Summary: It’s been a good day for The Cartwright boys…until they get home.

Rated:  K+  WC  43,500

 

Something Inside So Strong

 

It would have been a proud sight for any father to see.

Ben Cartwright’s three sons made quite a picture as they rode home, totally at ease having completed a hard but successful day’s work on The Ponderosa. They’d only been doing routine jobs like fence repairs but they’d accomplished much more than they’d expected to. Pa sure ought to be pleased.

Just over two weeks before, Little Joe Cartwright had put his shoulder out flying off a bronc, so it had been the first time in a while since they’d all three spent a day working together. Life felt pretty good to the brothers and they were in high spirits as they headed back to the house and good-natured banter flew between them.

Hoss winked at Adam as he shouted across at their youngest brother, ” Hey Joe, I swear I done never seen you work so hard as you did today, what’s Hop Sing bin feedin’ you lately? I’m plum near tuckered out just from watchin’ you Shortshanks!”

Joe laughed, “Well seems to me older brother that I wouldn’t a’ had to a’ worked so hard if you’d a spent more time helpin’ and less time watchin’ me!” and he spurred Cochise on to escape the swat he knew was coming his way.

Hoss nearly fell out of his saddle as Joe neatly avoided his outstretched arm and they all laughed again as he righted himself and gave chase.

A little further along the trail, Adam rode up beside Joe. He’d wanted to mention his brother’s hard work too, all too often when he’d meant to do this, the moment had got lost in misunderstanding or was simply left unsaid for another day.

Adam picked his moment. “Seriously Joe, Hoss is right about something, you’ve been doing a great job, all the tasks I set you I’ve been really proud of how you’ve carried them out. And not just today either, you can be sure I’ll be tellin’ Pa that too little buddy.”

This unexpected praise caught Joe by surprise and he was for once a little speechless. After all he was only doing what Hoss, his Pa and Adam would do. But the fact was, it meant the world to him to have it recognised and by Adam particularly. They sometimes rubbed each other up the wrong way so giving Joe such praise didn’t always come easily to Adam. The combination of the rarity of the comments and the defences Joe had built up over the years to show he didn’t need his brother’s praise anyway, made the youngest Cartwright’s response difficult to predict.

All manner of retorts came into Joe’s mind but luckily they took the scenic route to his mouth because what eventually came out was a simple but heartfelt, “Thanks Adam,” accompanied by a small self-conscious smile which he couldn’t help breaking into a wide grin. Another day, especially with Adam, he’d have covered his embarrassment at such praise with a glib “Well why should that surprise you brother…that a poor boy from New Orleans can cut it beside a stubborn Yankee granite head like you?” But it would have been said to mask his true feelings, namely that Adam’s praise had made him feel ten feet tall. Adam clapped him on the back; this time anyway they understood each other perfectly.

Hoss watched the exchange and smiled warmly, he’d encouraged Adam earlier to say something to Joe, knowing that without a little shove he might be reluctant. Reluctant in case it was chucked right back at him with an off-hand retort. Hoss was pleased and he thought happily to himself, ‘Maybe those stubborn as mules brothers of mine are getting somewhere along the road to understanding and appreciating one another at long last.’

Right now what Hoss really wanted to do of course was appreciate some of Hop Sing’s fine cooking, so he shouted to his brothers, ” Hey last one home’s a rotten egg and it ain’t gonna be me ‘cos I swear I can smell Hop Sing’s roast chicken calling me home from here brothers.” and he was off. Adam followed suit and Joe brought up the rear. He was in no hurry to win, he wanted to spend some time rubbing down Cochise and as much as he wanted his Pa to hear what Adam had said to him a few moments before, he didn’t need to be there when he did.

As the brothers rode into the yard and dismounted they had half expected to see Ben appear on the porch to greet them like he often did. It was the best part of coming home. When he didn’t appear they walked their horses straight over to the barn, dismounted stiffly and began the weary task of settling them in for the night. Hoss was fastest, the thought of Hop Sing’s cooking spurring him on.

Adam was parched. He rubbed his throat as he nodded at his youngest brother, “Hey Joe, you think a scrawny wet behind the ears kid from New Orleans could help a poor thirsty Yankee for a minute?”

Joe looked up and smiled quizzically at his brother. “Sure I can older brother since you asked so nicely, what can I do to save your tired old bones Adam?” he asked in mock sympathy.

Adam rolled his eyes skyward at the cocky youngster, putting up with his cheek since he needed a favour. “Well, younger brother, my throat is killing me, can you help with Sport and I’ll be back out to finish up as soon as I’ve grabbed a nice cool drink.”

Joe suddenly looked concerned for Adam. “You sickening for something Adam?”

” No,” croaked Adam, ” just swallowed too much of Hoss’ dust that’s all.”

Hoss followed Adam intending to do the same leaving Joe behind, theatrically pulling a ‘hard done by’ face, “Oh sure, you leave it all to me brothers’… just like always!” and he grinned and ducked behind Cochise as a lump of hay flew his way. ” Can’t even shoot straight,” he giggled. If the boys had had any more energy it would have deteriorated into an all out hay fight but it seemed only Joe had any energy left for that.

Adam shouted back over his shoulder as he headed off inside, “I’ll be back out in a minute little brother, I’ll just let Pa know we’re home and grab that drink,” and he winked at Joe who was now busy settling Cochise into his stall, talking to him and shooshing him like he always did.

“In your own sweet time brother,” answered Joe in his best southern drawl, while he continued with his favourite chore.

When Joe was left on his own he muttered good-naturedly to himself, ” Those poor older brothers, just can’t cope can they Cooch…not like us eh boy?” and he chuckled as he whispered sweet nothings to his beloved pinto. Nothing could spoil his mood, he was home, he’d had a good day working and riding Cochise across the Ponderosa. He knew now he could keep pace with his brothers where the ranch work was concerned, Hoss had told him what a great job he was doing and even Adam had remarked that he was proud of his work. Joe had glowed inside, well not just inside; his whole face had lit up, despite his efforts to be matter of fact about it.

At only just seventeen years old, Joe still felt he had a lot to prove and he looked up to his brothers and father completely. Even if sometimes he baulked at their authority he only really wanted them to treat him as an equal and not just Little Joe, kid brother. Right now, he was looking forward to a good meal and afterwards stretching his aching muscles and sharing banter with his brothers and most of all the praise he hoped he had earned from his pa. He wondered if Adam had said anything yet. Yessirree, everything in Joe’s world was rosy, nothing could spoil his mood right now. Not even Adam not coming back out to help him, probably too busy tellin’ Pa what a good job his little brother had done today, he grinned to himself.

Joe finished settling Cochise and Sport and headed on back to the house. He shook his head and smiled to himself, he was all ready to give Adam a little ribbing for not getting his tired ol’ bones back out to the barn. Not too much though, he hadn’t really minded a bit. His smile became a wide grin as he jumped onto the porch, grabbed the door handle and made his usual noisy entrance inside.

Joe’s fate was sealed as soon as he entered the house swinging the door hard and yelling to Adam…

“Hey you Yankee granite head! I thought you were coming back out to help me….”

The words died on Joe’s lips but seemed to still hang visibly in the air as he took in the scene inside his home.

Five Yankee deserters had invaded the house and had his brothers tied and gagged in their chairs, his father was gagged and held roughly by another one who held a gun pressed hard against his neck.

Joe froze where he stood and was immediately confronted by three of the extremely large; extremely mean looking Yankee granite heads. He gulped involuntarily as he took in the situation, the myriad expressions that crossed Joe’s face were a sight to behold and if the Cartwrights had not been in real danger they would have found the scene as amusing as their captors obviously did. The youngest Cartwright had come in full pelt shouting his Yankee insult and skidded to a halt stopping in mid-sentence. His cheery expression had turned to horrified as he’d realised what he’d said and to whom when he’d taken in the uniforms of the angry and armed Yankees inside his home. Now his face showed pure anger at the sight of his family tied up and held at gunpoint. Each single thought had been plain for everyone to see.

The comedy of the situation wasn’t lost on the leader, Captain Sam Grainger. Not very much amused this man these days but this unexpected interruption certainly had. The look on the boy’s face when he’d realised what he’d said and the deep hole he was now in had been priceless. He undoubtedly had everybody’s undivided attention.

” Well what do we have here?” Captain Sam Grainger, army deserter and mean as dirt, advanced on the unfortunate Joe pinning him with just a look and a well-placed hand squeezing hard on his shoulder. Still highly amused by the now angry look on the boy’s face, he was equally determined not to show it. He had half a mind to let the kid take on his four men like he looked like he wanted to.

” Would you like to repeat what you just said sonny?” The captain asked menacingly as Joe tried his best not to shrink away from the imposing figure in front of him, he had nowhere to go anyhow. He tried not to show his fear as he kept his head up and kept eye contact with the man.

Joe soon realized that discretion would be the better part of valor here. ” No… thanks…” he stiffly replied.

The Cartwrights exchanged looks, as one dreading the man’s next move. They watched him tower over the youngest Cartwright and slowly draw out his gun before digging it roughly under Joe’s chin. Ben struggled against his captor but was held back by two of the men.

“You sure sonny?” he queried pressing the gun harder into the soft area beneath Joe’s chin.

Joe was hotheaded, but not stupid and he saw no advantage in angering the man further, more urgently he had his family captive and that was all Joe could think about.

He looked into the man’s eyes; trying hard not to show the apprehension he was feeling at the sheer helplessness of his situation.

Joe swallowed even though his mouth felt bone dry, before saying,” I’m sure”

The captain studied his victim, not quite ready to end the fun. “So you don’t like Yankees boy?” and he loosened his grip so the boy could speak.

As cool as Joe was trying to look he could feel the beads of sweat now forming on his brow as he answered the man, “No…I mean…it was just a joke…it didn’t mean anything.”

“Only…” and the captain edged threateningly closer to Joe who flinched as the gun was pressed back at his throat and Joe felt and heard the hammer click as it was pulled back ready to fire…The captain continued, “We…” and he looked at his friends, “… we, didn’t think it was funny, did we boys? You see we don’t take too kindly to some kid calling us Yankee granite heads…” and they all shook their heads in agreement while still glaring at the helpless boy. Adam, Hoss and Ben all held their breath silently willing Little Joe out of this.

Joe swallowed again but he never took his eyes away from the man in front of him as he considered his reply, knowing how much rested on it and, more uncertainly, how this man would react to it.

The captain released his grip again slightly, so that Joe could answer him, it was sport to him. Once more Joe tried to keep any fear from showing in his voice…”I… guess it wouldn’t seem funny to you…but it wasn’t aimed at you, it was meant for my brother as a joke. I’m sure most…um Yankees are reasonable people who wouldn’t take offence when they know that none was intended…” Maybe good ol’ fashioned southern charm would carry him though.

The captain kept the gun in place and never shifted his steely gaze from Joe’s. It had been a plucky response and he was impressed by the show of bravado.

“So then sonny, does that mean you’re apologising?” grinned the captain.

Joe lost the battle of wills, only because he had to, as he let his eyes glance away briefly and he swallowed his pride.

” Yes, I um…I guess I’m apologising, I’m sorry I insulted you.”

The captain had enjoyed the little distraction and let it go for now, he had not missed for one second the effect it had had on the boy’s father either.

“Okay we’ll forget it….this time. Just you make sure you mind your manners sonny and your… betters…”

He waited for the reaction he knew he’d get and wasn’t disappointed when he saw the flash of anger rise and just as quickly fade in Joe’s eyes as he suppressed his natural gut reaction to the remark.

“You just remember that and we’ll get along fine…boy.”

Joe bristled at the term before he was grabbed by two of the men and dragged across the room to join the others.

The captain lowered his gun and was about to instruct his men to tie Joe up, when a sudden movement from out of the kitchen alerted them to another member of the household. Hop Sing had come in unexpectedly from the kitchen. With everyone’s attention on Joe no one had heard him. He had just returned from a trip to town and had been so engrossed in what he was doing that he hadn’t even realised what was happening. He’d been wiping a meat cleaver and he still had it in his hand when he entered the room.

As soon as he saw the scene in the great room he started shouting expletives in Chinese. The startled deserters immediately saw him as a threat and one of them fired at Hop Sing catching him in the hand and causing him to drop his ‘weapon.’ They’d been caught off-guard by the new presence in the room and the men tying Joe had loosened their grip on him. Realising this, he immediately pulled himself free and rushed straight over to Hop Sing, comforting the man and checking his wound. Hop Sing was shocked and very distressed, not just at his wound but also at seeing his ‘family’ assaulted this way. Joe pulled off his bandana and pressed it hard onto the wound to halt the bleeding. He was relieved to see it was just a flesh wound. While he calmed the little cook down Joe realised the meat cleaver was still on the floor by his foot, but he dare not reach for it…not while the men held his father and with his brothers so powerless to help.

The captain had also seen the weapon and addressed Joe angrily, “Who told you to go over there boy? You touch that weapon and you and your family are as good as dead.”

Joe looked up at him as he kept his hold on the shaking Hop Sing. “I’m not that stupid, ” he said defiantly as he kicked the cleaver closer to the captain. Ben breathed a sigh of relief, he’d seen the weapon too and he’d been frightened to death his impulsive son may have tried to use it. He nodded at Joe that he’d done the right thing and Joe caught the look.

The captain watched the exchange but left no room for argument as he ordered Joe, “That’s a wise choice boy, now leave him be and get over here.”

Even so Joe tried, “But you could have really hurt him…” Joe was playing for time, anxious that Hop Sing was calm enough now to follow the captain’s orders and not be punished any more.

“Well ain’t that a crying shame.” The captain growled unsympathetically

Joe continued to tend to Hop Sing the best he could and spoke quietly to try and calm his friend who was still quite agitated… “Hop Sing… better do as they say, they’ve got a gun on Pa, please Hop Sing?” Joe pleaded.

The little cook calmed down quickly and nodded at Joe before using his own good hand to apply pressure to the wound so Joe could do as he’d been ordered. He was as worried for Joe as Joe was for him, but before the youngest Cartwright could do as he’d been ordered two of the soldiers came over and grabbed him. They hauled him up and then dragged him roughly across the room to face their angry leader. Ben had been willing Joe to do as he’d been told. Adam and Hoss could only watch helplessly and pray as the scene played out.

The two soldiers, who both towered over Joe, now forcibly held him in front of the captain. Joe looked straight at him this time and never flinched, a slight tremor in his voice was the only clue to his dread of the man’s reprisals. He could see he was angry and Joe feared he would take it out on Hop Sing or his family so he implored him, ” Captain, sir…” that stuck in his throat but he thought he’d better at least try to be respectful after his initial insult, ” if it’s supplies you need you have to look after Hop Sing, he’ll sort them for you, just please don’t hurt him again.”

The captain thought the kid had nerve, he knew he was scared, he’d be stupid not to be, but Sam had caught the slight waver in his voice and also seen his determination to hide it. As much as he was starting to admire the boy’s courage, it wouldn’t do to let it show. As Joe was held in front of him the captain back-handed him hard across the face. Joe had tensed himself half expecting it, but the force still caused him to buckle over sideways as far as the restraining grip of the two men allowed.

“I’ll bear that in mind boy, but you disobey me once more,” and he stopped and looked across at Ben who looked fit to kill him and nodded in his direction, “it’ll be your Pa that suffers.”

Fear showed straight away in Joe’s expressive eyes as he looked over at Ben and struggled to pull himself up, he was immediately contrite.

He could taste the blood from his cut mouth as he stuttered, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry what?” the captain pushed.

“Sorry sir.” replied Joe.

“That’s better boy.”

Joe hated to be so subservient but he had no choice. If the captain could have felt the hate boring into him from four sets of eyes at the moment he’d struck Joe, even this fearless man would have been worried for his life.

Sam Grainger and his men were desperate army deserters. The Civil War had begun in earnest a couple of months before and already Sam had seen enough from his long army career to realise one thing; that with incompetent officers and scarce supplies, most of his troop would be lucky not to meet untimely and wasteful deaths. He had no taste for this war and he’d taken an opportunity to lead a carefully selected group of like-minded men on a patrol to repair telegraph wires. They’d simply never gone back. His fool of a Major would not know whether they’d deserted or been killed and Sam felt sure he’d have cared even less. Years of following orders from officers he didn’t respect had made Sam Grainger a hard and embittered man with very little respect for figures in authority. He’d been on the run with his men for several weeks and although they’d had a few narrow escapes so far they’d been lucky. They’d survived on meagre rations and stealing where they had to. Staying together and heading west had seemed their best option and then making their way northwards maybe to Oregon or onwards to Canada. They needed this job to be a big one so they could make good their escape and hopefully be lost among the growing list of dead or missing Union soldiers.

They’d learned about Ben Cartwright and The Ponderosa by sniffing around a little, supposedly on the lookout for jobs. They quickly realised this place would be a good target, they could steal everything they needed in one easy hit. There seemed to be few hands around and they’d waited ‘til late afternoon when there’d be less prospect of unexpected callers. Afterwards they’d escape under the cover of darkness, something they were getting particularly skilled at. They badly needed fresh mounts, clothes and supplies but more than that they needed money. They had to gamble that Ben Cartwright had a substantial amount of cash at home, but they had back-up plans to use one of his sons to secure some, should the safe prove to be empty.

Their old uniforms had been helpful. When they’d first approached the Ponderosa Ben Cartwright had been wary but seeing the uniforms he’d invited them to freshen their horses and then inside to have some coffee. He’d heard of no deserters or any trouble locally so he wasn’t unduly suspicious, it wasn’t that unusual for a troop to call by on their way to somewhere. Ben sold a lot of horses to the army and had a good relationship with most of the officers he came into contact with. He didn’t recognise this officer but the man had a definite air of authority about him and obviously commanded respect from his men.

Once they’d got inside the group of deserters had easily overpowered Ben. They put their horses well out of sight and waited, they’d guessed Ben’s sons would be returning soon. The captain was a hard man and his looks did nothing to belie that fact. He was tall and heavyset with cold eyes that gave no clue to his thoughts. Everything about him was imposing, he knew he could scare people and he used it. Ben had feared mostly for his sons when they returned unawares and he was hoping to get these deserters to leave before that happened. From what the men had said there were others waiting in hiding nearby to join them when they made their escape.

Ben had decided his only chance was to negotiate and he offered the men all the money in his safe if they’d just ride off. As it happened that was just over twelve thousand dollars, much more than he’d usually keep.
Normally Ben would have placed this much in the bank straight away but he’d been planning to use it as a deposit on a piece of land. He hoped that maybe that amount of money would be enough for the men to leave without any bloodshed. Ben’s concern grew as the time got closer to when his sons would be home.
It was not Ben’s way to give into thieves but in the face of these odds and with his sons safety at stake there was no question in his mind of what to do. The money he could replace, Ben didn’t even want to think of losing one of his sons. The men had looked pleased when they’d discovered the large amount in the safe and Ben had been hopeful they would take it and go.

Captain Sam Grainger had other plans.

He’d heard a lot about the patriarch of the Ponderosa and he didn’t expect the Ben Cartwright he’d heard so much about, to give up twelve thousand dollars without a fight. He’d planned on taking a little insurance in the shape of one of the man’s sons anyhow but with such a large amount he’d made up his mind. Hopefully that would discourage Ben Cartwright, a posse, or worse the army, from getting too close. By all accounts Ben Cartwright was a man of influence and reputation that spread wide so having one of his sons hostage could be useful if things got tricky.

The group of deserters made good use of their time while they waited and they hunted round the house for clothes and supplies. Ben had co-operated fully but he could not hide his absolute contempt for the men and most particularly their captain. This man had broken into his home and might threaten his family, it was obvious every time Ben looked at him that he found him contemptible. The captain was aware of Ben’s dark looks and though he didn’t show it, it rankled him and he determined he would bring him down a peg or two before he left, he’d figured just how to do it too. If Sam Grainger didn’t like himself much these days then he liked men like Ben Cartwright even less. Who was this Ben Cartwright to judge Sam Grainger? Hadn’t he left men like him behind along with his army career?

The group of deserters heard the commotion when Adam, Hoss and Joe approached, they had ridden in pretty boisterously.

Ben had been gagged, as even with a gun at his neck the captain could see he would shout a warning to his sons given half a chance. When Adam and Hoss had come in the soldiers had been waiting and the two Cartwrights had been taken completely by surprise. They couldn’t even put up a fight with their father threatened like that, in no time they too were gagged and tied into chairs. The captain had just ordered two of his men to deal with the third brother when they’d seen him approach. The captain stood back from the window and watched the youngest Cartwright approach, Joe was smiling and shaking his head about something. The captain had sneered, “He won’t give you no trouble boys, he’s just a kid.” Consequently when Joe burst through the door shouting his insult they’d been ready and waiting.

Now all Sam Grainger had to do was get the money from the safe and they could make their getaway. He was relishing the moment when he would tell Ben Cartwright he’d be taking one of his sons with him when he went.

And he wasn’t disappointed as he took in the look of fear that crept across Ben’s face when he said coldly, “Right then Cartwright, it appears to me you have all we need for us to make a getaway… horses, supplies, cash and just to be on the safe side…” he threw it in almost casually, “I think we’ll be taking one of your boys here along as a hostage.” Ben shot him a venomous look as his worst fears were realised.

The captain had already made up his mind which son he was taking the moment the boy had come bursting through the door yelling his Yankee insult. It had amused him more than anything had in a long time, plus he was a kid, smaller than the others so hopefully less trouble and easier to intimidate. But Ben had riled him straight off, something about his bearing, his dignity, had made him feel small and that was sure to colour the captain’s anger. Ben Cartwright made Sam Grainger feel less of a man and he hated him for that. He needed a lesson and Sam was in the mood to dish it out.

The captain continued, eagerly twisting the knife into his victim, ” But don’t worry Mr Cartwright, I’m going to make it easy for you, you get to tell them which one we take.” Ben looked sickened, was nothing beneath this man?

Sam enjoyed his power over Ben and savoured it as he pointed out each of Ben’s sons in turn. He strolled slowly over, prolonging his sick torture, first he grabbed Adam by the collar .. “Now then… will it be this one?…I’m guessin’ you’d be the Yankee granite head your smart mouthed brother was referrin’ to? I’m sure we’d have lots to talk about….” Adam gave him a look of disgust as he was roughly released.

He moved onto Hoss, “Or maybe the big one here, I’m sure we could make good use of him, yup he’d be a good choice.” Hoss too was released but not before he’d given the man a look of pure hatred that left no room to doubt what he’d do to him once his hands were untied. Hoss’ look changed to a fearful one as the captain approached Joe.

Joe, who like the others had been watching horrified as the captain played his scene, was now being held while his hands were tied behind his back. The captain moved along to him and yanked him by the collar, “Oh yes…. now we come to the smart-mouthed one, mebbe we’d better take the young ‘un? I’d say from what we’ve seen already he’d be the most entertaining what d’ya think boys?” and the others laughed while Joe just glared, unwittingly confirming the captain’s judgement, “what do you think Ben Cartwright?” and he went across to remove his gag to let his victim speak.

Ben was appalled he’d never choose, they couldn’t make him. “Take me, it doesn’t need to be one of my sons.” He stated fearlessly.

The captain smiled at the answer he’d expected. ” Well, tell you what, why don’t you just come over with me to that there safe, maybe it’ll give you some thinking time and then you can decide.” And he signalled to one of his men to ‘accompany’ Ben across behind the desk.

He had watched Ben’s reaction closely as he’d suggested each of the boys. Sam wouldn’t ordinarily have called himself a vindictive man, but he wanted to get to this man and he knew he’d succeeded.

