Summary: The task of reroofing the barn brings back various memories for each of the Cartwrights.

Rating: K (9,000 words)

 

 

If These Walls Could Talk

‘Joseph, bring those shingles over here please,’ said Ben irritably. ‘And watch where you’re going.’

 

Joe gave his father a grin and scrunched on over to him on his backside, pushing the pile of shingles in front of him. ‘Here ya go Pa,’ he said brightly. ‘This enough?’

 

‘For now,’ said Ben. ‘Hand me some of those nails.’

 

‘I don’t see why we have to replace this whole side of the roof,’ said Joe as he handed his father the requested nails. ‘Why don’t we just do that bit over there that’s leaking?’

 

‘This whole side needs repairing,’ called out Adam from his side of the barn roof. ‘If you’d take a proper look, you’d see that for yourself.’

 

Joe examined the shingles in front of him. ‘I suppose so,’ he said. ‘After all it’s …’ he scratched his head as he tried to work it out. ‘How long ago did you build it Pa?’ he asked.

 

‘It’ll be twenty-two years come this September,’ replied his father as he hammered. ‘It’s held up quite well, considering.’

 

‘Considering what?’

 

Ben glanced over at Adam and they both laughed. ‘Considering that we didn’t have the best quality materials when we first built it,’ replied his father.

 

Adam sat back on his heels and wiped the sweat from his brow. ‘I seem to remember that you were hard-pressed to get enough materials to finish the job at all,’ he said.

 

‘That’s true enough,’ said his father. ‘I had to make do with what I could find initially and then build it bit by bit. These shingles were taken from the original roof and put up here later on when we extended it.’

 

‘Didn’t you build it all at the one time?’ asked Little Joe. He couldn’t remember a time when the barn hadn’t been there and so it was news to him that it hadn’t been built all at once.

 

‘No,’ said Adam. ‘Pa built just one storey at first. The loft was added on later to make it two stories. So was the tack room. It really wasn’t that big at first.’

 

‘How come?’

 

‘Pa just told you. He couldn’t afford it.’

 

Ben sat up and smiled at his two sons. ‘Are you two going to discuss this all day or are you actually going to get some work done?’ he asked playfully. Adam grinned back at his father before picking up his hammer again and Joe rolled his eyes before going back to his section of the roof. Ben gave a short chuckle as he started work again. As he hammered, his thoughts went back to another time many years ago when this barn had been the focus of his world for a while.

 

 

———-

 

 

‘Put some more nails in the bucket before I pull it up please son.’

 

Adam scurried to do as his father bid him, filling the bucket up to the brim before tugging on the string. ‘Pull er up Pa!’ he called importantly and watched as the bucket ascended to the roof. He glanced over at Hoss who was busy eating some stalks of hay as he sat on the ground beside him, and frowned. He knew that he was doing an important job for Pa and that if he wasn’t down here looking after Hoss while his father was hammering the shingles onto the roof, that the toddler could get into trouble, but where he really wanted to be was up there on the roof with Pa, helping. It wasn’t as if it was that high after all! Instead he had to stay down here and watch Hoss, while hammering in the loose boards that Pa had started to put on the walls.

 

Adam stood back and looked at the structure in front of him, with a great deal of satisfaction. ‘It’s really taking shape now, Pa!’ he called up to his father.

 

‘Sure is!’ Ben replied. He glanced up at the sky. ‘We’ll have it done before the weather turns bad in a few weeks, I’m sure.’

 

‘Then Rusty and Alice will have somewhere nice and warm to live, won’t they Pa?’ said Adam, glancing over at their sole horse and cow.

 

‘They sure will,’ said Ben. He glanced up at the sky again, mentally calculating how many hours he’d have to work each day to make sure that it happened in time. Winter was fast approaching and there was no way that the animals would survive it without some kind of shelter. As well as the horse and their cow, he had invested in a few chickens and now wanted to get some pigs as well … not to mention another horse if he could afford it next year.

 

He looked over at the small building that the three of them called home and sighed. The barn was going to be so much bigger even than their own dwelling, but he justified it in his mind knowing that the animals were going to need the space eventually, if his dream of adding to the livestock were to become reality. There was no point building a smaller structure and having to add to it later … Ben had reasoned that he would rather have spent the extra time on it now than have to do it at a later date … but it was hard to listen to the advice of all his neighbours who thought he was plain crazy to build something so big when he had so little livestock to put into it.

 

But Ben Cartwright had a vision of the future and that vision included many animals that would one day need to be sheltered. He and his boys would survive in the small cabin for a while longer. One day they would have the large house that he planned to build, but at the moment the barn had to take first priority.

 

He looked down at the small dark head below him and smiled to see the concentration on Adam’s face as he nailed in plank after plank of the wooden walls. He knew that the boy wanted to be up here with him on the roof … after all it was far more exciting than simply working on the walls … but Ben preferred his son to have his two feet firmly planted on the ground. He glanced over at Hoss and waved to him, smiling as he saw the toddler grin up at him and wave back. He was so lucky that the little boy was so placid and that Adam was so good at watching over his brother. He didn’t know what he would have done if it weren’t so.

 

He knew that he’d become quite obsessed with the barn lately, but he didn’t really know how else he was to get the job done. Every waking moment that he didn’t have to spend on other chores, or looking after the boys, was spent up here working on the building and now he was beginning to see the fruits of his labours. He nodded in satisfaction as he began to hammer the shingles again. Yes, it would be well worth the effort, for this barn would see the Cartwrights through many years to come.

