Summary:  After a tragic accident Joe struggles with guilt and rejection. When his life is threatened and in despair he seeks refuge with a kindred spirit.

Rated K+ (9,960 words)

 

What Nobody Saw

“A cruel story runs on wheels, and every hand oils the wheels as they run.” -Ouida

He came shooting out of the saloon like a well aimed cork, knocking over the innocent bystander on the way. A blurry figure, it was hard to tell who he was at first and who he’d hit…but hit someone he had.

It’s funny when things happen so fast we sometimes can’t make sense of what we’ve seen. I mean cowboys die on these streets all the time…however young girls are just supposed to stroll the day away. But as she spun around that hitching post in a most unnatural way, it was then I knew something bad had happened. A neck sure ain’t supposed to twist like that…especially on one so young and pretty.

Once the dust settled I could see the young man lying on the ground, dazed and beaten. I recognised him instantly as Little Joe, Ben Cartwright’s youngest. As for the young woman lying off the sidewalk and staring blankly at the sky, I couldn’t tell you who she was; except she wasn’t with us anymore. Such a shame.

Usually my days living here on the streets of Virginia City are varied; lots of entertainment available throughout the day if you cared to watch. But this was different. What I’d just seen was tragic, not entertaining, and I knew from where I sat nothing looked good at the moment. In fact I had a feeling this was going to be a bad afternoon…very bad!

To most folk I’m just a nobody; invisible to everyone. As I slowly stood up to get a better look I could feel the silence hanging in the air, waiting to be released. Then a woman’s scream soon fixed that with a sound so shrill it made my teeth hurt. It wasn’t long before a crowd congregated to gawk and stare. I wish people wouldn’t gather like that, ‘cause it starts an engine of talking that can only mean one thing…trouble.

Crowds never get details of accidents right, and I had a horrible feeling while looking at young Cartwright struggling to come to, that this time was going to be no different. The boy looked completely stunned, which made sense when you saw the size of the bump on his forehead. Lucky for him the large figure of his elder brother Hoss stood over him, shielding his vision from the tragic scene. He obviously didn’t want his little brother to see what others had come to stare at. But like everyone else, Joe’s curiosity pushed common sense out of the way, and Hoss was forced to step aside.

I know this big fella, and for sure that wasn’t an easy thing for him to do. Hoss had always tried to protect his kid brother against all odds and I’m certain he didn’t like how this gathering was stacking up. But as the young Cartwright practically crawled over to the still form lying on the dirt floor, the crowd parted instantly. Then he just knelt there staring at her, willing her eyes to blink…. signaling life.

Nobody spoke and again silence was heavy until the familiar sound of Doc Martin could be heard, yelling at folks to get out of his way. I could tell it didn’t take him but a moment to realise what had happened as Joe kept whispering how sorry he was, pleading with the still form to wake up.

Poor Hoss looked confused, not quite knowing what to do for his brother. But the doc knew. Thank goodness he has a cool and sensible head on his shoulders and he immediately glared over at Hoss, instructing him with his eyes to get Joe out of harm’s way. And harm him they would, judging by the looks I saw as the crowd glanced from Joe to the girl’s body. “Get Joe over to the Sheriff’s office now, Hoss. Anyway you have to.”

That woke Hoss and he didn’t need any more coaxing as he practically carried his brother away and across the street.

The Doc tried mighty hard to distract the crowd as best he could, and urged some of the men to carry the girl’s body to his office. “There’s nothing more I can do for her here. We need to find her family.” This distraction worked for a few minutes whilst the rest remained staring blankly at each other. Who was she…where was she from?

The crowd looked lost, without focus, wondering where to lay blame, waiting for someone to lead them through such a confusing moment. Their wishes were soon answered in the form of a miner who recognised the girl as Melanie Brooke and knew of her father and family. Someone else shouted…he done it deliberate. Joe Cartwright pushed her out the way without a second thought….knew just what he was doing!

Now blame was firmly established and the crowd with one purpose wanted Joe Cartwright to pay.

The shouting gathered in volume with all kinds of threats. It doesn’t take long before momentum can move a crowd. Just one loud mouth is all it takes, and suddenly everyone becomes convinced they knew exactly what happened. And a crowd like that usually gets it wrong.

As one they then moved across the street towards the jail, demanding young Cartwright to come out and face them. I wasn’t doing much good standing beside the saloon so I thought it was time to find that back door the sheriff lets me use, when it’s too cold or wet to sleep outside. At least in his office I could get a look at the boy and make sure he was alright. After all it was just an accident and it wasn’t his fault.

Inside was a sight. A large rock had crashed through the window and found its mark as Hoss held a blood soaked cloth up to his eye. Too big a target I guess. The sheriff noticed me right away but didn’t pay me much mind; he was far too busy trying to keep Joe from going through the front door. “I need to see her family…tell them how sorry I am.” Crazy kid. Now was not the right time…didn’t he know that?

Thank goodness for Hoss who knew how to handle his brother. Gently he eased him away from the door and back to a bench beside the Sheriff’s desk.

It’s funny how whenever there’s a problem the sheriff always reaches for the coffee pot. I wonder if that’s how he got his name? He offered some to Joe, hoping to distract him, but I knew this boy was lost to everyone and everything…but guilt.

He remained sitting on the bench with his head tilted back against the wall. His hands lay limply in his lap, rough and bleeding, giving evidence to one hell of a fight in the Silver Dollar. The boy was so pale, trembling with the realisation of it all. I watched Hoss sit helpless…offering what he gave best to his kid brother…love and support. His hand rested on Joe’s knee, ready to gather him into his arms if need be, but Joe didn’t seem to notice, his mind elsewhere.

