Summary: Whether on land or sea, the North Star offered guidance to a young dreamer. Now it offers comfort and points to home for another young dreamer. Part of the Bonanza Trailriders Legacy.

Rating: G, Word Count: 4676

Finding His Way Home

By Michele Bennett

Chapter 1

March, 1837

“Tell me again, Pa?” I pleaded. My Pa knew everything about the stars and the sky and he was teaching me. When I was little, littler than now, I just thought the stars were just hanging up there. Actually, I guess I didn’t really think about them much. But when I got talking pretty good – that’s what Pa says anyway – that when I got talking pretty good, I wanted to repeat the names of the stars he told me about, so he told me all their names.

It was hard to remember, so I always had to ask him to tell me over and over so I could remember, like tonight.

“Please, Pa?”

“I tell you what, Adam. You get into your nightshirt and crawl in under the wagon, and I’ll point them all out again, how’s that?”

I smiled and nodded vigorously. I loved sleeping under the wagon with Pa beside me. He’d tell me stories about the big clipper ships he sailed and then he’d tell me about steering them by the stars. I guess that’s why I wanted to know all their names. I wanted him to know I could steer our wagon by the stars, too. Although that was pretty hard, because we drove that wagon in the daytime, when the stars didn’t show up so good. But just like tonight, we’d talk about the stars and I could help him figure out which direction we should drive tomorrow.

Finally, just as I was about to fall asleep, Pa flopped down next to me in the blanket.

“Now, son. Show me. Where’s the North Star?”

I looked up, didn’t sit up, cause I’d already tried that a few times and bumped my head on the under side of the wagon! I slid out a little, so my head was outside the covering of the wagon and looked around, to get my bearings on the const….what’s that word again?

“Pa? What’s that word?”

“Which one?”

“Con…con…consa…”

“Constellation?”

“Yeah! Constellation. OK, I see constellations. I see the Big Dipper! Isn’t that it?” And I pointed.

Pa looked where I was pointing and smiled. He answered me so I could tell he was smiling ‘cause I couldn’t see his smile in the dark of night.

“Yes, that’s it. Good job, Adam. Now, where’s the Little Dipper?”

I pointed again. “It’s right there. Where the ‘ladle’ is pouring into. And the North Star is the tail star of the Little Dipper!” I announced with great pride.

“You remembered!”

Pa reached over and patted my arm. I felt so proud and warm all over. Then he began telling about the “bear,” and the eagle, a ram, and dog, the twins….I wasn’t sure I’d ever learn to see all those! I didn’t see them when he’d point to them, even when I scrunched up my eyes and try real hard.

I was pulled out of my reverie trying to identify constellations I wasn’t sure I knew were there when my father spoke again. “So, tell me, which direction will we travel tomorrow?”

“West!” I announced loudly. “We’re going west. We’re going to find our land, and it’s somewhere in the west.”

“That’s right. Always west. And someday we’ll find it there and settle and make a home for us.”

We both got caught up in our thoughts. I thought about the land we’d passed through. All the pretty grasses, different colors, even though they’re all called “grass.” That was interesting. And the rocks! I kept a few rocks from places as we passed, because to me they’re all so different, too. And they’ll help me remember our trip. ‘Cause, even though I’m anxious to get to our land, I want to remember where we saw all this interesting stuff too. Even though Pa says this land is not as beautiful as where we’re going, I think it’s beautiful in its own way. It was quiet a long time, and I thought my Pa had fallen asleep. I guess he was thinking, too, but I don’t know about what.

Finally, I’m brought out of my thoughts by Pa. “Point which way is west, so in the morning, when the stars are gone, we’ll know which way to go, son.”

I stuck my arm out straight and Pa laughed. “That’s right! We’re going that way!” And he stuck his arm out right next to mine.

“Now, think. When there are no stars, how else can we know which way is west?”

“By the sun. When it’s morning, the sun rises in the east, and we turn away from it and travel with it on our backs. West.”

“And what is out west?”

“Our home! It’s filled with big trees that touch the sky.”

“Yes, and beautiful fields and hills all around. Someday, Adam.”

“Pa?” I know I’d asked this question about a billion times, but I just had to ask it again.

“Yes, son?”

“Are we close to there yet?”

“No, I’m afraid not. We’ve many more months to travel.”

