Summary: Seventeen-old-Joe Cartwright has planned to prove himself a man to the citizens of Virginia City by entering a fast draw competition on Founder’sDayy. But everything goes wrong and Joe is left publically thrashed and disgraced, when he find an unexpected friend in eleven-year-old Lilly.

A story about pride and prestige, fear and loss, but even more about the thing that makes us truly strong and happy – family love.

This is my 2015 BoNaNo submission and my first fanfic.

Rating: K+ (15,779 words)

 

 

                                                                                 Lilly the Kid

“Pa.”

John Coleman looked up from the paper he was reading. His eyes were tired, but warm. If it had been a few years earlier, he would have smiled at the sight of his daughter. Lilly was a headstrong but shy eleven-year-old, with big blue eyes and a face that still had a child’s roundness, despite her scrawny constitution. With strained movements, she placed two buckets of water in their usual place before turning back to close the door. John eyed his daughter. The wind outside had ruffled her wavy brown hair, and Lilly’s unruly strands looked more like a bird’s nest than a proper haircut.

Her inner strength shone through despite the weakness of her thin body. A child, his daughter. A spitting image of the woman he had been more devoted to than life itself. The woman he had adored and worshiped, but lost.

He loved his daughter. She was his only reason for living. Had it not been for Lilly, he would have thrown in the towel long ago. Life was hard, but the girl made the struggle worthwhile. Everything he did, he did for her and only for her. The good Lord knew it wasn’t easy, but he did what he had to in order for her to survive without a mother to guide her, and have a future.

“What’re they doin’ in town?” Lilly asked her father. “All the shop keepers are putting up these red, blue and white striped bunting?”

“They’re decorating for Founder’s Day,” her Pa answered. “I thought you knew that.”

“I did…” Lilly’s head dropped as she felt her cheeks burning in embarrassment. “I just thought…”

“You thought I could take you there?” Her father was not surprised, or angry, only incredibly sad. Lilly knew how much he wanted to take her into town for Founder’s day. Just as well as she understood it wasn’t possible. There was too much work to be done at the farm. Founder’s day or not, Pa’s main concern was making it through the winter.

“I know it seems unfair,” he said.

“Mr. Cartwright offered to help us!” The words came out before Lilly could stop them.

“Yes, he did. But a man is not a man unless he can pull his own weight! You’ll never catch me taking a handout. I don’t want another man providing for my family.” He paused and looked his young daughter straight in the eyes. “You know that’s how I see it, girl.”

“That’s the way I see it too, Pa. I just…” Lilly winced. Her eyes dropped from her father and down at the kitchen table.

A reluctant smile, rather rusty from long disuse, mellowed John Coleman’s grim expression. Lilly didn’t have to finish her sentence, she knew what that smile meant.

*

“I don’t like it, Joseph. I just don’t like it!”

Ben Cartwright’s frustration grew as he watched his 17-year-old son pace back and forth in front of the fireplace. His anger fumed like smoke created by wood that hadn’t dried properly before being chopped.

“Look Pa, I know what you said about showing off with a gun. But it’s just a game! It’s a contest! And you know I want that first prize, Pa! I—”

“It’s a competition involving a deadly weapon, son. And that’s not the kind of destructive force that built Virginia City. Founder’s day should focus on family and the unit that ties the citizens together. That’s what makes us strong. Family is the very cornerstone of society.”

“Pa, I need to do this! I know you would like to see me taking part in the three-legged race and the relay race, but I’m a big boy now! And I’ve got people counting on me! Don’t you understand? I am not a child anymore, but people are still looking at me as one! You should have heard Jeff Macaulay when I signed up for this! He called me ‘a little boy wanting to play with real men’ and was against havin’ me participate at all! What do you think he and all the others would say if I declared I was bailing? They would have the field day of their lives, Pa!”

“Son, I—” Ben was interrupted by his youngest son.

“Any weapon can be deadly in the wrong hands, Pa. There’s a wood chopping contest today too. Don’t you think banning axes would be going a little too far? Well, a gun is no different! It’s not like I’m bounty hunting!”

Ben smashed his clenched fist on the desk and inhaled before giving his youngest son a lecture on responsibility. He wanted the boy to be more conscientious rather than ask questions about wood chopping or giving him the courtesy of letting him speak without interruption. Additionally, signing up for fast-drawing or sharp-shooting competitions on a day like Founder’s day just wasn’t proper.  In that order. But no harsh words came. Instead a peculiar and very loud sound made its way through his throat. Joe looked at his father with astonishment and awe as he saw him sink back down in the chair, laughing hysterically.

“Founder’s day… Thank God for the peaceful and family oriented side of Virginia City… Hard work and prosperity… And wood chopping!”

The sudden movement made a lonely pen roll off the pile of papers in front of Ben. It landed on the floor and Joe looked at it. As if the pen could give an explanation to his father’s irrational behavior. Ben Cartwright cleared his throat and looked at his son with eyes filled with love as well as tears from the laughing.

“I wouldn’t want to be ‘Wanted – dead or alive’ if I knew you were hunting me down armed with soaked wood, Little Joe. I would consider a gun much less deadly.”

“I wouldn’t count on it Pa,” Joe said. He smiled as he continued:

“I can draw that pistol pretty fast, you know.”

“I know you can. Go ahead, son. Go ahead and show them!”

*

The wind blew fresh in her face, causing her long brown hair to bounce and dance behind her. Lilly felt the warmth of the horse and every muscle in the mare’s body work under her. Happy to see something different from the fields around the farm, the animal was in good spirit. The smell of horse blended with a sweet scent of pine trees. Lilly breathed deeply and was filled with an intense feeling of happiness. This is what living should be like, she mused. The future lay open before her like an unpainted watercolor. She could choose how she wanted to continue with the picture.  She’d make it warm and rich, light and bright. Here was her chance to make a difference. To make up for her mistake, make Pa proud of her. Proud and happy.

“Hey, Little Joe! Today is the big day, huh?” Mitch Devlin met him with a sunny smile and a pat on the shoulder as Joe dismounted Cochise and with quick movements hitched him beside a sorrel mare he didn’t recognize.

“Today is the big day!” he confirmed. “For you AND for me! Have you got any bets on that arm wrestling competition?”

“You bet there’re bets! You’re looking at the new champion here! I just hope I’ll get time to see you take home that gold watch. I never knew why you get to win such a prize when I don’t.”

“Well, I guess we both could use one,” Joe joked. “Seems like one of us always has to wait for the other. How long have you been standing here?”

“Long enough for Steve and Seth to go for a beer. Come on, champ! They’re waiting for us at the Silver Dollar!”

*

“Look kid, ‘ya gotta move. This here is a line for the fast drawin’ competition. There’s still some men that want to enroll here!”

“I know that, sir. And I’m tellin’ ya’ I wanna enroll too! I got—” Lilly started.

“… I ain’t gonna say it again, kid! I don’t give a rotten damn what ya’ got or want! Now I’m telling ya’ to scat and I suggest you do just that before I have to lift ya’ by the hair! This ain’t no place for a little gal! Now GET!”

The big burly man banged his open hand in the table, just inches from Lilly’s nose. She flinched. She heard men behind her laughing and, like on cue, she realized they were laughing at her. Tears of anger and desperation filled her eyes, and Lilly blinked rapidly to remove them before anybody noticed her humiliation. . She felt a big hand coming from behind. Startled, she turned around and met his eyes. They were dark and cold, a sharp contrast to the grin under his beard.

“I think you made the little gal cry, Frank!” he exclaimed with amusement. More laughter. The whole dang town seemed to be looking at her and laughing at her misery! She was the center of attention, but not at all in the pleasant way she had imagined and expected.

“Now, you little—”

” Leave her alone!” A younger voice interrupted, but the damage was done. Lilly was scared now, and her lower lip trembled uncontrollably, despite her attempts to keep it stiff and still. The muscles in her face didn’t obey her at all anymore.

“What did you say?”

“I said leave her alone, Jeff! Pick on somebody your own size!”

“Well, Little Joe Cartwright! Defending your new gal?” The laughter broke out like a giant locomotive. Lilly didn’t listen any more. But the way the words were said hurt her more than anything had ever hurt her before in her life, except…

The last ounce of her self control shattered, she felt herself stumbling into the man with the beard, she heard a nightmarish, unconscious cry erupt from somewhere inside her. Through foggy eyes, she saw her own clenched fist draw the punch of her life. It jammed the big beard right in the voluminous stomach. He gasped as she left the battleground with feet moved by themselves. She didn’t look back.

*

Sara heard a commotion at the table where Frank Sanders enlisted the last of Joe’s opponents in the competition. She had joined her childhood friends, Seth Pruitt, Mitch Devlin and Little Joe Cartwright for a friendly chat before the contest. Feeling as cheery as the little tomboy she once was, Sara’s laughter at the joke about Steve having to go home early was an act upon jealousy, was unexpectedly cut short.

“What in the world are they doing to that poor kid over there?”

When Joe saw the group of unsympathetic men hounding a little girl, he couldn’t believe his eyes! The child looked terrified, and the big jackass, Jeff Macaulay was treating the kid with the same disrespect he had treated Joe just days earlier. When he had argued that Joe was too young to compete, just a boy. Macaulay knew what buttons to push, but this time he had gone too far.

“Leave her alone!” Joe exclaimed as he approached the older man.

“What did you say?”

“I said leave her alone, Jeff! Pick on somebody your own size!”