What worried me most was the look in his eyes, pooling with remorse. At that moment I knew for certain guilt had found a new victim and it was only a matter of time before it would consume and eventually destroy the boy…for I knew the monster well.

“Do you think you could give us a hand Rudy?” I wasn’t even sure if it was a question, for it had been such a long time since anyone had asked me for help with anything. “We need to get Joe back to the Ranch but I don’t trust those folk out there for Hoss to take him alone. Someone needs to fetch Ben and Adam. You could take my horse; he’s gentle and won’t give you much trouble.”

‘Gentle?’, I thought to myself. Doesn’t the sheriff realise I haven’t ridden a horse in years! And even back when I was a respectable banker I usually travelled by buggy.
But I nodded anyway and slipped out the back door, realising I must still be invisible ‘cause no one even flinched as I clumsily climbed into the saddle and rode out down the street as best I could.

Thank goodness my memory is as good as my eyesight for it wasn’t long before I recognised familiar landmarks that told me I was heading in the right direction towards the Ponderosa. I had forgotten how beautiful it was…so peaceful. It seemed only yesterday Ben had invited me for afternoon tea. I was new in town, travelling from back East having been offered a prominent job at the Virginia City Bank in the Loan Department. It seemed new settlers coming out west needed my services to make fresh starts. But that’s another story.

As I rode up to the house Ben was there to greet me. His face suddenly darkened and he seemed to instinctively know something was wrong as he noticed me riding in on the Sheriff’s horse. Adam came out as well; nodding his head in greeting that says hello and what’s up all in one motion.

I tell you when you see anxious faces like that you can’t assure them fast enough. But that assurance wouldn’t last forever and the three of us made it back to Virginia City as quickly as possible.

I’ll never forget the crescendo of noise when we rode into town. The crowd seemed to have multiplied tenfold, shouting louder and much more vicious…something had changed. I could see Ben stiffen as he heard veiled threats and accusations levelled against his son.

Sure enough a middle aged man seemed to be holding court to anyone who would listen…and there were plenty. It was obvious this was the poor girl’s father. A distraught father is a dangerous man…especially one who has been fed a pack of lies. Didn’t he know it was an accident…hadn’t anyone told him what really happened? Apparently not.

I knew Ben wanted to get to Joe quickly without being noticed, but sadly unlike me, he was not invisible. In fact some folk say he is larger than life! To me he was just a father intent on protecting his own; and I have a sense of what that feels like. I would have done anything for the ones I’d loved, if only they’d lived.

As Ben reached the Sheriff’s door his path was blocked by the grieving father. Noise instantly simmered to a whisper as the two men squared off; one filled with loss wanting answers, the other filled with worry wanting access. Not a good combination.

Ben demanded to be allowed to pass when Sheriff Coffee suddenly appeared in the doorway holding a shotgun in that posture that meant business. He urged the crowd to disperse and pick up from where the day had taken such a tragic turn.

“Now there’s been a terrible accident here today, but it’s nobody’s fault. Go on home and simmer down.” Then I heard him gently offer the girl’s father his condolences, telling him to go back to his wife waiting at the Doctor’s office. This the man did, returning to comfort his wife and try and make sense of it all.

As the sheriff stepped aside to allow Ben and Adam to enter, I wasn’t comfortable following. For a moment I paused and looked through the doorway. The relief in Hoss’ eyes spoke volumes as his little brother swiftly moved towards his father with an urgency only a parent understands.

It had been a long afternoon and both me and Virginia City was worn out. As I stood outside I watched everyone drift slowly back to order, with only the odd ugly comment heard here and there. I decided it was now safe enough to return to my usual spot just outside the saloon doors. I needed some rest. This had not been a good day and I hoped for Joe’s sake it would soon be a distant memory. Wishful thinking!

***

It had been about a week since I’d laid my eyes on a Cartwright. Thank goodness Ben had the common sense to leave Joe at home with Hoss when he and Adam came in to attend the girl’s funeral. Adam was kind enough to seek me out and thank me for my trouble when fetching him and his Pa on that dreadful day. I brushed it off of course, but that small gesture made a difference to me and I immediately warned him to keep his kid brother on the ranch. Rumours and accusations still swilled in the beer of the saloon, and tittered out of the dress shops. I knew Joe didn’t need to hear any of that, especially from those he considered his friends.

But I guess I hadn’t made myself clear enough for it was only a short while after the funeral that Joe turned up in town with his brothers. So as they entered the saloon together I shuffled in behind them. Flanked protectively on either side Joe seemed safe enough, but words can sting and soon the whispers and accusations began to flow from all directions.

“We don’t want his kind in here.”

“Should have been hung for what he did.”

“Got away with murder…just ‘cause he’s a Cartwright.”

Sam the bartender shouted. “Shut your mouth Murphy; there ain’t any cause to say that.”

It was then the place turned ugly and for a moment I thought Sam would soon be ordering new beer glasses once again. I mean there’d been a time when Joe would be up for paying for replacements on a weekly basis with all the brawls he managed to get mixed up in. But today he just looked beaten. There was no fight in him as his eyes pleaded with his brothers to leave; seemingly accepting his exile from the saloon and the guilt that went with it.

And so as the three of them disappeared through the swing doors I watched as Adam and Hoss supported Joe down the street, each holding an arm and guiding as if he was blind. The kid’s head was tucked so low he would have been apt to run into a post or two if it weren’t for his brothers.

