Summary: Use this quote in a story of 600 words or less. “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” -Willie Nelson
Rating: G, Word Count: 3571
Blessings In The Balance
I remember that day with both shame and thanksgiving. I made a choice. When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. I’m not certain where we would be if Adam had not stepped out on faith — trusted the Almighty to guide his words — words that would break my heart, but shake me from my despair.
Several weeks had passed since my life turned upside-down — again. The burden of guilt and responsibility — that somehow I could have prevented Marie’s death — was overwhelming and unbearable. I can still see her exhilarated smile and then all goes black. I went through the motions until after the funeral, but then found I could not bear to look at Joseph. So I fled, like a coward, because his green eyes, so lost and filled with sadness, crushed my soul. I roamed the Ponderosa by day and sneaked into the house in the middle of the night to grab a few bites of food and fumble through the papers on my desk. At first Adam slept on the settee hoping to catch me, update me on things of importance, and most likely just make sure I was still alive. But often I had been drinking and was too angry and exhausted to hold a civil conversation. What hell I put him through, what pure and selfish hell! My son was running my ranch and caring for his younger brothers — my son who at seventeen should have been focused on his studies and plans for the future, but instead was father, brother, and ranch manager for the Cartwright family. May God forgive me.
With sheer grit, stubbornness, and love — love for me, love for his brothers, and love for our land, he managed to do it all — much longer than he should have. Then one night, there was a letter on my desk. Sadly, he knew that confronting me face to face would never work. Stoic and proud, yet afraid of his own grief, writing was Adam’s only option.
Dear Pa,
I know these past weeks have been awful for you and that you miss Marie terribly. It’s so hard to understand, especially for Little Joe. I know you must think of her every time you look at him. It makes me wonder whether you ever felt that way about me or Hoss. I’m thankful you didn’t give me up as a baby, even though I’m sure it would have been much easier. And I’m thankful you didn’t give up Hoss. I can’t imagine not having him as my brother. Both times, you stayed with us and did your best. So please, Pa, don’t run from Little Joe. He needs you. Hoss and I need you. But I want you to know that however long it takes, I will do my best to keep the Ponderosa running, because one day your cloud of sadness will lift, and you will truly be home. We will be here waiting, Hoss, Little Joe, and me.
Your son,
Adam
The letter fell from my hands as if on fire. Dear God in heaven, what kind of father does this to his children? The shame of it all seared my conscience. I crept upstairs and gently opened Adam’s door. I spoke from the hallway hoping to save us both further emotional upheaval.
“Adam? Son?”
“Yes, Pa?”
“I’m home.”
“Night, Pa. Sleep well.”
Adam’s audible sigh of relief made my knees go weak. I went to my room and wept into my pillow like a child. I vowed from that moment forward my sons would have a father once more.
Turn Around
I rode hell bent for leather, my horse was lathered with sweat. I knew I was pushing him too hard but sometimes you just don’t care. This was one of those times. Focusing on the trail ahead kept my mind off the angry words and hurt looks I left in my wake. Suddenly, my horse jerked which sent my heart racing even faster. I reined him to a stop and that’s when I got a good look at him from atop the saddle. His sides were heaving, his coat was frothy, he pulled against the reins to hang his head low. I jumped from the saddle and led him slowly to a copse of trees, thank God there was actually a small stream there.
“I’m sorry boy. I let my anger get the best of me. We’ll stay here overnight so we both can rest and sort things out.”
By the time my horse was cooled down, the sun was setting. I made a quick camp and managed to shoot a rattler to make him my dinner before I became his. Not the best kind of meat but hey, a man’s gotta eat.
As the stars came out I slid my bedroll out from under the tree so I could stare at them. My faithful horse seems to have forgiven me for nearly killing him today. He came over and nudged my face, snorted then wandered off to graze on the fine grass we’d found. Not sure he’ll let me push him that hard again for quite a while though.
Oh those stars are something else tonight. They’ve always been my companions for as long as I can remember. You know, a man can do a lot worse than having those twinkling diamonds for friends. Hmm, friends. That’s another thing a man needs now and again. I’ve been a loner too long to settle some place but when I got this last job, well, something changed. Oh well, I sure fixed that this time. There’s no going back, not after all those words I said. Best get some sleep, since I’ve got long road ahead tomorrow.
