Summary: \u00a0Troubled by ill-health, Ben travels to Sacramento, little realising that Joe is about to embark upon the most important journey of his life.<\/p>\n
Rated: K (13,040 words)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Tempt Not The Stars<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d<\/p>\n The deep, unmistakable tones of Ben Cartwright reverberated throughout the house, easily travelling up the staircase and permeating though the stout wooden door of his youngest son\u2019s bedroom. Lying sprawled across his bed in unorthodox fashion, with his feet hanging uncomfortably over the edge, Joe gave a reflexive twitch and managed to summon up just enough energy to crank open an eyelid. The light pouring through a crack in the curtains told its own story.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d<\/p>\n This time, Joe was conscious enough not only to hear his father\u2019s voice but also to recognise the irate tone. Only Ben Cartwright could invest such dread meaning into a mere two syllables. Suppressing a groan, Joe managed to pull himself up into a sitting position and then, with considerable effort, he walked slowly towards the door.<\/p>\n Hearing the sound of footsteps, Ben suppressed a knowing smile and reapplied himself to his breakfast. After all, he had successfully navigated the choppy days of young manhood with his two elder sons, not to mention the various storms, gales and doldrums they presented him with.\u00a0 He had even survived the childhood and adolescence of his youngest son, which was in itself no mean feat. These past achievements had led Ben to honestly believe that there were few surprises left for him to encounter as a parent. Perhaps it was the early hour of the morning, or the fact that Ben had an uncomfortable stomach-ache that caused him to think so complacently and yet so totally erroneously. While both Adam and Hoss had presented him with their fair share of challenges, neither had the same exuberant, exhilerant approach to life as their younger brother. There were times when even the most charitable person could only describe actually living with Joe as a challenge.<\/p>\n Running a hand through his tousled curls and plastering a suitably apologetic smile across his face, Joe was not quite prepared for the sensation his rather belated appearance at breakfast would produce. The murmur of early-morning conversation ceased completely as he descended the bottom flight of stairs and Hoss actually stopped chewing a succulent piece of Virginia ham, his jaw hanging slack as he surveyed his brother. A gleeful smile, containing more than a hint of amused recognition crept across Adam\u2019s dark features as he stirred his coffee with considerably more vigour than required. And Ben? For once Ben Cartwright was lost for words and could only shake his head in mute resignation.<\/p>\n Finally, after a silence that seemed almost interminable, Adam cleared his throat. \u201cFrom the evidence presented before us, I would say a good time was had by all, eh little brother?\u201d<\/p>\n Bemused, Joe regarded him blankly. \u201cYeah, I had a good time,\u201d he agreed, rooted to the spot at the foot of the stairs. His mind raced wildly, wondering what on earth was going on. After all, it was not entirely unusual for him to be slightly delayed for breakfast. But why on earth was his family acting so strangely this morning?<\/p>\n \u201cForget something, son?\u201d Ben asked. Joe thought his father\u2019s tone of voice was pleasant enough, but then he conveniently managed to ignore the barbed edge to the query. Just as he opened his mouth to respond, a chorus of hearty laughter from his brothers effectively drowned any words out.<\/p>\n Ben beckoned imperiously, a certain familiar and reproving cast settling across his features and Joe walked slowly towards the table, dread informing every step. \u201cIn this house, young man, we have certain standards,\u201d Ben stated, his voicing rising slightly. \u201cNot least of which is appearing punctually at meal times and\u2026\u201d He paused dramatically, ratchetting up the volume to impressive levels,\u00a0 \u201cDressing presentably!\u201d<\/p>\n It was at this point that Joe suddenly realised he had merely pulled his boots out from underneath his bed and had not actually stopped to put them on before coming downstairs. He flinched slightly as the offending objects fell from his nerveless fingers to land on the floor with a loud thud and only just managed to suppress a groan when his tan-coloured shirt followed them, floating downwards to drape itself gently over the boots in an artistic manner. Tired as he was, even Joe realised that arriving at the breakfast table bare-chested and bare-footed was not the best start to the day. He started gabbling wildly, in a desperate attempt to get back into his father\u2019s good graces.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, Pa. I didn\u2019t want to keep you all waiting and \u2026<\/p>\n \u201cQuite like old times, isn\u2019t it?\u201d Adam interrupted smoothly, watching as Joe buttoned his shirt and sat down, slinging one foot onto the opposite to pull on his socks. \u201cBeing treated to the sight of Joe\u2019s toes at the breakfast table, I mean. Reminds me of when he was a baby, sitting over there in his high chair and burbling merrily away.\u201d Safe in the superiority of being both fully dressed and on time, Adam flashed his sibling a brilliant smile, earning a sour look in response. With great presence of mind and exercising huge amounts of restraint, Joe managed to refrain from wiggling his bare toes in Adam\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat time did you get home last night?\u201d Ben demanded, as Joe stamped his feet into his boots and then gratefully gulped down a mouthful of coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cNot late, Pa,\u201d Joe assured him, with a seraphic smile. \u201cAdam hadn\u2019t gone to bed yet.\u201d<\/p>\n The expression on Adam\u2019s face changed quickly. \u201cDon\u2019t lie, Joe,\u201d he advised curtly. \u201cThat\u2019s no way to get out of trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, I\u2019m not lying,\u201d Joe assured him earnestly. \u201cYou were snoring away by the fireside, sound asleep, so I was real quiet and careful not to wake you. I know how tired you can get after a hard day\u2019s work, older<\/strong> brother.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss put his head down and devoted his full attention to his meal, anxious to keep out of the brewing argument. Adam just could not seem to help taunting Joe about his youth, while lately Joe had taken every possible opportunity to remind Adam that age had certain penalties, as well as privileges. Well and truly caught in the middle, Hoss wanted no part of their petty bickerings.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere were you anyway?\u201d Ben asked, trying to steer the conversation into calmer waters. He could already feel a slight twinge of indigestion.<\/p>\n \u201cAt the Silver Dollar,\u201d Joe answered, helping himself to scrambled eggs. \u201cHad a couple of beers and played cards with the guys. You know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, we know,\u201d Adam said, unable to resist the challenge he felt was evident in Joe\u2019s voice. \u201cI don\u2019t suppose you happened to talk to any of those pretty little saloon girls, did you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe chewed carefully and swallowed before answering. \u201cDo you know, I did chat to one of them! And she sure was pretty, just like you say. In fact, she gave me a message for you, Adam. Said you left a bandana up in her room last week and she was wondering when you\u2019d be over to pick it up! She sounded real keen to see you again.\u201d<\/p>\n Ducking his head down and glancing up from underneath his eyelashes, Joe could see a dull, angry colour suffuse his brother\u2019s face, while simultaneously his father\u2019s brows drew together in foreboding disapproval. His barbs had hit home with a vengeance! Deciding this was the point at which discretion definitely became the better part of valour, Joe applied himself heroically to the remainder of his breakfast, contented that this was one battle of wits in which he had definitely emerged the victor.<\/p>\n Ben sat up a little straighter in his chair, hoping that this would help to ease the discomfort under his ribs. He took a sip of coffee and just managed to stifle an exclamation as his stomach protested. \u201cI\u2019m taking the noon stage to Sacramento,\u201d he announced and derived a small amount of pleasure at the surprised looks that greeted this statement. As he thought, the squabble between oldest and youngest sons was abruptly halted in its tracks.<\/p>\n \u201cBusiness, Pa?\u201d Adam asked, wondering why this was the first mention his father had made of the trip. Such journeys were normally planned out well in advance.<\/p>\n \u201cJust some matters that need my personal attention. Some dividends have matured and I\u2019m considering re-investing them in a delivery company that could prove very useful for our timber operations here, allowing us to expand into new markets. I\u2019m meeting some of the stockholders and managers of the company next week to discuss matter further and then I\u2019ll make a decision.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam nodded, instantly appreciating the new business opportunities this could bring. \u201cPerhaps I could join you?\u201d he offered, trying to appear diffident.<\/p>\n All other things being equal, Ben would normally have invited Adam to accompany him as a matter of course. After all, Adam supervised the timber workings and plantation operations on the Ponderosa, in addition to being the proud owner of a fine business brain that was an asset to any negotiation. But there was another reason for Ben\u2019s visit to the California State Capitol, one that he was not about to share with any of his sons. For some weeks, Ben had been bothered with persistent stomach pains, which were not getting any better. The local doctor, Paul Martin, had been unable to alleviate the symptoms and had therefore arranged for Ben to meet with a specialist for a consultation. Secretly dreading the worst, Ben was determined not to worry any of his sons unduly and would therefore make the trip alone. If there were bad news to break, he would do it here, in the surroundings that he loved, with the people he loved most near him, not in some cold, impersonal city hospital.