I could see the two elder Cartwrights glancing at each other, obviously puzzled why the ridicule had continued. Surely by now the Sheriff and Doc had set everyone straight.

I knew though. It seems the rumours had got worse, and had gathered momentum ever since the dead girl’s brother arrived in town to attend her funeral. He’d come all the way from San Francisco to pay his respects to a sister he barely knew and hardly ever visited. Doesn’t sound much like a close knit family to me.

Vile stuff… gossip. Spread by those who need to feel important and just want to cause trouble. The girl’s brother, Simon Brookes, was a master; his appearance matching his dark voice, slick black suit and hat to match. And even though he’d never met him, didn’t know the true facts, he soon had everyone riled up about Little Joe.

“He was told to slow down, but he’s nothing but a drunk; a tearaway who can’t hold his liquor. That Cartwright doesn’t listen to anyone. If he did my sister would be alive today. Thinks just ‘cause he’s got money he can do what he pleases.”

I knew at that moment that Joe Cartwright didn’t stand a chance.

And I was growing increasingly worried about Joe. I’ve watched him over the years, and you’d never meet anyone more social. He could make you feel at ease instantly with his likeable manner, which in my mind was a gift. Joe would tilt his hat differently towards every woman he greeted, making them all feel special; young and old. Combine that with a smile that lit up his face and you have one charming young man.

He loved to come into town and feel part of that energy that comes from being a member of a community. But this community had now turned against him and he didn’t deserve such treatment. Perhaps for some he had something money couldn’t buy; self worth. Maybe that’s why some wanted to take it away.

They sure took mine.

***

Joe Cartwright needed company and over the next few weeks he would sometimes come into town by himself. I reckon he thought he’d test the waters in the hope things had improved; just staying at the edge of the daily flow, keeping a low profile, not saying much. Whether or not his family knew what he was up to it was difficult to guess, though I have a feeling his Pa wouldn’t have been best pleased if he’d realised where he was.

Now I know from experience there’s nothing worse than being shunned, tossed out, and ignored by those you’ve valued and trusted. But as those so-called friends and acquaintances he’d known for years still continued to ostracise him I could see it was having a devastating effect on this young man.

One day I shifted over to sit outside the Doc’s office after I’d seen Joe going in. I suspect he was picking up some salve for the multiple bruises he sported when rumour and his temper got the best of him. . He noticed me as he left and I smiled a greeting so he chose to settled himself right down beside me. “Hiya Rudy. I’ve wanted to thank you for all your help; Pa told me what you did, coming out to the ranch and all.”

“It weren’t any trouble,” I answered him. “I’d forgotten how beautiful the Ponderosa is… those pines are something.”

Joe nodded. “Yeah. Its quiet there.”

I could see he looked lost….unbearably sad. “You know Joe; I saw what went on that day. There was nothing you could have done to stop what happened. You need to let it go; it was an accident…pure and simple.”

Joe stared out at the street with a look that doesn’t belong on a face that young. “You might think so…but they don’t see it that way.”

I tried to look positive…give him assurance. “Don’t listen to them son. Knuckle heads the lot of them. What right have they to pass judgement? Who are they anyway?”

Heaving the most miserable of sighs Joe then stood up. “They were my friends.” Then turning he wished me good day and threw me a wave, promising to visit again next time he was in town.

“You come back real soon Joe, things will be different you’ll see.”

But I knew he either didn’t hear me…or didn’t believe me as he quickly vaulted onto his horse and cantered away. But true to his word, each time Joe came to town after that he’d seek me out and we’d end up chatting. Truth was for me it was such a pleasant change, not to be ignored. And since he still craved company I was more than willing to give Joe as much attention as he wanted.

***

The funeral had been over several weeks but every day inside the saloon I could hear that loud-mouthed troublemaker; Simon Brooke. He had a certain edge to his voice that sounded razor sharp, and as long as he had an audience he continued to have something to say.

“Can you believe old man Cartwright showing up at my sister’s funeral? That man has some nerve.”

“Was that the brother of the kid who killed my sister?”

“I’m going to make that boy pay.”

Now you’d think people would get tired of all this talk by now. I know I had. But Simon Brooke was content to take the free drinks offered by those who sympathized with him; always thinking of new material to gain their attention. Then on one particular occasion he was slurring and visibly drunk.

“So you folks think that it was an accident like the sheriff said? That’s not how it looks to me. Reckon it was done deliberate and I aim to pay Joe Cartwright a visit soon as I hire me a horse.”

Well that got my attention. This could only mean trouble, but there was very little I could do. I hoped no harm would come to the boy and took some comfort in knowing he lived with three very loving and protective men, and a ranch full of reliable and trusting hands.

But even when the odds are in your favour, it’s still possible to get hurt. So later that evening when I saw one of Ben’s ranch hands come tearing down the street, and barely stopping his horse before running into the Doc’s office, I knew Joe may not have beaten the odds.

I made my way over there and it was easy to hear the young hand, who was clearly a one of Joe’s friends. His loud and frantic voice telling me he was scared. The Doc urged him to simmer down.

“Slow down son; now tell me exactly what happened.”

“Well, Hoss yelled into the bunk house that Joe had been shot, and that lousy no-good may be still in the area. He asked me to ride for you as quickly as possible while the rest of the fellas were going have a look around. Joe must be bad Doc ‘cause Hoss looked real worried.”

“Okay young man. You catch your breath while I get my bag.”

When I saw the Doc open the door I had barely enough time to ask if I could help. “It’s okay Rudy. I’ll go see to him now. Watch the shop for me till I return will you?”

