{"id":9499,"date":"2014-07-31T19:41:24","date_gmt":"2014-07-31T23:41:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=9499"},"modified":"2025-02-18T19:11:39","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T00:11:39","slug":"sacred-promises-malicious-games","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=9499","title":{"rendered":"Sacred Promises \/ Malicious Games (by MissJudy)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Summary: <\/strong>\u00a0A “What might have happened” story for the Crucible, this story tells of Adam’s experience as a 12-year-old with a madman who played games with his mind. It begins with a prologue from the Crucible, but then switches back 20 years to the time when Ben returns from New Orleans after completing a sacred promise made to Jean DeMarigny before\u00a0he died. The boys have been living with a widow in the town near the Ponderosa, eagerly awaiting Pa’s return. Neither expect the surprise Ben brings back with him, but Hoss adapts easily to Marie, while Adam likes her,\u00a0yet\u00a0feels he doesn’t need a “mother.” A sacred promise Adam has made to his own mother puts him at odds with Ben. Adam leaves home and sets out to prove himself a man after hearing a conversation between Marie and Ben that indicates his father plans\u00a0to send his oldest son away since he won’t do as he’s told. All goes well until a man named Levi shows up and unleashes his own personal war against Adam.<\/p>\n

Rating<\/strong>: T \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Word Count: \u00a030,000<\/p>\n

Warning<\/strong>: This story tackles some serious\u00a0topics, and Adam goes through a lot. However, he is left better for the experience, and as a result of what he endures, he and his father reconnect in a loving way after their year apart.<\/p>\n

Thanks to Sandspur for her beta read and wonderful suggestions.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sacred Promises \/ Malicious Games<\/strong><\/p>\n

Prologue \u2013 1862<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Testing of Adam Cartwright<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam stopped and stretched against the handles and neck piece of the jury-rigged travois. He\u2019d lost track of how long he\u2019d been walking through the endless seared terrain, pulling a dead man. Time was not on his side anyway.<\/p>\n

For two weeks it had been Peter Kane\u2019s crazy games that had lain heavy on his back: now it was his corpse. It hadn\u2019t surprised him that Kane had died so soon. The scant water and food the crazy man had hidden away hadn\u2019t done much to hydrate or nourish two starving men. Adam had known from the outset that he wouldn\u2019t make it far unless he was \u201clucky\u201d enough to stumble onto water or flag down a passing traveler\u2014and his luck wasn\u2019t going so well lately. He\u2019d left the camp because he refused to let Kane\u2019s rocky, dead pit become his grave, not because he hoped to get somewhere.<\/p>\n

What had haunted him through every inch of progress he\u2019d made, was that there had been no sense in what had happened after he\u2019d left Eastgate. After the thieves had abandoned him with no way to survive the blazing heat, he\u2019d spotted Kane\u2019s camp and thought he might make it home after all. But instead of finding sanctuary, he\u2019d been plunged into a testing ground far worse than anything he\u2019d experienced before\u2014a journey into hell that had gotten worse each day\u2014making him wish he\u2019d succumbed to the heat and dehydration before he\u2019d ever looked over that canyon edge. For a man who based his life on a reasoned, rational approach to circumstances, the only value Adam could see in what he\u2019d endured, was that he\u2019d remained alive long enough to get away. And even that had been complicated by Kane\u2019s renewed challenge to his decency and integrity.<\/p>\n

Little Joe\u2019s voice whispered to him. \u201cI told you big brother, Obadiah Johnson might have had a good reason to kill. Maybe a man can be pushed too far.\u201d Adam now knew that if there was \u201cjustifiable homicide,\u201d he\u2019d just lived through the circumstances to prove it. In fact it had become a matter of self-defense by the end, and yet he hadn\u2019t been able to wrap his reasoning around that either. It wasn\u2019t that he didn\u2019t want to defend himself; he couldn\u2019t understand why he\u2019d been put into the position where he had to.<\/p>\n

Why the games<\/em>? The repeated question had become the cadence for his steps, but the rhythm was slowing now, and the question had been reduced to, \u201cWhy?\u201d He went through the series of questions that kept his mind spinning. Why didn\u2019t you tell me I was a pompous buffoon if you didn\u2019t agree with what I had to say? Why seem rational and welcoming, while planning to drive me into the ground? What sort of sick pleasure did that bring you? <\/em><\/p>\n

Adam could accept that someone who had risked everything; had worked toward an outcome for so many years as Kane had, only to find that it had all been in vain, might resent another person\u2026or family who had triumphed while on a similar quest. But this was more. It didn\u2019t matter that the Cartwrights had risked just as much or worked even harder. You wanted to punish me for my success as much as to make me pay for your failure. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYou needed to humiliate me\u2026to break me\u2014for what purpose\u2014to prove that you were a better man? Would that have been enough for you?\u201d Adam hissed over his shoulder at the earthy part of Peter Kane. \u201cDid you really hope to prove something, or did you just want to make me as miserable as you were?\u201d<\/p>\n

As he trudged on, he tried again to apply reason where none existed. \u00a0At least the gunmen only wanted my possessions<\/em>, he thought as he stopped and angled himself to see Kane\u2019s deteriorating body. I was simply an inconvenience to them. You were less honorable. You wanted my character to be ripped from me and crushed like the rubble I carried from your mine. You wanted to stand over me and declare that I was a fraud. You wanted to leave me a shell of a man, questioning my every move; every thought; every motive. You\u2026wanted my soul!<\/em> \u00a0He sighed as he arched his back again, trying to relieve the constant pull across his shoulders. \u201cStupid games!\u201d he shouted as loudly as his dry throat would allow.<\/p>\n

His thoughts moved to his family as they had frequently done in his ordeal. Where are you all now? <\/em>His father and brothers had been nearby while he\u2019d been burning in hell. He\u2019d heard them calling his name. He\u2019d tried to get to them, but Kane had caught up, and it had taken all the restraint he could muster not to scream for them. Deep inside he\u2019d known that Kane would have picked them off like birds on a fence had they come for him. Then you would have said it was my fault that they died<\/em>. \u00a0The corners of his mouth turned upward in a brief, satisfied smile. I didn\u2019t give you that. <\/em>Casting another quick glance over his shoulder, he wondered, I don\u2019t know why we were put together, Kane, but it seems we\u2019re in a death match that neither of us will win<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure you\u2019re on your way home by now, Pa, <\/em>he thought as he pictured his father\u2019s face. And I\u2019m sure you didn\u2019t want to leave me behind in this vast cemetery.<\/em> He leaned into his step with a groan, overcoming the travois\u2019 inertia. The only reason he kept dragging Kane with him was because he knew if he expended the energy necessary to bury him, he\u2019d be too exhausted to go further. His values, even though questioned and disparaged by Kane, would not allow him to leave the body behind without seeing to it. In fact, he rationalized that even though the corpse-laden travois was heavy, it gave him a sort of counter balance, keeping him from falling on his face.<\/p>\n

A memory that had been on the fringes of his mind the entire time with Kane, made another appearance as he thought back to the first time he been exposed to the game playing of an evil-minded man. His first experience had happened 20 years ago when he was 12, and he\u2019d left home after a misunderstanding with his father over Marie. He couldn\u2019t have foreseen the two tortured days he\u2019d spent back then either, and he couldn\u2019t help but wonder ifLevi had just been the opening act for Peter Kane\u2026<\/p>\n

1842<\/strong><\/p>\n

Part One \u2013 Sacred Promises<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter One<\/strong><\/p>\n

Under Cover<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m hot,\u201d five-year-old Hoss said softly to his brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cShhh,\u201d Adam whispered back as he lifted the bedcovers a few times, creating a breeze to help cool the youngster. \u201cYou\u2019re such a Sweaty Freddy, Hoss,\u201d he giggled as he brushed against the younger boy\u2019s moist hand while fanning him. \u201cBe patient. Once Mrs. Fanon turns in, I\u2019ll pull the quilt and blanket down.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019s she so mean to make us sleep with so much stuff on us anyhow?\u201d Hoss moaned plaintively.<\/p>\n

\u201cHush now,\u201d Adam hissed sternly into the boy\u2019s ear. \u201cIf she hears us talking, she\u2019ll come and tuck everything back in again and you\u2019ll be even hotter.\u201d With the dim lamp light peeking between the boards in the bedroom door, and moon coming through the small window, he could see Hoss\u2019s face puckering up, and he knew what was coming.<\/p>\n

\u201cI miss Pa,\u201d the little boy confessed, as his bottom lip began to tremble.<\/p>\n

The older boy understood exactly how Hoss felt. He missed his father too, but there was nothing either of them could do to hurry his homecoming. Their father had left them with Mrs. Fanon over a year ago when he\u2019d headed to New Orleans. Adam tried not to think about how long it had been, but it had become increasingly hard not to.<\/p>\n

But now wasn\u2019t the time to allow his<\/em> fears to surface, especially since if his little brother got himself too worked up, they\u2019d never get cooler\u2026or to sleep. To forestall Hoss\u2019s tears, Adam rolled over and dabbed away the sweat on the boy\u2019s cheeks and neck with a corner of the sheet, and pushed the covers down to expose a little more of the child\u2019s torso to the air. As he rolled up Hoss\u2019s sleeves, he soothed him as he did each night. \u201cPa will be home any day now. And you like Mrs. Fanon, so you know she isn\u2019t being mean. I\u2019ve told you before that she\u2019s afraid because she heard a story from someone at the trading post a couple of weeks back about a man who was feeling just fine when he went to bed, but he was so tired that he fell asleep on top of the covers and was sick when he woke up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI s\u2019pose we should keep the covers on, then.\u201d The little boy\u2019s voice was small and hopeless.<\/p>\n

\u201cNah. \u00a0We\u2019re okay. It\u2019s been so hot lately that I think we\u2019d be more likely to get sick if we leave the covers on. What Mrs. Fanon heard was something called an \u2018old wives\u2019 tale.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMrs. Fanon is<\/em> pretty old,\u201d the youngster whispered with conviction.<\/p>\n

Adam rolled his eyes in the dark and sighed. \u201cThat doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s<\/em> old. An old wives\u2019 tale just means that someone saw something happen once, and they decided it meant something that it really didn\u2019t. That man was probably sick anyway. The amount of covers didn\u2019t have anything to do with anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy\u2019d you tell me all that if it don\u2019t explain why we have to sleep with a quilt and blanket in August?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI, uh, I\u2026\u201d he stammered. \u201cWell, I guess I\u2019m telling you that she wants us to be warm so we don\u2019t get sick\u2026but we won\u2019t, so we can cool off as soon as she goes to bed. I\u2019ll get up early and pull the covers back up before she comes to get us like I\u2019ve been doing, so she won\u2019t think we\u2019re being disrespectful.\u201d He added encouragingly, \u201cI bet this hot spell will break soon, and then we\u2019ll be glad for the covers again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Their bedroom door opened a crack as the woman in question stuck her head in. \u201cYou boys get to sleep now. No more whispering.\u201d The door began to close again but then reopened. \u201cAre you two warm enough?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes ma\u2019am!\u201d Hoss hollered.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re fine, thank you,\u201d Adam added, hoping to keep her from coming in to check further. Once she\u2019d left, and he heard her footsteps heading toward the side of the small cabin where she slept, he got up quietly and pulled back everything but the sheet.<\/p>\n

As Adam crawled back into bed, Hoss sat up and hugged him around the waist. They both tumbled down onto the straw mattress while the younger brother said. \u201cThanks, Adam. You done kept me from roastin\u2019 to death.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShhh!\u201d He made the youngster settle back down, tucked the sheet around him, and then kissed the top of Hoss\u2019s head as his father always had. \u201cNo more complaining now; go to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The Cartwright brothers had come to live with Thelma Fanon when Ben had left to sell the pelts that he and the boys had trapped during the previous year. Fur had been the Cartwright family\u2019s main source of income from the time they\u2019d arrived in Washoe area in the foothills of the Sierras. But this last, large sale would bring their trapping business to an end, and provide the money Ben needed to add more land and cattle to his holdings, so he could be a full-time rancher. He\u2019d promised his sons that their lives would change when he returned\u2014that there\u2019d be no more living in lean-tos along trap lines, or being packed together in a one-room cabin over the winter months. He\u2019d sealed his promise by hiring on trappers he\u2019d meet at the trading post that he could convince to give up their itinerant lifestyle, and come to work for him. These men were tending the cattle the Cartwrights already had, and building a small, but permanent house and barn that would be done by the time he returned. Ben knew that he and his boys would outgrow this house quickly, but it was as much as he could afford for now.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s pledge had excited his sons at first. Adam especially had liked the idea of having a real home, and not having to skin animals anymore. But his enthusiasm had waned when he\u2019d learned how long their father had to be gone to accomplish his goal. When Adam had suggested that his father sell their bounty at trading posts as he\u2019d done before, Ben had told him that his decision to go to New Orleans had been prompted by something far more important than money.<\/p>\n

Jean DeMarigny had been one of the first workhands Ben had brought on as he\u2019d acquired acreage and a few steers. The two men had worked side-by-side trying to get a toehold in the land Ben had decided was to be his future. But Jean had given his life to ensure that the father of two young boys lived. In his last breaths, DeMarigny had asked his friend to get word of his death to his mother, and his wife, Marie, back in Louisiana, and Ben had vowed that he would.<\/p>\n

At ten-years-old, Adam had understood the danger in his fathers\u2019 plan to sail south around Cape Horn, and then up into the Gulf of Mexico to reach New Orleans. He had heard stories from the earth-bound old swabs in their wagon caravans: the ones who had given up the sea to sail wheeled-schooners west in search of land. They had loved recounting the treacherous conditions, and the months involved in such a voyage. \u00a0Adam had known that the sea swallowed ships without caring whether one of the passengers aboard might have children waiting for his return. The stark fact was that even if all went well, his pa would be gone more than a year. The absence would stretch on much longer if there were delays.<\/p>\n

It hadn\u2019t been like Adam to beg, but he had<\/em> begged his father not to go. After being with him every day of his life, the thought of being apart for that length of time had ripped at the boy\u2019s heart in ways he hadn\u2019t been able to explain.<\/p>\n

In response to Adam\u2019s pleas, Ben had reminded his son that some promises were sacred, and couldn\u2019t be set aside because they were inconvenient. He\u2019d added that it would benefit all of them to sell to Parisian buyers in New Orleans who would pay top prices for fine fur. Then he\u2019d given his son a sacred promise as well: that he would return.<\/p>\n

Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Widow, Thelma Fanon<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thelma stretched as she awoke when the early morning sunshine began to filter through the closed shutters. She groaned softly as she pushed her covers to the side, and sat up while dabbing perspiration from her face with the sleeve of her nightgown. The hot, lethargic days of August had hit harder than they had in years, and the small cabin had remained oppressively hot through the night. It had been like this for several days, and had made for fitful sleep as she\u2019d struggled to stay comfortable. She padded quietly to the door of the tiny room where the Cartwright boys slept, and peeked through the gap between the boards of the door, hoping they were still asleep so she\u2019d have a few private moments to get washed and dressed.<\/p>\n

A grin spread across her face as she saw that their covers were pushed off the end of their bed, just as they had been each morning since the beginning of the hot spell. Yet she knew that when she\u2019d come back in a few minutes to \u201cwake\u201d them, they\u2019d both be tucked in under the full weight of the bedding. If she were dealing with other children, she\u2019d wonder why they just didn\u2019t tell her that they were too hot. But she suspected that their subterfuge had more to do with not wanting to offend her, rather than to pull one over on her.<\/p>\n

She had grown to love these two boys in the 15 months they\u2019d been with her. She\u2019d never had children of her own, but she\u2019d been a teacher in Indiana before she\u2019d come west with her husband, so being around youngsters made her feel happier than she\u2019d been in a long time. She and Mitch had wanted to have a good-sized farm, and had heard that it was possible to get a homestead out here for a small investment. The cost they hadn\u2019t factored in was the bodily sweat and toil needed for such a venture. \u00a0The journey had been hard, but trying to cut out a place in the wilderness had been grueling. They\u2019d lived on their land long enough to get their deed, but Mitch had died soon after, when a center-rotted pinion pine had collapsed while he\u2019d tried to cut it down. His death had left her alone without resources, and she\u2019d decided to head back home. Her road block was that all their cash had been used in their \u201cgrand endeavor.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Fanons had met the Cartwrights at the trading post shortly after they\u2019d arrived. When the two families had ended up in town at the same time they\u2019d share their trials in getting their places going. Ben had been concerned for Thelma after Mitch had died, but he couldn\u2019t buy her out. The Fanon property was too far north to conjoin with the Ponderosa. He had helped her send property descriptions to papers back east that catered to Western-bound settlers, and then he\u2019d convinced Slim, from the trading post, to let her work for him, and move into the small cabin his family had vacated when they\u2019d built a larger store with living quarters attached.<\/p>\n

It had turned out to be the perfect solution. She\u2019d been working with Slim and tending to Mary, his ailing wife, for a year when Ben had approached her about keeping his boys while he traveled to New Orleans. He\u2019d appealed to her teacher\u2019s heart when he said she could work with Adam on his studies, and help Hoss get a good start on his basics while they stayed with her. The payment he offered was generous, and it meant she could leave for Indiana when he returned.<\/p>\n

As she washed up in the sticky morning heat, Thelma recalled the day Ben had proposed the plan. If he\u2019d have been any other man, she would have questioned his reasons for leaving his sons behind. But Ben Cartwright was different. You could see his passion for his boys when he spoke. Everything he planned was for their good, and his positive nature was infecting. When he\u2019d promised he\u2019d be home in 18 months, she\u2019d believed him.<\/p>\n

She slipped her dress over her head and began buttoning it as a shiver of uncertainty chilled her even in the hot, unmoving air. Ben had said he wanted to be home in a year, but he\u2019d given himself six months extra as a hedge. Thelma was aware of how close it was getting to his ultimate deadline. There was no doubt that the remaining time would pass quickly, and if he wasn\u2019t back by then, she would have to move forward on his wishes.<\/p>\n

He had made her believe in him, but he was also a realist who hadn\u2019t left the future of his children to chance. He\u2019d given her a packet of information that included the name and address of his brother in Ohio\u2014just in case the worst happened. There was money to get her and the boys back East, and a letter for John Cartwright explaining the situation, along with the request for him to raise Adam and Hoss.<\/p>\n

Another shiver breathed down the fine hair on the back of her neck as she ticked off the remaining time on a mental calendar. \u00a0If he wasn\u2019t back by November, then she would prepare for a spring departure. That would give Ben a little more time\u2026if the unthinkable hadn\u2019t already happened. Thelma\u2019s breath came faster, and her heart ached to think of what such a result would mean to her two charges. She knelt to offer her morning prayers, sending her daily request that God keep Ben Cartwright safe and sound, and maybe, God willing, give him a heavenly nudge to encourage him to move faster.<\/p>\n

With her prayers delivered, Thelma made enough noise to let Adam and Hoss know she was up. She stirred the fire in the small cook stove and tossed in some kindling, and then slammed the door as she went out for water. When she got back inside she went to the boy\u2019s door and swung it open, saying, \u201cTime for you sleepyheads to get moving.\u201d As she\u2019d suspected, the two boys were crawling out from under the quilt. She shook her head while hiding a grin, and added, \u201cThere\u2019s some cool water in the jug outside. Wash up out there, and wear those short-sleeved shirts, and the pants I cut off. It\u2019s fixing to be another hot one.\u201d<\/p>\n

