persevered until Joe finally responded with love. The only problem was that he now followed Adam around like a faithful shadow.<\/p>\n

Oh, for just a little peace!<\/em> Adam thought and then felt guilty.<\/p>\n

Joe clearly adored him, that was plain for anyone to see and Adam loved his brother fiercely in return – he did not meant to push the child away. But there was such a large gulf between ten and twenty-three and Joe\u2019s constant presence was enough to try the patience of a saint! Adam heaved a long sigh and ducked down into the water.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen will I be grown up?\u201d Joe asked at dinner that evening.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot for a few years yet, son. You\u2019ve got some growing to do first,\u201d Ben replied automatically. He was an old hand at answering Joe\u2019s never-ending questions.<\/p>\n

Joe considered this for a moment. \u201cHow much growing? I mean, Hoss is bigger than Adam. Does that mean I\u2019ll be bigger than Hoss?\u201d The idea clearly pleased him.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I don\u2019t think so. Hoss has always been tall for his age.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh.\u201d Joe looked slightly crestfallen, having rather liked the idea of being the tallest in the family. \u201cWill I get a furry chest?\u201d He unbuttoned his shirt and peered curiously at his thin chest, thrusting it forward expectantly, almost as if he might just discover hairs sprouting away already.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that depends. We\u2019ll just have to wait and see,\u201d Ben advised. Good heavens, the boy was asking some awkward questions! And at such a young age! Adam had been considerably older when he exhibited the same curiosity, as had Hoss.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, button your shirt up and eat your dinner,\u201d he said, in a firm voice that did not disclose his inner laughter. The thought of Little Joe with a \u201cfurry\u201d chest! Why, it was beyond contemplation. Ben chewed solemnly on a mouthful of roast chicken and composed his features.<\/p>\n

Joe did as he was asked. \u201cI don\u2019t really want a furry chest,\u201d he announced happily, heaping his fork with mashed potatoes. \u201cThough I suppose it keeps you nice and warm in winter. And I wouldn\u2019t have to wear an undershirt, would I? Not with all that fur to keep me cosy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cQuite,\u201d Ben said, and dabbed his mouth with his napkin to hide a broad smile. It seemed expedient to change the subject before either Adam or Hoss exploded with laughter at their little brother\u2019s innocent remarks.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, who wants to come on a trip to check the fence lines?\u201d he asked, knowing exactly what reaction this would get, for his boys always leapt at the chance to spend a few days alone with their father and a relaxed ride around the vast Ponderosa, camping out underneath the stars was an enticing prospect and a welcome change. A chorus of eager cries echoed around the table, with Adam and Hoss being quick to prove how much help they could be for their father.<\/p>\n

Joe slumped back in his chair, aware that as the youngest of the family he would be judged to be more of a hindrance than a help.<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t never been nowhere,\u201d he muttered in mournful tones.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, you\u2019ve been as far as Sacramento, but you were too young to remember it,\u201d Ben said comfortingly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe remember that trip though, don\u2019t we Hoss?\u201d Adam said smoothly, a smile twitching irresistibly at his lips.<\/p>\n

Hoss nodded, smiling broadly. \u201cCouldn\u2019t ever forget it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBoys!\u201d Ben\u2019s voice rang out in warning, but it was too late: Joe\u2019s natural curiosity was aroused.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d he asked, leaning forward eagerly, envisaging thrilling tales of Indian attacks, or hold-ups by masked men.<\/p>\n

Adam settled back comfortably in his chair and sipped his coffee reflectively. \u201cWell now, let me see if I can remember things correctly. You were just a tiny little boy, not even two years old, when one day Pa decided we should all take a little vacation to Sacramento. He had business to do and your Mama wanted to do some shopping.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were really excited about it,\u201d Hoss continued. \u201cYou\u2019d never been on a stage before and you were all fired up. Well, we went into town and stood waiting at the depot, but when the stage pulled up, it was real full. Of course, you were such a little \u2018un, you didn\u2019t realise that lots of people were getting off in Virginia City.\u201d<\/p>\n

Starting to laugh at the memories, Adam took up the tale again. \u201cSo Hoss and I told you that there wasn\u2019t any room inside for you, so we\u2019d just pop you on the roof with all the bags and you would go to all the way to Sacramento that way! How you howled!\u201d He let out a hearty roar of laugher, his shoulders shaking with mirth as he relived the moment, not noticing the disconsolate expression on Joe\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cCried your eyes out!\u201d Hoss amplified, wiping his eyes and getting carried away with the story as well. \u201cAnd then, when your Mama picked you up, why – you screamed in terror, thinking she was going to put you on the stage roof! Wet your diaper too, iffen I remember right!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s funny,\u201d Joe mumbled, feeling ridiculed. It often seemed that there were so many memories that Adam and Hoss shared, of times that he could not recall and Joe loved to hear their stories, especially when they involved his Mama. But instead of producing happy thoughts, this revelation had merely served to remind him of how little and silly they thought he was. It seemed as if no matter how much he grew, Joe would never catch up with his brothers. He would always be left behind. His heart thudding miserably and his eyes pricking with tears, Joe stumbled to his feet and dashed outside.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you very much!\u201d Ben balled up his napkin and flung it onto the table. \u201cI thought this trip would be something we could do together, as a family. However, you have successfully managed to turn what was supposed to be happy news into a humiliating experience for your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

He fixed his elder sons with a steely glare. \u201cCan\u2019t you see how Joseph looks up to you both? How he wants to spend time with you? Is a little consideration and compassion too much to ask?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben watched his sons squirm uncomfortably in their seats and then continued. \u201cBut you just have to constantly remind him that he is much younger than you are, don\u2019t you? And in doing so, you are erecting barriers and deliberately excluding him from your lives. I am very disappointed in you both.\u201d He walked out in search of his youngest child, leaving his two elder sons exchanging looks of dismay.<\/p>\n

\u201cGuess we\u2019ve been a bit hard on the kid,\u201d Hoss said, after a long pause. He hated to think he might have upset Joe, no matter how unwittingly.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded in agreement. \u201cI know. But it just gets a bit much some times, having Joe tagging along all the time. I mean, there are so many things he\u2019s too young to do properly yet. Yet, everywhere I go, I turn around, and Joe\u2019s right there. He even followed me into the wash-house today.\u201d<\/p>\n

Guilt was seeping into every pore of Hoss\u2019 body and he hated to think of how miserable Joe was. \u201cCome on, Adam \u2013 give him a chance. He just wants to be with us and I think that\u2019s kind of cute.\u201d<\/p>\n

A loud snort greeted this. \u201cSo you\u2019re happy to give up an evening in town to play checkers with your baby brother, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t mean that, and you know it!\u201d Hoss protested. He was a very tolerant person, but even he had his limits. \u201cJust like we didn\u2019t mean to hurt Joe, but we did, didn\u2019t we? So now, I reckon we should try to make it up to him and include him in a few things. He got that new knife at Christmas and he\u2019s been begging me to show him how to whittle, so I guess I\u2019ll make the time to teach him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam could see the sense in this. He didn\u2019t want to hurt Joe \u2013 that was the farthest thing on his mind \u2013 but he did long for a little peace. \u201cAnd I\u2019ll let him watch me break those horses.\u201d Adam just hoped Joe would appreciate the sacrifice he was making.<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose that trip with Pa is out of the question?\u201d Hoss asked sadly.<\/p>\n

Adam blinked hard in disbelief. \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d he said sarcastically.<\/p>\n