 

 

———-

 

 

‘It’s funny how I thought the original barn was so big at the time,’ Ben mused as he worked. ‘It really wasn’t more than a few years before I was taking the roof off and building the loft on top of it though.’ He peered down into the hole that he’d made by taking out some of the broken shingles. ‘That reminds me boys,’ he said. ‘We must get the loft cleaned out before haying season starts again.’

 

Joe gave his father a sharp look. ‘I’ll do it for you Pa,’ he said.

 

Adam looked up. ‘Huh?’ he said. ‘Since when have you begun volunteering for work?’

 

Joe pouted. ‘I’m only trying to be helpful, is all,’ he said. ‘If you don’t want me to do it then …’

 

‘Don’t pay your brother any mind, son,’ interrupted his father. ‘You may have the job of clearing out the loft with my blessing.’ He thought for a moment. ‘Now didn’t you score the job last year as well, Joseph?’

 

Joe grinned at his father. ‘Sure did,’ he said. ‘I don’t mind doing it again though.’ He smiled at Adam and went back to hammering, noting the dark look that his eldest brother gave him before returning to his own work. Joe breathed a sigh of relief as he hammered. He didn’t know how he’d got away with hiding the scorch marks for so long really, but however long he was able to do it suited him just fine. Cleaning out the loft was a small price to pay, if it meant that his father didn’t find out what had happened that night a couple of years ago.

 

 

———-

 

 

‘You got it?’ said Seth Pruitt eagerly as Joe climbed up to the top of the loft ladder.

 

Joe returned the grin that his friend gave him. ‘Sure did,’ he said, holding out a small brown bag. ‘It was easy.’

 

Seth grabbed it from him, but Joe quickly grabbed it back again. ‘Hang on,’ he said. ‘I’m the one who got it, so I should be allowed to have first try, don’t ya think?

 

‘All right,’ replied Seth. ‘But hurry up, will ya? I wanna see what it’s like.’ He watched as Joe undid the paper bag and tipped the dark tobacco out onto the floor. ‘You sure ya Pa won’t miss it?’ he asked as Joe began to dip into his pockets.

 

‘Nah!’ He’s got plenty of this stuff for his pipe. I’ve just been taking it a little bit at a time is all … plus some from the boys in the bunkhouse too. They’ll never know.’ He put some small papers on the floor next to the tobacco.

 

‘Where’d you get the papers?’ asked Seth as he bent down to examine them.

 

‘Adam’s room,’ said Joe. ‘He’s got plenty.’

 

Seth frowned. ‘He might rat on ya.’

 

Joe shook his head confidently. ‘Nah! He can’t without telling Pa that he smokes as well, can he? He ain’t gonna be telling nobody even if he does notice.’

 

‘Hurry up!’ said Seth impatiently, as Joe began to roll some tobacco up in one of the papers.

 

‘Keep ya shirt on,’ said Joe, his tongue poking out from between his teeth as he concentrated. ‘It’s harder than it looks.’ He licked the end of the paper to hold it. ‘Okay, there it is,’ he said proudly as he held the misshapen cigarette in his hand. ‘Now give me the matches.’ He put the cigarette in his mouth and lit it, drawing a deep breath, before coughing violently.

 

Seth reached over and slapped his friend several times on the back. ‘How is it?’ he asked eagerly.

 

‘Great!’ declared Joe, as another coughing fit overcame him. ‘Try some.’ He drew a few more breaths from the lit cigarette while he watched his friend roll his own. Before too long, both boys were lying back in the hay, blowing smoke up towards the ceiling and giggling.

 

‘This is great, ain’t it?’ said Seth, giving his friend a sideways glance. He was beginning to feel a bit nauseous, but would never have let on to Joe.

 

‘Yeah!’ said Joe, also trying to hide the fact that he was in danger of losing the contents of his stomach. He sat up abruptly as he heard Hoss’ voice down below.

 

‘Hey Joe! Can ya hear me?’ Joe motioned to Seth to be quiet and the two boys put down their cigarettes and scrunched their way over to the trapdoor to look through it. ‘Hey Joe!’ called Hoss again. When he heard no reply, he stomped out of the barn and headed towards the house.

 

Joe grinned at Seth. ‘We’d better get on down there,’ he said. ‘If Hoss is looking for me, then that will mean that Pa …’ He stopped abruptly as Seth grabbed his arm.

 

‘Joe!’ he called.

 

Joe heard the crackling sound even before he had a chance to look over his shoulder and the acrid stench of smoke told him that they were in trouble. ‘The cigarettes!’ he gasped. He scrunched his way back towards the corner and picked up the two small papers on the floor, but it was too late. Already the tinder-dry hay had caught alight and the flames were spreading rapidly as both boys stared at them.

 

‘Quick!’ called Joe. ‘Grab a bag!’ He reached for one of the calico bags that was hanging in the corner and threw one to Seth who was staring open-mouthed at the fire.

 

‘We gotta get some water!’ the boy yelled as Joe began to beat at the flames with the bag.

 

‘No time!’ called back Joe. ‘Quick!’ Both boys sprang to work, beating the flames back with great exuberance. Within minutes they had defeated them and were lying panting on the floor next to each other.

 

‘We should see your face, Cartwright!’ laughed Seth, feeling light-headed and light-hearted now that the danger was over. ‘It’s all black.’

 

‘My whole body is gonna be black with bruises when my Pa sees this,’ said Joe ruefully. ‘He’s gonna kill me!’ He looked around at the blackened wood in the corner of the loft and then his eyes lit up. ‘Hey … I’ve got an idea!’ he said. ‘Help me drag these barrels over in that corner, Seth. If we pile the bags on top of them, it just might hide it.’