<\/p>\n Joe touched his arm gently, jerking him back to the present. \u201cWant me to come along, Pa?\u201d he asked softly, sensing there was something wrong. Smiling tenderly, Ben took hold of his smooth, young hand for just a second. That touch was enough to make Ben realise that he could not bear this, the physical contact coming perilously close to dissolving his self-control. He could not do this – he would not do this to his boys! He shook his head, patted Joe\u2019s hand briefly and stood up.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd what exactly do you know about timber operations, freight delivery or stock options?\u201d Adam enquired, inadvertently stepping into the breach.<\/p>\n Joe shrugged his shoulders impatiently. \u201cI could learn.\u201d He gave Adam an impudent grin. \u201cSame way you did. After all, it can\u2019t be that difficult, can it?\u201d<\/p>\n Taking a deep breath, Adam clamped his hand down firmly on top of Joe\u2019s head, pressing him into his seat. \u201cAny time you want to learn more, just say the word and I\u2019ll be delighted to teach you,\u201d he said with grim delight, as he envisaged introducing Joe to the delights of limited stock options and bearer bonds and all other manner of fiscal delights.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll be the first to know,\u201d Joe said fervently, squirming away. Adam laughed and then grabbed his custard-coloured coat as the three brothers clattered outside to complete their chores before accompanying their father to Virginia City.<\/p>\n A smile crept over Ben\u2019s face as he went upstairs to begin packing. He\u2019d brought his boys up well \u2013 they were strong, independent young men and while they might have their differences, they also had a deep and abiding love for one another. That would see them through, if\u2026. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, Ben paused for a moment. Was it enough? Had he done all that he should, all that he could to prepare his boys? He sighed softly. He\u2019d done his best: that would have to suffice. A line from a poem sprang into his mind, \u201cTempt not the stars, young man. Thou canst not play with the severity of fate.\u201d<\/p>\n Elizabeth had loved \u201cThe Broken Heart,\u201d by John Ford and adored it when Ben would read the play aloud to her. How strange that particular line should spring into his head now, after all these years! There was very little on the Ponderosa to cause a resonance of Elizabeth, other than her the heritage of her son. Elizabeth belonged to another time, far away and long ago, when they were both young and innocent, Ben thought wistfully. And now he was white haired and middle-aged and weary, while Elizabeth was forever youthful, forever young and smiling. He realised that it was increasingly difficult to recall more than the most fleeting details of her memory, almost impossible to recollect the nuances of her voice. She belonged to another time and another place. What would Elizabeth have thought of this life and the man her son had become?<\/p>\n \u201cI did my best, my love,\u201d he whispered, picking up her portrait and tracing the line of her chin with a gentle finger.\u00a0 \u201cAnd he\u2019s grown to become a fine man. You would be so very proud of him \u2013 I know I am.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben picked up the other two portraits on his dresser and carefully wrapped them within the folds of his clothing, protected from any buffeting the journey might produce, tucking them into the interior of his carpet bag for added protection. Looking out of the window, he could see his sons in the yard below, readying the horses for the ride into town. The house was quiet and empty and the silence seemed to mould around his body like a soft, velvet cloak of acceptance. As he locked the door behind him, Ben felt a strange sense of foreboding. Was this the end to another chapter of his life? For a moment, he hesitated, then smiled with resignation as he looked out at all that he had achieved, laid out before him\u2013 this house, the whole of the Ponderosa, and most of all, his sons. It was a fine legacy. No man could ask for any more. Squaring his shoulders, Ben walked steadily across to the hitching rail, where he gave Buck a pat on the neck and then swung up into the saddle.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s ride!\u201d he called and wondered if it were just his imagination or if his words were imbued with a hopeless sense of finality and resignation. But no one else seemed to notice. Ben could not quite decide if that were a comfort or another source of misery.<\/p>\n Joe and Hoss rode along the road together, leaning their heads in towards one another. From the snatches of conversation that flew back, Ben surmised that Hoss was experiencing some slight difficulties with his girlfriend, Bessie Sue and that Joe was offering advice in his own inimitable style.<\/p>\n \u201cBlue hair-ribbons!\u201d Joe said confidently. \u201cYou simply can\u2019t go wrong. I\u2019ve never met a girl who wouldn\u2019t like a nice gift like that. Not too personal, or even too expensive, but it shows you\u2019ve put some thought into the present. Girls like that, you know. And you can tell Bessie Sue you chose them especially to match her be-yooo-tiful blue eyes!\u201d His voice rose in a high falsetto and he batted his eyelashes in a becoming manner, before dissolving into wild cackles of laughter.<\/p>\n Hoss guffawed appreciatively and reached out a meaty hand to clap Joe affectionately across the shoulders. Even from a distance, Ben could see Joe lurch forward in the saddle at the unexpected impact.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess Bessie Sue is determined to lead Hoss on a merry dance,\u201d he remarked to Adam. \u201cShe\u2019s quite a girl!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know Hoss \u2013 he likes a girl who knows her mind!\u201d Adam joked. \u201cThey seem a good match though \u2013 Bessie can be a bit flighty, but Hoss brings her back down to earth. I don\u2019t think Hoss needs to worry about anything though \u2013 I mean, have you seen the way she looks at him?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben chuckled. \u201cI surely have! Like he\u2019s good enough to eat!\u201d How glad he was that Hoss, in many ways the quietest and most reserved of his sons, had found someone like Bessie Sue. A kind-hearted, fun-loving girl, she had set her cap at Hoss, recognising and appreciating his many fine qualities. \u201cAnd somehow I don\u2019t think it has escaped Hoss\u2019 notice that he\u2019s got himself the best pie-maker in the whole of Virginia City!\u201d<\/p>\n The peals and whoops of laughter caused Joe and Hoss to turn in their saddles and regard them quizzically.<\/p>\n \u201cAin\u2019t no accountin\u2019 for some folks,\u201d Hoss said sagely as they jogged sedately into town. Joe shrugged, having long ago decided that there was no sense in dwelling upon the unfathomable strangeness of people. It was best just to accept folks for what and who they were.<\/p>\n The stage was waiting when they rode into Virginia City and so their farewells were foreshortened. Ben gave each of his sons a hug, gazing deeply into first into mid-brown eyes, then into clear, guileless blue and finally into sparkling green, before forcing himself up the steps and into his seat. As the stage pulled away, he could hear Joe cry out \u201cHave a safe trip, Pa, and come back soon!\u201d and he leant out of the window, hungry for one last, precious glimpse of his boys.<\/p>\n Joe was standing between his brothers, their larger, stockier builds emphasising his slenderness and youth. He was literally bouncing up and down, waving his hat wildly in the air. While Adam tried vainly to restrain Joe\u2019s antics, Hoss just threw his head back and laughed. Ben pulled off his own hat and waved it in response, calling out \u201cGoodbye!\u201d, before slumping back into his seat and whispering \u201cGod be with you all,\u201d so softly that it scarcely amounted to the breath of a whisper.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n It was some time before his eyes cleared enough to see the passing scenery clearly. How many journeys had he made in his life? Too many to be able to recall more than incidental details of most of them. For a long time, Ben had searched fruitlessly for some meaning and purpose in life, always travelling on in the hope that it would appear over the next mountain, or in the next valley or the next town. But after a while, he had given up hope and just kept on travelling because he really didn\u2019t know what else to do. Some people thought that his lifestyle was unfair to Adam, who was only a small child, but in truth Adam had no concept of a life in one place and placidly accepted the constant onward journey as normality.<\/p>\n Inger had changed that. But then Inger changed everything. Ben smiled as he thought of how surprised his dear, kind, unassuming Inger would be to know that. Her strength and her faith in him knew no bounds and at last Ben was able to see that every journey should have a purpose and a final destination. And so they had travelled on together, united in a new purpose.<\/p>\n That resolve had nearly perished along with Inger in an Indian attack near Ash Hollow, Nebraska. She had never completed the Oregon Trail, but lay buried in an unmarked grave that was tended by no one. But her spirit had stayed with her small family, not least in the presence of her most precious gift, Hoss. These had been dark days indeed, but even in his bleakest moments of despair, Ben knew that he owed it to Inger to continue onwards and strive to create a home for his two sons.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you look down at your son, dear Inger?\u201d Ben wondered. \u201cDo you see the love and tolerance that is your heritage? Or his strong, steadfast heart? Do you gasp, along with me, at his infinite capacity for love?