“Well, Little Joe Cartwright! Defending your new gal?” The brawling laughter that followed would have been enough for Joe to stop thinking and let his fists do the rest. But the comment about a little kid, no more than maybe ten or eleven years old being “his gal” – made his whole body boil over with anger. He took two steps forward… just to see the big Mr. Macaulay receive an impressive right hook straight in the solar plexus. It was the little girl who had made it, and a second later she took off like a wild horse! Joe was baffled, just like everybody else. Jeff Macaulay’s astonishment however, was soon exchanged in fury. He looked around for the girl, and when he couldn’t see her, he turned towards Joe. Macaulay glared at the seventeen year old with such undisguised derision and ill-will that Joe had to take a deep breath before he spoke.

“I didn’t think even you could sink that low, Jeff!”

“Now you watch that mouth of yours, boy!” The older man moved a step closer to Joe and clenched his fists. There was a ripple around him, as if several other men were following his example.

*

She jumped over a porch balustrade, landing behind some barrels. The sounds coming from her were plaintive, drawn-out, monotonous howls. Rocking back and forth, back and forth, tears streamed down her cheeks, and she didn’t bother wiping them away. “… I ain’t gonna say it again, kid!” How could the word “kid” be so hurtful? “This ain’t no place for a little gal!” Because it was degrading her to nothing. In their eyes, she wasn’t worth more than the dirt under their boots. She was just a little girl. A kid. A no-good, shiftless piece of trash. “I think you made the little gal cry, Frank!” “… I ain’t gonna say it again, kid!”

She sat there until the crying subsided.

I can’t do it. I can’t let this go. This was my chance to prove something, to show them all I’m not just a kid! It was so much more than just a competition! My chance to make Pa proud of me! This was my chance to give him the money so we won’t be hurting for food no more. My chance to make everybody see what the Colemans are made of! And this was a promise. A promise to Ma. I’ve let her down a second time. Oh God, what have I done?! It’s the second time I failed Ma!

*

His hands were in perfect condition. Nice and dry, not too cold. Joe reached for the Colt on his left hip, let the butt slide into his palm and drew it out of the holster with a quick spin. It wasn’t loaded, of course not! Even that idiot Jeff Macaulay knew better than to spin a gun without first making sure all the chambers were empty. But that was well-nigh the only thing he knew. Joe scoffed as he thought about the old man’s attempt to spin his gun! He didn’t show more proficiency than to use his whole arm, instead of merely the hand! And that tinhorn had the nerve to call Joe Cartwright “a boy”!

It was his turn. Joe fastened his gun belt and snapped open his Colt.45. He loaded the caps slowly, listening to the click of each bullet as it settled in the chamber.

Soon… In only a few seconds, he would show them! The targets were strategically placed in different directions, but not in a way that would compromise the security.

“Ready?”

He felt the heaviness of the gun – now loaded – in place in its holster. His hand ready to grab the butt, his left thumb barely touching the hammer. Joe smiled and nodded affirmatively. Sure he was ready!

“Get set!”

Every muscle was in control. He focused, knew exactly how he’d hit all five targets in the blink of an eye.

“GO!”

It happened so quickly it was hard to decide the amount of shots, just by listening to the sound of them. A split second, and all the bottles exploded as the bullets hit them in swift succession. It was by far the fastest draw anybody of the huge group of spectators had seen, and they were all breathlessly entranced. The only one that didn’t feel the exhilaration was Joe. He was confused, more than anything. What just happened? He didn’t recall pulling the trigger. And there was no smoke or smell of gunpowder around his Colt. With trembling fingers Joe placed the hammer in a half-cocked position and checked the cylinder. All the cartridges were still intact.

*

Why had she done it? Lilly didn’t know. Maybe because she could. She knew this younger man was about to win, she had seen him swing his gun before the competition. And she wouldn’t have had any hard feelings if it weren’t for the fact that she was excluded. If he had won over her… then it would have been different. He was worthy of the first prize. This young man was the only contestant she couldn’t despise. But this wasn’t a competition solely about money for Lilly. The value of a gold watch would offer much needed help to her father. More than the monetary revenue, however, it was about the promise she had made to her Ma… and to herself. Her chance to make her Pa proud of her, and by being proud of Lilly – he would have pride in himself again too, as a man, a father and a Coleman. Pa deserved that! But Lilly had failed her family, failed herself. So, what reason was there to listen to a heart that those men had shattered?

She looked up at the sky and sighed. The weather had changed. Rain was hanging in the air just above the treetops, and the wind was cold. She turned up her collar and walked towards town to ride home before Pa started worrying.

Their voices came back, repeated themselves again and again in her head, without mercy. “I ain’t gonna say it again, kid!” She succumbed to the haunting words. “I said leave her alone, Jeff! Pick on somebody your own size!” The range of emotions struggled to gain the upper hand.“Well, Little Joe Cartwright! Defending your new gal?”

Something short-circuited in Lilly’s head. Cartwright… “Little Joe Cartwright”? Was that…? No, it couldn’t be. Joe Cartwright? Mr. Ben Cartwright’s son…?

  Dear God in Heaven! What have I done?!

*

“So that’s your secret, boy? Havin’ a double doin’ the shootin’ for ya’?”

“That’s not true! I’ve never…!”

The big man moved in closer, spittle flew from his mouth.

“A fine Cartwright like yourself ought to be able to face the truth. You’re cheating, boy! You thought you’d get away with it, but you ain’t one to outsmart us here!”

“Ya’ ought to know we ain’t takin’ too amiably to cheaters.” Joe turned around and faced the big Jeremiah Glover, who glared with hostile eyes. “I know what you’re thinking, that it’s okay to break the rules just because your father can bail you out of any trouble. Not this time, boy! Cartwright or not, it ain’t gonna work this time!”

Joe stared back at Glover, the broad-shouldered man was towering over him. The dark eyes expressed pure hate, his face twisted with fury and contempt. Rage struck Joe like a bolt of white lightning.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Joe said. “Don’t blame me of being a sore loser just because you are one yourself! And leave my last name and my family out of this!”

From the corner of his eye, Joe saw Macaulay draw his fingers together into a tight fist and swing. Instinctively ducking, he managed to dodge the intended strike, but it made him lose focus.

With unexpected quickness, Glover came up from behind. He charged, and delivered a forceful punch. Joe slammed hard to the ground, knocking the wind out of his lungs. Glover grabbed his shirt and pulled Joe to his knees before giving him an uppercut worthy of a boxing champion. Joe tried to get up, but another pair of strong arms grabbed hold of his shoulders and jerked him back down.

“This is how we handle cheaters!” Jeff Macaulay’s voice. More punches, a hard kick in the ribs… and then a gunshot.

This is it; this is what it’s like to die. His head hit the ground, his consciousness jolted. Terror vanished with the pain. The stillness claiming his thoughts were calm and clear. His stomach pressed against the ground, dirt and gravel scraped against his hair and cheek. What is all this? How did this happen? I didn’t cheat, I didn’t! It wasn’t my doing…

*

Lilly paused on her way back to the secluded area where she had sworn never to set her foot again. There was an uproar back at the shooting range. A fight. A group of men was whacking someone on the ground. Lilly squinted and recognized “The Beard”. He kicked the defenseless person on the ground with full force. It was a young man. She couldn’t see his face, but the clothes… She recognized his clothes!

Everything went white. Lilly ran, raced towards the group of frantic adults. She fell, got up, stumbled over her own feet and fell flat on her face. She got up again, her legs hitting the ground like drumsticks. Oh God, please God, no, no, no! Would today be the second time she’d got a person killed right before her eyes? First Ma, now Joe Cartwright? Because of her. Her fault. She was doing it again. I’m killing somebody again! No, her next thought was. Not Joe Cartwright! I ain’t gonna let him die! I won’t let him! She disregarded how familiar that thought sounded in her head.

“Stop it! You’re gonna kill ‘im! STOP!” She ran and she screamed. But she wasn’t the only one shouting, and no one noticed an eleven year old girl in all the chaos. She bumped into people. Got somebody’s elbow right in the nose, but didn’t feel the unpleasant crunch or the excruciating pain that followed.

“STOP IT! STOP, YOU’RE KILLIN’ ‘IM!” Still no response. Lilly saw Joe lying on the dirty ground, helpless, unconscious or maybe worse. Just like Ma all those years ago. Brown curls soaked in sticky blood, his body slumped on the gravel face down. She saw one of the men grabbing his light blue jacket, raising his clenched fist and aiming for another strike.

Lilly did the only thing she could think of. She drew her gun, cocked it and pointed it upwards before pulling the trigger, firing the remaining bullet.

*

Suddenly Joe felt the wind again. It was tugging at him, hurting him. The sounds returned and his side ached. He became aware of the cold and the damp that penetrated his pants and jacket. He had only fallen, not been shot. His mind went blank again. There were no thoughts.

*

It was like everything stopped, like the whole world had frozen in time the instant her shot went off. But Lilly’s world was spinning. Joe Cartwright’s seemingly lifeless body lay just a few feet in front of her, but Lilly’s memory flashed up pictures of another person knocked to the ground. She saw Ma lying there. Her mother had fallen trying to get Lilly away from a cliff. The stone hit her head as she landed. Once again Lilly saw in her slow-motion vision how it smashed Ma’s skull bone, cracked it like an eggshell. She had still been alive when Lilly reached her, trying to talk, trying to breathe. And Lilly had made her promise. “You’re not gonna die, Ma. I promise. You’re not gonna die, ’cause I won’t let ‘ya!”