“No problem Doc. But you will do your best for him, won’t you? He’s kinda special.”

As we exchanged a look of understanding the Doc took off down the street in his buggy with the young ranch hand not far behind. Joe’s tough, I thought to myself, but even he has a breaking point.

It was pretty obvious to me who was after Joe, but Ben would want to follow the letter of the law. Mind you, that isn’t to say in the process those boys of his wouldn’t raise hell.

***

The next day I was stood outside the jail when Adam suddenly galloped into view and stormed passed me into the office. With the door left open I could hear him yelling at the Sheriff.

“You know as well as I do who shot Little Joe, Roy. Even old Rudy out there said the girl’s brother practically announced his plans back in the Saloon. He even asked where he could hire a horse.”

I smiled at that. I’d told one of the Ponderosa ranch hands what I’d heard and he must have told Adam. At least someone listens to me. But this was no laughing matter. Joe could have been killed.

“Do you have any idea what some of the people in this town have put my brother through? What these “nice folks” do and say every time he comes here to get supplies or pick up the mail? And now this! Roy the kid should feel safe in his own home!”

I could tell Roy was tired and he knew there was no easy answer for Adam. We’d talked together about the eldest Cartwright son before. When that young man makes up his mind about something it’s really hard to hold your ground. No one makes a more convincing argument than Adam, except perhaps his father.

But Roy tried his best.

“Adam there’s no law that can stop these people from saying what they say and as much as I hate it, there is very little I can do. And as far as this fella who you say came out to your ranch and shot Little Joe, there is no evidence, no witnesses. Even if you brought charges up against him, are you sure you want to put Joe through that type of public ordeal after what he’s been through?”

I could see Adam shift his weight slightly and although he didn’t agree, Roy had made a good point. Joe had suffered enough.

Roy then asked him to explain exactly what had happened in the hope that maybe there might be something to go on. I watched through the doorway as Adam eased down into a chair telling him what he knew.

It seems Ben and his sons had called it a night and headed upstairs quite early. Joe and Hoss had been bickering all the way to their rooms as they usually did, accusing each other of losing the checker that mysteriously had gone missing in the middle of the last game.

Adam had been reading in his room for about an hour when he heard a quiet knock on his door and Joe appeared, saying he couldn’t sleep. Said he wanted to borrow one of his poetry books that would for sure help him nod off. Adam had been relieved to see Joe more his old self and he’d managed to hit him with his pillow for his cheek. Joe had scooped it up as he left and Adam had waited for him to close his bedroom door before settling back to read his book. It only seemed a few seconds later when he heard a shot, and the next thing he could remember was kneeling by Joe and brushing the shattered window glass away from his body.

Ben and Hoss rushed in and lifted Joe onto his bed. The bullet had entered his side but for some reason the wound didn’t appear to be as serious as they’d expected it to be. Then by the time the Doc arrived Joe seemed to be more aware of his surroundings. He mumbled something about him just closing his curtain and Adam then realized he would have made a perfect target…. silhouetted for all to see.

I could see Adam shaking his head. “Roy, I’ll never forget the look of horror on Pa’s face. This was Joe’s room, his sanctum. He should be safe on the Ponderosa! It must have been that low-life brother. Who else could it be?”

Roy was shaking his head. “But if what you say is true Adam, he would have had to know which room belonged to Joe. Don’t tell me one of the folks in town told him?”

Roy’s comment made Adam look even angrier at the thought of someone divulging those details. He stared at the floor for a moment. I think it saddened him that a community he respected would allow something like this to happen. Then he continued, sarcasm clearly in his voice. “Like I said earlier Roy, nice folks we have here in Virginia City.”

“Go on Adam,” Roy then urged. “Did Hoss find anything outside that might give us a clue?”

“No. There was nothing. But when Hoss came back upstairs just as the Doc was getting ready to remove the bullet, he picked up the pillow Joe had taken from me that was still lying on the floor. And when we looked more closely, we noticed the bullet had gone clean through before it had lodged itself in Joe’s side. He must have been holding it when he closed his curtain.”

It was then I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. I’d been listening to every word and suddenly felt as though I’d let those Cartwrights down. I should have found a better way to warn Joe. “How is he?” I interrupted from the doorway as Adam looked over at me.

“It wasn’t as bad as we first thought and the bullet didn’t go in that deep. But it was some time before he came to, and he was in a lot of pain. We told him to lie still but he insisted on trying to shift positions so as to see who was in his room. It was like he needed to make sure he knew everyone; needed to feel safe.”

I nodded in understanding as Adam continued. “Doc says it will be a couple of weeks before he’s allowed out of bed, and though he’s trying to be brave, I overheard him asking Pa if we would wait a while before we replaced the glass in his window. For now he wanted it boarded up with wood.”

Adam suddenly stood up and banged his fist hard on the desk top. “Roy I want Brooke in jail.”

“I’m sorry Adam but… ”

However, before Roy could finish Adam was out the door.

Now its not often I go looking for trouble, but I guess that’s what I was doing, ‘cause I found myself following that young man to the Saloon. One thing about Adam he has a level head, but when he’s mad look out!

Just like Hoss he was fiercely protective of Joe, and he’d had it up to here with a town that thought it was alright to let a man stay free who’d attempted to kill his kid brother.

As I slipped in behind Adam in the Saloon you could hear a pin drop. There wasn’t a man there who didn’t know what Adam had come for. Word had travelled fast that Joe had been shot, and I bet everyone in that Saloon wished they were invisible like me, ‘cause at that moment the look in Adam’s eyes took my breath away.

