Chapter 3

“It wasn’t your fault, Meredith.”

“But if I had just said what really happened, none of this would have happened to you.”

“Meredith, it was my fault too. I liked what you were doing. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have stood there enjoying the sensation and thinking about kissing you.”

“You were thinking about kissing me? Really?”

“You are a damn attractive woman, and yes, I was very attracted to you.”

“But now you’re not?”

“Merry, I can’t even see you at the moment, but if I could, I would probably embarrass myself again.”

“You called me Merry. You’re the only one who ever called me that. Why did you call me that?”

“Then or now?”

“Yes.”

Adam smiled a little even though it hurt his face and his lips. She still had that little bit of sass in her that he liked. “I never thought Meredith fit you as a name when you were younger. It made you seem older and not such a free spirit. And now, it doesn’t do justice to your beauty.”

“Adam, you’re going to make me cry.”

“Merry, I’ve had time to think laying here. Will you tell me about the sadness and the darkness you mentioned last night?” His query was greeted with silence, and he couldn’t see her to know how she had reacted. He tried to lift his arm to reach for her hand, but that hurt too much and he grimaced.

“What’s wrong? Do I need to get the doctor or someone?”

“No, I wanted to reach for your hand but that hurt to much to do. Would you be willing to put your hand in mine?”

Wrapping her fingers around Adam’s fingers, Merry smiled at him. Even battered as he was, he was trying to comfort her. “I’ll tell you sometime, Adam. But not right now. You need to rest, and you’ve already been talking too much probably. The doctor wants you to rest. If you do that, I’ll come visit you every day until you’re ready to leave this place.”

“And you’ll tell me your story?”

“Yes, I will if you still want to hear it when I’m ready to tell it.”

“I will, and we have a deal now. Thank you for holding my hand. I needed that.”

“Go to sleep now. I’ll stay by your side.”

With a small smile, Adam relaxed into the sleep he needed so badly. Meredith sat at his side until Mrs. Harper came and then for a couple of hours after that. Paul came down to check on his patient and found her sitting silently and holding Adam’s hand.

“He’s still sleeping?”

“Yes.”

“No. I was just enjoying holding your hand.”

“Well, I think it’s more I’m holding your hand.”

Smiling again, Adam found he could open his eyes a little. Through the slits, he could see Meredith and Paul. He was relieved that it appeared his sight was not affected for he had worried when he couldn’t open his eyes and only had blackness. Now he could see them and could see the lamp burning as well. Seeing Adam’s eyes opened a little, Paul irrigated them with warm salt water washing out some dried blood which soothed his eyes as well.

“Adam, I want to check the bandages. Do you want Meredith to leave?”

“No, I like her here.” Meredith smiled and lightly squeezed his fingers.

Checking the bandages, Paul was relieved to see they were still nice and white, and also very happy to see that the bruising had not increased. Leaning down and looking at Adam’s side under the bandage, he could see there was no new bruising. “Everything looks stable. I would like to get you into a bed so we can prop you up and give you more to drink. You need fluids.”

“How hard will it be to get me into a bed?”

“I would like to have some help and carry you there. Hoss is outside. If he takes the top section of the sheet, I think Meredith, Mrs. Harper, and I can take the other sides and carry you there.”

A little reluctantly, Adam agreed. Meredith summoned Hoss who had been speaking with his father and younger brother. He was embarrassed to have to come in there to help his injured brother and not be able to say anything to him. But he did it because it was what Adam needed, and the four of them got Adam moved to a bed where they propped him up on pillows. Meredith took over duties as nurse giving Adam water and broth to drink. He couldn’t use his hands because his arms hurt so badly. Paul examined them after Adam had two cups of fluid.

“No obvious breaks, but certainly some damage and maybe even cracks. I want to splint both forearms to prevent any further problems, and it will reduce the swelling as well.”

Adam nodded although he knew it meant he would need a lot of help for the next few weeks. As long as that help was Meredith though, it didn’t seem quite so bad. Meredith went home late that evening, and the other Cartwrights went to the hotel. Mrs. Harper sat with Adam who slept until Paul came down to check on him in the early morning hours. Unfortunately as expected, his fever had risen and far more than Paul had feared. They began wiping him down with cool water but his fever continued to rise and he lost consciousness. By the time Meredith and the Cartwrights arrived the next morning, they were needed to help with Adam’s care. Taking four hour shifts, the six of them rotated on and off with sponging his body to help him fight the fever. Joe and Hoss took a ride up the mountain and came back with buckets of snow.