\u201d<\/p>\n That particular journey along the Oregon Trail had finally ended for Ben and his sons in Nevada, at what had grown into the mighty, prosperous Ponderosa. How ironic it was, Ben thought, that this latest journey was taking him away from everything that he held precious. He recalled all the nights on board ship when he would gaze upward at the North Star and wonder at its permanency and stability. For so many years, the Ponderosa had been his personal Pole Star, the fixed point in his life. To leave it now seemed tantamount to a betrayal.<\/p>\n The middle-aged woman sitting opposite him saw the troubled expression on the handsome, silver-haired man\u2019s face. She leant slightly forward towards him and Ben stirred as her pleasant features came into his line of sight.<\/p>\n \u201cSometimes, it is better to travel hopefully than to arrive,\u201d she confided. The well-worn words were given a new meaning by the heartfelt tones and her obvious sincerity and Ben noticed that she was knotting her fingers together anxiously. Sensing that at least one of his fellow passengers had troubles of her own, and anxious to push his own disturbing thoughts to the back of his mind, Ben gave her an understanding smile that invited her to continue. Soon, the lady was sharing her worries about her daughter, who was expecting her first baby in two weeks time. This topic of conversation quickly involved the other inhabitants of the cramped coach and the ensuing assurances, recollections and well-meaning pieces of advice kept them all occupied until they finally reached Sacramento.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n By mutual, if unspoken agreement, the three Cartwright brothers headed straight for home, forgoing their normal routine of a refreshing beer at a convivial saloon. Somehow, it did not seem right to be celebrating.<\/p>\n Joe set a steady pace for home. \u201cI\u2019d like to have that string of horses broken for the Army ahead of time and then get a head start on assessing new breeding stock before Pa comes home,\u201d he declared. \u201cBest way I can think of to say \u2018Welcome Home\u2019 that I can think of.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam looked concerned. \u201cThat\u2019s an awful lot of work, Joe. You know that Hoss is committed to moving the south herd up to the fresh pastures and I\u2019ll be overseeing the timber-cutting most of the time. We\u2019ve got a big contract for mine props to fill and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but we need to get all those jobs done,\u201d Hoss interjected, worry colouring his words.\u00a0 \u201cYou and I are spoken for, Adam, but maybe we could get an extension from the Army, you think? A couple of weeks would give us some breathing space.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you reckon I can do it?\u201d Joe asked in a small voice. He thought this would be the ideal opportunity to demonstrate that he was a valuable part of life on the Ponderosa, but right from the start his brothers were sapping his confidence. Joe wondered if there would ever come a time when he would be regarded as an equal, able to pull his weight, someone whose views were listened to and respected. It was beginning to depress him, although he steadfastly refused to voice his concerns. That was the fate of being the youngest, he thought. People just refused to let you grow up.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not that,\u201d Hoss said quickly. \u201cWe all know you\u2019re the best rider on the Ponderosa and you can get the orneriest horse to behave like a lady\u2019s saddle horse for you. Aint no one can gentle a horse like you. Why, even Sport stops his skittering about when you ride him!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam gave a huffy snort of disbelief, but there was a broad smile on his face. It quickly disappeared when Sport promptly started to dance nervously and threw his head around. After a brief battle of wills, Adam brought the horse under control. \u201cWe all know horse-breaking is bone-jarring work that saps the strength out of a man, Joe. Won\u2019t you allow us the luxury of being concerned about you?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded reluctantly, wondering what necessary but undoubtedly safe and boring task he would be assigned. It appeared that he was doomed to forever remain the baby of the family, protected, yet not respected. Adam\u2019s next words came as a complete surprise.<\/p>\n “But, having said that, you\u2019re right. So, go ahead with your plan \u2013 but for heaven\u2019s sake, don\u2019t be so stubborn headed that you won\u2019t ask for help if you need it!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be fine,\u201d Joe said, with all the boundless confidence and optimism of youth.\u00a0 His face was wreathed with smiles as he urged Cochise into a canter and spurted homewards.<\/p>\n \u201cKid rides like an angel, don\u2019t he?\u201d Hoss said admiringly.<\/p>\n In his mind\u2019s eye, Adam could see the glee and hint of devilment that frequently resided in Joe\u2019s eyes. \u201cA fallen angel!\u201d he qualified and kicked Sport into reluctant pursuit, wondering if he would ever be able to shake the deep-seated sense of responsibility he felt towards Joe.<\/p>\n Hoss drew up alongside him. \u201cGood thing he\u2019s got you an\u2019 me as guardian angels looking\u2019 out for him then!\u201d he called out cheerfully.<\/p>\n Favouring him with a nod, Adam personally doubted if the entire heavenly host could keep Joe out of trouble. \u201cI hope this is a short trip, Pa,\u201d he thought, keeping the reins tight \u201cOr you\u2019ll come home to discover I\u2019ve aged ten years!\u201d<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Joe made a determined effort to rise as early as possible each morning, so that he could complete his routine chores before breakfast, thus giving him a clear, uninterrupted space to work with the green horses until he took a brief break for lunch. Barn chores were fine and even chopping enough wood to keep the demanding Hop Sing satisfied was something that Joe could endure, but he particularly abhorred his daily task of collecting eggs from the chicken coop. He had never quite been able to get over his dislike and fear of the birds, imagining a certain malevolence in every beady glare. Having been the recipient of several painful pecks, Joe knew from personal experience just how sharp their beaks were and he also had a healthy respect of their claws. He tended to advance towards the chickens, brandishing the egg basket in front of him like a shield, using it to shoo the birds out of his way.<\/p>\n Coming out of the barn, Adam stopped to enjoy the daily spectacle of Joe\u2019s battle with the chickens. He grinned as he saw one bird sneak around behind his brother and leant against the wall to fully enjoy the inevitable outcome. Sure enough, as Joe bent over to retrieve an egg the chicken lunged forward, landing a firm peck on Joe\u2019s butt. Shooting upwards, Joe let out an outraged squawk of pain, simultaneously dropping the basket, scattering the eggs and clutching his bruised backside. Adam tried very hard to repress his emotions, but every man has his limits. After a valiant but ultimately fruitless struggle, he was finally forced to let his laughter erupt.<\/p>\n Escaping from the coop, Joe glared vehemently at him. \u201cI suppose you think that was funny?\u201d he demanded, rubbing his butt and wondering just how much damage a chicken could inflict. Was it possible that the bird had actually pecked out a chunk of his butt? Joe gave an anguished little hop at this thought, which only increased Adam\u2019s whoops of glee. Finally, Joe realised he had one weapon at his disposal. \u201cI might not be able to sit on a horse today,\u201d he warned darkly. “Maybe you should take over breaking those horses for me?\u201d<\/p>\n Abruptly brought back to his senses, Adam sobered up rapidly. There was no way he could face even a few hours on those broncs. That was a young man\u2019s game. \u201cJoe, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d he wheezed. \u201cWant me to check it out for you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think so,\u201d Joe said, with as much dignity as he could muster. He started to walk back to the house, limping slightly with each step in an attempt to garner some sympathy.<\/p>\n \u201cIt could have been worse,\u201d Adam advised wickedly. \u201cAfter all, that devil chicken could have pecked you right on the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Whirling around, Joe just managed not to whimper outloud. \u201cDon\u2019t you dare say that!\u201d he demanded. \u201cIn fact, don\u2019t even think about it! I forbid you! I absolutely forbid you!\u201d Gathering the tattered shreds of his dignity, Joe walked away as fast as he could, but with a decided list to one side and with one hand held protectively over his butt.\u00a0 Adam leaned back against the barn wall and crowed with laughter until he could scarcely breathe.<\/p>\n When they looked back on things, this was the one light-hearted interlude the brothers could remember from that time. For the main part, their days consisted of early starts and late finishes, packed in-between with hard work. In the evenings, they would meet at dinner and make desultory attempts at conversation.<\/p>\n \u201cSure do miss Pa around here,\u201d Hoss remarked that evening. \u201cSeems like nothing is quite right.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe, who was sitting perched on his undamaged buttock, nodded apathetically, pushing his food around the plate without any real attempt at eating.<\/p>\n Adam felt a little guilty, for his job mainly consisted of supervisory duties and did not involve the physically exhausting work that his brother\u2019s jobs did. Their tiredness was evident to see \u2013 Hoss was struggling to stay awake for long enough to finish his portion of beef stew, far less demolish a second or even third helping, while Joe had dark circles under his eyes and had a fine-drawn air about him. Their fatigue seemed to permeate the air.<\/p>\n \u201cI could do your chores tomorrow morning,\u201d he offered. \u201cLet you both have an extra half hour in bed.