She laughed as Hoss and Adam ran past her in a hurry to get outside to the privy as they shouted their \u201cgood mornings\u201d over their shoulders. With them out of the room, she straightened their bed, leaving just the sheet and one blanket, and folded the heavy quilt into the trunk with the other winter bedding. To Thelma\u2019s way of thinking, they hadn\u2019t been sleeping with the quilt anyway, and since they hadn\u2019t gotten sick, she suspected these Cartwright boys were far hardier specimens than the sickly man she\u2019d heard about.<\/p>\n

She could hear the boys on the porch when she returned to the kitchen to start breakfast, and she crept to the window to see what they were doing. A smile brushed her lips as she watched Adam pull Hoss\u2019s nightshirt over his head. He poured water into the wash basin; wet a cloth, and had his little brother look up at him so he could wash the \u201csleep seeds,\u201d as he called them, from the corner of the boy\u2019s eyes. He followed that with a good dose of soap and water to freshen up the youngster\u2019s face and other necessary parts. Thelma stepped back, but remained close enough to hear the boys\u2019 conversation drift in.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere, that ought to hold you \u2018til your Saturday bath,\u201d Adam said as he tossed the nightshirt at his brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Hoss?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think Pa\u2019ll get home today?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe so. We\u2019ll have to wait and see.\u201d<\/p>\n

The exchange between the brothers was the same one she heard every morning. She set a heavy, bacon-loaded skillet on the stove to cook, and laughed as Hoss ran by, wrapped in his towel, while hollering, \u201cDon\u2019t look, Mrs. Fanon; I\u2019m comin\u2019 through,\u201d before disappearing into the bedroom.<\/p>\n

She pushed the cooked bacon to the side and cracked eggs into the sizzling grease as she thought more about the boys she was caring for. Adam had celebrated two birthdays since he\u2019d been with her. He was twelve now\u2014but he seemed much older. He was a big help around the house; he took care of Hoss during the day, and tended the garden they\u2019d planted. He was a serious boy, but she couldn\u2019t say he was sad or brooding. He laughed easily, teased his brother constantly, and never passed up an invitation to do something fun. But she could tell that he was worried about how long his father had been gone, even though he tried not to let Hoss see his anxiety. Evening was the worst time for both boys because it meant another day gone without their father coming home.<\/p>\n

The looming quiet of sunset was the reason Thelma had started gathering both boys around the table after dinner for class work. It gave them something to focus on besides their disappointment. Adam excelled in all things educational. He\u2019d gone through all the primary classwork within a few months of coming to stay with her, and he was working on secondary level texts now. He had a talent for math and science, and easily understood concepts that she had seen others struggle with when she\u2019d taught. His demeanor changed when he was studying. His face brightened, and he lost himself in the novels, poetry and history books she had.<\/p>\n

The one area he didn\u2019t do as well in was writing. His grammar was impeccable, but his words were wooden and mechanical\u2014almost as if he was trying to please her by writing what she wanted to hear. Thelma wondered if his own words, ideas, and feelings would flow once his father was back. She suspected he was holding his emotions so tightly that it was impossible for him to share them in any way. To help with this, she\u2019d begun giving him writing assignments that forced him to tell something about himself, and she had given him a journal for his birthday, suggesting that he take a little time each day to write. She promised that she\u2019d never ask to see those thoughts, and told him to hide it somewhere that neither she nor Hoss would find it.<\/p>\n

Hoss, on the other hand, was very verbal about his opinion that he didn\u2019t \u201ccotton to all this school stuff.\u201d But he had learned his letters and numbers, and he spent his time reading primers and doing simple arithmetic problems while she worked with Adam. The younger Cartwright was a sweet child who\u2019d come to her a toddler, but had grown into a little boy who would soon be six. He loved to play, and the more rough-and-tumble the game, the more he liked it. Hoss was more demonstrative of his feelings, and would often hug her or sit on her lap when he was tired or upset. Yet, he turned to his brother when he was afraid or began to miss his father too much.<\/p>\n

She brought her musings about the boys to an end when she saw that the eggs had glazed over to a nice sunny-side up. She wrapped her apron skirt around the skillet handle and nearly dropped it when she turned and saw both boys sitting there, ready for breakfast. \u201cOh, you\u2019re here,\u201d she chuckled, as she slipped the fried eggs onto their plates. \u201cI got a little caught up in my own thinking,\u201d she confessed, and then laughed as she inspected their remodeled shirts and pants. \u201cI sure hope your Pa remembers to bring along new shoes and clothes for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe, too, Mrs. Fanon,\u201d Hoss agreed. \u201cYou won\u2019t need to cut off my pants pretty soon. They\u2019ll all be as short as these are.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re probably right about that, young man.\u201d Thelma had watched each of the boys put a couple inches of growth on while they\u2019d been with her. She was 5\u20195\u201d, a good height for a woman, and Adam had passed her by a little already. She wasn\u2019t sure how tall Hoss was, but he looked to be the size of an eight-year-old. There were no children\u2019s clothes available at the post, so she was adjusting Adam\u2019s things for Hoss, and her husband\u2019s clothing for Adam. The one thing she couldn\u2019t come up with was shoes, and the post didn\u2019t carry those either. The Paiute Indians brought in skins and leather goods to sell, and she\u2019d been able to get moccasins to fit the boys. The coming winter would be a challenge. One of the Paiute women had showed her fur-lined moccasins that she thought might work, but her hope remained that Ben would be back with more substantial footwear by then.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think the garden needs a good drink of water, boys,\u201d she said as they ate. \u201cMaybe you can help your brother with that, Hoss. And the chicken coop needs a cleaning. That should keep you busy for the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing, Mrs. Fanon,\u201d Adam promised. \u201cI can rinse out the laundry you set up last night and hang that up too.\u201d<\/p>\n

She winked at him. \u201cYou\u2019re so good to me. I would appreciate that.\u201d Thelma leaned forward on the table and said conspiratorially, \u201cWhen I get done with helping Mary today, I think we should borrow Slim\u2019s wagon, and head out to that spring-fed pond. We can do a little fishing and swimming. It\u2019s been a long time since we had anything but chicken on this table, and even though it\u2019s not bath night, you\u2019ll both need a good dunking after cleaning the coop and gardening in this hot weather.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both boys were staring at her with eyes wide, and small smiles waiting to erupt into big grins. \u201cYou mean that, ma\u2019am?\u201d Hoss asked as he started to bounce in his chair.<\/p>\n

\u201cI do, Hoss. In fact, I just might dangle my feet in the water myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

The younger brother let out a whoop that nearly shook the rafters. \u201cC\u2019mon, Adam! Let\u2019s go get started on them chores so we\u2019re ready to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam waited until his brother was out of the house before blushing slightly as he said, \u201cI noticed how you made our bed, Mrs. Fanon. Thank you, and I\u2019m sorry if you think we were\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Thelma interrupted him as she touched his hand. \u201cNo apologies, young man. I can be a stubborn woman at times, and have some pretty set ways, but after last night, I took my quilt off too.\u201d \u00a0She shooed him from the house, calling after him, \u201cMake sure those potatoes and other root crops get a good soaking or they\u2019ll be bitter.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam leaned back on his elbows in the grass, watching Hoss continue to splash in the pond. It felt good to relax after doing chores all morning, and playing with his brother for most of the afternoon. He smiled at the woman sitting next to him as he sat up. \u201cIt sure felt good to be in that cool water.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thelma wrapped her arms around Adam\u2019s shoulders and gave him a peck on the cheek. \u201cI suspected that getting away from the house might be a real good thing, and those pan fish you two caught\u2014before your brother started jumping in and scaring them into their hiding holes\u2014will taste mighty fine for supper.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey sure will,\u201d he answered with another smile. \u201cYou\u2019re a good cook, Mrs. Fanon. My pa can burn fire.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thelma threw her head back as she laughed. \u201cThat\u2019s a good one! Did he really burn everything?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty much. Pa\u2019s impatient, and doesn\u2019t like to wait for coals to give a steady heat. He cooks over flames and everything tastes scorched.\u201d He grinned and then grimaced as he remembered the meals of blackened meat and eggs. \u201cYou get used to it, but\u2026\u201d Adam turned away without finishing his thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou still miss it, I suppose. Not because you like burned food, but because you miss the person doing the burning.\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded but still didn\u2019t look at her. \u201cDo you<\/em> think he\u2019s coming back, Mrs. Fanon? It\u2019s been so long now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe gave us his promise, so I know he\u2019ll do everything he can to get here.\u201d She touched his arm and he looked at her again. \u201cI know you\u2019re worried, and I have to admit that I\u2019m getting a bit anxious too. I hear Hoss\u2019s question to you every morning, and I see how sad the two of you become each night. But we all need to keep our faith that he\u2019ll make it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded again. \u201cWill you keep us with you if he doesn\u2019t come back?\u201d he asked softly. \u201cI can probably handle things on my own if we can\u2019t stay with you, but I\u2019d like to know so I can plan.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBless you, child,\u201d she said as she swatted at gnats buzzing around her head. \u201cI will gladly take care of you until your father returns or I can fulfill his wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe left instructions? I mean, if he doesn\u2019t\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, he did. I didn\u2019t say anything so as not to worry you about something that would only become necessary if…but since you asked, I\u2019ll tell you. If he\u2019s not back by this fall, then the three of us will go to your Uncle John\u2019s place come spring. Your father mentioned that you\u2019d been there when you were younger.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugged. \u201cI was pretty young, and I don\u2019t remember a lot, except that my uncle was nice, and there were other kids to play with.\u201d He sat quietly for a minute, before asking, \u201cMy grandfather lives in Boston. Did Pa say anything about going there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBen mentioned him, but said that his brother would be better able to handle two youngsters. He gave me a letter for your uncle, and there\u2019s information about your grandfather in there, so you\u2019ll have what you need to find him.\u201d When the young man made no response, she asked, \u201cDoes knowing this make you feel better?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSome\u2026but I\u2019d rather Pa just get home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too, kiddo.\u201d Thelma stood and asked, \u201cDo you want to swim a few minutes yet? We\u2019ll need to head home soon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go clean the fish instead. That way we won\u2019t have raccoons coming around the trash at the house.\u201d<\/p>\n

She ruffled his wavy mop of hair before walking away to get Hoss from the water. What an amazing child you are, Adam,<\/em> she thought as she sidestepped down the bank to the pond. That Pa of yours better show up soon. <\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Slim was outside waiting for the wagon when the fishermen returned. He took the reins from Thelma once they were stopped, and while unhitching the team, he told her, \u201cOne of the men from the Cartwright place came into town today looking for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her eyes flew open, and she noticed that Hoss and Adam\u2019s were wide with curiosity too. \u201cIs Ben back?\u201d she asked hopefully.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. But he said they was finished with the barn and house now, and even moved in the beds and things from the cabin. Said you and the boys was welcome to move in any time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss jumped from the wagon, and ran to Thelma, tugging at her skirt. \u201cCan we move home, ma\u2019am? Can we?\u201d<\/p>\n

She thanked Slim for the information and turned to Adam. \u201cWhat about you? Would you like to move into a bigger place too?\u201d Adam\u2019s smile was enough answer for her. \u201cI think we should start by going out tomorrow and taking a look at what\u2019s there.\u201d A worried look pushed away her excitement, as she walked over and took Slim\u2019s arm. \u201cWhat about you and Mary? If we go out there, I won\u2019t be able to help the two of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMary and me was talking about that while you was gone. There\u2019s a couple other settlers living near the post now, so I could ask one of those women to help out, and maybe you could spend weekends in town at the cabin, and the rest of the week out at the Cartwright place. Mary\u2019s feeling better now, but she\u2019ll miss you if you disappear from here completely.\u201d He smiled as he winked. \u201cWe were thinking such an arrangement might help the time pass more quickly for them boys too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thelma grinned widely as she looked at the boys. \u201cThat sounds like a pretty good plan to me. C\u2019mon kids, we\u2019ll go fry-up those fish, and then get a few things together for our trip to the house tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

Going Home<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thelma was up earlier than usual to get the last of the boys\u2019 things packed into crates to take along. She was sure they\u2019d be up early too even though they\u2019d all but collapsed into bed the night before. The active day, followed by an evening of planning and a little schoolwork had played them out. Right now, they were still asleep, so she made the most of her time alone.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d just finished dressing when there was a light rap on the door that made her jump. She couldn\u2019t imagine who would be at her cabin so early, and her thoughts went immediately to her neighbors, praying quickly that Mary hadn\u2019t taken a turn. She opened the door a crack without looking out and whispered, \u201cWho\u2019s there?\u201d She jumped for the second time when she heard the voice outside.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s me, Thelma, Ben Cartwright.\u201d<\/p>\n

Glancing over at the bedroom, she listened for a moment, and then slipped out the door. \u201cBen,\u201d she said softly as she tugged him away from the house. \u201cLet\u2019s go off a little so we can talk before waking your sons.\u201d As they walked into the yard, she began assailing him with a list of questions. \u201cWhen did you get back? How was the trip? How are you? You look great!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled as he grabbed her shoulders. \u201cI\u2019ll answer if you let me get a word in.\u201d He waited until she took a deep breath and nodded. \u201cFirst off, how are the boys?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine, Ben. Growing like weeds and missing you like mad, but they\u2019re just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid they give you any trouble?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot a lick. They\u2019re good children. You\u2019re going to be surprised by how different they look.\u201d<\/p>\n

He took a deep breath, expelling it in a smiling sigh. \u201cI\u2019ve looked forward to this day for six months out on the trail, but we\u2019re home now and it feels so good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you came overland?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe got into a caravan leaving Hannibal early in spring. There was a little tough going and bad weather at first, but after that we made it in record time, or so the trail master claimed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thelma tipped her head as her eyebrows narrowed. \u201cWho\u2019s we, Ben? Did you find someone heading this way to travel with from New Orleans?\u201d Her lips puckered as her brows nearly met when she saw Ben blushing in the early-morning, golden sun.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2026is my wife and I.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her quizzical look turned instantly to shock, and then a smile. \u201cYour wife? That must have been some trip.\u201d She laughed as she took his hands. \u201cI\u2019m happy for you, Ben. It\u2019s lonely out here without someone at your side. What\u2019s she like?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMarie is a wonderful woman. She\u2019s small, but she\u2019s a real power to be reckoned with. I can\u2019t believe how tough she was during the trip. It was a way of life she\u2019d never known, but it made sense to come that way because we brought as many of her things as we could fit in the wagon to furnish our new place.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs she out at the new house? We just heard that it was done, and planned to go check it out today. Now the boys can just go on home. They\u2019ll be so excited.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe got to the ranch last night, and I figured I\u2019d come in early today to pick up the boys. I have to admit; I didn\u2019t sleep well, and didn\u2019t realize how early it actually must have been when I set out. I came in on horseback, but we\u2019ll borrow Slim\u2019s wagon to go back. Why don\u2019t you come along, and I\u2019ll bring you home when I return the buckboard.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d like that very much.\u201d She chuckled and grinned at him. \u201cI think I\u2019ll enjoy seeing how the boys react to the fact that you\u2019re married.\u201d Ben was blushing again as she grabbed his arm. \u201cHow about we go wake up those rascals.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben stood in the doorway watching his sons sleep. Adam was on his back, while Hoss was using his older brother as a pillow. Thelma had left him alone while she started breakfast, telling him that one thing hadn\u2019t changed in his absence, and that was Hoss\u2019s appetite. She predicted that he\u2019d be overjoyed at seeing his father, but would still need nourishment before they could leave for the house.<\/p>\n

He moved quietly toward the bed to take a good look at his children. His first glance revealed that they had changed as much as he\u2019d feared they might. Adam was a young man now. He appeared to be slim and lanky, and his face had lengthened and thinned. He wasn\u2019t the cute boy he had left behind. Ben smiled as he realized that young women would think his son was \u201chandsome\u201d now.<\/p>\n

It was harder to see Hoss\u2019s face, since he was nestled on Adam\u2019s stomach. He wasn\u2019t chubby, but Ben could tell that he was still sturdily built, and had shot up in height. It left him wondering just how tall this child would get.<\/p>\n

When he\u2019d entered the room, he\u2019d intended to roust them and watch their surprise, but changed his mind. He sat next to Adam and shook him gently. \u201cWake up, son. It\u2019s time to go home.\u201d He grinned as the boy opened his eyes and then rubbed at them before focusing on his father.<\/p>\n

Adam broke into a smile. \u201cI\u2019m not dreaming, am I? Are you really back?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m really back.\u201d Their conversation woke Hoss, who grunted as he sat up and stretched. His eye\u2019s popped open when he realized who was on the bed, and he threw himself into his father\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa, you\u2019re here! You\u2019re really, really here! I was afraid you was never coming back!\u201d His voice rose in pitch as he held onto his father\u2019s neck, and his joyful shouts dissolved into tears when he couldn\u2019t put any more words to his excitement.<\/p>\n

Ben rubbed the boy\u2019s back and held him tight. \u201cIt\u2019s all right, Hoss. I know I\u2019ve been gone way too long, but I\u2019m home now.\u201d He soothed his younger son, while wondering why Adam was so quiet. He hadn\u2019t expected as exuberant a response from the older boy, but Adam\u2019s face gave no indication as to what he was feeling. \u201cIs everything all right, son?\u201d he asked as he swung Hoss around and sat him on his knee, while he reached out and touched Adam\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s head bobbed up and down before he exited the far side of the bed, and mumbled, \u201cI just need to go outside,\u201d before rushing from the cabin. He ran until he made it to a rock formation he could slip behind without being seen from the house; leaned back against the hard stone and groaned. More than a year of worry, fear, and trying to be strong left his body in a hiccupping sob, as he slid down the rock, and sat hugging his knees. The unexpected return had left him excited, but he wasn\u2019t a little boy anymore who could crawl on Pa\u2019s lap and cry as his brother had. He felt like crying though, and wasn\u2019t sure why. After a few minutes, he smiled and relaxed into the calm of knowing that his life would return to what it had been before. His father was home! They could go on\u2026the three of them, working hard and being together\u2026just like it was before.<\/p>\n

He took a few more minutes to compose himself, wiping the few hot tears that had trickled down his cheeks on his sleeve. Before leaving his cover, he hiked up his nightshirt and relieved himself on a nearby bush, grinning as he muttered, \u201cMight as well do what I said I was coming out here to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/em><\/p>\n

Ben carried Hoss into the main part of the cabin after Adam ran off. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d he asked Thelma, giving her a puzzled look. \u201cI thought he\u2019d be happy to see me, but he looked\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s very happy to see you, Ben,\u201d she replied after sending Hoss to get dressed. \u201cIt\u2019s just that he\u2019s been the strong one while you\u2019ve been away. He\u2019s the one who comforted Hoss, and kept a brave face even while he worried that something could go wrong. In fact he told me just yesterday that he thought he could take care of Hoss alone\u2014with just a \u2018little\u2019 help If you didn\u2019t make it back.\u201d<\/p>\n