The world slowed down and stopped, the ground stopped tilting and Lilly could hear herself panting. She looked up cautiously, realized that this still was Joe Cartwright lying there before her. It wasn’t Ma. It didn’t have to be like the last time!

Two seconds later she was kneeling by his side. His eyes were closed, but he was breathing regularly.

“Joe…” she whispered.”Joe Cartwright… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, this is all my fault!”

She hesitated before touching him. She didn’t want to hurt him more, didn’t want to break his body and kill him. But after gently placing a hand on his shoulder, she began shaking him, screaming for help.

“Help me! Save him! Please, somebody… Joe, wake up! You gotta wake up! You gotta live, you got to! Please God, you took my Ma, don’t take Joe Cartwright! He didn’t do nothing! Wake up! Please! HELP ME! HEEELP!”

*

It felt like forever before a man came up beside her and ushered her aside to turn Joe around for a better look. She recognized him. This was Ben Cartwright, no doubt about that. He had come by to visit her Pa many times, and he had always had kind words for Lilly. Ben took a quick look at his youngest son and exclaimed:

“Get Dr. Martin! Tell him Little Joe is badly beaten and I’m coming in with him to his office!”

“Seth and Mitch just went for him!” a young woman replied.

“Good. Thank you, Sara. Now can anybody tell me what in tarnation happened here?!”

“It was a fight.”The Beard glared down at the men on the ground and Ben stared back. Hell’s bells old man, don’t you think Mr. Cartwright understands that?

“That’s obvious, Jeff. I want to know why he was in a fight and with whom!”

“He was cheatin’!”

“Yeah, he rigged the game to win, but we caught ‘im!”

“So you beat him half to death?” Ben snapped.

“It didn’t happen like that. He started it! Jeremiah here was just sayin’ to ‘im that we can’t accept the boy cheatin’ like that. He had a double hidin’ somewhere in the crowd and doin’ the shootin’ for ‘im. And the boy started wavin’ and wallopin’ Jeremiah like he’d got the Devil in ‘im!” The Beard explained. “He kept goin’ and wouldn’t stop!”

The other attacker nodded.

“That’s how it happened. Jeff here tried to take ‘im by the arms to calm him down, but he wouldn’t stop fightin’. It was self defense, that’s what it was!”

“That’s not true,” the young woman named Sara retorted. “We saw what happened, and you Mr. Macaulay will face sheriff Coffee with this. The same goes for you, Mr. Glover. Beating up a man like that is crossing the law!”

“Now see here—”

“…no, you see here mister!” Sara interrupted. “You better keep your nose clean from now on!”

The argument was interrupted when a young man came running and informed Ben that the doctor was on his way to his office.

“He wondered if we could get Joe there by ourselves. Can we lift him?”

“I think so, Mitch,” Ben said. “Thank you.” With a piercing glare at the two oppressors, he carefully lifted his son from the ground and carried him like a fragile newborn towards Dr. Paul Martin’s office, accompanied by Mitch, Seth and Sara, and a bloody and dirty eleven year old girl named Lilly.

*

Unsure where he was, Joe woke with a dull ache in his head. His heart thumped like a sledgehammer, making him break out in a sweat. His clothes stuck unpleasantly to the body, and there was a nasty whistling sound in his left ear. He made an effort to sit up, but a sharp, overwhelming pain in his side made him fall back in the bed with a groan.

“He’s coming to.” Joe recognized the voice of Dr. Martin.

“We are all here, son.”

“Pa…” Joe’s voice was faint, almost whispering.

“How are you feeling?”

Joe opened his eyes and saw the silhouette of his oldest brother stand beside him. He blinked to focus.

“Like a broken punching bag…”

“Dadburn it little brother, one can’t leave ‘ya by yourself for a second without ‘ya gettin’ into trouble!”

“I know, Hoss. Maybe you should’ve kept an eye on me.” Joe tried to smile at his own lame joke, but his stiff and swollen face wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, he felt tears burning in his eyes. He gave up, slumping back onto the pillows, he let them come.

*

Joe’s friends had dropped off as soon as Paul Martin had notified them about the young man’s medical condition. He had received some nasty blows to the head and body. The youngest Cartwright had a concussion and bruised ribs, as well as cuts and bruises. But he would fully recover and Dr. Martin had not found any signs of internal bleeding when he examined the patient. Right now he was resting and not in shape to have visitors. Dr. Martin didn’t tell them that Joe Cartwright had broken down in tears as a mental reaction to the trauma. He considered that a privilege within the doctor-patient confidentiality oath in this case. The boy was seventeen years old, some things could be sensitive for such a young man, and for his friends to know about emotional outbursts was one of them.

The little kid however, was a different kettle of fish. She looked almost as smashed up as Little Joe in the face and had severe scrape wounds on her knees and palms. A chip of her tooth lay somewhere on the streets of Virginia City. At least it was knocked out and missing. On top of it, the girl had a broken nose, and no parent in sight. She had hysterically explained that her Pa was John Coleman, but she couldn’t ride home just yet – she had to know if Little Joe Cartwright would survive first. Finally, Adam Cartwright had taken upon himself to ride out to the Coleman’s farm and get the father. The child needed medical attention and there was no use in taking her home for treatment, not with another patient to care for at the office. And her idea of riding home all by herself in her condition… Paul Martin had declared that that was out of the question.

He sighed. Right now he had two equally bull-headed patients stuck in the same room. Oh, Lordy. And Mrs. Foster complained about the trouble expecting twins. She didn’t know the true meaning of the expression “double trouble.”

*

Awakened from a deep and dreamless sleep, Joe could not identify the kid who shared the room. He wasn’t sure how he felt about company. He had been publicly disgraced and thrashed. The whole town, thought of him as a fraud, a cheat, and he had no idea who could have done that to him! Joe sighed, his right hand over his eyes, feeling the dead weight in his chest pounding, making it hard to breathe. But if… no, when he found out – he would let that lowlife skunk have it! He would not let this go, he would find out who that mysterious shooter was one way or another! And when he did, the scumbag was going to have to pay for what he had done.  There was a future, tomorrow was a new day, and there would be others after that. If only he allowed there to be.

If you sit by the river long enough, you will see the bodies of your enemies float by.

He let out a sob, smiling at the ancient proverb Adam once had quoted.

*

Lilly lay still with closed eyes. Her roommate was asleep, probably a result of the beating. It was her fault he was here and not at home on the Ponderosa, celebrating with his family. There was no use denying it, it was the simple truth. It was her fault those big men had attacked him. And he had no idea that he right now lay merely a few feet away from the most despicable excuse for a human being in Hero Township. I stabbed you in the back, Joe. I didn’t mean to, but I did. I did…

“I’m so, so sorry…” she whispered.

He moved. Oh, dear Lord – had he heard her? She focused on laying still and closed her eyes, to make it look like she was asleep. He sighed. Lilly recognized that kind of sigh. Pa used to inhale like that. A heavy breath full of sadness and hopelessness. Like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. And they both did. Both her Pa and Joe Cartwright carried a weight she had put upon them.

Did Pa know that Lilly had killed Ma? She didn’t know. They never talked about that horrible day. However, she knew that Joe Cartwright was oblivious to her guilt today. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair.

Paralyzed by remorse, Lilly tried to get a grip on reality again. She took hold of the edge of the bed and squeezed it hard.

I have to tell him the truth. He has to know whom to hate for the rest of his life. I have to tell him… And gradually it eased, the pressure on her lungs grew lighter, the cramp in her hands stopped, her fingers ached.

Lilly heard him let out a quiet sob. Later. I’ll tell him later… Her already swollen nose grew thicker. Tears filled her eyes and spilled over.

*

The little girl looked terrible, Joe thought. Her face was swollen and discolored in different shades of purple and blue. He hadn’t looked at himself in the mirror, but assumed he didn’t look much better. It was frightening to know that people could let that happen to a little kid without stopping it though. Seeing her shattered face made him feel a sense of guilt. Not that he could have predicted that any of this would happen, but still… Joe had been told that the girl had stopped the fight from going any further. She had done what no other bystanders had thought of – pulled up a gun and fired. And she had been the first one to rush to his side after the psychotic frenzy was disrupted, crying and pleading for help until Pa appeared.

He glanced at the girl again. She appeared fast asleep, but Joe could see tears slipping through closed eyelids and down on the pillow.

“Kid?” he whispered. “Kid, are you awake?”

She slowly turned her head towards him and looked up. Her eyes were red from crying.

“Are you okay? How are you feelin’?”

“That’s funny,” Joe replied. “I was gonna ask you the same question.”

She shrugged.

“I’m fine and dandy.”

“Right,” Joe smiled. “So am I. That’s why we’re layin’ here, ain’t it?”

“I guess…” The girl broke eye contact.

“I know everything about ‘being fine and dandy’. I’m always in excellent health when Paul Martin is asking. But between you and me, I’m a little sore right now.”

Their eyes met again, but she didn’t return his smile. He leaned back on his pillow to go back to sleep.

“Joe?” Her voice was anxious.

“Yeah?”

“I’m so sorry about this happenin’ to ‘ya. I—”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault. But I heard you were quite the hero out there. Guess I should be thanking you, kid!”

“If you only knew…” was the barely audible reply.

“What?”

She looked up at him with scared eyes.

“Nothing!” she said with loud voice. “… I mean, there’s no need to thank me. I didn’t do much…” Joe was just about to respond to that when she interrupted him:

“…Much helpin’! I didn’t do much helpin’ ‘ya!” she added like that made all the difference in the world.