“What can I get you?” Sam said, hoping to ease the tension. But Adam would have none of that. “Where’s Brooke?”

He said it loud enough for everyone to hear including that particular gentlemen, who was seated by himself near the back.

“I’m over here. What’s it to you.”

Now Adam is a man of few words and on this occasion he didn’t use any at all! He simply lifted Brooke by the front of his shirt and landed a fist on his chin with enough force that would have sent him clean through the wall if it weren’t for the piano. At first I thought Adam had knocked him out, but slowly Brooke tried to stand, pulling out his gun as an afterthought.

Adam just stood there with his own revolver pointed squarely at Brooke’s chest.

By now the Sheriff had arrived, doing what he does best; calming everyone down….especially Adam.

Roy asked him all reasonable like to put his gun away, explaining this was not going to make things better for Joe. Reluctantly, Adam holstered his gun as the Sheriff took Brooke’s firearm and helped him up none to gently.

“He tried to kill me Sheriff, aren’t you going to do something about it?” Brooke whined .

Now the Sheriff is a clever man and I swear there are times he acts like he’s deaf, ’cause he just took hold of that scoundrel’s arm and kept moving him out of the saloon to his office.

Adam on the other hand took a minute to gain his composure, and after one final glare at the saloon patrons he was gone. I followed him outside and told him to let Little Joe know I was asking after him. Whether he was listening to me is anyone’s guess, but one thing was obvious: Adam wasn’t happy.

With no evidence and no witnesses the Sheriff had no choice but to let his prisoner go. However he did warn him that he would be watched from now on. This suited Brooke just fine as he had by now lost interest in his family and certainly in staying around Virginia City.

So it was with no surprise that I watched him leave on the next morning’s stage returning back to San Francisco. And I muttered after him….good riddance.

 

In the weeks that followed I heard from the Doc that Joe was recovering well. I was pleased he was feeling better and hoped that while he was away from town things might improve…. soften up a bit for him. After all gossip eventually dries up if it doesn’t have new material.

But sadly, Melanie’s mother had taken seriously ill and this was just the excuse the town needed to get fired up again; everyone blaming her illness on Joe.
As if the boy needed any more guilt.

So eventually when Joe was well enough to visit Virginia City again, he was still brutally shunned. I watched him cross the street rather than listen to the whispers. He seemed to become more and more withdrawn, happy to settle himself down with me in the shadows, rather than risk being ridiculed or ignored in the saloon bar.

I always made sure I gave him a big hello when he came to join me and we would usually talk about this or that; anything that might help him to forget. Joe was distracted to a point, but then his shoulders would slump and I would catch him staring at his friends across the street. And when he saw them turn their backs he would pretend he didn’t care, but I knew it troubled him deeply.

He was 19 years old and his friends meant everything to him. He loved to chit chat with the young ladies of the town and before the tragedy there hadn’t been a week gone by when I wouldn’t watch with amusement as he strolled down the street with a female on each arm!

“No one has ever told me why you live this way, Rudy. Has it always been like this for you? Alone.”

His question caught me by surprise and I sure didn’t see it coming. I knew at this moment Joe was asking for my help, even if he didn’t know it. He’d reached a point where he could no longer ignore his sadness. But how could I tell him that eventually you don’t care about anything…or anyone, least of all yourself. This wasn’t the path I wanted for him. He was too full of life and had too much to give. Indifference was no road for him to walk down.

So taking a deep breath I decided to tell him my story. A story about my past I had locked away for so many years.

“Well Joe, no it wasn’t always like this for me. A long time ago I was sent here to set up a loan’s department in your Virginia City bank. When I arrived everyone was so welcoming, especially your Pa. He even invited me out to tea, and encouraged me to go and meet the young ladies in town. Well it wasn’t long after attending a few socials I met a young widow. Her name was Leila. Leila Mathews and she had a young son called Justin. She was a beauty, Joe; thank goodness you were too young to notice her; otherwise I might have had some competition!”

That brought a smile to Joe’s face as I continued with my story.

“Leila and Justin had been living for quite a while at that old boarding house that used to sit at the edge of town. Mrs Burns who owned the place was very fond of my Leila and her son, and I soon found myself spending more and more time there. We were noticed and thought of as a couple, and everyone was of the opinion we’d get married eventually. And so did I.

I loved her Joe…. that’s for sure. And her son was just like you; full of vim and vigour. Justin and I would spend long hours together, exploring the outskirts of town, hoping to find treasures he could bring home and show his Ma. In many ways we were already a family, helping each other and enjoying every moment of the day and night we spent together.

Now don’t get the wrong idea, Joe; I had every intention of asking Leila to be my wife. But then everything changed that fateful night. We’d left young Justin alone in his bedroom with his light turned down low ‘cause he was afraid of the dark. He was only four, but I thought he knew about oil lanterns so I didn’t bother to tell him not to fiddle with the wick, or turn it up. Leila and I made sure we told him we were just going to be down on the porch as it was the only place we could find privacy away from the little scamp.

Anyhow, I guess he must have knocked the lamp over. It all happened so fast. We smelled the smoke first before we saw his bedroom curtains catch on fire. Leila heard him screaming and instantly she ran for the door. I tried to stop her, but she was up the stairs so quickly. So I followed behind making sure to stop and warn the other tenants to get out as fast as they could. I remember so well Mrs. Burns screaming at me. Telling me to run for help. Someone had to alert the town and the fire department, so in that instant I made the decision to run, thinking I would be back in plenty of time. I was wrong.

