Summary: Does a man’s sartorial splendor have any bearing on events in his life?
Rated: K — WC 600
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Clothes Make the Man
Saturday night and all was not quiet in the largest city between Chicago and San Francisco. Not that the City was ever quiet . . . not with stamp mills operating around the clock beating out a syncopated rhythm that pulsed in time with a cacophony of sounds emanating from saloons and bawdy houses lining the streets of the Comstock.
It had been a long, long day. Dr. Joshua P. Martin, better known as Paul to his friends and Doc to the rest of Virginia City, had earlier depleted his supply of anesthetic and was now perilously close to running out of antiseptics. The last of his patients would have to endure with little more than a bottle of whiskey to dull the pain and cleanse the wound. Furthermore, the exhausted nurse had been dismissed hours ago and Doc had no choice but to ask Candy to assist Joe into the examining room and help him disrobe. By the time Doc entered the surgery, the two men were both prone on adjoining tables. Joe was face down, chin resting on his hands; Candy lay face up with his hands behind his head. It was time to get to work.
“I’ve decided,” Candy said after deep contemplation.
“Decided what?” replied Joe, not really interested.
“Why.”
“Why?”
“It’s the jacket.”
“What jacket?”
‘Your jacket.”
“My jacket?”
“Yup.” Dead silence followed.
“I don’t wear one,” Candy stated, as if this were a great revelation.
“So?”
“It’s the reason.”
“The reason for what?”
“The reason you get shot more than me.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Think about it.”
“I don’t need to think about it.”
“Your Pa doesn’t wear a jacket.”
Candy’s observation was met with silence.
“Hoss doesn’t wear a jacket,” Candy continued the line of thought, but more silence followed.
“Adam wore a jacket,” Joe said, finally.
“Did he get shot?”
“Sometimes.”
“See,” Candy said, vindicated.
“A yellow jacket,” Joe remembered.
“A yellow jacket?”
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t he wear black?” Candy inquired.
“Yeah.”
“No wonder.”
“No wonder what?”
“He got shot.”
“Why?”
“He looked like a bumble bee,” Candy smirked.
Joe turned his head to look at Candy, who was looking back. “Good target!” they said simultaneously, laughing.
Candy returned his gaze upward while Joe turned his head slightly to lay a cheek upon his folded arms.
“I used to wear a blue jacket,” he said after a while.
“When?”
“When I was younger.”
“Did you get shot then?”
“Not so much.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Mostly beat up.”
“Mmmm,” frowned Candy. “Maybe it’s not the jacket.”
“Not?”
“No.”
“What then?”
“The color.”
“Which color?”
“Green,” said Candy. “Or yellow.”
“But not blue?” Joe asked.
“Apparently not.”
“You’re an idiot, you know.”
“I don’t get shot.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“It’s cause I don’t wear a jacket.”
“IT . . . IS . . . NOT . . . THE JACKET!”
“Okay, Joe,” Doc Martin said, “You can get up now. Keep the wound clean and change the bandage daily. I’ll take the stitches out next week.”
“Thanks, Doc,” Joe said as he gingerly rose from the examining table, pulled his pants up and left the room.
“Creased, maybe,” Candy called after Joe while hopping off the adjacent bed, “but not shot.”
Doc reported, “Slug came out clean. Thanks for distracting him while I put those stitches in.”
“Anytime, Doc,” grinned Candy. “Hey, Joe, you forgot your jacket!”
The End
Knowing the relationship between Candy and Joe, I can totally hear this conversation. So funny, and spot on. Great job.
Thanks, Bonnie!
Haha! Friends are the best distraction when you’re going through something difficult… mentally or physically!
You said it! Thanks for reading.
Can’t believe it’s taken 9 years for me to find and read this story. Very, very amusing. Loved all the clothing joke references.
Thanks, N.P. I love writing Candy and Joe banter.
Hilarious! I can just picture Doc Martin trying to keep a straight face through the whole thing! (Wouldn’t want somebody putting stitches in your – well… whatever – while they’re laughing so hard they can’t keep a steady hand.)
So true! Thanks for reading.
Bzzzz, bzzzz, bzzzzz. Still good for a giggle.
Poor Joe, just wait until later. You’re never going to hear the end of this.
Just saw this comment, BWF. Thanks for reading and letting me know you got a giggle out of it.
Lol short n sweet n very funny
Thank you!
It might take a while, but eventually you’ll get it in the end…. Definitely good for a snicker or two. :O)
Thanks, BWF!
Hilarious! Trust Candy and Joe to have a stupid conversation like that on the operating table. Loved the comment about Adam looking like a bumblebee 🙂 Well done!
Thanks, FCMGIRL. Glad you found it funny.
and how many of us have such useless conversations in the span of a lifetime…….leave it to a couple of males to have this one.
Especially those two! Always good for an early morning laugh or two. Thanks!
Thanks, Belle! But I can take no credit … I was only channeling the words given to me in the challenge. For some reason, that is always inspiration. Guess that’s why I love challenges so much!
I love this gem of a story! For some reason, it just sticks in my head. Oh, I know the reason! Cheaux is brilliant!
A good laugh, Cheaux!
Thanks for letting me know it made you laugh!