The more he succeeded the more he wanted to jab him some more. This Ben Cartwright with his grand home, his fine family, the power he exuded and the respect he’d earned represented the man Sam should have become, instead of the excuse for a man he knew he was. Ben had stared disbelievingly as the captain had chosen each of his sons in turn, but he couldn’t hide the extra fear as the man had grabbed Joe’s collar. It wasn’t that Ben would have ever chosen one son above the other, of course he wouldn’t, he loved them equally, but Joe was young and hot headed, he’d angered the men twice already. He’d fear for any of them in this situation, but his youngest, he couldn’t help it, he’d fear for him the most… they all would.

Sam watched his victim’s anguish, relishing it as he exerted the power he knew he had over Ben Cartwright. His mind ticked over cruelly while he watched Ben open the safe and load a sack with its contents.

Sam leaned forward and whispered for Ben’s ears alone, squeezing every ounce of control from his position. He made Ben’s skin crawl. “Okay now listen here Mr Cartwright, I done helped you out here, I’ve made my choice but you are going to go over there and tell them.”

“Never.” spat Ben.

The captain laughed and grabbed him by the shirt pulling him round to face him, before delivering a hard back-hand across his face. All the boys tensed at the rough treatment of their father, all hated the captain equally. Adam and Hoss were desperate to shout but their gags prevented them, they fought to work them free.

Only Joe could protest their father’s treatment and he struggled and shouted at the captain, “Leave him alone…leave my Pa alone…don’t hurt him…” but he was silenced with a punch to the stomach and he fell to his knees winded.

Ben gasped and called across to him. “Joseph…it’s alright, I’m alright, don’t fight them Joseph, just do as they say…please Joseph just do as they say…” Joe was still bent double but he nodded so Ben knew he’d understood, before he was pulled to his feet again.

Sam signalled his man to retie Ben’s hands and he kept a gun on him as he pulled him out of hearing into the kitchen and viciously gave him his orders, he was finding new ways to twist the knife into him. To Sam, Ben Cartwright represented all the figures of authority he’d come to hate over the years and this was his revenge.

“Right then Cartwright, this is how it’s going to be, you’re going to go in there and you’re not going to look at them. Not even a goodbye. One look and I promise you I will kill them all, it don’t matter to me, like you say we can just as easy take you along if we have to.” This felt personal now to Sam.

Ben’s dark eyes were filled with hatred as he answered back, “If you hurt one of my sons there won’t be anyplace in the world I won’t hunt you down and kill you…there’s nowhere in the world far enough away that I won’t find you…”

The captain just laughed again and continued like he wasn’t even listening. “Now then, Mr Cartwright,” he said, as he flicked through the money. “We’ll be off now… you just remember don’t even look…just say the boy’s name and we’ll be on our way.”

Ben could do nothing, he was living his worst nightmare and he was helpless to stop it. This man could kill them all and Ben had no doubt that he would. His mind was only on his sons, he’d lived through some terrible times in his life but what this man was making him do right now was enough to break him.

The captain watched the look of horror and pain on his captive’s face, he knew Ben could do nothing but obey. Still he twisted the knife further, once he’d started he found he had a taste for it, “All you got to do now is go in there and say the name … oh and by the way I think we’ll take the kid, so if you just tell…Joseph…he’s coming with us we’ll be on our way.”

Ben’s world felt like it was tipping out of control, his heart sank and he almost fell to his knees. Any name would have stabbed at his heart but the extra protective feeling he had for his youngest could not be denied. Still a boy, only just seventeen and being ripped from his protective arms. ” No please…” said Ben choking on the words, he would do anything to stop this, “…take me, I’ll do all you ask, take me instead…I know I’ve angered you… I’m sorry…please he’s only a boy…” He knew his pleas were futile and deep inside knew too that it would be Joe they’d take, he’d felt the mans hostility towards him and had fearfully noted his ‘games’ with his youngest.

“Exactly why I’m gonna take him Mr Cartwright, a boy won’t gimme no trouble will he?” hissed Sam.

Ben thought of Joe and knew what a false statement that was, he had to try again… “Not Joe, please not Joe, I’ll do anything…I’ll come with you, I won’t give you any trouble, I give you my word… I’ll make sure my sons don’t follow you…please I’m begging you…I’ll do anything…”

Sam Grainger had Ben right where he wanted him, and he appeared to be considering Ben’s words, then he shook his head.. ” Nope, sorry Mr Cartwright I made up my mind, best thing you can do fer yer kid is do just like I told you…” The pain on his captive’s face suddenly seemed empty rewards for his vindictiveness, somehow he’d expected to enjoy this more…but he’d still squeeze every ounce of malice from the situation. “Now get in there and tell them…and remember, exactly like I told you.” and he shoved him hard.

Ben almost staggered back into the room

The soldiers were impatient to be off. The one called Jake shouted over, ” Right captain, we’re ready which ‘un is it to be?” He laughed…like he hadn’t guessed.

The three Cartwright boys looked at each other, each ready to be the hostage to protect his brothers. Ben didn’t look up. He’d heard the captain cock his gun and knew that was a warning. The captain said aloud, “C’mon Cartwright we’re waiting. Cain’t be that hard, which one are you going to get shot of?” The captain pushed him again roughly.

The room was silent as they all waited.

“It’s…it’s… Joseph…” the name came out of Ben’s mouth almost as a whisper…

Adam and Hoss looked stunned, though they’d have reacted the same whichever name was said. They’d struggled and loosened their gags just enough to be heard and shouted the best they could,
” NO! Pa!” Adam knew he had the best chance if they’d just take him, Hoss knew he was the strongest, why couldn’t they take him, not his baby brother… “No pa not Joe!” even though they guessed how it had been for their Pa.

Only Joe accepted it with no sound.

Joe was actually relieved when he heard his name, this was easier to bear than seeing one of his brothers taken, but he needed to say goodbye, share one last exchange with his father. As soon as he heard his name he was searching his father’s face hoping he would glance at him, but his father’s head stayed down and his eyes were closed as if he was praying. It was the hardest thing Ben had ever done in his life. He felt like he was giving up his son and was handing him over to this callous bunch of deserters, without so much as a word or a look. He was dying inside. Joe knew his father so well, he knew what this was doing to him. As they brutally dragged him away he tried to shout. ” It’s all right Pa, they made you do this, Pa…I love you,” But he had a hand cruelly pressed over his mouth before he could finish, so Ben never heard him. As Little Joe was dragged from the house he kept his eyes on his father’s face, hoping to connect one last time. It never happened.

It took everything Ben had to keep from crying out to Joe. Adam and Hoss tried to be understood frantically fighting their gags and ropes, they were imploring him to change his mind. Ben could feel Joe’s eyes boring into him as he struggled against his captors. He knew his son’s face so well and could see him clearly in his mind’s eye, he could feel his desperation to say goodbye. But Ben had to deny him.

Hoss now watched helplessly and in desperation shouted out to Joe as best he could, “Don’t worry Joe we’ll get you outta this…I promise you… we’ll get you back Joe.”

That had turned Adam’s attention away from his father and back to Joe, ” Joe we’ll help you. Stay calm, don’t make ’em mad…we’ll come to get you.”

Partially distracted by his brothers muffled pleas but unable to tear his gaze away from his father Joe had silently promised his brothers, “I promise Hoss, Adam, I’ll try… I won’t make ‘em mad… Pa?”

And they were gone. Sam was the last one out of the door, he and one other soldier had stayed back to secure Ben tightly into a chair. Like the others he wouldn’t be moving anytime soon. Sam cast a last look at him and felt once more the absolute hatred he knew Ben held for him, “Don’t you look at me like that Cartwright!” he growled.

Even though he had the gun, even though Ben was helplessly tied in front him, Ben still made Sam feel small. He pressed the point of his gun to Ben’s temple trying to reassert his authority, but Ben never looked away. Sam coldly considered pulling the trigger as he remembered Ben’s threat to him if he should hurt his sons and he evilly prepared his parting shot.

Sam Grainger coldly stated, “Now then Cartwright, if you give me any trouble, your kid’s gonna get it first.” Hoping to inflict a little more anguish he added, “Of course if he gives me any more o’ that lip, an’ I think that’s likely don’t you? well…you won’t have to worry about me hurtin’ your boy Mr Cartwright…’cos I might just have to kill him…what ya gonna do about that?” and he laughed as he shoved a gag back in Ben’s mouth and witnessed the absolute pain he knew he’d inflicted. Not so high and mighty now Cartwright, he grinned as he left the house.

The Cartwrights were left alone, tied up and unable to move, all they could do was struggle uselessly against their bonds and listen helplessly to the sounds of the men making their getaway. Hop Sing, his injured hand no immediate danger since Joe had stopped the bleeding, had also been trussed up, gagged and was unable to move.

As Joe was dragged across to a waiting horse his mind was racing. It seemed silly just then, he had no doubt in his own mind that his usefulness to them would be short-lived, but if he had to go with them he wanted his own horse. He tried to say so but was silenced by a vicious slap across his face before he even got the words out. He was shoved roughly and then lifted onto a horse, his hands were retied in front of him so he could hang onto the reins and saddle. A rope secured his feet underneath and he was forced to ride away. Joe had to focus all his thoughts on staying on the horse, his hands had been kept bound but at least they were in front of him so he had a measure of control. Only his expertise kept him upright and riding in the middle of the gang.

After a short time they met up with the other men who’d been waiting along the trail hidden out of sight. Joe counted four new men, who exchanged a few words with Sam before shooting a cursory glance his way and joining the group. Joe’s situation felt even bleaker.

After what felt like hours more riding to Joe, the men pulled up again. It was hard going now it was getting dark but they knew where they were headed. They’d scouted this area on their way in. The men all drank thirstily and as an afterthought Joe was offered a small drink but not allowed to dismount. While they were riding he had to concentrate so hard on staying on his horse, keeping up and avoiding any pitfalls, it didn’t give him a chance to be scared or to think about what they had in mind for him. Perhaps it was better that way. As soon as they did stop his mind was immediately on his family. He couldn’t dwell on those last moments, that was too hard. He thought of his Pa as he’d waved them off that morning and of his brothers throwing hay at him in the barn when they’d got home. But then he thought of Adam and how thirsty he’d been when they’d got back, he hoped he’d got that drink but pictured him still gagged and tied. Joe silently prayed they’d all somehow got free.
He was glad now he hadn’t been allowed to take Cochise, ‘Safer for Cochise at home,’ he thought, before he was shoved in the back and told to start riding again. His back and legs ached from the uncomfortable riding position and he wondered how much longer he could keep it up. At least in the dark the pace had slowed. Joe sent one more silent prayer for his family before they were off again. The captain had given his hostage a nod and just said, “Keep up sonny, if you know what’s good for you.” Joe had little choice in the matter. They were heavily armed, he was totally out numbered and he couldn’t leap off his horse if he’d wanted to. It had occurred to him to try and make a bolt for it but he knew that would have been reckless even for him. He wouldn’t have got 10 yards before being caught or shot. And he wanted to survive; he had too much to live for and he had to see his father again and tell him he understood.

After a couple more short stops and necessary calls of nature, then hours more riding they eventually pulled to a halt. They’d ridden all evening and half the night before they had a proper break. The group had crossed into high country and been clever at hiding or disguising their tracks on the way. Joe’s heart sank more with every extra mile, knowing how hard it would be for anyone to find him now. He was totally exhausted, at every stop after the first one he’d been roughly pulled from his horse and then after a short break and if he was lucky a drink, made to climb back on and his feet were retied. He’d been tired before they’d even started and was almost beyond exhaustion now as he struggled to stay upright. When his thoughts were coherent he wondered why he was still alive. Surely they’d got far enough, but he didn’t want to question this too deeply even to himself, after all the alternative didn’t bear thinking about.

In fact the captain had been pondering the same thing. He knew the Cartwrights and any posse wouldn’t get started ‘till morning and would be a long way behind, they’d have very little chance of catching them. But still they might. Ben Cartwright was a man of power. While it didn’t inconvenience them too much they would keep his son with them. So far he hadn’t slowed them down and as long as he could still be useful as a hostage, or for ransom or even a baby-faced front for a group of deserters, should the need arise, they’d keep him alive.

The men had known roughly where they were headed and found their shelter up in the high ground. They had a perfect view if they placed their guards right. They planned a few hours stop for food and rest before they’d be on their way again. The captain walked across to Joe, without even a glance in his direction he cut the rope binding his feet and pulled him down from his horse. As soon as Joe’s feet touched ground his legs gave way beneath him and he crumpled at the man’s feet, angry with himself for his perceived weakness. He clenched his fists and tried to rise only to find himself yanked up by his shirt collar.

“Need a little help standing boy?” laughed his tormentor.

“No!” snapped Joe without thinking ” I can do it myself.”

“Be my guest then.” snarled the man as he let go of Joe’s collar.

Joe almost lost his balance and tumbled forward but using every ounce of his resolve he dragged himself up and swayed slightly glaring at his captor who just grinned back at him.

” Over there boy,” he grunted.

Joe staggered over to the tree he was pointed towards and just about made it before collapsing to the ground. The captain had been betting he wouldn’t make it. Joe’s feet and hands were retied and then a large circle of rope was wound repeatedly round his waist, encircling him and pinning him to the tree. While the soldier tied him up as ordered, he shouted across to the captain as if Joe wasn’t even there.

” So…Cap’n you plan to kill the kid here or drag him all the way to Oregon and dispose of him then?”

Joe had been in no doubt of the likely outcome for him, but he still felt a cold chill at being so callously discussed. He looked accusingly, straight at the captain who appeared not to notice and just looked away. Despite everything Joe made a mental note of where they were headed.

The captain shot the soldier a dark look before glaring back at Joe knowing he’d heard and now knew their likely destination. Yes the kid had heard all right, effectively sealing his fate for sure. The captain had felt uncomfortable when he’d felt Joe glaring at him, he’d actually felt shame as the boy stared right at him after the soldier had asked his thoughtless question. It had been one thing to taunt his father but this was just a kid.

Sam gave the loose-mouthed soldier a disgusted sigh and spat ” I ain’t decided but perhaps you could keep our travel plans to yourself from now on.”

The man looked embarrassed and tried to excuse himself. “It ain’t like he’s gonna be able to tell anyone.” None of the men had been particularly guarded about their plans, assuming the likely outcome for the boy negated the need.

Sam shoved the soldier back over to the campfire and looked back at Joe almost as if he were apologising. In truth he felt bad for the boy. Yes he’d taken the boy, yes he most probably planned to kill him, but there was no call to torment him about it in the meantime. The fact that he’d been pretty rough with the kid himself passed him by, somehow it seemed worse to hear his men discuss whether Joe lived or died like that. There was nothing he could say though, the man hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, so he left Joe and walked across to his men.

So Joe was left alone, too weary to even protest. He ached everywhere and he needed rest, sighing deeply he leaned his head back against the tree. After a very short time he closed his eyes and had almost given himself up to sleep when he felt his face being slapped repeatedly.

The captain had returned and was leaning over him and Joe had to force his eyes open to focus on him.

“What…what’d’ya want…leave me alone…” he mumbled shaking his head to try and escape further slaps. The captain shoved a canteen against his lips. “Here kid, drink this,” Joe was a little startled but after choking on his first gulp drank greedily.

“Whoa…” said the captain pulling the canteen away. Joe struggled against his ropes to try and get some more.

“Steady on kid… that’s enough for now,” and he fastened the cap back tightly as he watched his young captive. Joe shut his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree, the relief from his thirst was evident as he gasped for breath, he hadn’t realised how very badly he’d needed that drink. After a few seconds he opened his eyes as he felt the captain’s presence still looming large over him. He squinted up and despite himself said a grudging and still breathless, “Thanks,” hoping he’d go.

The captain seemed to be thinking as he looked down at him, considering his options. At long last he said,

” You better try and sleep, we ride again at first light. I’ll wake you later for some food, it won’t be much but make sure you eat it…can’t have your fallin’ off your horse and slowin’ us down.”

Joe was too tired to really answer but he slurred, ” Don’t give me ideas.”

He was so disorientated he didn’t see the smile his defiant response drew. All that was going through Joe’s mind were a whole lot of why’s. Mostly why was he still alive? Maybe they hadn’t gone as far as he thought, they’d certainly made a lot of detours to trick any would be pursuers. Maybe his brothers and Pa, or maybe the army were close behind and he might still be useful as a hostage to them.

After a couple of hours of much needed sleep the noise of the campfire and the smell of cooking slowly brought Joe back to the world of the living. His stomach hurt with hunger and the smell of the stew made it growl its protest. Every part of Joe seemed to hurt, he was cold, hungry and although he’d never admit it, scared, as well as desperately homesick. He kept his head low so that he didn’t attract attention to himself, but the captain never missed a thing, he’d seen him stir.

Sam Grainger had a head full of whys too. Why was he keeping the kid alive? Why, when he’d watched him drink that life giving water and gasp for breath, had he suddenly felt sick to his stomach at the thought of ending this young life that meant nothing at all to him? Certainly no more than the dozens of lives he’d already taken. Except he’d seen this kid in his home, seen his bravery as he’d tended the Chinese cook, watched him ride for mile after mile and seen him refuse to give in and ask for help or admit his weakness when he could hardly stand. When they’d finally stopped, he’d watched as he’d greedily shared water from his own canteen, he knew more than he wanted to about the boy and it pricked his conscience. It was Cartwright he’d hated, not his kid.

In fact the kid interested him. He could intimidate most people and this slip of a kid should be no different and yet he already felt a battle of wills developing. He knew he’d win, not too quickly he hoped, but just give it time. It was a welcome distraction for the world weary Sam Grainger.

Truth be known, the boy had made the first inroad through his steely unfeeling defences the moment he’d barged through the door hollering at his brothers and then skidded to a stop, a face full of every expression you could think of. And each one easy even for this stranger to read. At that moment back at The Ponderosa he’d actually felt for the boy, he’d seen him smiling as he’d unsuspectingly approached his home and he’d been amused by him when he’d stormed noisily through the door. And that was Sam’s weakness. The kid was getting under his skin more than he cared to admit. What had changed for him? Why was he suddenly so tired of it all? Sick of being Sam Grainger.

He saw Joe was awake and he slowly approached him. Did he want the kid to give him an excuse? Be a spoiled rich kid and make it easier for him to do what he had to do? Or give the orders, which amounted to the same thing? Why postpone the inevitable? The longer the kid was with them the more certain his fate was, as he learned more about the gang’s hiding places, methods and plans and now their destination, Captain Sam Grainger saw little choice.

As he drew up alongside Joe he leaned down and offered him his coffee.

Joe looked up at him, his anger at his situation barely concealed.

“I can’t drink, my hands are tied or hadn’t you noticed?” he said insolently.

Well whatever the captain had expected that wasn’t it.

“You keep that up boy and you’re gonna make my job a whole lot easier when it comes to killing you… now do you want some or not?”

The coffee smelled great and Joe decided to swallow some pride along with the drink.

“Yes…uh, yes I’d like some.” he offered hoping it would be enough.

“No please boy?” the captain pushed.

Joe looked up at him meeting his eyes for the first time. ” Please.”

“Now that’s better, boy, behave like that and we’ll get along just fine,” and he pressed the cup against Joe’s lips.

It was black and bitter but to Joe it tasted great and as he drank, it revived his spirits. The spark of defiance, never far away, returned and he quietly stated to the captain, “You know you’ll never get away with this, my brothers, my Pa they’ll find you. You made a big mistake coming to The Ponderosa mister.”

Captain Sam Grainger was once more humoured by this display. The kid was in no position to be trying to intimidate him, yet he was. If I had me a troop of these here Joe Cartwright’s I’d never lose a battle, he thought to himself.

He couldn’t resist responding to this open defiance in the face of ridiculous odds and decided to play with the kid’s mind a little.

He leaned down menacingly and prodded Joe on the shoulder, getting his immediate attention and the now familiar angry stare.

The captain asked him as he prodded him again…”I wonder what could make a man…. your Pa…make a choice like that? Don’t think I could…so boy, why do you suppose he chose you?” he goaded.

Joe seemed to shrug off the question and didn’t try to hide his disgust at the stupidity of it.

“You made him… and quit prodding me.” was his curt reply.

Sam grinned and poked him again, ” And why sonny… would I do that?”

Joe knew he was being toyed with and he hated it, he didn’t react to the last prod knowing that’s what the captain wanted. At least he didn’t have to worry now that his Pa or his brothers would be hurt by the consequences of his loose mouth, so he answered the best way he knew how, truthfully.

“Cos you thought I was the smallest, maybe the weakest and would be the easiest hostage, but you’re wrong mister.”

The man grinned at this and was eager to parry some more.

“Oh, so you think maybe I should send the men back and make a trade for one of your brothers?”

That got Joe’s full attention and his head shot up again, as he darted a look at his captor.

“No! No! That’s not what I meant.”

The boy never disappointed him and the captain enjoyed the sport.

“Well it’s not too late…” he goaded some more.

“Sure it is, you’d waste all the time you’ve made up, it’d be dumb to…” Joe stopped abruptly realising what he’d said.

“Yankee granite head? Dumb? You got any more of those insults you’d like to throw in my direction boy?”

And he grabbed Joe’s shirt forcing his chin up so he was looking directly at him.

Joe didn’t think he actually would have been dumb enough to exchange his hostage but he couldn’t be sure, so he played it safe.

” No sir, I’m sorry, I don’t think you’re dumb,” but he couldn’t keep the anger from flashing in his green eyes. The captain didn’t miss it either. He was so easy to read this boy and as his grudging respect deepened, the captain let him go. Joe slumped back against the tree.

“And…I’m still thinking maybe I made a mistake maybe we should go back for that big one…what was he called? Hoss? I’m sure he don’t back chat as much as you do…?” pushed the captain.

Joe couldn’t help but picture his brother, his best friend and suddenly his position didn’t seem so bad, worse for him would be the thought of his brother tied up and victim of this man and his fugitives. It was small comfort but it did give him comfort and he gulped down his anger and faced his captor once more and tried his best to mask his true feelings.

“That won’t be necessary…. I’ll be the politest easiest damn hostage you ever took prisoner…I swear.”

The captain chuckled inside… thinking to himself, ‘Not too polite, let’s hope’. He was trying hard not to, but he liked the kid more and more, but he couldn’t show this weakness so he sent one last broadside.

“In that case, it’ll be a real shame to kill you…”

Joe knew this was the likely outcome once they’d no more use for him…but he would do all he could to prevent it.

” Then don’t…” he shot back defiantly. Not a plea, just a statement.

The captain turned back and locked eyes with Joe longer than he wanted, he suddenly felt the full realisation that this boy’s life was indeed entirely in his hands. Not something that would usually bother him, he’d killed before without thinking. But something about him, the way he looked at him made him question himself. It had been Sam’s decision to take him and it was his responsibility what happened to him now. He didn’t like it, he didn’t need self-doubt. But the boy was right; he didn’t have to kill him.

Maybe he saw in Joe the boy he used to be or maybe the son he would never have and in Ben he knew he’d seen the man he should have become, instead of the sorry excuse he felt he was.

He growled, resistant to anything that would make him feel again, if he allowed guilt to start where would it end?

“Don’t push your luck sonny.” he shot back and he spat as he said it… “I don’t have to… but I most likely still will though,” and he headed back over to the others. He’d send one of his men over to feed the kid.

Joe was left to sit and mull over what had been said. He didn’t expect to make any headway with this man and he didn’t think for a moment that he had. The man’s eyes were like a closed door and he couldn’t read him at all.

For his part the captain had once more been impressed with the young man. Even when his fate had been sealed back at The Ponderosa Joe’s thoughts had been for his father. Sam hadn’t known back then what he was going to do with his hostage, probably just assumed he’d kill whichever one it was…but he had the first inkling that it was going to be tough to carry it out.

