Summary:  Joe faces a difficult time in his life.

Rating K (5,985 words)

Time to Let Go Series:

Time to Let Go
Time to Say Goodbye

Time To Say Goodbye

Joe Cartwright slowly dismounted from his horse and frowned at the sight of the buggy in the front yard.  He recognised it instantly as belonging to Paul Martin, their local doctor.  Paul had been their family doctor for years …. in fact since before Joe himself had even been born …. and was now semi-retired.  His two younger partners did most of the doctoring around these parts, but Paul liked to keep his hand in for some of the less urgent cases and those whom he’d known for a long time.  He was also a great friend of Ben Cartwright’s and they spent many hours together playing chess and generally reminiscing about old times.

Joe tied up his horse and took off his hat to run his fingers through his hair.  It was much greyer now than it had previously been … a sign of middle age he told himself ruefully when he looked in the mirror each morning. Still, it was as thick as it had always been and there was no chance of him losing it at this stage.  His father’s hair was snow white now and Ben laughingly reminded Joe at regular intervals that years of raising him had been the cause of it, but they both knew that a great deal of it had been brought about by the tragedies that had come upon them both during these past years.

As Joe walked towards the house he thought as he often did how much this place never changed.  For as long as he could remember the ranch had remained the solid comforting home that he knew.  He’d been born in one of the bedrooms upstairs and he knew that The Ponderosa would be his final resting place too, for he was too connected to this place to ever leave it now. It was in his soul and there was nowhere else on earth that he belonged.

He sighed.  The house and the land that surrounded it might always remain the same, but the people within it … those that he loved dearly had all moved on in one way or another.  All those except Pa of course and Joe knew with an aching in his heart every time that he looked at the man that his time would also come.  His aging body was a daily reminder to his son of just how fragile life was and Joe cherished every moment that they had together now.

He opened the front door and smiled as he flung his hat onto the credenza. ‘Hi Paul,’ he said as he spied both men sitting in front of the fireplace sipping coffee. ‘Good game?’ he asked as he sat down on the edge of the coffee table and leant forward to study the chessboard in between the men.

‘As usual your father refuses to accept defeat,’ said the doctor with a grin.

Ben gave a short laugh and pretended to frown. ‘I’ll accept defeat when I’ve lost the game,’ he said. Joe chuckled. ‘How was your day son?’ asked his father.

‘Not bad,’ replied Joe as he poured himself a cup of coffee. ‘The men are ahead of schedule with the timber and I managed to get that Bank Draft organised when I was in town this morning.’ He took a sheaf of papers out of his pocket and flung them on the table beside him. ‘I came home a bit early because I really need to get onto those books …. much and all as I don’t want to.’  He made a face and for a moment Ben saw in his son the small mischievous boy that he’d known all those years ago. ‘Never one of my strong points was it?’ Joe said as he stood up and stretched.  His body was firm and muscular still, but he found that lately it ached just a bit more at the end of the day.

‘You’d better get onto them then,’ said his father with a wave of his hand. ‘The sooner you start the sooner you’ll finish.’

‘Yes sir,’ said Joe with another grin and a mock salute. ‘Whatever you say.’  He took his coffee over to the study and sat down at his desk before opening up the dreaded accounts book in front of him.  For a moment he had a fleeting memory of sitting here on his father’s knee when he’d been small while the man concentrated on his work.  Strange how time marches on, he thought.  Now we refer to it as my desk and not Pa’s.  As he worked he listened to the two men conversing quietly in front of the fireplace as they continued their game.  He looked at his father’s profile outlined by the flickering light behind him and noted the worn face and the tired eyes.  Ben Cartwright had become an old man and for a moment Joe wondered exactly how and when that had happened.

He heard the noise of the grandfather clock beside him and its regular ticking lulled him for a few moments as listened to the two men’s voices across the other side of the room. There were so many memories in this room …. memories of all the good times and … Joe grinned as he thought about how many times he’d stood here in front of his father’s desk in one sort of trouble or another.  No wonder his father blamed his white hair on him!

