Chapter 7

“You’re very quiet. What are you thinking now?” Adam moved closer to Merry on the settee in the boardinghouse so that she could answer without being overheard by Clementine Hawkins who had gone to the kitchen for more tea.

Merry leaned toward him so he could put an arm around her. “I’m feeling guilty that my father is dead, and I’m feeling guilty that I don’t feel bad about him being dead at all. There’s no sadness, just relief that it seems it’s finally over.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“Yes, I guess it does because I came back to Virginia City to see if my parents would accept me, forgive me, whatever. None of that happened. They acted like they always did, and I still find it hard to believe that my father thought he could force me to do that again.”

“Waverly was there, and you heard what he said about him. I suspect your father was in financial trouble again and was going to try to use the only method he seemed to know to get out of it. When you weren’t agreeable, he was furious. He probably heard that I gave you a ring tonight. It must have made him desperate.”

“And what about Char? Now everyone knows who the father of her baby really might be, and it’s not her husband.”

“It’s not that unusual to have some skeletons in the family closet. She’ll work it out. We should schedule a time to get together with them, and let the two of you get reacquainted and for the rest of us to get to know one another. You have a nephew I have never met.”

“I hardly know him. He was just a baby when I left. He wasn’t even two years old yet.”

“What about your mother? Do you want to see her?”

“Yes and no. I wish my mother loved me and wanted me to be part of the family, but I find I can’t forgive her for what she did. She blamed me for my father’s actions. I would think she should have blamed him and blamed herself for allowing it to happen. To know that it happened to Char, and then she still acted that way when I told her makes me almost want to hate her. She may be the only mother I have, but I think I could do without.”

“If your father was in financial trouble, then it’s going to be even more difficult for your mother who has no job. Do you want me to help her out?”

“I may change my mind, but right not, no, I don’t want you to help her. Let her get a job, any job she can get, and live in a rooming house, and make do with very little if it comes to that. She wasn’t at all concerned about my well-being so I really have no good feelings left for her. She had so many chances to do the right thing, and obviously always chose not to.”

“I know you’re sad, but will you be all right tonight? I’ve got a room at the hotel, and it’s getting late so I should head there now if you think you’ll be all right on your own now.”

“I’m not alone. I’m sure Mrs. Hawkins will be here if I need her.”

Clementine came in with a fresh pot of tea at that point. Adam suspected she had been listening and waiting for the right moment to reappear. He stood and pulled Merry up with him. Kissing her on the cheek, he whispered that he loved her. Grabbing his hat and jacket, he turned for parting comments. “Sleep well if you can, and I’ll be here by eight to walk with you to church services. Is that all right?”

Assuring Adam that she would be fine, Merry shared a cup of tea with Clementine and some light conversation before going to bed where she slept fitfully. So much had happened and her mind was having a difficult time sorting it all out. She knew it might take a few days or more to accept all the changes that were happening. In the morning, Adam was there promptly because he was always on time. The weather had turned cold and blustery so he encouraged Merry to wear her heavy coat over her jacket. He had a long duster on over his coat. Pushing his hat down tightly on his head, he opened the door and took Merry by the arm guiding her down the street at a fast pace. As they entered the church a short time later, Adam took their coats into the cloakroom. In the narthex, unfortunately, Merry was greeted by her mother.

“How dare you show your face in God’s house after getting your father murdered. You set him up perfectly for that.”

“I didn’t do anything. He did it all to himself.”

“And I suppose you didn’t do anything for Cartwright there either to get those expensive gifts and the clothes he bought you. And then you got him to shoot your father so you must have done something to pay him for that. I know what you did for him. Can you deny it?”

Unfortunately for Merry, she couldn’t lie and say she had never had sex with Adam because of course they had. She stood silent, but Adam was in a fury.

“How dare you make any accusations? You let your daughters be abused for years and did nothing. What kind of a mother allows that to happen in her house?”

“Adam, we should go. This shouldn’t be happening in church.”

“Merry, this shouldn’t be happening anywhere. Your mother needs to apologize or she should be the one to leave.”