The father\u2019s eyes closed as sadness drew his face into a deep frown. \u201cI should have realized he\u2019d want to take on all the responsibility. He\u2019s always been that way.\u201d He sighed deeply. \u201cI\u2019m still not sure why he ran off. Does he hate me for going?\u201d<\/p>\n

Thelma moved close enough to speak without Hoss overhearing. \u201cHate you? Why, Ben, that son of yours idolizes you. If I had to guess why he ran, it\u2019s because he really wanted to grab you and cry just like Hoss did, but he thinks he\u2019s too grown up to let you see him behave that way.\u201d She went to look out the window. \u201cHe\u2019s on his way back now, so don\u2019t you let on that we had this conversation. Follow his lead and everything will be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam headed straight for his father when he entered. \u201cIt was a good way to wake up this morning\u2026I mean having you here to do it.\u201d He looked sheepishly at his hostess. \u201cNot that Mrs. Fanon hasn\u2019t been doing a fine job of getting us up the rest of the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

She patted his cheek. \u201cI told you yesterday that you owe me no apologies. I think you\u2019ve helped me as much as I\u2019ve helped you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s good to hear,\u201d the proud father stated as he put his arm around Adam\u2019s shoulders. \u201cWhat have you two been up to?\u201d<\/p>\n

His son shrugged, but Thelma expounded. \u201cHe watched his brother and kept him entertained while I worked or had other chores; he helped keep the place up inside and out, excelled in his school work, and we\u2019ve been gardening this summer. So far we expect a good return for our efforts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe time passed quickly then?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n

Adam laughed for the first time since his father\u2019s return. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t say that, Pa, but it helped fill the time. Mrs. Fanon\u2019s been very good to us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe sure has been,\u201d Hoss added to the compliment as he exited the bedroom in his ragtag outfit and moccasins.<\/p>\n

Ben laughed as he inspected the short pants. \u201cThose look comfortable Hoss, but if that\u2019s representative of the rest of your wardrobe, then I suspect we arrived just in time with new clothes and shoes for you two. We picked up several sizes, hoping that you\u2019ll have something to fit for now and later.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam turned toward Thelma when he heard his father say \u201cwe\u201d and gave her a raised eyebrow question.<\/p>\n

She winked at him without illuminating the use of the plural, and commanded the group to sit for their breakfast. \u201cThe sooner we eat, the sooner we\u2019ll all get out to the new house and see your father\u2019s surprises.\u201d<\/p>\n

Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Trouble with Surprises, Is That They\u2019re\u2026Surprising<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hoss and Adam pestered their father to tell them what their new house was like as they bounced their way along the wheel-rutted lane that served as a road between town and the Ponderosa homestead. He finally gave in when their excitement bubbled over on seeing the first hazy outlines of the house and barn in the distance, and began a verbal tour of what they could expect. \u201cThere\u2019s a kitchen area off to the side, and then a good-sized room with a huge fireplace where we can eat and sit in the evening.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo we all sleep in there too, like before?\u201d The question came from the youngest of the family.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can see how tall it is, Hoss,\u201d his father explained as he pointed. \u201cWe have two floors in our house, and upstairs there are three small bedrooms, so you\u2019ll each have your own.\u201d Ben smiled as he saw his sons\u2019 reaction to the news. \u201cIt\u2019s not a big house,\u201d he cautioned. \u201cBut it will sure beat the way we used to live out here. And someday, we\u2019ll put up a house that will be the talk of the territory.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two children chattered excitedly, until they pulled in the yard, and they saw one surprise that neither of them could have expected: a beautiful, petite, blonde woman standing in the doorway, smiling and waving to them. Adam looked at Hoss who was staring at him with eyes the size of saucers. It was the younger boy who asked in a whisper, \u201cWho\u2019s that, and what\u2019s she doin\u2019 in our house?\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cYour have a wife.\u201d Adam said incredulously while helping his father unload the wagon. Thelma and Hoss had gone into to the house with the newcomer after Ben had introduced the woman as, Marie Cartwright\u2026his new wife, and the boys\u2019 \u201cnew mother.\u201d Hoss had been stunned but excited\u2014especially after finding out that the woman would be bunking in with his pa, instead of wanting a bedroom of her own. The youngster had easily held Marie\u2019s hand and accepted her hug. In fact, Adam had heard him telling the woman that she sure was \u201cpurdy\u201d when they were walking inside. He wasn\u2019t sure why he felt as he did, but he had already convicted his brother of treason.<\/p>\n

Ben stopped what he was doing, and looked directly at his eldest. \u201cYes, Adam, I have a wife. She\u2019s a very nice woman who\u2019s been very anxious to meet you. On the other hand, you barely looked at her. Why do you seem so upset?\u201d<\/p>\n

Upset<\/em>? Upset didn\u2019t even begin to describe what Adam was feeling. \u201cI thought I was polite. I shook her hand and welcomed her.\u201d He shook his head and thought to himself that he should stop there, but his anger was billowing like the ship\u2019s sails that taken his father to New Orleans so many months ago. He bit his lip, but then blurted out, \u201cDid you go all the way to New Orleans because you wanted<\/em> to find a wife?\u201d His voice dropped as he pursed his lips and said sullenly, \u201cIt would explain why you were so anxious to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

The box Ben was holding fell back onto the wagon bed as his eyes bored a hole straight into his son\u2019s forehead. \u201cYou watch your tone with me. I know you’ve been the man of the house for a while now, but you will remember that I am back now, and I\u2019m your father, not your equal.\u201d His tone softened as he continued. \u201cThis was a shock for you…I understand that. It was a shock for me too. I never expected to marry again, but I did. I wish I could have written to give you a little time to get used to the idea, but it wasn’t possible. If you give Marie a chance, I know you\u2019ll come to love her as I do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry if I was out of line, Pa.\u201d Adam looked down at his newly shod feet. \u201cI\u2019d consider these new boots, a \u2018surprise.\u2019 You bringing back a wife was\u2026well a lot more than a surprise.\u201d He sent his father a lopsided smile. \u201cHow did you meet her?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHer name was Marie DeMarigny\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s smile turned sour as he interjected, \u201cJean DeMarigny\u2019s widow?\u201d His lips thinned into a smirk. \u201cThat\u2019s\u2026interesting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben moved in front of his son until he was staring down from the few inches he still had on him. \u201cI will not be judged by my ten-year-old child. Wipe that mocking look from your face.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not ten anymore,\u201d the boy responded, returning his father\u2019s steely stare, before looking away. \u201cI had two birthdays since you left to inform the DeMarignys of Jean\u2019s death. I can\u2019t help it if it seems odd that his widow is now my \u2018new mother.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben grabbed Adam\u2019s shoulders and pulled him roughly toward him until they were nose-to-nose. \u201cIf you ever speak to me like that again, I\u2019ll take you over my knee, and you won\u2019t sit for a week.\u201d\u00a0 He was breathing hard as he asked, \u201cDo you understand me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded and rubbed his shoulders where his father\u2019s hands had been.\u00a0 He stood there without speaking, not knowing what to say. He didn\u2019t even know why he\u2019d said what he did. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Pa,\u201d he offered for the second time.<\/p>\n

His son looked so worn out by his outburst that Ben took his arm and led him away from the wagon. \u201cLet\u2019s go take a look at our barn, and see what\u2019s in there.\u201d The two of them checked out the stalls and then climbed up to the hayloft and opened the loading door to get a bird\u2019s eye view of the world below. The loft was partially filled with loose hay, and Ben pulled his son down next to him in one of the piles. \u201cSeems to me you asked how I met Marie, and I\u2019d like to tell you, if you\u2019re willing to listen. I\u2019ll be quick or the ladies will be out here looking for us.\u201d<\/p>\n

A smile from his son indicated he would give his father a chance. Ben began by telling him that Marie had been riding her horse down the street, and how she almost ran him down when he walked in front of her. \u201cShe really wanted nothing to do with me at first,\u201d he confessed, \u201cbut in time, we got to know each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy didn\u2019t she like you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t sure, but she seemed more sad and careful, than rude. You see, Marie and Jean had separated some time before he came to work for me, and she hadn\u2019t seen him for several years. He left New Orleans after something happened in the DeMarigny family, and he never went back. That\u2019s why Jean asked me to go in person. He\u2019d given me personal messages for Marie and an old friend of his, and he worried what the news would do to his aged mother if she simply received a letter.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think Marie trusted me at first. In fact, she found it hard to trust anyone. The DeMarigny family\u2014including Jean, had treated her cruelly and unfairly. She found it impossible to believe that others would treat her any better.\u201d He looked over at his son. \u201cI\u2019m leaving out a lot here that you don\u2019t need to know, but Marie did come to trust me, and she opened her heart for the first time in a very long while. I\u2019m hoping that she won\u2019t ever be treated badly by anyone in the Cartwright family.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe won\u2019t, Pa.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s all I ask.\u201d He sighed as he nudged Adam\u2019s knee, and brought up the subject that he felt might be lying heavy in his son\u2019s heart. \u201cMy feelings for Marie will never change the deep love I had for Elizabeth or Inger. There\u2019s so much about you and Hoss that reminds me of your mothers that I can\u2019t possibly forget them.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The four Cartwrights settled into life over the next couple of weeks. Adam knew that Hoss had given his heart to Marie with her first kiss on his dirty cheek, and he had decided that his little brother wasn\u2019t as much of a traitor as he thought he was. \u00a0The kid wanted a mother, and Marie was doing all she could to be that for him. He couldn\u2019t resent that.<\/p>\n

It was different for Adam who didn\u2019t need anyone to mother him. In his opinion, he was well on his way to being a man anyway. He did concede that having a woman in the house was nice. Marie stood up to his pa, and made sure she had time to do schoolwork with the boys each day\u2026even when Ben would bluster about all the work that needed doing before winter. His father was different with Marie there\u2014in a good way. He laughed and smiled more than Adam could remember him doing since Inger died, and Marie got him to relax sometimes too. There had been a few Sunday picnics, and they\u2019d had Mrs. Fanon out for a going away party before she left with a supply caravan heading home.<\/p>\n

Marie had brought boxes of books from New Orleans, and Adam was impressed by her knowledge of literature. She told him that she\u2019d been raised in a convent where she\u2019d gotten a good education, and ever since, she had continued to learn by reading everything she could get her hands on. Together they were working their way through Mrs. Fanon\u2019s secondary textbooks, and Marie had started teaching him French.<\/p>\n

Adam decided that he did like<\/em> Marie, and he admired many things about her. He was amazed at the way she got his brother to pay attention to his studies. Mrs. Fanon had pulled Hoss through the ABCs and numbers while he\u2019d fought her every step of the way. Marie had a way of easing the child into learning where he didn\u2019t even realize he was doing it. His brother would pay close attention as she wove a story, and then she\u2019d make him correctly spell some of the words she\u2019d used, or work arithmetic problems that helped unlock an imaginary door to the next part. There were times when Adam listened to the stories too, hoping Hoss got it right so they\u2019d both get to hear how the tale progressed.<\/p>\n

But in spite of the positive adjustments going on, there were times when Adam felt left out of his own family. While his father had been gone, the hope that the three Cartwright men would be together again had become the prize he thought he\u2019d receive for enduring the lonely times. But now there was this fourth person added into Adam\u2019s equation. He often wondered if Marie was adjusting into this Cartwright foursome so well that he<\/em> was becoming the odd man out\u2014the stranger in the house. His father and Hoss had taken this woman into their hearts without question. She only had to flash her smile to get them to do whatever she asked, and his brother now went to her with his questions, fears and needs.\u00a0 In fact, when he\u2019d offered to help his little brother recently, he\u2019d been rebuffed by the youngster who\u2019d told him that he wanted \u201cMama\u201d to do it.<\/p>\n

Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cartwright vs Cartwright<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben pulled their wagon into the yard after the sun had set, and hollered for Adam to come help him unload the last of hay that he and the hands had collected.<\/p>\n

His son exited the house while slipping into his jacket, and laughed. \u201cWow, Pa, that\u2019s quite a load you got on there. Did you lose a lot on the way back?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose you could follow a grass trail all the way back to the marsh where we cut this, but I don\u2019t think I did too badly.\u201d He jumped down and gave Adam a playful punch in the arm. \u201cDid you have supper already? I know I\u2019m late.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe did, Pa, but Hoss left a little for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy stomach\u2019s growling so I\u2019ll let you pull the wagon into the barn and start shifting some of this into the storage area, while I go eat. Did your mother keep a plate warm for me?\u201d There was no mistaking his son\u2019s painful grimace at his use of the words, \u201cyour mother,\u201d and Ben grabbed the sleeve of Adam\u2019s jacket and pulled him into the barn. \u201cSit down!\u201d he commanded while lighting the lantern hanging on a hook between stalls.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mouth dropped into a puzzled frown as he roosted on a tack box. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat look, Adam. That look is what\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n

The boy shook his head from side to side and responded in a rising pitch. \u201cWhat look are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben was pacing, kicking straw and dust up with every step, until he stopped directly in front of the boy. \u201cIt\u2019s that sour, disdainful look you get on your face whenever I refer to Marie as your mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

The twelve-year-old sat up straighter, squared his shoulders and met his father\u2019s angry glare. \u201cI\u2019m unaware that I have a particular look associated with you calling her that, but the truth is that she\u2019s not \u2018my mother.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sighed heavily. \u201cI thought you were coming to like Marie, so why disrespect her by saying that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it disrespectful to tell the truth? I do like Marie; she\u2019s a very nice woman, but she will never be my mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019s my wife, so she\u2019s…\u201d He ended with an exasperate sigh.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou \u2018making\u2019 her your wife doesn\u2019t make<\/em> her my mother, Pa. I think I\u2019ve done everything you asked of me. I\u2019ve been nice to Marie, and I haven\u2019t done anything to make her feel unwelcome. I think we\u2019re getting along pretty well.\u201d<\/p>\n

The hard kick Ben gave the tack box made Adam jump, and the angry man saw his son\u2019s face change from self-confident to fearful. He kicked himself mentally for his physical display. Threats never worked with Adam, and anger or orders might make him toe the line, but they wouldn\u2019t ever change the boy\u2019s mind. \u201cWhat I don\u2019t understand is how sometimes when you let yourself, you seem to enjoy being part of this family. But there are other times\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what you mean,\u201d Adam replied, inching into the corner. He\u2019d never seen Ben Cartwright this upset, and it frightened him. He ran through what his father had just said about not including himself in the family, and realized that he\u2019d already admitted feeling that way, but he couldn\u2019t see that his treatment of Marie was the cause of it.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes you and your mother will be working on something when I come in, and I can see that you\u2019re having a nice time. You let your guard down and enjoy what Marie has brought to our household. But then other times, I see her try to hug you or give you a goodnight kiss, and you stiffen and get that distasteful look on your face just as you did a few minutes ago. You have to know that she sees that, and it must make her very sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHas she complained about me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course she hasn\u2019t complained,\u201d Ben shouted as his protective feelings for his wife rose. \u201cI don\u2019t think she ever complained when people treated her badly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not trying to treat her badly, Pa, you\u2019ve gotta know that. I\u2019m just not used to it.\u00a0 That\u2019s all it is; not that I have anything against her, but I\u2019ll try to be better.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTrying isn\u2019t enough, son. You will obey me and call her, Mother. It is a sign of respect and will indicate Marie\u2019s rightful place in this family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s eyes glistened as he looked up at his father and shook his head.<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s tone softened as he tried another approach. \u201cYou didn\u2019t have a problem calling Inger that, so why is this so different?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t call her mother either, and she understood why. Inger said I could call her Mimi. Kids in Sweden sometimes called their mothers that when they had trouble saying, \u2018min mor.\u2019\u201c He sent Ben a hopeful smile. \u201cMaybe I can do that with Marie too\u2026find a name that she knows I mean with all respect.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s face turned to stone. \u201cYou will call her, Mother, and you will do it without the \u2018look.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s breathing became rapid. \u201cPlease, Pa, I can\u2019t…\u201d His quiet, \u201cI promised,\u201d was drowned out when his father continued his rant.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure you \u2018can!\u2019 What you mean is that you \u2018won\u2019t.\u2019 I don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with you. You\u2019ve always had opinions about what you will and won\u2019t do, but you\u2019ve never been unkind or disobedient. This will stop tonight. I will not allow you to disrespect me, or your mother<\/em>, another minute.\u201d He rubbed his hands across his face as if mentally wiping away his anger. The next words were calm, but delivered with the full force of will that drove him in all things. \u201cI\u2019m going in now. You will remain here and take care of the hay, as I\u2019ve asked. When you come in, you will address Marie properly, or go straight to your room and stay there until you can<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam watched his father turn and stomp away without another word. He slid from the box and stood for a moment before collapsing on his knees and pounding the dirt floor with his fists. How can you do this, Pa, <\/em>he thought. So much for your belief in keeping solemn promises. I guess it only matters if it\u2019s your vow, not mine, and it means you get to go on a long trip and leave us behind. <\/em>His thoughts continued as he sat back on his legs and wrapped his arms around himself. \u00a0I can\u2019t call Marie<\/em> what you want me to because \u201cmy mother\u201d is in the ground back in Boston\u2014never having heard me use the name I promised I\u2019d keep as hers alone. <\/em>Looking upward he sent his silent thoughts to another father. Why didn\u2019t you take me instead of her? I just remind Pa that Elizabeth is dead because of me, and now he thinks that unless I dishonor my promise to my real mother, I\u2019ll be the ruin of this marriage too. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

He felt like a limp rag as he roused himself to do his chores. With the hay piled in the corner, and the horses and wagons put away, he shook the dried grass and dust from his clothing, washed his hands and face in the bucket outside, and went in.<\/p>\n

Ben and Marie were sitting at the table talking when he passed them by without a word, and started up the narrow stairway leading to his room.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere are you going in such a hurry, young man?\u201d Marie called with a teasing lilt.<\/p>\n

He turned around from halfway up the steps. \u201cI\u2019m going to bed,\u201d he said politely, and then added, \u201cMa\u2019am,\u201d for his father\u2019s benefit.<\/p>\n

He heard his father pound his fist on the table as he flew up the last few steps to his room. His heart was racing as he leaned back against the closed door and took deep breaths to settle himself. \u00a0Never before had he ever gone against his father\u2019s wishes so blatantly, and he knew there would be consequences. He\u2019d worry about that later. Right now he took a moment to consider his position again, and decided it was justified.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you so upset, Ben?\u201d Marie\u2019s head was angled questioningly, with a concerned crease wrinkling her brow.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s being rude,\u201d he answered while drumming his fingers on the table.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe may have been a little brusque, but he\u2019s a young man with a head full of plans and ideas. I\u2019m sure he was just thinking ahead to one of them when he flew through here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s terse and loud, \u201cNo, he was intentionally being rude,\u201d startled his wife. He saw her eyes open wide as the crease in her forehead deepened.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d she asked, moving behind him to drape her arms around his shoulders.\u2019<\/p>\n