By the time I returned I expected to see Leila and Justin on the lawn with the rest of the tenants. But they were no where to be found. I ran towards the fire but the building was completely engulfed. Don’t remember much after that. Still trying to make sense of it…even now.

Well, the days that followed were a blur, and of course the townsfolk were devastated. There wasn’t a citizen of Virginia City that Leila hadn’t touch with her kindness. And as for Justin….well he knew everyone and they all loved him.

Everyone seemed to hold me responsible for Leila and Justin dying…said I should have got them to safety before going for help. But I’d thought Leila was always so capable, and I’d figured she could get Justin out on her own. But as time went on I didn’t blame the folks for holding me responsible. I began to believe it as well. I mean what kind of man doesn’t see to a women’s safety first. I just wasn’t thinking.

And then the gossip started; the rumours. It seemed a new version of what had happened and how I was to blame was available each week. But after the funeral when I tried to fit in again, no one wanted to know me…and truth be told I didn’t care either.

I wallowed in self-pity and it wasn’t long before I lost my job, my friends, my self respect. Of course it was my fault they both died. It was me who let Justin keep that lantern burning low. It was me who should have blown it out.

“So now, Joe, you can see why most people of this town choose to forget who I am. I was once an intelligent man, but then I became a nobody.”

My throat felt dry and sore. It had been a long time since I’d recounted that pain, and I was done in. A broken heart had a memory all its own.

I wasn’t sure if I had answered Joe’s question, or he got the answer he wanted. But I had a horrible feeling I’d just made things worse.

As watched him slowly get up to leave I could see his eyes still held no hope. “They got it wrong, Rudy,” he said. “It was an accident.”

With that he walked back to his horse with the same posture he had when he came to join me. Nothing had changed and I’d given him no hope. I had this gut feeling Virginia City wouldn’t be seeing him for awhile.

And that hunch was right when a couple of days later Ben Cartwright came into town inquiring after Joe’s whereabouts.
”Hi Rudy, how are you keeping these days?”

“Just fine Ben, and how are those boys of yours?”

“Well, that’s why I’m here, Rudy. Have you seen Joe?”

My heart sank with the realization that Joe must have left that afternoon feeling he had no alternative but to disappear from sight. Fat lot of good my story did him. My fears were now confirmed; my past must have convinced him to go.

As I looked at Ben I couldn’t help but wonder why Joe didn’t realize he had a caring, loving family…… didn’t he realize they would help him through all this…through anything. I suddenly felt a need to reassure as best I could.

“No Ben, I don’t rightly have. He came to visit the other day, but since then I thought he must be out at the ranch with you. But you know young men these days. Never think about the worry they cause when they decide to go on an adventure without telling anyone.”

Ben sort of smiled, but who was I trying to kid. We both knew Joe had gone. Heck he practically told me he was leaving. What was it he said to me while he sat on his horse after he had listened to my story?

“Rudy? Why didn’t you just leave town after everything that happened?”

“Never really thought about it Joe,” I said. “No place to go I guess.”

But it seemed Joe had found someplace to go, and I felt partly to blame.

“I think it’s my fault Ben. I told Joe about what happened to me. And I think he believes the only way for him not to turn out like me…. is to leave this town. I’m sorry.”

Ben didn’t say anything, just nodded and turned his horse around and left.

For days I worried, wondering what had become of my young friend. I knew what it was like to be alone, recounting that terrible memory over and over again until the guilt convinces you that you don’t deserve anything life has to offer.

And it seemed Joe’s guilt was really bad. It had been building within him every day and his self loathing was palpable. He’d convinced himself that he’d drunk too much the day Melanie was killed; convinced himself he was a tearaway, a lout, a spoilt brat. To him it was obvious he was everything the town said he was.

Nothing I said could convince him that he was bodily thrown out of that saloon with such a force that it would knock anyone down. But Joe wasn’t listening.

Then finally weeks later, I saw him. Thank goodness.

“Where have you been, you fool kid? You’ve had your Pa worried to death.”

Joe dropped his head and I kicked myself, realizing I’d just gone and given him some more guilt.

“Ah, well, you’re back now, that’s the main thing,” I said.

He just looked at me with a “what’s the use” look written all over his face. Joe Cartwright was dangerously close to giving up on everything…everyone.

“Do you feel like taking a stroll, Joe? I could use some exercise.”

“No. I best get back; no sense in worrying Pa any longer.”

“Where did you go Joe?” I asked him gently.

“Up to the high country where you don’t hear no whispers Rudy. Trees don’t give me any trouble, but I’m sorry if I worried you.”

He left me with that half- baked smile that seemed to be his signature these days.

As I glanced across the street two young women were greeting each other at the stage depot. Their annoying chatter could be heard on the wind and I suddenly turned my attention to Joe who was watching and listening as well. It didn’t take much to realize that the infamous Joe Cartwright was at the centre of their conversation and the focus of their stares. With his head down to conceal his hurt and embarrassment, he mounted his horse and rode home.

When would it end?

***

It’s funny how a tragic event such as the one I witnessed outside the saloon that awful day can change a life so quickly. But then just as fast another event can change it again.

It happened when I noticed Joe waiting outside the mercantile for the weekly supplies he needed to load the wagon. Hoss was inside, contemplating which sweets he might buy for the long trip home while Joe was busy watching a lively game of stick ball played by a few small children in an alley across the street. I followed his gaze and saw one rather exuberant young boy manage to send the ball clear onto the busy road.