The rest of the Cartwrights had spent a bleak first night after the attack on their home. They’d been unable to make any headway with their ropes, they couldn’t even loosen them let alone escape and there was no one near enough to hear any cries for help. It was torture for them knowing that every minute took Joe further away from them. Ben had eventually loosened his gag enough to speak, he was tormented to be so totally helpless when he knew Joe desperately needed him. The captain’s last words to him played over and over in his mind. Ben had finally persuaded Hoss and Adam that they should at least take it in turns to sleep so they’d be fresh in the morning, as soon as someone came and they could get free. They knew some of the hands would be up at the house early.

As soon as dawn broke they had succeeded in attracting the attention of Charlie, one of their oldest hands, and he had managed to finally get inside and help them, but they’d lost too much time. They sent Charlie into town to inform Sheriff Coffee and to fetch Doc Martin for Hop Sing, while they hurriedly gathered some provisions together and headed for the barn. They’d all been upset to see Cochise still there, just as Joe had left him, in his stall. It was a little thing but they wished at least Joe had been allowed his own horse. Hoss had petted Cooch, just like his brother would have and he promised him they’d get Joe back soon for him and he prayed hard they would.

The mood of the Cartwrights could not have contrasted more with the good humour the boys had felt the day before, when they’d ridden home in such high spirits. One of them had been taken and it was an open wound to them all.

Ben had remained subdued, only speaking when necessary, the long night had only fuelled his loating for the men who had taken Little Joe. Adam too was quiet but couldn’t prevent a show of temper as he flung a pitchfork angrily into an empty stall. They’d all heard Sam’s parting words to Ben. Ben had also told them during the night how he’d been forced to not even look at Joe, how he’d been made to just say his name and he repeated the Captain’s threat that they would kill them all. He said over and over, “They wouldn’t even let me look at him…” Hoss and Adam had guessed as much but hearing it increased their anger to boiling point. Stealing from them was one thing but to Adam and Hoss this was beneath contempt. They’d tried to reassure their father but knew nothing but getting Little Joe back safely could help him.

Just before they rode out Ben checked on Hop Sing and warned him they might be a long time. He looked over Hop Sing’s injury for infection and reassured him it looked fine, but he might get a scar.

Hop Sing nodded and answered “Scar okay Mister Cartwright, remind Hop Sing of when Little Joe help him after bad men shoot Hop Sing. You go Mr Cartwright, Hop Sing be okay, go, hurry, bring number 3 son back home safe…”
Ben nodded as tears threatened to appear in both their eyes and he patted his old friend on the shoulder before he left to join his sons outside.

The Cartwrights had plenty of time to reflect over the next few days of searching. Ben had felt the full force of the captain’s hatred and he prayed that he didn’t turn it against his son, thank God Joe hadn’t heard the last words the man had spoken. He prayed constantly, ‘Please God, protect Little Joe, keep him strong, don’t let them hurt him.’ Ben had questioned in his mind over and over, could he have done anything differently, acted a different way, but of course he couldn’t have.

Hoss and Adam had repeatedly told him so. He tried to reassure himself as he asked the same questions… “Joe handled himself pretty well didn’t he? I mean he’ll have the sense to do what they tell him…surely if he does that, if he gives them no reason…they wouldn’t kill a boy in cold blood…they couldn’t.”

Adam and Hoss hated to see their father like this. They’d gone through the same questions and more… why hadn’t they wondered why their father didn’t come out? If only they’d thought something was wrong. But why should they have, it wasn’t that unusual.

Adam questioned what if he’d stayed with Joe to finish Sport, that way they’d have entered the house together, maybe then Joe wouldn’t have said what he’d said and drawn the men’s attention to himself. Poor kid he thought as he remembered, just an off the cuff, jokey comment meant only for Adam. Adam knew it was stupid to think like that. It was likely they’d been going to take a hostage all along and it was also likely they’d choose the one they thought would give them the least trouble. Adam prayed that part was true, but it made his guts churn when he pictured Joe as a docile prisoner. It wasn’t very likely.

There was one thing that Adam was grateful for and he was so thankful to Hoss that he’d pushed him. One of the last things he’d told Joe was that he was proud of him. He pictured the grin that had appeared on his little brother’s face when he’d told him. He thought of Joe alone against the men and hoped when he thought of home that memory would give him a smile. ‘Cranky Ol’ Adam’ telling him he’d done a good job’ and at last Adam found something to smile about.

Later that night when their father finally slept, Adam and Hoss huddled by the fire. Hoss needed to talk to his older brother. “Seriously Adam, what do you think they planned to do with Joe?”

Adam didn’t answer for a while. He didn’t know any more than Hoss did but they all looked to him for a balanced judgement, it was a strain for him to keep it up sometimes.

“Hoss I don’t know any more than you do. The captain obviously hated Pa, you could see that pretty plainly, so some of it might have been just threats. But then again Joe has seen them all, he probably knows too much, all I know is we have to find him and the sooner the better,” and he tipped his remaining coffee on the ground.

“How d’ya think he’s coping Adam?” Hoss looked so lost, he had all that strength but he’d been powerless to use it.

Hoss could have meant Ben or Joe but Adam knew he meant Little Joe right then. Adam also thought that however Joe was coping, if he was coping at all at least that would mean he was still alive, but he tried not to go there.

Hoss lowered his head and cradled it with his large hands, “Adam if they’ve…” he couldn’t bring himself to say killed “…if they’ve hurt our little brother… I don’t think Pa… I don’t think I could stand it… Adam…like Pa says, he’s just a kid, surely they couldn’t….” and he trailed off unable to speak it.

Adam reached out a hand and tried to reassure his younger brother, “Back at the house, when he stood up to that guy…I was really proud of him Hoss, I keep thinking of him then…”

Hoss nodded. “Me too brother, me too…”

Looking across at Hoss, Adam felt for his big-hearted brother, Joe without Hoss or Hoss without Joe was like eggs without bacon, it was like something was missing. He tried to lighten the load for his brother, ” Hey, if there’s one thing we know for sure about our little brother, he’s a tough kid, he’ll give those Yankees a run for their money…” It was said lighter than he felt.

Hoss lifted his head and smiled as he thought of his fiery little brother, ” He will at that won’t he Adam? Just don’t want him riling them none Adam,” and the concern was soon evident again in Hoss’ expressive face.

Adam was finding it harder and harder to find the comforting words that he could have done with himself, but he tried, ” Hey, he’s fiery but he’s not stupid Hoss, c’mon let’s get some rest, we’re going to need it for when we catch up to them. We’ll find him Hoss.”

Adam clapped Hoss on the shoulder and they headed for their bedrolls. They both knew they’d be most help to Joe well rested and ready for a long day in the saddle tomorrow.

The second day, Roy Coffee had caught up with The Cartwrights with a posse. The Cartwrights were by and large popular in Virginia City and Little Joe was known to most people. All of their friends had been angry to hear how they’d been threatened and Little Joe taken and they wanted to help. It hadn’t been difficult to find volunteers for the posse and Roy was anxious to catch the men, he was amazed they’d been in his territory so long without any sightings. Once they were known to him though, it became apparent they had probably been responsible for sporadic raids across the area.

Roy would give them all the help he could, as far and a little beyond his jurisdiction allowed. He had heard they wouldn’t get much help from the army despite their better intentions. They were spread pretty thin with spates of desertions, the truth was they had few skirmishes in that area and couldn’t spare the manpower, but they would help where they could and circulate Joe’s description in case he was found.

***
The next few days passed in much the same way for Joe. Sometimes the men split into two smaller groups to be less conspicuous and went different ways disguising their trails and they eventually met up again at a prearranged place, Joe was always in the captain’s group so he could keep an eye on him. He was forced to ride tied as before, dragged off his horse when they stopped and given food and water when the men ate and drank. For the men the food had improved since the raid on The Ponderosa where they’d procured fresh meat and vegetables. That had run out all too soon and they were soon back to army rations of salted beef and pork and hardtack biscuits. A meal now was most likely to be something they called skillygallee, a mixture of salted pork boiled up with crumbled hardtack. It wasn’t very appetizing. If they stopped anywhere long enough they’d hunt a few rabbits but they had to catch a fair amount to make a viable stew. Still it made a welcome change and they made it whenever they could.

As always Joe was tied up and watched whenever they weren’t riding. At least when they let him eat now they untied his hands so he could feed himself. His wrists and ankles were getting sore from the constant rubbing and retying of the ropes. One of the men fashioned some cuffs to go under the ropes when he saw how raw Joe’s wrists and ankles were. Joe was so grateful for this small act of kindness that he could have almost hugged him, but the soldier never spoke to him. It was easier for the soldiers if they didn’t get to know their hostage, ‘specially such a young one.

The one person who Joe always knew would have something to say to him though was the leader…Captain Sam Grainger. He had no choice but to endure the captain’s continued mind games as he tried to keep his word and be the perfect hostage. He would never kowtow to him though, Sam Grainger would always know exactly what Joe Cartwright thought of him, if not in what he said then in how he looked at him. And Sam was never less than amused by each show of insolence. What had angered him so much in his father for some reason entertained him from the kid. Something about the firm set to the jaw, the flashing green eyes and the ridiculous defiance in the face of impossible odds just appealed to Sam and ensured the captain’s interest. He could never resist testing the kid’s metal. The kid had grit that was for sure.

After they’d been going for just over a week, Joe felt sure his time must be running out, he knew there’d be no chance that either of his brothers would be exchanged for him now, so at least he could forget his promise to ‘behave’. He took the first opportunity he saw and made a reckless run for freedom when he was supposed to be washing, only to be hauled back in no time and beaten for his trouble. The Captain had told the men to go easy on him, they just wanted to discourage any more attempts. The men had looked at Sam, surprised at his leniency, after all he planned to kill the kid but he had just answered gruffly, ” No sense making it so he can’t keep up.” That suited the men too, they had no desire to beat up on a kid, ultimately what happened to him was out of their hands but their lives might still depend on it. They didn’t feel particularly good about it, but they weren’t prepared to question their captain’s authority and say it out loud. Ultimately they would follow their captain’s lead, they trusted him implicitly and without him they wouldn’t have got this far. Sam wouldn’t admit it, or even possibly recognise it, but he was becoming one of those figures of authority that he so hated. A boys life might well be sacrificed because no-one was prepared to question his orders.
Joe made another equally unsuccessful escape attempt a couple of days later, like before against stupid odds, but he had to try. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten his promise to his brothers; it’s just that it wasn’t in his nature to submit, he just had to do something. Each futile escape attempt was punished, each time a little bit more to break his will.

The third time Joe made an attempt he planned it better. Whenever they finished a long ride Joe either slid or was pulled from his horse once his legs were untied and he was then dragged over to the nearest tree or rock and secured there. At first he’d had difficulty standing, let alone walking at the end of each days ride, but gradually his legs were getting stronger as his body got used to riding that way. It wasn’t a skill he hoped to use too often he thought ruefully and he disguised the fact, hoping it might give him an edge on his captors.

Joe hoped their next camp would be in a wooded area because that would give him the best chance to escape. If he was lucky they’d expect him to be exhausted and so not be concentrating on him too hard when they made their stop. He put his plan into action the next day so for the last few hours of that day’s ride Joe feigned tiredness and he gradually slumped more and more in his saddle. He really didn’t have to act too hard.

When they finally went to make camp it was Sam who led Joe’s horse over to the tree he planned on tying him to. He’d noticed Joe lose his grip on the saddle and seemingly almost fall while he’d been riding the last few miles and he wanted to check on him. Was the kid reaching the end of his rope? He had taken a couple of beatings from his earlier escape attempts. He wasn’t sure.

Sam untied the ropes holding Joe’s feet and when the boy didn’t swing his leg over the horse and slide down he reached up to pull him off.

Joe immediately came alive and dug his elbows into Sam’s stomach winding him just enough that he lost his grip on Joe. The nearest soldiers saw what was happening and took aim but they couldn’t risk hitting their captain who was unwittingly shielding Joe, they held their fire.

Joe made off as fast as he could towards the cover of the trees.

Immediately four soldiers were in pursuit, they fired some warning shots into the air to get him to stop.

It had felt so good to Joe when his elbows had connected with Sam’s ribs, even if they caught up to him it had been worth it, that had been for his father.

He had no idea where he was heading, his hands were still tied and his legs were a bit shaky so he just put his head down and ran as fast as he could, zig-zagging through the undergrowth. He felt a couple of shots go quite close and knew the men were gaining on him. They’d be on him in no time and Joe could either give up as they were ordering him to, or go on. He chose to go on.

Sam had soon got his breath back and caught up with his men, he shouted at them to hold their fire. He ordered them to follow on behind him while he went after Joe muttering, “Leave him to me.”

“Give it up kid,” Sam yelled at Joe, “You’re only gonna get hurt.”

That sounded like a bad joke to Joe, get hurt? This man planned to kill him! His stomach knotted when he thought of what an angry Sam would do to him first if he caught him. It spurred him on, but Joe was running short of options. In dodging the bullets and trying to keep upright with his hands still tied, he’d missed his footing and stumbled a few times. His strength was fading and each time it had got harder for him to pull himself up and get going again. His legs were weaker than he thought and he was getting close to collapse. But he couldn’t stop.

Sam could see Joe had almost had it as he clambered through the tangled undergrowth. He saw his prey go down one more time and made a leap for him. Joe had fallen awkwardly and felt his shoulder jar painfully, he could hear Sam coming but he couldn’t get up in time. He made one last effort and rolled sideways, crying out as his shoulder caught again and only just escaping having Sam’s whole weight crash down on him. He struggled to get up again before Sam could make another grab for him but his luck ran out.

Sam had such a large weight and height advantage he pinned him down easily and held him there ‘till his men caught up. With Sam’s weight on his chest Joe was struggling hard to breathe, he could hardly get any air into his lungs. Sam stepped off him pulling Joe up by his shirtfront and the boy gratefully sucked air back into his lungs. His shoulder felt like it was on fire.

Sam looked furious and he shook him even as he struggled for breath, shouting at him, ” Fool boy! When are you gonna learn….there just ain’t no escape…?”

Joe wouldn’t have answered him even if he could, he didn’t even spare the energy to glance up at him. He knew Sam would be angry he didn’t need to see it.

Sam kept hold of his shirt front and shook him some more, shouting in his face, trying to force Joe to look up at him, ” Why do you keep doin’ it? Ya know what’s comin’.”

This time Joe did look up, he had nothing to lose. He guessed Sam meant another beating but he looked him square in the eye and said between gasps for breath, “Yeah I know what’s comin’, I know what you murderin’ cowards have got planned for me…what d’ya expect me to do, lie down and wait for it?!”

Joe didn’t let his gaze waver even as he was held inches from Sam’s face.

Sam could hear the boy’s breathing was still ragged, he could feel his heart pumping furiously while he still had a hold of him by his shirt and he couldn’t escape his eyes, they looked at him with a cold fury.

It was Sam that had to look away and then loosen his grip, unable to meet the boy’s eyes any longer.

As he released Joe he shoved him around to face back the way they’d come and he never answered his question. Then he forced the stumbling boy to walk back to camp at gunpoint.

Instead of the beating Joe had expected, when they got there Sam simply held out his canteen to Joe. Then he tersely warned him that any more escape attempts would be rewarded with a beating he’d never forget and a withdrawal of food and water.

Joe was actually grateful for once to sink back against the tree he would soon be tied to. He wasn’t sure he could have taken another beating right then. His shoulder was throbbing like mad and he couldn’t move his arm properly. ‘You are a fool Joe Cartwright,’ he chided himself, but he knew it had been worth it. For the elbow to Sam’s ribs and for the way he’d made him back down when they’d had their confrontation.

Joe knew… had to believe, he would get a real chance and if he did he would have to be strong. He needed food, he certainly didn’t need another beating and so he made up his mind to co-operate for now, he didn’t really have that much choice.

Sam came back over with a bag that Joe recognised from The Ponderosa. He dropped it by Joe and told him to sit up as he knelt down by him. “I’ll take a look at that shoulder you’re favourin’ boy.” Sam had been waiting for Joe to ask but figured correctly that was never coming.

Joe wasn’t expecting that at all and just answered, “It’s fine.”

Sam spat out the tobacco he was chewing and said, “I can see it ain’t fine boy, now you can sit there and suffer or you can let me see to it, s’up to you.”

It did hurt, like crazy, but Joe hated the thought of accepting help from this man. Sam had started to stand back up and was going to walk off when Joe spoke up. Joe knew he needed it seen to, he’d never get far with his shoulder like it was.

“It does hurt a bit.” Joe mumbled.

“What was that?” Sam asked turning back.

Joe said a bit clearer, ” I said I guess it does hurt some.”

Sam sighed as he knelt down again, “I’m sure it does, so you’ll let me take a look at it?”

Joe’s scowl was almost petulant as he said, “I guess so.”

Sam shook his head thinking, ‘Jeez you’re hard work kid, I’m doin’ you a favour, which is a darn sight more than you deserve after that fool escape attempt.’ But even so he carefully helped Joe off with his jacket and then his shirt. He could see straight away that Joe’s shoulder was getting swollen and didn’t sit right. He’d seen this kind of injury plenty of times, had it himself a few times so he knew it was going to hurt putting it back in place.

He looked at Joe who was watching him warily. Sam asked him, “You hurt this before?”

Joe nodded, “Some weeks back, came off a bronc.”

“So you know this is gonna hurt a bit?” Sam warned.

The response that immediately sprang to Joe’s mind was, ‘Any more than dyin’ would?’ but he was in too much pain to feel like being smart so he just said, “I know.”

Sam tipped some of the Cartwrights bandages from the bag, hoping he might find something for the kid to bite on. He didn’t see anything that he could use and so he said. “Okay boy I reckon I can fix this…you wanna bite on a stick or something?”

Joe really just wanted it over and hated feeling beholden to this creep. He just answered him, “I ain’t a dog, you can keep your stick.”

Sam sighed again thinking, ‘ Why am I helping this kid?’ but he just said, “Okay, be stubborn see where it gets ya.” And he received, as he knew he would, the ‘Joe glare’ he was getting to know so well.

Sam put one hand on Joe’s shoulder and felt him flinch slightly as he placed the other hand firmly above his elbow, ready to manoeuvre the damaged joint back into place. He looked at Joe “You ready kid?”

Joe nodded but he turned his head away and shut his eyes knowing just how much it was going to hurt, he could still remember the last time but at least then it had been Doc Martin. He wasn’t convinced the Yankee captain knew what he was doing. Sam watched Joe for a second or two hoping he wasn’t going to holler too much and then he grasped the shoulder and pulled hard and twisted his arm expertly until the shoulder clicked into place. Joe grabbed onto whatever was near which happened to be his jacket and let out a single gasp of pain, but he didn’t cry out.

Once more the kid had impressed Sam, he might be an annoying cuss but he had guts. Sam reassured him, “Just a little more,” and Joe just nodded unable to speak through the pain.

Sam knew exactly what he was doing and he eased the joint round a little to make sure it was back in place. “Okay that ought to do it, I’ll need to strap it up, but first Joe I need you to flex your fist for me.”

Joe was startled to be called by his name but did as he was asked.

Sam seemed satisfied, ” Okay let’s strap you up…this better not slow you down ridin’…”

“It won’t.” Joe stated as defiantly as he could, he wasn’t quite so sure as he sounded though.

Joe’s arm was bandaged in place and Sam helped him back on with his shirt, then his jacket. Joe mumbled his thanks and Sam could see how much it cost him to say it.
He grabbed up the bandages left over and shoved them back in the bag while he wondered what to do with Joe, he still had to tie him up. He settled for a rope round his waist and then around the tree and his ankles tied. He actually hated doing it but he couldn’t trust him not to make a break for it again.
One of his men would always have to keep an eye on him.

Joe sat back again relieved it was over, he really was done in but at least the pain was easing. Despite his discomfort he was asleep in no time at all.

Later on when the food was ready the captain left Joe sleeping but put him some stew aside. It was pretty congealed when he fed it to him an hour later while he was still half asleep. Straight after he was back sleeping again. “Durn kid, what did I ever bring him along for?” Sam muttered as he went back to his bed.

***

The next days Joe pretty much did as he was told. His shoulder was healing well, it hadn’t been so bad as the first time he’d injured it and at least he was being allowed to ride normally till it was stronger. He was lucky too because a couple of the men knew the area they were riding through and decided to take their chances by stopping around there. That meant less riding while they checked it out some more, before Sam gave them each a share of the money and they rode off. Sam had at least had the good grace to hand Joe’s father’s money to them well out of sight of the boy. One of the men had been the one who had cruelly discussed Joe’s fate that first night so Joe was pleased to see the back of him. The truth was Sam hadn’t liked him that much either.

Once they’d left, Sam ordered his men on. Joe always had someone riding behind him keeping a close eye and he was tied up again as soon as they stopped.

The captain noted the change in Joe and guessed the reason was that he was biding his time, until he was strong enough again to make a decent escape attempt. He liked second-guessing the kid, he thought he understood him pretty well and used it against him. Joe had surprised him with the last escape attempt though, he knew the kid had guts but he had completely out-smarted him that time, even if he had ended up getting caught. It had shaken him when Joe had challenged him about their intentions and the truth was Sam himself hadn’t had the guts to look him in the eye when he’d said it. Sam also knew if he’d been in the same situation as Joe he’d be acting the same way. In putting himself in Joe’s position Sam was unknowingly getting a feel for what it was like to be Joe and he failed to notice something else too. This boy who constantly challenged him, was little by little getting more and more under his skin…and the more he learned about him the more he found he liked him. He had no appetite any more to keep punishing the kid and for whatever reason Joe decided to comply, Sam was relieved for it. It wasn’t that he was suddenly going soft, but he was thankful that no more escape attempts meant the punishments could stop, at least for now.

Roy Coffee and his posse had reluctantly decided to disband and head back, it had been Ben’s suggestion, leaving the Cartwrights to head on alone. If they’d had a genuine sign it would have helped but although they found signs they eventually petered out or disappeared, lost in rocks or rivers or washed away when it rained. The group of deserters hadn’t been spotted in any nearby towns, there were just too many places they could be. He would have organised it if Ben had insisted, but Roy had advised Ben against a poster and newspaper campaign. Making Joe’s face well known in these circumstances might make him a liability for the men. In Roy’s experience it could prove dangerous for Joe. Ben saw the reasoning and eventually agreed.

The posse had been with them just over a week and Ben had decided Roy might be more use co-ordinating any news of sightings and relaying it to them when they could wire from a town. A lot of the men in the posse had families. He knew they’d be reluctant to quit but Ben thought it best they go home now. So Roy and the men in the Posse had finally agreed, all wishing The Cartwrights good luck in finding Little Joe soon.

Before he left, Roy promised to check in on Hop Sing for Ben and to wire all the sheriffs again in the likely areas.

Roy would also keep an eye out on the Ponderosa for the Cartwrights, Ben had good men he could rely on for the day to day running of the ranch but right then Ben would have gladly traded it all just to have his three sons together again.

Ben would wire Roy from any towns they checked out and they could keep up that way. Roy wished his friends luck, he’d watched Ben’s boys grow up and was fond of them all. He couldn’t bear to think of them losing the youngest one.

Ben, Hoss and Adam watched them go and made ready to carry on the search, however long it took.

***

For Joe the days were blurring together. The men travelled on relentlessly for a while, then made camp and as always Joe was tied securely, usually to a tree. If he was unlucky to a rock, which was even more cold and uncomfortable. At least his shoulder was almost back to normal now and hurt much less, he’d tried to disguise that but Sam wasn’t likely to be fooled again and too soon Joe found his hands were tied again when he rode. He had different guards, different men fed him, some of them made idle conversation now and one good thing was the captain left him alone more now, though Joe often felt him watching him. Someone was always watching him though. He’d purposely tried to befriend a couple of the men, the man that had made the cuffs was one. Maybe if they got to see him as a person they might help him. They must have guessed what he was up to though because as soon as he started to get too friendly they clammed up and walked off. He could see how loyal they were to their captain so he figured reluctantly that they’d never betray him.