Heaving a sigh, Hoss pulled over Joe\u2019s plate and began to polish off the remains his brother\u2019s meal. \u201cAint no sense in me being hungry and<\/strong> miserable,\u201d he announced defensively.<\/p>\n

Ben was proud of the efforts his sons made over the next few days, striving to include Joe in as many things as possible. Still, he knew there were limits and it was unfair to expect Adam and Hoss to be totally selfless. Their needs also had to be considered. It was at times like these that juggling work schedules on the Ponderosa, ensuring that contracts were met on time and all the animals were tended to seemed to be remarkably simple, when compared to the many pitfalls that lay before a parent. The age gap between his eldest and youngest sons seemed to stretch out into infinity and Ben wondered if they would ever reach a common understanding and develop mutual respect.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re well ahead on our work schedules, so why don\u2019t you boys take today off and relax?\u201d he suggested at breakfast, smiling at Hoss and Adam who sat opposite him. \u201cSpend some time together, just the two of you,\u201d he added, making his meaning clear to everyone but Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe could go fishing!\u201d the boy piped up happily, impervious of the implications.<\/p>\n

\u201cNaw, I reckon we\u2019ll just ride up to the north woods,\u201d Hoss said slowly, carefully picking a spot that was well beyond Joe\u2019s normal bounds. \u201cThere\u2019s some hawks up there I\u2019ve been keeping an eye on and I\u2019ve a fancy to see how they\u2019re doing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I\u2019ve got a new book I\u2019ll read while Hoss is communing with nature,\u201d Adam contributed, knowing that both activities would represent utter boredom to the youngest Cartwright.<\/p>\n

Joe wrinkled his nose in displeasure.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph \u2013 go and ask Hop Sing if he can make some sandwiches, will you?\u201d When Joe was safely in the kitchen, Ben smiled proudly. \u201cYou boys enjoy yourselves \u2013 without a certain third party in attendance! But remember \u2013 Joe might be struggling to grow up, but he is still just a little boy. A little boy who needs to feel loved, and valued, and wanted. Underneath all that bounce and verve, he\u2019s easily hurt. All I ask is that you include him when you can.\u201d<\/p>\n

His sons nodded in agreement and applied themselves wholeheartedly to demolishing the substantial breakfast Hop Sing always provided.<\/p>\n

Joe seemed happy enough; waving goodbye to his brothers, but the house seemed awfully empty once they were gone. Pa was busy doing the account books, while Hop Sing was busy with housework and had no patience with a small boy getting underneath his feet. Banished to the front porch, Joe sat staring into the blue sky, concentrating hard.<\/p>\n

Peeking out of the study window, Ben was bemused by the child\u2019s actions. He watched for a few moments, but his son never moved, seemingly absorbed by the summer sky.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe? Are you alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy jumped and almost toppled off the porch. \u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he said, in a low voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you at a loose end?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gave a half-hearted smile. \u201cGuess so, Pa.\u201d His head drooped down again, with a woebegone air.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou looked pretty busy to me.\u201d Ben walked out onto the porch, sat down beside Joe and looked up at the sky. \u201cWhat were you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll think I\u2019m being silly.\u201d Joe kept his head down and used the tip of his boot to draw a circle in the dirt.<\/p>\n

Ben put his arm around Joe and drew the boy close. \u201cNo, I would never think that. Never.\u201d<\/p>\n

Reassured, Joe snuggled closer. \u201cYou see that little cloud over there, the one shaped like a bear? Well, I was just looking at it and thinking how funny it was, and it started to move! Do you think it was me that made it do that?\u201d He looked up at Ben, his eyes full of wonder.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe it was, son, maybe. You never can tell.\u201d How easy it was to forget the innocent joys of childhood, the awe and wonder in everything around you, the limitless possibilities that stretched before a young boy. He looked up at the sky and smiled as the bear-cloud moved a little further westwards. \u201cSeems like a perfect day for fishing to me. Only problem is, I hate to fish alone. You wouldn\u2019t fancy keeping your old Pa company, would you?\u201d<\/p>\n

He had not intended to take time off, for there was a pile of paperwork awaiting his attention. But, looking out of his study window, Ben had been struck by the lonely hunch of Joe\u2019s small shoulders and realised how precious time with his sons was. The paperwork could wait; it would still be there tomorrow. But this particular opportunity to spend time with Joe had to be seized and treasured. His little boy was growing up, all too soon he would be a man and the happy, golden days of childhood would be in the past. Time and time again, Ben had discovered that spending time with his young sons helped to lighten his own heart, to catapult him back to the sweet memory of his own youth, when life was so much less complicated. Such moments had to be seized and cherished. All too soon they would vanish, as surely as the sun burnt away clouds on a summer\u2019s day, leaving only faint memories.<\/p>\n

The joyous smile on Joe\u2019s face was all the reward he could have asked for. The boy bounced up eagerly and grabbed hold of his father\u2019s hand, chatting animatedly as they walked across to the barn, trotting to keep up with his father\u2019s long stride. The unselfconscious gesture touched Ben greatly, for he knew that, all too soon, Joe would declare himself too old for such things and the transitory nature of the contact made it all the more precious.<\/p>\n

They rode down to the lake together, Buck plodding slowly along, as Ben kept pace with the shorter gait of Joe\u2019s pony. All around them, spring was in evidence, with tender shoots thrusting through the rich brown earth. The air was heavy with the spicy scent of wild garlic, the musky scent of damp soil and cleansing overtones of pine, while the sun fell in down in bright bars, filtered by the overhanging boughs of the trees. On a day such as this, Ben felt very close to the elemental nature things and his deep attachment to the land renewed itself in harmony with the season.<\/p>\n

There were many times when life had seemed interminably long and dreary, each day a dull existence he had to struggle through, fighting just to exist. But when he looked at the grandeur of God all around him and then talked to his young son, sitting at the cusp of youth, with childhood making a last, glorious flourish, Ben though how very short life actually was, and that made the moment all the sweeter, tinged as it was with an inevitable poignancy. The day was fast approaching when he would have to let this last child fly free and soar towards his own star, trusting that he had prepared him well, praying that no harm would befall his precious son.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re nearly there, Pa!\u201d Joe cried, his voice still a high, pure treble. At the sound, a bird chirruped in fear and flew out of the undergrowth just ahead of them. Placid Buck did not react: Adam had once joked that the animal was so sedate he was almost asleep! But Joe\u2019s pony took fright, first shied nervously and then made a sudden bolt.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe!\u201d His heart in his mouth, Ben almost kicked Buck into action after the galloping pony, but relaxed as he saw Joe quickly regain control of the animal, slow it to a walk and then rein in and ride back to his father, talking soothingly to the animal in a quiet voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cNicely done. You kept your head,\u201d Ben praised, and noticed the flush of pleasure, the proud angle of his son\u2019s head, saw how Joe sat up just a little straighter in the saddle. They continued onwards, glimpsing the brilliant waters of Lake Tahoe shimmering enticingly before them.<\/p>\n

Tethering the horses to a bush, father and son wandered slowly towards the shore. Suddenly, without warning, Joe halted in his tracks. Putting his arm around the boy\u2019s shoulders, Ben was shocked to feel how violently he was trembling.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook!\u201d His arm shaking, Joe pointed towards two familiar figures, reclining on the grassy banks. \u201cIt\u2019s Adam and Hoss! They did<\/strong> want to come fishing after all – they just didn\u2019t want me with them.\u201d<\/p>\n