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe shook his head. \u201cNo way. That\u2019s not fair on you. We\u2019re in this together. Like that book you love so much says: One for all and all for one.\u201d<\/p>\n There were times when Adam regretted introducing his brother to the delights of literature and this was definitely one of them. He watched silently as Joe slowly rose to his feet, refusing a cup of coffee.<\/p>\n \u201cThink I\u2019ll turn in early. I reckon one more day should do it and see the last of those horses broken for the Army. And then I\u2019m going to have the longest, hottest bath and hit Virginia City with a vengeance!\u201d<\/p>\n Hop Sing touched him gently on the arm. \u201cPlenty hot water,\u201d he advised. \u201cYou soak now and sleep good,\u201d he urged, his concern palpable.<\/p>\n Joe heard the worried note in his voice. \u201cI\u2019d love to, Hop Sing but the truth is I\u2019m so tired and so sore right now that I doubt I\u2019d be able to get out the tub,\u201d he confessed, longing for the warmth and comfort of the water on his bruised and aching body.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you worry about that none,\u201d Hoss advised. \u201cIffen you should get stuck, I\u2019ll get you out no problem. You\u2019re still just a skinny little thing, after all!\u201d<\/p>\n Pushed into a corner, Joe agreed. As he stripped off his clothes in the wash-room, he wondered how he would have reacted if Adam had made the same offer, even used the same words. \u201cI probably would have bitten his head off!\u201d he concluded, stepping gingerly into the steaming water. \u201cWonder why we seem to rub each other up the wrong way, no matter what?” He surveyed the myriad of purple bruises on his concave stomach with a detached air, eased his aching shoulders under the warm water and closed his eyes with a soft grunt of satisfaction. Some things were just too complicated to ponder over right now, Joe decided and surrendered himself to the soothing heat.<\/p>\n Back in the living room of the Ponderosa, Adam was engaged in a remarkably similar conversation with Hoss.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t take it too personal,\u201d Hoss advised. \u201cSeems to me that you and Joe are two sides of the same coin \u2013 similar, part of the same whole, yet each of you striving to prove you are different. Let go of that and maybe you can appreciate the man he is, not the boy you still see him as.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I could,\u201d Adam said miserably. \u201cBut no matter how competent Joe is, or how old he is, he\u2019ll always be my baby brother. I\u2019ve got to look out for him.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss regarded him quizzically. \u201cI don\u2019t see you having that problem with me,\u201d he remarked. \u201cYou let me stand on my own feet years ago. I ain’t smart like you an\u2019 Joe, we all know that, but I can look after myself. And so can Joe, if you let him. That doesn\u2019t mean you stop caring about him or trying to help him but you\u2019ve gotta let him be his own man, on his own terms, not yours.\u201d<\/p>\n Seeing that Adam still looked dubious, Hoss continued. \u201c\u2019Member when he was just a baby an\u2019 learnin\u2019 to walk? All those times he fell over and thumped onto his butt and then sat there and howled?\u201d Adam nodded, grinning despite himself at the memories. \u201cBut Mama didn\u2019t stop him or hold him back, did she? Nope, she let him go on until he got the hang of it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd a few days later, he went trotting across the floor at high speed, tripped over and cracked his head open on the coffee table! There was blood everywhere and he cried loud enough to bring Pa rushing over from the barn,\u201d Adam reminisced. The memory was so fresh in his mind, as if it had only happened a few days beforehand, not years ago.<\/p>\n \u201cMy point exactly. Sometimes, you\u2019ve gotta stand back and let Joe go off on his own, even if your urge is to hold on and protect him. Tricky thing is, you\u2019ve also gotta be there when he needs you. Just like Pa is for us, even now.\u201d<\/p>\n A wry smile crossed Adam\u2019s face. \u201cIt was Marie, as I remember that particular incident. And somehow, I don\u2019t think Joe would appreciate being plonked on my knee for a consoling kiss and a cuddle!\u201d .He bent down and studied the table carefully. \u201cI\u2019m sure there\u2019s still a dent in there somewhere,\u201d he remarked absently, before straightening up and looking at his brother as if really seeing him for the first time. \u201cThanks for the advice, Hoss. You\u2019ve helped me see things in a new way.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss shrugged nonchalantly, but was unable to hide his evident pride and satisfaction at the praise. He looked over at the grandfather clock. \u201cYou gonna see if Joe\u2019s stuck in that tub? He\u2019s been in there for ages.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be sure to holler if I need your help,\u201d Adam assured him and left the room with a decided bounce in his step.<\/p>\n A few wisps of steam escaped from under the washroom door as Adam knocked briefly and then entered.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you might need this,\u201d he said, holding out Joe\u2019s nightshirt. From the depths of the tub, Joe blinked blearily up at him, his hair hanging in limp tendrils around his face and looking impossibly young.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d he murmured sleepily and started to get out of the water, when he suddenly stumbled and would have fallen if Adam had not grabbed him under the elbow and steadied him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou okay, Joe?\u201d The concern was clear in Adam\u2019s voice and echoed by the worried expression on his face.<\/p>\n \u201cJust a bit dizzy. Must have got up too quickly,\u201d Joe said, allowing himself to be guided over to a chair. He felt so very tired and too weary to do any thing else. He didn\u2019t protest when Adam draped a towel around him, or even when he roughly dried his hair and he submitted to being bundled into his nightshirt and shepherded upstairs and into bed without a murmur.<\/p>\n \u201cNight, Joe, sleep tight\u201d Adam said softly, standing at the doorway and watching as Joe snuggled into his pillows with evident contentment.<\/p>\n \u201cNight, Pa,\u201d Joe replied automatically, almost asleep already. Adam felt a strong flood of love, pride and fear wash over him as he remained standing in the doorway, fondly watching his brother rest. It was several minutes before he could bring himself to turn around and shut the door behind him, leaving Joe alone.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Ben took a deep breath and began to walk to the doctor\u2019s consulting rooms. The streets of Sacramento were so full of memories for him, memories that revolved incessantly around Marie and her excitement when they arrived here on honeymoon, nearing their long journey\u2019s end. Everywhere they had gone, men would stop and watch her and then give Ben looks of open admiration at her beauty. Marie, typically, had been impervious to this attention and had chattered on vivaciously, planning the presents she wished to buy for the two new sons that awaited her in Nevada.<\/p>\n \u201cYou are always with me, my love,\u201d Ben thought. Whether it was here or back at the Ponderosa, where each room bore faint but recognisable traces of her taste and personality, Marie was still a constant companion in his life. Never more so than each time he looked at his youngest son, who resembled his beautiful mother in so many ways, not only in looks, but in personality.<\/p>\n \u201cHeadstrong, impetuous, determined\u2026\u201d he muttered under his breath. And then Ben stopped for a moment, threw his head back and laughed out loud, undisturbed by the looks passers-by gave him. Exactly who was he describing? Marie? Joseph? Or himself?<\/p>\n Ben continued his journey to the doctor\u2019s. How he wished that Joe was beside him right now. Joe had an innate sensibility for other people and a portion of his youthful concern and understanding would have been a great comfort to the anxious man right now. Still, were some parts of every journey which much be undertaken alone, he reasoned and then realised that he had reached his destination. A brass nameplate boldly declared that he had arrived at the premises of Doctor G T Hughes. A string of letters appeared after the great man\u2019s name, but these meant little to the nervous man who paced restlessly up and down the sidewalk.<\/p>\n A feeling of panic threatened to overwhelm Ben and for a second, he experienced the same terror as when first instructed to climb up the mast of a schooner and untangle a line that was caught in the rigging. The task seemed so perilous and the outcome so terrifying that both the man he had become and the boy he once was balked at the prospect. But there was no other option, so Ben mounted the steps with a sure and steadfast tread that ably disguised his trepidation.<\/p>\n \u201cMmm,\u201d the doctor said, studying first his notes and then his patient with interest. \u201cYou\u2019ve had these pains for over two months now?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded. \u201cAlmost three months, I\u2019d say.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cQuite. And the pain is worse after meals?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes. And then it subsides to a dull ache.\u201d<\/p>\n Doctor Hughes leant back in his chair and allowed himself a small smile. \u201cMr Cartwright, you have a severe inflammation of the lining of your stomach, but we\u2019ve identified it before any major or lasting damage has been done. There is no sign of any internal bleeding or of any tumourous growths.\u201d There was an audible sigh of relief from the man sitting opposite and a noticeable change in his demeanour. \u201cI\u2019ll give instructions for a medicine to be made up for you and then we\u2019ll discuss some minor changes in diet \u2013 just plain, simple, wholesome fare and plenty of milk, a few weeks of rest \u2013 but for the main part, I can offer you a complete return to health.