He looked up as he heard a movement from across the room and saw Paul getting slowly to his feet. ‘You sure you won’t stay to supper?’ he heard his father ask.

‘No thanks Ben,’ replied Paul. ‘I’d better get on home. Never used to worry me before, but now I don’t really like driving the team in the dark.’  He turned to Joe. ‘Joe?  I wonder if you could take a look at something for me.  I think one of the bridles is worn and it might just need your touch.’

Joe stood up. ‘Sure,’ he said with a smile. ‘I’ll walk you out.’  He followed the man outside and over to his buggy.  ‘Thanks for dropping in,’ he said. ‘Pa really enjoys your visits since he doesn’t get out much any more.’

‘It’s always my pleasure Joe, you know that,’ replied Paul.  ‘I enjoy the visits as much as he does.  Besides, it give me the chance to keep an eye on him.’

‘Now where’s the problem?’ asked Joe as he picked up the reins to study them.

‘Actually there’s nothing wrong with the bridle,’ replied Paul. ‘I just wanted an excuse to talk to you without your father hearing.’

Joe’s eyebrow shot up. ‘Oh?  Why?’

Paul drew a small bottle out of his coat pocket and handed it to Joe. ‘I want you to try and get him to take these pills,’ he said. ‘He won’t listen to me.’

Joe looked at the bottle resting on the palm of his hand. ‘What are they for?’ he asked with fear in his heart. ‘Is there something wrong?’

Paul shook his head and patted the other man on the shoulder. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Not really.  It’s just … well your father is getting on a bit, as you know Joe.  He’s not as young as he used to be and he needs to just look after himself.  These will just help.’

Joe tightened his grip on the bottle and gave a curt nod. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Although I don’t know if I’ll have any more success than you.  He’s fairly stubborn you know.’

Paul laughed. ‘Really?’ he said. ‘I never would have guessed. But seriously Joe he needs to take things easy.’

Joe stared at the house and nodded again. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’ll do what I can.’  He felt a wave of emptiness wash over him as he had so many times lately and he hung his head.  He felt the doctor’s hand on his shoulder and looked up again.

‘Joe it comes to all of us,’ the man said gently. ‘He’s had a good life you know.’

‘I know.’  Joe bit his lip and tried to smile. ‘It’s just hard at times Paul. There are days when I can feel him drifting away.  It’s as if …’ his voice trailed away.

‘Have you thought any more about what we talked about last month?’

‘Yes. I actually wrote to Adam a few weeks ago and let him know.  I haven’t heard back yet though.’  His voice had a brittle edge to it. ‘That’s not unusual though.  Sometimes its takes months for letters to be replied to.’

‘Well he’s a long way away,’ said Paul as he got up into the buggy. ‘I know it would do your father the world of good to see him again after all these years though.’

Joe nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said simply. ‘Jamie’s visit last month did him good I know that. If Adam were to come as well after all these years he’d be thrilled. Bye Paul.’  He waited until the man had driven out of the yard before turning back towards the house again and entering it.  His father was still sitting in his favourite chair next to the fireplace, his head resting on his hand and his eyes closed. ‘Pa?’ Joe said quietly as he sat down, but his father didn’t answer.  Joe watched the older man as he slept, his heart heavy with the pain of the doctor’s words.  He knew Paul was right, but he honestly didn’t know how his Pa could take it any easier.  Apart from his weekly trip to church and the occasional trip to town, he spent most of his time here in the house.  Even so, Joe could see that he was slower with every month that passed.

In sleep, his father’s face was unguarded and showed every line and wrinkle clearly.  Joe put his head on one side as he studied it, remembering the times when he’d sat here as a boy and cuddled into his Pa’s lap in front of the fire while his brothers were playing chess or some similar game and his father told them all stories.  He used to snuggle down and press his head against his father’s chest until he could hear the strong beating of the man’s heart as he looked up at the face that he loved so dearly. His arms used to envelop his small son and it was the most secure feeling that Joe had ever known at the time or since. His father had always seemed so strong and invincible to him and now … his heart constricted again as he took note of the frail man sitting opposite.

