Chapter Ninety-Six

Trapper didn’t bother parking in the lot. Rather, he pulled up to the curb at the front of the hospital and rushed in with Kim next to him and JT catching up from parking his motorcycle. Ernie was waiting for him in the lobby.

“Where is she?”

“Why don’t we go upstairs?” said Ernie gently.

With his brows furrowed over a determined look, he took Ernie by her arms. “Ernie!” he said through gritted teeth.

Taking his face in her hands, she looked into his eyes, barely able to hold back her own tears. “There’s been an accident, Trapper. We need to go upstairs.” His stomach turned a somersault as she took his hand and led him to the elevator.

She took him to his office where a number of people had gathered; Arnold, Gonzo, Gloria, Stanley. Kim and JT slid in through the door and stood in a corner. It was Boyd Stephens’ face that made him step back and take in a shuddering breath. “Boyd…” Closing his eyes, a tear squeezed out and ran down his cheek. He found it hard to breathe as if the air had been knocked out of him. It took a moment to finish his sentence. “Are you here in an…official capacity?”

Boyd took Trapper’s arm and motioned for him to sit at the desk. As Trapper walked, he couldn’t look up into the faces of his friends. Leaning on the desk, he turned the corner and slowly sat in his chair, all the while, staring out and wondering what could possibly have happened.

Sitting on the edge of the desk, Boyd looked down at his clasped hands. He knew Trapper understood. Still, explaining the events of the morning was going to be one of the hardest things he’d ever do. “It appears she was swimming off China Beach.”

Trapper sat back in his chair with his hands limp in his lap. “She swam laps early when she stayed at the pool house.”

“A woman who was walking her children on the beach this morning found her in the surf. There wasn’t anyone else on the beach. Trapper, was she a strong swimmer?”

Looking up at Boyd with wet eyes, he answered, “Yes. She would swim at least two miles every time she went out. Are you telling me she drowned?”

“Most likely, but I don’t know yet. Could it have been something else?”

Trapper glanced over at Gonzo who stepped forward. “She was a heart recipient. Eight months ago we had to repair an atrial aneurism. But she was doing fine. Her ECG looked good.”

“I want to see her.”

“Trapper, maybe you should wait…”

Trapper’s nostrils flared as he stood. “I’m going to the morgue…with or without you.” As he walked toward the door, he noticed Kim and JT in the corner. “Kim…”

“It’s okay, Dad. I’ll get a ride to Mom’s.”

Ernie touched his arm. “I’ll see that she gets there, Trapper.” When he met her eyes, she couldn’t stop the tears this time. He touched her forehead with his, squeezed her shoulders and left.

He drove straight to the morgue with Boyd arriving right behind him. After Boyd signed them into the storage room, he opened the door of the locker and pulled out the table. “I’ll be right outside the door.”

Waiting until he heard the door close, he raised his hand to pull down the sheet. “It can’t be,” he whispered, hesitating. How could it? Their lives were just about to begin. It couldn’t end before it even started. Pulling the sheet down, he moved his hand to cover his mouth, and then lowered his head and wept. He had moved his hand to touch her face, but drew back. Her skin would be cold, and he wanted to remember her warmth.

When he came out of the storage room, Boyd was leaning against the wall, waiting. “The autopsy will be day after tomorrow. Do you know who I should call…besides you?”

Without looking at him, Trapper answered, “Her attorney, Albert Shaefer, is in town for the wedding. He’s staying at the Fairmont.”

Boyd squeezed Trapper’s shoulder as he turned to go. “Where will you be?”

“Home…office…I don’t know.”

As Trapper headed down the hall for the exit, Boyd called after him. “If you don’t answer, I’ll page you. If you don’t call back, I’m sending someone to find you.” He was ignored.

Trapper sat in his car as lost as he could possibly be. He couldn’t bring himself to go back to the silence of his house. It had so recently been filled with her laughter. He didn’t want to face anyone at the hospital even though he knew they’d be worried. Finally, he put the key in the ignition and cranked the car, took a deep breath to stem the heat he felt rising in his face, and pulled out of the parking lot, heading toward the pool house. Their times at the pool house had been quiet, relaxed…peaceful.

When he opened the sliding door, he stopped and looked around the still darkness of the room, sniffing the air. Her scent still lingered. Pushing all the sliding glass doors open, he let the breeze she loved so much blow in. Though it was much stronger tonight, he didn’t care. Walking through the small house, he remembered the last conversation they had in each room; the bathroom where they had relaxed in the big Jacuzzi tub and talked about their lives together, the kitchen where he’d chided her about how unhealthy Chicken Alfredo was, the bed where they had lain in each other’s arms, where he had made love to her. He clenched his teeth, choking back his tears. And finally, the deck where he’d held her at the rail, felt her fingers interlace with his, felt her breathe…felt her love…while watching the fog roll in.

If this was how she’d felt losing John, JJ and Beth, he wondered how she survived the unspeakable heartache; how he’d survive it.

Standing at the rail, he looked out over the ocean with tears streaming down his face. This was her ocean; her catharsis. It was a clear night, and the stars far out beyond the glow of the city twinkled…like her eyes when she smiled.

As he closed the last sliding door, he looked back one more time wishing the events of the last day had all been a mistake. Wish as he might, he couldn’t deny it. He had seen for himself. Met with only silence, he softly said, “I’ll never stop loving you, Leah,” then closed the door on what might have been.

The End

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