He patted her hands. \u201cNothing for you to worry about my dear. I\u2019ll take care of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie withdrew her embrace and walked the length of the room twice before standing at his side. \u201cI don\u2019t think Adam was being rude at all. However, I can\u2019t say the same of his father.\u201d She continued as Ben\u2019s face reflected the same questioning qualities hers had a minute ago. \u201cI know that you believed in me when you were in New Orleans, and you got to the bottom of something no one else had the nerve to pursue. \u00a0You made me believe I was worth fighting for, and promised me a place in your heart, and in this family.\u201d She paced the room again. \u201cBut what you said right now\u2026that what happens between members of this family is nothing for me to \u2018worry\u2019 about told me exactly where I stand. Jean always told me the same thing when I\u2019d ask about what went on between him and his mother. It\u2019s what he said the day he left and never came back. And his mother told me there was nothing to worry about the day she took my baby away.\u201d<\/p>\n

He went to hold her as tears began to streak down her cheek, but she pushed him away.<\/p>\n

\u201cTelling me there\u2019s nothing to worry about is the same as telling me to mind my own business, Ben, and I won\u2019t have it. I will have your respect in this house or I will go back to New Orleans where there was no pretense over what people thought of me. Life was hard there, but at least I knew where I stood. It was so much easier that way.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Neither Marie nor Ben had heard the bedroom door open at the top of the stairs as they\u2019d argued. Nor did they see Hoss tiptoe out, and duck into his brother\u2019s room.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s up, little man?\u201d Adam asked from the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I talk to you?\u201d Hoss\u2019s voice was timid.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on over,\u201d he encouraged as he sat up. \u201cI was just thinking about a few things.\u201d Adam could see Hoss\u2019s wide eyes and trembling lip. \u201cDid you have a bad dream?\u201d<\/p>\n

A shake of the head preceded the boy\u2019s tears. \u201cI was playing in my room but I heard them talking loud downstairs, and I listened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know you shouldn\u2019t eavesdrop. Pa would have skinned you if he\u2019d caught you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wasn\u2019t doin\u2019 that. It scared me is all, so I listened to see if they was maybe mad at me.\u201d The tears came harder. \u201cI heard Mama say she\u2019s goin\u2019 home to New\u2018leans.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was suddenly very alert. \u201cMaybe you misheard her. What words did she say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe said that if she didn\u2019t get some \u2018spect, she was going back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid she say, respect?\u201d<\/p>\n

The little boy nodded. \u201cDo you know what she\u2019s talkin\u2019 about, Adam? I don\u2019t want her to go.\u201d<\/p>\n

It had been a while since he had comforted his brother. He pulled the boy onto his lap and soothed him. \u201cI\u2019ll take you over and tuck you into bed, and then I\u2019ll go down and talk to them. No one\u2019s going anywhere, so don\u2019t you worry.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben tried again to hold his wife, and this time she let him. \u201cThe reason I didn\u2019t tell you what\u2019s going on with Adam is because I\u2019m embarrassed about it. I don\u2019t want him calling you, ma\u2019am or Mrs. Cartwright. I keep looking around the room to see if my mother\u2019s ghost is paying us a visit.\u201d He grinned as his comment elicited a small smile from his bride. \u201cI want him to call you, Mother, like Hoss does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it? That\u2019s what\u2019s making you so angry that you had to pound your fist and raise your voice?\u201d<\/p>\n

He blushed. \u201cIt\u2019s more than that. I\u2019ve asked him to do it, and he\u2019s refused. And the \u2018ma\u2019am,\u2019 he tacked onto his goodnight was meant for my ears. It\u2019s his way of thumbing his nose at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh, I see now.\u201d She took his hand and walked back to the table. \u201cThis is more about Adam respecting you, than me, isn\u2019t it? It doesn\u2019t bother me<\/em> when he calls me ma\u2019am or even Mrs. Cartwright.\u201d She sat and laid her hands flat on the table. \u201cYou were gone for over a year, and then you came back with me. His world has been set off course, Ben, but he\u2019s doing fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt just sounds so\u2026odd\u2026when he calls you\u2026that<\/em>. It\u2019s almost mocking.\u201d Ben dropped into a chair next to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cOnly to your ears, my love. I suspect you thought you\u2019d bring me back here and the boys would be happy as pie about having a newcomer around. You want them to love me as much as you do, and in your mind it\u2019s not happening fast enough.\u201d She knew she\u2019d hit the truth when crimson spread from his neck to his ears. She grasped his hands. \u201cStop worrying. Adam is talking to me; he\u2019s respectful at all times, and he gives me a little more of himself every day. I liken your son to a cat in some ways.\u201d His puzzled look made her chuckle. \u201cYou know how it is with a cat. The harder you try to get them to like you, the more aloof they become. But when you go about your business\u2014just letting them know you\u2019re there if they need something\u2014then they get curious and come around. Once they do that, they learn to trust you.\u201d Bringing his hands to her cheek, she gave her husband a loving, yet warning look. \u201cIf you stay out of this, your son and I will find our common ground.\u201d She looked deeply into his eyes. \u201cAdam is interested. He\u2019s asking questions and talking to me more each day, but you can\u2019t force him to love me, Ben.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know that. \u00a0And it\u2019s so unusual for him to draw a line in the stand over one word.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you ask him why that is? Knowing Adam, I\u2019m sure there\u2019s a very good reason.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t care about reasons; I care about obedience.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie sighed. \u201cMight it occur to you that your son is just as stubborn as his father? Both of you hold your feelings inside. You make demands instead of asking him to tell you why he can\u2019t do it. As a result, you think him disobedient and disrespectful, and he becomes exactly what you don\u2019t want him to be. \u201d She shook her head, and then smiled as her husband grinned at her sheepishly. \u201cI think you should head up there and have a talk with him. No one should go to bed angry.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam waited for Hoss to settle into bed while he decided what to do. He was surprised that Marie had threatened to leave. In fact, he thought that she was the type of person who would talk to him directly about his behavior if she didn\u2019t like it.<\/p>\n

Even though she had issued an ultimatum, he was still pretty sure that Marie would listen to him and understand. There had been many times already when she\u2019d asked him questions and paid attention for however long it took for him to answer or she asked for more information to help her better understand what he was telling her. His father was different:\u00a0 he didn\u2019t like long answers, and he really didn\u2019t like answers that he disagreed with. His efforts at explaining why he couldn\u2019t obey his father would be best served by speaking to both of them, and now was probably the right time. They\u2019d work it out; he\u2019d apologize, and things could get back to the new normal in the Cartwright house.<\/p>\n

He squared his shoulders, and exited Hoss\u2019s room, pausing in mid-step as his father\u2019s voice drifted up to him.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019ll be no more talk about you leaving me, Marie. I think the best solution will be for me to take Adam to San Francisco and find him a position on a merchant ship. He keeps reminding me that he\u2019s practically a man now, and a few years away at sea would be good for him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam moved silently into his room and sat on his bed. At least he didn\u2019t have to worry about Marie leaving anymore. Her position in the household seemed secure.<\/p>\n

Out of Adam\u2019s earshot, Marie gave Ben an angry look, and an angrier jab in his arm. \u201cDon\u2019t joke around that way! Think about how terrible you\u2019d feel if Adam had heard what you just said. The child would be devastated, and you\u2019d have a hard time making him believe you weren\u2019t serious. He wouldn\u2019t know that your eyes were dancing with laughter or see that silly grin on your face.\u201d After another jab, she added, \u201cAnd you\u2019d come up with such a ridiculous plan, just to keep from talking to your son? You\u2019re incorrigible.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s blush returned along with a sheepish grimace. \u201cYou\u2019re right. I\u2019m sorry\u2026again. It used to be easier when he was little and thought everything I said was right.\u201d<\/p>\n

She rose and began gathering the last of the dishes from the table. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go up and speak to him while I finish straightening up down here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie had barely moved the cups into the dishpan before Ben was back.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s already asleep. I\u2019ll catch him before he comes down in the morning.\u201d He kissed her cheek and grabbed the towel. \u201cIn fact, both boys are asleep, so how about I give you a hand, and we\u2019ll go upstairs and end this evening more pleasantly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Six<\/strong><\/p>\n

Setting Ben Straight<\/strong><\/p>\n

Marie was stoking the fire in the cook stove when her husband pounded down the steps, strode across the living area, and continued out the door without saying a word. She called after him and followed him outside where she heard him shouting for Adam in the barn. Her puzzlement grew when she saw him looking through the other outbuildings, and finally walk out to the road where he stood scanning the horizon in all directions. He still hadn\u2019t acknowledged her, so she walked over and shook his arm to get his attention. \u201cWhat is going on? I thought you went upstairs to speak to Adam. Is he out working already?\u201d<\/p>\n

His visual search ended as he dropped his head, and handed Marie a sheet of paper. \u201cI found this in his room.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie\u2019s eyes traveled across the page as her heart began to beat wildly.<\/p>\n

Pa, Marie is a fine lady who I\u2019ve grown to like and admire, so I\u2019m sorry that either of you thinks I\u2019ve been disrespectful. It was not my intention, but it seems you\u2019re angry enough that you think it best for this family if I\u2019m not part of it. I\u2019ll go, but I want to do so on my own, rather than aboard a ship. I\u2019m sure the skills I learned working with you will serve me well. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s gone?\u201d she asked as she looked up and saw a mixture of sadness, anger and fear in Ben\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m guessing he left shortly after we went to bed.\u201d He struck his balled fists against his legs. \u201cYou were right. I never should have said those things last night. He obviously heard me.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled encouragingly. \u201cYou\u2019ll go after him and explain. This will all be a memory by tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head from side to side. \u201cIt\u2019s not that easy. Adam learned to track\u2026and cover his tracks from Indian guides when we traveled with the wagon caravans. He knows how to trap, hunt and fish; how to find or make a shelter; which berries and plants he can eat, and most importantly, how to stay hidden if he wants to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you know those things too, so you\u2019ll figure it out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat would be a reasonable assumption, but I\u2019m already at a loss.\u201d He tipped her face up. \u201cHe\u2019s got a big head start, and he\u2019s wearing moccasins, so I can\u2019t follow him. Being on foot should make it easier to catch him, but this countryside is so vast that unless I pick the right direction the first time, it\u2019ll be like looking for a needle in a hay stack.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie\u2019s eyes were filled with worry. \u201cCan\u2019t you find anything to show where he went?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe headed out to the barn\u2014probably to grab a bedroll and some trail supplies, and then out to the road. But then the imprints disappear in the stone and hard dirt. If he\u2019d worn boots, I might pick up a heel or toe impressions, but this way, he\u2019s invisible.\u201d<\/p>\n

She took his hand and led him toward the house. \u201cYou must have some idea of where he\u2019d go\u2014a favorite place where he\u2019d feel safe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll check the places where we trapped. It\u2019s a long shot though, because he\u2019d know that\u2019s where I\u2019d look first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you saying?\u201d she asked with trepidation as they sat on the bench in front of the fireplace.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m saying that I\u2019m afraid I will only find Adam if he wants to be found. He doesn\u2019t play games. I\u2019ve never allowed my children to have tantrums to wheedle me into letting them have their way. I believe he intends to prove that he can take care of himself. He may simply stay out of sight on the Ponderosa, but he isn\u2019t planning to come back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat make you think that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe took everything important to him. His favorite books are gone, but even more telling is that he took Elizabeth\u2019s music box and Bible. If this was <\/em>a stunt\u2026something he was doing for attention, he\u2019d have left those things behind.\u201d He wrapped his arm around his wife and pulled her close as they both considered his assessment. \u201cHe wants to prove that he\u2019s a man, and maybe he is<\/em> more of a man than I give him credit for.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie pulled away and glared at him. \u201cHe\u2019s a child, Ben, a boy of twelve who has been hurt. It doesn\u2019t matter how capable he is, what he took along, or how hard he makes it. He wants you to find him. Right now he\u2019s feeling hurt and betrayed. You\u2019re his father and you will turn over every piece of hay until you find him. He needs to know he\u2019s loved enough for you to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re being dramatic,\u201d he said through clenched teeth. \u201cAdam knows I love him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoes he really?\u201d She stood and looked down at him. \u201cI\u2019ve kept quiet\u2026trying to stay out of the way you act with your sons. But you need to know something.\u201d She pointed her finger at his nose. \u201cYou have forgotten that Adam is a boy. Even now, I see a look of pride, despite your worry.\u00a0 You like that fact that he\u2019s trying to prove his manhood. But I see this differently, and you better too\u2026before you lose something most precious to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d Ben\u2019s eyes flashed as he met her glare.<\/p>\n

\u201cI asked Adam about the life you two had while coming here and it was obvious he shouldered a lot of responsibility from a very young age.\u201d She watched the color rising in her husband\u2019s cheeks. \u201cBefore you explode, let me assure you that he never once complained. In fact, he\u2019s the one who told me how necessary it was. He said that when he helped with the ordinary things, it allowed you to do what no one else would have believed possible. Those were happy days for him\u2026days that he expected would get even better after you returned and started ranching.\u00a0 So, I want you to think about how it felt for him to find me here a month ago. Did you expect that his feelings would fall into place overnight?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI expected he\u2019d try,\u201d he replied with a little too much volume.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe did Ben! He opened up a little more every day. I saw that; why didn\u2019t you?\u201d She laid her hand across his lips as he tried to counter. \u201cAnd there\u2019s something else I noticed. You bestow loving gestures on me and even Hoss, but when it comes to Adam, you resort to slaps on the back and verbal pats on the head. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s because you love him less\u2026you\u2019ve just forgotten that he still needs affection.\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes flashed. \u201cDon\u2019t you dare question how I display my feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t have to if you showed them more. The other day you got home from the trading post and called Hoss over to find the rock candy you had in your pocket. Then you chased him around trying to get it back. The two of you were laughing as you grabbed him, hugged him, and tossed him into the wagon. But when Adam came out of the house, you told him to unhitch the horses.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s older.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut Ben,\u201d she said softly as she stroked his cheek, \u201cwhile he\u2019s tall and strong, and very intelligent, inside that fine frame there is still a youngster who might like an unexpected treat, and might rather play with you and Hoss for a few minutes before being sent off to work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you think I do anything right?\u201d he asked with an edge of hurt.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do almost everything right, my love.\u201d She took her seat next to him again. \u201cYou\u2019re a man who chased a dream while still doing a marvelous job of raising two young boys. You\u2019re fierce, loyal and you will never take no for an answer. \u00a0Adam loves you and would do anything for you, including leaving if he thought that was what you wanted. My only advice is that you take a little time to appreciate what you have in front of you, instead of always seeing what still needs to be done. Enjoy your sons now, before they\u2019re grown up or gone.\u201d she winked at him. \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t hurt to chase both of them around the yard once in a while.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben rested his forehead against his fists. \u201cWhat do I say when I find him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot a thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

He sat back, looking startled. \u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou open your arms, and then hold him as tight as you can, for as long as it takes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Part Two \u2013 Malicious Games<\/strong><\/p>\n

One<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Obvious Direction<\/strong><\/p>\n

Proving himself a man in late fall, with an unspecified amount of time before winter sent its first icy blasts, left very few options for Adam. There was no way to cross the Sierras now without being trapped at some point, and heading northeast towards Utah would offer the same hazards. Being caught anywhere without food and shelter when the first snows blanketed the land would be fatal. As he\u2019d begun to reason it out, trapping through the winter had seemed his best option. The pelts would net a startup stake come spring, and the work would utilize a skill he knew well. At first he\u2019d considered trying to run lines somewhere on the Ponderosa, but that wouldn\u2019t have proven anything. His goal was to do what he knew in a way that he didn\u2019t have to rely on his father\u2019s land or resources.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d left home during the night with his few possessions, a change of clothing, blankets, food to tide him over until he could supply his own needs, and a few tools and supplies stuffed into a pillowcase. To make sure he could get a head start, he\u2019d worn the moccasins Mrs. Fanon had given him. His father was a good tracker, and the lack of imprint left by the soft leather would leave few clues.<\/p>\n

The night had been chilly, and he\u2019d wrapped up in a blanket as he hurried along to put distance between his old life and the new one he would create. Toward dawn, he\u2019d reached the northern boundary of the Ponderosa, and he found an area of rocks and scrub trees on the backside of a rise to take shelter. Digging into his sack, he withdrew a loaf of bread and ripped off a chunk that he ate while going over his plans.<\/p>\n

An idea had formed during his walk\u2014a way to get a foothold on his own, and be safe doing it. Mrs. Fanon had driven them out to her homestead once while they\u2019d been with her, and he knew he could find it again. She\u2019d left most of her husband\u2019s tools and traps behind thinking the person who bought the land would appreciate having a few things to start with. The cabin she\u2019d stayed at in town had been furnished, so she\u2019d left furniture and cooking utensils behind too. \u00a0The Fanons hadn\u2019t had a bountiful life, so there wasn\u2019t much. Yet it was better than starting with nothing, and Adam was sure Mrs. Fanon would have no objections to him staying there.<\/p>\n

The other necessary factor in Adam\u2019s plan was to have access to trapping runs, and the house was close enough to the Salmon River(1)<\/sup> for him to work the backwaters during the day, and get back to shelter at night. The best thing about the location was that he was pretty sure his father wouldn\u2019t think of it and with Thelma Fanon already on her way back East, she couldn\u2019t suggest that he look there either.<\/p>\n

The thought of being alone all winter was giving him a few shaky moments, but it was the only way he could see to get started. Come spring, he\u2019d head out, finding work in the settlements popping up along the wagon trails, and eventually making his way to Boston.<\/p>\n

This undertaking would not be easy or quick, but he was satisfied that his plan would work. There was precedent in this sort of adventure too. He had heard stories about Indian boys from many tribes going out on quests to find their calling within their groups or to earn their acceptance into their adult cultures. What made Adam sad was that unlike his journey, those native boys returned to their families, and their quests were celebrated. His father had said that he wanted his son gone for a few years, so there\u2019d be no celebration for him at the Cartwright home anytime soon.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben made camp at one of his old trapping sites, and tried to sleep. He\u2019d spent the day riding the hills and stream beds where he\u2019d worked with the boys in the past, but there was no sign of anyone having been there recently. Sickness roiled in his stomach when he admitted to himself that he would have easily caught up to Adam already if the boy had come this way. \u201cWhere did you head, son?\u201d he asked of the darkness, hoping to hear an answer on the breeze or in a still small voice as Elijah had. There was no answer.<\/p>\n

Sleep eluded him, and he rose early, planning to search other areas nearby where there would be shelter and food. \u201cPlease let him make a mistake,\u201d he sighed in prayer as his heart ached, and then he tacked on an addendum to his prayer for a clue. Without a clue, he would be fighting windmills like Don Quixote.<\/p>\n

It wouldn\u2019t be easy, but he decided that if didn\u2019t find some sign today, he\u2019d head home and lay out all the possibilities that Adam might have considered. After that, he\u2019d check them out one by one until he found some trace of his missing boy.<\/p>\n

He pulled a slice of jerky from his saddlebag and drew a long swig of water from his canteen. Coffee would have been a welcome addition, but he didn\u2019t want to waste time bringing the fire back up. After kicking dirt onto the remaining embers and securing his bedroll to his saddle, he rode on.<\/p>\n

Two<\/strong><\/p>\n

Be It Ever So Humble<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam used his hand to block the sun while trying to spot the trap marker he\u2019d set up the previous day. Thelma had left several traps behind that her husband had used. There were larger ones for predatory and nuisance animals, and an assortment of smaller ones that he\u2019d run for fur: the settler\u2019s equivalent of cash at the trading posts.\u00a0 Adam was using the smaller ones, hoping to start his pelt collection with beaver, mink, raccoon and muskrat. He\u2019d found all but one, and figured it had been knocked over by the wind or a critter. Not seeing it meant he would have to tread very carefully, using a heavy stick to probe the longer grass before taking a step. The last thing he needed was to end up with his own foot in its jaw.<\/p>\n