“Well, I heard you did way more than anybody else out there. I’m sorry you got hurt doin’ it though. How’s that nose of yours?”

“Fine.”

“‘Fine’, yeah, of course it is. And dandy.” He smiled, and for the first time she smiled back at him.

“Maybe it’s hurtin’ just a little. But don’t ‘ya go tellin’ the doctor I said that.”

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me, kid. What’s your name by the way? I can’t keep calling you ‘kid’ forever, now can I?”

“Lilly.”

“Lilly… Lilly what? ‘Lilly the Kid’?”

She burst out laughing, and Joe felt his heart soften for this new little roommate of his.

“Not exactly,” she said. “Coleman. My name is Lilly Coleman. But you can call me ‘Lilly the Kid’ if ya’ want to. I kind of like it!”

*

Lilly the Kid. That nickname suited her, Joe thought. There was something special about her. She had something, a spark embedded in her eyes. Something strong, yet sensitive. Something wise, yet childlike. “Childlike,” he thought. She was a child. Her way of thinking only with her heart, that was a curse as well as a blessing. Driven by a force that would make her get by anything, but to the prize of enormous pain and lots of roadblocks to stumble over. Her actions today said quite a lot about her character. Without hesitation, she had thrown herself in a situation that had left her seriously injured, exclusively to help him. She had no boundaries, he pondered. No instinct for self-preservation, because something had been yanked out long ago, roots and all. That left her exposed to the world and to herself.

She was the only one who had the courage – or the stupidity – to put her foot down and face Jeff Macaulay and Jeremiah Glover. Why? Why did you do it? What happened to you that made you react when everybody else just let them beat the tar out of me?

*

Joe wasn’t proud of it, but he had to admit that the mystery of Lilly the Kid helped him shift focus from his own misery. Anger and determination to find the snake that had fired those shots was still there, but he could keep those feelings away by trying to figure out the child. She was an enigma. And she still tried to fake that deep sleep. Lying with her eyes shut, attempting to breathe deep and slowly. Lilly was a persistent actress, but not convincing enough to fool him. The fluttering in her eyelids betrayed her. How would she react on him humoring her?

He sat up and whispered:

“You sure sleep hard, kid. Well I’m glad. ‘Cause I want to tell ‘ya something, but you would tease me if I said it while you were awake…” He glanced at her. No response, as expected. Joe continued. “I’m glad you’re here. I wasn’t at first, I thought you would be a nuisance. Keepin’ me awake talkin’ like other little kids. But you ain’t like that.” He sighed. “If I had a lil’ sister, I would like her to be like you, Lilly. I would do fine as a big brother, don’t ‘ya think? I’d always tease ‘ya. And never let a day go by when I didn’t remind ‘ya ’bout how big I was and how little you were. And I’d let you do all the chores we both disliked most. But you would know that I’d always have your back. I’d always be there for ‘ya when ‘ya needed me. Even if you didn’t want me to. I would be there an’ interfere anyway. You know why, Lilly the Kid?” He looked down at his hands as the realization about his own older brothers evolved before him. Why they never left him alone, let him do things his own way. “Because I would be your big brother, and I would love ‘ya. I’d never admit to it, but I’d love and protect ‘ya no matter what.”

“What if I didn’t deserve it?”

Joe gasped, startled by her voice. Somehow he had forgotten that she could hear every word he said! He waited for his heart to stop racing in his chest before answering her question.

“You would. You would deserve it. And as a big brother I would protect ‘ya even if you didn’t deserve it. You know why, Lilly?”

“Why?”

“‘Cause that what brothers do. That’s what family does…” Joe paused. A thought circled on the edge of his mind. I would do anything to protect my family. If my brother was beaten to unconsciousness, I would do the same thing Lilly did for me today. But she didn’t even know me when she did it!

*

Joe’s voice was so friendly, so full of compassion. His words were painful to listen to. He sounded so sincere. Lilly’s throat tightened. And now I’ve almost done it again. It was my fault, Joe. And you should hate me. Not wish me for a sister, you have no idea what kind of monster I am.

A dam burst inside her, tears rolled down her face, she doubled over and flung her hands over her face. Lilly felt his surprise, sensed how uneasy and awkward he felt but couldn’t do anything about it. She felt the mattress move when he sat down beside her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Joe said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” she sobbed. The young man patted her softly on the back and squeezed her shoulder a few times.

“Listen, Lilly, tell me what’s wrong.” She tried to calm down and get her breathing back to normal.

“There is something I want to say,” she whispered, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Something I want you to know…” The words got stuck in her throat.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me,” he finally said with a gentle tone of voice when she didn’t continue.

I was the one who hit those targets and got you beaten up.

She forced herself to look up at him, Joe’s face was concerned, worried, his eyes a sparkling green. He cared. He really wanted to know. Lilly looked down again, breathing open-mouthed and rapidly, hesitating, hesitating, then blurting out.

“I… Live alone with my Pa too,” was what came out. It was not what she had thought to say, not at all. But Joe nodded thoughtfully and said,

“I know. Your mother… she had an accident, didn’t she?”

“Uhm… Yeah.” So he knows about that? Well, of course he does. Mr. Cartwright must have told him. But he doesn’t know why it happened. If he did, he wouldn’t look at me with those friendly eyes. He wouldn’t…

“You don’t wanna talk about it?” Joe interrupted her thoughts.

“It’s not that, I just don’t know how to say this…”

“Well, neither did I when I lost my mother. I was five years old when it happened,” Joe replied with a sympathetic nod of his head. His eyes met hers. “How old were you, Lilly?”

“Six. She fell down a cliff.”

“Did you… did you see it happen?”

Lilly nodded. That lump in her throat grew rapidly. “Yeah, I saw it happen. It was…”Her tears overflowed and ran down her cheeks.

“Terrible?” Joe suggested.

…” my fault.” There it was, finally out in the open. She had dropped the bomb; unfortunately, it had been the wrong bomb. The young man looked at her, shocked.

“She died because of me, I… I killed her,” Lilly whispered to the floor. The silence mushroomed and grew heavy. She felt Joe tense up beside her.

***

“Pa, my mind is made up!” Joe looked his father deep in the eyes. “When I’m done laying here in this bed, I’m gonna find whoever it was who fired them shots and give ’em a taste of what a beatin’ feels like!”

Paul Martin had ordered plenty of rest for a few days. Preferably in bed and without exertions. Therefore, Ben had followed his son straight up to his room after the homecoming, and here they were. Talking about what had happened the day before at the shooting range.

“And what good would it do, Joseph? Aside from the fact that you could be charged with assault – just like Jeff Macaulay and Jeremiah Glover – you will win nothing that way. You’ll just have everybody ganging up on you even more. And instead of helping your cause, it will end with you facing even more and bigger trouble!” Ben stared at his son. Sometimes he didn’t know how to curb all the explosive emotions surging through the boy. And he knew so little. Joseph had no idea how the world operated. He didn’t know how to channel the ornery, explosive impulses.

The boy hung his head in shame as Ben sat next to him on the bed. Ben knew that his harsh words had got through. But he would do Joe a disservice if he didn’t show him how the world worked. It wasn’t being a man to gain respect by intimidating others. And it was equally childish to seek for revenge the way his youngest son did. Joe would have to face this the civilized way. Ben loved the boy and wanted to protect him from evil. He wanted to know, as much as Little Joe, who that mysterious shooter was. But there was a right and a wrong way to go about it. Ben put his arm around his son’s shoulders, struck by how bony they were. Joe had inherited his own physique as a teenager.

“You need to stop and think,” Ben said, his voice gentler now. “Think before you act. Use words instead of your fists. Violence is not the first tool you should use. It’s the last.” He tightened his hold on the boy’s shoulders.

“I know, Pa. I just got so angry when they accused me of cheatin’! And everybody believes I had that contest rigged, that it was me who did it! And I’ll never be taken seriously by anyone ever again if I don’t find ’em!”

“I understand how you feel, son,” Ben said, removing his arm from his son’s shoulders and patting the boy’s knee instead. “But please stop and think. We will find the one responsible. But we are not going to start another fistfight!” He gazed through Joe’s bedroom window for a second before turning to his son again with a smile. “You don’t want that little Lilly Coleman to play hero again, do you?”

*

It was true what his father had said. Seeking revenge like that would only make things worse. And who knew what Lilly the Kid was capable of doing if she saw Joe in a fight again? He felt bad for the kid. Not only because of the physical injuries she’d suffered after the racket yesterday, the tragic loss of her mother had affected the child in a way that was nothing short of heartbreaking.

He had initially found himself staggered by her sudden outburst of tears, and the statement about the death of her mother being her fault struck a chord inside him. Joe had once again acknowledged how much Adam and Hoss really did and had done for him all his life. Pa had been distant when his own mother died in that riding accident, and afterwards. It had not been his comfort Joe searched it had been Hoss’ and Adam’s. His brothers protected him from everything and made him feel completely safe. And loved. Never alone…

I guess I’ve found the answer, Joe thought. If I hadn’t had Adam and Hoss, I would have ended up like Lilly. So lonely, so full of questions I couldn’t ask, thoughts I couldn’t share and tears I had to wipe away myself, as little as I was. It must have been so terrible to be Lilly! How important it is, Joe thought, to have a family unit, a place where you belong. I never realized how lucky I am to have that.