 

Both boys got to work and within half an hour had suitably covered the corner with the barrels, bags and considerable pile of hay. Seth stood back and looked at it. ‘Well, it looks all right now,’ he said. ‘But as soon as someone starts moving that stuff, they’ll …’

 

‘Don’t you worry,’ said Joe confidently. ‘I ain’t gonna let no one move that stuff, ever.’

 

 

———-

 

 

Joe grinned to himself. He never had let either his father or his brothers near that spot since. It hadn’t been easy, but volunteering to clean out the loft every time it needed it, was worth it to keep his secret. By the time Pa discovered the scorched wood in the corner Joe figured he’d be too old to receive a tanning for it and with any luck would be able to blame it on one of his brothers if they weren’t around any more.

 

‘What are ya grinning about shortshanks?’ called up Hoss. ‘Didn’t ya hear me call ya?’ Joe looked down and saw Hoss standing with his hands on his hips, glaring up at him. ‘Pay attention, why don’t ya!’ his brother called.

 

‘I’m doing the best that I can!’ declared Joe grumpily. ‘You try being up here in the hot sun for hours!’ He turned to his father. ‘How come Hoss gets the easy job down there, anyways?’ he asked.

 

‘If you think hauling them shingles up to the roof is the easy job then ya can think again!’ declared Hoss from down below. ‘Now hold onto that rope, will ya?’ Joe held onto the rope while his brother pulled from down below and the pulley system that Adam had rigged up began to do its work and yet another pile of shingles began to make its way up to them.

 

‘Besides,’ said Adam, coming to stand beside Joe to steady the weight of the shingles as they reached the roof beside them, ‘If Hoss were to fall from up here he’d likely put a hole in the ground so big that we’d never be able to use the front yard again.’ He grinned down at his large brother who smirked back up at him.

 

‘Very funny!’ called Hoss. ‘You two jest get back ta work and quit joshing me will ya? I’ll get some more shingles.’ He strode into the barn and began to sort through the stack of shingles that had been placed there, finding the best ones for his next load. From his vantage place down here he’d been listening to Joe questioning his father about when the barn had been built and it had made him stop and think. He looked around at the stall that had been emptied of all the animals in case they got hurt while the Cartwrights worked and smiled as he remembered just how many nights he’d spent out here without his father’s knowledge. If Pa had only known ….

 

 

———-

 

 

The boy hit the ground with a loud thud and looked anxiously back over his shoulder at the house. To his relief, no one seemed to have heard him and he glanced back up at the tree branch from which he’d dropped and smiled before heading over to the barn. He hated being dishonest in this way, but really he had no choice if he were going to save those animals. No matter what his Pa said about some critters being more dangerous than others, he wasn’t about to let an animal in distress go without his help if he could help it.

 

Hoss opened the barn door quietly and shut it behind him. He heard the snuffling sound of the horses in their stalls and whispered softly to them to quiet them down. He couldn’t risk Pa hearing them and coming out to see what had disturbed them. ‘Whoa Buck,’ he said softly to his father’s horse, as he patted the animal on the flank. In the next stall, his brother Adam’s horse looked around at him and whinnied. Hoss knew him to be an excitable animal at the best of times and so he’d come prepared. He drew out a carrot from his pocket and gave it to the horse, silencing him immediately. He took a few moments to give his own horse Chubb some attention and then gave his little brother’s small pony a quick glance, before climbing up on the ladder that led to the loft.

 

As he got to the top of the ladder his eyes strained in the darkness and he listened carefully for any movement. Sure enough, he caught a slight sound in the corner and he smiled as he approached a pile of rags that had been placed there. ‘Hello fellar,’ he said softly as he pulled the rags away to reveal a small wolf cub. ‘How are ya, boy?’

 

Lovingly, the boy stroked the small animal until it had settled down again. He smiled down at it as he snuggled down next to it in the hay. ‘It’s all right now fellar,’ he whispered. ‘Ain’t no need ta be lonely now. Hoss is here ta keep ya company.’ He pulled the rags up around the cub again and smiled through the darkness.

 

 

———-

 

 

Hoss jerked as he heard his name being called and looked over his shoulder guiltily to see his brother Adam dusting himself off as he entered the barn. ‘Have you gone deaf?’ said Adam. ‘Pa’s been calling out for you.’

 

‘Huh?’

 

Adam rolled his eyes. ‘Pa?’ he said sarcastically. ‘Your father? Remember?’

 

Hoss gave a small smile. ‘What’s he want?’ he asked.

 

‘You,’ replied Adam. ‘He needs you to help him lift something.’ Adam looked at the shingles. ‘I’ll continue with these until you get back.’ He watched as Hoss left the barn and then bent down to pick up some shingles. He caught sight of his father’s saddle in the corner and smiled to himself as the memories came flooding back.

 

 

———-

 

 

‘Ow! There’s something sticking into my back!’ The blonde girl pouted prettily as she held her hand up and rubbed between her shoulder blades.

 

Adam drew back from her and tried to look concerned as he felt in the space behind her. ‘It’s only a saddle you’re leaning against,’ he said. ‘Stand over here away from it.’ He drew her across the floor and into an empty stall, taking care to keep his hand around her waist as if to steady her, then leant against the wooden side of the stall and smiled at his young companion.

 

‘I suppose we’d better be getting back to the party,’ said Martha, without much conviction in her voice.

 

‘I suppose,’ said Adam. ‘Do you want to?’

 

Martha shook her head. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I’d much rather stay out here with you, Adam.’