All his cocky self-confidence and exuberance vanished in a trice, dissipating as surely as dew evaporates in the morning sun and his voice rang hollow with disappointment. The clear tones carried across the water and, as Ben watched, Adam and Hoss gave a start and then stared in their direction. Even from a distance, their guilt and dismay was evident as they started to run along the shore towards Ben and Joe.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to see them!\u201d Joe declared, his voice choked with misery and unhappy realisation, as his hitherto secure and stable world collapsed in ruins. \u201cTell them to leave me alone. They don\u2019t want me \u2013 and I don\u2019t need them! I don\u2019t ever want to see them.\u201d He pulled away from his father\u2019s grasp, unwilling to let the tears fall and yet knowing that he could not hold them back much longer. Joe ran pell mell back into the woods, even as his brothers rushed forward.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am so sorry, boys.\u201d Ben looked anxiously for Joe and spied his small, dignified figure riding in the direction of home. \u201cI had no idea you would be here. It was just that Joe looked so unhappy and alone and I just wanted to cheer him up. A fishing trip seemed like a good idea. I never thought you would be here.\u201d<\/p>\n

All the pleasure was gone from the day, shattered into a thousand fragments, blown far away on the four winds. With one accord, they set off towards the Ponderosa, hoping they could restore the harmony and rhythm of their lives and in doing so, rebuild Joe\u2019s confidence and his faith and trust in their love.<\/p>\n

Life is fragile. One moment, you hold a delicate creature in the palm of your hand. A sudden movement, an inadvertent inward motion with your fingers and that life is extinguished. The veil between life and death is so fragile, so permeable that at times we can gaze clearly though it to the wonders beyond. But beware, for once breached, it is not always possible to mend the rift. The human soul can bear many disappointments and fight onwards, but it too has its limitations. To reach fruition, it must be gently nurtured and cherished, tended with love and care. The stars that burn so brightly in the night sky also burn with a fierce, cold heat. They are untouchable, inviolate and yet an integral part of our existence.<\/p>\n

Something seemed to die within Joe, after that chance encounter. All the years of tender love and patient care from his brothers were obliterated in an instance, and he rode aimlessly through the woods, trying in vain to make sense of things. No matter which way he looked at things, he could come to only one conclusion: Adam and Hoss did not want to spend time with him. They did not want him to be with them. They did not want him. All the joy of the previous week withered into a faint pile of ashes, light and insubstantial, dancing tantalisingly out of his reach. He reached out a hand but could not grasp hold of reality.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need them,\u201d Joe muttered fiercely under his breath, and then wondered if he would ever believe it. He could not imagine life without his brothers, yet how could he continue, knowing how they felt about him, knowing he was not wanted?<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe? Your brothers didn\u2019t mean to hurt you. In fact, they\u2019re very sorry.\u201d His father\u2019s voice echoed in the space behind the boy. Joe stopped and turned slowly around, with an empty look in his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure am, shortshanks,\u201d Hoss called.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe wouldn\u2019t hurt you on purpose, you know that, don\u2019t you Joe?\u201d Adam pleaded.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure. It\u2019s all right \u2013 it doesn\u2019t matter. I\u2019m fine.\u201d Joe spoke in a calm, flat monotone. It doesn\u2019t matter<\/em>, he told himself fiercely. It doesn\u2019t matter. It can\u2019t hurt me if it doesn\u2019t matter.<\/em><\/p>\n

Behind his back, the three men exchanged concerned looks. They were prepared for tearful recriminations, or a hurt outburst of anger, but not for this calm acceptance. Joe was notorious for his obstinacy, for stubbornly sticking to his beliefs with an unwavering certainty. They knew how to deal with that, but not with this rather frightening and sudden maturity and stoic calm acceptance.<\/p>\n

Joe forced himself not to look back, to keep riding towards home. He knew that if he gave way now, he would lose all his precious self-control and fling himself into his father\u2019s arms, sobbing out his misery and loneliness. It doesn\u2019t matter.<\/em> I don\u2019t care and they can\u2019t hurt me, <\/em>he repeated and wondered when it would stop hurting so much.<\/p>\n

Ben waited until Joe had settled his pony in the barn and trudged back into the house, still valiantly keeping hold of his precarious self-control. The small figure looked poignantly alone and Ben knew he had to act fast.<\/p>\n

\u201cStay out here for a while, will you?\u201d he asked Adam and Hoss. \u201cI need to have a word with Joe, in private.\u201d<\/p>\n

They nodded, still shocked by the repercussions of their actions. They knew how to deal with tears and angry protests, but not with this terrible dignity and desperately wounded silence.<\/p>\n

Joe sat on the fireplace, fiddling with a piece of kindling. Now that he was home, he realised that he did not what to do next. He looked up and saw his father walking towards him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you doing, son?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d Joe lied. \u201cAnd it doesn\u2019t matter, anyway.\u201d He spoke quickly, the words tumbling out as he blinked the treacherous tears back.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph \u2013 it matters very much.\u201d Ben\u2019s voice was deep and soothing, lulling Joe\u2019s troubled senses. \u201cIf it matters to you \u2013 then it matters to me. And it matters to Adam and Hoss as well. We are your family, and families care when one of them is hurting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked at his father, with a defiant tilt to his head. \u201cThey don\u2019t care about me! And I don\u2019t care about them either!\u201d He placed his hands flat on the cold stone of the fireplace, gripping the sharp edge tightly, holding on to it so hard that his knuckles showed white through the tanned skin of his hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think that is true for an instant,\u201d Ben assured him. \u201cAdam and Hoss care very much. They know how much they hurt you, and they are very sorry. And I know how much you love your brothers, Joe. You wouldn\u2019t be so upset if you didn\u2019t love them, would you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe had released his hold on the hearth and started fiddling with the kindling. At his father\u2019s last words, he started and the flimsy piece of kindling snapped in half and fell to the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all make mistakes, don\u2019t we?\u201d Ben sat down in his chair and put a hand on Joe\u2019s shoulder. \u201cEvery single one of us makes mistakes, every single day. And that\u2019s natural. We don\u2019t mean to hurt anyone, do we? What matters is that we learn from our mistakes and try not to make then again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Joe admitted.<\/p>\n

Ben leant forward and tilted his son\u2019s face upwards, smiling lovingly into the vivid green eyes. \u201cJoe, you\u2019ve been deeply hurt, and I can understand why. But you must realise this \u2013 your brothers did not mean to hurt you. Not for one instant did they wish for this to happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

At last the tears began to fall. \u201cBut I just wanted to be with them, Pa! And I thought they liked doing things with me! It\u2019s not fair.\u201d He moved closed to his father and buried his head in Ben\u2019s lap, sobbing out his misery.<\/p>\n

How could he put things in words the boy would understand? Ben searched his soul desperately, as he stroked Joe\u2019s curls in a soothing motion. \u201cFamilies are funny things. They are made up of very distinct people, bound together by love. And when you really love someone, you accept them as they are, no matter how different their needs are from your own. You enjoy spending time alone with Adam, don\u2019t you? And time alone with Hoss too? And sometimes, they want to be alone together as well. You can understand that, can\u2019t you? It doesn\u2019t mean they love you any less.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess,\u201d Joe said reluctantly. \u201cIt kind of makes sense, when you put it like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben pulled the boy into his lap and held him closely. \u201cGood boy. But don\u2019t ever think that just because Adam and Hoss do some things together, then that means they don\u2019t want to be with you at other times, alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlright,\u201d Joe snuffled, sounding much happier. He wiped his shirtsleeve across his eyes and ventured a rather wobbly smile at his father.<\/p>\n