After poking around for a while, he found the missing implement, released its bounty, and headed home to skin and dress the pelts. It took only minutes to make his way back to the homestead buildings where he finished his work, and brought the rabbit he\u2019d snared inside to cook for dinner.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d made it to the Fanon\u2019s place after three days of walking, and he\u2019d been living at his \u201ccamp\u201d for over three weeks already. The first thing he\u2019d done after arriving, had been to get his trap-line set to ensure a steady food supply, and start building a reserve of furry currency to use when winter was over. Then he\u2019d set to improving the house. It was sturdy enough, but he\u2019d filled in the spaces between logs with moss, repaired the door and laid in a good stock of firewood. The place had needed a good cleaning, so he\u2019d done that and gotten it to a comfortable state before continuing his efforts on the shed so he\u2019d have a decent place to dry his pelts.<\/p>\n

One thing he\u2019d noticed when Mrs. Fanon had brought them out there, was that her old garden seemed to be producing vegetables. \u201cI came back to get as much as I could after my husband passed, but I\u2019m sure there was enough left in there that it reseeded,\u201d she\u2019d explained. \u201cI imagine it\u2019s continued to do that since I\u2019ve been gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam had taken advantage of what was there, and he\u2019d pulled usable potatoes, carrots and turnips to use in bulking up the meals of rabbit and squirrel from his snares.<\/p>\n

Mrs. Fanon had admitted that she\u2019d tried to stay on their homestead but the lonely silence had made her edgy, and she\u2019d been glad to move to the trading post. The quiet had been unnerving for Adam at first too, especially after living with Hoss, who chattered endlessly. But he found that he could push the ache from losing his family aside by working harder.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d brought books along to occupy his evening, although he was usually so exhausted by the end of the day that he\u2019d fall asleep before getting anything read. He wrote in the journal Mrs. Fanon had given him when he needed to \u201ctalk,\u201d and kept himself going by repeating that he\u2019d only be here six months. This had become his mantra to keep the panic at bay when he\u2019d awaken each night from dreams of his brother and father, only to remember that he was by himself with only the howling wind and yipping coyotes for company.<\/p>\n

Three<\/strong><\/p>\n

Still Without a Clue<\/strong><\/p>\n

She\u2019d warned him. Maria sat next to her husband at the breakfast table, taking clandestine peeks at the lines in his face\u2014lines that had not been there three weeks ago. She had <\/em>warned him that this rift with Adam\u2014over the use of a word that hadn\u2019t mattered to her\u2014would take its toll. It was doing just that, but she took no satisfaction in being right. Her heart ached for this honorable man, and she worried constantly for the boy she\u2019d grown to love. She prayed unceasingly for both of them.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are your plans for today?\u201d She knew he\u2019d spend a good part of the day searching for his son before heading back to work on the ranch until well after nightfall.\u00a0 He\u2019d exhausted the more obvious possibilities after two weeks, and was now checking the next grouping of likely places Adam might have gone.<\/p>\n

\u201cLast night I thought about a canyon we explored when the boys were younger. There were a number of caves there, and I remembered that Hoss was too afraid to go inside, but Adam loved the cool darkness.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou think he might be there?\u201d she asked with an encouraging smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a longshot, just like the other places I\u2019ve looked. The shelter would work well, but there\u2019s nothing there to keep him going\u2014no water, and little food unless he had a gun.\u201d He sighed heavily, while pushing his half-eaten breakfast away. \u201cAdam had a plan; I know that. He\u2019s either somewhere working it out, or he\u2019s on his way to where he wants to be. I feel like I\u2019m chasing my tail looking on the ranch, but if he\u2019s not here\u2026then\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

She moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. \u201cYou will find him. You said he\u2019d have a plan. Maybe you need to concentrate more on what he\u2019d be most likely to do, and how he\u2019d go about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think he\u2019d head to Boston,\u201d he said with a firm nod. \u201cHe\u2019s talked about going to meet his grandfather, and to find out more about his mother.\u201d He took her hand and relocated her to his lap where he could see her. \u201cAdam saw a newspaper article about all the universities near Boston when he was about eight-years-old, and since then he\u2019s talked about attending one of them. I think he cares deeply about what we\u2019re building here, but the idea of getting a good education, and the hope of meeting his mother\u2019s family are strong sirens for him.\u201d He chuckled. \u201cOur two boys are so different. Hoss lives in the moment. His needs are simple, and he\u2019s usually content. Adam, on the other hand, is more like me. He\u2019s always searching. He works hard in present, but his mind is always looking ahead to what he hasn\u2019t accomplished yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie brought her forehead to his as she thought about what a child born from the two of them might be like. Would it be content and focused on the present like Hoss, or driven like its father and oldest brother? They\u2019d find out soon enough. She recognized the symptoms she was experiencing, and was thrilled that she would have another chance at motherhood, this time with a wonderful man and a family who would love and support her and the baby. But the news about another member of the family on the way would have to wait until all of the Cartwrights were under one roof again. She brought her attention back to the current dilemma. \u201cDo you think he went east? Maybe he found a supply train like Thelma did.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben shook his head slowly. \u201cI talked to Slim about that the second week Adam was gone, without saying why I wanted to know. He said Thelma left with the last caravan leaving this fall. He\u2019s expecting another delivery of things shortly, but that one is going to winter over at Carson.\u201d He held Marie tightly and rested his head on her shoulder. \u201cWould you think me foolish if I said that I feel <\/em>he\u2019s still nearby?<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d never think another parent foolish for feeling a connection to their child.\u201d A delicate pink colored her cheeks as she looked into his eyes. \u201cIn fact,\u201d she hesitated but then decided to be honest, \u201cI felt my son\u2019s presence long after they told me he had died. There was no real reason to think they had lied to me, and I listened to every word they ever said about him, hoping to catch them in some contradiction. It proved nothing. Yet I never felt his passing, at least not in my heart.\u00a0 Even now, there are days\u2026\u201d Her head lowered to her chest for a moment. When she met his eyes, she was smiling again. \u201cEnough talk about a child we can\u2019t save. Let\u2019s get back to the one we can. What would you be doing if you were Adam?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d find a way to spend the winter trapping, and then sell the pelts in spring. With some cash, I could set out for Boston.\u201d<\/p>\n

She sat back and smiled. \u201cThat seems reasonable! Where could he go to accomplish that, if not on the ranch?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe river.\u00a0 The backwaters of the Salmon should have a good supply of pelt animals. Most of our ranch hands were trappers once. I don\u2019t think they had any permanent shelters, but Adam might have found something left out there he could use.\u201d His eyes were hopeful as he concluded, \u201cI\u2019ll still check the canyon today and head over to the river tomorrow. In fact, I\u2019ll trail a horse behind the wagon and leave that at the outpost for Slim to load while I go out looking. Make a list of anything you\u2019d like me to pick up. We should get into town a few times yet before the snow flies, but it\u2019ll be good to get things as we think of them. Hopefully those items we ordered in New Orleans will have made it to the outpost too,\u201d he said as the worried lines in his face were softened by a mischievous grin. \u201cIf they are, you\u2019ll be able to spend the winter making the curtains and other pretty things<\/em> you think are missing in this Spartan home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Four<\/strong><\/p>\n

Beware the Stranger Comes a Riding<\/strong><\/p>\n

The pine-needle tea wasn\u2019t great, but it was better than plain hot water. Adam sipped it from a tin cup while making the 10 strides it took to cross the cabin. He was used to small places. The new Ponderosa house was modest in size, and yet so much bigger than anything he had ever known in his life. Most of his early years had been spent in a covered wagon where their piles of earthly goods and supplies had taken the majority of space. He remembered sleeping outside, under the wagon, and hunkering into whatever nook or cranny they could find inside only if the weather was bad.<\/p>\n

Thinking about their covered wagons made him smile. They\u2019d started from Uncle John\u2019s place in a smaller rig, but had to replace it after Pa and Inger had married. Inger had turned the larger wagon they had bought in Missouri into a marvel of utility. Everything for daily use was neatly stored near the back or front, and could be removed and set up in matter of minutes. The process was reversed in the morning before setting off for another long day bumping across the prairie.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d done the same sort of planning in this cabin. He\u2019d moved the table and bed near the fireplace. The interior was small enough that this arrangement allowed the \u201cliving\u201d area to be warm while leaving the opposite wall cool enough to store his food. He nodded in satisfaction as he stopped and looked over what he\u2019d managed to forage from the land. There was a modest pile of root vegetables and dried corn from the self-seeded garden, and fall berries and clover were drying on a crude, homemade rack. He\u2019d also amassed pinion pinecones that were stored in the shed so they could be warmed later and harvested for their pine nuts.<\/p>\n

The Cartwrights had learned many things about survival from their Bannock and Paiute neighbors. Adam had done all he could for now, and knew that if he got stuck without fresh meat in the winter, he could even make his way to the pines and cut away inner bark to fry like bacon.<\/p>\n

After finishing his breakfast and reading a few chapters from the Bible, as was his father\u2019s habit, he slipped on his boots and made his way outside where he stretched in the cool morning air. He saw dust on the horizon before he could make out the single rider heading toward the house. The long sigh he released was a mixture of disappointment and relief. Somewhere in his heart, and written in the pages of his journal, was the hope that his father would find him and take him home. Yet, in his weeks alone, he\u2019d also come to appreciate that he was able to take care of himself.<\/p>\n

The anticipation of the reunion vanished as the horse brought his visitor nearer, and he realized that this was no one he knew. He felt a shiver of unease, but moved that to a darker corner of his mind, and smiled as he walked into the yard to greet the stranger. Horse and rider came to a stop a few feet in front of him, allowing Adam to take stock. He noticed the man\u2019s ragged clothing, and his rheumy eyes, weather-beaten skin, and bulbous, bluish nose. This was all framed by a good supply of bedraggled facial hair and heavy eyebrows. The disheveled effect was completed by a mane of tangled gray hair held somewhat captive by a threadbare hat.<\/p>\n

The man squinted at him from atop his road-weary mount and asked, \u201cYer parents home, kid?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. May I help you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m nearly dying of hunger. Yer ma got any food in that cabin?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a little stew still warm. Tie your horse out in the yard where it can get at the grass and I\u2019ll bring you something. There\u2019s a pan of water on the porch you can use to clean up.\u201d Adam hoped he could give the traveler some food and get him on his way. He had no intention of letting him in the cabin, and was surprised when the seemingly old codger slipped off his horse with more agility than Adam thought possible, and followed him to the door. \u201cWait out here,\u201d he told him with more bravado than he felt.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not very hospitable of you, son,\u201d he said with an evil smile and pushed the boy ahead of him through the door. Once inside, he commented, \u201cThis is nice, kid. Kinda small fer a family, but homey.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam hurried to ladle the remaining stew onto a plate and motioned the intruder to sit at the table. \u201cI\u2019d like you to eat this and get going.\u201d<\/p>\n

Juice ran from the man\u2019s mouth down into his beard and he laughed while shoving the food into his mouth. \u201cWhat\u2019s the rush, kid?\u201d he asked, spitting pieces of food out while he spoke. \u201cYou got somethin\u2019 better to do?\u201d He continued to eat, barely chewing before swallowing.<\/p>\n

Squaring his shoulders, Adam stood by the table and stared down at the person who\u2019d now become an intruder. \u201cI have things to do, and I want you on your way before I get to them.\u201d He marveled again at the fluidity of movement as the ragged man slid his sidearm from his belt, aiming it directly at his host.\u00a0 He\u2019d never faced a gun before, and was at a loss to know if he was truly just a trigger-pull away from being dead.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou got coffee?\u201d he asked while with the gun still aimed and cocked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, so are you done then?\u201d Adam marveled that his voice didn\u2019t betray his panic, and stuck his hands in his pockets to keep their trembling unseen.<\/p>\n

The stranger\u2019s laugh was loud and long, but he made no move to leave. \u201cYou got some big ones kid, I\u2019ll say that. You stand there with a gun pointed at yer belly and tell me to git?\u201d The laughing stopped as his voice got dead serious. \u201cI\u2019ll let that one go, son, since we don\u2019t know each other yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam was caught unprepared, and stumbled backwards when the table came crashing against him. Before he could right himself again, the man had flung the piece of furniture aside and was on top of him, this time with the gun stuck up under his chin.<\/p>\n

His next words were issued through a clenched jaw and an odd assortment of rotted teeth. \u201cI might look like a dumb trail bum, son, but I\u2019m not a man to be pushed around by the likes of you. Mouth off to me again and you\u2019ll have a bullet in ya. I don\u2019t care how young you are. If you talk like a man, you\u2019ll die like one.\u201d He looked around the cabin, and then brought his face nose-to-nose with his captive. \u201cIt don\u2019t look like there\u2019s anythin\u2019 in this place belonging to a family, so I s\u2019pect you live here alone. That about right?\u201d he asked as he notched the gun in tighter.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded, and the man\u2019s grip on his shirt loosened.<\/p>\n

\u201cYer folks die?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy mother did,\u201d he answered honestly, this time his voice fully engaged in the tremor of terror. \u201cMy pa didn\u2019t want me around, so I left.\u201d<\/p>\n

A wheezy chuckle. \u201cMy pa used to beat me to a pulp every time he got himself liquored up, and when I got big enough to fight back, he didn\u2019t want me around neither. So I killed him, took what I wanted, and left. That what happened to you to?\u00a0 I mean the beatin\u2019 part, not the killing. Can\u2019t say as you look like a killer to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Adam said quietly as he gained control of his fear again. \u201cHe got married again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose the new little lady didn\u2019t want to be saddled with his kids.\u201d He rose and continued without waiting for an answer. \u201cIf you\u2019re alone, you won\u2019t mind some company for a little while. Levi\u2019s my name. I didn\u2019t catch yours.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam,\u201d he responded quickly.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Adam, I\u2019m as tired as I was hungry, so why don\u2019t you go about what you was gonna do, and I\u2019ll rest a spell. That bed looks mighty invitin\u2019.\u201d He stretched and scratched his belly. \u201cAnd Adam,\u201d he said with an eerie smile, \u201cIf you stay away from the house and let me sleep, I\u2019ll be outta here when you get back tonight. I got a long ways to go yet if I want to get down to Mexico before winter.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The canyons and caves had proven as barren and clueless as the rest of the areas Ben had searched the last weeks. Yet his mood at dinner that night was hopeful. \u201cI might be gone a few days,\u201d he told Hoss and Marie as they ate. \u201cIt\u2019ll all depend if I can find any evidence of trapping along the river. If I do, I\u2019ll keep looking until I find who\u2019s doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI sure hope you find him, Pa,\u201d Hoss said seriously. \u201cI want Adam home now. He\u2019s been gone long enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie offered Hoss her hand and pulled him over to cradle him on her lap. \u201cI know how you feel, darling. Your father and I want him home too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss had been quieter than usual since his brother had left. He\u2019d be happy and boisterous at times, and become somber again when he\u2019d remember that all was not right. But he had provided insight into the situation, when in one of his tearful recitals, he\u2019d revealed a little more of what happened to prompt Adam\u2019s leaving. \u201cI told him that I heard Mama say she was gonna leave if she didn\u2019t get \u2018spect, and the last I knowd, he was gonna come down and talk to you guys so she wouldn\u2019t go on account of him.\u201d<\/p>\n

The admission of Hoss\u2019s half-heard eavesdropping of Marie\u2019s rant at Ben, coupled with Adam\u2019s obvious overhearing of Ben\u2019s \u201chumorously intended\u201d comment, had left both parents shaken. The young man had left thinking he<\/em> was responsible for Marie wanting to leave, and that his father\u2019s solution in getting her to stay involved shipping his son off to sea. One thing they learned for sure was that they couldn\u2019t argue when the boys were in earshot.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Adam returned from his day of tending traps with trepidation. He\u2019d gotten a couple good pelts, and a big rabbit that would feed him for a few days, but the events of the morning had left him shaken, and he wasn\u2019t sure he believed that Levi would be gone when he returned.\u00a0 Yet he\u2019d left with the hope that all would be normal again when he got back. It struck him as ironic that although Levi had been given the name of the Biblical patriarch of Israel responsible for performing priestly connections between man and God, this<\/em> Levi seemed more aligned with the Devil. The only thing he\u2019d really learned about the man was that he\u2019d had a father that he\u2019d hated.<\/p>\n

Thinking about Levi\u2019s situation brought Adam\u2019s own father to his mind. That wasn\u2019t unusual though. He always thought about his family while he worked.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t understand how his father could have changed so much during his trip to New Orleans. He\u2019d asked himself many times whether he could trust his hurt feelings to believe that Ben Cartwright had stopped loving his oldest son. His conclusion on the night he\u2019d left was that it was true. But distance and time had added perspective. What he\u2019d heard his father say was so unlike him, and while they had butted heads over a few things concerning Marie in the month after she\u2019d arrived, the rest of the time everything seemed as normal as it could be.<\/p>\n

Not knowing exactly what had spurred his father\u2019s comments had begun to tear him apart, and he\u2019d decided that he wouldn\u2019t leave the territory next spring without going home first. He had to say goodbye\u2026if for no other reason than to make sure this was what his father truly wanted. If he had misunderstood something, then maybe he could remain home, knowing that he\u2019d proven himself a man. On the other hand, if his initial impressions were correct, then he\u2019d move on with six months of being on his own already under his belt.<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mouth dried to dust, and his legs went wobbly when he rounded the corner to the front of the house and his current life came crashing back on him. Levi\u2019s horse was still there. It was at the hitch rail now, wet and snorting its displeasure. The saddle was in a heap on the porch and the cabin door was open enough that Adam could hear Levi slurring out words to an off-key melody. The evidence suggested that his houseguest had left, ridden his horse hard somewhere, and then returned. He did a quick inspection of the animal, and found no obvious problem that might have made its rider turn back. What was obvious, from the caterwauling within, and the empty whiskey bottle propped next to the saddle, was that Levi was drunk.<\/p>\n

Seeing an animal in distress bothered Adam as much as what he expected to find in the house, so he set the day\u2019s pelts aside, grabbed a brush and rag from the shed and wiped the horse down before getting it a bucket of water. Hoping to delay going in the house as long as possible, he stretched the pelts, hung them in the shed, and got the rabbit meat ready to cook. When he couldn\u2019t delay it any longer, he headed toward the house. Something inside him was whispering that he should run, but something else was telling him that a man <\/em>would face the situation head on and get the intruder to leave.\u00a0 It was too late to start over again, and if he let this drunkard chase him off, he wasn\u2019t sure where he\u2019d go.<\/p>\n

The late afternoon light couldn\u2019t make it to the darker corners of the cabin, but Adam knew there was something off as soon as he stepped inside. Levi raised his head from the table with difficulty and stared at him with bloodshot eyes and a self-satisfied grin. \u201cI \u2018spose you thought I\u2019d be gone by now, didn\u2019t ya, kid?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou did promise.\u201d Ben Cartwright rarely drank around his sons, and then only for \u201cmedicinal\u201d purposes. But Adam had been around enough men in towns and wagon caravans who\u2019d imbibed to extremes. He knew they couldn\u2019t be reasoned with, and it was best not to get them riled up. After adding enough wood in to get the fire blazing again, he asked, \u201cYou left, so why did you come back?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHad to get\u2026\u201d Levi \u2018s words were interrupted by a loud, lingering belch, followed by a hiccup. \u201cSomethin\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