‘Are you ready for supper now?’  Joe looked up as Mrs Monahan entered the room.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Thank you.’ He sighed as the woman left the room to retrieve the plates.  Hop Sing was gone now … taken by a bout of pneumonia some years ago … but there wasn’t one day that passed when Joe didn’t miss the man. Mrs Monahan was wonderful and kept the house looking spick and span as well as being a great cook, but somehow it just wasn’t the same.  The small oriental man had been such a part of all their lives and with his passing another part of Joe had died inside.  He had hidden himself in the loft by himself and cried buckets of tears the day they had buried his friend out back … his heart hurting in such a way that he could never have shared his grief with anyone … not even Pa.

‘Pa?’ he said as he gently shook the man. ‘Pa? Wake up.’

Ben opened his eyes and looked startled for a moment. ‘Joe?’ he said, looking up at his son. ‘Joseph?’

Joe smiled at his father. ‘It’s time for supper Pa,’ he said. ‘Mrs Monahan has it ready.’

Ben rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat forward in the chair and looked around. ‘I must have dosed off for a moment,’ he said. ‘Has Paul gone?’

‘Yes Pa,’ said Joe in the same gentle voice. ‘He went a while ago. Its suppertime now.’  He bent down and helped his father to his feet and walked him over to the table. ‘Sure smells good,’ he said to the woman as she put the platter down on the table. ‘Thank you Mrs Monahan.’

She grinned at him. ‘You enjoy it,’ she said. ‘I’ll be back to clear up later.’

Joe sat next to his father and began to serve them both.  He could never sit here without a momentary feeling of sadness at the two empty places at the table across from him, but he did as he always did and brushed such thoughts aside as he began to relate the events of his day to his father.  He noticed that Ben’s eyes lit up as the conversation progressed.  No matter how frail his body became, Ben Cartwright’s mind was always ready to discuss the ranch that he loved so much.  Even though the responsibility of running it was now Joe’s, there were many times when he sought his father’s advice about matters and was always impressed with the man’s insights into the business. Lately he’d begun to ask his advice even when he didn’t it, for it always brought his father so much pleasure to think that he was still needed and a vital part of the Ponderosa.

‘It sounds like you’ve made a good start with things for the army contract then son,’ said Ben later that evening when they were once again sitting by the fire. ‘Why don’t you include the timber up near Bluff Peak in it though?’

Joe hesitated, not really wanting to contradict the man and have him realise that he was confused. ‘We only just replanted there last Fall Pa,’ he said finally.

Ben looked confused for a moment. ‘Did we?’ he said. ‘Oh yes, you’re right of course.’  There was silence for a few moments. ‘Beautiful spot up there,’ he said softly. ‘You can see for miles from that ridge.’

Joe sat forward in his chair eagerly. ‘Why don’t I drive you up there tomorrow?’ he said. ‘It’d do you good to see it again.’

Ben hesitated. ‘Maybe another time son,’ he said. ‘I think that going to church tomorrow morning will be enough for one day.  I’d rather come straight home after that.’

Joe tried to smile, but his disappointment was evident on his face. ‘Sure Pa,’ he said. ‘Another time will be fine.’  There was silence for a while longer as each man stared into the flames that flickered in front of them. ‘I saw Clem in town today,’ said Joe finally. ‘He was asking after you.’

‘Ben’s face lit up again. ‘How is he?’ he asked.

‘Fine.  Retirement suits him I think,’ said Joe. ‘He said that he might take a ride out here to see you through the week.’