*

Joe woke up the next morning, with a faint buzzing in one ear and an indefinable feeling that he had been told a yarn. It was cold in his bedroom. Joe shivered under the blankets before reluctantly turning them aside. He eased himself to a sitting position, and reached for his clothes on the usual place, the chair standing to the left of the bed. There was nothing there. Confused and annoyed, he made a swift move to look on the floor. The sharp pain in his side brought him back to reality. The bruised ribs ached, but not nearly as much as the feeling of helplessness and humiliation from the day before yesterday. His pride was shattered. Somebody had thrown the most damaging monkey wrench in his way, and it wasn’t an understatement to say that that move had hit home. They had managed to destroy him.

“They”, Joe had had plenty of time to figure out who was behind the whole thing. It was frustrating that it had taken so long, but now that he knew, it appeared as plain as the depressing day – Jeff Macaulay. Who else? He had wanted to keep Joe out of the competition from the very beginning. Felt threatened by Joe’s youth and proficiency with the gun. The spineless Jeff Macaulay who had to sink as low as to push a little kid around to feel like a man, to gain power and respect. Jeff Macaulay planned this whole thing, and I’d be damned if I let him get away with it!

Pa’s words about leaving this whole thing only put fuel to the fire right now. Glover and Macaulay would be charged with assault, yes. But this wasn’t the first time Joe had been knocked out cold. He could handle that. Being publicly ridiculed and falsely accused of cheating was something different. It was such a dirty trick, and there were no legal strings to draw to get justice. Framing somebody in a competition on Founder’s day? Joe scoffed. That was hardly considered a crime. No more than stealing an apple from Hop Sing’s kitchen.

The thoughts about Lilly the Kid had made it hard to fall asleep. Yet, it was still easier thinking about the mystery that was Lilly Coleman, than the injustice he had suffered in that fast draw contest. Not because he in any way could compare being framed a cheater with the loss of a loved one, but possibly because the two things were so fundamentally different. He knew what it was like to lose a parent; he knew it from experience. The pain of loss never disappeared, but it became more manageable. Or did it really? He didn’t know anymore. Recently the pain of grief had been replaced by a new kind of loss. Joe had been a child when his beautiful, loving mother had been taken from him. And as much as it hurt, he had felt secure knowing that she had died loving her little boy. But what about the man he was becoming? He couldn’t help but wonder if Mama would have been proud of what he had accomplished as he had reached his mid teens. As the time had come for him to make his own way in the world, the feeling of closeness to his mother had evaporated more and more.

But – all in all – he had been able to move on and unlike Lilly the Kid, he didn’t harbor any feelings of guilt for what had happened all those years ago. Joe let out a deep sigh before pushing himself to his feet and head for the closet to find some fresh clothes to wear.

*

Lilly sat on her bed looking through the closed window. It had stopped raining, but the sky was ash-gray. The wind was pulling and tearing at the branches of the trees.

She had had nightmares last night. It was a long time since she’d had so many of them so close together. The first months after Ma’s death, they had tormented her almost every night, but later they had subsided and become much less regular.

Joe Cartwright had died in front of her eyes last night, his eyes crying out to Lilly through time and space, but the message was jumbled up, she didn’t understand what Joe tried to tell her.

She remained seated on the bed for a long while, feeling the hole in her chest throb and ache. But she couldn’t lose herself in the beckoning fog of self-pity and hopelessness. She had to do something, couldn’t just let this go and let him wonder for the rest of his life who was responsible for yesterday’s disaster.

Slowly she stood up and brushed the hair from her face, then made the bed. She tossed the quilt over it and straightened its sides.

She found her father sitting at the same spot at the table as he always did.

“I’m sorry I’m late, Pa,” she said. “I’m getting the water—”

“Sit down, Lilly,” John Coleman interrupted. “You’re not late, I’m the one that’s up early. I was hoping we could talk.”

Lilly hesitantly put the empty buckets back down and looked at her Pa. She wasn’t used to him wanting to have heart-to-heart conversations before breakfast.

“What do you want to talk about, Pa? Have I… What have I done?”

“I was hoping you could tell me… Don’t look so scared, girl. Sit down, I’m not going to yell at you.”He motioned to the chair in front of him. Lilly swallowed and sat carefully down at the chair her father had indicated, not knowing what was to come…

“I would like to know what happened to you yesterday.” There was seriousness in his voice that Lilly hadn’t expected. “I didn’t let you go into town to get bushwhacked!”

“I wasn’t bushwhacked, Pa…” I wasn’t. I had Joe Cartwright getting whacked… And I didn’t have the guts to tell him what really happened…

“So how come I had to come and get you at the doctor’s office? How did you end up with a broken nose? This is serious, Lilly! Don’t you understand that?”

“I’m sorry…”

“I know you’re sorry. I know that, but I am not looking for an apology. I’m looking for an explanation. So why don’t you start by telling me what really happened? And why.”

“Didn’t Dr Martin tell you?”

“He did. And Adam Cartwright told me too, but I want to hear it from you.”

“There was a fight. A bunch of grownups was beatin’ up Little Joe because they thought he’d cheated in the fast draw contest.” She looked up at her father. John Coleman gave her an encouraging nod of his head, and Lilly continued, the words tumbling like the waters of a brook in springtime. “They just kept hittin’ and kickin’ ‘im and nobody did nothin’ to stop ’em, Pa! Don’t you see? I had to do something! They would have killed ‘im if nobody’d stopped ’em. And I ain’t sorry I did it, Pa! I ain’t sorry, and I’d do it again if I had to!” Lilly paused, then hesitated for a second, unsure whether or not to bring up her own part in this whole thing. She decided to ask her father for the advice she felt she desperately needed without telling him why.

“Pa, Joe got beat up because of a lie. He lost his dignity because of… what someone else did. What could that… other person do to make things right for him?”

She was prepared for either a direct answer or no answer at all. So his reply surprised her:

“Don’t you know the answer to that question, Lilly?”

She shook her head, confused. Why would I ask if I already knew?

“Think about it,” John Coleman said. “What’s the best way to own up to a lie?”

“To… tell the truth?”

“To tell the truth,” John confirmed. “If the person who really fired those bullets came clean, nobody would have reason to hold any grudge against that Cartwright boy.”

“No… But they would hate the other person though… But that’s no more than… the other person deserves, right Pa?”

Her father looked at her quietly for a moment before delivering the answer:

“They might be disappointed. They might be angry, yes. But this other person you’re talking about, wouldn’t be any worse off than she is now. Right now, she’s eaten away with guilt. And she will never be able to forgive herself until she owns up to what she has done. That’s a terrible burden to live with, Lilly.”

Her heart was thudding so hard that she hardly could hear his last sentence. “… She? W-what makes you think it’s not a man who did it?”

“Lilly,” her father almost smiled. “Lilly, I don’t know any man who could draw a gun that fast. I was the one who taught you, remember?”

 

***

 

The wagon stopped with a slight jerk. With a swift hand motion, John Coleman pulled the heavy brake and turned to look at his daughter. “It’s time, Lilly,” he said.

The front door opened and a familiar figure stepped out on the porch with a surprised look on his face.

“Well, John! And Lilly, what brings you to the Ponderosa?” Ben Cartwright smiled when he walked over to greet his unexpected guests.

“Ben, how are you? Lilly has something she would like to talk to Little Joe about, is that possible?”

“Little Joe? Well, yes. I think we can arrange that. He’s upstairs in his bedroom. Please, come on in the living room and sit down while I get him!” Ben said. “Lilly, how are you feeling?”

The two visitors climbed out the wagon and followed the patriarch back to the house.

“Fine, sir,” was Lilly’s automatic response. But she didn’t feel “fine” at all. Truth be told, she was terrified.

*

Joe heard the sound of a buckboard stop down at the front yard. In normal cases, he would be curious to see who the early bird was, coming unannounced for a visit just an hour after the break of dawn. But he was too tired, and instinctively felt that his appearance wouldn’t invite pleasant small talk today either. His face was stiff and sore and getting dressed had turned out to be an unpleasant experience because of the bruised ribs.

It didn’t take long before he heard a knock on his bedroom door and his father’s voice:

“Joseph? Are you awake?”

“Yeah, I’m awake Pa. You can come in.” The door opened.

“You… you’ve got a visitor, Joe,” Ben said.

“Oh yeah? Who is it?”

“Little Lilly Coleman. She says she wants to talk to you. It sounded important.”

“Lilly Coleman… ‘Lilly the Kid’?”

“What?” his father smiled.

“Never mind. What did she want to talk to me about?”

“Oh, she didn’t say. But her father is down there with her. I thought I’d send her up here, if you don’t mind. There’s something I’d like to discuss with John.”

Joe couldn’t help but laugh. “So you really just want me to babysit, is that it Pa?”

“Oh, no… No, not in your condition. At least, that’s not the only reason I’m asking you, son,” Ben chuckled. “No, she sounded like she really had something to discuss with you, Joe. Just like I have with John. In my case, it’s… It’s a little business proposition if you will. The Colemans have had their share of bad luck, lately. I want to make a little investment in his farm. Something that would benefit the both of us.”

*

A few moments later, John and Lilly Coleman were seated on the settee and introduced to a cheerful Hop Sing.

“Hop Sing make fresh, good, coffee for Mister Coleman and Mister Ben. Little missy Coleman want nice glass of lemonade?”

Lilly shook her head. Her hands were trembling so much that she was afraid she would drop a glass if she got it in her hand.

“Lilly? You can come upstairs, Joseph is in his room but he’s awake and happy to see you!” Ben Cartwright stood in the middle of the stairs, waiting for her to follow him. Lilly looked at her father.