“It’s a long way isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s a long way away yet. But it will be worth it when we see our land. It’ll be more beautiful than anything we’ve seen so far, I promise!”

I nodded, but Pa couldn’t see that for how dark it was. I wasn’t sure how beautiful a thing could be that was more beautiful than anything we’d seen so far. We’d seen lots of sky and tall grasses, and amazing colored rocks that I thought were beautiful. Oh! And lots of rivers. Crossing those rivers wasn’t always so much fun. And sometimes it was even strange, as we didn’t always travel west to cross ‘em! Pa said it was because rivers me-me…me an…me-and-drew? Something like that.

Finally, I startled a little when Pa called my name again.

“Which way will we go tomorrow, then, Adam?”

“WEST!”

“Yep! That’s what we’ll do! Now, I think we both need some sleep. Good night, son.”

“Good night, Pa.”

Chapter 2

As I listen to my young son roll over and fall into a restful slumber, I’m now wide awake. I’m taken back to a time not very long ago, perhaps ten years earlier, when I was tasked with finding the North Star with which to navigate. Not just for idle curiosity, but because many lives depended on my being right about our course.

‘Think, boy! THINK!’ the voice audible in my mind, just as if it were actually happening right here and now on the lonely prairie. It was the voice of my ship captain, Captain Abel Stoddard. He was my captain, but also my mentor and then my father-in-law. Everything I knew about the constellations, sailing and navigating by the stars, and all their names was because of Captain Stoddard. Reflecting on it now, I suppose that was why I want to tell it all to my son. I guess maybe I’m connecting the two of them together, in a way that would be impossible, given their geographical locations. And given that the further we travel west, the less likely it will be that Adam will ever meet his grandfather.

“Think, boy! Where’s the bloody North Star? It can’t take this long. We’d be blown off course by miles in all the time it’s taken you to find it!!” shouted the captain. Some crew members watched from afar. Most moved to their quarters. They’d all been subjected to the interrogation of the constellations, and now left it to the newest members to take their ‘medicine.’ While it was an embarrassing moment, Captain Stoddard was right. Lives could be dependent on knowing our location. I told hold of my thoughts and answered.

“I…I think it’s there, sir,” I gave a meek answer.

“Are you sure??” bellowed the captain.

“No, I…I’m still looking.”

“It’s plain as the nose on your face, Benjamin! Stand still, look around, in all directions…that’s it. Keep in mind what you’re looking for….”

“The ladle, the handle.”

“That’s right!” he was pleased with that answer. I was pleased he didn’t think I was entirely ignorant.

“Still waiting, cadet.”

“I, yes, there it is, sir. The North Star, just, um, just a degree off from right overhead.”

I wasn’t sure of my answer, but tried to sound like it.

“A degree, eh?” The captain chuckled. I didn’t see what could be funny about my answer. I knew you could measure degrees with your hands if you held them up to the sky, and I’d done that.

“Yes, sir.”

“All right then. How far is it till we chart a course toward the Leeward Islands given this information?”

I wasn’t sure if he meant it or was just humoring me. I still had a lot to learn about degrees just by looking at the stars. I still needed to consult a map.

“I…I’ll need a map, sir.”

He nodded. “Very well. Let’s move into the bridge. We’ll use the sextant and there’ll be a map there and we can map exactly where we are and where we want to go.”

Captain Stoddard led the way. I don’t remember much else of the conversation or our mapping. I only remember feeling proud that I could find the constellation he wanted me to.

Someday I’ll own my own sextant and teach my son how to use it, too. It isn’t needed, where we’re going, but, well, I just feel like it’s one more way to “connect” him with his grandfather, and indirectly his mother.

I was proud tonight when my son could find the North Star. He doesn’t quite know all the constellations yet, but he will, I’m sure! Yes, I was definitely proud of my boy! Why? Because I was….well, I was older than 4 when I searched for them! Adam is and always has been an exceptional child. I cherish him for that. And the fact that I am tasked with caring for him in his mother’s absence. I don’t want to make any mistakes.

I know that North Star guided us home from a vast ocean many times, and I trusted it then. I’m trusting it now to help us get to our destination. God’s guide posts are all around us. The Bible has told us God set the heavens there for us. “The heavens declare the glory of God.” Therefore, all of my days, I will guide my path by it, and do my best to guide my son with it as well.