With all of their help, Adam woke up on Tuesday morning and asked what day it was. His father was sitting with him at the time and smiled when he told him the day. Adam’s fever had broken, and the pain had diminished considerably. Now he had about a month of recuperation ahead of him. Ben called Joe and Hoss into the room and apologies were made and accepted. Adam told them he understood how it could have looked, but with a small smile asked if his brothers could ask the next time before swinging. Hoss and Joe hung their heads a little, but he told them to buck up because he was the one who needed the sympathy. Hoss and Joe smiled at the fact that their brother could be such a smart mouth even in the condition he was in. Ben marveled again at how magnanimous Adam could be when on the receiving end of such admissions.

Even with winter, there was a lot of work that needed to be done on the Ponderosa so Ben and his sons couldn’t spend every day in town helping to care for Adam, and in this weather, he couldn’t be transported either. Meredith took a leave from her job at the mercantile which wasn’t very busy anyway to become Adam’s day nurse. Mrs. Harper was his night nurse. Overall, Adam was quite pleased with the arrangement. Then he was even more delighted to find that Meredith knew how to play chess. He couldn’t move the pieces without knocking others around so he would tell her which piece to move and where. Occasionally she tried to move a piece so it was to her advantage and would be rewarded with that arched eyebrow and mock scowl from Adam until she put the piece where he wanted it. She tried Joe’s trick of moving pieces when he wasn’t looking, but he had an amazing memory.

“Put that knight back where it was. I’ve got you in check with it, and I’m not giving him up with your cheating.”

“I’m not cheating. I’m being creative about how I play.” She laughed lightly then, and Adam’s heart soared. He loved hearing her laugh, and it seemed she did that more and more as they were together. He realized that he enjoyed everything more when she was there. He began to wonder about the nature of love. She was also beautiful and he adored just watching her sometimes. When she leaned forward to help him drink or eat, sometimes her dress dropped open enough at the neckline for him to get a good view of her cleavage. He would have loved to kiss her there and run his tongue up her chest to her neck and kiss her luscious lips, and every time he thought like that, he nearly choked when he drank whatever she was giving him at the time. He would have been amazed to know what was going through her mind.

Meredith liked just being by his side. At night in her room, she thought only of him and dreamed of him as well. Once, just once, she wanted a man of her choice to make love to her and to be interested in making her feel great pleasure instead of just satisfying himself. Somehow she knew that Adam was that kind of man, and she had had fantasies about him since she was twelve. When she was near Adam or thinking about him, she would get this intense feeling and wanted to touch him and have him hold her.

For quite a few months, Meredith had been thinking that sexual attraction was quite fun until it was all ruined for her. She had avoided all males then except when she couldn’t. When she had to, she bore their demands before crying herself to sleep. Now Adam wanted her to tell him about that sadness within her, and she wanted to do that and she didn’t want to do that. She wanted to unburden herself to someone finally, but what if he never wanted to be near her again after he found out. She found that thought too abhorrent to consider, so she did her best to deflect any attempt by Adam to get her to talk.

That strategy worked until about three weeks into Adam’s recovery. Doc Martin told him that in a day or two, he would be free of the splints. Because he would be able to care for his own needs and feed himself, he would no longer need a nurse. He planned to move into the hotel for a week or until the weather was agreeable for a sleigh ride to the Ponderosa.

“Meredith, you made me a promise, and you haven’t kept it.”

With her heart pounding, Meredith tried to deflect once again. “Oh, I think I have. I have sat here with you day after long day letting you win at chess and holding the books so you could read.”

“You know what I mean. It has all been about me and what I want. I need to know about you and what you want. Merry, tell me your story.”

Adam had guessed quite a lot, but he thought she needed to say it. Meredith looked at him and opened her mouth and then closed it, completely unsure of herself. Caring for him, playing chess and reading, and sitting by his side while he slept all seemed so pure and sweet. What he wanted now was dark and dirty. She didn’t know if she could do it. She stood intending to leave, when he reached out with his splinted arm to grasp her fingers in his. The feeling was electric. She knew she could easily pull away from his touch, but she didn’t want to. She backed up instead, and sat down on the edge of the bed with her fingers still in his grasp.

“Tell me, Merry. Tell me and get it out of you. You need to share this with me and lighten your burden.”

With her back to him, and tears running down her cheeks, she told him her story.