Ben reached into his pocket, pulled out a handkerchief and held it to Joe\u2019s nose. \u201cBlow!\u201d he instructed. \u201cNow, run and tell your brothers that supper will be ready soon. And then go and wash your hands and face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded and started to get up, but turned back and gave his father a fierce hug. \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re my Pa,\u201d he whispered and kissed Ben on the cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd I\u2019m glad you\u2019re my son!\u201d Ben returned the kiss, pulling Joe\u2019s head close to his own. Fatherhood was not easy, but moments like this made all the trials and tribulations, the worry and the sleepless nights worthwhile. The simple love of a child was one of the most precious gifts a man could get. Life was not fair, he knew that only too well, but Ben hoped he could protect Joe from its crueller vagaries for a few years to come until the boy could harness his own star and work towards his own dreams.<\/p>\n

Joe sat in a corner of the barn, his tongue poking out between his teeth as he concentrated on the piece of wood he was attempting to fashion into a horse. It had looked so easy when Hoss showed him to whittle, but now\u2026 Holding his creation at arms length, Joe studied it critically and shook his head sadly. No, that wasn\u2019t right, not right at all. The poor creature had a lump on its back, making it look more like a camel than a horse.<\/p>\n

Closing his fingers around the animal\u2019s neck, Joe attempted to reduce the protuberance. At first, he followed Hoss\u2019 advice and used the knife blade to pare off thin shavings of wood. But this was a slow job and Joe wanted to show his father the horse that evening. Sighing loudly, he adjusted his grip and decided to hack off the lump and then whittle the wood to smoothness afterwards. It was hard work, and Joe grunted slightly with the effort. Finally, he succeeded in severing the lump, but the knife blade continued downwards, slashing a long, deep gash across the palm of his hand and then across the side of his thumb.<\/p>\n

Joe looked at the wound in fascination, staring as the white edges of skin peeled apart and a few drops of crimson blood seeped out. There was no pain, absolutely none at all and at first he thought the knife had merely scored his flesh. Then the blood began to flow quickly, accompanied by a steady throb. In seconds, the palm of Joe\u2019s hand was full of blood, glistening in the sunlight, pooling in a thick, viscous mass. Then the pain kicked it: hot, burning and insistent. Holding his arm out in front of him, Joe trotted over to the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam? Can you help me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a bit busy at the moment,\u201d Adam called, trying to make sense of a garbled notation Hoss had left in the account book. \u201cCan it wait?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot really,\u201d Joe said, materialising at his elbow and waving his hand under Adam\u2019s nose. He managed to subdue a whimper and looked trustingly up at his brother, certain he would be able to help. A large drop of blood fell onto the ledger.<\/p>\n

Adam managed to choke back an exclamation of horror and whipped off his neckerchief to try to staunch the flow of blood. Ignoring Joe\u2019s anguished protests, he pressed the folds of material firmly into the palm of his hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat look nasty, kid. I think we\u2019re going to have to take a trip into town and get Doc Martin to look at it.\u201d He pushed Joe into the chair, disturbed to see how pale the child was. Could he have lost that much blood in such a short space of time?<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need the Doc,\u201d Joe protested feebly. \u201cYou can fix it, Adam! I know you can!\u201d He tried to smile at his brother, but the world was swimming before his eyes and Joe found it difficult to focus. It was if he was walking down a long tunnel, and the world was receding away from him. In the distance, he could hear Adam\u2019s voice, but the words were too indistinct for Joe to understand what he was saying. The darkness swooped forward suddenly and with a small sigh, Joe closed his eyes and fell forward onto the desk.<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing!\u201d Adam gathered Joe into arms and ran towards the kitchen. \u201cHop Sing! I need you right now!\u201d He was starting to panic now. He placed Joe carefully in a kitchen chair and watched for as Hop Sing began to tend to the wound.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou get horse ready \u2013 buggy too slow. Boy need doctor fast.\u201d Hop Sing packed a large dressing into the wound, hoping this would help to staunch the bleeding and began to wrap bandages around the small hand. \u201cHurry now!\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe began to stir in the chair. \u201cPa? Where\u2019s my Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHop Sing send man for Mistah Ben. He meet you in town,\u201d Hop Sing soothed. Adam ran back in and bent over the chair.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you doing Joe? Ready for a ride into town?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI want my Pa.\u201d Joe\u2019s voice sounded very young and scared.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, he\u2019s not here right now, so you\u2019ll have to make do with me.\u201d Adam tried his best to sound jolly and unconcerned, but his words had a hollow ring to them and sounded unconvincing, even to his own ears. \u201cYou know I\u2019ll look after you, don\u2019t you?\u201d That was what big brothers did, after all. They looked after their younger siblings, no matter what.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease Adam, I want my Pa,\u201d Joe pleaded sadly, as a tear trickled down his cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll meet Pa in town, I promise.\u201d Adam swung Joe up into his arms and strode out of the house. He rode towards Virginia City as fast as he dared, Sport\u2019s hooves thundering along the tracks. For once, there were no exclamations of delight from Joe at the speed. He sat quietly in front of his brother, his damaged hand secured in a sling, the dressings already stained with blood.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you alright, Joe?\u201d Adam asked. It was not like his little brother to be so quiet.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy hand hurts some,\u201d Joe admitted. \u201cAnd I\u2019m cold.\u201d<\/p>\n

I should have thought of that!<\/em> Adam cursed his mad rush from the house. Still, there was one thing he could do. Unbuttoning his coat, he eased his brother a little closer to him on the saddle and enveloped him in the pale suede material.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat better?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe nodded. \u201cThanks, Adam. Will Pa be in town when we get there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe, you know he and Hoss were checking the herd over on the southern grazings. It\u2019ll take him a bit longer than us to get into town, won\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess so.\u201d Joe was quiet for a moment. \u201cI still wish Pa was here, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll look after you, don\u2019t worry. I\u2019m not going to leave you for a moment, alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay. Thanks Adam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe was quiet after that, only giving the occasional gasp of pain when Sport changed gait suddenly, or Adam reined him back hard. The silence was so unlike his normally chatty little brother, that it started to unnerve Adam. After a while, he began to recite familiar lines of poetry out loud, in an effort to keep his mind from imaging all sorts of dire happenings. It was only a cut hand, after all. Nothing more. Sure, it was a deep cut, but Joe wasn\u2019t about to bleed to death, was he? Surreptitiously, Adam craned his neck forward to check the dressing \u2013 the bandages around Joe\u2019s hand were now stained with blood, the discoloration seeping right down to his wrist. Adam urged Sport on just a little faster.<\/p>\n

Paul Martin stifled a sigh when he looked out of his window to see the familiar figures of Adam and Joe Cartwright walking towards his surgery: the older brother with his arm around the younger, half-carrying him along. He had never seen such an accident-prone child as Joe in all his years of medical practice.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeen in the wars again?\u201d he asked cheerily, reasoning that if Joe was walking, he could not be too badly hurt.<\/p>\n

Joe raised a pale face and nodded, then looked around. \u201cWhere\u2019s my Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019ll be here soon,\u201d Adam soothed. \u201cAnd I\u2019ll stay with you.\u201d He looked up at Paul, his brown eyes full of concern. \u201cJoe\u2019s cut his hand quite badly,\u201d he whispered and nodded to the bloodstained bandages the boy clutched protectively to his chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019d better take a look at it,\u201d Paul gestured to a chair and Adam sat down, pulling Joe onto his lap and holding him tight.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt hurts! I want my Pa!\u201d Joe protested, as Paul carefully unwound the dressings. Despite his best efforts to be brave, tears welled in Joe\u2019s eyes and Adam could feel the small body tremble and shiver. Wrapping his arms around the thin torso, Adam pulled Joe a little closer to him.<\/p>\n