————
“Hey, look who’s comin’.”
“Well, I’ll be.”
After dismounting, I kicked at the dirt and took my hat off. Boy this was going to be hard.
“What brought you back?” The voice was quiet and kinder than I expected, or felt I deserved.
I managed a crooked smile. “Last night there were more stars I’d ever seen and someone told me one time that each star in the sky is like a blessing. Well, that got me to thinking, and when I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. And well….I guess so did I. I’ve got it pretty good here so if you don’t mind, I’d like to stay a while longer.”
The four Cartwrights each held out their hands. “Candy you can stay as long as you like. You’ve always got a home here.”
Counting Blessings
It was a beautiful spring morning and Ben filled his lungs with the fresh air. He blew it out when he saw his sons standing by the corral talking to each other. They laughed at something Hoss said. Ben’s thoughts turned to the winter. Sickness had spread through Virginia City to the Ponderosa. Ben’s sons got sick. Hop Sing and Ben went back and forth between the boys’ bedrooms trying to keep fevers down and broth in them. Hoss grew worse and Ben stayed near his middle son. He had thoughts of Hoss dying and didn’t know what he’d do without his middle son. Hoss was the peacemaker of the family. He never liked seeing his family bicker. Especially his older and younger brothers. Hoss would step in when the two brothers would go after each other with their hot tempers. Ben had always wondered what he would do without his each of his boys. Hoss recovered more slowly but he did get better. Adam and Joe helped take care of their brother so Ben could get rest.
As Ben sat watching and listening to his boys, his thoughts turned to their mothers. They had all died in different ways yet Ben missed them terribly. All three had died when the boys were either babies or in Joe’s case a bit older. He thought he’d never find love after Elizabeth and Inger died but he had found love again. He had courted a bit after Joe’s mother passed but nothing serious came about.
After his wives passed he had gone through a depression and could not see the happiness in life. Oh, he’d pretend he was fine, but deep down he was alone. Ben had to be strong and happy for his two boys while crossing the plains to go west. He couldn’t just give up after Inger died! He had to keep going for Adam and Baby Eric. He had heard many people say to “count his blessings” and he scoffed at them. After Marie died, he heard the voices once again, telling him to “count his blessings”. This time he listened.
Ben thought again of how his life really was blessed. He was blessed with three strong, healthy boys to help run the ranch. He had three beautiful wives though they were now on the other side. He had a working ranch. Ben had it all! He saw his boys walk up to him.
“You all right, Pa? You seem far away.” Hoss leaned against the porch post.
Ben shook his head to get back to the present and he smiled.
“Yes, I’m just fine.”
“What were you thinking?” Joe asked.
Ben looked at Joe then Hoss and Adam.
“I was thinking of your mothers. I thought I had lost everything when they died. After Marie died, I felt that there
was nothing left. I wasn’t blessed but cursed. But I turned back and realized when I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. I have you three, this ranch and have had a good life. It just took me a while to realize that,” Ben replied.
The boys smiled and nodded.
“Yes,” Ben thought, “I am blessed.”
Only A Brother Can Know
It seemed nothing much had changed. Ben heard Adam and Joe arguing and sighed. Somehow he had hoped that his eldest returning home would be a good thing, but all that had happened so far had been that Joe’s anger was greater and Adam didn’t seem comfortable in his home. He feared he could lose both of them. Sitting at his desk, the ledgers open in front of him, he couldn’t bring himself to concentrate enough to work on them nor could he close that window that brought those angry voices inside. Jamie heard too and walked to his desk and talked softly so that the two men outside couldn’t hear.
“Pa, it’s going to be all right. Adam and me talked. He’s doing that on purpose.”
“On purpose? He’s purposefully stirring up enough anger in Joe to make him leave?”
“No, he said Joe had let everything get him down and numb. He’s trying to stir him up enough to fight back. He wants to see what he called his ‘old fighting spirit’ come out. He said if there was ever anyone who could make Joe want to fight, it was him.”