And now I’d best take my advice to Adam and get some sleep! It’ll be a long day ahead if I’m worn out with a wide-eyed inquisitive child loaded with millions of questions for his tired Pa.

Chapter 3

April, 1842

“Tell me again, please??”

He pleaded with me. His voice was so small and innocent, I just couldn’t say no. My back was achy, my feet hurt, I was dirty and tired and just wanted to sleep. But I knew he’d keep asking. Once or twice before I had ignored him until he fell asleep, but then I felt guilty and couldn’t sleep myself all night because I didn’t answer him. The little guy just wanted to know about the stars. He wanted to learn them, like I had, by looking up at them and finding them shining brightly in the night sky.

“OK, but then we need to sleep. It’ll be another long day of walking tomorrow and we’ll be too sleepy if we don’t get a good night’s rest. Pa won’t like that.”

“How many more days we gotta walk?”

“I’m not sure. But it’s been a lot of walking for me already.”

We both got lost in our thoughts then. I thought about all the many years of walking, and how every time I thought we were close to our destination, it turned out we weren’t.

I was brought out of my own memories by his sudden exclamation. “I think I see it!”

“Where?” I asked, wearily. Maybe if he really could find it, I could get some rest.

“There,” he pointed straight at it.

“Yup! Good job.”

“That’s where we’re going, right?”

“No. That’s the North Star. The bright one. We’re going west. How do we find ‘west’ from that star?”

He thought a long time. I thought, wrongly again, that he’d fallen asleep. Then he proudly and loudly exclaimed, “We turn LEFT!”

“Yep! Turning left from North leads us West. And west is where we’re going. To find our land.”

“Are we almost there?”

The big man lying a short distance away listened intently. He was smiling to himself, but his sons couldn’t see it. He remembered the exact same type of conversation taking place 5 years ago with his oldest son. And now his oldest was teaching his younger son.

But their enthusiasm was keeping him and them awake. He spoke up. “Boys! Why are you two still awake? It’s very late and you need your rest. Go to sleep.”

I answered for both of us. “Sorry, Pa. I was just teaching Hoss about the constellations and the North Star, so he’d know which way we’re traveling.”

“Well, we’re in a train now, so it’s the wagon master’s job is to keep us on track. We don’t have to navigate by ourselves, like we did at first, Adam.”

“But he wants to learn, Pa.”

“You’ve got to keep your voices down, son. The others are all sleep, and you should be as well. I’d suggest this lesson end very soon because I don’t want two very tired boys holding us back tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hoss’ little voice then piped up. He knew I’d stick up for him, too, but he felt somewhat guilty for shouting out and waking Pa up. “Sorry, Pa”

“That’s fine, son. Now, find the North Star, point out which way is west, and then go to sleep, please, both of you.”

After we could hear Pa’s low snoring, I knew he was asleep. I was wide awake now, didn’t know why. Obviously, Hoss was too, since I couldn’t hear him snoring. And boy could he snore when he slept! Even this little!

“Adam?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we almost there?”

I thought I remembered he’d asked that question right before Pa woke up and interrupted us.

“Where?”

“Our land.”

“I don’t know.”

“What about Pa? Does he know?”

“No. I don’t think he does.”

“How’s he gonna know when we git there, then?”

Even though it was dark, and no one could tell, Adam shook his head. Then he let out a long sigh. “I think he’ll know. I think we’ll all know.”

“Me, too?”

Adam let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, buddy, you too. Now, can we get some sleep?”

“Tell me again what I gotta look for, OK?”

And so I did. The tall trees, the green grass, greener than anywhere else, the mountains with snow covered tops. Rich land. Good land. And a place where a man can dream and see those dreams come true. A good place to raise a family. All the things Pa had told me. And I couldn’t wait to finally see that land. To live on that place. To gaze onto the tall trees and the mountains…

And while I was softly muttering – mostly to myself – what our land would look like, I heard the soft snoring telling me my little brother wasn’t even listening any longer. The snores began to take on a life of their own and there was no doubt he was sleeping deeply now!

“Good night, brother,” I softly said. Then rolled over and fell into a sleep with dreams of wide rivers, deep blue skies, and tall trees all around a vista of mountains topped in snow.