With the fire\u2019s glow brightening the room, Adam became aware of what had bothered him when he\u2019d entered. His voice was angry and his words delivered with the hurt of the wronged. \u201cWhere are my things? There was a music box there,\u201d he pointed at a straight-cut log he used as a stand next to the bed. \u201cAnd my Bible is missing.\u201d He walked to the opposite side of the cabin and groaned as he found an empty wall where the vegetables and dried pelts had been. Walking to the table, he leaned his arms on the surface and demanded of his inebriated intruder. \u201cWhat did you do with my belongings?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTold ya,\u201d he laughed as spittle flew from his mouth, making him mop his mangy beard with his dirty sleeve. \u201cI had to get somethin\u2019.\u201d He held the half-empty bottle up for emphasis. \u201cThey don\u2019t just give you booze, you got to pay for it. I needed a drink more\u2019n you needed some fancy trinket or a Bible. And them vegetables and pelts fetched a few cents too. Besides, you can live on meat, and you\u2019ll get more pelts\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou had no right,\u201d he said in a bewildered calm, \u201cYou\u2019re a thief\u2026and a liar. Why\u2019d you come back here? Why didn\u2019t you keep going after you had what you wanted?\u201d Adam\u2019s voice rose in pitch as he forgot his rule about not poking a drunken bear.<\/p>\n

A modicum of lucidity reappeared as Levi sat up straight and forced his eyes to focus. His voice had none of the slurring present in his previous comments, as he hissed, \u201cAll I done was to take a couple pennies worth from you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey were priceless to me.\u201d He pulled his spine straight and pointed to the door. \u201cYou\u2019ve taken all I had, so go! I\u2019m tired of you and your crazy games.\u201d<\/p>\n

The laugh was deep and evil. \u201cGames? You think I done played a game with you? I did what I had to is all. I thought you might understand since you\u2019s all alone out here, and livin\u2019 on what you can scavenge.\u00a0 But I guess I was wrong about that. You\u2019s all proud, and selfish, and angry, just like everyone else. And if you think this little misunderstanding was a game, you have no idea what I could do if I put my mind to it. My pa was an expert at games.\u201d His red-rimmed eyes nearly sparkled as he added, \u201cMaybe it\u2019s time I introduce you to a couple of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben sent Hoss to Marie for a goodnight hug and kiss before taking him up to his room for a bedtime story. He recounted one of the little boy\u2019s favorite tales about an industrious raccoon that had slipped into their wagon after they\u2019d gone to bed one rainy night. \u201cHe was looking for something to eat and a dry place to sleep, and curled up to Adam\u2019s back until morning. Your mama was the first to wake up, and after tending to you, she went to wake your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hoss knew all the details and he chimed in, \u201cAnd Mama thought it was that old coon-skin hat Adam used to wear, and her screamin\u2019 woke up the entire camp when she went to grab it, and it crawled up Mama\u2019s skirt and over her shoulder to jump outta there! And after that, Mama kept a good heavy stick in the wagon to poke at anything she wasn\u2019t sure about.\u201d<\/p>\n

Father and son enjoyed a good laugh before Ben listened to Hoss\u2019s prayers and then tucked him in. He placed a kiss on the child\u2019s head before saying his final, \u201cGoodnight, son\u201d before leaving. He crossed over to other small bedroom that had been empty for too long. He didn\u2019t know how to describe the odd feeling that struck him there. He sensed Adam\u2019s presence again\u2014not in the room\u2014but in his heart. \u201cI know you\u2019re close by, and I will find you soon, son,\u201d he whispered, along with renewing his prayer for the clue to send him in the right direction.<\/p>\n

Five<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let the Games Begin<\/strong><\/p>\n

Levi ordered Adam to get the rabbit roasting while he went outside to relieve himself and clear his head.<\/p>\n

Adam didn\u2019t look up when Levi came back inside. \u201cThe meat will be ready in a little while, and since there isn\u2019t anything left to make with it, I guess there\u2019s nothing more to do until it\u2019s done.\u201d His tone was laced with enough venom to let his unwanted houseguest know how upset he was at losing his food stash. When Levi said nothing, he added, \u201cI guess you didn\u2019t expect your thievery to affect your belly, or you might have at least left the food.\u201d<\/p>\n

Levi sat at the table, using his gun to indicate that his host should do the same. His voice was deadly calm as he began. \u201cDid you ever see a Colt Patterson, Adam?\u201d He laid the long-barreled revolver on the table.<\/p>\n

Adam nodded. \u201cThat one came out in 1839, I think, but they\u2019re expensive and hard to come by. How\u2019d you get one?\u201d<\/p>\n

A serpentine grin played at the corner of Levi\u2019s mouth. \u201cI \u2018inherited\u2019 it from a man who didn\u2019t need it no more.\u201d The grin vanished as he picked the weapon up again and indicated the firing cartridge. \u201cThis here holds five shots. Now you may be wonderin\u2019 why that\u2019s important\u2026\u201d He paused, letting the tension build while he watched the puzzled expression grow on the boy\u2019s face. \u201cMy pa didn\u2019t have such a fancy gun; it only held two shots, but that was enough to play his favorite game with me. It will be even more fun with a Patterson.\u201d \u00a0He yawned loudly, and used the gun\u2019s grip to scratch behind his ear. \u201cWhile I was outside just now, I left one chamber loaded with powder, a ball and a cap. The other four chambers are empty.\u201d Levi\u2019s voice grew deep and menacing. \u201cI\u2019m purely tired of your mouth, boy. You done called me a thief and a liar; you told me to leave more\u2019n once, and you continue to make me feel unwelcome.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s face pulled into a snarl as his eyes narrowed to slits. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you get to the point before the rabbit burns.\u201d<\/p>\n

Levi rose from his chair and walked behind Adam. He grabbed the boy\u2019s left shoulder firmly with one hand, and pressed the Colt\u2019s hard, steel barrel tightly against Adam\u2019s right temple, effectively pinning him to the chair. \u201cYou wanna know my point? Here it is\u2014slick and simple. Like I said, I\u2019m sick-a your back talk and nastiness. So we\u2019re gonna play the game my pa did to cure me of bad habits. Each time you say something I don\u2019t like, I\u2019m gonna raise this gun to your head and fire.\u201d He cocked it to release the trigger. \u201cFour of these chambers are empty like I said, but one of them will kill you. I reckon you got one or two chances to mend your ways before leaving this earth permanently, but then again, it\u2019s all luck. You lucky, kid?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam barely heard the question before he heard the trigger activate the firing mechanism, making him cry out. His breathing was raspy and his entire body shook as he realized the chamber had been an empty one. \u00a0The room began to spin as his shock deepened. He collapsed back in his chair, as involuntary tears ran down his cheeks. His arm rose to wipe away the salty drops, even though he had no awareness of desiring to do so. He struggled to gain his equilibrium while the room whirled before his eyes, and his stomach lurched. A few deep breaths settled things to the point where he could whisper, \u201cWhy are you doing this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo teach you some manners, like I said, but you also seemed to want to play some games, so I\u2019m just obligin\u2019 you. You got it easy. My pa used to make me pick which of the two barrels He\u2019d shoot at me. It\u2019s easier with this Colt, and we can play as long as your luck holds up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam tried to run. He knew he\u2019d made a big mistake in coming back to the cabin; this man was far worse than he had imagined, and standing up to him didn\u2019t seem likely to accomplish anything. Levi tripped him, and pulled him back into the chair as he\u2019d struggled towards the door in his shocked stupor.<\/p>\n

The words shot from Adam\u2019s mouth in a frenzied scream. \u201cYou\u2019re crazy!\u201d He heard the second cock and the second metallic snap as the trigger fell on another empty chamber. The resulting panic was much as the first time, except that his head cleared more quickly, and he held his hands over his mouth until he could reply without incurring further retaliation. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I didn\u2019t mean that. Please stop.\u201d<\/p>\n

Levi resumed his seat at the table with a victorious smile. \u201cWell, that was nice, Adam. Keep it up and we won\u2019t have to find out which chamber holds the shot.\u201d<\/p>\n

Six<\/b><\/p>\n

A Clue<\/strong><\/p>\n

Slim was outside sweeping the wooden planks of the trading post porch when the Cartwright wagon pulled into town. \u201cYou\u2019re here early,\u201d he shouted to his best customer as Ben jumped down, untied his saddle horse, and led it to the rail. \u201cCome on in, Ben. There\u2019s a fresh pot of coffee on the stove, and you look like you could use a cup.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben looked around the room as he entered and nodded appreciatively. \u201cYou\u2019re doing a fine job in here. There\u2019s new people arriving in this area all the time, and they\u2019ll need a good general mercantile instead of a trading post.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what I thought too,\u201d Slim replied as he stood a little taller with the compliment. \u201cThat new feller, Will Cass, the one who got here with his family about the time Thelma left, moved into the cabin, and he\u2019s been helping me.\u201d He grinned and poked Ben in the arm. \u201cThis town\u2019s going to grow, Ben, and the in large part due to you. When settlers find out that there\u2019s a substantial ranch here, they\u2019ll be more likely to stay put.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two men sipped on coffee in silence, until Slim banged his mug down, and smiled broadly. \u201cSpeaking of things arriving from the East; I\u2019ve got the supplies you sent from New Orleans tucked inside the storage shed.\u201d He used his apron to mop up the coffee that had sloshed from his cup. \u201cSince you have your saddle horse along, I assume you\u2019ll want me to load the wagon so you can take off for the day. Do you have a list of other things you need?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben didn\u2019t answer. He was staring at something on the shelf behind the storekeeper. His mouth felt like it was filled with soda crackers as he asked, \u201cWhere\u2019d did you get that music box?\u201d He pointed to the cream-colored rectangle with the flourish of cherubs on the sides and cover that was standing on a black, leather-covered Bible.<\/p>\n

Slim quickly retrieved it. \u201cA trapper\u2014called himself, Levi\u2014brought it in along with some pelts and that Bible yesterday. He looked like a wild man with his mane of white hair and beard.\u201d He laughed and then tapped his chin thoughtfully. \u201cYou know he even brought in a pillow case full of potatoes and carrots. I gave him a couple bottles of whiskey for it. I ain\u2019t got much call to be selling fancies out here yet, but Mary\u2019s birthday is next month and she\u2019ll appreciate the music box. I\u2019m gonna remove the pages in the Bible that have some names on them and give that to Mary too.\u201d<\/p>\n

The shopkeeper\u2019s words barely broke through Ben\u2019s haze. He would have recognized Elizabeth\u2019s music box anywhere. It was a one-of-a-kind piece he\u2019d purchased for her on one of his voyages with her father. \u201cYou said there were pelts too? May I see them?\u201d He couldn\u2019t help but think that this was the clue he\u2019d prayed for, yet it wasn\u2019t a comforting one. These were surely Adam\u2019s things, but why were they traded by a stranger? He examined the skins Slim placed in front of him, and found what he was looking for\u2014a small \u201cA\u201d notched on the edge. Adam had always marked the pelts he prepared this way, and he\u2019d taken satisfaction in counting how many he\u2019d contributed come selling time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Ben?\u201d Slim\u2019s voice was filled with concern. \u201cYou look like the weight of the world just fell on your shoulders.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe it has\u2026\u201d he replied. \u201cI guess I should tell you some things.\u201d Ben spent a few minutes explaining Adam\u2019s disappearance, and the fact that the items the shopkeeper had taken in trade belonged to his son. \u201cIf you check in the Bible, you\u2019ll see it belonged to Elizabeth Stoddard, Adam\u2019s mother.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI wouldn\u2019t believe it, if I hadn\u2019t heard it from your mouth,\u201d Slim said when he was finally able to speak. \u201cAdam is the last child I\u2019d imagine running away.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t run away.\u201d Ben grit his teeth and closed his eyes, deciding how much to tell about the situation. He finally concluded, \u201cI just need to find him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Slim knew Ben was impatient. He\u2019d seen his friend\u2019s demeanor change from calm and good natured, to dead serious and impatient. The man was shifting from one foot to another, and glancing toward the door, but the shopkeeper wasn\u2019t about to let Ben ride off in this unsettled state. He gathered the Bible and music box, setting them on the counter with the pelts. \u201cYou take these back. I\u2019ll put them in the wagon so you\u2019ll have them for Adam.\u201d He thought a moment. \u201cI imagine that box and Bible mean more to him that most anything, \u2018ceptin you and Hoss.\u201d<\/p>\n

A puzzled look shot Ben\u2019s eyebrows toward the bridge of his nose. \u201cIt\u2019s true, but what makes yousay that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was something Thelma showed me while the boys were with her.\u201d He pulled a gunny sack from a barrel and began loading the pelts and treasures inside. \u201cAfter the boys had been with her for some time, I teased her about how I suspected they were calling her, Ma, already. She said that the younger one would have been more likely to do it, but he understood that she wasn\u2019t ever going to be that to him. Then she told me about something she had Adam write. He had to tell about a promise he\u2019d made to someone, and why it was hard to keep. She didn\u2019t feel right about sharing it, but had to tell someone; it affected her that much.\u201d<\/p>\n

The father\u2019s impatience flared. \u201cI\u2019m sure this is interesting, Slim, but right now it\u2019s more important to find him than it is to hear about something he wrote.\u201d<\/p>\n

Slim\u2019s strong hand grasped his friends arm. \u201cIt\u2019ll only take a second.\u201d His smile was kind, and he released his grip. \u201cThat story was about how he wished he could have known his own ma, and how he made a sacred promise<\/em> that he would never call another woman, \u2018Mother.\u2019 It didn\u2019t seem right to him that he would use that name for someone else. He wrote that he\u2019d learned about sacred promises from you, Ben, so it wouldn\u2019t be hard to keep because you\u2019d understand that some vows can\u2019t be set aside no matter how much trouble they cause.\u201d Slim sniffed loudly and ran his sleeve under his nose. \u201cCan you imagine a youngster making such an honorable decision? He\u2019s a fine boy, Ben, so don\u2019t you worry none; just find him and bring him home. Things will work out then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben mumbled his thanks as he fished in his pocket for his list of supplies and handed it over. \u201cDo you have any idea where that Levi was trapping?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI asked, but he sidestepped any small talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d appreciate it if you\u2019d see to the team, and load the wagon for me. I\u2019m going to ride along the river and see if I can find any signs of him or Adam. Don\u2019t worry if I\u2019m not back tonight. I\u2019ll stay out\u2026until I find what I\u2019m looking for.\u201d He stopped talking, turned abruptly and hurried from the store. Drawing a deep breath of crisp morning air cleared his head a little, but then the information he\u2019d just heard ignited in his mind like lightning striking dry prairie grass. Am I the only one who doesn\u2019t understand my son? \u00a0How could I not see his devotion to Elizabeth? Marie figured it out: Inger must have understood too. A sacred promise; it all makes sense now. Marie is right; I don\u2019t pay attention to him. I bark orders and expect him to obey. <\/em>He took a shuddering breath; grabbed the reins, pulled up into the saddle, and was turning his horse in the direction of the river when Slim came running out the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cWait!\u201d he shouted as he got out to the dusty roadway. \u201cI just remembered that Will Cass was thinking of buying Thelma\u2019s place, so he rode out there a couple of weeks back. He decided he doesn\u2019t want to farm, and made me an offer on the store instead after I told him that I\u2019d like to go back to Wisconsin with Mary. I think he\u2019ll do well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll be sorry to see you go, but is there a point to this, Slim?\u201d Ben broke in impatiently, while his horse tossed its head against the tightened reins.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, sure\u2026sorry.\u201d Slim blushed and chuckled. \u201cWill was pretty sure someone was living out at Thelma\u2019s. No one was around, but there were embers in the fireplace, and food and hides in the house. He thought a trapper might be squatting there.\u201d Slim scratched his head as his face lit up. Maybe that\u2019s where\u2026<\/p>\n

Ben mentally kicked himself for not thinking of this possibility sooner, and cut him off to ask, \u201cDid Thelma ever take the boys out to her place?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe had them there for a picnic once when\u2026\u201d Slims was left standing in a cloud of dust as Ben kicked his mount to a gallop.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben had been out to the land that Thelma and her husband had laid claim to shortly after they\u2019d arrived, but he hadn\u2019t been back since the buildings had been added. Even from a good distance, he recognized the copse of trees where the cabin now sat, and he remembered Thelma telling him that was where they would put the house. He urged his horse to a quicker pace to cover the remaining ground, and sighed as he grieved for the lost dream of the fine couple, while hoping he\u2019d find his son living in what remained of it.<\/p>\n

The only thing that gave him pause was the saddled horse in front nibbling on some shocks of brown grass. Maybe this is where that trapper\u2019s been living, and he might have found Adam\u2019s things after\u2026 <\/em>He shook his head to clear the doubts and fears about what might have happened.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnybody home?\u201d he called out after leaving his horse tied to a tree a few yards from the house. He stopped walking as his boots ground into something covered by a thin layer of dirt near the door. Squatting down for a better look, he saw shattered glass everywhere along the path connecting the house to the shed. Ben picked up a piece that still bore a large section of label, identifying it as Kentucky-style whiskey. He made a wider visual sweep of the area, noting that there were large animal traps at intervals along the path, as well as the glass. A few traps off to the side were set, but those along the path were shut.<\/p>\n

The scene made him shiver and he wondered whether this fortified gauntlet had been set up to keep someone out of the house\u2026or in it. He slipped the new revolver he\u2019d picked up in New Orleans from his holster, and walked quietly to the door. Finding it ajar, he used the pistol barrel to push it open all the way, and stepped inside.<\/p>\n

It was empty, and yet a smile flicked across Ben\u2019s face as he observed the layout. His hunch was confirmed. The inside of the room was set up exactly like the Cartwrights had always arranged their winter cabin. His son had been here, and from the looks of it, not long ago.<\/p>\n

The evidence of Adam\u2019s recent attendance energized him, and yet the presence of the horse in the yard gave him a sense of foreboding. Had Levi evicted Adam\u2026or done something worse to him\u2026and then taken up residence? There was small window at the back of the cabin, and a brief shadow of movement beyond the glass caught Ben\u2019s eye, making him walk over to take a better look.<\/p>\n

What he saw through the pane made his blood run cold. The white-haired wild man Slim had described was leaning over Adam with a pistol pressed to the boy\u2019s head. Adam was on his knees with his hands tied behind his back. He was blindfolded, bare-footed, and covered with blood. Rage overwhelmed Ben as he smashed out the glass of the window with his revolver, and shouted, \u201cLeave that boy alone or I\u2019ll shoot.\u201d<\/p>\n

The unexpected noise of breaking glass, and the shock of hearing an unfamiliar voice, made Levi swing his head toward the house. As he did so, his finger jerked back on the Colt\u2019s trigger, causing the hammer to fall on the fifth chamber of the revolver\u2014the one that was not empty, as the other four had been. A flash of flame flew from the barrel that was still aimed in the direction of Adam\u2019s head, and the boy collapsed in a heap.<\/p>\n