“When did you and Adam start to talk so much?”
“You’ve been assigning us to work together, right?”
Jamie grinned then making Ben smile. The words outside though were getting more heated.
“Why did you ever come back?”
“It’s my home.”
“You sure never acted like it, and you weren’t here when we needed you. You didn’t come back when Hoss died or when I got married. You come slinking back to claim your inheritance when your whole world fell apart, I suppose.”
“My world didn’t fall apart.”
“Mine did.”
“It didn’t.”
“You have no right to tell me about what I’ve lost. I lost everything.”
“You didn’t.”
“You’re a damn liar to stand there and say that. Shut up.”
“I won’t shut up because I know you haven’t lost everything. You’re too afraid to face life right now so you’re burying yourself in your sorrow.”
“I am not afraid.”
“You are.”
A fist connected with Adam’s chin at that point so fast he never saw it coming. Then there were more blows that he could barely fend off before they did irreparable harm. He didn’t strike back but did his best to defend himself until Joe had spent his fury. By then, Ben and Jamie were on the porch too. Ben grabbed Joe.
“What is the meaning of this?”
“Pa, stay out of this. It’s between me and Joe.”
Ben wasn’t used to Adam using such a commanding tone with him. Then Adam did something that Ben would never have expected seven years earlier. He pried his father’s hands from Joe’s shoulders and had him step back as he wrapped an arm around Joe. Adam was bleeding from his nose and lower lip but didn’t care. Joe looked at him and shook his head.
“Why?”
“You had to get the anger out first. I love you, Joe.”
Joe began to cry. Heaving sobs wrenched his body for several minutes before he looked at Adam.
“How did you know?”
“I took a job in England. I met a wonderful woman there. We fell in love and married. We were coming home and a letter would have arrived as fast as we would. She miscarried while we were on the ship. She hemorrhaged. No one could stop it. I stood at the rail and wanted to die. I thought I had lost everything. When I started counting my blessings instead, my whole life turned around. I came home.”
Lesson of Counting Blessings
Joe and Adam rode in companionable silence as they traveled to restock and repair the line shacks. This was their first trip together since Adam had returned to the Ponderosa. He’d headed home after receiving a letter from Jamie asking him to come home and help Joe who’d suffered multiple losses recently.* While Jamie didn’t know the particulars, he’d trusted Hop Sing when he said that only Adam could help Joe recover.
This trip was engineered by Ben to get the two brothers talking. He knew working together and depending on each other was the fastest way for each to open up and talk. Still grieving for Hoss, Adam didn’t know where to start. His thoughts were interrupted when Joe stopped at midday. Adam pulled up beside him.
“Something wrong?”
“You ready for lunch?”
“Sure. Got somewhere in mind?”
“There’s a stream up ahead. How about we stop there?”
“All right.” Adam motioned for Joe to lead the way. The stream about a half mile ahead had plenty of water, grass and shade. First, they cared for their animals. Then, they helped themselves to sandwiches.
Joe seemed nervous as they sat down to eat. After finishing half his sandwich, he broke the silence, “How did you do it?”
Confused, Adam replied, “Do what?”
“Heal from what Kane and Laura did.”
Weighing his words, Adam slowly replied. “Well, I wasn’t alone. Everyone helped. Hop Sing made sure I ate; Pa sent me to work with Hoss. While we worked, Hoss would ask me a question or just talk about something. Seeing the world through his eyes changed my perspective. After a while, I realized what Hoss already knew.” He paused, allowing Joe to absorb his words.
“What was that?”
“He reminded me that Pa wanted us to count our blessings. He always said the past can’t be changed and the future hasn’t happened, but the present is where we live. Hoss then said the present is our gift or ‘present’ from God. I laughed at his pun and realized he was right. I started small and found at least one thing each day to be a blessing. When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. I was grateful and happy, not bitter and angry. That’s how he helped me heal after enduring Kane’s torture. So when Laura and Will fell in love, I looked at it as a blessing. And yes, I loved her and Peggy, but I wasn’t in love. If she could turn to Will so quickly, our marriage wouldn’t have lasted. Finding that out before our wedding was a blessing. I don’t mean to compare my situation to yours; you were deeply in love with Alice.”