Looking around for sympathy, Merry’s mother found none. By then almost everyone in town had heard the stories. Most of the women there were mothers and would have fought like a she-bear to protect their children. They could not accept that a mother knew of her children being so badly abused and looking the other way. Their looks of condemnation were all too obvious as Merry’s mother looked around. Char and Dwayne entered the church then and she looked to them.

“Charlotte, you won’t believe what Meredith has been saying to me. Please tell her that she needs to ask my forgiveness.”

“No, mother, she doesn’t. You do.” For the first time in her life, Char stood up to her mother. She and Dwayne had talked a lot the night before. They were planning to move to California as soon as they could to get a fresh start. Char simply told Dwayne they needed to come back for Meredith’s wedding, and he had agreed. “Dwayne has relatives in Stockton. We’re moving there as soon as we can with our son. We need to get away from all the bad memories here. You can do whatever you want, but you are not coming with us.”

“But I can’t make the payments on the house. What will I do?”

Merry looked directly at her mother. “Get a job, any job you can get, and try to make it on the small amount of money you will earn. I had to do that for years. It’s your turn.”

Dejected and forlorn with her bravado shattered and her guilt over what she had done, Merry’s mother turned to leave the church.

“Margaret, I don’t think you should go.” Adam was very direct with her. “If anyone needs to be in church praying to God today, it’s you. Go in. I’m sure the reverend will have some words for you.”

Turning in confusion, Merry looked at Adam waiting for an explanation.

“You need to find a way to forgive her. You can’t carry that hate in your heart like that. It’ll eat you up. Both of you need to find a way to forgive her. You don’t have to forget, and the other things you said are both valid. But don’t let hate eat into your hearts. Let’s go in now so we can all find a way to accept what we cannot change.”

The minister was coming out into the narthex because of what he had overheard there. “Adam, you trying to take my job away? Ladies, I think what he said is the right thing now. Find it in your hearts to forgive her no matter what she does. Forgive her for your own sake, and forgive your father too. He’s getting his reward for his behavior from his Maker. Don’t let the evil that was done live on. Let it go and let it turn to dust.” He saw their disbelieving looks. “It will be difficult to do, but it will help you heal too.”

Ben, Hoss, and Joe walked in at that point. Seeing the serious looks of everyone there, they had to ask what had happened. Once that story was told, Ben concurred with Adam and the minister. He also had a comment about what had happened the night before.

“Adam, I’m not glad that he’s dead, but I am glad he didn’t shoot Merry or you. You have enough scars already.”

“He certainly does.” Merry realized what she had said after she said it. She blushed as Adam smiled that little crooked smile of his. There were snickers in the crowd and Joe’s was one of the loudest ones. Even Charlotte was smiling at her sister. Adam wrapped an arm around Merry’s shoulders and turned her toward the church sanctuary.

“I think we ought to go in before there’s any more said here.”

The minister had hurriedly reworked his sermon for that morning. He started with a reading from Isaiah. “Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” And he finished an hour later with a passage from Matthew. “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

When the service ended, Merry leaned against Adam’s shoulder for a while. Ben sat beside them. “Adam, the clouds are building over the mountains again. It looks like we may be in for a lot of snow. We should be heading for home soon.”

“I don’t want to leave Merry alone after all that’s happened.”

“Perhaps, Merry would like to come stay with us for a week or two? Under the circumstances, I’m sure that people would understand.”

Leaning and looking down at Merry, Adam used his finger to lift her chin so he could see her face. “How does that sound to you?”

“I’m so embarrassed though. What must people think of me?”

“They’re probably remembering what it was like to be betrothed and in love. Now, why don’t we go to the boardinghouse and pack a bag for you. You can tell your sister where you’ll be, and we can have you back here in a week if the weather permits.”

Once Merry had her bag, she and Adam sat in the back of the sleigh with Joe as Hoss and Ben sat in the front. Adam pulled a blanket over their legs, as Ben did the same in the front for he and Hoss. The wind made it seem even colder, but dressed in their heavy coats, and sitting up against another person, they were all warm enough. All five of them were looking forward to lunch and hoping Hop Sing had made some hearty soup for they would need something like that by the time they arrived home. As Hoss snapped the reins, the team started out at a fast pace to get them there as quickly as possible. As they left and became smaller and smaller until they disappeared from view, an angry woman stood watching and plotting her revenge.