Studying the wound carefully, Paul gently moved each of Joe\u2019s fingers and nodded in satisfaction. \u201cIt\u2019s a nasty cut, but no major damage done. I\u2019ll have to stitch it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe bit his lip and then squared his chin. \u201cCan you wait until my Pa gets here?\u201d he pleaded.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry son, that\u2019s not possible. The wound needs to be closed now, or it could get infected. You don\u2019t want to be ill, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Feeling the sigh that travelled through Joe\u2019s body, Adam gave him a reassuring hug. \u201cDon\u2019t worry, buddy. I\u2019ll be here with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe choked back a sob: he knew Adam was doing his best\u00a0 – but it wasn\u2019t the same as having Pa. He meekly swallowed the sedative Paul gave him, and lay passively as the doctor painstakingly sutured the wound together.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo and get yourself a cup of coffee, Adam,\u201d Paul said firmly. \u201cYou look completely exhausted and I don\u2019t need two Cartwrights lying side-by-side in my consulting rooms.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam took a last look at Joe, who was sleeping soundly, his injured hand lying on top of the bedclothes. \u201cHe looks so little,\u201d he said and turned to Paul. \u201cHe is so little and today I wanted to help him \u2013 and I couldn\u2019t.\u201d The words burst out of him, full of bitter recrimination.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam \u2013 you did everything you could have done! You got the wound dressed and then rode here as quickly as possible. You did exactly the right things and no-one \u2013 not even your father -could have done any more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat down in the armchair and buried his face in his hands. \u201cBut it wasn\u2019t enough \u2013 was it? I wasn\u2019t Pa and I couldn\u2019t comfort him like Pa could. Joe\u2019s only a little boy and he wanted his Pa \u2013 he needed his Pa. And all he had was me!\u201d His shoulders shook as a sob tore its way out of his throat.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m here now.\u201d Ben\u2019s deep voice was full of love and compassion. He laid a warm, comforting hand briefly on Adam\u2019s neck and then walked across to the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs he alright?\u201d Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Ben tenderly stroked Joe\u2019s cheek. \u201cHe looks very pale.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe will be just fine,\u201d Paul reassured him. \u201cIt was just an unfortunate accident and I had to put nearly twenty stitches into his hand, but he\u2019ll be as right as rain in a couple of weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe really wanted you, Pa,\u201d Adam said in a low, broken voice. \u201cI did my best, but it was you he wanted.\u201d No matter how had he tried, he could not shake the feeling of helplessness, tinged with rejection.<\/p>\n

Ben held out a hand to his eldest son. \u201cI\u2019ve always known I could rely on you, Adam. And that is a great comfort to me. Joseph \u2013 well, I feel dreadful that I wasn\u2019t able to be with him, when he needed me. But I am very glad that you were, and I sure Joe is too. That\u2019s when I know I\u2019ve done my job as a father \u2013 when my boys look after one another.\u201d His eyes were drawn back to the little pale face, lying so quietly on the pillows. He watched anxiously as the thin chest rose and fell with slow regularity.<\/p>\n

Adam managed a shaky smile. \u201cHe can be an annoying little cuss, can\u2019t he? But I sure do miss him bouncing around.\u201d He looked anxiously at Paul. \u201cHe will be alright, won\u2019t he?\u201d There was something disconcerting about the way Joe lay so still and quiet in that big bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe will be just fine \u2013 sleep is the best medicine for him right now. But I won\u2019t be able to say the same thing about you, Adam, unless you go get yourself some strong coffee! And maybe a sandwich too \u2013 all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Grinning sheepishly, Adam walked slowly across the room, as his father bent his head close to that of his sleeping child and whispered gentle words of reassurance. No matter how old they grew, Adam knew that Ben would always be there for all his sons, loving them, supporting them and preparing them to enter the wider world as strong, self-sufficient men, with the incomparable background of a united family. He was their constant, the pole star in their lives \u2013 strong, sure and wholly reliable.<\/p>\n

Later that day, Joe\u2019s long eyelashes flickered briefly, and then opened. He looked groggily around, breaking into a smile as he saw his father\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi Pa,\u201d he breathed. \u201cI knew you\u2019d come.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I\u2019m here Joseph. I will always be here for you. You lie still now, and get some sleep.\u201d Ben ran his hand anxiously over the boy\u2019s forehead and was relieved to find it was cool and dry. \u201cYou be a good boy and get some sleep. I\u2019ll be right here when you wake up again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry,\u201d Joe mumbled, and reached out with both arms. \u201cI didn\u2019t mean to do it.\u201d He gave a subdued snuffle and then he could not hold back his tears any longer and started sobbing desperately, his chest heaving with misery and distress.<\/p>\n

Wordlessly, Ben picked up the child and cradled him on his lap, holding him close and rocking slowly back and forward, just as he had done so many times when Joe was just a baby, enveloping him in love and security. When he finally spoke, his voice was choked. \u201cThere\u2019s my good boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam was real good to me,\u201d Joe confided sleepily, as his sobs grew less frequent.\u00a0 \u201cBut I missed you Pa. I missed you so much.\u201d His voice tailed off and his eyes grew heavy. Ben could feel the little body start to relax and drift towards sleep as he rocked gently back and forwards, in a motion as old and elemental as time itself.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know, son. But you remember – whenever you need us, we\u2019ll be here,\u201d Ben promised. Above Joe\u2019s head, his eyes met Adam\u2019s and father and son exchanged a look of understanding.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey! Guess what?\u201d Joe bounded happily into the house, clutching a bedraggled piece of paper.<\/p>\n

Adam looked up from his book. \u201cYou\u2019ve just disproved Pythagoras\u2019 theorem?\u201d he speculated, in a languid, teasing voice. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me that the square of the hypotenuse does not really equal the square root of\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe had no qualms in interrupting his brother: he was perfectly used to Adam\u2019s learned discourses, which he normally ignored and simply let wash over him. \u201cNo, something much more important than all that boring old stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n

Wincing slightly at Joe\u2019s wholesale dismissal of a vital piece of geometry, Adam looked more closely at the paper his little brother was holding. The writing looked horribly familiar. \u201cIs that a letter from Miss Jones?\u201d he asked, crossing the fingers on both hands. If his boots weren\u2019t so tight, he would have tried to cross his toes as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure is!\u201d Joe smiled happily. \u201cDo you want to know what it says?\u201d<\/p>\n

Fear clutched Adam\u2019s heart. The spinster schoolteacher cherished a passion from him and pursued her prey with the delicacy of a cat stalking an unwary fledgling. Her tenacity was truly terrifying and Adam sometimes wondered if it just wouldn\u2019t be easier to give in. Or emigrate to Australia. \u201cGo ahead,\u201d he muttered, steeling himself for the worst.<\/p>\n

\u201cSchool\u2019s shut! Ain\u2019t that the best news ever?\u201d<\/p>\n

Cockahoop with joy, Joe hopped onto the fireplace and walked along the edge, his arms spread wide for balance. Reaching the end, he swivelled around, wobbled violently and tumbled off into his brother\u2019s lap. \u201cNo school, Adam! Just think of it – no school!\u201d He lolled back happily and grinned up at his brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoseph!\u201d Ben\u2019s voice thundered. \u201cWhat have you done now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Scrambling to his feet, Joe gave his father a sunny smile. \u201cNothing to with me, Pa \u2013 honest! Here – read what Miss Jones says.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDear Parents<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Due to an outbreak of chickenpox, I am closing the Virginia City School on the advice of Doctor Paul Martin. This quarantine will last for three weeks and is necessary to avoid any further outbreaks of this infectious disease.<\/em><\/p>\n