Ben could see bright crimson blood spreading through Adam\u2019s dark hair even from a distance. The window was too small to exit, leaving Ben with no other option than running out the door to get to his son. His heart ached with the surety that no one could survive a headshot from such close proximity, and his legs felt leaden as he made his way out to the yard.<\/p>\n

His hurried progress was stopped when he collided with Levi as they each rounded the corner of the house from opposing directions. Ben regained his footing first, and grabbed the lapels on the shooter\u2019s coat. \u201cWhy did you shoot my son?\u201d Ben screamed as he shook the other man, until all he saw was a blur of white as the head of his son\u2019s murderer flew back and forth with the force of his fury. \u201cHow could you shoot a child?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYour son?\u201d Levi screeched, looking up at his accoster in a daze, after he\u2019d been sent flying to the ground with one mighty blow from the stranger. \u201cThe kid said you tossed him out\u2026said he had no family no more,\u201d he whimpered as he rubbed his jaw and inched backward in the dirt. \u201cListen, mister,\u201d he avowed, holding up his hands in submissive fashion, \u201cI didn\u2019t kill your kid. I was just playing a game with him that my pa used to play with me.\u201d Levi attempted a sleazy, placating smile before his tone turned accusatory. \u201cThe gun wouldn\u2019t have even gone off if you<\/em> hadn\u2019t startled me.\u201d The whining returned as he added, \u201cBut it was just powder; I promise it didn\u2019t hurt him. Probably scared the innards outta him, though.\u201d An eerie chuckle followed his assessment, and he started to get to his feet, as he nodded in Adam\u2019s direction. \u201cGo on; go see him, he\u2019ll tell you it was all a game.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben wasn\u2019t convinced, but decided he needed to see Adam more than to question this sick bastard of a man any further. He grabbed Levi\u2019s pistol, barking at him to, \u201cStay put,\u201d and ran to his son. There was even more blood than there appeared to be from a distance. Adam\u2019s feet were covered with dirt-caked blood; his shirt sleeves were ripped, and long scratches striped the boy\u2019s arms with drying blood embedded with pebbles and glass shards. The stream coming from the side of his head was quickly saturating the blindfold, and adding to the muddy puddle under his head.<\/p>\n

His earlier fear that survival was not possible overwhelmed him, but he was relieved when he saw Adam\u2019s ribcage moving in a rapid rhythm, even as the rest of his body trembled uncontrollably. Ben shot a quick thanks to heaven that in spite of the many injuries, his son was alive. He found out just how alive Adam was when he touched the boy\u2019s shoulder, eliciting an angry, high-pitched outburst.<\/p>\n

\u201cKill me and get it over with,\u201d Adam screamed, while trying to move away by shimmying on his side like an injured rattler might. After a few fruitless attempts, he whimpered an additional, \u201cI mean please..please\u2026just let me alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben tried to hold him\u2026to soothe him with comforting words, but his embrace only served to make the boy moan in agony resembling the wail of a frightened rabbit. A quick flick of Ben\u2019s knife severed the rope tying Adam\u2019s hands, and he slipped the dirty neckerchief from his eyes. The response to being free was not what Ben expected either, as Adam swung on him and then tried to get away. His attempt at running ended when he fell after a single step, and he began to crawl and scrabble at the ground to move from where he was. Ben was rooted where he stood, stunned as he watched the odd reaction. He finally hollered, \u201cAdam,\u201d and regaining his senses, ran to him and tried again to hold him while repeating his name. He finally turned Adam\u2019s face toward him, and said, \u201cSon, you\u2019re safe!\u201d He saw rationality replace the glazed, frightened look, and recognition gave way to relief as the child fell into his father\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Pa!\u201d was all Adam said as he clung to his father and sobbed. After a time, and a few deep breaths, he finally added, \u201cI didn\u2019t think you were ever coming.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben drew the boy to him again and this time he held on tight, and didn\u2019t let go until the tightness in Adam\u2019s shoulders relaxed. He finally asked, \u201cWhat happened here?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam pointed toward his ears. \u201cI can\u2019t hear. There\u2019s a roaring in my head since the gun went off.\u201d He looked around furtively. \u201cWhere did Levi go?\u201d<\/p>\n

The tight set of his jaw, was the only outward indication of Ben\u2019s fury at what had happened to his son, and he leaned in to say, \u201cHe rode away, and I doubt he\u2019s coming back,\u201d before pulling the boy to him again and rocking him as he had when Adam was a toddler and needed comforting. Ben could feel that Adam was still trembling, and even though calmer, he still had the look of a frightened animal.<\/p>\n

He was thankful that one thing Levi had said was true. The injury to Adam\u2019s head was a flash burn from the powder that had torn the flesh near his left eye. That wasn\u2019t to say it wasn\u2019t serious. The bleeding had slowed to an ooze of clear fluid, but Ben could see that Adam\u2019s eyelid on that side was drooping a bit. The rest of the injuries involved glass embedded in the cuts on Adam\u2019s feet and arms, and what he assumed were the rust flakes left behind when he\u2019d fallen on the traps. He breathed easier after not finding indication that any of the massive traps had actually closed on a limb or flesh. He still didn\u2019t know the circumstances under which this had all happened, but from what Levi had said, it had all been part of some sick trial by fire, the man had called \u201cgames.\u201d<\/p>\n

Leaning close to Adam\u2019s right ear, he said, \u201cLet\u2019s get inside.\u201d Adam nodded, and Ben leaned in again to add, \u201cThe ringing will pass, son. It may take a little bit, but I promise it\u2019ll get better.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Ben stoked the fire to warm the room, and looked over at his sleeping son. He\u2019d tried to hurry with the tending, but it had taken so long to fish out the bottle shards and debris from the wounds, and then give them all a good scrub, and bandage them with fabric he\u2019d torn from the undershirt he\u2019d put on that morning, that Adam had eventually, and from Ben\u2019s perspective, gratefully fallen into an exhausted sleep. He\u2019d been snoozing for a few hours, and that seemed a good thing too.<\/p>\n

After putting his horse up in the shed, and bringing more firewood to the house, Ben heated water to make coffee, and was cooking some of the jerky he had with him to make a weak broth for Adam to have when he woke up. He nearly upset the broth pot when Adam shot up into a sitting position; his eyes were wide and searching, his mouth, a tortured grimace. He groaned as he brought his hands up to cradle his head, and sank back onto the thin mattress.<\/p>\n

His father was at his side in two steps. \u201cYou\u2019re safe, son. Can you hear better now? Are you in a lot of pain?\u201d<\/p>\n

He nodded. \u201cThe ringing\u2019s gone, but my head hurts,\u201d was whispered as a tear slid down his cheek. \u201cMaybe everything hurts some.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled and wiped the wetness away with his thumb. \u201cCan you tell me a little more now\u2026I mean about what happened here?\u201d<\/p>\n

The words came out in gulps. \u201cHe came here, ate my food, stole my things \u2026and then when I told him to leave\u2026he said I was mouthy and needed to learn some manners. He said he\u2019d teach me like his father taught him.\u201d Adam took a huge breath and sought his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cIs that true? Is that why you didn\u2019t want me anymore, Pa? Did this happen to me because I\u2019m so awful?\u201d<\/p>\n

The words stung Ben\u2019s heart and left his head hurting too, as he wondered what to say to make things right. \u00a0Marie\u2019s words came to him: \u201cHold him as tight as you can for as long as it takes.\u201d He did just that, wrapping Adam in his arms as he spoke. \u201cWe\u2019re going to go over this one thing at a time. I\u2019ve never lied to you, so you\u2019ll have to believe everything I say. Can you do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam nodded again as he sniffed loudly, and settled his head onto his father\u2019s chest.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst\u2026I never wanted you to go. You overheard me teasing Marie. She told me to talk to you and find out why you wouldn\u2019t do as I asked, because you probably had a good reason. I said it would be better to send you away because I\u2019m<\/em> not good at talking\u2026or listening, so doing what she said wasn\u2019t going to be easy. I\u2019m sorry. Sometimes parents make mistakes, and that was a big one.\u201d He tipped Adam\u2019s chin up and saw a glimmer of a grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2026I have missed you every moment that you\u2019ve been gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat made you come out here?\u201d Adam asked, his voice muffled by his father\u2019s shirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe man who took your music box traded it to Slim, and I saw it there this morning. When Slim and I were thinking about where that crazy trapper might be staying, he mentioned that someone was living out here, and I knew it had to be you. Did you come here right away?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat back and nodded. \u201cI remembered there were things here I could use to help get me through the winter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was smart. Your note said you wanted to prove yourself, and it seems like you were doing that just fine.\u201d Ben returned the smile his son was giving him. \u201cWas Levi with you the whole time?\u201d<\/p>\n

The smile vanished. \u201cHe showed up yesterday morning. He said he\u2019d leave once he rested, but he was still here when I got back from trapping, or actually he was here again. He\u2019d left long enough to sell my things and had come back drunk and mean.\u201d Adam began to reveal the story of what had happened then, but stopped after telling about the first two blank shots.<\/p>\n

Ben paled. \u201cIf all he did yesterday was to start the game of chance with his revolver, then all your injuries happened today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s skin tone faded to match his father\u2019s, but he didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw the broken glass and the traps outside, and can pretty much figure out what happened,\u201d Ben said softly. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to say any more if you don\u2019t want to. On the other hand, telling about a bad thing can make it easier to figure out and learn from; you know, the whole two heads are better than one, idea?\u201d He sat back against the wall, giving Adam room\u2026and time to decide what to do next.<\/p>\n

The room remained silent. The deepening shadows caused by the setting sun, and the peaceful quiet in the cabin gave no clue to the tumultuous struggle going on in Adam\u2019s mind. He\u2019d set out to prove himself a man, and while he\u2019d done that for most of the time he\u2019d been gone, he\u2019d been snared by an old drunkard, who\u2019d made made a fool of him, and terrified him to point of wetting his pants when he thought he was about to die. His father hadn\u2019t mentioned it as he\u2019d cleaned him up afterward, but he had to have noticed. The mental skirmish ended with his avowal. \u201cMen don\u2019t whine about their problems, Pa. I\u2019ll have to live with what happened, and figure it out on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben noted the lack of conviction in his son\u2019s voice, and chuckled with parental understanding and wisdom. \u201cI can see everything you accomplished here, and I\u2019ll admit that most men couldn\u2019t have done such a good job. But the fact remains that you\u2019re twelve, and have a lot to learn about being a man. I know that you\u2019ve shouldered a man\u2019s share of work since Inger died, son, and I appreciate it. I\u2019m sorry your childhood was abbreviated.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled, and reached out to touch Adam\u2019s shoulder. \u201cMarie says that I am too anxious to have you grow up, and I\u2019ll regret it one day.\u201d He grinned and dropped his arm to his side again. \u201cBut since you\u2019re still a child\u2026ah\u2026a young man, you can rely on me, and tell me when you\u2019re not sure about something or when someone hurts you. I don\u2019t have all the answers; but I might have some.\u201d<\/p>\n

More silence passed before Adam looked up and began to talk. \u201cAfter he fired two empty chambers, he made me feed him again, and then he settled down and talked for half the night, telling me about his life. He rambled on about how tough it had been, and how his wife had left with their little boy, and he\u2019d stopped caring about anything after that.\u201d He turned toward his father to explain. \u201cIf you\u2019re wondering why I didn\u2019t just get outta here at that point, he did all his talking with the pistol aimed at my chest. I\u2019m sure he knew I\u2019d run if he\u2019d given me a chance, and when he finally started getting drowsy, he tied my hands behind my back, anchored the rope to the chair I was sitting on, and told me that I had to stay awake the rest of the night. He said it was a test\u2026another part of the game\u2026to see if I had the grit to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The color in Adam\u2019s cheeks went from white to crimson, and his voice dropped to a whisper. \u201cI tried to do it, Pa, but I couldn\u2019t. I don\u2019t even remember falling asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid he hurt you today as a punishment for that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam took a few deep breaths before continuing. \u201cWhen I woke up, he had his pistol pointed at my forehead, and said I\u2019d disappointed him again, and that I\u2019d have to show him that I was man enough for him to let me live.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam went from sighing to breathing rapidly, sounding like he was building up a head of steam to be able to go on with the story. \u201cThis game would be simple, he said, but it would show how much I\u2019d come to trust him. Then he told me that trust was the highest form of respect and if I could do this, he\u2019d know I\u2019d come full circle from yesterday, and he\u2019d leave. I can still see his mocking smile as he said I only had to get from the house to the shed without seeing where I was going or using my hands. My hands were still tied, and he took my boots off and blindfolded me, but he said he\u2019d give me directions to make sure I\u2019d come to no harm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sniffed, drawing his sleeve across his nose. \u201cI should have known better. \u00a0Levi hadn\u2019t been truthful about anything else, but I just wanted it over with.\u201d His sleeve was pressed into duty as a handkerchief again while he stared at the opposite wall.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had no idea I\u2019d been asleep long enough for him to booby trap the path, so I was surprised when I stepped on something sharp and cut my foot.\u201d His body shuddered as he sighed. \u201cI tried to turn around and get back to the house, but he was there with that gun in my back again, saying that I wasn\u2019t showing any guts or trust, so he pressed off another empty chamber.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was the third?\u201d<\/p>\n

He gave a quick nod and glanced over at his father\u2014his earlier terror visible again as he began to tremble. \u201cI realized right then that he\u2019d set up that pistol so he\u2019d go through all four empty ones until we got to the one that was loaded, and he wasn\u2019t leaving until he\u2019d used it.\u201d Adam blinked several times, visualizing what had happened next. \u201cI tried to run\u2026to get away, but more glass cut into my feet and I fell again. Levi helped me up, and laughed like a loon as he started setting off the big traps he\u2019d set up along the path, so I\u2019d hear the clang as they closed. I was lucky I didn\u2019t step or fall into any of them, even though I fell onto<\/em> a couple.\u201d He sighed long and loud. \u201cHe fired off the last empty chamber when I screamed at him about him not ever living up to his word. I knew I was going to die then, and I had to do it trying. The blindfold had pushed up enough that I could see where I was going if I tilted my head back, so I took off toward the river. I thought if I could get there, I could lead him past one of my<\/em> traps where the marker never stayed up, and hope that he\u2019d step in that one and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The trembling became so violent that the bed shook with its force. Adam brought his hands up to cover his face. \u201cMy feet wouldn\u2019t support me, Pa. Each step pushed the glass further in and he caught up when I fell again. The only thing I don\u2019t understand is how he could have missed me. That gun was behind my head when he pulled the trigger.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben got up and stoked the fire to add more light into the room, and then brought a chair over to sit directly in front of his son. After removing Adam\u2019s hands from his face, he lifted his chin. \u201cHe didn\u2019t miss. There wasn\u2019t a bullet in the fifth chamber either, just powder and a cap. I think it was the same for those traps. All the ones where you walked were closed. There were three off to the side; two were closed, and one still open. Those must be what he snapped shut to frighten you. From what I can tell, he wanted you to think<\/em> you were going to die, and he made it as real and painful as he could without doing any permanent harm.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam\u2019s mouth dropped open as his eyes rounded in question, and he cried out, \u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTo him, it really was a game: a sick, ugly and horrible game. It gave him power over you, and he probably enjoyed seeing you become more fearful as it played out.\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes went as dark as the far corners of the room, while his cheeks flushed momentarily and then paled again. \u201cI guess he made his point then; he proved me a coward.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam resisted his father\u2019s attempts to pull him closer, stiffening his arms and pushing away. Ben moved onto the bed again, rubbing his son\u2019s back. \u201cYou\u2019re not a coward, Adam. You never have been and you weren\u2019t today either. You answered every challenge he gave you, in spite of your uncertainty and fear. You even had a plan to fight back, and I believe you could have run him through your trap line just as you\u2019d figured if your feet hadn\u2019t been injured.\u201d A little light began to shine in his son\u2019s eyes again. \u201cAnd you notice who left in the end:\u00a0 he<\/em> ran off. He didn\u2019t stick around to defend his actions\u2014even though he claimed to have a goal in his torment. When he was exposed, he had to face the fact that he was nothing more than a bully who\u2019d taken advantage of a twelve-year-old, and still couldn\u2019t win.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben cleared his throat, and grinned. \u201cAnd, son, cowardice is evidenced in our actions, not our reactions. I remember the first time I was aboard ship in a gale. We were battered for hours, and at one point, the wind caught our sails on the crest of a wave and pushed us down into the trough of the next roller. The shift brought the beam parallel to the wave, and the ship was at the brink of keeling over. We faced certain death if she didn\u2019t right herself, and I ended up having to toss my trousers overboard to avoid the embarrassment of washing them out.\u201d Adam was chuckling softly as Ben finished his thought. \u201cIt\u2019s natural to be afraid, son. What shows your strength is what you manage to do in spite of your fear. You\u2019ll learn and get better at dealing with terrible situations. That day I just mentioned, I changed my clothes, disposed of the \u2018evidence,\u2019 and went back on deck to do my job. It seems like you faced your keel-over moment too, and were still thinking of ways to keep going. That\u2019s all a man can ask of himself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam released a long breath and leaned against his father\u2019s arm. \u201cSo why did Levi do this to me<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause he could.\u201d Ben laughed at his son\u2019s bewildered expression.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not an answer, Pa. I have to know why he picked me. \u00a0Am<\/em> I mouthy and disrespectful? Is that why Marie threatened to leave? Maybe I deserved what I got.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben sighed as he considered how to give Adam the information he needed, while teaching his a few things about family accountability. \u201cHoss admitted telling you what he\u2019d overheard, but as usual with eavesdropping; he didn\u2019t hear the whole story. It might be best if we all asked questions from now on when we\u2019re not sure of something.\u201d He waited for Adam to acknowledge his thought with a nod and then added, \u201cMarie\u2019s threat was aimed at me because of something I<\/em> said.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not important,\u201d his father growled.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is to me. How do I know she wasn\u2019t angry about something you told her about me?\u201d<\/p>\n

The older man smiled in the dark. The fact that Adam was starting to fight back was a good sign. \u201cI pretty much told her to mind her own business when she asked me why I was so angry with you. When I explained, she said to mind my own business<\/em>, because you two were doing just fine.\u00a0 She also said that if I wouldn\u2019t trust her to share my concerns about you boys, then she would leave me.\u201d Ben noticed that the spark in Adam had vanished and the boy\u2019s head had dropped to his chest. \u201cIf we\u2019re going to get through this, then you have to be honest too, son. What\u2019s bothering you?\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked up as he confessed, \u201cI thought I was going to die today, and you wouldn\u2019t even know\u2026or care.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben knew he\u2019d tried to find his child, but trying was not the same as succeeding. \u201cI suspected that you\u2019d do exactly what you were doing here, but my year away meant I didn\u2019t know you as well as I once did. This was the perfect option for you, and yet I didn\u2019t know until today that you\u2019d been out here. I trusted you to be careful, and the only place I could imagine you staying safe was on the Ponderosa, so that\u2019s where I looked for you\u2026every day you were gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