 

Adam grinned at her. ‘Me too,’ he said, trying not to show his relief in his voice. He had spent many hours thinking about this moment and now that it was here he didn’t intend for it to slip away too quickly. ‘Do you think … I mean …’ He blushed and was glad that it was dark enough that his companion wouldn’t have been able to see it.

 

‘What?’ asked Martha.

 

‘Well … I was wondering …’ Adam cleared his throat. ‘Have you ever kissed anyone?’

 

Martha shook her head, her ringlets bouncing as she did so. ‘No,’ she said with wide eyes. ‘I don’t think it’s proper to.’

 

Adam cleared his throat again. ‘I see,’ he said mournfully. After all the hours of planning and rehearsing, this wasn’t going quite the way he’d planned it too. In his fifteen year-old imagination, the girl was supposed to eagerly say yes to him straight away and he didn’t quite know what to say now that she hadn’t. ‘Well…’ he said. ‘Maybe we’d better go back inside then. Our folks will be wondering where we are I guess.’

 

‘I guess,’ said Martha, not taking her eyes off him. ‘Um …’ She hesitated.

 

‘Yes?’ Adam tried not to sound too eager.

 

‘I really like you Adam,’ said Martha.

 

‘And I like you too Martha,’ replied Adam, his heart beginning to beat quickly.

 

‘So …’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘I suppose … I mean if you’d like to kiss me … well, I suppose it would be all right.’

 

Adam felt his palms begin to go sweaty and ran them down his trouser legs to dry them. ‘You sure?’ he asked softly.

 

‘Yes.’ Martha closed her eyes and put her head back, pursing her lips while she waited for Adam to make the first move.

 

Adam swallowed and then leant forward quickly, brushing his lips against hers quickly, before stepping back from her. ‘There,’ he said. ‘Did you like it?

 

Martha opened her eyes again and looked at him. ‘I think so,’ she mused. ‘Did you?’

 

‘Yes,’ said Adam, not at all sure. ‘Maybe we’d better try it again though, just to be sure.’

 

‘All right,’ said Martha. She closed her eyes again and tilted her head back a second time, while her lips were pursed. Adam looked at her and closed his own eyes, before locking his lips onto the girls. This time he let them linger for a bit longer and felt an odd sensation as his hands and toes began to tingle. They both remained in that position for a full minute, before Martha drew back and opened her eyes widely. ‘That was much nicer,’ she said with a smile. ‘I think I’m starting to like this kissing.

 

‘So am I,’ said Adam with a grin. ‘I think we should practise it a lot more, don’t you?’

 

‘Yes,’ replied Martha. ‘Definitely.’

 

Adam reached for the girl and drew her close to his side, but just at that moment a voice outside the barn came drifting into them. ‘Adam! Martha! Where are you?’

 

‘That’s my Pa,’ said Martha. ‘We must be going home now.’

 

Adam tried not to look too disappointed. ‘Maybe we can try some place else next time,’ he said as they left the barn together. ‘How about your barn? How big is it?’

 

 

———-

 

 

Adam chuckled to himself as the memory of the skinny fifteen year-old boy came back to him. He never did kiss Martha Phillips again, for within two weeks the family had moved back East, but he sure had made up for it with many other young ladies of his acquaintance. He wondered where Martha was now and decided that she was probably married with a few children. He wondered if she ever thought back to the skinny boy who had given the girl her very first kiss that night.

 

‘Adam?’

 

His father’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. ‘Yeah Pa?’

 

‘We’re having a break now, son. Hop Sing says that lunch is ready and it’s really too hot to be working up there on the roof at the moment.’

 

‘You won’t find me arguing Pa,’ said Adam with a grin and put down the shingles in his hand. ‘I’ll get straight in there before Hoss clears the table of all the food.’

 

Ben chuckled. ‘You do that son,’ he said.

 

Adam hesitated in the doorway. ‘You coming?’ he asked.

 

‘In a moment,’ replied his father. ‘I just want to put these tools away.’ He walked into the tack room and opened the cupboard in the corner, before beginning to put his tools inside it. Suddenly a small jar fell from the shelf and Ben bent down to pick it up, smiling at it sadly as he replaced it again. After a moment’s hesitation he took it off the shelf again and sat down on an upturned barrel before opening the lid and smelling it. Ben closed his eyes and sighed as the whiff of the polish reached his nostrils and the memories came flooding painfully back yet again. Marie had always insisted on using this particular brand of polish for her saddle and other tack and even after all these years he’d found it hard to throw the jar away, even though no one else ever used it. It was a reminder of her and many times over the years he’d found himself sneaking out here just to take a whiff of it. It was silly how the little things brought her back to him so vividly.

 

 

———-

 

 

He put his head in his hands and thought about how nice it was to be able to allow himself the luxury of showing his grief for a change. It was only out here, away from everyone, that he felt he could do so and there were nights when the sheer relief of being able to do indulge in such behaviour made him groan aloud at the thought of it.

 

He hated being like this … but he didn’t know how to stop it. God he missed her so much! His whole body ached for her and his mind … his mind just wouldn’t let go of her. He’d tried … Lord knows he’d tried … for the sake of the boys if nothing else, but she was with him every moment of the day and he ached for her constantly.

 

He knew it wasn’t fair to the boys and the strain of trying to pretend that he was getting on with his life for their sake was wearing on him. Day after day he tried so hard to be the father to them that they so desperately needed at the moment. Day after day he comforted them and helped them to get their lives moving again. Day after day he swallowed his thoughts, as each look at his youngest son took his breath away, with his very likeness to her. And night after night when everyone had gone to bed, he found himself out here.