To this day I will never get over how Joe seemed to sense what was going to happen next before I even saw the daily stage from Sacramento clear the bend at the end of the street. Maybe it was the boy in him that intuitively told Joe this particular lad would recklessly run after the ball that was heading into the direct path of the stage that day.

The rest is a blur…then I began running.

Joe was lying on the ground just off the sidewalk, his head bleeding though his eyes were blinking….thank God…. looking up at the sky. The small boy Joe had thrown clear of danger was now whimpering in his Ma’s skirts; Hoss was running and shouting at the same time for someone to get the Doc.

As I knelt beside him Joe sensed I was there, and through his pain he looked at me. I’ll never forget the panic I felt in that instant when I realized what his eyes were saying.

“Don’t even think it, young man,” I bellowed at him in that long ago voice that was known to scare young bank clerks. “This is not the answer. Stay with us…do you hear me Joe. Don’t give up!”

Thank goodness Hoss arrived moments later and instinctively knew what was going on in Joe’s head. He gently stroked his little brother’s cheek.

“Just had to join in on their fun didn’t you little brother. Look at me Joe. That’s it, keep looking,” he kept urging.

For a moment I raised my head and realized that indeed everyone was looking. A crowd had suddenly formed and this crowd had gathered to stare..once again.

I rose to my full height, not having felt that upward stretch in a long time. “What are you all staring at? Haven’t you all caused enough damage?”

The crowd looked at me and appeared shocked and then it dawned on me. They didn’t know who I was. “You don’t recognize me do you? I’m the invisible man you step over and ignore every day. The ‘nobody’ man. But this time you’ll take notice of me cause this young man matters and he’s hurting and needs your help now!”

So as I gently helped Hoss lift Joe in such a way that supported his head, two other men appeared out of nowhere to help carry his legs. When we reached the doctor’s office Hoss was still coaxing Joe to keep his eyes open, but he seemed to be fighting a losing battle. Joe’s head had hit the edge of the sidewalk when he had thrown himself and the child out of the path of the stage. The speed and the weight of the small boy combined had given Joe one hell of a whack.

The wound was still bleeding profusely and Joe was losing his grip on the world despite Hoss’ best efforts to keep him awake. “Come on Joe, stay awake for Pa.” For a moment I thought that would do the trick, knowing the boy’s fierce connection to Ben. But he then lost consciousness.

The Doc took control immediately.

“I’ve got to stop the bleeding. Everyone out of here including you Hoss.”

“Don’t worry,” I told Hoss as we sat in the outer office. “Joe knows you’re here.” Then I remembered who didn’t know Joe was here… his Pa and Adam.

By now the Sheriff was involved to lend direction if need be, and the crowd was still outside as predictable as ever.

“Feel up to making another ride on my horse Rudy?” I thought I was hearing things, surely Roy wasn’t asking me to help again.

“Sure I am Sheriff and I bet I’ll get there even faster this time.”

I didn’t need landmarks for I knew exactly where I was going. Oddly I felt far more confident on a horse than I had in a long time. Perhaps it was my new found posture and self belief.

As I rode up to the ranch house Ben was out on the front porch, but this time my panic gave me away. “Joe’s hurt real bad Ben, Adam. Saved a young boy’s life and knocked himself out in the process. The Doc is with him now, but the Sheriff said to hurry.”

Looking back on that moment it seems odd now as neither Ben nor Adam said a thing. And I’ve never seen horses saddled so fast in my life, yet by the time we got back to the Doc’s the crowd was still there. I found it curious, for there was nothing for them to stare at. They just stood there in silence. But I didn’t pay it no mind and moved inside quickly with Ben and Adam.

“You made it in good time Rudy, good for you.”

I gave an embarrassed smile towards the Sheriff. Never mind a question…now I was not quite sure what to do with a compliment!

Adam was listening intently to Hoss who was obviously in shock as he described what had happened to Joe. His strength was just what Hoss needed right now as the two brothers huddled together, whispering in quiet tones.

Inside, the Doctor’s examining room was another story. The door was slightly ajar and I got my first glimpse of medical chaos. It looked frightening with so many blood soaked towels on the floor but head wounds bleed a lot, I kept telling myself.

I could hear Ben asking how Joe was, and the doctor’s response.

“Head wounds are tricky, Ben, but I’ve stopped the bleeding though he’s lost a fair amount of blood. Joe also has a broken ankle and has fractured his collar bone. We’ll need to keep a close eye on him for now and pray that he wakes up.”

The doctor moved back slightly, allowing Ben to get closer to his son. I could hear him whisper. “Joseph, I’m here.”

There was no denying the bond between father and son. I’d heard about it, but to feel its intensity was something I’ll never forget. It’s no wonder Joe found loneliness so hard to handle when he was used to this degree of closeness.

For a brief moment Ben looked lost, not quite sure where or if he should physically touch his son. And in that age old gesture, where a father’s love promises to make all things better, I watched Ben gently lean down and kiss his son’s forehead. It reminded me of the countless times I use to comfort Justin when he fell and scraped his knees.

I felt I was intruding so I slipped away from the door. The Doc moved to his outer office as well, knowing for the moment that Joe’s needs were more than well cared for.

Quietly he told Adam and Hoss about Joe’s condition and it occurred to me how committed Doc Martin was to the welfare of everyone in this town. Unlike most folk, the Doc had been worried about Little Joe for some time and could see what effect the death of Melanie Brooke was having on him. He’d also been aware of the abusive remarks, and had seen the despair on Joe’s face. Perhaps this is what worried the Doc the most, for the last thing any doctor wants is a patient who has given up on life.