Chapter 4

It still didn’t make no sense to me. I knew that the North Star was a pointer, but how could it point to our home when Pa didn’t even know where it was? Neither did brother. Adam had said I would know it, too, when we got there, but that don’t make no sense neither. I mean, if’n I can’t even make out the North Star way out here on the prairie, I don’t know what our home will look like or if we’re there!

An’ when I got up in the mornin’ to find it to point out which way to go, it was gone! How did that happen? I guess I gotta ask Adam about that. He sounded so proud last night that I found the North Star, but dang it! Ever’ mornin’ it was gone!

I’m sure glad we got that wagon master Pa told us about to guide us, cause if’n we didn’t I’m not sure how we would find our way. We walk and walk and walk and it all looks the same to me. ‘Cept Pa says it ain’t the same. He says he sees sutta changes….somethin’ like that. I don’t know what that means, but I hope it means we’re getting’ close to our home. I’m mighty tired and my feet hurt ‘bout ever’ night. I don’t complain, though, cause I see Pa rub his feet when he takes off his boots. And Adam does the same thing, so I reckon all our feet hurt!

Sometimes, when he’s not too tired, or hurt, Pa will point out the cons…consss…well. Where all them stars are. He says you can see a ram, a bear, a dog, a crab and lots more! He says there‘s lots of other critters in the sky, but even if I scrunch up my eyes, I can’t see ‘em. Anyway, it don’t matter none, just so one of ‘em shows us how to git to our home. I’m gettin’ real anxious to git there.

I hope our home has a nice soft bed and sheets that smell good! When I visit some of my friends on the train, they tell me they had houses back east with soft feathers in their beds and nice smelling sheets. Sometimes I wonder why they left them and came out here jest to sleep in a wagon. Adam says he never had a home ‘cept this wagon, but I don’t think that’s right. Ever’body’s got a home, right? Maybe I’ll hafta ask Pa bout that. I figured it was only the girls that cared about stuff like sweet smellin’ sheets, but after a really hard rain, when everythin’ gets wet and smells like Daniel Hodges’ wet dog, I think I’d like some sweet smelling sheets, too! So I sure hope our house has that – when we get to it.

I wonder if it’s like that story in the Bible. Where Jesus’ house was under that big, bright star? I wonder if that’s how we’ll know our home when we find it. Will it be under that big North Star?

Are the beds all made of down feathers? And the sheets nice and sweet smelling? And who’s sleeping in them now? Don’t make no sense to me! How’re we gonna know it’s our home if’n someone else is there now? I really can’t wait to see it. Pa says we might git there before next winter. Boy, that’d be something! After all this walking, just a little bit more! Adam said winter is a ways away yet. We gotta finish spring and then summer comes, and then Fall. I don’t know what none of that means, but Pa says before the snows fall again, we should be through the passes and in California and then our home.

I better git some sleep or Pa’ll have my hide for lagging behind tomorrow. I’ll just git up a little early in the mornin’ and try to see where that cons…const…where them stars go before we get up.

Chapter 5

May 1850

It was a cloudy night, and I found myself cursing the clouds. I desperately wanted to see the stars and there had been nothing but three solid nights of cloudy skies. I’d loved gazing at the stars ever since I was a small child. I remembered all the conversations I had shared with my father while looking up at the stars. I remember sharing all my knowledge of the stars with my little brother – and his looking up to me, as though I had all the answers in the universe!

Pa had said the stars guided us west as he taught me to recognize them. The North Star had been the guide. We had finally found “our land,” claimed it, staked it, cleared it, worked it, cared for it, cultivated it, built our home and lived on it. We grew into young men on it, hunted on it, raised cattle on it, grew our vegetables and other food stuffs out of it. As small boys, my brothers and I had played on it, and taken leave of our senses a time or two! I’d courted a few young ladies on it, ridden just to feel the openness of the land, and breathed in the wind and smelled the fresh pine scents.

Now, while watching the night sky as the ship sailed silently and effortlessly across the ocean, I realize that it was not only the stars that had guided us, but my father as well. As a small boy I had loved having him teach me about the Big Dipper, the little Dipper, Orion, the North Star, the whole constellation, in fact. I loved having him teach me so many other things. I didn’t realize until many years later how much I had learned from my father.