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben could not belief his ears, so great was his jubilation. Belatedly, he realised the doctor was still speaking.<\/p>\n \u201cThere is one final, most essential part of my prescription.\u201d He paused and scrutinised Ben carefully. \u201cI don\u2019t think you\u2019ll have too much trouble keeping to this part of the regime though.\u201d Ben nodded once more. He would do anything this man asked, if it meant he could go home and resume his old life. Doctor Hughes favoured him with a broad smile. \u201cI\u2019m instructing you to have a large glass of port each evening, before retiring!\u201d He struggled not to laugh as a broad smile spread across his patient\u2019s face. \u201cIt will help you to relax and should ensure a good night\u2019s rest. I trust you will have no difficulty in taking that particular medicine?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNone at all,\u201d Ben stated in heartfelt tones, clasping the doctor\u2019s hand between both of his own. \u201cAbsolutely none at all!\u201d<\/p>\n Later that day, Ben walked along the street with a jaunty air. Now that both parts of his business were successfully completed, there was no reason why he should not spend a couple of days relaxing in Sacramento. \u201cAfter all, I\u2019m only following my doctor\u2019s instructions!\u201d he chuckled and set off down a busy thoroughfare where he recalled seeing a wine merchants. There was no time like the present and he was determined to start on his cure as soon as possible. As he sauntered along, something caught his eye in a shop-window \u2013 a beautiful pair of boots, in ox-blood leather and with intricate stitching.\u00a0 A picture of Joe, pulling on his old, shabby boots at the breakfast table sprang forward and Ben could simply not resist entering the shop.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m going home!\u201d he thought. \u201cHome to my boys.\u201d Life had never felt sweeter or more full of joy and promise at that moment.<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Joe stood by the corral and surveyed the remaining horses carefully. One stood out as a particular challenge: a big, rangy sorrel with a dark mane and tail and a mischievous glint in his eye. \u201cGet him ready,\u201d he told the hands and they moved smoothly into action, with the ease of long practice. The sorrel pawed the ground nervously and Joe realised that this was one horse that actually scared him. It was an unwelcome sensation, and Joe determinedly pushed down his fear before carefully climbing on top of the fence. A quick glance assured him that the men were holding the sorrel firmly in place and then he eased down into the saddle.<\/p>\n The gate flew open and the horse shot out, bucking wildly, frantically struggling to get rid of this creature on its back. Joe hung on grimly, letting his body move with the motions of the animal, which were becoming more and violent and uncontrollable. It seemed like an eternity. The sorrel began to execute a series of hops, bouncing on all four legs, but still Joe clung on. Reaching the point of exhaustion, the horse tried one final attempt to dislodge his rider, wildly bucking his hind legs up in the air.<\/p>\n In a split second, Joe realised that he was going to come off the animal and that this was going to be a bone-crunching fall. As he started to move through the air, he could see the corral fence out of the corner of his eye. \u201cThis is going to hurt,\u201d he thought, trying desperately to alter the path of his fall, but it was a fruitless attempt. Joe crashed hard into the fence and his left leg became entangled in the middle railing. There was an awful sound of tearing wood, the brief, sharp cry of a man in agony, followed by the noise of a body connecting squarely with hard-packed earth. And then there was silence, broken only by the ragged breathing of the horse, which stood in a far corner of the corral, its sides heaving.<\/p>\n In the distance, a door banged shut and a large man came tearing across to the corral. He surveyed the scene of a second, before falling to his knees in the dirt.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe?\u201d His voice was very quiet, but clearly audible in the unnatural hush.<\/p>\n \u201cHe took a real bad fall, Hoss,\u201d one of the men ventured.<\/p>\n Hoss did not look up. \u201cI kin see that. Joe? You hear me, boy?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe lay silent and unresponding, his leg twisted at such an awful angle that Hoss felt sick just looking at it.\u00a0 He eased his arms under his brother\u2019s broken body and slowly rose to his feet, cradling Joe in his arms. \u201cOne of you men get Doc Martin over here real quick,\u201d he said softly and began to walk slowly back to the house, Joe\u2019s head flung back so that the tendons were drawn taut. Hoss could see a faint pulse beating at the base of Joe\u2019s throat, and he seized on this as a sign of hope.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s still unconscious,\u201d Adam informed the doctor. Paul Martin had driven out to the Ponderosa at top speed and his horse was lathered and panting with exertion. Automatically, one of the hands stepped forward to tend to the animal.<\/p>\n Paul Martin did not need to be shown the way to Joe\u2019s room; he had trodden that familiar path many times before. But Adam stayed close to his side, filling him in on all the details.<\/p>\n \u201cHis leg got caught between the rails of the fence as he came down. The rail gave way, but as it broke, Joe\u2019s leg seemed to twist. We haven\u2019t dared to try to take his boot off.\u201d Adam stopped and looked straight into Paul\u2019s eyes. \u201cIt looks a real mess.\u201d<\/p>\n Nodding his agreement, Paul entered the room. After a brief examination, he began to issue instructions. \u201cFirst thing, we need to get that boot off. I\u2019ll need the sharpest knife you\u2019ve got and a thin, flexible strip of metal, about two feet long.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss disappeared and returned clutching the requested implements. The brothers watched in silence as Paul slipped the metal down inside Joe\u2019s boot and then started to slice the leather open, running the blade down the metal to avoid cutting into flesh. Although still unconscious, Joe moaned lowly as the pressure increased.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, you can ease the boot off \u2013 slowly!\u201d Paul instructed. Years of experience had made the doctor an old hand at schooling his face to impassivity, but even he was shocked at the sight that greeted him. Adam went positively green and sat down heavily in the nearest chair.<\/p>\n \u201cDouble fracture, bone shattered in several places, complete dislocation of the ankle,\u201d Paul muttered his hands probing at the swollen, pulpy mass that lay before him. \u201cI don\u2019t know how much I can do here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll do whatever has to be done,\u201d Hoss stated.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t understand,\u201d Paul said wearily. \u201cThere\u2019s so much damage, I don\u2019t know if I can save the foot. And even if I can, there\u2019s no telling if Joe will ever be able to use it again.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss regarded him impassively. \u201cYou\u2019ll do whatever has to be done,\u201d he repeated. This time his voice trembled.<\/p>\n \u201cOf course he will,\u201d Adam said wearily. \u201cPaul will do what he can. But he\u2019s telling us that he might not be able to\u2026. that it might not be possible to\u2026\u201d The room was swimming and for once Adam could not seem to find the necessary words. After a moment, he gave up the struggle and placed his head between his knees.<\/p>\n \u201cJoe will be fine,\u201d Hoss vowed. \u201cI ain\u2019t never let any harm come to him and I ain\u2019t about to start now.\u201d<\/p>\n It was a long and complicated procedure, as Paul Martin first reduced the dislocation and then painstakingly began to probe for and then to align the myriad of shattered fragments of bone. Adam sat at the top of the bed, dripping ether onto a mask to ensure that his brother remained unconscious, while Hoss had been despatched to build a contraption to the doctor\u2019s exact specifications.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve done as much as I can,\u201d Paul said at length. He straightened cautiously, feeling his back protest at the movement. \u201cBut there are so many variables, it\u2019s impossible to say what the outcome will be.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTell me,\u201d Adam demanded, removing the ether mask and gently stroking back Joe\u2019s hair. His brother lay white, still and unresponsive.<\/p>\n \u201cThe dislocation is the most serious problem. All the muscles, tendons and ligaments were completely torn. The muscles should grow back together without too much of a problem, but I cannot guarantee that the other structures will. That could leave Joe with a stiff and unresponsive foot, fused in one position and virtually useless. It was some time before the dislocation was reduced and that means there is a significant risk of damage to the nerves and circulation in his foot. And finally, the extent of the soft tissue damage has set off a massive amount of swelling.\u201d<\/p>\n To Adam\u2019s eyes, the limb was now scarcely recognisable as a leg any more, so grotesque was the swelling and bruising, which stretched from mid-calf, right down to Joe\u2019s toes. He walked to the foot of the bed and saw that even the sole of Joe\u2019s foot was black with bruising, the skin drawn taut with the swelling. It made him feel sick just to look at it and the bile rose unmercifully in his throat. With an extreme effort, he choked it down.<\/p>\n Hoss came in, clutching two smooth pieces of board, dovetailed to produce a perfect right-angle. \u201cThis what you meant?\u201d he asked breathlessly.