‘That’d be nice,’ said Ben. There was another lengthy silence and Joe listened to the regular ticking of the clock behind them. The house seemed so big and empty tonight and Joe felt the lonely feeling that he’d become so used to lately begin to overwhelm him again.  He didn’t get into town himself much at night now, as he hated to leave his father by himself and most of his friends had either moved away or were occupied with their families.  He felt a pang of anguish at the thought of what could have been as his mind touched on the memory of Alice and the child that never was.  This house had been built for the sound of family and now it was a shell of what used to be when they’d all been here together.  It could have been full of many of his own children by now, but instead there was just the two of them here. He winced visibly at the thought of the future and what life might be like once his father wasn’t here to share it with him.  He thought overwhelmed him for a moment and he struggled to compose his mind and divert his thoughts from such melancholy.

‘How about a game of chess?’ he asked after a while.

Ben stretched in his chair. ‘Not tonight, thank you Joe,’ he said. ‘I’m a bit weary. I think I might go on up to bed.’  He turned as there was a loud knock on the door. ‘Who could that be at this time of night?’ he wondered out loud.

‘We’ll soon find out,’ replied Joe as he stood up. He opened the door to see Tom Cleric, one of their hands standing there with a letter in his hand.

‘Excuse me Mr Cartwright,’ he said. ‘But I was in town and Matt at the Telegraph Office thought you might want this tonight.  It came in the late mail.’

‘Thank you Tom,’ said Joe as he took the letter. ‘See you in the morning.’  He frowned as he turned it over and saw the postmark.

‘What is it?’ called Ben from his chair.

‘It’s a letter Pa,’ sad Joe as he walked back over to join the man. ‘It’s from Adam.’

Ben sat up straighter. ‘Adam?’ he said, a large smile spreading over his face. ‘A letter from Adam?’

Joe nodded as he undid the envelope. It was amazing how his father could be so cheered up with one letter from his eldest son.  But it had always been like that, he thought, for they had always been close.  Joe remembered when he was a little boy and his eldest brother had gone away for three years to college in Boston.  Even as a youngster he had realised how his father had missed Adam and grieved for him.  When his brother had left again left again years later Joe had been a man and had witnessed his father’s pain and anguish at the departure of his eldest son.  It had taken years for Joe to come to terms with it and forgive his brother for all he’d put their father through and even now there was an involuntary knot in his stomach as he thought about it.

Adam’s departure had affected his father more than even Joe could possible have known at the time, but with the passing of the years he had realised more and more how much the man desperately wanted to see his eldest son again.  The hardest time of all had been when Hoss had died.  Not even then had Adam come home to visit … he’d written of course, but there had been some excuse to prevent him from travelling back.  Joe suspected that his brother couldn’t face things here after so long a time and with every year that passed it became harder for him.

These last few months while he’d watched his father deteriorate so much he’d been prompted to write to his brother for the first time in years, asking him to consider their father’s wishes for once and come home for a visit. He didn’t expect that he would, but he knew that he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t at least try for his father’s sake to bring back the one thing that would make Ben happy after all this time.  He’d lost one son already and there was nothing that could ever be done to bring Hoss back again … but Adam was a different case and even after all these years Joe didn’t completely give up hope that he just might do it.

Some years ago when his beloved horse Cochise had been dying, his father told him that there was one thing that might bring Adam home to them again, and Joe was counting on the fact that the things he’d written in his letter about their father’s health might just convince his brother to come home one last time before it was too late. He didn’t want his Pa to know why of course, but he was hoping that his brother would put their father’s wishes first this time.

‘Read it for me son,’ said Ben anxiously. ‘My eyes aren’t too good without those darned spectacles that Paul gave me and I’ve left them in my room upstairs.’

Joe smiled and unfolded the paper.  He quickly scanned the page and then looked up at his father, the tears standing in his eyes. ‘He’s coming home,’ he said simply.

Ben gasped and put his hands over his heart in a gesture of joy. ‘What?’ he said breathlessly. ‘Are you sure?’