Joe tried not to think that each day took him further away from his home, his family, and a day closer to, most likely, his death. He was still watchful for any opportunity but these men were so used to holding prisoners, Joe was never a match for them, they never gave him even half a hope now.

Since his latest escape attempt, he was made to suffer the indignity of a rope around his waist and two armed guards even for trips to a river to wash or for calls of nature.

The men had been unable to hide their grins when he’d baulked at this though and growled, “Ain’t you Yankee fools got anything better to occupy you, that you gotta watch a Southern boy take a pee?”

When they’d relayed his remarks to their captain he’d grinned too and agreed on a compromise. Joe thought they might have humane tendencies after all. From then on at such times, they tied his feet so he could hobble, kept the rope round his waist and turned their backs but kept their rifles poised, they still didn’t trust him one bit.

Joe was being fed and given water but the enforced inactivity was draining to him. At first he’d listened out all the time hoping that he’d be found but now he found it easier on his sanity if he relied only on himself. He would get an opportunity, he just had to bide his time and be ready when it happened.

And so another week went by and Joe wondered how long this would continue. He often felt as though the men were discussing him and maybe they were just as bemused as him that their prisoner had not been disposed of yet.

For some reason the captain must think Joe Cartwright alive was still more useful to them than Joe Cartwright dead. Did that mean they knew his family were close by? Or did they plan to ransom him after all this time? Joe couldn’t figure it. He just knew he had to stay as strong as he could and hope his chance would come, his will wasn’t broken and while he was alive there was always hope. Whenever he felt his hopes fading he’d imagine his father beside him, just picturing him gave him an inner strength. Some nights when he’d been drifting off to sleep Joe swore he could hear his father’s voice imploring him to stay strong, to never to give up hope, he had such a strong sense of his father he could even smell his bay rum.

They’d been travelling for about two and a half weeks before Joe discovered a use the captain had in mind for him. The group of deserters had stuck to their pattern of travelling sometimes by night but mostly by day, then lying low, leaving false trails and taking unexpected detours. There were places it was definitely safest to avoid so it wasn’t always best to take the quickest route. Avoiding recapture mattered more than getting anywhere fast. The longer they were missing the more likely they’d be assumed dead. Sometimes if they sensed trouble ahead they had just waited it out, though the further they travelled the more their confidence grew as they saw less and less sign of any skirmishes.

The captain badly wanted to make a trip into a nearby town to renew some supplies and also test out the lay of the land. He didn’t know the area they were heading through too well and was wary of drawing too much attention by having even a couple of strangers ride in. He saw Joe as his ticket into town while not drawing the wrong kind of attention. Who would suspect a man and his boy, travelling through and stopping to buy supplies. And naturally if they were thinking of settling he’d want to find out about the area. This was a ruse that worked so well the first time, that they used it again when they needed to. Sam would never have admitted it but it suited him to find a use for the boy. He didn’t want to lose face with his men by admitting he was growing more and more reluctant to kill him. The trouble was if he didn’t kill him what would he do with him?

So Joe was forced to accompany the captain a couple of times and so far Sam had been relieved that he hadn’t seen any wanted posters for him, his men or for Little Joe Cartwright. Up to now they’d been lucky.

Joe wasn’t allowed to wear his normal clothes into town for these trips, the blue jacket for one being too distinctive. They’d stuck braces on him, an itchy wool check shirt, which he hated, and trousers with great big turn-ups. The worst part for Joe was that they stuck grease in his hair and gave him a side parting with the hair slicked neatly across his brow. He was totally unrecognisable, which of course was the idea, and he felt about 14, worse 14 with absolutely no sense of style. Truly, it was the least of his worries, but even so he looked suitably disgusted and sat his horse with his shoulders hunched and a scowl on his face whenever he was made to adopt this disguise.

Riding behind with his hand never far from his gun, the captain was nevertheless always amused by the sight. He’d been finding the constant running, hiding and sleeping rough a strain and the trips into town were a welcome distraction. As always the Cartwright boy entertained him hugely, even if it was absolutely the last thing he’d have wanted to do. He was right too, a stranger would be noticed in a small town, but any suspicions would be quickly allayed if the stranger was accompanied by his ‘innocent as pie’ looking kid, even if that kid did have a constant scowl on his face. Anyhow, Sam mused, he would soon make him drop that look. No, who would suspect this fresh faced kid and his ‘pa’ of anything? It worked like a dream and it justified the captain keeping the kid breathing a while longer.

At first Joe was happy to go along too, he immediately saw it as a chance to make a run for it. Any such thoughts faded as quickly as they’d materialized though when the captain had threatened that if Joe so much as breathed a word or looked sideways at anyone it would be the innocent townspeople that would suffer. Either by Sam’s hands or his men’s and Joe believed him. No, he’d make his bid for freedom when he was sure no-one else would get hurt. At least the visits gave him an element of freedom and just walking down a street and riding without being tied were wonderful therapy, not just for his tired body but also his soul.

Sam had not been the least bit surprised to see the hope in the boy’s eyes as soon as he’d told him what he expected of him in this father/ son charade. He’d have been disappointed in him if Joe hadn’t seen it as an escape opportunity, this battle of wills was far from over. Then Sam had easily smashed that hope and watched it die in Joe’s eyes with his threats to the innocent townspeople.

As they passed their third week on the run since leaving the Ponderosa, Sam decided on another sortie into a nearby small town. This time he allowed a short stop in a small café so they could eat their first dinner at a table in weeks. Also he hoped he’d pick up on the local news here. Knowing the boy believed him totally about taking any escape attempt out on the townspeople, Sam sat back and enjoyed the treat. The kindly faced proprietor approached them, retrieving his pencil from behind his left ear and licking it in readiness for their order. Sam ordered a steak pie for both of them and some apple pie for ‘the boy’. The proprietor had smiled as he took the order. “Would your son like cream on the apple pie?” he enquired.

Joe had looked up startled, in their trips it was the first time a stranger had referred to Sam, that Joe heard anyway, as his father and it shook him.

Sam noticed and butted in, ” Well son?”

Inside Joe was screaming at the foolish proprietor, ‘I ain’t his son, my Pa is a hundred times the man this murdering creep is, he ain’t fit to lick his boots…how could you even think that he could be my Pa.?!’ but then he pictured the kind faced proprietor with a bullet in his head and he knew that all he could do was go along, so he obediently nodded, ” Um Yes…yes please…I.. I would.”

Sam just smirked and Joe tried not to notice.

As the proprietor disappeared to fill the order the captain leaned across and patted Joe on the arm.

“There that wasn’t so hard was it?” he asked.

“It darn near choked me,” whispered Joe and the captain guffawed loudly.

Joe was hot and he was cross. His clothes itched and he’d been made to wear a long sleeved vest as well as shirt to cover the ever- present rope marks on his wrists. He constantly had to fight the urge to push his cuffs back as he usually would. He could feel Sam’s eyes on him, knew he found his discomfort amusing, he always seemed to be laughing at him, Joe so badly wanted to hit back at the man and wipe that look off his face.

While they waited for their order the proprietor came back and placed a checkerboard between them on the table. For Joe it brought an immediate lump to his throat as the box was placed down, how many times had he and his brothers played over the years? He was brought back sharply to now as Sam opened the box and laid out the pieces. Just then Joe’s eyes lit up, it was a small thing but at least he would beat him at this.

“Your move…you can have the first move ‘son,” the captain invited Joe to begin. The proprietor had disappeared into the backroom so Joe spat back angrily, but under his breath, “I ain’t your son,” causing Sam to smirk at him again, Joe hated when he did that.

Sam had noted the gleam in Joe’s eyes when he’d first eyed the pieces and he thought to himself, ‘So the kid thinks he can beat me eh? Let’s just see…’ After the first few moves the captain knew he had a game on his hands and he couldn’t resist the opportunity to re-engage the battle of wills.

He picked up a piece and tapped it on the table before saying,” By the way sonny…” and Joe stopped his concentration on the game and looked up. Sam continued… “Something you should know…I wanna win… you better be sure I win boy.”

Joe couldn’t believe his ears and he looked up disgusted as he said as quietly as he could… “You wanna win?…it’s only a game of checkers surely you can play fair…what’s the point if you know I’m letting you win?”

The captain grinned and let his words hang in the air a little while. “You’re mighty sure you can beat me sonny…”

Joe never wavered his angry look…”I know I can…in a fair fight.” he hadn’t realised he’d said fight but Sam had. The game suddenly represented so much more to both of them.

“Like I told you boy, I wanna win.” said Sam coldly.

Joe dropped his gaze back down to the checkerboard but continued to play to win just as before. He looked up and caught Sam staring at him…could he bring himself to back down? It was only a game he knew it, but he couldn’t let this man have every victory.

And Joe’s chance to finish him came, one move and he knew he had him. The café owner came back in and stood back watching the play, he quickly noted Joe’s opportunity for a winning move and waited expectantly for him to strike so he could congratulate him on a good game, not to mention for outsmarting his pa. Joe didn’t need to look up to know Sam was watching him, he could feel Sam’s eyes as if they were boring into the top of his head. The kindly proprietor’s jaw almost dropped when the youngster played on, completely missing the opportunity and allowing his pa in to finish the match.

He couldn’t contain himself…”Shucks kid, you missed a great chance to get one over your pa there…you had him dead and buried! If you’d a just….” but he shut up as Sam gave him an angry look.

“Boy’s gotta learn the hard way mister, no sense me letting him win…he won’t learn nuthin’ like that. ”

“No Sir I guess not,” said the kindly man as he went about his business. He found the boy’s father very intimidating and didn’t want to get on his wrong side.

Joe had wondered before if he could throw the match and let the man have his victory. He’d found out that yes he could because inside he knew he’d won, he’d made his point and Sam wasn’t laughing at him now.

Sam folded the checkerboard muttering, “Damn stupid game,” and Joe had grinned, knowing he’d probably pay but he couldn’t help himself. Sure he’d thrown the match but they both knew who’d really won. Joe expected he’d pay with a slap, or a withdrawal of food but Sam was cleverer than that, he knew he couldn’t really get to the boy that way but he would wipe that grin off his face. Right from the start Joe had got to Sam, it was probably a culmination of things for Sam but one thing he knew was he had no time for the doubts he was feeling about himself lately. He didn’t need uncertainties in his life, or to feel guilt for any of his actions, he’d be no help to his men that way. Irrationally he blamed the boy for pricking his conscience and right now the kid needed to know who was boss. Rather than look too deeply at himself he chose to take his animosity out on Joe.

The café owner had an equally kindly wife and when she appeared with the food Joe smiled easily at her as he said “Thank-you ma’am.” He was enjoying being among ‘real’ people again and he had nothing against her so his smile when it came was warm and sincere. He was also disproportionately happy at getting one over Sam Grainger and it showed.

Like most women that met him were destined to be, this lady was immediately captivated by the boy’s charms.

“Why, what a lovely looking boy… and such manners, what’ s your name son?” and she petted his arm and Joe tried not to flinch when the rope marks stung beneath the light pressure.

Sam jumped in to answer for him, ” We just call him Junior.”

“Uh-huh…well then Junior my dear I might see if we have any candy out back for you to take away with you.”

Joe was speechless and she took it that he was too shy to answer. She cooed some more over him and then she turned to Sam. “Why mister I bet he never gives you a moment’s trouble,” she said as she scrutinised the tall heavyset man across the table.

“He does as he‘s told,” was the short answer, more for Joe’s benefit than the lady’s.

“Does he take after his mother?” she asked innocently, but the inference was not missed.

Joe was uncomfortable under the scrutiny and being spoken about as if he was a child, worse a child that couldn’t speak for himself.

And the captain saw his chance to put Joe back in his place. He’d picked up some information about the Cartwrights before they’d raided their ranch. He didn’t know much about Ben Cartwright’s wives aside from the fact there’d been three and they had all died. Perhaps he could get to the boy that way.

Sam answered the increasingly meddlesome lady, but it was Joe he was watching as he did so, “Well I sure hope he doesn’t take after his mother, she was no good, a tramp, left us when he was still a young ‘un. Couldn’t wait to be rid of him and be on her way from us…could she Junior?”

The dumbfounded look on Joe’s face told Sam he’d hit his mark.

The woman looked dismayed and turned her attention back to Joe, full of sympathy for him. Joe just wanted to escape…anywhere.

“Oh you poor boy, growing up without your mother and her bein’ no good an all, well all I can say is your pa must be doin’ a good job of raisin’ you because you’re turnin’ out right well young man, right well…I can tell.”

She thought she was being kind as she petted his arm once more and Joe had to lower his eyes and blink furiously to stop the tears appearing. Mostly he’d been able to keep control of his emotions but the kindly lady’s attentions, the man he despised sitting across from him daring to portray himself as his father and insulting his mother that way. Inside he was screaming and was as close as he’d come to shouting the truth. He knew Sam’s words should mean nothing to him, but for Joe, being unable to answer back made them doubly hard to take.

The captain was aware of the struggle for control Joe was battling. He wanted him to know he knew. He leaned forward and whispered to Joe as the lady went away to prepare some more food and maybe find that candy for the ‘poor boy’.

Joe was thinking of a little boy and a beautiful lady who had loved him completely in the short time they’d shared, He was jolted cruelly back to now as he felt the captain lean over towards him and demand his attention with a shake and more of his vicious words. He nodded towards the retreating back of kindly Ada, the proprietor’s wife.

“Nice lady ain’t she?…wouldn’t look quite so wholesome with a bullet in her back though, would she? You better not be thinking of betraying me boy…wouldn’t want that on your conscience would you?”

The look Joe shot the captain was filled with venom but the captain didn’t miss the tears held back and almost on the brink of betraying Joe. Sam was satisfied, and Joe hated that he’d seen it.

Sam told him, “Now eat your food,” and he added for effect… “Do as your pa says boy…”

His checker’s ‘victory’ lost to him Joe chided himself for being stupid enough to think it could ever have meant anything, this man had all the aces. He’d managed to keep his tears at bay thankfully, but deep inside Joe wept, for his mother, his brothers, his home and for his father, they’d never felt so far away to him.

Joe had been starving at the prospect of steak pie but had suddenly lost his appetite, but he would force himself to eat. He needed his strength, he would get away and more than that, he’d make this man pay and he’d make him eat his words about Joe’s mother.

After they finished their meal they left the café and had a walk around town. At least the exercise would benefit Joe after weeks of enforced idleness and it did lift his spirits so for the remainder of their time in town he remained quiet and did as he was expected to. Something had been troubling him too, he’d seen a calendar in the café and seeing the date had been a shock for Joe.

The captain found out what he needed, sorted out the much needed supplies and nosed around a little in an attempt to pick up information of any nearby army units. There didn’t seem to be much going on around these parts and once more he was relieved to find they weren’t on any noticeable wanted lists. It appeared they’d made good their escape from Nevada as there was no sign they were being hunted in this area or anywhere in between.

When they headed back to camp Joe was feeling increasingly down. As soon as they were back he was retied to the nearest tree. He’d tried not to let it affect him when he’d seen the date, but with little to distract him now he was able to dwell on it. Realising that today was his father’s birthday had hit Joe hard.
Joe had bought his present weeks before. His friend Suzie, who worked at The Bucket of Blood Saloon had seen a man trying to sell it in there one night. Joe had talked to her about buying his father a present, so she asked the man if she could keep it by for her friend. When she showed him, Joe had thought it was perfect, in need of a lot of polish and elbow grease, but otherwise perfect. It was a beautifully carved wooden pipe rack with a brass ships wheel decoration, it had belonged to a sea captain and was admittedly a little the worse for wear, but that had meant Joe could afford it. When he’d injured his shoulder and couldn’t do all his normal ranch work he’d spent hours, with Hops Sing’s help, polishing the wood and brass to restore it to its former glory. It was truly a thing of beauty and Joe had known his father would love it. He’d pictured his father making a space and proudly displaying it on his desk. Now it lay hidden in the cupboard in Joe’s bedroom awaiting a pipe and some tobacco before he could wrap it. Joe was afraid to think that he might never get to present his father with his gift.

The weeks of being held prisoner, the enforced idleness, worry for his family and his own situation were finally taking their toll on Joe. Normally, he was always active, usually cheerful and rarely alone. He longed to climb on Cochise and ride freely without his hands tied, swim in the river when he was taken down to wash or just run through the forest, even if it did lead to inevitable recapture. He’d learned the hard way that these men knew their jobs. They were used to holding prisoners for long periods of time and they were efficient at it, they’d never let their guard drop once and all his escape attempts had been thwarted. They had been so efficient at covering their tracks, Joe knew there was little chance of anyone catching up to them now. Always one to find a positive slant on any situation, on this night, Joe couldn’t find one. Tied up like he was all he could do was roll sideways away from the camp and close his eyes. He just wanted to be anonymous for a while and be left alone. The soldiers were happy to oblige him and after an hour or so they assumed he was sleeping.

The men chatted and eventually turned their attentions to Joe, they believed he was asleep but he could hear every word.

The one called Bob nodded across at him and asked the others, “So what do you s’pose Sam has in mind for the kid?”

One of the other soldiers, Joe wasn’t sure which, answered him, “We’ll, I cain’t see him letting him go to blab about us and where we’ve been, specially as he knows where we’re goin’ too. You know as well as I do if we let him go he’d just hightail it straight to the nearest sheriff and his pa’d have men after us sooner than you can spit. Ben Cartwright didn’t look like no man to mess with and we done stole his kid. They’d know exactly where to start lookin’ fer us too. The kid knows all our names and our faces too well. Don’t reckon the captain has a choice, even if he don’t want to he’ll prob’ly still have to kill him. Too risky not to if you ask me. Funny, kinda wish we didn’t have to; he ain’t a bad kid even if he don’t like Yankees. Don’t seem enough to get him killed over though.” None of them had ever killed except in the line of duty. The men dispersed, each relieved that it would at least not fall to them to carry out the deed but they were all uneasy at the prospect and wished there was another way.

For Joe it was his lowest point. It was no comfort to hear of their reluctance to kill him. Their cold words about whether he lived or died sent a chill right through him and for the first time he faced the misery of believing he really might never see his home and his family again. He wasn’t even sure he wanted his family to catch up to him. He’d seen how much Sam had hated his Pa, he feared for his father if he came up against Sam Grainger.

Joe’s heart was breaking as he pictured his home and faced the fact that he may never come bursting into the yard too fast on Cochise only to be told off by his father, Never be told again to get his feet off the furniture, his heart ached and he was suddenly desperate to hear Hoss shouting; “Hey Shortshanks, how ya doin’?!” He wanted to get hacked off at Adam for picking on him or even be on the receiving end of one of Adam’s ‘looks’ across the dining table. He remembered Adam’s words to him when they’d been riding home that last day. Joe was glad he’d said them.

Little Joe’s hopes were fading fast, even if he wanted them to now, no one was likely to find him anyhow. He’d been constantly denied any hope of escape and had lived every day with the fear that any time his use as a hostage would be over, Joe was totally disheartened. He was a born fighter but for once the fight had gone out of him. He’d been strong for so long but now he struggled alone against his fears and finally gave in to his tumbling emotions.

The captain had been aware of his men’s conversation as he’d stopped on his way back to camp and from where he was, a few feet away in the trees, he had also seen that his hostage was not asleep and could hear every word. As the boy leaned his head against the rough tree trunk, his face turned away from the men, Sam could see what looked like tears trickle unchecked down the boy’s cheeks as he had finally let his despair take over.

Sam Grainger was not completely evil. He’d once been a good man. Despite himself, his heart went out to Joe. He’d admired Joe’s courage from the start, even as he’d tried to crush his will back at the café he’d marvelled at his defiance. The kid had kept up a brave front all this time, never shown how scared he truly must be. The captain had been held prisoner before, he knew well enough how it could sap the will right out of you. The captain saw that it was only when the boy thought no one could see him, no one would know, that he had finally given in to his fears. Captain Sam Grainger, for all his hardened exterior wanted nothing more than to reassure him. But he couldn’t, it wasn’t just his life on the line but his men’s too and they were his first priority. While the boy could still prove to be useful then they would keep him. After that he was still unsure, but if this was to be the end of their battle of wills then he took no pleasure in it. All he felt was sadness for the boy and disgust in himself. If there was a better way out of this then he now admitted he wanted to find it. But he would not give the boy false hope, he owed him that much. So he left him alone, watching hope slowly die in him. He was amazed it had taken so long.

***

Later that night, the camp was disturbed by a loud scream. Sam reached for his gun but laid it quickly aside when he realised where it had come from. He reassured the men who had done the same and they rolled back over, pulling their blankets round and muttering to themselves.
Sam blinked as his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness and he made his way over to the slight figure struggling in his sleep against his ropes.
He sighed, the boy wasn’t even awake but he was fighting his ropes and crying out softly. In his nightmare the men had shot him. In his mind they’d walked over to him, coldly apologised, said they had no choice, put a gun to his chest and shot him. As he lay dying still trussed to the tree he felt two strong hands straighten him up. Joe’s fevered mind conjured up his father for him and he opened his unseeing eyes and spoke to him, “Pa, I knew you’d come…Pa? they shot me Pa, I’m sorry…I tried to get home…” his words tailed off as Sam pulled the blanket around Joe who had finally exhausted himself and fallen back into a troubled sleep.
Sam watched him for a few moments to be sure he wouldn’t stir again and then he stood and walked deep into the bushes. He was fighting back memories and feelings he wanted to stay buried and most of all Sam Grainger, battle hardened army deserter was fighting back tears. He picked up the only thing he could find, a thick branch and he bashed it hard against a tree trunk before throwing it as far into the darkness as he could. He stayed for a long time staring into the blackness before slowly making his way back. He looked down at Joe who had somehow dislodged his blanket once more. He looked impossibly young and vulnerable as he lay against the tree, his mop of unruly hair sticking out at all angles excepting a few stray and sweaty curls that stuck stubbornly to his brow. Vulnerable was not a side that Joe would willingly allow Sam to see in him and the captain smiled at the contrast in this expression and the angry glare he’d be getting now if Joe was awake.
Sam crouched down and straightened him up once more, ‘Damn you boy,’ he said as he pulled the blanket around him once more, before he returned to his bed and some troubled sleep of his own.

***

Miles away and right then heading in the wrong direction, Ben and the boys continued to search. They’d followed so many trails, stopped in so many towns, with no success. This day seemed harder somehow, they’d followed one blind alley after another and though they all knew it, none of them acknowledged that it was Ben’s birthday. As they made camp Adam and Hoss watched as their father stood and stared blankly into the flames of the campfire. They could only watch as their Pa hung his head, they felt his quiet despair but felt powerless to help him.

They’d made no progress and they were all feeling low. Usually one of them had succeeded in remaining upbeat to encourage the others, but it got harder and harder with no real clue to give them hope. They were in this area following a possible sighting of a group of deserters that Roy had wired back to them about when they’d stopped overnight in a town half a day’s ride back, but they’d found nothing.

Their fears were all the same, if Joe was still alive how badly was he being treated and how much longer would he prove useful to them. They all knew that after so long as a captive Joe might well have done something impulsive and risked the anger of his captors. As the days wore on they knew there was less reason for them to keep him alive. They all went to bed with heavy hearts.

Eventually they laid out their bedrolls and tried to sleep, but none of them could.

Ben shut his eyes and prayed and when he opened them he spoke to the night sky and hoped his son could hear him. “Joseph…where are you son?…wherever you are, don’t give up hope…we’ll never stop searching…we will find you Joseph…” He pictured his son as he’d normally be on his birthday. Full of fun and bursting to show him his birthday gift. Joe loved parties and celebrations, ‘Oh Joe,’ he thought, ‘what a party we’ll have when we bring you home.’