I often despised my “lack of education,” such as it was. I desperately wanted to have gone to a “real” school, like other youngsters. It wasn’t until I had gotten a “real” education at a “real” school that I realized how much my father had taught me.

Beyond reading, writing, arithmetic and science, he’d taught me a variety of other important life lessons, too. While some may consider me disadvantaged for my lack of a formal education, I wouldn’t have had it any other way, even if I’d had a choice. He’d taught me – and later my brothers – about honesty, hard work, reliability, and steadfastness. He taught us to believe in ourselves, to make and reach for our goals. He worked to make us into the kind of men others respected; and I feel he accomplished that. He has been my North Star all of my life. From before I could talk, I remember him talking to me. Showing me things, not only about trees, and rocks and of course, the stars, but about being honest and hard-working and polite.

As I reflect on all I’ve learned from him, I think about my education. My formal education taught me to think in different ways than I ever did before, but my father taught me to think for myself and believe in myself. He had always been my educator, mentor, friend, and “North Star” regarding who I am today.

And now, five years after we made our home in ‘the west,’ I’d gone back east. I had a dream of my own. Having been denied a formal education during my childhood, I’d somehow managed to qualify for, and been accepted into a rather prestigious university; one of the premier educational institutions of the United States to study higher math and science. I had traveled east and studied at that institution and was now headed back to the west. Life is pretty funny that way. A decade to travel west. And then after having gone east to study, I’m traveling back to the west again. Back to where the dream had beckoned us. That dream had been realized. But this was my dream, my dream alone of a good education, and it had also been realized.

I had had the opportunity to become reacquainted with my grandfather. A man I’m related to by blood, but had never met. A man I hoped could tell me much, much more about my mother. And he had. He had told me things even my own father never knew. His gift gave my mother to me uniquely. My own mother alone. Not some shared memories of a woman said to be my mother and shared memories of her with my father. She was real now. I’d visited her gravesite, shed a few tears, and wondered at how things work out. My father would have said God works all things out for good, but when I sat staring that cold slab of stone, with a name I only knew because my father had said so many times, I wondered what the good was in that.

I couldn’t dwell on it, though. My grandfather gave me advice he said he’d given my father. His advice was to hold her close to my heart, and he told me to know she’d be pleased with the man I am, and proud of me. He said that was the best way to honor her memory. It was hard to keep from tearing up hearing that. I have pondered that conversation many times. I have also had time to realize many other things about my life now: My childhood had been filled with incredible adventures few other men, let alone young men my age had experienced. When I reflect on it, it’s pretty amazing! I’d traveled all the way across the American continent – mostly on foot. While I had been born on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean, I had had no knowledge of it at all, and I had actually swam in the Pacific Ocean first. When I went east, I made sure to swim – once – in the Atlantic Ocean, just to say I’d swam in both oceans!

Out west, once we’d settled on our land, I like to think I had a small part in helping tame the west – although it’s still a long way from completely civilized! I’d helped my father build a grand homestead. Working side by side with him we built a successful working ranch. I also helped raise my two younger brothers. Among the successes there had been tragedies as well. Not many men my age had seen as much tragedy and death as I have. Not many had lost a mother they never knew and then buried the only mother they ever loved. I had, but I can’t dwell on it, because it is part of my history. It helped shape me into the man I am today. And, as I reflect on what kind of man I am, I know I’m resilient, resourceful and able to think quickly on my feet. You’ve got to in the wild, wild west! I think I’m witty, funny, musical, and quite reserved. I’ve proved I’m able to handle a crew of men and yet equally able to tame a wild beast. I can be self-sufficient enough to hunt for my own food and provide for any of my other needs.

So now that my formal education is complete, I’m traveling west again. It’s where my home is. It may have taken my father and me a lot longer to find our home than most people, but because of that, it’s precious to us. Maybe more so because of what it cost us to reach it.

I don’t need to rely on the North Star to find my way home any longer, but just knowing it’s there is a comfort I cannot explain. This journey will bring me full circle on my life. Not many people will ever travel this wide a circle as I have. But no matter where I go from here, where I want to go, what I want to do, how many dreams I dream, I know I can rely on my North Star to guide me there and ultimately carry me back home. A home it helped me to find.

The End

Michele Bennett

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