Joe nodded as he looked at the paper again. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘He’s says that he wants to visit for a while. His ship should get into San Francisco on the 23rd and he should arrive by stage here on the 4th.’ He glanced up. ‘That’s next Saturday,’ he said.  ‘One week from today.’

Ben smiled broadly in delight. ‘I can’t believe it,’ he said softly. ‘Adam!  My Adam is coming home again!  Does he say if he’ll be staying?’

Joe shook his head. ‘No,’ he said, glancing at the paper again. ‘He just says that he’s looking forward to seeing us both again and that he’d like to visit for a while.  He doesn’t say for how long.’  He handed his father the paper. ‘Here,’ he said. ‘You can read it yourself later Pa when you’ve got your spectacles.’

Ben clutched the paper to his chest as if the very possession of it would bring his son closer to him. ‘I can’t believe it,’ he said again. ‘Adam!  After all these years … Adam!’

Joe sat back in his chair, his own emotions close to the surface. ‘We’ll all have a lot to talk about,’ he said simply.

‘We certainly will,’ said Ben happily as he glanced at the paper again and the  clutched it to him. ‘My boy … my Adam.’ He smiled. ‘This is what I’ve been hoping and praying for Joe.  My boys together again at last.  My …’  he hesitated for a split second. ‘My  … two boys.’

Joe’s heart lurched. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly. A silence hung between them like a heavy weight as they both thought about the missing member of their family … the son and the brother that they’d both loved so dearly … who was sleeping peacefully now by the shores of the lake next to Joe’s own mother Marie. ‘Hoss would have loved to have seen him,’ he said quietly.

Ben nodded, tears standing in his eyes. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘That he would son … That he would.’ There was another long silence while they both tried to control their emotions. ‘I’m so glad that I’ll get to see him one last time,’ said Ben softly. ‘I prayed that I would before …’ his voice faltered and he glanced at Joe quickly to gauge his reaction to what he’d been about to say.

‘Pa, you’re fit and well,’ said Joe quickly to cover up his own discomfort at his father’s meaning. ‘You know that you are.’

Ben gave his son a sad smile. ‘Yes of course,’ he said. ‘Only it stands to reason that I won’t have much time left Joe.  I’m just saying that I’ll be happy to see your brother again if I before I’m gone, that’s all.’

Joe swallowed. ‘You’re not going anywhere for a long time Pa,’ he said firmly. ‘And that’s all there is to it.’

Ben gave his son another sad smile. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘And when I do, I want you to know that I’ll be happy out there by the lake with your mother and your brother son.  Please remember that.’

Joe felt his eyes begin to water and he quickly used the excuse of picking up his coffee cup to bend his head and look away from his father. He wished the man wouldn’t speak of such things as it always made the lonely feeling wash over him even stronger than ever. He drank a few sips of his coffee and then looked over at his father and tried to smile. ‘I suppose it’ll be a long week,’ he said, changing the subject abruptly.

‘Yes,’ said Ben as he wiped his eyes. ‘There’ll be a lot to do though.  You’ll have to get Mrs Monahan to air one of the rooms upstairs for your brother. I’d like everything to look nice for him.’

‘I will Pa,’ Joe assured him. ‘I’ll see to it tomorrow.’  He noticed his father run his hand over his face wearily and pretended to stretch himself. ‘I think it’s time for bed,’ he said. ‘I don’t know about you, but I’m bone weary.’

Ben smiled. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Although I don’t know that I’ll sleep much.’

Joe took the small bottle out of his jacket pocket. ‘Paul left this for you,’ he said.

Ben shook his head. ‘I told him I didn’t need that,’ he said shortly. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Of course you’re fine,’ said Joe. ‘But it can’t hurt to take it, can it? He said that it’ll do you good.’

‘I don’t need to have it,’ replied his father stubbornly.

‘Well you might not need to have it, but I need you to,’ said Joe as he held it out to his father. ‘You want to be as well as you can be for next week, don’t you?’