Hoss was no more asleep than Ben was, his thoughts too with his missing brother. He wondered where he was and whether he was sleeping right then. If he’d known the true depths of his young brother’s heartache at that same moment it would have broken his heart. Miles away Little Joe cried silently as he pressed his face into the rough bark of the tree he was tied to, desperate that no-one should see his tears. Hoss spoke to his brother, “Where did they take you Joe?” he didn’t even realise he was crying when he shut his eyes and sent a silent message to his brother, “Hold on there Shortshanks, we’re coming to get you, we will find you.”

Adam was on the other side of the fire staring at the stars. “I promised you, Marie, that I’d watch out for him. We’re going to find him…we will find you little buddy…don’t give up on us Joe.”

Two hours later they were woken by an anguished cry. While Ben was awake he didn’t allow his thoughts to go where his dreams could take him. But while he slept his nightmares took over. Frequently he woke in a cold sweat as his subconscious mind let him believe the unthinkable. That his vibrant young son had been dumped, lifeless in an unmarked grave, it tore at his soul. Ben always woke at the same point in the nightmare… he was crouched down scraping soil from a mound of earth when his hands would catch onto something…a button. Frantically he would scrape more earth away only to stop cold as his treacherous hands uncovered a familiar blue jacket.

His cries broke the silence and brought his remaining sons straight to his side.

They’d all been there. They all knew about this nightmare.

***

Joe must’ve slept peacefully eventually and when he woke the camp was stirring. The overheard conversation from last night was still heavy on his heart but with a new day came new hope for Joe, there was always hope. The captain approached him tentatively with a coffee, last night still fresh in his mind too, there’d be no sparring with the boy today. When Joe had looked at him last night and seen his father, when he’d told him they’d shot him it had been more then Sam could deal with. So he was a little taken aback to see the angry defiance now written large across Joe’s face. If he thought he’d seen him defeated last night then he still had a lot to learn about Little Joe Cartwright. Joe of course had no idea that the captain had been a witness to last night’s breakdown or his nightmare.

Joe had had plenty of thinking time too. More than that, he’d woken up with a strong sense of his father, he couldn’t explain it but it was almost like he was with him willing him on. If there was one thing in this world that Joe would never willingly do it was to let down his father. Even when he was at his lowest the thought of that powerful, loving man gave him strength. No, Little Joe Cartwright had not given up hope and he definitely had his fight back. He had a deal he wanted to make with the captain, his compliance as a captive for freedom of movement. He’d give his word he wouldn’t escape if he was untied and allowed to move around. He was good with horses he could tend them properly, This all went against the grain for Joe but after his desperation of the night before it was a better option than spending his last days trussed up and waiting for the inevitable bullet. And also at the back of his mind, the thought that if his family did somehow find him and get into camp, well that changed everything. All promises would be off and it would not just be his life up for barter, and maybe he’d be able to help them.

The captain looked him over, ” Well I’ll give you something, it’s sure a novel approach to your situation. ‘Cepting one thing sonny, what have I got to gain?”

“Like I said I’m good with horses, I can cook, heck I can make the coffee…you can go faster with me not being tied…you could tie me back up at night if you don’t think you can trust me…” Joe made it sound so reasonable.

The captain laughed long and hard. Especially since the kid damn near had him thinking about it!

“And if your family turn up…you still promise?” as always he already knew the answer.

Joe had to avert his eyes, no he knew he couldn’t promise that.

‘Well that sure didn’t go as well as I’d hoped,’ he thought as the captain shook his head and walked off laughing. But it was a different Joe from last night and he definitely hadn’t given up. And even though Joe thought he hadn’t got anywhere with Sam, he was wrong. If Sam knew one thing for certain now it was that he wasn’t going to take his life. Sam felt sick inside just thinking that even a short time ago he might have ever considered it and he felt deep remorse that he ‘d let the boy live under the threat of it all this time.

Could he really ever have slaughtered this boy, an innocent that had crossed his path?

But those were the thoughts that frightened Sam the most, because in Sam Grainger’s mind, in the name of his army career and in his bid to escape it he’d already slain innocents along the way. In his mind he wandered to a patrol 15 years ago, and he tried to stop the thoughts as he rubbed his temples. But the images wouldn’t go.

They’d been attacked by Apaches and had given chase. Some of the Apaches had hidden among some rocks and appeared cut off. Sam and some men were ordered by their captain at the time to ride around and pick them off. Sam had asked for caution thinking it was odd this group had been left.

Sam was threatened with court martial if he didn’t obey and they had gone in as ordered, shooting. When the brief resistance stopped they had cautiously approached the group, only to find a small group of Cheyenne braves, women and some children, all lay dead.

How they’d got mixed up Sam never knew, had they been prisoners of the Apache? a decoy? he never found out. But he would never forget it and something died in him that day. Sam shook his head to clear the images and went to find his flask, he needed a whisky.

***

The next day brought fresh hope with the new dawn in another camp too. The Cartwrights would never give up, it just wasn’t in their nature, there was another town nearby, they’d check it out and continue the search. Ben refused to give into his fears that it could all be for nothing. They’d followed so many trails, stopped in so many places; they had no reason to suppose that this place would be any different. But they’d keep trying.

It was noon when they rode into the small town. They’d first gone over to the Sheriff’s office but it was locked up. Deciding to wait around till he returned, they headed towards a small cafe for a welcome meal. The kindly faced proprietor approached them, retrieving his pencil from behind his left ear and licking it in readiness for their order.

The Cartwrights all ordered large steaks with apple pie to follow. It would be a rare treat for them after weeks on the trail. The proprietor gave the order to his wife and was wiping tables when Ben called him across. As he’d done a hundred times before, Ben proceeded to ask the man if he had seen a boy, 17 years old, green eyes, chestnut hair with a group of men. As he talked he unfolded a likeness he’d had made of Little Joe.

The man shook his head, “Don’t sound like anyone I’ve seen in here…we don’t get many strangers in here and I remember most of ‘em, known for it I am, you ask the sheriff, any stranger comes through and I can give you a complete description down to the colour of his boots. Anything else you can tell me about him…?” he asked frowning as he scrutinised the picture, there was something familiar the more he looked but he couldn’t grasp it.

“His name is Joe, he could pass for younger than 17, he’s left-handed, has green eyes, his hair is quite curly, probably touches his collar by now.” Ben’s voice caught as he pictured his son and left so much unsaid… ” He’s impulsive, stubborn, loving, exasperating, unpredictable, a wonderful son and I miss him with all my heart…But the man broke across his thoughts.

” Left – handed you say?” as he spoke he scratched his head before placing the likeness carefully on the table. His brow wrinkled as he tried to remember and a look of recognition slowly replaced his frown. As he smoothed the wrinkles from the picture he placed his hands so as to frame the face. Ben almost stopped breathing as he hung on his response. The man smiled as he remembered the handsome face of the young boy he remembered more clearly now.

Ben hardly dared hope that the next words would be about his missing son, he wanted the man to be sure, but he couldn’t stop the words escaping, “Have you seen him?”

“Mmmm…” he said thoughtfully… “It seems to me I might have…the hair was different but I reckon it coulda been him…only I did notice someone a week or so back. A young’un he was left-handed…I particularly noticed on account of me bein’ the same an’ all…it could be him I guess.”

He now had all three Cartwrights complete attention, all equally desperate and yet afraid to hear what he would say next.

After what seemed like an eternity he spoke again.

“Funny he had apple pie just like you ordered and that’s when I noticed, he held his fork in his left hand. Kinda unusual but like I say I might not have noticed iffen I hadn’t been the same way. He was with an older man, big man he was, his Pa, but the boy looked much younger than in this picture. Different clothes too, let me see… he had on a thick long-sleeved check shirt and braces and his hair was different…the parting was down the side and it was slicked down flat across his forehead…poor kid, looked kinda hot and uncomfortable in all that get up, it was a warm day too but his pa said he’d been sick, he was kinda pale come to think…”

The Cartwrights looked at each other with concern, was he sick? Or was there another reason to keep him covered up like that on a warm day, none of them wanted to go there, or to think about what abuse the shirt might have been covering.

The proprietor continued… “Right nice lookin’ boy, my wife was quite taken with him,” he laughed as he remembered the checkers match, “Shame too, he coulda beat his pa at checkers iffen he’d just seen that move…staring him right in the face it was but he missed it, his pa said he had to learn the hard way though, guess he was right, seemed a mite strict with him if you ask me though.” The Cartwrights exchanged uncomfortable glances at these last revelations. ” Let me shout the wife, she’ll confirm it for ya…jest let me shout her…Ada! hey…Ada come here a minute would ya…? ”

The man’s portly but cheery wife emerged from the kitchen. “What is it Ira? Quit yer bellowin’ I ain’t deaf… Oh…oh hello there…” she straightened her hair as she remembered they had customers. She ambled over, wiping her hands on a towel and extending a still damp hand in greeting as she smiled warmly at the strangers. Ben took her hand and shook it warmly. Ada was always glad of a little conversation. “Well what can I do for you gentlemen?” she asked a little flustered, not used to being the recipient of such undivided attention from such fine lookin’ men.

Ira showed her the likeness of Joe and asked her if she thought he could be the boy who had been in the café with his pa less than a week ago. Each time they mentioned his ‘pa’ both Adam and Hoss didn’t miss the way their father flinched. The thought of that evil man trying to pass himself off as Joe’s ‘pa’ was abhorrent to all of them.

Ada smiled as she recollected the young man, “Oh yes that’s him alright, I could never forget that adorable face, looks a mite older in this picture…is he alright? Not in any trouble I hope, a young boy like that…such lovely manners too. Such a shame about his ma runnin’ off too.”

Ben and Hoss grinned at the first revelation but baulked at the reference to Joe’s mother, what stories had the man made up in his loathsome gameplay. But this was a sign, the first real sign. Adam was more cautious, after all what did it prove other than a young boy that looked like his youngest brother and happened to be left handed, sat here eating apple pie a week or so ago. But with just that thought he couldn’t help but allow himself the luxury of a glimmer of hope, maybe his brother was alive. Or had been then. He smiled inside at the image of his kid brother in a checked shirt and braces with his hair slicked to the side. He pictured him at home preening himself as he got ready to escort a young lady to a dance. He couldn’t stop a little grin from escaping and the warmth that accompanied the thought…”Boy the kid must have hated that.” But he wouldn’t let his feelings run away with him. If it turned out to be another blind alley then he had to stay strong for Hoss and for his pa.

Hoss walked across to the next table, almost overcome with conflicting emotions. He was elated at this first clue that Joe might be alive but much of what the kindly couple had told them worried Hoss deeply. He rubbed his wrists at the memory of being tied and unable to move that night when those cowards had left them bound and helpless. He guessed, as they all had, that the long sleeves on Joe’s shirt were to hide his rope marks. Joe always pushed his shirt- sleeves up. Happy as he was to hear this news of Joe, his big heart was tearing at the thought of his spirited ‘part jackrabbit’ of a brother being held captive for so long by these men. He eyed the checkers game set up there and absently fingered one of the pieces, he imagined his brother doing the same thing, maybe with the exact same piece. He could easily conjure his brother sitting there playing. He and Joe always loved playing checkers and Joe loved winning. How he hooped and hollered or just plain grinned wide in triumph when he made that last winning move. And Hoss never minded him winning, well not too much, they were good-humoured matches between them and it was never about the outcome, it was all about the banter in between and the silly fighting talk at the end. He couldn’t bear to think of his little brother in the clutches of this man, alive at least thank God, but most likely scared for his life, even if he’d never admit it, and longing to be home.

He knew how his stubborn brother must have felt when he’d sat here and thrown that checkers match. He felt so close to him right then and he held the checker piece tight as he tried to keep a hold on his emotions. As brothers they had always been close, knew how each other was feeling without asking and right then Hoss could feel all the pent up anger, fear and helplessness his brother had been feeling when he’d occupied the same spot in this room. It was something Hoss had tried not to do, so he would
stay strong, but holding onto that wooden piece, something so tangible knowing in his heart that his little brother had most likely done the same thing, got to this strong man. It was a silly thing, a silly game but to Hoss especially it represented so much. If he’d had Sam Grainger in front of him right then he’d have made him swallow the wooden pieces one by one and made him choke on each one. And he made a silent promise to his brother. “I’ll get him for you Shortshanks, if it’s the last thing I do little brother I’ll make him pay for what he’s doin’ to you.”

***

The days continued on in pretty much the same way for Joe, but he had sensed a change in the men as they neared their destination. One thing he noticed was that they didn’t chat to him hardly at all now and he could only guess at the reason. It wasn’t a good feeling. But in other ways they had grown more relaxed. Just in little things, but to a prisoner little things like sometimes being allowed your hands free when you washed meant a lot and Joe was alert to everything. He also noticed a change in Sam, there was no more prodding, the mind games had stopped and Sam spoke to him almost regretfully, certainly not in the hard tones he’d used before. He actually said, “Sorry kid,” when he tied him up. This all made Joe a little uneasy though, at least he knew where he was with Sam before. He determined to be even more watchful, he would take the first chance he could to get away.

Unusually it was Sam that accompanied Joe for his wash down by the river this morning. Usually Joe’s hands would have still been tied and he’d have a couple of guards watching him, but Sam was confident enough to get one of the men to untie him and he alone accompanied him to the river. He hadn’t been able to make the deal the kid wanted but he was trying to make his captivity less uncomfortable. He didn’t put that in words and Joe was still constantly watched but he had no desire to make the boy’s life a total misery. Several of the men had finally found the nerve to approach Sam about his plans for their hostage as they sensed an end in sight. None of them wanted to see him killed now, but neither would they go against their leader. Sam never answered them, told them instead he was still thinking on it. Which was the truth, he really didn’t have a solution. The nearest he came was that he would wait until all the men had gone off their separate ways and hold on to the kid himself for a while. When he thought it was safe and no-one would go after his men, or if they did they’d have little chance of finding them, he’d set the kid off on his own to make his way back, take his chances over rough country and Indian Territory. That was what he was pondering now as he escorted Joe to the river, did he want it on his conscience if the kid never made it?

Joe knew nothing of the Captain’s change of heart.

As he escorted him down to wash Sam sent Joe a few feet ahead, while still keeping his rifle aimed right at him. Joe always tried to draw out this time, making the most of this little bit of freedom. He knew as soon as he was finished the captain would order him to be retied.

Joe was bending down and scooping up water to throw over his face and hair when he first saw something glinting in the water…at first he thought the ripples from the water and the sunlight were playing tricks on his eyes but as the water stilled it was still there…as plain as day…a knife! One of the men must have dropped it and not realised. Luckily he hadn’t taken his shirt off yet so he had somewhere to conceal it. ‘Stay calm Joe…you gotta stay calm…’ Joe willed himself even though he could feel his heart nearly jumping through his ribs as he sensed his first real chance… ‘Don’t grab it straight off, bide your time Joe,’ his mind was playing overtime he was so scared of blowing it…Sam was sitting on a rock watching him, his rifle trained right at him, ‘you gotta act normal Joe… but you gotta pick it up…I know… distract him.’

Without warning, Joe got his chance when a hawk dived into the stream after a fish which darted for freedom under the water. His captor was distracted just for a second but it was all the time Joe had needed to reach for the knife and push it up his sleeve. He finished washing knowing now at long last, he had the chance he’d waited for, but he had to act fast. They started to make their way back and to his relief the captain delayed tying him up again until they reached camp. As before Sam made Joe go a few feet ahead while he kept his rifle trained on his back.

They were going through some grass when Joe knew it was time to act. He heard a sound behind him and turned ready to launch the weapon, the knife now glinted in his hand. At that exact same moment, unknown to either, they’d disturbed a rattler hidden in the grass. The two things, the snake and the sight of the knife in his captive’s hands, caused the captain to miss his footing and stumble. He fell heavily winding himself and dropping his rifle just out of reach behind him. He lay as he fell helplessly on his back, at the mercy of a rattler only feet from his face and a boy with a knife. Suddenly everything had turned around and Joe’s fate was very much in his own hands, Sam didn’t rate his chances one bit.

Joe froze, all this time he had waited for an opening and now he had it. His first real chance to escape and get back to his family…but the snake! Why then for God’s sake? All this flashed through Joe’s brain in a flash and his instincts took over. He’d heard of people dying from a rattler bite, it didn’t sound pretty. But this man, now at his mercy, had ripped him from his home, threatened his father, his brothers, shot his beloved Hop Sing, he didn’t deserve pity. In one fluid movement Joe threw the knife hitting his target, the captain shouted “No!” and closed his eyes waiting for the impact.

But it never came… realisation hit him slowly and he warily opened his eyes, Joe was staring at him for once not so easy to read. In fact he was trying to work out how he could get to the rifle which lay behind Sam now. The snake lay dead at the captain’s side, Joe’s knife impaling it to the ground. The shout from the captain had alerted three of his men and they were back in a shot, just as Joe rolled and made an attempt for the rifle. Seeing the captain seemingly hurt on the floor they guessed Joe had made an escape attempt and they went for him grabbing him just as his fingers made contact with the rifle. Two of them dragged him up and then held his arms while the other punished him with his fists. Joe at first struggled hard against the men holding him, still hoping to make a grab for the rifle, but he knew he’d lost the chance he’d waited so long for. Suddenly he felt all his strength leave him and his whole body went limp under the mistreatment.

Sam saw the complete injustice taking place but was unable to take in what had happened…why Joe had saved him. His rage built as he saw his men continue to hold Joe even when he was so defenceless. He flew at his men shouting and pulling them off. “Stop! That’s enough stop!” he yelled. At last he succeeded in dragging them off the now helpless boy and he yelled, though Joe was barely aware of it… “Look you fools! He killed the snake…he could have killed me but he killed the snake!”

The men took in what he said and looked across at the lifeless snake still pinned to the ground by Joe’s knife. Realising their error they looked shocked and a little ashamed. They let go of the almost unconscious youth and Joe dropped to his knees and curled up, holding his battered body. He breathed hard as he tried to get the strength to move but he could only wipe weakly at his jaw, now smeared with his own blood.

The captain, suddenly filled with compassion, moved quickly across and helped him.

“Quick,” he barked, ” someone get me a canteen!” The men scurried around for one and passed it to Sam. Sam carefully helped Joe into a sitting position and held him there while he gently held the drink to his lips.

After a few sips Joe pushed it away, he wanted to crawl away and rest, recover his strength and lick his wounds in private. But Sam wouldn’t let him.

“Why’d you do that boy? Why’d you kill the snake and not me?” Sam was still genuinely shocked.

Joe looked miserable, in pain and miserable, his hopes of freedom gone again…he answered honestly like he always did, between painful breaths, “I…I guess I just couldn’t let even you die of a snake bite…” he was starting to feel his frustration at the whole situation resurface, he had pain everywhere and he’d wasted such a perfect opportunity so he added angrily…

“I can think of some much better ways…”

Sam stared at him for a full minute before he let out a colossal laugh, relief at finding himself still alive and gratitude. And he smiled and held out a hand to Joe that Joe ignored. Knowing Joe would stubbornly refuse his help, Sam said more softly, “C’mon boy let me help you…please… I wanna help you.” Realising Joe was too weak to stand alone, he bent down and put an arm round his waist and, carefully lifted him, supporting him all the way as he led him back to camp.

The others still kept their guns trained on Joe, unsure of what to do. Sam helped him take off his shirt and he expertly surveyed the injuries, Joe tried not to flinch as he examined the tender areas around his ribs and stomach where he’d taken most of the punishment.

“This is getting to be a habit Joe.” Sam said as he shook his head while tipping out the bag of cloths and bandages. He wet a cloth from his canteen and carefully cleaned up all Joe’s wounds. Joe tried to protest that he could do it himself but Sam wouldn’t listen. “No you can’t kid, ” and he looked at him kindly before adding, “That was good shooting, getting that snake, less of course it was really bad shootin’ and you were aiming at ol’ Sam all the time.”

Joe shot a look at Sam but quickly saw the humour in his eyes, he had been going to make a snappy retort but he really didn’t have the strength even for verbal combat. When he realised Sam was joking his angry expression softened and he couldn’t help a rueful half-hearted grin, not that there was anything funny about the way he felt right now.
Whereas Sam had started to see Joe for the person that he was a long time back, Joe still regarded Sam with nothing short of loathing. But in that brief exchange he thought he saw the first glimmers of a human being.

The men kept their guns trained on Joe unsure what to do. Noticing them for the first time the captain waved them away. “It’s okay I don’t think that’s necessary any more.”

One of the men protested, “But he tried to escape sir. He stole my knife…” in fact the man was unwilling to admit that he’d simply lost the knife.

The captain sat back on his haunches and thought for a while. He’d checked Joe over and was happy there were no breaks just a lot of soreness and some angry red patches and swelling starting to show. He still needed his hostage. He knew the army or the Cartwrights could still come busting in on them any time and he had a loyalty to his men that he would not shirk. But this boy had saved his life, given up his foolhardy burst for freedom.

Finally Sam looked decided as he spoke to Joe. “You asked me a while back….would I make a deal? You still up for it kid? You give me a week freely, just to be sure. You do it my way and no one will get hurt. You stay, voluntarily in case they catch up to us… I know it ain’t likely but you’re still my insurance sonny…. and when we get near ‘home’ I give you my word I will release you unharmed. You have my word on it. You have to promise to keep your family from coming after me, or my men but I have no doubt you can accomplish that. If your family, a posse or the army shows up I promise you we’ll go for a peaceful trade-off. My men they ain’t killers, I want them safe. And this way your family or anyone with ‘em don’t get hurt either. We got a deal?”

When Joe had killed the snake all he had seen was his opportunity to escape writhing and dying in the dunes. While the captain had carefully tended him he had no expectations other than a continuing of his captivity. He had been in too much pain to think and he had to shake himself now to be sure he was hearing the man’s words correctly or was he just confused, still dazed. He saw Sam was still staring at him waiting for an answer and he dared to believe. After all these weeks he was being offered his freedom. He shook his head to try and focus his mind and make sense of his emotions and he prayed he had heard right. For Joe this was the best possible outcome, revenge wasn’t on his mind…getting home with his family all safe was all that mattered and it was within his grasp. He’d played it out so many times in his head. He couldn’t see a way out without someone, his Pa or his brothers getting hurt or even killed. This way they’d all be safe and he would get to go home. It wasn’t perfect but it was the best he outcome he could hope for.
As if in a dream he heard himself saying. “We got a deal,” after everything, strangely Joe trusted the man. Joe knew now he would get his escape attempts but it was a gamble that he would no longer take. His family could still at any time ride right into the middle of all this and for the sake of a week he could prevent that from happening. Even if Joe did get away the chances of him finding his family quickly were slim at best so they might still run across Sam and his men. Joe wouldn’t let that happen.

Sam smiled as he helped him back on with his shirt. Joe winced as his ribs caught painfully with the movement and Sam shook his head “I’m sorry Joe, you didn’t deserve this.”

Joe leaned exhausted back against the tree trunk behind him and looked at Sam. ” I didn’t deserve any of this and neither did my family.”

Sam lowered his head and brushed the back of his hand against his jaw. No one ever spoke back to Sam this way, even his superiors had treated him with a bit more caution than this slip of a kid appeared to. Sam sighed, what had ever made him think he could win a battle of wills with him? He’d never stood a chance. Here he was bloodied but still unbowed, he sure was tougher than he looked.

Joe wondered what Sam was thinking and he ventured something else that was on his mind, “What about Pa’s money?”

“Don’t push your luck kid.” Sam answered leaving no quarter for arguments, but then he sighed.” You sure are the stubbornest sonovagun I ever came across, you ever been told that?”

Joe didn’t hesitate. “I ain’t no kid…and yeah I bin told.”

Sam laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “You know what kid, I reckon I just met my match.”