I apologise for any inconvenience.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Yours sincerely<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Abigail Jones (Miss)\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cTold you I wasn\u2019t in trouble!\u201d Joe said contently and then hugged his father round the waist.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor once!\u201d Ben laughed. It seemed that scarcely a week went by without Miss Jones reporting some new prank or misdemeanour.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s great \u2013 I was sitting right next to Tommy Hughes and now he\u2019s covered from head to foot in spots and I\u2019m fine!\u201d Joe was beside himself with glee at the thought of this unscheduled time off school.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t count your chickens before they\u2019re hatched,\u201d Adam warned. \u201cYou could still come down with chicken-pox yourself, and I\u2019ve heard it can be pretty nasty.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Joe and Hoss have both had chicken-pox,\u201d Ben said confidently. \u201cIt would have been during your first term at college. Don\u2019t you remember? I wrote to you all about it \u2013 several letters, in fact. Joe caught pneumonia on top of the chicken pox and was very ill? In fact, we nearly lost him.\u201d His tone grew sombre as he thought of those dark days, so soon after Marie\u2019s death, when he feared Joe would die too. Reaching down, he ruffled his son\u2019s curls affectionately and drew him close for a hug. Then a thought struck Ben. \u201cI don\u2019t think you ever had chickenpox, Adam,\u201d he said, brow furrowing as he tried to recall.<\/p>\n

For a moment, Adam looked concerned. \u201cOh well, I\u2019m too old to get it now, aren\u2019t I?\u201d he asked, a worried note creeping into his voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t go anywhere near the chickens,\u201d Joe said confidently. \u201cSo you can\u2019t catch it, can you?\u201d His face fell at the laughter that greeted this ingenuous remark.<\/p>\n

\u201cSon, you don\u2019t get chicken pox from chickens,\u201d Ben explained. \u201cYou catch from being in contact with someone who is already ill.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLike Tommy?\u201d Joe asked.<\/p>\n

His father nodded. \u201cOnly you are fine, because you had chickenpox when you were little.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t.\u201d Adam\u2019s voice sounded rather strangulated. He thought back to Joe sprawling across his lap just moments earlier and gulped convulsively. \u201cI\u2019m too old to get a childhood illness!\u201d he protested feebly, \u201cFar too old!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIllness doesn\u2019t respect age,\u201d Paul Martin remarked.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s embarrassing,\u201d Adam grumped. \u201cA grown man getting chickenpox! Totally humiliating!\u201d He scratched irritably at the scabs.<\/p>\n

Ben gave his hand a hard swat. \u201cWhat will be embarrassing is if you end up covered in scars because you won\u2019t do as you\u2019re told. No scratching \u2013 understand? Honestly, you are ten times worse than Hoss was and Joe was a positive angel compared to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut they itch!\u201d Adam whined and then winced at the peevish note in his voice. \u201cSorry,\u201d he mumbled. \u201cI just feel so ill \u2013 my body aches and itches and my head thumps.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStay in bed, drink plenty of water and sleep as much as you can,\u201d Paul advised. \u201cYou can try some calamine lotion to relieve the worst of the itching \u2013 oh, and no reading! That will only make your head ache even more.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam rolled over in bed and thumped his pillow hard. It was the only way he could vent his anger and frustration.<\/p>\n

Suppressing a smile, Ben pulled the window shade down halfway and made sure the water jug and chamber pot were in easy reach. \u201cYou get some rest, son. I\u2019ll be up to check on you later.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo think that I thought Joe was a bad patient,\u201d Paul marvelled, as they stood in the hallway. \u201cYou\u2019ve got your hands full there, Ben and I don\u2019t envy you for one moment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I think I can safely say that I have a willing helper, \u201d Ben chuckled. \u201cThere\u2019s more than one way to pluck a chicken, you know!\u201d<\/p>\n

Paul looked at him curiously and then realisation dawned. \u201cKilling two birds with one stone?\u201d he said slowly and began to laugh. \u201cBen, you are a genius \u2013 but an evil genius! Is that really fair on Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, he\u2019ll survive,\u201d Ben assured his friend. \u201cAnd it might just open his eyes a little bit. He may have a college degree, but there are still some important things Adam needs to learn and this just might be the ideal opportunity.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam? Are you awake?\u201d<\/p>\n

Aroused from an uneasy slumber, Adam rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes to see Joe\u2019s anxious face peering down at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am now,\u201d he said testily.<\/p>\n

Joe beamed happily at him. \u201cWhat\u2019cha doing?\u201d he enquired cheerily and plonked himself down on the end of the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was trying to die \u2013 quietly and in peace!\u201d Adam retorted. He was still feeling sick and sore and it was impossible to read while his head thumped so incessantly.<\/p>\n

Joe crossed his legs to sit Indian-style and propped his elbows on his knees. \u201cDo you still itch?\u201d he asked sympathetically.<\/p>\n

Until that moment, Adam had managed to push the itching to the back of his mind, but now that Joe mentioned it\u2026 \u201cNot too badly,\u201d he lied. It took all his self-control not to scratch a particularly nasty itch on his stomach.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you try\u2026\u201d? Joe stopped mid-sentence and shook his head. \u201cNo, that wouldn\u2019t work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat wouldn\u2019t work?\u201d Adam\u2019s curiosity was roused.<\/p>\n

Leaning back comfortably against the bedpost, Joe surveyed his brother closely. \u201cWell, when I had chickenpox, Pa gave me a bath in bicarbonate of soda \u2013 but you\u2019re so much bigger than me, I don\u2019t think Hop Sing would be able to spare that much and still do the backing.\u201d He thought for a moment, undisturbed by the furious looks his brother was shooting in his direction. \u201cAnd then Pa put calamine lotion on me \u2013 but that wouldn\u2019t work either, would it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t see why not!\u201d Adam exploded. \u201cI hope you\u2019re not implying that I\u2019m so large that one bottle of calamine lotion won\u2019t be sufficient, are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCourse not!\u201d Joe looked outraged. \u201cBut it would be awfully messy, wouldn\u2019t it? What with you having such a furry chest, and all. All those hairs would just get in the way, wouldn\u2019t they?\u201d He hopped off the bed as Adam threw first one pillow and then another after him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow is your brother feeling?\u201d Ben asked as Joe skipped merrily downstairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe seems a whole lot livelier, Pa!\u201d Joe answered truthfully. \u201cHe seemed kind of lonely, but I think I cheered him up.\u201d The boy started rifling through the bookshelf, scanning each volume carefully before finally selecting one book and running back upstairs.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d Hoss asked.<\/p>\n

Joe halted on the landing. \u201cAdam used to read to me when I was sick and I thought it would be nice if I did the same for him.\u201d Suddenly, he wasn\u2019t so sure this was a good idea after all. \u201cYou see, I thought that as his head was sore, he wouldn\u2019t want to read, so I could do it for him.\u201d He looked expectantly at his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds like an excellent idea, son. And it\u2019s very considerate of you. But just don\u2019t tire your brother out now. Remember, he needs to rest.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t that just the cutest thing?\u201d Hoss remarked fondly, as Joe bounded up the rest of the stairs.<\/p>\n

Ben just hoped Adam would not find Joe\u2019s particular brand of kindness too taxing.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi Adam!\u201d Joe announced brightly. \u201cI\u2019m back!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo soon?\u201d Adam said, wondering if he would ever get a little peace. He watched in amazement as Joe dragged an armchair over to the window and settled himself comfortably. \u201cWhat are you doing? Apart from rearranging my furniture?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m gonna read to you.\u201d Before any protests could be made, Joe launched into his recital.<\/p>\n