“Ain’t you coming with me, Pa?”

“No, Lilly. This is between you and Little Joe. You have to talk with him yourself.”

Lilly’s shoulders slumped.

“I thought…”

“I know what you thought. But the answer is ‘no’. Go on now. I’ve got a few things to discuss with Mr. Cartwright down here. Go on!”

Lilly and Ben climbed the steps to the second floor. Ben led the way to the closed door to Joe’s bedroom and knocked.

“Come in!” was Joe’s response, and Ben opened the door for the child to enter. Lilly took two hesitant steps forward as Joe’s father gently and without a word left the room.

Joe Cartwright sat on his bed, fully dressed except for shoes. His face was bruised, but he looked alive and well, if not exactly vigorous. He ain’t gonna look that unaffected when I’ve told him the truth.

 

***

Five minutes later, she stood in front of him. The child didn’t return his smile. She looked scared out of her mind even though Joe couldn’t understand why. If she thought his face looked displeasing, she obviously hadn’t looked at herself in the mirror.

“Lilly the Kid! My Pa said that… well, that there was something you wanted to talk to me about…?” he tried.

“There is,” she replied. “I have to tell ‘ya something… I mean… There’s something you should know…”

“Okay?”

“And you’re gonna hate me for this. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me. But if you do – I want you to do it for your own peace of mind, not for any other reason.”

Suspicion dropped like a stage curtain. Joe felt doubt take root, felt how it drove a wedge into the foundation of trust. His emotions were reflected in her eyes, he distanced himself and grew watchful.

“It was me,” Lilly said. “I’m the one who fired them shots. I hit your marks on the fast draw competition. I did it. It was me…”

Joe winced. Then he realized the kid must be pulling his leg. Not a very funny joke, but a joke all the same. The girl looked at him with something desperate in her eyes.

“It’s true, Joe,” she said. “It was me! And I… I can’t tell ya’ how sorry I am. If I could go back in time and change that one thing, I would!”

He stared at her. “You… You’re not spoofing me?”

She shook her head. “I’m really not. I wish I was, but I ain’t…”

“But… You’re… You’re just a kid, Lilly!”

“I am. I’m just a kid. But kids can do just awful things too. Horrible, mean things.” Joe saw her eyes fill with tears before she turned her face away from him. And that was enough for him to know that she was telling the truth.

He had meant to explain that he didn’t mean it like that. That he was surprised, not because “a kid could be that mean”, but because he never believed a little girl could handle a gun that way. But the words were stuck in his throat along with a big and unexplainable lump of emotions.

Being a naturally vivacious and outgoing person, Joe had never experienced any difficulties talking to people. The words used to come spontaneously, regardless of whom he spoke to. Now he felt tongue-tied. Like his brain wouldn’t translate the feelings into thoughts.

“I’d better be going,” Lilly said, heading for the door. Joe felt a brand-new sorrow in his heart. They wouldn’t be confiding in each other again. If she bowed out now, they would never get another chance to talk things through.

*

Lilly turned to leave. She had said it. And judging by the look in Joe’s eyes, it had been a mistake. This had crushed him.

“Lilly! Lilly, wait!”

She paused and forced herself to look at him over her shoulder.

“Please, don’t go. Not like this, kid,” he said with a voice threatening to crack. “Just let me explain something to you. Can’t you… Can’t you sit down for a moment?”

She hesitated before sitting beside him on the bed. She saw out of the corner of her eye how he struggled to compose himself, holding his clenched knuckles to his mouth. He’s so mad. So hurt and so mad. I’m gonna get it for sure. It serves me right…

The silence was oppressive. Lilly felt the weight of her own conscience blocking their communication.

“I feel so bad about this,” she whispered.

“I understand that,” the young man said, “but you shouldn’t.”

She stared at him. That was not the response she had expected.

“Don’t you get it? All this, everything that happened to ya’ – it’s because of me! You got beat up because of me! I almost got ya’ killed, and you say I shouldn’t feel bad?! You should wish you were well enough to sweep the corral with me!”

“Lilly, I’ve been beaten up before. And Jeff Macaulay is a deadbeat gambler, him and Glover have always disliked me because I am a Cartwright. I was so sure they were behind that whole thing. I should’ve realized none of them could possibly shoot like that!” He dropped his hands and turned towards her. “You should’ve signed up for the competition. Lilly the Kid!”With a heartfelt smile, he continued: “You would have won that gold watch! Jeff Macaulay wouldn’t stand a chance against you on that shooting range. Heck, I know I wouldn’t stand a chance, and I am…”

His smile faded and bitterness overtook him. In an attempt to disguise it, he finished the sentence: “I am pretty fast with a gun if I do say so myself.”

 

*

 

Joe couldn’t put his finger on why he reacted the way he did, or why he found this new information so overwhelming. All the feelings were gathering up to a giant tornado, making it impossible to sort anything out., except for two things: He didn’t blame Lilly the Kid for the beating. And he believed her when she said that she was the one acing his game.

He couldn’t understand why she had done what she did, but as her revelation sunk in, he knew it was the truth. The sincere truth. Lilly wasn’t glossing over her deed, nor was she making excuses for herself. On the contrary, she had stated quite soberly that she had fired the bullets and caused him to lose everything, caused him to be torn up by two other contestants. Being just a child, she didn’t understand how there was more to it than that for Joe. She didn’t know about a man’s pride and dignity.

But she felt bad about what she had done. She regretted it deeply. If she hadn’t been remorseful – she wouldn’t have fessed up here and now.

 

*

“I tried, Joe,” she mumbled.

“Tried what?”

“Signing up. But they wouldn’t let me. I wanted to win that gold watch for my Pa. I wanted to make him proud of me, and let the whole town to know what Colemans are really made of. Ever since my Ma died, things just haven’t been right. Pa and me have to run the farm by ourselves, and we’ve had plenty of setbacks with the crops and…”

She paused and bit her lip. “But they wouldn’t let me. They just laughed at me. That big beard, one of them men that whacked ‘ya…”

“… Jeff Macaulay?”

She nodded. “He was one of ’em. He scared me. And I could tell he loved every second of it, Joe! And then… Then you came along and spoke up for me, didn’t ‘ya?” she said with an unsure frown.

“Yeah, that was me.”

“I know how great you are with your gun. That’s kind of why… why I did it. Because I knew you would win. Anybody with eyes could see that you were in a different league than them other men. I saw that, and I was jealous. I was so jealous of you for that!”

For some reason the sight of her there and the echo of her words made him feel like crying. Disappointment was forming a noose around his neck, making it difficult to breathe.

*

“I didn’t recognize ‘ya,” she continued without noticing his distress. “I didn’t realize you were Joe Cartwright, and I didn’t care, really… I felt like my life was ruined. Them men kept treating me like this worthless, useless little kid who couldn’t do nothin’. I wanted to show everybody how fast I was with a gun, but they just laughed at me! I know how stupid that sounds, feeling like my life was over because I wasn’t being allowed to compete, because of what they were thinkin’ about me and how they had made a fool out of me in public. So silly! You think it’s stupid, don’t you Joe?”

“No,” Joe said with conviction. “No, I don’t think it’s stupid. I know exactly how you felt! They proved you were not worthwhile, that you weren’t old enough, big enough or smart enough to be taken seriously. Trust me, I know everything about that! Just because you’re young, everybody treats you like you are four years old…” He cleared his throat and went on.

“I guess that’s the reason this competition meant so much to me too. I wanted to prove to my father, to my brothers, to everybody that I’m a man, that I can be counted on and trusted with important stuff, like Adam and Hoss. And to show the people of Virginia City I’m more than just that young and spoiled little Cartwright brat. I deserve their respect, not because I’m a Cartwright but because I’m me! You know what I mean?”

She looked at him, puzzled. “Yeah, I know what you mean alright, but I don’t understand why. What would you have to prove? You are just as much of a man as anybody else. Your family is respected and I can tell you are all close. And you are grown up, strong, and… You would’ve won that contest if I hadn’t… ruined it for ‘ya like that. I’m so sorry! I’ve never been sorrier in my entire life.”

Joe couldn’t help himself. This was the one thing he couldn’t wrap his mind around, yet the most obvious question of all: “Why did you do it then?” he said tersely.

“I don’t know. I was hurt, humiliated, angry, and so jealous of you! I saw ya’ practice just before. You were so good, and I… Everyone saw you, but no one saw me,” she said repentantly.

“I’ve felt invisible for so long now,” she continued. “I’ve got my Pa, but since Ma died… He never smiles at me. We never really talk. I know he loves me, but he just can’t show it no more.” Lilly’s tone of voice had changed. She had a faraway look in her eyes, talking more to herself than to Joe. “He’s got so much trouble makin’ ends meet, and I’m pulling my weight, but that doesn’t mean a lot when you don’t have much weight to pull. I wanted to win that gold watch for him. He could sell it and buy a new plow with the money or a new horse, and he would be so proud of me, he might even…”

She didn’t finish that sentence. But Joe thought he understood what she meant. He might even make her feel loved… If you’re invisible for too long, you cease to be human. In the end, you’ll do anything just to prove that you exist.

*

“The gun was in my holster,” Lilly said. “I drew it.” She closed her eyes and let the events come back to her, channeling the memories, letting them seep into her. “I raised the Colt,” she said. “All I could feel was the cold metal against my fingertips. It felt weightless, like an extension of my arm. You stood there, about to grab the first prize. About to become a hero. Right before them other men. And all I could think of was them pestering me, pulling me down. And them things they said about me being ‘a scared kid’ was echoing inside my head, cutting me to pieces. You were about to take something away from me, something I really needed. And I felt like I would break apart if you hit them targets.”