He was walking back towards the camp to find a jacket for Joe when Joe called him back,

“What you said about my mother, it wasn’t true, she was a lady… a wonderful lady.”

Sam looked first at Joe and then unable to hold the gaze, down at the ground in front of him. He was taken off guard at having his words from the cafe thrown back at him right then. Despite his bruises Sam could see by the look on Joe’s face that those words had hurt him far more than his men’s fists had. This time it was Sam’s turn to concede defeat, “You’re right, I shoulda never a’ said those things about someone I knew nothin’ about, I’m sorry son, I’m sure she was a wonderful lady.” He nodded at Joe and went back to fetching the jacket.

Joe was still worried about something though. When Sam came back with his jacket he could see him shaping up for a question. Sam almost dreaded it, the kid never shirked getting to the point.

“Okay what is it?” he asked as he helped Joe on with the jacket.

Joe looked surprised that he knew he was fixing to ask him something. But he took up the invitation.
“I believe what you said, like I said before, you ain’t ever lied to me, it’s just that…back home…when you…do you promise if my Pa does somehow find me, you really won’t hurt him?”

Sam could see why he’d be worried…”I promise.”

“It’s just back then…you really looked like you hated him…I don’t understand why…you had no reason…” Joe was unsure how much to say but it was too important to him to know the man meant his promise.

Sam was getting uncomfortable with the questioning, it was a little too direct.

“You can be a little too pushy kid, I promised you didn’t I?…and I meant it…I gave you my word…me or the men…we won’t hurt your pa….you saved my life Joe…and I ain’t lyin’ to ya I promise you that… ”

Joe had just needed to be sure but he didn’t want to jeopardise what he’d gained, it meant too much, ” I ain’t pushin’ … honest…I believe ya….I don’t think you’d lie about it…”

“Just don’t ask so many questions kid…okay?” and he patted him on the shoulder and smiled.

Joe nodded, it had bothered him how much Sam had hated his father, but he’d given his word and so had Sam. But Joe still hoped his pa would never have to meet Sam Grainger again and put it to the test.

“Now then, you feelin’ up to some grub?” and Sam went to help Joe up. Joe tried not to show it but he hurt everywhere. “You okay kid?” Sam asked concerned.

“I’m fine.” Joe assured him saying, “Where’s that grub? I’m starvin’…so long as it ain’t snake…”

Sam laughed aloud as he said “No it ain’t snake kid…it ain’t snake…” and he helped him over for some breakfast.

***

The rest of that day they had taken it easy to give Joe a chance to recover, but after he’d assured them he was okay to travel they set off at first light next day. Joe was as anxious as they all were now to move on. He was only thinking of home, a few aches and a lot of bruises weren’t going to slow him down.

They continued to travel more in daylight, sometimes in two smaller groups as before and they’d meet up again when they made camp. They still felt safer in numbers and would stick close until they reached Oregon or thereabouts. Then they’d split the money and go their own ways. They relied on Sam’s guidance and knowledge of the area, he had contacts in Oregon and Canada too which would help when they split up in search of new lives.

Sam had checked on Joe while they rode but each enquiry was brushed off with an, “I’m fine,” so Sam had to gauge for himself whether he really was or not. When the ‘I’m fine’ got that extra bit tetchy he reasoned he probably wasn’t and made him rest up a bit.

He really was okay after a day or so and was glad when the fussing stopped. He couldn’t make Sam out. He was uncomfortable to have Sam fussing over him it was too great a contrast and this was still the man that had invaded his home.

Joe was at first reluctant but after a short time found himself joining in camp life, his natural good humour and exuberance had got the better of him. He was still a bit sore, but so happy with the lack of restrictions, especially as he knew it was nearly over now. He started not just making the best of the situation but found he was enjoying his newfound freedom and even the companionship of the men. If he retained any animosity it was when he thought of his father and his brothers and Hop Sing, it was for what the captain had made his family endure. He knew what having one of his sons taken like that would have done to his father, the weeks searching. It really troubled Joe that they would still be worried, searching, risking their lives. He desperately wanted to set their minds at rest.

He’d asked Sam before but he tried again, ” Now can I wire my father? Let him know I’m safe, I can ask them to stop looking and let them know I’ll be making my way back home….”

Sam wished he could since the boy was so hopeful but he just couldn’t allow it, ” No, I’m sorry son, I can’t let you do that, like I said before I don’t want to give any clues to our whereabouts. I promise as soon as I’m sure the men are safe it’ll be the first thing we do, it won’t be long now…”

Joe knew he would not win this point and he didn’t want to risk not just the promise of his freedom, but more so the promise that should a confrontation happen his family would not be harmed. The reckless side of Joe, so anxious to be home, would have lit out at the first opportunity. But the rarer, cautious side reasoned that this way he’d most likely get a horse, some money and the chance to somehow contact his family. Joe hadn’t missed the thought either that he might get a chance to rescue some of the funds stolen from The Ponderosa. He had no idea whether his family were back on The Ponderosa or out searching for him, but he knew the latter was most likely. And that meant there was still a danger of them suddenly turning up. Less than a week he reasoned, it was a small price to pay for a safe outcome to the family’s ordeal. For Joe the perfect outcome now would be him riding out, hopefully having relieved Sam of the stolen money, wiring home that he was safe and finding his family, preferably safe at home. He didn’t want them to find him now. Just one more week.

With no ropes holding him, Joe made the most of his newfound freedom and soon almost became one of the men, accepted surprisingly easily into the group. All the men were anxious to make amends for any previous harsh treatment they’d meted out. None of them were animals. So Joe made the transition from captive to one of the men, even something of a mascot, surprisingly easily. Joe was amazed to find over the next days small items that had been taken from the Ponderosa were returned to him.

At first his anger had flared at the thought they’d been in his family’s things, a book of Adam’s, A knife of Hoss’s, a brooch, which Joe was a little embarrassed to realise he didn’t know had belonged to Hoss’ ma or Adam’s ma. He knew it hadn’t been his mother’s, he knew all her things by heart but he did know Ben would have been heartbroken to have lost it. The soldier who gave it to Joe had been the one who had made him the cuffs all those weeks ago, to stop the ropes chafing. He had wanted to send it to his own mother who he’d probably never see again. Joe found he couldn’t be angry, he hadn’t even known the things had been stolen and now they were restored.

Joe did exactly what he’d promised he’d do, he tended the horses, he helped cook, made coffee, even played cards with them.

One day after they’d been riding a while, they stopped to water their horses and decided it was a good spot to make an early camp for the night. There was plenty of daylight left so after helping with the horses, Joe decided he’d have a go at fashioning a fishing rod. He ferreted around for some worms for bait and before long he was perched on a large rock with his trousers rolled up and his feet dangling in the cool water. It had been a warm day and he felt good. Considering what he’d been through it was pure bliss, he leaned back for a while and let the sun warm his face. Joe imagined he was fishing by the lake back home, he must have been so relaxed that he drifted off to sleep because in no time, in his dreams at least, that’s just where he was. He was startled awake when he felt the makeshift rod twitch a little and he sat up completely disorientated forgetting he was on the rock, as he groped around for the rod he toppled sideways and landed with a loud splash in the water.

It wasn’t unusual for Joe to wake up a little grumpy and this time was no exception. Partly because he missed the fish, partly because he felt pretty stupid but mostly because he realised he wasn’t back home on the Ponderosa as he’d been pleasantly dreaming. ” Doggone it!” he spluttered loudly only to look up at the sound of laughter from above him. Sam had evidently seen it all and found it hilarious, Joe thought he looked like he’d bust his guts. He hoped he would.

“‘Tweren’t that funny!” he muttered not happy at all.

“Oh yes it was.” countered Sam as Joe clambered out to reposition himself on the rock, trying his best to ignore him.

He tossed the line back in the water and waited. After a few moments he looked around to find Sam still watching him. Joe said tetchily, ” If you’re waiting for a repeat performance it ain’t gonna happen.” Almost before he finished saying it he felt a tug on his line and in no time had landed his first fish, a beautiful trout. He strung it up on a pole and made to start again, before he realised that Sam was still there. Feeling a little better now with his first fish landed Joe turned and looked quizzically at Sam before asking,

“Ain’t you ever seen someone fishin’ afore?”

Sam sighed, ” How did you get to be so ‘ornery for a young un’?” and he was thinking, he don’t give an inch does he?

Joe looked at him like he was simple or something and it nearly made Sam laugh out loud again when Joe griped, “Well just maybe it’s got something to do with being kidnapped from my home, dragged half way across the country, worryin’ about my family and eating nuthin’ but salt pork stew for weeks…don’t the army teach you to cook nuthin’ else?”

Sam put his hands up in mock surrender, “Okay…okay I guess I deserved that, but to answer your question sort of… no I’ve never been fishin’ before.”

Joe’s mouth gaped open wide and he nearly fell off his rock again much to Sam’s amusement.

“Never?” Joe repeated.

“Never,” said Sam flatly.

Joe looked at him with undisguised sympathy as Sam asked him, ” I was kind hopin’ you might show me Joe.”

Joe was a little nonplussed, he had refused to let himself be intimidated by Sam, or at least to let it show, but the fact was he was a pretty intimidating sort of fellow. For him to ask Joe to show him how to do something shocked Joe. He wasn’t even sure he wasn’t joshin’ him. Still he liked fishing and it was better with company, but Sam’s company? Yeah he guessed, even his company.

“Well?” said Sam.

Joe hesitated a moment more and then said, “Er yeah…sure I can.”

Sam smiled and came over, comfortably positioning himself on the rock beside Joe. In a short time they were discussing the finer points of river fishing. Joe showed Sam how he’d made the rod and what he liked to use as bait. Then how best to throw his line and where the likely places to try were. After about 15 minutes of trying Sam was amazed to feel his first fish biting. Joe found it hard to believe this mean-faced Yankee could get almost as exited as he was at the prospect of landing it. Joe didn’t want to like Sam, but seeing him then he found it pretty hard to hate him. In fact he didn’t understand him at all.

Joe was trying to calm Sam down a bit, so he could land his fish but in his haste Sam jumped down off the rock and slipped on a large stone. Just like Joe had done before him, he landed with a big splash right on his backside.

Before he knew it Joe was laughing at him, he tried to stop but the sight of the big man sitting there, especially since he’d laughed so hard at Joe, was too hard to resist. He hadn’t laughed in a long time. Without even thinking he jumped down and reached out a hand to pull Sam up.

Sam, attempted to look gruff but hearing Joe laugh for the first time and then as he reached up and grabbed on to the hand offered to him, he felt an undeniable warmth for the boy. Sam, in his way, would try and shrug it off but the truth was it had felt good to this ‘cold’ man. After years of denying his humanity it was a pretty good feeling.

” I s’pose you think that was funny,” grumbled Sam along with a terse, “Thank-you.” after he’d accepted Joe’s hand and been pulled to dry land.

” Kinda,” smiled Joe glancing sideways at Sam before they settled down again to catch more dinner.

And that night they dined on Sam and Joe’s catch.

The next morning before they got ready to leave Joe did what he’d wanted to do every time he’d been taken down to wash, he dove headfirst into the river and swam. First he swam furiously but then he slowed and turned onto his back relishing the sensations as he stretched his body and executed a languid backstroke before twisting and turning and spinning in the water as he enjoyed the wonderful sense of freedom it gave him. Only days now and he’d be going home. He prayed his family were safe somewhere…hundreds of miles away. A few more days and he could wire them, please God please, he prayed, don’t let them turn up now. That was the one cloud on his horizon. He was in the middle of nowhere, he’d traded his compliance as a prisoner for a guarantee that should the worst happen Sam would not hurt his family. Just a few more days.

Some splashing nearby to him alerted Joe that he had company. Five of the men had seen him jump in the river and thought it looked so good that they quickly followed suit. They were in good spirits too, sensing the end of their journey. Soon they’d be splitting up and making their different ways to new identities, new lives. The splashing and hollering drew Sam’s attention. He knew he should get them to quieten down but when he saw them he grinned and gave them a little while, they deserved to let off a little steam. He checked his pocketwatch as he looked on from the riverbank. He marvelled at the change in his men these last days. Without trying Joe had raised the spirits of the whole camp with his infectious good humour. The ‘boy from New Orleans’ and the granite headed Yankees.

Of course it was more than having an active youngster in their midst that had lifted the men, or the fact they were nearly ‘home’, though that was undeniably a large part of it too. The truth was the further they’d got away from their army life the more uncomfortable they’d been with the idea of killing the boy. Heck, they all liked him well enough, it just wouldn’t have been right. They’d all at different times approached the captain in the hopes of finding a different way out. Now, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from their shoulders, they all felt relieved by the change in circumstance. And they’d all been spared the awful choice, their freedom, even their lives, over one boy’s life.

After another hard day’s travelling they’d made camp and were sitting around waiting for yet another variation of salt pork stew. The captain spied Joe sitting alone, seemingly lost in thought. Since his fishing lesson, Sam had found he’d enjoyed returning the favour and sharing his knowledge of things with the enthusiastic youngster. Tracking, guns, horse’s, Indians there were all sorts of areas that Sam found he had lots of knowledge that he could share with Joe. It also wouldn’t hurt for Sam to equip Joe with enough skills and knowledge to help him cope with any dangers he might face on his way home.

Joe for his part, once he grudgingly admitted he could learn anything from this man found he could actually learn a lot. And he surprised himself by enjoying the experience. He could see Sam was trying to make it up to him, but even if Joe could ever forgive the man for himself he couldn’t forgive him for what he’d put his father through. But over the days he found it harder to hate Sam, especially as he was showing him so much and was so genuinely trying to make amends.

Joe didn’t even hear him as Sam came over and settled companionably next to him. Joe still didn’t acknowledge him; he didn’t even seem to notice him there as he absently chewed the sap from a grass stem. Joe’s thoughts were miles away… miles away on a ranch in Nevada. The captain broke into his daydream and offered him a drink. It still felt a little odd to Joe, he had been a captive so long but if he was an expert at anything it was making the best of a bad situation and he accepted the drink and the improbable companionship.

“Don’t tell me,” asked the captain… “Homesick?”

Joe just nodded and accepted the drink, not ready to share his thoughts just yet, after all this was still the man that had ripped him from the heart of the family he missed so badly. His feelings about Sam had changed over time though, despite himself he was starting to like Sam and wonder more and more about the man. He found it hard to reconcile this image of Sam with the one who had taken his so violently from his home. Over the last couple of days he’d observed him a lot, worked with him, even joked around with him a few times. Heck he’d even taught the man to fish and Sam had been more than willing to learn this new skill from a ‘wet behind the ears’ kid. Before he’d had his restrictions lifted Joe had suffered some terrible nightmares, he still did occasionally. The dreams were always about his family but each time he’d actually woken from one, screaming and struggling against his ropes, it had been Sam he had found offering him a drink and straightening him up.

Sam would always grumble something about being woken up again but he was always there with his canteen. Joe had at first been unwilling to allow that this man had any kind of human feelings, but he was seeing a different Sam now. Joe wondered what had made Sam become the monster that broke into his home and what had changed him now.

Joe had also been impressed by the respect the men gave to Sam, he’d watched how his authority was never questioned, but he also saw how the welfare of his men was his primary concern, even above his own. He was strict but he was fair. Joe couldn’t help but compare him to another man who had these same qualities and more, a man so much a part of him that throughout his ordeal Joe had been able to draw strength from him. How could two men with the same merits have used them so differently?

Sam had been well aware he had been under the boy’s scrutiny, they interested each other even if they didn’t fully understand why. Time and circumstance and not least curiosity had gradually caused relations to thaw a good deal between them. In other circumstances they might have even been friends.

The last thing Sam had expected or wanted at this point in his life was for a young boy to make an impression on him and challenge his jaundiced take on life. Maybe in his wildest dreams he might’ve hoped someday he’d meet a woman who was patient enough to bring out the best in him, to bring out more in Sam Grainger than he was accustomed to presenting to the world. But a fresh-faced, stubborn as they come, disrespectful 17 year old cuss who wasn’t even trying? Maybe the unlikelihood of the connection was why it had worked, Sam’s defences were down, he’d had no reason to have them up.

In the last days, Sam had found a curious satisfaction in simple things that had happened. For too long he’d been expert at not caring too deeply about anyone or anything, now it had crept up on him and he found he liked the feeling. Stupid things like Joe laughing when Sam had fallen over trying to land his first fish, but then smiling and reaching a hand out to pull him up. Accepting that hand had brought a warm feeling to this cold-hearted man. Or when he’d taught Joe some of the finer points of tracking and Joe had hung on his every word so eager to learn, that had felt okay to Sam too.

After a long silence and no further response from Joe, the captain tried again. He leaned over and prodded Joe on the shoulder, so he couldn’t escape looking at him when he spoke. It was important to him that Joe understood, it mattered to him very much now what this kid thought about him. Joe turned his attention from his chewed up grass stalk and looked at Sam, he was a little bit annoyed at being disturbed from his recollections of home. He shook it off though and smiled at Sam. “Sorry I guess I was daydreamin’ there, thanks for the drink…that was pretty nice …burns a bit but pretty nice after it’s gone down.”

Sam grinned, he’d seen Joe cough at the first swig and he waved his hand when Joe went to give the flask back so he could try some more. He cleared his throat and then he said what was on his mind.

“Joe, I can’t change what happened back there, I don’t even know that I would. You have to understand, I had to get that money, those supplies we stole, to get my men home. They were relying on me and I couldn’t let them down. Them, and me, we’ve seen things, had to do things that most people never do, they should never have to. It changes you Joe and it hardens you, it has to, else you’d never survive. Just like me, my men joined up looking for adventure and regular pay, we fought Indians and then confederate soldiers. At first the killing sickens you but in time you don’t let it touch you. You stop seeing people as people, and you take your anger out on people you shouldn’t ought to. I guess you, your family…your pa too, fell into that category. But, I owe you too now and once my men are safe, I aim to put it right, to get you back to your Ponderosa …I’ll get you to somewhere and wire your family, I promise you that, it ain’t safe for you to go back all that way on yer own.”

Joe looked at the man for a long time, overlooking the fact for now that he thought he was more than capable of getting back on his own. He could only surmise the horrors that Sam had lived through, probably relived every day, but he still couldn’t imagine that however hard things had got, he’d do what this man had done. That his pa or either of his brothers would’ve done what he had done. But he saw deep regret in Sam’s eyes. This scary giant of a man was reaching out to him, in his own way asking for his forgiveness and Joe couldn’t help but be touched by that. And one thing that struck him, in all the time he had been this man’s prisoner, it was true he had never lied to him about his chances, even if the truth had been unpalatable to him at the time.

Joe took another drink and this time succeeded in handing Sam his flask back, it took a long time for Joe to respond but when he did he simply said, “I believe you… I mean you stole from my family, tied ’em up, kidnapped me…but you ain’t ever lied to me…”

The captain looked speechless for a moment then chuckled. ” Tell me boy…you ever been afraid of me?”

Joe grinned, amazed now that he could see humour at all in that first time he’d laid eyes on Captain Sam Grainger, in truth he’d been more scared than at any time in his life, for himself and for his family.

.
Joe decided to keep to himself that he’d never really stopped being scared of him and replied instead with, “Well, you could say I was a little bit uneasy that first time I… um, ‘met’ you …I guess I was pretty scared of you right then,” he grinned again knowing it was a sizeable understatement.

The captain let out a deep belly laugh. “You sure were a sight to behold and that’s the truth…skidding to a halt and yer mouth gaping like them big trouts we caught…now what was it you called us? Oh yeah… Yankee granite heads! Only to find five of ‘em all looking about ready to kill you…yeah, guess you were in a fix right then and no mistake.” And he chuckled at the memory.

Joe rubbed his chin pained at the memory, “Well as I recall I didn’t exactly call you it … but I guess if that don’t teach me to think before I speak nuthin’ will ….” But in recalling the event Joe couldn’t help but picture his family as he’d last seen them, tied up and helpless, a gun aimed at his father. The captain sensed the change and was fighting his own recollections of that first meeting, He cringed as he remembered the slap he’d delivered across Joe’s face while his men had held him in front of him, he was eager to steer them both back to less troubled thoughts.

Tell me about that home you were daydreamin’ about Joe…your family…what are they like? … your brothers, they ornery cusses like you?”

Joe hesitated, not sure if he was ready to share his innermost thoughts with Captain Sam Grainger. He started cautiously, slowly opening up about life on The Ponderosa, but after some gentle probing and a few more drinks Joe warmed to his topic, it was very close to his heart after all.

The more he talked the more Joe loosened up and began to enjoy the exchange. He was an outgoing, friendly person by nature and after all he was talking about the people he loved most in the world. Just saying their names again brought them closer to him.

Sam asked him… “Tell me about the big one…Hoss, I’d never have taken you two for brothers?”

Joe smiled as he thought of his gentle giant of a brother, “No…most people don’t…well what can I tell ya about Hoss? Let me see…” and his smile grew wider, “Well the closest brother to me is Hoss, he’s the wisest, gentlest, kindest person you could ever meet. He’s a lotta fun, we’re always goofin’ off, sometimes I get us into trouble and lots a’ times Hoss bails me out. With Hoss and me it’s like we’re best friends and brothers too, we just…I dunno…just understand each other I guess, without having to say so. We know when each other’s joshin’ so we don’t get too riled about things, I guess I can be kinda ornery sometimes but he just lets me, knows not to take me too serious when I get like that. He knows I’ll simmer down. Sometimes he says he’ll pound me good if I really lose it, but I know he wouldn’t ever. I never mind him sayin’ it, anyhow…he’s usually right …I’d have saved myself a few tannin’s if I cudda just taken his advice and not answered back to Pa sometimes.”

He grinned to himself and Sam could only imagine the scrapes that the two ‘chalk and cheese’ brother’s must have gotten into. For Joe the memories flooded back and he went on, ” He’s really good with animals …all kinds and it really riles me when people, just ‘cos of his size, treat him like he’s stupid, because he understands more than most people will ever know. Hoss is just Hoss and there just ain’t nobody like him. I Just feel lucky whenever I think of him, lucky because he’s my brother.”

Sam remembered the look that Hoss had given him, he never would have guessed at such depths in the man.

“And the other one, the one you were shouting at?” prompted the captain…

Joe grinned, now this was more complicated, … “That’s Adam, Adam the Yankee granite head…. oh um yeah…well he’s as stubborn as a mule, can never hardly admit when he’s wrong, but he’s real smart and deep down feels just the same as we all do, he just don’t always show it, well that’s what Hoss tells me. I dunno with Adam, sometimes it’s like a lot of times I wanna say something to him, somethin’ good, thanks for something he showed me, somethin’ like that you know?… but when he’s there right in front of me it just don’t always come out right, sometimes he’ll jump on me maybe or give me a look and what I want to say dries up and somethin’ else comes out instead, usually somethin’ smart, and I well, yeah we fight sometimes…I do really look up to him though, I just wish he didn’t allus treat me like a kid, that riles me, it’s almost like he expects me to mess up sometimes.”

“Ha and woe betide anyone that would do that..” laughed the captain… “This Adam, don’t he ever mess up?”

Joe had been lost in thought, trying to verbalise his complicated but no less loving thoughts about his oldest brother. Suddenly he felt bad though, talking about Adam like this he felt he’d betrayed him somehow. He’d been loving every moment talking about his family with the knowledge now that he would be seeing see them again…but any hint of criticism even as mild as that rankled him. He answered the captain,

“Adam mess up? Not much I guess, but he’s a good brother, the best, we just rub each other up the wrong way is all, it’s just more complicated with him and me…that’s all, and it’s probably half my fault anyhow,” although naturally Joe didn’t really think that.

“Did I tell you he’s smart too? Went to college and everything….”