He checked to see if his words were being accepted. Adam\u2019s face was still set in a deep frown, although he looked less haunted. \u201cI\u2019m sorry for missing so much of your life, and for taking so long in getting here, but I promise you that I will always come for you\u2014no matter how old you are or how long I have to look.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know I never meant to hurt Marie by not calling her, \u2018Mother,\u2019 and I was on my way downstairs to explain why to both of you that night I heard you say you didn\u2019t want me around,\u201d Adam offered contritely. \u201cI just can\u2019t do it: not because I don\u2019t like her or don\u2019t accept her place in our family. It\u2019s just that I made a promise\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben took Adam\u2019s hand as he broke in, \u201cShe always knew why, son, and I did too\u2026eventually.\u201d He noticed that his child was looking so worn that he was beginning to worry, yet he knew he needed to finish this conversation so Adam would rest. \u201cTo finish up, let me assure you that you are not \u2018mouthy.\u2019 You are intelligent beyond your years; you have strong opinions, and possess the same hard head as I do. You say what you need to, and won\u2019t take guff from anyone, so at times you seem pretty danged forceful for a kid your age. But you are one of the kindest and most generous people I have ever known: your mother, Inger and Marie being the others at the top of my list.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo if I\u2019m not mouthy like Levi claimed, then why did<\/em> he do this?\u201d<\/p>\n

The tired father remained mute as he thought through his response. \u201cYou were here without parents to protect you, and he was bigger than you, conniving, and had a weapon to back his words. He took advantage of the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re right,\u201d Adam admitted.<\/p>\n

Ben chuckled. \u201cIt seems like you\u2019ve learned a few things from this. As to Levi\u2026there are people who have gone through hell in their lives, and it\u2019s especially bad when it comes at the hands of someone they should have been able to trust. When I ran into him outside, he said he was only playing the same sorts of games his father had done with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe said the same thing to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s hard for me to understand how a father could mistreat his child, but on the other hand, each person decides how they\u2019ll deal with what they\u2019ve gone through. Some who\u2019ve come from abusive pasts, vow never to harm another as they were. But others,\u201d Ben sighed heavily, \u201cwell, maybe their minds are so damaged from the torment that they\u2019re not right in the head. Instead of abhorring evil, they become even more expert at creating it. I believe that these people are in constant war with themselves. They know what it feels like\u2014the pain, fear, and confusion it causes\u2014and they still indulge in it. They must also know that their actions are cowardly, because they were firsthand observers of the cowards who hurt them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw that in Levi when he was drinking. He\u2019d be nicer one minute, and more horrible the next.\u201d He looked over at his father. \u201cWill the same thing happen to me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben\u2019s laughter filled the small room. \u201cYou will never be like him. You\u2019re a reasoning child who will become a reasoning man. You will weigh the effects of your actions, and do what\u2019s right. You have more courage and know better who you are at twelve, than Levi does at whatever age he is.\u201d Ben watched as his son\u2019s face relaxed and softened into a slight smile. \u201cYou already want to know why things happen; to understand them so you don\u2019t repeat them. You\u2019re back out on deck facing the storm, just as I did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Pa. I suppose I\u2019ll meet lots of men like Levi.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou might.\u201d Ben laughed and then became serious again. \u201cThere\u2019re a lot of people out there who aren\u2019t right in the head, and some are even worse than Levi. Some are pure evil, and have no reason for their actions. It\u2019s more who they are than something they do, and you never know what will set them off, or how far they\u2019ll go to prove something that only they understand.\u201d Ben realized he was going too far with his explanation, and stopped abruptly. He reached over and tousled Adam\u2019s hair. \u201cI know this is hard to understand, but Levi knew he was doing harm, and in some corner of his soul, he feels guilt and shame for what he did to you.\u201d He clapped his hands together. \u201cLet\u2019s have some of the broth I cooked up, and then settle in for the night. If you\u2019re up to it, we\u2019ll ride double to Slim\u2019s, pick up the wagon at first light, and we\u2019ll be home by lunch time.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hoss saw the wagon pulling into the yard from the window in his room, and ran down the steps, hollering, \u201cAdam\u2019s home!\u201d<\/p>\n

Marie followed the stampeding child out the door, but stopped as she saw the hunched over, bandaged child sitting next to her husband on the wagon seat. Swallowing hard to stem the tears, she took a deep breath, smiled, and continued out to greet them.<\/p>\n

Ben noted the questions in his wife\u2019s eyes, and leaned in for a quick kiss on the cheek and a whispered, \u201cI\u2019ll explain later,\u201d as he made his way around the wagon.<\/p>\n

Hoss had climbed up to the seat, and was hanging onto his brother, not seeming to notice the strips of bandage wound around his head and feet, as his words of welcome flowed. \u201cGosh it\u2019s good to see ya, Adam. It\u2019s about time Pa found you and brought ya back! Why\u2019d you leave anyway? You scared me half-to-death when you did that, so promise you won\u2019t never go away again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam hugged his brother back, even though his grimace gave proof that his wounds were still causing considerable grief. He pushed Hoss away enough to clamp a hand over the boy\u2019s mouth and laugh. \u201cI\u2019d forgotten how noisy it is with you around, but I admit I missed you.\u201d A grunting groan blew from his lips as Hoss went in for another round of hugging, and Adam tried again to create a little distance between them. \u201cSo if I can\u2019t \u2018never\u2019 leave home again, does that mean I can\u2019t get married, or go anywhere ever?\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, a course you can leave when you get old like Pa is, but not until then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam laughed, \u201cI\u2019ll just check with you before I plan anything. Will that do?\u201d<\/p>\n

Ben broke up the reunion. \u201cCome away, Hoss. I need to get your brother in the house now. He\u2019s pretty worn out.\u201d After a few tentative steps leaning on his father\u2019s arm, Adam bent over to catch his breath and kept going by walking on the sides of his feet.\u00a0 When even those steps began to falter, his father picked him up and carried him, explaining to a stricken-looking Marie, \u201cHe had glass in his feet, and I don\u2019t think I got it all out. We\u2019ll take a better look and redo the bandages when I get the wagon done.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTake him to the table,\u201d she ordered once they got inside. \u201cHoss and I were just about to have lunch when you got here, and you both look like you could use a good meal before we start any doctoring.\u201d Marie dispatched her husband and Hoss to take care of the wagon and store their supplies, so they could all enjoy lunch without worrying about getting back outside to finish.\u00a0 With the house cleared, she walked to the chair and embraced Adam, kissing both his cheeks. Her expression was stern as she held his shoulders and looked directly into his eyes. \u201cLike your brother said, \u2018don\u2019t you never leave us again,\u2019 young man. I have come to be very fond of you.\u201d The glare dissolved and was replaced by a grin and a wink, as she continued, \u201cAnd I am a very possessive woman.\u201d When he blushed, she busied herself checking the wound under the bandage on his forehead.<\/p>\n

As his color returned to normal, she sat next to him and took his hand. \u201cI know I\u2019m not your mother, Adam, and I won\u2019t ever try to be, but that doesn\u2019t mean I can\u2019t love you and gather you under my wing. Good mothers through all time have wanted what\u2019s best for their children. Since your mother would have been one of the best, I believe Elizabeth would be happy that you will have someone watching after you\u2014at least for a few more years.\u201d Marie waited a moment to gage his reaction. When he looked up at her, and smiled, she continued. \u201cYou won\u2019t forget your own mother by getting to know me, and accepting a little of my attention or affection.\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked down at his hands. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI imagine I was a pretty big surprise, and I do understand that it will take some time before you know whether you can really trust me. I think we were doing quite well before your father\u2019s worrying got in the way.\u201d She leaned in close. \u201cThis all started because he worries too much\u2026and doesn\u2019t listen enough. I think I may have cured him of that or at least started him on the road to doing better.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam grinned. \u201cYou always stand up to Pa. It was the first thing I liked about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo there is something about me that you like?\u201d<\/p>\n

The blush deepened again as he picked at a loose thread on his shirt. \u201cI like you just fine, and appreciate how much you do for us\u2026me. My argument with Pa was never about you; I told him that. He couldn\u2019t understand why if I liked you, I still couldn\u2019t call you what he wanted me\u2026\u201d His voice trailed off as his doubts about being home again surfaced, and clouded his return. Pa had said that both he and Marie understood what had prompted his refusal to obey. Yet an uneasy feeling was nagging him that maybe those words had been a ploy to get him home, and the war of wills would see more battles. Would Marie\u2019s next words assure him that Elizabeth wouldn\u2019t mind him using her rightful title either?<\/p>\n

The possibility that his month away would prove pointless deflated him. He slid down in the chair, and looked away as his face flushed hot, and the exhaustion of the last three days set in hard.<\/p>\n

Marie noted the change in his demeanor. After stirring the pot of soup that was warming on the stove, she returned to stand behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, kissing the top of his head. \u201cLet\u2019s not spend any more time on what happened before; we\u2019ll start fresh.\u00a0 So how about you call me Marie for now.\u201d Retaking her chair, she added with a laugh, \u201cI remember one of the nuns at the convent school had a very difficult name. She was Sister Emerentiana, and most of the children couldn\u2019t pronounce it. She used to laugh and say, \u2018You can call me anything, dears, just don\u2019t call me late to dinner.\u2019 That\u2019ll be our rule too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adam sat up, breathed deeply, and smiled. \u201cI\u2019d like that\u2026Marie.\u201d He looked around the small kitchen, feeling the warmth of the cook stove as well as sensing the warmth from the woman who was with him. The warning voices he\u2019d heard minutes earlier disappeared, and he relaxed fully for the first time since he\u2019d slipped out the back door a month ago. \u201cIt\u2019s really good to be home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Epilogue \u2013 1862<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adam trudged on through the heat, remembering how his father had found him when Levi had played his ugly \u201cgames,\u201d and then had helped him make some sense of the ordeal. The difference with Levi was that he\u2019d been driven by pain from the brutality he\u2019d experienced himself. Adam couldn\u2019t figure out what drove Peter Kane. Kane set himself up as judge, jury and executioner, without ever reading the charges against the accused. The secret verdict had been handed down and Adam had done hard time while he\u2019d waited for the execution. His earlier experience with Levi had helped him survive long enough to escape Kane\u2019s prison, but not the death sentence.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d made it home when he was 12, but he knew a happy ending wasn\u2019t possible\u2014this time. Nope, this time Pa can\u2019t help me, even though he promised he would always find me<\/em>. He came so close to doing it again, but not close enough<\/em>. He signed deeply as the conclusion to this odyssey sunk in with blinding clarity.<\/p>\n

The noose was tightening, and he was plunging through the trap door toward eternity. <\/em>The muscles in his neck, legs and arms were trembling and cramping, and his heart was beating irregularly, leaving him woozy and sick to his stomach. He grimaced as he pictured the possibility that instead of being welcomed into the gates of heaven in a few minutes, he\u2019d be eternally condemned to pounding in sticks of dynamite, and carrying bags of worthless debris from a cave while Kane sat outside maligning his efforts and accusing him of being a slackard. Now that would be hell, <\/em>he concluded as he began chuckling at the irony of it.<\/p>\n

The wry smile and eerie laughter continued even when he heard what sounded like voices and horses moving toward him. His exhaustion was so complete that he didn\u2019t have the strength or curiosity to look, and he lowered his head as he continued walking toward a suitable place where two men might return to the dust from which they came.<\/p>\n

Dying didn\u2019t bother him as much as losing his sanity, especially now. Please let me leave this life with a clear mind<\/em>, he prayed. It wasn\u2019t to be, and he sighed hopelessly as he experienced the final insult: hallucinating that his father and brothers had arrived. He made one last attempt to justify what was happening. It\u2019s logical that I\u2019d want my family with me now.<\/em> But they brought him no comfort as the mirages kept hollering his name. This isn\u2019t how I want to remember them<\/em>, he screamed mentally, as he left the pallet behind\u2014crawling first\u2014then trying to run from the angry-sounding voices, hoping to find a last, peaceful connection to his family\u2026and his sanity. <\/em><\/p>\n

But then he felt the pain of their touch on his sunburned skin; he breathed deeply and smelled the dust and sweat on their clothes, and with a final leap of faith, he decided they were truly there. He wouldn\u2019t die alone after all, and he wanted to tell them how glad that made him\u2014to explain\u2014to thank them for coming, but all that would come out was, \u201cThere was no gold!\u201d He focused on his father and laughed as he struggled to put his agony into words that would convey what he\u2019d been through: something his father would understand. \u201cAnd no more\u2026no more games\u2026no more games.\u201d<\/p>\n

He felt his father\u2019s strong hands on his arms and heard him holler, \u201cAdam!\u201d Looking directly at his father\u2019s face, he saw the sweat trickling down Ben\u2019s temples, and in that moment, Adam knew he was safe. Despite being in a forsaken wasteland, and even if he died here\u2026he was home. The games were over. His life\u2026his sanity\u2026were confirmed in his father\u2019s eyes. \u201cOh, Pa,\u201d he sobbed as his legs buckled. The physical and mental agony of what he\u2019d been through flowed from his soul as he wept. He felt Joe\u2019s fingers wetting his lips while he speculated on what sort of hell his brother had faced. After a drink from the canteen, he melted into his father\u2019s embrace, and held on tight, intending to stay there for as long as it took to find enough of his own strength to let go.<\/p>\n

The End.<\/p>\n

(1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At the time this story is set, the Truckee River hadn\u2019t even been officially discovered, and was at first called the Salmon and Trout River. In fact, there was no Carson City or Virginia City, and the territory the Cartwrights were homesteading in belonged to Utah, not Nevada. Settlers were making their way west, but very few people had crossed the Sierras at this time, and the California Gold Rush, the event that really opened the west to settlers and treasure seekers, was still a few years away. However, Bonanza Canon does show Ben in New Orleans talking about having boys back in Virginia City (even though it wouldn\u2019t be named that for another almost 20 years at the beginning of Comstock silver strike.) I don\u2019t call the settlement where the Cartwrights go, Virginia City, but rather the \u201ctrading post or town.\u201d I have a few people already settling there and a few houses springing up around the trading post. There would have been trapping going on, and I\u2019d assume there were trading posts in what would become Carson City and Virginia City.<\/p>\n

Bonanza fans know that back when the writers were creating Bonanza, they had no idea that the series would run for the next 50+ years. \u00a0They also had no idea that the computer age would allow people to look up facts with blazing speed and accuracy, and watch the episodes in stop-action to glean every detail. What I like to do is honor history, while still honoring the spirit of the canon and the wonder that was Bonanza.<\/p>\n

The other thing I\u2019d like to address is the character of Marie. She was presented differently in different Bonanza episodes. But in Marie, My Love<\/em>, we see her as a hostess in a men\u2019s club, but not a saloon girl sort of woman. Her \u201cindiscretion\u201d is shown to have been a setup, orchestrated by her mother-in-law, and allowed to stand by a weak husband who didn\u2019t believe her or fight for her innocence. She is presented as educated (the scene in the convent garden where she says she was raised and taught) and she\u2019s cultured and demure. I chose to use this Marie for this story. In Marie, My Love<\/em>, although said to be of French Creole descent, she does not have an accent or use French phrases, so I don\u2019t have her speak that way. I wondered why they didn\u2019t have her seem a little more French, but I they didn\u2019t, so I didn\u2019t push it either.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tags:\u00a0 Adam Cartwright,\u00a0Ben Cartwright,\u00a0Marie Cartwright,\u00a0torture<\/p>\n

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<\/g><\/svg><\/i> \"Loading\"<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summary: \u00a0A “What might have happened” story for the Crucible, this story tells of Adam’s experience as a 12-year-old with a madman who played games with his mind. It begins with a prologue from the Crucible, but then switches back 20 years to the time when Ben returns from New Orleans after completing a sacred promise made to Jean DeMarigny before\u00a0he died. The boys have been living with a widow in the town near the Ponderosa, eagerly awaiting Pa’s return. Neither expect the surprise Ben brings back with him, but Hoss adapts easily to Marie, while Adam likes her,\u00a0yet\u00a0feels he doesn’t need a “mother.” A sacred promise Adam has made to his own mother puts him at odds with Ben. Adam leaves home and sets out to prove himself a man after hearing a conversation between Marie and Ben that indicates his father plans\u00a0to send his oldest son away since he won’t do as he’s told. All goes well until a man named Levi shows up and unleashes his own personal war against Adam.<\/p>\n

Rating: T \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Word Count: \u00a030,000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":5984,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"template-full-width-post.php","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23,30,616],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drama","category-prequels","category-whb","wpcat-23-id","wpcat-30-id","wpcat-616-id"],"a3_pvc":{"activated":true,"total_views":2279,"today_views":0},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Crucible286.jpg?fit=640%2C477&ssl=1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5440,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5440","url_meta":{"origin":9499,"position":0},"title":"A Rose For Marie (by deansgirl)","author":"deansgirl","date":"May 1, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0Adam finally learns to accept Marie as his mother.\u00a0 A special Mother's Day story, the companion story to Forever Ben Cartwright Rated:\u00a0K+ (2,850 words) Ben and Marie Series, links to all the stories within the series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5396,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5396","url_meta":{"origin":9499,"position":1},"title":"Our Little Joe (by BnzaGal)","author":"BnzaGal","date":"November 3, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: \u00a0\u00a0Written for the\u00a0Michael Landon's 2011 Birthday - Literary Exercise\u00a0where we had to put all the words of the song \"Be Patient with Me\" somewhere in our story. \u00a0 Rated:\u00a0K (1,295 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Quality-of-Mercy-8.jpg?fit=747%2C569&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5730,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=5730","url_meta":{"origin":9499,"position":2},"title":"A Gift Horse (by Patina)","author":"patina","date":"March 2, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary: 4th story in the Battle of Wills series.\u00a0 Ben announces at supper that he is going to buy a horse for Marie. Adam becomes unhappy because Ben had promised to buy him a horse before leaving for New Orleans. Will this situation cause another rift between Marie and Adam?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adam Cartwright"","block_context":{"text":"Adam Cartwright","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=1005"},"img":{"alt_text":"ben, young adam","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Young-Adam-and-Ben-Journey-to-Remember.jpg?fit=537%2C355&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Young-Adam-and-Ben-Journey-to-Remember.jpg?fit=537%2C355&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Young-Adam-and-Ben-Journey-to-Remember.jpg?fit=537%2C355&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6044,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=6044","url_meta":{"origin":9499,"position":3},"title":"The Battle of Wills Begins (by Patina)","author":"patina","date":"December 3, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a01st story in The Battle of Wills series.\u00a0 Ben brings his new wife, Marie, home to the Ponderosa. Rating: K\u00a0 \u00a0Word Count=4433 The Battle of Wills series, links to all the stories within the series included.","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2522,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=2522","url_meta":{"origin":9499,"position":4},"title":"In Loving Memory (by Rona)","author":"Rona","date":"June 22, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 The Cartwrights reflect on the impact Marie had on their lives. Rated:\u00a0 T \u00a0(3,155 words)","rel":"","context":"In "Drama"","block_context":{"text":"Drama","link":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?cat=23"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/Marie.jpg?fit=640%2C480&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":36426,"url":"https:\/\/bonanzabrand.info\/library\/?p=36426","url_meta":{"origin":9499,"position":5},"title":"The Hayloft (by BettyHT)","author":"BettyHT","date":"February 16, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Summary:\u00a0 In this prequel, Ben tries for a romantic interlude, but the weather and hay fever conspire against him. 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