 

He would never allow himself to break down in front of the boys again. Not since those days after it had first happened and he simply couldn’t help himself. But he’d seen then the look of despair and helplessness on their faces when he had, and at that moment he had vowed that he’d never do that to them again. So every night he came out here and cried himself out …and every morning he steeled himself to face another day without her.

 

This barn had become his refuge from the world and the one safe haven he had where he could show his feelings openly. He knew that it would get better … it had to, for he couldn’t go on like this much longer … and in the meantime he had the solitude of the barn.

 

Ben opened the top of the small jar and smelled the fragrance of her polish once more as the tears began to fall yet again. It was like this every night and tonight was not going to be any different. As his shoulders began to shake and the barn filled with the sound of his quiet sobbing, the horses shuffled and whinnied around him, but the man sitting in the corner didn’t even hear them. His mind was far away with his lost love once again.

 

 

———-

 

 

‘Pa? Ain’t ya gonna have any lunch? Hop Sing’s mighty mad and he sent me out to get ya.’

 

Ben looked up to see Joseph staring at him, anxiously. ‘What? Oh yes son … I’m coming.’

 

‘Are you okay, Pa?’ asked Little Joe with his head on one side. ‘You look kinda funny.’

 

Ben smiled at the youngster, noticing yet again how very like his mother he was. ‘I’m fine son,’ he said. ‘Just memories, that’s all.’

 

‘Memories?’ Joe looked around the tack room in surprise. ‘In here?’

 

Ben nodded and patted the boy on the back. ‘We can find memories anywhere son,’ he said. ‘Don’t you find that sometimes?’

 

‘I guess so,’ acknowledged Joe. ‘Sometimes I remember things that I don’t even know that I knew.’

 

Ben looked at the youngster to see if he were making a joke and then decided that he wasn’t. It was just Joe’s way of saying things at times that was so odd. The boy didn’t mean anything by it … it was just the way things came out of his mouth. Ben had often told his youngest son that his mouth worked quicker than his brain and there were times when he firmly believed that it was so. Joe just seemed to prattle on at times and not even realise what he was saying. It was a habit that had got the boy into a good deal of trouble over the years.

 

‘I’m coming in now son,’ said Ben. ‘Let’s get to that lunch, shall we?’ Father and son put their arms around each other and walked back out into the main part of the barn together. ‘Joseph!’ said Ben as he looked around the barn. ‘Didn’t I tell you yesterday to put all that tack away?’

 

Joe frowned. ‘Well yeah,’ he said and then gave his father one of his charming smiles. ‘But I’ve been so busy helping you with the roof Pa, that I plumb forgot about it, I reckon.’

 

Ben didn’t return the smile, but merely pointed at the pile of equipment in the corner. ‘Get to it young man,’ he ordered. ‘You’ve got ten minutes to get all that stacked away before you get in for any lunch.’

 

‘But Pa ….’

 

‘Now Joseph!’

 

Ben walked out of the barn and Joe scowled after him. ‘Ain’t fair!’ he muttered as he bent down to pick up a saddle. ‘How come its always me who gets ta do everything around here?’ As he worked he thought about how often he’d been in trouble out here and wondered how many times he’d run out here to hide out when he was.

 

 

———-

 

 

The little boy snuffled into the pile of hay and rubbed his nose as it began to drip. It just wasn’t fair! he decided. It hadn’t been his fault, after all … why did everyone have to always blame him when things went wrong? How was he to know that Pa would come up behind him and startle him in that way? It wasn’t as if he’d been doing anything that bad anyway! The boy bit his lip and made a face as he acknowledged that he really had been out of bounds when his father had walked up behind him. After all, Pa had told him that he was never to touch things that didn’t belong to him… especially … Joe shrugged … he’d only wanted to feel how heavy it was, after all.

 

He’d always wondered what it would be like to hold one of them and Pa had never let him, not even when he’d been around to supervise … so what else was Joe supposed to do? How else could he learn to handle guns if he wasn’t allowed to touch them after all? And the rifles in the gun-rack weren’t even loaded … Pa had always told him that … so what was the problem? It seemed to Joe that his father was being very unfair about the whole thing.

 

He rolled over and unconsciously rubbed his sore backside, where the reminder of his father’s answer to his actions was still smarting. He sniffled again at the injustice of it all. Pa really could hurt when he put his mind to it and he seemed to think that Joe’s butt was somewhere he could just pound whenever he felt like it. The little boy conveniently forgot that he’d been warned time and time again not to touch the guns and felt very hard done by as he lay there. He looked over into the next stall and saw his father’s horse Buck looking down at him.

 

‘What are you looking at?’ he said angrily. ‘Leave me alone, why don’t ya?’ The horse snuffled and went back to eating his oats, munching them in a nonchalant fashion. Joe frowned and sat up. ‘Mind ya own business!’ he said to the animal and then looked around at all the other horses. ‘Why don’t ya all mind ya own business!’ he shouted. ‘Ain’t nothing ta do with any of ya!’

 

‘What was that?’ a voice behind him said and the boy turned to see his father standing there.

 

Joe glared at the man. ‘Nuthin,’ he mumbled.

 

Ben frowned at his miscreant young son. ‘Didn’t I tell you to get on with your chores?’

 

‘Yes sir.’

 

‘Then do it.’

 

Joe reluctantly got to his feet and picked up a pitchfork, struggling to maintain his grip on the large tool as he forked some hay out of the stall he’d been lying in. Ben sat down on a barrel and tried not to show his amusement at the angry boy. He watched for several minutes before speaking. ‘I hope you’ve learnt a lesson Joseph,’ he said finally.

 

‘Yes sir,’ said Little Joe, automatically.

 

‘Good. I never want you to touch those guns again without permission. Is that clear?’