Ben took the bottle reluctantly. ‘Oh all right,’ he said. ‘But only because of next week.’  His eyes lit up again. ‘Only one week,’ he mused happily. ‘Six more days and I’ll have my two boys together again.’

Joe stood up and reached over to help his father slowly to his feet. ‘Come on Pa,’ he said. ‘We’re both going to need our rest.  Time for bed.’  He walked the man slowly over to the staircase and steadied him as they began the slow ascent up.  He stopped to allow his father time to catch his breath on the landing, one hand resting on the red and white Indian rug that had hung there for many years and the other holding onto his father’s arm.

‘You take good care of me Joe,’ said his father softly as they began to climb the stairs again slowly. ‘You’re a good boy.’

Joe laughed softly. ‘You didn’t always think that,’ he said. ‘I remember a time or two when you could have throttled me.’

‘More than a time or two,’ Ben agreed with a chuckle. ‘You certainly were a challenge in your younger days son.’  He looked at his youngest son with pride. ‘But you’ve grown into a son to be proud of Joseph.  You make me proud of you every day.’

Joe looked away from his father, anxious that he wouldn’t see the raw emotion on his face. ‘Thanks Pa,’ he said simply.

‘You’ve been so good to me, particularly during these past few years,’ continued Ben as they got to the top of the stairs. ‘I really don’t know what I would have done without you son.’

‘You would have managed,’ replied Joe, trying to sound light hearted.  He felt his emotions very near the surface and he didn’t want to show his father just how much he worried for him.

Ben patted Joe on the arm. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘You’re probably right … but you’ve made it so much easier for me.  You’re the best son I could ever hope for Joseph. The very best’

Joe grinned at his father as he opened his bedroom door. ‘Thanks Pa,’ he said. ‘You’re a pretty good Pa too, you know.’  Father and son smiled at each other lovingly. ‘Now don’t you stay up all night reading that letter over and over,’ Joe said. ‘You’re going need lots of sleep this week and we’ve got church in the morning, remember?’  He stopped for a moment and considered how many times his father had told him when to go to sleep instead of the other way around.

‘I won’t,’ said Ben. ‘And I’ve got lots to give thanks for tomorrow at church. Good night son.’

‘Night Pa,’ replied Joe. ‘Sleep well.’  He turned to go into his own room and then hesitated as he heard his father’s voice again.

‘I love you Joseph.’

Joe smiled back at the man that he loved so deeply. ‘I love you too Pa.  Good night.’  He watched as his father closed his bedroom door slowly and then turned and faced the empty bedroom in front of him with a sigh as he listened to the silence that enveloped him once again. He walked into it and shut the door behind him.

Six days later:

Adam Cartwright stepped down slowly from the stage and dusted off his expensive suit before looking around at the bustling town in front of him.  He didn’t ever remember Virginia City being this busy before, but then again it had been more years than he cared to remember since he’d seen it … of course it was bound to change.  He lifted an eyebrow as he glanced across the street at the imposing brick buildings that had replaced the wooden structures that he remembered.  All things change in time, he thought, and there had been plenty of time for that to happen around here.

He picked up one of his bags as the stage driver dropped it to the ground in front of him and then hesitated, unsure for once what to do.  He had thought that Joe would have come to meet him or at least have sent someone, but it seemed that it wasn’t the case.  For a moment he felt a pang of doubt that he should have come at all, but immediately pushed the feeling to the back of his mind.  Adam Cartwright seldom doubted himself or anything he did and he wasn’t about to start now.  Still …. he had thought that Joe would have been here.

‘Adam?’

He turned at the sound of his voice and his heart constricted at the sight of his brother standing behind him.  For weeks now he had thought about this moment.  He had planned in his mind what he would say and do when finally confronted with his past, but in an instant all thoughts went from his head and all he could do was stand there and stare at the man in front of him.  He would never have mistaken Joe for anyone else. He would never have passed him in the street and not known him, for his younger brother was still much the same as he remembered him … except … He smiled tentatively at Joe.  ‘You’ve grown,’ he said.