\u201cI jumped to the stirrup, and Joris and he<\/p>\n

I galloped, Dirck galloped, we galloped all three!\u201d<\/p>\n

How typical of the kid to choose a poem to do with horses!<\/em> Adam thought, fighting back a smile. Still, Joe read remarkably well, for one so young. He relaxed and let the poetry wash over him.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you like that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded wearily.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you would \u2013 I liked it when you said it that time after I cut my hand and you took care of me. It\u2019s a real good poem, ain\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

It must be the illness, Adam thought, for the world seemed suddenly out of focus and seemed to shimmer before his burning eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa said to let you get some rest now, but I could read some more to you tomorrow \u2013 if you\u2019d like?\u201d Joe hesitated, not sure why Adam lay with one hand shielding his eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like that very much, Joe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Closing the book with a flourish, Joe slid off the chair and carefully pulled the bedclothes up around Adam\u2019s shoulders, before tiptoeing out with heavy \u2013footed consideration and pulling the door closed behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour face is getting awfully bristly,\u201d Joe commented, lurching across the room, and slopping water everywhere in the process. \u201cSo I thought you might like a nice wash.\u201d He dumped the basin on Adam\u2019s lap, and stood with his hands on his hips. \u201cTake your nightshirt off!\u201d he commanded, sounding remarkably like his father.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Adam gasped, jerking upright, then grabbed the bowl, not having any great desire to have several pints of piping hot water cascade all over his legs.<\/p>\n

Joe favoured him with a patient smile, leant forward and started undoing the buttons of the offending garment. \u201cYou must be all hot and sticky, so I thought I\u2019d give you a nice wash. That\u2019s what Pa does when I\u2019m sick.\u201d He dunked a washcloth in the water and rubbed it with soap. \u201cAnd then I thought I could give you a shave?\u201d His voice was full of hope and expectation.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s very kind of you, but I can manage,\u201d Adam protested, grabbing the neck of his nightshirt and frantically battling Joe\u2019s efforts to forcibly disrobe him. \u201cBesides which, you don\u2019t know how to use a razor, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, but I have to learn one day, don\u2019t I? And I thought this would be a good chance to practise.\u201d Joe reached into his pocket, withdrew a cutthroat razor, which he opened with a flourish before admiring his reflection in the highly polished blade.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not practising on my face!\u201d Adam said sharply, having visions of Joe inadvertently slicing into his flesh.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I could practice on your chest? If it wasn\u2019t so furry, we could put calamine lotion on it, couldn\u2019t we?\u201d Joe suggested helpfully.<\/p>\n

Adam crossed his arms protectively across his torso. \u201cNo way. No way at all. And just where did you get that razor from anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n

A sheepish look slid across Joe\u2019s face. \u201cI sort of borrowed it from Pa,\u201d he confessed.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen I suggest you \u2018sort of\u2019 put it back before he notices it\u2019s missing, or Pa will find a different use for his razor strop when he warms your butt.\u201d<\/p>\n

That made sense, so Joe scurried off, holding his treasure carefully. When he returned, Adam had almost finished washing.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was quick! You needn\u2019t have hurried, you know \u2013 I would have helped you. I don\u2019t mind.\u201d Joe rifled through the dresser in search of a clean nightshirt, turning the neatly folded clothes into complete and utter chaos within a matter of seconds. \u201cHold your arms up!\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam decided that further protests would merely prolong the ordeal, so he did as he was bade. \u201cOwww!!\u201d He suddenly realised just why Hop Sing was forever sewing buttons onto Joe\u2019s clothing, as the child tried to force the nightshirt over his head. \u201cUndo the buttons first, you idiot! Ewww!\u201d He was sure a large chunk of his hair had been pulled out by the roots.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you boys managing?\u201d Ben enquired, peeking round the edge of the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe has been a great help, but I think I\u2019m going to rest now.\u201d There was a certain tremulous quality to Adam\u2019s voice, he looked slightly flushed and his usually neat hair was awry.<\/p>\n

His father gave him a sympathetic smile. \u201cProbably the best thing. We\u2019ll leave you in peace, shall we?\u201d He shepherded Joe out of the room, stifling a laugh as Adam gave a heartfelt sigh of relief.<\/p>\n

\u201cOnly one more week and then school starts again!\u201d Joe mourned. \u201cYou don\u2019t know how lucky you are, Hoss!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCourse I do! It ain\u2019t that long ago that I was stuck in a classroom with Miss Abigail Jones \u2013that\u2019s not an experience I\u2019m about to forget in a hurry. It took me a full year of pleading before Pa would let me leave school, so I reckon you\u2019ll have to stick it out for a while yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe mumbled something which was largely incoherent, but sounded suspiciously uncomplimentary towards his teacher, which Hoss wisely decided to ignore. \u201cStop grousing and come give me a hand,\u201d he said, striding out across the yard so that Joe had to trot briskly at his side in order to keep up.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are we going?\u201d he asked, slightly breathlessly, as he struggled to keep up with the fast pace his brother was setting as they started to climb a small hill behind the house.<\/p>\n

\u201cI need to check on the spring-house,\u201d Hoss replied, as the structure came into sight. \u201cWith the warmer weather coming, we\u2019ll be using it a lot. There\u2019s no telling what state it\u2019s in after the winter.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe gave a small hop of excitement. \u201cWhat \u2013 like a family of skunks could have moved in, you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss gave him a long-suffering look. \u201cNo \u2013 I meant that the walls could need recaulking, or the spring might have got clogged up and over-flowed onto the floor.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe looked disappointed at mundane nature of the task ahead, but he reasoned that doing something, even checking on a boring old building, was better than hanging around the yard doing nothing.<\/p>\n

The springhouse was a low building, constructed out of stout timbers, and looked like a miniature version of the ranch house. Hoss had to push hard against the heavy wooden door, which had swollen with damp and creaked a loud protest as it finally opened when he put his shoulder to it.<\/p>\n

It was cool and dark inside, with a flight of stone steps leading down to a small stream travelling though a stone-lined channel and a flagstone floor. At the base of each wall, the remnants of ice-blocks, covered in canvas and packed in straw were slowly melting into oblivion.<\/p>\n

Hoss ushered Joe down in front of him, having learned long ago that it was wise always to keep an eye on his little brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cQuite shoving!\u201d Joe said resentfully, feeling his Hoss\u2019 well-meaning hand in the small of his back. \u201cI\u2019m going as fast as I can, only I can\u2019t see too good in here.\u201d He jabbed his elbow back into Hoss\u2019 stomach, causing his brother to exhale rapidly and take a couple of steps backward, crashing into the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow look what you\u2019ve done!\u201d Hoss exclaimed angrily.<\/p>\n

Joe opened his eyes as wide as they would go, not realising his brother could not see him through the darkness that enfolded them. \u201cI didn\u2019t do nothing!\u201d he protested.<\/p>\n

Hoss tugged frantically at the door, but there was no handle on the inside. He started to thump the wood with his fists, yelling frantically.<\/p>\n