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s just perfect,\u201d Paul agreed. \u201cDue to the amount of swelling, I can\u2019t risk putting the leg in plaster at the moment, and we need to keep Joe\u2019s foot in the right position, if the tendons are to have a chance of healing. This will do the job perfectly.\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss helped him to gently swathe Joe\u2019s leg and foot in padding, then ease it onto the boards, where it was lightly held in place with bandages. Finally, several pillows were used to prop it up in an attempt to try to reduce the swelling.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do we do now?\u201d Adam asked.<\/p>\n “We wait,\u201d Paul advised. \u201cWe watch and we wait. Like I said, I can\u2019t give any guarantees.\u201d<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n The next few days passed in a blur for Joe, as the pain grew remorselessly and his temperature rose steadily. All thoughts of work forgotten, Adam and Hoss delegated their tasks to others and tended to their brother. Paul had left a small vial of opium, with instructions to give Joe one grain every four hours for the first three days.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019ll help him over the worst of the pain,\u201d he advised. \u201cIt\u2019s the strongest pain reliever we have. But no more than three days, do you hear? Otherwise you run the risk of making him addicted to it. And that\u2019s one other problem we certainly don\u2019t need.\u201d Satisfied that his warning had sunk in, he turned to go.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll be back tomorrow morning, boys. That\u2019ll be,\u201d he paused for a moment. The past few days had been so frantic that he had completely lost track of time.<\/p>\n \u201cSat\u2019day,\u201d Hoss Sing interjected on his way up to Joe\u2019s room with a fresh pile of bed linen.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s when Pa\u2019s due back!\u201d Hoss said. In his brief periods of lucidity, Joe had asked for his father constantly, but Ben had deliberately omitted to leave a forwarding address, so his sons had no way of contacting him. All they could do was to reassure their brother that he was all right and that Pa would be home soon.<\/p>\n \u201cWould you like me to meet him and explain things?\u201d Paul felt this was the least he could do, knowing that neither Adam nor Hoss would want to leave Joe alone for so long a period of time. Sure enough, they seized on his offer ravenously. Gathering up his bag, Paul got wearily in to his buggy and drove slowly back into town, already rehearsing how he could break the news to his old friend. Despite all his years of experience, such chores never got any easier. In some ways, they actually became more difficult, he reflected. Back in medical school, the professors had urged their students against forming personal attachments to their patients, but such advice was impractical for a small town doctor, who had lived and practised in one place for over twenty years. It was more than impractical, Paul had decided long ago. It was impossible.<\/p>\n *********<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s Pa?\u201d Joe demanded hoarsely. Time had ceased to have any meaning for him; his entire concentration was bent on dealing with the pain that seemed to consume his leg.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019ll be here soon,\u201d soothed Adam. \u201cIt\u2019s time for your medicine and then you can go to sleep. Pa will be here when you wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n Not really understanding, Joe complied meekly and soon drifted off into a deep, drugged sleep where at last he could escape from the ever present agony, if only for a short time.<\/p>\n In the yard below, Ben leapt out of the buggy and charged into the house. Sitting by the fireside, Hoss shot forward and enveloped his father in a fierce hug. It was a few moments before either man could speak.<\/p>\n \u201cSure am glad to see you,\u201d Hoss managed, smiling through his tears.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m glad to be home.\u201d Ben gave his son one final hug and then looked towards the stairs. \u201cHow is Joseph?\u201d<\/p>\n Hoss looked disconsolate and Ben suddenly realised how tired his son looked. \u201cNot so good, Pa. He\u2019s been asking for you.\u201d It was such a relief to have Pa home, to be able to pass some of the burden and worry over to him, Hoss thought.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll go right up.\u201d Ben shucked off his overcoat and draped it over the banisters before lightly running upstairs.<\/p>\n Despite Paul\u2019s careful and detailed description, he still was not prepared for the sight that greeted him. Joe lay quietly in bed, pale and drawn, huge black circles under his eyes, his pallor relieved only by the bright fever spots that burned fiercely in his cheeks. His leg was swathed in bandages, but the swelling was clearly visible and the bruised toes looked painful and unnatural.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph!\u201d he breathed and moved quickly over to the bedside. \u201cOh, Joseph!\u201d<\/p>\n Adam turned wearily towards him. \u201c\u201dGood to have you back,\u201d he said unsteadily, and clutched his father\u2019s arm tightly for a moment, before turning back to look at his brother. \u201cHe\u2019s been so brave, Pa. So very brave. And he\u2019s fought so hard.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben patted him consolingly on the shoulder. \u201cYou and Hoss have done everything that you could and I\u2019m very proud of my boys. Of all<\/strong> my boys,\u201d he emphasised.<\/p>\n Paul discreetly moved forward and felt Joe\u2019s forehead. \u201cStill hot, but the fever seems to be going down. Ben, you certainly trained these boys well – I\u2019ve never seen a finer pair of nurses!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s nice to know I\u2019ve got an alternative profession to go to if I ever give up ranching,\u201d Adam parried, with a hint of his old acerbity, Paul was relieved to see. He checked Joe\u2019s leg briefly and then satisfied that things were as they should be, he and Adam left the room.<\/p>\n For a long time, Ben sat quietly at Joe\u2019s bedside, his eyes never leaving his son\u2019s face. How young Joe looked \u2013 how impossibly young. He should have his whole life stretching ahead of him, golden and unsullied, not some half-existence as a halting cripple. \u201cI would gladly trade my health for yours, son. I\u2019d do it in an instant.\u201d<\/p>\n At the sound of his voice, Joe\u2019s eyes flickered open. The opiate had constricted his pupils, so that they appeared impossibly green. \u201cPa?\u201d he asked wonderingly and Ben leant over the bed drawing his finger gently down the side of Joe\u2019s cheek.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m here son. I\u2019m home now.\u201d<\/p>\n A brief smile appeared on Joe\u2019s face. \u201cI knew you\u2019d come,\u201d he whispered, reaching for his father\u2019s hand and holding onto it tightly as he fought against the drug. There were so many things that he wanted to say, but his mind was becoming foggy and it was difficult to think clearly or even to keep his eyes open.<\/p>\n \u201cGo to sleep now, son, go to sleep,\u201d Ben urged. \u201cI\u2019ll be right here when you wake up.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded and his grip on Ben\u2019s hand began to relax. \u201cThanks, Pa.\u201d His eyes rolled back briefly, so that only the whites were visible and Ben jerked at the eerie sight.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d Adam whispered, appearing at his elbow. \u201cThat\u2019s just the effect of the opium. He does that quite a lot.\u201d Raising his voice he said, \u201cClose your eyes and go to sleep, Joe,\u201c receiving a mumble of acquiescence as Joe obediently shut his eyes and let the drug take effect on his battered body once again.<\/p>\n When he awoke an hour later, Ben was still sitting at the side of his bed.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re still here?\u201d Joe asked, trying to work out if this was reality or another of the strange, disconcerting dreams the opium produced.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m right here, just like I said,\u201d Ben responded. \u201cHow are you feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n Joe considered this carefully.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a bit hot,\u201d he confessed and then added candidly, \u201cAnd I need to pee!\u201d<\/p>\n Stifling a chuckle. Ben reached under the bed for the pot and helped his son. He realised how ill Joe was when there were no protests at his actions. Once finished, Joe lay back on his pillows, panting slightly.<\/p>\n \u201cIs the pain very bad?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBad enough.\u201d Joe could only manage short sentences; he had to fight to keep his brain concentrated upon keeping the pain at bay.\u00a0 Ben reached for a cool washcloth and began to gently sponge him down. The soothing motion helped Joe to combat the fiery agony in his leg, giving him something else to think about. He wondered wearily how long it would be before the next dose of opium released him into blessed oblivion.<\/p>\n Gradually, over a period of week, the swelling in Joe\u2019s leg started to go down, but almost imperceptibly so. The pain lessened its relentless hold on his consciousness and the bones in his leg began to knit together. Ben was shocked to see how weak he was, too tired to even protest about his enforced confinement to bed and began to worry if Joe would ever return to his old self.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is only the beginning,\u201d Paul advised. \u201cJoe has a long, hard road ahead of him. And, while he\u2019ll need all of your help, he has to do this by himself and to want to do it. If he\u2019s going to succeed, we need to see a bit of the old, pugnacious Joe Cartwright back.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam\u2019s lips twisted in a thin smile. \u201cI never thought I\u2019d see the day when I would actually want another pointless argument with Joe!