 

Little Joe turned on his father. ‘But you never give me permission!’ he declared. ‘How can I wait for it when you never give it?’

 

Ben’s eyebrow lifted as he studied the angry boy. ‘Obviously my recent connection with the seat of your pants wasn’t enough,’ he said mildly. ‘Perhaps you need another reminder of how to talk to me in a decent tone, young man.’

 

Little Joe took a step away from his father and bent his head, while he continued to work. Ben hid another smile and continued. ‘I don’t give you permission to use those guns because of one reason Joseph,’ he said. ‘You are too young to be going anywhere near them. Do I make myself clear?’

 

‘Yes sir.’

 

Ben pointed his finger at the boy. ‘And if you ever go near them again, I will tan you so hard that you won’t bet able to sit down for a week. Understood?’

 

‘Understood.’

 

‘Good. Now finish up in here and then come in for supper. If you’re late, you’ll only make things worse for yourself.’ He strode out of the barn, watched by a still-angry Little Joe.

 

After a moment the boy went back to forking the hay again. ‘What you looking at?’ he said to Buck who was watching him over the stall. ‘I done told done ya to mind your own business anyways!’ He forked the hay, while muttering to himself. ‘I’ll never get to learn how ta use a gun,’ he said in a low voice.

 

 

———-

 

 

‘Pa says if you don’t hurry up and finish and get in there ta eat something, he’s gonna come out here and drag ya in!’ Hoss’ voice behind him made Joe jump in surprise and he turned angrily towards his brother.

 

‘Do ya have ta sneak up on me like that?’ he said. ‘Why don’t ya give a man warning that you’re there!’ he snarled.

 

Hoss leaned against the doorframe and studied his younger brother for a moment. ‘Well I would, if there was any man here,’ he said casually. ‘But seeing as there’s only you, little brother, it don’t seem worth it.’ He chuckled at his own joke and then laughed even louder, when he caught the look on Joe’s face.

 

‘Very funny!’ retorted Joe, as he pushed past his brother. ‘I suppose you’ve left nothing for me anyways.’

 

Hoss picked his teeth and then smacked his lips. ‘I wasn’t gonna,’ he admitted. ‘But Pa made me. Sure was mighty tasty too.’ He watched as his younger brother headed towards the house and then turned back towards the pile and shingles again and sighed. ‘Well, this job sure ain’t gonna get done by itself,’ he murmured and began to stack them again. Hoss worked for several minutes before straightening up again and easing his aching back. He heard the whinny of their latest foal from outside in the corral and grinned as he thought about the cute little thing.

 

Hoss had lost count of the number of times he’d watched a mare give birth out here and there were many times when he’d had to lend a helping hand or two when things got tricky. There was nothing he enjoyed more than working with animals and seeing a new life begin in that way was just about the most satisfying thing that a body could witness. He remembered the first time he’d ever been allowed to watch.

 

 

———-

 

 

Hoss’ eyes bulged as he sat quietly in the corner and watched his father stroke the heaving flank of the mare. ‘Is it time yet Pa?’ he asked, for the tenth time that hour.

 

‘Not yet son,’ replied his father. ‘Soon though. That’s it girl,’ he said soothingly to the mare. ‘You’re doing fine.’

 

‘How come it’s taking so long, Pa?’ asked the boy.

 

‘Sometimes it does,’ said Adam, from his position on the other side of the horse. ‘It’s just the way it is.’ He’d helped his father now a number of times when foals or calves had been born and felt very superior to Hoss, who was obviously quite ignorant of such things.

 

‘Yeah, but why?’ persisted the boy.

 

‘The foal has to be ready to come out,’ said his father. ‘And the mare has to be ready to give birth. Just be patient son and you’ll see what I mean.’

 

Hoss folded his arms over his knees and tried to do as his father bid him, but it sure was hard. He felt as if he’d been out here all day, when in fact it wasn’t more than a couple of hours, but not for anything would he have left to go inside with his stepmother. Even if he was cold and tired he had to stick it out, for it wasn’t every day that he had the chance to see a foal being born and he’d spent the past few weeks begging his father for just the opportunity to be here when it happened. He couldn’t spoil all that now.

 

‘Here we go,’ said Ben suddenly and Hoss’ eyes widened at the sight of the foal emerging from its mother.

 

‘Oh Lordy!’ the boy said excitedly. ‘Look at it Pa! It’s done being born!’

 

‘Sure is,’ said Adam, just as excited all of a sudden. ‘It’s a filly too!’

 

Both boys watched as the creature got up onto its unsteady legs and swayed for a few moments. The mare reached over to it and began to lick it down. ‘Hey, ain’t it clever Pa!’ said Hoss delightedly. ‘It’s already standing up.’

 

Ben sat back on his heels and smiled at the boy. ‘Well?’ he said. ‘I told you that you could name this one. What’s it to be?’

 

Hoss thought for a moment. ‘I think Marie,’ he said. ‘Cause she’s so purty like Ma is.’

 

Adam snorted. ‘You can’t call a horse after Marie!’ he said indignantly.

 

‘Why not?’ asked Hoss, indignantly.

 

Ben tried to hide his amusement. ‘If Hoss wants to call the horse Marie, he may,’ he said. ‘Only I don’t know if your Ma would be too happy about it, son.’

 

Hoss thought again. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘How about Pretty, then?’

 

Ben smiled at him. ‘Pretty, it is,’ he said as he began to pat the small creature. ‘And she is mighty pretty, too.’

 

Adam jumped to his feet. ‘I’m going in to tell Marie the foal’s been born!’ he said. ‘Coming Hoss?’