“Went to college eh?” said Sam encouragingly, he’d recognised the defensive tone that had crept into Joe’s litany. He was enjoying the conversation and Joe’s enthusiasm as much as Joe was enjoying talking about his family, Sam hadn’t ever seen him this open.

Joe was back on track, happy to talk up his brother growing more animated all the time, “Yup, you wanna know anything about books, engineering, anything you like and he’ll know it and that ain’t all, what he don’t know about ranchin’ ain’t worth knowing…” Joe almost puffed out his chest in pride as he made up for any minor slight on Adam’s character he might have been guilty of.

Sam as always found him like an open book and smiled at his transparency. Despite all he’d been through Joe retained an enthusiasm, a youthful innocence and optimism that Sam both envied and admired. He wished he could bottle it and have a dose every day, he sure would miss having this kid around. Sam rejoined the conversation, “Sounds like quite a guy… for a yankee…” he couldn’t resist adding playfully.

Joe looked up at that and grinned, ” Yeah well they ain’t all bad…but Adam well Adam’s more than just smart, I know when I need him he’ll always be there for me and I hope he knows that about me too… it’s just he don’t seem to need me so often as I need him…” Joe looked wistful for a second, but then grinned, “I got more of a talent for trouble I guess…”

“Yeah I’d noticed that…and what about Joe Cartwright then? What’s it like being him?” asked Sam.

Joe looked puzzled but then an easy smile spread across his face and he answered cheerily. “Oh it’s great being him!” And he reeled off all the things about his life that he missed and loved so much. Breaking horses, training them, chasing down a wild mustang, riding Cochise fast through the meadows, sitting with a girl by the lake, sparking a new girl, dancing, beatin’ Hoss at checkers, practising his fast draw, working with his pa and brothers, camping out, joshin’ around just being part of ranch life, fishin’ with his friends, swimmin’ in the lake, sneakin’ in The Bucket of Blood, gettin’ chased outta Hop Sing’s kitchen …” The captain couldn’t help but be sucked in by the boy’s unbridled enthusiasm for the life he’d robbed him of, he broke in before his guilt got too much.

“And the downside? Everyone has a downside?”

Joe thought hard, apart from his current predicament, he couldn’t think of one right then, he was a happy go lucky person, he didn’t think he had a downside or at least he’d never thought about it. After all this time, he still missed his mother badly but he wasn’t about to share that.

The captain helped him out. “Ok you’ve got a temper I’ve seen that…when you’re at home what riles you?”

Joe actually didn’t have to think too hard then, “Well I suppose I do get pretty mad sometimes, like sometimes when I feel I have to keep on proving myself. I’m the smallest, the youngest, people don’t always look past that…but I can generally make ‘em.” And he grinned.

The captain had no reason to doubt him.

“And I guess I can get pretty mad if… ” and he hesitated well aware that the man in front of him was guilty of this, but the drink had loosened his tongue and broken down any reluctance to reveal this crime against Joe Cartwright, “…if someone calls me kid, or boy or sonny…and the worst…” He looked across at Sam, who was at least not guilty of this last offence…. ” The worst…” he leaned forwards as if he was sharing a closely guarded secret… “The very worst…is when they call me pretty!!” the disgust on young Joe’s face was hilarious to behold. ” I hate that…” he added completely unnecessarily, it was written all over his face exactly how much he hated that!

Sam laughed, “That must have some advantages surely! What would you prefer??” the captain asked. “Plain ol’ ugly?”

“Well no… ruggedly handsome would be okay I guess,” said Joe thoughtfully.

It was said with such seriousness that the captain had to stifle a grin. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to be so young and still to care so deeply about such things!

“But then maybe this having to prove yourself has been what’s made you try harder, to be the fastest draw, the best horseman, a pretty good scrapper?”

“I suppose,” said Joe thoughtfully, “I guess I never thought about it that way…so ol’ Adam’s been doin’ me a favour all this time huh?”

Joe stopped and looked at the captain, there was lots he’d like to ask him too, but he was a little nervous about prying too deeply. The whisky encouraged him to prod a little and he chose just as risky an option instead when he said, “You haven’t asked about my Pa… I still don’t know why you took against him so…underneath it all you ain’t that different.” He hesitated while the captain digested this, and Joe dared to continue, his expression impossibly guileless and downright cheeky all at the same time. “Well aside from the obvious o’ course, my Pa being a man of courage and integrity and you being a low-down kidnapping Yankee.”

Joe searched the man’s face, not sure if he’d over stepped the newly drawn boundaries of their unlikely friendship. After a second’s pause, he was rewarded with a guffaw and a slap on the back and Joe breathed a silent sigh of relief.

The captain was however, happy to change the subject away from Ben Cartwright, he might laugh at Joe’s audacity at making the comparison between the two men, even take a pride that the lad was willing to joke with him this way, they’d come a long way, but he was well aware there was truth in his words. His laugh had covered a multitude of feeling. How could he explain to the lad that it was himself he had hated. That the more he heard about Ben Cartwright when they’d asked about The Ponderosa, the more he envied the man and all he’d got. He hated him before he met him. And when they’d ridden up to the Ponderosa and Ben had invited them to water their horses instead of seeing welcoming, he’d seen smug and self satisfied. Sam had been jealous of Joe’s father for all that he had. And when they’d made their move, just because of the way Ben had looked at him, had talked down to him, he had let him represent all that he’d hated in his life. Each army commander that had made him kill when he didn’t want to, ordered him to send men into battle knowing they’d die. Sam had felt a sickness that made him strike out at a man he’d badly misjudged, just because he had looked at him and seen Sam for what he was… a thieving deserter.

Sam had once been a man who could be proud of himself, but he’d got so low he’d taken out all his bottled up anger on a man he didn’t even know. And he’d used his son to do it. And ironically it had been that son and ultimately caring about what happened to him and trying to find answers to his questions that had made Sam see the truth. How could he explain that, he didn’t want to risk the boy hating him again.

When someone shouted across that the stew was almost ready, he was more than glad of the distraction.

Joe too had his mind elsewhere, the stew reminding him of another beloved member of the Cartwright household.

“And then there’s Hop Sing,” he ventured unaware how deep the captain had gone in his thoughts.

“Hop Sing?” The captain queried coming back to now.

“Hop Sing…you know, your men shot him in the hand.” And Joe shot him a look as he remembered his friend’s pain.

“Ah…the cook?” The captain remembered.

“The cook and our friend,” chided Joe.

” Oh yeah… sorry about that.”

“T’aint me you should be sayin’ sorry to.” said Joe suddenly very, very homesick as he remembered his friend’s distress.

” I guess maybe you’re right, perhaps you could tell him for me, when you get home?” and the captain winked and pulled Joe to his feet.

The awkward moment passed as the possibility, no certainty, of Joe returning struck him again.

Joe had jumped up too quickly and the whiskey had made him unsteady. He looked comical as he righted himself and said, ” Yeah I’ll do that…” he wobbled unsteadily and continued… “I’ll tell him that for you…” and the smile the captain was rewarded with was as dazzling as it was genuine, it smashed right through his sombre thoughts.

Facing up to those darker thoughts hadn’t been easy, but it had been therapeutic for Sam. He’d made a mistake back at The Ponderosa but he would put it right, he couldn’t put everything behind him but he could make that right. He never once regretted deserting the army though. They were nearly at their destination, well as near as damn it, all his men were safe, he’d done his duty. But more than that he felt good about himself for the first time since he could remember.

He knew it was down to a young kid who had demolished the barriers he’d erected between himself and the world. The kid had made him not just care but care deeply in a way that put reason aside. He knew without doubt he’d put his life on the line before he’d let hurt come Joe’s way now. He didn’t understand this previously untapped need in him to protect, just knew it was so. He would miss Joe when he went home and he wasn’t anxious to speed up that day. When the others ribbed him that he had a soft spot for the boy he shrugged them off. No sir, Sam was too tough, too world-weary and battle hardened to be wet-nursing someone else’s kid, it was just that he owed the boy and he’d make good his promise…simple as that.

Sam had little doubt if he set Joe off on a horse with some supplies and money, willpower alone would get him home. But the fact was there was too much dangerous territory to cross, it had taken all of Sam’s army training and experience to get him and his men through, it was just too risky for a seventeen year old boy to attempt the trip alone. Sam’s conscience could no longer allow it. He figured his best plan was still to wait until his men were safely dispersed, then he’d take Joe on to a town somewhere, let him wire his family and they’d stay put till just before they arrived. He also figured he’d have a hard time getting him to wait around, but he’d make him see reason. Actually a week or so just with Joe appealed to him, for so long his only thoughts were about avoiding capture and getting his men safely into hiding. Captain Sam Grainger a month ago would have regarded any strong attachments as a sign of weakness. Now though he felt only shame at the memory of his early treatment of Little Joe Cartwright, he’d surely kill anyone else that harmed him now.

He pictured Ben’s face as they’d left the house and cringed when he replayed his final words to him, was that where a sudden feeling of foreboding came from…was it knowing that Ben Cartwright was out there, most likely wanting to kill him?

He shook off the feeling, when the time came he’d get well out of town before Ben arrived and in the meantime a week for him and Joe would be a suitable end and a chance for them to be friends at least and erase the earlier painful memories for both of them. After that Sam didn’t know, most likely he’d just drift and try and start a new life somewhere. He didn’t allow himself to think too far ahead…it was habit.

Sam had made up his mind about one thing though. Joe had been true to his word and more than that, despite all that had happened, in his way he’d forgiven Sam. Before the day came that Joe went home Sam wanted to go some way to making it all up to the boy and Sam believed he’d found the perfect way. Young Joe hated being treated like a kid did he? Then he knew just the way to make him feel like a man.

***

The next night four of them entered the Bull’s Head Saloon, Sam, Jake, Tom and Joe. This was quite a a large town that would be used to strangers and Sam had felt they could risk a visit.
There had been a moment before they left when Sam had handed Joe his gunbelt. They’d all been stolen in the raid but no-one had exchanged Joe’s for the army issue one as it was useless to them, being left-handed. Luckily it hadn’t been discarded. Sam wasn’t expecting trouble, just a good night in the saloon and he would watch the kids back for him should anything kick off. The gun wasn’t loaded and Joe wasn’t surprised, but even so it had felt good to strap it on.

Sam had decided to allow Joe to wear a gun for this trip, he might have looked odd if he hadn’t and he wanted to restore it to the boy. Even if the gun were loaded, he was pretty certain Joe wouldn’t try anything now, he had no need to and Sam knew he wouldn’t risk anything happening to his family by breaking his word.

Mind you he might not have been so sure if he’d known what Joe was thinking when he strapped it on, he hadn’t forgotten his Pa’s money. But he dismissed it for now. He knew any day now, he could wire his father and getting the gunbelt back was just a sign that that moment was nearer. Joe felt like he would burst with joy just thinking about being with his family again. He needed to see his family safe and he wouldn’t gamble anything for that, it was too close now.

Sam noted that in his normal clothes and with his gunbelt slung low, Joe walked a couple of inches taller and seemed a good couple of years older.

They found a table and ordered four beers and a bottle of bourbon. Joe passed on the bourbon but gratefully savoured every last drop of the beer Sam slid across to him. It was warm but beer had never tasted so good. Not many days ago to even dream of something as simple and pleasurable as sitting in a saloon downing a glass of beer would have chipped at Joe’s resistance.
Sam was a little surprised to see how comfortable Joe seemed in these surroundings, particularly when he pictured his father. And the barmaids certainly noticed him, Sam noted with a sly grin.

After they’d had a few beers Sam got up, he sought out the youngest prettiest barmaid, who happened to be Trixie and he whispered quietly as he pointed at Joe. He slipped her some money and said, “How about you take him upstairs and give him a good time if you know what I mean.” and he winked, “Break the kid in gently,” he teased.

Trixie took the money, though she’d had her eyes on Joe since he came in and she knew he had noticed her, money was not uppermost on her mind…”It’ll be my pleasure,” she drawled as her eyes lit up at the prospect. He certainly weren’t no kid in her eyes, why this would be pure heaven.

Sam went back over to Joe. ” Hey Joe, see that cute little gal over there, I reckon she’s got her eyes on you, why don’t you take her upstairs for a little chat… maybe a game of checkers or two.” And he winked.

Joe hadn’t missed Sam talking to Trixie or her inviting looks in his direction, he’d been planning on getting acquainted anyhow if he got the chance, he didn’t need asking twice. Checkers? That certainly wasn’t on Joe’s mind as he took in her shapely figure and come-hither glances and as he made his way across to her he said to Sam, ” I just might do that.”

“Good luck kid,” Sam smirked under his breath, he had to chuckle as he noticed Joe slow down his walk and perfect a nonchalant swagger as he made his way over to her and casually leaned on the polished mahogany bar, one foot propped on the foot rail. ‘Well he certainly looks the part, I sure hope he can handle her though,’ he thought feeling a little like he’d led a lamb to the slaughter. Then he turned his attentions to searching out a beautiful lady for himself.

Joe and Trixie understood each other completely as they made their way up the stairs and opened the door to the ornate bedroom, they fell instantly into a passionate embrace as soon as the door was closed behind them. They’d barely made it through the door such was their mutual anticipation. Once inside though they slowed down and took their time, settling comfortably onto the large bed in the centre of the room.

They laughed as they swapped drinks and sipped from each other’s glasses. Joe thought how funny it was that they were so instantly at ease with one another and had only just met. Both just sociable types he guessed.

As Trixie was beginning to realise, Joe was not as inexperienced as Sam had led her to believe.
In fact Joe’s first conquest had been another beautiful young saloon girl called Suzie.
Suzie used to sit on the back steps of The Bucket of Blood Saloon, she was gorgeous and she knew it, but her life bored her. To escape the day-to-day drudgery inside she would often escape to sit alone in the sun on the back steps, it always surprised her how few of the girls took advantage of this quiet spot. There she’d perch with her skirts pulled up over her knees, revealing beneath her lacy petticoats, shapely calves and shiny high heeled black boots. Her blonde curls caught the sunlight and most enticingly and dangerous of all to an impressionable young man, she smoked a cigarette. This was the sight that met Joe one perfect day when, having a little time on his hands he’d wandered idly around the corner onto the street that backed onto the Bucket of Blood Saloon.

He’d been relaxing, enjoying a sunny spring day, his hat was pushed back just a little bit to release a few curls at the front. His hands were resting comfortably inside the back of his gun belt and he was whistling softly to himself. If the sight of Susie perched just so on the top step with a cigarette in her mouth had stopped Joe in his tracks, then the feeling was most definitely mutual. She might have completely enthralled an almost seventeen-year-old Joe Cartwright, but this engaging young man definitely piqued the interest of a world-weary young saloon girl too. To Joe, Suzie oozed sex appeal, she looked beautiful to him and very, very naughty, he thought he would never again see a more delicious or forbidden sight, he had to talk to her. Never had a moth been drawn so willingly to the flame, but then never had a moth been in so little danger of getting burnt.

Suzie had invited Joe to join her and had delighted in the easy smile that had lit up his handsome face. He wasn’t short on sex appeal himself, he was just less sure of it. Within no time the pair had been chatting like old friends and before long they became a regular sight talking happily on the back step. Suzie loved his visits; he always had stories to tell that made her laugh. He in turn had found an unexpected friend with whom he could share things he’d never dare with his family, even his mother had she been alive. He’d certainly never go to his pa with questions about the opposite sex and Adam, well Adam would brush him off with a “Wait ‘till you’re older buddy” type comment. That’s if Joe would even ask him and Hoss’d most likely blush and start relating it to animals to hide his discomfort on the subject. And as for Joe’s pals, they always asked him for advice! Joe was very lucky the day he met Suzie, she came along at a most crucial and sensitive time in his development to adulthood.

In the absence of his mother, Joe had missed a strong female figure in his life and although he regarded Suzie as anything but a mother figure she became a very important part of his life. They also had a very strong attraction to each other and flirted outrageously. Suzie advised Joe about girls and he listened, she answered all his questions and for some reason he was never embarrassed to ask her things. Maybe it was her easy friendly way and the fact she actively encouraged him to share his feelings. But it was a two-way thing; she got a lot out of their chats too, his youthful enthusiasm rubbed off on her.

She was only just nineteen herself but she was a very mature nineteen, she’d had to be. There were some things she wouldn’t countenance though. When Joe had wanted to try her cigarettes she’d made him sit and smoke one through until he was nearly sick. It had the desired effect, he never wanted another one. Ben had wondered around that time why his youngest son went green for a while every time he lit his pipe.

Suzie had decided early on she would initiate young Joe Cartwright and guide him through the ‘rigours’ of early manhood. In fact she faced a silent competition from most of the other girls in the Bucket of Blood who had had the same idea. It would be a feather in any girl’s cap to be the one responsible for relieving the increasingly handsome youngest Cartwright of his innocence, not to mention downright pleasurable. Suzie’s reasons were more altruistic though. She liked Joe a lot and the more she got to know him she found an increasingly lovely, caring young man but also an impulsive and passionate one. She’d hate him to rush into an early marriage like so many young men did and then live to regret it. So Suzie had guided him through any early embarrassment and guilt to ensure a smooth passage to enlightenment. Not to mention enjoying every step of the journey to get there and the many and varied detours along the route.

Around this time too all the Cartwrights, but particularly Adam noticed a definite and very welcome improvement in the youngest Cartwrights mercurial disposition. Of course if they’d known the reason they mightn’t have been quite so happy about it, but luckily they just put it down to his passing through an awkward phase, not to mention good breeding.

Right now, Joe’s mind was firmly concentrated on the present and on Trixie as she slowly undid the buttons of his shirt one by glorious one and very seductively eased it from his shoulders. It resisted on one side so she ran her hand beneath the fabric to work it gently off. Joe’s sculptured physique reflected years of ranch chores and she gasped involuntarily as she admired each muscular highlight. The ‘boy’ was delectable; the minute she’d seen him walk into the saloon she’d smiled at the most handsome face she’d ever laid eyes on, he had a devilish grin designed to create havoc. But what she had not been expecting…what she found when she’d removed his shirt, was a body to die for and she blissfully devoured him with her eyes in hungry expectation of pleasures to come.

“Oh my!” was all she could say. She smiled suggestively already thinking of ways she could make this last longer. Usually she couldn’t wait for it to be over.

Joe was secretly a little embarrassed at her close attentions to his still faintly bruised body and he tried to explain…

“I’m …I’m er sorry I should have warned you about the bruises…they’re nuthin’ just a stupid fight,” he excused himself, they’d faded a lot but he was still sweetly self -conscious about them.

” Oh that’s okay sugar,” she assured him, eager to reassure him and relieved at his words, despite her eagerness she’d been worried for him when she first saw them… “I aim to kiss them all better for you and I think….” She appeared to be considering something as she explored every bare, exquisite inch of him and this time Joe didn’t mind. She brushed her hand lightly over his body before finally settling on her starting place… ” I think,” she repeated, “I’ll start with this one and she pointed to one small, hardly visible, bruise in the little dip on his shoulder.

She teased him a little by first leaning forward and softly brushing her lips against his. Just as his mouth opened to accept her she pulled away and he frowned, she grinned as she mirrored his expression, he looked so darned cute and she couldn’t resist a little kiss on his nose. She was well aware the effect her warm breath on his skin would have on him and she pressed her mouth close to his ear and whispered her intentions, nibbling gently before she pulled away. Trixie trembled as she stole a soft growl from deep within him and he in turn drew a delicious shiver from her. Revelling in his responses she began her leisurely path, delivering small moist and tempting kisses downwards until she reached the spot she had first gently probed on his shoulder. She guided his surprisingly knowing hands to free her from the remnants of her clothing and thrilled at his touch as he gently and knowingly stroked every inch of her sweetly aching body. Trixie continued her journey southward, tenderly caressing each injured part of him with her lips and he returned the favour. Both unselfish lovers they halted a moment, gazing longingly for as long as they dared before smiling wickedly and continuing their hungry exploration of each other’s bodies. Joe let out a long groan of pure pleasure and any hint of lingering shyness disappeared as Trixie removed his belt and she completed her delicious meandering descent south across his equator.

***
Some hours later Joe rejoined the others, he and Trixie had lost all track of time and only remembered they should make an appearance downstairs when there was a ruckus out in the hallway, caused by a drunk. Joe quickly dressed and went out to see if he could help but the drunk was already being escorted out. He didn’t miss the wink he got from Miss Shuli as she followed the drunk to make sure he left. Joe quickly grabbed his hat and kissed Trixie a very warm good bye. He knew he’d see her downstairs but wanted to wish her a private goodbye. “Goodbye Joe,” and she smiled warmly knowing that this cowboy would be keeping her dreams pleasant for a long time to come.

Joe received several raised eyebrows when he rejoined the others. They’d all of them including Sam made a trip upstairs but none of them had been longer than an hour at most, Dying to know how he’d made out Sam couldn’t bring himself to ask, but judging by the twinkle in Joe’s eyes and the fact he looked even another good two inches taller he reckoned he must have made out pretty well.

He couldn’t resist approaching Miss Shuli who he’d noticed just before had been talking in hushed whispers in a corner with the lovely and equally bright-eyed Trixie.

“Well.” he asked not exactly knowing what to say, “Did the kid make out okay?”

“Miss Shuli smiled knowingly, “Well Sam I’d say the young man got up there under false pretences.”

“Oh no, don’t tell me…” And he sighed as he imagined Joe playing checkers with the lady or worse talking all night.

Miss Shuli read his thoughts and laughed shaking her head.

“I mean I don’t think the young man is as green as you think,” and she stopped as she enjoyed the surprised expression he now wore before she continued with… “No sir, not so green at all.”

“Really??” said a dumbstruck Sam as he pictured Joe’s patriarchal and very strict looking father.

“Uh hu,” she said with a knowing glint before she left him standing there rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“Well I’ll be!” thought Sam, his admiration for the Cartwright kid growing once more. He couldn’t help but feel, a certain pride creep over him as he chuckled to himself. “Wonder if his pa knew?” He was sure he didn’t and Sam felt kind of pleased with himself, maybe he knew more about the boy than even Ben Cartwright did. He thought of the stern Mr Cartwright and remembered the way he’d made him feel.
His anger against Ben had disappeared though, it had never been justified and he knew it. Joe had never spoken less than glowingly about his beloved father. Sam had actually felt pangs of jealousy towards him, but for the first time he was starting to feel sympathy for the man. Knowing what he’d stolen from him and now, ever more reluctantly had vowed to return to him. He rejoined the group. As he sat back and checked his pocket watch he decided they had a little time then they better head back.

Before they left the saloon they played some cards and then Sam challenged Joe to a checkers rematch, which he had gladly accepted. The match was closer than Joe expected and he couldn’t stop a look of pure triumph as he made his winning move. And the truth was Sam enjoyed it almost as much as Joe had, he figured he owed him that one.

Joe felt good, a beautiful girl, the camaraderie, the poker, the almost freedom, he was feeling like a human being again, all the pent up energy from his prolonged captivity was finding its release. Most of all Joe knew that in a few more days he would be making his way back to his family. Joe leaned back in his chair and swallowed his beer, shutting his eyes and savouring the flavour once more. The captain watched and couldn’t help but compare this self-assured young man with the boy in the chequered shirt and he was glad that he had restored him. The truth was that Joe Cartwright had always been there, what had restored him particularly now was the thought of rejoining his family.

The captain called his men over, it was about time to leave.

As they left the saloon Sam watched as Joe went over to the hitching rail, for the first time he saw Joe swing mount his horse and he smiled at the sight. The boy sure had style. Sam more carefully placed his boot in his stirrup and mounted his own horse, feeling his joints creak just a little as he did so. After they’d ridden a short distance he was unable to resist a little teasing so he caught up to Joe. Joe slowed down when he realised Sam wanted to ask him something.

Sam cleared his throat as he framed his question. ” Say Joe…”

And Joe turned around wondering what was coming.