\u201d he said ruefully. \u201cBut things just aren\u2019t the same around here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGive him a chance,\u201d Hoss urged. \u201cHe\u2019s still the same Joe underneath. He\u2019ll come back to us. You\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Standing propped up on crutches, Joe stared down at his left foot. It did not seem to belong to him any more, but felt strangely disembodied and unreal. With a sigh, he stepped forward onto his right leg and then moved the crutches forward, letting his shoulder muscles and the crutches take his full weight as he carefully swung his left leg forward. It moved stiffly, the foot fused into position and unresponsive, just as Paul Martin had predicted. Adjusting his balance, Joe stepped forward onto his right leg and began the whole, tedious process over again.<\/p>\n By now, he knew exactly how many steps it took to get from one room of the house to another. Even the simplest things in life were reduced to a series of steps as he learnt that he could not take anything in life for granted any more. Making a cup of coffee was fine, but he had to stand and drink it in the kitchen, as it was impossible to carry liquids and use crutches at the same time. Even getting out of a chair was tricky \u2013 crutches in held in his right hand, pressing down firmly on the handbar, while his left hand pressed down on the chair seat. Then weight forward and onto right leg, pushing up, while at the same time his hands pressed downwards. How quickly and irrevocably he had been reduced to this state.<\/p>\n Joe cast a mournful look at the boots Ben brought in Sacramento, which stood in the corner of his room. There was no possibility of persuading his damaged foot into any boot, even his most broken-down pair. It simply would not flex at the ankle, and so Joe was reduced to wearing a pair of broad-fitting lace-up shoes made especially for him. Joe hated these shoes with a vengeance. The boots had come to symbolise all that was lost to him.<\/p>\n Moving slowly to the head of the stairs, Joe reflected that there was one positive aspect to the crutches \u2013 his shoulder and chest muscles were stronger and broader than they had ever been. Balancing on his good leg, Joe transferred the crutches to his right side and slowly lowered himself down, his left leg sticking stiffly out in front of him. The stairs at the Ponderosa were too narrow to safely navigate on crutches, so the only alternative was to descend them, one at a time, on his butt.<\/p>\n \u201cWant a hand?\u201d Adam called, as Joe reached the bottom and began the laborious process of levering himself into a standing position once again.<\/p>\n \u201cI can manage!\u201d he flung back, unable to help a peevish tone from creeping into his voice. Adam ignored this, and busied himself pouring a cup of coffee for his brother. They were all used to Joe\u2019s depression by now and felt powerless to do anything about it. Each day they could only watch as Joe slipped a little further away from them and became quieter and more subdued. There seemed very little of the mercurial, quicksilver Joe left.<\/p>\n Joe could see what he was doing to his family, but he had to keep pushing them away. He had to be strong, to keep driving himself to the point of exhaustion, so much so that his abused leg would scream with pain and swell up dramatically. Because if he didn\u2019t do this, he would lose the little control he had left over things and would go plummeting over the edge. Joe felt that he had to keep all his resentment and misery isolated from his family and so shunned all sympathy or offers of help. All he had left was his self-control and he fought fiercely to preserve that.<\/p>\n The tension that seemed to surround Joe dissipated slightly after he had made his slow way upstairs that evening. Ben eased back into his chair, sipping his medicinal port and feeling a guilty frisson of delight as the delicious liquid slipped down his throat.<\/p>\n \u201cI was talking to Paul today,\u201d he began. \u201cAnd he\u2019s come up with a suggestion I think we should seriously consider.\u201d<\/p>\n Adam and Hoss regarded him with rapt attention, not needing to ask what the topic of conversation was about. Since Joe\u2019s accident, everything else had receded into the background.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you remember reading about Sam Brannan?\u201d Ben continued.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s that millionaire who owned whole chunks of Sacramento and San Francisco ain\u2019t he?\u201d Hoss asked, wondering what his father was suggesting. He couldn\u2019t see Joe being happy in either city.<\/p>\n A dawning light of recognition spread across Adam\u2019s face. \u201cAnd he founded that little town he calls the Hot Springs of the West, up in the Napa Valley! That\u2019s your idea, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n Ben nodded. \u201cWe\u2019ve got to try everything we can. Paul feels that the natural geyser waters in Sam Brannan\u2019s resort might just help Joe\u2019s foot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s an awful long way,\u201d Hoss said, unhappy at the thought of sending Joe so far away from home. It was obvious to them all that Joe needed his family desperately, even if he were determined to push them away most of the time.<\/p>\n Adam pulled down a book and began scanning its contents avidly. \u201cCalistoga has underground geysers, which were used by the Wappo Indians for years to help ease pain. It certainly can\u2019t hurt Joe, can it? And the Transcontinental Railroad stops there, so he can travel in comfort.\u201d He turned to his brother. \u201cRemember what you said to Paul? Don\u2019t we owe Joe the same thing?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201c\u2019Do whatever has to be done\u2019,\u201d Hoss said slowly. \u201cI guess you\u2019re right. It sure don\u2019t sit comfortably with me, though.\u201d<\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n One week later, Joe alighted slowly from the railroad depot in Calistoga and walked painfully up the main street to the Hot Springs Hotel, a porter trundling along behind with his baggage. The journey had been comfortable enough, but now he was exhausted and just wanted to collapse into bed and sleep. If the pain in his leg would let him. It was much hotter here than at home, and the crutches dug painfully into his armpits.<\/p>\n \u201cLast chance,\u201d he thought bitterly. \u201cThis is the end of the road as far as I can see. If this doesn\u2019t work\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n A plume of steam rising into the clear skies caught his attention and Joe halted to get a better view. \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d he asked curiously, intrigued despite his tiredness. \u201cOne of the hot springs?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSure is,\u201d the porter agreed excitedly. He looked no more than 15 and Joe made a note to tip the boy well. \u201cComes straight up from the centre of the earth, it does! They say the water\u2019s near boiling! All sorts of folks come here.\u201d He looked curiously at Joe. \u201cThat what you\u2019re doing here, mister? Come to take the waters?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s why I\u2019m here,\u201d Joe agreed wryly. He didn\u2019t hold out much hope, but then it couldn\u2019t do any harm, could it? And by now he was willing to try anything, if it would give him a chance to regain even a little normality.<\/p>\n The next morning he awoke to a clear, cloudless California morning and choked down breakfast in his room before making his way to the bathing house reserved for male patrons of the hotel. An assistant laid a pile of towels and a pair of linen drawers in a changing cubicle.<\/p>\n \u201cJust call when you are ready sir, and I will escort you to the hot springs and we can begin your course of treatment,\u201d he announced.<\/p>\n Joe regarded him with astonishment. \u201cTreatment?\u201d he echoed.<\/p>\n The man nodded gravely. \u201cI have detailed instructions from Doctor Paul Martin and am here to give you every possible assistance, sir,\u201d he informed his patient, nodding his head for emphasis.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd does the treatment include some of that wine I\u2019ve been hearing about?\u201d Joe asked, a trace of his old humour creeping back into his voice.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sure that can be arranged, sir. Later, if you get my meaning. But, first things first!\u201d Joe found himself ushered into the cubicle and began changing. The encounter had cheered him up \u2013 perhaps things were not going to quite so bad here as he had envisaged!<\/p>\n To his surprise, Joe discovered there were several other patients enjoying the healing geothermal waters. The small pavilion shielded them from the gaze of any onlookers, yet provided ample ventilation.<\/p>\n \u201cRheumatics,\u201d an elderly man, with an impressive waistline stated impressively. \u201cI\u2019m a positive martyr to rheumatics. These waters are the only things that help me.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe nodded gravely and eased himself into the bubbling waters, while his assistant propped his crutches up against a wall.<\/p>\n \u201cJust relax for a while sir, and then we will begin our programme,\u201d his new mentor advised.<\/p>\n Joe was quite happy to do just that. He could almost feel the weary, heavy feeling begin to leech from his bones and he closed his eyes, listening contentedly to the chatter that went on around him. All too soon, the assistant returned. He had changed into the same sort of linen drawers all the men were wearing and entered the pool to sit beside Joe.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you will allow me, sir,\u201d he began formally.<\/p>\n Joe flashed a smile at him. \u201cMy name is Joe. I would like it if you would call me that. Is that alright?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerfectly fine, sir, err Joe! And my name is Tom.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay Tom, do your worst!