I could see everyone looked tired and the air was stale with worry. When I glanced outside the window I noticed the crowd was still there. Had they nothing better to do? What did they want? Were they just hanging around to find out if Joe lived or died? Why were they waiting? Were they that eager to obtain more material to start another hideous rumour again? I found it somewhat disturbing to think that this town could be that cruel

As I looked back I could just make out Ben hunched over his son. Hadn’t this crowd done enough?

But as I looked back outside something was different. It was the same thing I’d noticed before when I’d returned to town with Ben and Adam. This crowd wasn’t talking. The faces of this crowd weren’t filled with distain, disgust, and dislike; the three main ingredients for a good gossiping session. This crowd looked worried…. genuinely worried. And what was most startling was that they all looked guilty. Guilty as sin!

We waited together, all of us, those inside and out. At one time the Sheriff and I ventured outside to allow the family to be by themselves. The two of us stood together in silence, each lost in our own thoughts.

And then it happened.

“Rudy? How is Joe?”

I didn’t answer at first, wasn’t sure who the fella was talking to. If it weren’t for the Sheriff nudging me in the ribs I would have stood looking quite stunned for some time.

“Is he going to be okay Rudy?”

Another question directed to me. Now I was getting confused but the Sheriff wasn’t.

“Rudy these good folks are asking how Joe is, if you won’t tell them I will. They’re all worried and would like to know.”

Somewhat stunned I answered. “Joe is still unconscious. Doc says he has a nasty head wound and its touch and go.”

“Thank you, Rudy. Please tell Ben and the boys our prayers are with them,” one woman said.

It was all I could do to nod my head and slip back into the Doctor’s office. What had happened out there hadn’t happened in years…..I’d been called by my name. I stood there, trying to make sense of it all.

As the day wore on there was still no change in Joe’s condition. The Doc said this was typical of a head wound but the sooner he wakes up the better. No one seemed to want to move. Even the crowd outside was content simply to wait.

Eventually as evening approached a few people returned to their homes or businesses to close up shop. It seemed even the Saloon was dry on patrons. Many chose just to wait it out, content to pull up a crate or sit on the sidewalk.

It was well past midnight, when the Doc encouraged Ben to take a rest. Both Adam and Hoss were also ordered to find nourishment at the hotel.

But still outside there was a crowd of people, waiting…taking shifts in the most unusual vigil I had ever witnessed.

With the family off getting a well deserved rest, the Doc finally had a chance to sit for a spell. “Would you mind staying with Joe for a few minutes, Rudy? He should have someone with him at all times.”

I hesitated, not quite understanding that the Doc meant.

“You’ve been with Joe throughout this whole ordeal Rudy. He needs to see someone he knows and trusts when he wakes up. Please.”

I didn’t need a please; sitting with Joe is what I did best.

The room was so still it wasn’t hard to hear the boy’s breathing. It seemed less forced now, and I hoped that was a good sign. I sat there, wondering how this could happen to someone so young.

“That was a brave thing you did out there Joe. Crazy, but brave. The town is worried about what happened to you but you should know that little lad is okay. Though you’ll have to give him a few lessons on stick ball, his aim is atrocious.”

At first I thought it was my stomach grumbling, a quiet gurgling noise like someone clearing their throat. And then I heard it again. I looked down and saw Joe staring at me with those wonderful blinking eyes that told me he was very much alive, and still with us.

“It wasn’t his fault.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Joe had heard me. He now knew the town still cared about him yet still he was more worried that someone would attach blame to a small boy. I told him quickly that everyone knew it was just an accident.

But even as I sought to reassure him, I knew that Joe’s confidence, both in himself and his community, would not be restored overnight. That confidence had been bruised and battered, and it would need time to heal just as his body would.

Perhaps we could help each other.

Once I got my wits about me I yelled for the Doc that Joe was awake. The worst was over and I was so happy I then went outside and shared my good news with Virginia City, hoping they’d put that talking engine to good use this time. Someone in the crowd offered to get Ben and the boys and before long you could hear the kind of murmur that was music to my ears.

“He’s going to be okay.”

“Thank heavens he’s gonna be fine.”

“That Joe Cartwright sure is a hero.”

***

Epilogue

It was some time before Joe was allowed to travel home. After a few days at Doc Martin’s he was moved to the hotel where he received a steady stream of visitors. Some of them had enough sense to apologize and others, though shy, were happy just to say hello.

The ever gracious young Cartwright did his father proud. He accepted unconditionally the community back into his life, although that isn’t to say he wasn’t apprehensive now and again.

Finally the day arrived when he rode back into town and I could see him flinch ever so slightly when his name was shouted from across the street. But once he realized that a ready smile was attached to the greeting of welcome he’d smile right back. Even after all he’d been through, Joe hadn’t learned to be selfish with those grins of his. I doubted he ever would.

Adam and Hoss, however, were not as accommodating. They made it quite clear to Joe’s friends that they were on some sort of probation. I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but looking at Joe’s elder brothers, it didn’t take much imagination!

Ben was so relieved to see his son fully recovered, and on occasion he still felt the need to thank me for being Joe’s friend when he needed one most. I would remind him that he had done the same for me.

And as for myself, well I’m mingling ever so slightly and even cleaned myself up a bit. But I’m still quite content to watch the day go by.

The difference now is people see me. Say hello. Even offer to buy me a beer!

Nothing ever completely changes back to the way it was, so I never expected to be called Rudolph again like I was when I first arrived in Virginia City all those years ago. But folk do call me Rudy and that’s a darn site better than “nobody”.

The End