 

Hoss shook his head as he began to pat the foal. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I’ll stay here for a bit with Pa.’ Now that the birth was over, he didn’t feel at all cold or tired … all he could think about was how wonderful it had all been. ‘Pa?’ he said as Adam ran out of the barn towards the house.

 

‘Yes son?’

 

‘Does … I mean … is that how my new brother or sister is gonna be born too?’

 

Ben looked startled for a moment. ‘Why … well … yes son, it is,’ he said. He waited.

 

Hoss thought for a bit longer. ‘When will it be born?’ he asked.

 

‘I’ve told you before. In a couple of months.’

 

Hoss nodded. ‘Does Ma haveta come out here to the barn when it’s born?’ he asked.

 

Ben smothered a laugh. ‘No son,’ he said. ‘I think we’ll let her stay in the house and have the baby. Don’t you think that’d be a better idea?’

 

Hoss nodded. ‘I guess so,’ he said. ‘Hey Pa?’

 

Ben sighed, dreading what was coming next. ‘Yes son?’

 

‘Can I name the new baby too when it comes?’

 

Ben stood up and pulled his son to his feet. ‘You got to name the foal,’ he said. ‘I think it might be fair to let your Ma and I pick the name for the baby, don’t you?’

 

‘I guess so,’ Hoss acknowledged. ‘Only … can ya make sure it ain’t a girl? I’d like a brother better than a dumb old girl.’

 

‘We’ll do our best son,’ said Ben as he steered the boy towards the door. ‘Come on now … time for bed.’

 

Hoss looked back over his shoulder at the new little foal standing next to its mother. ‘Night Pretty,’ he said softly.

 

 

———-

 

 

‘Is that all you’ve done?’ said a voice behind him and Hoss turned abruptly to see Adam leaning against the doorframe.

 

He frowned. ‘Well at least I’m out here working,’ he replied. ‘Not like some I could mention sitting in there still stuffing their faces with lunch.’

 

Adam grinned. ‘Pa is determined to see that Joe eats something,’ he said. ‘You know what he’s like. Besides, You didn’t leave much brother so they won’t be long.’

 

Hoss returned the grin. ‘Old Hop Sing sure outdone himself today,’ he admitted. ‘That roast beef sure went down a treat!’ He rubbed his stomach with the memory of his delicious lunch. ‘Hey Adam?’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘You been out to see old Pretty lately?’

 

Adam shrugged. ‘Not really,’ he said. ‘I suppose she’s still out in the West Pasture. Why?’

 

Hoss shrugged. ‘No reason,’ he said. ‘I just been thinking about her is all. I think I might go out to pay her a visit.’

 

Adam smiled. ‘Remember that night she was born?’ he said. ‘You wanted to name her after Marie.’ He chuckled.

 

Hoss grinned. ‘Yeah,’ he said. He looked around the barn. I was just thinking about it, funnily enough. We’ve had some real good times in this barn, ain’t we Adam? Remember all the games we used ta play up in the loft?’

 

Adam nodded. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘I remember some not-so-good times out here too though.’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Surely you had a few of Pa’s ‘necessary talks’ out here like I did,’ his brother replied.

 

‘Oh. Yeah, I see what you mean,’ acknowledged Hoss. He scrunched up his face. ‘They weren’t exactly pleasant, was they?’

 

‘No,’ Adam acknowledged. ‘But I do seem to remember our little brother having a few more of them than you and I did.’

 

Hoss chuckled as he picked up a pile of shingles. ‘That’s fer sure,’ he said. ‘Pa sure could make an impression with his hand, couldn’t he?’

 

Adam nodded. ‘With his tongue too,’ he said. ‘You gonna stand there all day with them?’ He watched as Hoss walked outside with his load. ‘Yes sir,’ he said quietly to himself. ‘He sure could make an impression.’

 

 

———-

 

 

‘Get in here!’ Ben motioned with his hand and shut the barn door behind them as Adam reluctantly walked into the barn. He dug his hands deep into his pockets and stared at the wall, reluctant to meet his father’s eyes at all.

 

‘Do you have anything to say for yourself?’ asked his father, as he walked around to face his son.

 

Adam continued to stare at the back wall. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said in a low voice.

 

Ben nodded. ‘You’re sorry,’ he repeated. ‘I should think you might be.’ He began to pace up and down in an agitated fashion and Adam stole a glace at him as he did so. ‘Do you have any idea how worried Marie and I have been about you?’ he said finally. ‘We were up half the night, not knowing where you were!’ He began to wave his arms around in his frustration. ‘And then to be greeted by the sheriff this morning, bringing you home because you weren’t even able to sit on your horse properly!’ He stopped and stared at the miserable youngster in front of him. ‘What on earth got into you, Adam? Why would you do such a thing?’

 

Adam shrugged. ‘I dunno,’ he mumbled.

 

Ben shook his head. ‘You don’t even know!’ he shouted. ‘You spend the entire night in a Saloon drinking and Lord knows what else, and you don’t even know why you did it?’

 

Adam finally looked at his father. ‘Pa, I’m nearly seventeen years old,’ he began. ‘Don’t you think I’m old enough to …’

 

‘No, I do not!’ interrupted his father angrily. ‘That is precisely my point, son! No one is ever old enough to indulge in a whole night of drinking … let alone at seventeen!’

 

Adam glared at his father. ‘Well, what was I supposed to do?’ he demanded. ‘If I’d left, Ross and all the others would have called me …’

 

‘It doesn’t matter what they would have called you!’ interrupted his father. ‘I thought I’d brought you up to know right from wrong, son.’