\u201cAin\u2019t no use,\u201d Joe said philosophically, sitting down and making himself as comfortable as possible. \u201cThere\u2019s nobody around to hear us. But Pa will come looking when we don\u2019t turn up for lunch.\u201d His voice rang with certainty.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve gotta get out of here!\u201d Hoss bellowed.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, we can\u2019t!\u201d Joe said, with aggravating poise. \u201cIt\u2019s not so bad. Just calm down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI-am-perfectly<\/strong>-calm!\u201d Hoss retorted.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t sound it. Are you hungry or something?\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss felt the remnants of his patience rip beyond all repair. \u201cI don\u2019t like the dark! I\u2019m scared of the dark! There \u2013 a big man like me, frightened of the dark! Are you happy now? It\u2019s all your fault, Joe. You\u2019ve got us stuck in here.\u201d<\/p>\n

The only sound that could be heard was the ragged noise of Hoss\u2019 breathing and the steady gurgle of water trickling through the channel. A new panic seized Hoss \u2013 the only thing worse than being in the dark was being alone in the dark!<\/p>\n

\u201cJoe? Joe! Where are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

A small, scared voice answered. \u201cI\u2019m here. I\u2019m sorry Hoss. I didn\u2019t mean to make you mad.\u201d Joe could not remember his placid brother ever being in such a state before and it had frightened him badly, so much that he had retreated to the farthest corner of the springhouse and curled up in a tight ball.<\/p>\n

\u201cI ain\u2019t mad, Punkin. Just frightened. An\u2019 I didn\u2019t mean to upset you.\u201d Guilt washed over Hoss, almost driving away his fear.<\/p>\n

There was a scurrying sound and Joe scrambled up the steps, tumbling over the top one and falling into his brother\u2019s grateful embrace. Hoss grabbed the little boy into a fierce hug.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou okay, Joe? You didn\u2019t hurt yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA bit,\u201d Joe admitted, feeling much happier now. \u201cReckon I bashed my knee.\u201d He poked the joint carefully and let out a yelp of pain. \u201cI don\u2019t mind, though,\u201d he assured his brother and squirmed around to give Hoss a hug. \u201cYou don\u2019t need to be scared, Hoss. I won\u2019t let anything bad happen to you \u2013 I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n

Under any other circumstances, Hoss would have found his scrawny little brother\u2019s declaration hilarious. But in the terrifying darkness, the warmth of Joe\u2019s body cuddling into his and the certainty of his statement made things seem just a little better and slightly more bearable.<\/p>\n

\u201cI learned a bit of poetry,\u201d Joe announced after a while. \u201cOut of one of Adam\u2019s books. It\u2019s real good \u2013 do you want to hear it?\u201d Not waiting for a response, he launched into a spirited rendition<\/p>\n

\u201cRats!<\/p>\n

They fought the dogs and killed the cats,<\/p>\n

And bit the babies in their cradles,<\/p>\n

And ate the cheese out of the vats,<\/p>\n

And licked the soup from the cooks own ladles,<\/p>\n

Split open the kegs of salted sprats,<\/p>\n

Made nests inside men\u2019s\u2019 Sunday hats,<\/p>\n

And even spoiled the women\u2019s chats,<\/p>\n

By drowning their speaking,<\/p>\n

With shrieking and squeaking,<\/p>\n

In fifty different sharps and flats.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Joe\u2019s voice echoed horribly around the stone-lined chamber as he finished his recitation with ghoulish glee. Hoss felt a shiver run down his spine and he hoped no rats could find their way inside the springhouse. Imagine if nobody came for days on end, and then died of hunger. Then, when Adam and Pa finally arrived, they would find two dead bodies, with their fingers and toes nibbled away by rats\u2026 He clutched Joe closer, causing a sharp yelp.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t breathe!\u201d Joe was protesting, wriggling wildly and giving little squeaks of pain as he jarred his sore knee, when a bright shaft of light flooded the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa!\u201d Hoss leapt to his feet, letting Joe tumble painfully onto the floor. He rushed forward and hugged his father. \u201cPa! Thanks heavens you found us! We\u2019ve been trapped for ages and I thought we\u2019d never get out!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s less than an hour since you left the house,\u201d Adam said, pushing past his father. \u201cAnd where\u2019s Joe?<\/p>\n

\u201cHere. I hurt my knee and then I banged my nose when Hoss pushed me,\u201d Joe whimpered. \u201cIt\u2019s bleeding,\u201d he added unnecessarily, as Adam knelt down and held a handkerchief to try to staunch the flow of blood.<\/p>\n

Hoss hung his head in shame. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Joe,\u201d he mumbled. \u201cAnd after you were so good to me\u2026\u201d He caught the quizzical tilt of Ben\u2019s eyebrow and explained what had happened.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou learned the Pied Piper of Hamelin<\/em>?\u201d Adam said in amazement.<\/p>\n

\u201cA bit. I liked it, so I borrowed your book,\u201d Joe confessed, hoping he wasn\u2019t going to get into more trouble.<\/p>\n

\u201cAsk next time, don\u2019t just borrow.\u201d Adam tried very hard to speak in a stern voice but could not keep his pride and joy from shining through. He pulled up the leg of Joe\u2019s pants and surveyed the huge bruise blackening his knee. \u201cYou\u2019ve given yourself a fair old bang there, kiddo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI fell,\u201d Joe informed him unnecessarily. \u201cIt hurts.\u201d He cast a pleading look at his father, quite happy to forgo being grownup and self-reliant for just a little while.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled fondly, knowing what was wanted, what was needed. There was no necessity for any further words, not when his boy looked at him like that. He took a step forward and lifted Joe up, so that the boy straddled his hip. Putting his other arm around Hoss\u2019 shoulders, he looked back at Adam and gave him a broad grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go home, boys.\u201d The familiar words rang out clearly in the stone-lined springhouse and echoed with equal clarity in their hearts.<\/p>\n

His knee swathed in bandages and propped on a cushion, a quilt around his shoulders, Joe sat like a miniature pharoah on the porch, sipping cocoa and staring up at the stars.<\/p>\n

\u201cAren\u2019t they amazing?\u201d Adam hunkered down beside him. \u201cSo peaceful and permanent.\u201d<\/p>\n

As they watched, a shooting star soared across the darkness, setting a thrill in their hearts.<\/p>\n

\u201cI always want to start running, to see if could catch a falling star,\u201d Joe whispered. \u201cMy own little bit of heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMake a wish!\u201d Ben said softly and watched as his boys all closed their eyes. He had no need to wish for anything, except that his sons would always be happy and safe. Nothing else mattered.<\/p>\n

That evening, Adam stayed by Joe\u2019s side for a long time, pointing out constellations and relating tales about the stars, while his little brother hung onto every word with rapt adoration.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou sure do know a lot,\u201d Joe breathed in admiration.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know a bit,\u201d Adam acknowledged. \u201cBut do you know the most important thing about the stars?\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe shook his head and stared at his brother intently.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo matter where you go, wherever you are in the world, you can always find your way home, using the stars. Just follow the stars and they will bring you home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWill you show me?\u201d Joe pleaded. \u201cI don\u2019t ever want to leave home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll show you,\u201d Adam promised. \u201cPa taught me years ago, so that I would never be lost, so that I would always be able to come home.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was growing cold and Joe looked very sleepy, so Adam picked him up and went softly upstairs. He placed the boy in his bed and watched as he fell quickly into the deep, sweet sleep of untroubled childhood. Turning to draw the curtains, he gazed out intently at the stars, picking out one that shone particularly brightly.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne day, I will follow my own star,\u201d he vowed. \u201cBut then I\u2019ll let the other stars bring me home, where I belong.\u201d It was a promise that was enshrined in his heart.<\/p>\n

The End<\/p>\n

June 2004<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary:\u00a0 Sometimes, the members of a family can surprise one another<\/p>\n

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