Joe didn’t return the smile, but he lifted his eyebrow in much the same way that Adam remembered their father doing when he was thoughtful. ‘Have I?’ he replied. ‘I’m still the same height.’

‘I didn’t mean in height,’ said Adam. ‘You …’ he looked his brother up and down for a moment and noticed the slim and muscular fit body. ‘You’ve filled out some, that’s all.’

‘Years of hard work,’ said Joe abruptly and bent down to pick up the other bag at Adam’s feet. ‘The buggy’s down here.’  He turned and walked away, obviously expecting his brother to follow.

As Adam walked behind his brother he felt somewhat let down.  The meeting that he’d been dreading for all this time hadn’t been the confrontation he’d expected and somehow it just didn’t feel right.  He’d rehearsed over and over in his mind how it would be.  Either Joe would be very angry with him and not willing to acknowledge him, or he would be very glad to see him and they would have embraced.  In his mind he had prepared himself for both, but never once for this cool and offhand man in front of him.

It wasn’t until they were well out of town that he tried to find out what Joe was thinking.  His brother hadn’t spoken a word since his greeting and Adam was becoming more and more uncomfortable with the tension that he felt between them. ‘I suppose you’re angry with me,’ he ventured.

Joe glanced sideways at him, his face suddenly a mask of unhappiness for things lost. ‘I was,’ he admitted. ‘Not now.’  He was silent again as he stared straight ahead, seemingly concentrating on driving the team.

‘I see.’  Adam waited for more, but the silence between them lengthened.  ‘I’ve been preparing myself to be shocked when I see Pa,’ he said finally.  Joe stared straight ahead and said nothing. Adam looked at him strangely, trying to work out why his brother was insisting on not talking.  If he wasn’t angry with him as he had said, then why wasn’t he ready to communicate? He noticed the tightness of his brother’s grip on the reins as he drove the team in front of him. ‘Joe?’ he ventured. ‘If you’re angry with me then I’d rather we had it out here before we get home.  I don’t think it’s fair to discuss this in front of Pa.’ Joe drew the team to a halt and took a deep breath as he studied his hands lying in his lap silently. ‘Joe?’ said Adam again.

Joe looked up at his brother and Adam was shocked to see tears standing in his eyes. ‘There’s no easy way to tell you this,’ he said after a moment’s hesitation.

‘Tell me what?’  Adam’s heart lurched and he willed his brother not to continue for fear of what he was about to hear.

‘Pa died in his sleep six days ago,’ said Joe in a low voice.  He looked over his brother’s shoulder at the mountains in the distance … the mountains that his father had always loved and that Joe felt were a part of his own soul. Adam was silent as he tried to deal with his own feelings that were crashing down around him and within him. He knew that no words could express how he felt and so he didn’t even try to speak.  The two brothers sat in silence, their father’s memory between them, until slowly Joe took up the reins again and drove the horses forward, his body slumped as he stared at the road in front of him.

Neither brother moved or spoke for a full five minutes until Adam said in a low and unsteady voice that was choking with emotion, ‘I prayed that I’d be in time to say goodbye.’  He sat still within his shock, his mind full of a thousand memories of his father as he listened to the rumbling of the wheels beneath them that provided a background for his thoughts. Suddenly the buggy stopped and he looked up in a daze.  Instead of the house, he saw the lake in front of him and he looked questioningly at his brother. Joe got down and stood beside the horses, his profile outlined against the lake behind him while he absently patted the animal’s neck. He looked up at Adam and nodded before turning away from him and staring at the expanse of water behind him and Adam followed his gaze with anguish in his heart.  He slowly got down as well and went to stand next to his younger brother, his heart crying out for the father that neither of them would ever see again in life.

Joe put his hand on his brother’s shoulder and together Ben Cartwright’s two boys walked slowly across the clearing towards the three headstones, which rested beside each other on the shore of the lake.  It was time to say goodbye.

The End