Joe nodded, accepting Adam’s statement without comment. “If Pa paired you with Hoss knowing he’d help, what did I do?”
“You lived each day fully, making each minute count. You worked hard and played hard. When things were serious, you often found fun in the situation. A joke, smile or your infectious giggle made our days lighter and happier. And that, younger brother, is one of the blessings you are to this family. We’d better get going to make the line shack before dark.”
Adam’s words and caring touched Joe deeply. It was the first of many talks as they traveled. Joe’s healing, which was slower at times and more rapid at others, had begun. Everyone noticed Joe was more himself when the two older brothers returned. They shared Hoss’s lesson of blessings with Jamie and Ben, bringing it full circle back to Ben.
* The letter is in “Lesson of Family.”
Joe held the newspaper up taking a closer look. He frowned at the name, yes it had to be him. It had to be Marco Pender. He hadn’t heard that name in so many years. He smiled to himself at the recollection. He still could recall that day spent with the luckiest boy in school.
The other boys had given him that nickname because it was widely believed that he was indeed the luckiest boy.
He only came to school if he truly wanted to. When asked by the other boys about it he would grin and say “I was tired yesterday, I didn’t feel much like working,”
Or he might say,
“it was a good day for fishin, I thought I’d do that instead.”
The other boys were so envious at the thought, most of them would be tanned before they could even consider such a move.
Just when you thought he couldn’t get any luckier it turned out that Marco Pender had a brother who was considered the sharpest shooter in town. Joe’s brother Adam only had a rifle and he used it to shoot at wolves who came too close to the house.
Marco Pender’s brother had already called a man out.
~o~
Joe had spent one whole Saturday with luckiest boy in school. It was fun. They had met his brother and the older lad had let Joe shoot his gun. He had wanted Joe to take aim on a stray dog who roamed through town. Joe shot over the dogs head scaring it enough that it ran out of sight.
“Nice work, now what are we going to shoot at,” Marco’s brother frowned. He walked away then heading back towards the saloon.
Joe went to the bakery and bought meat pies and lemonade for himself and Marco. Marco hadn’t mentioned food all day but Joe was starving. Obviously Marco was hungry too as he devoured the meat pie and drank the lemonade down in noisy, satisfied gulps.
It was a fun day but Marco didn’t seem to want to go home. Joe had to finally call him out on it and said that he would have to go home as it was getting dark. Marco shrugged in agreement. The smaller boy had no pony of his own so Joe brought him home on his little pinto Cochise.
“You’re so lucky the way you can do anything you want,” Joe told him as they rode along . “My Pa don’t let me do nothin,”
“Your Pa is a nice man Joe,” Marco said almost in a whisper.
They arrived at Marcos place, all was quiet.
“Aren’t your folks at home?” Joe asked. It was late evening and the house looked shut up and dark.
“Nah, they’re probably still in town,”
Joe watched as Marco walked towards the barn. Was he going to wait in the barn. It was getting dark.
~o~
As he rode into the yard Joe noted his Pa standing at the front door waiting for him. Ben walked towards him with a frown on his tired looking face.
“You’re half an hour late young man, I was worried. I told Hop Sing to put your roast beef back in the oven. You’ll get no desert if you don’t hurry. ”
Ben was taken aback when Joe threw his arms around his waist and hugged him.
“I’m sorry Pa,” he said into the mans shirt.
“Well, come on now or Hoss will have eaten all the apple pie. You can take care of your pony after you eat.” Ben took his hand and they entered the house together.
~o~
“When I started counting my blessings my whole life turned around,”
Joe smiled to himself. He looked again at the newspaper article an his desk.
“Mr Marco Pender is to marry his long time sweetheart Abigail Row at the Good Shepherd Church this Saturday. All friends are welcome to attend.”
Joe offered up a silent prayer for his old friend.
A Note from the Brandsters. This was originally written and published on the Bonanza Trail Riders site. Brand is happy to offer this story a new home.