The young man stared at her with a shimmer of moisture in his eyes. “It was you or me,” Lilly continued. “And it was so easy to pull the trigger, I hardly felt it. I looked at you afterwards, and I saw that you didn’t get it. Then I took off, I turned away from all of you and ran.” Joe squeezed his lips tight, causing the muscles in his cheek to scrunch up.

“Later on, I heard the bangs and felt the gun recoil, and my mind went blank. I knew what I had done, and I knew it was wrong.” Lilly’s voice was a whisper floating on the scent of the coffee Hop Sing served downstairs. “But it wasn’t until afterwards I felt how wrong it was. And when I saw you laying on the ground with them two bullies beatin’ the livin’ daylight out of ‘ya, I thought I was doin’ it again. Was getting somebody killed… once again.”

*

Joe had to take two deep breaths before being able to respond.

“You didn’t kill your Ma, Lilly,” he said. “I know that’s what you think, but you are wrong! And it wasn’t your fault those men wanted a piece of me either. I did a pretty good job workin’ them up all by myself.”

“But—”

“Please!” he interrupted what he felt would be another rambling about how she was guilty of taking her mother’s life. “Please, just let me talk. This is hard on me as it is, but not the way you think, Lilly the Kid.” Joe took another deep breath, wincing against the sudden stinging of tears in his eyes.

“When you lose your mother like we both did, at a young age and all of a sudden – it changes us,” he began. “And sometimes the parent that is left is too filled with their own pain and grief to be that solid rock a child needs.”

“I still feel lost sometimes without Mama. I remember one afternoon when I was five years old, she and I went to a very special spot. A huge flat rock overlooked Lake Tahoe. Climbing it was like climbing on the moon.” Joe smiled sadly at the memory.

“Mama told me we had the highest mountain tops right in front of our eyes. But that I should remember that under the surface… Tahoe was just as deep as the Sierras were high. That there was so much more to this world than our eyes could see. She took me in her arms and said so was the strength that comes from love.”

Closing his eyes, the memories grew clearer, the feelings more intense.

“She told me to never forget how the wind made the majestic pines behind us whisper secrets. That’s what she said, ‘whispering secrets to everybody who loved them enough to want to listen’… And how the sun would make the snow melt every spring… and ‘ol Tahoe would reflect the sky and the trees and the mountains… Just as I knew that, I should remember that her love for me would always be as high as the Sierras and as deep as Lake Tahoe…”

No longer able to keep the tears at bay, he let them come. A sob made his body jolt. “That was the last time I felt completely safe, happy and loved,” he whispered. “A week later she fell off a horse. When she died, a part of me, my Pa and my brothers died with her.”

He paused briefly, then added in a voice barely audible, “And as little as I was, I know that Pa… well, he was willing to feel anything except the pain of saying goodbye. But that didn’t keep it from being real. The more he refused to go through it, the worse it got.”

*

Joe bowed his head and let the memories flow over him. It still hurt to remember when the whole world had collapsed under their feet. He rested his forehead against the palms of his hands and let his shoulders heave with soundless spasms. He felt a small hand on his shoulder. She looked at him with her big, blue eyes and said with a low voice:

“What about you? Were you able to move on, to say goodbye?”

He thought about it for a second, then he shook his head. “I knew I should’ve been able to. They say kids forget sorrows easier than adults, but life without her… just didn’t feel real. Sometimes it still doesn’t. I visit her grave as often as I can. Not only to pay my respects, but to feel close to her. She never judged me. She was right about her love giving me strength, and without that… Nothing could ever replace that…”

“But Joe…” Lilly straightened up and removed her hand from his back. “Joe, that’s the one thing that ya’ never have to worry about losing! Your mother’s special love. Don’t ya’ understand what your Ma meant with that? About her love being as high as the mountaintops and as deep as Tahoe? Don’t ya’ know what ‘forever’ means? She’s gone, all right – but her love for ya’ ain’t. When she died, a piece of you died with her. Just as a part of her is still alive in you, and will always be a part of ‘ya. Just under the surface. Remember? She said there’s more to this world than we can see…”

*

Joe reached out and put his arm around the little girl. She didn’t pull back, but let her head rest against him as she closed her eyes and cried. He held her tight, just like Hoss and Adam used to hold him after Mama’s death. The tears felt softer now, not as sharp and piercing as before.

She pulled away and he let go. Wiping her face with the sleeve, Lilly took three shaky breaths before facing him again. “I’m sorry. I had no right to say what I thought your Ma meant by them words. I didn’t mean nothin’ bad.”

“Thank you!” he interrupted her stumbling.

“For what?”

“Reminding me what I used to know as a child,” Joe said, his voice still unsteady. “I’ve felt her presence and love so many times over the years. But sometimes the feeling of closeness fades away, to nothing more than memories. And as time passes, and especially since I’ve grown older, I feel lost again. I wonder who I am and who I’ve become. I’m not that little boy anymore. I am a man.”He paused for a moment, then added, “That’s the difference between you and me, Lilly. You are still just a kid. You shouldn’t have to prove yourself. It’s too easy to become only what you accomplish. You believe that you are what everyone else sees. If you don’t think you’re valuable, you become what you do. If no one sees what you do, you feel you have to try harder, do better, do just about anything to feel you exist. Even if it might hurt somebody else. You let your anger get the better out of you.” He squeezed his eyes shut and continued: “In reality, you’re forgetting what your mother would have wanted for you.”

He paused for a few seconds before finishing: “Moving on is not the same as forgetting. It’s being able to remember.”

 

***

Joe dismounted Cochise by the hitching rail and walked with floating steps past the other horse. His body felt fluid, his mind razor sharp. He felt confident, full of energy. His legs had regained their usual spring, muscles tensing and relaxing. Joe filled his lungs, hardly noticing the soreness in his side as his diaphragm expanded. The air was so strangely and distantly familiar, like the songs he used to sing as a child but since had forgotten, suddenly heard again from a distance. Sung by another kid.

Hoss and Adam, riding their mounts Chubb and Sport respectively, approached from behind him. Their father was already there. Ben rode into Virginia City early in the morning to meet up with John Coleman and his daughter at the bank for some financial arrangements. The three of them stood patiently waiting by the shooting range, accompanied by sheriff Coffee.

“How do you feel?” Adam asked as he reached his younger brother. “Nervous?”

“Me and Adam have been bettin’ on who will win!” Hoss said with a grin.

“Oh yeah? With whom?” Joe asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“With each other,” Adam said.

“What? Which one of you bet against me?” Joe exclaimed in jest.

“It’s nothing personal, little brother,” Adam responded. “It’s just business, Joe. You can’t let… loyalty towards your own flesh and blood cloud your judgment in matters like these.”

“Older brother here ain’t so smart when it comes to money,” Hoss explained.

“Dang Adam, I thought you had more faith in me than that!” Joe laughed. “She’s just a little kid!”

“Yes, she is a kid. But after a conversation with her father the other day, I’d say she is a very talented kid. Don’t mistake youth for inexperience, Little Joe. Like I told Hoss – You won’t get anywhere in life with preconceived notions like that.”

“Well, don’t you worry none ’bout older brother here,” Hoss said. “I got this notion all them fancy words of his ain’t good for his thinking. But I ain’t the one to bet against a winner, no Sir!”

“I always knew you were the shrewd one, Hoss!”

“Sure am, little brother! Sure am!”

Side by side, the three brothers walked up to the shooting range.

*

The gun rested heavy and solid on her hip. Lilly flexed her hands and focused on relaxing her shoulders. She took a deep breath and exhaled with a smile on her lips. Her eyes met Joe’s. He returned the smile and winked at her with a mischievous expression on his face. His playfulness was so sincere, and for the first time in a long time, Lilly felt a tickling sensation, a crackling rush that sharpened her senses, a swaying sense of satisfaction.

“All right, are you kids ready?” Sheriff Coffee’s voice made them both straighten their shoulders, like a choreographed dance. Joe gave her a quick glance, and she could see how he mimed “Kids?” to her before resuming position and turning his entire focus on Roy.

“What we have here is a different kind of competition that we use for two opponents. You are both to shoot at the same time and you must stand inside the area that’s marked up for you as squares. We’re gonna have a ‘Best three out of five’ to make sure you ain’t missin’ just because you have bad luck.” The sheriff’s voice was monotonous, but by the last words, a smile erupted in his face.

*

It felt good being instructed as an adult, and the concentration that filled her made all the distractions fade away, she was calm and clear.

“Ready?” Roy Coffee’s voice had changed and was now powerful and audible.

The Colts were loaded and in their respective holsters. Joe’s on his left hip and Lilly’s on her right.

“Ready!” Joe confirmed. Lilly gave the sheriff a quick nod as an indication that she was ready too.

“Get set!”

Their movements felt completely synchronized as they placed themselves in starting positions. Their hands just inches from the butts of their guns. Touching the handle or the hammer would lead to disqualification, and they both took this competition seriously, despite the mutual feeling of joy.

“GO!”

*

“Dadgum it little brother!” Hoss couldn’t have been more elated. “You dadgum little critter, ain’t this the best thing ever to happen?” He leaped toward Joe and embraced him so affectionately that the younger brother gasped for air as his feet lost contact with the ground. “I ain’t never been so happy in my whole life!” Hoss hailed. “Oh, Joe, I don’t know what to say. You better grab a hold on that heater, ’cause I’m gonna kiss you!”