 

Adam hung his head as he began to feel dizzy. He wished his father would get it over with so that he could go on up to bed. He didn’t think that he’d be able to stay on his feet much longer. His Pa was right … it had been a stupid thing to do … but he’d done it and all he wanted now was to go to sleep. He looked up at his father mournfully. ‘I said I was sorry,’ he muttered.

 

But Ben obviously wasn’t finished. ‘And what kind of example is this for your brothers?’ he asked as he began to pace again. ‘Hoss worships you … do you really want him thinking that what you’ve done is something that he can try when he’s older?’

 

‘No sir.’

 

‘And Joseph …’

 

‘Adam frowned. ‘He wouldn’t know what I’ve done,’ he muttered. ‘He’s too young.’

 

Ben stopped and pointed his finger at the boy. ‘Don’t you be too sure of that,’ he said. ‘He asked me this morning why you didn’t sleep in your bed last night. That boy knows more than you think.’

 

Adam felt himself beginning to sway on his feet. ‘Can I go now Pa?’ he said. ‘I don’t feel well.’

 

Ben glared at him. ‘And you’re going to feel a whole lot worse before this day is over,’ he said angrily. ‘I take it you don’t want any breakfast?’ Adam shook his head violently.   The very thought of eating anything was enough to make him consider throwing up. ‘Well then, you’ve got work to do,’ said his father.

 

Adam gave the man an appalled look. ‘But …’ he said feebly. ‘But I haven’t had any sleep yet Pa and I don’t feel too good.’

 

Ben put his hands on his hips. ‘And whose fault is that?’ he demanded. ‘This will be a good lesson for you son. The work around here just doesn’t stop because you decide that you need a day in bed, you know. If you decide to stay out all night that’s your problem, but you will put in a normal day’s work here regardless. Perhaps that might just teach you a lesson.’ He turned to go. ‘You can start by cleaning out those stalls … and be thankful that I’ve decided not to put you over my knee just like a child. I should … you’ve behaved like one!’ He strode out of the barn, leaving Adam staring after him.

 

After a minute or two, Adam reluctantly picked up a pitchfork and walked slowly over to the stall in the corner. As he began his work, a nauseous feeling suddenly came over him and he bent over double to vomit violently in the corner. ‘Great!’ he said out loud, as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve. ‘Now I have to clean that up too!’

 

 

———-

 

 

Adam was startled out of his thoughts by his father’s voice yelling outside. ‘Get down from there Joseph!’ Ben shouted. Adam shook his head and walked out to see what was going on. His Pa and Hoss were standing looking up at the barn roof while Little Joe was dangling from the top of the pulley and holding onto the rope. ‘Stop fooling around young man, or you’ll feel the back of my hand!’ shouted his father. ‘Get down from there immediately!’

 

Adam tried not to laugh as Little Joe slid down easily on the rope and landed with a thud at his father’s feet. ‘It weren’t my fault Pa!’ he said indignantly as he pointed at Hoss. ‘He done it!’

 

Hoss gave his father an innocent look. ‘I done nothing of the kind Pa!’ he said. ‘It ain’t my fault if this young’un don’t know by now how to work that thing.’

 

‘Why you ….’ Joe reached over to swipe his brother on the head, but Hoss took a step back from him just in time. Unfortunately, he landed heavily on his father’s foot as he did so.

 

‘Oh … sorry Pa,’ he said, automatically.

 

Ben reached down to rub his foot, his anger showing clearly on his face. ‘Would you both just get back to work?’ he said in a frustrated tone. ‘And what are you grinning at?’ he asked testily, as he spied Adam leaning against the doorframe watching them.

 

‘Nothing Pa,’ said Adam, straightening up and moving over to join them.

 

‘Well, get back to work then,’ said his father tersely. ‘We’ll never get this barn roof finished!’

 

Adam winked at Hoss and Joe before going over to the ladder and beginning to climb up it again. From below him, he heard Hoss give a yell and his father shout again. ‘Joseph!’ Little Joe scrambled up the ladder behind Adam and sat down next to him on the roof, while poking out his tongue at Hoss down below.

 

‘You heard Pa,’ said Adam as he picked up a hammer. ‘Get back to work, why don’t you?’

 

Joe made a face at his eldest brother and picked up a hammer reluctantly. ‘I don’t suppose you’d like to do this side by yourself, would you?’ he asked and then jumped as his father’s head appeared over the side of the building.

 

‘What was that, young man?’ asked Ben sternly. ‘Are you asking your brother to do your work for you?’

 

Joe put on one of his most innocent looks. ‘Oh no, Pa,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t do that. I’m just going to get those nails for Adam from over there.’ He scrunched over to the other side of the roof.

 

Ben met Adam’s eye and gave him a wink, and Adam smiled back at his father. ‘We’d better get a move on,’ said Ben as he glanced up at the sky. ‘It looks like it’s going to rain and we’ve still got quite a bit to go with this roof.’ He picked up a hammer and began to work alongside his son.

 

Adam listened to the rhythm of their hammering for a while before he spoke. ‘It’s nice of you to let me up here on the roof with you this time,’ he said with a twinkle in his eye. ‘Last time I had to stay down there and mind Hoss, remember?’

 

‘Yes, I do,’ said Ben. He glanced down at the large man standing at the foot of the barn. ‘But I think he can look after himself this time son. He’s grown up a mite.’

 

‘That he has,’ chuckled Adam. He glanced over to where Joe was throwing nails down onto his brother’s head, much to Hoss’ anger. ‘One day maybe that one will too.’

 

Ben shook his head. ‘Maybe,’ he acknowledged. ‘But I doubt it … Joseph!’

 

The End