Sam continued. “The lovely Trixie…. did she think you were ruggedly handsome or just plain ol’ ugly?”

It wasn’t much but it struck a chord and it made Joe laugh, really laugh. He shot the captain a huge grin that lit up his whole face and he shouted back, ” I don’t know… I never asked her,” before laughing again and spurring his horse faster. Sam had seen in Joe’s face none of the anger or resentment that had been present so much before…just acceptance; they’d sure come a long way.

The captain still had a feeling of foreboding he couldn’t quite shake, but he knew for certain that whatever was behind it, he’d let nothing happen to Joe. He’d protect him till he was safely back to his family, but protect him from whom? From people like him? How could he do a better job than his father had? And then…what then? The captain had stopped looking too far into the future a long time ago. That’s part of what had made him so dangerous, he hadn’t cared, but now he did and it made him feel more vulnerable than he ever had. He felt cold when it struck him that that was just how Ben Cartwright must have felt when he’d invaded his home and taken his youngest son. He could almost feel Ben’s eyes on him…he knew exactly why he’d looked at him the way he had.

***

They made it back to camp and all slept soundly. They were a little later rising the next morning but after a hurried breakfast they packed up and were ready to ride.

They rode on for most of the morning before stopping and making their way down towards a stream to water their horses. Sam figured one more day, two at the most and they’d be splitting up and going their separate ways. He was ready and sick of running, he drank thirstily from his canteen as he watched his men ride on towards the stream, he felt pride that he’d got them this far and he spurred his mount to catch them up. He wanted to catch up to Joe and let him know it was two days at the most till he could wire his father. He needed to break it to him gently that he wouldn’t let him ride back alone, that he’d have to wait around town ‘till his family made their way to him. He grinned as he imagined the protest he’d get.

They rode slowly down to the water’s edge and were taken completely by surprise when suddenly there was gunfire all around and they found themselves surrounded. The end came so fast no one really knew what happened. Joe had been as confused as anyone but he was stunned when he suddenly saw his father coming from behind one of the trees. Ben in his anxiety to get to Joe had blown his cover and emerged gun in his hand. One of the men, Jackson, had instinctively made a grab for Joe and tried to fire at Ben, who hesitated afraid of hitting his son. Sam had been the quickest to understand what was happening and had seen Jackson take aim at Ben. He’d heard Joe’s shout of “Pa! No!!” and seen him grab Jackson’s arm and push it upwards, causing the gun to fire harmlessly into the trees. Another of his men, aimed at Ben and without thinking Sam lunged straight at Ben knocking him to the ground while shouting at his men to hold their fire. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way!

Ben was shocked to see Captain Sam Grainger hurtling towards him and shouting at his men to hold their fire. Ben had been distracted by the struggle Joe was having with the soldier who’d first fired at him and he didn’t see the second soldier take aim. He felt the impact as Sam shoved him to the ground and felt the second impact as the bullet caught Sam in the back. At the same moment Adam’s bullet caught the soldier before he could fire again

Sam’s men dropped their guns when they saw what had happened and nobody moved as a lone figure made his way to where the two men had fallen.

Ben was stunned but unharmed as he rolled the captain off him and he stood up unsteadily. He felt two arms reach around to support him and he turned around to see the worried face of his long lost son. He almost cried out as he reached out to hug Joe gratefully too him. Joe was so relieved Ben wasn’t hit he was overcome for a moment, just happy to have his father back. As he hugged Ben tight he was so filled with emotion he could hardly speak, but even as he found his father his attention was drawn to the spreading red stain on the back of Sam’s shirt. He gently pulled himself away from his father’s grip and fell to his knees beside Sam who lay dying.

“Sam. You’re hit…. Sam…. Pa…Pa…we’ve gotta help him…he’s hit bad,” Now Joe had seen the seriousness of Sam’s wound he was becoming desperate.

Ben not understanding, but knowing Sam Grainger had saved him, sank to the floor next to his son and gently helped him turn the man over and tried to help stem the bleeding.

Sam groaned as Ben and Joe gently turned him over and Joe flinched when he saw the pain he was in, he pulled off his jacket and rolled it up before carefully lifting Sam’s head and resting it back down on the jacket, he talked to Sam while he worked, “Don’t move Sam, we’ll fix you up and get a doctor.”

Despite his pain Sam managed a smile for the boy, he knew about gunshot wounds, he guessed he didn’t have long, he just hoped he had enough time. Joe had grabbed a canteen and had wet his neckerchief and was wiping Sam’s brow and lips, it gave Sam some comfort and he thanked Joe, “You make a good nurse Joe…that’s good, the water…just what I needed…thanks.” he laughed, “You nursemaidin’ me eh?…sure makes a change…” Joe stopped his ministrations for a second and smiled back at Sam…maybe he would be okay.

Ben had witnessed the interaction between his son and the man and he was stunned, he crouched down beside Joe and felt Sam’s attention shift to him. Ben spoke to him, “I don’t understand… you saved my life…”

Sam gasped. “…Had to… promised the boy if you showed up you wouldn’t get hurt…couldn’t break my promise…said I’d get him back to you safe, guess I done that too…glad…” Sam gasped.

Ben didn’t understand, he hadn’t made the journey with the man his son had, ” You did…and I thank you, you ga’…risked your life to save me… you don’t even know me…”

Sam managed a glance at Joe as he said between gasps for breath… “I do, better than you think.”

Joe implored his father… “Pa we gotta help him…he needs a doctor…”

Sam grabbed Joe’s arm… ” It’s ok Joe, your Pa knows…it ain’t no good…don’t fret yerself Joe…It’ll be okay.” Joe looked from Sam to his Pa, knowing it wasn’t okay, but Ben nodded at him to stay where he was.

Ben stared at the man he had hated all these weeks, still bewildered.

” I thought for so long…you might’ve …you were going to kill him…Joseph… when you took him you…” The words died in his throat.

” I know…I was wrong…he’s a good kid, Mr Cartwright…never shoulda said that…I’m sorry.” Sam was fading fast.

It was Joe’s turn to speak; he stared at the Sam, once his tormentor but now his friend, as he tried to form words… “Thank you. I don’t know how to thank you…you saved my father… lie still, please let me get you some help.”

Sam grabbed his arm. “No it ain’t no use, stay with me Joe…please…don’t wanna die alone…?” Ben placed a reassuring hand on Joe’s shoulder, not understanding but knowing it was more important Joe stayed beside the dying man, perhaps for both of them. Joe felt the pressure and it helped him. The moisture in his eyes was held back by willpower alone. He wanted to pass some hope to his friend; there was no place for tears. He turned back to Sam, “Is there anything I can get you Sam?”

Sam shook his head, he knew he was dying but it mattered to him that he set things straight, “It’s ok son, …Joe I’ve done some bad things…your Pa was right, guess there was no place for me to hide…nothing can change things I’ve done… but… I wanna thank you kid,”… he grimaced as he laughed at his error. “Sorry…not kid… Joe…you helped me Joe, I got me a chance to put it right…”

Joe saw Sam was trying to collect himself to finish what he had to say, he tried to help him and he whispered… “I guess I found out something too…you Yankees, you ain’t all bad…”

Joe couldn’t stop them now as the tears ran unchecked down his face as he held onto Sam, willing him to hold on.

The captain saw Joe’s tears and was touched that even after everything, they were for him, his words even now had made him smile, “Hey… no tears Joe…ok? You don’t wanna spoil… those… rugged good looks now do you?”

And Joe laughed as he tried to comply.

“My men Joe…” Joe knew what Sam was asking and he desperately wanted to reassure him.

“I’ll make sure the sheriff knows they never killed anyone, Pa’ll help,” and he looked to his father before turning back to Sam… ” we’ll do our best Sam…” he reassured him, it was all he could do.

All around them the posse was collecting the men, it had been constant activity but as they got organised the background noise settled to a hushed quiet.

The captain, unaware of the change around him held Joe’s arm tighter, “In my pocket Joe…my pocket-watch…want you to have it…but only if ya promise me…ya gotta promise though…keep it close.. take care of it…you can be too reckless kid…keep it safe…it’ s important to me, keep it safe…”

Ben understood what the man was saying to his son and wondered momentarily if it was his own presence that was stopping Sam from actually saying the words. Even so Ben would never give up his place beside Joe.

Joe nodded at Sam, ” I will…I’ll take care of the watch Sam…” Ben marvelled at the link between them but didn’t resent it.

Sam nodded, “I’m sorry….for it all Joe, except I can’t be sorry I took you Joe… can you understand that..?”

Joe nodded, he thought he did, a lot about Sam had confused him but he knew what he was trying to say. “S’ok Sam I do, I think I understand …” he whispered to Sam who smiled his gratitude seemingly no longer in pain.

“You’re a good kid Joe…sorry…not a kid…can’t help myself….” Sam was struggling now…it was getting harder for him to speak “… least the last thing I did… least that was something to be proud about….” He reached to embrace the boy who had somehow reached in and touched him and reminded him of who he had once been. Joe returned the embrace and held him, he felt Sam’s grip tighten and then release, Joe continued to hold him long after he knew he’d died.

Ben had stepped back, knowing that a doctor couldn’t have helped this man. He stood in awe of what he had just witnessed. No a doctor could not have helped him but somehow his son had and Ben felt enormous pride. The man had died at peace, something even an hour ago Ben could never have wished him. Maybe it was more than he deserved, it wasn’t for Ben to judge.

Hoss and Adam had been busy with the sheriff and his posse, helping them secure their captives and had approached their long lost brother only to catch the end of the bewildering scene. When they looked questioningly at Ben he merely shook his head, there would be time to understand it all later. Right now his young son was coming to terms with having just held a man he must have felt deeply about, while he died. The Cartwrights stepped back and left Joe some time alone.

Hoss was silent, he could see his brother was hurting, he didn’t understand what had happened and he struggled to control his need to go over and embrace him.

The Sheriff from the little town that housed Ira and Ada’s café had formed a posse once he heard Ben’s story. They hadn’t had a lot of luck but by pure chance happened to cross paths with a trapper who had seen an unusual sight a couple of days before. It had been six men swimming in the river, a large man watching from the riverbank. The trapper had been on the other side of the river to the men, hidden by trees so he’d ridden on unnoticed, he had been a mite curious as to who they might be though. The posse had been about to head back but they promised Ben a couple more days when they got this breakthrough.

The Sheriff was busy now searching the saddlebags and quickly found what was left of Ben’s money, surprisingly about eight thousand dollars remained intact. Later Joe would plead on the men’s behalf for his father to drop any charges. Ben listened patiently to his son and realised no good would come by these men facing the ultimate penalty for desertion, the army had no time or resources to collect them. Ben duly dropped the charges and left it up to the Sheriff what happened to the men. He felt sure he would turn a blind eye so long as they stayed out of trouble and left his territory. The Sheriff had no reason to hold them once Joe had convinced his father; Joe had felt he owed it to Sam who had paid the ultimate price for them all.

Once everything was cleared up the Cartwrights prepared to make their way home. Joe would have liked to have stayed to see Sam buried but the sheriff wanted to take charge of the body and he assured Joe he would be given a decent burial. Joe would not inflict more days away from home on his family so he reluctantly said goodbye with a silent prayer for the man who had turned his family’s life upside down.

The delayed reunion with his brothers when it came was joyous to behold. Everything had been a whir, with people barking orders and prisoners, one wounded, to attend to. Gradually everyone had dispersed until only the Cartwright’s remained.

From being a hive of activity, suddenly it was just the four of them.

Adam made the first move and went over to his young brother. He had not planned what he would say but he unexpectedly found himself remembering the last time he’d seen Joe. ” I … Joe… I’m sorry I never made it back out to help you with the horses,” Adam felt the words dry up in his throat as he whispered “And that nag of yours has really missed you…darn it…I’ve really missed you,” and he scooped his brother by the neck and hugged him close. ” It’s good to have you back buddy.”

Adam hardly ever made gestures like this, well not since he was little, and Joe relished the closeness. A naturally tactile person himself he often hovered between wanting to hug Adam and being reluctant to breech his brother’s natural defences. So it rarely happened now, but when it did it was special. ” I’ve missed you too Adam…” was about all Joe could manage without breaking down and he was trying so hard not too, his emotions still too raw.

Hoss had darn near hugged the both of them in his efforts to snatch Joe up and reclaim his little brother. He had held back as long as he could but his enthusiasm finally got the better of him. He had Joe and Adam laughing hard as he scooped his little brother up under his arms and swung him up high as if he weighed no more than a feather.

“Hey Hoss! you’re gonna make me puke all over you, put me down!” Joe yelled but he was laughing as he said it.

Hoss let him down and hugged him all over again, then not letting go he held him at arm’s length to get a real good look at his little brother.

“Joe I can hardly believe it…it’s been so long…. you ain’t changed one bit neither…. I sure did miss you Shortshanks,”

and before Joe could even tell him how much he had missed this big galoot, Hoss had him swung in the air again telling him he’d never let him out of his sight ever again, before he enveloped him in a Hoss bear hug specially reserved for returning little brothers. Joe was laughing fit to bust and for the first time in a month they heard that unique and irrepressible Joe giggle and all the Cartwrights joined in the laughter.

To Ben this was the best feeling in the world; he thought his heart would explode, such was his happiness at the sight of his three sons together again. Physical contact with his son reassured Ben that this was real. He’d eventually find the words but right now, he just needed to hold his son and drink in the sight of his family, they’d been torn apart but now they were together again.

The journey home when it began was not rushed; they stopped frequently just enjoying being together. Somewhere along the way they’d find a hotel and enjoy the comforts it could provide but for now they were happy for it to be just the four of them.

They had plenty of opportunity to talk. Ben, Hoss and Adam shared with Joe all the events of their journey. It was obvious that they were still unsure how to talk to Joe about Sam even though they were full of questions they kept them to themselves for now, for them forgiveness would be harder. In the initial euphoria of their reunion nothing had been questioned, but as Joe listened to their story his stomach churned at what they too had gone through, knowing how he would have felt in their place.

Joe had been anxious to hear how Hop Sing was and of course his beloved Cochise but he was slower to divulge all his own thoughts as they were still so mixed and painful. He’d never held a man as he died before, a man who in conflicting ways had meant so much to him. Gradually Joe’s story unfolded, but he’d never let on the true depths of his despair that night of his father’s birthday.

Ben, Adam and Hoss all felt a great pride as they listened intently to Joe’s story. He didn’t say it but they could tell he was holding back how he’d felt when he was taken away, the way he’d hesitantly mentioned the escape attempts and looked away when he’d explained the rope marks that were still visible. They knew him well enough to know that though he must have been scared beyond measure most of the time, he wouldn’t easily admit it. They stayed seated and let him finish, but as one had desperately wanted to go across and hug him all over again. Ben was the closest and just reached a hand across and placed it over his sons.

They relived with him the moment he’d had to choose whether to make his escape, to use his knife on the snake or Sam. To Ben at the time they were one and the same thing and he looked at his son with uncontained pride, knowing how hard he’d have found that choice himself. They heard how Joe had gradually become friends with his captor and how in the last week, they’d made the deal. Joe apologised and said he’d wanted to let them know then that he was safe, how he had wanted to stop them searching, worrying or risking their lives, but Sam hadn’t allowed that. If Joe had felt less uneasy about this part of his story, he might have looked at his father and seen the pride so evident in his eyes. But he’d kept his head down unwilling to see the looks in his families eyes, how could his family understand how he had accepted this man after the way he’d treated them and tortured his father, could they forgive him for that? He hadn’t sorted it out in his mind so how could they?

Joe had happily changed the subject and he’d enthusiastically shown them the stolen items returned to them and he smiled warmly at his father’s face when he held Inger’s brooch, Hoss’ eyes lit up in recognition beside him. They hadn’t even known it was missing.

They all laughed when Joe described his country boy outfit and the disgust on his face at the check shirt and braces with slicked down hair. It was silent for a while as they all reflected on their memories of that town and that little café. For Ben it was the place where they’d first found news that Little Joe might be alive.

For Joe it wasn’t so happy as he relived the kindly woman placing her hand on his arm and could almost feel the stinging of the rope marks again and relived the pain and emptiness he’d felt at Sam’s cruel words there. How hopeless he’d felt right then.

Hoss watched the emotions flickering across his brother’s face and he saw the hint of pain in his eyes as he remembered that moment…Hoss felt the strong connection he always did with his little brother and reached out to him by breaking into his thoughts… ” I hear he beat you at checkers Joe?” Hoss and Joe exchanged a look that contained a lifetime of understanding, they could read all the hurt the other had been through and the deep love that would always bring them together again. Joe’s answer said nothing really but the look had said it all. “Yeah, he did Hoss,”

None of the Cartwrights could fully understand how the evil man that had come into their lives had wound up giving up his own life to save Ben’s. Joe’s feelings about Sam would always be mixed and he was finding it hard to open up about them. Sam had saved his father but without him and his men, Joe’s family would never have been put in such danger. Joe would have done anything to have spared his father what he’d gone through and yet he couldn’t bring himself to regret having known Sam. He’d had some of his lowest moments at his hands and yet they had also had times of true warmth. It was too soon for Joe to really voice how he’d felt about the man and he doubted he’d ever truly understand it completely.

When Ben tried to tell Joe of his pride that he’d got through to this cold man, Joe, still unsure of his feelings, had deflected the praise saying that somewhere along the line someone would have done the same. That he thought Sam hadn’t liked himself too much and that deep inside, he wasn’t so bad as he’d wanted to make out. Joe had wanted to say it was sad that he’d died when he’d just found that out but how could he wish that? If Sam hadn’t died then maybe Ben would have and Joe couldn’t bear to think of that. Joe couldn’t shake off the guilt he felt that he’d eventually befriended the man who’d hurt his family so much. Now that he was back with his family those emotions were so much stronger. Ben knew not to push Joe when his feelings were still so confused but he wanted to help him.

All the time since they’d found Joe, Ben had been struggling to say something, it had hurt him so badly the way his son had been taken, he needed to voice it, ” Joe, I would never have chosen any one of you over another…. you do understand that don’t you?”

To Joe the words had been totally unnecessary. Of course he knew…but his father’s face showed the pain he’d felt so clearly and Joe just wanted to ease it for him.

“Of course I do Pa I always did, it didn’t even occur to me they hadn’t forced you to say what you did…” his father’s expression relaxed.

“Besides…” Joe continued seeing the change come over his father and now eager to break the tension.

Ben raised his eyebrows as he regarded the mischievous expression now plastered across his youngest and most expressive son’s face “Besides?” repeated Ben, knowing he was walking into something but not sure what.

Reverting to his best southern twang Joe continued, “Why I mean, there ain’t no way you’d a’ ever chosen to deprive yourself of my sparklin’ repartee, and let go of little ol’me just to keep those two great big hairy lugheads for company. Heck no, why it never even crossed my mind Pa!”

“Oh really??” Ben questioned as he grabbed his youngest in a bear hug before his brothers could pound him. It wasn’t that Joe was trying to make light of his father’s unhappiness, more that he was still holding his own fragile emotions in check and it was safer to make a joke than to give into them. He was so happy to be back in the heart of his family, so completely overwhelmed with his feelings that he just dared not let them go.

Later that same evening Joe found himself alone for the first time since they’d been reunited. Grateful though he was to be back with his family, he was thankful to have a little time alone, to reflect and he had cheerfully jumped at the chance to do the dishes by the stream.

Joe was naturally an emotional person, so like his father, but he’d spent so many of the last weeks trying to hide his emotions. While he’d been held hostage he’d been desperate not to let on that he was scared or lonely or to show any sign of weakness. There’d been weeks of relentless fear, followed by the unexpected hope that he’d get home again. Just as abruptly he’d had his beloved family restored to him, only for the man that caused it all to save his father’s life but die in his arms. It was a lot to take in for any 17 year old. Joe really didn’t want his family to know the true depths his despair had reached, it was over now after all. He was afraid of letting go of his feelings and revealing more than he wanted to, and the hardest person to hide this from was his Pa, he understood him so well.

Joe was bent over by the stream, washing up the supper things, when Ben quietly approached him. He stood up when he heard his father’s footsteps. Ben still had things he needed to say to him, maybe alone with Joe, his son would let him say them. For so long Ben’s deepest fear had been that he had lost him, that awful recurring nightmare was still fresh in his mind. Joe had been anxious to make light of things earlier and Ben had allowed him to, thinking Joe found it easier to handle things that way. But there was something Ben had to make clear to him, Ben still needed to talk and he knew his son needed help too. He motioned his son towards him. Joe put down the pan he’d been washing and looked a little wary while he did as he was bid.

“You okay Pa?” he asked quietly, worried by his father’s serious expression. He looked away, he wasn’t sure if he could handle this just yet, ‘Please Pa,’ he thought… ‘not now.’

Ben could see his youngest was struggling, he so wanted to reach him and to release him from his turmoil, “Yes Joe I’m fine…I guess the last few weeks well…I was so worried for so long Joe…Joe? please look at me?…I was so scared we’d lost you…I couldn’t have borne it if…”

Joe raised his head and met his father’s eyes cutting short his words, “I know Pa…and I’m sorry…but it’s ok now, we’re all ok now.” Joe instinctively reached a hand out to connect with his father and that’s when he felt all his resolve to hold onto his emotions crumble, all he wanted to do was reassure the man that had always done that for him. He had something he had to say too but he didn’t know how, so it came out in faltering bursts, “Pa…Sam I can’t expect you to understand why I…he changed Pa…I couldn’t hate him like I wanted to…he hurt you so badly but I…”

Ben hushed his youngest, ” Joe, please, don’t think like that, I feel only pride for you Joe, if you found it in you to forgive him then I can to. He put you, us, through a terrible ordeal and I can’t deny I wanted to kill him when he took you right up to when we found you, but somehow you found another side to him and I’m grateful for that. Please don’t punish yourself for having compassion Joe, don’t ever punish yourself for that. However Sam Grainger came into our lives he meant something to you when he died, don’t feel guilty because you need to mourn him. It was me he disliked, and he thought the easiest way to hurt me was through my sons, and he was right, but he died saving me Joe. I don’t know why he changed, but whatever you tell me son, I know it had a lot to do with you…” And he bent his head lower to be sure Joe didn’t look away from him.

Joe could see the absolute sincerity in his father’s eyes, it was always there. He answered him, only just holding back the tears now, ” I don’t know either Pa, he was sorry I know he was…and he didn’t hate you…not at the end anyway. It’s stupid… I don’t know why I found it so hard to talk…I should have known you’d understand…I’m sorry…I guess I’m just still confused…it’s just…”

Ben felt the change and helped him, “I know that Joe…and please you’ve got absolutely nothing to be sorry about. Joe, I’ve got something I have to say too…when they took you son…they wouldn’t even let me…look at you… talk to you …it’s haunted me… it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done not to shout to you. I could feel you willing me to look but they wouldn’t let me Joe…. the hardest thing for me in all this was that the last time I’d seen you, I…I couldn’t hug you…or say something… anything… I so wanted to pass onto you some hope … some strength….”

Joe looked deep into his father’s troubled eyes…the father for so long he had feared he would never see again…his father, the only one he would ever admit his fears to…the love that he felt was reflected right back…and Joe said the words that would restore his father’s spirit. They were true and they were heartfelt when he told him,

“But Pa…don’t you realise?… you’ve been doing that all my life…it’s what got me through…there were times…I…I was afraid Pa but I always thought of you…it was you that kept me strong…you always have…you always will Pa…”

The father and son fell into a warm and healing embrace…the words not necessary but spoken anyway, the tears now flowing heedlessly.

“I love you Joe.”

“I love you too Pa.”

Hoss and Adam had been about to join their father and younger brother but they stopped when they saw them. Hoss put out an arm and whispered. “We’ll just let them be for a while.” The words were not needed… Adam understood.

The end