“Oh no, Hoss! Don’t…!” Joe made a face.

Adam approached in a more dignified pace and gave his youngest brother a heartfelt squeeze on the shoulder. “I never thought I would say this, but I am very proud of you, little Joe! You outdid yourself, buddy!”

“Gee, Adam…” Joe grinned. “Here I thought ‘ya knew my talents after living under the same roof for the last 17 years!” he exclaimed with derided offence.

“How could I? You never show them!” Adam joshed before ducking for the fake punch Joe swung at him.

“Aww, it ain’t that we don’t have faith, in ‘ya,” Hoss explained.

“You could have fooled me!” Joe quipped.

“… It’s just that… I ain’t never been so happy in my whole life!” the middle brother acclaimed again. “You lost!”

 

***

 

Joe brought Cochise to a halt near the edge of the cliff. The big roundness of the peak was familiar, yet so different. Majestic pines formed a patchwork of green before him that descended by the shore, only to be reflected in the glittering waters of Lake Tahoe. The bliss of seeing it all again was overwhelming, the closeness of the sky and the desolate pine trees standing sturdy around him. He felt a sense of freedom and contentment that he had thought belonged to a time long passed.

He dismounted the pinto and took a few steps forward. The view expanded in front of his eyes, the magnificent mountain range of the Sierras met the skies with their white tops. Like the shoreline, they were a summit of two powerful elements. Two elements, separating the heaven from the earth…

Under the surface… Tahoe is just as deep as the Sierras are high.

Soft breezes stroked his cheek, carrying the sweet scent of pine trees. Joe closed his eyes and listened. A barely visible smile graced his face as he whispered back:

“You were right, Mama. I remember… I remember now.” Without opening his eyes, he sat down on what felt like the moon. “I love you too. From the depth of ol’ Tahoe and up to the stars.” A lonely tear escaped from his closed eyelid. “You would be so proud of the man I’ve become.”

 

***

 

The only company she had was the sorrel mare. Lilly slid down from the new saddle and tethered her rains to a thick branch of a fallen down pine, a few feet away from the curious black and white pinto.

“He’s here then,” she said directed to Cochise. “Cause ya’ ain’t strollin’ around out here all by yourself, are ya’ boy?”

She reached for the brand new saddlebag on her own horse and picked out a small package. She stroked it gently with her thumb and put it in her pocket. It was time.

*

Joe heard the sound of hoof beats approaching and then stop. He glanced sideways and saw from the corner of his eyes how Cochise was accompanied by another horse. The reddish brown color made it look a little like a deer from where he sat, but he recognized both the horse and the tiny rider. A few moments later, Lilly came up behind him.

“Your Pa said you were here. Him and Adam came to talk about some agri… agricultural society, whatever that is. They’d picked something up for me in town. Here…”

She handed him a small box. Inside lay a shining eighteen-karat pocket watch.

“Congratulations, Lilly the Kid!” Joe said. “You were a worthy winner!”

Lilly gazed out over the glittering waters and sighed.

“I hope ya’ don’t mind me coming here, Joe… I take it… this is the…”

“Yeah, this is the special spot,” Joe replied, “And I don’t mind at all. I’m glad you’re here.”

When she didn’t respond right away, he turned and looked at her face. Her big, blue eyes had a faraway look behind the veil of tears.

“So am I. I was so scared coming here, Joe.”

“Me too,” Joe confessed.

“But you’re not anymore?”

Joe shook his head.

“What made your fear go away?” Lilly asked.

“My mother’s voice. This is gonna sound strange, but… I could hear her. Whispering through the wind.”

“What did she say?”

“She reminded me I was brought to this world, knowing I was loved unconditionally. And if I live my life, so I still know I’m worthy of love the day the Lord calls me home -… I will be able to deal with everything in between.”With his eyes pensively fixed at the mountain line, he continued. “I will meet a lot of people in my life. And some of them might discredit me, some will overpower me, some will thrash me, but I will still feel triumph. For no one can truly prevail in pulling me down – if I know I was born worthy of love? The rest of me is just packaging. Mama is proud of me for everything I’ve become. And she loves me for everything I’ve ever been.” He paused, feeling a little awkward. The words were nothing but the pure and honest truth, but they sounded so melodramatic.

“She is right,” the kid whispered. “That’s one of them things that are forever. That will never fade away.” She slowly turned her head and looked at him. “Your ma sounds like such a remarkable woman, Joe. I bet there’s a lot of her in you, living on through you for the rest of your life.”

“She is. I know she is. Just as I know your mother lives on through you, Lilly. And who knows, maybe if you listen carefully, your Mama might whisper something through the wind in your ear, too?”

She frowned before her eyes brimmed over. The next thing Joe knew, she was in his arms, sobbing. He hesitated half a second before letting his arms gently circle her thin body and holding her close. Joe could feel her pain as she buried her head on his chest and wept.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, his own eyes burning with the caustic sting of tears. “It’s okay, kid.” He held her tighter, quietly rocking her back and forth until her crying subsided.

“It’s still so beautiful here,” she said with unsteady voice, “and I can hear my Ma’s whisper through the wind and the trees. Just as clear as the last time I was here.”

Joe froze. He loosened his grip around the child and put one hand softly on each of her shoulders, facing her. Lilly looked up, through a veil of tears her blue eyes met his green ones.

“Yes, I’ve been here before,” she answered his unspoken question. “Five years ago. With my Ma.”

Joe winced. “You mean…?”

“There’s one part of this cliff that’s pretty steep… Over there,” she threw a glance at a spot to the left of Joe. “She told me not to go close to the edge. I could run around and play anywhere but there.”

The realization of what was coming next made Joe gasp. No, that’s too horrible to be true!

“I did anyway. I ran over there. And I slipped… kind of slid down the drop, grabbing a hold of the brink. Ma… she couldn’t reach me first. But when she bent down… She grabbed my hand and yanked me up and got me back over the edge…”

“She tumbled down… I saw her tumble down and hit the ground. Deep down there… She… she landed with her head on a rock. Like the shell of an egg, her head cracked open.”

Lilly’s voice crumbled. She took shallow breaths.

“I got to her as soon as I could. She was just… I didn’t dare move her head. She moved her lips, but I couldn’t make out a word of what she was tryin’ to say. It was just muffled noises. I don’t know if she was choking, it sure did sound like it. And her eyes… Oh God, I’ll never forget the look in her eyes, Joe! There was something in the way she looked at me.” Lilly took a deep breath, a gasp that turned into a long sigh, then finally a sob. “I made a promise, Joe. A promise to her. I intended to keep it, but… All these years, feeling I let her down… That has been worse than everything!”

“What was it?” Joe asked with a strangled, barely audible voice.

“‘You’re not gonna die, Ma. I promise. You’re not gonna die, ’cause I won’t let ‘ya!’ “Lilly quoted the words that were forever ingrained in her consciousness and her last memory of seeing her Ma alive.

“Lilly, that wasn’t your—” Joe started, but Lilly cut him off.

“I know it’s not my fault. At least, that’s not the whole truth. I never understood it before. Maybe because I was too little. Or maybe it was too hard to acknowledge what my guilt and shame really stemmed from.”A pensive look had turned over her face, making her appear much older than just a moment ago. Joe noticed how her speech had changed. The approach was that of an adult, a person with years of life experience and depth.

“I felt guilty for being alive,” she continued. “And every breath I took was a reminder of my being alive, while my Ma was dead. But coming here again, feeling the grandeur and hearing her whisper through the wind… I know that’s not what she wants for me. It’s time to let life take over, Joe. It’s time to start remembering her with smiles and joy, not guilt and pain. And to hold on to those happy memories.”

She turned and looked him straight in the eyes.

“The pain of life touches me, but the joy of life is so much stronger.”

*

They sat quietly, side by side for a long moment. Lilly broke the silence.

“This is not a terrible place. Don’t you ever think so, Joe! It’s so full of beauty, of magic, of hope. Strength and love. The love both our mothers felt for us the last time they brought us here. It’s ingrained in all the glory. It’s like my Ma is still here… They are both here.”

“… and I’m right here too,” Joe said, putting his arm around her.

Lilly returned the embrace. “Thank you.”

“For what, Lilly the Kid?”

“For listening to me,” she said sincerely. “For treating me like a human being, for not telling me I’m too little to understand. And most of all… for being here with me. And showing me how to be a better person.”

**********

 

This is my very first fanfic story, and I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has been kind enough to help, support and encourage me, and answer my many questions. I could never have written this story without you.

Frasrgrl: for believing in me and giving me the courage to develop an idea into a written story in the first place.

Silver Sven: for reading, criticizing and encouraging.

Jfclover: for all the hours of help in editing, as well as sharing her boundless factual and linguistic knowledge and instincts. And for all her encouragement and support when I wanted to give up. She has accompanied me every step of the way and never hesitated to answer any strange question I’ve had.

All the wonderful writers who participated in the 2015 BoNaNo challenge and chats: for encouraging, explaining, sharing your knowledge and involving me in enriching and amusing discussions.

My fiancée “M”: for giving me the original idea. And for loving me.

 Many thanks to you all!

 

All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners and original authors. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

Tags:  Adam Cartwright, Ben Cartwright, ESJ, Family, Hoss Cartwright, Joe / Little Joe Cartwright, SJS