\u201d Joe instructed, rather dreading what would happen next. Since the accident, he hated anybody touching his foot and even avoided touching it himself whenever he could. It felt cold and alien, and the sensation of touching the puffy, swollen flesh repulsed him. Tom reached down and gently raised the damaged foot and began gently massaging and kneading, manipulating the bones infinitesimally.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is the first stage, Joe,\u201d Tom said quietly. \u201cJust small, gentle movements. Your foot \u2013 well, it\u2019s as if the bones are glued together, and that\u2019s one reason why you can\u2019t use it properly. So that\u2019s what we\u2019ll do to begin with.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s fine by me, Tom.\u201d There was a little discomfort, Joe found, but no more than that. Gradually, he began to relax and let Tom and the healing waters do their work. It wasn\u2019t nearly as bad as he had feared.<\/p>\n After a few days, Joe could feel the difference in his foot. It felt, well, looser somehow. The bruising was finally starting to retreat and his toes were pink, instead of a dead, pallid bluey-white.<\/p>\n \u201cEverything is going just as it should,\u201d Tom assured him. \u201cI think we can progress to the next part of the treatment now.\u201d<\/p>\n Joe glared at him and then burst out laughing at the man\u2019s astonished expression. \u201cOn one condition Tom. That you join me for dinner tonight. The waiter has recommended a rather nice bottle of wine and I don\u2019t fancy drinking it all on my own. Do we have a deal?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think that can be arranged. In fact, it would be my pleasure.\u201d And then Tom began to instruct Joe through a series of exercises, designed to increase the flexibility of his foot.<\/p>\n Over the next month, Joe spent several hours a day in the hot springs, dutifully carrying out his exercises. He no longer needed Tom\u2019s assistance, but by now the two men had become friends and would meet in the evenings, working their way steadily through the produce of the local wineries.<\/p>\n ***********<\/p>\n Dear Pa, Adam and Hoss<\/em><\/p>\n As the weeks pass, I find myself enjoying this part of the world more and more. The weather is beautiful and I do not miss our Washoe zephyrs at all! <\/em><\/p>\n I am continuing with my treatments and have much less pain now. The Wappo Indians sure found a good thing with these hot springs. I just wish we had something like them at home. Tom continues to help me and has become a real friend. <\/em><\/p>\n I miss you all very much<\/em><\/p>\n Your loving son and brother <\/em><\/p>\n Joe<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cAnother letter that says precisely nothing!\u201d Adam fumed impotently. \u201cWait till I get my hands on that little\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Ben gave him a reproving look. \u201cPerhaps your brother doesn\u2019t actually have any real progress to report?\u201d he suggested and watched Adam\u2019s anger subside rapidly.<\/p>\n Hoss picked up the brief letter and studied it carefully. \u201cJoe sure seems to like that little town a lot. You don\u2019t think he\u2019s decided to stay there, do you?\u201d<\/p>\n This was precisely what Ben was dreading. Everything about Calistoga seemed to appeal to Joe and the boy certainly seemed happier. And if it was doing him good, then how could he in all conscience refuse to let him stay? Yet without Joe, the house did not seem complete, the family was at best disjointed, at worst fractured. He missed Joe more than he would ever have thought possible. Shaking his head sadly, Ben strapped on his gunbelt.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on boys, we\u2019ve got supplies to pick up in town.\u201d There was no sense in dwelling upon imponderables. It was much better to keep busy. He could think about all this at night, when the house was quiet and his thoughts could fly across the many miles to his missing son.<\/p>\n After placing their order at the General Mercantile, Adam led the way to the Silver Dollar, hoping that being among company would ease the pall of gloom that hung over them.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you ever collect that bandana?\u201d Hoss asked, with an innocent expression that fooled no one. Adam snorted and applied himself to his beer, while Ben surveyed the busy saloon with interest.<\/p>\n \u201cThe redheaded saloon girl, was it? Pretty little thing, with blue eyes, standing over by the piano?\u201d he enquired mildly. Before Adam could answer, the doors swung open and a clerk rushed over to their table.<\/p>\n \u201cThis arrived for you, Mr Cartwright. Special delivery, so I brought it straight over.\u201d<\/p>\n He held out an envelope, with \u201cBenjamin Cartwright\u201d written in Joe\u2019s distinctive handwriting. With trembling hands, Ben tore it open and pulled out the contents.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s Joe!\u201d Hoss exclaimed, leaning close to study the photograph carefully. \u201cAll duded up, real fancy like!\u201d<\/p>\n Ben surveyed the picture with growing dismay. Joe was wearing a smart, city suit, leaning lightly on a malacca cane and casually doffing a bowler hat in a gesture towards the camera. A small smile curved his lips and across the bottom of the picture he had written, \u201cBe seeing you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s it?\u201d Adam demanded. \u201cThat\u2019s all?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s all,\u201d Ben agreed, unable to tear his gaze away from the picture.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s gone?\u201d Hoss could scarcely bring himself to say the words, but someone had to.<\/p>\n \u201cIt looks like it,\u201d Ben said, wondering why the noise in the saloon had suddenly quietened. He saw the clerk was still standing at the table and then realised the man was waiting to be paid. Ben had started to fumble in his vest pocket for some change when the clerk interrupted.<\/p>\n \u201cThat ain\u2019t the whole of the delivery. There\u2019s something else waiting outside for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Ben carefully placed the photograph back in the envelope, tucked it into his breast pocket and wandered drearily over to the doorway. The sunlight pouring down outside was very bright and it took his eyes a few moments to adjust. Paul wandered over to join him.<\/p>\n \u201cThat special delivery you just got, Ben? It was a very special delivery indeed. In fact, it was brought in person.\u201d<\/p>\n Paul gestured across the street, to where a man dressed in a dove-grey suit stood with his back to them. He turned slowly around and gravely raised his hat in a salute. The sun glinted off dark, chestnut curls and there was a flash of tourmaline green from the man\u2019s eyes. Ben found that he was holding his breath.<\/p>\n With slow, deliberate movements, Joe stepped carefully off the sidewalk, leaning on his cane and walked towards them, the highly polished ox-blood boots sending the dust rising in small puffs with each footstep. All time seem to coalesce into that moment, the normal noise and hubbub retreated into the distance as the Cartwrights stood rooted to the spot, scarcely able to believe what was happening. Joe bestowed his old, familiar grin, the one that signalled pure joy and merriment. It had been a long time since any of them had been treated to that spectacle. Then he tucked the cane under his arm with a jaunty air, lengthened his stride and was standing before them in a few steps.<\/p>\n \u201cJoseph?\u201d Ben reached out and touched him gently on the arm, scarcely dare to hope or believe that he was not dreaming. Then he leant forward and pulled him into an embrace, hugging his boy as if he would never let him go. Joe leant gratefully into his father\u2019s broad chest, savouring the warmth, security and absolute acceptance that was always there.<\/p>\n After a moment, Ben stepped back, holding Joe\u2019s face between his big, warm hands and studying him carefully. For some reason, his gaze dropped down to the boots and at that moment he finally realised that his boy was indeed home, whole and healed.<\/p>\n “I\u2019m back, Pa,\u201d Joe assured him. \u201cBack home, where I belong.\u201d<\/p>\n Tears filling his eyes, Ben pressed his hand against the pocket where the precious photograph lay and willingly surrendered Joe to the welcome attentions of his brothers, watching in amusement as his curly head almost disappeared in the melee. How many times had he tempted the stars, only to be rewarded with a fate that was beyond compare?<\/p>\n Joe emerged from the backslaps and hugs, looking rather ruffled around the head. \u201cCan we go home now, Pa?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you ready?\u201d Ben enquired.<\/p>\n Joe returned his gaze steadily. \u201cYes. I\u2019m ready. I can\u2019t think of anywhere else I\u2019d rather be, or where I truly belong.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen we\u2019ll go home,\u201d Ben agreed.<\/p>\n They walked along the street, Adam\u2019s arm draped lightly across Joe\u2019s shoulders, while Hoss walked on Joe\u2019s other side, carrying his bags. As Ben watched, Adam pulled Joe in for a brief but telling hug. His family had survived many perilous journeys but the one they were about to make, along the familiar roads to the Ponderosa was perhaps the most important of them all, for it led them home. There were many journeys that lay ahead in the future, he was certain of that, but he knew that they could survive these, if they held together as a family. Over the past few months, Joe had had to travel alone, but it had been a journey to remember and to give thanks for. And the rest? The rest simply did not matter, now that Joe was home. Nothing else mattered, apart from that. It would be foolish to tempt fate again.<\/p>\n That night, Ben sat alone, underneath the sere gaze of the stars, mutely offering his heart-felt thanks. His boy was home and life was complete once more. He raised his glass of port in a silent toast to all his sons. \u201cMy cup overflows,\u201d he thought gratefully. After a few moments of reflection, Ben went quietly inside, drawing the door closed behind him.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n ~The End<\/p>\n